All language subtitles for The New Normal s01e10 The XY Factor.eng

DAVID: When I was a boy,
I had all these expectations

of what my adult life
would look like.

My son and I playing catch
in the yard

while my wife, Shannen Doherty
from 90210, brings us lemonade.

You boys look like
you've worked up a manly thirst.

BOTH:
Wow! Fresh-squeezed lemonade!

Thanks, Mom.
Thanks, hon.

(laughs)

But expectations
and reality can wind up

being two
very different things.

You boys look like
you worked up a manly thirst.

BOTH:
Wow. Fresh-squeezed lemonade.

Thanks, Dad.
Thanks, hon.

Even though I didn't end up
marrying Brenda Walsh

and fell in love
with Bryan Collins instead,

one constant has stayed
the same...

I never stopped dreaming
of having a son.

As an OB/GYN, all day long,

I have the privilege
of telling expectant parents

the gender of their child.

It's a boy.

The politically correct thing
for parents to say

when asked if they prefer
to have a boy or a girl is,

"We don't care as long
as it's healthy."

It's a girl.

But the thing is, deep down
inside, people do care.

Everyone has a preference.

Like me...
I have always wanted a boy.

That's why
I collect World Series balls.

Someday,
I'll pass them on to my son.

My boy and I will love
our balls.

We will take our balls out for
others to see and play with.

BRYAN:
Guess what?

I started making a list
of baby names.

Oh, yeah? What you got?

Solange, Hermes,
Veronique, Xandra.

But those are all girls' names.

Did you not hear me say Hermes?

Sorry, it was all kind of a blur
after "Solange."

(laughs)

We don't even know
the baby's gender yet,

so we have plenty of time.

Are you glad we
chose not to find out?

Absolutely. It's one of the last
real surprises in the world.

And we will be thrilled
with whatever we have.

BOTH:
As long as it's healthy.

(whispers):
Sandra.

Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com

So I guess you're kind of hoping
for a girl, huh?

No. No, I'm okay
with whatever we have

as long as she's healthy.
I just hate

not knowing the gender while
we're decorating the nursery.

It's very creatively
frustrating.

Oh, well, maybe we could

help get your
creative juices flowing.

Shania's working
on a project for school,

and we could use your
help brainstorming.

Oh. I have to give
a presentation

on an influential woman
in history.

Mm-hmm, and we need
to decide quick

so I can sew her
costume in time.

Well, what have you been
thinking about so far?

My mom thought I should go
as Susan B. Anthony

or Marie Curie,
but I'm not feeling them.

I want to explore a more
contemporary woman of note.

I completely agree.

Once you've been put
on a coin or discovered

a radioactive isotope,
your 15 minutes are up.

We'll put our heads
together, huh?

But first, which one of
these wall decals goes best

in this jaundice theme
I got going here?

Silly monkey, silly froggy?

(laughs):
Oh...

Well, I think
they're both adorable.

He'll love either one.

He?

Well, I see here
the parents don't want

to know the gender of the child,

but upon birth,

they'll be very pleased to learn

that he's of
the superior gender.

(laughs)

Congratulations!

It's a boy!

All right,
let's see what we got.

Uh, first things first.
Uh-boom.

Okay... Uh, hey, Bry,
you missed a good one today.

I was on fire
from the three-point line.

Oh, your smile and spirited
tone indicate that you won.

Congratulations.
We need to talk.

Come on.
Okay, all right.

What's going on?

Well, remember how we decided

not to find out
the gender of the baby?

Well, let's just say
that Goldie, hormones raging,

clearly not thinking,

maybe accidentally
let the vagina

or penis cat out of the bag.

What are you saying?
You know what we're having?

Would you, in this hypothetical
scenario, want to know?

No. No way. It's the last...
It's a boy.

Are you mad that I told you?

Mad. No.
I'm... I'm not mad.

I'm... so happy.

We're having a boy.
We're having a boy!

Oh, I know. My instinct was
to lift something, too.

You guys, we're having a boy!

(cheering, whooping, laughing)

Yes.
Come on.

Yeah! Yeah!
Come on.

(roaring)

Oh, my God, it is so weird!

