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It's a typical day
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00:01:26,841 --> 00:01:29,902
in Dogpatch, U.S.A.
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00:01:30,078 --> 00:01:33,104
Where typical folks
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00:01:33,281 --> 00:01:35,909
Do things in a typical way
5
00:01:36,084 --> 00:01:38,985
First, we rub the sleep
From our eyes
6
00:01:39,153 --> 00:01:42,282
Get our grub
And shoo away the flies
7
00:01:42,457 --> 00:01:45,552
We spend what's negotiable
Then we get sociable
8
00:01:45,727 --> 00:01:48,628
Sitting around swapping lies
9
00:01:48,796 --> 00:01:54,200
And then we drops by
To collect unemployment pay
10
00:01:54,369 --> 00:01:58,363
Which leads us to say
It's a typical day
11
00:01:58,539 --> 00:02:03,705
in Dogpatch, U.S.A.
12
00:03:37,405 --> 00:03:41,569
Howdy, boys
I'm Moonbeam McSwine
13
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:45,407
Sleepin' out with pigs is my line
14
00:03:45,580 --> 00:03:49,414
The fellas admire me
But they don't squire me
15
00:03:49,584 --> 00:03:52,884
Unless the weather is fine
16
00:03:53,054 --> 00:03:58,959
But I does all right when the wind
Blows the other way
17
00:04:02,096 --> 00:04:05,259
I is known as Marryin' Sam
18
00:04:05,433 --> 00:04:08,960
Which is fine
Because that's who I am
19
00:04:09,137 --> 00:04:12,471
I figures it's vital
To change a gal's title
20
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,871
To missus or even madame
21
00:04:16,043 --> 00:04:21,812
For 15 cents extra
I'll furnish the bride's bouquet
22
00:04:23,017 --> 00:04:26,647
Step aside for Earthquake McGoon
23
00:04:26,821 --> 00:04:30,451
Bustin' out all over like June
24
00:04:30,625 --> 00:04:34,687
I stands on the corner
Enormous and ornery
25
00:04:34,862 --> 00:04:39,356
Makin' the fairer sex swoon
26
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:42,262
My secret desire is to tangle
27
00:04:42,436 --> 00:04:44,962
with Daisy Mae.
28
00:04:46,407 --> 00:04:50,901
Like he said
My name's Daisy Mae
29
00:04:51,078 --> 00:04:54,912
Because my ma
She planned it that way
30
00:04:55,449 --> 00:04:58,942
My one aim in life
Is to be a good wife
31
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,181
And to marry Li'l Abner someday
32
00:05:02,857 --> 00:05:08,352
She'd chase Li'l Abner
Clear off into outer space
33
00:05:08,529 --> 00:05:13,023
If he could be caught
In the next Sadie Hawkins Race
34
00:05:15,870 --> 00:05:18,965
Mammy here's society's queen
35
00:05:19,140 --> 00:05:22,303
And she heads the local machine
36
00:05:22,710 --> 00:05:26,237
I's sweet, but I's mystical
And pugilistical
37
00:05:26,414 --> 00:05:28,678
Matter of fact, a champion
38
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:36,385
Li'l Abner
We has both learned
39
00:05:36,557 --> 00:05:39,549
Still don't know
How money gets earned
40
00:05:39,727 --> 00:05:41,217
He's big, and he's gentle
41
00:05:41,395 --> 00:05:46,356
But unsentimental
As far as young gals is concerned
42
00:05:47,501 --> 00:05:53,270
I get purty tired
Of runnin' from Daisy Mae
43
00:05:53,441 --> 00:05:57,344
Which leads us to say
It's a typical day
44
00:05:57,511 --> 00:06:04,679
in Dogpatch, U.S.A.
45
00:06:12,393 --> 00:06:14,919
- Girls, Sadie Hawkins Day.
- Oh, boy.
46
00:06:15,096 --> 00:06:17,326
I'm gonna catch myself
a husband this year.
47
00:06:17,498 --> 00:06:19,398
Look, here comes Marryin' Sam.
48
00:06:19,567 --> 00:06:22,127
- Good old Dogpatch. Nice to be back.
- Hi, Marryin' Sam.
49
00:06:22,303 --> 00:06:24,431
Greetings, everybody.
Greetings to y'all.
50
00:06:24,605 --> 00:06:26,334
- Hi there.
- Hi, Marryin' Sam!
51
00:06:26,641 --> 00:06:27,608
- Hi, Sam
52
00:06:27,775 --> 00:06:29,834
Howdy, Marryin' Sam.
Welcome home.
53
00:06:30,011 --> 00:06:32,241
Well, it sure is nice to see
all you gals getting in shape
54
00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:34,905
- for the big race next Friday.
- We sure is, Sam.
55
00:06:35,082 --> 00:06:37,608
Has you any new types of weddings
for us this year, Sam?
56
00:06:37,785 --> 00:06:39,651
No, honey, just my usual line.
57
00:06:39,820 --> 00:06:42,790
There's my $2 standard, which
guarantees you three weeks of bliss
58
00:06:42,957 --> 00:06:44,857
and 50 years of quiet desperation.
59
00:06:45,026 --> 00:06:48,690
My $4 special.
My $6 foreign sports model.
60
00:06:48,863 --> 00:06:51,423
That's in case any of you latches
on to some foreign sports.
61
00:06:51,599 --> 00:06:53,624
And of course, my $8 spectacular.
62
00:06:53,801 --> 00:06:55,360
And don't you worry
about your credit,
63
00:06:55,536 --> 00:06:57,903
because this year
I'm on the Diners Club.
64
00:06:58,072 --> 00:06:59,597
Now we'll see you next Friday, Sam,
65
00:06:59,774 --> 00:07:02,209
with our newly intended,
whoever they may be.
66
00:07:02,376 --> 00:07:06,335
- Grab yourself a live one, Moonbeam.
- We sure will, Sam. See you.
67
00:07:06,514 --> 00:07:09,609
One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine, ten...
68
00:07:09,784 --> 00:07:10,774
Come on, Sophia.
69
00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:13,387
Let's go see our friend
Available Jones.
70
00:07:13,554 --> 00:07:16,922
Well, howdy, Sam. Welcome home.
71
00:07:17,091 --> 00:07:18,581
Howdy, Available.
72
00:07:18,759 --> 00:07:20,022
My, sure is good to see you,
73
00:07:20,194 --> 00:07:21,923
and it's good to be
back here in a metropolis.
74
00:07:22,096 --> 00:07:25,999
- I guess that's where I belong.
- You always was a city boy at heart.
75
00:07:26,167 --> 00:07:29,262
Yeah. I likes the hustle
and the bustle and...
76
00:07:29,770 --> 00:07:31,431
Say, what you working on?
77
00:07:31,605 --> 00:07:33,835
Greatest piece
of merchandise I ever had
78
00:07:34,008 --> 00:07:35,840
for the Sadie Hawkins Day Race.
79
00:07:36,010 --> 00:07:38,001
It's my ICBM.
80
00:07:38,179 --> 00:07:40,204
ICBM? What's that mean?
81
00:07:40,381 --> 00:07:42,349
"I catches bachelor men."
82
00:07:42,516 --> 00:07:43,608
Sounds promising.
83
00:07:43,784 --> 00:07:45,616
- How does it work?
- Top-secret.
84
00:07:45,786 --> 00:07:47,777
Already been promised
to a matriarchal head
85
00:07:47,955 --> 00:07:49,753
of one of Dogpatch's first families.
86
00:07:49,924 --> 00:07:52,518
- Not Pansy Yokum?
- No comment.
87
00:07:52,693 --> 00:07:55,355
Now, don't tell me that Mammy's
fixing to trap Li'l Abner
88
00:07:55,529 --> 00:07:57,293
so as Daisy Mae
can catch him this year?
89
00:07:57,465 --> 00:07:58,455
Can't discuss it.
90
00:07:58,632 --> 00:08:01,294
- Why not?
- You knows my integrity,
91
00:08:01,469 --> 00:08:02,732
my sense of honor.
92
00:08:02,903 --> 00:08:05,372
When I makes a confidential
deal for a price,
93
00:08:05,539 --> 00:08:08,133
my lips is sealed,
and they stay sealed.
94
00:08:08,309 --> 00:08:11,006
- Till you gets a better price.
- Naturally.
95
00:08:11,679 --> 00:08:14,410
Marryin' Sam. Marryin' Sam.
96
00:08:14,582 --> 00:08:15,572
What is it, Louella?
97
00:08:15,750 --> 00:08:18,412
Mammy Yokum says for you
to come right on over
98
00:08:18,586 --> 00:08:21,112
for a business conference
of enormous magnitude.
99
00:08:21,288 --> 00:08:23,484
I'll be right there, child.
Oh, by the way,
100
00:08:23,657 --> 00:08:25,785
- how's your dear mother?
- She's out a-hunting.
101
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,590
- And your dear father?
- That's what she's a-hunting for.
102
00:08:31,265 --> 00:08:32,255
Lovely child.
103
00:08:32,433 --> 00:08:34,629
Think there's a chance
we could marry her off this year?
104
00:08:34,802 --> 00:08:37,931
Sure is, soon as her divorce is final.
105
00:08:38,105 --> 00:08:40,005
Keep me informed.
106
00:08:46,647 --> 00:08:49,810
Abner, it's time to go fishing.
107
00:08:49,984 --> 00:08:50,974
I'm coming.
108
00:08:51,152 --> 00:08:52,278
You can't go yet.
109
00:08:52,453 --> 00:08:54,217
- Why not?
- Because you can't, that's why.
110
00:08:54,388 --> 00:08:56,413
Pansy, if the boy
wants to go fishing--
111
00:08:56,590 --> 00:08:57,955
Hush up. You can't go yet.
112
00:08:58,125 --> 00:08:59,854
- Why not?
- Because...
113
00:09:00,027 --> 00:09:02,052
Because you haven't taken
your Yokumberry Tonic.
114
00:09:02,229 --> 00:09:05,221
Mammy, I'm too old
to still take that old baby tonic.
115
00:09:05,399 --> 00:09:06,889
- Oh, no, you ain't.
- Oh, yes, l is.
116
00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:08,866
Oh, no, you ain't, and I knows best.
117
00:09:09,036 --> 00:09:11,971
I've been giving you a spoonful
of my own special Yokumberry Tonic
118
00:09:12,139 --> 00:09:13,937
every day since the day
you was born.
119
00:09:14,108 --> 00:09:17,635
And I intends to give you a spoonful
every day till the day you dies
120
00:09:17,812 --> 00:09:20,304
and for several weeks thereafter.
Now open and hold.
121
00:09:20,481 --> 00:09:23,246
- But, Mammy, I've got--
- Open and hold. I has spoken.
122
00:09:25,886 --> 00:09:28,583
- Hey, Abner, come on.
- I'm coming.
123
00:09:28,756 --> 00:09:32,283
Abner Yokum, you sit
that down right there.
124
00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:33,950
That there.
125
00:09:34,128 --> 00:09:35,721
Oh, Mammy.
126
00:09:36,363 --> 00:09:39,128
Now, Abner, Daisy Mae
is coming by soon,
127
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:40,495
so is Marryin' Sam.
128
00:09:40,668 --> 00:09:42,227
And I kind of thought
that maybe this year
129
00:09:42,403 --> 00:09:44,963
you'd let that sweet little gal
catch you on Sadie Hawkins Day.
130
00:09:45,139 --> 00:09:48,268
Pansy, if the boy feels
he ain't ready for marriage yet--
131
00:09:48,442 --> 00:09:50,877
Pappy, why don't you take
your oversized nose
132
00:09:51,045 --> 00:09:52,809
and your undersized self
and take a walk.
133
00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:54,175
- Now, Pansy--
- Goon.
134
00:09:54,348 --> 00:09:57,283
Stroll into town, see what's doing
down in the lower-rent district.
135
00:09:57,451 --> 00:09:58,509
Go on, get.
136
00:09:58,686 --> 00:10:01,678
- But, Pansy--
- Get! I has spoken.
137
00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:05,684
One of these days,
you're gonna make me very mad.
138
00:10:05,860 --> 00:10:09,626
Get, get, get out of my way.
I got places to go and things to do.
139
00:10:10,030 --> 00:10:11,054
Now, son--
140
00:10:11,232 --> 00:10:14,031
Mammy, before you get started,
I've got something to say.
141
00:10:14,201 --> 00:10:15,600
You is my very own mother.
142
00:10:15,769 --> 00:10:18,534
Down deep inside of me,
I loves and respects you,
143
00:10:18,706 --> 00:10:22,574
almost as much as I loves
and respects the U.S. of A.
144
00:10:23,611 --> 00:10:26,012
But I also want to say
that down deep inside of me,
145
00:10:26,180 --> 00:10:27,841
I loves and respects fishing,
146
00:10:28,015 --> 00:10:29,483
and that's where I'm going now.
147
00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:32,779
- But, Abner, I--
- See you later, Mammy.
148
00:10:32,953 --> 00:10:34,512
Abner, I'm...
149
00:10:39,527 --> 00:10:41,325
Now, you wait right here
for me, Sophia,
150
00:10:41,495 --> 00:10:43,554
and don't you go chomping
on any of them Yokumberries.
151
00:10:43,731 --> 00:10:46,359
- Well, howdy, Sam.
- Why, howdy, Pansy Yokum.
152
00:10:46,534 --> 00:10:48,298
Sure is nice to see
your Yokumberry tree
153
00:10:48,469 --> 00:10:49,561
blooming so high and happy.
154
00:10:49,737 --> 00:10:51,364
Does pretty well
every year, Sam. Thank you.
155
00:10:51,539 --> 00:10:54,702
Yes. And how is your sweet,
gentle and relentless little self?
156
00:10:54,875 --> 00:10:56,900
Tolerable, Sam. Tolerable.
157
00:10:57,077 --> 00:10:58,909
But I has to have
a man-to-man talk with you.
158
00:10:59,079 --> 00:11:01,070
Summit conference?
159
00:11:01,248 --> 00:11:03,512
The summitest. Sit down, Sam.
160
00:11:18,399 --> 00:11:20,731
Tell me, Sam, what you got
this year in a $2 wedding?
161
00:11:21,235 --> 00:11:23,966
My $2 wedding?
This year, it is spectacular.
162
00:11:24,138 --> 00:11:27,073
First, I strips to the waist
and wrestles the four biggest guests,
163
00:11:27,241 --> 00:11:28,231
male or female.
164
00:11:28,409 --> 00:11:29,934
That's a nice warm beginning.
165
00:11:30,110 --> 00:11:32,078
Then I tells four or five
off-color stories,
166
00:11:32,246 --> 00:11:34,340
guaranteed to embarrass
man or beast.
167
00:11:34,515 --> 00:11:37,041
And as I ties my arms and legs
to four infuriated mules--
168
00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:39,209
Mammy, Mammy Yokum.
169
00:11:39,787 --> 00:11:41,118
Mammy.
170
00:11:41,288 --> 00:11:43,222
Mammy, look at this.
171
00:11:43,390 --> 00:11:45,722
- Oh, hello, Marryin' Sam.
- Morning, Daisy.
172
00:11:45,893 --> 00:11:48,260
And how is your sweet and
well-proportioned little self?
173
00:11:48,429 --> 00:11:49,692
Miserable, Sam.
174
00:11:49,863 --> 00:11:52,230
Look what I just received,
a wedding invite.
175
00:11:52,399 --> 00:11:54,197
Well, what's so miserable
about that?
176
00:11:54,368 --> 00:11:56,234
It's an invite to my own wedding.
177
00:11:56,403 --> 00:11:58,497
- What?
- Listen to this.
178
00:11:58,672 --> 00:12:02,631
"Dear madam, you is hereby
cordially invited to attend the nuptials
179
00:12:02,810 --> 00:12:05,302
of your own, sweet,
well-put-together self
180
00:12:05,479 --> 00:12:08,915
and that ever-popular, champion
dirty wrestler of the world,
181
00:12:09,083 --> 00:12:11,381
namely me, Earthquake McGoon."
182
00:12:11,552 --> 00:12:13,247
- Earthquake McGoon?
- Earthquake McGoon?
183
00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:16,014
- "Dinner. R.S.V.P."
- What's that mean?
184
00:12:16,190 --> 00:12:17,783
When you has dinner
with Earthquake McGoon,
185
00:12:17,958 --> 00:12:21,724
R.S.V.P. means only one thing,
“roast skunk very possible."
186
00:12:21,895 --> 00:12:23,385
Mammy, I'm scared.
187
00:12:23,564 --> 00:12:25,054
I never said I'd "nuptialize”
188
00:12:25,232 --> 00:12:27,564
with a miserable ape
like Earthquake McGoon.
189
00:12:27,735 --> 00:12:29,897
Did I hear my name?
190
00:12:30,871 --> 00:12:32,168
Morning, ladies.
191
00:12:32,339 --> 00:12:34,068
Howdy, Sam.
192
00:12:34,241 --> 00:12:37,836
My, Daisy Mae, you looking
special purty this morning.
193
00:12:38,012 --> 00:12:40,208
Thank you, Mr. McGoon.
194
00:12:40,381 --> 00:12:41,815
Glad I ran into you, Sam.
195
00:12:41,982 --> 00:12:44,679
Tell me, what has you
in a $4 wedding?
196
00:12:44,852 --> 00:12:48,015
And just what, may I ask,
would a rat varmint like you
197
00:12:48,188 --> 00:12:50,555
want with information
about a $4 wedding?
198
00:12:50,724 --> 00:12:53,091
Could be I'm fixing
to get myself married,
199
00:12:53,260 --> 00:12:56,753
since just returning home
with my newly acquired title,
200
00:12:56,930 --> 00:12:59,490
namely the
World's Dirtiest Wrestler,
201
00:12:59,667 --> 00:13:02,193
I am particularly well-heeled.
202
00:13:02,369 --> 00:13:04,030
Is you inferring you has money?
203
00:13:04,204 --> 00:13:05,672
Lady, I is filthy with it.
204
00:13:05,839 --> 00:13:07,773
Mister, you was filthy without it.
205
00:13:07,941 --> 00:13:11,104
Naturally, I intend to wed
a certain Dogpatch gal.
206
00:13:11,278 --> 00:13:13,042
McGoon, you crazy or something?
207
00:13:13,213 --> 00:13:15,705
You knows a man can't claim
a gal for marriage down here
208
00:13:15,883 --> 00:13:18,944
unless she catches him herself
on Sadie Hawkins Day.
209
00:13:19,119 --> 00:13:22,180
If you want some answers,
I suggest you perambulates on down
210
00:13:22,356 --> 00:13:27,317
to the fall-about meeting, which is
about to be held at Cornpone Square.
211
00:13:27,494 --> 00:13:28,689
Cornpone Square!
212
00:13:28,862 --> 00:13:30,694
You mean this is gonna be
a Cornpone meeting?
213
00:13:30,864 --> 00:13:33,265
By direct request
of my very good friend
214
00:13:33,434 --> 00:13:37,029
the Honorable Senator
Jack S. Phogbound.
215
00:13:37,204 --> 00:13:40,071
- Is Senator Phogbound coming here?
- That's right.
216
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:44,234
- First time in 18 years.
- This could be serious.
217
00:13:44,611 --> 00:13:47,603
And we only has Cornpone meetings
for events of national importance.
218
00:13:47,781 --> 00:13:50,478
Or a hideous change
in the Dogpatch way of life.
219
00:13:51,385 --> 00:13:53,854
There gonna be
a hideous change, all right.
220
00:13:54,021 --> 00:13:55,045
Come on, Sam.
221
00:13:55,222 --> 00:13:58,157
Now, tell me about your $8 wedding.
222
00:14:00,294 --> 00:14:03,423
Well, I don't crave your business,
but I can't discriminate.
223
00:14:03,597 --> 00:14:06,658
Now, first I clips your toenails, gives
you a quick shave and a sponge bath
224
00:14:06,834 --> 00:14:09,496
if you needs it, and frankly,
I'd say you needs it.
225
00:14:09,670 --> 00:14:11,764
I like that for a beginning.
226
00:14:12,606 --> 00:14:14,005
Looks bad, Daisy.
227
00:14:14,174 --> 00:14:15,699
Oh, what is we gonna do?
228
00:14:15,876 --> 00:14:17,571
I tell you what we's gonna do.
229
00:14:17,745 --> 00:14:19,474
You hightail it up
to Polecat Creek
230
00:14:19,646 --> 00:14:21,842
and tell Abner and the rest
of them no-good skunks
231
00:14:22,015 --> 00:14:24,507
- to get over there to that meeting.
- Right.
232
00:14:24,685 --> 00:14:25,914
But what if they'd druther not?
233
00:14:26,086 --> 00:14:28,248
You just tell them that
I'd druther they had druther,
234
00:14:28,422 --> 00:14:31,050
and when Pansy Yokum says
she had druther they had druther.
235
00:14:31,225 --> 00:14:32,852
Brother, they'd druther.
