All language subtitles for Then.Came.You.2020.HDRip.XviD.AC3-EVO - Copy

Dear Mr. Awd,
I read with interest

the online description
and pictures of Awd's Inn

and found it very appealing.

I am planning a trip
to visit Scotland

and I would very much like
to reserve one room

for nine days.

Those dates to be advised.

Sincerely, Annabelle Wilson.

Dear Ms. Wilson,

I am delighted to receive

and confirm your reservation

for the dates you request.

I'm sure you will find
our elegant, historic inn

to be all we represented
on our website.

I will be at the train station
to meet you personally

and to transport you
to Awd's Inn.

Please give me
a brief description of yourself

so I can identify you easily
in the crowd.

Or if you prefer,
a recent photo.

Thank you, Mr. Awd.

Well, I have no recent photos,

but I am a woman
of a, um, certain age

who's blonde, 5 foot 6

and, um...
completely ordinary...

in every way.

You told me
over and over again

that we would always have
each other.

But you were wrong about that,
weren't you?

I love you, Fred.

And I always will.

But I gotta make new memories

or the old ones
are gonna kill me.

And I'm not ready to die.

Not yet.

- How many would you like?
- Two, please.

Hello.

- Hey, How.
- Gavin.

What are you doin' here?

I'm waitin' for the guest.

- The guest?
- The guest.

- What are you doing here?
- Uh, waitin' on the wife.

She was visiting
her widowed sister in Glasgow.

Remember, the one
I was tellin' you about?

- She's in a hospital, you know?
- Hm.

After her husband died
by accidentally dropping

his electric razor
into the bathtub.

Fried every hair
of his sorry arse.

Can there be a worse way to go?

No. Tell me about it.

I had to clean up the plumbin'
afterwards. Phooey.

Oh, oh, there's
one here. See you later.

See you, Gavin.

Mr. Awd?

- Ms. Wilson!
- Yes, hi!

- Hello, welcome.
- Oh, hello.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, too.

Thank you for meeting my train.
It's been a long trip.

Well, we at Awd's Inn,
uh, pride ourselves

in our impeccable service
and hospitality.

- Good. Good.
- Yeah.

Then I'll be
a excellent customer.

- Good, good.
- Okay.

- Is this it?
- Uh, y-yeah.

This is my only suitcase, um...

My zipper's broken.

Ah. I think there's some pills
for that, now?

- Excuse me?
- Em...

Just a bit of Scottish humor.

- No offense.
- None taken.

- Okay.
- Yeah, it's very, very light.

There's really nothing in it
but this little costume I found.

And then I'm going to buy
all new everythings.

Okay.

And then I'm gonna go to Italy

and I'm gonna buy
a brand-new one

'cause that's the next place
on my list.

- Oh, you've got a list.
- I do. I have a great list.

- And by the way, your railroads?
- Yes?

- Are really lovely.
- They're not mine.

- I gathered they were not yours.
- But, thanks.

But I, I mean,
they're comfortable

and they're,
it's just really clean.

I don't know why I did
expect it, like, filthy.

What, you thought
Scotland would've dirty trains?

No, I was just...
Scotland's so old.

So I just figured
the trains would be old.

Trains were invented
at the same time

everywhere around the world.

- Oh, it's so beautiful.
- Yep.

How far is it to the inn?

Uh, not far.
You know, just a short drive.

Well, uh,
a lot of it depends

on what you think's
short and long.

- We drive for the wheel is.
- Oh, oh.

Gotta get used to that.

- Yup, there you go.
- Okay.

I smell gas.

We call it petrol here
and it's, uh,

it's the reason
I'm puttin' this on.

- It's, um, it's flame retardant.
- What?

It happens... And put your coat
on or something, just in case.

I mean, you're fine.

This isn't flame retardant.

Well, it'll keep you warm
goin' through the glens,

and that's important. It's...

We're not gonna go on fire
or anything.

It's just,
you can never be too careful.

You put that on
every time you drive your car?

No, not every time. When
it's raining, I don't wear it.

But when it's raining,
don't you put the top on?

No, I go fast and then
the rain can't reach me.

Oh, I see, I see.
You're messing with me.

You're messing
with the stupid American lady...

I am not messing with you.

Freshly in Scotland.

Okay. I'm on to you now.

- Okay.
- I'm on to you.

- You all right?
- I'm so cozy.

Have you got
your seatbelt on?

- That's a joke because?
- Yeah.

- There's no seatbelt.
- No seatbelt.

There you are.

Oh, look at this.

Oh, wow.

I'm expecting
a very important letter.

Does the mail arrive here
every day?

Yes, it arrives daily
like it does

in every modern country,
in a nice clean train.

I've never seen
so many sheep.

Yup. There are over
seven million sheep in Scotland.

Only five million people.

I prefer the sheep.

You're kidding,
right?

Nope.

Is this your first time
in Scotland?

My first time
anywhere, really.

I've never seen anything,
except through the movies.

And by the time
I'm done with this trip,

I'll have seen the whole world.

Oh, I love
that song. It's so catchy.

I don't like that song.

It's all they play.

I have a joke.

There's a doctor
and he's worried about, uh,

having sex with his patients.

Then a voice in his head says,

"Don't worry, a lot of doctors

have sex with their patients."

And then another voice
in his head says,

"Yes, but they're probably
not veterinarians." Heh!

It's a wee bit
of Scottish humor there.

It's not for everybody.
Just like haggis.

Uh, I think it's the, uh,
it's the fan belt

or the alternator now.

It's neither one.
It's neither one.

- You're out of gas.
- We call it petrol.

Well, whatever you call it,
you're out of it.

How far is this inn?

It's not far,
just down the road...

I-I'm gonna walk. Okay? I-I..

- Oh, no. No.
- Yeah, I'm gonna walk.

Uh, look, um,
you can't walk on that road.

You'll need something
on your feet. Here.

- I'll be fine.
- No, no, no. Take these.

Put these on.

You have women's boots
in your trunk?

Uh, we call it a boot.

You have women's boots
in your boot?

- I do. Do you want them or not?
- Fine. Thank you.

Just follow the road.

Hi, Gavin. It's me.

Yeah. Um, I think
I've run out of petrol.

Oh, there is? Well,
why didn't you say that then?

Could it be the alternator maybe
or the fan belt?

All right. Yup.
Fine, thanks. Okay, bye.

Uh! Jeez.

Don't worry about
Wally. He's very friendly.

Just let him sniff you.
Any part.

It's so much more beautiful
than the pictures.

It's just gorgeous,
beautiful bones.

Well, you better have great
bones if you're 400 years old.

I can't even imagine the upkeep

on a place like this.

No, you cannot.

- It's so pretty.
- Yeah.

Oh. I love these.
Can I have one of your sweeties?

- What's a sweetie?
- You know...

Your box of chocolates here.

Oh, no, no, no. No, no.
That's not a box of chocolates.

I'm sorry. That's my husband.

