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1
00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:04,352
♪♪ [theme]
2
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Need some tape here.
3
00:00:52,008 --> 00:00:53,488
[chatter]
4
00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,446
Come on, step it up.
I haven't got all day.
5
00:00:57,187 --> 00:00:58,580
Wanna get that, please?
6
00:00:58,623 --> 00:00:59,755
Yes, Doctor.
7
00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:01,148
Almost finished.
8
00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:02,410
You do nice work.
9
00:01:02,453 --> 00:01:03,759
That's why I get
the big money.
10
00:01:03,802 --> 00:01:05,978
You know,
I figured it out.
11
00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:07,415
All the work I've done
12
00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:09,025
divided by the time
I've been in the army
13
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,461
comes to a nickel
an operation.
14
00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:12,724
-Lap sponge.
-How you doin', B.J.?
15
00:01:12,768 --> 00:01:14,900
Just about there.
It's a nasty head wound.
16
00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:16,424
Yeah, they're getting
worse all the time.
17
00:01:16,467 --> 00:01:17,642
FRANK:
Well, that's war, jocko.
18
00:01:17,686 --> 00:01:20,123
Gimme a hand here,
will you, Father?
19
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:23,083
-Say the word.
-Go.
20
00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:24,475
More there.
21
00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:26,651
Uh, give me
a little Richardson.
22
00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:28,479
No, the big one.
No, no-no-no-no.
23
00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:30,002
The-the-the little--
the little one.
24
00:01:30,046 --> 00:01:31,700
Hold that door for us,
will you, Klinger?
25
00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:33,223
Post-op's
all jammed, sir.
26
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:35,312
Let's put him against
the wall, Father.
27
00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:36,574
We ain't got
one free bed.
28
00:01:36,618 --> 00:01:38,315
You'd think
we were a motel.
29
00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:40,056
Sorry, Father.
30
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,363
Well, I know
all about motels, Corporal.
31
00:01:42,406 --> 00:01:44,887
Each man prays
in his own way.
32
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:47,107
-Get an I.V. stand, Klinger.
-Right.
33
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:48,586
Another boy
from the 43rd.
34
00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:50,327
Colonel Coner's outfit.
He got hit
35
00:01:50,371 --> 00:01:52,503
in one of the colonel's
famous retrieval sweeps.
36
00:01:52,547 --> 00:01:54,288
No more stands, Doc.
What now?
37
00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:56,072
Get a hammer. Let's nail
this to the wall.
38
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,508
Boy, I wish I had
your brains.
39
00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,597
-I wish I had your beauty.
-There is that.
40
00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:01,033
Our friend Colonel Coner
41
00:02:01,077 --> 00:02:03,558
specializes in trading
warm bodies for cold.
42
00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:05,125
He'd send a whole division
behind enemy lines
43
00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:07,997
in order to pick up what
used to be one human being.
44
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,781
Uh, hold this,
will you, Father?
45
00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:11,957
Some awful funny people
running this war.
46
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:13,829
Sometimes I'm sorry
I bought tickets for it.
47
00:02:13,872 --> 00:02:15,352
I'll see you in a bit.
48
00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:17,746
HAWKEYE: Three-O silk on a Keith
needle.
49
00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:19,748
-Three-O silk.
-[clatter]
50
00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:21,750
-Oh...
-Need a hand, Frank?
51
00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:23,186
I don't need a hand
from anyone.
52
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,145
His own two lefts are enough.
53
00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:27,538
-Mind if I watch?
-Makes me no never mind.
54
00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:30,062
-Oh, Colonel Potter.
-Here.
55
00:02:30,106 --> 00:02:31,586
There's something
that's been bothering me
56
00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:32,848
for some time now, sir.
57
00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:34,589
Very simple, Frank.
58
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,591
A mommy and a daddy
love each other very much.
59
00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:38,593
Now, the daddy has a seed...
60
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,116
Put a bridle on it, Pierce.
61
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,336
-What's on your mind, Burns?
-Trash.
62
00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,860
[inhales] Sir,
I am keenly aware
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00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:46,166
of the garbage in this camp.
64
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:47,993
There are tin cans,
eggshells,
65
00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:49,256
pus-y old bandages,
66
00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:51,258
germy tongue depressors
by the bushel.
67
00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:53,390
It's dumped the regulation
25 yards from the camp
68
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:56,001
and poses
no threat to hygiene.
69
00:02:56,045 --> 00:02:57,481
But we're wasting
our waste, sir.
70
00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:59,266
The locals are stealing it.
71
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,006
They need it to survive,
Frank.
72
00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,226
Well, they're not entitled
to just walk off with it.
73
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:06,098
Frank's right. You give these
people a taste of our garbage,
74
00:03:06,142 --> 00:03:07,970
next they'll want New Jersey.
