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1
00:00:06,366 --> 00:00:09,158
In local news,
champion angler abe simpson
2
00:00:09,165 --> 00:00:10,831
Is retiring.
3
00:00:10,836 --> 00:00:12,669
Yes, it's o-fish-ial.
4
00:00:12,674 --> 00:00:15,675
After reeling in
his 20th fishing derby win,
5
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,641
He's finally bowing trout.
6
00:00:17,646 --> 00:00:20,397
Later, stay tuna
for a sharking story
7
00:00:20,398 --> 00:00:22,449
About a local sturgeon
with a cod complex
8
00:00:22,450 --> 00:00:25,827
Who kills patients
just for the halibut.
9
00:00:25,835 --> 00:00:27,709
Abe, why retire now?
10
00:00:27,714 --> 00:00:31,716
Well, I want to go out
on my 20-year win streak
11
00:00:31,725 --> 00:00:35,561
And pass along my only
earthly talent to my son.
12
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,402
Tomorrow he's gonna take over
13
00:00:37,407 --> 00:00:39,907
The simpson family
fishing dominance.
14
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:42,457
To all you fish
out there watching,
15
00:00:42,463 --> 00:00:44,087
He's a-comin' for ya!
16
00:00:44,092 --> 00:00:47,135
Whoa. It's sexy
when you're on the local news
17
00:00:47,136 --> 00:00:48,227
For something not horrible.
18
00:00:48,228 --> 00:00:51,438
Those fish should be so scared.
19
00:00:51,445 --> 00:00:54,029
Oh, those fish
shouldn't be scared at all.
20
00:00:54,036 --> 00:00:56,244
I never win anything.
21
00:00:56,249 --> 00:00:59,334
Why does my dad think
I'll win this fishing contest?
22
00:00:59,342 --> 00:01:02,009
Maybe because all you have to do
is sit still
23
00:01:02,015 --> 00:01:03,223
And hold a stick.
24
00:01:03,227 --> 00:01:05,936
That's two things! [groans]
25
00:01:05,943 --> 00:01:07,943
[birds singing]
26
00:01:07,948 --> 00:01:09,948
[humming]
27
00:01:09,954 --> 00:01:11,245
[door opens]
28
00:01:11,246 --> 00:01:12,668
Principal skinner,
sorry to barge in,
29
00:01:12,669 --> 00:01:14,669
But I'm applying
to the most selective
30
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,508
Kids' summer camp
in the country.
31
00:01:16,513 --> 00:01:19,264
They even reject the
silicon valley adderall kids.
32
00:01:19,270 --> 00:01:22,145
And, um, I was hoping
you'd write me
33
00:01:22,146 --> 00:01:23,405
A letter of recommendation.
34
00:01:23,406 --> 00:01:25,201
[chuckles]
recommendation letter?
35
00:01:25,202 --> 00:01:27,786
No one's ever asked me
to write one of those before.
36
00:01:27,793 --> 00:01:31,169
I've mainly just done letters
to judges requesting leniency.
37
00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:33,098
If I'm accepted into the
university of springfield camp,
38
00:01:33,099 --> 00:01:35,057
I'll be fast-tracked to get into
39
00:01:35,058 --> 00:01:36,941
The amherst middle school
summer workshop,
40
00:01:36,942 --> 00:01:38,108
Which is a feeder
41
00:01:38,109 --> 00:01:39,782
To the uc santa cruz
marine biology retreat,
42
00:01:39,783 --> 00:01:43,702
Which is a sure ticket into
the oberlin philosophy day camp
43
00:01:43,711 --> 00:01:45,544
With sleepover option.
44
00:01:45,549 --> 00:01:48,383
Well, I believe
my edu95 software bundle
45
00:01:48,390 --> 00:01:52,100
Did come
with a recommendation template.
46
00:01:52,108 --> 00:01:54,567
[whirring]
47
00:01:55,868 --> 00:02:00,245
Don't forget, I was
the classroom hamster monitor.
48
00:02:00,255 --> 00:02:03,423
And the art club
parliamentarian.
49
00:02:03,430 --> 00:02:05,180
And I chaired the fundraiser
50
00:02:05,181 --> 00:02:07,857
To get the lunch ladies
ethical hairnets. [chuckles]
51
00:02:07,858 --> 00:02:09,692
Got it.
52
00:02:09,698 --> 00:02:11,948
"many interests."
53
00:02:11,953 --> 00:02:13,369
And print.
54
00:02:13,374 --> 00:02:14,665
[whirring]
55
00:02:15,964 --> 00:02:18,047
[gasps]
56
00:02:21,019 --> 00:02:22,352
Never mind.
57
00:02:22,356 --> 00:02:24,648
?
58
00:02:24,654 --> 00:02:27,655
Welcome to the annual
springfield fishing derby,
59
00:02:27,662 --> 00:02:29,662
Sponsored by duff camo.
60
00:02:29,663 --> 00:02:31,296
"the deer will never see
you're drunk."
