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00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:04,786
♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,855 --> 00:00:08,090
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,158 --> 00:00:11,543
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,829
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,898 --> 00:00:18,133
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:21,470
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,538 --> 00:00:23,004
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,073 --> 00:00:24,790
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:29,878
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:36,885
Okay, okay, I got one.
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00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,988
Would you rather have
dinner and then sex
with Megan Fox's body
12
00:00:40,056 --> 00:00:41,623
with Leonard Nimoy's head on it
13
00:00:41,692 --> 00:00:44,425
or reroof an entire
condo complex
by yourself?
14
00:00:44,495 --> 00:00:45,660
Oh, boy.
15
00:00:45,729 --> 00:00:47,173
Can I close my eyes?
16
00:00:47,197 --> 00:00:49,631
No, eye contact
the whole time
and a lot of kissing.
17
00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:52,467
Well, how about
Megan Fox's head on
Leonard Nimoy's body?
18
00:00:52,536 --> 00:00:54,247
I know, somehow that's better.
19
00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:56,688
The hybrid organism
exists as I've
described it.
20
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,235
How many units are in the condo?
21
00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,936
Thirty-two.
Tile roof
or shingles?
22
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,204
Yeah, 'cause it
makes a difference
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00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:02,439
what you're carrying
up that ladder.
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00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,040
Wait, whose
neck is it?
Huh?
25
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,141
I mean where's the cutoff?
26
00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:06,776
You know, is it Megan Fox's neck
27
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,479
or am I burying my face
in Leonard Nimoy's
turkey gizzard?
28
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:10,736
Nimoy's neck.
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00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,048
You have got yourself a roof.
30
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,016
I'll take
the Spock-Fox
intercourse.
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00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,340
All right, Peter, your turn.
32
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:18,777
Boxers or briefs?
33
00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:19,878
What?
34
00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:21,440
That's the worst
one I've ever heard.
35
00:01:21,464 --> 00:01:23,326
Look, I'm sorry.
I'm exhausted, all right?
36
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:25,728
I didn't get any
sleep 'cause Brian
and the neighbor's dog
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00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,169
kept me up all night.
38
00:01:27,237 --> 00:01:28,437
Hello?
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00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,934
- Hello?
- Hello.
40
00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:32,502
- Are you a dog?
- Yes!
41
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:33,736
I am also a dog.
42
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,004
- All right!
- Yeah!
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00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,239
We're dogs!
Yeah, we're dogs!
44
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:37,974
We're dogs that
live near each other!
45
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:39,276
Hey, are you guys dogs?
46
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:40,610
Yeah!
We're totally dogs!
47
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,112
Yeah, both of us!
48
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:43,430
Oh, wow.
Well, if you're
that tired, Peter,
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00:01:43,454 --> 00:01:44,631
maybe you should
have some coffee.
50
00:01:44,655 --> 00:01:46,333
Yeah, or you could
have some Red Bull.
51
00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:48,285
Red Bull?
What the hell
is Red Bull?
52
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:50,458
You never heard
of Red Bull?
It's an energy drink.
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00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:53,061
Here you go, Peter.
It's on the house.
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00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,984
So? What do you think?
55
00:02:00,404 --> 00:02:04,256
♪ And I feel
like I just got home
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00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:05,824
♪ And I feel
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00:02:07,978 --> 00:02:11,713
♪ And I feel
like I just got home
58
00:02:11,782 --> 00:02:14,899
♪ And I feel... ♪
59
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,703
Good evening.
Our top story tonight,
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00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:26,561
Barack Obama makes a visit
to James Woods High School.
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00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:28,508
Yes, it's time to get
jiggy with it, Quahog...
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00:02:28,532 --> 00:02:30,265
I thought we had taken that out.
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00:02:30,334 --> 00:02:32,974
President Barack Obamawill visit James WoodsHigh next month,
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00:02:33,037 --> 00:02:35,737
and this little townof ours couldn't bemore abuzz.
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00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:38,406
Oh, my God,
this is gonna be
so amazing!
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00:02:38,475 --> 00:02:41,093
It's all anybody in my
class is talking about.
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00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,512
Darn it, why is this so hard?
68
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:44,946
What's wrong, Chris?
