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1
00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:04,462
So thoughtful of Nora to
put all my stuff into storage.
2
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:05,922
Give you ten quid for all of it.
3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,591
There's not going to be
anything expensive inside to flip.
4
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,176
100 and that's my best offer.
5
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,261
Kash.
6
00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:13,096
300?
7
00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:21,146
All right.
Let's find out what kind of man I was.
8
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,131
400.
9
00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:49,716
Oh, my God, Kash.
10
00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:51,343
What? They're expensive.
11
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,386
I don't think
the resale value's very high.
12
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:56,181
And unit 69. Nice.
13
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,516
Wait, we're unit 65.
14
00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,896
Oh, sorry. Unit 65's this way.
15
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:06,441
Wonder who does own it.
16
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,688
"Happy birthday, Rob.
17
00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:29,691
Your best mate always, Chris."
18
00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,069
I had a best mate.
19
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,863
Who's sending us post?
20
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:40,326
Nora's invited us to her book launch.
21
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,411
Oh!
22
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:44,998
That's so nice of her. Wow.
I mean, I-I have no idea what that is,
23
00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:46,875
but, um, wow!
24
00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:48,293
Gosh, she's great, isn't she?
25
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:50,920
Yeah, well. Sometimes people may
seem nice on the outside,
26
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:54,924
but in the inside they're
a churning hot tub of venom and shit, so…
27
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,344
I'm a pretty good judge of character
when it comes to people.
28
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:58,928
It's like animal instinct, so…
29
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:02,140
Really? What do you think of this man?
30
00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:06,227
Nice smile. He seems like a good lad.
31
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:08,813
That's Osama bin Laden.
32
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,067
So, you're saying
Nora's like Osama bin Laden.
33
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,779
No, no, no, no. I just--
She may not be as nice as she seems.
34
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,739
Nora?
35
00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:19,449
Nah!
36
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:22,702
Why would I marry someone who isn't nice?
Think about it, Jen.
37
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,080
I'll tell her we're busy that night.
38
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:28,166
Oh, no, no, no, no. We have to go.
My best mate might be there.
39
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,211
Chris. I long for him, Jen.
40
00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:34,798
Okay.
41
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,425
Whose dress code is beige?
42
00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:41,221
♪ Let's pass the time
Me and you, you and me ♪
43
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:45,308
♪ Let's pass the time
Just you and me ♪
44
00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:50,980
♪ There's never ever been two friends
Quite like we ♪
45
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,065
Ah.
46
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:56,361
♪ Let's pass the time
Just you and me ♪
47
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:58,697
♪ You're my best friend ♪
48
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,158
♪ And I'm yours too ♪
49
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:06,996
Oh.
50
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,623
Sorry.
51
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,126
Oh, there's only one left.
52
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,211
Uh, you have it.
53
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,504
Absolutely.
54
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:15,755
No, I-I couldn't.
55
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,508
I insist. My treat.
56
00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:22,220
I'm really grateful
that you let me have it
57
00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:24,264
-because I can't have caffeine…
-It's an absolute no-no.
58
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:26,016
-…because I have IBS.
-'Cause of my IBS.
59
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,110
-Found you. Can you play bass?
60
00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:40,030
Is the pope a lizard
wearing human skin?
61
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,073
I know he's not. I'm just being whimsical.
62
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,533
- Yes.
63
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,662
Oh, I hope it's a new scheme.
64
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:51,332
-He can do it.
- Yes!
65
00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:58,173
-You know the notes, right?
- Got them.
66
00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,507
- Great. Listen.
- Yeah.
67
00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:01,634
-All right--
- You're supposed to be digitising
68
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,720
case records from 2003 to 2005.
69
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:05,889
Okay, but what if, instead of doing that,
70
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:09,351
I develop something that will
triple the company's profits overnight?
71
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,020
-Oh, my God. That is amazing. How?
72
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,147
Original hold music.
73
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:15,982
-Clarks!
74
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:18,401
A one, two, three, four.
