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In 1985, little John Bennett
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00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,302
wished on a shooting star
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that his teddy bear
would come to life.
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Magically, it happened.
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Ted was an instant,
worldwide phenomenon.
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But now, it's 1993.
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And like every phenomenon,
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eventually, nobody gives a shit.
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Fuck, it's not working.
Here, let me try something,
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You got to blow on it.
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That's what I'm doing.
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No, no, you got to
like really blow on it.
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Here.
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Wow, you are going to make
some guy very happy one day.
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Fuck off.
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Try it again with eye contact.
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Fuck you, man.
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See if it works.
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Hey!
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All right, Mushroom Kingdom.
21
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Anybody seen my car keys?
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Yeah, they were on the floor.
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Dad stepped on them and got mad.
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What'd he do with 'em?
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Think he threw 'em.
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Shit.
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Hey, are Mario and Luigi
supposed to be midgets?
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What do you mean?
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They're wicked short.
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Like, is it part
of their character
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that they're midgets, or is--
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Jesus Christ. Seriously?
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What?
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Little people.
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Yeah, that's why I'm asking.
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Are they supposed to be midgets?
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You don't say "midget."
You say "little people."
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- "Midget" is rude.
- Why is it rude?
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Because it just is.
It's a fucked-up word.
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I mean, how would you like it
if you were a little person
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and someone called you that?
42
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Well, I mean, technically--
43
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- That's not the same.
- Why not?
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You're a teddy bear.
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So what?
Doesn't matter.
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Yeah, yeah, you know what?
I ama midget.
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And I will thank you
not to tell ourcommunity
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00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:02,956
how to use ourword.
49
00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:04,165
Well done, Teddy.
50
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,333
Thank you.
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00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,047
Susan, just say it once.
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- Nope.
- Just one time.
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- No.
- She's not going to do it.
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Come on, just one "fuck."
55
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No, she doesn't
want to go to hell.
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00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:17,470
Come on, Susan.
57
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:20,223
I can express myself
without that kind of language.
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- Thank you.
- Come on, we got a bet going.
59
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- Just one time.
- What's the bet?
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00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:25,270
Oh, that Ted can
get Mom to swear.
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00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:27,063
Oh, wow, so fucking adult.
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Hey, we're at dinner.
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Just say "shit."
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Shoot.
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00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:33,820
Just give us the finger.
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00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:34,904
There's your finger.
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00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:35,905
Say "Polack."
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00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:37,157
Ted, really?
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00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:38,575
It's not a race.
You can say it.
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00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:39,760
Yeah, it's just a bunch of guys.
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00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:42,162
OK, just eat your supper,
fellas.
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00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,163
She's not going to swear, man.
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00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:44,706
- I win.
- Ah, fuck.
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00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,583
Pay up.
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Thank you.
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00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:50,837
Wait, you're not wearing pants.
Where'd you get this?
77
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,882
Don't you worry about where
I'm keeping stuff.
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00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:56,343
Matty, honey,
that's your fourth beer.
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Yeah, I had a shit day.
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00:02:58,219 --> 00:02:59,721
Yeah, four is like a Boston one.
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00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:00,805
He's OK.
82
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,640
I'm sorry your day was hard,
honey.
83
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,726
Yeah, well,
sorry doesn't fix the car.
84
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,144
What happened to the car, Dad?
85
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,812
Whole rear fender got smashed.
86
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,938
Well, how bad is it?
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00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,374
It's going to be at least
400 bucks.
88
00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:12,567
- Who hit it?
- I didn't see.
89
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:15,612
But I was parked outside
the Hong Kong buffet, so...
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00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:17,405
Do the math.
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00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:19,157
I'm sorry, what?
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00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,367
I'm just saying.
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00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:23,370
Wow, that is such
complete bullshit.
94
00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:24,621
Hey, we're at dinner.
95
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:26,373
It's a bullshit stereotype.
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00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:27,749
Tell that to my car.
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Swear to God,
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00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,169
this whole household
is so goddamn backward.
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00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,380
Ted has used two derogatory
terms this afternoon.
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00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:34,673
And then there you go
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00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,067
topping it off
with that ignorant comment.
102
00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:37,526
I said "midget."
What was the other one?
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00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:38,802
Yeah, I don't know.
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00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,321
You're living in my house
with my family,
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eating our food,
and drinking our milk.
106
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:43,491
Tough shit if you don't like it.
107
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That's just--that's great.
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00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:45,892
I'm so glad you don't count me
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as a member of the family,
Uncle Matty.
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Maybe "Polack"?
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00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:50,790
No, couldn't be that.
That one's fine.
112
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Blaire, you are absolutely
a member of this family.
113
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Matty, tell her you're sorry.
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Of course he won't.
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Because if he did,
he'd be admitting I'm right,
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00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:02,575
which would also be admitting
he is a classic Boston racist.
117
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,411
I'm not a racist!
118
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,413
My favorite movie is "Rocky."
119
00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:08,331
How the fuck does that
make you not racist?
120
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,208
Uh,
Apollo Creed is in the movie.
121
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,584
So?
122
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,920
So he's a Black guy who
wins against a white guy.
123
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,380
Oh, my God.
124
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,233
I mean, it's assuming
you count Italians as whites,
125
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which I mostly do.
126
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,760
Of course, they weren't white
up until the 1960s.
127
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:23,096
They got a big bump after Korea.
128
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,181
And it wasn't so much
they got more white,
129
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,976
the Cubans got more Black,
but I was OK with that too.
130
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,227
Isn't this the toast
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00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,329
that got you kicked out
of Ronny's wedding?
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00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:31,646
Again, I was explaining
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00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,523
why it was OK that
he married an Italian.
134
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:34,733
Jesus Christ.
135
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,317
You are literally
proving my point.
136
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,111
You are a raging fuckin' racist.
137
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,571
Hey, we're at dinner.
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00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:43,950
Well, in fairness, Blaire,
you can be racist too.
139
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,160
- What?
- Mm-hmm.
140
00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:46,536
No, I'm not.
141
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:48,830
Do you remember when
you were a little girl?
142
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:51,708
You used to cut the hair
off your Barbies?
143
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,126
Yes?
144
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:55,545
You used to cut the
Black Barbie's hair off first
145
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:56,921
to see how it looked.
146
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,090
Oh, come on.
Are you serious with that?
147
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,342
And then if you liked it,
148
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,968
then you'd cut
the white Barbie's hair.
149
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,137
So you're a little racist too,
Blaire.
150
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,973
Wow, that is weirdly
so much more damning
151
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,516
than anything else today.
152
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:09,994
And it started when
she was very young too.
153
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,978
Are you guys
for fucking real right now?
154
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,814
I mean, that is some sick
Nazi doctor shit right there.
155
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,441
Did you?
156
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,817
What?
157
00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:21,363
Did you cut
the Black Barbie's hair first?
158
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:26,201
Fine, yes, OK, I cut the
Black Barbie's hair, yes.
159
00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:27,577
I was eight years old, OK?
160
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:28,846
I didn't fucking
know any better.
161
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,705
What was
the Black Barbie's name?
162
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:34,968
- I don't remember.
- Oh, it gets even worse!
163
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,604
Oh, my God, she can't remember
the Black Barbie's name.
164
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,880
But I still love
both Barbies equally.
165
00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,507
- And separately?
- Yeah, yeah.
166
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:41,859
What was the water fountain
situation like
167
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,603
- at the Dream House?
- Yeah, was there like
168
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,195
a special entrance
for the Black Barbie?
169
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:46,513
- Look--
- Oh.
170
00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:47,698
Did you call it
the "I Have a Dream House"?
171
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,849
- A-ha!
- OK, I was a fucking child.
172
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:52,018
All right?
At least I have that excuse.
173
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,520
You guys are adults.
174
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,188
You know what the problem is?
175
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,606
Education.
176
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,900
There is a complete lack
of education in this family.
177
00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,360
That's not true.
I go to school.
178
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:02,404
I'm taking a pottery class.
179
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,239
What about Ted? Hmm?
180
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,050
He's never had
a day of education in his life,
181
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,368
and it shows,
using words like "Polack."
182
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:09,619
Oh, it was "Polack."
183
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:12,205
The teacher says
my ashtray shows promise.
184
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:14,708
You should be going to school
every day with John.
185
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,292
You'd learn something.
186
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:17,645
And maybe you wouldn't make
all these ignorant comments.
187
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,295
Uh, yeah, no thanks.
188
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:20,338
Why not?
189
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,090
Because.
190
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,258
TV.
191
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:24,634
Aunt Suze, help me out.
192
00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:26,469
Well, Ted, you might have fun.
193
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:27,887
Mm-hmm.
194
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:29,657
And I'm sure John would love
to have you there.
195
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,599
No, no, I would not have fun.
196
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,435
And "The Price is Right" is on
at 10:00 a.m.
197
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,894
and I'd miss Plinko
198
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:37,272
and Johnny respects me too much
to want me to do that.
199
00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:38,648
I do.
I respect him.
200
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,525
He tells me all about Plinko
when I get home.
201
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:41,860
That is such a cop-out.
202
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,070
Look, I guard the house
when you guys are out.
203
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,572
You do not.
204
00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:46,990
- Yeah, I do.
- How?
205
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:49,075
If somebody broke in,
what would you do?
206
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:52,162
I--I would tell him all the
good stuff's in the backyard
207
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,539
and then I'd lock the door
behind him.
208
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,624
This is pointless.
I have plans with Sarah.
209
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,546
Oh, Plinko was wonderful today.
210
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,840
Plinko is the best
"Price is Right" game.
211
00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:04,758
It is.
212
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:08,219
We live in such special times.
213
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:16,478
$1,000 total thus far.
214
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:17,937
- Oh, God.
- Third one is...
215
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:18,813
Oh, God.
216
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:19,957
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
217
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,775
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck.
218
00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,818
Yes! Ah!
Oh, my God!
219
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:26,738
I want to tell somebody.
220
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,281
No, it's OK.
It's all right.
221
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:30,325
This will be my moment.
222
00:07:31,659 --> 00:07:34,496
All right, another day
with the house to myself.
223
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:35,955
What's fun?
224
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,874
What's fun? What's fun?
What's fun? What's fun?
225
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:43,004
Oh, let's see if we can find
where Matty hides his porn.
226
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,011
Jesus, he's got nothing?
227
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:51,805
25 years of marriage
and no porn,
228
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:53,181
I'd put a bullet in my head.