236
00:14:35,462 --> 00:14:38,227
If I had my druthers
237
00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:41,300
I'd druther have my druthers
238
00:14:41,835 --> 00:14:47,205
Than do any work at all
239
00:14:48,542 --> 00:14:51,512
It ain't that I hates it
240
00:14:51,678 --> 00:14:54,807
I often contemplates it
241
00:14:54,982 --> 00:15:00,819
While watching the raindrops fall
242
00:15:01,655 --> 00:15:04,852
I sits there for hours
243
00:15:05,025 --> 00:15:08,017
Developin' my powers
244
00:15:08,195 --> 00:15:13,531
Of figurin' how flowers gets tall
245
00:15:15,068 --> 00:15:18,333
If I had my druthers
246
00:15:18,505 --> 00:15:21,702
I'd druther have my druthers
247
00:15:21,875 --> 00:15:28,042
Than do any work at all
248
00:15:29,683 --> 00:15:31,515
Abner?
249
00:15:34,321 --> 00:15:37,347
Oh, there you are. Abner.
250
00:15:37,524 --> 00:15:39,492
Abner, Mammy says y'all is
to come to the meeting.
251
00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:41,788
- Daisy Mae, you is out of bounds.
- Abner, you--
252
00:15:41,962 --> 00:15:44,590
You know Polecat Creek
is off-limits to love-starved females.
253
00:15:44,765 --> 00:15:46,597
- I'm no--
- And since you is both love-starved
254
00:15:46,767 --> 00:15:50,328
and female, I suggest you get out
the way you got in.
255
00:15:50,504 --> 00:15:53,098
Abner Yokum, if you don't
get down to that meeting,
256
00:15:53,273 --> 00:15:54,707
Mammy gonna give you what for.
257
00:15:54,875 --> 00:15:56,365
What for is she gonna
give me what for?
258
00:15:56,543 --> 00:15:58,443
Because it's a big, important meeting,
259
00:15:58,612 --> 00:16:00,546
big enough so that Earthquake
McGoon's going around
260
00:16:00,714 --> 00:16:02,443
bragging how he's
gonna marry me
261
00:16:02,616 --> 00:16:05,449
and throw me a big fancy wedding
with a roast-skunk dinner.
262
00:16:05,619 --> 00:16:06,643
That's just talk.
263
00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:10,154
He can't marry you unless you catches
him first on Sadie Hawkins Day.
264
00:16:10,324 --> 00:16:12,292
And you don't run
after nobody but me.
265
00:16:12,459 --> 00:16:15,394
You does it every year,
you poor soul.
266
00:16:15,562 --> 00:16:19,192
This year it'd be so simple
if you'd just help me.
267
00:16:19,766 --> 00:16:22,292
I mean, if you is ashamed,
I could dig a big hole,
268
00:16:22,469 --> 00:16:25,029
and you could fall in and pretend
like you broke your leg.
269
00:16:25,205 --> 00:16:28,698
Or maybe I could shoot you
in some unimportant place.
270
00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:32,073
Daisy Mae, that is subversive talk,
and I won't hear none of it.
271
00:16:32,246 --> 00:16:34,715
And neither will these boys.
Now you get on out of here.
272
00:16:34,882 --> 00:16:35,974
- But, Abner--
- I said, get.
273
00:16:36,149 --> 00:16:39,585
- But Mammy said--
- Get, I has spoken.
274
00:16:42,022 --> 00:16:45,583
All right, I'll just tell Mammy you ain't
coming to the Cornpone meeting.
275
00:16:45,759 --> 00:16:47,523
- Cornpone meeting?
- Of course.
276
00:16:47,694 --> 00:16:49,526
You didn't say it was
a Cornpone meeting.
277
00:16:49,696 --> 00:16:51,425
Did you hear that, fellas?
A Cornpone meeting.
278
00:16:51,598 --> 00:16:53,327
This must be
a national emergency.
279
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:56,765
We'd better get there fast, this might
call for some brains or something.
280
00:16:56,937 --> 00:17:00,237
- Daisy, fetch me my worms.
- Surely.
281
00:17:09,516 --> 00:17:12,952
Mayor Dawgmeat! Times a-wasting,
so let's get on with the meeting.
282
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:16,215
Yeah, mayor, lay it on them,
lay it on them.
283
00:17:16,390 --> 00:17:21,157
Fellow citizens, I, My Honor,
Daniel D. Dawgmeat,
284
00:17:21,328 --> 00:17:26,357
declares open this solemn
Jubilation T. Cornpone meeting.
285
00:17:26,533 --> 00:17:28,092
That's fine,
I'm sure glad to hear that.
286
00:17:28,268 --> 00:17:30,965
- Who was Jubilation T. Cornpone?
- Hush up.
287
00:17:31,138 --> 00:17:32,902
- Hush up, I said.
- Now wait a minute, Rufe.
288
00:17:33,073 --> 00:17:34,837
Don't whomp that child.
289
00:17:35,008 --> 00:17:36,942
Come here, Zsa Zsa.
290
00:17:39,012 --> 00:17:41,982
Zsa Zsa, honey, it's high time
you knew that our town was founded
291
00:17:42,149 --> 00:17:44,811
by that beloved man sitting up
there on that beloved horse,
292
00:17:44,985 --> 00:17:47,215
Jubilation T. Cornpone.
293
00:17:48,221 --> 00:17:50,212
The greatest fighting general
and military strategist
294
00:17:50,390 --> 00:17:51,687
the Confederacy ever knew.
295
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,085
Was he brave?
296
00:17:55,462 --> 00:17:58,921
Brave? Why J.T. Cornpone didn't
know the meaning of the word "fear.”
297
00:17:59,099 --> 00:18:01,090
Terror, yes, but fear, never.
298
00:18:01,268 --> 00:18:03,396
And all over the countryside,
there's monuments
299
00:18:03,570 --> 00:18:05,334
commemorating the names
of his famous battles.
300
00:18:05,505 --> 00:18:07,872
- Such as?
- Cornpone's Disaster.
301
00:18:08,041 --> 00:18:09,475
Cornpone's Misjudgment.
302
00:18:09,643 --> 00:18:10,940
Cornpone's Catastrophe.
303
00:18:11,111 --> 00:18:13,273
And Cornpone's Humiliation.
304
00:18:14,414 --> 00:18:18,578
When we fought the Yankees
And annihilation was near
305
00:18:19,186 --> 00:18:22,781
Who was there to lead the charge
That took us safe to the rear?
306
00:18:22,956 --> 00:18:26,449
Why, it was
Jubilation T. Cornpone
307
00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:28,755
Old Toot-Your-Own-Horn-pone
308
00:18:28,929 --> 00:18:32,627
Jubilation T. Cornpone
A man who knew no fear
309
00:18:32,799 --> 00:18:35,530
- Tell us more, Sam.
- Yeah, tell us. What else did he do?
310
00:18:35,702 --> 00:18:39,832
When we almost had them
But the issue still was in doubt
311
00:18:40,540 --> 00:18:42,338
Who suggested the retreat
312
00:18:42,509 --> 00:18:45,274
That turned it into a rout?
Why, it was--
313
00:18:45,445 --> 00:18:47,675
- Jubilation T. Cornpone.
- Correct!
314
00:18:47,848 --> 00:18:49,976
Old Tattered-and-Torn-pone
315
00:18:50,350 --> 00:18:54,048
Jubilation T. Cornpone
He kept us hidin' out
316
00:18:54,888 --> 00:18:58,791
With our ammunition gone
And faced with utter defeat
317
00:18:59,526 --> 00:19:03,156
Who was it that burned the crops
And left us nothing to eat?
318
00:19:03,330 --> 00:19:06,698
Why, it was Jubilation T. Cornpone
319
00:19:06,867 --> 00:19:09,063
Old September-Morn-pone
320
00:19:09,236 --> 00:19:12,570
Jubilation T. Cornpone
The pants blown off his seat
321
00:19:12,739 --> 00:19:13,729
Hooray!
322
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:22,172
When it seemed like our brave boys
Might keep on fighting for months
323
00:19:22,349 --> 00:19:23,339
Do tell!
324
00:19:23,517 --> 00:19:27,147
Who took pity on them
And capitulated at once?
325
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,483
Why, it was Jubilation T. Cornpone
326
00:19:30,857 --> 00:19:33,053
Unshaven-and-Shorn-pone
327
00:19:33,226 --> 00:19:35,160
Jubilation T. Cornpone
328
00:19:35,328 --> 00:19:36,659
He weren't nobody's dunce
329
00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:40,198
Why, it was Jubilation T. Cornpone
330
00:19:40,367 --> 00:19:42,734
Unshaven-and-Shorn-pone
331
00:19:42,903 --> 00:19:44,735
Jubilation T. Cornpone
332
00:19:44,905 --> 00:19:46,373
He weren't nobody's dunce
333
00:19:47,441 --> 00:19:51,378
History says that General Grant
Was pretty good with a jug
334
00:19:52,045 --> 00:19:55,845
Who drank drink-for-drink with him
And wound up under the rug?
335
00:19:56,016 --> 00:19:59,350
Why, it was Jubilation T. Cornpone
336
00:19:59,519 --> 00:20:01,715
Passed-Out-Until-Morn-pone
337
00:20:01,888 --> 00:20:03,720
Jubilation T. Cornpone
338
00:20:03,890 --> 00:20:05,551
His whiskers in his mug
339
00:20:06,426 --> 00:20:10,522
Hearing that a Northern spy
Had come to town for a night
340
00:20:11,198 --> 00:20:15,135
Who gained entrance to her rooms
And lost a glorious fight?
341
00:20:15,302 --> 00:20:18,465
Why, it was Jubilation T. Cornpone
342
00:20:18,638 --> 00:20:20,834
Old-Weary-and-Worn-pone
343
00:20:21,007 --> 00:20:24,671
Jubilation T. Cornpone
He fought all through the night
344
00:20:30,117 --> 00:20:34,679
There at Appomattox, Lee and Grant
Were present, of course
345
00:20:34,855 --> 00:20:38,382
As Lee swept a tear away
Who swept up back of his horse?
346
00:20:38,558 --> 00:20:41,960
Why, it was Jubilation T. Cornpone
347
00:20:42,129 --> 00:20:44,564
Weren't-Sorry-Forlorn-pone
348
00:20:44,731 --> 00:20:48,224
Jubilation T. Cornpone
A picture of remorse
349
00:20:48,401 --> 00:20:51,769
Why, it was Jubilation T. Cornpone
350
00:20:51,938 --> 00:20:54,066
Completely-Abhorrent-pone
351
00:20:54,241 --> 00:20:55,868
Jubilation T. Cornpone
352
00:20:56,042 --> 00:21:03,108
He really saved the day
353
00:21:06,620 --> 00:21:08,714
All right, mayor,
now get on to your agenda.
354
00:21:08,889 --> 00:21:11,085
Yeah, let's do a little "agendizing."
355
00:21:11,758 --> 00:21:13,487
All right, let's get back to the meeting.
356
00:21:13,660 --> 00:21:17,927
- Now, the first thing on the agenda is--
- Hold it! Hold it a minute!
357
00:21:18,098 --> 00:21:20,499
Mayor Dawgmeat,
I've got a question.
358
00:21:20,667 --> 00:21:23,466
I wanna knows how come
we having a Cornpone meeting.
359
00:21:23,904 --> 00:21:25,338
Abner, my boy,
360
00:21:25,505 --> 00:21:29,271
the answer to that is a-coming up
the road right now.
361
00:21:39,252 --> 00:21:42,313
Hello, everybody! Hello!
Hello, glad to see you.
362
00:21:43,824 --> 00:21:47,283
Well, now, say--
363
00:21:49,396 --> 00:21:51,490
Hello. Yes.
364
00:21:51,665 --> 00:21:53,963
Earthquake, how are you, my boy?
365
00:21:54,134 --> 00:21:56,068
Howdy, senator.
366
00:21:56,236 --> 00:21:58,398
- Abner, get back here.
- Hello, senator.
367
00:21:58,572 --> 00:22:01,473
Well, Daisy Mae.
368
00:22:03,043 --> 00:22:06,536
My fellow citizens of Dogpatch,
369
00:22:06,713 --> 00:22:08,943
our distinguished senator,
370
00:22:09,115 --> 00:22:12,710
the Honorable Jack S. Phogbound.
371
00:22:15,589 --> 00:22:17,216
Mayor Dawgmeat
372
00:22:17,390 --> 00:22:20,690
and my beloved constituents
of Dogpatch,
373
00:22:20,861 --> 00:22:22,192
I could stand here
374
00:22:22,362 --> 00:22:26,560
and bask in the sunshine
of your warm greeting forever.
375
00:22:26,733 --> 00:22:28,497
Bask on your own time, Phogbound.
376
00:22:28,668 --> 00:22:31,069
Yeah, get to the point!
Get to the point!
377
00:22:32,772 --> 00:22:35,571
Now, I bet you all wonder
what I've been doing
378
00:22:35,742 --> 00:22:38,211
down in Washington
these last 18 years.
379
00:22:38,378 --> 00:22:42,008
We didn't care just so long
as you was there and we was here.
380
00:22:42,349 --> 00:22:43,373
Quiet!
381
00:22:43,550 --> 00:22:46,713
Senator, tell them what you done
done for us down there in Washington.
382
00:22:46,887 --> 00:22:52,417
I done got the United States Senate
to pass the Jack S. Phogbound Bill.
383
00:22:54,027 --> 00:22:57,224
There's no Jack S. like our Jack S.
384
00:22:57,397 --> 00:22:58,421
That's right.
385
00:22:58,598 --> 00:23:01,590
Through my efforts,
little old Dogpatch,
386
00:23:01,768 --> 00:23:03,532
obscure, unknown,
387
00:23:03,703 --> 00:23:06,934
poverty-stricken Dogpatch
is gonna be world-famous.
388
00:23:07,107 --> 00:23:10,441
And just what for is we gonna
be famous for? What for?
389
00:23:10,610 --> 00:23:12,601
You is gonna save the lifeblood
390
00:23:12,779 --> 00:23:16,238
of a vigorous, thriving American
industry, that's what for.
391
00:23:16,416 --> 00:23:18,578
And what industry is that, senator?
392
00:23:18,752 --> 00:23:21,881
My boy, a glorious young industry
393
00:23:22,055 --> 00:23:24,922
devoted solely
to the stimulation and relaxation
394
00:23:25,091 --> 00:23:27,685
so necessary for the
American businessman.
395
00:23:27,861 --> 00:23:30,262
An industry known as Las Vegas.
396
00:23:30,430 --> 00:23:31,795
Las Vegas?
397
00:23:31,965 --> 00:23:34,263
Ain't that where they do
all that gambling?
398
00:23:34,434 --> 00:23:38,132
Yes, Daisy Mae,
and right there's their problem.
399
00:23:38,305 --> 00:23:39,670
You see,
400
00:23:39,839 --> 00:23:41,739
in the desert nearby,
401
00:23:41,908 --> 00:23:45,845
the government's a-shooting off
certain nuclear weapons of war.
402
00:23:46,012 --> 00:23:47,537
Atom bombs.
403
00:23:47,714 --> 00:23:49,409
Atom bombs!
404
00:23:49,582 --> 00:23:52,711
That's right, and atomic dust
of them bombs
405
00:23:52,886 --> 00:23:57,153
is a-floating down and a-settling
in them Las Vegas swimming pools
406
00:23:57,324 --> 00:24:00,294
and on them beautiful,
green felt crap-shooting tables.
407
00:24:01,127 --> 00:24:03,789
That green felt
is a-turning so brown,
408
00:24:03,964 --> 00:24:06,490
you can't tell at all whether
your money is playing the field
409
00:24:06,666 --> 00:24:08,998
- or coming the hard way.
- Well, I object.
410
00:24:09,169 --> 00:24:11,570
And the colors is fading
on them slot machines.
411
00:24:11,738 --> 00:24:13,365
- No.
- Oh, yes, they is.
412
00:24:13,540 --> 00:24:17,067
Why, you can't tell at all whether
you've got two cherries or three plums,
413
00:24:17,243 --> 00:24:18,733
three bells or two oranges.
414
00:24:18,912 --> 00:24:20,505
And when you hits the jackpot,
415
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:25,140
you don't dare touch your money,
because it might be radioactive.
416
00:24:27,053 --> 00:24:29,078
Does you think your government
up there in Washington
417
00:24:29,255 --> 00:24:30,484
is gonna stand by
418
00:24:30,657 --> 00:24:33,649
and let a tragedy like this happen
to an American industry
419
00:24:33,827 --> 00:24:37,286
to whom so many have given
so much for so little?
420
00:24:37,464 --> 00:24:40,900
- No!
- No, my-- No, my friends.
421
00:24:41,067 --> 00:24:44,367
And that is why
the Jack S. Phogbound Committee
422
00:24:44,537 --> 00:24:45,732
has been chosen.
423
00:24:45,905 --> 00:24:49,239
To find a new place to test them
atom bombs and guided missiles?
424
00:24:49,409 --> 00:24:50,399
Yes.
425
00:24:50,577 --> 00:24:53,774
Some place we can blow off
the face of the earth.
426
00:24:53,947 --> 00:24:55,915
Some spot that ain't
never gonna be missed.
427
00:24:56,082 --> 00:24:59,814
In fact, the most unnecessary place
in the whole U.S.A.
428
00:24:59,986 --> 00:25:02,182
Well, I'll be dogged.
How about that.
429
00:25:02,355 --> 00:25:05,655
And I now has the honor and
the privilege of announcing that,
430
00:25:05,825 --> 00:25:08,624
after a four-year
government survey
431
00:25:08,795 --> 00:25:10,786
of all the no-good, no-account,
432
00:25:10,964 --> 00:25:13,934
unnecessary places
in this whole country,
433
00:25:14,267 --> 00:25:18,602
you has been selected
as the most unnecessary of all.
434
00:25:24,911 --> 00:25:27,608
Now pay attention,
you lovable citizens.
435
00:25:27,781 --> 00:25:29,442
You all is gonna be moved out of here
436
00:25:29,616 --> 00:25:31,584
by order of the
United States government.
437
00:25:31,751 --> 00:25:34,083
And here's the
fine government scientist
438
00:25:34,254 --> 00:25:36,382
who will supervise your evacuation.
439
00:25:36,556 --> 00:25:40,515
Citizens, meet
Dr. Rasmussen T. Finsdale.
440
00:25:42,462 --> 00:25:45,955
Friends, friends, we intend
to move you from Dogpatch
441
00:25:46,132 --> 00:25:48,260
to a necessary place in our society.
442
00:25:48,435 --> 00:25:51,370
Now, the first detonation
will be on Wednesday,
443
00:25:51,538 --> 00:25:53,768
but the evacuation
will start immediately.
444
00:25:53,940 --> 00:25:55,465
So good luck and thank you.
445
00:25:57,577 --> 00:26:00,239
And so, my dear constituents,
446
00:26:00,413 --> 00:26:02,108
as I bid you farewell,
447
00:26:02,282 --> 00:26:04,478
I beg you, don't let me down.
448
00:26:04,651 --> 00:26:09,248
Just remember, your government
is spending $1 million
449
00:26:09,422 --> 00:26:13,984
on one bomb just to blow your homes
off the face of the earth.
450
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:16,458
So show your appreciation!
451
00:26:18,598 --> 00:26:20,760
Don't that take the rag
Off of the bush?
452
00:26:20,934 --> 00:26:22,129
Sure do!
453
00:26:22,302 --> 00:26:24,532
Don't that take the tassel
Off of the corn?
454
00:26:24,704 --> 00:26:25,933
Yahoo!
455
00:26:26,106 --> 00:26:28,666
Of all the very ordinary
Most unloved
456
00:26:28,842 --> 00:26:32,608
Unnecessary places on this earth
They settled on yours
457
00:26:32,779 --> 00:26:34,474
- Rule the day!
- They settled on yours
458
00:26:34,647 --> 00:26:36,581
- Great day!
- As sure as you're born
459
00:26:36,749 --> 00:26:39,616
- Hey! Hey!
- They settled on yours
460
00:26:39,786 --> 00:26:41,515
Dogpatch!
461
00:28:56,222 --> 00:28:59,487
Don't that take the beard
Off of the goat?
462
00:28:59,659 --> 00:29:03,220
Don't that take the nap
Off of the yarn?
463
00:29:03,396 --> 00:29:05,660
Of all the very ordinary
Most unloved
464
00:29:05,832 --> 00:29:10,497
Unnecessary places on this earth
The favorite is ours
465
00:29:10,670 --> 00:29:13,765
Don't that take the rag
Off of the bush?
466
00:29:13,940 --> 00:29:17,001
Don't that take the tassel
Off of the corn?
467
00:29:17,176 --> 00:29:19,668
Of all the very ordinary
Most unloved
468
00:29:19,846 --> 00:29:27,344
Unnecessary places on this earth
The favorite is ours
469
00:29:30,123 --> 00:29:31,955
Dogpatch!
470
00:29:33,526 --> 00:29:35,051
Hold it! Wait up!
471
00:29:36,963 --> 00:29:38,590
Friends, citizens,
472
00:29:38,765 --> 00:29:40,859
wash out your ears
and listen close.
