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1
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♪ Girl, I'm 'bout to have a panic attack ♪
2
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:20,395
♪ I did the work, it didn't work, ah, ah ♪
3
00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:23,356
♪ That truth, it hurts, goddam, it hurts
Ah, ah ♪
4
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,859
♪ That lovey-dovey shit
Was not a fan of it ♪
5
00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:29,529
♪ I'm good with my friends
I don't want a man, girl ♪
6
00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:32,866
♪ I'm in my bed
I'm way too fine to be here alone ♪
7
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:35,785
♪ On other hand, I know my worth, ah, ah ♪
8
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,120
♪ And now he callin' me ♪
9
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,663
♪ Why do I feel like this? ♪
10
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,999
♪ What's happenin' to me? Oh, oh, oh ♪
11
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:44,127
♪ Am I ready? Girl, there ain't a doubt ♪
12
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:47,380
♪ Am I ready? What you talkin' 'bout? ♪
13
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:50,425
♪ Am I ready? You gon' figure it out ♪
14
00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:53,762
♪ To be loved, to be loved ♪
15
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:56,556
♪ Am I ready? You deserve it now ♪
16
00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,767
♪ 'Cause I want it
That's what I'm talkin' about ♪
17
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,060
Ooh!
18
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,686
♪ Am I ready? You gon' figure it out ♪
19
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,188
Morning.
20
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:06,107
♪ To be loved, to be loved ♪
21
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:07,650
♪ How am I supposed to
Love somebody else? ♪
22
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,696
♪ When I don't like myself, like, ooh ♪
23
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,406
♪ Guess I better learn to like this, ooh ♪
24
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,952
♪ It might take my whole life just to
Let me know ♪
25
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:21,122
♪ Am I ready? Girl, there ain't a doubt ♪
26
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:24,334
♪ Am I ready? What you talkin' 'bout? ♪
27
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,587
♪ Am I ready? You gon' figure it out
To be loved ♪
28
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,593
♪ Am I ready? You deserve it now ♪
29
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:36,763
♪ 'Cause I want it
That's what I'm talkin' about ♪
30
00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:38,223
♪ Am I ready? ♪
31
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,395
Wait, why are you happy?
32
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,647
Why shouldn't I be? Boom!
33
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,524
-You don't remember last night?
-Nah.
34
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,110
Must've gotten too drunk and blacked out.
35
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,320
You kept turning back time to try
and stop me from breaking up with you.
36
00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:53,321
But she did anyway.
37
00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:58,451
Oh, that rings a bell.
38
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,870
I think we should break up.
39
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:05,583
Oh, no. Oh, God. No, no, no.
It's all coming back to me.
40
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:06,751
No, no, no. Unring the bell.
41
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,420
-Unring the bell.
-Don't be sad. Uh, look.
42
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,922
Gordon gave Jen
his come money for the clinic.
43
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,507
A-And Jizzlord and I are a couple.
44
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:13,925
A couple of what?
45
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:16,302
A couple. A couple, couple.
A romantic pairing.
46
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:19,305
-What?
-I know. It is adorable.
47
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:22,017
No-- What? It's gross.
What-- Isn't that illegal?
48
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,019
-You can't fuck your cat.
-Hey! No.
49
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,645
He's a man that can turn into a cat.
50
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,898
Not a cat that turns into a man.
Totally different. Right?
51
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,233
Mm-hmm.
52
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:31,860
I need to lie down.
53
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,073
Where is he anyway?
He went out to the shops ages ago.
54
00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:47,459
-Hello.
-Hi.
55
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,257
That man looks like Daddy.
56
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:10,732
Rob, I--
57
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:17,238
Rob, it's me. Nora, your wife.
58
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,658
Mmm. Yeah.
59
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:28,208
-Maybe he's got a secret family.
60
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:31,461
Oh, we were just talking about you.
61
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,171
I haven't got a secret family!
62
00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:36,257
Stop eavesdropping on us,
you big weirdo.
63
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,593
Anything interesting
happen at the shops?
64
00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:40,512
Nope.
65
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:41,971
Huh.
66
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:54,734
11,970. 11,990.
67
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:58,113
If your power is category five,
68
00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:01,282
please remember to sign
in and out of security.
