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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:17,392 ♪ Girl, I'm 'bout to have a panic attack ♪ 2 00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:20,395 ♪ I did the work, it didn't work, ah, ah ♪ 3 00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:23,356 ♪ That truth, it hurts, goddam, it hurts Ah, ah ♪ 4 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,859 ♪ That lovey-dovey shit Was not a fan of it ♪ 5 00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:29,529 ♪ I'm good with my friends I don't want a man, girl ♪ 6 00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:32,866 ♪ I'm in my bed I'm way too fine to be here alone ♪ 7 00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:35,785 ♪ On other hand, I know my worth, ah, ah ♪ 8 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,120 ♪ And now he callin' me ♪ 9 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,663 ♪ Why do I feel like this? ♪ 10 00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,999 ♪ What's happenin' to me? Oh, oh, oh ♪ 11 00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:44,127 ♪ Am I ready? Girl, there ain't a doubt ♪ 12 00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:47,380 ♪ Am I ready? What you talkin' 'bout? ♪ 13 00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:50,425 ♪ Am I ready? You gon' figure it out ♪ 14 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:53,762 ♪ To be loved, to be loved ♪ 15 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:56,556 ♪ Am I ready? You deserve it now ♪ 16 00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,767 ♪ 'Cause I want it That's what I'm talkin' about ♪ 17 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,060 Ooh! 18 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,686 ♪ Am I ready? You gon' figure it out ♪ 19 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,188 Morning. 20 00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:06,107 ♪ To be loved, to be loved ♪ 21 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:07,650 ♪ How am I supposed to Love somebody else? ♪ 22 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,696 ♪ When I don't like myself, like, ooh ♪ 23 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,406 ♪ Guess I better learn to like this, ooh ♪ 24 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,952 ♪ It might take my whole life just to Let me know ♪ 25 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:21,122 ♪ Am I ready? Girl, there ain't a doubt ♪ 26 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:24,334 ♪ Am I ready? What you talkin' 'bout? ♪ 27 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,587 ♪ Am I ready? You gon' figure it out To be loved ♪ 28 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,593 ♪ Am I ready? You deserve it now ♪ 29 00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:36,763 ♪ 'Cause I want it That's what I'm talkin' about ♪ 30 00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:38,223 ♪ Am I ready? ♪ 31 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,395 Wait, why are you happy? 32 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,647 Why shouldn't I be? Boom! 33 00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,524 -You don't remember last night? -Nah. 34 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,110 Must've gotten too drunk and blacked out. 35 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,320 You kept turning back time to try and stop me from breaking up with you. 36 00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:53,321 But she did anyway. 37 00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:58,451 Oh, that rings a bell. 38 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,870 I think we should break up. 39 00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:05,583 Oh, no. Oh, God. No, no, no. It's all coming back to me. 40 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:06,751 No, no, no. Unring the bell. 41 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,420 -Unring the bell. -Don't be sad. Uh, look. 42 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,922 Gordon gave Jen his come money for the clinic. 43 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,507 A-And Jizzlord and I are a couple. 44 00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:13,925 A couple of what? 45 00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:16,302 A couple. A couple, couple. A romantic pairing. 46 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:19,305 -What? -I know. It is adorable. 47 00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:22,017 No-- What? It's gross. What-- Isn't that illegal? 48 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,019 -You can't fuck your cat. -Hey! No. 49 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,645 He's a man that can turn into a cat. 50 00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,898 Not a cat that turns into a man. Totally different. Right? 51 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,233 Mm-hmm. 52 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:31,860 I need to lie down. 53 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,073 Where is he anyway? He went out to the shops ages ago. 54 00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:47,459 -Hello. -Hi. 55 00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,257 That man looks like Daddy. 56 00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:10,732 Rob, I-- 57 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:17,238 Rob, it's me. Nora, your wife. 58 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,658 Mmm. Yeah. 59 00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:28,208 -Maybe he's got a secret family. 