All language subtitles for This.Is.Paris.2020.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Man:
How is the volume
and stuff now?

- The volume's good.
- Cool. Here we go.

All right.
One, two, three, that's hot.

This is Paris.

Paris Hilton. Paris.

This is Paris Hilton.

How many voices do I have?

Man: That's pretty good.

Woman:
That was your real voice.

This is Paris Hilton.

This is Paris Hilton.
No, this is.

( laughter )

- "No, this is."
- This is Paris Hilton.

Paris ( bleep ) Hilton.

This is Paris ( bleep ) Hilton!

( music playing )

♪ Listen to the girl ♪

♪ As she takes on
half the world ♪

Barbara Walters:
Paris Hilton is a new breed
of celebrity,

famous for being famous.

Matt Lauer: She is
the great granddaughter

of the hotel magnate
Conrad Hilton,

a model,
and a gossip column favorite.

- Paris!
- Paris! Go, girl.

Anderson Cooper:
Hilton mania climaxed
this week.

More than 13 million
people watched her show
"The Simple Life."

That's hot. That's hot.
That's hot.

Man:
Paris Hilton is everywhere!

Man 2: Washing her Bentley,
eating a Carl's Jr. burger.

Man 3:
America has embraced
Paris' brand.

♪ I can do ♪

David Letterman: All you
hear people talking about,
the Paris Hilton sex video.

♪ For you ♪

Woman:
Paris is an irresistable
punchline.

Red:
Wow, that's really her!
Paris, over here!

Wendy: I don't get it.
What does she do?

She's totally spoiled
and snobby.

- What does she do?
- ♪ For you ♪

You ditched the old blonde girl
going to parties image.

You've now become
this big business woman.

17 product lines.

You're going to start
a hotel chain.

- Not a Hilton chain, your one.
- Paris: Yes.

Piers Morgan:
This is big business.

- That's hot. That's hot.
- That's hot.

- Loves it.
- Loves it.

You're the number one
female DJ in the world,

and you get paid
$1 million per DJ gig.

The life you have now,
I mean, is it everything
you want it to be?

Is there a next level?

♪ Just like honey ♪

♪ Just like honey ♪

♪ Just like honey ♪

♪ Just like honey ♪

♪ Just like honey ♪

Okay, shoes.

Diamond, come here, honey.

I love you.

Paris:
When I first started
this film,

I honestly don't even recognize
that person anymore.

Ever since we started
shooting this,

I've realized a lot more
about myself.

I'm nervous. I'm shaking.

It's hard to even eat

'cause my stomach is just,
like, turning.

I don't know.
It's something that's
very personal

and not something
I like talking about.

I feel like the whole world
thinks they know me

because I've been playing
this character for so long.

I've always heard
that people hang out
at Walmart.

- Why? What is Walmart?
- I don't know.

It's, like,
they sell wall stuff?

- What is it?
- Did you really?

That's not me.

No one really knows
who I am.

Something happened
in my childhood

that I've never talked about
with anyone.

I still have
nightmares about it.

I wish I could bring, like,
a camera into my dreams

and, like, show you
what it's like. It's--

- it's terrifying...
- ( shuddering )

...and I relive that
every night.

( whimpering )

I experienced it

and to this day
I'm still traumatized.

And I think the only way
to have these nightmares stop

is to do something
about it.

All right, here we go.

I'll just be normal.
Sorry, I'm so used to, like,
playing a character

that it's, like, hard for me
to, like, be normal.

I always, like,
when a camera's around,
like, turn into someone else.

We're driving to
my grandfather's house.

My grandfather doesn't know
we're shooting there.

Like, he has no idea.
Like, he's-- hates cameras.

I did not inherit
that part from him.

( music playing )

You're so-- Diamond!

I love you.

When I talk,
do you want me looking
in the camera

- or just looking off camera?
- Right past it.

I'm gonna be next to it.
Talk to me.

- Okay.
- All right, can we--

Go back. Do it again.
Real walk, Paris.

What do you mean?
I'm not on a runway?

So cute that
he put this up.

These pictures are so classic.

This is my grandfather Barron

and his brother Nicky Hilton

and my grandmother Marilyn.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Glued all
the crystals on myself.

There's me with Nancy Reagan
and my parents.

My family has always been
very conservative.

Being part of this family,

it's a lot of pressure,

it's a lot of weight,

because I feel like
I'm carrying on a legacy.

Dad:
Oh, wow. Look at Paris.

Woman:
Honey, a cashmere sweater.

( indistinct chatter )

Well, my great-grandfather
and my grandfather

created an insane empire
of hotels.

And growing up,
that was a lot to live up to.

It was hard to just, like,
totally be myself.

- Dad: Hi, Stars.
- Paris: I was nicknamed Star.

Dad: What are you
excited about, Star?

Because I was his first baby,

my dad always
was filming everything,

so I just remember always
having a camera around.

- I was a little girl...
- Kiss the bunny.

...who was just
this free spirit.

I had not been through
any trauma yet.

- ( squeals )
- Give me a pretty face.

Give me a nice face.

Kyle Richards:
Paris came over,

and I always would do
her makeup.

I think there was probably
too much focus

when she was little on how
beautiful she was, honestly.

- You want to see
a pretty face?
- Yeah.

A cute one?

This is a little cute face.

- And what's your face then?
- A little poopie face.

( laughing )

( music playing )

Paris: Growing up,
my mom and her sisters

were child actresses
and models.

Good-bye, Tommy.

My grandmother
was a single mom,

and my mom was a model
ever since she was a baby.

There's just so many
beautiful photos of her
when she was a little girl.

( indstinct chatter )

My grandmother
saw something in me...

- Action!
- Hi, Susan.

Hi, baby.

...always making me feel

that I can be whoever
I wanted to be.

Excuse me?
Are you that famous actress?

- Mm-hmm.
- What's your name again?

Paula Abdul.

Bo Derek?

- Here's a short one.
- Star, I want to put
these on first.

I don't want these
on there.

But my mom didn't
want me in the modeling
and acting worlds,

and I think she just wanted
something different for me.

You cannot take these things
'cause these are mine.

Well, I'm gonna get
them scanned,

No, I'm saying
these things are mine.

That's so cute.
Am I, like, 11 here?

Like, nine.
Now, here's you
starting to walk.

When you were--
this was your first birthday.

And you know how I know
that you talked?

We would say,
"Paris, who's the president
of the United States?"

- Do you remember
what you'd say?
- I was one.

- Do you think
I'm gonna remember?
- You'd say Bushy George.

Paris:
I look at my mom and dad
and they've been together

since my mom was 15.

My mom was 19
when she had me.

Kathy:
We always loved
the city Paris,

and we wanted a beautiful,
unique name.

And we looked at her
and we said, "This is Paris."

Rick is very private

and I don't think
he was really comfortable

doing an interview

and explaining his life story
or his family's.

The Hilton family,
there are eight children.

The first five,
they got millions

and millions of dollars.

And then
the three younger ones,

they did not.

Dad: Here we are at
the new Staircase location.

So my husband and I,
you know, we worked.

- Dad: Hello, honey.
- Hi.

Paris:
My mom just wanted
my sister and I

to be, like,
these little princesses.

I went to Catholic school
for most of my childhood.

All: I remember.

My mom always taught me
to be very proper,

private,
and to always portray

that everything
was perfect.

( indistinct chatter )

My mom just wanted me
to be a Hilton...

...and I just wanted
to be Paris.

Alpha, Beta, Charlie,
take one.

Can I just preface this
by saying I don't do these
types of interviews?

I've-- in the past 20 years,

I've chosen to not really
partake in them.

But in order for this
to be genuine and authentic,

there's no one in the world
that knows her better than me.

It's so funny,
because her brand

is a lot more glamorous
than she is.

( groans )

She's a chick
who likes to scrapbook

at home with her dogs,
eat leftovers.