229
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,141
Oh, here we go.
230
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:57,977
Oh, talk about
the right to bear arms.
231
00:07:58,019 --> 00:08:00,188
Bear arms bearing arms, right?
232
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:03,650
Oh, man, everybody's
missing all this great stuff.
233
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:06,695
Oh, wait. Oh, I know
what to do with this.
234
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:24,212
Awesome!
235
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:27,048
Oh, I am so glad
I tried this at home.
236
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,676
What the hell was that?
237
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,261
Oh, it's OK, Mrs. Fechko.
238
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,179
I'm just doing
a science experiment.
239
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,973
Is that a gun?
240
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,726
I mean, that's one function
of it, yeah.
241
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,269
Well, what are you shooting at?
242
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:40,270
Nothing.
243
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:41,229
Are you sure?
244
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,272
Yeah.
245
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:43,313
All right.
246
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,109
Oops!
247
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:53,616
Ah, fuck.
248
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:05,003
The Russian boxer has
all this technology, right?
249
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,130
But Rocky's way up
in the mountains.
250
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,257
And all he's got is,
like, logs and shit.
251
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:12,052
So it's wicked uneven
because the Russians
252
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,846
have machines for, like,
every part of Drago's body.
253
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:19,309
But you know what part
they don't have a machine for?
254
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:21,269
This guy, right here.
255
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:22,729
Aw, you should have seen it.
256
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,940
I'm sure I still can.
It sounds like they filmed it.
257
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,293
I don't know how we started
talking about abortion
258
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,526
and ended up here.
259
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,712
I don't have to pick you up
tomorrow, right?
260
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,781
No, I got the rental.
261
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,616
What the fuck?
262
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:41,122
Aw.
263
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:42,749
Oh. Hey, Matty.
Hey, Blaire.
264
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:43,917
What the fuck is this?
265
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:46,169
Oh, this is Cupcake, Peaches,
266
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:47,420
and Beef Stroganoff.
267
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:48,463
Hi.
268
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:49,523
What happened to the TV?
269
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,466
Oh, I accidentally shot it.
270
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:52,801
You shot it?
271
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,803
Yeah, and I felt
really bad about it.
272
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,681
And then I was like,
"Hey, Ted, it was an accident.
273
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,557
"Stop being so hard on yourself.
274
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,975
"It's bad enough
that it happened.
275
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,395
You feeling bad's
not going to fix it."
276
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,729
So I called these ladies
277
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,123
because I was trying
to make myself feel better.
278
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,941
And I do. I feel better.
279
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,859
See, this is the kind of shit
280
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,611
that wouldn't happen
if he was in school.
281
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:12,612
Wait, what?
282
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,072
You're going to school.
283
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,966
Wait, hang on.
That is a serious overreaction.
284
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,033
You're going to school,
285
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:18,594
and you're going to grow
a fucking brain!
286
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,953
Oh, come on!
287
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,621
I think brains are sexy.
288
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,665
Shut up, Beef.
289
00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:36,302
Hey, Johnny, you awake?
290
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,637
Yeah.
291
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,431
I was just jerking off.
292
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,724
What?
293
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,726
Relax, I'm fucking with you.
294
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:44,686
Holy Jesus.
295
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:45,997
Wait, you're-- you don't do that
296
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,188
when I'm in the room, right?
297
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,940
No.
298
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,985
Not usually.
I mean, if you're asleep.
299
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:55,780
Oh, shit, that's why I had
the Spanish galleon dream.
300
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:56,990
What?
301
00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:58,134
I had a dream the other night
302
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,577
that I was rowing
on a Spanish slave ship.
303
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:03,955
And the guy on the drums was
pounding faster and faster.
304
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,999
And so I escaped
by jumping out a window,
305
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:07,834
and I swam to a desert island.
306
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,002
And when I came ashore,
307
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:11,129
there you were jerking off.
308
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,882
That's probably why
I had that dream.
309
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:18,845
OK, goodnight.
310
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,681
Johnny, how bad
is school going to suck?
311
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,433
You're not going to like it.
312
00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:25,352
How bad?
313
00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:27,604
You ever drink orange juice
after brushing your teeth?
314
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:28,646
Yeah.
315
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:29,856
Well, it's like
316
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:30,916
getting your nuts
smashed together so hard,
317
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,692
they become just one nut.
318
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:35,028
Holy shit.
And that's every day?
319
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:37,822
That's every single day.
320
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,216
But if you die
in a drunk driving accident,
321
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,951
you get a whole page
in the yearbook.
322
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,161
Not quite "Goodnight Moon,"
323
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,497
but I'll see you in the morning.
324
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,213
This sucks.
325
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,048
We got to lug these things
around all day?
326
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:56,257
Yeah, pretty much.
327
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,551
- We look stupid.
- Nah, we're fine.
328
00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:00,762
We look like suicide bombers
having second thoughts.
329
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:01,888
Shut the fuck up.
330
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,074
You can't joke about bombs here.
331
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:05,725
Now let me ask you something.
332
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:06,893
You ever get self-conscious
333
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,812
being the only white guy
at your school?
334
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,772
I dunno,
we live in a Boston suburb.
335
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:12,399
Oh, last year,
we had an Indian kid.
336
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,441
Oh, yeah?
337
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:14,526
Yeah, but they got him.
338
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,735
What does that mean?
339
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,070
I liked him too.
340
00:12:17,112 --> 00:12:18,422
What do you mean "they got him"?
341
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:19,739
He used to share his Dunkaroos.
342
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,533
- Good guy.
- Fuck this, Johnny.
343
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,618
You know what?
I'm going to get expelled.
344
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,036
For what?
345
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,514
I don't know yet.
I'll come up with something.
346
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,057
Wait, you're going to try
and get kicked out?
347
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,834
It's the only way.
I'm missing "Card Sharks."
348
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:36,631
Dude, look.
349
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:37,799
There she is.
350
00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:38,800
What?
351
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:40,510
Look.
352
00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:42,846
Holy shit, who is that?
353
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,264
Bethany's sister.
354
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,933
She goes to Emerson.
Hottest chick on the planet.
355
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,893
Jesus, what's her name?
356
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:49,936
Sheila.
357
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,896
- What? No.
- Yep.
358
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,398
- Sheila?
- Uh-huh.
359
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,568
What the fuck kind of
malevolent God would do that?
360
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,254
Yeah, it's like her parents
knew she was going to be hot,
361
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,463
and they wanted
to level the field.
362
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,114
Think fast, Bennett!
363
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:02,157
Nice!
364
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,950
- Fuck.
- Hey, dork.
365
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,118
What the fuck you got here?
366
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,619
You're bringing your dolls
to school?
367
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:07,704
Hey, fuck you, Clive.
368
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,040
Oh, God, you motherfucker.
369
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,125
- Who the hell is this guy?
- This is Clive.
370
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:13,626
Nice teddy bear, Bennett.
371
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:16,504
You got your blankie too? Ooh.
372
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,506
You must be going full gay
on us, huh?
373
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:20,467
I always knew you were
a big queer.
374
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,445
You know, I don't want
to speculate on who's gay,
375
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:26,014
but didn't you just
touch his penis twice?
376
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,825
Hey, listen, man,
it's nothing to be ashamed of.
377
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,726
It's the '90s.
Times are changing.
378
00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:32,312
Hey, anybody else here gay?
379
00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:33,396
How is it?
380
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:35,315
- It's great.
- It's the fucking tits.
381
00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:37,525
See? There you go.
The reviews are in.
382
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:40,445
You're still a fucking dork.
383
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,822
Hey, what a dorko.
384
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,616
Let's go.
385
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,285
Hey, you know what, Teddy?
386
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,953
I think I'm really glad
you're here.
387
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,121
Yeah, thanks.
388
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,223
I'm still going
to get kicked out.
389
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:53,291
I know.
390
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,169
From 1814 to 1815,
following the writing
391
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:58,171
of "Childe Harold's Pilgrimage,"
392
00:13:58,213 --> 00:14:00,757
Lord Byron was the toast
of Regency London.
393
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,093
During this period, he wrote
"The Siege of Corinth,"
394
00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:06,971
"The Bride of Abydos,"
and what else?
395
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,765
- Amanda.
- "Terracina."
396
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,433
Yes.
Someone did the homework.
397
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:11,893
Very good.
398
00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:14,479
I think this guy's lost
40 hairs since class started.
399
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:15,438
It's weird, right?
400
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,439
It's like
they're not falling out.
401
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:18,191
They're jumping out.
402
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,026
- Ted.
- Yes?
403
00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:21,569
Can you complete this verse?
404
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:25,407
"She walks in beauty, like
the night of cloudless climes
405
00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:26,991
"and starry skies.
406
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:30,453
And all that's best
of dark and bright..."
407
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:32,622
Your wife is fucking other guys.
408
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,546
You think you're funny,
but you know what?
409
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,214
Joke's on you, smart guy,
410
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:43,550
because my wife and I are
having problems.
411
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:45,552
- Oh.
- Yeah.
412
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:46,720
I'm sorry to hear that.
413
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:48,096
Oh, thank you.
414
00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:50,974
Um, my wife had
an affair last year.
415
00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:52,559
And we've both tried to recover,
416
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,687
but fact is, neither one of us
has been able to forget it.
417
00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:59,399
So I come in here every day
acting like my life is great
418
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:03,278
when, in reality,
it's a train wreck.
419
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,363
My own son
doesn't respect his father,
420
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,241
so joke's on you, funny man.
421
00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:10,785
Not really quite sure
how the joke's on me,
422
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:12,120
- but--
- Who's laughing now?
423
00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:13,913
I mean,
I think I still am, but--
424
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,999
Life comes with
a lot of pain, kids.
425
00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:17,500
So better you learn
that right now
426
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:21,421
and develop some nice, hard
calluses over your feelings.
427
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:23,214
My daughter is having
a pregnancy scare.
428
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,966
Anyone want to talk about that?
429
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,427
Well, we're gonna talk about it!
430
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:30,722
Her last period
was five weeks ago!
431
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,600
I know this because
432
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:36,519
I'm the only one in the house
who buys tampons.
433
00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:38,372
Yeah, I don't think you're
going to break Mr. George.
434
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:39,939
He's already too messed up.
435
00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:41,232
Yeah, I see that.
436
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,460
So what are you going to do?
437
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:44,569
How are you going
to get kicked out?
438
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,867
Better put some more franks on.
439
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:51,951
All right.