60 00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:31,461 Oh, we were just talking about you. 61 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,171 I haven't got a secret family! 62 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:36,257 Stop eavesdropping on us, you big weirdo. 63 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,593 Anything interesting happen at the shops? 64 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:40,512 Nope. 65 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:41,971 Huh. 66 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:54,734 11,970. 11,990. 67 00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:58,113 If your power is category five, 68 00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:01,282 please remember to sign in and out of security. 69 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,409 Oh. 70 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,923 Welcome to the Power Discovery programme. 71 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,678 -Yes, yay. - Okay. Wh-What now? 72 00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:22,804 Is there a machine? 73 00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:25,348 No. You're going to be having weekly 74 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,434 one-on-one sessions with a qualified coach. 75 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,520 Oh. So, who's my coach? 76 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:35,108 Uh, George. Oh, that's him over there, actually. 77 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,864 He's a bit of a DILF, right? 78 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:43,616 -Carrie! -What? He is. 79 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,494 You've been single for two minutes and you're already perving on local DILFs. 80 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:48,496 He's giving sexy professor. 81 00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:49,581 He's 85. 82 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,417 -I'd still ride him, though, yeah. 83 00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:54,794 -He's coming over. -What? 84 00:04:55,628 --> 00:05:00,550 Denise. Do you have discharge forms for Mr Lowry? 85 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,428 One minute. You have a new client. 86 00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,472 Oh. 87 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,015 Hello. 88 00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:10,101 Uh, me, Jen. Me Jen. My name's Jen. Sorry. 89 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:13,355 -No power. Twenty five. A lot of work. 90 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:16,566 -So, when do we start? -Well, um, how's right now? 91 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:17,734 Now, now? 92 00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,446 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay. 93 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:23,698 -After you. 94 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:25,700 Thanks, Dad. 95 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:30,705 ♪ Yeah, I'm confident More than competent ♪ 96 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,791 ♪ Think I'll probably Put my name on a monument ♪ 97 00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:41,383 -I see you've met Denise. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's great. 98 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:44,636 Hmm, really? I think she's a sour-faced dickhead. 99 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,846 Oh, my God, isn't she? Sulphureous bitch. 100 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,642 So. Do you know what I'm here to do? 101 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:51,768 Fix me? 102 00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,269 Not quite, no. 103 00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:56,314 Some people think powers are a physical thing. 104 00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:59,067 A chemical or some bullshit. I don't. 105 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,069 I think they come from up here, 106 00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:03,363 and it's likely there is some psychological blockage 107 00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:05,740 we have to overcome before you can get your power. 108 00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:11,579 Because it is in there. And it's my job to take you inside your mind and find it. 109 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,290 So, is that like talk therapy or-- 110 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,793 Oh, no. I mean literally. May I? 111 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:26,803 Mmm. 112 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,598 Welcome to your mind. 113 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:35,145 Or at least the physical space your subconscious has rendered your mind into. 114 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,691 -This is my mind? - Mm-hmm. 115 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:49,868 It's a shithole. 116 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:53,496 And somewhere in this shithole is the thing that's blocking your power. 