Yasss.

She sounds like Homer Simpson.

No, but she's very normal.

- Paris, let's ( bleep ) go.
- I know.

- Move it for the animals.
- Ahh!

- Brush my fangs.
- I don't want to be late.

It's my most normal thing
in the world to be late.

- I don't even know how
we're related.
- ( laughs )

- Bye, guys. Love you.
- All: Bye.

- Dude, I don't have
a little square.
- Bye, guys!

I have no square,
so I'm bringing all these wires.

- Paris is addicted to drama.
- Oh, no, no, no, no!

Go. I'm not leaving
my sunglasses. I can't.

- You are going to a ( bleep )
animal banquet, Paris.
- I know, but I need them.

- No, you do not need them.
- Yes I do. It'll take one--

They're on the table.
Please?

Always has to be
fast-paced and going,

and even leaving the house,
and losing the phone,

and running back
to get the laptop.

There's always
some form of dramedy.

- I'm going in the car.
- I swear to God, they're
right on the counter.

God damn it.
It's this ( bleep ) purse.

My gorgeous sisters on our way
to the Animal Haven Charity.

I can't even fake a smile
right now 'cause you're
so annoying. Let's go!

You just ruined
the whole Snap.

Sorry,
I'm a little late, but--

- Are you mad at me?
- Yes.

( whispers )
I'm scared.

I'm sorry.

It's rude.

I know.

I apologize.

Nicky!
Okay, no fighting, you guys.

I'm not going to film
if we fight.

- Nicky: Growing up,
we were different.
- Let go!

I was definitely more girly.

While I was more into sneaking
into my mom's closet

and playing with her clothes
and her shoes,

Paris was more a tomboy.

( laughter )

She has this persona
that she's this sexy,

you know, bombshell,

but she really is,
like, a boy at heart.

Dad: Oh, is that how
you're dressed tonight?

- It looks good.
- I'm wearing your
shorts, Dad.

( Dad laughs )

Nicky: Her and my dad
were always doing just fun,

weird, animal-related things.

Dad: I knew they'd be
over here with the penguins.

Look at the other ones
wondering what that is.

Kathy: She would save up
her money to buy monkeys,

snakes, ferrets, everything,

and once she let the snake

out of the cage
at the Waldorf.

Did she ever tell you
about how she had a goat?

A pet goat hidden in
my grandfather's tennis court?

Or the little monkey
that got out

hanging up
on the chandelier?

Ladies, together this way.
Together this way.

This cat does not like dogs.

Nicky: She's so sweet,
she's so fun,

but she's been through a lot.

We think you're amazing
for using your celebrity
to help animals.

I like animals
more than people.

- Okay.
- Yes.

Nicky: They say trauma,

the mind may forget,
but the body never forgets.

And it's trapped in you.

And it can come out whenever.

I don't want
to bring 30 bags.

That's insane.

You've been saying this
for as long as I've known you.

- I know.
- And you keep doing that.

- I'm gonna change.
- Sure. No. No.

- No.
- I can just put, like,
a little thing here.

- Jen: When do you leave?
- Tonight.

Paris: In my life, I've never
really looked back at the past.

I've always looked
toward the future,

building my business,
and creating my own brand.

I have 19 product lines.

Skincare, makeup,

every type of product
you can imagine.

My fragrances have done
almost $3 billion in sales.

I travel over 250 days a year
all around the world.

- Sammy: We have, like,
30-minute hard out.
- All right.

I don't need to bring
every single one of these.

What country am I going to?
I should find out.

Korea, London, Paris,
Monaco, Geneva.

- Monaco, Copenhagen.
- Switzerland.

- Copenhagen?
- Isn't she going to Copenhagen?

What?

All of these brands

are always sending
me clothes

because they want me
to post about them--

a different outfit
every couple hours of the day.

That's a part
of being an influencer.

I've never been photographed
in the same thing twice.

Half an hour to pack
all this.

No.

No.

And I need sunglasses
with every outfit and purses.

Oh, my God, I didn't
even think about that.

I need to ride in a car every
day and all I have is gowns.

I sound like the biggest brat.

No, I literally--
all I have is gowns.

Hey.

- Five more minutes.
- Five minutes?

( groans )
I'm so--

You're gonna miss
your flight. Seriously.

Paris, you're really
seriously gonna miss
the flight.

- What time's the flight
for real?
- Rosie: 11:00.

- Yeah, right.
- Yes.

- Are you ( bleep ) with me?
- No, I--

- I thought it was 11:45.
You guys are lying.
- Sammy: Swear.

Swear?

I can tell when you're lying.

You guys always do this to me
three hours early.

Please say it's 11:45
and I'll leave.

I'm leaving.

Are we gonna make it?

Do not let go of this bag.

This is another bag?
Oh, my God.

No, Paris, do not let go
of this bag because--

- Oh, my money.
- Yeah, you cannot
let go of that bag.

- Okay.
- Please, I mean...

That-- do not
let go of that bag.

- Paris: I love you guys.
- Love you.

- Wish me luck.
- Good luck.

( music playing )

( cheering )

Thank you very much.

Hi.

Oh, my God.
Good to see you.

Oh, my God,
you're so beautiful.

- I miss you.
- It's so good to see you.

I'm so happy
to see you girls.

- I love you so much.
- Love you.

Can you say it one more time?

Like, "See you next time,"
or "See you tomorrow."

See you guys tomorrow.
I love you.

Yasss.

My two fans are so cute.

They flew 30 hours
to get here.

So sweet.

( indistinct chatter )

My fans all around the world

named themselves
the Little Hiltons.

- I love my girls.
- We love you so much.

Yasss.

I feel less alone when
my Little Hiltons are there.

Oh, man.

Well, look who we have here.

The billion-dollar
badass boss bitch

is landed in Korea.

So, what's your message
to your fans?

What's up, Sheeraz?
What's up, everyone?

I am so excited
to be in Korea.

We're gonna have
the best time.

The Paris Hilton
Skincare launch.

Yes.

Oh, my God.

D'oh.

Oh, my God.

Hello.

( screaming )

Oh, picture!
Wow! Wow, okay.

- Okay.
- You want me to do it, honey?

- Oh, yeah! Yes, yes.
- Yes.

Love you.

Paris:
I've just been on camera
my whole life, basically.

But I also do get nervous,

especially when
it's big crowds of people.

Man: Hello, Paris.
How are you?

Man 2:
Oh, Paris, you should be
in the roller derby.

- Let's see you skate.
- They're so fun.

When I was a teenager,
it was probably my dream

to be chased by paparazzi.

- Thank you, Paris.
- Uh-huh.

I finished my roll
on a beautiful lady.

Aww. Bye, boys.
Good night.

When I was 18, I was
going to clubs and parties

and being photographed.

Matt Lauer:
In the gossip papers
in Los Angeles,

you and your sister
have been a staple.

Why are people
so fascinated with you?

People always ask me that,
and I don't know.

I'm just living my life.

But after "The Simple Life,"
the paparazzi were insane.

Man: Hey, Paris!
Hollywood.TV, Paris. Hello!

Man 2:
How was lunch, Paris?

Hasan:
I built the foundation
of one of the biggest

paparazzi companies in the world
on the back of Paris Hilton.

I had over 100 guys
in Los Angeles,

all of them making a living
off Paris Hilton.

For a photograph,
at that time,

it could range between 50,000,
up to a million dollars.

- Paris, hi, sweetie!
- Paris, you're
looking beautiful.

If you know that you can make

a million dollars in one day,

what does it look like?

It's war.

- ( shouting )
- What the ( bleep )?

Woman: Photographers at war
at the Istanbul airport.

Paris caught in the middle.

- Help!
- Let her in! Let her in!

Paris: Sometimes I would just
get in the car and be alone

and just, like,
breathe and just be like,

"Okay. Made it."