61
00:02:31,297 --> 00:02:35,257
And now, the champion emeritus
will throw out
62
00:02:35,266 --> 00:02:37,933
The ceremonial first cast!
63
00:02:37,939 --> 00:02:40,190
[grunts]
64
00:02:41,282 --> 00:02:43,365
-[chuckles]
-[cheering]
65
00:02:43,370 --> 00:02:45,162
Dad, why do you think
I can do this?
66
00:02:45,168 --> 00:02:46,501
I never win anything.
67
00:02:46,502 --> 00:02:47,715
Oh, I don't believe in you.
68
00:02:47,716 --> 00:02:50,717
I'm banking on
the simpsons fishing gene.
69
00:02:50,718 --> 00:02:52,060
I'm finally gonna pass down
something
70
00:02:52,061 --> 00:02:54,895
Other than chronic hand hate.
71
00:02:55,822 --> 00:02:57,905
-[crying]
-oh!
72
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,664
We're three hours
into this nail-biting,
73
00:03:01,670 --> 00:03:03,795
Intense competition, folks,
74
00:03:03,801 --> 00:03:06,552
Which means butt fatigue
is really setting in
75
00:03:06,559 --> 00:03:08,600
On these recumbent warriors.
76
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,480
[groaning]
77
00:03:10,485 --> 00:03:12,861
[joints cracking]
78
00:03:15,206 --> 00:03:18,291
Aw, man, if I wanted
to watch dad sit and do nothing,
79
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:19,965
I'd visit him at work.
80
00:03:19,969 --> 00:03:22,094
Mom, I bet
the other camp applicants
81
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,559
Are volunteering
and accomplishing stuff.
82
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:25,985
I'm just standing around here
83
00:03:25,986 --> 00:03:28,528
Getting a tan line
from my pearls!
84
00:03:28,534 --> 00:03:29,825
I'm sure you'll get in.
85
00:03:29,829 --> 00:03:31,829
You get into everything.
86
00:03:31,834 --> 00:03:34,501
I could pick up litter,
rescue driftwood,
87
00:03:34,508 --> 00:03:38,177
Make sure beavers aren't chewing
on washed-up mannequin arms.
88
00:03:39,146 --> 00:03:41,480
-[chittering angrily]
-[grunting]
89
00:03:41,481 --> 00:03:42,320
Oh...
90
00:03:42,321 --> 00:03:43,615
[quietly]
sorry, marge,
91
00:03:43,616 --> 00:03:45,496
But could you murmur
a little quieter?
92
00:03:45,497 --> 00:03:47,080
I'm trying to fish.
93
00:03:49,382 --> 00:03:50,432
Uh-oh.
94
00:03:51,220 --> 00:03:52,970
I got to let myself run
a little.
95
00:03:52,975 --> 00:03:55,100
Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh! Oh!
96
00:03:55,106 --> 00:03:57,356
-Hmm.
-[homer groaning]
97
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:58,987
[others laughing]
98
00:03:59,994 --> 00:04:01,368
Ah!
99
00:04:01,372 --> 00:04:03,205
[laughter]
100
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,301
What the hell is that thing?!
101
00:04:06,302 --> 00:04:08,761
Get it out! Get it!
102
00:04:08,767 --> 00:04:10,559
Oh. Hey!
103
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:11,649
-Homie!
-[bart whooping]
104
00:04:11,650 --> 00:04:15,318
The fish weight to beat
is 7.2 pounds.
105
00:04:15,326 --> 00:04:17,243
Will a heavier fish arise?
106
00:04:17,248 --> 00:04:19,248
We'll find out right after this.
107
00:04:19,254 --> 00:04:20,920
When you're gutting your catch,
108
00:04:20,921 --> 00:04:22,929
Are you sick and tired
of being stared at
109
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,056
By cold, accusing fish eyes?
110
00:04:25,061 --> 00:04:26,351
You need the happy hood.
111
00:04:26,356 --> 00:04:30,317
That's right, fish,
you'll love it!
112
00:04:30,318 --> 00:04:32,205
And don't forget to play
the happy hood mobile game.
113
00:04:32,206 --> 00:04:35,707
Homer simpson's fish
comes in at...
114
00:04:35,714 --> 00:04:37,547
10.4 pounds.
115
00:04:37,553 --> 00:04:38,844
We have a winner!
116
00:04:38,848 --> 00:04:41,849
[crying]
I've never won anything before.
117
00:04:41,856 --> 00:04:43,356
What do I do?
118
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:44,859
Uh...
119
00:04:47,998 --> 00:04:51,256
[chuckles]
oh, my gorgeous boy.
120
00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:53,924
I've never loved you more!
121
00:04:53,930 --> 00:04:55,972
Thanks, dad.
122
00:04:57,481 --> 00:05:02,234
I get to cook my husband's
prize-winning fish!
123
00:05:02,244 --> 00:05:05,537
The whole house
is gonna stink like victory!