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00:02:45,015 --> 00:02:47,516
Just 'cause Obama's coming,
everybody in my English class
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00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,951
has to write a stupid
essay about hope.
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00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:52,303
But this is all
I can come up with.
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00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:55,340
Chris, this is just
a shaded-in triangle
and the word "muff."
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00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,286
For God's sakes,
Meg, it's a first draft.
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00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:59,105
Just tell me if you
think the tone is right.
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00:02:59,129 --> 00:03:00,561
Well, I don't know what this is,
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00:03:00,630 --> 00:03:02,297
but it's not what
hope is about, Chris.
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00:03:02,366 --> 00:03:06,702
Well, if you're such
a genius, you tell me
what hope is.
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00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:09,204
Hope is what
gets you out of bed
in the morning
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00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:12,440
when it's the day of prom
and you haven't been asked.
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00:03:12,509 --> 00:03:14,776
Hope pushes the caterpillar
through the cocoon
81
00:03:14,845 --> 00:03:17,412
and drives the salmon upstream.
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00:03:17,481 --> 00:03:20,749
Your breasts may be small
and your glasses may be thick,
83
00:03:20,818 --> 00:03:22,618
but hope doesn't
hold up a mirror.
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00:03:22,686 --> 00:03:27,255
Hope is a horizon we head for,
leaving nothing
behind us but fear.
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00:03:27,324 --> 00:03:29,491
And though we may
never reach our goals,
86
00:03:29,559 --> 00:03:33,545
it's hope that will save us
from who we once were.
87
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,897
Wow. Did you
learn that at school?
88
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,950
No. You can't just learn
creative writing, Chris.
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00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:42,371
It's got to be inside you,
like musical talent
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00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:45,940
or athleticism
or the ability
to choose to be gay.
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00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:47,687
I don't think they choose that.
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00:03:47,711 --> 00:03:49,628
Oh, please, they choose that.
93
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:56,128
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
What's up, party people?
94
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,464
What the hell are
these things, curtains
or something? Boring!
95
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,500
Holy smoke,
it's crowded in here.
Hey!
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00:04:00,524 --> 00:04:02,435
There, that's terrific.
It opens up the whole room.
97
00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:04,403
Peter, there you are.
Where the hell
have you been?
98
00:04:04,427 --> 00:04:05,727
I've been worried sick.
99
00:04:05,796 --> 00:04:07,373
Oh, so I had
a few Red Bulls,
drove to New York.
100
00:04:07,397 --> 00:04:09,180
What's the big deal?
There's my little man!
101
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:19,158
Done!
102
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:21,209
Wow, Dad, that was pretty cool.
103
00:04:21,278 --> 00:04:22,955
Can I try some Red Bull?
104
00:04:22,979 --> 00:04:24,190
Oh, my God,
can you try some Red Bull?
105
00:04:24,214 --> 00:04:25,591
Chris, I'd take it as
an insult if you didn't.
106
00:04:25,615 --> 00:04:27,092
Here you go, have some cans,
one, two, three, four, five.
107
00:04:27,116 --> 00:04:28,528
Go on, take 'em, take 'em,
take 'em, take 'em.
108
00:04:28,552 --> 00:04:30,129
That's what
Woody Woodpecker says.
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00:04:30,153 --> 00:04:32,153
All right,
I'm gonna go outside
and milk the cow.
110
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:35,835
Peter, where'd you get that cow?
111
00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:37,137
Oh, that's
a silly question, Lois.
112
00:04:37,161 --> 00:04:39,494
I bought it so we can
have fresh milk every day.
113
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,451
Whoa, boy, that Red Bull's
some strong stuff.
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00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,273
Hey, everybody,
welcome back
to The Price Is Right.
115
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:57,297
Time to spin the wheel.
116
00:04:57,347 --> 00:04:58,491
Top winner for the day is Peter,
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00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,155
so you're gonna be
the first to spin it.
118
00:05:00,183 --> 00:05:03,284
Go ahead, Peter, close
as you can to a dollar
without going over.
119
00:05:07,357 --> 00:05:08,834
All right, while
we're waiting for
the wheel to spin,
120
00:05:08,858 --> 00:05:10,208
you want to say hi to anybody?