- Okay.
- Fred, my late husband.

Though he was never late.
It's a stupid phrase.

- That's a box of chocolates.
- Yes.

That somebody
has laminated shut.

And that would be me.

And I did it on purpose

because otherwise
he would spill.

Oh.

Fred's in the box?

Most of him.

Don't they have
unused containers

for that sort of thing,
you know, urns?

Yeah, they do. And a lot
of people prefer to do that.

But Fred didn't want that.

I was executor of his will.

I had to respect his wishes.

- He was mental.
- No, he was not mental.

He had an accident.
We had a hardware store.

And that he'd gone up and down
the ladder for 31 years

and this one time
he went up and...

came down and broke his neck.

That's a terrible story.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Still, it doesn't quite explain

why he's inside
a box of chocolates.

About to check into my inn,
does it?

So...

So Fred and I loved the movies.

Forrest Gump
was his favorite movie.

And he always said that, uh,
whenever he left this world,

uh, it was gonna be the only
kinda box he would be in, so...

Well, I hope your favorite movie
isn't Psycho

or I'll have to keep you
out of the shower. Heh.

I'd prefer a bath than a shower,
please, in my room.

Okay.

- Can I see your passport?
- Oh, oh, yes.

Um...

- No need to check my age.
- Of course not.

You're checkin' my age,
aren't you?

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

Here you are.
Okay. Just out of curiosity.

- What's your favorite movie?
- Funny Girl.

Barbra Streisand!

Yes, but playin' Fanny Brice.

I know who she was.
A famous Broadway actress.

Yes, but much more than that.

She was a, she was a singer
and she was a comedienne

and she was fearless
and brilliant.

- Everything I wanted to be.
- Oh, good for you.

Never happened.
Is this the way?

- Yeah, up the stairs.
- Okay.

You forgot your case.

No, I didn't.

And you really need to check
those pipes.

Just old plumbing.

Mm-hmm.

Second alcove
on the right, Mrs. Wilson.

So you're in show business,
then?

Nah, I wanted to be,
but I met my husband and...

You know, it was,
it was a big hit back then.

I, I don't know.
Um, there you are.

Oh, okay. Great.

So you-you, uh,

gave up your dreams
of show business for Fred?

No, I just chose a different
kind of life with Fred.

Right, a man
who wanted to be cremated

and put in a chocolate box,
then laminated,

and go sightseeing.

No.

But I wouldn't expect anybody
to understand.

All right. Well, here's
your case. Dinner's at 7:00.

- Thank you. But I'm not hungry.
- Oh, y-you will be.

Oh, I do need a safe, though.

- Is there one in the room?
- Yup, there's a, a...

I don't think it's big enough
for, uh, for Fred, though.

It's not for Fred.
It's for his mother.

Oh, dear God, you're so boring.

Oh, wow!

Didn't know Mel Gibson
was havin' a yard sale.

- Good morning.
- Good morning, Mrs. Wilson.

Are you hungry enough
for a bite? How's Fred?

I would love a cup of coffee.
Thank you. And a poached egg.

And I'd really appreciate you
not mentioning Fred.

- It's disrespectful.
- Okay.

Uh, sit at any table
that's no occupied

and I'll see how the chef's
doing with your breakfast.

None of them are occupied.

- Well, sit at one of them then.
- Okay.

Is everything all right?

Yes. Yes.
Everything's fine.

The chef just, uh,
dropped the eggs. Watch it!

He did manage
to save the salmon, though.

We have, eh, smoked salmon

and, uh, poached salmon

and we've got, uh,
everybody's favorite, salmon.

Mm, uh, what happens
if the guest

doesn't, uh,
particularly like salmon?

Then they starve to death
or they have the haggis.

What is this haggis
everybody talks about?

Well, haggis
is a sort of a sausage.

It's made from the heart
and liver and lungs of a sheep,

mixed with some oatmeal
and then cooked slowly

inside the sheep's
stomach lining.

Well, can I get the oatmeal
without all the vital organs?

No.

- I love salmon.
- Salmon it is.

Oh, you've been
a mad duck, Giuseppe.

She's never gonna be happy
until she gets that coffee.

I'm tryin' my best.

Well,
you've disappointed me

for the last time.
You are fired!

No, please, boss,
come back!

You're just not up
to the standards we expect here

at Awd's Inn for our important
American guests! Ah!

I'm so sorry.

- I'll have tea.
- Fine.

What do you say, Wally,
shall we go into town, huh?

I need a little retail therapy.

In here, come on.

Hey, Gavin.

Kitchen's closed.

Oh, oh, that's okay.
I'm not hungry.

I had a bite at the village
earlier. Thanks.

Well, then, you won't be
interested then

in the beautiful tuna steak
that I have

benevolently set aside for you

'cause I feel bad
about belittling poor Fred.

You needn't have bothered,
but that's very nice.

- Thank you.
- Here you are.

Listen, Mrs. Wilson,
Scotland is cold enough.

Let's put aside our differences.

And I have to tell you,
what you're doing with Fred,

it's fascinating.
Really, it's fascinating.

What do you really want,
Mr. Awd?

I want what I want
for all my guests.

I want them to enjoy
the Awd's Inn experience.

Are you...

Are you hungry?

Please.

Will, uh, Mrs. Awd
be joining us tonight?

Uh, sadly, no.
Mrs. Awd has, uh...

Well, she's in the same place
as Fred is,

probably right about now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ah, don't be.
She was a miserable sow.

So you wanted to be in showbiz.

Well, yes, I wanted to be
in show business,

but that ship sailed
much like the Titanic.

Mm, that's a movie
that wasn't on your list.

You saw my list?

Well, I'm short of staff,

so I do the housekeeping
as well.

And you know,
the list was on your desk

next to Fred,
when you went for your run.

Well, I hope that's all you saw.

- I saw your Spanx.
- I don't wear Spanx.

Those had to be
running shorts.

I run every day,
but I don't wear Spanx.

Well, you'd be the only woman
in the history of the world

that doesn't wear Spanx.

Well, I just don't like being
held in

anymore in my life, you know?

- Good for you.
- Yeah.

And Braveheart.

I have to tell you,
that's actually a movie,

by the way, that I cannot stand.

- What?
- Braveheart. I hate it.

You have to keep that a secret
in Scotland.

Well, your secret
is obviously safe with me.

Mm. Well, secrets are easy.

It is the truth
that is difficult.

Oh, well, what philosopher
came up with that genius?

You seem to like pot-potatoes,
right?

The, uh, brilliant
but sadly very obscure

Lord Howard Awd.

- No.
- Oh, yes.

I'm still technically a lord.

Descended from generations
of Scottish nobility.

Ah.

So how long were you married?

Oh. Who...

Who knows?
Tell me about Nantucket.

Oh, Nantucket's gorgeous.
You've never been?

Never been.
Don't know anything about it.

Well, wait, uh, there's a poem
about it. Isn't...

