All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S03E28 The Crow Ganef 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

Sure is dusty going, ain't it, Duke?
[sneezes]

You're not kidding. I wonder if they give
the Purple Heart for hay fever.

Well, we'll be through soon. This is
the last pile of leaves that's left.

[cawing]

What was that?

- I don't know.
- It sounded like some kind of bird to me.

Maybe it was Sergeant Carter.
He sounds kinda birdlike.

- [cawing continues]
- There it is again.

It's coming from right in here.

Golly! Duke, look, look! It's a crow.

- A crow?
- Yeah, and she's caught.

Poor thing's got her foot
caught in that vine there.

Well, let her alone.
She'll work her way out.

- But I've got to set her free.
- [crow caws]

Come on, Duke. I'm surprised at you.
Don't you want to help?

Why? What did crows ever do for me?

Well, that don't sound like you, Duke.
That don't sound like you at all.

Gomer, we've got our own tail feathers
to worry about. Remember?

The big chicken hawk
with the three stripes?

This won't take but a minute.

Hurry it up. If Sergeant Carter comes
along, we're gonna big trouble.

- Here.
- [caws]

There you go.

See there? That didn't take long.

Great. Get rid of her.

Okay, you can fly away now, girl.

Hey, what would be a good name for her?

Maxine. Okay, so long, Maxine.

- Maxine?
- Uh-huh.

On account of she reminds me
of my cousin back home, Maxine.

You remember. You asked me about her

when you was looking through
my snapshot album.

She had black hair, just jet black.
Just like the feathers on the crow here.

Oh, yeah, there was some resemblance
to the beak, too.

Okay, bye-bye, Maxine.

Go on.

[Maxine caws]

Aw, don't that give you
a good feeling, Duke?

To do a kindly act like that?

When else do you get such
a good feeling of accomplishment?

Huh? When?

When you're doing push-ups or KP

or hiking 30 miles

or walking guard duty
24 hours a day or doing...

Hey, Duke, how many C's in "accident?"

Two, I think. Why?

Oh, I was just making a note
of what happened in my daily diary,

just like I do everything interesting
that happens to me.

Yeah, how about that.
Someday it'll be published, right?

In all its raw, risqué splendor.

The Diary of Gomer Pyle.

"Read the private account of one man's
burning, passionate romance with a crow."

Don't laugh, Duke.

I write down everything that happens,
or is gonna happen.

You know, like dates
that I have to remind myself of,

- lest I forget all about them.
- Uh-huh.

See here? Tomorrow is Leroy
and Betty Lou Klackey's anniversary.

Leroy's my third cousin
on my Grandma Pyle's side.

And I always send them
an anniversary card.

Very nice.

Let's see, Friday.
Friday. It says here I got to...

Go-o-Olly!

Golly, golly!

- What's the matter? What's Friday?
- Just a very important date, that's all.

Wouldn't you know it?

Duke, can you let me have $20 till payday?

Twenty bucks for what?

For the sergeant's birthday.
That's what Friday is.

Gomer, you've got to be kidding.

No, Duke, that's what I need the $20 for.

To buy the sergeant a present.
I'll pay you back first thing payday.

No soap, Gomer.

But, Duke, I can't let the sergeant's
birthday go by just like that.

Gomer, I'm flat busted.

That date last night
with my little hat check friend

wiped me out completely. I'm sorry.

Well, thanks anyway, Duke.

Guess I'll just have to figure out
something else.

[cawing]

Look, Duke, it's Maxine.
She must've followed us back.

Yeah, how about that?

And look at that,
she's brought me a present.

Bless her heart.

A present? A worm?

Well, sure. That's her way of saying,
"Thank you for setting me free."

- Oh, come on.
- It is.

Else she would've eaten it herself.

Thank you very much, Maxine.

- You really shouldn't have done it.
- Oh, brother.

Goodbye, Maxine.

- And thanks again.
- [caws]

Isn't that amazing, Duke?

