All language subtitles for MASH (1972) - S03E24 - Abyssinia, Henry (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track4_[eng]

♪♪ [theme]

HAWKEYE: All right,
give me a clamp.

[chatter]

Hey, Hawk,
what's this one?

♪ Da da da da da
da da da da ♪

-"Avalon."
-Wrong.

"In a Little Spanish Town."

Right.

Please, I'm right in
the middle of a stomach.

Try this one.

♪ Da da da da
dee da da da ♪

"On Wisconsin."

No, no, no.

That was "O Shepherd,
Guide Thy Flock."

Oh,
I should've guessed that.

I've danced to that
a thousand times.

Shut up, will ya?
Shut up! Shut up!

You shut up, Frank!

Everybody in this madhouse,
shut up.

We're a little late, folks,

so good night
from Name That Tune.

Clamp.

Thank you.

-Colonel?
-Yo.

Do you know what I found
in this morning's mail?

Uh, now
that's a tough one.

Uh, hum a few bars,
will you, Radar?

[chuckles]

You're goin' home.

I'm goin' home?

You got all your points.
They're discharging you.

Discharged?

To Tokyo, San Francisco,
then home.

I'm goin' home.
I'm discharged.

I'm goin'...
I'm goin' home.

Henry, that's terrific.

Henry, congratulations.
That's terrific.

That's wonderful, sir.

[cheering]

Give me some suction.

All together now.

♪ O shepherd

♪ Guard Wisconsin

♪ Fight right
through that line ♪

I'm goin' home.
I can't believe it.

-I'm going home.
-Wow.

Oh, boy,
that's a burny.

[laughs]

You sure you don't
want a drink, Radar?

No, sir. It makes my eyes
turn red, and I fall down.

It's kind of nice
to lie down with red eyes.

Yeah. Ooh, uh,

you wanted to make that
phone call to your wife.

Oh, right, right.
Right, right, right.

Now, let's see, Radar.

Uh, we're a day ahead
plus 14 hours, right?

Uh, no, sir.
The States are a day
ahead plus 14 hours.

Well, then, it's yesterday
in Bloomington?

Yes, sir.

Well, then, I should have
called her yesterday.

Well, you didn't even
know about it then.

Why can't everybody
be on the same time?

Because the Earth is round,
keeps rotating all the time.

Oh. I thought it was
just an army thing.

Let's see,
in Bloomington.

It's 1:00, Wednesday
afternoon right now, sir.

-1:00?
-Yes, sir.

Lorraine's not home.

Maybe she just went to
the store or something.

No, no. Every Wednesday
she gets together

with Ella, Bea,
Marie, and Olive.

They go out Route 26 to
the Old Red Barn for lunch.

They have two daiquiris,
a watercress sandwich,

and then Olive tells all
about her hysterectomy.

Every Wednesday, sir?

It's a club.

Well, how long do
they usually stay?

Oh, a couple hours.

Then they kill an hour
on the way back

feeling yarn at the knit shop.

Well then, why don't you
call Mrs. Blake

around 4:00
in the afternoon?

Well, no, no.

Olive usually gets carsick.
Better make it 4:30.

Uh, just to be on the safe
side, we'll make it 5:00.

No. Andrew has a trombone
lesson at at 5:00.

He's learning to play
Ravel's "Bolero."

I won't be able
to hear a thing.

5:30?

-5:30. 5:30.
-Okay. 5:30.

Radar, Lorraine and
the kids are going to die.

Yeah.

You know, the first
night I'm home,

after we, uh, put
the kiddos to bed?

Lorraine and I are going
upstairs to our room.

That woman has
the most fantastic body

in downstate Illinois--

36, 24, 34--

with skin like alabaster:

clear, soft,
smooth and warm.

And she wears those little
short, flimsy nighties.

I think I will have
that drink, sir.

Finally!

Finally, you're going
to command this outfit.

Everything's
happening so fast.

Oh, discipline.

Adherence to
regulations.

A taut ship.

I love tautness.

To command
is your destiny.

[giggles]

Oh.

Oh, I can feel the power

surging through your veins.

Am I really surging?

Oh, Frank,
you'll be magnificent.

I just wish I'd taken
R.O.T.C. in school.

I wasted so much time
in the Stamp Club.

I thought you
were president.

Well, that wasn't
leadership.