117 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:54,622 And the books are-- 118 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:58,001 I'd imagine they're everything you've ever felt, thought or done. 119 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:02,964 Found something useful? 120 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:59,437 ♪ You have to stand up for yourself ♪ 121 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,030 Subtle. 122 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,287 Where do you even begin? 123 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:19,582 Well, let's take it slow. Give yourself a few days to prepare. 124 00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:23,545 Reassess your environment, your habits. Make space for the journey. 125 00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,840 -That sounded really wanky, didn't it? -Yeah, but I know what you mean. 126 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,802 This is a fresh start. Everything's gonna change. 127 00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,138 I'm going to change. 128 00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,564 Let's set realistic expectations. 129 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,066 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Totally. 130 00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:02,292 -What are you doing? -Clean slate. 131 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:05,253 Anything that might hold me back from the new Jen is going into the void. 132 00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:08,089 The pit of unwanted things. The Mystery Hole. 133 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,508 What? That thing people fly-tip into in Walthamstow? 134 00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:11,718 Yeah. 135 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,220 We're doing it too, Kash. Out with the old. 136 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,639 We could sit around moping about breaking up, 137 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:21,394 or we see this as an opportunity to reinvent ourselves. A fresh start. 138 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:24,314 No, no, no. You can't throw that out. No. 139 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:25,899 Kash, come on. 140 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,526 What-- And this? 141 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:29,944 What even is it? 142 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,281 And-And these. Come on. What's wrong with these? 143 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:35,992 -Kash. -What? They're still good. 144 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,706 See? They still go on. 145 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,001 You can't just change everything overnight. 146 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,169 Course you can! 147 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,880 It's not possible to escape your past. 148 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:52,967 It clings to you like dust settling into the once clean carpet of your future. 149 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,805 And the Hoover of change has poor suction. 150 00:09:57,472 --> 00:10:00,016 Jizz? Scratchin' the sofa. 151 00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:02,185 Oh. 152 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,356 Jizz? Jizzlord? 153 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,608 They don't even cover your bumhole! 154 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,947 -Even better. -How is that better? 155 00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:21,746 -You okay? -Me? Yeah. Okay as a clam. 156 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:25,458 You haven't been eating. 157 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,294 You're hiding away in small spaces, excessively grooming. 158 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:29,546 You're obviously stressed. 159 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,298 And I think I know why. 160 00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:36,302 Uh, I don't know how to do this either. The whole relationship thing. 161 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:40,056 -So, let's just start by going on a date. 162 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,476 Like a proper date. A first date, technically. Just you and me. 163 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,396 Yeah, because there isn't another person involved. 164 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,523 Um, true. 165 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:50,817 So, I'll book a restaurant. 166 00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:53,987 Just-- Just let me show you! 167 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:55,071 Here? 168 00:10:56,364 --> 00:11:00,160 Trousers down, squat, wipe, trousers up. 169 00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:02,787 No fuss. Maximum efficiency. 170 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:05,373 The life of these pants is only just beginning. 171 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:10,170 - They are a health hazard! -It's good bacteria. 172 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,423 ♪ Hello, world, let me tell you who I am ♪ 173 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,924 ♪ Hello, world I don't think you understand ♪ 174 00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:19,387 - Oh, I love a breakup makeover. 