69
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,409
Oh.
70
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,923
Welcome to the Power Discovery programme.
71
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,678
-Yes, yay.
- Okay. Wh-What now?
72
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:22,804
Is there a machine?
73
00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:25,348
No. You're going to be having weekly
74
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,434
one-on-one sessions
with a qualified coach.
75
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,520
Oh. So, who's my coach?
76
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:35,108
Uh, George.
Oh, that's him over there, actually.
77
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,864
He's a bit of a DILF, right?
78
00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:43,616
-Carrie!
-What? He is.
79
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,494
You've been single for two minutes
and you're already perving on local DILFs.
80
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:48,496
He's giving sexy professor.
81
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:49,581
He's 85.
82
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,417
-I'd still ride him, though, yeah.
83
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:54,794
-He's coming over.
-What?
84
00:04:55,628 --> 00:05:00,550
Denise. Do you have
discharge forms for Mr Lowry?
85
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,428
One minute. You have a new client.
86
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,472
Oh.
87
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,015
Hello.
88
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:10,101
Uh, me, Jen. Me Jen. My name's Jen. Sorry.
89
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:13,355
-No power. Twenty five. A lot of work.
90
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:16,566
-So, when do we start?
-Well, um, how's right now?
91
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:17,734
Now, now?
92
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,446
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay.
93
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:23,698
-After you.
94
00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:25,700
Thanks, Dad.
95
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:30,705
♪ Yeah, I'm confident
More than competent ♪
96
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,791
♪ Think I'll probably
Put my name on a monument ♪
97
00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:41,383
-I see you've met Denise.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's great.
98
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:44,636
Hmm, really?
I think she's a sour-faced dickhead.
99
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,846
Oh, my God, isn't she?
Sulphureous bitch.
100
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,642
So. Do you know what I'm here to do?
101
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:51,768
Fix me?
102
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,269
Not quite, no.
103
00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:56,314
Some people think powers
are a physical thing.
104
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:59,067
A chemical or some bullshit. I don't.
105
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,069
I think they come from up here,
106
00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:03,363
and it's likely there is some
psychological blockage
107
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:05,740
we have to overcome
before you can get your power.
108
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:11,579
Because it is in there. And it's my job
to take you inside your mind and find it.
109
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,290
So, is that like talk therapy or--
110
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,793
Oh, no. I mean literally. May I?
111
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:26,803
Mmm.
112
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,598
Welcome to your mind.
113
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:35,145
Or at least the physical space your
subconscious has rendered your mind into.
114
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,691
-This is my mind?
- Mm-hmm.
115
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:49,868
It's a shithole.
116
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:53,496
And somewhere in this shithole
is the thing that's blocking your power.
117
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:54,622
And the books are--
118
00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:58,001
I'd imagine they're everything
you've ever felt, thought or done.
119
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:02,964
Found something useful?
120
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:59,437
♪ You have to stand up for yourself ♪
121
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,030
Subtle.
122
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,287
Where do you even begin?
123
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:19,582
Well, let's take it slow.
Give yourself a few days to prepare.
124
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:23,545
Reassess your environment, your habits.
Make space for the journey.
125
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,840
-That sounded really wanky, didn't it?
-Yeah, but I know what you mean.
126
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,802
This is a fresh start.
Everything's gonna change.
127
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,138
I'm going to change.
128
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,564
Let's set realistic expectations.
129
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,066
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Totally.
130
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:02,292
-What are you doing?
-Clean slate.
131
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:05,253
Anything that might hold me back
from the new Jen is going into the void.
132
00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:08,089
The pit of unwanted things.
The Mystery Hole.
133
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,508
What? That thing people fly-tip into
in Walthamstow?
134
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:11,718
Yeah.
135
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,220
We're doing it too, Kash.
Out with the old.
136
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,639
We could sit around
moping about breaking up,
137
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:21,394
or we see this as an opportunity
to reinvent ourselves. A fresh start.
138
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:24,314
No, no, no. You can't throw that out. No.
139
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:25,899
Kash, come on.
140
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,526
What-- And this?
141
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:29,944
What even is it?
142
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,281
And-And these.
Come on. What's wrong with these?
143
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:35,992
-Kash.
-What? They're still good.