124
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:13,184
WhatIs this
where marbles come from?
125
00:05:13,191 --> 00:05:15,191
Like pearls and lobsters?
126
00:05:15,196 --> 00:05:18,447
Uh, how did my slingshot marbles
get in there?
127
00:05:18,455 --> 00:05:22,916
You added weight to my fish
with marbles?!
128
00:05:22,925 --> 00:05:24,507
I-I couldn't help it!
129
00:05:24,512 --> 00:05:27,630
Watching you lose was so boring.
130
00:05:27,637 --> 00:05:30,772
So I didn't really win at all.
131
00:05:30,780 --> 00:05:32,029
You cheated!
132
00:05:32,033 --> 00:05:34,242
[grunting angrily]
133
00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:38,378
[sighs]
oh.
134
00:05:38,383 --> 00:05:40,132
Oh, my gorgeous boy,
135
00:05:40,137 --> 00:05:42,096
I've never loved you more!
136
00:05:47,198 --> 00:05:49,573
"the saga of the oregon trail,"
137
00:05:49,579 --> 00:05:51,871
A poem by milhouse van houten.
138
00:05:51,877 --> 00:05:54,336
"we started our journey
to the pacific
139
00:05:54,342 --> 00:05:59,220
Because we heard
that it was terrific."
140
00:05:59,231 --> 00:06:02,649
I'm here to take bart simpson
to his doctor's appointment.
141
00:06:02,656 --> 00:06:04,281
I have a doctor's appointment?
142
00:06:04,286 --> 00:06:06,578
Oh, yeah. Bunch of them.
You're really sick.
143
00:06:08,505 --> 00:06:13,216
"we made our first camp
when we were all ready.
144
00:06:13,226 --> 00:06:15,226
We made our first dinner,
145
00:06:15,232 --> 00:06:17,566
Meatballs and spaghetti."
146
00:06:18,395 --> 00:06:21,791
Uh, this isn't the way
to the doctor.
147
00:06:21,792 --> 00:06:23,958
[laughs]
148
00:06:23,964 --> 00:06:25,130
There's no doctor.
149
00:06:25,133 --> 00:06:26,966
So I'm not sick?
150
00:06:26,972 --> 00:06:29,139
I don't know.
Everybody's got something.
151
00:06:29,144 --> 00:06:31,770
You and me are going cheating.
152
00:06:31,777 --> 00:06:32,984
Huh?
153
00:06:32,985 --> 00:06:35,076
When your fish marbles
won me that contest,
154
00:06:35,077 --> 00:06:37,249
It was the greatest thrill
I ever had as a father.
155
00:06:37,250 --> 00:06:39,750
And I want
to feel that rush again.
156
00:06:41,648 --> 00:06:45,312
Uh, how do we cheat
at rock skipping?
157
00:06:45,313 --> 00:06:47,897
I don't know. Making a plan
158
00:06:47,903 --> 00:06:50,362
To cheat in advance
felt dishonest.
159
00:06:53,042 --> 00:06:55,126
-[whirring]
-[humming]
160
00:06:56,050 --> 00:06:58,301
Perfect.
161
00:06:58,307 --> 00:07:00,357
-[whirring]
-[high-pitched humming]
162
00:07:01,189 --> 00:07:04,356
Ooh, a big envelope
from summer camp admissions!
163
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,160
[singsongy]
I bet that's good news!
164
00:07:06,161 --> 00:07:09,162
Mom, that's my safety.
165
00:07:09,163 --> 00:07:10,714
Of course
I'm gonna get in there.
166
00:07:10,715 --> 00:07:13,174
Florida state's
a total party camp.
167
00:07:13,180 --> 00:07:15,305
Why haven't I heard yet?
168
00:07:15,306 --> 00:07:17,147
Janey got responses
from all her camps,
169
00:07:17,148 --> 00:07:18,564
Even her reaches.
170
00:07:18,569 --> 00:07:21,487
Her essay was about her
grandmother's immigrant story.
171
00:07:21,494 --> 00:07:23,702
-Uh-huh.
-She came from ottawa.
172
00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:25,250
That's barely an immigrant.
173
00:07:25,254 --> 00:07:26,644
-[whirring]
-[grunting]
174
00:07:26,645 --> 00:07:30,600
[announcer] coming up later,
the liv pickleball tour
175
00:07:30,601 --> 00:07:34,395
From riyadh, where
it's 110 degrees in the desert
176
00:07:34,404 --> 00:07:36,612
And the action's heating up.
177
00:07:36,617 --> 00:07:39,618
But now it's time
for competitive rock skipping!
178
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:42,293
They are really scraping
the bottom of the barrel
179
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:43,841
For new sports content.
180
00:07:43,846 --> 00:07:46,597
Yeah, and barrel scraping
is up next.
181
00:07:46,598 --> 00:07:50,362
[announcer] here we have
last year's champion,
182
00:07:50,363 --> 00:07:53,072
Cletus spuckler,
taking the shore.