75
00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:25,700
♪ We can't come to the phone right now ♪
76
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:29,579
♪ You might ask why
Well, I'll tell you why ♪
77
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:33,166
♪ There's a million reasons
Like we're out of town ♪
78
00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:37,003
♪ Or we're on a call
Maybe we're having a poo ♪
79
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:40,757
♪ Or an active shooter situation ♪
80
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:44,469
♪ And he's holding us hostage
In the kitchen ♪
81
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:48,807
♪ Susan's crying, she's got three kids ♪
82
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,643
♪ There's a struggle for the gun ♪
83
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:57,190
♪ But then it goes off
And the gunman goes down ♪
84
00:05:57,273 --> 00:06:02,070
♪ But Richard's been hit in the gut ♪
85
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:06,700
♪ And then there's so much blood
But he makes it through ♪
86
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:11,287
♪ We're all bonded through our trauma ♪
87
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,330
Ah.
88
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:17,085
♪ Or hosting a charity coffee morning ♪
89
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,754
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
90
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,384
Well, it's all we got so far.
91
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:26,928
It's…
92
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:28,179
You hate it.
93
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:29,806
Um…
94
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,099
I knew it.
95
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,976
It's terrible.
96
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:36,438
God! It's this office.
This soul-sucking nine-to-five.
97
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,648
I'm creatively stifled here, Carrie.
98
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,191
Now, I need to express myself,
99
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:43,028
but I'm selling my soul
completing these mindless tasks.
100
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,321
And for what? A measly £1,500 a week.
101
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,614
Kash, that is for the whole month.
102
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:48,324
-A month.
-It's a month. Yeah.
103
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:52,537
Well, then,
104
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:59,210
I guess I need the afternoon off to return
a dozen concert-grade instruments.
105
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,839
Clarks! With me.
106
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:11,973
I want to start dating again,
but Kash is always just there.
107
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:15,477
I feel bad coming onto someone
in front of him. It's a bit soon.
108
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,729
Why don't you come
to Nora's stupid book launch?
109
00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:20,482
-Should be loads of stupid bachelors.
-That's perfect.
110
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:23,151
I can flirt in total anonymity.
111
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,278
Oh, I've missed watching you flirt.
It's adorable.
112
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:26,780
Don't say that.
113
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,323
I don't want to be adorable.
114
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,532
I want to be…
115
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,370
Hmm. Hmm.
116
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,454
Hmm.
117
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,415
Carrie, you instantly panic
118
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:40,043
and start asking them
elaborate hypothetical questions.
119
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,878
What if I just get the ladies out?
120
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:43,505
Yeah, that would work.
121
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,590
You'll have to wear beige though.
122
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:49,302
I don't have anything beige because
my style icon isn't a fucking baguette.
123
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,303
Oh, God. I hate her.
124
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,263
Why don't you just tell Jizz
what Nora's actually like?
125
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:54,808
He totally buys her
butter wouldn't melt routine.
126
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:58,186
He needs to see it for himself.
He needs to see her real side come out.
127
00:07:58,269 --> 00:07:59,688
Uh-huh.
128
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:03,817
What if I goad it out of her?
129
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,694
Push all her little bitch buttons.
130
00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,320
-You wouldn't.
-I would.
131
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,906
I knew you would.
I was just saying that for effect.
132
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:13,159
I'm going to be
a little fucking nightmare.
133
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,462
- Are you on the guest list?
-We're on there.
134
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,631
♪ I'm feeling like a riot ♪
135
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:29,843
♪ If it's a cure to the cause,
Then we have to get violent ♪
136
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:30,760
♪ I'm not into starting fires ♪
137
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,388
♪ Whoever sparked the match
Broke perpetual silence ♪
138
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:34,681
♪ Thunder and lightning ♪
139
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,559
♪ Hear the sound of the dead choir's roar
Still fighting ♪
140
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,644
♪ And no, I'm not frightened ♪
141
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:46,526
-Jen, Rob, so glad you could make it!
142
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,446
Me and Jizzlord
wouldn't miss it for the world.
143
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,990
Where's Chris?
144
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,993
Oh, did I misread the dress code?
145
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:58,121
Oh, God. I hope you're not
really, really, really annoyed. Are you?
146
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,373
Not at all. It's refreshing.
147
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:04,919
You look like Pat Butcher shat out
the teen whore section of River Island.