175 00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,473 When Danny Fruss dumped me right before Italia 90, 176 00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,892 I went out and got the whole works. 177 00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:27,020 Perm, boobs, adult braces. 178 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:30,940 I thought, when this man sees me again, he won't know what hit him. 179 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,108 What happened? What'd he do? 180 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:35,111 He drowned. Scuba diving accident in Turkey. 181 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,322 Very, very sad. 182 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:42,869 I want a completely different look. Something totally new. 183 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,120 But what is that specifically? 184 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:48,333 I don't know. I have no idea who I am or what I want. 185 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,586 -Please tell me who I am and what I want. -Carrie, no. 186 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:54,714 The point of a breakup makeover is to relearn how to be a new person. 187 00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:58,093 - I could use a little guidance. 188 00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:02,347 Do we know anyone who has absolutely smashed a breakup? 189 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,100 Mm-hmm. 190 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:08,645 Yes, well he sounds like an absolute little shit, darling. 191 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,147 Uh, no, Diana. He's not that bad. He just needs to grow up a bit. 192 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,065 Mm-hmm. 193 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,109 I closed the shop for a week when you died. 194 00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:15,985 Woolworths was open the whole time. 195 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,322 Oh! Can you sign me plates? Wait here. 196 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,492 So, uh, what do you think I should do, Your Highness of a-- 197 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:26,204 Miss, Miss, Mrs, Miss, Mrs, Miss Princess. 198 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,372 Mmm. 199 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,334 Let's go total tart. 200 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:36,297 -And I should get a fringe. -Oh, my God. No. 201 00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:39,009 Absolutely do not do that. 202 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,428 ♪ I got a whole lot of confidence ♪ 203 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,513 ♪ Don't be mad at my competence ♪ 204 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,473 ♪ 'Cause you shower me in compliments ♪ 205 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,023 Kash, can I ask you for some advice? 206 00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:58,611 I've been expecting this. You want to know how to have a girlfriend. 207 00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,613 Why would I ask you? You don't have a girlfriend. 208 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:08,705 I'd usually go on my smoke break now, but I don't even miss it. 209 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,373 -I actually feel really energised. -Mmm. 210 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,459 Oh, yes, straight in with the leather. 211 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,252 Self-improvement is a piece of piss. 212 00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:18,673 Oh, hi. 213 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:20,508 Sorry. 214 00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,928 I'm looking for someone. 215 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:26,306 Uh, I was wondering if you could put this poster up in your window. 216 00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:29,684 -Yeah. Who are you looking for? -My husband. 217 00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:32,062 Well, if I can help in any way, I will. 218 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,939 You don't have the context, but basically, I'm good now. 219 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,200 Robert Clutton? 220 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,035 Do you know him? 221 00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:54,918 No. 222 00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:01,925 Well. Thank you anyway. 223 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,390 I can't breathe, Your Highness. 224 00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,558 That's how you know it's working, darling. 225 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,061 What do you think? 226 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,942 I ain't got a Sharpie, but I found a very wet biro. 227 00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:29,911 I did have a girlfriend though. 228 00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:34,749 I've had three girlfriends, if you count pen pals. So, I'm kind of an expert. 