121
00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:11,571
Oh, yeah, Drew,
I want to say hi
to Lois, Brian,
122
00:05:11,595 --> 00:05:13,006
Chris, Stewie, Meg,
Joe, Bonnie, Quagmire,
Cleveland,
123
00:05:13,030 --> 00:05:14,741
Mort, Seamus, Adam West,
Dr. Hartman, Bruce,
124
00:05:14,765 --> 00:05:16,809
Carter, Babs, Tom Tucker,
Angela, Opie, Carl, Herbert,
125
00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:19,496
Jillian, Consuela,
Giant Chicken,
Greased-up Deaf Guy!
126
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,753
Okay. I'm sure they're
happy to hear that.
127
00:05:28,262 --> 00:05:30,022
Whoa, paramedics, come on down!
128
00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:41,106
Mom, oh, my God, guess what!
129
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,508
Oh, God! You scared
the shit out of me.
130
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,827
You know that essay
about hope I had to write?
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00:05:45,895 --> 00:05:48,341
Well, the principal
said it was the best
one in the class,
132
00:05:48,365 --> 00:05:51,849
and he wants me
to read it aloud to
introduce the President!
133
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:53,835
Chris, that's incredible!
134
00:05:53,904 --> 00:05:56,103
Remember when I used to
come to school to wipe you,
135
00:05:56,172 --> 00:05:58,773
and I'd say,
"Someday I won't have
to wipe you anymore
136
00:05:58,842 --> 00:06:00,542
"and you'll do great things"?
137
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,910
Well, this has been
a big year for us.
138
00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:05,891
Wait a second.
Give me that.
139
00:06:05,915 --> 00:06:07,777
"Hope pushes
the caterpillar
through the cocoon
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00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,834
"and drives
the salmon upstream."
141
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:12,654
I wrote that!
You stole this from me.
142
00:06:12,722 --> 00:06:14,823
Hey, you didn't say
I couldn't use it.
143
00:06:14,891 --> 00:06:17,336
But now you get
to meet the President
of the United States
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00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,477
because of what I wrote.
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00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,657
I bet you don't
even know what
his first name is.
146
00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:23,582
I... I don't know... Mike?
147
00:06:25,736 --> 00:06:27,513
Hey, what are you doing?
148
00:06:27,537 --> 00:06:30,805
Lois, where is my Red Bull?
149
00:06:30,874 --> 00:06:32,273
Peter, I got rid of it.
150
00:06:32,342 --> 00:06:33,808
Why the hell would you do that?
151
00:06:33,876 --> 00:06:36,577
It was making you crazy,
and it's not good for you.
152
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:39,046
That's why I poured it
all out in the garden.
153
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:50,442
Official flower business.
154
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,079
What are you doing, Peter?
155
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,478
I'm making my own Red Bull.
156
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,480
Lois can't stop me
from experiencing
157
00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:03,104
the manic highs and lows
my body demands.
158
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,239
Whoa, whoa, hang on,
you're adding kerosene?
159
00:07:05,308 --> 00:07:07,408
Peter, that's insane.
That'll destroy your body.
160
00:07:07,477 --> 00:07:11,579
Kerosene is fuel, Brian.
Red Bull is fuel.
Kerosene is Red Bull.
161
00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:12,876
Now, why don't you
leave me alone
162
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:15,181
while I'm doing
my important work?
163
00:07:15,619 --> 00:07:16,996
Peter, that drink will kill you.
164
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,187
Brian, whatever kills me
makes me stronger.
165
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,684
See, Brian?
I feel great.
166
00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:26,744
Peter? Peter,
are you alive?
167
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:35,136
You're alive.
Okay, I won't...
168
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:37,005
I won't eat you then.
169
00:07:38,075 --> 00:07:39,574
I was gonna eat you.
170
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:48,015
Dr. Hartman, please tell me,
is my husband gonna
be all right?
171
00:07:48,084 --> 00:07:50,318
Cancun, actually,
thanks for asking.
Just got back.
172
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,487
Mrs. Griffin, I'm afraid
all the toxic chemicals
173
00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:54,856
your husband ingested
from his homemade
energy drink
174
00:07:54,924 --> 00:07:56,358
have caused
total kidney failure.