473
00:29:41,034 --> 00:29:43,560
I wants to add
to this glorifying occasion
474
00:29:43,736 --> 00:29:47,764
by making a history-creating,
romantic announcement.
475
00:29:47,940 --> 00:29:52,309
I hereby claims
as my bride in marriage
476
00:29:52,478 --> 00:29:55,880
none other than that attractive
little crowd-pleaser,
477
00:29:56,049 --> 00:29:58,643
the ever-popular Miss Daisy Mae.
478
00:29:58,818 --> 00:30:01,150
- Holy mackerel.
- How dare you!
479
00:30:01,321 --> 00:30:04,416
- Abner, give him what for.
- I'll bust his head wide open.
480
00:30:04,590 --> 00:30:07,685
Just a minute. I does
the head-busting for this family.
481
00:30:08,094 --> 00:30:09,721
McGoon, you crazy?
482
00:30:09,896 --> 00:30:12,331
You know you can't claim
no gal down here
483
00:30:12,498 --> 00:30:14,489
unless she catches you
on Sadie Hawkins Day.
484
00:30:14,667 --> 00:30:15,828
You hear the man?
485
00:30:16,002 --> 00:30:18,835
He say they gonna drop
the bomb on Wednesday.
486
00:30:19,005 --> 00:30:21,474
Well, Sadie Hawkins Day
ain't till Friday.
487
00:30:21,641 --> 00:30:25,373
So there can't be no more
Sadie Hawkins Day.
488
00:30:27,347 --> 00:30:30,908
No more Sadie Hawkins Day?
What is we gonna do?
489
00:30:31,084 --> 00:30:33,451
Mammy, what is we gonna do?
490
00:30:33,619 --> 00:30:36,020
Think fast, Mammy. My income
depends on the outcome.
491
00:30:36,189 --> 00:30:39,284
- Don't worry, Sam.
- Be quiet, everybody.
492
00:30:39,459 --> 00:30:42,588
Since we ain't gonna have
no more Sadie Hawkins Day,
493
00:30:42,762 --> 00:30:45,254
we automatically goes back
to the code of the hills.
494
00:30:45,431 --> 00:30:49,732
Whereby, if a male desires
marriage with a female
495
00:30:49,902 --> 00:30:51,996
of the opposite sex,
496
00:30:52,171 --> 00:30:56,130
he can claim his beloved
if he gets approval of her next of kin.
497
00:30:56,309 --> 00:30:58,141
- Right, Mayor Dawgmeat?
- That's the law.
498
00:30:58,311 --> 00:31:01,474
Therefore, I claims in marriage
the aforementioned
499
00:31:01,647 --> 00:31:04,412
lusciously desirable,
delicious, delectable,
500
00:31:04,584 --> 00:31:07,019
palpitatingly appetizing
young morsel--
501
00:31:07,186 --> 00:31:09,018
Is that a female or a breakfast food?
502
00:31:09,188 --> 00:31:11,418
Hush up. Miss Daisy Mae.
503
00:31:14,093 --> 00:31:17,825
Under the code of the hills,
is there any other claimers?
504
00:31:24,036 --> 00:31:25,060
- Excuse me.
- Naturally.
505
00:31:25,238 --> 00:31:27,172
Much obliged.
506
00:31:31,711 --> 00:31:34,373
Well, if there isn't
any other claimers,
507
00:31:34,547 --> 00:31:36,140
- I's award Daisy--
- Wait!
508
00:31:36,315 --> 00:31:38,784
I also claims the ever-popular lady
in question.
509
00:31:38,951 --> 00:31:41,579
- You done what?
- I claims Daisy Mae.
510
00:31:42,555 --> 00:31:45,456
For the purposes of marriage?
511
00:31:47,326 --> 00:31:50,489
Well, whatever he's claiming her for,
I'm claiming her for.
512
00:31:52,765 --> 00:31:54,665
Abner, does you really mean it?
513
00:31:54,834 --> 00:31:56,324
Sure, I means it.
514
00:31:56,502 --> 00:31:58,869
Oh, Abner, dear.
515
00:31:59,038 --> 00:32:00,904
All right. We has two claimers.
516
00:32:01,073 --> 00:32:03,337
Now, under the aforesaid code
of the hills,
517
00:32:03,509 --> 00:32:04,840
whereas there's two claimers,
518
00:32:05,011 --> 00:32:08,242
the choice must be decided on
by Daisy Mae's next of kin.
519
00:32:08,414 --> 00:32:09,540
- Been decided.
- What?
520
00:32:09,715 --> 00:32:11,479
She already been promised to me
521
00:32:11,651 --> 00:32:15,849
by my good friend,
and Daisy Mae's closest next of kin,
522
00:32:16,022 --> 00:32:19,048
the ever-sensible Romeo Scragg.
523
00:32:19,225 --> 00:32:20,750
Romeo Scragg?
524
00:32:20,927 --> 00:32:23,089
That's me. Big and brassy,
fat and sassy,
525
00:32:23,262 --> 00:32:25,697
fit as a fiddle and ready for love.
526
00:32:26,232 --> 00:32:29,793
Romeo Scragg, you claims
you Daisy Mae's kith and kin?
527
00:32:29,969 --> 00:32:32,666
- I is, and that's the whole trouble.
- Trouble?
528
00:32:32,839 --> 00:32:35,831
I'd like to kith her,
but I don't think I kin.
529
00:32:36,008 --> 00:32:36,998
Quiet now.
530
00:32:37,176 --> 00:32:41,306
Now, Daisy Mae, is Romeo Scragg
your kinfolk, or ain't he?
531
00:32:41,481 --> 00:32:42,710
Well, yes,
532
00:32:42,882 --> 00:32:44,976
but they from a disgusting side
of the family
533
00:32:45,151 --> 00:32:46,846
we never socializes with
534
00:32:47,019 --> 00:32:50,614
except for weddings and hangings,
mostly theirs.
535
00:32:50,790 --> 00:32:52,724
Ain't no use you fighting it,
honey child.
536
00:32:52,892 --> 00:32:55,327
You're pure Scragg from the top
of your scraggy head
537
00:32:55,495 --> 00:32:57,020
to the bottom
of your scraggy toes,
538
00:32:57,196 --> 00:32:58,823
and that's a mess of Scragg.
539
00:32:59,232 --> 00:33:00,825
But we don't consider ourselves--
540
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,401
Once a Scragg, always a Scragg.
541
00:33:03,569 --> 00:33:06,038
Quiet. Quiet.
Now, Romeo Scragg,
542
00:33:06,205 --> 00:33:07,934
is it true that you gave Daisy Mae
543
00:33:08,107 --> 00:33:09,973
- to Earthquake McGoon?
- Correct.
544
00:33:10,142 --> 00:33:12,873
How could you make
such a miserable decision?
545
00:33:13,045 --> 00:33:15,207
Because Earthquake here,
he's a fine man.
546
00:33:15,381 --> 00:33:17,543
He's a good man.
He put love in his heart,
547
00:33:17,717 --> 00:33:19,048
he put faith in his country,
548
00:33:19,218 --> 00:33:21,550
and he just put $4 in my back pocket.
549
00:33:22,021 --> 00:33:24,251
Bless you, my children.
550
00:33:24,423 --> 00:33:26,289
That'll be $4 more.
551
00:33:26,459 --> 00:33:27,893
Let me at him!
552
00:33:28,060 --> 00:33:30,654
Let me at him!
553
00:33:32,365 --> 00:33:34,390
Didn't I shoot you last week?
554
00:33:34,567 --> 00:33:38,026
- Did you hear what he said to me?
- Quiet, everybody.
555
00:33:38,204 --> 00:33:40,536
Now, let's get on with the plans
for the evacuation.
556
00:33:40,706 --> 00:33:43,971
Just a minute.
I have something to say.
557
00:33:44,143 --> 00:33:46,339
Now, I has been promised
to Earthquake McGoon
558
00:33:46,512 --> 00:33:47,570
to have and to hold.
559
00:33:47,747 --> 00:33:50,375
I know some great holds.
560
00:33:51,751 --> 00:33:54,413
And I'll go through with
the nuptials fair and square
561
00:33:54,587 --> 00:33:56,919
because we lives
by the code of the hills,
562
00:33:57,089 --> 00:33:59,183
which I loves and respects.
563
00:33:59,358 --> 00:34:01,588
But first I wanna ask a question.
564
00:34:01,761 --> 00:34:04,253
Is there a government man here?
565
00:34:05,498 --> 00:34:07,296
Excuse me.
Yes, miss, what is it?
566
00:34:07,733 --> 00:34:09,724
Were you gonna bomb our town
because you couldn't find
567
00:34:09,902 --> 00:34:12,200
- nothing about it necessary, right?
- Correct.
568
00:34:12,371 --> 00:34:14,669
Suppose we did find
something necessary,
569
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:16,399
- what then?
- Well,
570
00:34:16,576 --> 00:34:18,044
we'd hardly bomb any community
571
00:34:18,210 --> 00:34:20,679
which made a necessary contribution
to society.
572
00:34:20,846 --> 00:34:22,075
You all hear that?
573
00:34:22,381 --> 00:34:25,942
Now, I say, let's go spread out
and find something necessary.
574
00:34:26,118 --> 00:34:29,110
She's right. We gotta save
our Sadie Hawkins Day, gals.
575
00:34:29,288 --> 00:34:32,724
- Protect the rights of womanhood.
- You can't stop your fellow citizens.
576
00:34:32,892 --> 00:34:35,054
They wants to get up
and get out of here.
577
00:34:35,328 --> 00:34:39,287
These fine young maidens got a right
to get out of this miserable pesthole
578
00:34:39,465 --> 00:34:41,559
and go see the outside world.
579
00:34:41,734 --> 00:34:44,226
- Yeah, Mammy.
- We wants to get citified.
580
00:34:44,403 --> 00:34:45,996
- "Culturized.”
- Modernized.
581
00:34:46,172 --> 00:34:48,766
We wants to broaden our horizons.
582
00:34:49,275 --> 00:34:52,074
So you does, does you?
Well, let me tell you something.
583
00:34:52,244 --> 00:34:54,303
Your horizons
are broad enough already.
584
00:34:55,481 --> 00:34:56,949
Especially yours.
585
00:34:57,116 --> 00:34:59,778
You gals got any idea what they
got waiting for you out there?
586
00:34:59,952 --> 00:35:02,683
- The horrible, miserable customs?
- Like what?
587
00:35:02,855 --> 00:35:05,881
Like a before-marriage custom
called "engagement.”
588
00:35:06,058 --> 00:35:07,617
Engagement? What's that?
589
00:35:07,793 --> 00:35:11,559
That's the time that elapses
between when a gal says, "Sure do,"
590
00:35:11,731 --> 00:35:14,098
and the preacher says, "Go to."
591
00:35:14,266 --> 00:35:16,166
How long does that
engagement thing last?
592
00:35:16,335 --> 00:35:18,770
- Sometimes a whole month.
- A whole month?
593
00:35:18,938 --> 00:35:21,669
What are they, insecure?
594
00:35:22,141 --> 00:35:24,132
Yes, my good friends,
you're gonna have to do
595
00:35:24,310 --> 00:35:25,937
all kinds of horrible things out there.
596
00:35:26,112 --> 00:35:27,477
- Gonna have to take baths.
- No.
597
00:35:27,647 --> 00:35:29,046
- Comb your hair.
- No!
598
00:35:29,215 --> 00:35:30,944
- Clean your nails.
- No!
599
00:35:31,117 --> 00:35:32,778
And worst of all, you'll
have to go to work.
600
00:35:32,952 --> 00:35:34,215
No!
601
00:35:34,387 --> 00:35:37,322
- Oh, that's terrible.
- Is we gonna stand for this injustice?
602
00:35:37,490 --> 00:35:39,049
- No!
- Is we gonna take this lying down?
603
00:35:39,225 --> 00:35:40,659
- No!
- Then what's we gonna do?
604
00:35:40,826 --> 00:35:42,760
I'll tell you what we's gonna do.
605
00:35:42,928 --> 00:35:45,863
We gonna turn this whole town
upside down until some place,
606
00:35:46,032 --> 00:35:48,501
somewhere, someone
finds something necessary.
607
00:36:09,055 --> 00:36:10,955
Abner, help me.
608
00:36:11,123 --> 00:36:12,716
Come on, Daisy.
609
00:36:12,892 --> 00:36:14,485
Abner, let's stop and talk for a while.
610
00:36:14,660 --> 00:36:16,526
This ain't no time to do any talking.
611
00:36:16,696 --> 00:36:19,222
But, Abner, don't you realize
what you've just done?
612
00:36:19,398 --> 00:36:22,197
- You've finally asked me to marry you.
- Yeah, I know.
613
00:36:22,601 --> 00:36:23,932
Why did you do it?
614
00:36:24,103 --> 00:36:26,231
Well, I don't know.
I just did, that's all.
615
00:36:26,405 --> 00:36:28,305
But why?
616
00:36:28,474 --> 00:36:29,999
Well,
617
00:36:30,276 --> 00:36:32,677
there you was,
your usual sweet self,
618
00:36:32,845 --> 00:36:34,142
and there was old Earthquake,
619
00:36:34,313 --> 00:36:36,873
a-panting, a-puffing, a-wheezing
and a-snorting at you.
620
00:36:37,049 --> 00:36:40,781
I ain't gonna let no one like McGoon
puff, pant, wheeze and snort at you.
621
00:36:40,953 --> 00:36:43,422
So I just ups and done it, that's all.
622
00:36:43,756 --> 00:36:47,249
Does that mean you aims to let me
catch you if we has Sadie Hawkins?
623
00:36:47,426 --> 00:36:50,259
- I reckon so.
- Oh, Abner.
624
00:36:50,429 --> 00:36:53,364
- What took you so long?
- Well, I don't know, Daisy.
625
00:36:53,532 --> 00:36:56,968
Some years, I wanted you to catch
me awful bad, but I just couldn't.
626
00:36:57,136 --> 00:36:58,968
I don't know why I couldn't,
but I couldn't.
627
00:36:59,271 --> 00:37:01,672
- There must've been a reason.
- But what was it?
628
00:37:01,841 --> 00:37:03,809
Take last year's race for instance.
629
00:37:03,976 --> 00:37:06,946
There I was, loping along with
my usual burst of brilliant speed,
630
00:37:07,113 --> 00:37:09,548
and I turned around and seen
you, sweet and purty,
631
00:37:09,715 --> 00:37:12,013
reaching out your hand
to grab me for life.
632
00:37:12,184 --> 00:37:16,382
And suddenly, a voice inside of me
hollered, "Abner, boy, take off!"
633
00:37:16,555 --> 00:37:17,852
And I took.
634
00:37:18,023 --> 00:37:20,958
Oh, but that's all behind us now.
635
00:37:21,794 --> 00:37:23,125
You really reckon?
636
00:37:23,295 --> 00:37:26,993
And life's gonna be full
of so many wonderful things.
637
00:37:27,166 --> 00:37:30,431
Things you've been deserving
for such a long, long time.
638
00:37:30,603 --> 00:37:32,662
Namely what?
639
00:37:32,938 --> 00:37:37,637
You deserves a gal who's willing
640
00:37:37,810 --> 00:37:40,336
Namely me
641
00:37:40,646 --> 00:37:45,049
One who'd love
To have your children
642
00:37:45,217 --> 00:37:47,879
Namely me
643
00:37:48,154 --> 00:37:51,385
Standing there
In the doorway waiting
644
00:37:51,557 --> 00:37:54,822
At the close of day
645
00:37:54,994 --> 00:37:58,862
With you all the way
646
00:37:59,031 --> 00:38:00,795
To love
647
00:38:00,966 --> 00:38:05,961
Honor and obey
648
00:38:06,138 --> 00:38:11,133
You deserves two arms to hold you
649
00:38:11,310 --> 00:38:14,007
Namely mine
650
00:38:14,180 --> 00:38:18,242
There to comfort and enfold you
651
00:38:18,417 --> 00:38:21,216
Rain or shine
652
00:38:21,387 --> 00:38:25,346
I deserve someone
Strong and handsome
653
00:38:25,524 --> 00:38:30,860
Bashful and shy and true
654
00:38:31,030 --> 00:38:32,361
And I know
655
00:38:32,531 --> 00:38:37,264
Just the one who'll do
656
00:38:37,436 --> 00:38:43,205
Namely you
657
00:38:52,885 --> 00:38:57,083
You deserve someone good-looking
658
00:38:57,256 --> 00:38:59,782
Namely me
659
00:38:59,959 --> 00:39:04,487
Someone who as yet ain't tooken
660
00:39:04,663 --> 00:39:07,826
Namely me
661
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:12,631
That is how I'll remain
Unless you get me
662
00:39:12,805 --> 00:39:15,399
Shall we say
663
00:39:15,574 --> 00:39:19,511
In the family way
664
00:39:19,678 --> 00:39:25,378
Come next Sadie Hawkins Day
665
00:39:25,551 --> 00:39:29,988
You craves arms
To make you tingle
666
00:39:30,155 --> 00:39:33,022
Namely mine
667
00:39:33,192 --> 00:39:37,959
To a bachelor who's single
668
00:39:38,130 --> 00:39:41,395
That sounds fine
669
00:39:41,567 --> 00:39:45,595
Comes the day I no longer "bachel”
670
00:39:45,771 --> 00:39:50,902
Naturally, I'll be true
671
00:39:51,076 --> 00:39:54,171
- And who could I
- And who could I
672
00:39:54,346 --> 00:39:58,442
- Be truest to?
- Be truest to?
673
00:39:58,617 --> 00:40:04,021
Namely you
674
00:40:09,828 --> 00:40:12,991
Abner, don't stand there
mooning and spooning!
675
00:40:13,165 --> 00:40:17,966
Come on, we gotta get down
and help save the town!
676
00:40:19,271 --> 00:40:21,137
I'm sorry. It just won't do.
677
00:40:21,307 --> 00:40:23,708
There's nothing indispensable
about any of this.
678
00:40:23,876 --> 00:40:24,934
Here's something necessary.
679
00:40:25,110 --> 00:40:26,805
Yeah, what about this,
Mr. Government-Man?
680
00:40:26,979 --> 00:40:29,448
Oh, no. There's absolutely
nothing necessary
681
00:40:29,615 --> 00:40:31,640
about a cigar-store Indian,
682
00:40:31,817 --> 00:40:34,650
or a set of his and her spittoons,
or any of this trash.
683
00:40:35,487 --> 00:40:38,923
- Is there anyone else?
- I've got it!
684
00:40:39,792 --> 00:40:41,692
I've got it!
685
00:40:41,860 --> 00:40:43,350
- Here it is.
- What is it?
686
00:40:43,529 --> 00:40:46,726
A 1925 Sears, Roebuck catalog.
687
00:40:46,899 --> 00:40:48,890
Special Dogpatch edition.
688
00:40:49,068 --> 00:40:51,867
But there's no printing in it.
The pages are all blank.
689
00:40:52,037 --> 00:40:56,031
Well, we didn't have any money
that year, so they sent it out blank
690
00:40:56,208 --> 00:40:58,006
just to keep up the goodwill.
691
00:40:58,177 --> 00:41:01,772
Well, it's interesting, my good man,
but hardly a necessity.
692
00:41:01,947 --> 00:41:05,440
Might be if you lived in Dogpatch.
693
00:41:05,851 --> 00:41:08,877
Now I've had enough.
This is an order. Every one of you--
694
00:41:09,054 --> 00:41:10,681
I's got it. I's got it.
695
00:41:10,856 --> 00:41:15,225
You can stop your fretting and
your fussing because I's really got it.
696
00:41:15,394 --> 00:41:18,329
The most necessary
innovation in modern times.
697
00:41:18,497 --> 00:41:21,262
- Oh, quickly, what is it?
- Here, put these on.
698
00:41:21,433 --> 00:41:23,424
Cover up, young feller.
699
00:41:23,602 --> 00:41:24,967
Stupefyin'...
700
00:41:26,238 --> 00:41:28,332
...Jones.
701
00:41:36,949 --> 00:41:39,111
What does it do?
702
00:41:40,652 --> 00:41:42,017
It's a deadly weapon,
703
00:41:42,187 --> 00:41:45,589
guaranteed to stupefy any human male
dead in his tracks.
704
00:41:45,758 --> 00:41:48,159
Here, I'll demonstrate.
Hey, Itchy McRabbit.
705
00:41:48,327 --> 00:41:49,886
- Yeah.
- Come on over here.
706
00:41:50,062 --> 00:41:55,091
All right, honey.
Five, four, three, two, blast off.
707
00:41:55,267 --> 00:41:57,258
Stupefied.
708
00:42:00,873 --> 00:42:03,535
Unstupefied.
709
00:42:03,709 --> 00:42:05,074
- What you want?
- Nothing.
710
00:42:05,244 --> 00:42:06,939
Oh, all right.
711
00:42:09,415 --> 00:42:11,850
- Well?
- It's fascinating.
