All language subtitles for Stranger.In.My.Own.Skin.2023.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

The following programme contains
strong language

Downloaded from
YTS.MX

and strong scenes of drug use from
the outset.

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

Their Way

Yeah. OK, well,
the thing about this is...

'How to talk about memories.

Very unreliable.

What did actually happen?

Flashes mostly. Joy, catastrophe.

How to describe a life
when it never stops slipping

like sand between your fingers.

How to look at yourself in the mirror
when you step across

the threshold of reflection,
all the while.'

OK, Pete, if you can now tilt
your head onto an angle.

Imagine you're hanging on a cross
and your head is slightly

on one side.

'There are some concrete memories.

Places. Coventry in 1994.

Most kids were fiddling with
the dog-eared ends of the century.

No, they weren't.

They were going to
the Eagles disco in Bedworth.

I had to stay in behind
the barbed wire at the army camp

of whatever military barracks
we lived in.'

Pull your head out backwards.
Mind your hair a bit.

It's a bit bright, mate.
OK, go.

Fantastic. Beautiful.

Excellent.

'I was the new kid.

Always, always moving. Always.

I was never a boffin.

I was clever.

It was a dreamer. I was a clown.

I was reading everything,
whatever I could get my hands on.'

You know I knew you there

And to see you know
and help me on...

'Now these are my notes.

Writing scraps of music,

songs, poems,
that which can't be captured

in a neat, arranged story because
there is no neat, arranged story.

I fall through these scraps.

It doesn't matter how far you fall,
it's how hard you land,

and where, and I landed in a...

well, I landed on a stage.'

Oh, brother

Where art thou?

Have you got any brothers
and sisters?

'We lived on a barracks.

There's marching and tanks,

assault courses,
barbed wire on fences

and check posts and
armed soldiers everywhere.

Everyone that wasn't...

a spouse or child of someone
in the army was in uniform.

And to go to school
you had to leave the barracks.

Or in Northern Ireland,
looking under the cars for bombs

before you drove away or, you know,

never, ever telling anyone
your dad was in the army.

He was a sergeant major
and regimental sergeant major.

He was the man that they used
to keep people in order.'

'Him and my mum, who was
a military nurse when they met,

and married within a week,
they had this vision as well

of quite a strict family code

and polishing your shoes
and no answering back.

Yeah, everything was revolved

around the discipline
of the military life.

So that was...
that was just normality.

And I think, to 12, 13,

it was just central
to your identity and your life.

And then as I got 14,

15, 16, 17,

it became an obstacle to the identity

that was naturally being forged
as I grew up.

Just this idea that, you know,
you couldn't do anything really.

You know, I just wanted
to be elsewhere.

I wanted to live in a world
where I didn't...

or just wasn't subject to this...
to barbed wire.

At that point, it was just a question
of how quickly I could get out.'

I wasn't a particularly good
guitarist,

but I knew a few chords
and I had ideas for songs

and they seemed to fit together
with, like, the half ideas he had.

So even though we didn't
particularly like each other...

It's like two one-legged men
having to...Yeah.

Two one-legged men
who are split down the middle.

Otherwise he couldn't stand up, and
after a while, he learned to walk.

We didn't really have
an idea of sound or...

even a band, really.
We just always believed,

quite an old-fashioned way, in songs.

Complete faith is what
we lived inside.

The only thing we had, really.
We didn't have religion and...

I know we had love affairs
and whatever and drugs,

but nothing that really captured you
completely, and songs did that.

I'd always lived inside songs.
And so had he.

And then we created our own ones,
and that was that.

Our next guests are a terrific
rock and roll band from London,

and this is their American
network television debut.

The CD is entitled "Up The Bracket."

Please welcome The Libertines.

It's The Libertines.

Did you see the stylish kids

In the riot, shovelled up like...

The Libertines,
they're fan-fucking-tastic. Yes!

Finally, I think simply
the coolest band on the planet,

it is The Libertines.

There they are!

I am very excited
to have you on the show.

The thing about The Libertines
that people don't realise,

it was just so incredibly exciting
in the beginning. It was like...

It was almost like seeing
the Beatles in Hamburg.

I was never there, but I imagine

it was like seeing the Beatles in
Hamburg. And the thing about them,

Pete and Carl were
so obviously talented,

but there was so much going on
and the pressure on them

must've just been incredible.
It was just like song after song,

gig after gig.
It was like a speeding train

and it was never going to stop.
And that was what was so exciting.

From one moment,
nobody knew who they were.

Ten minutes later,
everybody wanted a bit of them.

And the winner is...

The winners are The Libertines!

Well, ladies and gentlemen,
it's been a hell of a year.

Yeah. Listen though, just give us
two seconds, right? Carl.

I knew a simple soldier boy...

Who grinned through life
in empty joy.

He slept soundly through
the lonesome dark...

And whistled early with the lark.

And in winter trenches,
cowed and glum,

with cramps and lice and lack of rum,

he put a bullet...
Through his brain

and no one spoke of him again.

You smug-faced crowds
with kindling eye,

who cheer as soldier boys march by,

sneak home and pray
you'll never know the hell...

Where youth and laughter go.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Don't Look Back Into The Sun

Don't look back into the sun

Now you know that the time is come

And they said that it would
never come for you, oh-oh-oh-oh

Oh, my friend, you haven't changed

You're looking rough
and living strange and I know

You've got a taste for it too,
oh-oh-oh-oh...

I know what you're asking.

I'm trying to avoid the question.

Let me put it this way.

I follow my nose.

Someday the whole sky
is gonna light up,

and it's gonna say, "Tilt."

And that's gonna be
the end of the world.

How Does It Feel To Feel

How does it feel
when the day is over?

How does it feel
when the dark comes down?

How does it feel
when your room is black as sin?

How does it feel
when you're scared by the dark?

How does it feel to feel?

How does it feel...

That's what we're to believe

That's what we're to be...