75
00:03:08,013 --> 00:03:11,234
Now, what I'm suggesting is
that we charge them for it.
76
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:14,890
Make 'em pay for every rind,
every drop of swill.
77
00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:17,545
You wanna open some sort
of bilious boutique, Frank?
78
00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:19,416
No, but I do have a plan.
79
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:22,245
This isn't what I'd call
table talk, doctors.
80
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,638
See me later, Burns.
81
00:03:23,681 --> 00:03:24,856
It'll be a pleasure, sir.
82
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,858
Maybe for you.
83
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:28,860
Finished.
84
00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:31,211
Who'd have thought
perfection could be so boring?
85
00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:33,213
-Doctor?
-Hmm?
86
00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:35,824
-What are you doing after?
-Please.
87
00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:38,479
Put a note on the bulletin
board like everyone else.
88
00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,698
I'll give you a nickel.
89
00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:44,354
Sold. [chuckles] I'm so easy.
90
00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:46,008
Captain Hunnicutt.
91
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,534
I was just walking by
and I noticed this gizmo
92
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:52,232
came disconnected
from the thingamabob
93
00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:53,842
and it wasn't dripping
into the doohickey right.
94
00:03:53,885 --> 00:03:55,278
You lost me with all
the technical terms, Radar,
95
00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:56,584
but I get the picture.
96
00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:58,063
Is he gonna be
all right, sir?
97
00:03:58,107 --> 00:03:59,195
He will now.
98
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,284
Whew.
99
00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:03,112
-Radar?
-Yes, sir?
100
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,027
You may have just
saved his life.
101
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:07,595
Really? Gee,
I didn't mean to.
102
00:04:07,638 --> 00:04:10,772
Well, wh-who would've
thought I could? Gee.
103
00:04:10,815 --> 00:04:12,339
Come on. Help me see if we can
get him into post-op.
104
00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:14,036
Yes, sir.
105
00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:18,823
Do you have a license
to troll for surgeons?
106
00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:20,564
Or is that roll
with sturgeons?
107
00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:22,044
Right this way,
my dear.
108
00:04:22,087 --> 00:04:24,960
You will be gentle.
109
00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:27,310
The army's ruinin'
my hands, you know.
110
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:28,659
Mm-hmm.
111
00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:30,400
My hands
are my best feature.
112
00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:31,836
When I was born,
113
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,925
my father took one look
and said to my mother,
114
00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:37,538
"Thanks a lot for
the eight-pound baby nose."
115
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:39,975
And my mother said,
"His hands, Amos.
116
00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:43,283
"Look at his hands.
He's a musician."
117
00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:46,024
What do you think
my old man did?
118
00:04:46,068 --> 00:04:47,330
Went right out,
119
00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:50,899
stole a violin
and stuck it in my crib.
120
00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:52,509
I was one week old.
What did I know from violins?
121
00:04:52,553 --> 00:04:54,511
I started suckin'
on the bridge.
122
00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:55,730
[chuckles]
123
00:04:55,773 --> 00:04:57,427
No kiddin'. I'm not kiddin'.
124
00:04:57,471 --> 00:04:58,428
I believe you.
125
00:04:58,472 --> 00:04:59,690
[chuckles]
126
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:01,083
What's wrong?
127
00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:02,432
What's wrong, what's wrong?
128
00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:03,781
You look happy, that's all.
129
00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:05,522
I never see a happy
face in the army
130
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:07,132
outside the latrine.
131
00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:09,309
Well, I-I was helpin'
Captain Hunnicutt
132
00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:10,484
before with a patient,
you know?
133
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:12,007
Yeah?
134
00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:14,357
And, uh, the guy's I.V.
bottle went all snafu-y.
135
00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:16,185
And so I, uh, fixed it up,
136
00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:18,100
and Captain Hunnicutt
says to me, he says to me,
137
00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:22,887
uh, "Radar, you may have
saved his life."
138
00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:24,846
You wanna save another life?
139
00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:25,934
Huh?
140
00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:28,458
Don't eat that food.
141
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:29,633
What's the matter
with it?
142
00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:31,679
You ever pull kitchen duty?
143
00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:33,202
No, I've been lucky.
144
00:05:33,245 --> 00:05:34,377
Oh, it's beautiful.
145
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:35,770
You don't know
the conditions.
146
00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:38,425
They paint
over the cockroaches.
147
00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:40,035
If you ever saw
what they put in the hash,
148
00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:41,950
you'd go screaming
into the night.
149
00:05:41,993 --> 00:05:44,169
And later you just might.
150
00:05:44,213 --> 00:05:45,432
Oh, I don't care.
151
00:05:45,475 --> 00:05:47,042
I saved a guy's life.
152
00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:48,609
Is he still in the army?
153
00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:50,175
Of course.
154
00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:52,482
Some saving.