175
00:07:59,429 --> 00:08:00,978
How was Cancun?
176
00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:11,823
Oh, my God.
Kidney failure?
Is he gonna be okay?
177
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:13,574
Well, yes and no.
178
00:08:13,643 --> 00:08:15,988
We'll put him on
a kidney transplant list,
but that could take months.
179
00:08:16,012 --> 00:08:18,079
Until a donor is found,
he's gonna have to undergo
180
00:08:18,148 --> 00:08:20,048
dialysis treatments
three times a week.
181
00:08:20,116 --> 00:08:23,084
Dialysis? Is there
any other way?
182
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,619
Yes, there is.
183
00:08:24,688 --> 00:08:27,728
No, no, no, no, no!
Wait, wait.
We'll do the dialysis.
184
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:34,607
Hey, Doc, I'm here
for my dialysis.
185
00:08:34,631 --> 00:08:37,198
Have a seat, Peter.
Let's get you hooked up.
186
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,062
Doc, I don't know
how much more of
this I can take.
187
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:40,196
It's been three weeks.
188
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,686
I know, I saw the caption.
189
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,950
Yeah, but I just
go crazy just sitting
here for so long.
190
00:08:43,974 --> 00:08:45,406
I know it's tough,
191
00:08:45,475 --> 00:08:46,953
but maybe there's
something I can do
to make it easier.
192
00:08:46,977 --> 00:08:49,461
Here, play with this
bucket of afterbirth.
193
00:08:53,316 --> 00:08:54,382
Heh!
194
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:57,385
The Lockhorns.
Always locking horns.
195
00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:00,413
Oh, my God,
that's why they
call it that.
196
00:09:04,577 --> 00:09:08,012
Oh, Peter, you got here
just in time!
Chris is almost on.
197
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:09,797
Shh! Mom, here it is.
198
00:09:09,866 --> 00:09:12,617
As Quahog preparesfor the arrival ofPresident Barack Obama,
199
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:15,153
it will be a very big day
for one local teenager
200
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:18,056
who will be readinghis essay to introducethe President.
201
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:21,092
I sat down with accomplished
wordsmith Chris Griffin.
202
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:22,961
"Hope is a horizon we head for,
203
00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:25,546
"leaving nothing
behind us but fear."
204
00:09:25,615 --> 00:09:27,515
Chris, tell me how
those words came to you.
205
00:09:27,583 --> 00:09:29,528
Do you believe in angels, Tom?
206
00:09:29,552 --> 00:09:30,751
Of course I do.
207
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,631
Well, there you go.
I suspected angels.
208
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,166
It was angels.
Very good.
209
00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:38,410
Chris Griffin,a weaver of dreamsat the loom of the mind.
210
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:42,314
A weaver of dreams
at the loom of the mind.
211
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:45,399
A neat thing I just said.
And now sports.
212
00:09:45,468 --> 00:09:48,135
Oh, Chris, we are
so proud of you.
213
00:09:48,204 --> 00:09:50,483
I got to admit, Chris,
this is pretty exciting.
214
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,857
When did you become so coherent?
215
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:56,777
Mom, I wrote that!
He stole it, and he's
taking all the credit!
216
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,212
Chris, is that true?
217
00:09:58,281 --> 00:10:01,042
You didn't
write anything!
This is my essay!
218
00:10:01,084 --> 00:10:02,550
Meg, is that true?
219
00:10:02,618 --> 00:10:04,268
No, he's lying!
220
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,766
That should be me
getting to meet
the President!
221
00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:08,155
Meg, for God's sake, relax.
222
00:10:08,225 --> 00:10:10,503
You're not the first person
to be outshined by a sibling.
223
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,711
What about the third
Bronte sister?
224
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:15,763
Oh, Emily,
Wuthering Heights
was truly splendid.
225
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:19,650
Oh, no, Charlotte,
Jane Eyre was so
very brilliant.
226
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,863
I made blood out me lady parts!
227
00:10:21,904 --> 00:10:24,138
Good for you.
So we've all
done something.
228
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:26,257
It's happening now.
229
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:27,686
Ah. It's
a period joke.
230
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,010
It's a period period joke.
231
00:10:30,180 --> 00:10:31,446
Okay, moving on.