148
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:08,131
Rob, you look very smart.
149
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,884
-You're going to fit right in.
-Chris. Is he here?
150
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:15,347
-Oh, I hope he's here.
-So, what is this book about then?
151
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:18,266
It's about getting out
of the "poor me" mentality
152
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,435
and just filling your life
with positivity.
153
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:23,521
Now, we all have
the same 24 hours in a day.
154
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,607
Ooh, £18.99. That's my girl.
155
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:29,736
Desperate people will pay out the nose for
any old trash they think will fix them.
156
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:33,198
Yeah, I mean you're paying way more for
that guy at The Clinic to get you a power.
157
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:36,993
You don't have a power?
158
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:40,080
Oh, it's not fun insulting you now.
Feels like a hate crime.
159
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:45,460
-It's really not a big deal.
-You're so inspiring. Really.
160
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:47,712
Must be so hard for you.
161
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:51,675
The fact that you're so confident,
despite everything.
162
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,176
Aw, oh, no. Don't cry.
163
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:57,389
-Oh, you're so sweet worrying about Jen.
164
00:09:57,472 --> 00:10:01,184
-It's just so tragic, you know.
-It is tragic. A bit. Yeah, it is.
165
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,187
-Aw, always so good at cuddles.
-Okay.
166
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:31,256
What section of IKEA would you use as
a defensive base in a zombie apocalypse?
167
00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:35,135
What are you doing here?
168
00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:36,386
I'm in a creative rut.
169
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,763
I need to fill the well
with new experiences
170
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:41,016
-if I'm ever going to write my musical.
-Since when are you writing a musical?
171
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:44,060
Well, I couldn't find the receipts
for the instruments.
172
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,438
I've got to make my money back,
or I'll have to get another job.
173
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:47,605
Why don't you just sell them?
174
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:50,275
I'm already selling my soul to the Man.
175
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:52,652
I need a project, or I'll wither.
176
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:53,778
Well--
177
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:57,240
-Are you going to be here all night?
-Yeah. I need to find inspiration.
178
00:10:58,033 --> 00:10:59,617
I need to find a muse.
179
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:03,121
Now, I'm 4k in the hole, Carrie.
It needs to be a hit.
180
00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:07,375
♪ Man with glasses walking past ♪
181
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:09,044
♪ Yes, you
Have you got a story? ♪
182
00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:10,128
Don't run!
183
00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:14,007
What a waste.
184
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:24,768
Chris.
185
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,269
Chris!
186
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,604
-Rob!
-Chris!
187
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,105
-Buddy!
188
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,774
-Aah!
189
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,443
- Yay!
-Chris.
190
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,154
-Chris.
-We thought you were dead.
191
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:39,032
I-I was like, that's such
a Rob thing to do, just bloody die.
192
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:40,241
That's so me!
193
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:43,870
Nora called me soon as she saw you.
hell, I almost myself.
194
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,206
Are my ears broken?
195
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,293
Oh, yeah, she said
you-you've got amnesia or something.
196
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,504
-Yeah.
-Power of censorship.
197
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:54,714
Come on. Say a bad word.
198
00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,174
Rapist.
199
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,801
No, like a swear word.
200
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:00,095
Oh, I don't know any swear words.
201
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:02,639
-That's fine.
-Paedophile.
202
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,432
-No, that's still a--
-Right.
203
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:09,938
♪ Girl with the normal hair ♪
204
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,940
♪ She needs new hair ♪
205
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:16,361
♪ But from where? ♪
206
00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:17,737
♪ Wig heist ♪
207
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:20,699
♪ We're going on a wig heist
We-- ♪
208
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:23,910
Stupid, Kash.
209
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,329
It's already been done.
210
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:28,289
Clock Man?
211
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:30,458
-Magnet Girl?
-Are you still vigilante-ing?
212
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:33,670
-After you ran away in disgrace twice.
-Heroically relinquished power for love?
213
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:36,214
Yeah-- Uh--
No, I'm not doing that anymore.
214
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,925
Well, I guess giving up your dreams
is worth it if you have love.
215
00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:41,803
Yeah, actually, she, uh, dumped me
pretty much immediately after that.