155
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:55,529
Our garbage is the mainstay
of the local economy, sir.
156
00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:57,748
I don't think you realize
how much valuable material
157
00:05:57,792 --> 00:05:59,663
is being looted from
our trash heaps.
158
00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:02,449
I guess I just don't have
your head for garbage, Burns.
159
00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,451
The late
Colonel Blake said
160
00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:07,105
I was the best rubbish
officer we'd ever had.
161
00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:09,586
The man knew talent
when he saw it. Smoke?
162
00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:11,762
-Uh, would you
like me to, sir?
-Never mind.
163
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:13,851
What do you think, sir?
Garbage-wise.
164
00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:15,418
I'm not gonna make any decision
165
00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:18,290
until Radar gives me a
breakdown of the situation.
166
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:20,118
Radar. You got some poop
on the garbage--
167
00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:21,468
Sir, I've been going
through the files.
168
00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,383
-I got the poop
on our garbage.
-Shoot.
169
00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:24,993
"The typical sample of this
hospital's waste products
170
00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,691
"contains expended
medical supplies,
171
00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:29,737
"i.e., e.g.,
tongue depressors..."
172
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:32,479
Oh, they can take
a few hundred of those
and make a hooch.
173
00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:35,090
I've heard a Korean landlord
will kill for the chance
174
00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,179
to subdivide
a packing crate.
175
00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:43,011
"A few hundred yards of used
and bloody surgical gauze."
176
00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:44,534
Oh, that can
be washed out
177
00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:45,927
and used to make
summer clothing.
178
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,537
Go on.
179
00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:49,365
"Some stretched-out
nurses' bras."
180
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,714
They can use those
for hammocks, right?
181
00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:52,194
[laughs]
182
00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:53,630
You shut up.
183
00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,327
Don't be abusive.
184
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,939
I'm sorry, Colonel.
It's just my nature.
185
00:06:57,982 --> 00:07:00,724
Enlisted men
have feelings, you know.
186
00:07:00,768 --> 00:07:02,639
I keep forgetting
that, sir.
187
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,424
You want me
to continue, Colonel?
188
00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:07,296
No. I have no interest
in hearing a refuse recital.
189
00:07:07,339 --> 00:07:09,690
Burns, what are you
leading up to?
190
00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:12,867
Sir, it's un-American
to get nothing for nothing.
191
00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:15,652
Now, I propose we auction
our garbage off
192
00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:17,654
to local contractors.
193
00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:19,134
I'd let it go to
the highest bidder.
194
00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:20,744
That's ridiculous.
195
00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:26,663
As per Pentagon Directive,
uh, N/R/358/9-A.
196
00:07:26,707 --> 00:07:28,012
The Trashy Substances
Act, sir.
197
00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:31,886
Really?
198
00:07:31,929 --> 00:07:33,670
Burns, some men
are born to greatness.
199
00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:35,672
Others have garbage
thrust upon them.
200
00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:37,631
-You've got it.
-I won't let you down, sir.
201
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:40,111
There's no way you can.
202
00:07:40,155 --> 00:07:42,070
Uh, congratulations,
Major.
203
00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:44,159
[chuckles]
204
00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:46,640
NURSE: Hawkeye.
205
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,163
[laughs] Hawkeye.
206
00:07:48,206 --> 00:07:49,817
What are you laughing?
It's not funny.
207
00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:51,993
-Don't worry about it.
-I'm not worried.
208
00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:53,385
[sighs]
209
00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:55,039
-It can happen to anyone.
-So let it.
210
00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:56,388
Let it happen to anyone.
211
00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:57,955
Just don't let it
happen to me.
212
00:07:57,999 --> 00:08:00,871
Come on. Sit back.
213
00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:02,525
-Maybe a drink.
-Hm-mm.
214
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:04,005
It's almost ready
to be drunk.
215
00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:05,441
I hear tomorrow's
a very good year.
216
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,661
I don't think
liquor's the answer.
217
00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:09,401
You know, what just
didn't happen here
218
00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:11,534
has never not ever
happened before.
219
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:13,710
Well, maybe you just
don't find me attractive.
220
00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:15,190
Oh, that's true.
221
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:17,105
Except for your face,
your mind and your body,
222
00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:19,281
-you're a complete dud.
-Come here.
223
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:21,152
Careful. I have to give
them back after the war.
224
00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,111
Relax.
225
00:08:23,154 --> 00:08:25,374
[sighs deeply]
226
00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:29,421
You know,
what I think's happened
227
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:30,597
is the damned army
has started putting coffee
228
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,424
in my saltpeter.
229
00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:33,774
It's thrown
my whole system off.
230
00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:36,385
Mmm. Tell me about it.
231
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:40,824
How 'bout an Oreo first?
232
00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:42,522
[knocking]
233
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,001
Shh! My wife.