232
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,151
Coming up next,
Charles in Charge.
233
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,686
Oh, my God!
234
00:10:38,755 --> 00:10:41,923
I want to watch this,
but I got stupid
dialysis at 3:00.
235
00:10:41,991 --> 00:10:44,476
I am so sick of this crap
mucking up my life.
236
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:47,946
Well, Peter, I mean, what,
you can get away with
skipping one treatment, right?
237
00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:49,441
I mean, that's not
gonna kill you.
238
00:10:49,465 --> 00:10:51,210
Yeah, it's probably
just like missing
an antibiotic.
239
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,311
You just take the next one.
240
00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:53,446
Yeah, you're probably right.
241
00:10:53,470 --> 00:10:55,252
Besides, it's Charles in Charge.
242
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,449
You know what I like?
243
00:10:56,473 --> 00:10:57,767
The "Charles" part is formal,
244
00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:00,508
but the "In Charge"
part is kind of casual.
245
00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:01,854
Oh, wow.
Remember this?
246
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:03,778
Remember when nobody
had any muscle tone?
247
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:07,899
Geez, how many
"A's" does that guy need?
248
00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:09,517
Two, apparently.
249
00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:11,563
You know,
it's kind of weird
that '80s white clothes
250
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:13,638
could pass for
'90s black clothes.
251
00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:16,273
Yeah, is that like
a rummage sale thing?
252
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,825
Ah! Nicole Eggert.
253
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:19,772
Didn't she bang somebody gross?
254
00:11:19,796 --> 00:11:21,178
I don't know.
255
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:23,842
Yeah, I feel
like she banged
somebody gross.
256
00:11:23,866 --> 00:11:27,068
You know,
I heard the sweater budget
on this show was 200 grand.
257
00:11:27,137 --> 00:11:28,703
Didn't you tell me that, Peter?
258
00:11:29,872 --> 00:11:33,290
Oh, my God! Peter,
you don't look so good.
259
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,159
What are you
talking about?
I feel great.
260
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,944
Like I could go
another 20 years or more.
261
00:11:43,152 --> 00:11:45,803
Dr. Hartman, this was
just too close a call.
262
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,533
Next time, we could be too late.
263
00:11:47,557 --> 00:11:50,658
Suppose he's stuck
somewhere, or...
Or he's trapped in an elevator
264
00:11:50,727 --> 00:11:55,496
or God knows what else?
He could die!
He needs a new kidney now!
265
00:11:55,565 --> 00:11:57,510
Well, as I said,
Mrs. Griffin,
he's on a list,
266
00:11:57,534 --> 00:11:59,445
but there are
a lot of people
ahead of him.
267
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,953
Well, what are the chances
of getting him
moved up the list?
268
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:03,766
Honestly, not great.
It could be months
269
00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:05,501
before he can get a transplant.
270
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,770
Unless you know
someone who's
a compatible organ match
271
00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:09,706
and would be willing
to donate one of theirs.
272
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:12,146
I'll do it. He could
have one of my kidneys.
273
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,693
Well, we always check
spouse records
for compatibility.
274
00:12:14,717 --> 00:12:16,245
I'm afraid you're not a match.
275
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,664
But it turns out
you are a match
for a little girl
276
00:12:18,688 --> 00:12:20,583
who's dying in that
next room over there.
277
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,724
Oh, well, how 'bout
we concentrate on
this family, Doctor?
278
00:12:23,793 --> 00:12:25,688
Well, the only other
option is your children.
279
00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:27,946
No, I won't put
the kids through that.
280
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,592
Well, then I don't
know what else to do.
281
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,227
You'll just have
to roll the dice
282
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,571
and hope a kidney
comes through soon.
283
00:12:33,737 --> 00:12:35,637
Well, what about me?
284
00:12:37,039 --> 00:12:38,873
Is that possible, Doctor?
285
00:12:38,941 --> 00:12:40,925
Well, I suppose.
286
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,872
Stranger things have
happened in medicine.
287
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,706
I once tried to clone a chicken.
288
00:12:44,730 --> 00:12:46,898
The result wound up
being a man-sized chicken
289
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:49,779
that was incredibly
hostile and ended up
escaping from the lab.