That bird's almost human.
Have you noticed that?

Yeah.

Well, I still haven't figured out
where I'm going to get the money

for Sergeant Carter's present.
I know what I want to get him.

Oh, yeah, what?

A box of cigars,
only I don't know the brand he smokes.

Well, why don't you just follow him around

until he throws the butt away,
if there's enough left.

No, you know what I think I'm going to do?

I'll just kind of look around his office
when he ain't there.

There ought to be a box
lying around there somewhere.

Hey, Gomer, I got an idea
for another present for the sarge.

- What?
- Well, the crow brought you a worm.

Have it gift-wrapped and give it to him.
Huh?

And you know what you write on the card?

"Sweets to the sweet."

Huh, Gomer?

Sergeant Carter?

Corporal Boyle?

Hey, Sergeant.

What are you doing in here, Pyle?

Well, uh...

Pyle, you don't come in here nosing around
without permission, you understand?

- Yes, Sergeant.
- Now get out of here,

and don't let me catch you
in here alone again.

Right, Sergeant.

How about that?

Maybe I better start
putting locks on the doors.

Maybe you better check
and see if he didn't lift something.

Yeah, Pyle? Honest Abe?

[chuckles]

But I still don't like anybody

going through my living quarters
when I'm not there.

Do you like anybody going
through your living quarters

- when you're not there?
- Not especially.

Two things I can't stand.
Having my hair mussed

and somebody going through
my living quarters when I'm not there.

- What's the matter?
- Oh, nothing, nothing.

I better get these back to headquarters.

[cawing]

Go on, beat it. Get out of here!

What are you just sitting there for,
you miserable bird? Beat it!

Beat it! Beat it! Get out of here!

All right, let's go,
you meatheads! Fall out!

Let's go! Let's go! On the double!

Are you sure, Boyle?
Are you sure you didn't see my watch?

- Absolutely, Sarge.
- I can't figure it out.

I put it on my desk when I went to wash up

and two seconds later, it was gone,
just like that.

I don't get it.

Hey! Pyle.

Aw, come on, Sarge.
Didn't you have it when Pyle left?

Yeah, I took it off
when I went to wash up.

Well, where the heck is it?

Oh!

Straighten up that belt.

All right, dress right, hang!

Maxine!

Come on,
you look like a bunch of old ladies!

Please, Maxine, you've got to go.

When he says "Ready, front,"
you better be gone.

All right, ready, front!

Okay, Pyle, what is that?
What's going on here?

No, no, let me guess.

You're suddenly going in
for falcon racing, right?

You saw The Birdman of Alcatraz
and you got inspired, right?

No, Sergeant, it's nothing like that.

Then what is it, Pyle?

What is that bird doing on your head?

You got some secret weapon
I don't know about, is that it?

I'm sorry, Sergeant.
It's just a crow I made friends with,

and she just comes around
to be friendly, I guess.

Yeah?

Then go make a date
with your friend in some cornfield.

Beat it, crow!
Beat it, you miserable bird!

Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

[cawing]

[cawing]

[cawing]

[cawing]

[mouths]

[cawing]

[cawing]

I know, Boyle.
I know I could've misplaced my watch.

I could even have lost it. It happens.

You put it down someplace
and you forget about it,

- or even the wristband breaks.
- Right.

But then, on top of losing my watch,

I suddenly discover I'm missing
my good five-dollar fountain pen,

my cigar lighter, and last but not least,

my Marine Corps ring,

which suddenly makes things
get pretty interesting, don't it?

Yeah, to say the least.

I mean, let's face it.
I couldn't misplace those many things

in a million years,
let alone one short afternoon.

Well, it sure don't sound like you, Sarge.

You're right, Boyle,
that's just what I'm thinking.

It ain't me.

And that leads me
to only one other possible conclusion...

And this I really find hard to believe.

What?

What was Pyle doing in here alone?

- Aw, come on, Sarge, anything but that.
- I know, I know.