Yeah, that's the problem.
Everybody knows the poem.

And hardly anybody's
been to the island.

It's beautiful. You'd love it.

Isn't that where, uh...

The Pequod set sail
from Nantucket,

oh, in Moby-Dick.

- Herman Melville's novel? Yes.
- Mm-hmm.

- But I hated it.
- What?

I hated it.

- You hate Moby-Dick?
- Yes, I do.

- And you live in Nantucket?
- I have secrets, too, all right?

- I-I couldn't get through...
- You left Nantucket and you'r...

Yes, well, you live in Scotland
and you hate Braveheart.

- Same thing.
- Well, it's a stupid movie.

The idea of William Wallace
havin' an Australian accent,

runnin' around Scotland
in a tartan dress

havin' sex
with the queen of France,

it-it makes no sense at all.

He didn't have sex
with the queen of France?

Nobody had sex
with the queen of France.

Even the queen of France...

Well, the king of France...

The queen of France
may have had sex with herself.

You know what the French
are like.

No, I've never been to France.

Have you never? Oh, well, uh...

I, I have to tell you,
you'll, you'll get a fright.

They're just... They're
at themselves the whole time.

Oh, this is good.
The chef is excellent.

Yes, he is pretty good.
Would you like a pudding?

Um, sure. What kind do you have?

I have spotted dick.

Americans always say that.
Right, but it's...

- Is that a real thing?
- It's a real thing.

Ha! My mother warned me
about spotted dicks.

Well,
your mother was right.

Oh, the loch
is gorgeous in the moonlight.

Will you take me fishing?

Of course, I'd be happy

to take you out as part

of your Awd's Inn experience.

Which I'm thoroughly
enjoying.

Good. I'm glad.
We aim to please.

- Howard?
- What?

What's goin' on?

Well, I told you
we were short-staffed.

We're short-staffed.

You think
rubbish just picks itself up

and puts itself away
'cause it's dirty and smelly

and nobody likes it?

No, I don't think that.
Do you need some help?

Oh, sure,
you're gonna come down here

in your sexy pajama top

and get rubbish juice
all over yourself.

No, no. I-I think we'll be fine.
Thank you.

I will do that
if you ask me nicely, Romeo.

What are you lookin' at?

Uh, nothing.

- Oh, yeah, I got 'em. Oh, yeah.
- Don't do that.

He's never seen
a woman's legs before.

Well,
he's seen some sheep legs.

Haven't you, Gavin?

You shag one sheep.

Put some clothes on,
for goodness sake.

You're in Scotland.

Hey, Gavin.

A little Scottish humor.

No offense intended.

Have fun, boys.

Oh, come on.

Oh...

Stop it.

Oh...

Howard! There's no water!

Howard!

Howard?

Howard?

Howard?

- There's no water!
- I know.

- I'm down here in the basement.
- Why are we whispering?

We're whispering
because I don't know

what's down there

because I don't really

go into the basement.

It's a very dark place.

Oh, good. Tools.
Can't do anything without tools.

Plumber's
only as good as her tools.

I'm gonna need your help,
please.

Come in to my basement
and I'll put a tool belt on you.

- You know what?
- Set me free, Annabelle.

You know what?
I have got a-a big wrench.

I don't wanna hear what
you've got. Okay. All right.

All right. Let me see.
It's all right.

Okay, let me get back in here
'cause I think this is where

the problem is. Let me see.

- I'm gonna use the pipe cutter.
- Right.

And then I'm gonna need
to take this valve...

- Mm-hmm.
- Right here.

- Okay. Good, good.
- And remove the petcock.

Can you say again, petcock,
in a French accent, maybe?

And then I'm gonna have to
solder it with a blowtorch

and we should,
we should be good.

So you're gonna solder
and blowtorch my petcock?

If you'll let me.

I-I will, and may I say
thank you very much

and welcome to Scotland.

Listen, I don't think
you should do it.

Let me call Gavin
and maybe the vice squad.

You've got a filthy mouth.

- Oh, sh...
- I'll be right back.

Oh!

Oh! Damn.

Yuck, yuck. Yuck.

Let me tell you
something, Annabelle.

I think you were
absolutely brilliant there.

I had moisture

in every crook and cranny
and crevice

that I didn't even know
that I had.

That's a very nice alliteration.

And then...
No, she's absolutely right.

I mean,
that is an occupational hazard.

I Vaseline my crack once a week
a-at the very least.

I remember
my mother used to say,

she would be so proud
and she would say,

"You, girl, are full of spunk."

What? What, is that bad?

- What?
- Not, not at all.

Your mother was proud
that you were full of spunk?

Yes. Why? Why, is that bad?

- Gav, you-you need to tell her.
- What do you mean?

- Tell me what?
- No, no.

That's too good
to kinda... I don't wanna...

- What?
- I don't wanna tell you.

Come on, stop it.
What is it?

Annabelle, there's no way
you would know this,

but in Scotland if somebody says

that you're full of spunk...

- Yeah?
- Ah, yes...

- What it means is...
- Is-is sperm.

- What?
- Uh, semen, uh...

- Oh... Ow!
- Not...

- All right.
- Oh, no.

- Vivid livid.
- That's enough.

- Stop it.
- Come on.

I'll call you a taxi.

- Oh...
- Strip club soda.

- Oh, Lord!
- Eh.

Dear Shelly,

that's great news
about the offers

for the house and the store.

I need to think about it
for a while,

but I'll get back to you
as soon as I can.

Thanks for the listings
you sent,

but I'm not interested
in purchasing real estate.

I'm just all about
new everythings these days.

Take care. Annabelle.

You lookin' for movie times?

No, flight times. I've got
a Roman holiday to get to.

What are you gonna wear
when you get there, a toga?

Maybe.

You're really gonna
go through with it?

Twenty countries
of your twenty favorite movies.

- Mm-hmm.
- You're mad.

No, I'm not mad.
I'm just kind of sad.

The further away
I get from Nantucket,

the more I realize
how small our world had become.

You grow up...

You, uh, fall in love
and your, and your dreams

start to disappear
because you can't afford them.

You struggle,
and then you'd settle

for a terrible word
called "enough"

'cause you had enough.

But then, in order to survive,

you convince yourself
that what you've had is enough.

Does that make any sense at all?

So you're saying
there's never enough?

Yes, but by the time
we realize that,

it's too late
to do much about it.

So you keep doing
what you've always done?

You go to the movies.

To retreat to a fantasy world.

Well, hopefully,
a happily-ever-after world.

Isn't that what everybody wants?

I do like a happy endin'.

I think that's why my favorite
movie is Silence Of The Lambs.

Every time I think

I could maybe like you,
you just...

I interrupt you
and remind you I'm an asshole.

The guys are here for the tent.

Tent? Why?

Uh, there's a wedding
on Saturday.

How wonderful!
Who's getting married?

He's gettin' married.

Oye! Where do these go?

Just bring it down this way.

What we'll do is we'll put it
in the field over there.