They needed someone
to lick the stamps,

and I had the
biggest tongue.

Frank, do you doubt
your ability?

-Mmm.
-Do you want to see

how sure I am
of your ability?

Well, all great men
have their doubts.

They say going up
San Juan Hill,

Teddy Roosevelt
was worried sick

about breaking
his glasses.

Look, darling.

I've been
saving it for you.

Well, I haven't been
promoted yet, Margaret.

Out goes Major Burns.

In comes Colonel Burns.

[excited laughter]

-Margaret?
-Yes.

I think I'm surging.

Oh!

Lorraine, is that you?

Well, it's me.

I got good news, honey.

I'm coming home.

Honest. For good.

Yeah, the orders just
came through this morning.

I oughta be coming
through the front door

in about three days.

Honey... aw,
please don't do that.

Honey, please.

She crying?

No, she wants to
re-cover the furniture.

Honey, I just wanna
see you and the kids.

I don't care what
the furniture looks like,

except for the bed.

Now she's crying.

Sir, there's a
time limit on the call.

Honey, now just
take it easy, okay?

Good.

Um, are the kids home?

She is? Well, put her on.

Janie-poo? It's Daddy.

Num-num-num-num-num-
num-num-num-num.

I'm eating you up.

Sir, there isn't
too much time.

Leave him alone.
He's eating.

Janie, honey, would you get
Mommy back on the phone?

Oh, and, uh, tell Andy

to stop playing
Ravel's "Bolero."

Lorraine, honey, listen.

Uh, now, there's a lot
of things you have to do.

Well, like, uh...
my-my suits.

See, I've lost a lot
of weight over here.

I mean, I'm, uh,
I'm a 34 waist now.

You won't know me stripped.

Wear your dog tags.

Honey, the brown
double-breasted.

Uh, it might fit now.

So just take it
to the cleaners.

Uh-- She--

Honey, I don't want your
mother wearing my suits.

She what?

Well, that's dumb.

She went to a party
dressed as Conrad Nagel.

That's it, sir.

Oh, honey, I gotta go.

Now, Lorraine,
don't tell anybody.

We'll just walk into the
country club Saturday night,

start dancing,
and let 'em all cheer.

Lorraine?

Lorraine?

We got cut off.

[exhale] Sweet Lorraine.

[whispering] She has
a fantastic body.

Okay, Radar, everything in
these boxes is to be shipped.

My uniforms
go in the bag.

-Check.
-Check-a-roony
in a banana-ka.

Is there one or two
J's in "fragile," sir?

Uh, one will do it, Radar.

There it is.

You find
something, sir?

Yeah, that jar of mayonnaise

-we lost last 4th of July.
-Oh.

Hey, you better write
a letter of apology

to that Navy chaplain.
I thought he copped it.

[whistles]
Boy, that's a greeny.

Oh... hey. Hey, hey, hey.

There's a picture
of you and me, Radar.

Oh.

Oh, that's right after
you took out my appendix.

Hmm. You were one sick kid.

You know,
I looked for that thing

till 4:00 in the morning.

It was behind your cecum.

Oh, I didn't put it
there on purpose, sir.

You saved my life.

Ah, my pleasure, Radar.

-Um, sir?
-Yo.

Um, there's something
I'd like to tell you.

Well, now, you've got
exactly 34 hours to tell me.

Yeah.

Well, uh...

I just wanted to say that
I'm really gonna miss you.

Um, you know, my own
father didn't have me

till he was 63.

And, uh, the first time we
played peek-a-boo together,

he had a stroke.

Look, uh, Radar,
don't get gushy, okay?

You know how I am.

Oh, yeah.

Well, um, anyway,
I made something for you.

Oh.

You know how you're
always losing your keys?

-Yeah.
-Well...

this is a key chain,

and the cartridge
is a fob.

Well, hey, Radar,
this is terrific.

Thank you.

It's inscribed in writing.

Oh. Oh.

Um, "To Colonel H.B.

"from Corp. O.R.,
Korea, 1952."

Hey, you know, the workmanship
on this is beautiful.

It's a Winchester.

Well, thanks, Radar.

Um, I was gonna get you
a bamboo flute,

but they only had
three-holers.

Ahem.

Oh.

This was my father's.

Oh ?

It's yours.

For keeps?

Sure.

Oh, wow.