Obviously things changed once...

once Pete broke into Carl's flat

and there was the prison episode

and the beginning of the second
album. It was just...

I don't know, I think maybe
the pressure got to them too much

and I know Carl found it really
hard. I'm sure Pete found it

really hard as well.
It was just something...

It was a really tough time
for everyone involved.

Heaven knows how it happened.

What's happened in the last year?

More jails, institutions and death.

Um... true love,

and then true disaster.

Punched up the hooter, um...

down the hatch, up the bracket
and all along the watchtower.

Were you sometimes
afraid or worried

about the dark sides of Peter?

It got worse.

'First time I realised I had a habit,

a heroin dependency,

was when The Libertines
went to Japan,

which would've been quite soon
after we got signed, I think.

And it was on the aeroplane.
I started withdrawing and I...

I reali... I mean,
I knew it was coming.

I wasn't daft.
I knew that it was addictive

and I just had never...

never been without it long enough
to feel the effects of withdrawal.

And I was on the aeroplane, you know,
with this new up-and-coming band,

you know, the world at our feet.
And I realised that I was a...

..a heroin addict.

And I remember coming off the plane
and sweating and a bit sick

and I remember Carl sort of
looking at me knowingly.

And everyone else just thought
I was a bit travel sick.

I didn't even, you know,
I didn't care, to be honest.

It was what I already knew.
I just opened my guitar case

lifted the guitar
and just saw this lump of foil.

And meanwhile, all the dogs
had come straight for me,

and because of the photographers,
it was like, "Welcome to Japan.

I'm really sorry about the dogs. They
get a bit excited." I mean, yeah,

they get a bit excited
when they smell fucking heroin.

Went back to the hotel, bang.

I was smoking it.
And then I realised that...

..I was dependent on this diet.

But I remember the change
being almost instant.

Being... Felt top of the world,

felt a million dollars.

Down to the lobby. "Right,
what's going on?" Everyone was like,

"Oh, Pete, you look really well!"
I remember Carl saying to me,

"Yeah, I was a bit worried, mate,
when I saw you at the airport.

You looked really pale and sick
and you looked like death."

I thought... To be honest,
I thought you had a heroin habit.

But looking at you now, you look
better than you've ever looked."

You know? Like,
"Yeah. Don't worry about me."

A kind of disbelief, really, at first
that it would actually happen,

which then evolved into...

a disintegration really, of spirit.

So it was betrayal.
And in the same way,

he saw my drug abuse as a betrayal
of some unspoken rule

he had in his mind.
He thought I was letting him down

and that I was just
going to stop doing

what I'd just discovered
and quite enjoying.'

F**k Forever

'Babyshambles was great in a way
that I was able to

sustain my own destiny,
no matter how corrupt that was.'

The thing with those three records,

the two Libertines records
and the Babyshambles records,

they capture something
about England.

They're full of Englishness, they're
full of the Albion, shall we say.

They're incredibly
poetic records and

full of life and melody and energy.

And even though they may not
have been, I don't know,

maybe looked upon it at the time,
I think in years to come,

people are gonna really
love those records.

Albion

Down in Albion

I am black and blue

But we don't talk about that

Are you from round here?

How do you do?

I'd like to talk about that

Talk over gin in teacups

Leaves on the lawn

Violence in bus stops

And the pale thin girl
with eyes forlorn...

So you haven't slept
last night?

Not really, not in the end.
That's five days I went.

Nearly.
Wow!I know.

I was starting to talk
to the furniture.

Well, I'm not surprised, really,
after what sofa did to me.

Stole my keys and it made me think
that this French bloke had done it

and like really...
nice things that Frenchmen...

if such a thing exists.

Apologise to the French fans,
and say "Look,

I had to get off the fucking train,"
like... you know?

That's why I was so late, you know.

You've got no idea, we've been
through hell and high water.

It's four... four and a half hours
we've been on this train now.

It's an absolute joke.

I don't know if you can hear me,
but listen, I'm gonna...

I'll try and do this for you, like...

If Queen Boadicea

Is long dead and gone

..spirit in her children's
children's children

Lives on

But if you've lost your faith
in love and music

Oh, the end won't be long

I've tried so hard to keep
myself from falling

Back into my bad old ways

And it chars my heart
to always hear you calling

Calling for the good old days

Because there were
no good old days

I don't mind playing songs for people
who wanna listen to them.

I'm... You know,
I can play anywhere I like in England

and I come to a room full of people
who talk shit while I play, so...

There's no point carrying on!
You know what I mean?

Thank you, you're a gentleman.

So, to everyone who's listening,
who's into... thank you.

To everyone who's talking, I'm really
sorry to interrupt the conversation

with my silly song, alright?
So, on one hand, thank you.

On the other hand, fuck you.
Alright? OK?

Cheers.

1939 Returning

So maybe I was wrong.
You're not scared of death.

What, scared of it?
Yeah.

No, yeah, it's the one thing
I'm not scared of.

I'm scared of everything else.
That's why we didn't

get to the cash point just now.
Fucking petrified.

Why?

Why? Well...

Because we weren't dressed.
Because they wear feel...

I think I've done that a lot
in my life as well.

Got myself in situations
with people and then...

just turned instantly.
Just switch. Freak out.

So I've never been able to explain

what it... to them...
They must just think I'm...

"What the fuck's wrong with him?"
But...

actually, it's almost like a snap...

..in my head,
and all of a sudden there's...

It's just not, like, healthy.
It's like...

The only way to be just sat...

Like, what I was thinking of,
was getting back right here.

Just sat here,
exactly where we were, right?

'Memories of a love-hate
relationship with the stage.

And I'm scared but I'm exhilarated.'

'If the whole world tells you,
"You are the one,"

I defy you not to believe them,
my son.

I see you judging me.

People on the street
and in the subways

and all kinds of different
sandwich shops.

Remember that look
every time you go on stage.'