290
00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:51,464
Okay, Doc, we got to have
a talk at some point,
291
00:12:51,488 --> 00:12:53,988
but Brian, are... Are you...
Are you sure about this?
292
00:12:54,057 --> 00:12:57,417
Well, there's
no harm in seeing
if I'm compatible.
293
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:03,630
Well, according
to these results,
Brian is a match.
294
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:08,102
Hooray, yay, yeah,
ice cream sounds great.
295
00:13:08,171 --> 00:13:10,137
The only thing is...
296
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,885
Mrs. Griffin,
could I speak with you
and Brian alone, please?
297
00:13:12,909 --> 00:13:14,036
Well, of course.
298
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:15,354
Kids, why don't
you wait in the car?
299
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:16,928
Okay, Mom.
300
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:20,515
Let's go find the big,
black sassy nurse.
There's always one.
301
00:13:20,584 --> 00:13:23,184
You can cry about it,
or you can decide to live.
302
00:13:23,253 --> 00:13:25,670
- It's your choice.
- Found her.
303
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:27,254
Hey, what is it, Doc?
304
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:30,324
Well, as a dog,
Brian's kidneys
are smaller
305
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:32,826
and don't have
the capacity of
a human kidney.
306
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:37,031
For the procedure to work,
we would need to
transplant two.
307
00:13:37,099 --> 00:13:39,784
But... But I only have two.
308
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:42,619
That's right.
The procedure would kill you.
309
00:13:44,707 --> 00:13:46,741
That car's getting towed!
310
00:13:52,515 --> 00:13:55,650
My God, Dr. Hartman,
isn't there any other way?
311
00:13:55,719 --> 00:13:57,518
I'm afraid not,
Mrs. Griffin.
312
00:13:58,321 --> 00:13:59,653
I'll do it.
313
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,422
What?
314
00:14:01,490 --> 00:14:05,193
I'll... I'll do it.
I'll give you my kidneys.
315
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:08,263
But Brian, you'll die!
316
00:14:08,331 --> 00:14:10,815
Peter, you're my best friend.
317
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:13,350
You... You gave me a home
when I didn't have one.
318
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:16,020
And you've treated me like
a family member ever since.
319
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,122
I wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for you.
320
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:22,426
I'd probably be dead anyway,
lying under some
freeway overpass.
321
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:25,462
And I... I wanna...
I wanna return the favor.
322
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:29,266
After all, I'm... I'm a dog.
I have another
eight years, at best.
323
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:33,838
I'm... I'm willing
to give that up so you
can have another 40.
324
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:36,790
Brian, I... I...
I don't know what to say.
325
00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:39,427
You're saving my life.
326
00:14:39,496 --> 00:14:41,112
Well, you saved mine.
327
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:44,182
And, hey, we...
We had a lot of good
years together, right?
328
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,001
Yeah. We...
329
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:49,370
We sure did, buddy.
330
00:15:06,255 --> 00:15:09,240
Hello, everyone.
Lois, did you put
Stewie to bed?
331
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,108
Yeah, he's asleep.
332
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,839
Good. I'd rather he
didn't know about this
till it's over.
333
00:15:13,863 --> 00:15:15,629
He's just a baby.
334
00:15:15,698 --> 00:15:18,349
Now, since the operation
is tomorrow,
335
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:22,970
I thought it might be
a good idea to just kind of
close the book, you know?
336
00:15:23,039 --> 00:15:27,424
So I just wanted to share
my final thoughts
with each one of you.
337
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:30,478
Meg, you're so
beautiful on the inside,
338
00:15:30,546 --> 00:15:32,786
but it's very important
that you know
your limitations.
339
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,532
What do you mean?
340
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,295
Well, I know they say
"Reach for the stars,"
but if we all did that,
341
00:15:37,319 --> 00:15:39,487
there'd be nobody left
here on Earth, right?
342
00:15:39,555 --> 00:15:40,638
I guess.
343
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,390
There you go.
344
00:15:42,458 --> 00:15:45,176
Chris, I have watched
you grow from a little boy
345
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:47,512
into the young
man you are today.
346
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:49,625
I know sometimes
life seems tough,
347
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,316
but you just remember
to reach for the stars.
348
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,968
You really think I can?
349
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,520
I know you can, slugger!