712
00:42:12,017 --> 00:42:13,507
But of what utility?
713
00:42:13,685 --> 00:42:16,086
Why, she'd be invaluable
to music lovers.
714
00:42:16,255 --> 00:42:19,418
She could make
Elvis Presley stand still.
715
00:42:19,591 --> 00:42:21,958
But I like him the way he is.
716
00:42:22,127 --> 00:42:24,118
Now, then, enough
of this nonsense. The--
717
00:42:24,296 --> 00:42:26,264
I've got it. I've got it.
I've really got it.
718
00:42:26,532 --> 00:42:29,331
If you's looking for something
necessary to the whole country,
719
00:42:29,501 --> 00:42:32,869
look no more, because I has it
right here in this little bottle.
720
00:42:33,038 --> 00:42:34,631
My own special
Yokumberry Tonic.
721
00:42:35,007 --> 00:42:36,566
- Yokumberry Tonic?
- Yep.
722
00:42:36,742 --> 00:42:39,404
I whops it out of the berries
of my Yokumberry tree.
723
00:42:39,578 --> 00:42:41,774
Madam, I never heard
of a Yokumberry tree.
724
00:42:41,947 --> 00:42:44,712
Well, you wouldn't. There's only
one of them in the whole world.
725
00:42:44,883 --> 00:42:47,477
That's right,
and it's right in their front yard.
726
00:42:47,653 --> 00:42:49,417
- That's the truth.
- Man ain't interested
727
00:42:49,588 --> 00:42:50,885
in your phony old tonic.
728
00:42:51,123 --> 00:42:55,321
Phony? My boy, Abner, takes it,
and just look at those muscles.
729
00:42:56,462 --> 00:43:02,060
Yeah, just look at those muscles.
730
00:43:04,570 --> 00:43:05,901
And look at that smile.
731
00:43:06,071 --> 00:43:07,300
Wall-to-wall teeth.
732
00:43:07,473 --> 00:43:09,737
I'm sorry, madam.
We already have more tonics
733
00:43:09,908 --> 00:43:11,899
and bodybuilders than we can use.
734
00:43:12,077 --> 00:43:14,842
Appears to me, your body could
still do with a little more building.
735
00:43:15,013 --> 00:43:18,449
Now, that's enough. The evacuation
will proceed immediately.
736
00:43:18,617 --> 00:43:20,984
Meaning there's just nothing
about us that's necessary?
737
00:43:21,153 --> 00:43:22,416
I'm afraid not.
738
00:43:22,588 --> 00:43:27,389
And I should think you'd be delighted at
a chance to get out of a place like this.
739
00:43:27,559 --> 00:43:29,994
You don't rightly understand, mister.
740
00:43:30,162 --> 00:43:32,187
It may not look like much to you,
741
00:43:32,364 --> 00:43:35,197
but this here's our land, our soul.
742
00:43:35,367 --> 00:43:36,926
Where we was raised.
743
00:43:37,102 --> 00:43:40,470
And where our kinfolk
was born and hung.
744
00:43:40,639 --> 00:43:43,040
Where our ancestors
took their bare hands
745
00:43:43,208 --> 00:43:45,609
and built all of this
out of the wilderness.
746
00:43:45,777 --> 00:43:47,575
Our beautiful skunk works.
747
00:43:47,746 --> 00:43:49,714
West Pork Chop Railroad.
748
00:43:49,882 --> 00:43:53,011
That beautiful intersection
of Hog Fat Boulevard
749
00:43:53,185 --> 00:43:55,244
and Sheep Dip Drive.
750
00:43:55,420 --> 00:43:59,857
Where we was planning to build
our new hotel, the Dogpatch Hilton.
751
00:44:00,025 --> 00:44:02,153
Not to mention, Cornpone Square.
752
00:44:02,327 --> 00:44:04,989
Come on Mammy, Pappy.
753
00:44:12,604 --> 00:44:16,040
If you're looking for something
really necessary, we got them.
754
00:44:16,208 --> 00:44:18,302
- Now what?
- Kikapoo joy juice.
755
00:44:18,477 --> 00:44:19,774
Heap big firewater.
756
00:44:19,945 --> 00:44:22,004
Cheap rotgut, ain't fit
for human consumption.
757
00:44:22,181 --> 00:44:25,151
Now, wait, wait. Can it be
produced inexpensively?
758
00:44:25,317 --> 00:44:27,251
Mister, if you pays more
than a nickel a quart,
759
00:44:27,419 --> 00:44:29,012
you're violating the fair-trade laws.
760
00:44:29,188 --> 00:44:31,555
Well, there we are.
An alcoholic beverage
761
00:44:31,723 --> 00:44:35,216
that could be sold to the American
public for only 5 cents a quart.
762
00:44:35,394 --> 00:44:37,021
Perhaps I'd better taste it.
763
00:44:37,362 --> 00:44:40,889
No need to bother, doctor.
I'd be glad to take a little taste for you.
764
00:44:41,066 --> 00:44:43,398
Oh, very well, if you'd like.
765
00:44:47,806 --> 00:44:50,070
Water! Water! Water!
766
00:44:50,242 --> 00:44:52,074
Why bother with just plain water?
767
00:44:52,244 --> 00:44:54,975
Why not take something
guaranteed to build you up,
768
00:44:55,147 --> 00:44:57,275
like some Yokumberry Tonic.
769
00:45:18,370 --> 00:45:21,965
- He's as big as Li'l Abner.
- He is. He is.
770
00:45:22,140 --> 00:45:23,835
Holy mackerel. He sure is.
771
00:45:24,009 --> 00:45:25,238
What was in that bottle?
772
00:45:25,410 --> 00:45:27,879
Just some of my own
special bodybuilding tonic.
773
00:45:28,046 --> 00:45:29,514
Has anyone ever taken this before?
774
00:45:29,681 --> 00:45:32,013
No one in the whole world
except my boy, Abner.
775
00:45:32,184 --> 00:45:35,779
You say this tonic is made from a tree
that grows only in your front yard?
776
00:45:35,954 --> 00:45:37,786
That's right, and it belongs
to my boy, Abner.
777
00:45:37,956 --> 00:45:41,221
Dr. Finsdale, this is a matter
for top echelon security.
778
00:45:41,393 --> 00:45:44,488
Right. Yokum, you'll have to come
to Washington immediately.
779
00:45:44,663 --> 00:45:47,428
- Yes, sir, Your Honor.
- Now hear this, all of you.
780
00:45:47,599 --> 00:45:50,625
This Yokumberry Tonic seems
to have miracle-like properties,
781
00:45:50,802 --> 00:45:53,863
which could well alter our plan
for the evacuation of Dogpatch.
782
00:45:54,039 --> 00:45:55,529
- Hooray!
- Hooray!
783
00:45:55,707 --> 00:45:59,905
However, this drug will need
exhaustive tests on human guinea pigs,
784
00:46:00,078 --> 00:46:02,513
and since you will be
most affected by its outcome,
785
00:46:02,681 --> 00:46:04,979
I'm asking, are there any
volunteers among you?
786
00:46:05,150 --> 00:46:06,948
Hey, hey, you got one right here.
787
00:46:07,119 --> 00:46:09,781
If he gonna come out looking
anything like Abner,
788
00:46:09,955 --> 00:46:12,686
you got yourself one guinea pig.
789
00:46:12,858 --> 00:46:16,089
If that stuff will make something
like that out of something like this,
790
00:46:16,261 --> 00:46:17,660
you got him.
791
00:46:17,829 --> 00:46:20,855
I'd be happy if mine had
a pair of shoulders like that.
792
00:46:21,033 --> 00:46:23,934
I'd be happy if mine
had one shoulder like that.
793
00:46:24,102 --> 00:46:25,695
- Take him.
- Take them all.
794
00:46:25,871 --> 00:46:27,805
Marryin' Sam. Sam.
795
00:46:27,973 --> 00:46:30,670
- What is it, child?
- Go along with him, Sam.
796
00:46:30,842 --> 00:46:33,368
- Take care of Li'l Abner.
- Be my pleasure, honey.
797
00:46:33,545 --> 00:46:37,243
Gentlemen, you'll find an Army truck
waiting down the road. Come along.
798
00:46:37,416 --> 00:46:39,077
Hold on. Wait a minute.
799
00:46:39,251 --> 00:46:42,186
Mr. Scientist, does this mean
we're gonna be necessary after all?
800
00:46:42,354 --> 00:46:45,119
My dear young lady,
if these tests fulfill their promise,
801
00:46:45,290 --> 00:46:47,418
Dogpatch will not only
become necessary,
802
00:46:47,592 --> 00:46:49,822
it will become
absolutely indispensable.
803
00:46:49,995 --> 00:46:52,521
Hooray!
804
00:46:57,736 --> 00:46:59,727
The world was shaken
to its roots today
805
00:46:59,905 --> 00:47:02,875
by a White House announcement that
a Dogpatch lad named Abner Yokum
806
00:47:03,041 --> 00:47:07,205
has discovered a miracle drug
which may revolutionize mankind.
807
00:47:16,555 --> 00:47:18,785
We got it first.
808
00:47:19,691 --> 00:47:22,126
Bulletin, the White House,
Washington, D.C.
809
00:47:22,294 --> 00:47:24,228
Abner Yokum has just told
the president
810
00:47:24,396 --> 00:47:26,296
that if the Yokumberry tests
are successful,
811
00:47:26,465 --> 00:47:30,197
he will give all rights of his fabulous
drug to the government itself.
812
00:47:30,369 --> 00:47:32,497
Private industry is up in arms.
813
00:47:32,671 --> 00:47:35,436
Phogbound, you idiot. Phogbound,
you bumbling nincompoop.
814
00:47:35,607 --> 00:47:37,769
Didn't you tell Yokum of my offer
of a million dollars
815
00:47:37,943 --> 00:47:39,468
for the rights to manufacture
that drug?
816
00:47:39,644 --> 00:47:41,112
I did, General Bullmoose,
817
00:47:41,279 --> 00:47:44,442
but he says he's only interested
in what's good for the U.S.A.
818
00:47:44,616 --> 00:47:47,813
What's good for General Bullmoose
is what's good for the U.S.A.
819
00:47:47,986 --> 00:47:51,581
And by Dow Jones and all their
little averages, don't you forget it.
820
00:47:51,757 --> 00:47:53,521
- Right, boys?
- Right!
821
00:47:53,692 --> 00:47:56,718
Three rousing rahs a few hazzahs
And a hip, hip, hip hooray
822
00:47:56,895 --> 00:48:00,559
What's good for General Bullmoose
Is good for the U.S.A.
823
00:48:00,732 --> 00:48:03,394
Phogbound, I want the
manufacturing rights to that drug.
824
00:48:03,568 --> 00:48:06,833
And by E.R. Squibb & Sons,
I don't care how I get it.
825
00:48:07,005 --> 00:48:09,269
What's this nonsense about
his wanting to give it away?
826
00:48:09,441 --> 00:48:11,409
That's right. He's gonna
give it to the government.
827
00:48:11,576 --> 00:48:14,170
Didn't you tell him I can make him
a better deal than the government?
828
00:48:14,346 --> 00:48:17,407
I have more money
and fewer dependents.
829
00:48:18,049 --> 00:48:20,143
But, my dear General Bullmoose--
830
00:48:20,318 --> 00:48:24,346
Don't you "dear General Bullmoose"
me, you bumbling, incompetent hillbilly.
831
00:48:24,523 --> 00:48:26,321
Do you realize what you've done?
832
00:48:26,491 --> 00:48:31,122
If I owned that tonic, I could make
all the money in the world.
833
00:48:31,296 --> 00:48:33,628
And I need it.
834
00:48:34,199 --> 00:48:36,634
Ever since I was a little child,
835
00:48:36,802 --> 00:48:38,429
I had a dream.
836
00:48:38,603 --> 00:48:41,732
A simple child's dream.
837
00:48:41,907 --> 00:48:45,172
And all that simple child ever wanted
838
00:48:45,343 --> 00:48:49,246
was to get his hands
on all the money in the world
839
00:48:49,414 --> 00:48:51,940
before the greatest broker
of them all
840
00:48:52,117 --> 00:48:56,418
called him to that
big stock market in the sky.
841
00:48:56,588 --> 00:49:01,526
And you, you imbecile,
you've shattered a little child's dream.
842
00:49:01,693 --> 00:49:03,183
Bullsie.
843
00:49:04,996 --> 00:49:08,955
Bullsie, sweetie, lower your voice.
844
00:49:09,134 --> 00:49:11,364
You know what the doctor said.
845
00:49:11,536 --> 00:49:15,370
You mustn't get so excited,
you'll lower your blood sugar.
846
00:49:15,540 --> 00:49:19,135
I don't have blood sugar anymore.
I sold it to my Cuban interest.
847
00:49:19,311 --> 00:49:20,506
Oh, Bullsie.
848
00:49:20,679 --> 00:49:22,545
Appassionata, you should've
been here an hour ago.
849
00:49:22,714 --> 00:49:24,580
- Why are you so late?
- I had to make up.
850
00:49:24,749 --> 00:49:26,581
- Your face?
- No, with the chauffer.
851
00:49:26,751 --> 00:49:28,776
We had a little fight.
852
00:49:29,488 --> 00:49:31,582
Remind me to fire that chauffer.
853
00:49:32,858 --> 00:49:34,121
Now, Appassionata,
854
00:49:34,526 --> 00:49:36,517
that Yokum yokel
is coming here today.
855
00:49:36,695 --> 00:49:38,629
He wants to give his drug
to the government.
856
00:49:38,797 --> 00:49:42,859
And we've got to make him a better
proposition. Now, let's see.
857
00:49:43,034 --> 00:49:47,471
What could we possibly offer him that
he couldn't get from the government?
858
00:49:51,409 --> 00:49:53,207
Make sure I fire that chauffer.
859
00:49:56,147 --> 00:49:57,945
Now, Appassionata, listen carefully.
860
00:49:58,116 --> 00:50:00,312
You've got to do
everything you can to help.
861
00:50:00,485 --> 00:50:02,317
If this bumpkin gives
his drug to the government,
862
00:50:02,487 --> 00:50:04,581
he threatens the whole
free-enterprise system.
863
00:50:04,756 --> 00:50:07,191
- What's in it for me?
- This could destroy capitalism.
864
00:50:07,359 --> 00:50:09,453
- What's in it for me?
- You've got to think of yourself
865
00:50:09,628 --> 00:50:12,188
as a super patriot
doing a super patriotic duty.
866
00:50:12,364 --> 00:50:13,695
What's in it for me?
867
00:50:13,865 --> 00:50:15,799
A million bucks.
868
00:50:15,967 --> 00:50:17,731
Call me Betsy Ross.
869
00:50:21,940 --> 00:50:23,806
Mr. Yokum to see you, sir.
870
00:50:23,975 --> 00:50:25,807
Send him in. Send him in.
871
00:50:26,111 --> 00:50:28,944
Keep your motor running,
Appassionata. I may need you.
872
00:50:29,114 --> 00:50:30,843
Come in, please.
873
00:50:32,784 --> 00:50:34,047
Just Mr. Yokum.
874
00:50:34,219 --> 00:50:36,347
Much obliged.
875
00:50:36,721 --> 00:50:41,124
Well, well, well.
My boy. My dear boy.
876
00:50:41,293 --> 00:50:43,489
- I'm General Bullmoose, son.
- Howdy, general.
877
00:50:43,662 --> 00:50:45,858
- You know the senator.
- Oh, sure.
878
00:50:46,031 --> 00:50:50,696
And this is Miss Appassionata
Von Climax, my executive secretary.
879
00:50:50,869 --> 00:50:52,598
Howdy, ma'am.
880
00:50:52,771 --> 00:50:55,570
Executive secretary?
What does that mean, Your Honor?
881
00:50:55,740 --> 00:50:57,071
Well, she...
882
00:50:58,443 --> 00:50:59,877
Well, she works here.
883
00:51:00,045 --> 00:51:03,606
She gets a salary, and she
kind of lives in my house.
884
00:51:03,782 --> 00:51:07,218
Oh, does that mean you gets
bed and board, ma'am?
885
00:51:07,786 --> 00:51:09,083
Extremely.
886
00:51:13,558 --> 00:51:15,390
Mighty pleased to meet you, ma'am.
887
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:18,491
Well, I'm mighty pleased
to meet you too,
888
00:51:18,663 --> 00:51:21,325
Mr. Yokum.
889
00:51:27,072 --> 00:51:29,973
Mighty purty fur, ma'am.
Did you shoot it?
890
00:51:30,141 --> 00:51:32,303
No, I kind of trapped it.
891
00:51:32,711 --> 00:51:34,475
Did you use any special bait?
892
00:51:34,646 --> 00:51:37,377
Just inhaling and exhaling.
893
00:51:37,582 --> 00:51:39,141
Yes, she's a very healthy girl.
894
00:51:39,317 --> 00:51:41,649
Yokum, my boy, it's time you and I
had a little business talk.
895
00:51:41,820 --> 00:51:45,381
Now, I'm offering you a million dollars
in cash for the rights to your drug.
896
00:51:45,557 --> 00:51:47,286
But I already told the president...
897
00:51:47,459 --> 00:51:49,791
- President? What president?
- President of the United States.
898
00:51:49,961 --> 00:51:51,360
Oh, that president.
899
00:51:51,529 --> 00:51:54,988
Yokum, I don't think you comprehend
what this elixir of yours can do.
900
00:51:55,166 --> 00:51:58,625
It stopped them from bombing my
hometown, and that's all I cares about.
901
00:51:58,803 --> 00:52:00,532
Idealistic nonsense.
902
00:52:00,705 --> 00:52:02,400
Yokum,
903
00:52:02,574 --> 00:52:04,702
I have access to top-secret
government reports,
904
00:52:04,876 --> 00:52:06,776
and so far, the tests
show this drug of yours
905
00:52:06,945 --> 00:52:09,437
exceeds the most fantastic
discoveries of science.
906
00:52:09,614 --> 00:52:11,173
- Is that good?
- Good?
907
00:52:11,349 --> 00:52:13,317
Why, it'll give every male
a perfect physique.
908
00:52:13,485 --> 00:52:16,648
Makes fat men thin, thin men fat.
Takes hair from where you don't want,
909
00:52:16,821 --> 00:52:19,381
puts it where it counts. Broadens
your shoulders, narrows your hips.
910
00:52:19,557 --> 00:52:21,389
Builds up your corpuscles,
lowers blood pressure.
911
00:52:21,559 --> 00:52:23,653
Wakes you up in the morning,
puts you to sleep at night.
912
00:52:23,828 --> 00:52:27,321
It softens your beard, toughens
your skin, and what is more,
913
00:52:27,499 --> 00:52:31,060
it cleans your teeth
and leaves your breath alone.
914
00:52:32,671 --> 00:52:34,833
Sure got good manners, don't it?
915
00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:38,234
Yokum, say the word, and we're
ready to go into production.
916
00:52:38,410 --> 00:52:39,639
We'll bottle it.
917
00:52:39,811 --> 00:52:41,370
- We'll name it after you.
- Me?
918
00:52:41,546 --> 00:52:44,516
We'll call it Yoka-Cola.
919
00:52:44,683 --> 00:52:46,208
Yoka-Cola.
920
00:52:46,384 --> 00:52:48,910
Son, we'll make billions,
and for a starter,
921
00:52:49,087 --> 00:52:51,852
here's my check
for a million dollars.
922
00:52:52,190 --> 00:52:53,885
Well, thanks, general.
923
00:52:54,592 --> 00:52:57,459
But if you don't mind, as
a 100-percent red-blooded American,
924
00:52:57,629 --> 00:52:59,791
I'd rather give it
to the United States government.
925
00:52:59,964 --> 00:53:01,830
- Government?
- Yes, sir. Now if you'll excuse me,
926
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:04,992
I gotta catch my bus home. They're
running Sadie Hawkins Day tomorrow,
927
00:53:05,170 --> 00:53:08,765
and this year I just can't miss it.
I guess you knows why, Mr. Senator.
928
00:53:08,940 --> 00:53:12,899
Well, bye, Mr. General,
Miss Executive, senator.
929
00:53:13,078 --> 00:53:15,410
But, my boy, you can't
walk out on a million dollars.
930
00:53:15,580 --> 00:53:17,412
- Why not?
- Well, because--
931
00:53:18,216 --> 00:53:20,014
Well, it just isn't thrifty.
932
00:53:20,318 --> 00:53:22,047
Well, maybe so, general,
933
00:53:22,220 --> 00:53:24,587
but I've always been
kind of sporty with money.
934
00:53:24,756 --> 00:53:26,087
Bye, y'all.
935
00:53:26,257 --> 00:53:28,055
- Oh, Mr. Yokum.
- Yes'm?
936
00:53:28,226 --> 00:53:30,251
- I do wish you'd stay.
- Well, I have to catch a bus.
937
00:53:30,428 --> 00:53:32,192
- I'm sure you'd find it amusing.