216
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,097
-Oh, no.
-No, I'm doing really well though.
217
00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,975
What are you up to now?
218
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:48,643
Silver service.
219
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:50,437
Can't drop it. Look.
220
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,566
Oh, no.
221
00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:56,943
Four years.
That's a long time, that.
222
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,987
-We got so much to talk about.
-So much!
223
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:04,200
-Whee! Hey!
-Hey!
224
00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:07,370
-Ah.
225
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:12,042
Uh, you're-you're back with Nora then?
226
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,210
No, uh, she shares me with my girlfriend.
227
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,714
How'd an ugly
like you get two women?
228
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,257
Do girls like tiny now?
229
00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:21,885
I-I thought friends
supported each others' penises.
230
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,722
I'm just ribbing you, mate.
Uh, joshing, taking the .
231
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,516
We used to do it all the time.
It's a sign of affection.
232
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,977
Oh, right.
233
00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:33,313
So, if you like someone,
you deeply insult them.
234
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:34,606
Yeah.
235
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:37,150
If I had to be you even for a second,
I'd kill myself.
236
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,745
-Ouch! Uh, there's someone sitting here.
237
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,455
Oh, well, I-I-I'm so sorry.
238
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:53,083
No, it's my fault.
You can't go around being invisible
239
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,460
and expect people not to sit on you
now and again.
240
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,170
You can turn invisible?
241
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,630
Uh-huh.
242
00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:01,800
Like no one here can see you.
243
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:04,094
- Yeah.
-Not even ex-boyfriends
244
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,428
who weren't even invited?
245
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,973
-That's a very specific example, but yes.
246
00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:11,393
It's just a more honest way
to meet new people, you know?
247
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:21,695
What's the biggest animal
you could kill with your bare hands?
248
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,321
Um, what?
249
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,368
No, that's so true. That's
the funniest thing I've heard all night.
250
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:31,329
So funny!
251
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:32,706
Look who I found. Hey.
252
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:34,124
-Oh.
253
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,834
Jen! I found him!
254
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:37,544
Oh, ooh!
255
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:39,754
Is this the girlfriend then?
256
00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:41,589
Enchantée.
257
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:46,386
Yes, I am the young,
unburdened, child-free, young girlfriend.
258
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:48,430
Oh, don't mind if I do.
259
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:50,056
I might get smashed
out of my mind tonight,
260
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,350
'cause I don't have to
get up in the morning.
261
00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:55,145
Do you, Nora?
Do you have to get up in the morning?
262
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,147
I'm very blessed to have a full schedule.
263
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,524
Because I actually add value to society.
264
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,943
Let's binge-drink together,
like friends do.
265
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:06,156
I brought our beer.
266
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,616
Spontaneity. That's the best bit.
267
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,453
If I want to go clubbing
on a Tuesday, I can.
268
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:14,080
Me and Jizz, we're out
all the time just having loads of fun.
269
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:15,957
When did you last have fun, Nora?
270
00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:18,043
On top of your boyfriend, I suppose?
271
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:19,085
Ooh.
272
00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:21,296
I think that's
maybe out of date, mate.
273
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:22,922
Friendship doesn't go off.
274
00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:25,258
I was actually
a lot of fun at university, so…
275
00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:28,678
God, I bet your uni days
seem like so long ago now.
276
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:30,930
I'm sure I'll feel the same
when I'm as old as you are.
277
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,599
My skin age is 25.
278
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:35,352
But for now, I can do whatever I want!
279
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,519
Bottoms up!
280
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,581
Jen, are you okay?
281
00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:58,458
You look pale.
282
00:15:58,541 --> 00:15:59,668
Like dry dog shit.
283
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:01,044
I'm having the time of my life.
284
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,382
I'll take her to the ladies.
285
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,635
You're a real evil genius, Jen.
286
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,304
Spending the rest of the evening
in the bathroom puking your guts up
287
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:13,139
is really sticking it to me.
288
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:17,268
-I'm not gonna get sick in the bathroom.
-Don't you fucking dare.
289
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:18,478
-I'm gonna do it.
-Don't do it.
290
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,730
-I'm gonna do it.
-Don't you do it, you greasy slut!