144
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,706
See? They still go on.
145
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,001
You can't just
change everything overnight.
146
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,169
Course you can!
147
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,880
It's not possible to escape your past.
148
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:52,967
It clings to you like dust settling into
the once clean carpet of your future.
149
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,805
And the Hoover of change has poor suction.
150
00:09:57,472 --> 00:10:00,016
Jizz? Scratchin' the sofa.
151
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:02,185
Oh.
152
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,356
Jizz? Jizzlord?
153
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,608
They don't even cover your bumhole!
154
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,947
-Even better.
-How is that better?
155
00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:21,746
-You okay?
-Me? Yeah. Okay as a clam.
156
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:25,458
You haven't been eating.
157
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,294
You're hiding away in small spaces,
excessively grooming.
158
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:29,546
You're obviously stressed.
159
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,298
And I think I know why.
160
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:36,302
Uh, I don't know how to do this either.
The whole relationship thing.
161
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:40,056
-So, let's just start by going on a date.
162
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,476
Like a proper date. A first date,
technically. Just you and me.
163
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,396
Yeah, because
there isn't another person involved.
164
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,523
Um, true.
165
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:50,817
So, I'll book a restaurant.
166
00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:53,987
Just-- Just let me show you!
167
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:55,071
Here?
168
00:10:56,364 --> 00:11:00,160
Trousers down, squat, wipe, trousers up.
169
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:02,787
No fuss. Maximum efficiency.
170
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:05,373
The life of these pants
is only just beginning.
171
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:10,170
- They are a health hazard!
-It's good bacteria.
172
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,423
♪ Hello, world, let me tell you who I am ♪
173
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,924
♪ Hello, world
I don't think you understand ♪
174
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:19,387
- Oh, I love a breakup makeover.
175
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,473
When Danny Fruss
dumped me right before Italia 90,
176
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,892
I went out and got the whole works.
177
00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:27,020
Perm, boobs, adult braces.
178
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:30,940
I thought, when this man sees me again,
he won't know what hit him.
179
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,108
What happened? What'd he do?
180
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:35,111
He drowned.
Scuba diving accident in Turkey.
181
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,322
Very, very sad.
182
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:42,869
I want a completely different look.
Something totally new.
183
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,120
But what is that specifically?
184
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:48,333
I don't know.
I have no idea who I am or what I want.
185
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,586
-Please tell me who I am and what I want.
-Carrie, no.
186
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:54,714
The point of a breakup makeover
is to relearn how to be a new person.
187
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:58,093
- I could use a little guidance.
188
00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:02,347
Do we know anyone
who has absolutely smashed a breakup?
189
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,100
Mm-hmm.
190
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:08,645
Yes, well he sounds
like an absolute little shit, darling.
191
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,147
Uh, no, Diana. He's not that bad.
He just needs to grow up a bit.
192
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,065
Mm-hmm.
193
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,109
I closed the shop for a week
when you died.
194
00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:15,985
Woolworths was open the whole time.
195
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,322
Oh! Can you sign me plates?
Wait here.
196
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,492
So, uh, what do you think I should do,
Your Highness of a--
197
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:26,204
Miss, Miss, Mrs, Miss, Mrs, Miss Princess.
198
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,372
Mmm.
199
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,334
Let's go total tart.
200
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:36,297
-And I should get a fringe.
-Oh, my God. No.
201
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:39,009
Absolutely do not do that.
202
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,428
♪ I got a whole lot of confidence ♪
203
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,513
♪ Don't be mad at my competence ♪
204
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,473
♪ 'Cause you shower me in compliments ♪
205
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,023
Kash, can I ask you for some advice?
206
00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:58,611
I've been expecting this.
You want to know how to have a girlfriend.
207
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,613
Why would I ask you?
You don't have a girlfriend.
208
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:08,705
I'd usually go on my smoke break now,
but I don't even miss it.
209
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,373
-I actually feel really energised.
-Mmm.
210
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,459
Oh, yes, straight in with the leather.
211
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,252
Self-improvement is a piece of piss.
212
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:18,673
Oh, hi.
213
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:20,508
Sorry.
214
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,928
I'm looking for someone.
215
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:26,306
Uh, I was wondering if you could
put this poster up in your window.