Just last week, I was online

looking at jungle gym forts,

and I totally bookmarked,
like, ten of them, right?

And now we can get one,

and get rid of that stupid
Mexican birdbath!

Oh, actually, that's a vintage
Monterey-tiled fountain

with a slumbering
Latino garden figure.

Oh, my God, and my old
Encyclopedia Brown books!

You know the ones
where he solves mysteries?

And light saber fights!

We can totally have
broom light saber fights!

(imitating light sabers
whooshing, buzzing)

(as Darth Vader):
David, you are a father.

(laughs) Oh, dude,

you can totally sign him up
for pee-wee football.

My boys do it.
They're great!

In fact, you can come
to our league game this weekend.

I'm coaching. No... I-I could coach?
They'd let me coach?

Yeah.

Of course they'd let me coach

because I'm having a boy.

I'm having a boy! Ah!

Hmm.
(smooching)

Oh, yeah.
Good job, bro.

Up top.
Yes. Up top.

Yeah, get in here.

Hugging, too! Yeah,
come on, get in on it.

Come on, big daddy.

Yes, you did.
So happy!

Yes, you did, big dawg.
Yes, you did, big dawg.

During my marriage
to Abraham Lincoln,

I suffered from spinal pain,
boils and hallucinations.

So does Ke$ha, but at least
she has fun outfits.

Bryan, thank you for
putting so much effort

in Shania's presentation.

It's important... this is
a big part of her grade.

Well, I'd love
to take all the credit,

but you're the one who sewed
a spectacular costume.

You're really
very talented, Goldie.

Oh, no.

GIRL: That is why,
to this day,

I, Mary Todd Lincoln,
am an influential woman.

(applause)

Thank you, Fawn.

Our next presentation
is by Shania Clemmons.

Whoo!

SHANIA:
Does anyone here believe?

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you, babe. Whoo!

Whoo!

(pop intro playing)

My name is Cher.

This is my band,

the Mondale Elementary School
Jazz Explosion.

Many of you know me

from my five decades
of hit songs,

my great movies like Burlesque,

and my insane 4:00 a.m. tweets

about politics
or wig-maintenance.

But let's turn back time
to when I was a little girl

in El Centro, California,
named Cherilyn Sarkisian.

I didn't expect much from life.

But I wanted more.

I wanted my dreams to come true.

I wanted to sing.

I sang for everyone,

be they man, woman,

straight, gay,
but mostly gay men.

(song ends)

Whoo!
Whoo!

(applause)

Great job!
We love you!

GOLDIE:
Whoo!

She's totally gonna win.

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

(whistle blowing)

All right, Spartans, let's go.

Let's go defense.

You got it!

Yeah! Good job,

defense!

Good D, good D.

Hey, Sammy,

you're a linebacker, all right?

You got to shadow
that running back.

Help out your safeties.

Okay, get in there.

Let's go, defense.

You sound like a man
who's enjoying himself.

Oh, I'm loving it.

Thank you for letting me
coach this week.

Hey, it's good practice

for when your little guy
is ready to play.

I might even get a windbreaker,
and gain 50 pounds.

(whistle blows) All right,
let's get in there. Good D.

Hold 'em down.

Here we go.
Hold 'em down, come on!

Take him down!

Take him down!

Good tackle!

(whistle blows)

How long do these games last?

Usually an entire bottle
of wine.

They're brutal.

We sit out here for two hours

every weekend,
baking in the heat,

letting the sun fry up
our collagen.

Give me
a bank-account busting trip

to the American Girl doll
store any day.

Oh, my God, I just got Finley
the cutest pink leg braces

for her differently-abled doll. Is it
true that they have a little salon there

where the girls and the dolls
get their hair done in tandem?

Is it mandatory that I bring
an actual daughter to get in?

(women laughing)

(whistle blows) DAVID:
Let's go, defense!

There you go.

Crush it, come on!

Come on!

All right, guys,
that's how you do it!

Good hustle, guys.

I want to coach.

Huh? Is everything
all right, Bry?

Did you finish your magazines?

Yeah, I want to coach.
I want to yell.

I want to clap.
I want to get people excited.

Besides, I can only take
so much conversation

about suburban infidelity
and Greek yogurt.