183
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,331
Home viewers will notice
184
00:07:54,332 --> 00:07:56,999
That's not the famous
nike swoosh on his shoes
185
00:07:57,006 --> 00:07:59,798
But, rather,
leeches on his bare feet.
186
00:07:59,805 --> 00:08:02,222
Here comes the skip.
187
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,983
[audience gasping]
188
00:08:05,988 --> 00:08:07,863
[announcer]
22 skips!
189
00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:11,536
That's a throw worthy of
the late, great doink anderson!
190
00:08:11,537 --> 00:08:13,215
Interesting fact-
he left his widow nothing.
191
00:08:13,216 --> 00:08:15,841
Next up, homer simpson,
192
00:08:15,848 --> 00:08:19,433
A first-timer but using the same
equipment as these pros,
193
00:08:19,441 --> 00:08:21,650
A flat rock
he found on the ground.
194
00:08:21,656 --> 00:08:23,406
[kisses, grunts]
195
00:08:25,411 --> 00:08:29,509
-[announcer] 46 skips.
-[audience exclaiming]
196
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:33,971
This almost makes
my hitchhiking here worth it.
197
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:36,605
[chuckling]
198
00:08:36,612 --> 00:08:38,112
[cheering]
199
00:08:38,116 --> 00:08:40,116
This, this is what we do it for.
200
00:08:40,122 --> 00:08:41,580
The cheater's high.
201
00:08:41,584 --> 00:08:44,710
You can feel the scam
pulsing in your blood,
202
00:08:44,718 --> 00:08:46,634
Like snorting
lotto scratcher dust
203
00:08:46,639 --> 00:08:49,182
Or being elected king
of hamburger planet!
204
00:08:49,188 --> 00:08:52,898
You know, dad, all the times
I cheated on stuff before-
205
00:08:52,906 --> 00:08:55,031
School tests, covid tests-
206
00:08:55,032 --> 00:08:56,456
I always felt
kind of bad about it,
207
00:08:56,457 --> 00:09:00,834
But cheating with you
feels so right.
208
00:09:00,844 --> 00:09:02,385
Can we do it one more time?
209
00:09:02,389 --> 00:09:05,891
Son, we're never gonna stop
doing it.
210
00:09:06,902 --> 00:09:09,736
come on,
let's get our cheat on, baby
211
00:09:09,743 --> 00:09:14,037
no need to follow rules,
we're lazy
212
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:19,718
order water
but fill your cup with sprite
213
00:09:19,728 --> 00:09:23,605
say you're in the army
to preboard your flight
214
00:09:23,613 --> 00:09:27,532
fake a corporate tweet
to sell a stock short
215
00:09:27,541 --> 00:09:31,334
take your pig to work
as emotional support
216
00:09:31,335 --> 00:09:32,679
we're
a two-man scheming crew
217
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:37,516
cheating's
our father-son glue
218
00:09:37,517 --> 00:09:39,740
honestly, with honesty,
we never got along
219
00:09:39,741 --> 00:09:44,535
I raised you right
by teaching you wrong
220
00:09:44,545 --> 00:09:47,671
get a doctor's note
for more time on the sat
221
00:09:47,678 --> 00:09:52,765
write your term paper
with chatgpt
222
00:09:55,784 --> 00:09:59,911
lose an election
and call it unfair
223
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:04,089
cut the roller coaster line
with a rented wheelchair
224
00:10:04,098 --> 00:10:08,350
I reckon you're
my cheating soul brother
225
00:10:08,359 --> 00:10:10,693
cheat on anything
226
00:10:10,699 --> 00:10:13,574
but never each other
227
00:10:14,583 --> 00:10:17,835
but never each other.
[whoops]
228
00:10:17,843 --> 00:10:19,843
Bart, I finally get
229
00:10:19,844 --> 00:10:21,560
Why some dudes become dads
on purpose.
230
00:10:21,561 --> 00:10:24,687
This has been
the best week of my life.
231
00:10:24,695 --> 00:10:25,902
Me, too!
232
00:10:25,906 --> 00:10:27,956
And my life's not a barf-nado
like yours.
233
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:31,958
Do you think
it's a little strange
234
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:35,215
That your dad is suddenly
winning all these contests
235
00:10:35,222 --> 00:10:37,347
And giant prizes?
236
00:10:37,353 --> 00:10:39,687
Yeah, I've noticed
the same thing.
237
00:10:40,696 --> 00:10:43,030
I guess I just assumed
that sports in america
238
00:10:43,036 --> 00:10:44,827
Were getting much, much easier.
239
00:10:44,832 --> 00:10:45,998
[homer]
hey, honey.
240
00:10:45,999 --> 00:10:48,048
Do you want
this ladies' ghillie suit I won
241
00:10:48,049 --> 00:10:50,466
At the tobacco-spitting
competition?
242
00:10:50,472 --> 00:10:52,472
Homer, we need to talk.
243
00:10:52,478 --> 00:10:53,977
Oh, I like when we talk.