440
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:55,914
I'm the king of the wieners!
441
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,839
Ted Bennett, please report
to the principal's office.
442
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,883
Well, don't mind if I do.
443
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:10,887
Ted, do you know where
my last job was?
444
00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:13,181
Um, were you on "Night Court"?
445
00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:14,349
No.
446
00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:16,685
I was principal
at Dorchester High.
447
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:18,144
Oh, shit.
448
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:21,147
Wait, isn't their mascot
just a guy with a knife?
449
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:22,982
Technically,
Stabbers was a pirate.
450
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:24,984
But yes, it was a little rough.
451
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,528
I heard there was one girl there
452
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,905
who was only eight years older
than her own granddaughter.
453
00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:30,156
I'm afraid that's true.
454
00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:31,449
Well, how'd that work?
455
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,177
Oh, it involved the
International Date Line.
456
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,078
But the point is
457
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,996
I watched a lot
of students stumble
458
00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:39,833
and drift through the system
to come out on the other side
459
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,459
without any real education.
460
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,378
Some of them did what
you're doing--
461
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,839
testing the boundaries,
rebelling,
462
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,382
hoping to get cut loose.
463
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,925
OK.
464
00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:51,219
Well, I'm not going to let
the same thing happen here.
465
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:53,346
Love that.
Don't like where this is going.
466
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:55,181
You're going to be an example.
467
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:57,976
I'm not going to suspend you
or anything else.
468
00:16:58,018 --> 00:17:01,271
We are going to make a
successful student out of you.
469
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:02,397
Now hang on a second--
470
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:03,857
And you're the perfect choice.
471
00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:07,527
So if you want to act up again,
just know if you do,
472
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,529
it's not going to
change your situation.
473
00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:11,781
Oh, man, are you sure
I'm the right guy?
474
00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:13,867
There's a fat kid who
likes to touch dicks.
475
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:15,660
You're late for class.
476
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,184
Maybe I could just tell
Matty to go fuck himself.
477
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,461
No way, dude, my dad's a sadist.
478
00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:26,212
He thought Vietnam was fun.
479
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,589
Jesus, really?
480
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,899
Yeah, he cried when
the helicopters came
481
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,091
to pick him up.
482
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:31,235
You don't want
to piss him off, man.
483
00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:32,135
He'll kick you out of the house.
484
00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:33,470
You'll starve.
485
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:34,780
What the hell kind
of fucked-up wish
486
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,473
makes it so your teddy bear
comes to life,
487
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:37,891
but he's still got to eat?
488
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,773
Oh, man, there she is.
489
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,151
Yeah, we got practice
in a half hour.
490
00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:57,077
Did you see that?
491
00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:59,037
- What?
- That was a joint.
492
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:00,538
Oh, shit.
493
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,974
Teddy, that's your ticket
out of here.
494
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,416
What?
What do you mean?
495
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:05,311
You get caught with drugs
in school, you're gone.
496
00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:06,878
It's like zero tolerance here.
497
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,797
Oh, fuck, wow.
498
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:10,090
Hey, you ever smoked weed?
499
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,841
- No.
- Yeah, me neither.
500
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:14,594
Really?
The whole time you were famous?
501
00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:16,280
Yeah, I was afraid
my fur would catch on fire.
502
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:17,764
I got no flame retardant.
503
00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:19,283
All right, well, anyway,
you don't got to smoke it.
504
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:20,451
You just got to get caught
with it.
505
00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:22,018
Well, fuck,
let's go talk to her.
506
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,269
You fucking kidding me?
507
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:24,789
I'm not going to talk
to Sheila Borgwat.
508
00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:27,524
Borgwat? Fucking God,
it just keeps getting worse.
509
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,693
No way, man. No, no.
I'm not going over there.
510
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,253
Come on, Johnny,
you're not asking her out.
511
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,546
You're just asking her
for drugs.
512
00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:33,881
You said you stare at her
every day.
513
00:18:33,905 --> 00:18:36,241
This is the perfect excuse
to go talk to her.
514
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,410
No, man.
I got you this far, you do it.
515
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,869
If you don't come with me,
516
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:42,414
I will tell her you masturbate
to network television.
517
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,748
You motherfucker.
518
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,709
I will tell her you watch
"Full House"
519
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,627
so you can jerk off
to Lori Loughlin,
520
00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:50,088
but that you can't always
predict how long the scene is,
521
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:53,091
so half the time, you ejaculate
to an establishing shot.
522
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,092
You wouldn't.
523
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:56,261
Oh, Lori, oh, Lori!
524
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,972
Oh, Lor--oh, fuck,
a tasteful duplex.
525
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:04,394
Excuse me.
526
00:19:04,436 --> 00:19:06,229
Hi.
Uh, hi, I'm uh--
527
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,648
I'm John Bennett.
528
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:09,691
Hi there.
529
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:12,527
Ooh, you just,
uh, wash your hands?
530
00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:17,824
Uh, yeah, just when I--
you know, a while ago, not now.
531
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:23,163
I had diarrhea.
532
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,330
Hi, I'm Ted.
533
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,331
I'm Sheila.
534
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:26,916
Oh, let's not ruin things.
535
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:28,519
Hey, listen,
we couldn't help but notice
536
00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:31,046
you were smoking a little pot.
537
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:33,506
Yeah, midterms, you know?
538
00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:34,817
What, are you going
to narc on me?
539
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,444
- Oh, we're not judging.
- No, absolutely not.
540
00:19:36,468 --> 00:19:37,695
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no,
541
00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:40,722
Teddy and I often partake of...
542
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:42,098
el bowl.
543
00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:44,851
And the pot inside it, uh...
544
00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:45,894
cha-cha-cha.
545
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,482
It wasn't much diarrhea.
546
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:51,775
Can we have drugs, please?
547
00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:53,735
Sorry?
548
00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:55,212
We're just--
we're looking to get some weed.
549
00:19:55,236 --> 00:19:56,863
We thought maybe
you could help us out.
550
00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:59,866
Yeah, uh, how old are you again?
551
00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:01,242
16 1/2.
552
00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:02,702
Oof.
553
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:05,163
Yeah, sorry, bro,
that's not going to happen.
554
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,581
It's not for him.
It's for me.
555
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:09,000
Look, I get why you can't
give a high school kid pot.
556
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,086
But talking teddy bears
are all good, right?
557
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:12,379
We all take drugs.
558
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:13,856
The fucking Care Bears
are all meth addicts,
559
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,591
Paddington's on Quaaludes,
and Fozzie's a cokehead.
560
00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,843
You know he was in the room
when John Belushi died?
561
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,553
Look, I can't help you guys out.
562
00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:22,657
But if you want, I can hook
you up with my connection.
563
00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:24,224
Oh, that would be wonderful.
564
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:27,352
And might I say, you are a
very beautiful woman, Shelly--
565
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:28,395
Sheila.
566
00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:29,604
Oh, God, I know.
567
00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:46,371
All right, this is it.
568
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:49,124
All right, this is
my allowance for the month.
569
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,458
If Dad asks where it went,
570
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,103
we bought tickets to see
"Schindler's List."
571
00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:53,920
What do you mean?
That's only like 8 bucks.
572
00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:55,296
Shit, you're right.
573
00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:56,798
Well, what did we do
with the rest?
574
00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:00,260
Uh, we were so moved that
we donated it to Jew causes.
575
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:02,470
That is so nice of us.
576
00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:03,739
Maybe we should
actually do that.
577
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:05,015
What, are you fucking crazy?
578
00:21:05,056 --> 00:21:06,367
Get your head in the game.
We got drugs to buy.
579
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:07,517
Shit, sorry.
580
00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:09,436
Just be careful in there, OK?
581
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,312
I hear some of these dealers
can be sketchy.
582
00:21:11,354 --> 00:21:12,772
Just don't get shot, buddy.
583
00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:14,934
Will you relax? I'll be fine.
I'll see you in a few.
584
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:35,003
Hi, I'm here for the weed--
585
00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:43,762
No fucking way.
586
00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:44,947
Ted, what the hell
are you doing here?
587
00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:46,681
- It's you?
- Who gave you this address?
588
00:21:46,723 --> 00:21:48,516
Fucking Blaire sells pot?
589
00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:50,518
Jesus Christ.
Lower your voice.
590
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,312
Get inside.
591
00:21:52,354 --> 00:21:55,357
Oh, un-fucking believable.
592
00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:56,858
The fuck do you want?
593
00:21:56,900 --> 00:21:59,069
Wait, so I can't say midget,
but you can sell drugs?
594
00:21:59,110 --> 00:22:01,071
What's with all the noise?
595
00:22:01,112 --> 00:22:02,280
Who's this?
596
00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:03,531
This is Ted.
597
00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:05,325
Ted, this is my friend, Sarah.
598
00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:07,410
Oh, yeah.
Blaire mentioned you.
599
00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:10,330
You're that teddy bear that
came to life back in the '80s.
600
00:22:10,372 --> 00:22:12,832
Well, yeah, but I've done
other stuff since then.
601
00:22:12,874 --> 00:22:14,376
Like what?
602
00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:17,420
Um, I was the stand-in for
Ben Stiller in "Fresh Horses."
603
00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:18,421
Oh.
604
00:22:18,463 --> 00:22:20,090
Not a tall man.
605
00:22:20,131 --> 00:22:23,468
Um, hey, how come
you're selling weed anyway?
606
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:25,887
Sarah and I grow it here
in her apartment,
607
00:22:25,929 --> 00:22:30,433
and we're using the money
to help pay for tuition.
608
00:22:30,475 --> 00:22:32,018
Ted, listen to me.
609
00:22:32,060 --> 00:22:34,688
You cannot tell Uncle Matty
and Aunt Suze, all right?
610
00:22:34,729 --> 00:22:36,248
They will kick me out
of the fucking house.
611
00:22:36,272 --> 00:22:37,649
It's hard enough
to pay for school.
612
00:22:37,691 --> 00:22:39,359
I can't afford
a higher rent too.
613
00:22:39,401 --> 00:22:41,027
Wait.
Matty charges you rent?
614
00:22:41,069 --> 00:22:42,629
Not as much as I pay
for an apartment,
615
00:22:42,654 --> 00:22:44,739
but still, 200 bucks a month.
616
00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:47,033
For that crappy room
over the garage?
617
00:22:47,075 --> 00:22:49,703
Jesus, Anne Frank wouldn't
be caught dead in that place.