229 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:39,879 Oh, great. That's exactly what I need. Because, um, basically, um… 230 00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,172 Jizzlord has a wife. 231 00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:42,590 And a son? 232 00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,175 And she came in here, she's looking for him. 233 00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:46,845 And I bumped into them yesterday, and they remember me. 234 00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,513 But I didn't tell her that I know him. 235 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:49,806 And I haven't told Jen. 236 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,810 It's okay. It's okay. We can figure this out. 237 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,645 -Oh, my God, you're fucked. 238 00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:57,522 You're absolutely fucked. 239 00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:00,442 This kicks up so many emotional and moral questions, like-- 240 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,069 -Is she hot? -She did seem quite symmetrical. 241 00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:05,947 Pretty. Like toothbrush ad pretty. 242 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,408 What are you gonna do? 243 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,577 I thought you'd tell me. You said you were the expert! 244 00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:11,703 I don't know! 245 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,246 You have to tell him. 246 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:16,124 Uh, but what if I just, like, don't? 247 00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:20,587 As somebody who knows who he actually is, you can't keep that from him. 248 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:25,008 -What if he likes her more than me? -It's your new chapter, remember? 249 00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:28,053 You really want to start it lying to someone you care about? 250 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:32,307 I keep meaning to tell her, 251 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:35,435 but every time I start thinking about it, 252 00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:38,980 and then I can't stop thinking even though I tell my brain not to. 253 00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:42,734 Hey! Don't let your brain push you around like that. 254 00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:43,818 Look, I used to be anxious. 255 00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:46,571 And now, when I think about having a thought, I just don't. 256 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:49,324 The next time you see Jen, you're going to look her in the eye, 257 00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:50,617 and you're going to tell her. 258 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,160 -But-But what if-- -Ah, ah. 259 00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,205 That sounds a lot like thinking. 260 00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,632 Oh. 261 00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:09,511 -Happy date. -Happy date. 262 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,180 So, where's the restaurant? 263 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,182 Should be here. 264 00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:18,812 Hmm. 265 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,733 You look for Little Italy? 266 00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:24,818 Yeah. 267 00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:26,111 It's there. 268 00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:31,950 Whoa. 269 00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:38,331 -How do we get in? 270 00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:41,084 -I boop. -Huh? 271 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:43,837 Ooh. 272 00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:48,341 -He needs booping too. Por favor! 273 00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:55,223 Thank you! 274 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,703 What are you wearing? 275 00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:20,957 Oh, it's my new edgy look. I'm edgy now. 276 00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:25,253 If there's an edge out there, I'm on it. Not over it, but right up there. 277 00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:27,422 Well, you looked fine before. 278 00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:29,758 Why can't people just stop messing with things? 279 00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:33,428 Look, I know you're feeling uncertain about the future. 280 00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:38,224 So, I have drawn up a super-casual list of stuff we should do 281 00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:40,769 and shouldn't do post-breakup or, you know, whenever. 282 00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:44,397 -A contract? -Not a contract. 283 00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:50,236 A vibe check. A formal, legally binding vibe check. 284 00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:53,740 So, we're in agreement that the social media announcement 285 00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:56,868 shall take place on the 28th in the form of a story. 