So you're petrified of life,
but still...

..it must be so violent then,
when you go on stage then.

Before. Just before.

Yeah, you know that though,
don't you?

Yeah.
It's impossible.

It's kill... It's... It's killing me.

It kills me every time. It's murder.

It's the horrids. I...

I knew it, but I knew it from...

Because even for something
like me or anybody in...

anybody...

OK, let's put in between brackets,
"normal"...

..which is not the right word
at all but you get me,

to go on stage is scary.

But to go to the ATM

and on the way,

getting petrified
is not happening to me.

Yeah.

S...Yeah, that'd be
something simple, right?

Yeah.

'It's just what I do naturally.

It's what comes to me. It's who I am.

And it's how I define myself
when I'm sat with a pencil,

or a guitar or a typewriter.

It's immediate.

I need to create
and burrow into these holes

and tunnels under the city
and in the hillside.

If I haven't slept,
then life is turgid

and dark and dangerous
and dramatic.

Instant, controversial.

When I've slept,
then life is beautiful.

You know,
melodic and peaceful and creative.

Let's just say after three
or four days without sleep,

it becomes quite a dark tunnel
that I inhabit.

But, on the whole, on the surface,

it's not a tug. No. Yeah.'

'The great thrill comes
from playing live.

But there was always an element
of walking up to the gallows, maybe.

Not, like, nerves or being worried
about anything in particular.

I think it's just some
unspecific unnameable terror.

Maybe the anxiety just
comes from the anticipation

of being so close
to that fevered state.

Like the narcotic effect, you know,

of driving music and driving energy.

Like there's some trapdoor being
pulled out from underneath you.

But more often than not,
you just, like...

you swing down to a joyous place.
you know?'

Killamangiro
I've gone,

You will know

I was the only one...

'My mum's from Anfield,
but I was never a Liverpool fan,

but, you know, all that side
of the family's from Anfield,

it was expected that I would be
because I love football,

but Dad supports QPR and
that has always been my team.

But the first games I went to
were at Anfield.

I think I was four or five
and my dad,

he got a couple of tickets
and we were sat the halfway line

but I spent the whole game
just watching the Kop.

You know, and this would have been
the mid-80s so you can imagine

what it was like.
A throbbing, writhing mass

of bodies which would occasionally
break into something

completely unified,
seemingly spontaneous, you know.

In that very small area,
25,000 people

crushed together all suddenly
burst into the same song

or the same hand gesture
or raising scarves

or anything that tribal,
that fascinated me

much more than the football.

Going to the match and singing and
screaming, shouting, jumping around,

and then when the Taylor report
kicked in

and the terraces disappeared
and they put seats in,

it killed it for me, to be honest.

It's like being asked
to go to a disco

and not being able to dance or
something. That was everything for me

was to be part of that unit,
impassioned and together.

And that's what really
attracted me to music.

Cos I thought, I'm never gonna score
a goal and see the crowd go nuts.

That was always what I wanted.'

In the eyes
of the unwell and unwise

They killed a man
for his giro today

'You know,
just to see bodies in chaos

and just a need
for chaos and frenzy

so you can fully express everything.

I love being part of it.
I love watching it.

And then the first sort of gigs
I went to,

I thought, "Fuck, yeah,
it could still happen," you know?'

'Early Stone Roses gigs were like...

a thing of religious experiences
to that generation.

Same with The Smiths.
They were a religious experience.

But I felt that.
I felt an affinity to that,

but it was like I'd come
after Jesus had died, you know?

The Beatles did a lot
of seated theatres

to screaming teenage girls.
It was a different vibe, you know?

Like, when the lyrics
or the poetry of punk

combined with
that rock and roll energy,

it created a new crowd,
which was more... a mosh pit.

Like, exactly the same as football,
the terrace, you know.

Tapped into something ancient,
built into our DNA.

And I thought, "Fuck."
You know, "It can still...

It can still happen. People
still do believe, if you like."

You know?

So we put extra hours
into building a church.'

Does Magna Carta
mean nothing to you?

Did she die in vain?

Now, sit that chicken wing down!

I act in my own stuff.

Tuna sandwich.
Wait a second. You're a good guy!

I don't remember having that done.
I was so drunk.

They shouldn't have done it cos,
like, apparently I could hardly walk

and, um...

I was with two of my friends
and they had tattoos as well,

but I don't remember having it done.

I woke up and I was like,
"Oh, my God."

Delivery
By, oh by

The way of an explanation

Cast adrift of the shores
of shorty's nation

I had a lick...
Nah, he's a good guy.

But again, he has his moments,

you know, when he's been
awake for too long or...

can be a bit silly.
But we all can, you know.

But mainly, most of the time,
he's too nice.

He's nicer than most people,
that's for sure.

He is a very loyal person.

You don't need the television.

Well, we can edit that and
have me doing a flying kick,

knocking him out.

'Hard drugs entered my life,

and slowly, slowly,

very quickly took control.

I think I'd already had
this air of mystery and fantasy

about laudanum, opium, and cocaine.

The Kubla Khan, Chatterton,
Hunter Thompson.

So this horrible little wrap
that I had

of skanky, cheap,
street-quality heroin

in my mind became

the sacred key to another dimension.

I was working in a bar at that time

in Amwell Village in London
called Filthy MacNasty's

and I remember I had it
in my pocket all night.

And I remember closing up
at the end of my shift

and, like, locking the bar,
I lived in a little room upstairs

and then smoking this heroin
and deliberately lying down,

expecting these incredible dreams,

floods and dragons.

It wasn't a very scientific study.

I had no understanding,
really, of heroin.

Yeah, that came later.
A couple of years later.

See, the moves I had in my fantasies,

like when I was young,
kicking a ball against the wall

and dribbling through
the lampposts and trees,

somehow it never quite made the leap
into reality, you know?

Like, the overhead kick
that I perfected on my bed,

it never really worked out
on the football pitch,

you know, for the school team.