618
00:22:50,662 --> 00:22:51,871
I'm allowed to make that joke.
619
00:22:51,913 --> 00:22:53,581
Johnny and I donate
to Jew causes.
620
00:22:53,623 --> 00:22:54,892
OK, well, I still need the room,
621
00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:56,835
so you cannot
say a fucking word.
622
00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:58,716
Hey, look, man,
I'm not here to bust anybody.
623
00:22:58,753 --> 00:23:01,381
I just want the ganja.
624
00:23:01,423 --> 00:23:03,008
You've never smoked before,
have you?
625
00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:04,652
What are you--
what are you talking about?
626
00:23:04,676 --> 00:23:06,386
Yeah, I have.
I do lots of drugs.
627
00:23:06,428 --> 00:23:08,555
Yeah?
Like what?
628
00:23:08,596 --> 00:23:10,098
I'm on coke right now.
See?
629
00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:12,726
Grr! Oh, I'm so coked up
I just wanna write a novel
630
00:23:12,767 --> 00:23:14,227
and punch everything!
631
00:23:14,269 --> 00:23:15,270
Ow! Ow!
632
00:23:15,311 --> 00:23:16,604
Ah, just kidding.
633
00:23:16,646 --> 00:23:17,605
Doesn't hurt
'cause on account of the coke.
634
00:23:17,647 --> 00:23:18,898
Bullshit.
635
00:23:18,940 --> 00:23:19,816
I don't know what
I'm talking about.
636
00:23:19,858 --> 00:23:21,276
Please, can I have marijuana?
637
00:23:21,317 --> 00:23:23,069
Fine. You got cash?
638
00:23:23,111 --> 00:23:26,239
No. Wait. Sarah, we're--
we're not selling him pot.
639
00:23:26,281 --> 00:23:27,907
- Why not?
- Yeah, why not?
640
00:23:27,949 --> 00:23:29,868
Uh, are you
fucking high already?
641
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:31,870
Your best friend,
my little cousin,
642
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:33,538
is 16 years old.
643
00:23:33,580 --> 00:23:34,789
I'm not gonna enable him.
644
00:23:34,831 --> 00:23:36,082
Well, I'm not either.
645
00:23:36,124 --> 00:23:37,601
I'm not even gonna tell him
I have it.
646
00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:39,377
It's for me, Blaire.
I swear to God.
647
00:23:39,419 --> 00:23:40,837
When have I ever lied to you?
648
00:23:40,879 --> 00:23:42,898
Like ten seconds ago when
you said you were on coke.
649
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:44,900
Well, yeah. But since then,
I've given it to you straight.
650
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:48,094
Look, Blaire.
We need the money.
651
00:23:48,136 --> 00:23:49,137
Why not just do it?
652
00:23:49,179 --> 00:23:50,138
That's right, Blaire.
653
00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:51,931
You need the money, I need this.
654
00:23:51,973 --> 00:23:54,100
Look, do you have any idea
what it's like
655
00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:55,935
to be the biggest star
in the world
656
00:23:55,977 --> 00:23:57,854
and then nobody
gives a shit about you?
657
00:23:57,896 --> 00:23:59,439
I'm friggin' Kirk Cameron.
658
00:23:59,481 --> 00:24:01,024
I gotta escape my demons,
659
00:24:01,066 --> 00:24:03,109
and it's either drugs
or the church.
660
00:24:03,151 --> 00:24:05,153
You know what they do
to guys my size?
661
00:24:05,195 --> 00:24:08,156
Oh, please, don't make me
suck a deacon's dick!
662
00:24:14,788 --> 00:24:16,289
We should smoke it.
663
00:24:16,331 --> 00:24:17,540
Wait, what?
664
00:24:17,582 --> 00:24:19,060
Johnny, this is my
ticket out of school.
665
00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:20,877
Yeah, I know.
I mean, not--not all of it.
666
00:24:20,919 --> 00:24:24,130
Just, you know, we smoke some
and save some for the plan.
667
00:24:24,172 --> 00:24:27,342
Well, Johnny, I--I promised
Blaire it was just for me.
668
00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:28,968
Teddy, think about it,
all right?
669
00:24:29,010 --> 00:24:31,429
I bet I'm the only kid
in school who hasn't smoked.
670
00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:32,931
I haven't smoked.
I haven't had sex.
671
00:24:32,972 --> 00:24:34,683
I haven't had a girlfriend.
672
00:24:34,724 --> 00:24:37,102
Clive's right.
I'm a fucking loser.
673
00:24:37,143 --> 00:24:39,187
I mean, you're like
my only real friend,
674
00:24:39,229 --> 00:24:41,314
and we're sitting here
with real pot.
675
00:24:41,356 --> 00:24:43,108
It's here in person.
676
00:24:43,149 --> 00:24:45,151
This could be the day
I start being cool.
677
00:24:45,193 --> 00:24:47,529
Yeah, today is the day you
told a girl you had diarrhea.
678
00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,197
Don't put too much weight
on today.
679
00:24:51,199 --> 00:24:53,618
- Wait. Hang on, hang on.
- What?
680
00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:55,704
Well, you and me
have been best friends
681
00:24:55,745 --> 00:24:57,372
like our whole lives.
682
00:24:57,414 --> 00:25:00,208
We're about to get high
together for the first time.
683
00:25:00,250 --> 00:25:01,334
Yeah, so?
684
00:25:01,376 --> 00:25:03,461
Let's do this right.
685
00:25:18,935 --> 00:25:20,270
Should we say grace?
686
00:25:20,311 --> 00:25:21,311
Oh, yeah, good idea.
687
00:25:23,064 --> 00:25:24,274
Hello, God.
688
00:25:24,315 --> 00:25:28,319
It's me, Ted,
one of your weirder creations.
689
00:25:28,361 --> 00:25:30,280
Sorry about what I said today.
690
00:25:30,321 --> 00:25:32,157
Not that your deacons
aren't attractive,
691
00:25:32,198 --> 00:25:35,326
but I'm saving my mouth
for marriage.
692
00:25:35,368 --> 00:25:38,371
Let us not be so high that
we have to call an ambulance.
693
00:25:38,413 --> 00:25:39,497
Amen.
694
00:25:39,539 --> 00:25:40,665
Amen.
695
00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:42,625
OK.
696
00:25:44,294 --> 00:25:46,212
Let there be light.
697
00:26:34,552 --> 00:26:35,762
Yeah.
698
00:26:40,141 --> 00:26:41,601
Hell yeah, man.
699
00:26:47,816 --> 00:26:49,526
I was so fucking hungry.
700
00:26:49,567 --> 00:26:51,194
- I was so hungry too.
- Mm-hmm.
701
00:26:51,236 --> 00:26:52,362
It's so weird.
702
00:26:52,404 --> 00:26:54,447
You know,
this is like the perfect food
703
00:26:54,489 --> 00:26:55,824
for the perfect night.
704
00:26:55,865 --> 00:26:58,743
Yeah, like who invented food?
That guy rocks.
705
00:26:58,785 --> 00:27:01,621
Well, if I knew you guys were
going to get so gussied up,
706
00:27:01,663 --> 00:27:03,123
I would have made
something fancier.
707
00:27:03,164 --> 00:27:06,042
No, Mom.
This is perfect.
708
00:27:06,084 --> 00:27:07,627
These are perfect Steak-Umms.
709
00:27:07,669 --> 00:27:09,587
The perfect Steak-Umm.
710
00:27:09,629 --> 00:27:12,632
It's right here.
Just--just feel it.
711
00:27:13,883 --> 00:27:15,677
I can feel your love
in this, Ma.
712
00:27:15,719 --> 00:27:18,638
I'm so happy
you love it so much.
713
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,098
Jesus, you guys are acting like
714
00:27:20,140 --> 00:27:22,225
it's today's special
at Legal Sea Food.
715
00:27:22,267 --> 00:27:24,477
It's fine.
716
00:27:24,519 --> 00:27:27,272
I think it's delicious, Suze.
717
00:27:27,313 --> 00:27:29,107
Can you guys believe
718
00:27:29,149 --> 00:27:31,151
that we're just, like,
we're sitting here,
719
00:27:31,192 --> 00:27:33,820
and we're, like,
having an experience
720
00:27:33,862 --> 00:27:36,656
and experiencing reality
all at once.
721
00:27:36,698 --> 00:27:38,283
Hey, Susan.
722
00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:41,661
Susan, I just wanna say
you have found your haircut.
723
00:27:41,703 --> 00:27:43,371
What, you think so?
724
00:27:43,413 --> 00:27:44,622
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
725
00:27:44,664 --> 00:27:47,167
You could ride this to 70,
and you'd be fine.
726
00:27:47,208 --> 00:27:50,920
Well, I just took a picture
of Tipper Gore into the salon,
727
00:27:50,962 --> 00:27:53,173
and I said, now,
I know it can't be like that,
728
00:27:53,214 --> 00:27:55,342
but try to get it
as close as you can.
729
00:27:55,383 --> 00:27:57,469
And so well, uh--
730
00:27:57,510 --> 00:27:59,596
Tipper Gore should
bring in a picture of you.
731
00:27:59,637 --> 00:28:00,930
Stop it.
732
00:28:00,972 --> 00:28:04,976
This night.
733
00:28:05,018 --> 00:28:08,021
Is there a fucking gas leak
or something?
734
00:28:11,816 --> 00:28:13,234
It's funny.
735
00:28:13,276 --> 00:28:14,337
I ate all those Steak-Umms,
and I'm still hungry.
736
00:28:14,361 --> 00:28:16,488
Oh, fuck.
These are so good.
737
00:28:16,529 --> 00:28:17,864
So good.
738
00:28:17,906 --> 00:28:19,532
And look at the
intricate carvings.
739
00:28:19,574 --> 00:28:21,159
Yeah.
740
00:28:21,201 --> 00:28:22,702
Yeah, is this
some Illuminati shit?
741
00:28:22,744 --> 00:28:23,953
That's what I've heard.
742
00:28:23,995 --> 00:28:26,831
Like, if you can decipher
what's on an Oreo,
743
00:28:26,873 --> 00:28:28,750
you can know the mind of God.
744
00:28:28,792 --> 00:28:30,835
I heard no two Oreos are alike.
745
00:28:30,877 --> 00:28:32,462
Hey.
746
00:28:32,504 --> 00:28:34,422
What a great conversation.
747
00:28:35,965 --> 00:28:37,133
I fucking knew it.