David, we're having a boy and I
want to participate in his life.

But, Bry, you don't know
anything about football.

Pfft! Of course I do.

Watch and marvel.

(whistles) Oh, my God.

Let's clump together, boys.

Clump together.
Let's clump together.

All right, it's a little rude
if I can't see your eyes.

Everyone take off your hats.

Uh, they're helmets.

They're for safety.
I got this, David.

Okay, okay.
I am Coach Bryan,

Coach David's understudy.
I know,

a lot of coaches here today,
but we all have one goal:

To run and push
and score more points, right?

Yeah. Right. Yeah!

So let's cuddle up!

Should one of us get in there

and give him a hand?
Uh, no, no, no.

He's all right.
L-Let him do it.

Does everybody know their parts?

ALL:
Yeah!

All right, let's get out there,

and let's break a leg!

ALL:
Yeah!

Break a leg!

That's a euphemism!

(whistle blows)

I haven't run on grass
in so long.

I forget how squishy it is.
Yeah.

So, what did you tell them?

I just added a twist.

(quarterback yells out play)

Two balls?
Where did that come from?

Look, check out
the other runner.

BRYAN:
Oh, oh, oh, oh!

No, wait.

And there they go.

Oh, oh...

(whistle blows)

(whistle blows)

They scored two touchdowns?

Okay, so "Secret Ball"

didn't work this time, boys,

but nice effort.

It was a good try, Bryan.

The kids are gonna...

remember this day.

Come on, guys.

Hey, Bryan, Kate and I
are gonna go grab some coffee.

Would you mind
watching our purses?

(whistle blows)

(humming)

Hey, honey.

I'm making curtains
for the baby's room.

I decided to go
with solid blue.

I was gonna do a pattern

with little bicycles,
but, you know,

Lance Armstrong.

Whatever, Mom.

What's wrong?

Guess what grade I got

on my "Influential Women
in History" presentation.

Go ahead, guess.

A...

Minus?
Try F.

F?!
And suspended for:

"violating the school's
policy on hate speech."

Hate speech?!

What are you talking about?

The song that I song
is called "Half-Breed."

Yeah, but that's
what the song is about...

that it's offensive
to be called a half-breed.

I know... they said
it doesn't matter

because the school has
a "Zero Tolerance" policy.

But "Zero Tolerance" can't mean
absolutely no exceptions.

That's kind of exactly
what it means.

Well, I don't care.

It was wrong
to suspend you for this.

And you know what?

I'm gonna fight it.

If I expect to be
a lawyer someday,

I may as well practice
right now.

Your lawyer suit?
Will it fit?

David and Bryan
gave that to you

when you weren't
even a week pregnant.

Well, I'm gonna make some

quick alterations today,
and tomorrow

we're gonna go down to
that school to show them

that they can't mess
with a daughter of a woman

who dreams of someday maybe
trying to become a lawyer.

Not your most inspiring speech,

but I love your passion.

(sighs)

Okay.

What is all this?

Oh, they're the curtains
that Goldie made.

Aren't they great?

I figured since we know
we're having a boy,

we don't have to go
gender-neutral anymore.

We can add some
male flourishes.

Oh, look.

Baseballs.

Each one of them from
an actual World Series.

I've been collecting them
since I was a kid.

Oh, why didn't
you say so, David?

They're old used balls.

That changes everything.

Look, David, as innovative

as the color blue
and sporting goods are

for a boy's room,
they just sort of

mar my overall
design scheme, so...

Bryan, my glove from when
I was in Little League.

I've been keeping it
oiled for my son.

David, if we did
the room your way,

the only thing new in here
would be the baby.

It's just one shelf.

We'll still have plenty of room
for your precious design.

Precious...
you mean "girly"?

Look, you're not the only one
who had expectations, okay?

I mean, what if we had a girl?

What-what would you do with
your male flourishes then?

Why are you getting so upset?

I want our baby to love me
as much as he loves you.

And I'm afraid he's only
gonna be into the things

that you're into,
and then we won't be able

to relate on anything at all.

I'm his dad, too, David, and I
don't want him calling me "Mom,"

or "Lady Dad"
or "Auntie Bry Bry."

Why would our son call
you "Auntie Bry Bry"?