This kind of formulaic discrepancy
between fantasy and reality...

..it plagued my creative freehold

ever since, ever after.

Indeed, it plays havoc
with whatever area of my life

knows the rules to havoc
and wants to play havoc.

Fancy a game of havoc?'

Tomorrow, I go to court.

I'll get a very stern look
off the magistrate

and then she will review
the situation and she'll say,

"Look, last year, last July,
or whenever it was,

you came here, you were
very lucky not to go to jail,

we give you an 18-month
probation order.

It's quite clear that
you have not respected,

you know, this opportunity.

Cos you haven't tested clean...
that often,

although I have tested clean
quite a lot.

So I have that in my favour.

And then she's gonna say "Right,
I have no choice, really, but to...

you know...

..to give you a custodial sentence,
otherwise people are gonna,

you know, gonna think you're
getting privileged treatment and..."

She knows that...

I've got a huge fear...

a huge fear of going to jail.

And it's fucking gonna be hell.

So she's gonna know
I'm gonna be frightened.

So boring.

You know? Just locked
in a room 23 hours a day.

And then you have an hour,
you're either, like,

walking round a concrete yard

with, like, you know,
hundreds of maniacs.

"Doherty!"

"Go on, son!"

"Wahey! Shagged Kate Moss."

Yeah, it's hard,
really hard work on the head.

And the soul, I would say.

'Got no money. You got no phone.
You got nothing, just...

You just got yourself and...

back to basics.

But it's awful.
It's, like, really hard

and, you know, it's very...

You got no privacy. You can't even...

can't even go to the toilet
on your own, you know.

Sharing a room.

And because I'm famous and that,

especially famous in that kind
of world, that culture, you know...

people read the tabloids and all
kinds of shit they write about me.

It's murder.

It's right in your face, you know.

Is it every day?

I don't know.
I don't read it, to be honest.

I think it's been
quite quiet recently.

But the last thing I heard
was that I was a scientologist.

Apparently. You know?

It's just complete rubbish.

I just take it for granted
that people know

that it's absolute shit, you know?
And unfortunately,

it doesn't work like that.'

Hello!

Oi, oi, oi.

What is success for you?

Success for me is begging, I suppose.

Talk about success, uh...

You know what? The only reason...
You've caught me there with that,

actually, because you know
how I think of my father...

and I wonder if things might be
reconciled in a different way.

They might be reconciled.
But success for me,

he always said to me, "Look,

when it reached the stage...

he understood that
I wasn't gonna be doing

any of the things that he might
have had in mind for his son.

He just said to me...

"Whatever you do,

be successful at it."

That's why he couldn't
understand it when I...

I declared that me
and this lad called Carlos...

..we're gonna make a go of a band

who write songs and become a
successful songwriting partnership.

Because he said,
"What did I tell you?

If you're gonna do something,
do it successfully."

He said, "You can't write.
You can't write songs.

You've shown no propensity
towards musical accomplishment.

You can't sing. You're not even...
Son, what did I tell you?"

"You said 'Be a success.' Yeah, Dad,

look.

Thanks to you and your military...

..and the military background,
right, that you've given me,

I've spent a lot of my time...

basically kicking stones

on the corner of a street

on a crappy estate
behind barbed wire.

I'm not allowed to do...
be part of, like, reality.

I have to find own reality.
And I spent a long time

in this fantasy world,
and I assure you, right...

this is meticulously
coordinated, right?

It is going to be a success, right?

Trust me."

'Maybe happiness is not being
able to know what's gonna happen.

Maybe if we knew
the end of the story,

there wouldn't be any more story.

Are we forgotten?

Do we forget?

I can't remember how many times
I've turned against the wall.

There comes a time when time itself
doesn't matter anymore.

It's gonna last years,
this strange navigation

upon the indistinct shores of life.'

A little death

Around the eyes...

Painting is a close
inspection of the psyche,

incorporating
an interpretation and...

quite often a kind of
filtration of society

and of the very small part
of the world that I inhabit.

It's a desperate attempt
that I make time and time again

to satisfy myself.

I'm slowly moving forward,

tip tip tip, tap tap tap.

And yet at the same time,
there are now many circles

that bring me back to Oscar Wilde

and Dostoevsky and Joyce.

And the things really that...

inspired me in the beginning

and continue to do so.

I don't want you to...

And like,

I get an enormous amount of pleasure.

When you're messing about
on canvases,

an enormous amount of pleasure.
It's not just my escape,

it's my arrival
and my departure and...

my first, my last, my everything.

To break free...

My, you did look dapper

In your mother's old green scarf

With your famous Auntie

Arthur's trousers on

You were slapped by that slapper

And how we all laughed

But she laughed the loudest

Oh, in '93

You could charm the bees knees
off the bees

Cheeky you'd say

And we all fell around

Rolling round the playground

Saucy you'd say

And we all fell about

Rolling round the playground...

Sold out!

Around this place, yeah,
people know what a legend is.

If Oscar Wilde was alive today,

he'd be chastised as Pete Doherty.

Oscar Wilde, Pete Doherty,
same thing.

If Oscar Wilde was alive today,
he'd be in prison.

To warm my bones

Oh, I've had enough
of the dreadful cold

From the flames appears Salome

I stand before her amazed

As she dances and demands

The head of John the Baptist
on a plate

And in the morning

Shaken and disturbed

From under soft white fur

I see the dust
in the morning bright

Sets the room alight

And by the telly appears Salome

I sit up amazed

As she dances and demands

The head of Isidora Duncan
on a plate

Oh, it's Salome

Oh, it's Salome

She is the cold

Coldest of nights

It's the fire I light

Just to warm my bones

I've had enough

Of the dreadful cold

And before me appears Salome

I stand before her amazed

As she dances and demands

The head of any bastard
on a plate

I re-read Crime and Punishment.