But what was he doing here alone, huh?

And how come all of a sudden
stuff is missing, huh?

- I'm just asking.
- Well, could be just coincidence.

Yeah, that's it, coincidence.

Let's hope so, Boyle.

Let's just hope so.

[Gomer] Golly, ten dollars?

Ten dollars is the best you can do?

Ten bucks. That's as high as I can go.

But Grandma Pyle just gave me that watch
less than a year ago.

It's still got a year
to go on the guarantee.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

It's got 21 jewels
and a Swiss movement, right?

Yeah, how'd you know?

[chuckles] Are you kidding?

Every Marine that comes in here
to hock a watch

tells me the same thing, word for word.

Now, ten dollars.

Take it or leave it.

Ten dollars. I guess it'll have to do.

Instead of getting the big box of cigars,
I'll just have to get the smaller one.

After all,
it's the thought that counts, right?

Right.

What did you say?

Let's go, Boyle.

I just figured out a way
to nail down our sneak-thief.

You did? You still think it's Pyle?

- I didn't say a word. I just got a theory.
- Yeah? What?

Well, whoever our sneak-thief is,
you can be sure he's no dummy.

For one thing,
he ain't gonna be stupid enough

to leave the loot laying around his locker
for us to find it in two seconds.

So what are we gonna do now?

Look, Boyle, when a guy steals something,

the loot's safe
as long as it's in his pockets, right?

I mean, a guy's pockets are his castle

as long as he's there
to keep them closed, right?

Yeah.

Which only leaves us with the alternative.

Separate a guy from his clothes

and you got his pockets
right where you want them.

Give me 15 minutes to go through
the platoon's clothing

and five'll get you ten,
I come up with our sneak-thief.

Which is where you come in, Boyle.

Right. I get the guys out
in their skivvies for physical training.

Right. Move it! Move it!

[blowing whistle]

Okay, you guys! Come on, fall in! Move it!

On the double! Let's go!

We just had an hour of physical
training this morning. What is this?

Come on, Duke. There's no such thing
as too much physical training.

[Boyle] Okay, we're gonna
start off with deep knee-bends.

Hands on hips, place!

Ready... exercise!

One, two...

one, two, one, two,

one, two, one, two, one...

Platoon, halt!

Okay, running in place!

Ready... exercise!

One, two, three, four!

One, two, three, four!
One, two, three, four!

One, two, three, four!
One, two, three, four!

One, two, three, four!

Company, halt!

Okay... we're gonna do some push-ups.

Ready... exercise!

One, two!

One, two!

One, two!

One...

Pyle, what's going on here?

I thought Sergeant Carter
told you to get rid of that bird.

He did, Corporal Boyle.

But she just won't go, she just won't go.

Shoo, Maxine. Shoo! Shoo!

[Boyle] Running in place.

Ready... exercise!

One, two, three, four!
One, two, three, four!

Come on, get those legs moving!

Get those knees, come on!
One, two, three, four...

Ah!

I got him.

I got him!

Okay, okay. So you found a pawn ticket.
So what does that prove?

I mean, how do you know
it belongs to the thief?

Lots of guys around here
pawn their stuff all the time,

especially just before payday.

Boyle, use your gray matter.

Of course it belongs
to our little hot-fingered friend.

Figure it out.

He knows I'm gonna be hot on his trail,

so he pawns the stolen goods
as fast as he can, and presto!

He's in the clear like a regular
little Lord Fauntleroy!

Well, at least it lets Pyle off the hook.

But you still don't know which guy in
the platoon the pawn ticket belongs to.

Not yet, I don't.

But I will, first thing in the morning,

when I go down to that pawn shop
and ask a few questions.

You think it's gonna be all over
but the shouting, huh, Sarge?

All over but the hanging, Boyle.
The hanging!

All right, Boyle, here's where we find out
who our big mystery man is.

- We hope.
- Don't worry. You just leave it all to me.

[Carter] Uh...

What can I do for you today?