The guests'll come down
the stairs,

kinda promenade, a parade
or whatever they do and...

Come down there,
you can set up on this level.

Uh, we'll put the,
put the doors here

and they can come down the
stairs and walk right in. What?

Nothing, I'm just s-surprised,
that's all.

That someone would marry
an asshole like me?

Kinda. No, no, it's just that
I've been here for days

and you never even mentioned it.

It's because some of us
are not as comfortable

talking about
their personal lives as you are.

Oh, I get that, that's fine.
But, I mean, who is she?

- Who's the lucky lady?
- Her name is Clare.

We were at university together,
she was actually

my wife's best friend
and roommate for a while.

- Uh-huh.
- Uh...

We actually dated
for a little while

and then, uh, she pointed out

that she thought that I was
in love with her best friend.

- And were you?
- Who knows? I was 20 years old.

Anyway, she, uh,
she moved to London

and, uh, never came back
and never did marry.

Because you were the love
of her life.

That's what she tells me.

That's romantic,
don't you think?

I mean, to find each other again
after all these years?

I don't know how romantic it is.

She, uh, she called me
after my wife died

and, uh,
told me how sorry she was.

Well, that was nice.

She's a nice woman.

She's been very successful
in business.

Very attractive.

Lovely, uh, clean hair.

- I'm going fishin'.
- I'm coming with you.

- No, you're not.
- Oh, yes, I am.

You said it was part of
the Awd's Inn experience. Why...

Because you're dressed
like a shortbread tin!

Uh...

- I'll change my clothes, okay?
- Then go change your clothes.

But if you know anything
about fishin', you knew fish

require quiet.
No talking, no singing.

Start now, get practice.

What are you looking at?

- She's American.
- What?

Uh, damn!

Ow!

Howard, can we please
go back to the inn?

The midges are killing me.

You really have a hard time
not talking, don't you?

Yes, when I'm getting eaten
by midges, yes!

- I'm hungry.
- Swallow a midge.

Damn!

How long are you gonna sit there
while I get eaten up?

They're not even biting you.

Oh, they're biting me,
I'm not just making

a big song and dance about it.

Ah! They're in my pants!

Oh.

No, don't jump.
Don't!

Oh! Why-why'd you jump in?

Because I didn't know
you could swim.

Of course, I can swim.
I was a lifeguard in Nantucket.

I might never keep up!

Oh! My feet touched something!
My feet touched something!

Oh, my gosh!
You're such a baby.

I'm not a baby.
There could be a shark out here.

What happened?

Um, well, after I heroically
dived in to save you,

my boot came off and I think
I must have cut it on something.

- I'm gonna...
- Let me take a look.

Let me see. That's it?

- Oh, my God!
- Is it de... It feels deep.

Deep?
It's, it's a nothingburger.

I don't, I don't think you
should call it a nothingburger.

I could get an infection,
they used to throw witches

and plague victims and stuff
in there.

I could have some medieval
botulism or something.

- What, what's funny?
- I just can't believe your foot.

- What's wrong with my foot?
- It's beautiful!

- It is. It is.
- It's gorgeous.

We do have beautiful feet
in my family.

You know, in Scotland
we have beautiful feet.

- Is that antiseptic?
- It's antiseptic.

It's gonna sting
tiny, tiny bit.

- Geez.
- Oh, God.

- I've got to get it cleaned.
- Okay.

All right. I'm gonna put
a wee Band-Aid on it, okay?

- Okay.
- Oh, my gosh.

I never took you
for a mani-pedi kind of guy.

William Wallace started it
in the 13th century.

He, uh, he would get a mani-pedi

from a Korean woman
in a rose.

And all of the medieval kings
went to thank him.

Uh, wanted a, a sort of a...

- Here you go. All right.
- Uh-huh.

Aw, is that a wee bit better?

- I do have bad news, though.
- What is that?

Well, there's no dinner
'cause it was gonna be fish.

- We'll find something.
- Are you gonna help me?

- I'm gonna help you.
- Thank you very much indeed.

So what are we having
for dinner?

Well, I can't cook
in this state, obviously,

and you've made me fire
Giuseppe, so...

I'll take you to the village for
dinner, then we can find shoes.

Can I see your
other foot when we get home?

Mrs. Wilson!

- You know what I can't get over?
- What can't you get over?

How light it is all the time.

Well, that's because
it's Scotland,

then it's light all summer
and dark all winter.

And people just live with it?

They do. They have a lovely nice
red tan in the summer.

All right. but, hey...
And they drink themselves

to an early grave in the winter.

It sounds fun.

Yeah, works for us.

- Hello. Welcome.
- Hi.

What can I get for you guys
today?

Where are you from? You're not
from Scotland, are you?

Yeah, I'm from California.

I'm actually an exchange student
here, it's...

Really? W-who did we exchange
to get you? I mean...

I think you, we probably had
to send about half a dozen.

The exchange rate
is probably pretty high.

So what can I get you guys
today?

I'd love a glass
of Pinot Grigio, please.

- Sounds great. And for you?
- Peg of whiskey, please.

- Okay. I'll be right back.
- Thanks.

Sometimes I look at a just
adorable young lady like that

and I think, "I wonder what
it's like to be her mother."

- Oh, you don't have any kids?
- No.

No, we couldn't have
any children.

I'm just very good
at conceiving them...

but really lousy
at actually, uh,

bringing them into the world.

- Thank you.
- Of course.

Thanks.

- Uh...
- Slainte.

Slainte.

But anyway, um, we talked about,
uh, adopting,

but Fred was, I don't know why,
he was just so against it.

He had this
Nantucket generational thing

that he just couldn't get over
and...

And so by the time
it was pretty obvious

that we were never gonna have
children that way...

and he was okay with adopting,
I just...

I just felt too old...

too tired.

Let's get drunk.

Okay.

This is the worst whiskey
in Scotland...

I really don't care
for that song.

I'll bring the wine.

Yeah, well, look, see,
that doesn't make any sense.

"I'll bring the whiskey,
I'll bring the wine."

Shouldn't one person
bring the whiskey

and the other person
bring the wine?

- It's a duet.
- Well, then...

You never keep it on the radio
long enough to discover

that there's two people
singing there.

Why do you hate that song?

I don't know, it just seems
it encourages alcoholism.

- What?
- Sometimes you're very cute.

Uh, we don't talk about that
around here, missus.

Okay.

- You know what?
- What?

You're good-looking, as well.

Wow.

As well as me.
I'm still good-looking.

You're good-looking and so am I.
That's what I'm sayin'.

Let's go someplace
and get a good drink.

- I know the very place.
- Where?

Come on.
Here, can you, can you take him?

'Cause they don't let dogs
in here.

Oh? They're not welcome?

Well, they prefer attractive
women, but you'll be fine.

Come on.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Now we've come to
my favorite moment in the show.

This is where I get to pick
a little lady out of the crowd

to come up with me
and join me...