And sometimes I would pull
out my camcorder,

and I'm, like, filming them.

"Do you like this?
Do you like how this feels?"

- Look at the paparazzi
next to us in the car.
- Man: In the car?

- Bye.
- Insane.

I feel like that was
the height of everything.

Can I get a picture
with you?

Thank you.
I love your dog.

Thank you.

Kim Kardashian West:
Paris really started
that movement

of having paparazzi
follow your every move.

I wouldn't be here today
if it hadn't been for,

number one, her starting off
in the reality world,

and her introducing me
to the world.

- Paris, how are you today?
- Good, thank you.

Good, you look great.
Kim, you look awesome.

Woman:
We love you, Paris! Woohoo!

Kim:
I think the best advice that
she ever could've given me

was just watching her.

( crowd cheering )

Paris:
Even though it was so hectic
and insane and just non-stop...

- Hi.
- Hi.

...I also loved
the attention...

Paris, I love you.

- ...and the love.
- Paris! Whoo!

'Cause I felt like
that was love.

- Love you!
- Love you.

( cheering )

Paris:
Eventually, I decided
that I didn't want

to be a reality star.

Like, I wanted to focus
more on my business.

( crowd shouting )

And I decided that I wanted to
control my whole image.

Hasan:
I remember 2004,
around that time,

she was, like,
grabbing her camera,

taking a picture of herself.

I didn't even know
what a selfie was.

All the things
that people are doing today
with social media,

the first person
was Paris Hilton.

( indistinct chatter )

Paris:
Everyone says I'm
the original influencer,

but sometimes I feel like
I helped create a monster.

This is so awkward.

What is happening?

- Good hug.
- Do we get a goodie bag?

I think there is.

Can I hold your shoulder,
please?

Thank you, love.

- Thank you.
- So nice to meet you.

Gorgeous.

What's next?

Man:
And three, two, one.

♪ I'm losing it ♪

( laughs )

Yeah?

God.

"Wake refreshed." Yeah.

In my dreams.

I never wake refreshed.

( bleep ).

So ( bleep ) tired.

( sniffs )

So tiring.

I'm just literally--
my mind is going through

what the upcoming months are,
and it's nonstop.

Travel all around the world,
and I've seen nothing

except hotel rooms,
club, stores.

I don't even know
who I am sometimes.

I'm always...

kind of...

putting on this,
you know, facade

or just like happy
and perfect life.

Just had this plan,
and then created this brand

and this persona
and this character,

and I've been stuck
with her ever since.

And, like,
I didn't used to be that way.

( sniffles )

( sniffles )

( sighs )

I'm so full.

Where is my blanket?

Ow.

I have horrible insomnia.

( moans )

I'm scared
to go to bed at night.

No, uh-- yes.

Finally.

I always have
this recurring nightmare...

no matter what I do.

I'm in bed and these two people
come into my room...

( footsteps )

( screams )

...and say,
"Do you want this to happen

the easy way
or the hard way?"

I'm trying to just run.

I think I slept,
like, three hours.

The nightmare was, like--
felt so real.

I was just screaming
and crying

and telling people--
someone to help me.

And...

and I just ran.

Just thinking about it today,

I don't really know
many genuine people

besides, like, my fans,

like Paulina and Alex.

Like, when they talk to me,
it's like--

not even my real friends
would say that.

Woman:
But can they care for you?

Can they care for me?

What do you mean?

Is that enough?

No.

- When do you bounce?
- Tonight.

What were you here?
72 hours?

- What is it, Thursday?
- Yeah.

I speak to you,
you say you're going to bed.

Then I'll wake up
and I'll see you

posting an Instagram
at, like, 6:00 AM,

and I know you haven't slept.

- I can't sleep.
- Why?

My mind won't stop moving.

You need to go on a vacation.

I've told you this
for 15 years.

You've never listened
in the 15 years.

I haven't went
on a vacation--

Go to Hawaii
with no phone...

- Yeah, right.
- ...and just chill.

- I can't.
- Why?

Because the schedule's
too busy.

I haven't been
on a vacation in--

Because you're greedy
and you won't turn down
a check.

I'm not greedy, I just--
I love making money.

I think I come off tough
sometimes with her.

But I feel I have to
'cause she has so many

"yes people" and kiss-asses
around her

that I'm gonna
tell her the truth.

Wanna show her your room?

Yeah, I want
to see your room.

Do you think
you'll ever have kids?

( sighs )
Um...

I thought
I was going to have one.

But every time I'm with you
and I'm with them, I'm like--

- it makes me so depressed.
- I know.

It's not for everybody.

You've never been
the most conventional gal.

No.

But I still--
I don't want to be, like--

- Bye.
- Bye? Can I have a hug?

Nicky:
Aww. Give one big hug.

- I love you.
- I love you.

- Love you, Lily Grace.
- I love you.

Bye, honey. Have fun.

They're so sweet,
and it's so fun.

You just get to relive
everything that you did,

- like watching cartoons
in the morning.
- I still do that.

Having Lucky Charms
and Cap'n Crunch.

I still do that. Alone.

See, I don't feel
that bad for you,

because I feel like
if you wanted kids

and you wanted a husband,

you would find a way
to make it happen.

Maybe you don't want it.

You think society
expects that of you.

But if you don't
genuinely want it,

it's a lot
of responsibility.

- I just don't want to miss
that opportunity...
- I know.

- ...to never do it.
- I know.

- Yeah.
- At least I had
my eggs frozen.

Yeah, thank God.

I definitely
want to have a girl first,
name her London,

but I just don't know
when I'm gonna have time.

Like, I will not stop until
I make a billion dollars,

and then I think I can relax.

I know that sounds crazy.

I don't know, I just don't
want to have to worry.

I don't want to ever
have to worry about anything.

And you're happy?

Sometimes.

You don't seem
that happy lately.

Really?

I don't know what to do.

When you have to travel
every day, basically,

to maintain a relationship,

unless you're gonna have
some bitch boy

following me around
like they always do...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...and I lose
all respect for them.

- Immediately.
- They become emasculated,
I'm, like--

You need to date an equal.

- But I feel like I need more--
- You can't control an equal.

- I don't like that.
- You're so-- well, Paris.

- Because I'm scared.
- The definition of insanity

is doing the same thing
over and over

and expecting
different results.

Okay, well, I've been
doing the same thing.

And you're insane.

I'm not insane,
but, I don't know.

I'm just--
I'm freaked out by people.

Especially men.

Matt Lauer:
A sex video showing
Paris and her ex

was released
to media outlets

and is circulating
on the Internet.

All of this
without her consent.

These sex videotapes
are all over the Internet.

How many of you have seen them?
I've seen them.

( applause, laughter )

She-- I don't know,
she seems like a very
personable young woman.

( laughter )

That was a private moment

with a teenage girl...

...not in her right headspace,

but everyone
was watching it and laughing

like it's something funny.

That poor family.

To have your daughter
do a porno film

in a Marriott hotel?
I mean, it's--

( laughter, applause )

We lived in a hotel

where the "New York Daily News,"
the "New York Post"

was on everyone's front door,
down the whole hall.

So, on days where
it was a cover story,

I would run down
the hall first

and flip every newspaper over

so they didn't have to see it.

I was in bed a lot.

I didn't want to,
like, get up and take
the kids to school.

You know, face other people.

If that happened today...

it would not be
the same story at all.

But they made me
the bad person,

like, I did something bad.

It was my first real
relationship.

Eighteen.

I was just so
in love with him

and I wanted
to make him happy.

And I just remember him
just pulling out the camera.

And he was kind of
pressuring me into it,

like, "Oh, you're so boring,"

like, "Do you want me
to just call someone else?

No one will ever see it."

You know, in the beginning,
they said that I raped her,

and she was incapacitated
and you couldn't see

the whites of her eyes.