Fourth time now,
I've gone through that.

I love that book.

Is that a real guillotine?
Yeah.Yeah?

The last one that killed
someone in France.

No!
Yeah.

It is quite creepy, eh?
It's quite a strange way, as well,

you know, to... to punish people.

Like...

a public celebration, isn't it.

Fucking hell, it goes on, doesn't it?

How much punishment do they want?

Look, it's... People are animals.

It's a fucking...

Oh, these are amazing.

Oh, ma gawd.

Listen, you've got to take care
of yourself at some point.

Yeah, something does have to be
done. You know, you're right.

You're right there.

You know, you've got to concentrate
on yourself at some point.

If it's not gonna be rehab,
it's gonna have to be an implant.

That's the two choices
you've got at the moment.

You have to do something. Right?

So, yeah.
Keep that thought there.

You are... You are going for an
implant whether you like it or not.

I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll be there.

I'll come with you.

What's the fucking worst it can do?

Since how long I see Peter?

I suppose maybe from...

four, five, six years.
Cos it's quite special.

But not only Peter,
with other patients

because they are so vulnerable
at the same time.

They are very strong.
They are arrogant.

They are proud,
but they are so vulnerable.

Implant is a naltrexone implant.

When you talk about opiates,
you can talk about...

two things like
the agonist and antagonist,

and that means that
even if he's having drugs,

it can... it can do nothing.

'Courts are saying, "Look,
you have to get this blocker,

or you go to jail."

A small capsule releases pills
once every couple of weeks.

Opiate blockers. Awful.'

Sorry, Peter. Sorry, Peter.

..when the day is over

How does it feel
when the dark comes down?

How does it feel...

..when you're scared by the dark?

How does it feel to feel?

How does it feel to feel?

That's a...
another patient I have...

- No. No face. No face.
- OK.

That's another chap I have
from the same thing.

Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.

How does it feel?

Everyone wants
to achieve a point

where he can control himself,

where he can work,
where he can love.

And that's what Peter wants to do.
He wants to be a normal...

Of course, he likes
the rush of the drugs,

but he also wants
to be a free guy.

And with drugs he can do nothing.

'Get an implant or go to jail.

That was what I was being
presented with half the time.

I mean, who are these people?

It's horrific, what they did to me.
They're messing powerful sides

of the human psyche,
the fucking biological makeup

of the brain, you know?
And I was the guinea pig.

We were the guinea pig.
We really were.

Numbing of the spirit
and of ambition.

Yeah, what about the mind?
What about the soul?'

This is a programme
about pubs and writers.

Writers in pubs, pubs in books.

Books in pubs?Subjects that go
together like cheese and onion.

Mild and bitter,
not that you can find many pubs

that will serve you that these days.

How hard has it been for
you to be back in a room together?

Well, I think that
it has been quite hard.

You know, obviously,
there's been a lot of, um...

It's cos you live in Denmark, John.
Fucking nightmare.

He lives in Denmark.

He never answers his phone
and he's been starting a family.

It's odd, really, like, the...

the way we've always communicated
with each other successfully is

through music. And that sounds
really naff but it's true

and... that's how and why

we're together and... sorry.

Oh. Ah.

But how does it feel?
I don't know, you know.

Cos we haven't actually been
in a room alone together.

So, um...

Do you see this
as part of your rehabilitation?

Rehabilitation from what?

Well, you know, your drug problems
are well-known. Is this part...

Not really. I'm trying to keep
that as quiet as possible, like...

No, really. You know?

As you can imagine, it's quite a...

you know, even just then, me and Carl
would sneak off for a crafty one

while John wasn't looking.

A crafty cigarette. Yes, exactly.
This young man here,

you have a question, yes?
Yes, Greg Cochrane from Radio 1.

Have you talked about why you
split in the first place yet?

Well, I don't think
that's something that's...

It's pretty well-documented...

um...

Really, I never got my side
of the story out, to be honest.

Here we go. Right, everyone just...

Does everyone wanna get a pint?
And we'll sit in a circle.

Wel, you know, forgive and forget.

That's what I say.

Apology accepted, right?
Yeah.

OK, then. Any more questions then?
We're wrapping up, so I'm sure...

Of course, you've got the chemistry.
I mean...

- When you've got...
- Homo sapiens

And selective cultural evolution

Lie-day-dee-da-dee-day!

It's something I've been
dreaming about for six years.

I... Just to get
on a stage and say...

"We're The Libertines,"

and it be real and we mean it,

and two crooked fingers,
then that's the biggest euphoria.

It's a long time,
four months away from Reading.

Heaven forbid, but if you do fall
out again, what's gonna happen?

If we fall out,
it'll be the same as it ever was.

We're not gonna fall out. We're
not gonna fall out before then.

Memories of the fights
and the nights

Under blue lights, all the kites

We flew together
I thought they'd rhyme forever

But all the highs and the lows

And the to's and the fro's

They left me dizzy

Oh, won't you please forgive me

I no longer hear the music

We're here waiting for Wolfman.

Outside Her Majesty's
Prison Pentonville.

Trying to explain to Katia
that women also work as...

prison officers.

And they love it, yeah.

He should be coming
through this gate.

They've told me any time between now,
which is 7:00 in the morning

and 8:00 this evening,
so typical Wolfman really.

Fucking me about.

But it's a proud day for all of us.

And, um, yeah. Imagine living there.

I'll tell you about it.
Come over here, love.

We have to hide. We have to hide cos
they don't like me anyway in here.

Trust me. That's one thing I know
from my time in prison.

They don't like me in there.
They're not...

Their life is basically a brutal one.

The officers and the prisoners,
mutual animosity.

Mutual mistrust. Mutual hatred.

An aggressive place and
a violent place. It's nasty.

A lot of the prisoners,
a lot of the officers, basically,

are just like fucked up,
twisted people

who live in an aggressive world.

But you have a laugh, you know?