Well, I'd like to redeem this out of hock.
How much?

Uh, 4271.

Let's see, 4271 ...

Here it is. Uh, 11 bucks.

Eleven bucks, huh?

Let's see...

I just got six bucks. Boyle?

Before payday? Are you kidding?

Look, I don't have the 11 bucks.
I got six.

Sorry. Come back when you get the rest.
It'll be here.

But I got to have it today.

You got to have it today?
It can't wait a couple of days?

- When do you get paid?
- Wednesday.

Okay. Wednesday you'll come back
and you'll get it,

if we live. If not, Thursday.

Look, this is important to me.

I'm sorry.
I'd like to help you, but you know...

Okay. Okay.

Look, uh, would you tell me
what the item is?

You don't know?

Well, no. You see, actually,

I'm not redeeming
this merchandise for myself.

- You're not?
- Uh, no, uh...

See, some of the guys in my outfit
transferred out on kind of short notice.

You know, before they had a chance

to get all
their personal effects together.

Uh, like that, uh, pawn ticket.

Somebody probably left that behind
in the barracks,

and I figured the least I could do was
track down the redeemable merchandise

and ship it on to whoever it belonged to.

Oh, yeah, I see.

So would you mind telling me
what the item is?

Oh, sure.

It's a watch.

Uh, one more thing.

Could you give me a description
of the guy who hocked the watch?

- What did he look like?
- Well, uh, let me think.

Uh... Oh, I remember.

It was two days ago he came in.

Kind of a tall guy...

Yeah. What else?

He was sort of dumb-looking.

You know,
he had a dumb expression on his face.

Oh, and, uh,

he kept saying a funny word.

He said it a couple of times.

What was it again?

Oh, yeah... Shazam?

You know the fella?

Yeah. Yeah, I know him.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Yeah. What does that mean? That Shazam?

Is it a Marine word or something?

Oh, no. It don't mean anything.

Well, what is it? Is it like Gung-ho?

I still can't believe it.

What is it?
What could have happened to Pyle?

I don't know, Sarge.
I don't know what to tell you.

I mean, you saw him there
in the duty hut. Remember?

- You still think it's a coincidence?
- I don't know what to say.

Maybe he was just plain desperate
for dough. You think?

Anybody else, I'd believe it
in a second. But Pyle?

I know. I know. I can't believe it
worse than you can't believe it.

- Well, what are you gonna do?
- Well, what can I do?

I've got to confront Pyle.
We've got to have a showdown.

Let him explain this...
a pawn ticket for my watch.

Hey, Duke. Here they are,
the cigars for the sergeant.

- Oh, that's swell, Gomer, really swell.
- Do you think he'll like 'em?

- It's a nice enough present, isn't it?
- Oh, it's nice, really nice.

If he swallowed them, it'd be even nicer.

I don't know why you're knocking yourself
out for the sarge, I really don't.

Well, it's a pleasure to buy things
for the sergeant,

a real honest to goodness pleasure.

Yeah, but having to go hock
your own watch... Oh, boy.

Look, I'm going to mail this.
I'll be right back.

Heads up, Gomer. Sarge is coming this way.

- The sergeant?
- Yeah.

You better stash those cigars.
He's headed this way.

Pyle, I want to talk to you.

Me, too, Sergeant.
I want to talk to you, too.

Alone.

- Get lost, Slater!
- Uh, right, Sarge.

Okay, Pyle, go ahead.
Do you have something on your mind?

Yes, sir, I sure do.

Well, uh, all right, let's hear it.

I don't know how to say this, Sergeant.

Give it a try, Pyle.
Give it a try, anyway.

Well, okay.

Sur-prise, sur-prise, sur-prise!

- Huh?
- Happy birthday, Sergeant.

Happy, happy Birthday!

I'm sorry it's not gift-wrapped.

It's just that you caught me
by such surprise.

But the thought's there,
ribbon or no ribbon. Here, take 'em.