I don't want it to be like it is
with you and the dogs.

Okay?

They run to you and they play
with you, but they ignore me.

The dogs run to me
because I feed them.

They look at me as a giant sack

of treats who throws a ball.

Kind of like the way
you look at me.

David, stop...
I appreciate your attempt

at flirty glibness right now,
but this is very real for me.

I had four jock brothers
and a sister

who petitioned
to play linebacker.

My dad didn't know how
to relate to me at all.

And the only time he spoke to me
was for TV listings

because I had memorized the
TV Guide from cover to cover.

So if I hadn't know that
Remington Steele was on

at 10:00 p.m. on Tuesdays...
(sniffs)

well, then we wouldn't have had
two words to say to each other.

I want to have
the same connection

that you have with our child,

but I'm afraid.
I know.

I don't want to be
the odd man out again, David.

Not with our own child.

Wait a minute... Bry?

(clears throat)

Mr. Blakeney, Your Honor,

if it please the... the you,

I would like to begin
by reviewing the circumstances

which lead to
my daughter Shania's

recent suspension.

Ms. Clemmons,
please, sit down.

Really, you don't have
to be so formal.

The class assignment,
if I am correct,

was to, quote, "prepare"

"a presentation of no more than

ten minutes on a female subject,
who" quote, "stands out as a,"

quote, "influential figure
in history."

End quote.
End quote.

I believe my daughter's
presentation was successfully

executed on all counts.

"Executed" is good
in this instance.

Nobody's questioning
the significance

of Cher's impact on culture

we're simply objecting to
your daughter's song choice.

I mean, Cher has
a voluminous catalog

of other perfectly
appropriate songs.

"If I Could
Turn Back Time."

"I Got You, Babe."

"The Beat Goes On."

"Gypsies, Tramps, and
Thieves." Well...

she may be suspended for that
one, I'd have to check the book.

I don't get it... why can't you
look past the rule on this one?

The spirit
of Shania's presentation

was that a women
of simple means can grow up

to become a role model
to millions.

She's inspirational.

When I was watching

her portrayal
of Ms. Cher, I thought

I am capable of so much more
than people expect of me,

and if one other student
had that same thought,

well, wasn't my client's
performance worth it?

No one's arguing that.

We're simply stating that,
based on our policy,

you may not use a pejorative
like that on school ground.

Permission to have
that word defined.

It means "derogatory." Permission
to have that word defined.

I'm sorry, Ms. Clemmons, you
make a very moving argument,

but when it comes to rules,
feelings don't matter.

The law is the law.

Okay, I have no idea
why I did that.

Hey.

Oh, look at you all lawyery.

Were you able to get Shania's
suspension overturned?

No, it was a complete failure.

I am a complete failure.

Being a lawyer isn't my thing.

You know my kid
has a better vision

of what she wants to be than I do.
Oh, don't say that, Goldie.

You can do anything
you put your mind to.

No, it's not that I don't
think I can be a lawyer,

it's that I don't want to be.

I mean, even if I'm arguing
for all that's good and right,

an innocent person
can still be punished.

And if that's what
being a lawyer means,

then I need to find myself
another dream.

Life just isn't turning out
how I expected it.

I know what you mean.

This whole having a boy thing
has thrown me for a loop.

Bryan, listen...

you are going to be an amazing
dad, no matter what the gender.

I just don't want it to be
like it was with my dad.

He was all, "Socket wrench,
Sports Illustrated,"

poker night, 'Pull my finger.'".

And I was all, "talent show,
pep squad, 'Guess who got cast"

as Mortimer Brewster
in Arsenic and Old Lace?'"

I made a fool out of myself
on that football court.

Field.

(phone rings)

It's David.

Great, his football game
got rained out,

and now he wants to bring
the whole team here.

Wants me to order pizza.

I mean, I don't know what
a bunch of boys want.

Aren't you a boy?

Yes, but not that kind.

Ugh... I'm gonna be
outnumbered in my own home.

Forever.

All right, let's go, guys.

Come on in... shoes off,
don't touch the walls.

FREDDIE:
All right, okay.

All right, guys...

AMIR: Ethan, give
Donny's inhaler back!