Right, that's it.
We better get off, cos like...

you can't just film round here.

Yes!

Four months in Pentonville.

Wouldn't fancy that, mate.

Any interesting characters though?
No, absolutely none.

All cunts. Absolute cunts.
All of them.Fucking hell.

And loads of people said
that you owe them.

Yeah, they're gonna say that, aren't
they? I don't owe anyone fuck all.

I'll pull over up left.

He's just had it so bad.
And I can't believe he's been

in the Ville for four months.

What a shithole that is.

Four months in Pentonville.
It's mental, mate.

Murderers. Rapists.

Wolfman.

It's absolutely horrific.

I cried once in there.

"Strong love of life.

Like no one else," in brackets.

"I gotta work out what I wanna do,
I'm counting down the hours

Walk on you. Walk on me. Walk on by.

Try living like this, living a lie."

Slowly down

Down the river,
the one they sold you down

The one where
all your timbers shiver

Slowly down

For the outing

Her name was Clown

For the outing now

You've found the prison of my mind

Do you want to hear...

I woke up at 5:50AM

and I hit the emergency button.

They said I wasn't
on the unlock list

and that it was not an emergency
and I'd get a red mark.

I was confused so I had a coffee.
I weighed up the options.

Part of me wanted to attend
and the other was hurt.

Another part was relieved
that I wouldn't have to spend a day

in an uncomfortable cell in cuffs
in a sweatbox. But then...

They're horrible, those cells
in the appeal court.Eh?

They're horrible, those ones.
Agh, God.

That's where I went for my appeal
back in my burglary charge.

What's the stuff you've learnt?
I'm gonna be alright in life

as long as I don't flop and
upset everyone by hiding away.

It was all confused. I didn't
mean to hurt people. I just...

My view was like,
"I'm not doing anything to you

because I didn't think
anyone liked me."

I just felt completely worthless.
I've just found out, like...

I've just been working on my self...

Self-esteem, say it.
Self-esteem, yeah.

You know, I've always been
a bit vulnerable.

I heard it said
You had come back from the dead

You were playing so fine

Scooping up the soul of the wine

Now courage, my boy
When they look you in the eye

Try not to look too scummy

If you need some money
And you want some money, now

It's not a happy place to be

There's nothing nice around me

There's nothing nice about me
Almost everyone agrees

A hell of a year for you and me,
my friend

All those promises, promises

I know you heard it all before

Love is

It's always just around the corner

I heard it said
You had come back from the dead

You were playing so fine
Even if you don't show it on time

Courage, my boy

When you look like me in the eye

If you try to be funny

Do you want some money now?

Now

How do you feel these days?
Hm?

How do you feel these days?

I'm quite grateful, I think,
at the moment, you know,

to be doing what I'm doing.

Libertines gigs this weekend.

Pressure's mounting but fuck me,
it's going to be a...

How are the first meetings

with Carl and the boys?

I said stop that.

Yeah? Do you hear me?

Did you hear me?
I heard you.

Huh?
I heard you.

OK. So you've stopped filming?

I did.
Yeah, OK.

Fucking one year out in the dark,
I keep bumping into the truth

every now and again, and like
coming out with these other...

other bits of...

insight, but...

When it comes to The Libertines
and all that,

I can't be arsed
thinking about it all too much.

I'm too involved.
It's too... It's all too...

..too confused.

For lots of reasons.

No sense can come of it.

I can't really begin
to imagine what's going on

at the moment. I'm sure I'm gonna
look back on his time and gasp

and be pretty annoyed with myself,

how I'm doing things, but...

It's all... It's all... No,
actually, what am I talking about?

At the moment, it is difficult.
Things are difficult.

I'm just waiting for these
Libertine gigs to be done

and to...

..get over that enormous obstacle.

Enormous achievement, I think.

It's gonna be fucking emotional.
It's gonna be fucking possibly...

..wonderful and stressful.
Probably gonna kill me.

And I can just put paid
to a lot of things.

Bang, bang, bang, bang.
Just spunk a lot of it on just...

..destroying all these fucking...

..facades of an existence, you know.

Like, end all these chapters
and then burn the fucking book.

I pray I can sit one day
and watch this with you

and that this isn't,
you know... oh, God.

That you don't watch
this bit of footage now and...

you know...

..the day after my funeral
or something.

I want to make it through
to the other side. I do, I do, I do.

I'm not going the right way
about it, I know.

It's all wrong, what I'm doing.
I'm going about it the wrong way.

Yeah!

Don't look back into the sun

Now you know that the time is come

And they said that it would
never come for you, oh-oh-oh-oh

Oh, my friend, you haven't changed

You're looking rough
and living strange and I know

You've got a taste for it too,
oh-oh-oh-oh

They'll never forgive you,
but they won't let you go

Oh, no

They'll never forgive you,
but they won't let you go, oh, no

Don't look back into the sun

You've cast your pearls,
but you're on the run

And all the lies you said,
who did you save?

Though when they played
that song at the death disco

It started fast,
but it ends so slow

And all the time
it reminded me of you

They'll never forgive you,
but they won't let you go

Let me go!

They'll never forgive you,
but they won't let you go, oh, no

Where's Boo-Boo?

There's no cat food. Any fish?

What? Sorry!

Sorry!

So fussy.

Look, this fish
you can have for free.

You can have the... oh!

It's definitely gonna have you now.
There you go.

Look at that. Disgusting.
Who lives here?

Just to use up
the last drops of petrol.

There we go. All down his foot. Ooh!

Is this legal? Probably not. OK.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Come on. Up you go! Up you go!

Reserves! Reserves!

Yeah, go on, son! Go on!
Up and along. Up and along.

Whoa!

Woah!

Ay!

I love the way plastic,
when it goes molten,

it drips down like that.

Like melted time.

The passing hours and days and years.

OK, show's over, kids!

Everyone out the pool!

I actually think...

there's a mysteriousness about that
that I actually...

Ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the Cob Gallery
for the first ever

Pete Doherty auction

of his paintings and his artefacts.

101 is a selection of guitars,

owned, played, photographed in...

by Peter Doherty. They're here.

These are the guitars
you're bidding on here.

£160. It's down here at £160.

At 160. 170, we're bid on one.
180, we're bid.

Two-five! At 2005.

Sold. 2005.

£2,000 that I am selling.
It is going once.

It is going twice.

It has now sold.

£1,700, now I have 1,700.

1,800 here is bid. Now 1,800.

1,900 now. At 1,900 for the desk.

Sold! And sold.

440. It has now sold.

Sold for £1,600.

Sold. Sold.

Sold, £1,200. And...

sold, £1,300.

Sold, 3,000.

35...

And sold.

£320.

Last chance.

Last chance. £2,900, then...

2,900.

This is the most exciting
painting of the evening,

because this is the...

personal work of Doherty

in production with Amy Winehouse.

£22,000. At 22,000.

£25,000. At 25,000.

At 20...

30. £35,000...

Last chance, then. Once...

Twice...

Was that a bid?

Too late! There's 35,000 down here.

There's 35,000 here.
At 35,000, then.

On the internet at £35,000...

Sitting In Limbo

But I know what I've seen...

Then tell him that
his lonesome nights are over

Sandman...
Yes?

Sandman, I'm so alone
Bung, bung, bung, bung

Don't have nobody
to call my own...

I suppose

It must be that time

To try

To...

Nah-yah.

"Forever alive. Forever forward.

Stately...

solemn...

sad.

Withdrawn. Baffled. Mad.

Turbulent. Feeble. Dissatisfied.

Desperate. Proud. Fond. Sick.

Accepted by men. Rejected by men."

If I wasn't on drugs,
I probably wouldn't be

in the place I'm in now,
doing the things I'm doing,

in most aspects of my life.

S... Sh...

To be honest.

What do you mean?
What do you mean? What do you mean,

want me to get better? How...

Well...
And why am I even asking you that?

But I, like, never really...

Because none of us want
to admit to not being well.

Or...

is it the opposite?
People love to make out

they're real, like, hypochondriacs.
Old people. Like, "How are you?"

"Ooh, me back!" That was like me
this morning, admittedly, but...

"Ooh, me back!"

You're obviously leaving
something since...

what, a week? Ten days?

A week, five days? Two days?

Now today. Now it's postponed again.
No.

You postponed... Yeah.
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

So there's obviously something
going on in your mind

for postponing all the time.
What's happening?

Um...

Waiting to see if there's
another option for salvation.

Wait and see if fucking... if...

..if all these fine minds,

logical, intelligent,
as well as being caring.

If they conclude that rehab's
the best option, then...

well, hell. Who am I to fucking
argue again and again and again?

There must be something in it.
But then again, you never know.

You know? Strange things do occur.

Someone might just come and save me,
there might be another option.

I don't know.

"Inside of those washed
and trimmed faces,

behold..."

"..a secret, silent,
loathing and despair."

Yeah, you're right.
Something has changed.

I'm trying to get out
of it, aren't I?

I'm trying to get out of it.

So right now,
you do or you don't want to go?

I don't care.

"Have the past struggles succeeded?

What has succeeded?"

"My call is the call of battle.
I nourish active rebellion.

He going with me must go well armed.

He going with me goes often
with spare diet,

poverty, angry enemies, desertions.

Allons! The road is before us!

It is safe. I have tried it.
My own feet have tried it.

Be not detained.
Camerado, I'll give you my hand!

I give you my love
more precious than money.

I give you myself
before preaching or law.

Will you give me yourself?
Will you come travel with me?

Shall we stick by each other
as long as we live?"

Seems like it's a message
from the gods after all.

It's quite obvious what they're
saying about Thailand, you know.

They're saying, "Don't fucking go
up there in an aeroplane,

whatever you do. Jesus."

'Putting it off.
Putting it off, you know.

Putting it off in extremis.
Like, just... just one more bag.

And then we'll do it.

Trying to think of a way just
to get myself through that period

of grace at rehab, or just try and
take something with me, so it was all

about experimenting with, like,
hollowing out apples and things,

or, you know, the lining
of your dressing gown cord,

lining of pants.'

241km!

241km, but where are we going?!

Happiness!

Alright, we'll get there in no time!

'Time had come.
I think I was just, I don't know,

praying that God would intervene
and lightning would strike the rehab

or something if I put it off long
enough, but it was still standing

as they just put me in this 4x4
and took me to the place.

And all periods of grace
were cancelled.'

This is a crushed flower.

Crushed flower is just
kind of symbolic

of the addict in me at the moment.

The crushed flower of my addiction.

Well, obviously,
here we are at the...

well, Hope. Hope changes everything.

Certainly changed me. I don't
have a crack pipe in my mouth.

Or in my pocket. There's...

There's one in my cabin,
but alas, there's no...

nothing to smoke in it.
And I don't really feel the need

right this second, but then...

Yeah, day three.

I'm struggling.

I'm struggling with
not taking drugs, of course,

which is why I'm in rehab.

But I'm fit and healthy-ish.

I'm healing.
All me sores are healing.

And I'm a bloody fool

because I'm plotting this
and plotting that,

but... here I remain.

Over and out.

I am struggling a lickle bit today.

Yeah. I haven't had
any methadone though, so...

But here we are in paradise and...

yeah, just...

I think I need a sit down
with my typewriter and my guitar,

you know, for a few hours
on my own and...

you know, get back in touch
with my creative ambitions.

Cos I know they're there, but...

I want bags! I want bags!

Meep! Meep!

It's getting more and more
difficult by the day, I guess.

Yeah, I'm Pete and
I'm an addict guy, yeah.

How dare you...

How dare I...

How dare I get fucking clean?

Mark my words,
there'll be hell to pay.