- Cigars?
- Mm-hmm.

I don't think it's the brand you smoke,
but I sure hope you like 'em.

Uh... yeah.

These are two or three inches longer
than the ones that you usually buy.

The man says they'll last
up to 15 to 20 minutes more.

Uh, listen, Pyle.

It was very nice of you
to remember my birthday,

but, just out of curiosity,

how do you come to be able
to buy expensive cigars?

I mean, right around now,
right before payday?

- You would have to ask me that, Sergeant.
- Why? What's wrong with asking that?

It's just that...

It's just that it's embarrassing.

What, Pyle? What's embarrassing?

How I got the money.

How did you get the money, Pyle?

Don't ask me, Sergeant.

But I am asking. Where did you get money?

Well, I had no choice, Sergeant.

- I pawned my watch.
- Huh?

I just didn't have a choice,

seeing as how you were born
just before payday.

You pawned your watch?

You pawned your watch?

He pawned his watch!

Your watch? Your very own watch?

The watch that you wear?
You pawned your watch? Yours?

That's right.

Oh, well... That's...

That's very nice.

You hear that, Boyle?

He pawned his watch
so that he could buy me these cigars.

Ain't that great?

I know. That was a great idea,
pawning your watch.

Yeah, see? It ain't there!

And you wanna know why?
Because he pawned it!

Golly. I sure am glad you both think
it was such a great idea

of me pawning my watch.

Oh, yeah! It was great, great!

- Oh, it was a great idea!
- [both laughing]

Thanks, Pyle. Thanks for the cigars.

Now, you better get yourself ready for
that cross-country hike this afternoon.

Right, Sergeant.
Don't you worry, I'll be ready.

All I got to do is just get...

Golly!

Where in the world did that come from?

Ain't that my watch?

Huh?

Maybe there's some more stuff up there.
Maybe you better take a look, Boyle.

My pen.

My cigar lighter.

My ring.

Okay, Pyle, start explaining.

Well, I don't know, Sergeant.
Golly, I'm as surprised as you are.

Well, that ain't good enough, Pyle.
That answer ain't good enough at all.

Maybe you better have another try, huh?

I don't know, Sergeant, honest.

But you do know this was stuffed
on top of your locker, right?

I mean, it wasn't stuffed
on top of Molinski's locker,

or Slater's locker, was it now?

[cawing]

Maxine.

[Carter] Hey, ain't that my whistle?

She's got my whistle!

Look, Sarge, there's your thief.

Maxine!

What's you doing up there?

- I'm ashamed of you.
- [cawing]

You almost had me in all kinds of trouble
with the sergeant.

Isn't that right, Sergeant?
If Maxine hadn't shown up when she did,

you would've thought I was
the worst kind of sneak-thief.

How about that? It was the bird.

It wasn't Pyle. It was the bird!
How about that?

Isn't that something?

[Carter] Yeah, imagine a bird

coming in and stealing things
just like a person,

only it's not a person, it's a bird.

And all this time, we thought...

Yeah, we thought it was Pyle,
but it wasn't Pyle, it was Maxine!

[all laughing]

And about Maxine stealing
all those things from you, Sergeant.

Well, I just want you to understand
that it wasn't anything personal.

It was just her way of thanking me
for setting her free that day.

Sure, Pyle, sure, anything you say.

She sure was a grateful crow.

Okay, Pyle. Right now,
we got an inspection to get ready for.

- So let's get with it, huh?
- Right, Sergeant.

- [Maxine caws]
- Maxine!

I thought she was gone.

Pyle, get that bird out of here!

Yes, sir.

Maxine... please, Maxine,
you just got to leave.

This is no place for a crow.

So please go.

Please, girl...

Well, she's gone, Sergeant.

Good, let's go.

Don't tell me she did it again!

- Huh?
- She did it again!

That mangy bird stole my whistle!

[both yelling]

Wait, Sergeant. It wasn't Maxine!

Sergeant Carter! Don't get so excited!