216
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:29,684
-Yeah. Who are you looking for?
-My husband.
217
00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:32,062
Well, if I can help in any way, I will.
218
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,939
You don't have the context,
but basically, I'm good now.
219
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,200
Robert Clutton?
220
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,035
Do you know him?
221
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:54,918
No.
222
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:01,925
Well. Thank you anyway.
223
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,390
I can't breathe, Your Highness.
224
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,558
That's how you know
it's working, darling.
225
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,061
What do you think?
226
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,942
I ain't got a Sharpie,
but I found a very wet biro.
227
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:29,911
I did have a girlfriend though.
228
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:34,749
I've had three girlfriends, if you count
pen pals. So, I'm kind of an expert.
229
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:39,879
Oh, great. That's exactly what I need.
Because, um, basically, um…
230
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,172
Jizzlord has a wife.
231
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:42,590
And a son?
232
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,175
And she came in here,
she's looking for him.
233
00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:46,845
And I bumped into them yesterday,
and they remember me.
234
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,513
But I didn't tell her that I know him.
235
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:49,806
And I haven't told Jen.
236
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,810
It's okay. It's okay.
We can figure this out.
237
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,645
-Oh, my God, you're fucked.
238
00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:57,522
You're absolutely fucked.
239
00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:00,442
This kicks up so many emotional
and moral questions, like--
240
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,069
-Is she hot?
-She did seem quite symmetrical.
241
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:05,947
Pretty. Like toothbrush ad pretty.
242
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,408
What are you gonna do?
243
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,577
I thought you'd tell me.
You said you were the expert!
244
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:11,703
I don't know!
245
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,246
You have to tell him.
246
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:16,124
Uh, but what if I just, like, don't?
247
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:20,587
As somebody who knows who he actually is,
you can't keep that from him.
248
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:25,008
-What if he likes her more than me?
-It's your new chapter, remember?
249
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:28,053
You really want to start it
lying to someone you care about?
250
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:32,307
I keep meaning to tell her,
251
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:35,435
but every time I start thinking about it,
252
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:38,980
and then I can't stop thinking
even though I tell my brain not to.
253
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:42,734
Hey! Don't let your brain
push you around like that.
254
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:43,818
Look, I used to be anxious.
255
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:46,571
And now, when I think about
having a thought, I just don't.
256
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:49,324
The next time you see Jen,
you're going to look her in the eye,
257
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:50,617
and you're going to tell her.
258
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,160
-But-But what if--
-Ah, ah.
259
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,205
That sounds a lot like thinking.
260
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,632
Oh.
261
00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:09,511
-Happy date.
-Happy date.
262
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,180
So, where's the restaurant?
263
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,182
Should be here.
264
00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:18,812
Hmm.
265
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,733
You look for Little Italy?
266
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:24,818
Yeah.
267
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:26,111
It's there.
268
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:31,950
Whoa.
269
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:38,331
-How do we get in?
270
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:41,084
-I boop.
-Huh?
271
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:43,837
Ooh.
272
00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:48,341
-He needs booping too. Por favor!
273
00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:55,223
Thank you!
274
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,703
What are you wearing?
275
00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:20,957
Oh, it's my new edgy look. I'm edgy now.
276
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:25,253
If there's an edge out there, I'm on it.
Not over it, but right up there.
277
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:27,422
Well, you looked fine before.
278
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:29,758
Why can't people
just stop messing with things?
279
00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:33,428
Look, I know you're
feeling uncertain about the future.
280
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:38,224
So, I have drawn up
a super-casual list of stuff we should do
281
00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:40,769
and shouldn't do post-breakup
or, you know, whenever.
282
00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:44,397
-A contract?
-Not a contract.
283
00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:50,236
A vibe check. A formal,
legally binding vibe check.
284
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:53,740
So, we're in agreement that
the social media announcement
285
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:56,868
shall take place on the 28th
in the form of a story.
286
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:59,162
No use of emojis. Just plain text.
287
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,999
Sidebar. What about one broken heart?
288
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,542
- What colour?
-Black.
289
00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,795
That is classy. I will allow it.
290
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,047
Mm-hmm.