Hey! I got one for you
right here!

- She knows every word.
- She knows every word?

You've been singing it all
the time. She knows every word.

Come up and sing
"Whiskey And Wine."

Annabelle! Annabelle!

- No, no, I cannot go up there.
- Go!

Annabelle,
you have to come join us.

But I can't. I've got the dog.

Give the dog to your weird uncle
and just come sing.

- Oh, I hate you.
- Okay.

Come on.

Well, everyone,
give it up for Annabelle.

I've been drinking a little,
I gotta be honest.

Do you know the song?

Everybody knows
this song.

Not everybody likes it,
but everybody knows it.

This is a love song.

Forget about all those people.
They're not here, it's just me.

- Even my weird uncle?
- Yeah.

Especially forget
about the weird uncle.

"Weird uncle?" That bastard.

Two, three and...

She's good.
I don't care for him.

He looks like one of those guys
that smell of vomit.

Excuse me, excuse me,
dog's trying to see.

I'd like to go.

Annabelle, everybody.
Give it up.

Annabelle, everybody!

Oh, my God, that was so much
fun! Thank you. Thank you...

Howard?

- What the hell was that?
- What the hell was what?

You left me hanging there
on stage.

- And you left Wally at the bar.
- What are you talking about?

- Wally lives at the bar...
- Oh, Wally doesn't live there.

And you, you weren't hanging
on stage.

You, you were hanging
all over that man,

you weren't hanging on stage.

I was not hanging on him.
That's called performing.

Well, I'm getting you home.
Come on, Howard.

- No. No!
- Now, come on. You're drunk!

- Yes, of course, I'm drunk!
- Why are you drunk?

Because I've had
a lot of alcohol...

Okay, that's it, come on.

I'm not sure if this is
a very good idea.

I'm fine. Please leave me,
I'm fine. Please.

Every man says they're fine
when they're not fine.

You know what the trouble
with trouble is?

You don't know you're in trouble
till you're in trouble.

Okay, good.
All right, on you go then.

That was great Broadway music.

Okay, let's stitch that
on a towel, all right.

You know what, I'm just glad
I had a wonderful time

without having so much alcohol.

- Yeah.
- I had a lovely time.

That Jax Spence,
oh, boy, he is adorable!

Love that hair!
I could sing with him all night!

In fact, maybe we'll go on tour!

I think it's been a lovely...

How did Wally
get home before we did?

Well, the dog's not drunk.

- Oh, good point.
- How's your sandwich?

- Heavy.
- Yeah?

Well, that's ham for you.

Go to bed.

- Goodnight, Howard.
- Goodnight, Annabelle.

Come on, Wally.

Don't you just love dogs, Gavin?

They don't care
where they came from.

They're just happy to be here.
Thanks for walking with me.

Hey,
that's genuinely no problem.

I had a septic-tank situation
to attend to.

But in these occasions, well,
I tend to procrastinate a bit.

- A bit?
- Oh, Wally!

Oh, he sees that cat. See?
No, Wally! No, no.

Wally, you're gonna get
full of thistles.

See? This is Howard's problem.

- What?
- Howard with Clare.

"He's the dog, she's the cat."

As you well know, dogs and cats
aren't allowed to mate.

It gets messy. Mm-hmm. Thistles.

But isn't that for them
to figure out?

No, that's my job.
I'm Howard's best friend.

I'm his only friend
and he's my only friend.

He lets me go to the house
to escape

all the insanity of my life

and I go there to help him,
well, from going insane

in that big, lonely,
stupid house.

- Which he loves, by the way.
- I know.

- But he can't afford that.
- I didn't know that.

He's trying to hold on to it
for his son.

- Oh...
- Anyway. Meow!

That's where the cat comes in.

She can afford the house,
but she hates it.

All she's interested in
is that title,

Lady Awd of Loch Lomond.

Once she gets her hands
on that,

she will hightail her
very sweet arse back to London

and Howard will be far more
miserable than he is even now.

How can love survive
in thistles?

Missus, people don't talk
like that in our country.

They don't talk like that
in America either, really.

No, Wally! No!

Howard, I need to speak to you
for a minute, okay?

All right. Whoa!

Somebody's looking for somebody,

but they both regret it
in the morning.

Well, a girl can dream,
right?

Yeah, well, I'm afraid the
pickings are slim here tonight.

There's a me the proprietor
or me the barman

or me the waiter
or there's that guy.

- Oh!
- Yeah.

The first
of tonight's great thinkers.

- Tough choice.
- Well, I'll tell you what?

I'll sit you between us both,

and if he wakes up
and belches and farts

and kinda growls at you,

then I'll make sure
you get a straight shot.

You are so good to me,
aren't you?

- Yes, I am.
- Listen.

I spoke to Gavin
this morning and I...

Can you wait?

Uh-oh.

It's an existentialist
estrogenic dream,

is it not, gentlemen?

A what?

These testosterone-fueled
individuals are here

for a symposium at Glasgow
University just down the road.

They are all fueled up
in the Hegelian dialectic

and it seems like
you are the only member

of the feminine persuasion
in their midst.

The Hege...
What is that, Howard?

- I don't know what that is.
- That's a very good question.

See, they all think they know,
but they don't know. Observe.

Gentlemen, who amongst you
can explain to this

relatively attractive
but obviously uneducated woman

the Hegelian dialectic?

Remembering to keep it simple
because she is only a woman

and not just a woman.

A woman who wanders the Earth
dressed as Mel Gibson

and keeps her dead husband
inside a box of chocolates.

The Hegelian dialectic.
Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel...

I've heard enough.
Gentlemen, good evening.

Do you ever get tired
of that view?

No.

It's like pulling teeth.

It's up here.

I don't think I can get married

if my only son
won't come to the weddin'.

All right.
So why's he not coming?

He doesn't approve of Clare.

Yeah, he's a smart boy,
that boy of yours.

You don't like her either,
do you?

Not keen, no.

What age is George now?

- Twenty-nine.
- Twenty-nine.

I remember...

I like that.

You are the staff, aren't you?

- Yes.
- Mm-hmm.

Can I, uh, can I talk to you
for a minute, please?

- No.
- No, it's very important.

- I don't want to talk to you.
- I think you should hear this.

I don't want to hear anything
you have to say. Okay?

Well, I think it would be
a great kindness to me

if you just stand there
and listen to me for a minute!

I lied to you about my wife.

Y-you're not a widower?

No. I'm a widower.

It's my wife...

Meredith was her name.

Meredith Louise,
which is a beautiful name.

Um, and she had
a beautiful smile

and a beautiful, big heart.

Uh, big enough
for a sorry sod like me.

Well, what happened was that
she got very, very sick...

Um, the type of sick

that by the time
the doctors actually figure out

what's going on, they, uh...

It was too late to actually do
anything about it.

And when,
and when she was gone...

the only way I could get out
of bed in the morning

was to be angry.

You know, I was angry at her.