- It's--
938
00:53:32,363 --> 00:53:33,831
I could show you around the city,
939
00:53:33,998 --> 00:53:36,865
or maybe we could even go to
the country and do a little hunting.
940
00:53:37,035 --> 00:53:39,094
Well, I have a Sadie Hawk--
941
00:53:39,270 --> 00:53:41,102
Could we hunt skunk?
942
00:53:41,606 --> 00:53:43,574
You do your skunk hunting
in Dogpatch.
943
00:53:43,742 --> 00:53:45,608
Howdy do, ma'am?
944
00:53:46,845 --> 00:53:49,906
Oh, general,
you better fire that chauffer.
945
00:53:51,916 --> 00:53:54,044
How do you like that?
946
00:53:54,219 --> 00:53:56,415
Well, I'm not through. Not yet.
947
00:53:56,588 --> 00:53:59,614
There's a billion dollars in that drug,
and I'm not selling short.
948
00:53:59,791 --> 00:54:03,591
Not by all the barest bulls of all
the bears and bulls on Broad Street.
949
00:54:03,762 --> 00:54:05,560
Phogbound, what's
this Sadie Hawkins Day?
950
00:54:06,131 --> 00:54:08,930
Oh, a monstrous Dogpatch custom,
951
00:54:09,100 --> 00:54:13,162
wherein the gals chases the men and
marries whomsoever they catches.
952
00:54:17,475 --> 00:54:18,738
Can an outsider enter?
953
00:54:20,211 --> 00:54:21,508
Sure can.
954
00:54:21,813 --> 00:54:23,941
Then we got him.
We go to Dogpatch.
955
00:54:24,115 --> 00:54:26,243
Appassionata enters
the Sadie Hawkins Day Race.
956
00:54:26,417 --> 00:54:29,443
She runs the race, she catches Abner
Yokum, she marries Abner Yokum.
957
00:54:29,621 --> 00:54:33,353
And by community property,
she owns half of everything he owns.
958
00:54:33,525 --> 00:54:36,392
Specifically, Yokumberry Tonic.
959
00:54:36,561 --> 00:54:41,089
Then, if some unfortunate accident
should befall the poor fool,
960
00:54:41,266 --> 00:54:46,102
you, his young widow, would be
the sole possessor of the entire drug.
961
00:54:49,107 --> 00:54:52,509
But, Bullsie,
what if I don't catch him?
962
00:54:52,677 --> 00:54:55,271
I never run anymore.
963
00:54:57,682 --> 00:55:00,879
You'll run this time, or you'll
be back wiping windshields
964
00:55:01,052 --> 00:55:03,919
at the five-minute car wash.
965
00:55:04,389 --> 00:55:05,686
But, Bullsie!
966
00:55:05,857 --> 00:55:09,919
Don't "Bullsie"” me. Pack your things,
Appassionata. We're heading south.
967
00:55:10,094 --> 00:55:12,654
We'll show these hillbillies
what's what. Right, boys?
968
00:55:12,831 --> 00:55:14,060
Right!
969
00:55:14,232 --> 00:55:16,929
He makes the rules
And he intends to keep it thataway
970
00:55:17,101 --> 00:55:20,127
What's good for General Bullmoose
Is good for the U.S.A.
971
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:25,299
He finished up
Like he begun it
972
00:55:25,476 --> 00:55:29,071
He went to Washington
To win a fight and won it
973
00:55:29,247 --> 00:55:32,581
Li'l Abner seen his duty
And he done it
974
00:55:32,750 --> 00:55:37,654
And he's necessary now
975
00:55:42,660 --> 00:55:46,824
Abner Yokum, we want you to know
that we are all very proud of you.
976
00:55:46,998 --> 00:55:48,659
We wanna thank you
for saving our town.
977
00:55:51,769 --> 00:55:53,294
It weren't hardly nothing.
978
00:55:53,471 --> 00:55:57,169
Hey, how's our guinea-pig husbands
doing up there in Washington?
979
00:55:57,342 --> 00:56:00,243
Just fine. They're all turning into
handsome, good-looking men.
980
00:56:00,411 --> 00:56:03,073
Good-looking as you Abner?
981
00:56:03,481 --> 00:56:05,279
Purty close.
982
00:56:05,817 --> 00:56:08,184
Well, tell us about Washington, son.
983
00:56:08,353 --> 00:56:11,050
Is it run by a bunch of crooks?
984
00:56:11,222 --> 00:56:14,123
No, sir, Pappy.
And Washington's a right purty town.
985
00:56:14,292 --> 00:56:16,192
Why, everything's made
out of big old white marble,
986
00:56:16,361 --> 00:56:20,389
and you can't hardly spit without you
hitting a national shrine. Right, Sam?
987
00:56:20,565 --> 00:56:23,762
I ought to know because I let go
a chaw of tobacco in a strong wind.
988
00:56:23,935 --> 00:56:26,461
It ricocheted around the Washington
Monument, flew past Abe Lincoln
989
00:56:26,638 --> 00:56:28,470
and come to rest
on Jefferson's dome.
990
00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:31,166
Thank heaven it didn't hit
none of the Confederacy.
991
00:56:31,342 --> 00:56:32,810
Sam got a $5 fine.
992
00:56:32,977 --> 00:56:36,038
They got a law up there says
you can't deface a national shrine.
993
00:56:36,214 --> 00:56:39,616
Well, never mind about defacing
no national shrine, son.
994
00:56:39,784 --> 00:56:43,914
Tell us about the government.
All them crooks.
995
00:56:44,489 --> 00:56:47,083
Well, there ain't no crooks up there,
Pappy. Far as I could see,
996
00:56:47,258 --> 00:56:50,717
there's a very nice mess of people.
And I can tell you all this much,
997
00:56:50,895 --> 00:56:53,330
the country's doing just fine.
Right, Sam?
998
00:56:53,498 --> 00:56:55,125
You are so right, boy.
999
00:56:55,300 --> 00:56:58,964
Them city folks and we'uns
Are purty much alike
1000
00:56:59,137 --> 00:57:02,402
Though they ain't used
To living in the sticks
1001
00:57:02,573 --> 00:57:04,405
We don't like stone or cement
1002
00:57:04,575 --> 00:57:06,236
But we is in agreement
1003
00:57:06,411 --> 00:57:10,848
When we gets down
To talking politics
1004
00:57:11,015 --> 00:57:14,041
The country's in
The very best of hands
1005
00:57:14,218 --> 00:57:17,711
The best of hands
1006
00:57:17,889 --> 00:57:20,950
The best of hands
1007
00:57:21,125 --> 00:57:25,426
The Treasury says the national debt
Is climbing to the sky
1008
00:57:25,596 --> 00:57:30,033
And government expenditures
Have never been so high
1009
00:57:30,201 --> 00:57:33,728
It makes a feller get a gleam
Of pride within his eye
1010
00:57:33,905 --> 00:57:37,307
To see how our economy expands
1011
00:57:37,475 --> 00:57:42,970
The country's
In the very best of hands
1012
00:57:43,147 --> 00:57:46,344
The country's
In the very best of hands
1013
00:57:46,517 --> 00:57:49,748
The best of hands
1014
00:57:49,921 --> 00:57:52,822
The best of hands
1015
00:57:53,157 --> 00:57:57,560
The farm bill should be 89 percent
Of parity
1016
00:57:57,729 --> 00:58:02,132
Another feller recommends
It should be 93
1017
00:58:02,300 --> 00:58:05,736
But 80, 95 percent
Who cares about degree?
1018
00:58:05,903 --> 00:58:09,464
It's parity that no one understands
1019
00:58:09,640 --> 00:58:14,806
The country's
In the very best of hands
1020
00:58:14,979 --> 00:58:18,415
Us voters is connected to the nominee
1021
00:58:18,583 --> 00:58:22,144
The nominee's connected
To the Treasury
1022
00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:26,052
When he ain't connected
To the Treasury
1023
00:58:26,224 --> 00:58:29,353
He sits around on his thighbone
1024
00:58:29,761 --> 00:58:33,220
They sits around
In this place they got
1025
00:58:33,398 --> 00:58:36,925
This big congressional parking lot
1026
00:58:37,101 --> 00:58:40,594
Just sits around
On their you know what
1027
00:58:40,772 --> 00:58:44,436
Up there they calls it
Their thighbones
1028
00:58:44,609 --> 00:58:46,202
Them bones, them bones
Gonna rise again
1029
00:58:46,377 --> 00:58:47,902
Gonna exercise a friend
Tries again
1030
00:58:48,079 --> 00:58:51,640
Gonna tax us up to our eyes again
1031
00:58:51,816 --> 00:58:55,514
When they gets up
Off of their thighbones
1032
00:58:55,686 --> 00:58:58,553
The country's
In the very best of hands
1033
00:58:58,723 --> 00:59:02,216
The best of hands
1034
00:59:02,393 --> 00:59:05,363
The best of hands
1035
00:59:05,530 --> 00:59:09,990
Them GOPs and Democrats
Each hates the other one
1036
00:59:10,168 --> 00:59:14,503
They's always criticizing
How the country should be run
1037
00:59:14,672 --> 00:59:18,108
But neither tells the public
What the other's gone and done
1038
00:59:18,276 --> 00:59:21,803
As long as no one knows
Where no one stands
1039
00:59:21,979 --> 00:59:27,383
The country's
In the very best of hands
1040
00:59:27,552 --> 00:59:31,785
The money that they taxes us
That's known as revenues
1041
00:59:31,956 --> 00:59:36,325
They compounds up collateral
Subtracts the residues
1042
00:59:36,494 --> 00:59:39,896
Don't worry about the principal
And interest that accrues
1043
00:59:40,064 --> 00:59:43,557
They're shipping all that stuff
To foreign lands
1044
00:59:43,734 --> 00:59:53,200
The country's
In the very best of hands
1045
00:59:55,713 --> 01:00:00,014
Abner, we's very happy to have you
back for Sadie Hawkins Day.
1046
01:00:00,184 --> 01:00:04,746
Now, I'd like to remind all the rest
of you folks, the race starts at 2:00.
1047
01:00:04,922 --> 01:00:08,085
So if you got any readying up to do,
you'd better get to doing it.
1048
01:00:08,259 --> 01:00:10,125
Ladies. Ladies.
1049
01:00:10,294 --> 01:00:12,956
Get your Sadie Hawkins Day
specials right here.
1050
01:00:13,131 --> 01:00:15,259
Ropes, bear traps, running shoes.
1051
01:00:15,433 --> 01:00:17,595
Get your cotton-picking
hands off that.
1052
01:00:17,768 --> 01:00:20,863
Ladies, ladies. Get your
Sadie Hawkins Day special...
1053
01:00:21,038 --> 01:00:24,064
Mammy, how come Daisy
didn't come down to meet me?
1054
01:00:24,242 --> 01:00:27,177
Maybe she don't want
no part of you, son.
1055
01:00:31,349 --> 01:00:34,512
Then again, maybe she does.
1056
01:00:38,990 --> 01:00:42,449
- Hi, Daisy.
- Hi, Abner.
1057
01:00:42,627 --> 01:00:46,530
- Welcome home.
- I sure missed you, Daisy.
1058
01:00:46,697 --> 01:00:48,187
Sure missed you too, Abner.
1059
01:00:48,366 --> 01:00:50,357
I'm sure glad I...
1060
01:00:52,203 --> 01:00:55,366
...got back in time for
the race this afternoon.
1061
01:00:55,806 --> 01:00:57,968
Sure you still want to go
through with it, Abner?
1062
01:00:58,142 --> 01:00:59,871
Well, sure I'm...
1063
01:01:00,778 --> 01:01:02,473
...sure.
1064
01:01:02,847 --> 01:01:06,909
Well, has you figured out how
I'm gonna catch you, I mean,
1065
01:01:07,084 --> 01:01:10,452
so it won't be too embarrassing
to your masculine pride
1066
01:01:10,621 --> 01:01:12,680
and then so we both knows
what we's doing?
1067
01:01:12,857 --> 01:01:16,418
- Well, not exactly.
- I has.
1068
01:01:16,594 --> 01:01:18,358
- You has?
- Yes, I has.
1069
01:01:18,529 --> 01:01:22,557
Now, just close your attractive eyes
and see if you can't visualize it.
1070
01:01:22,733 --> 01:01:24,360
There we is at the starting line.
1071
01:01:24,535 --> 01:01:26,401
The mayor shoots off his gun,
and you takes off
1072
01:01:26,571 --> 01:01:28,505
with your usual burst
of brilliant speed.
1073
01:01:28,673 --> 01:01:30,505
- Naturally.
- I hightails it right after you.
1074
01:01:30,675 --> 01:01:32,507
- I sees it.
- You heads out for Repulsive Rock.
1075
01:01:32,677 --> 01:01:34,167
- I got you.
- Now, I takes the shortcut
1076
01:01:34,345 --> 01:01:35,813
- over Hog Fat Boulevard.
- I likes it.
1077
01:01:35,980 --> 01:01:38,312
You sees me coming, so you ducks
down through Sow Belly Lane.
1078
01:01:38,482 --> 01:01:40,143
- I ducks.
- Now I'm gaining on you, and we's
1079
01:01:40,318 --> 01:01:42,377
- heading for the Promised Land.
- Goose Grease Gulch.
1080
01:01:42,553 --> 01:01:44,146
- Right.
- I sees it now. As my feet starts
1081
01:01:44,322 --> 01:01:46,416
slipping on them goose feathers,
you starts gaining,
1082
01:01:46,591 --> 01:01:48,457
a couple feet behind.
You reaches out your hand.
1083
01:01:48,626 --> 01:01:49,957
You spread your fingers to grab me.
1084
01:01:50,127 --> 01:01:51,822
- I'm grabbing. Yes.
- And then-- And then--
1085
01:01:51,996 --> 01:01:53,521
- I'm sorry, Daisy.
- What happened?
1086
01:01:53,698 --> 01:01:57,191
I puts on a brilliant burst of speed
and dashes out of sight.
1087
01:01:57,935 --> 01:02:00,768
You means you still ain't
gonna let me catch you?
1088
01:02:00,938 --> 01:02:06,342
Well, I don't know, Daisy,
I sure intended to,
1089
01:02:06,510 --> 01:02:07,944
but now I just don't know.
1090
01:02:08,613 --> 01:02:11,105
Abner Yokum.
1091
01:02:11,415 --> 01:02:14,385
But I knows this much, I'm gonna
get in this race this afternoon,
1092
01:02:14,552 --> 01:02:17,317
and I'm gonna do my darnedest
to let you catch me.
1093
01:02:17,488 --> 01:02:20,082
And I want you to know
that no matter what happens,
1094
01:02:20,258 --> 01:02:22,056
I wishes you the best of luck.
1095
01:02:22,226 --> 01:02:26,026
Because if anybody
deserves me, you do.
1096
01:02:28,099 --> 01:02:31,069
What you got there, Available?
I want one of them bats.
1097
01:02:31,235 --> 01:02:33,203
I'm gonna get me a man
with one of those.
1098
01:02:33,371 --> 01:02:34,736
That's rope there, Available?
1099
01:02:34,905 --> 01:02:38,637
- That's it buy now, pay now.
- I'm gonna get me a bear trap.
1100
01:02:38,809 --> 01:02:41,301
I'll give you your change next week.
1101
01:02:41,479 --> 01:02:43,675
Available. Oh, Available.
1102
01:02:43,848 --> 01:02:45,577
Well, howdy, Daisy Mae.
1103
01:02:45,750 --> 01:02:48,776
What is on your scintillating
and well-built little mind?
1104
01:02:48,953 --> 01:02:52,355
Available, I was just wondering
if you could fix--
1105
01:02:52,723 --> 01:02:56,387
I mean, arrange to make the Sadie
Hawkins Day Race come out right.
1106
01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:58,722
- So that you catches Li'l Abner.
- Naturally.
1107
01:02:58,896 --> 01:03:01,797
Daisy Mae Scragg, does you realize
what you's asking?
1108
01:03:01,966 --> 01:03:05,129
That I betray my neighbor,
sell out my fellow man.
1109
01:03:05,303 --> 01:03:07,829
What is there in this whole world
makes you think that I could sink
1110
01:03:08,005 --> 01:03:11,771
to such slimy depths of moral
depravity and human degradation?
1111
01:03:11,942 --> 01:03:14,070
- Fifty cents.
- Could you make that a dollar?
1112
01:03:14,245 --> 01:03:16,976
- Maybe could.
- You has a deal.
1113
01:03:17,682 --> 01:03:19,776
Abner will be stopped in
that race today by
1114
01:03:19,950 --> 01:03:23,250
the only diabolical device in creation
fully guaranteed to freeze
1115
01:03:23,421 --> 01:03:26,254
- a fear-crazed bachelor in full flight.
- Namely?
1116
01:03:26,424 --> 01:03:28,552
Stupefyin'...
1117
01:03:28,726 --> 01:03:30,660
...Jones.
1118
01:03:34,899 --> 01:03:36,367
- Deal?
- Deal.
1119
01:03:36,534 --> 01:03:39,003
All right, dearie. Shake.
1120
01:03:40,171 --> 01:03:42,833
Not you. Her.
1121
01:03:43,641 --> 01:03:48,511
- Remember, I'm depending on you.
- Your money is in the best of hands.
1122
01:03:49,280 --> 01:03:51,544
Move it along, honey.
1123
01:03:57,521 --> 01:04:01,185
Available. Available. Available.
1124
01:04:01,992 --> 01:04:04,324
There's our man now.
1125
01:04:04,495 --> 01:04:06,896
- Howdy, Available.
- Howdy, senator.
1126
01:04:07,064 --> 01:04:08,998
Available, is you available?
1127
01:04:09,166 --> 01:04:11,794
- I's always available.
- Come right on over here
1128
01:04:11,969 --> 01:04:13,801
and meet the Honorable
General Bullmoose.
1129
01:04:13,971 --> 01:04:17,066
Well, welcome to Dogpatch, general.
1130
01:04:17,241 --> 01:04:18,970
I'd say, "What's your pleasure, sir?"
1131
01:04:19,143 --> 01:04:21,805
But I see you've done
brought it with you.
1132
01:04:25,216 --> 01:04:28,379
Jones, we've got to stop
Abner Yokum dead in his tracks
1133
01:04:28,552 --> 01:04:30,611
this afternoon so that Appassionata
here can catch him.
1134
01:04:30,788 --> 01:04:33,621
Naturally. And there's
only one man for the job.
1135
01:04:33,791 --> 01:04:36,283
A refugee from justice
who's hiding out in these hills.
1136
01:04:36,460 --> 01:04:39,054
A man whose name comprises
the three foulest words
1137
01:04:39,230 --> 01:04:43,360
in the English language,
namely Evil Eye Fleagle.
1138
01:04:43,534 --> 01:04:45,730
Evil Eye Fleagle? What's he like?
1139
01:04:45,903 --> 01:04:49,533
Picture the warm friendliness
of a rattlesnake.
1140
01:04:49,707 --> 01:04:52,142
Picture 5-foot-4
of menacing manhood.
1141
01:04:52,309 --> 01:04:55,506
Picture a hat covering a face
of sinister rapacity.
1142
01:04:55,679 --> 01:04:58,444
Picture two eyes peering out
with supernatural powers
1143
01:04:58,616 --> 01:05:00,607
of malevolent intent.
1144
01:05:00,785 --> 01:05:02,617
Someone call me?
1145
01:05:02,787 --> 01:05:06,280
Sashay on over here
and meet the general.
1146
01:05:16,300 --> 01:05:19,270
Evil Eye Fleagle at your service.
1147
01:05:25,309 --> 01:05:27,744
You actually paralyze
with your eyes?
1148
01:05:27,912 --> 01:05:30,381
It is known in paralyzing circles
as Fleagle's Famous
1149
01:05:30,548 --> 01:05:32,277
Fabulous "Fracturizing” Whammy.
1150
01:05:34,018 --> 01:05:35,918
Can you put that whammy
in Abner Yokum long enough
1151
01:05:36,086 --> 01:05:38,783
- for Miss Von Climax to catch him?
- Naturally.
1152
01:05:38,956 --> 01:05:40,287
Get the picture.
1153
01:05:40,458 --> 01:05:42,825
Sadie Hawkins Day begins.
The gun goes off.
1154
01:05:42,993 --> 01:05:44,961
Bachelors running.
Maidens pursuing.
1155
01:05:45,129 --> 01:05:47,757
Yokum comes dashing by.
I jumps up and down.
1156
01:05:47,932 --> 01:05:49,127
Rotates my eyeballs.
1157
01:05:49,300 --> 01:05:51,462
Rears back and lets fly
a triple whammy,
1158
01:05:51,635 --> 01:05:53,831
which hits the fleeing Yokum
smack in the back.
1159
01:05:54,004 --> 01:05:56,132
- And then?
- His bone marrow freezes.
1160
01:05:56,307 --> 01:05:57,775
His pancreas petrifies.
1161
01:05:57,942 --> 01:05:59,671
All of his red corpuscles,
white corpuscles
1162
01:05:59,844 --> 01:06:02,575
suddenly stand stock-still
and stupidly stare at each other.