244
00:10:53,981 --> 00:10:56,690
I don't like
when we need to talk.
245
00:10:56,691 --> 00:10:58,493
You're sure winning
a lot of activities
246
00:10:58,494 --> 00:11:00,702
You've never even tried before.
247
00:11:00,707 --> 00:11:02,207
I'm sorry to ask this, but...
248
00:11:02,212 --> 00:11:03,753
Are you cheating?
249
00:11:05,471 --> 00:11:08,556
Oh, I can't lie to you.
250
00:11:08,563 --> 00:11:09,937
Wait, that's a lie.
251
00:11:09,941 --> 00:11:13,192
I can lie and I have,
but I'm not going to now.
252
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,577
I am cheating,
but not for prizes or glory.
253
00:11:16,584 --> 00:11:18,754
Me and bart
are cheating together as a team.
254
00:11:18,755 --> 00:11:20,928
-It's our father-son thing.
-[electrical buzzing]
255
00:11:20,929 --> 00:11:23,555
[sighs] can't you do
something else with bart,
256
00:11:23,561 --> 00:11:25,853
Like coach his soccer team?
257
00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:27,984
SoccerYou mean bribing refs?
258
00:11:27,985 --> 00:11:28,824
Where's the challenge?
259
00:11:28,825 --> 00:11:29,869
That's not the kind of cheating
260
00:11:29,870 --> 00:11:32,662
That brings a dad
and his son closer.
261
00:11:32,669 --> 00:11:35,378
We have this special bond,
like lavar and lonzo ball
262
00:11:35,384 --> 00:11:38,719
Or cecil and prince fielder
before they became estranged.
263
00:11:38,727 --> 00:11:40,685
No, no, no, no, no, no.
264
00:11:40,690 --> 00:11:42,357
Cheating is wrong.
265
00:11:42,362 --> 00:11:45,488
Maybe you should find another
way to bond with your son,
266
00:11:45,489 --> 00:11:46,580
Like just being a good dad.
267
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:49,999
Oh, where's the jet ski in that?
268
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:50,841
[growls]
269
00:11:50,842 --> 00:11:52,509
Marge, you're always saying
270
00:11:52,514 --> 00:11:54,138
You want our kids to succeed.
271
00:11:54,143 --> 00:11:56,852
Then maybe not cheating
is cheating them.
272
00:11:57,314 --> 00:11:59,323
Hmm.
273
00:11:59,324 --> 00:12:00,824
Refresh.
274
00:12:00,825 --> 00:12:01,245
Nothing.
275
00:12:01,246 --> 00:12:03,204
Refresh.
276
00:12:03,209 --> 00:12:04,750
Still nothing.
277
00:12:04,751 --> 00:12:05,506
Refresh.
[gasps]
278
00:12:05,507 --> 00:12:07,299
Spinny rainbow!
279
00:12:07,304 --> 00:12:09,012
[gasps]
nothing.
280
00:12:09,013 --> 00:12:09,517
[doorbell rings]
281
00:12:09,518 --> 00:12:10,892
Lisa simpson,
282
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:14,606
I'm here from the university
of springfield camp.
283
00:12:14,614 --> 00:12:16,656
And I'm very excited to tell you
284
00:12:16,662 --> 00:12:19,455
That you've been accepted
into our summer program.
285
00:12:19,462 --> 00:12:22,254
[gasps]
I got in?
286
00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:23,676
That's amazing! Oh!
287
00:12:23,681 --> 00:12:25,723
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
288
00:12:25,728 --> 00:12:29,730
It's so classy that you came
to tell everybody in person.
289
00:12:29,731 --> 00:12:32,036
As the rowing coach,
I like to personally welcome
290
00:12:32,037 --> 00:12:34,334
All the incoming members
of our camp rowing team.
291
00:12:34,335 --> 00:12:35,751
WhatRowing?
292
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,881
Your application photos
were amazing.
293
00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:40,638
You can row anywhere
in the shell-
294
00:12:40,643 --> 00:12:43,227
Stroke, bow, powerhouse.
295
00:12:43,234 --> 00:12:45,401
Uh, what?
296
00:12:45,407 --> 00:12:47,323
-What?
-See you at camp.
297
00:12:47,328 --> 00:12:48,911
Here's your henley!
298
00:12:52,383 --> 00:12:54,216
[gasps]
299
00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:56,765
[gasps loudly]
300
00:12:57,898 --> 00:13:02,276
[gasps] someone put doctored
photos into my application!
301
00:13:02,285 --> 00:13:05,202
And I know who.
302
00:13:05,209 --> 00:13:07,001
?
303
00:13:09,425 --> 00:13:11,476
[shrieks]
304
00:13:11,477 --> 00:13:13,435
You cheated.
305
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:14,814
For me!
306
00:13:14,818 --> 00:13:17,319
What?! No, I didn't!
307
00:13:17,325 --> 00:13:19,241
Honey, what's the matter?