234
00:08:44,045 --> 00:08:45,786
RADAR: Hawk. Hawk?
235
00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:48,266
She always hawks
like that. Yes, dear?
236
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:49,746
Captain B.J.
wants you in post-op.
237
00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:51,705
Radar, can't it wait?
238
00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:53,620
What happened
to your voice?
239
00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:56,579
I got a new pair
of shorts from home.
240
00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:58,015
Sorry to leave you
in mid-grope like this,
241
00:08:58,059 --> 00:08:59,451
but Hippocrates calls.
242
00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:00,670
When will you be back?
243
00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:02,280
Before you can
whistle "Carmen."
244
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,502
[whistling "Habanera"]
245
00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:12,595
Uh, sorry
to interrupt you.
246
00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:13,857
That's okay, Radar.
247
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,163
You saved me from
contusions of the ego
248
00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:16,904
and compound
embarrassment.
249
00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:19,167
-How's your patient?
-He's really Radar's.
250
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:20,734
He alerted me
to his condition.
251
00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:22,387
I had a hamster back home
252
00:09:22,431 --> 00:09:24,041
used to get the
same look in his eyes
253
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,216
when he wasn't
feeling good.
254
00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:26,348
Let me see his chart.
255
00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:27,958
You can go get
some lettuce.
256
00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:29,264
He's less responsive.
257
00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:31,353
B.P.'s going up,
pulse dropping...
258
00:09:31,396 --> 00:09:33,921
signs of increased
intracranial pressure.
259
00:09:33,964 --> 00:09:35,879
-I'd stick close for a while.
-Right.
260
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:38,665
-Can I too? Stick close?
-Of course.
261
00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,754
And if you have to,
I'd put in another burr hole.
262
00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:42,407
Fair enough.
263
00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:44,192
That sound right
to you, Radar?
264
00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:46,455
Huh? Oh, yeah, sure.
265
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:47,848
Sounds pretty good to me.
266
00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,240
What do you think?
267
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,155
Should we get a second
corporal's opinion?
268
00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:13,656
[sighs] Should we
ask some people in,
269
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,179
or should we just be
boring on our own?
270
00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:16,746
Whatever.
271
00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:18,226
You're not drinking?
272
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:20,184
-I think I'll stop for a while.
-Mm.
273
00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,186
Getting nasty notes
from my liver.
274
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:24,232
I've never seen you
wear those.
275
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:25,929
Oh, I never do.
276
00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:27,975
If you wear 'em,
they get dirty.
277
00:10:28,018 --> 00:10:29,672
If I keep washing 'em,
they stay clean forever.
278
00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:34,677
They're actually just
to remind me of better times.
279
00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:37,811
Argyle socks,
angora sweaters,
280
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:39,900
Woody Herman,
fumbling in rumble seats.
281
00:10:39,943 --> 00:10:41,249
Rumbling in fumble seats.
282
00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:43,120
That too.
283
00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:45,514
What do you think
of Nurse Able?
284
00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:47,168
If I wasn't married,
285
00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:49,692
I'd start nibbling
at Nurse Able's toes
286
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,781
and stop when I got
to her hairpins.
287
00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:54,088
There is something there
to arouse a male.
288
00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:56,133
Unless he's been dead
six months.
289
00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:58,135
[inhales]
290
00:10:58,179 --> 00:10:59,702
She was in here
before...
291
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:02,574
um, with me, alone.
292
00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:04,054
[laughs]
293
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:05,708
That's one of the worst
kept secrets of the war.
294
00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:09,016
She was in here before
and, uh...
295
00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:10,757
I, uh...
296
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:14,717
uh...
297
00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,153
couldn't.
298
00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:17,502
Couldn't what?
299
00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:21,942
The big "couldn't."
300
00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:25,293
Oh, that "couldn't."
301
00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:27,469
Oh, maybe
I tried too hard.
302
00:11:27,512 --> 00:11:29,776
Maybe I didn't try
hard enough.
303
00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:32,213
Maybe it was
her perfume.
304
00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:34,911
Maybe it was mine.
305
00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:36,086
She looks a little
like my mother.
306
00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:37,827
Maybe Oedipus
wrecked it for me.
307
00:11:37,871 --> 00:11:39,742
Look, it's perfectly
understandable.
308
00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:41,483
You've been going full tilt
since you got here.
309
00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:43,920
Your nerves are brittle enough
to use for kindling.
310
00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:46,401
-Tension.
-The war.
311
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:47,794
Happens to everyone. Right.
312
00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:48,838
Ever happen to you?
313
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:50,231
Never.
314
00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:51,798
Fink.
315
00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:54,322
We got fresh wounded
in pre-op, sirs.
316
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,976
Right.
Thanks, Klinger.
317
00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:58,282
Don't thank me.
Thank the Chinese.