286 00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:59,162 No use of emojis. Just plain text. 287 00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,999 Sidebar. What about one broken heart? 288 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,542 - What colour? -Black. 289 00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,795 That is classy. I will allow it. 290 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,047 Mm-hmm. 291 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,091 ♪ Things just really aren't that bad ♪ 292 00:18:11,174 --> 00:18:13,259 ♪ I just stay in my room too long ♪ 293 00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:16,096 ♪ But I finally got a girlfriend And she's the bomb ♪ 294 00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:18,765 ♪ Hi, hello ♪ 295 00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:26,314 Right, there's something I have to tell you, 296 00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:28,358 and I'm just going to come right out with it. 297 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,609 I've stalled long enough. 298 00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:31,861 So, yesterday, I'm in the shop… 299 00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:43,456 which is a building with four walls and, of course as we know, a roof. 300 00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:47,293 Eh, it-it was a grey day. Maybe 12, 13 degrees Celsius. 301 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,045 And as I approached a customer, 302 00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:52,549 putting one foot in front of the other as is the fashion, 303 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,760 left, then right, then left and, uh, 304 00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:58,013 as you might imagine, followed by right again. 305 00:18:58,096 --> 00:18:59,681 Jen, I know who I am. 306 00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:10,150 I'm, uh, your boyfriend. 307 00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:14,237 -And that's all I want to be. 308 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:18,491 Oh, hey, look. That's how couples eat. 309 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:20,201 We should, um-- 310 00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:22,537 Let's-- Yeah. 311 00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:31,796 Uh-uh. 312 00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:34,924 Oh, now this is egregious. 313 00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:38,720 Both parties may enter into a sexual act with another partner or partners 314 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:41,139 no sooner than six weeks post-separation. 315 00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:44,976 Sexual acts include but are not limited to fellatio, cunnilingus, penetration, 316 00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:48,271 handjobs, fisting, 69ing, nipple stimulation, 317 00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:50,774 touching with the intent of stimulation 318 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:53,735 and open-mouthed kissing lasting more than 30 seconds. 319 00:19:54,778 --> 00:19:56,029 Okay, okay. 320 00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:59,616 Sexual interaction will be permitted four weeks post-separation. 321 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,077 -Which is a good faith concession. -With the exception of hand stuff. 322 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,120 -Over the jeans. -No, it's got to be under. 323 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:05,663 Not to completion. 324 00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,749 I can work with that. 325 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,084 Mmm. 326 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:11,544 Mmm. Hmm. 327 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,300 'Kay. Clause two. Moving out. 328 00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:20,261 I've suggested a very generous eight-week search time, 329 00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:23,014 because flat hunting in London is horrendous and, 330 00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:24,307 you're very bad with numbers. 331 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:27,560 Wait, you want me to move out? Why am I the one moving out? 332 00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,729 Well, I mean-- Well-- 333 00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:32,107 -It's 'cause I have the penis, isn't it? -No, no. 334 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,776 Well, I mean-- Yeah, but-- 335 00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:37,654 No, but you broke up with me. I'm the victim here. 336 00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:42,325 It's not just moving out. It's moving on. 337 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,203 -You're clinging to the past. -No, I'm not. 338 00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:49,332 Really? Then throw away just one thing. 339 00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:51,334 -Just the pants. - No. 340 00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:55,714 No, I forbid you to throw anything out. And I'm not signing. 341 00:21:06,558 --> 00:21:07,976 Jesus, I'm starving. 342 00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:09,936 Have the leftovers. 