308
00:13:19,247 --> 00:13:21,998
Dad and bart put my head
on an olympic rower's body
309
00:13:22,004 --> 00:13:24,338
To cheat my way into camp!
310
00:13:24,339 --> 00:13:25,722
No, we didn't.
Why would we help someone
311
00:13:25,723 --> 00:13:27,556
Who's already good at things?
312
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,064
Now shut up.
Dad's in the finals.
313
00:13:29,065 --> 00:13:32,316
He could win an electric truck
they converted back to gas.
314
00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:37,163
You've already cheated at
every dumb sport in the world!
315
00:13:37,170 --> 00:13:40,338
I bet you're cheating
at this dumb sport right now!
316
00:13:40,345 --> 00:13:42,303
[all gasp]
317
00:13:42,309 --> 00:13:43,600
[thud]
318
00:13:43,601 --> 00:13:44,648
[moleman]
ow, my foot.
319
00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:46,023
[quietly]
lisa, shh.
320
00:13:46,027 --> 00:13:49,487
A lot of these axe throwers
have guns in their cars.
321
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,704
What are you afraid of,
322
00:13:51,710 --> 00:13:53,585
That they'll see...
323
00:13:53,590 --> 00:13:55,631
-This?
-[gasping]
324
00:13:55,636 --> 00:13:57,511
A magnet.
325
00:13:57,512 --> 00:13:58,728
If you was cheating at this,
326
00:13:58,729 --> 00:14:01,563
I bet you cheated
at all them other events
327
00:14:01,569 --> 00:14:04,403
You surprisingly
and illogically won.
328
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:05,701
We were robbed!
329
00:14:05,705 --> 00:14:08,080
Of our prizes and our dignity!
330
00:14:08,086 --> 00:14:11,046
-[heavy metal music playing]
-get 'em!
331
00:14:11,053 --> 00:14:13,803
Stay back!
I'm a champion axe thrower!
332
00:14:13,810 --> 00:14:15,518
-[grunting]
-[thud]
333
00:14:15,523 --> 00:14:17,023
[moleman]
ow, my stump.
334
00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:25,712
Don't let them cheaters
get away!
335
00:14:25,713 --> 00:14:26,678
Look, guys,
you got us all wrong.
336
00:14:26,679 --> 00:14:28,595
We didn't cheat!
337
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:32,185
[quietly] quick, get on the atvs
we won by cheating.
338
00:14:32,193 --> 00:14:33,651
[laughs]
339
00:14:33,656 --> 00:14:35,823
Looks like you just got cheated!
340
00:14:35,828 --> 00:14:38,078
Out of your revenge!
341
00:14:51,327 --> 00:14:53,077
[all sigh]
342
00:14:53,082 --> 00:14:56,083
If you think I'm not mad
anymore, you're wrong.
343
00:14:56,090 --> 00:14:58,591
While we were escaping,
I got even more mad!
344
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:01,348
It's called multitasking.
345
00:15:01,354 --> 00:15:04,647
And it was one of the legitimate
skills on my application.
346
00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:07,114
Remember?
The one you cheated on?
347
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,080
We didn't, I swear.
348
00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:10,916
-Cheater's honor.
-Oh, really?
349
00:15:10,923 --> 00:15:13,215
Well, if you didn't,
then who uploaded
350
00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:17,555
All those fake photos of me
rowing so I could get into camp?
351
00:15:17,565 --> 00:15:18,731
[marge]
I did.
352
00:15:18,732 --> 00:15:19,528
You?
353
00:15:19,529 --> 00:15:21,737
You?! No, no.
354
00:15:21,743 --> 00:15:23,368
It must've been me!
355
00:15:23,373 --> 00:15:25,039
No, it was me.
356
00:15:25,043 --> 00:15:27,293
But, marge, you're you.
357
00:15:27,299 --> 00:15:30,717
You're sweet, pure,
incorruptible.
358
00:15:30,725 --> 00:15:32,517
[gasps]
dad,
359
00:15:32,522 --> 00:15:34,722
We ruined mom.
360
00:15:34,728 --> 00:15:36,361
No! No!
361
00:15:36,366 --> 00:15:39,284
[retching]
362
00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:44,800
What have I done?
363
00:15:44,805 --> 00:15:47,472
Other than everything
I know that I did?
364
00:15:47,478 --> 00:15:48,978
Yes, I cheated.
365
00:15:48,983 --> 00:15:50,941
And you showed me how to do it.
366
00:15:50,946 --> 00:15:53,780
But not to win
a beef jerky dehydrator
367
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:56,788
Or harley-davidson
beard shampoo.
368
00:15:56,795 --> 00:15:58,879
"if you want your kids
to succeed,
369
00:15:58,885 --> 00:16:01,719
Then not cheating
is cheating them."
370
00:16:01,725 --> 00:16:04,017
[retching]
371
00:16:04,023 --> 00:16:07,650
Mom, you also cheated me
out of the chance
372
00:16:07,659 --> 00:16:09,450
To get in on my own merits!