Can't just leave that monkey
lying there by the side of the pool.

You gotta take it home and feed it.

Yeah. Or you know what's
gonna happen, don't you?

That monkey's gonna come crawling

maybe not tonight
and might not be tomorrow,

but slowly, inch by inch,

night by night,
that monkey gonna find you.

It's gonna come
when you least expect it.

It's gonna sneak up on you,
go, "Rrr!"

Getting closer to being clean

But the little green
methadone fairy, she's so mean

Cos she gives and then she takes

And she fixes and then she breaks

The lime green muse

If I could only find my shoes

I'd be away into town, yeah

Find me some brown, yeah

No.

Good day. Really good day.

Probably the best day yet
having treatment.

She smokes crack

It's off the beaten track

Feeling, uh... good, really.

I had my little relapse,
cos my body just...

Got my energy back.

You cannot stand the force of law

Look, man,
I know it from your nature

Hit the deck as the creator...

Carl came back to Hope as well
which was...

I was little bit concerned
about that but...

Everything's...

Everything's just
as it should be, really.

I love Boo-Boo.

Still she's holding hands with you

It's cut like crystal chandeliers

I'll shine like diamonds
in her ears...

They say getting clean
is the easy bit.

And 15 years of blocked emotion
is coming out.

That's gonna be the tricky bit.

And that's what
I'm running away from.

Because it has been
quite an emotional...

..couple of days, really.

Just everything makes me cry, really.

But...

Don't cry.

It made sense at the time.
I think I just needed to hear him say

that that's how it was for him.

It is ten o'clock

on Thursday, 20th of November.

And I'm clean.

Got my piss test there.

Ah, one second, I'll go and get it.

Clean of cocaine.

Clean of heroin.

Clean of amphetamines and THC

which is weed.

And also clean of methadone.

Now, I have had a Valium,
so I'm not quite

clean of benzedrines yet, but...

..I think that will do
for today's message.

I feel proud. I do feel proud.

OK. See you tomorrow.

Yeah. Last two days have been...

been OK, I suppose.
Not much of a struggle.

But, um, I feel good.
Went out tonight.

Just me and Boo-Boo and...

didn't have a drink, so...

you know, I'm OK. I'm good.

I feel clean. I do.

I mean, I'm here.
I'm not losing this.

I have had a few drinks.

It's not really the same,
I know, but it is.

I feel good, though. I feel at peace.

I think the only way you can be clean

it to follow the steps.

You know, so...

We'll see. We'll see what happens.

Je sais pas.

The Boy With The Thorn In His Side

La-la-la-la-la

What a waster,
what a fucking waster

You pissed it all up the wall

Round the corner
where they chased her

There's tears coming out
from everywhere

The city's hard, the city's fair

Get back inside,
you've got nothing on

No, mind your bleedin' own,
you two bob cunt...

'Don't think it would
ever have occurred to me

that he would appear on stage.

I wasn't ready for that, nor was I...

welcoming particularly at first.
Like, you can see me smiling,

but I was genuinely shocked
that he knew the words.'

..Beano or the unabridged Ulysses

Oh, I really wanna know

So tell me where does
all the money go?

Where does all the money go?

Straight up...

You know I never
really liked it anyway

So much preferred it
the other way, yeah...

'But he'd never come to gigs before.

I think that the only gig
he'd ever seen was

an early Libertine gig in Germany.

cos he was still posted
in Germany in those days.

And then eight years
of not talking to me

and then another eight years,
so it's 15 years now

since he's even been to a show
and he wanders on stage.

Yeah. Singing 'What A Waster'
and doing that strange gesture

for the lyric about having it
going up her nose.

He is a bit of a karaoke meister,
I think.'

You know that...

Never really liked it anyway...

'So all these years later,
for him to come on

and know the lyrics as well,
it was...

honestly, I was a bit
shocked and embarrassed

almost as much by the fact my mum
came on stage with the birthday cake.

And had this crowd
singing Happy Birthday.

Yeah.

Supposed to be, like,
rock and roll mythology,

but it was just, like, a bit naff.

But I love them.'

Happy Birthday...

'We made peace, you know.
Quite a magical moment.

I'm just grateful that he's not
disowned me anymore, you know?

Funny old world, isn't it?

I've been through an incredible
journey of consciousness,

unconsciousness,
subconsciousness, and...

psychedelic,
psychotropic consciousness.

Chemical and intellectual curiosity.

Sadly, this led to great
physical dependency

and physical degradation,
from which I seem to have emerged.

Some days are more
difficult than others.

It's a bit like a balancing act,
a high-wire act, you know.

Just keep from falling.

It was a deep immersion in that life

and there's a great difference
between being clean

and being 'able to live happy
and free' clean, you know?

I can be clean,

but I'm still putting time
between that immersion

and coming out of the waters.

It will take a little bit
of time to dry.

I think I'll be interested
in working with people

who are in the thick of addiction.

I think I'll be pretty
well-qualified to help them,

if anyone wants any help.'

'The talent is the man

and comes from the man
and comes from the artist

and doesn't come from the drugs.

And it never has come from the drugs.

Part of the fun and
the challenge of creating

is to create
in spite of circumstances.

So, in spite of being a drug addict,

in spite of being clean,

I will create.'

Someone Else To Be

AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk

Looking for another chance

Looking for someone else to be

Looking for another chance

To ride into the sun

Ride into the sun

Ride into the sun

Ride into the sun

Ride into the sun

Honky Noir

Remembering

Some slacks gang swing

Pattering

A-rinky-blink

Cold worn fingers strum
old warped wire

But you get hung up, high deadly

Delay your dive

Cramped prefab divides

And low, slung, drunk, sly

Sing, song, sighs

Once we'd serenade and
all your dreams were made

The gutter, the tap

Singers' chimes

You know,
we were so emboldened when we

Saw the Ferodo bridge signs

We bet our lives

On the coming of our try