291
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,025
Jen, you …
292
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,237
…poor thing.
293
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:29,322
Are you okay?
294
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:31,574
-Oh, dear.
295
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,327
Aren't you mad about your books?
Your sicky books?
296
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:37,831
Your health is much more important.
297
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:40,667
Stop it, all right? You are not
going to ruin this evening for me.
298
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,711
Do you know how much work
I put into this book?
299
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:45,588
- Pfft, anyone can write a book.
-Well, you haven't.
300
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,633
-How do you know?
- Um, dogs can't write books.
301
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:51,177
-I've written a book.
-All right. Read it then.
302
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:54,139
After our reading,
read an extract of your book.
303
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,016
-I will.
-Fine.
304
00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:57,767
-Good.
-Can't wait for you to read nothing.
305
00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,310
Can't wait to read your obituary.
306
00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:00,687
You--
307
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:01,855
Oh, my God. Kiss.
308
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,489
So, Gavin, the thing is,
for me, I'm a gel pen kind of girl.
309
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:14,743
But what I really need to know is
pencils or pens for you?
310
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,453
Pencils. I love a good 4B.
311
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,580
-Really? Stop it.
- Mm-hmm.
312
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,374
I know, I know. I'm a drama queen.
313
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:26,171
- I'm having such a nice time.
- Yeah. Oh, man.
314
00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:29,716
Carrie?
315
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:30,800
-Carrie?
-Hmm?
316
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,802
Oh, hi. Sorry. You spaced out a bit.
317
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:35,722
It was like you were looking
right through me.
318
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:36,931
Sorry.
319
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:41,144
Bloody Kash. I can't believe he's just
flirting with her out in the open,
320
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:42,937
and now I look like a total loner.
321
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:45,106
Should I ask Gavin to turn visible?
322
00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:47,484
It's risky.
323
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,694
Every break-up has a winner and a loser.
324
00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:53,990
And that is decided by a very complex
hierarchical matrix of social values.
325
00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:56,493
So, what you have to
seriously consider is…
326
00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,496
What if he's an uggo?
327
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:03,416
Jennifer Regan.
Are you really that shallow?
328
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:04,834
Someone has to be.
329
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:07,712
Can you imagine a world where
everyone loved who they are on the inside?
330
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:09,923
-We would all look like shit.
-I'm gonna take the risk.
331
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:10,965
You're a braver woman than I.
332
00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:14,344
Okay, visible flirting.
You can do this.
333
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,470
Okay, come on.
334
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:18,431
Focus. Write something.
No procrastinating.
335
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:21,768
Hi.
336
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:23,687
Oh, my God! Tell me everything.
How's it going?
337
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,647
What's Chris like?
Are you best mates again?
338
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,732
I don't think I'm mating
with him correctly.
339
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,317
Everything feels off.
340
00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:32,112
Why don't you try to reconnect with him
over the dumb shit you both love?
341
00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:34,656
Like the wrestling. Men use hobbies
to justify speaking to each other.
342
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:37,325
The wrestling. Yeah, that makes sense.
343
00:18:37,409 --> 00:18:38,660
I love your big brain.
344
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:40,912
Go get him.
345
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,085
Kash, help me.
346
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,129
I need to write a book
in the next 15 minutes.
347
00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,880
You've got a vivid imagination.
Give me some ideas.
348
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,424
Are you trying to hurt me?
349
00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:54,384
He's having an artist crisis.
I've seen this before.
350
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,553
I have no muse.
351
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,597
Why don't you base your musical
on some of my fan fiction?
352
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:00,849
You write fan fiction?
353
00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:01,891
Uh, yeah.
354
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,810
Like gross sex fan fiction?
355
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:07,731
No, there's character development
and themes and-- Yeah, no, it's gross.
356
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,816
That would really ruin the evening,
wouldn't it?
357
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:12,027
Megan, how would you like
for your work to be read out
358
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:15,155
to a room full of publishing
industry professionals?
359
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:16,698
Yeah.
360
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:18,366
Yeah?
361
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:25,832
Yes, but the cool thing
about the membership
362
00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,459
is that it has the best points
to cash value
363
00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:29,252
rewards system out of any of the Big 4.