I begged her
to go to the doctor.

I begged her
to go to the doctor

and then,
and then I was angry at God

'cause I begged God to-to heal
her, and He didn't do anything.

And that's all right
'cause I don't believe in Him

and then angry at myself
'cause I should have moved

heaven and Earth to help her,
but I didn't know what to do.

You see, this place, Awd's Inn,
there's no Awd's Inn.

This was our home.
We lived here for 30 years.

She's still here!

She's in the urn
on top of the mantelpiece.

She wanted to be
cremated, too, and I've...

She was always complaining
about being cold,

so I thought I better put her
next to the fire.

Maybe I should laminate her

and keep her out of the draft.

What I'm sayin' is, I'm sorry.

You have been very open
and honest a-and clear

about your pain,
and I, I've lied about mine.

And I'm sorry.
You're a better person than me.

No, I'm not.

I've been acting, too.

And everybody acts
and everybody lies.

I do wear Spanx.

And I know about your son.
Gavin told me.

It's all fine. It's all fine.

We're just two people
trying to do the best we can do.

Uh, so now
I'm gonna go to Rome.

You're gonna get married
out there.

Clare. Excuse me. Hello?

Hi.

Yes. No, everything's
fine. Where are you?

Did you, uh...

Well, did you get,
did you fix the dress?

Good.

Right, well, uh...

No, no, no, no, no. Not at all.

Everything's fine.

It's all going fine.

Yeah, no, everything's, uh...

Everything is, uh...

Everything's just great.

- Hello! What a treat!
- Whoo-hoo!

Ha-ha!

Oh, look at you.

You look fantastic. How was it?

- Great.
- Mm. Mm-mm-mm.

- Did you get it?
- I did.

- Okay? All right.
- Yup.

So what's required of you next

is something you should never do
away from home.

- Oh, what's that?
- Ever again.

- Oh. How exciting.
- Yes. In you go.

- Yeah.
- Get off upstairs.

I've got a couple of sticks
of butter and a frog mat.

That's not the tent
I picked out.

Ah, Annabelle,
there you are. Uh, meet Clare.

Clare Hollings,
this is Annabelle Wilson

of Nantucket, Massachusetts.

Very nice to meet you.

A-a-and congratulations.

Thank you.
Uh, are you enjoying Scotland?

Oh, what's not to love, right?

It's just, uh, spectacular.

Annabelle fixed my plumbing.

Oh, Howard,
it was just a petcock.

Yeah, but she fixed it so well.

Annabelle and her husband, Fred,
used to run a hardware store

in Nantucket.
She can fix anything.

- Really?
- Hm.

And is your husband here
with you?

No, sadly he, uh,

he passed away
a little over a year ago.

Oh. So sorry.

She has a very interesting way
of working through her grief.

- Tell her what you...
- Howard, no. No.

Clare doesn't wanna
talk about me.

This is a very happy time
in your life.

I remember happy.
You think it's never gonna end.

Um, I'm gonna leave you two
lovebirds, okay?

Howard, I think I'm gonna go
into the village, all right?

To that little cafe where we
rode the bikes the other night.

Don't worry about me for supper.

And, uh, so nice to meet you,

and I wish you and Howard
all the happiness in the world.

- Careful on the bike.
- Uh, yeah. I will.

You rode a bike?

I did. You believe that?

- Hm.
- Can't remember the last time.

- Where did you go?
- Just to the village.

And to the pub for a dram.

Annabelle thought
it'd be a good idea.

You know, she was right. It was.

I'm sure.

Wally, you like it? Yeah?

Do you think
Annabelle is good-looking?

- Good-looking?
- Yeah, you know, uh...

You know, beautiful.

Beautiful?

What, in a classical sense,
like, Da Vinci's Mona Lisa

or a Rembrandt?

Beautiful in that sense? No.

She described herself to me
as completely ordinary.

I don't know what that means.

You see, Clare... Not ordinary.

But you have to ask yourself

what do you really like
about her.

There's a reason things
didn't work out back then.

People don't change.

Oh, no, I-I think people change.

They-they change as-as you want
different things in life.

All right then,
what do you want now

that you didn't want then?

Well, I'd like a sense
of purpose to go with my pulse,

I suppose, I mean, I've lost...

Stopped trying to get it
from books.

I used to want to try and
explain the universe to myself.

Now I think
I'd just settle for being happy.

See this big house you live in?

It's not worth a shit
unless you're happy in it.

I go home and Winnie
and the kids every night

and all I get is shouting,
bawling, screaming, swearing,

snot flying everywhere.

It's utter chaos. But you see,
the thing is, it's my chaos.

And they are the very reason
I flush other people's shit

down the drain every day.
They need me.

And I suppose, well,
I need them.

Oh. Look at this.

- Have you spoken to George?
- No.

Uh, well, he'll come around
sooner or later.

You were a good father.

All right, watch this.

- Oh! Ah!
- Yeah, lucky.

So where are we going
to have dinner?

The best place in town.

- The Loch Lomond Arms?
- No. Awd's Inn.

Ugh! Howard, you know
I like to get out and about.

Well, we are out.
We're out by the fountain.

And we are about to be served
my famous Bouillabaisse

by my infamous friend, Gavin.

Uh, yeah, it must be hard
to get good staff these days.

Oh, come on. Here you go.

Darling, it looks delicious.
Ooh.

Um, sorry, Gavin.

I think
I just had a long journey.

Me-me-me...

You know, until yesterday

Annabelle thought
I had a full staff.

Why would you care
what she thinks?

- I don't know. Pride, I suppose.
- Pride?

Howard, she's just a guest here,
nothing more.

I can't even begin to understand
why that woman's opinion

would matter to you
in the slightest.

Maybe I'm embarrassed
about having to run an inn

in a place that used to be
my home or...

I don't know, maybe I have
a smidgen of dignity left.

I mean, look, it's hard enough
with you being

so much more successful
than I am.

You've never mentioned that
to me.

Well, it's true,
I used to have everything.

You know, I had a beautiful,
loving, supportive spouse.

I used to have
a, an interesting career.

I used to have a home
that nourished my soul.

I know all about
what you've lost,

but I'm supposed to be
what you've found, remember?

- Clare, please...
- I...

I don't know
what's come over you.

I left this house last week

and you were a man who seemed

to care about me
and wanted to marry me.

I do care about you.
It's just that...

Just what?

Suddenly feel differently
because this...

simple little woman
turns up here

from some godforsaken island
in the Atlantic?

She's not that simple,
she's complicated

like everybody else
is complicated.

You know, and she's sweet
and smart and funny and nice.

And what else?

More at home than I am in this

sorry excuse for an estate?

- Oh, hey.
- I mean, it's embarrassing.

I'm gonna bring my designers
down here immediately

to see if they can figure out
how to make it presentable.

We can move down to London
during the renovations.

Renovations?

My family have been
in this place for generations.

You can change that,
the carpets and the curtains...