343 00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:15,442 It's a lovely spaghetto. 344 00:21:17,027 --> 00:21:18,028 One sec. 345 00:21:22,157 --> 00:21:23,867 Hello. 346 00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,453 Hey. Ooh, some of these. Yes. 347 00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:28,621 What else have we got? 348 00:21:38,256 --> 00:21:40,216 Fabulous. Thank you. 349 00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:46,056 Ready? 350 00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:47,974 Mm-hmm. Oh. 351 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,585 ♪ No in-between ♪ 352 00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:18,338 ♪ They want me to look pretty And they want me to look clean ♪ 353 00:22:18,421 --> 00:22:21,341 ♪ Big no, big yes No in-between ♪ 354 00:22:21,424 --> 00:22:23,176 ♪ They want me to be happy ♪ 355 00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:39,651 Where are they? Where's my pants? 356 00:22:39,734 --> 00:22:42,320 Oh, uh, Carrie put them in one of her big bags and left. 357 00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:43,738 She's taking my stuff to the void. 358 00:22:43,822 --> 00:22:47,784 She's gonna throw it all into the void, and then it'll be gone forever. 359 00:22:49,911 --> 00:22:54,332 ♪ Don't change just for the trend It's too quick to end ♪ 360 00:22:54,416 --> 00:22:58,712 ♪ Keep on tryin' to grow In your mind there are seeds you can sow ♪ 361 00:22:58,795 --> 00:23:01,297 ♪ Don’t wait for the world to end ♪ 362 00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:03,258 ♪ Before you give a hand ♪ 363 00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:07,721 ♪ Keep on tryin' to grow In your mind there are seeds you can sow ♪ 364 00:23:07,804 --> 00:23:11,725 ♪ Don’t change just for the trend It’s too quick to end ♪ 365 00:23:13,101 --> 00:23:14,102 What's going in? 366 00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:15,603 The old Carrie. 367 00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:18,565 You can't throw bodies in. That's, like, rule number one. 368 00:23:18,648 --> 00:23:20,859 No, no. It's metaphorical. 369 00:23:20,942 --> 00:23:22,861 -See, me and my boyfriend-- -I don't care. Oi. 370 00:23:22,944 --> 00:23:24,195 Five quid. 371 00:23:25,572 --> 00:23:29,284 I really think I'd suit it. There's a fringe for every face shape. 372 00:23:29,367 --> 00:23:31,911 ♪ L-O-V-E I-T, I love it ♪ 373 00:23:31,995 --> 00:23:34,622 ♪ I'm a boss with a card out So run it ♪ 374 00:23:36,207 --> 00:23:37,542 ♪ Right now ♪ 375 00:23:39,169 --> 00:23:41,463 I love it ♪ 376 00:23:41,546 --> 00:23:43,757 ♪ Cut the price tag off now and bag it ♪ 377 00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:46,384 ♪ Right now ♪ 378 00:23:46,468 --> 00:23:49,137 -Ah! 379 00:23:49,846 --> 00:23:51,222 Ah, that felt good. 380 00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:53,308 Yeah, this is healthy! I think. 381 00:23:55,101 --> 00:23:57,103 Bye-bye, girlfriend Carrie! 382 00:23:58,521 --> 00:24:01,566 - Oh, I feel so free! 383 00:24:02,692 --> 00:24:04,444 ♪ How we gonna have fun? How we gonna have fun? ♪ 384 00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:11,326 ♪ How we gonna have fun? How we gonna have fun? ♪ 385 00:24:11,910 --> 00:24:14,204 -Jen, I'm gonna do it. -Carrie, no. 386 00:24:14,287 --> 00:24:15,830 -I'm gonna do it. -Don't do it! 387 00:24:15,914 --> 00:24:17,207 It's happening. 388 00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:18,541 -Aw. 389 00:24:20,543 --> 00:24:21,836 Oh, my God. 390 00:24:25,674 --> 00:24:27,967 How does it look? 391 00:24:32,222 --> 00:24:33,973 Is that-- 392 00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:36,101 I-I'm just going to go check something over there. 393 00:25:02,460 --> 00:25:04,254 You need to go. 394 00:25:05,130 --> 00:25:06,506 My sexy little carafe. 395 00:25:06,589 --> 00:25:07,507 Aw. 396 00:25:10,635 --> 00:25:14,681 -I'm so proud of you! 397 00:25:17,934 --> 00:25:18,977 Hey! 398 00:25:20,395 --> 00:25:21,521 Those are my pants! 399 00:25:21,604 --> 00:25:22,480 Kash. 400 00:25:22,564 --> 00:25:24,733 Now, under UK law, they are my property, 401 00:25:24,816 --> 00:25:26,609 and I will not hesitate to sue for damages. 402 00:25:26,693 --> 00:25:29,654 -Kash. -They have immense sentimental value and-- 403 00:25:30,655 --> 00:25:31,656 I know. 404 00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:33,700 I thought I could just move forward, but… 405 00:25:36,453 --> 00:25:37,495 …this is really sad. 406 00:25:38,621 --> 00:25:39,748 Well, yeah, we broke up. 407 00:25:39,831 --> 00:25:42,042 Yeah, but I did the breaking off. 408 00:25:42,125 --> 00:25:45,920 I'm supposed to feel new and free like a… 409 00:25:46,004 --> 00:25:48,673 …like a sexy spring lamb. 410 00:25:48,757 --> 00:25:50,508 Well, it's sad when things end. 411 00:25:50,592 --> 00:25:53,636 Even if your boyfriend was terrible and dumb 412 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,556 and held you time captive to stop you from breaking up with him. 413 00:25:56,639 --> 00:25:58,808 God, it gets worse every time I try and describe it. 414 00:26:00,769 --> 00:26:04,147 ♪ It's makin' my head decay, head decay ♪ 415 00:26:04,856 --> 00:26:06,399 ♪ When I walk by, they screamin' ♪ 416 00:26:06,483 --> 00:26:10,862 ♪ Isn't anybody home in there Home in there, I know ♪ 417 00:26:12,030 --> 00:26:15,075 ♪ When they wind me up I can make it through hell and back ♪ 418 00:26:15,158 --> 00:26:16,451 ♪ Hell and back ♪ 419 00:26:16,534 --> 00:26:18,912 ♪ Me in my horror ♪ 420 00:26:19,496 --> 00:26:21,831 ♪ A day in my horror ♪ 421 00:26:23,458 --> 00:26:24,626 -Do you-- -How do-- 422 00:26:24,709 --> 00:26:25,710 So, we both… 423 00:26:38,348 --> 00:26:39,557 I don't know why we're laughing. 