364
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:31,588
- Oh.
365
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:35,550
I want to see you.
366
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:36,801
Why?
367
00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:38,845
Just, uh, you know, fun.
368
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:40,388
Just for fun.
369
00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:42,349
Yeah, I always think
it's a good idea to let girls
370
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:44,726
fall in love with my personality
before I, um--
371
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:48,772
Gavin, I-I already know
what a beautiful soul you have.
372
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:52,150
Okay. For you, Carrie. I'll do it for you.
373
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,568
-Hmm. All right Wow.
-Really?
374
00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:57,947
-Wait, wait. Uh--
- Um, what?
375
00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,366
-Just, um--
-What's wrong?
376
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:02,452
What if we go somewhere
a little quieter first,
377
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,037
and you show me there?
378
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,955
Oh, my God. You're worried I'm ugly.
379
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,415
What? No. What? No. What?
380
00:20:07,499 --> 00:20:09,668
You know,
I really thought you were different.
381
00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:11,753
-I am.
-Why does this always happen?
382
00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,296
-No. That's really not--
-I'm so stupid.
383
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:14,714
Please keep your voice down.
384
00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:16,174
I'm always falling for it.
385
00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:18,301
-Shh. Shh.
386
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:20,887
I'm gonna die alone.
There's no true love for Gavin.
387
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,223
-Shh. There, there.
-'Cause he's naive. It's all about looks!
388
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,058
-Shh. Shh, shh, shh.
- Well, that's it.
389
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:28,311
Gavin, Gavin, you're all right, Gavin.
You are all right.
390
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:31,314
- You having a breakdown?
-Uh, no. It's fine.
391
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:32,232
You can go now.
392
00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:34,067
If a girl asks
to see what you look like,
393
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:36,444
-is it because she's worried you're ugly?
-Yeah, a hundred per cent.
394
00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:37,821
Yeah, I knew it.
395
00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:40,198
-No, no. That's really not it.
- You know, you're shallow.
396
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:42,242
And you're self-obsessed
just like everybody else.
397
00:20:42,325 --> 00:20:44,119
-Hey!
- I'm over here.
398
00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:47,622
Hey! That woman is the least
self-obsessed person I've ever met.
399
00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:50,750
When we were together, she had to put up
with all my crazy schemes,
400
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:54,838
and what I now know to be highly illegal,
extra-judicial crime fighting.
401
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:58,758
I mean,
I've been a constant source of drama.
402
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:01,344
Oh, my muse!
403
00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:04,180
I've found my muse!
404
00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:08,435
Of course, it's her.
You have been flirting with her all night.
405
00:21:08,518 --> 00:21:10,812
What? No, it's me.
406
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,522
I am my own muse.
407
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,899
Yeah, if I was flirting,
believe me, you'd know it.
408
00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:17,402
-Oh.
-Vigilante The Musical.
409
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:20,280
Written, produced,
directed by and starring Kash Varma.
410
00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:21,614
Well, uh, Gavin?
411
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:23,408
We could still go out. Gavin?
412
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:26,244
Uh, I don't care if you're ugly. Gavin?
413
00:21:26,327 --> 00:21:27,579
I think he left.
414
00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:32,375
Poor guy. It cannot be easy
being so hideously ugly.
415
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:33,543
Hmm.
416
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:38,506
- Mum?
- Gavin?
417
00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:41,092
-Yeah, it happened again.
- Aw, one day you'll find
418
00:21:41,176 --> 00:21:42,969
a girl who will love you
for more than just your looks.
419
00:21:43,053 --> 00:21:44,346
I'm not a piece of meat.
420
00:21:44,429 --> 00:21:45,680
I know, pet.
421
00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:47,140
-I know.
422
00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:49,225
-Thanks, Mum.
- Bye, love.
423
00:21:52,270 --> 00:21:55,690
And I realised in that moment,
424
00:21:55,774 --> 00:21:59,194
we are all responsible
for our own happiness.
425
00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:02,072
You can't blame anyone else
for your failings.
426
00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:03,823
-Not bosses, parents, missing hus…
427
00:22:03,907 --> 00:22:05,867
Oh, Jesus. I don't think I can read this.