748
00:28:37,175 --> 00:28:38,760
- Oh, shit!
- Hi, Blaire.
749
00:28:38,802 --> 00:28:40,261
You guys are stoned.
750
00:28:40,303 --> 00:28:42,073
Look, Blaire, Blaire,
it's a little more complicated.
751
00:28:42,097 --> 00:28:44,557
No, you fucking swore
it was just for you.
752
00:28:44,599 --> 00:28:45,809
All right.
OK.
753
00:28:45,850 --> 00:28:47,394
I didn't wanna have
to resort to this.
754
00:28:47,435 --> 00:28:48,853
I love you.
755
00:28:48,895 --> 00:28:50,897
See? Now you're not
mad at me anymore.
756
00:28:50,939 --> 00:28:52,607
And fuck you, by the way.
757
00:28:52,649 --> 00:28:53,751
I've been trying for two weeks
758
00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:55,068
to get Susan to fix
that haircut.
759
00:28:55,110 --> 00:28:57,070
Blaire, listen.
It's my fault.
760
00:28:57,112 --> 00:28:58,822
He tried to say no,
and I pressured him.
761
00:28:58,863 --> 00:29:00,407
No, no, no.
You're 16, all right?
762
00:29:00,448 --> 00:29:02,409
He's a talking teddy bear.
It's his fucking fault.
763
00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:04,428
OK, look, look, look.
I think if we all just take
764
00:29:04,452 --> 00:29:07,038
a couple of deep breaths here
and just try--
765
00:29:08,206 --> 00:29:09,332
Fuck!
766
00:29:17,757 --> 00:29:19,426
Ted?
767
00:29:19,467 --> 00:29:21,445
Come on, where the hell are you?
I just want to talk.
768
00:29:21,469 --> 00:29:23,972
Yeah, bullshit!
769
00:29:24,014 --> 00:29:25,366
How the hell did
you get up there?
770
00:29:25,390 --> 00:29:26,599
Climbed the drainpipe.
771
00:29:26,641 --> 00:29:28,768
OK, well,
why don't you come on down here
772
00:29:28,810 --> 00:29:30,353
and we can discuss
the situation?
773
00:29:30,395 --> 00:29:32,022
No, 'cause you're
gonna come at me.
774
00:29:32,063 --> 00:29:33,606
I-I'm not.
I promise.
775
00:29:33,648 --> 00:29:34,816
It wasn't my fault.
776
00:29:34,858 --> 00:29:37,527
Oh, my God, your boy,
he's on the roof!
777
00:29:37,569 --> 00:29:38,862
It's all right, Mrs. Fechko.
778
00:29:38,903 --> 00:29:40,530
I'll call the fire department!
779
00:29:40,572 --> 00:29:41,990
That's really not necessary.
780
00:29:42,032 --> 00:29:43,825
But your son, he's gonna fall!
781
00:29:43,867 --> 00:29:45,493
He's not.
782
00:29:45,535 --> 00:29:46,619
Yeah, there's a lot here
783
00:29:46,661 --> 00:29:48,329
you're not understanding,
Mrs. Fechhko.
784
00:29:48,371 --> 00:29:50,307
For God's sake, you've
been listening to the news?
785
00:29:50,331 --> 00:29:52,500
Eisenhower says
we all gotta stay inside!
786
00:29:52,542 --> 00:29:54,461
Oh, my God!
787
00:29:54,502 --> 00:29:57,088
Ted, get down here, OK?
788
00:29:57,130 --> 00:29:58,715
I'm not gonna talk to you
like this.
789
00:29:58,757 --> 00:29:59,841
Yeah, well, tough shit.
790
00:29:59,883 --> 00:30:01,110
I'm gonna live up here
from now on.
791
00:30:01,134 --> 00:30:02,677
That's insane.
You're insane.
792
00:30:02,719 --> 00:30:04,095
No, I'm not.
793
00:30:04,137 --> 00:30:06,431
I'll get Johnny to bring me
food and maybe even soil
794
00:30:06,473 --> 00:30:08,475
so I can grow crops
right here in the rain gutter.
795
00:30:08,516 --> 00:30:10,685
And if the weather's temperate,
by harvest season,
796
00:30:10,727 --> 00:30:11,853
I'll be able to--
797
00:30:12,812 --> 00:30:14,022
Fuck!
798
00:30:15,690 --> 00:30:17,692
OK, you little shit,
you are in a lot of trouble.
799
00:30:17,734 --> 00:30:18,777
Look, it was--
800
00:30:18,818 --> 00:30:20,153
You gave pot to a 16-year-old.
801
00:30:20,195 --> 00:30:21,946
I mean, what the fuck
were you thinking?
802
00:30:21,988 --> 00:30:23,507
Well, on the bright side,
he loved it.
803
00:30:23,531 --> 00:30:25,075
I sold that pot to you.
804
00:30:25,116 --> 00:30:26,260
Yeah, you were wrong to do that.
805
00:30:26,284 --> 00:30:27,720
You do realize
I am now responsible
806
00:30:27,744 --> 00:30:30,205
for introducing drugs
to my underage cousin?
807
00:30:30,246 --> 00:30:31,748
I could be
in really deep shit here.
808
00:30:31,790 --> 00:30:33,958
Boy, it must be cool
being this tall all the time.
809
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,919
Get rid of that weed
or so help me God,
810
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:37,229
you are going
in the fucking dryer.
811
00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:38,838
Oh, big deal.
I've been in dryers.
812
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,024
I'll put you in a Matty load.
813
00:30:40,048 --> 00:30:41,408
OK, fuck.
I'll do it. I'll do it.
814
00:30:49,599 --> 00:30:51,518
OK. So we plant the weed
in my locker.
815
00:30:51,559 --> 00:30:53,436
Then you go to the principal
and rat me out.
816
00:30:53,478 --> 00:30:56,147
She searches my locker,
and boom, it's back to Plinko.
817
00:30:56,189 --> 00:30:58,108
- All right.
- Not yet, not yet.
818
00:30:58,149 --> 00:30:59,335
We gotta wait till
the bell rings.
819
00:30:59,359 --> 00:31:01,653
- Yeah, sorry.
- Just act normal.
820
00:31:01,695 --> 00:31:03,029
Right now, we're just two guys
821
00:31:03,071 --> 00:31:04,656
standing here,
having a conversation.
822
00:31:04,698 --> 00:31:05,907
Yeah.
823
00:31:05,949 --> 00:31:07,367
About what?
824
00:31:07,409 --> 00:31:10,453
I don't know. Uh,
what's the last movie you saw?
825
00:31:10,495 --> 00:31:12,956
- Uh, "Alive."
- Which one's that?
826
00:31:12,997 --> 00:31:15,375
Oh, it's the one where
the rugby team crashes
827
00:31:15,417 --> 00:31:18,128
in the Andes in the '70s
and they ran out of food,
828
00:31:18,169 --> 00:31:19,271
so they had to eat each other.
829
00:31:19,295 --> 00:31:21,798
- You're kidding.
- No, it's a true story.
830
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:24,426
Like--like, eat each other
alive like they're trading?
831
00:31:24,467 --> 00:31:26,469
Like, you give me your hand,
I give you my foot?
832
00:31:26,511 --> 00:31:27,721
No, no.
833
00:31:27,762 --> 00:31:29,281
It's like some of the guys
died in the crash,
834
00:31:29,305 --> 00:31:31,075
and then the ones that survived
had to eat the dead guys.
835
00:31:31,099 --> 00:31:34,102
Oh, man.
Yeah, I--I couldn't do that.
836
00:31:34,144 --> 00:31:36,062
Me neither, man.
837
00:31:36,104 --> 00:31:37,897
Plus, it's all dudes,
so it's even worse.
838
00:31:37,939 --> 00:31:39,816
Yeah--what?
839
00:31:39,858 --> 00:31:41,192
It's all dudes, you know?
840
00:31:41,234 --> 00:31:43,570
You're eating guys.
It's like double gross.
841
00:31:43,611 --> 00:31:45,071
Well, I mean--I mean,
842
00:31:45,113 --> 00:31:47,824
I would think it would be
objectionable across the board.
843
00:31:47,866 --> 00:31:51,411
No, no. Yeah, it would.
It's just like a hat on a hat.
844
00:31:51,453 --> 00:31:53,663
So if you were
on a plane that crashed
845
00:31:53,705 --> 00:31:56,499
and Tom Hanks and Diane Keaton
were on it too,
846
00:31:56,541 --> 00:31:58,251
and they died and you survived,
847
00:31:58,293 --> 00:31:59,544
who would you eat first?
848
00:31:59,586 --> 00:32:01,226
Am I the only other person
on the plane?
849
00:32:01,254 --> 00:32:02,481
- Yeah.
- What about the pilots?
850
00:32:02,505 --> 00:32:04,275
It's an experimental
aircraft, all automated.
851
00:32:04,299 --> 00:32:05,651
Well, maybe that's why
it went down.
852
00:32:05,675 --> 00:32:07,403
But the technology
still needed more study, yes,
853
00:32:07,427 --> 00:32:08,863
but the Pentagon was
getting impatient
854
00:32:08,887 --> 00:32:10,865
and they wanted results,
so they pushed up the launch.
855
00:32:10,889 --> 00:32:12,700
Wait, why wouldn't they have
a seasoned flight crew on board
856
00:32:12,724 --> 00:32:13,808
instead of two actors?
857
00:32:13,850 --> 00:32:15,268
Oscar-winningactors.
858
00:32:15,310 --> 00:32:17,062
- Fair enough.
- These are taxpayer dollars.
859
00:32:17,103 --> 00:32:18,164
They need the public's interest
860
00:32:18,188 --> 00:32:19,647
or support for the funding
dries up.
861
00:32:19,689 --> 00:32:21,751
Wait, since when does the
military need public support
862
00:32:21,775 --> 00:32:23,276
to fund experimental aircraft?
863
00:32:23,318 --> 00:32:25,111
Would you eat Tom Hanks
or Diane Keaton?
864
00:32:25,153 --> 00:32:26,279
I'd start with Diane
865
00:32:26,321 --> 00:32:27,197
and then if
I didn't get rescued,
866
00:32:27,238 --> 00:32:28,406
I'd move on to Tom.
867
00:32:28,448 --> 00:32:29,574
Yeah, see?
868
00:32:29,616 --> 00:32:30,801
I think it's weird
that you have an opinion
869
00:32:30,825 --> 00:32:31,825
one way or the other.