I have a full color version
on trustfundgirls.com.

Trustfundgirls.com.

You can see it was two people
in love enjoying sex.

Everybody has sex.
And it's, you know, two people

very much in love
and having a good time.

It was like being
electronically raped.

Hey, Paris.

And for people to think
that I did it on purpose--

because after that

all of these leaked tapes
were coming out,

and it almost became like
a blueprint to become famous.

I don't know.

Like,
I didn't need to do that.

Like, I always had a plan.

My grandmother always
called me Grace Kelly

and Marilyn Monroe,

and I always wanted
to live up to that for her.

That was my dream.

It was going to come true.

And I just felt,
when that happened

that took it
all away from me.

I think one of her biggest
struggles is trust.

She's been betrayed
so many times.

So she has a real tough time

trusting people
and letting people in.

Spycams.

I'm doing this because
I have a new boyfriend

who's going to be here
while I'm gone.

I do want to know
what's happening
when I'm not here.

Put this on the phone
so it's live.

- ( door bell rings )
- ( humming )

- Hi, babe.
- Hello.

Yes.

- Welcome back.
- Hello. Thank you.

Okay.

It does not stop.

I know.
I'm happy you're here.

Did you get rest
on the plane at least?

- No.
- Why, you were too excited?

Okay.

I'll talk to you
when I get there.

Wish me luck.

I met Aleks in Miami

and we were
at Ultra Music Festival.

And I just saw him
and thought he was handsome.

He's visited me in L.A. twice,

which was a big deal to me

because after
my last relationship

I was basically
planning on being single
the rest of my life.

But I don't want to be seen
in public together yet.

I'm not ready for that.

- ( phone ringing )
- My mom.

Hello?

You're two blocks away?

Oh, yeah, what time
is Chris coming?

Shit. Well, it's 7:30 now.

Kathy: Text her.
Just say, "I'm running
a few minutes behind

and I would like
to see you."

- Okay.
- Love you, bye.

Love you, bye.

Paris:
My mom treats me like I'm 12,

so I literally am, like,
forever a teenager in my mind.

She just wrote me.

"Get down here, young lady."

Because it's my event,
I have people already

been waiting for,
like, an hour and a half,

so I don't want
to piss them off.

Thank you, sweetheart.
What was your name?

- Alexis.
- Shit. Hi, Alexis.
Nice to meet you.

- Pleasure.
- Paris. A little stressed.

( music playing on speakers )

- My mom?
- Hi, honey. Mwah.

- Yes.
- You look beautiful!

Oh, my God,
you smell so good.

Woman:
A couple right here.

Kathy: Just watching
and seeing her today...

Man: Paris, on the left.

...all the rhinestones,

all the costumes
she's attracted to,

it's like a little
Disney child.

Yet...

I don't know.

It's like a shield
or a cover.

She's probably
one of the most intelligent
people you'll ever meet.

She's extremely brilliant,

and the mask
is sometimes putting up

the stupid persona
or the voice.

I-- I just want to know
where it stems from.

Okay, I'm doing my trick.

Looking back,
I always thought

that she was going
to be a veterinarian.

"I want to be a dog doctor,

a cat doctor,
a bird doctor."

Which is such a change from,

like, 13 to 15.

Dad:
Good morning, guys.

Merry Christmas Eve.

Good morning, Mom.

Stars, turn around.
Show me what you got.

Look at Dad.

- That's pretty, Paris.
- Here, Dad.

Paris:
When my sister and I
were teenagers,

we moved to New York.

I was the new girl at school.

I dealt with
a lot of bullying

and the girls
kind of ganging up on me

and being mean to me.

In New York,
there's the socialite scene.

Everyone knew who I was.

My mom had us
go to etiquette classes.

So we basically were taught
how to be debutantes.

It's very proper, very prim,

almost like a Stepford wife.

It just didn't seem real
or natural to me.

I wasn't allowed
to go out or go on dates

or school dances

because my parents
were so strict.

No dating, no makeup,
no this, no that.

Everyone had late curfews.

"No."
You had to be home early.

"No, no, no, no."

And then finally
she was just like...

"I'm doing what I want."

Kathy:
In New York, 14, 15, 16,

everything that I didn't
want her to do,

she wanted to do.

Getting into modeling,

and I was just like,
"No, no, no, no.

Not-- no, no.
Not a good scene."

Paris:
I always loved Patricia Field
and Betsey Johnson.

It was kind of like this whole
fashion dream world for me.

The pink hair and glitter
and the shortest little skirts,

that's how I was dressing.

Kathy: She'd buy wigs,

necklaces that said "Sexy,"

"Hot bitch."

What?

I'm thinking,
"No, no. This is--

this is too much for me.

This is crazy."

Paris: And then I got
a really good fake ID.

Nicky:
She was just gone
in the night.

And my mother
would be up all night

calling every nightclub,
threatening them.

Paris:
I think I just got addicted
to the night life.

I felt accepted.

I just felt like--

like the queen of the night.

( music playing )

( crowd chattering )

( music continues )

And that's where
I really became Paris.

( crowd cheering )

Finally I locked her
in the room.

I was afraid she could
run into a predator,

get kidnapped.

Fear, to me, is the most
powerful feeling there is.

Fear.

More than pain,
more than love,

more than hate,
more than like,

more than-- fear.

And I thought,
"This was the worst
mistake ever,

moving here.

I gotta get her out of here."

I was just a kid
living in New York,

going to high school.

Obviously, ditching a lot
of class, whatever.

But I feel like
my parents were scared

and they didn't want
their reputations to be ruined

because Page Six was writing
all these stories.

So I felt like I was just
kind of sent away to be hidden.

Announcer:
All you ever wanted

was the best for your child.

I first sent her to an outdoor
wilderness program.

Announcer:
It's for teenage boys and girls

needing a change
of attitude and direction.

Paris:
There's all these places

called emotional
growth schools.

The first place was
in the middle of nowhere.

We were building other camps,

basically doing
manual labor all day long.

It was just
constant yelling at,

like, boot camp style.

So I whispered
to one of the girls, like,

"Let's get out
of here tonight."

She got away.

Paris:
We ran through cornfields,
through mountains.

The guys that worked
at the camp grabbed us,

and then we got back
and they literally

just beat the hell out of us
in front of everyone,

just to let everyone know
if you run away,

this is what happens.

And then they sent me
to this other place,

which was hell, too,

and I ran away from there.

Kathy: She jumped down
an entire flight of stairs.

- ( horns honking )
- ( tires screech )

Nicky:
They shut down highways,

they shut down the airport.

Paris;
I escaped from Ascent,
Cascade, CEDU,

all of these emotional
growth schools.

We're just spending all our time
trying to figure out,

where do we--
should we move to the moon?

What do we do?

And I'm like,
"Please can I just go home?

I've already been
through so much.

I promise I'll never
go to a club again.

Please? I can't go back
to these places.

You have no idea."

There was no convincing them,
no matter what I said.

So I just didn't trust them.

It made me not trust anyone,
not even my own family.

Even to this day,
it's really hard for me
to let anyone in.

- Comfortable?
- Yes.

I'm, like, scared,
like, I haven't got

to experience, like,
real life.

Like having a family
and being, like, in love.

( laughs )

I want to change.

Yes.

Where are we going?
To the yacht?

Aye-aye, Captain.

♪ Every time I look ♪

♪ Over my shoulder ♪

♪ I'm getting bolder ♪

♪ I'm getting bolder ♪

- ♪ Every time I look
over my shoulder ♪
- Hi, boys.

♪ I'm getting bolder ♪

♪ I'm getting bolder ♪

Yeah!

♪ If you want my loving,
then you better start running ♪

♪ If you, if you, if you ♪

♪ If you want my loving,
then you better start running ♪

The German saved the phone.

Oh.