318
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,766
-Hi, Frank.
-I'm doing the best I can.
319
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,160
-What have we got?
-Oh, chest wounds here,
320
00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:07,857
leg wounds there.
I've seen worse.
321
00:12:07,901 --> 00:12:08,945
Only after you get
through with them.
322
00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:11,121
-Doctors.
-[chuckles]
323
00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,470
I want my boys
to have the best.
324
00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:13,820
These guys
from your unit?
325
00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:15,778
I'm Colonel Coner.
326
00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,084
Oh, yeah.
327
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:18,781
The famous advance man
from Forest Lawn.
328
00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:20,130
Oh, pay
no attention, sir.
329
00:12:20,174 --> 00:12:21,915
Their sense of
patriotism is stunted.
330
00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,655
Comes from smoking
too many flags.
331
00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:25,309
Let's get started
on this guy.
332
00:12:25,353 --> 00:12:27,137
Nothing personal,
Colonel.
333
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:28,356
Just that
we don't appreciate
334
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:29,618
your making
so many dead soldiers
335
00:12:29,661 --> 00:12:30,967
out of live soldiers
336
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:32,577
by trying to retrieve
so many dead soldiers.
337
00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:35,798
Every one of our fallen boys
deserves an American coffin.
338
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:36,886
Prep him.
339
00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:38,322
Do me a favor, Colonel.
340
00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:39,933
If you find out
I've died,
341
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:42,065
just let me lie there
in the crabgrass.
342
00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:43,632
I don't wanna help you
make the cover of Life.
343
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:45,329
Or Death.
Whichever comes first.
344
00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:47,375
Let's get an X-ray
on him, huh?
345
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,638
Well, shall we repair
the effects of heroism?
346
00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:51,858
After you,
my dear Schweitzer.
347
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:54,512
-Hi.
-Hi.
348
00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:56,732
-I'm just going off.
-I'm just going on.
349
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,081
You okay now?
350
00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,648
Yeah. I was a little
upset for a while,
351
00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:02,694
-but it's passed.
-For sure?
352
00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:05,567
Well, at least my mouth
is still working.
353
00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:15,751
Okay, now we need a green
piece for the sunglasses.
354
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,232
Hmm, is this it?
355
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:21,409
No. It looks sort
of like, uh, Italy
356
00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:22,627
but with a low heel.
357
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:26,457
Where were you
originally born?
358
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:27,937
I mean, as a child.
359
00:13:27,981 --> 00:13:30,679
Chicken Falls, South Dakota.
360
00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:32,550
Twenty miles
from Mount Rushmore.
361
00:13:32,594 --> 00:13:34,422
Oh, hey, I was there.
362
00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:36,032
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
363
00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:37,686
Army was cleaning
out Lincoln's nose.
364
00:13:40,471 --> 00:13:42,430
-Oh, that's an earlobe. -Oh.
365
00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:47,000
I can't wait
to get back home.
366
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:49,089
Yeah, me, neither.
367
00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:51,134
You know, once
I called that number
368
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:53,397
to get the time
in Kansas City.
369
00:13:53,441 --> 00:13:55,312
I listened
for over an hour.
370
00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:57,749
Really made me feel
a lot better, too.
371
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,884
What do you miss the most
about back home?
372
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:03,668
The most?
373
00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:05,018
Yeah, one thing.
374
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:07,542
Oh.
375
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:11,676
Well, the grass, I guess.
376
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,853
Or the sky.
377
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:16,116
Everything.
378
00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:17,595
Yeah.
379
00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:21,425
-Radar?
-Oh, yes, sir.
380
00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:23,123
Where have you
been hiding?
381
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:24,689
Oh, I was just helping out
with Private Phelan, sir.
382
00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,561
Did you order the new
specimen bottles?
383
00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,171
Oh, yes, I did, sir.
384
00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:29,869
Let's watch this batch.
Don't let any damn fool
385
00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:32,436
try to play songs
on 'em again.
386
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,873
How 'bout the V.D. films?
387
00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:35,309
Uh, I ordered
two new ones, sir.
388
00:14:35,352 --> 00:14:37,267
Uh, Clean As a Whistle
389
00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:39,095
and Buy You
a Drink, Sailor?
390
00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:40,444
Fine. What about those
notes I left on my desk--
391
00:14:40,488 --> 00:14:42,185
Also, I typed those
notes you left--
392
00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:43,926
-...to be typed last night?
-...on your desk last night.
393
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,449
-My notes on
equestrian etiquette?
-Yes, sir.
394
00:14:45,493 --> 00:14:46,973
They're in
your in basket
395
00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:48,365
underneath your
toenail clippers.
396
00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:49,889
Hmm.
397
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:50,977
Uh, sir?
398
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,153
Why do women
ride sidesaddle?