870
00:32:33,453 --> 00:32:35,038
OK. Here we go.
Let me have it.
871
00:32:38,833 --> 00:32:41,169
Man, we really put a dent
in this thing, didn't we?
872
00:32:41,211 --> 00:32:43,171
Whoa.
What have we got here?
873
00:32:43,213 --> 00:32:44,255
Oh, shit.
874
00:32:44,297 --> 00:32:45,799
Bennett, you partake?
875
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:46,800
Give it back, Clive.
876
00:32:46,841 --> 00:32:48,468
John Bennett gets high.
877
00:32:48,510 --> 00:32:50,679
Maybe you're not as much
of a pussy as I thought.
878
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:52,347
That is a very important
bag of weed.
879
00:32:52,389 --> 00:32:53,866
Now, I know where
to get a free buzz.
880
00:32:53,890 --> 00:32:54,974
Thanks, Bud.
881
00:32:56,226 --> 00:32:57,644
God damn it, Clive.
882
00:32:57,686 --> 00:32:58,895
We need that weed!
883
00:33:01,064 --> 00:33:02,148
Teddy!
884
00:33:02,190 --> 00:33:04,067
- Shit.
- Teddy, are you OK?
885
00:33:05,485 --> 00:33:07,165
What the hell are you two
doing out here?
886
00:33:07,195 --> 00:33:09,322
Get to class now.
887
00:33:09,364 --> 00:33:13,326
Um, "227" sucks balls
and so do you.
888
00:33:15,412 --> 00:33:17,163
OK, now, you know
I didn't mean that.
889
00:33:17,205 --> 00:33:19,165
I just needed a reason
to be dragged in here.
890
00:33:19,207 --> 00:33:21,334
Look, you can trash-talk me,
Ted,
891
00:33:21,376 --> 00:33:23,795
but nobody throws shade
at Pearl Shay.
892
00:33:23,837 --> 00:33:25,213
Yes.
I apologize.
893
00:33:25,255 --> 00:33:27,298
We have all benefited
from her windowsill wisdom.
894
00:33:27,340 --> 00:33:28,633
She is a national treasure.
895
00:33:28,675 --> 00:33:30,885
But listen, you gotta
kick me out of school.
896
00:33:30,927 --> 00:33:32,554
Ted, I already told you.
897
00:33:32,595 --> 00:33:33,847
I have weed.
898
00:33:33,888 --> 00:33:35,098
What?
899
00:33:35,140 --> 00:33:36,099
I am in possession of marijuana
900
00:33:36,141 --> 00:33:37,600
here on school premises.
901
00:33:37,642 --> 00:33:39,185
May I see it?
902
00:33:39,227 --> 00:33:41,855
Well, I--I lost it.
903
00:33:41,896 --> 00:33:43,064
You lost it?
904
00:33:43,106 --> 00:33:44,858
Yeah, but--but
he had weed, all right?
905
00:33:44,899 --> 00:33:46,026
I'm a witness.
906
00:33:46,067 --> 00:33:47,444
I would need
to see the marijuana
907
00:33:47,485 --> 00:33:49,154
for there to be consequences.
908
00:33:49,195 --> 00:33:50,548
Look, we are
telling you the truth.
909
00:33:50,572 --> 00:33:52,490
Yeah, I'm a bad seed.
See? Look.
910
00:33:52,532 --> 00:33:53,575
I love you.
911
00:33:53,616 --> 00:33:54,576
Drugs!
912
00:33:54,617 --> 00:33:55,618
I love drugs.
913
00:33:55,660 --> 00:33:56,911
I'm sorry, boys.
914
00:33:56,953 --> 00:33:58,872
I can't just take your word
that you have pot.
915
00:33:58,913 --> 00:34:01,249
Ah, this is bullshit, man.
I'm getting railroaded.
916
00:34:01,291 --> 00:34:02,893
All right, look,
Clive has it, all right?
917
00:34:02,917 --> 00:34:04,169
- Go check.
- Clive?
918
00:34:04,210 --> 00:34:05,670
Yeah.
919
00:34:05,712 --> 00:34:07,606
Well then, if Clive has it,
he's the one in trouble.
920
00:34:07,630 --> 00:34:10,133
No, no. It's not his weed.
He was just holding it for me.
921
00:34:10,175 --> 00:34:11,926
OK.
We're done here.
922
00:34:11,968 --> 00:34:13,303
All right.
It's OK.
923
00:34:13,345 --> 00:34:15,889
This motherfucking bear's
got a backup plan.
924
00:34:22,771 --> 00:34:23,855
All right, it's clear.
925
00:34:25,357 --> 00:34:27,442
Teddy, I don't like this.
It's stealing.
926
00:34:27,484 --> 00:34:29,402
What am I supposed to do?
Just ask her for it?
927
00:34:29,444 --> 00:34:31,488
She'll shove me in the dryer
with Matty's clothes.
928
00:34:31,529 --> 00:34:32,673
Well, how bad could that be?
929
00:34:32,697 --> 00:34:35,241
Matty changed his pants
during dinner.
930
00:34:35,283 --> 00:34:36,409
Yeah, that's bad.
931
00:34:36,451 --> 00:34:37,786
All right, let's find it.
932
00:34:42,957 --> 00:34:44,668
- Jesus.
- What?
933
00:34:44,709 --> 00:34:47,587
There's a whole drawer here
that's just cans of tuna.
934
00:34:47,629 --> 00:34:48,629
How sad.
935
00:34:50,256 --> 00:34:51,341
Wait.
Wait.
936
00:34:51,383 --> 00:34:52,634
Oh, fuck yeah.
937
00:34:52,676 --> 00:34:55,095
- You found it?
- Jackpot.
938
00:34:55,136 --> 00:34:56,262
Great.
Let's go.
939
00:34:59,432 --> 00:35:00,684
- Fuck.
- Shit.
940
00:35:00,725 --> 00:35:02,018
Let's go in here.
941
00:35:04,979 --> 00:35:06,773
All the way over and dances.
942
00:35:06,815 --> 00:35:08,024
Hang on a sec.
943
00:35:08,066 --> 00:35:09,460
I think I have a pack
around here somewhere.
944
00:35:09,484 --> 00:35:11,444
Oh, thank you so much.
945
00:35:11,486 --> 00:35:14,072
The CVS only had
the men's razors,
946
00:35:14,114 --> 00:35:17,534
and I think those
are only for faces.
947
00:35:17,575 --> 00:35:19,452
- There you go.
- Thank you.
948
00:35:19,494 --> 00:35:20,888
You know, it's the '90s,
Aunt Suze.
949
00:35:20,912 --> 00:35:23,206
You can go without shaving
your legs if you want.
950
00:35:23,248 --> 00:35:27,002
Oh.
951
00:35:27,043 --> 00:35:28,378
When I was in high school,
952
00:35:28,420 --> 00:35:31,172
I used to forget sometimes
and I'd get made fun of.
953
00:35:31,214 --> 00:35:33,091
Oh, really?
I hate that.
954
00:35:33,133 --> 00:35:35,802
It's probably why
I'm so self-conscious about it.
955
00:35:38,430 --> 00:35:41,057
Can I ask you something?
956
00:35:41,099 --> 00:35:43,518
Yeah, sure.
Anything.
957
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,520
One of the girls who
used to make fun of me,
958
00:35:45,562 --> 00:35:48,273
her name was Margie Cronin.
959
00:35:48,314 --> 00:35:51,151
She used to call me Sasquatch.
960
00:35:51,192 --> 00:35:53,820
She was so mean to me in school,
961
00:35:53,862 --> 00:35:57,615
and afterward, we didn't see
each other for a long time.
962
00:35:57,657 --> 00:35:59,617
And then about a year ago,
963
00:35:59,659 --> 00:36:02,662
I saw in the flatware
department at Bradley's.
964
00:36:02,704 --> 00:36:05,915
And I saw that
she'd lost a hand.
965
00:36:05,957 --> 00:36:09,794
And I was so happy about it.
966
00:36:09,836 --> 00:36:12,213
Does it make me
a terrible person?
967
00:36:12,255 --> 00:36:15,300
I don't--I don't think so.
968
00:36:15,342 --> 00:36:17,886
Because I felt so awful
about my feelings.
969
00:36:17,927 --> 00:36:20,680
And I went to confession
and Father O'Neill said,
970
00:36:20,722 --> 00:36:23,975
"Well, God wouldn't approve
of that."
971
00:36:24,017 --> 00:36:27,228
Maybe this Christmas
I should make her a mitten.
972
00:36:27,270 --> 00:36:28,855
Uh, maybe.
973
00:36:28,897 --> 00:36:30,607
With a pretty,
little card that says,
974
00:36:30,648 --> 00:36:32,525
"I'm sorry for your hand."
975
00:36:32,567 --> 00:36:34,819
I would just let that one lie.
976
00:36:39,032 --> 00:36:40,700
What was that noise?
977
00:36:40,742 --> 00:36:42,410
I think someone's in the closet.
978
00:36:44,579 --> 00:36:45,997
- W-w-what's that?
- It's Mace.
979
00:36:46,039 --> 00:36:47,374
Just be careful.
980
00:36:53,713 --> 00:36:55,298
- Fuck!
- What the fuck?
981
00:36:55,340 --> 00:36:56,549
Oh, it burns!
982
00:36:56,591 --> 00:36:58,218
Why the fuck do you have Mace?
983
00:36:58,259 --> 00:36:59,719
Why the fuck are you
in my closet?
984
00:36:59,761 --> 00:37:01,572
What, do you protect
your tuna collection with that?
985
00:37:01,596 --> 00:37:02,639
Answer the question.
986
00:37:02,681 --> 00:37:04,557
Why do you have
the fucking tuna?
987
00:37:04,599 --> 00:37:06,601
Are you scared to eat our food?
What is it?
988
00:37:06,643 --> 00:37:07,977
Answer my question.
989
00:37:08,019 --> 00:37:10,063
Teddy! Teddy, where are you?
990
00:37:10,105 --> 00:37:11,064
Oh, my God.
991
00:37:11,106 --> 00:37:13,233
Uh, is that mary-ja-wana?
992
00:37:13,274 --> 00:37:14,526
Oh, shit.
993
00:37:14,567 --> 00:37:16,152
What are you doing with drugs?
994
00:37:16,194 --> 00:37:17,237
Aunt Suze.
995
00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:20,949
This is my fault.
996
00:37:23,576 --> 00:37:25,495
We opened our home to you.