But you can't go messing around

with the character
of this magnificent...

Magnificent? Oh, okay, okay.

Howard, you are the one
that needs to get out more.

- Hm.
- You're right.

I do need to get out.

I need to get out
of this wedding and so do you.

- What?
- Let's be honest.

You don't like my home,
you don't like my best friend,

you don't like my Bouillabaisse,

you don't really like me
very much.

Loo, stop it, Howard.
You are being ridiculous!

Am I? Gavin asked me the other
day what I liked about you.

And I had to stop to think.

That's cruel.

No, it's not.

What's cruel
is two people using each other

to get what they want

and not carin' who they hurt
in the process.

Let's just be kind for a change.

I thought
you were over Meredith.

You wanted a new life.
A, an exciting life.

The irony is that I am,
I am ready for a new life.

Just not with you.

I'm sorry.

You want me to wrap this
up for take-away?

- You're an asshole.
- I'm sorry.

- You all right?
- No.

- The mail came.
- We call it...

the post in this country.

I just got
the letter

I've been waiting for.

Oh, it smells good.
Where is Clare?

Huh?

Clare, your fiancee.

- Remember her?
- Yes, of course.

It seems she left London
without everything she needed.

She can't get everything
she needs here in Loch Lomond?

Apparently not.

Do you have
a lot of family here still?

Yeah, yeah, you know,
aunts, uncles, cousins,

that kind of thing.

Did your, uh, father
have a sister?

Yes.

Is she still alive?

It's hard to tell sometimes
with her.

She's old and kinda doesn't move
much. What-what's going on?

Did she ever get married,
have children?

Did she, did she ever go
to Nantucket?

Well, don't...
W-w-what's happening?

Is her name Arlene?

Yes.

She's Fred's mother.

Can you take me to her?

Ah, s-sure. Yeah.

Okay.

And, uh, can you take me
to the train station after?

- A-a-ah, uh-huh.
- Okay.

Okay.

Crazy, right?

I thought
you came to Scotland

because you wanted to dress up

like you were in Braveheart.

I didn't think you were here
on a mission

to find out your late husband

was in my family tree.

What else was in your post?

Everything,
all the records

from the Cottage Hospital
in Nantucket.

It was all there.

Fred had just found out

that he was adopted.

Your Aunt Arlene
was working for a lovely lady

named Mary Wilson on Nantucket
one summer.

Well, she got pregnant,
but she was unmarried

so she knew
she couldn't go home.

She had the baby right there,

and Mary Wilson adopted him,

and that baby was Fred.

Hello, Howard.
Come to say goodbye, have you?

Hello, Arlene.
No, I've come to say hello.

How are you? You look great.

Oh, listen, honestly, shut up.

Uh, w-who, who's this?

This is my friend from America.

She's, uh, from, uh,

Nantucket, actually.

I knew this would happen

at some point.

Come. Sit by me
and let me have a look at you.

Hello, Arlene, I'm Annabelle.

- Annabelle?
- Yes.

You've come a long way,
Annabelle.

- Yes. Yeah.
- Why?

Because I had to

and I wanted to.

But I was afraid to.

Why were you...
What were you afraid of?

The truth, I guess,
whatever that turned out to be.

Mm. The truth. Uh...

I've spent my whole life
trying to hide it.

It's a most complete
and total waste of time.

What?

You're saying
that the truth is not important?

No! I'm saying that truth
is the only thing that matters.

Truth being...

What happened to my baby?

He lived a great life

until, uh... I'm sorry.

He, he died
a little over a year ago.

He was, uh...

He had just found out
about you and, and he,

and he was making plans
to come and meet you.

- When he...
- Fell off the ladder.

You know?

Yeah, I've subscribed

to the Nantucket Inquirer
and, what's the other one?

- Examiner?
- Yes.

Ever since I left the island.

- Oh.
- I know.

I know all about you.

- What is this?
- It's my scrapbook.

You must look at it.

Oh, my gosh!
It's our whole family history.

Oh, look. That's when we opened
the hardware store.

- Yes, it is...
- Look at this is...

Lifelong Nantucket resident.

- Yes. Oh, my goodness.
- Mm?

There's a lot.

Oh, I have something
for you, Arlene.

I wanted to bring
some of Fred's ashes home

to his mother.

Oh. Bless you, Annabelle.
Thank you.

It's in this box
because

Forrest Gump
was his, his favorite movie.

Uh, this...

We had the same sense of humor.

And the same eyes.

He looked so much like you.
He was beautiful.

What you have to do,
both of you,

is to learn
how to be happy again.

Not easy.

You have to work at it
rather hard, I think.

Well, you've got to take her
home, Howard. Don't be a fool.

Pick her up and take her.
She's the girl.

Goodbye, Arlene.

- I'll come back and see you.
- Will you?

Yes. I will. I promise.

- That would be nice.
- You stay well.

- I'll try.
- Okay.

Cheerio, Arlene.

Can I, uh, take a chocolate?

- No.
- Why not?

- You never eat them.
- Which one are you gonna have?

Well, I thought I could choose.

Oh. Well, my favorite... Oh.

- Do you want one?
- No.

All right then,
I'll just take the plate.

See you later.

You know,
that was strange.

- Weird, you know?
- I thought it was very moving.

- It was to me.
- That may be it.

What do you think she meant
when she said, "Howard,

take her home, don't be a fool?"

What's that about?

I have no idea.

She's your aunt.

I would think that you would
tell me what she meant.

Maybe.

Or maybe she meant...

- What are you doing?
- Taking you home.

I'm going to miss my train.

- Oh, no!
- Yes, I am...

- Oh. Oh, no!
- Oh, yes.

And that's
the only train in Scotland.

What? She clearly said,
"Take her home, Howard."

- I was just taking instructions.
- Yes.

And she also clearly said,

"Don't be a fool."

- Okay?
- She's a mad, old lady.

She doesn't know
what she's talking about.

I've missed my train,
which means

I've missed my flight.

I should be halfway to Rome
by now.

Well, I tell you what.

Tonight I make you
spaghetti and a meatballs

and you pretend you're in Rome.

Oh, fantastico.

And then I can dress up
a maybe like a, Audrey Hepburn.

And you can pretend that-that
you kinda find me attractive.

No, no, Audrey Hepburn,
she's a small like a stick.

It's not good for me.
I'm Italian man.

Oh! Oh, see. So, uh, so you want
a little more meat on the bone?

- Oh, yeah.
- Uh, say...

So like a Sophia Loren, huh?
Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna take the luggage
out of the trunk.

And, by the way,
Wally is very happy to see you.

- Grazie. Prego.
- Prego.

Come on.

Once again,
my compliments to the chef.

He really is amazing.

I'll be sure to tell him.

Do you think they can see us?

- Who?
- Meredith, Fred?

Oh. Well, you mean, like looking
down from heaven or something?

- Yeah.
- I don't know.

I'm still wrestling with
the whole enlightenment thing.