291
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,091
♪ Things just really aren't that bad ♪
292
00:18:11,174 --> 00:18:13,259
♪ I just stay in my room too long ♪
293
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:16,096
♪ But I finally got a girlfriend
And she's the bomb ♪
294
00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:18,765
♪ Hi, hello ♪
295
00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:26,314
Right, there's something
I have to tell you,
296
00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:28,358
and I'm just going to come right out
with it.
297
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,609
I've stalled long enough.
298
00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:31,861
So, yesterday, I'm in the shop…
299
00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:43,456
which is a building with four walls and,
of course as we know, a roof.
300
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:47,293
Eh, it-it was a grey day.
Maybe 12, 13 degrees Celsius.
301
00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,045
And as I approached a customer,
302
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:52,549
putting one foot in front of the other
as is the fashion,
303
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,760
left, then right, then left and, uh,
304
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:58,013
as you might imagine,
followed by right again.
305
00:18:58,096 --> 00:18:59,681
Jen, I know who I am.
306
00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:10,150
I'm, uh, your boyfriend.
307
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:14,237
-And that's all I want to be.
308
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:18,491
Oh, hey, look.
That's how couples eat.
309
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:20,201
We should, um--
310
00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:22,537
Let's-- Yeah.
311
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:31,796
Uh-uh.
312
00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:34,924
Oh, now this is egregious.
313
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:38,720
Both parties may enter into a sexual act
with another partner or partners
314
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:41,139
no sooner than six weeks post-separation.
315
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:44,976
Sexual acts include but are not limited to
fellatio, cunnilingus, penetration,
316
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:48,271
handjobs, fisting, 69ing,
nipple stimulation,
317
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:50,774
touching with the intent of stimulation
318
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:53,735
and open-mouthed kissing
lasting more than 30 seconds.
319
00:19:54,778 --> 00:19:56,029
Okay, okay.
320
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:59,616
Sexual interaction will be permitted
four weeks post-separation.
321
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,077
-Which is a good faith concession.
-With the exception of hand stuff.
322
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,120
-Over the jeans.
-No, it's got to be under.
323
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:05,663
Not to completion.
324
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,749
I can work with that.
325
00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,084
Mmm.
326
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:11,544
Mmm. Hmm.
327
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,300
'Kay. Clause two. Moving out.
328
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:20,261
I've suggested a very generous
eight-week search time,
329
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:23,014
because flat hunting in London
is horrendous and,
330
00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:24,307
you're very bad with numbers.
331
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:27,560
Wait, you want me to move out?
Why am I the one moving out?
332
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,729
Well, I mean-- Well--
333
00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:32,107
-It's 'cause I have the penis, isn't it?
-No, no.
334
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,776
Well, I mean-- Yeah, but--
335
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:37,654
No, but you broke up with me.
I'm the victim here.
336
00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:42,325
It's not just moving out. It's moving on.
337
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,203
-You're clinging to the past.
-No, I'm not.
338
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:49,332
Really? Then throw away just one thing.
339
00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:51,334
-Just the pants.
- No.
340
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:55,714
No, I forbid you to throw anything out.
And I'm not signing.
341
00:21:06,558 --> 00:21:07,976
Jesus, I'm starving.
342
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:09,936
Have the leftovers.
343
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:15,442
It's a lovely spaghetto.
344
00:21:17,027 --> 00:21:18,028
One sec.
345
00:21:22,157 --> 00:21:23,867
Hello.
346
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,453
Hey. Ooh, some of these. Yes.
347
00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:28,621
What else have we got?
348
00:21:38,256 --> 00:21:40,216
Fabulous. Thank you.
349
00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:46,056
Ready?
350
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:47,974
Mm-hmm. Oh.
351
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,585
♪ No in-between ♪
352
00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:18,338
♪ They want me to look pretty
And they want me to look clean ♪
353
00:22:18,421 --> 00:22:21,341
♪ Big no, big yes
No in-between ♪
354
00:22:21,424 --> 00:22:23,176
♪ They want me to be happy ♪
355
00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:39,651
Where are they? Where's my pants?
356
00:22:39,734 --> 00:22:42,320
Oh, uh, Carrie put them
in one of her big bags and left.
357
00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:43,738
She's taking my stuff to the void.
358
00:22:43,822 --> 00:22:47,784
She's gonna throw it all into the void,
and then it'll be gone forever.