399
00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:55,851
Would you marry
a woman that didn't?
400
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,070
No, sir.
401
00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:58,593
How are you
feeling, son?
402
00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:00,464
Okay, sir.
403
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:01,988
He's gonna be
just fine.
404
00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:04,860
Thank you,
Doctor O'Reilly.
405
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,949
That's an elbow.
406
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:10,083
Oh, yeah. Hey.
407
00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:11,736
Wow. Look at that.
408
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:14,870
It's gonna be
Jane Russell. See?
409
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,872
Uh, can we do
this later, Radar?
410
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,657
I'm gettin' kinda tired.
411
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,833
Oh, yeah, sure.
412
00:15:21,877 --> 00:15:23,792
Well, we couldn't have
finished it anyway.
413
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:26,708
Major Houlihan confiscated
all the best parts.
414
00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:30,451
-Colonel Potter.
-Burns.
415
00:15:30,494 --> 00:15:32,148
I just wanted you to
know I'm about to hold
416
00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:33,933
my first garbage
auction, sir.
417
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:35,282
Fine.
418
00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:37,066
Would you like
to see it?
419
00:15:37,110 --> 00:15:40,374
No, thanks. I'll wait
till the movie comes out.
420
00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:42,028
The least you could
do is wish me luck.
421
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,377
Luck.
422
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:44,726
How do I look?
423
00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:47,685
Almost lifelike.
424
00:15:49,078 --> 00:15:50,993
All right, gentlemen,
right this way.
425
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:53,604
Please take a seat.
Any seat.
426
00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:56,259
Come on. Mush. Chop-chop.
427
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:58,566
Now, may I have your attention?
428
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:01,003
First, let me welcome
each and every one of you,
429
00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:03,788
wish you joy and, uh, chang-yo.
430
00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,834
-"Chang-yo"?
-Yeah.
431
00:16:05,877 --> 00:16:08,315
You wish each of us
a prostitute?
432
00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:10,708
I must have looked up
the wrong word.
433
00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:11,971
We don't mind.
434
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,059
Well, I meant "prosperity."
435
00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:14,625
Worked out the same.
436
00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:16,627
[laughter]
437
00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:19,326
All right, let's not
get carried away, huh?
438
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:21,589
[pounding]
439
00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:23,243
I guess people will always
think it's funny
440
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,723
when one of their betters
makes a mistake.
441
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:29,684
Now, you've all had a tour
of the camp garbage dump,
442
00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:31,120
and you have seen
for yourself
443
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:33,296
that America throws
away only the best.
444
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,603
Now, this waste will be
auctioned off today,
445
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:39,041
and similar auctions
will be held once a month.
446
00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:42,392
Twice a month
when it gets warmer.
447
00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,220
Hey, we're not too late
for the big garbage sale,
are we, Frank?
448
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:45,830
I wanna get a little
something for my apartment.
449
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,049
Oh, a Chippendale
orange peel
450
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:48,311
would be perfect
for my breakfast nook.
451
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:50,226
-[laughter]
-[pound]
452
00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:52,968
All right, here we go.
453
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,840
Now, how much am I bid
for lot number one--
454
00:16:55,884 --> 00:17:00,106
150 pounds of
prime U.S. Army
455
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,803
grade-A garbage? Hmm?
456
00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:04,849
He could sell brass
knuckles to Gandhi.
457
00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:06,503
Fifty. Do I hear
fifty dollars?
458
00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:08,201
One buck.
459
00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:11,073
One buck.
Do I hear one and a half?
460
00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:13,119
One and a half. Very good.
461
00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:14,903
One seventy-five, seventy-five,
seventy-five. Anyone?
462
00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:16,861
Listen, Beej, whatever
the highest bid is,
463
00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:18,559
bid five over it
for me, okay?
464
00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:19,995
You're gonna buy
this garbage?
465
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,083
-Really?
-Really.
466
00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:22,432
What are you going
to use it for?
467
00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:23,999
Well, if I tell you now,
468
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,435
then you won't be
surprised at Christmas.
469
00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:28,003
Two seventy-five.
Three dollars.
Three dollars.
470
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,526
Do I hear fifty?
471
00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:35,489
Right on time.
472
00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:37,317
Oh, thank you.
473
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,667
You sure you don't mind
being seen with me?
474
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:41,147
Of course not.
475
00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:43,236
Some girls feel strange
with married men.
476
00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:44,541
Ohh.
477
00:17:45,629 --> 00:17:46,587
Hi, kid.
478
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:05,258
[sighs]
479
00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:09,697
I did everything
I could, Radar.
480
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:16,399
How could he be alive
like that one second
and dead the next?
481
00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:19,315
There's not much more
than that in it.
482
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,752
[exhales]
483
00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:24,494
It's not fair.
484
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:27,671
Fair's
the last thing it is.