My last vacation was probably

when I was, like, 15,

like, with my family.

It's just been nonstop work,

and I felt like I needed
to do this for myself

or I'm going to lose it.

It's so beautiful.
It's Mykonos. I love it here.

But for some reason,
it's hard for me to relax.

( groans )

Phone.

Paris on recording: The sunset
in Mykonos is insane.

- Loves it.
- ( chuckles )

I put this new app on my phone
which tells you,

like, the amount of time
you spend on social media.

Usually I'm, like, up to here.

16 hours and 19 minutes.

When you add up
all those hours in your life,

it's literally, like,
years of your life

spent just, like,
looking at a phone.

It's just beyond.

( indistinct chatter)

Hmm.

( chuckles )

That's nice.

It's so romantic.

( shutter clicks )

I think that's
the best part of life

is falling in love
and being in love.

It's the most incredible
feeling in the world,

and I haven't felt it
in so long.

Sometimes I feel like
I've almost become numb to it.

I don't know.

With my last engagement,
I was really happy
in the beginning.

Woman:
Paris Hilton's boyfriend
of two years...

- Yes!
- ...proposed with a $2 million

- 20 karat diamond ring. Wow.
- Kathy Lee Gifford:
Tell us about him.

Why is he the one?
'Cause you've--
you've tried a few.

( laughter )

You've taken a few test runs.
Haven't we all?

Yeah, I finally found
my perfect other half.

Paris:
From the outside, it would look
like just the perfect couple

because I'm be posting
all these really happy photos
and amazing quotes.

Woman:
Paris Hilton addressing her
split with Chris Zylka,

ending their engagement.

Paris:
But deep down I just felt
kind of trapped.

I think when you get married,
you're forced to grow up.

I am afraid to grow up.

Look, I know I am grown up.

I don't know.
I think after being
at those schools,

you-- you lose
your childhood.

Man: Paris! Paris!

DJ: Ladies and gentlemen,
we're about to get
the party started.

Yep, yep, yep.

We got Paris Hilton
in this mother( bleep ),

and here we go.

( dance music playing
on speakers )

Paris:
What's up, Los Angeles?

Are you guys ready
to have a good ( bleep ) time?

- DJ: Yep!
- ( crowd cheering )

- Let's do this shit.
- DJ: Yo.

( dance music continues )

Paris:
I just feel like at night

is when I really come alive.

I love music
and I love just to, like,

dance on the table
and just have fun.

I just feel like
I'm on top of the world.

I just feel so free
and happy and alive,

like I'm a conductor of,

like, this whole
orchestra of people,

controlling the room
and just feeling all the love.

Whoo! I ( bleep ) love you guys.

When I'm playing,
that's my time,

like, when I have fun.

- There's nothing like it.
- ( cheering )

People talk shit and say
that I'm not DJ-ing live.

- What's up, Brazil?
- ( cheering )

At my first concert in Brazil
for 30,000 people,

the guy came up for one second
just to turn the volume,

and that picture
just went viral.

It was like,
"Paris wasn't DJ-ing.

This guy was doing it."

So I really have to,
like, prove myself,

especially being a woman
in this industry as well,

because it's,
like, a boy's world.

So, I finally arrived
in Belgium,

and, no, this is
not some new filter
that you haven't seen.

It's actually this, like,
sick mask that I got.

And, um, I'm about to go
to Tomorrowland.

I'm playing there on Sunday.

Let me change the color.

Ooh.

Okay, the pink is the best.

Anyway, I am just getting
ready for the festival,

and I will see you
at my set on Sunday

at Smash The House stage.

I'm scared.
If this erases--

I've been practicing this set
for, like, two months.

- Aleks: I know, but--
- ( bleep ) my life.

Oh, no.
I think it's gone.

( music playing on speakers )

- ♪ This was only gonna hurt ♪
- It ( bleep ) works!

♪ If I want you ♪

Oh, my God. Okay.

( bleep ) We're supposed to
leave in 17 minutes
and 21 seconds.

( groans )

I am nervous as ( bleep ).

Every summer,
I've been wanting to come here.

Tomorrowland
is the most prestigious,

like, biggest festival
in the world.

Like, there's nothing
that compares to it.

So, to be playing
at this is like--

I'm like,
I can't believe it.

Oh, my God.
Thank you so much.

- Me? Why?
- Whoops.

- Yes, you're so--
- For what?

Because you're just
very helpful and patient.

That's normal, babe.

And I know I'm a ( bleep )
nightmare to deal with.

- ( clatters )
- Jeez.

- She's a nightmare.
- ( bleep )...

Love you, baby.
It's all good.

Love you, too.

All right, let's do this.
I'm hot.

Okay. Let's go!

Paris: I have not
done a sound check.

Aleks:
I can go and set it up.

You don't even know
how to do it.

All right, here I go.

This shit changes the name
to Tomorrow-( bleep )-land.

♪ If I told you ♪

♪ This was only gonna hurt ♪

Okay.

- ( music continues )
- ( bleep ), we're here.

What's happening?
Where is everyone?

Woman:
We can start if you want to.

The press?
Let's just do the press

so we can get this over with
and do everything.

But let's make sure
the computer doesn't fall off

because I will,
like, commit suicide.

Where's the press room?

Man:
We are live at Tomorrowland,

and in the studio

we have Paris Hilton.

( cheering )

Man 2:
This is Tomorrowland,
One World Radio,

and we welcome
to the studio Paris Hilton!

So, as we're celebrating
15 years at Tomorrowland,

what would 15-year-old
Paris Hilton think
of Tomorrowland?

I've been actually going to
raves since I was 15.

So the 15-year-old,
who I basically
still am at heart,

would be raging balls here.

- Totally blown away
by it, right?
- Yes.

- Thank you.
- Have fun.

Brilliant.
Thank you. Sick mask.

Drink water, please.

Please.

Please don't stress me out.
I'm really nervous as it is.

But, baby, I was just
doing nine interviews.
It's not my fault.

No, that was some--
that was some girl.
She was a new artist.

- I can't say no to people.
- Yes.

No. Babe, that's why
I've been in this industry
for 20 years.

Oh, honey, don't.

Well, I didn't
even put my set together
because I had no time

because I've been
fighting the whole time.

Now? Let's go.

( music playing )

Babe!

It's nothing.

What do you mean,
it's nothing?

Jesus Christ.

You can't just drop
a computer before a set.

- What should happen?
- We need to--

What should happen?
Uh, the computer could break.

Please don't--
don't close it.

How should I keep it open?

How?

Can someone who's not
gonna drop it take it?

Thank you. Please stop.

Do not do this
before my set.

Aleks!

Can you tell him
to chill the ( bleep ) out?

This is ( bleep ) up.
I'm playing Tomorrowland.

He needs to chill
the ( bleep ) out!

I'm sick of this shit!

I'm playing in six minutes!

So insecure.

- My glasses.
- Stop!

Are you really doing that
before my set?

Okay, then never
speak to me again.

Tell him to chill
the ( bleep ) out.

- ( music continues )
- ( indistinct chatter )

Please stop!
I love you, please stop.
Please stop, please.

- You don't love me.
- I'm begging you! Stop!

Aleks.

I start in four minutes.

Please!

I start in three minutes!
Do not ruin my set.

Can I have his
( bleep ) bracelets cut off?

Can we cut
his bracelets off?

- What?
- Can we cut his
( bleep ) bracelets off?

He's ( bleep ) ruining
my entire set.

( music continues )

Okay, then stop.
Please, please. I'm gonna
start crying on my set.

It's all good.
It's all good.

- God!
- It's all good.

( music continues )

( cheering )

( cheering intensifies )

( applause )

What's up, Belgium?

Let's ( bleep ) do this.

( dance music playing )

Paris: Stop.

- Aleks: You did this.
- Paris: I did this?

( bleep ) apologize.