424 00:26:40,225 --> 00:26:41,851 Oh, we're going to be okay. 425 00:26:41,935 --> 00:26:44,729 I lied to you. You lied to me. Isn't lying bad? 426 00:26:44,813 --> 00:26:47,732 Yes. Except when we do it for a good reason. 427 00:26:47,816 --> 00:26:48,817 Right! 428 00:26:49,401 --> 00:26:51,069 No. Hmm. 429 00:26:56,908 --> 00:26:59,285 I don't really care about the pants. It's just-- 430 00:27:00,078 --> 00:27:02,622 Well, it's just, at first, it's me throwing away a pair of pants, 431 00:27:02,706 --> 00:27:05,500 but then it's me moving out, and then I stop getting invited to things, 432 00:27:05,583 --> 00:27:07,210 and then you all forget about me. 433 00:27:10,922 --> 00:27:13,425 You don't have to move. We can figure something out. 434 00:27:21,391 --> 00:27:22,392 Are you sure? 435 00:27:23,393 --> 00:27:24,477 We can't live in the past. 436 00:27:55,258 --> 00:27:56,384 But why didn't you tell me? 437 00:27:56,468 --> 00:28:00,138 I'm afraid of you. 438 00:28:01,348 --> 00:28:02,640 Okay, but more than that. 439 00:28:02,724 --> 00:28:06,811 And, uh, I'm scared it might ruin this. 440 00:28:07,771 --> 00:28:10,565 And that's why you didn't tell me. 441 00:28:10,648 --> 00:28:13,985 Which is a good thing because-- 442 00:28:14,069 --> 00:28:16,363 We actually care enough to lie to each other. 443 00:28:16,446 --> 00:28:19,366 Do you know how much effort that is to go to for a relationship? 444 00:28:19,449 --> 00:28:21,868 Normally I don't even travel outside of Zone 2. 445 00:28:21,951 --> 00:28:25,038 - So really, this is a good thing. 446 00:28:25,121 --> 00:28:27,165 No. No, no, no, no, no. 447 00:28:27,248 --> 00:28:29,084 This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. 448 00:28:29,167 --> 00:28:32,295 I hate it. I hate it so much. Actually-- 449 00:28:33,713 --> 00:28:36,257 Think I'm gonna be sick. 450 00:28:36,925 --> 00:28:37,926 They're coming. 451 00:28:41,513 --> 00:28:43,139 It's okay. We both know. 452 00:28:43,223 --> 00:28:44,224 Jen threw up. 453 00:28:44,307 --> 00:28:45,809 -Hey, don't tell them that. 454 00:28:47,519 --> 00:28:49,854 Why do I hate looking at you now? 455 00:28:50,563 --> 00:28:52,232 My hair! 456 00:28:52,315 --> 00:28:54,317 I-I forgot. Is it bad? 457 00:28:54,401 --> 00:28:56,194 I'm definitely not your boyfriend anymore, right? 458 00:28:56,277 --> 00:28:57,904 Oh, my God, it's bad. 459 00:28:57,987 --> 00:29:00,740 It's really bad, Carrie. It's disgusting. 460 00:29:00,824 --> 00:29:02,784 Honestly? The worst thing I've ever seen. 461 00:29:04,911 --> 00:29:07,914 Uh, turn back time. Fix it. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it. 462 00:29:07,997 --> 00:29:09,582 Right, okay. It's been awhile. 463 00:29:09,666 --> 00:29:12,544 Try to push for a new PB. 464 00:29:12,627 --> 00:29:16,089 Five minutes. 465 00:29:20,218 --> 00:29:22,554 Maybe if I cut it more to even it out. 466 00:29:23,638 --> 00:29:26,433 Do you think she's pretty? I swear, I really don't care. I promise. 467 00:29:26,516 --> 00:29:28,935 - Yeah, she is. 468 00:29:29,019 --> 00:29:31,896 Why don't you just go and marry her again then if I'm so repulsive to you? 469 00:29:31,980 --> 00:29:32,981 You're pretty too. 470 00:29:33,064 --> 00:29:35,608 Okay, so now I'll just cut more on this side to even it up. 471 00:29:35,692 --> 00:29:36,985 Oh, you should write poetry. 472 00:29:37,068 --> 00:29:38,069 Well, that's new. 473 00:29:38,153 --> 00:29:41,406 Okay and now this side's shorter. That's okay. I'll just cut it even more. 474 00:29:46,494 --> 00:29:47,871 I think I can make it work. 475 00:29:47,954 --> 00:29:49,914 Okay, give me the scissors. 476 00:29:49,998 --> 00:29:52,751 ♪ Chilled in the kitchen of a city tomb ♪ 477 00:29:52,834 --> 00:29:54,627 ♪ The light would flicker Like a violent womb ♪ 478 00:29:54,711 --> 00:29:57,922 Just to check. There's no other massively important things you want to tell me 479 00:29:58,006 --> 00:30:01,468 -before I meet your secret wife? - No. 480 00:30:01,551 --> 00:30:04,679 ♪ Ben, he loved her like he loved no one ♪ 481 00:30:04,763 --> 00:30:06,973 ♪ The way she laughed And held a smoking gun ♪ 482 00:30:07,057 --> 00:30:09,059 -Daddy! Daddy! 483 00:30:10,310 --> 00:30:12,604 Oh, yeah. One more thing. 484 00:30:17,067 --> 00:30:18,276 ♪ You wish You were ♪ 485 00:30:19,569 --> 00:30:20,779 ♪ Like her ♪ 486 00:30:39,339 --> 00:30:40,340 Breakup? 487 00:30:41,216 --> 00:30:43,051 Someone said I could pull it off. 488 00:30:43,134 --> 00:30:46,429 -Been there. 489 00:30:48,515 --> 00:30:50,016 ♪ Joni is a punk babe Joni is the second wave ♪ 490 00:30:50,100 --> 00:30:52,310 ♪ Joni is a black jean jacket ♪ 491 00:30:52,394 --> 00:30:54,688 ♪ Joni's in the first band Joni has a cool hand ♪ 492 00:30:54,771 --> 00:30:56,940 ♪ Joni knows the problem is systematic ♪ 493 00:30:57,023 --> 00:30:59,526 ♪ Joni cut the tour line Joni doesn't have time ♪ 494 00:30:59,609 --> 00:31:01,528 ♪ Joni likes to dart on stage ♪ 495 00:31:01,611 --> 00:31:04,197 ♪ Joni's on a juice cleanse Joni doesn't need friends ♪ 496 00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,032 ♪ 'Cause Joni's Got the whole room trained ♪ 497 00:31:07,242 --> 00:31:10,412 ♪ You wish You were ♪ 498 00:31:11,621 --> 00:31:13,623 ♪ Like her ♪ 499 00:31:13,707 --> 00:31:16,793 ♪ I bet she never cared about you ♪ 500 00:31:19,295 --> 00:31:20,964 ♪ You wish ♪ 501 00:31:21,631 --> 00:31:23,133 ♪ You were ♪ 502 00:31:24,217 --> 00:31:26,177 ♪ Like her ♪37858

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