359
00:22:49,911 --> 00:22:54,332
♪ Don't change just for the trend
It's too quick to end ♪
360
00:22:54,416 --> 00:22:58,712
♪ Keep on tryin' to grow
In your mind there are seeds you can sow ♪
361
00:22:58,795 --> 00:23:01,297
♪ Don’t wait for the world to end ♪
362
00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:03,258
♪ Before you give a hand ♪
363
00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:07,721
♪ Keep on tryin' to grow
In your mind there are seeds you can sow ♪
364
00:23:07,804 --> 00:23:11,725
♪ Don’t change just for the trend
It’s too quick to end ♪
365
00:23:13,101 --> 00:23:14,102
What's going in?
366
00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:15,603
The old Carrie.
367
00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:18,565
You can't throw bodies in.
That's, like, rule number one.
368
00:23:18,648 --> 00:23:20,859
No, no. It's metaphorical.
369
00:23:20,942 --> 00:23:22,861
-See, me and my boyfriend--
-I don't care. Oi.
370
00:23:22,944 --> 00:23:24,195
Five quid.
371
00:23:25,572 --> 00:23:29,284
I really think I'd suit it.
There's a fringe for every face shape.
372
00:23:29,367 --> 00:23:31,911
♪ L-O-V-E I-T, I love it ♪
373
00:23:31,995 --> 00:23:34,622
♪ I'm a boss with a card out
So run it ♪
374
00:23:36,207 --> 00:23:37,542
♪ Right now ♪
375
00:23:39,169 --> 00:23:41,463
I love it ♪
376
00:23:41,546 --> 00:23:43,757
♪ Cut the price tag off now and bag it ♪
377
00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:46,384
♪ Right now ♪
378
00:23:46,468 --> 00:23:49,137
-Ah!
379
00:23:49,846 --> 00:23:51,222
Ah, that felt good.
380
00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:53,308
Yeah, this is healthy! I think.
381
00:23:55,101 --> 00:23:57,103
Bye-bye, girlfriend Carrie!
382
00:23:58,521 --> 00:24:01,566
- Oh, I feel so free!
383
00:24:02,692 --> 00:24:04,444
♪ How we gonna have fun?
How we gonna have fun? ♪
384
00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:11,326
♪ How we gonna have fun?
How we gonna have fun? ♪
385
00:24:11,910 --> 00:24:14,204
-Jen, I'm gonna do it.
-Carrie, no.
386
00:24:14,287 --> 00:24:15,830
-I'm gonna do it.
-Don't do it!
387
00:24:15,914 --> 00:24:17,207
It's happening.
388
00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:18,541
-Aw.
389
00:24:20,543 --> 00:24:21,836
Oh, my God.
390
00:24:25,674 --> 00:24:27,967
How does it look?
391
00:24:32,222 --> 00:24:33,973
Is that--
392
00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:36,101
I-I'm just going to go
check something over there.
393
00:25:02,460 --> 00:25:04,254
You need to go.
394
00:25:05,130 --> 00:25:06,506
My sexy little carafe.
395
00:25:06,589 --> 00:25:07,507
Aw.
396
00:25:10,635 --> 00:25:14,681
-I'm so proud of you!
397
00:25:17,934 --> 00:25:18,977
Hey!
398
00:25:20,395 --> 00:25:21,521
Those are my pants!
399
00:25:21,604 --> 00:25:22,480
Kash.
400
00:25:22,564 --> 00:25:24,733
Now, under UK law, they are my property,
401
00:25:24,816 --> 00:25:26,609
and I will not hesitate
to sue for damages.
402
00:25:26,693 --> 00:25:29,654
-Kash.
-They have immense sentimental value and--
403
00:25:30,655 --> 00:25:31,656
I know.
404
00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:33,700
I thought I could just move forward, but…
405
00:25:36,453 --> 00:25:37,495
…this is really sad.
406
00:25:38,621 --> 00:25:39,748
Well, yeah, we broke up.
407
00:25:39,831 --> 00:25:42,042
Yeah, but I did the breaking off.
408
00:25:42,125 --> 00:25:45,920
I'm supposed to feel new and free like a…
409
00:25:46,004 --> 00:25:48,673
…like a sexy spring lamb.