1163
01:06:02,746 --> 01:06:05,010
Whereupon who dashes up
and claims the body,
1164
01:06:05,182 --> 01:06:07,947
but this superbly stacked young lady.
1165
01:06:08,118 --> 01:06:11,144
- Is he dead?
- With Yokum, you can't always tell.
1166
01:06:11,322 --> 01:06:13,882
- Will you guarantee he'll thaw?
- Absolutely.
1167
01:06:14,058 --> 01:06:17,926
Fleagle, you deliver Yokum,
and you've got a job with me for life.
1168
01:06:18,095 --> 01:06:20,496
At your service.
1169
01:06:34,245 --> 01:06:37,010
I've got confidence in that little fella.
1170
01:06:37,181 --> 01:06:40,310
He's the same color as money.
1171
01:06:54,865 --> 01:06:57,129
- Holy mackerel there, mayor.
- Heck fire!
1172
01:06:57,301 --> 01:07:00,601
All right, you miserable,
fear-crazed bachelors.
1173
01:07:00,771 --> 01:07:03,570
When I shoots off this gun,
you will disperse backside
1174
01:07:03,741 --> 01:07:06,073
over teakettle in all directions.
1175
01:07:06,243 --> 01:07:08,735
When I shoots this gun off
the second time,
1176
01:07:08,913 --> 01:07:10,574
this bevy of love-starved,
1177
01:07:10,748 --> 01:07:13,740
valentine-believing maidens
will take after you.
1178
01:07:13,918 --> 01:07:18,014
Now, there are no rules.
Remember, everything goes.
1179
01:07:18,188 --> 01:07:19,553
- Bachelors ready?
- Yeah!
1180
01:07:19,723 --> 01:07:21,623
- Maidens ready?
- Yeah!
1181
01:07:21,792 --> 01:07:25,160
Sadie Hawkins Day is officially--
Not yet.
1182
01:07:25,329 --> 01:07:26,956
Get back in your position, boy.
1183
01:07:27,131 --> 01:07:31,364
All right, then, Sadie Hawkins Day
is officially begun.
1184
01:13:03,901 --> 01:13:08,395
I pronounces you man and wife.
1185
01:14:39,196 --> 01:14:42,359
Washington, D.C.
While the world continues
1186
01:14:42,532 --> 01:14:45,160
to await the final outcome
of the tests of the miraculous
1187
01:14:45,335 --> 01:14:47,827
Yokumberry Tonic, the hearts
of America have gone out
1188
01:14:49,206 --> 01:14:50,935
to Abner Yokum
and Appassionata Von Climax.
1189
01:14:52,509 --> 01:14:54,568
In what is to be truly
the marriage of the century.
1190
01:14:56,013 --> 01:14:58,812
This spectacular event will take place
at the estate of General Bullmoose
1191
01:14:58,982 --> 01:15:00,609
on Tuesday next.
1192
01:15:33,583 --> 01:15:35,312
Daisy?
1193
01:15:35,685 --> 01:15:38,017
Oh, hello, Sam.
1194
01:15:38,188 --> 01:15:41,249
I knows how you feels, Daisy.
I misses him too.
1195
01:15:41,425 --> 01:15:43,393
It ain't just missing him, Sam.
1196
01:15:43,560 --> 01:15:47,258
All day I's had this
cold, shuddery kind of feeling.
1197
01:15:47,431 --> 01:15:50,696
I just knows Li'l Abner's
in some kind of real mortal danger.
1198
01:15:50,867 --> 01:15:52,301
What makes you so sure?
1199
01:15:52,469 --> 01:15:55,928
I always gets this terrible feeling
when Abner's in trouble.
1200
01:15:56,106 --> 01:15:59,201
It's a clutch-and-grabbing
feeling right in here.
1201
01:15:59,376 --> 01:16:00,639
You know what I mean, Sam?
1202
01:16:00,811 --> 01:16:02,040
Course I do, honey.
1203
01:16:02,212 --> 01:16:04,374
But when I gets that feeling
it's either a mite of gas,
1204
01:16:04,548 --> 01:16:06,676
the approach of a creditor
or I buttoned the wrong button
1205
01:16:06,850 --> 01:16:08,284
on my drawers.
1206
01:16:08,452 --> 01:16:10,819
Oh, I'm so miserable, Sam.
1207
01:16:10,987 --> 01:16:13,547
Well, if you really feels that Abner's
in mortal trouble,
1208
01:16:13,723 --> 01:16:16,454
go see Mammy and have her
conjure up one of her visions.
1209
01:16:16,626 --> 01:16:18,492
You know she's got
the mystical power to see
1210
01:16:18,662 --> 01:16:20,061
if her boy is in trouble.
1211
01:16:20,230 --> 01:16:21,857
I did ask Mammy to conjure.
1212
01:16:22,032 --> 01:16:25,263
She's up at the cabin right now
making the preparations.
1213
01:16:25,435 --> 01:16:28,928
But I don't know whether she can
conjure all the way up to Washington.
1214
01:16:29,106 --> 01:16:32,337
Don't you worry about Mammy.
She'll conjure, all right.
1215
01:16:32,509 --> 01:16:34,568
Hi, Daisy.
Hi, Sam.
1216
01:16:34,744 --> 01:16:37,475
Wait, wait a minute.
Where y'all going?
1217
01:16:37,647 --> 01:16:39,308
We's leaving for Washington
to pick up
1218
01:16:39,483 --> 01:16:40,780
our newly beautified husbands.
1219
01:16:40,951 --> 01:16:42,919
Yeah, the government
said it was okay.
1220
01:16:43,086 --> 01:16:45,020
Oh, wait, and what y'all
carrying there?
1221
01:16:45,322 --> 01:16:47,791
We just bought these
from Available Jones.
1222
01:16:47,958 --> 01:16:49,824
It's a special happiness-guaranteed
1223
01:16:49,993 --> 01:16:53,657
on-your-second-honeymoon
do-it-yourself kit.
1224
01:16:53,830 --> 01:16:55,855
Well, let's see what's in them?
1225
01:16:57,067 --> 01:16:58,899
A black lace nightie.
1226
01:16:59,069 --> 01:17:01,060
Some sweet-smelling perfume.
1227
01:17:01,238 --> 01:17:03,036
And that new romantic album,
1228
01:17:03,206 --> 01:17:06,437
Music to Scratch Your Back By.
1229
01:17:06,610 --> 01:17:08,578
That ought to do the job.
1230
01:17:08,745 --> 01:17:11,578
Moonbeam, when you
get up to Washington,
1231
01:17:11,748 --> 01:17:15,343
would you tell Li'l Abner hello
for me if you sees him, please?
1232
01:17:16,553 --> 01:17:18,248
I sure will, Daisy.
1233
01:17:18,421 --> 01:17:20,287
Well, we'd better get on
down to the station
1234
01:17:20,457 --> 01:17:21,652
or we'll miss our train.
1235
01:17:21,825 --> 01:17:23,122
- Yeah, I think so.
- Bye, Sam.
1236
01:17:23,293 --> 01:17:24,351
- Bye, Daisy.
- Bye, Sam.
1237
01:17:24,528 --> 01:17:26,018
- See y'all.
- Bye now.
1238
01:17:26,196 --> 01:17:28,824
- I can't hardly wait to get there.
- I could just cry.
1239
01:17:28,999 --> 01:17:30,398
Everybody's so in love.
1240
01:17:30,567 --> 01:17:33,502
Now, now, everything's gonna be
just fine for you.
1241
01:17:33,670 --> 01:17:36,071
No, Sam, how could it be?
1242
01:17:36,239 --> 01:17:37,968
Well, who'd wanna
marry me now?
1243
01:17:38,275 --> 01:17:41,609
I waited around so long
I'm plumb wasted away.
1244
01:17:41,778 --> 01:17:43,405
That may be, honey,
1245
01:17:43,580 --> 01:17:45,810
but what you got left over
is more than what most folks
1246
01:17:45,982 --> 01:17:48,474
- starts out with.
- No, Sam.
1247
01:17:48,652 --> 01:17:50,950
I looked in the mirror this morning,
1248
01:17:51,121 --> 01:17:54,318
and there's no doubt about it,
my good years is gone.
1249
01:17:54,491 --> 01:17:59,156
I guess you're right.
After all, you is pushing 18.
1250
01:17:59,329 --> 01:18:02,458
I'm past my prime
1251
01:18:02,632 --> 01:18:03,690
What a shame.
1252
01:18:03,867 --> 01:18:05,892
And I'm losin' time
1253
01:18:06,069 --> 01:18:08,231
Guess the old clock's run down.
1254
01:18:08,405 --> 01:18:11,898
- Seventeen last spring
- My, what a wasted life
1255
01:18:12,075 --> 01:18:15,534
- Still without a ring
- Would you become my wife?
1256
01:18:15,712 --> 01:18:17,703
I'm past my peak
1257
01:18:17,881 --> 01:18:19,315
You's an early antique
1258
01:18:19,482 --> 01:18:23,214
- Look at this physique
- Just hear the old bones creak
1259
01:18:23,386 --> 01:18:26,981
- Where there was a glow
- Ain't there a glow no more?
1260
01:18:27,157 --> 01:18:30,525
- Now the wrinkles show
- Where art thou, Romeo?
1261
01:18:30,694 --> 01:18:34,688
Who'd think of marrying
An octogenarian?
1262
01:18:34,864 --> 01:18:38,027
- An 87-year-old hag
- An 87-year-old hag
1263
01:18:38,201 --> 01:18:42,104
When you's in this position
You lose your disposition
1264
01:18:42,272 --> 01:18:45,435
- All the time it's nag, nag, nag
- All the time it's nag, nag, nag
1265
01:18:45,609 --> 01:18:48,078
Life's like a song
1266
01:18:48,245 --> 01:18:51,772
- And the happiest thing
- When you're young and strong
1267
01:18:51,948 --> 01:18:53,677
Most every day is spring
1268
01:18:53,850 --> 01:18:57,480
- But it's just a crime
- You can't get off the dime
1269
01:18:57,654 --> 01:19:00,487
- When you're past your prime
- When you're past your prime
1270
01:19:06,796 --> 01:19:09,026
You's past your prime
1271
01:19:09,199 --> 01:19:12,464
- Gettin' grumpy and gray
- You's on overtime
1272
01:19:12,636 --> 01:19:14,627
Ain't making take-home pay
1273
01:19:14,804 --> 01:19:18,434
- Every sun that sets
- All through the day, I frets
1274
01:19:18,608 --> 01:19:22,044
- Brings you more regrets
- And larger silhouettes
1275
01:19:22,212 --> 01:19:24,203
You's climbed the heights
1276
01:19:24,381 --> 01:19:27,783
- I is over the hill
- Of romantic nights
1277
01:19:27,951 --> 01:19:30,079
My hand has lost its skill
1278
01:19:30,287 --> 01:19:33,882
- Comes the cruel dawn
- I's feelin' pale and drawn
1279
01:19:34,057 --> 01:19:37,083
- Lover boy has gone
- Doggone
1280
01:19:37,394 --> 01:19:41,592
I ask you who's elated
When you's "Methuselated”
1281
01:19:41,765 --> 01:19:45,030
- Like a mummy underground
- Like a mummy underground
1282
01:19:45,201 --> 01:19:49,263
When you is antiquated
Boys leave "dejectaquated”
1283
01:19:49,439 --> 01:19:52,841
- They prefers you in the round
- They prefers you in the round
1284
01:19:53,009 --> 01:19:55,307
Life's just like pie
1285
01:19:55,478 --> 01:19:56,843
Huckleberry or peach?
1286
01:19:57,013 --> 01:20:00,916
- When you're young and spry
- Heaven's within your reach
1287
01:20:01,084 --> 01:20:04,782
- But it's just a crime
- How can it be sublime?
1288
01:20:04,954 --> 01:20:07,889
- When you're past your prime
- When you're past your prime
1289
01:20:08,625 --> 01:20:11,822
- When you're past your prime
- When you're past your prime
1290
01:20:12,696 --> 01:20:22,697
- When you're past your prime
- When you're past your prime
1291
01:20:36,086 --> 01:20:38,521
Oh, evil spirits of another world.
1292
01:20:38,688 --> 01:20:42,147
Oh, half god, gather the sights
and sounds of the supernatural.
1293
01:20:42,325 --> 01:20:45,317
Pansy Yokum craves
your indulgence
1294
01:20:45,495 --> 01:20:48,863
while I conjures up a vision
of my boy in Washington, D.C.
1295
01:20:49,032 --> 01:20:53,936
Beaks of owls and reptiles' gizzards
Claws of bats and toes of lizards
1296
01:20:54,104 --> 01:20:58,837
Eels and snakes and other vipers
Also bugs on windshield wipers
1297
01:20:59,008 --> 01:21:04,003
Caldron hiss and caldron bubble
Tell me if my boy's in trouble
1298
01:21:45,422 --> 01:21:47,151
- Hello.
- Oh, hello, general.
1299
01:21:47,323 --> 01:21:49,724
- This is Dr. Schlifit speaking.
- Yes, doctor.
1300
01:21:49,893 --> 01:21:52,362
Disastrous news, general.
For international reasons,
1301
01:21:52,529 --> 01:21:55,226
the government has ordered that
the Yokumberry tests be completed
1302
01:21:55,398 --> 01:21:57,298
- by tomorrow midnight.
- Tomorrow midnight?
1303
01:21:57,467 --> 01:21:59,333
- Yes, sir.
- That means I've gotta move fast.
1304
01:21:59,502 --> 01:22:01,561
Stay where you are, doctor,
you'll hear from me.
1305
01:22:01,738 --> 01:22:02,933
How do you like that?
1306
01:22:03,106 --> 01:22:05,632
They've moved up the deadline on
those tests to tomorrow midnight.
1307
01:22:05,809 --> 01:22:07,174
- No.
- That means that Yokum
1308
01:22:07,343 --> 01:22:09,209
will be giving his drug to
the government before
1309
01:22:09,379 --> 01:22:11,347
- he's married to Appassionata.
- I'll be dogged.
1310
01:22:11,514 --> 01:22:14,575
Well, by Simmons' mattress
and all his springs,
1311
01:22:14,751 --> 01:22:17,584
- I'm not taking this lying down.
- What will you do, Bullsie?
1312
01:22:17,754 --> 01:22:20,052
If I can't get the rights
to Yokumberry Tonic,
1313
01:22:20,223 --> 01:22:22,214
I'll at least get Yokum
to tell me the secret formula
1314
01:22:22,392 --> 01:22:24,121
so I can make the stuff myself.
1315
01:22:24,294 --> 01:22:29,494
And there's only one man for the job.
Press my Evil Eye Fleagle button.
1316
01:22:38,341 --> 01:22:40,070
You sent for me, boss?
1317
01:22:40,243 --> 01:22:41,472
Now, Fleagle,
1318
01:22:41,644 --> 01:22:44,705
I only have until midnight tomorrow
to get a secret formula out of Yokum.
1319
01:22:44,881 --> 01:22:48,340
Now, have you got a whammy that can
make a man tell the absolute truth?
1320
01:22:48,518 --> 01:22:51,317
Naturally. It's known as
Fleagle's Famous Non-prevaricating
1321
01:22:51,488 --> 01:22:53,183
- "Veracitizing" Truth Whammy.
- Good.
1322
01:22:53,356 --> 01:22:55,484
Now, what would you like
on that whammy? The truth,
1323
01:22:55,658 --> 01:22:58,821
the whole truth, the half-truth
or a little of each?
1324
01:22:59,395 --> 01:23:01,659
You've got a whammy that'll make
a man tell half the truth?
1325
01:23:01,831 --> 01:23:05,267
Certainly. Among used-car dealers,
it's one of my biggest items.
1326
01:23:05,435 --> 01:23:08,735
But, Bullsie, what happens to Yokum
after you get the formula?
1327
01:23:08,905 --> 01:23:10,600
We proceed with
Fleagle's original plan.
1328
01:23:10,773 --> 01:23:13,140
Right. I gives him my
Suicidal Sports Car Whammy.
1329
01:23:13,309 --> 01:23:16,506
He jumps into some handy convertible
and drives himself off the nearest cliff.
1330
01:23:16,679 --> 01:23:20,513
- Capital, "veracitize" him at once.
- Okay, who gets him loaded?
1331
01:23:21,217 --> 01:23:22,207
Loaded?
1332
01:23:22,385 --> 01:23:24,717
This truth whammy only works
when a victim is gassed, pickled,
1333
01:23:24,888 --> 01:23:26,481
under the influence of alcohol.
1334
01:23:26,656 --> 01:23:29,682
But, Bullsie, you know
Abner doesn't drink.
1335
01:23:29,859 --> 01:23:32,521
- Why not?
- He says he's 100-percent
1336
01:23:32,695 --> 01:23:35,562
red-blooded American, and no
100-percent red-blooded American
1337
01:23:35,732 --> 01:23:37,359
drinks, smokes,
tells naughty jokes,
1338
01:23:37,534 --> 01:23:40,333
necks, pets or smooches.
1339
01:23:41,704 --> 01:23:46,164
Then who gave this country
a population of 160 million?
1340
01:23:47,610 --> 01:23:49,772
Some oversexed subversives.
1341
01:23:51,180 --> 01:23:54,707
There must be some way to get
that boy to take a drink.
1342
01:23:55,752 --> 01:23:58,949
What about the society party
you're giving us tomorrow night?
1343
01:23:59,122 --> 01:24:00,715
Oh, we've got him.
1344
01:24:00,890 --> 01:24:04,224
No 100-percent red-blooded American
would dare refuse to drink a toast
1345
01:24:04,394 --> 01:24:06,829
to his prospective bride.
Champagne all right?
1346
01:24:06,996 --> 01:24:09,465
- Champagne's perfect.
- Good, then proceed as planned.
1347
01:24:09,632 --> 01:24:10,963
- Right, boys?
- Right.
1348
01:24:11,134 --> 01:24:14,069
He calls the shots and he expects
To keep it thataway
1349
01:24:14,237 --> 01:24:18,140
What's good for General Bullmoose
Is good for the U.S.A.
1350
01:24:24,614 --> 01:24:28,073
Oh, my boy. Oh, my boy,
my boy, my boy.
1351
01:24:28,251 --> 01:24:30,219
- My poor baby boy.
- What did you see happen?
1352
01:24:30,386 --> 01:24:32,514
- Oh, my sweet baby boy.
- Oh, Mammy, what did you see?
1353
01:24:32,689 --> 01:24:34,179
Oh, you was right, child,
you was right.
1354
01:24:34,357 --> 01:24:35,847
He is in terrible mortal danger.
1355
01:24:36,025 --> 01:24:37,459
- They means to kill him.
- Who does?
1356
01:24:37,627 --> 01:24:39,721
General Bullmoose.
I seen the whole miserable plan.
1357
01:24:39,896 --> 01:24:42,763
They means to nuptialize him,
veracitize him, "suicize" him.
1358
01:24:42,932 --> 01:24:44,627
- Suicize him?
- We've gotta do something.
1359
01:24:44,801 --> 01:24:47,395
- We gotta act fast.
- We gotta get up to Washington.
1360
01:24:47,570 --> 01:24:51,905
- Daisy, I desires words with you.
- Hush up, Earthquake.
1361
01:24:52,075 --> 01:24:54,567
- I loves you, gal.
- Not now, Earthquake.
1362
01:24:54,744 --> 01:24:56,906
They must be some way
we can get help.
1363
01:24:57,080 --> 01:24:59,208
How we ever gonna
defeat a strong force
1364
01:24:59,382 --> 01:25:01,077
like General Bullmoose?
1365
01:25:01,250 --> 01:25:03,150
We don't have any power.
1366
01:25:03,319 --> 01:25:06,687
That's right.
Nobody's strong enough to--
1367
01:25:06,990 --> 01:25:08,424
Earthquake.
1368
01:25:08,591 --> 01:25:11,424
Li'l Abner's in terrible trouble
up to Washington,
1369
01:25:11,594 --> 01:25:13,585
maybe get killed
if we don't help him.
1370
01:25:13,763 --> 01:25:15,959
Yeah, that's a crying shame.
1371
01:25:16,132 --> 01:25:17,998
Now, Daisy, honey, if you marry me,
1372
01:25:18,167 --> 01:25:21,102
- I'll do anything for you.
- All right, Earthquake, I will.
1373
01:25:21,771 --> 01:25:23,034
You will?
1374
01:25:23,206 --> 01:25:25,174
- Daisy!
- What you saying?
1375
01:25:25,341 --> 01:25:27,400
- On one condition.
- What's that?
1376
01:25:27,577 --> 01:25:30,512
That you comes up to Washington
and you uses your brute strength
1377
01:25:30,680 --> 01:25:32,341
to help save Li'l Abner's life.
1378
01:25:32,515 --> 01:25:36,975
And if I does, you solemn promises
to give yourself to me?
1379
01:25:37,286 --> 01:25:40,221
I solemn promises
to give myself to you.
1380
01:25:40,390 --> 01:25:43,325
- Body and soul?