997
00:37:25,537 --> 00:37:27,747
We let you stay here
in our house
998
00:37:27,789 --> 00:37:29,266
so you could go
to that goddamn school.
999
00:37:29,290 --> 00:37:32,502
I know, Uncle Matty.
And believe me, I am so sorry.
1000
00:37:32,544 --> 00:37:35,088
And you pay us back
by dealing drugs to our son?
1001
00:37:35,130 --> 00:37:37,549
I never wanted John to
get involved, I promise you.
1002
00:37:37,590 --> 00:37:38,758
I sold the pot to Ted.
1003
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,427
I never should have
let Johnny try it.
1004
00:37:40,468 --> 00:37:42,595
I have failed in my role
as a--a--
1005
00:37:42,637 --> 00:37:44,889
a sort of Jiminy Cricket figure.
1006
00:37:44,931 --> 00:37:46,349
I don't know what
the big deal is.
1007
00:37:46,391 --> 00:37:48,327
You know, weed's gonna be legal
in like a year anyway.
1008
00:37:48,351 --> 00:37:51,604
It's a gateway drug!
They talk about it on the news!
1009
00:37:51,646 --> 00:37:52,873
Well, what are
we supposed to do?
1010
00:37:52,897 --> 00:37:54,315
Start with heroin?
1011
00:37:54,357 --> 00:37:58,111
Well, why in God's name
are you dealing drugs at all?
1012
00:37:58,153 --> 00:38:01,573
My friend, Sarah and I,
we grow it in her apartment,
1013
00:38:01,614 --> 00:38:04,868
and we're using the money
to help pay for tuition.
1014
00:38:04,909 --> 00:38:06,470
Well, you--you can't work
at McDonald's?
1015
00:38:06,494 --> 00:38:07,954
It's 15k a year, Matty.
1016
00:38:07,996 --> 00:38:09,914
I'd have to sell myself
at McDonald's.
1017
00:38:09,956 --> 00:38:11,875
Oh, you could call it
Filet-O-Flesh.
1018
00:38:11,916 --> 00:38:13,001
Is that something?
1019
00:38:13,043 --> 00:38:14,353
She won't even work,
and here we are
1020
00:38:14,377 --> 00:38:15,604
putting her up out
of the goodness of our hearts!
1021
00:38:15,628 --> 00:38:17,047
Egg McFuckin', maybe?
1022
00:38:17,088 --> 00:38:18,983
The goodness of your hearts
and a monthly rent check.
1023
00:38:19,007 --> 00:38:20,425
A Quarter To Pound Her?
1024
00:38:20,467 --> 00:38:22,153
I--should I stop? I feel like
there's no traction here.
1025
00:38:22,177 --> 00:38:23,553
Matty?
1026
00:38:23,595 --> 00:38:25,221
You're charging her rent?
1027
00:38:25,263 --> 00:38:26,639
Yes, I am.
1028
00:38:26,681 --> 00:38:29,059
This is my house.
I got the right to charge rent.
1029
00:38:29,100 --> 00:38:30,643
But, Matty, she's family.
1030
00:38:30,685 --> 00:38:32,103
- Susan.
- She's our niece.
1031
00:38:32,145 --> 00:38:33,873
Susan, will you be quiet
and let me handle this?
1032
00:38:33,897 --> 00:38:35,815
Hey, don't talk to her
like that.
1033
00:38:35,857 --> 00:38:37,067
Excuse me?
1034
00:38:37,108 --> 00:38:38,193
You do this all the time.
1035
00:38:38,234 --> 00:38:39,861
You silence her voice,
you belittle her,
1036
00:38:39,903 --> 00:38:42,447
you cut her down,
you treat her like shit.
1037
00:38:42,489 --> 00:38:43,698
I do not.
1038
00:38:43,740 --> 00:38:46,159
I love my fucking wife,
and she knows it.
1039
00:38:46,201 --> 00:38:47,410
Don't you, Susan?
1040
00:38:47,452 --> 00:38:49,579
I can't believe
you'd make her pay rent.
1041
00:38:49,621 --> 00:38:51,831
Hey, hey, hey, I'm not
the one in the hot seat here.
1042
00:38:51,873 --> 00:38:54,501
She's a drug dealer, and I want
her out of this house tonight.
1043
00:38:54,542 --> 00:38:55,669
Matty, please.
1044
00:38:55,710 --> 00:38:58,380
End of discussion!
Tonight!
1045
00:38:58,421 --> 00:39:00,382
Come on.
Wait.
1046
00:39:05,470 --> 00:39:09,099
Christie! That was
the Black Barbie's name.
1047
00:39:30,161 --> 00:39:33,832
Hey, Blaire, uh,
can we talk to you for a sec?
1048
00:39:33,873 --> 00:39:35,083
Sure.
1049
00:39:35,125 --> 00:39:37,544
Got a couple minutes
before I become homeless.
1050
00:39:37,585 --> 00:39:41,339
Hey, listen, Blaire.
Uh, I'm really sorry.
1051
00:39:41,381 --> 00:39:42,716
Me too.
1052
00:39:42,757 --> 00:39:45,427
Yeah, well,
it's a little late for that.
1053
00:39:45,468 --> 00:39:47,512
We didn't want you
to have to leave.
1054
00:39:47,554 --> 00:39:50,181
Even if your bed is the size
of a pool table.
1055
00:39:50,223 --> 00:39:51,141
I mean, that's probably about
1056
00:39:51,182 --> 00:39:52,142
the size of a pool table, right?
1057
00:39:52,183 --> 00:39:54,310
Shut the fuck up, Teddy.
1058
00:39:54,352 --> 00:39:56,604
Look, we know you're mad
because Dad gave you the boot.
1059
00:39:56,646 --> 00:39:58,898
- But--
- Yeah, that's not why I'm mad.
1060
00:39:58,940 --> 00:40:02,235
You have no idea why I'm mad.
1061
00:40:02,277 --> 00:40:05,530
Do you know all the details
of why I've been living here
1062
00:40:05,572 --> 00:40:08,450
when my own family
lives 45 minutes away?
1063
00:40:08,491 --> 00:40:09,993
I could easily
commute to school,
1064
00:40:10,035 --> 00:40:14,581
but my family is fucked,
every one of them.
1065
00:40:14,622 --> 00:40:17,667
In case you don't get
the scope of things,
1066
00:40:17,709 --> 00:40:21,129
my dad, your Uncle Bernie,
is a drunk and an asshole,
1067
00:40:21,171 --> 00:40:24,632
my mom's a psycho lunatic,
and my brother's in prison.
1068
00:40:24,674 --> 00:40:26,468
Jesus.
What about your dog?
1069
00:40:26,509 --> 00:40:27,469
Dead.
1070
00:40:27,510 --> 00:40:28,762
Fuck.
1071
00:40:28,803 --> 00:40:30,764
Mom and Dad are lost causes,
but...
1072
00:40:30,805 --> 00:40:34,267
I tried so hard
to protect Kevin.
1073
00:40:34,309 --> 00:40:36,102
And I couldn't.
1074
00:40:36,144 --> 00:40:38,646
He's his parents' son,
so now he's serving ten years
1075
00:40:38,688 --> 00:40:40,690
for robbing a Mrs. Fields
at gunpoint
1076
00:40:40,732 --> 00:40:42,108
andpossession of crack.
1077
00:40:42,150 --> 00:40:44,152
Well, I mean,
Mrs. Fields and crack.
1078
00:40:44,194 --> 00:40:45,714
It's like
what's the difference, right?
1079
00:40:47,197 --> 00:40:48,365
Please, continue.
1080
00:40:48,406 --> 00:40:50,033
Look, I just--
1081
00:40:50,075 --> 00:40:52,660
I don't want the same thing
to happen to you.
1082
00:40:52,702 --> 00:40:54,788
And when I moved here,
I told myself
1083
00:40:54,829 --> 00:40:56,915
that I was gonna look after you
1084
00:40:56,956 --> 00:40:59,125
and make sure
the fucked up Bennett DNA
1085
00:40:59,167 --> 00:41:00,710
didn't get to you too.
1086
00:41:00,752 --> 00:41:02,921
And instead, I introduced you
1087
00:41:02,962 --> 00:41:05,715
to the wonderful world of drugs.
1088
00:41:05,757 --> 00:41:10,762
I'm not mad at you, all right?
I'm mad at myself.
1089
00:41:10,804 --> 00:41:13,139
Look, Blaire, I--
1090
00:41:13,181 --> 00:41:16,601
I never expected you
to look out for me like that.
1091
00:41:16,643 --> 00:41:21,356
Just take care of yourself,
all right?
1092
00:41:21,398 --> 00:41:23,358
Our family is poison.
1093
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:26,152
Do better than them.
1094
00:41:26,194 --> 00:41:28,488
Where you gonna go?
1095
00:41:28,530 --> 00:41:30,615
Stay with Sarah for a few weeks.
1096
00:41:30,657 --> 00:41:32,534
There's an open spot
near the sativa.
1097
00:41:32,575 --> 00:41:36,788
But after that, I don't know.
1098
00:41:39,207 --> 00:41:40,709
See you.
1099
00:41:50,301 --> 00:41:52,804
God, Lori Loughlin's
fucking gorgeous.
1100
00:41:52,846 --> 00:41:54,597
That woman can do no wrong.
1101
00:41:54,639 --> 00:41:56,016
Hey, don't start jerking off.
1102
00:41:56,057 --> 00:41:57,767
Hey, that poster
is not for jerking off.
1103
00:41:57,809 --> 00:42:00,186
It's for imagining
being married, you sick fuck.
1104
00:42:00,228 --> 00:42:01,229
- Wow.
- Yeah!
1105
00:42:01,271 --> 00:42:03,064
You--you've imagined
the wedding?
1106
00:42:03,106 --> 00:42:04,357
Well, yeah.
1107
00:42:04,399 --> 00:42:06,127
The cover of "People"
magazine's a photo of us,
1108
00:42:06,151 --> 00:42:08,236
and it says,
"Who's Loughlin now?"
1109
00:42:08,278 --> 00:42:10,155
So you took her name?
1110
00:42:10,196 --> 00:42:12,240
No, no.
But they need to sell copies.
1111
00:42:12,282 --> 00:42:14,659
Well, it's good to know
you can be both erect
1112
00:42:14,701 --> 00:42:16,286
and market-savvy.