373
00:16:09,455 --> 00:16:11,747
I worked hard.
374
00:16:11,752 --> 00:16:13,460
I cleaned up the beach.
375
00:16:13,461 --> 00:16:14,927
I taught old people
how to email!
376
00:16:14,928 --> 00:16:19,847
I was working
with 72-point font!
377
00:16:19,857 --> 00:16:22,900
Oh, this is all our fault.
378
00:16:22,907 --> 00:16:24,782
Son, we made a terrible mistake.
379
00:16:24,787 --> 00:16:27,788
But we can learn and do better.
380
00:16:27,796 --> 00:16:31,631
Let's never, ever bond again.
381
00:16:31,639 --> 00:16:34,056
You're right. Never again.
382
00:16:34,062 --> 00:16:36,896
Promise me this is
the last time we hug.
383
00:16:36,903 --> 00:16:39,320
I swear, dad. I swear.
384
00:16:39,321 --> 00:16:40,161
There you is.
385
00:16:40,162 --> 00:16:41,995
We never would've found you
386
00:16:41,996 --> 00:16:43,628
If it weren't
for all that guilt vomiting
387
00:16:43,629 --> 00:16:45,838
We done heard.
388
00:16:45,844 --> 00:16:47,677
Go ahead. Kill me.
389
00:16:47,682 --> 00:16:49,140
Cleave my skull.
390
00:16:49,145 --> 00:16:51,312
I don't deserve to live
after corrupting
391
00:16:51,317 --> 00:16:53,650
The only good person
I've ever known.
392
00:16:53,656 --> 00:16:55,281
I don't know about that.
393
00:16:55,286 --> 00:16:57,953
We was just gonna rough you up
a little bit.
394
00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,794
Oh. Well, I mean, I...
395
00:16:59,799 --> 00:17:01,423
I guess we could kill you,
396
00:17:01,427 --> 00:17:04,136
But you probably need
to sign a waiver or something.
397
00:17:04,143 --> 00:17:06,352
[man]
nobody is killing anyone.
398
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,982
[groaning]
399
00:17:07,983 --> 00:17:09,532
The simpsons are coming with us.
400
00:17:09,533 --> 00:17:10,576
[yelping]
401
00:17:10,577 --> 00:17:12,369
[grunts]
402
00:17:12,374 --> 00:17:13,790
[tires screech]
403
00:17:14,003 --> 00:17:18,089
You think we'll all stay friends
after this or just drift apart?
404
00:17:20,437 --> 00:17:23,272
Well, mm, drift apart it is.
405
00:17:25,659 --> 00:17:28,243
Aw, this is the camp
I wanted to go to.
406
00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:31,209
They must know
about the fake application.
407
00:17:33,848 --> 00:17:36,056
[chuckles]
welcome, simpsons!
408
00:17:36,057 --> 00:17:37,273
I hope you don't mind that I had
409
00:17:37,274 --> 00:17:39,236
The university of springfield
football team
410
00:17:39,237 --> 00:17:40,072
Bring you here.
411
00:17:40,073 --> 00:17:42,741
Um, I want to apologize
412
00:17:42,742 --> 00:17:44,209
For being party
to a false application.
413
00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:49,546
My mother and I need to have
"the talk" about honesty.
414
00:17:49,557 --> 00:17:51,390
Lisa, don't be mad
at your mother.
415
00:17:51,391 --> 00:17:54,026
It may surprise you to learn
that this institution has
416
00:17:54,027 --> 00:17:56,194
A proud tradition
of embracing cheating.
417
00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:00,702
After all, this is
university of springfield camp,
418
00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:03,129
Usc.
419
00:18:03,135 --> 00:18:06,011
Well... You're okay
with me cheating?
420
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:09,103
Say it isn't so, dean belichick.
421
00:18:09,104 --> 00:18:11,282
You think your application
was the only one
422
00:18:11,283 --> 00:18:13,324
With embellishments?
Look at these.
423
00:18:13,329 --> 00:18:16,664
This ten-year-old claims
she performs open-heart surgery.
424
00:18:16,672 --> 00:18:19,047
This 12-year old said
it was her idea
425
00:18:19,053 --> 00:18:21,762
To use big fat straws
for boba tea.
426
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,184
And you know what?
427
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:25,606
[chuckles]
we let them all in.
428
00:18:25,612 --> 00:18:27,612
[lisa gasps]
429
00:18:27,617 --> 00:18:30,118
But I want
to live an ethical life!
430
00:18:30,124 --> 00:18:31,790
This is the world we live in.
431
00:18:31,791 --> 00:18:32,839
Taxpayers hide money
from the irs,
432
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,090
Dating profiles
are nothing but lies,
433
00:18:35,096 --> 00:18:40,016
And right now the houston astros
are dreaming up ways to cheat
434
00:18:40,026 --> 00:18:41,609
That would blow your mind.