Stop!

Get the ( bleep ) away from me!

Give me your ( bleep )
bracelets, you ( bleep )
ass( bleep ).

I want him out of here.
He's ( bleep ) kicked out.

- Man: Really?
- Done.

♪ I'm losing it ♪

Come on, let's go.
In the van.

( music continues )

♪ I'm losing it ♪

Yeah!

♪ I'm losing it ♪

♪ I'm losing it ♪

Yes!

I love you, Tomorrowland!
Thank you!

Bye, Felicia.

Way too many computers.

This is not all, like,
different relationships.

But any time I do have
a new boyfriend,

I always get
a full new computer

because they always
break into my computers.

Or they'll scream at me
and threaten me,

"Give me your password now."

One night, I was with
one of my ex-boyfriends

and we got in a big fight.

I was on my computer
ignoring him

because I felt
really uncomfortable.

And he just grabbed it
from me and just, like,

slammed it on the floor.

I should probably check
and see if there's more.

Great. I just revealed
my hiding place.

I've never used
any of this stuff.

I just buy things and then
people put them in here

and then I can't see anything

because no one
organizes anything.

- Woman: You've got
so much stuff.
- Paris: Yeah.

Woman: And you're
always saying to me

you need to make
your billion dollars.

That that's what
you're trying to do.
Make a billion.

Paris:
Yeah. To spend it.

That's just my goal in life.

Like, when I was a teenager,

I always wanted
to make 100 million.

I was like,
"When I do that,
I'm gonna be happy."

And I think
once you do your goal,

you just want to keep going
more and more.

- Woman: And then what?
- And then I'll be happy.

I'm happy now sometimes,
but it is lonely.

- What about Aleks?
- I told him that
I'm just not ready

for something right now.

Like, I've never ripped
someone's bracelets

off their arms
at a music festival.

That's, like,
one of the meanest things
you could do to someone

is taking away
their artist band.

But I just had
had enough at that point.

A person can only take so much.

Like, anything that tries
to control me is--

it can't have room in my life.

You know, she's such
a beautiful person

and such a good girl,
and I believe that

all of the things
that she's gone through

have made her stronger.

And she would
say things to me after,

like,
"I still have nightmares.

I still in the middle
of the night, I feel--"

You know,
she would say that.

And I always
take what people say

with a grain of salt.

Like, I think,
"Yeah, it did bother her,

but it was our way
of saving you."

What do you mean, solitary?
What do you mean?

Are you serious?

She's never told me that.

In Utah?

- Oh, shit.
- Jen: Whoa.

Popping bottles.

- Cheers, bitch.
- Cheers. Again.

- I look beyond.
- No, you do not.

The woman has been up
since 5:00 in the morning.

I went to bed at 1:30.

- The woman looks amazing.
- I woke up five times,

having nightmares
as always--

I have, like, dreams of,
like, my real life,

like, when I was, like,
taken from my house,

like, by people and, like,
being locked up somewhere.

( phone rings )

( door chime rings )

- Hi.
- Hi.

- You look so gorgeous.
- Thank you.

- What've you guys been doing?
- Paris: Chilling.

Just thinking about life
and why I have nightmares.

Remember that, like,
random school I went to?

- Mm. In Salt Lake City?
- Yeah.

Yeah. Remember,
like, seven years ago,

I was in Europe,
and I met someone

who was at one of those
places with you

and I put you
on the phone with him?

What did he say?

That you guys were
at this place

and it was just,
like, mental.

It was, like, abuse.

Dad: There's Paris.
Here we are at Paris' school.

This is Starry's room.

Paris:
Did you visit me there?

Nicky:
I don't remember,

but then I saw a video.

Wasn't I there?

You don't remember it?

No.

I feel like we both
blocked it out.

Mom and Dad always loved
hiding things--

Everything.

They're the king and queen

of sweeping everything
under the rug.

Yeah.

My parents always hid
everything from us,

so I would listen
on the phone.

That's how I got all my intel.

And I remember
it was a school night,

it was the middle
of the night,

and I just heard
screaming bloody murder.

I knew there was a--

a takedown in the works.

I didn't know it was people

coming in and capturing her.

Paris:
I thought I was
being kidnapped.

I started screaming
for my mom and dad,

like, "Help me,"

and no one came.

( screaming )

As they were taking me,

I saw my parents standing
by their door, crying.

I was like,
"Please help me.
What's happening?"

And no one would tell me
what was happening.

And then in the morning,
it was breakfast,

and Paris didn't come
to the breakfast table.

And my parents were,
like, smiling, like,
"Everything's fine."

And we didn't ask
any questions.

And then I think
they said she, like,
went to boarding school.

Because they
were always trying to

protect us and shield us.

Jen: Did you ever get,
like, nervous that that
would happen to you?

Because if they didn't
really explain it to you

on why she was going away,
did you ever feel like--

Well, she was very naughty.

- What?
- She was.

Did you talk to her
about things?

- Did you, like--
- I told on her
with everything.

- Thanks, bitch.
- I would listen on the phone.

Have you ever said sorry
to Mom and Dad?

No.

- Like, hell--
- I went through hell, too.

I know.

Paris:
The last school I went to
was Provo Canyon School...

...and that was the worst
of the worst.

Do you want a fake one
or a real one?

There's no
getting out of there.

You're sitting on a chair
staring at a wall all day long

getting yelled at or hit.

I felt like a lot of
the people who worked there

got off on torturing children

and seeing them naked.

They would prescribe everyone
all these pills.

I didn't know
what they were giving me.

I would just feel
so tired and numb.

Some people in that place
were just gone.

Like, the lights are on,
no one's home.

A lot of people
were on suicide watch,

and I was so scared
that was gonna happen to me.

So, eventually,

I found out a way

to not take the pills.

But everyone
would tell on everyone,

and they found a Kleenex
with all of the pills in it...

...and I got in
so much trouble for that.

Solitary confinement,
like something out

of "One Flew Over
The Cuckoo's Nest."

( shivering )

They'd make people
take their clothes off

and go in there,
like, for 20 hours.

( shivering )

It felt like
I was going crazy.

Someone was in
the other room that was, like,

in a straitjacket,
screaming.

I was just freezing,
I was starving,

I was alone,
and I was scared.

My parents were in New York.

They didn't know.

But I was so angry
and so upset,

I just-- I hated them.

I was at Provo for 11 months,

and the only thing
that saved my sanity

was thinking about
what I wanted to do

and who I wanted to become
when I got out of there.

I was gonna do
everything in my power

to be so successful

that my parents
could never control me again.

When I turned 18
and got out of Provo,

it was one of
the happiest moments
of my life.

I just wanted
to be independent.

Make a name for myself
and build my brand.

I knew that would be
the ultimate freedom.

And that's when I met
David LaChapelle.

( music playing )

David LaChapelle
is one of the most iconic

photographers in the world.

David said, "We need to shoot
at your grandparents' house."

I was like, "Totally.
Like, we'll climb the gate.

I don't care. I'll open it."

So, basically,
we're in this room

at around, like,
3:00 in the morning,

and he wanted it to be
a strong picture.

I'm just like posing, like,

whatever, and I think
he wanted to provoke me.

There was just a moment
where he looked at me

and just said, like,
"( bleep ) you," as a joke.

And then me going back,
and I was like...

And that was
the shot he used,

just that one instant.

Mom's calling him,
freaking out.

So I was upset
and I was scared.

But I think deep down

I just knew this is iconic.

"Vanity Fair" ended up doing
a huge story on it.

This was before
"The Simple Life,"

so this was basically
how the world got to know me.

Coming out of Provo,

I was also, like,
very traumatized.

I never spoke
to my family about it.

I think all my anger

just went into
my drive for success.

( sniffles, sighs )

It made me strong,

but when I think about it,
it gives me anxiety.