- Do you miss Meredith?
- Yup.

- You miss Fred?
- Mm-hmm.

- Think we always will?
- Oh, God, I hope not.

But now you have, uh,
you've got Clare.

Actually, no.

But she's
coming back from London.

- No.
- Are you okay?

Right as rain
on a Scottish plain,

which is something no one
would ever say in Scotland.

I don't know why I said it.

I'm spending too much time
around you.

I have to go and lock up.

Why don't you meet me for
a nightcap in the fancy room?

That's the one with the big fire
and the big sofas.

Everything's bigger
in the fancy room.

Mm-hmm.

I'll lock up.

This was my late wife's

favorite room in the house.

You saw that, didn't you?

- All of it?
- Yeah.

But I agree with Meredith.
It is the most beautiful room.

It's mine, too.
You know what it's got?

It's got great bones.

I can't believe I just did that.

- Did what?
- The thing with the forehead.

Remember,
in the The Way We Were?

When Barbra Streisand does that
to Hubbell. Oh, my gosh...

What are you saying,
I need a haircut?

No, not your hair. No. I just,
I-I love that movie.

I'd forgotten
it needs to be on my list.

Oh, I-I don't like that movie.

How can you not like that movie?

I'm Scottish.
We're a stubborn people.

Here's the problem.

My crazy Aunt Arlene

was Fred's mother,

which means,
the dead man in the sweetie box

was my cousin, which means,

I really want to have sex
with my dead cousin's widow

the day after I dumped
my fiancee.

That is some sick shit,
Annabelle, even for Scotland.

You... talk too much.

The Awd's Inn experience.

No talking. No singing.

Just whoopie!

On the shores of Loch Lomond,

in a castle fit for a king

or a plumber,

love went kaboom!

Mrs. Wilson! Mrs. Wilson!

Ow!

Where did you learn

all of that stuff?

I thought you were stuck
in an island

for 32 years.

I was,
but I was in love.

It came naturally to me.

Can I ask you
a personal question?

Sure.

Did you and Fred
watch a lot of, um,

pornography?

I didn't find pornography sexy,

I found Fred sexy.

Big difference between
making love and having sex.

Don't you think?

I don't know
what I think anymore.

Why don't you hop back in
and run it by me one more time?

No. And I'll tell
you why I'm not gonna do that.

Because I'm not gonna miss
another train

because of you, Mr. Awd.

- You can't go now.
- Why not?

Because...

You think that because we spent
one great night,

I should change all my plans
for you?

- Yes.
- Well, you're wrong!

No, I gave up my dreams once
for a man.

I'm not gonna do that again.

Well, you can't go. You're
the best plumber in Scotland.

Gavin will get better.

Mm, you got skills
Gavin will never have.

- Is that a compliment?
- It is a compliment.

Hm. Good.

There's another reason
you can't go.

- And what's that one?
- I'm pregnant.

We're cats
and dogs. You know it.

We just get into thistles
and make a mess.

No, we were not meant to mate.

What would you call
what we've just been doing?

- Grief.
- No.

No, grief is, grief is crying
till you got no tears left.

Grief is,
is drinking into oblivion.

Grief is getting tattoos
to feel a different pain.

What we were doing
was life-affirming.

And all that moaning
and groaning and screaming.

I didn't scream.

- Well, somebody screamed.
- You screamed, and many times.

- Well, I was scared.
- You had reason to be.

See, the thing
about last night is...

I just had no idea

you could be so tender.

- Neither did I.
- Come on.

I can't go yet.
I'm still tender.

Oh, the old petcock?

The petcock's ruined.

Oh, well, call a plumber.

Yeah, I'll call Gavin.

He wouldn't know what to do
with it.

Scare him.

I am gonna miss you
a little bit.

I know. I'll miss you, too.

Ah! What are you gonna miss
the most?

Your arse.

Oh. I don't have any ass.

I know. I missed it
the first time as well.

What else are you gonna miss?

You.

I don't understand
why you're leaving.

Howard,
I've told you. I have a list.

Well, you know what?
Forget your list.

You know what? Slow
down. You're going too fast.

While we're on
the subject, Forrest Gump

is a terrible movie.

Every woman in that movie dies

because she has the audacity
to leave the house.

That's a misogynistic movie.

I'm amazed
that you're into that.

I didn't say
I was into it.

I said Fred was into it.
He loved it.

Hey. Hey, slow down.

Don't tell me to slow down

on roads I've been driving on
my whole life.

I don't think that's really any

of your business anymore.

You're going
too fast.

What gives you the right

to boss me around
while you're leaving?

You've gotta slow down!

My God!

Oh!

Oh, my God!

- You okay?
- No!

Oh!

But Fred was never in that box,
you know?

He's in there.
He's in your heart!

You have no fucking idea

what's in my heart.

You're going the wrong way.

It's, it's,
s-station's that way.

You know, Howard doesn't really
like anyone.

He lives in a house alone
because he likes being alone.

But he's different with you,
you know?

You know, Annabelle?

I think you're probably meant
to be here.

The house is telling you.

Fred's telling you.

In his,
in his own un-artful way,

Howard is telling you as well.

You know, I think
you've been pretty stubborn,

if you don't mind me saying.

And I thought us Scots had
the monopoly on that bullshit.

Would you like a sweetie?

We're gonna have to take
the tent down, Gavin.

Why?

Well, nobody's getting married.

Gee, that seems like
such a shame.

- Tragedy.
- Mm.

Shakespearean.

Look.

I'm not gonna say
all those things

that Americans like to hear.

I'm not going to talk
like I'm in a greeting card.

We don't talk like that here,
like they do in your movies.

So you never tell a woman
that you're in love with her?

Of course, we do,
we just, you know,

we just don't say it that way.

We say it like, um,

"Your hair looks nice."

Your hair looks nice.

Kinda ash blown, it's...

- It's a good look for you.
- You're such an asshole!

I am. Right, I'm an asshole.

But I'm an enlightened one.

And I'm all yours.

Don't you sing. Do not sing.

- No. No.
- One line?

Please don't sing.

It's not a good time.

You're a good singer, but...

There's a time and a place.

Hello, dad.

Hello, son.
I thought you weren't coming.

Aye, well,
well, I changed my mind.

So did I.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you Lord and Lady Awd

of Loch Lomond!

I love you, boy!

Thanks.

Not bad. It's not bad.

- Oh!
- Oh!

Kiddo.

- Love you.
- She loves you.

I love you too, Aunt Arlene.

Oh!

My lace has come undone
on my giant fancy shoe.

I want to show you something.

I might have seen it.

No, no, no. Not that.

You'd be sick at the sight
of that by the mornin'.

- No, this is something else.
- What is it?

This, my darling...

this is my last secret.

Come on.

Remember how I told you
how bad off I was

after Meredith died?

Yes.

Well, it was actually much worse
than I said.

And it was Gavin who told me,
"Howard, you can't go on

like this or you're gonna die,
you need to start building