435
00:18:41,614 --> 00:18:43,739
[homer yelps]
436
00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:44,704
So, here at usc,
437
00:18:44,705 --> 00:18:46,025
We decided to own cheating
438
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:49,710
And prepare our students
for the way the world is,
439
00:18:49,719 --> 00:18:52,136
Not the way
some would like it to be.
440
00:18:52,142 --> 00:18:53,433
What do you say, lisa?
441
00:18:53,437 --> 00:18:55,437
Will you accept
our most prestigious
442
00:18:55,442 --> 00:18:57,776
Lance armstrong
summer scholarship?
443
00:18:57,782 --> 00:19:00,074
Am I risking
everything I believe in
444
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,622
By refusing to do something
I don't believe in?
445
00:19:02,628 --> 00:19:04,461
[sighs]
446
00:19:04,466 --> 00:19:06,383
I choose honesty.
447
00:19:06,384 --> 00:19:07,516
I'm proud of you, honey.
448
00:19:07,517 --> 00:19:10,601
Yep. Walking out the door.
449
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:14,944
Leaving this room and this
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
450
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:15,997
[chuckles softly]
451
00:19:15,998 --> 00:19:17,831
Walking... Out.
452
00:19:17,832 --> 00:19:18,838
[strained]
here I go.
453
00:19:18,839 --> 00:19:21,756
[grunts]
principles powering my feet.
454
00:19:21,763 --> 00:19:22,929
[groans]
455
00:19:22,933 --> 00:19:25,309
Would you like me
to give you a little push?
456
00:19:25,315 --> 00:19:26,814
Would you?
457
00:19:26,818 --> 00:19:28,485
[exhales]
458
00:19:28,490 --> 00:19:31,741
Let the rowing coach know
we're sorry she was lied to.
459
00:19:31,742 --> 00:19:32,583
[laughs]
460
00:19:32,584 --> 00:19:34,751
I think she may be used to it.
461
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:36,131
Homer, a moment?
462
00:19:36,135 --> 00:19:40,262
I've been following your
incredible streak of dishonesty.
463
00:19:40,271 --> 00:19:41,979
[chuckles]
very impressive.
464
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:44,072
So much so, I'd like
to offer you a position
465
00:19:44,073 --> 00:19:48,367
As a professor in our faculty
of cheating studies.
466
00:19:48,368 --> 00:19:50,214
What do you say?
Will you shape the minds
467
00:19:50,215 --> 00:19:53,550
Of tomorrow's
white-collar criminals?
468
00:19:55,019 --> 00:19:56,069
No.
469
00:19:56,147 --> 00:19:58,731
For once,
I learned something at college-
470
00:19:58,737 --> 00:20:00,112
A lesson.
471
00:20:00,117 --> 00:20:02,200
Cheating almost ruined my wife,
472
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,583
Who is all the love and goodness
you can stuff
473
00:20:03,584 --> 00:20:06,084
Inside a green dress.
474
00:20:06,091 --> 00:20:08,466
I'll never cheat again.
475
00:20:08,472 --> 00:20:11,599
Except on diets.
476
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:15,741
Okay,
477
00:20:15,742 --> 00:20:18,618
Here's how you really
skip a rock.
478
00:20:18,625 --> 00:20:21,208
Oh, I used to be so good
at this!
479
00:20:21,214 --> 00:20:23,131
Hey, where's bart?
480
00:20:23,132 --> 00:20:25,559
He said he had an appointment
every Thursday night
481
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,435
From 7:00 to 9:00.
482
00:20:30,448 --> 00:20:33,115
Students, look to your left,
look to your right.
483
00:20:33,121 --> 00:20:36,039
Those are the people
you'll be cheating off of.
484
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,376
Captioning sponsored by
20th century fox television
485
00:20:38,377 --> 00:20:40,724
And
fox broadcasting company
486
00:20:40,725 --> 00:20:42,270
And toyota.
487
00:20:42,271 --> 00:20:46,781
488
00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:53,585
come on, let's get
our cheat on, baby
489
00:20:53,593 --> 00:20:57,220
no need to follow rules,
we're lazy
490
00:20:57,228 --> 00:21:00,229
you get results
from hard work, but
491
00:21:00,236 --> 00:21:03,738
why bother
when there's a corner to cut?
492
00:21:03,746 --> 00:21:07,205
when you sell your home,
don't mention the mold
493
00:21:07,213 --> 00:21:13,092
if you're gonna cheat,
you gotta go bold
494
00:21:14,566 --> 00:21:17,567
record that spare
as a strike
495
00:21:17,575 --> 00:21:21,285
strap your fitbit
to your bike
496
00:21:21,293 --> 00:21:23,376
ain't nothing like cheating
497
00:21:23,381 --> 00:21:26,591
to get the old heart beating
498
00:21:26,599 --> 00:21:29,016
cheat along, little doggie!
[whoops]
499
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:34,783
Shh!
500
00:21:34,833 --> 00:21:39,383
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