485
00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:31,588
I mean, you operated
on him twice.
486
00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:34,461
The damage was just
too extensive.
487
00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:37,377
I could give you a lot
of medical reasons, but...
488
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,466
understanding doesn't
make it less painful.
489
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:44,471
Oh!
490
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:47,038
We got to be friends...
491
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:49,650
in just a few hours.
492
00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:51,042
Friends don't need more.
493
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:58,267
Gee, I hope I don't cry.
494
00:18:58,311 --> 00:19:00,182
It's no sin, Radar.
495
00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:05,753
When was the last time
you felt like crying, sir?
496
00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:09,148
What time is it?
497
00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:17,808
Very good, sir.
You hit the ground.
498
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:20,202
Oh, afternoon, Pierce.
Try your luck?
499
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,551
I used to play as a youngster.
500
00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:22,987
Well, have a go.
501
00:19:23,031 --> 00:19:25,207
Finally stopped when I
realized my right arm
502
00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:27,949
had become three inches
longer than my left.
503
00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:30,212
Good try. In '25,
504
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:33,694
I made the semifinals
at Fort Dix.
505
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,957
I aced out a 300-pound
supply sergeant.
506
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,611
He blubbered like a baby.
507
00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:40,048
Don't try so hard.
Let it go a little later.
508
00:19:41,571 --> 00:19:43,312
-Good.
-Thank you.
509
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,748
Bang on target.
510
00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:46,402
First time I scored
in days.
511
00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:47,708
Been a rough one?
512
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:49,927
Well, about normal.
513
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:52,103
We're tossing horseshoes,
and four miles away
514
00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:53,888
-they're tossing grenades.
-Uh-huh.
515
00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:56,586
Frank's selling prewar
garbage at postwar prices
516
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,762
to people who can't even afford
the ground they're eating off.
517
00:19:58,806 --> 00:20:01,025
-Uh-huh.
-And I'm impotent.
518
00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:03,332
Uh-huh.
519
00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:06,422
I think I see your problem.
520
00:20:06,466 --> 00:20:08,381
Aim two feet
beyond the stake.
521
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:13,299
You've gotta learn
to unwind, son.
522
00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:16,258
When's the last time
you really let go of the reins?
523
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:19,566
The back of a fruit truck...
524
00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:22,351
on a pile of rotting peaches.
525
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:24,484
I had a copy of Fanny Hill.
526
00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:26,921
The truck went over a bump
and I was in heaven.
527
00:20:28,052 --> 00:20:29,576
You need a hobby.
528
00:20:29,619 --> 00:20:30,968
[clang]
529
00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:32,274
I toss horseshoes.
530
00:20:32,318 --> 00:20:34,494
The wife needlepoints
migratory fowl.
531
00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:38,062
Grandpa Roy
whistles moose calls.
532
00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:41,327
I knew a woman
collected clippings
of mine shaft accidents.
533
00:20:41,370 --> 00:20:43,894
There you go.
If it's any comfort to you,
534
00:20:43,938 --> 00:20:46,201
I had the same problem
in World War I.
535
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,334
-And you got over it?
-Mm-hmm.
536
00:20:48,377 --> 00:20:50,988
But not until World War II.
537
00:20:51,032 --> 00:20:53,121
-Aha.
-[clang]
538
00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:56,994
Want some more coffee?
539
00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:58,300
Uh, no, thank you.
540
00:20:58,344 --> 00:21:00,084
Army coffee has
made me a soprano.
541
00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:02,261
-[chuckle] Colonel?
-Please.
542
00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:05,046
Listen to this.
"The fastest amputation
in medical history
543
00:21:05,089 --> 00:21:07,875
"was performed by
Dr. R. Liston in 1801
544
00:21:07,918 --> 00:21:09,659
"without an anesthetic.
545
00:21:09,703 --> 00:21:11,966
"It took 33 seconds
and cost the assistant
546
00:21:12,009 --> 00:21:14,534
"three fingers
by his master's saw."
547
00:21:14,577 --> 00:21:16,318
I like a heavy tipper.
548
00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:17,537
Morning.
549
00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:19,278
-Morning.
-Morning.
550
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:21,105
Major Burns said
I'm fit to leave.
551
00:21:21,149 --> 00:21:23,282
Major Burns is
an expert on fits.
552
00:21:23,325 --> 00:21:24,979
I ordered your
jeep, Colonel.
553
00:21:25,022 --> 00:21:27,895
-Be ready in a minute.
-Boy, I'm starved.
554
00:21:27,938 --> 00:21:29,940
Extracurricular carnage
really builds up an appetite.
555
00:21:32,943 --> 00:21:34,728
Private Phelan died
last night, Colonel.
556
00:21:34,771 --> 00:21:36,207
Who? Phelan?
557
00:21:38,427 --> 00:21:40,516
Gerald Phelan.