Oh, gee, what a
beautiful thermometer.

It isn't oral, is it?

No.

Uh, he used to say, "If,"
uh, "If you want accuracy,

why, you go right
to the horse's mouth."

He was a stickler
for accuracy.

Oh, yeah, I'll bet.

Yeah.

Ahem.

Well, um, thank you
for everything, sir.

Thank you, Radar.

Hey, come on, now.
Let's get on the stick, okay?

Oh, yes, sir.

I'll get this
right out of the way.

-♪♪ [Japanese music]
-HAWKEYE: Ah. Whoo!

-Ahem.
-TRAPPER: Hot, huh?

-Mm.
-This looks good.

-Ohh.
-Want some of this stuff?

-Oh, try this. Try this.
-This is great.

-You didn't try this yet.
-Terrific.

-Take that.
-[mumbling]

-Isn't that good?
-Now that's good.

Hey, now that's
delicious.

-[laughing]
-What is that?

-Sea snails.
-Sea snails?

By the "snee" shore.

[laughing] Did you
hear what he said?

Okay. Oopsy. All gone.

I'll get-- I'll get some more.

Mm m .

-Garçon, more booze.
-[knock knock]

HAWKEYE: What is that?
I didn't have that.

-More booze, honey.
-Sure you did.

You got a whole plateful.
Look at it.

HENRY:
Oh, here she comes.

Six bucks, tax included.

-TRAPPER: I got it.
-I got it.

-I got it. Come on.
It's my party.
-No, I got it.

I got it.

I'll tell you what,
we'll flip.

Tails, you lose.
Here you go, Mama-san.

Thank you. Just keep
everything coming.

[speaking Japanese]

TRAPPER: All right.

Hey, now, listen, guys, guys,

you cannot pay
for any more booze.

I'm the one that's going home.

Henry, we're giving you
this party.

-Mm.
-You know why?

Because I'm going home.

Wrong.

Because you're one
hell of a human being.

One hell
of a human being.

I got it.

No, we're past that part.

Now we're up to "one hell
of a human being."

I'll tell you who's one
hell of a human being.

-[Radar giggling]
-Mm-hmm.

You guys are one hell
of a human being.

That's what you guys are.

-I'll drink to that.
-Let--

Let's all drink to that.

There we go.

Ahh.

Hawk.

Mm .

How you doing, Henry?

I gotta go to the toidy
is how I'm doing.

But can I find it
is what I don't know.

Oh .

Mm.

[laughing]

You go-- You go--

You go out
the back door.

-Mm-hmm.
-You come to a big tree.

Hmm.

You pass the big tree.

You go to
a second tree.

The toidy is
the third tree.

The third tree
is the toidy.

The toidy tree.

Thank God for Joyce Kilmer.

-Hey, uh, speaking of trees--
-TRAPPER: Hmm.

You know, I'm really
gonna miss you guys.

I mean that.

I'm really gonna
miss you guys.

I wish we could all
go home together.

-Henry.
-Hmm?

We had a lot
of laughs together.

What? What? What? What?

What?

Remember that time
that Father Mulcahy

caught you in your tent

with that lady war
correspondent, huh, Henry?

You said you were
giving an interview

on the importance
of clean underwear.

I can't wait.
Which tree is it?

Number one
is for number two.

Right.

And number three
is for number one.

Number four is
the ladies' tree.
Don't go there.

Okay, 'scuse me.

[laughing]

Boy, that's a burny.

Oh. Whew. Here we go.

-Whoo-ee.
-Mm.

-[whooping]
-[laughter]

[whooping]

Okay.
Hey, now.

Hey, Kim?

-Kim?
-Hey.

What, what, what?
Come on.

Ow.

-Here's the box.
-[groaning]

Now you girls
know what to do.

Come on, ladies.
Over here.

Over there, girls.

TRAPPER: Over there.
You know what--

You know what to do, right?
Huh? You're gonna--

-You know? Right?
-Stand up straight.

I'm standing straight.
The country's crooked.

Shh! Here he comes.

Oh, my gosh.

Henry, you okay?

Oh, fine.

But a lot of bark came
off ol' number three.

[laughing]

Don't sit down.
Don't sit down.

What, what, what,
what, what, what?

Attention!

We're drumming you
out of the military.

-Hot dog.
-Radar, cue the band.