350
00:15:56,572 --> 00:15:58,989
And, Lois, I only ask this
351
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:02,693
because of the dire situation
I'm in, but can I...
352
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:06,046
Can I hump your leg
for 15 uninterrupted seconds?
353
00:16:06,115 --> 00:16:07,899
I suppose so, Brian.
354
00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:14,505
I... I said you could
do it for 15 seconds.
355
00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:15,639
Didn't need it.
356
00:16:21,464 --> 00:16:23,397
No! It can't be!
357
00:16:40,816 --> 00:16:42,500
Where... Where am I?
358
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,969
We're at the playground,
Brian. I kidnapped you.
359
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:46,915
You and I are going
to spend the rest
of our lives
360
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,572
living right here
under the slide.
361
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,552
Stewie, what the hell?
Are you out of your mind?
362
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:52,025
I most certainly am not!
363
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,172
I know what
you're planning to do,
and I won't allow it!
364
00:16:54,196 --> 00:16:56,964
You're not going
to kill yourself
for that fat bastard!
365
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,695
Look, I've made up
my mind, all right?
Now untie me.
366
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:03,037
No, I will not!
How dare you make
plans to abandon me!
367
00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:05,368
Come on, you,
you can live without
a dog, Stewie,
368
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:07,303
but you can't live
without a father.
369
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:09,338
And besides,
how exactly do you
think we're supposed
370
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,989
to live here on the playground?
371
00:17:11,013 --> 00:17:13,931
We'll do fine, Brian!
Everything is right
here where we need it!
372
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,201
The jungle gym is
the grocery store,
the swing set is the mall,
373
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:18,836
the seesaw is the post office,
374
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:20,972
and the sandbox
is our summer home.
375
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,008
Can you believe it, Brian?
We... We have a summer home!
376
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:25,409
I mean, yes, we'll...
377
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,223
We'll have to rent it out
some years to help pay for...
378
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,527
Oh, no, wait, no, we won't,
379
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:30,681
because I'm a famous
race car driver. I forgot!
380
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,761
Stewie, you're not
a race car driver.
381
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:36,503
And if you don't
let me go right now,
you're gonna lose your dad.
382
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:42,459
But Brian, I...
I don't wanna
lose anybody!
383
00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:45,129
I don't...
I don't wanna
lose anybody!
384
00:17:49,185 --> 00:17:52,103
Oh, my God.
Just stop, stop,
just stop it.
385
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:54,037
But Brian, I love you!
386
00:17:58,461 --> 00:18:00,181
Oh, God,
just wipe your nose, man!
387
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,781
Can I have a hug, Brian?
388
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:06,661
Oh, no, no, God,
no, no, not now, no!
389
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:08,252
I want a hug!
I love...
390
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,803
No, no. Just wipe...
391
00:18:09,872 --> 00:18:11,149
Oh, God, there's
no Kleenex.
I love you, Brian!
392
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:12,206
I love you so much!
393
00:18:12,274 --> 00:18:13,803
Go... Go roll around
in the sandbox...
394
00:18:13,827 --> 00:18:16,867
In the summer house! Go...
Go to the summer house
and roll around!
395
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,736
Well, here we go.
396
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:28,438
You know, buddy,
I'm really gonna
miss having a dog.
397
00:18:28,507 --> 00:18:31,742
Hey, what do you say
you be my dog
one last time, huh?
398
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,388
Sure, Peter.
Whatever you want.
399
00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:36,280
Hey, hey, whassat?
Whassat, boy? Whassat?
400
00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:37,915
Uh. Surgical equipment.
401
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,583
Whose is that?
Whose is that?
402
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,029
Probably belongs
to the hospital.
403
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:42,820
Whassat for? Huh?
Whassat for?
404
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,934
Um. Cutting me open,
harvesting my
organs and killing me.
405
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,652
You gonna go get it?
You gonna get it, boy?
406
00:18:47,676 --> 00:18:49,387
No, I think,
I think the doctors
need it.
407
00:18:49,411 --> 00:18:51,331
Can we...
Can we just lay here?
408
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,744
Dr. Hartman,
what're you...
409
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:57,685
You're not dressed for surgery.
410
00:18:57,754 --> 00:18:58,952
I sure am.