(boys laughing, clamoring)

Cool!
That's crazy!

Thank God we didn't have to
go to Chuck E. Cheese again.

If I had to listen to that
animatronic band one more time,

I was going to beat
that purple bear

to death with his own bongos.

Well, lower your expectations.

I only had an hour... I barely
had time to do a centerpiece,

let alone an entire luncheon
for the Bad Time Bears.

(laughs)

All right, boys, lunch!

(boys clamoring) Come on, boys.

Come on over.

Okay, so, what
we're gonna do here

is a make-your-own-pizza party.

BOYS: Whoa!
Wha-what!

BOY: Yeah!

All right, I even got
you some chef's hats.

A hat for you and there's a hat
for you, there's more here.

There we go.

Now, these toppings are probably
a little bit different

than you're used to, but it's
all we had in the house,

so we got two kinds of ham,

we have a prosciutto
and Iberico.

We also have some truffles,
we have some

squash blossoms
and roasted poblanos,

we have some fresh burrata...
so what you do

is you take a bowl of dough...

now, I've had this dough
in my freezer

for that dinner party I was
gonna throw for Kristen Stewart

when I was trying
to woo her on to my show,

but then I found out
she's gluten-free...

and joy-free.

(boys laugh)

So take this dough

over to the kneading station,
roll it out,

and then come back and get some
toppings and we'll cook it up.

What do you think?

BOYS: Yeah!
Yes, let's do it.

Dough. Take a dough.
There it is.

Oh, you're even lining up
like little gentlemen.

There's more over there,
there's more over there.

You put all of this
together in an hour?

Well, minutes... I spent the
rest of the time on the phone,

trying to get those video games
from the studio.

Wait your turn, dude.
Dude, I just...

BRYAN: We had them for the all
'80s episode of Sing!

I don't know, I thought
the kids would like 'em.

Coach Bryan?
Mm-hmm.

This isn't the kind of ham
my dad buys... I like it!

Way better than that block
of pink we usually eat.

DAVID: Everything
all right, Donny?

Yeah, just... about
the scrimmage the other day...?

Oh, well, you know what,
that was my fault.

I never should have
tried to coach.

No, I was gonna say.

Coach Freddie usually gets

stressed-out and competitive
and kind of yells at us,

but you were fun and cool.

Don't tell Coach Freddie
I said that.

He's my dad... it'll turn
into a whole thing.

And you thought you wouldn't
be able to relate to boys.

Well, kids will say anything if there's free pizza.
Bryan, look at them.

They're having fun,
they're learning new things.

This is not the work of a man

that doesn't know how
to connect to boys.

You know, you don't have to be
scared about not relating to

your son just because your dad didn't
know what to do with a boy like you.

You're already a
better dad than he was.

Because you're trying.

Our son is very lucky because he
is going to have an awesome dad.

Me.
Me.

Thank you.

Okay, so the next step
is to cook it.

This is, uh, well,
this will never cook,

but, uh, we can try it.

We can certainly try it.

Let's just jack up
the oven here.

DAVID:
Expectations are a funny thing.

You waste so much time guessing
what your life could look like.

But the thing is you can't
really know until the day

you open your eyes and see...

...that if you let go and
lean into the unexpected,

it may be something
more beautiful

than you ever
could've imagined.

No, it's not what you expected,
it's something even better.

Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com

All right, come on.

Show me pregnant!

Baby needs a new
pair of parents!

Ah, it's negative.

Rats!

You sure you peed on it enough?

Yeah, like I was
putting out a forest fire.

Doesn't make any sense.

We've been going
at it like rabbits.

We should have a whole yard
full of bunnies by now.

Boy, you really did
drench this thing.

Well, hey, you tell me
to pee on something,

I'm gonna pee on it.

Good news is, we can still
keep doing the bunny hop.

Yeah, I guess.

Just seems like a whole lot
of hard work for nothing.

You mean other than the loving

and spiritual connection
we've been having?

Sure, sure.
Yeah.

Hey, uh, you know,
we could always squeeze one in

before I have to go to work.

As romantic as that sounds,

I still have to take a shower,
wash my hair and shave my legs.

Don't doll it up on my account.

I can power through, even
if you're stinky and furry.

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