He was one of yours.
558
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,171
Wounded last time
he went out looking
for coffin refills.
559
00:21:43,214 --> 00:21:45,347
I remember that mission.
560
00:21:45,391 --> 00:21:48,002
We retrieved every Joe
that bought it on Hill 911.
561
00:21:48,045 --> 00:21:49,830
And how many men did you lose?
562
00:21:49,873 --> 00:21:52,006
Our losses
were insignificant.
563
00:21:52,049 --> 00:21:53,877
How many kids in
an insignificant?
564
00:21:53,921 --> 00:21:54,878
Two.
565
00:21:54,922 --> 00:21:56,532
Phelan makes three.
566
00:21:56,576 --> 00:21:59,318
We knocked out
15 or 20 Reds, old buddy.
567
00:21:59,361 --> 00:22:01,972
That makes my kill ratio
eight and a half to one.
568
00:22:02,016 --> 00:22:03,670
Maybe nine and a half.
569
00:22:03,713 --> 00:22:05,541
-Do I hear ten?
-[banging tray]
570
00:22:05,585 --> 00:22:07,500
Sold to the grim reaper
in the third row.
571
00:22:07,543 --> 00:22:09,676
Good morning,
Colonel. Colonel.
572
00:22:09,719 --> 00:22:11,199
My, we have a lot
of colonels here.
573
00:22:11,242 --> 00:22:12,679
Yeah, we're up to
our brass in 'em.
574
00:22:12,722 --> 00:22:14,115
You know, I used to
think you were clever
575
00:22:14,158 --> 00:22:15,725
till you bought all that
garbage at the auction.
576
00:22:15,769 --> 00:22:18,380
-[giggling]
-You bought the garbage?
577
00:22:18,424 --> 00:22:20,164
Well, you said get
a hobby.
578
00:22:20,208 --> 00:22:21,862
Captain Pierce,
579
00:22:21,905 --> 00:22:23,472
Colonel Coner's
jeep's ready, sir.
580
00:22:23,516 --> 00:22:25,344
Everything's ready,
sir.
581
00:22:26,649 --> 00:22:28,434
Well, I guess
it's about that time.
582
00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:32,220
Well, have
a nice trip, Colonel.
583
00:22:32,263 --> 00:22:33,743
Yes.
584
00:22:33,787 --> 00:22:35,397
Colonel.
585
00:22:35,441 --> 00:22:36,485
Colonel.
586
00:22:39,923 --> 00:22:42,404
[whispers]
Come on.
587
00:22:47,844 --> 00:22:49,193
What's going on,
Pierce?
588
00:22:49,237 --> 00:22:50,281
I thought we'd give
Colonel Coner
589
00:22:50,325 --> 00:22:51,370
an appropriate aloha.
590
00:22:57,550 --> 00:22:58,638
Well, what are we
lookin' at?
591
00:23:12,478 --> 00:23:16,220
Beautiful! Beautiful!
A Tintoretto in barf.
592
00:23:23,619 --> 00:23:25,969
I had dreams like this
all through puberty.
593
00:23:26,013 --> 00:23:28,842
I didn't see any of it,
but I loved it.
594
00:23:28,885 --> 00:23:30,278
You're a pistol.
595
00:23:30,321 --> 00:23:31,627
That's my garbage.
596
00:23:31,671 --> 00:23:33,586
No, no, it's
my garbage, Frank.
597
00:23:33,629 --> 00:23:36,458
-I got a receipt.
-Oh, for...
598
00:23:36,502 --> 00:23:38,373
Hey, buy you
a drink, sailor?
599
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,114
Uh, not right now,
thank you.
600
00:23:40,157 --> 00:23:41,463
[chuckles]
601
00:23:41,507 --> 00:23:44,248
I got the time if you
still got that nickel.
602
00:23:44,292 --> 00:23:45,685
All I've got's
a quarter.
603
00:23:45,728 --> 00:23:48,035
No problem. I think
I can make change now.
604
00:24:00,613 --> 00:24:02,397
-[movie projector running]
-How'd your date go?
605
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:04,921
-I don't kiss and tell.
-Sorry.
606
00:24:06,053 --> 00:24:08,664
It was terrific.
607
00:24:08,708 --> 00:24:10,013
Now, look, sir.
We charge the men
608
00:24:10,057 --> 00:24:11,667
a dollar each
for helicopter rides.
609
00:24:11,711 --> 00:24:13,016
Add that to
our garbage income,
610
00:24:13,060 --> 00:24:14,931
and we'll be in
the black inside a year.
611
00:24:14,975 --> 00:24:16,411
This is a hospital, Burns.
612
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,935
I don't want us listed
on the Stock Exchange.
613
00:24:34,777 --> 00:24:37,214
♪♪ [theme]
43148
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