428
00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:07,452
There's so many orifices and--
429
00:22:07,535 --> 00:22:09,079
God, the things
that are happening to them.
430
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:10,955
Remember, it is all for Jizz.
431
00:22:11,039 --> 00:22:12,457
He's got to see Nora's true colours.
432
00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:13,541
Shh.
433
00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:17,253
If your goals don't scare you,
then you're not dreaming big enough.
434
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:20,256
You should be waking up
every day thinking,
435
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:22,717
-"How can I challenge myself today?"
-Are you ready to rumble?
436
00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:24,052
- Because when you…
-What?
437
00:22:24,135 --> 00:22:25,679
Are you ready to rumble?
438
00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:27,472
-I don't know what you're--
439
00:22:27,555 --> 00:22:28,723
What're you doing?
440
00:22:28,807 --> 00:22:32,143
-Anxiety isn't… a disorder.
441
00:22:32,227 --> 00:22:33,812
It's your heart's
way of telling you…
442
00:22:36,398 --> 00:22:37,524
Embrace the fear.
443
00:22:38,149 --> 00:22:40,819
-I used to be afraid.
- Co-operate with my smack down!
444
00:22:42,612 --> 00:22:44,322
-Do you feel the heat?
445
00:22:47,701 --> 00:22:48,827
Sorry, sorry.
446
00:22:49,911 --> 00:22:51,162
Continue.
447
00:22:51,246 --> 00:22:53,289
-I demanded it.
-From the ropes!
448
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:56,876
Whoo!
449
00:22:58,003 --> 00:23:00,255
Why are you doing this?
450
00:23:00,338 --> 00:23:02,173
-Old times! Wrestling buddies.
451
00:23:02,257 --> 00:23:04,843
- Get off me, you weirdo!
452
00:23:07,345 --> 00:23:09,597
Do you wanna hang out tomorrow?
453
00:23:11,975 --> 00:23:14,019
I think I'm busy tomorrow.
454
00:23:14,102 --> 00:23:15,562
Okay. Day after then.
455
00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:16,771
I think I'm still busy.
456
00:23:16,855 --> 00:23:17,856
How 'bout the day after that?
457
00:23:17,939 --> 00:23:20,942
Maybe we shouldn't
be best friends anymore.
458
00:23:34,247 --> 00:23:35,373
Hey, hey.
459
00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:43,173
Oh, God, Nora.
This must be so embarrassing for you.
460
00:23:43,757 --> 00:23:45,633
Please do tell him
how much he's ruined your big night.
461
00:23:45,717 --> 00:23:47,093
Yeah? Don't hold back.
462
00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:52,474
Not at all. He has been through a lot.
463
00:23:52,557 --> 00:23:57,520
He's adjusting,
and I will always support him.
464
00:24:01,524 --> 00:24:05,362
Um, would you like
to do your reading now, Jen?
465
00:24:05,445 --> 00:24:08,865
Or are you a tubby little liar?
466
00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:10,325
Yes. Yes, I would.
467
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:14,662
Jen Regan, everyone.
468
00:24:15,288 --> 00:24:17,123
-Oh--
- Whoo!
469
00:24:17,207 --> 00:24:19,542
This is called Bonded in Brine.
470
00:24:23,380 --> 00:24:26,091
"The waves crashed on the sullen rocks.
471
00:24:26,174 --> 00:24:28,551
'Another day by the sea',
472
00:24:28,635 --> 00:24:31,054
growled the lighthouse keeper
in his brain.
473
00:24:31,137 --> 00:24:34,683
But, lo! What's that on the rocks?
A man? A fish?
474
00:24:35,225 --> 00:24:37,352
No. A fishman."
475
00:24:37,936 --> 00:24:40,146
I'm sorry you and Chris didn't reconnect.
476
00:24:40,230 --> 00:24:42,232
I ruined it. I ruin everything.
477
00:24:42,315 --> 00:24:44,442
I don't think that was your fault.
It's--
478
00:24:44,526 --> 00:24:45,610
Hmm. What do you mean?
479
00:24:45,694 --> 00:24:47,278
Oh, ignore me. It-It's nothing.