It was really ( bleep ) hard.

I don't know.

Maybe inside my mind
I was thinking, like...

what I was doing in the picture
was like a big ( bleep ) you.

I don't know if my nightmares
will ever go away.

But I do know
that there's probably

hundreds of thousands
of kids

who are going through
the same thing right now.

And maybe if I can help
stop their nightmares,

it will help me stop mine.

I haven't seen this person
in 20 years.

Got my purse.

Part of going
to those schools

and having nothing
and everything taken away.

When I got out of there,
I was like,

"I just want to have
everything I want,

and, like, it's too much."

But, I don't know.
When you get everything
taken away,

you're just like, you're just--
I don't know.

I don't really appreciate it,
everything,

and I want everything.

I've been looking
for my old roommates

and people I became friends
with there

and I'm meeting one of
the survivors from the school.

I'm so ( bleep ) shy.

Woman:
Are you nervous
'cause you're shy

or are you nervous 'cause
you're nervous to start this?

Everything.
It's a lot,

and I don't know
what I'm walking into.

A couple years ago,
when I started researching

and going into it
and everything was coming back
to me,

I wanted to do something,
but at the same time,

I was like, "This is gonna
hurt my brand.

I can't have this
as part of my business,

and, you know,
people won't understand."

But if I don't do this,
it's gonna continue to happen

and I'm gonna continue
to always be traumatized

and think about it
for the rest of my life.

( door bell rings )

- Hi.
- Hey, how's it going?

- Good.
- Long time no see.

- Yeah.
- I don't know
if you recognize me.

- I looked very
different back then.
- Yes.

Hey.

- Thank you for coming.
- Yeah, no problem.

It's weird that, like,
a lot of survivors,

they wake up after, like,
15, 20 years

and, like, wow, like,
it hits them

and they are ready
to talk about it.

Yeah.

So, Provo Canyon School,
it's been this beast

that's been around
for 50 years.

But every once in a while,
some employees would decide

that it's gonna be great
if they open their own programs.

- Mm.
- So PCS not only

is responsible
for the kids they abuse,

but all these sister programs
that branched out

and made the troubled teen
industry.

There are other celebrities
that went through PCS,

and I won't say their name,
especially not on camera.

But, like, you're the first one
to bravely speak up.

It needs to stop.

Like, I literally
want to go there and be like,

"All right,
we're going in

and we're taking
all these kids out."

- With a big-- big bus.
- Or try to talk to them,
I don't know.

But I know-- I don't know
what they'd--

they'd probably call the cops
and go crazy.

So I was gonna show you, like,
all the support you have

from Raina and Elizabeth.

Elizabeth actually looks
just like she looked at PCS,

except, just like age
regression.

Yes, I do remember her.

I still have nightmares.
And it's been 20 years.

Do you remember Raina Hager?

Oh, yeah,
I remember her, too.

The staff were abusive.

I think one thing I can say

is they tried
really hard to break me.

And they caused
a few cracks.

( chuckles )

I don't think I met
your best friend there,
but we did find her.

- Jessica.
- Jessica.

She was such a badass.

I ended up in an abusive
relationship after I left Provo.

I'm thinking maybe, like,
being in places

where they're
abusive to you,

would make you think that
that's a normal way to be.

There's a bunch
of police reports

we were able to gather.

Like, from 2011 to 2014,

56 calls of assault
to Provo Canyon School.

And 25 calls to the police
in regards to sexual offenses.

I'll also forward you--
if you want to show this
to your parents at all...

Yeah, I love this.
All right, I wanna...

I-- I'm just--
I'm just processing
this again, um...

It's not easy.

We all have to get
to that point

where we're ready
to open up about it.

Yeah.

I don't know
if you have nightmares,

but I have nightmares
almost every night
of me being taken.

Ever since
I got kidnapped at 16,

like, a pin drops
and I wake up.

This, like, hypervigilance
of every situation,

and I think, like,
I still take that with me

in, like, work, and stuff
like that, where I'm like,

scoping out, like,
how do I get out of here?

What's in the situation?
Like...

I feel the exact same way
about everything.

Like, I-- even with
love and relationships,

I never, like, fully open
'cause I'm--

I don't even know how to.

Yeah, one thing I've also
seen with other survivors,

um, is that because
the lines of, like,

tough love and abuse
are so blurred,

that it's really easy
to not see the signs of abuse

ahead of time
in a relationship.

After being at Provo,

you don't even know
what love is

or how to have
a relationship.

I look hideous.

Like, I've been
in a lot of relationships

where people, they just
get so controlling

and get so angry
that they become physical.

Mm...

One, two, three, four...

Like, five.
Five guys.

We just got
in an argument.

I was trying
to leave his house

and he just got really mad

and just was grabbing me
and pulling me.

I don't really remember
most of it

'cause I've had worse
stuff happen.

I've been strangled

and phones thrown at me,
computers.

And I accepted it

because I almost thought
it was normal.

I was like, "Well,
he loves me so much

that he's going
this crazy."

And I just wanted love
so bad

that I was willing to accept

being hit or yelled at

or screamed or strangled
or a lot of things.

Even the tape.

That never
would have happened

if I hadn't went to Provo.

I was just so lost
and desperate for love

that I found
the worst possible person.

( sighs )

After being at that school,

I just didn't
want anyone to know

and I didn't
want to be embarrassed.

I was so obsessed with looking
perfect on the outside.

That's why I always
had to project

basically what I think
the public wants.

And now I see even
little girls

who are ten years old,
nine years old,

and they're trying to get
the perfect selfie,

they're putting
the filters on,

they can't even look
at themselves in the phone

without putting a filter.

I can't even imagine
being a 13-year-old girl today.

I do feel responsible for it.

- Hello?
- Katherine: Hi!

- Hey, how's it going?
This is Katherine.
- Good, how are you?

I got your e-mail.
Awesome.

Are you ready for tomorrow?

Yes, I'm excited.
I'm nervous.

Yeah, you're not gonna be
the only one.

Yes.

The sample photos I sent you,
those are from other girls

that were in other programs,

but I think this
kind of maximizes you're, uh--

those skills you have,
as far as social media

and raising awareness
that way.

Yeah, this is amazing.
I love it.

The whole campaign
about breaking the silence

is about coming out and saying,
"This happened to me,"

and it kind
of empowers others

where they were ashamed
about talking about it before.

I've never discussed this
publicly with anyone, so...

- I bet.
- It's gonna be, like,
a shock to people, I'm sure,

- because no one knows.
- Oh, yeah, but, like,

it's the right thing
to do to help kids.

Definitely.

I just-- I can't even
imagine the fact

that they have
nine-year-olds in there now.

Eight-year-olds,
no less.

- Eight?
- Eight-year-olds.

And these parents
have no idea.

I don't see them.

Oh, they're coming.
( bleep )

( music playing )

Michelle:
So, yeah, we are doing this.
This is crazy.

- So bizarre.
- I spent decades
trying to find you,

and she found you
in ten minutes.

- Yeah, we actually--
- Like, give them--
two of them, like...

What the heck?
It's only been 20 years.

Why in the world
would anybody want
to reach me?

- Hi, girls.
- Hey.

Come in.

Oh, my God.
It's been so long.

( muffled talking )

- You look the same.
- You, too.

- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi, how are you?

Wow.

- Yeah.
- Hey, kitty.

- How's everyone else been?
- I'm a little shy.

So am I.
I think that place
made me shy.

My mind has literally blocked
out a huge portion of this.

One of the things I remember
most-- us talking about,

like, our dreams
of, like,

what we were gonna do
when we were out of there.

It was like an escape.

- So, thank you for that.
- Of course.

You were always so cool.

- You, too, roomie.
- ( Elizabeth chuckles )

When I saw,
"The Simple Life,"
I cracked up.

I'm like, "That's--
that's not real."