410
00:25:48,757 --> 00:25:50,508
Well, it's sad when things end.
411
00:25:50,592 --> 00:25:53,636
Even if your boyfriend
was terrible and dumb
412
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,556
and held you time captive
to stop you from breaking up with him.
413
00:25:56,639 --> 00:25:58,808
God, it gets worse
every time I try and describe it.
414
00:26:00,769 --> 00:26:04,147
♪ It's makin' my head decay, head decay ♪
415
00:26:04,856 --> 00:26:06,399
♪ When I walk by, they screamin' ♪
416
00:26:06,483 --> 00:26:10,862
♪ Isn't anybody home in there
Home in there, I know ♪
417
00:26:12,030 --> 00:26:15,075
♪ When they wind me up
I can make it through hell and back ♪
418
00:26:15,158 --> 00:26:16,451
♪ Hell and back ♪
419
00:26:16,534 --> 00:26:18,912
♪ Me in my horror ♪
420
00:26:19,496 --> 00:26:21,831
♪ A day in my horror ♪
421
00:26:23,458 --> 00:26:24,626
-Do you--
-How do--
422
00:26:24,709 --> 00:26:25,710
So, we both…
423
00:26:38,348 --> 00:26:39,557
I don't know why we're laughing.
424
00:26:40,225 --> 00:26:41,851
Oh, we're going to be okay.
425
00:26:41,935 --> 00:26:44,729
I lied to you. You lied to me.
Isn't lying bad?
426
00:26:44,813 --> 00:26:47,732
Yes. Except when we do it
for a good reason.
427
00:26:47,816 --> 00:26:48,817
Right!
428
00:26:49,401 --> 00:26:51,069
No. Hmm.
429
00:26:56,908 --> 00:26:59,285
I don't really care about the pants.
It's just--
430
00:27:00,078 --> 00:27:02,622
Well, it's just, at first,
it's me throwing away a pair of pants,
431
00:27:02,706 --> 00:27:05,500
but then it's me moving out,
and then I stop getting invited to things,
432
00:27:05,583 --> 00:27:07,210
and then you all forget about me.
433
00:27:10,922 --> 00:27:13,425
You don't have to move.
We can figure something out.
434
00:27:21,391 --> 00:27:22,392
Are you sure?
435
00:27:23,393 --> 00:27:24,477
We can't live in the past.
436
00:27:55,258 --> 00:27:56,384
But why didn't you tell me?
437
00:27:56,468 --> 00:28:00,138
I'm afraid of you.
438
00:28:01,348 --> 00:28:02,640
Okay, but more than that.
439
00:28:02,724 --> 00:28:06,811
And, uh, I'm scared it might ruin this.
440
00:28:07,771 --> 00:28:10,565
And that's why you didn't tell me.
441
00:28:10,648 --> 00:28:13,985
Which is a good thing because--
442
00:28:14,069 --> 00:28:16,363
We actually care enough
to lie to each other.
443
00:28:16,446 --> 00:28:19,366
Do you know how much effort that is
to go to for a relationship?
444
00:28:19,449 --> 00:28:21,868
Normally I don't even travel
outside of Zone 2.
445
00:28:21,951 --> 00:28:25,038
- So really, this is a good thing.
446
00:28:25,121 --> 00:28:27,165
No. No, no, no, no, no.
447
00:28:27,248 --> 00:28:29,084
This is the worst thing
that has ever happened to me.
448
00:28:29,167 --> 00:28:32,295
I hate it. I hate it so much. Actually--
449
00:28:33,713 --> 00:28:36,257
Think I'm gonna be sick.
450
00:28:36,925 --> 00:28:37,926
They're coming.
451
00:28:41,513 --> 00:28:43,139
It's okay. We both know.
452
00:28:43,223 --> 00:28:44,224
Jen threw up.
453
00:28:44,307 --> 00:28:45,809
-Hey, don't tell them that.
454
00:28:47,519 --> 00:28:49,854
Why do I hate looking at you now?
455
00:28:50,563 --> 00:28:52,232
My hair!
456
00:28:52,315 --> 00:28:54,317
I-I forgot. Is it bad?
457
00:28:54,401 --> 00:28:56,194
I'm definitely not your boyfriend
anymore, right?