480
00:24:47,362 --> 00:24:48,905
No, tell me. I want to fit in.
481
00:24:48,988 --> 00:24:50,699
"From the waist up, a beautiful boy.
482
00:24:50,782 --> 00:24:54,786
But the waist down,
a slab of scaly muscle.
483
00:24:54,869 --> 00:24:55,870
A merman.
484
00:24:57,747 --> 00:24:58,873
Crash!
485
00:24:58,957 --> 00:25:01,584
The wet and desperate tide
was rushing in."
486
00:25:01,668 --> 00:25:03,753
I'm so grateful for her taking you in.
487
00:25:03,837 --> 00:25:05,880
She did a great job
getting you back on your feet.
488
00:25:05,964 --> 00:25:08,258
But maybe she isn't the best role model.
489
00:25:08,341 --> 00:25:10,677
"The only shelter he could find,
a rocky cove.
490
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,637
'A hole', thought the fisherman."
491
00:25:12,721 --> 00:25:14,681
I mean, look around you.
492
00:25:14,764 --> 00:25:15,890
Who's causing a scene?
493
00:25:15,974 --> 00:25:17,475
"The lighthouse keeper groaned
494
00:25:17,559 --> 00:25:21,187
when a clammy palm
touched his exposed forearm."
495
00:25:21,271 --> 00:25:22,897
Is it always like this
when you're together?
496
00:25:22,981 --> 00:25:23,982
No, no.
497
00:25:24,065 --> 00:25:26,985
I mean, actually, yeah, it kind of is.
498
00:25:27,068 --> 00:25:30,071
But isn't everyone getting into
weird schemes and stealing dogs?
499
00:25:30,155 --> 00:25:32,782
"The lighthouse keeper
took in his scaly length."
500
00:25:32,866 --> 00:25:37,954
Most people just have a nice, quiet life
with their families and their friends.
501
00:25:38,038 --> 00:25:41,708
No chaos. No feeling like an outsider.
502
00:25:41,791 --> 00:25:43,293
"'You saved me.
503
00:25:44,210 --> 00:25:45,545
How can I repay you?'"
504
00:25:45,628 --> 00:25:47,714
And you think Jen's the reason
I can't have that.
505
00:25:47,797 --> 00:25:49,466
"'There's only one way I can think of.'"
506
00:25:49,549 --> 00:25:52,135
Oh, I didn't even think about that.
507
00:25:52,218 --> 00:25:54,554
It's something to consider, isn't it?
508
00:25:54,637 --> 00:25:58,767
"The merman flipped onto
his briny belly and reached back to"…
509
00:26:00,477 --> 00:26:05,398
- Disgusting.
510
00:26:05,482 --> 00:26:10,320
-"'Oh, ! Oh, me, Poseidon!
511
00:26:10,403 --> 00:26:14,366
Stick your filthy fish
into my filthy hole.
512
00:26:14,449 --> 00:26:18,078
Fill me up with your eggs
like the salty I am!'"
513
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:20,622
Is Jen a bad influence?
514
00:26:21,247 --> 00:26:27,420
"And nothing ever compared
to the allure of that briny fish cock!"
515
00:26:30,006 --> 00:26:31,841
Oh, that guy must have left then.
516
00:26:33,551 --> 00:26:37,597
"But the sea gets what the sea wants.
517
00:26:39,391 --> 00:26:40,767
The end".
518
00:26:40,850 --> 00:26:43,061
Oh, Jen. Is that all you've got?
519
00:26:44,104 --> 00:26:45,897
That was great, Jen.
520
00:26:45,980 --> 00:26:49,109
Avant-garde, sex-positive. I loved it.
521
00:26:49,192 --> 00:26:52,445
She can't hear this,
but she hasn't got a power, poor thing.
522
00:26:52,529 --> 00:26:54,781
So let's give her a pity clap.
523
00:26:59,452 --> 00:27:00,578
Whoo!
524
00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:02,831
That was a waste of time.
525
00:27:02,914 --> 00:27:03,915
Absolutely mortified.
526
00:27:03,998 --> 00:27:06,501
You can always come home, Rob.
527
00:27:40,326 --> 00:27:42,579
Gavin.39351
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