- Body and soul.
1381
01:25:43,493 --> 01:25:45,860
One at a time or both together?
1382
01:25:48,231 --> 01:25:50,029
You takes your pick.
1383
01:25:50,199 --> 01:25:55,069
Lady, you just got yourself
a passport to ecstasy.
1384
01:25:55,238 --> 01:25:57,172
Not now, Earthquake.
We ain't got time.
1385
01:25:57,340 --> 01:25:58,364
We're gonna need help.
1386
01:25:58,541 --> 01:26:00,839
You get those ornery Scraggs
and anybody else that can scrap.
1387
01:26:01,010 --> 01:26:02,671
Tell them to bring
their socializing clothes.
1388
01:26:02,845 --> 01:26:05,041
- A soup and fish?
- That's right because we's heading
1389
01:26:05,214 --> 01:26:07,876
for high-society country, and when
we gets there, there ain't gonna be
1390
01:26:08,051 --> 01:26:10,952
anybody soupier
or fishier than we is.
1391
01:26:11,154 --> 01:26:14,317
- Come on, Pappy.
- Come on, Mammy.
1392
01:26:52,295 --> 01:26:53,820
Abner?
1393
01:26:56,032 --> 01:26:58,899
Daisy. What you doing here?
1394
01:26:59,068 --> 01:27:01,799
I sneaked in, Abner.
I had to come to warn you,
1395
01:27:01,971 --> 01:27:03,439
warn you to run away for your life.
1396
01:27:03,606 --> 01:27:06,473
- What are you talking about?
- You're in terrible mortal danger.
1397
01:27:06,642 --> 01:27:08,542
You daren't marry Miss Appassionata.
1398
01:27:08,711 --> 01:27:11,009
Daisy, how can you say
such a terrible thing?
1399
01:27:11,180 --> 01:27:13,478
You knows we lives
by the code of the hills,
1400
01:27:13,649 --> 01:27:15,083
and she won me fair and square.
1401
01:27:15,251 --> 01:27:16,741
- But--
- Besides, Miss Appassionata
1402
01:27:16,919 --> 01:27:18,512
has been planning to marry me,
1403
01:27:18,688 --> 01:27:22,090
and I ain't about to break
no more hearts than I already has.
1404
01:27:22,258 --> 01:27:24,124
- But they's aiming to kill you.
- Who is?
1405
01:27:24,293 --> 01:27:26,591
That General Bullmoose
and your precious intended.
1406
01:27:26,763 --> 01:27:28,731
Daisy, how can you say
such a terrible thing?
1407
01:27:28,898 --> 01:27:32,596
It's true. They aims to nuptialize you,
veracitize you and suicize you.
1408
01:27:32,769 --> 01:27:34,533
Daisy, I's starting to get angry.
1409
01:27:34,737 --> 01:27:37,104
You's making this up out of your
head because you're a poor gal
1410
01:27:37,273 --> 01:27:39,742
who's still miserably in love with me.
1411
01:27:39,909 --> 01:27:43,174
For which I can't blame you, because
I could see how it could happen.
1412
01:27:44,147 --> 01:27:48,448
Oh, Abner Yokum,
you run for your life.
1413
01:27:48,618 --> 01:27:50,586
Daisy, you go on home
and forget all about me.
1414
01:27:50,753 --> 01:27:52,847
- No, Abner.
- Get out of here. That's an order.
1415
01:27:53,022 --> 01:27:56,151
- No, Abner.
- Get, I has spoken.
1416
01:28:28,825 --> 01:28:31,021
May I?
1417
01:28:32,795 --> 01:28:34,786
Now me.
1418
01:30:23,339 --> 01:30:25,603
There he is.
1419
01:30:35,685 --> 01:30:38,746
Stop! Stop or there'll be bloodshed.
1420
01:30:38,921 --> 01:30:41,788
- How about that.
- Now, all of you, out.
1421
01:30:41,958 --> 01:30:43,790
Don't hurt them, they're my kinfolk.
1422
01:30:43,960 --> 01:30:46,395
Mammy and Pappy,
you shouldn't ought have done this.
1423
01:30:46,562 --> 01:30:48,087
After all, I give my word.
1424
01:30:48,264 --> 01:30:49,322
Start moving.
1425
01:30:49,498 --> 01:30:50,863
Earthquake, do something.
1426
01:30:51,033 --> 01:30:53,695
That's right, Earthquake, do something,
do something like you promised.
1427
01:30:53,869 --> 01:30:55,860
You and your big mouth
back in Dogpatch.
1428
01:30:56,372 --> 01:30:59,808
- Now, all of you, out.
- Just a minute, everybody, wait up.
1429
01:30:59,976 --> 01:31:03,412
General Bullmoose, sir, we sorry
we caused this disturbance,
1430
01:31:03,612 --> 01:31:05,341
but we was under
the impression you aim to harm
1431
01:31:05,514 --> 01:31:08,643
our good friend Abner,
who we loves and adores.
1432
01:31:08,818 --> 01:31:11,219
- Preposterous.
- But we was wrong,
1433
01:31:11,387 --> 01:31:13,378
so we'll go, and quietlike.
1434
01:31:13,556 --> 01:31:15,285
Why, you miserable, double-crossing--
1435
01:31:15,458 --> 01:31:16,687
Snake in the grass.
1436
01:31:16,859 --> 01:31:19,521
- Earthquake, you's a gentleman.
- Thank you, Abner.
1437
01:31:19,695 --> 01:31:23,154
But I'd sure like us all to part friends,
so I'm asking you, Brother Bullmoose,
1438
01:31:23,332 --> 01:31:26,324
to let us all join you in drinking
a toast to Abner
1439
01:31:26,502 --> 01:31:28,698
- and the future Mrs. Yokum.
- You no-good, miserable--
1440
01:31:28,871 --> 01:31:31,363
Well, I'm not one to harbor a grudge.
1441
01:31:31,540 --> 01:31:33,338
Waiter, champagne.
1442
01:31:33,509 --> 01:31:36,171
I told you he was real friendly-like.
1443
01:31:36,379 --> 01:31:41,647
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
a toast to the lovely young bride-to-be.
1444
01:31:41,817 --> 01:31:44,252
May the flower
of her sweet innocence
1445
01:31:44,420 --> 01:31:47,754
burst into blossom and bring joy
to this fine young man.
1446
01:31:47,923 --> 01:31:52,724
I give you that sterling example
of red-blooded American manhood,
1447
01:31:52,895 --> 01:31:54,556
Abner Yokum.
1448
01:32:02,538 --> 01:32:08,307
There you is, a ricochet truth
"whammified” Mr. Bullmoose.
1449
01:32:09,311 --> 01:32:11,803
Earthquake, you lovable rat,
we got him.
1450
01:32:11,981 --> 01:32:14,245
Now he's got to tell the truth.
1451
01:32:14,417 --> 01:32:17,182
Mr. Policeman, just you listen.
1452
01:32:17,386 --> 01:32:20,686
General Bullmoose,
is you or is you not
1453
01:32:20,856 --> 01:32:24,315
a no-good, dirty, double-crossing,
finagling crook?
1454
01:32:25,494 --> 01:32:28,122
Would you repeat the question?
1455
01:32:28,297 --> 01:32:30,493
Is you or is you not a no-good,
dirty, double-crossing,
1456
01:32:30,666 --> 01:32:32,293
- finagling crook?
- Yes, madam, I am.
1457
01:32:32,468 --> 01:32:34,459
And just what did you intend doing
with Abner Yokum?
1458
01:32:34,637 --> 01:32:36,366
Subject him to Evil Eye Fleagle's
truth whammy.
1459
01:32:36,539 --> 01:32:38,098
- So he'd tell you...
- The secret formula
1460
01:32:38,274 --> 01:32:40,072
- of Yokumberry Tonic.
- Then you intended to...
1461
01:32:40,242 --> 01:32:41,710
Further use the nefarious E.E. Fleagle.
1462
01:32:41,877 --> 01:32:42,867
The purpose being...
1463
01:32:43,045 --> 01:32:44,672
Put a suicidal whammy
on the gullible Yokum.
1464
01:32:44,847 --> 01:32:45,905
Then the poor fool would...
1465
01:32:46,082 --> 01:32:48,073
- Jump in my fastest sports car.
- And subsequently...
1466
01:32:48,250 --> 01:32:49,649
Drive himself over the nearest cliff.
1467
01:32:49,819 --> 01:32:51,446
- Making it appear like...
- Accidental death.
1468
01:32:51,620 --> 01:32:53,088
When for real and true, it was...
1469
01:32:53,255 --> 01:32:55,485
Cold-blooded, premeditated murder.
1470
01:32:55,658 --> 01:32:57,922
There you has it,
a confessed murderer.
1471
01:32:58,260 --> 01:33:00,092
Take him away.
1472
01:33:04,300 --> 01:33:06,132
But, Bullsie.
1473
01:33:06,302 --> 01:33:08,293
Bullsie!
1474
01:33:09,171 --> 01:33:10,605
Attention, everyone.
1475
01:33:10,773 --> 01:33:14,539
All residents of Dogpatch are hereby
ordered to return home immediately
1476
01:33:14,710 --> 01:33:17,839
- and resume their orderly evacuation.
- Evacuation?
1477
01:33:18,114 --> 01:33:19,513
Are you crazy, man?
1478
01:33:19,682 --> 01:33:22,549
The evacuation and the bombing
will be concluded tomorrow.
1479
01:33:22,718 --> 01:33:25,983
But, Mr. Army-Man,
what about our Yokumberry Tonic?
1480
01:33:26,155 --> 01:33:30,456
I'm sorry, the tests have been
declared a total failure.
1481
01:33:30,726 --> 01:33:31,716
Now, attention.
1482
01:33:31,894 --> 01:33:34,124
All you women whose husbands
have been used as guinea pigs,
1483
01:33:34,296 --> 01:33:36,663
a special bus will take you
to the laboratory immediately.
1484
01:33:36,832 --> 01:33:38,231
And, Yokum, I'm afraid you'll have to
1485
01:33:38,400 --> 01:33:39,834
- come along with them.
- Yes, sir.
1486
01:33:40,002 --> 01:33:42,061
What about
our newly beautified husbands?
1487
01:33:42,238 --> 01:33:44,707
- Is they all right?
- You'll find out at the laboratory.
1488
01:33:44,874 --> 01:33:45,932
This way, Yokum.
1489
01:33:48,577 --> 01:33:51,478
Wait a minute.
I earned you fair and square.
1490
01:33:51,647 --> 01:33:52,637
You coming with me.
1491
01:33:52,815 --> 01:33:55,785
Please, Earthquake, not till I find out
what happens to Li'l Abner.
1492
01:33:55,951 --> 01:33:57,316
Please, Earthquake, dear.
1493
01:33:57,486 --> 01:34:01,184
But remember, you mine now.
Forever and forever.
1494
01:34:01,357 --> 01:34:04,190
Yes, Earthquake. Forever and forever.
1495
01:34:06,462 --> 01:34:07,657
Where's our husbands?
1496
01:34:07,830 --> 01:34:09,525
- What's gone wrong?
- Is they in trouble?
1497
01:34:09,698 --> 01:34:10,688
Is they hurt?
1498
01:34:10,866 --> 01:34:14,564
Ladies, ladies, ladies, quiet, please.
1499
01:34:14,737 --> 01:34:16,762
In one moment,
you will see for yourselves.
1500
01:34:16,939 --> 01:34:18,065
Just step over here.
1501
01:34:18,240 --> 01:34:20,971
All right, let the subjects enter.
1502
01:34:31,520 --> 01:34:33,921
Is they our husbands?
1503
01:34:34,089 --> 01:34:35,989
They is beautiful.
1504
01:34:36,158 --> 01:34:39,150
Look at all them muscles.
1505
01:34:39,328 --> 01:34:41,922
They's gorgeous.
1506
01:34:45,768 --> 01:34:47,600
They ain't nothing wrong with them.
1507
01:34:47,770 --> 01:34:49,397
That I'd like fixed.
1508
01:34:49,572 --> 01:34:52,064
Madam, would you embrace
your husband?
1509
01:34:52,241 --> 01:34:54,232
Oh, boy, would I!
1510
01:34:54,410 --> 01:34:55,571
Zeke.
1511
01:34:56,212 --> 01:34:57,976
Zeke.
1512
01:35:01,884 --> 01:35:04,512
Zeke, Zeke, it's me.
1513
01:35:05,321 --> 01:35:06,846
Zeke!
1514
01:35:07,523 --> 01:35:10,959
Ladies, will the rest of you
embrace your husbands?
1515
01:35:12,528 --> 01:35:13,825
Luke.
1516
01:35:13,996 --> 01:35:15,395
Clem.
1517
01:35:15,564 --> 01:35:17,589
Hey, Rufe.
1518
01:35:17,766 --> 01:35:19,564
Cy.
1519
01:35:21,570 --> 01:35:24,369
Hey, what's wrong with them?
1520
01:35:24,540 --> 01:35:26,907
They don't care about us no more?
1521
01:35:27,076 --> 01:35:29,306
Ladies, I'm afraid these tests
have tragically demonstrated
1522
01:35:29,478 --> 01:35:32,277
that while Yokumberry Tonic
will make men physically perfect,
1523
01:35:32,448 --> 01:35:34,780
eternally youthful
and incredibly attractive,
1524
01:35:34,950 --> 01:35:38,978
they unfortunately lose
all romantic interest.
1525
01:35:39,154 --> 01:35:42,920
Good gosh, they's all
become Li'l Abners.
1526
01:35:43,092 --> 01:35:44,116
Precisely.
1527
01:35:44,293 --> 01:35:47,126
- What's we gonna do now?
- It's inhuman.
1528
01:35:47,296 --> 01:35:49,060
You can't leave them like that.
1529
01:35:49,231 --> 01:35:51,199
You just can't!
1530
01:35:51,367 --> 01:35:52,960
Put them back
1531
01:35:53,135 --> 01:35:55,001
The way they was
1532
01:35:55,170 --> 01:35:58,970
Oh, put them back
The way they was
1533
01:35:59,141 --> 01:36:00,609
They was dumb
They was heathen
1534
01:36:00,776 --> 01:36:02,335
But at least they was breathin'
1535
01:36:02,511 --> 01:36:05,310
So whatever else you've done
1536
01:36:05,481 --> 01:36:09,145
Put them back the way they was
1537
01:36:09,318 --> 01:36:11,343
- Put them back
- Put them back
1538
01:36:11,520 --> 01:36:12,988
- The way they was
- The way they was
1539
01:36:13,155 --> 01:36:16,989
Oh, put them back the way they was
1540
01:36:17,159 --> 01:36:20,618
They was plumb unattractive
But by gum, they was active
1541
01:36:20,796 --> 01:36:23,857
So I beg you kindly because
1542
01:36:24,033 --> 01:36:27,492
Put them back the way they was
1543
01:36:27,670 --> 01:36:31,368
Put them back
The way they was
1544
01:36:31,540 --> 01:36:35,477
Oh, put them back the way they was
1545
01:36:35,644 --> 01:36:37,169
They was not known for beauty
1546
01:36:37,346 --> 01:36:39,041
But they sure done their duty
1547
01:36:39,214 --> 01:36:42,616
And the made the boudoir buzz
1548
01:36:42,785 --> 01:36:46,221
Put them back the way they was
1549
01:36:46,388 --> 01:36:48,152
They was long, lean and lanky
1550
01:36:48,324 --> 01:36:49,951
But they loved hanky-panky
1551
01:36:50,125 --> 01:36:53,459
That's a pastime we prefers
1552
01:36:53,629 --> 01:36:57,361
Put them back the way they was
1553
01:36:57,533 --> 01:37:01,060
They was vile-lookin' varmints
Wearing vile-lookin' garments
1554
01:37:01,236 --> 01:37:04,536
But they knowed a his from hers
1555
01:37:04,707 --> 01:37:08,302
Put them back the way they was
1556
01:37:08,477 --> 01:37:10,104
- Put them back
- Put them back
1557
01:37:10,279 --> 01:37:12,008
- The way they was
- The way they was
1558
01:37:12,181 --> 01:37:16,049
Oh, put them back the way they was
1559
01:37:16,218 --> 01:37:17,811
They was no shakes as lovers
1560
01:37:17,986 --> 01:37:23,152
But they warmed up the covers
Covered as they was with fuzz
1561
01:37:23,325 --> 01:37:24,690
Put them back
1562
01:37:24,860 --> 01:37:33,325
The way they was
1563
01:37:38,374 --> 01:37:39,364
Attention, ladies.
1564
01:37:39,541 --> 01:37:42,306
There's a bus waiting outside
to take you back to Dogpatch.
1565
01:37:42,478 --> 01:37:45,345
But, Mr. Army-Man,
what is we gonna do?
1566
01:37:45,514 --> 01:37:47,812
Return to Dogpatch
and proceed with the evacuation.
1567
01:37:47,983 --> 01:37:49,678
But what about our husbands?
1568
01:37:49,852 --> 01:37:51,911
They must remain here.
Now, please move along.
1569
01:37:52,087 --> 01:37:54,055
- You can't leave them like that.
- Please, ladies.
1570
01:37:54,223 --> 01:37:56,248
I love my husband.
1571
01:37:57,259 --> 01:38:00,285
Move along, now. Move along, ladies.
1572
01:38:01,530 --> 01:38:03,396
I'm afraid you folks will
have to come along too.
1573
01:38:03,565 --> 01:38:05,863
We'll move along directly.
1574
01:38:09,471 --> 01:38:12,338
If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes,
I wouldn't have believed it.
1575
01:38:12,508 --> 01:38:16,308
Mr. Scientist, is they the way they is
and Abner the way he is
1576
01:38:16,478 --> 01:38:18,913
because he's been taking
Yokumberry Tonic all his life?
1577
01:38:19,081 --> 01:38:20,571
Regretfully true, Miss Scragg.
1578
01:38:20,749 --> 01:38:23,946
Oh, that no-good, miserable tree.
1579
01:38:24,119 --> 01:38:25,314
The bus is waiting.
1580
01:38:25,487 --> 01:38:26,716
Do they all go?
1581
01:38:26,889 --> 01:38:29,051
All except these men
and Mr. Yokum.
1582
01:38:29,224 --> 01:38:30,749
We'll need you for further study.
1583
01:38:30,926 --> 01:38:32,018
Yes, sir.
1584
01:38:32,194 --> 01:38:34,060
All right, men.
1585
01:38:35,063 --> 01:38:37,259
Out this way, please.
1586
01:38:41,804 --> 01:38:43,704
Come along, folks.
1587
01:38:46,942 --> 01:38:50,606
Well, Daisy, I guess this is
goodbye for a while.
1588
01:38:50,779 --> 01:38:52,406
It's goodbye forever, Abner.
1589
01:38:52,581 --> 01:38:54,481
Forever? Why?
1590
01:38:55,350 --> 01:38:58,945
Because I promised Earthquake
that if he'd come up to Washington
1591
01:38:59,121 --> 01:39:01,613
and use his brute strength
to help save your life
1592
01:39:01,790 --> 01:39:06,626
that him and me would get married.
Well, he did, and we's gonna.
1593
01:39:07,496 --> 01:39:08,964
Earthquake?
1594
01:39:09,131 --> 01:39:11,862
Could I have one moment
alone with Daisy?
1595
01:39:12,034 --> 01:39:14,230
- Before she leaves?
- Well...
1596
01:39:14,403 --> 01:39:15,928
Please, Earthquake.
1597
01:39:17,306 --> 01:39:19,070
No messing around.
1598
01:39:19,241 --> 01:39:21,335
No messing around.
1599
01:39:27,416 --> 01:39:30,113
Oh, Abner, I'm so miserable
I could die.
1600
01:39:30,285 --> 01:39:33,983
I knows how you feels, Daisy,
but we lives by the code of the hills,
1601
01:39:34,156 --> 01:39:35,749
and a promise is a promise.
1602
01:39:35,924 --> 01:39:37,483
Yeah, but they's
something we could do.
1603
01:39:37,659 --> 01:39:40,321
It's too late now.
But don't you worry none.
1604
01:39:40,496 --> 01:39:43,124
Earthquake is bound to be
a good man,
1605
01:39:43,298 --> 01:39:45,323
once he's married up with you.
1606
01:39:45,868 --> 01:39:49,031
It ain't never gonna be like it
could've been with you.
1607
01:39:49,204 --> 01:39:51,366
I know, Daisy.
1608
01:39:52,407 --> 01:39:53,772
I know.
1609
01:39:53,942 --> 01:39:55,637
Oh, Abner.