That was some straight up
bullshit, especially,

like, when she was like,
"I don't know how to use a mop."

"I've never cleaned
in my life."

That's the thing, too.
Like, after all we went through,

like, how we were, like,
forced to clean,

like, you know
how to use a sponge.

- ( all laugh )
- You know how
to wash a dish.

But also, I don't think
you had, like,

a high-pitched voice
that I remember, either.

- Back then did I, or no?
- No. I remember you in class.

- I don't remember...
- So, in Bev's class,
we were doing economics,

I remember, it was the day
that you blew my mind

because, like you were
quiet a lot,

and then there was this bit
where you were just like,
"Actually..."

and you, like explained
this economic theory,

and it was super clear
and super smart,

and I was just like,
"Holy crap, this chick's
a genius."

( laughter )

So, this is like an example
of some other girls

that have done this
Breaking Code Silence campaign.

You know, like,
"Hey, my name is
blah, blah, blah,

and this is--
you know, I was a survivor

of Provo Canyon School.

While I was there,
I was deprived of my rights."

Raina: Wow.

"Provo Canyon School."
What are we writing next?

- Then you put
underneath the...
- Rough dates?

- Yeah.
- Our years
and then "gave me"...

- Trust issues.
- Fear of being controlled.

PTSD.

There's so many that it will
not fit on the card.

People are gonna look
and be like, "Whoa, Paris
has a lot of issues."

- ( laughter )
- Don't worry,
I got a lot--

- "Not my fault."
- But the thing is
is that, like,

these issues aren't issues
that you, like,

decided to create
one day and have

and walk around
in the world with,

you know what I mean?
This isn't your shame.

It's not her shame
or hers or mine.

- It's their ( bleep ) shame.
- Yeah.

- We've just
been carrying it.
- Amen.

My name is Katherine McNamara,
and I'm a survivor
of Provo Canyon School.

I was force-fed.

I was cut off from
friends, family.

I witnessed girls
be physically and emotionally,
and sexually abused.

I was emotionally abused
by staff, by other peers.

( exhales )

What's up?

( sniffles )

I don't know
if I can.

- There's no pressure.
- Okay.

I understand.

Thank you.
I'm sorry.

I witnessed and endured
physical abuse,

restraints, emotional,
mental abuse.

I was forced
onto medications,

I was taught that everything
that happened to me
was all my fault.

I'm speaking out
because no child deserves
to be punished

for expressing
their feelings.

( bleep ).

Especially when
that punishment

just equals more torture
and more trauma.

I'm happy, done.

Katherine:
That was awesome.

I just came up here
'cause it was just
so much to take in.

I was, like, "Oh, my God,
like, I'm not alone.

And it's not me
and it's not my fault."

Sometimes I feel like...

so many things,
but sometimes this robot,

and this character
that I did,

and talking with them,
I started remembering
who I was before.

And just...

I don't know.

It makes me sad
they took that away.

But, I don't know,
I'm just so confused.

But, like...

it's... refreshing
and new.

I don't really know anyone
besides my family members

and a very small amount
of people that knew me

before all of this happened

and before I became this,
you know,

this thing, I don't know,

mask I put on
and the way that I am,

and, like, this extravagance
and the photos of me.

All this is stemmed
from this place.

When I look around
my life, like...

it's like a cartoon.

I don't know, like,
I created this fantasy
world cartoon.

But the the thing is,
I don't even give a ( bleep )

about any of these things.

I've hardly worn
any of these shoes.

I love just chilling in,
like, my sweat suit, my socks...

being at home,
and then all this other stuff

is just part
of the character.

Hey.

- Hey!
- Hey.

You look like
boss lady right there.

I feel like that's
the ultimate, like,

- "( bleep ) you, Provo"
picture.
- Yeah.

You are a ( bleep ) warrior.

We all are.
We're all survivors,
we're all warriors.

And I don't want anyone
to ever feel the way we do.

Jessica:
Well, this brought up so much,
I can't even believe it.

That's so crazy.
I'm, like, so happy that we
all connected again.

Jessica:
Totally, me, too.

I think it will
probably help you

to start to want
to deal with things,

that you haven't
been dealing with.

- And I hope that it does.
- Me, too.

You should live free,

and I'm not talking
about, like,

free to, like, walk alone
without people watching you.

I'm talking about free
in your mind and in your heart.

Yeah.

From things that have
happened in your life.

One day.
( chuckles )

Woman:
You're gonna have to
explain what it is.

Kathy:
What are you showing me, guys?
You're scaring me.

No, it's not scary.
( chuckles )

Um, I reconnected
with some of the girls
from Provo.

Right.

And Katie is one of them.

And Katie is doing
this entire movement

called Break Code Silence.

Which is survivors
from these schools
speaking out about this.

My old roommates,
and everyone made a sign,

and it basically says, like,
what the school did to them.

And now everyone's
speaking out about it

'cause they're realizing
a lot of the things
that happened in their life

is because of the school.

"Acute panic disorder,
nightmares, and insomnia,
trust issues."

Paris:
And we're all gonna post it
and basically raise awareness.

"Verbally and emotionally,
physically abused me"?

- Mm-hmm, just screaming
at me all the time...
- Right.

...strangling,
locking me in a room.

I know this is something
that we've never
discussed before.

Mm-hmm.

They were constantly
being abusive

in every way.

But I couldn't tell you guys

because every time I tried,

I would get punished by them.

Or they would say,
"We're just gonna tell
your parents you're a liar

and they're not
gonna believe you,"

and basically they just
told me that so many
different times

that I was afraid
to ever even say anything
or bring it up.

Had I known this,

you know that Dad and I
would've been there
in one second.

Oh, boy.

I love you, Mom.

( sighs )

( sighs )

I feel like
this is the best point
I've ever been in my life.

We were really talking
about our lives

and things that affected us,

and making a change
and a difference,
and I don't--

It just made me feel
like I wasn't alone anymore.

I've worked so hard
to build this brand,

and it's been all about
this perfect, happy life.

And that story was never
part of this brand.

Woman:
Can you and the brand
have a divorce now?

No.

It will be
an expensive divorce.

( both laugh )

You can't
do the brand forever.

You can't--
you're gonna age out.

No.

I'll just be
like this forever.

♪ Come home ♪

♪ In the morning light ♪

♪ My mother says ♪

♪ "When you gonna live
your life right?" ♪

♪ Oh, Mother, dear,
we're not the fortunate ones ♪

♪ And girls,
they wanna have fun ♪

♪ Oh, girls
just wanna have fun ♪

♪ The phone rings
in the middle of the night ♪

♪ My father yells ♪

♪ "What you gonna do
with your life?" ♪

♪ Oh, Daddy, dear, you know
you're still number one ♪

♪ But girls,
they wanna have fun ♪

♪ Oh, girls
just wanna have fun ♪

♪ That's all
they really want ♪

♪ Is some fun ♪

♪ When the workin' day
is done ♪

♪ Oh, girls,
they wanna have fun ♪

♪ Oh, girls just wanna
have fun ♪

♪ Some boys take
a beautiful girl ♪

♪ And hide her away ♪

♪ From the rest of the world ♪

♪ I wanna be the one
to walk in the sun ♪

♪ And, girls,
they wanna have fun ♪

♪ Oh, girls
just wanna have fun... ♪

( crowd cheering )

♪ That's all
they really want ♪

♪ Is some fun ♪

♪ When the workin' day
is done ♪

♪ Oh, girls,
they wanna have fun ♪

♪ Oh, girls just wanna
have fun ♪

♪ They just wanna,
they just wanna ♪

♪ They just wanna,
they just wanna ♪

♪ They just wanna,
they just wanna ♪

♪ They just wanna,
they just wanna ♪

♪ They just wanna,
they just wanna ♪

♪ They just wanna,
they just wanna ♪

♪ Girls ♪