458
00:28:56,277 --> 00:28:57,904
Oh, my God, it's bad.
459
00:28:57,987 --> 00:29:00,740
It's really bad, Carrie. It's disgusting.
460
00:29:00,824 --> 00:29:02,784
Honestly? The worst thing I've ever seen.
461
00:29:04,911 --> 00:29:07,914
Uh, turn back time. Fix it.
Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it.
462
00:29:07,997 --> 00:29:09,582
Right, okay. It's been awhile.
463
00:29:09,666 --> 00:29:12,544
Try to push for a new PB.
464
00:29:12,627 --> 00:29:16,089
Five minutes.
465
00:29:20,218 --> 00:29:22,554
Maybe if I cut it more to even it out.
466
00:29:23,638 --> 00:29:26,433
Do you think she's pretty?
I swear, I really don't care. I promise.
467
00:29:26,516 --> 00:29:28,935
- Yeah, she is.
468
00:29:29,019 --> 00:29:31,896
Why don't you just go and marry her
again then if I'm so repulsive to you?
469
00:29:31,980 --> 00:29:32,981
You're pretty too.
470
00:29:33,064 --> 00:29:35,608
Okay, so now I'll just cut more
on this side to even it up.
471
00:29:35,692 --> 00:29:36,985
Oh, you should write poetry.
472
00:29:37,068 --> 00:29:38,069
Well, that's new.
473
00:29:38,153 --> 00:29:41,406
Okay and now this side's shorter.
That's okay. I'll just cut it even more.
474
00:29:46,494 --> 00:29:47,871
I think I can make it work.
475
00:29:47,954 --> 00:29:49,914
Okay, give me the scissors.
476
00:29:49,998 --> 00:29:52,751
♪ Chilled in the kitchen of a city tomb ♪
477
00:29:52,834 --> 00:29:54,627
♪ The light would flicker
Like a violent womb ♪
478
00:29:54,711 --> 00:29:57,922
Just to check. There's no other massively
important things you want to tell me
479
00:29:58,006 --> 00:30:01,468
-before I meet your secret wife?
- No.
480
00:30:01,551 --> 00:30:04,679
♪ Ben, he loved her like he loved no one ♪
481
00:30:04,763 --> 00:30:06,973
♪ The way she laughed
And held a smoking gun ♪
482
00:30:07,057 --> 00:30:09,059
-Daddy! Daddy!
483
00:30:10,310 --> 00:30:12,604
Oh, yeah. One more thing.
484
00:30:17,067 --> 00:30:18,276
♪ You wish
You were ♪
485
00:30:19,569 --> 00:30:20,779
♪ Like her ♪
486
00:30:39,339 --> 00:30:40,340
Breakup?
487
00:30:41,216 --> 00:30:43,051
Someone said I could pull it off.
488
00:30:43,134 --> 00:30:46,429
-Been there.
489
00:30:48,515 --> 00:30:50,016
♪ Joni is a punk babe
Joni is the second wave ♪
490
00:30:50,100 --> 00:30:52,310
♪ Joni is a black jean jacket ♪
491
00:30:52,394 --> 00:30:54,688
♪ Joni's in the first band
Joni has a cool hand ♪
492
00:30:54,771 --> 00:30:56,940
♪ Joni knows the problem is systematic ♪
493
00:30:57,023 --> 00:30:59,526
♪ Joni cut the tour line
Joni doesn't have time ♪
494
00:30:59,609 --> 00:31:01,528
♪ Joni likes to dart on stage ♪
495
00:31:01,611 --> 00:31:04,197
♪ Joni's on a juice cleanse
Joni doesn't need friends ♪
496
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,032
♪ 'Cause Joni's
Got the whole room trained ♪
497
00:31:07,242 --> 00:31:10,412
♪ You wish
You were ♪
498
00:31:11,621 --> 00:31:13,623
♪ Like her ♪
499
00:31:13,707 --> 00:31:16,793
♪ I bet she never cared about you ♪
500
00:31:19,295 --> 00:31:20,964
♪ You wish ♪
501
00:31:21,631 --> 00:31:23,133
♪ You were ♪
502
00:31:24,217 --> 00:31:26,177
♪ Like her ♪37858
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