1610
01:39:55,811 --> 01:40:03,343
I wish it could be otherwise
1611
01:40:04,219 --> 01:40:11,956
Otherwise, I'm sorry we met at all
1612
01:40:12,861 --> 01:40:21,667
I'm sorry we ever had to start with
1613
01:40:21,837 --> 01:40:29,904
Those wonderful dreams
You broke my heart with
1614
01:40:30,979 --> 01:40:38,978
! wish there was some other way
1615
01:40:39,688 --> 01:40:47,891
Like it is
Our backs is against the wall
1616
01:40:48,497 --> 01:40:51,057
Just seems that
1617
01:40:51,233 --> 01:40:55,466
- Fate put this heart of mine
- Fate put this heart of mine
1618
01:40:55,637 --> 01:40:59,699
- Under some Injun sign
- Under some Injun sign
1619
01:40:59,875 --> 01:41:07,874
- Or otherwise, you'd still be mine
- Or otherwise, you'd still be mine
1620
01:41:08,450 --> 01:41:12,785
- All mine
- All mine
1621
01:41:12,988 --> 01:41:17,482
- Or otherwise
- Or otherwise
1622
01:41:17,659 --> 01:41:27,296
- You'd still be mine
- You'd still be mine
1623
01:41:31,306 --> 01:41:33,138
Time, Daisy.
1624
01:41:55,797 --> 01:41:57,356
I done it.
1625
01:41:57,532 --> 01:41:59,500
It was all my fault.
1626
01:41:59,668 --> 01:42:01,966
I ruined my own boy.
1627
01:42:02,137 --> 01:42:04,333
- Mammy, I got something to say.
- Hush.
1628
01:42:04,506 --> 01:42:06,270
I never should've give
Abner that tonic.
1629
01:42:06,441 --> 01:42:08,637
- I should've known--
- Now, Mammy, I'm gonna be heard.
1630
01:42:08,810 --> 01:42:10,039
I said, hush.
1631
01:42:10,212 --> 01:42:11,771
Why didn't I have more sense?
1632
01:42:11,947 --> 01:42:14,917
- Why didn't I realize--?
- Well, you gonna listen to me.
1633
01:42:15,083 --> 01:42:16,414
Would you hush up?
1634
01:42:16,585 --> 01:42:18,781
You little pipsqueak.
1635
01:42:19,388 --> 01:42:21,117
You hush up.
1636
01:42:21,289 --> 01:42:24,122
- What?
- For once, you gonna hush
1637
01:42:24,292 --> 01:42:25,282
and stay hushed.
1638
01:42:25,460 --> 01:42:28,293
I got some private talking
to do with my boy,
1639
01:42:28,463 --> 01:42:32,627
and by gum, I'm going to do it.
1640
01:42:32,801 --> 01:42:36,499
- But, Pappy, I was only gonna try--
- Now you get, woman, get.
1641
01:42:36,672 --> 01:42:39,767
I'll see when you when I get back
in Dogpatch.
1642
01:42:39,941 --> 01:42:41,670
If I takes a notion to.
1643
01:42:41,843 --> 01:42:43,902
- But, Pappy, I--
- Get!
1644
01:42:44,079 --> 01:42:47,743
I has spoken!
1645
01:42:59,528 --> 01:43:00,927
Boys, come in here.
1646
01:43:01,096 --> 01:43:02,257
Boys, come here.
1647
01:43:02,431 --> 01:43:06,095
I want you to listen to this
and listen careful
1648
01:43:06,268 --> 01:43:09,499
because I think I got a way how to get
you out of your miserable condition.
1649
01:43:09,671 --> 01:43:11,571
- Well, what is it?
- A special potion
1650
01:43:11,740 --> 01:43:14,766
developed by our beloved founder,
Jubilation T. Cornpone.
1651
01:43:14,943 --> 01:43:17,810
Oh, Pappy, we've taken enough tonics
and potions already.
1652
01:43:17,979 --> 01:43:21,779
Yes, but you haven't taken
Cornpone's powerfully potent,
1653
01:43:21,950 --> 01:43:25,284
perpetually "passionizing”
and romanticizing potion.
1654
01:43:27,089 --> 01:43:29,490
Pappy, could that potion
romanticize me
1655
01:43:29,658 --> 01:43:31,422
and put these boys back
the way they was?
1656
01:43:31,593 --> 01:43:35,188
Well, son, all I can tell you is
that when I was your age,
1657
01:43:35,363 --> 01:43:39,027
I had a mite of your trouble myself,
so I took me a little swig of that potion.
1658
01:43:39,201 --> 01:43:41,033
- And what happened?
- As I wiped my lips,
1659
01:43:41,203 --> 01:43:43,934
your sweet, ugly little Mammy
come a-walking by.
1660
01:43:44,106 --> 01:43:48,043
And I can only tell you that that
dried-up, sawed-off little creature
1661
01:43:48,210 --> 01:43:51,908
looked to me like Lillian Russell,
Gloria Swanson
1662
01:43:52,080 --> 01:43:54,310
and a plate of pork chops
rolled into one.
1663
01:43:54,483 --> 01:43:55,712
What are we waiting for? Come on.
1664
01:43:55,884 --> 01:43:57,409
Just a minute.
1665
01:43:57,586 --> 01:43:59,987
There's one mighty special
and important condition
1666
01:44:00,155 --> 01:44:01,987
that goes with this potion.
1667
01:44:02,157 --> 01:44:06,958
You see, it only works
if you really wants it to work.
1668
01:44:07,562 --> 01:44:09,428
Oh, I does, Pappy,
1669
01:44:09,598 --> 01:44:11,965
more than anything else
in the whole world.
1670
01:44:12,134 --> 01:44:15,160
Well, then get a-going. That wedding
ain't waiting for man or beast,
1671
01:44:15,337 --> 01:44:17,066
and with Earthquake,
that covers both ends.
1672
01:44:17,239 --> 01:44:19,230
Right. Come on.
1673
01:44:28,583 --> 01:44:30,745
\Western Union, please.
1674
01:44:31,219 --> 01:44:36,055
I wants to send a telegram
to Marryin' Sam, Dogpatch, U.S.A.
1675
01:44:36,224 --> 01:44:37,783
Message?
1676
01:44:37,959 --> 01:44:39,290
Well, just three words:
1677
01:44:39,461 --> 01:44:42,829
Stall, stall, stall.
1678
01:45:02,851 --> 01:45:05,115
All right, Sam.
We only got 20 minutes.
1679
01:45:05,287 --> 01:45:08,985
So start "festivitating” the festivities.
1680
01:45:10,292 --> 01:45:12,818
Earthquake, why don't you wait
till we's relocated.
1681
01:45:12,994 --> 01:45:15,361
No, sir.
With all this shuffling around,
1682
01:45:15,530 --> 01:45:17,692
the queen liable to shuffle herself
right out in the deck.
1683
01:45:17,866 --> 01:45:18,856
Right, Cousin Romeo?
1684
01:45:19,034 --> 01:45:20,798
You're so right, Cousin McGoon.
1685
01:45:21,169 --> 01:45:24,366
- So start festivitating.
- Very well.
1686
01:45:25,440 --> 01:45:28,967
Dearly beloved,
we is gathered here today--
1687
01:45:29,144 --> 01:45:30,669
Earthquake, I can't do it.
1688
01:45:30,846 --> 01:45:31,836
Can't do what?
1689
01:45:32,013 --> 01:45:33,276
I can't shortchange you.
1690
01:45:33,448 --> 01:45:36,315
You wants a $8 wedding,
I gotta get into a $8 mood.
1691
01:45:36,484 --> 01:45:39,419
There's no way of knowing how long
it's gonna take me to get there.
1692
01:45:39,588 --> 01:45:41,613
I'm there.
1693
01:45:44,759 --> 01:45:46,727
Dearly beloved--
1694
01:45:47,863 --> 01:45:49,922
Dearly belove--
1695
01:45:51,099 --> 01:45:52,863
Dearly beloved--
1696
01:45:53,034 --> 01:45:55,628
Dearly beloved!
1697
01:45:55,804 --> 01:45:57,772
Come on, Sam,
we ain't got much time.
1698
01:45:57,939 --> 01:46:00,067
So hurry up and get down
to the "I does-es.”
1699
01:46:00,742 --> 01:46:03,040
Well, that's right, Sam, proceed.
1700
01:46:03,211 --> 01:46:05,407
Only I do wish, Earthie, dear,
that you'd wait
1701
01:46:05,580 --> 01:46:07,912
till all the rest of my kinfolk get here.
1702
01:46:08,083 --> 01:46:10,347
Account of this wedding
is gonna mean so much to them.
1703
01:46:10,518 --> 01:46:12,680
Why, of course, my dear.
1704
01:46:12,854 --> 01:46:14,618
With the bombing and all,
they just can't wait
1705
01:46:14,789 --> 01:46:16,723
to get into their nice, new home.
1706
01:46:16,892 --> 01:46:19,293
- Naturally.
- With their new, rich relative.
1707
01:46:19,461 --> 01:46:21,452
Most assuredly, my--
1708
01:46:21,630 --> 01:46:24,065
Rich relative? Who?
1709
01:46:24,232 --> 01:46:26,530
- Why, you, of course.
- Me?
1710
01:46:26,902 --> 01:46:30,566
You don't think a Scragg would let
another Scragg go homeless,
1711
01:46:30,739 --> 01:46:33,504
as long as they was related
to anyone as well-heeled
1712
01:46:33,675 --> 01:46:35,609
as the world's dirtiest wrestler.
1713
01:46:35,777 --> 01:46:37,802
You mean you want these
three miserable Scraggs
1714
01:46:37,979 --> 01:46:39,310
to come and live with us?
1715
01:46:39,481 --> 01:46:40,539
Why, of course.
1716
01:46:40,715 --> 01:46:43,480
You is a first-class provider,
Cousin McGoon.
1717
01:46:43,818 --> 01:46:46,810
- The others will be along directly.
- Others?
1718
01:46:46,988 --> 01:46:50,253
I sent Speedy McRabbit
out to tell them all the good news.
1719
01:46:50,425 --> 01:46:53,053
I knew you'd want it that way,
Earthie, dear.
1720
01:46:53,228 --> 01:46:56,220
- Well, no, I never counted on--
- Hi, Cousin Earthie!
1721
01:46:57,565 --> 01:46:59,499
Say, look who's here.
1722
01:46:59,668 --> 01:47:03,662
Why, it's Uncle Unbearable Scragg
and his three darling children,
1723
01:47:03,838 --> 01:47:08,139
Unthinkable, Unwashable
and Unhuman.
1724
01:47:08,310 --> 01:47:10,540
Say hello to your new, rich relative.
1725
01:47:10,712 --> 01:47:13,875
- Hi, Cousin Earthie.
- Thanks for the invite.
1726
01:47:14,049 --> 01:47:16,040
- When do we eat?
- Hi, cousin.
1727
01:47:16,217 --> 01:47:17,810
Why look who come out
of the swamp?
1728
01:47:18,119 --> 01:47:21,487
Hi, Cousin Earthie.
1729
01:47:22,590 --> 01:47:25,457
It's Unappetizing Scragg
and his two dazzling daughters,
1730
01:47:25,627 --> 01:47:27,527
Priceless and Liceless.
1731
01:47:32,267 --> 01:47:35,066
- Welcome to the family, cousin.
- He sure is generous.
1732
01:47:35,236 --> 01:47:37,466
Hi, Cousin Earthie.
1733
01:47:37,639 --> 01:47:41,371
Oh, well, upon my soul,
it's the Bar Harbor Scraggs.
1734
01:47:41,543 --> 01:47:45,070
Yeah, they've been barred
from every harbor in the country.
1735
01:47:45,580 --> 01:47:47,275
The children will be here
in the morning.
1736
01:47:47,449 --> 01:47:48,917
What time is you serving dinner?
1737
01:47:49,084 --> 01:47:51,712
Well, Sam, ain't you got
some marrying to do?
1738
01:47:51,886 --> 01:47:52,978
I sure has.
1739
01:47:53,154 --> 01:47:55,384
Well, batten down your hatches
and grab hold of each other
1740
01:47:55,557 --> 01:47:57,321
while I lets fly
with my $8 wedding.
1741
01:47:58,827 --> 01:48:00,158
Dearly beloved
1742
01:48:00,328 --> 01:48:02,319
We is gathered here today
1743
01:48:02,497 --> 01:48:04,693
He's startin' to dearly beloved
1744
01:48:04,866 --> 01:48:08,496
To put an unfortunate
Miserable critter away
1745
01:48:08,670 --> 01:48:09,796
Better he was hung first
1746
01:48:09,971 --> 01:48:13,737
Remember poor Adam
Who got married and so began
1747
01:48:13,908 --> 01:48:16,036
That miserable race of creatures
1748
01:48:16,211 --> 01:48:18,509
- Known as the married man
- Married man
1749
01:48:18,680 --> 01:48:19,977
Then think about Samson
1750
01:48:20,148 --> 01:48:22,879
- Who was Israel's strongest male
- The strongest
1751
01:48:23,051 --> 01:48:24,678
Till little Delilah went
1752
01:48:24,853 --> 01:48:27,151
- And give him a ponytail
- Ponytail
1753
01:48:27,322 --> 01:48:30,724
State your objections
Or forever hold your peace
1754
01:48:30,892 --> 01:48:33,122
He's telling you
State your objections
1755
01:48:33,294 --> 01:48:37,026
You signing a genuine, ironclad
Permanent lease
1756
01:48:37,198 --> 01:48:38,222
Never no escape clause
1757
01:48:38,400 --> 01:48:41,563
Don't let me influence you
In saying those fatal words
1758
01:48:41,736 --> 01:48:44,068
- Fatal words
- Just let me remind you
1759
01:48:44,239 --> 01:48:46,708
- Getting married is for the birds
- For the birds
1760
01:48:46,875 --> 01:48:50,334
Now if you still wants
This little gal as your lawful mate
1761
01:48:50,512 --> 01:48:54,608
By powers invested
I pronounces you man and--
1762
01:48:54,783 --> 01:48:57,184
Wait. Hold on there.
1763
01:48:57,352 --> 01:48:59,047
Hold it, Sam, stop the wedding.
1764
01:48:59,220 --> 01:49:00,585
That's right, stop the wedding.
1765
01:49:00,755 --> 01:49:02,519
Did you say, "Stop the wedding"?
1766
01:49:02,690 --> 01:49:05,022
That's right, I'm gonna claim
Daisy Mae for myself.
1767
01:49:07,462 --> 01:49:10,056
You'll laugh out of the other side
of your faces when Pappy gets here
1768
01:49:10,231 --> 01:49:13,030
with his Cornpone's passionizing
and romanticizing potion.
1769
01:49:13,201 --> 01:49:16,364
- There ain't no such potion.
- Oh, yes, there is.
1770
01:49:16,538 --> 01:49:17,562
Now, wait a minute.
1771
01:49:17,739 --> 01:49:20,606
Maybe there is and maybe there isn't,
but I gotta say something.
1772
01:49:20,775 --> 01:49:26,214
This here lovely young gal's been
in love with this fine boy all her life.
1773
01:49:26,381 --> 01:49:30,011
And even if it means giving up
my passport to ecstasy
1774
01:49:30,185 --> 01:49:33,348
and giving up
all these fine family ties,
1775
01:49:33,521 --> 01:49:36,547
I'm willing to make the sacrifice.
1776
01:49:36,724 --> 01:49:39,056
Hold on. What about our passport?
1777
01:49:39,227 --> 01:49:41,025
Besides, there ain't no such potion.
1778
01:49:41,196 --> 01:49:46,498
Oh, yes, they is. I've got it. I've got it.
1779
01:49:46,668 --> 01:49:49,262
- Here it is, son.
- Thanks, Pappy.
1780
01:49:49,437 --> 01:49:55,433
Now, remember, son, it only works
if you really and truly wants it to work.
1781
01:49:56,144 --> 01:50:01,173
Oh, I does, Pappy. I sure does.
1782
01:50:04,285 --> 01:50:05,980
What's in that jug, Pappy?
1783
01:50:06,154 --> 01:50:10,182
Just a little old creek water, Mammy.
Just some plain old creek water.
1784
01:50:19,234 --> 01:50:22,295
- Daisy.
- Oh, Abner.
1785
01:50:23,671 --> 01:50:26,606
Li'l Abner, does you take Daisy Mae
For your wife?
1786
01:50:26,774 --> 01:50:27,935
I does
1787
01:50:28,109 --> 01:50:32,273
- And, Daisy, is you agreed?
- I reckon I always was
1788
01:50:32,447 --> 01:50:35,610
And now with my blessings
I pronounces you--
1789
01:50:35,783 --> 01:50:39,811
Wait! Look who's here,
our big, oversized husbands.
1790
01:50:39,988 --> 01:50:42,047
Pappy, give me that jug.
1791
01:50:42,223 --> 01:50:45,523
Put them back
The way they was
1792
01:50:45,693 --> 01:50:49,186
Oh, they is back
The way they was
1793
01:50:49,364 --> 01:50:53,062
They's uncouth and unpleasant
But at least they is present
1794
01:50:53,234 --> 01:50:56,499
Doing things that we prefer
1795
01:50:56,671 --> 01:51:04,169
Welcome back the way you were
1796
01:51:05,547 --> 01:51:08,517
And now with my blessings,
I pronounces you--
1797
01:51:08,683 --> 01:51:11,550
Wait. Wait. Stop the wedding.
1798
01:51:11,719 --> 01:51:13,551
- Your time is up.
- But I'm almost done.
1799
01:51:13,721 --> 01:51:15,382
But the plane and the bomb
are on their way.
1800
01:51:15,557 --> 01:51:18,254
- But I got just three more words.
- Not a word, not a syllable.
1801
01:51:18,426 --> 01:51:19,484
Three itty-bitty words.
1802
01:51:19,661 --> 01:51:21,493
Out, do you hear me?
Out. On your way.
1803
01:51:21,663 --> 01:51:24,997
We're not leaving
without our statue of Jubilation.
1804
01:51:25,166 --> 01:51:28,363
- Right, Mayor Dawgmeat?
- Right. Let's go get our statue.
1805
01:51:28,536 --> 01:51:30,698
Yes, come on. Let's get our statue.
1806
01:51:32,273 --> 01:51:35,243
Take it easy, now. Don't hurt it.
Take it down.
1807
01:51:38,746 --> 01:51:41,238
Something fell out of the statue.
1808
01:51:41,416 --> 01:51:45,410
Hey, look, there's some writing here,
1809
01:51:45,587 --> 01:51:51,048
- signed "Abraham Lincoln."
- There are trucks waiting--
1810
01:51:51,226 --> 01:51:52,591
Abraham Lincoln?
1811
01:51:52,760 --> 01:51:54,990
Here, just listen to this.
1812
01:51:55,163 --> 01:51:59,657
"Because of his lack of strategy,
his military blunders,
1813
01:51:59,834 --> 01:52:02,064
and his general ineptness,
1814
01:52:02,237 --> 01:52:05,867
which almost single-handedly
enabled the North
1815
01:52:06,040 --> 01:52:07,838
to win this Civil War,
1816
01:52:08,009 --> 01:52:11,035
a grateful government
dedicates this statue
1817
01:52:11,212 --> 01:52:13,909
of General Jubilation T. Cornpone,
1818
01:52:14,816 --> 01:52:18,480
proclaiming it a national shrine."
1819
01:52:18,653 --> 01:52:21,782
Good heavens, it's a national shrine.
1820
01:52:21,956 --> 01:52:24,220
And you can't deface
a national shrine.
1821
01:52:24,559 --> 01:52:28,052
You can't deface it, you can't move it,
and you can't bomb it.
1822
01:52:28,229 --> 01:52:32,996
You're absolutely right.
Stop that plane. Notify Washington.
1823
01:52:33,167 --> 01:52:36,137
Citizens of Dogpatch,
the evacuation is ended.
1824
01:52:38,373 --> 01:52:43,334
And now with my blessings
I pronounces you...
1825
01:52:48,049 --> 01:52:49,244
- Wait.
- Why?
1826
01:52:49,417 --> 01:52:51,112
This joyful event
can't be consummated
1827
01:52:51,286 --> 01:52:54,347
until we pays homage to the one man
who made all this possible.
1828
01:52:54,522 --> 01:52:56,115
Who romanticized this boy?
1829
01:52:56,291 --> 01:52:58,225
Who put them back
the way they was?
1830
01:52:58,393 --> 01:53:01,158
And who saved our town
from being bombed?
1831
01:53:01,329 --> 01:53:03,559
None other than that beloved man
that's sitting up there
1832
01:53:03,731 --> 01:53:07,463
on that even more beloved horse,
Jubilation T. Cornpone.
1833
01:53:08,336 --> 01:53:13,638
Though he's gone to his reward
1834
01:53:13,808 --> 01:53:17,938
His mighty torch is still lit
1835
01:53:18,513 --> 01:53:22,108
First in war, first in peace
First to holler, "I quit!”
1836
01:53:22,283 --> 01:53:27,312
Oh, it was Jubilation T. Cornpone
Unshaven-and-Shorn-pone
1837
01:53:27,488 --> 01:53:30,685
Jubilation T. Cornpone
He really saved the day
1838
01:53:30,858 --> 01:53:36,058
Why, it was Jubilation T. Cornpone
Unshaven-and-Shorn-pone
1839
01:53:36,230 --> 01:53:43,660
Jubilation T. Cornpone
He really saved the day
147589
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