411
00:18:59,021 --> 00:19:01,154
But I...
I don't understand.
412
00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:04,592
Well, you see, Mrs. Griffin,
I found another donor
for your husband.
413
00:19:04,660 --> 00:19:06,560
You did? Who?
414
00:19:06,629 --> 00:19:08,345
Me.
What?
415
00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:10,241
It turns out I'm
a perfect match.
416
00:19:10,265 --> 00:19:12,432
And I'm willing to give up
one of my kidneys.
417
00:19:12,501 --> 00:19:16,670
Oh, my God, Dr. Hartman,
you'd do that for us?
418
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:19,250
Well, the truth is
you folks are my
only remaining patients.
419
00:19:19,274 --> 00:19:20,986
I couldn't afford
to lose two of you.
420
00:19:21,010 --> 00:19:22,621
What do you mean, two of us?
421
00:19:22,645 --> 00:19:24,856
Well, chances are Peter
never would have
survived the surgery.
422
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:27,414
I mean, I mean, dog kidneys?
423
00:19:27,483 --> 00:19:29,683
I'm not even sure
dogs have kidneys.
424
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:30,796
Do dogs have kidneys?
425
00:19:30,820 --> 00:19:31,897
Yes.
426
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:33,988
This... This is the guy.
427
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:36,924
Oh, my God, Brian...
428
00:19:36,992 --> 00:19:38,069
You're gonna live!
429
00:19:39,161 --> 00:19:40,161
Oh, I love you!
430
00:19:40,229 --> 00:19:41,245
I love you!
431
00:19:47,219 --> 00:19:48,614
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
432
00:19:48,638 --> 00:19:50,882
I'm happy to welcome
you all here to
our auditorium
433
00:19:50,906 --> 00:19:53,374
for something that's
not a terrible play.
434
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,075
In fact, tonight we're graced
435
00:19:55,144 --> 00:19:58,178
with the presence
of our Commander in Chief.
436
00:19:58,247 --> 00:20:02,132
But first, to introduce him
is a very talented young man,
437
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,502
James Woods' own Chris Griffin.
438
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:07,538
Thank you, Principal Shepherd.
439
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:10,287
My sister Meg
will be helping me
introduce the President,
440
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:13,444
since we wrote
this essay together.
441
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:17,448
"What is Hope?"
by Chris and Meg Griffin.
442
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,550
Hope is what gets you
out of bed in the morning
443
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:22,820
when it's the day of prom
and you haven't been asked.
444
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,722
Hope pushes the caterpillar
445
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:27,836
through the cocoon
and drives the
salmon upstream.
446
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:31,295
Your breasts may
be small and your
glasses may be thick,
447
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,130
but hope doesn't
hold up a mirror.
448
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:35,516
Hope is a horizon we head for,
449
00:20:35,584 --> 00:20:37,852
leaving nothing
behind us but fear.
450
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,354
And though we may
never reach our goals,
451
00:20:40,422 --> 00:20:43,791
it's hope that will save us
from who we once were.
452
00:20:52,467 --> 00:20:53,818
And now...
453
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:55,552
Ladies and gentlemen...
454
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:58,555
President Mike Obama!
President Barack Obama!
455
00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:05,596
♪ You gotta be sincere
456
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:11,752
♪ You gotta be sincere
457
00:21:11,820 --> 00:21:14,504
♪ You gotta feel it here
458
00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:17,074
♪ 'Cause if you feel it here
459
00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:19,727
♪ Well, then you're gonna be
460
00:21:19,795 --> 00:21:24,949
♪ Honestly sincere
461
00:21:26,302 --> 00:21:28,035
♪ If you're really sincere
462
00:21:28,104 --> 00:21:29,904
♪ If you're really sincere
463
00:21:29,972 --> 00:21:31,805
♪ If you feel it in here
464
00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:33,040
♪ Then it's gotta be right!
465
00:21:33,109 --> 00:21:34,124
♪ Oh, baby!
466
00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:36,744
♪ Oh, honey!
467
00:21:36,812 --> 00:21:38,596
♪ Hug me!
468
00:21:38,664 --> 00:21:39,863
♪ Suffer! ♪
469
00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:23,621
English - US - Line 21
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