[humming "America
the Beautiful"]

Lieutenant Colonel
Henry Blake?

Yo.

By virtue of the power of
the authority vested in me--

Mm-hmm.

...by Rosey's Bar and Grill
and Pro Station--

Mm-hmm.

...and in the presence
of those present

who have faithfully served

under your barely
distinguishable command--

Mm-hmm.

...I hereby disrupt you
of all military rank.

Okay.

Captain McIntyre, would you
do the dishonors, please?

From this day henceward,

you will known as
Mr. Dr. Henry Blake.

[chuckles]

-And now--
-Whoo!

...here's a box!

-A box.
-[laughing]

-I got a box.
-Don't open it now.

-What, what, what, what?
-Henry, it's civvies.

We had the whole thing
handmade for you
down in Seoul.

Aw...

The tie is silk.
Handmade by a worm.

Oh, guys, guys, guys, guys.

Radar, kill the band.

Take five.

Were you surprised, sir?

-Well--
-Were you? Was he?

Do you know
what is in that box?

What?

A brand-new suit.

[gasp]

How did you know my size?

I traced you
when you were asleep.

Let's get into uniform
and play "Assembly," soldier.

Uh, sir,
I'm getting a cold sore.

Well, Captain Ahab
only had one leg.

Well, he wasn't
in the Army, sir.

-He was a whale guy.
-Play it!

♪♪

Ow.

Are you sure that
was "Assembly?"

Uh, it's close
as I can come, sir.

It's really "Sleepy Lagoon"
played fast.

-Ah, forget it.
-Yes, sir.

♪

Company, fall in!

On the double!

♪

Come on! Move it! Move it!
Move it! Move it! Move it!

♪

You didn't even shave.

It's not a school day.

Here comes
Colonel Blake.

[applause, cheering]

♪

Company, ten-hut!

Take it easy,
will you, Frank?

It's all set. You're
in charge of the store now.

And, uh, stuff
that whistle someplace.

Uh, does the Colonel wish
to review his troops?

No, I just wanna
say goodbye.

Well, okay.

Your chopper's about
ten miles out, sir.

Thanks, Radar.

So long, Hawk.

I'm afraid just a handshake
won't do it, Henry.

Trap, thanks for the outfit.
It's really dressy.

Henry, that, uh,
that suit is really you.

HAWKEYE:
If you're Adolphe Menjou.

Gwen.

You old sky pilot, you.

Bless you, Henry Blake.

Your work here will
never be forgotten.

Thank you, Father.

Jennifer.

Klinger, that outfit
might just get you
that Section Eight.

I made it just for
this occasion, sir.

I was in such a big hurry,
I didn't get the back zipped.

I'll do it.

Up, sir.

There you go, soldier.

Sir, I have
a picture of me.

Would you carry it
in your wallet?

Your pink evening gown.

I knew it was
your favorite, sir.

Two minutes till
your chopper, sir.

Oh, thanks, Radar.

You're welcome.

Well, uh, so long,
everybody.

So long and, uh,
good luck.

-Henry.
-Huh?

[whispering]

Well, you think I should?

Why not?

Yeah, why not?

[whooping]

-♪♪ [bugle]
-♪

-Whoo-ooh!
-Whoo!

It's all yours, Frank.

♪ For he's a jolly
good fellow ♪

♪ For he's
a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly
good fellow ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny

-NURSE: Goodbye.
-♪ Which nobody can deny

-♪ Which nobody can deny
-Bye-bye!

This kid's
a little shocky.

HAWKEYE:
We'll take care of it,
Henry. You're fired.

That's right, Henry.
Your job is finished here.

Get on that chopper.
Come on.

Prep him. We'll be
down in a minute.

So long, Henry.
Have a good trip.

Take it easy, pal.

You behave yourself,
or I'm gonna come back
and kick your butt.

Thank you.

[chatter]

TRAPPER:
Radar, put a mask on.

If that's my discharge,
give it to me straight.

I can take it.

I have a message.

Lieutenant Colonel...

Henry Blake's plane...

[exhale]

was shot down...

over the Sea of Japan.

It spun in.

There were no survivors.

[sniffling]

[instruments clanging]

MAN [on P.A.]: MASH 4077
bids Henry Blake

a reluctant
and affectionate farewell.

♪♪ [theme]