1113
00:42:16,327 --> 00:42:18,538
Teddy,
this whole Blaire situation
1114
00:42:18,580 --> 00:42:19,706
is really shitty.
1115
00:42:19,748 --> 00:42:21,332
Yeah, I know.
1116
00:42:21,374 --> 00:42:23,710
I mean, I never knew
she thought of me that way.
1117
00:42:23,752 --> 00:42:25,587
It's like a little brother.
1118
00:42:25,628 --> 00:42:27,064
I always wanted a brother
or a sister,
1119
00:42:27,088 --> 00:42:30,592
and there she was,
right there all along.
1120
00:42:30,633 --> 00:42:31,968
Yeah.
1121
00:42:32,010 --> 00:42:34,137
I guess under all that
complaining about racism,
1122
00:42:34,179 --> 00:42:36,473
there's actually a good person
in there.
1123
00:42:36,514 --> 00:42:40,060
Teddy, we gotta do something.
I mean, this is our fault.
1124
00:42:40,101 --> 00:42:43,063
Like, maybe I can talk to Dad,
get him to change his mind.
1125
00:42:43,104 --> 00:42:44,898
Yeah, good luck.
He's never gonna listen.
1126
00:42:44,939 --> 00:42:45,958
I mean, we can't just lay here
1127
00:42:45,982 --> 00:42:47,692
and let her get fucked over.
1128
00:42:47,734 --> 00:42:49,611
There's gotta be something
we can do.
1129
00:42:49,652 --> 00:42:51,488
Wait a minute.
You know what?
1130
00:42:51,529 --> 00:42:52,864
There is.
1131
00:42:52,906 --> 00:42:56,826
We are gonna open the box.
1132
00:43:03,958 --> 00:43:06,169
There you go.
I'll be right outside.
1133
00:43:06,211 --> 00:43:07,396
Just let me know when
you're finished.
1134
00:43:07,420 --> 00:43:08,797
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
1135
00:43:11,341 --> 00:43:12,842
Did you know that
1136
00:43:12,884 --> 00:43:15,887
textile polymers are so thin
nowadays that someone could be
1137
00:43:15,929 --> 00:43:19,641
wearing an adult diaper
and no one would even know it?
1138
00:43:19,683 --> 00:43:20,725
What?
1139
00:43:20,767 --> 00:43:21,851
No bulky padding,
1140
00:43:21,893 --> 00:43:24,062
no unsightly bulges
in the trousers.
1141
00:43:24,104 --> 00:43:26,231
I--I didn't know that.
No.
1142
00:43:26,272 --> 00:43:27,357
It's amazing.
1143
00:43:27,399 --> 00:43:29,859
A person, anyone could
be talking to you
1144
00:43:29,901 --> 00:43:33,071
and relieving themselves
at the same time.
1145
00:43:33,113 --> 00:43:35,740
And you'd never even know it.
1146
00:43:35,782 --> 00:43:36,783
OK.
1147
00:43:36,825 --> 00:43:38,993
And that's great news.
1148
00:43:39,035 --> 00:43:40,662
Are you wearing a diaper?
1149
00:43:40,704 --> 00:43:42,539
No.
Don't make this weird.
1150
00:43:42,580 --> 00:43:43,581
OK.
1151
00:43:43,623 --> 00:43:44,624
I'm just saying
1152
00:43:44,666 --> 00:43:46,084
the technology has come so far
1153
00:43:46,126 --> 00:43:48,336
that limits
practically don't exist.
1154
00:43:48,378 --> 00:43:49,963
It's all about confidence.
1155
00:43:50,005 --> 00:43:51,965
So take that long car ride,
1156
00:43:52,007 --> 00:43:55,301
climb that mountain,
have that iced tea refill.
1157
00:43:55,343 --> 00:43:57,012
We--we will.
1158
00:44:00,390 --> 00:44:03,351
What limits?
1159
00:44:04,602 --> 00:44:05,895
Jesus, we gotta switch banks.
1160
00:44:05,937 --> 00:44:07,355
Yeah, seriously.
1161
00:44:13,611 --> 00:44:14,738
Here it is.
1162
00:44:14,779 --> 00:44:16,031
Yep.
1163
00:44:16,072 --> 00:44:17,866
You're sure you wanna
do this, right?
1164
00:44:17,907 --> 00:44:19,301
I mean, once Dad
finds out you have it,
1165
00:44:19,325 --> 00:44:21,327
there's no going back,
like ever.
1166
00:44:21,369 --> 00:44:22,579
He's gonna go nuts.
1167
00:44:22,620 --> 00:44:23,764
That's why I never told him.
1168
00:44:23,788 --> 00:44:25,165
I guess deep down,
1169
00:44:25,206 --> 00:44:27,334
I was saving it
for a day like this
1170
00:44:27,375 --> 00:44:30,503
when the chips were down
and all hope seemed lost.
1171
00:44:30,545 --> 00:44:32,088
OK.
1172
00:44:32,130 --> 00:44:34,007
Good.
Let's do it.
1173
00:44:34,049 --> 00:44:36,593
All right, we're done!
1174
00:44:36,634 --> 00:44:38,011
Sir?
1175
00:44:38,053 --> 00:44:40,722
I need you to open box 1080.
1176
00:44:40,764 --> 00:44:42,057
There's a pair of jeans
in there!
1177
00:44:42,098 --> 00:44:43,892
- What?
- Just do it!
1178
00:44:49,939 --> 00:44:51,375
What, you're just--
you're just not gonna--
1179
00:44:51,399 --> 00:44:53,818
not gonna talk to me
for the rest of your life, huh?
1180
00:44:53,860 --> 00:44:55,737
Is that it?
1181
00:44:55,779 --> 00:44:58,948
Well, you'd--
you've--you've taken
1182
00:44:58,990 --> 00:45:04,037
a--taken a vow of silence,
like a--like a monk, huh?
1183
00:45:04,079 --> 00:45:05,955
You're gonna--you're
gonna shave your head too?
1184
00:45:05,997 --> 00:45:07,957
'Cause, well, go ahead.
1185
00:45:07,999 --> 00:45:09,226
Go ahead, then you won't--
then you won't--
1186
00:45:09,250 --> 00:45:11,419
then you won't
clog the shower drain.
1187
00:45:15,423 --> 00:45:16,549
What do you guys want?
1188
00:45:16,591 --> 00:45:17,884
I want to cut a deal.
1189
00:45:17,926 --> 00:45:20,220
What?
What are you talking about?
1190
00:45:20,261 --> 00:45:21,805
Let me tell you a story, Matty.
1191
00:45:21,846 --> 00:45:23,223
Back when I was in Hollywood,
1192
00:45:23,264 --> 00:45:26,893
I almost made a movie
with Sly Stallone.
1193
00:45:26,935 --> 00:45:28,687
- Bullshit.
- No bullshit.
1194
00:45:28,728 --> 00:45:30,271
- "Rocky" Stallone?
- Yep.
1195
00:45:30,313 --> 00:45:32,357
He came to me with a project
and I said yes.
1196
00:45:32,399 --> 00:45:34,526
It was gonna be about
this astronaut cop
1197
00:45:34,567 --> 00:45:36,277
and this wisecracking bear.
1198
00:45:36,319 --> 00:45:37,529
I was the bear.
1199
00:45:37,570 --> 00:45:39,739
And they gotta go to space
to save Christmas,
1200
00:45:39,781 --> 00:45:41,133
but then the
"Challenger" exploded,
1201
00:45:41,157 --> 00:45:42,784
so they had to
scrap the project.
1202
00:45:42,826 --> 00:45:44,661
Oh, man, what a bummer.
1203
00:45:44,703 --> 00:45:46,037
I know, right?
1204
00:45:46,079 --> 00:45:47,181
I mean, that's when
America could have used
1205
00:45:47,205 --> 00:45:48,915
a movie like that the most!
1206
00:45:48,957 --> 00:45:51,334
Anyway, Stallone felt
really bad about it,
1207
00:45:51,376 --> 00:45:53,878
so he gave me this.
1208
00:46:02,762 --> 00:46:03,763
What is it?
1209
00:46:03,805 --> 00:46:06,641
Rocky's mouth guard.
1210
00:46:06,683 --> 00:46:08,351
Fuck you.
You're kidding.
1211
00:46:08,393 --> 00:46:09,894
- Nope.
- You're shitting me.
1212
00:46:09,936 --> 00:46:11,104
No shit.
1213
00:46:11,146 --> 00:46:13,273
Wait.
Does that mean--
1214
00:46:13,314 --> 00:46:15,442
Yes, the one at
Planet Hollywood is a fake.
1215
00:46:15,483 --> 00:46:17,777
Holy--
1216
00:46:17,819 --> 00:46:19,988
holy shit!
1217
00:46:20,030 --> 00:46:21,531
Holy fucking shit!
1218
00:46:21,573 --> 00:46:23,992
Now, I will give you
this priceless item...
1219
00:46:25,285 --> 00:46:28,997
If you give Blaire
another chance.
1220
00:46:29,039 --> 00:46:31,833
- Huh?
- Just let her stay.
1221
00:46:31,875 --> 00:46:34,627
Oh.
1222
00:46:34,669 --> 00:46:35,795
I don't know.
1223
00:46:35,837 --> 00:46:39,632
Hey, why don't you put it on?
1224
00:46:39,674 --> 00:46:41,134
Go on.
1225
00:46:41,176 --> 00:46:44,679
That was in Sylvester
Stallone's mouth in 1976.
1226
00:46:44,721 --> 00:46:47,015
See how it feels in yours.
1227
00:46:54,356 --> 00:46:55,648
Mmm.
1228
00:46:57,776 --> 00:47:00,612
Oh.
1229
00:47:00,653 --> 00:47:02,030
Oh, wow.
1230
00:47:03,823 --> 00:47:06,159
I feel him.
1231
00:47:06,201 --> 00:47:08,328
I--I--I feel him in my mouth.
1232
00:47:08,370 --> 00:47:10,288
You gotta go the distance,
Matty.
1233
00:47:10,330 --> 00:47:11,956
Rocky would never have given up
1234
00:47:11,998 --> 00:47:13,375
on his brother's wife's
daughter.
1235
00:47:13,416 --> 00:47:15,126
- And neither should you.
- No.
1236
00:47:15,168 --> 00:47:16,211
What do you say?
1237
00:47:22,342 --> 00:47:24,678
- OK.
- OK, what?
1238
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:25,887
She can stay.
1239
00:47:25,929 --> 00:47:28,515
Oh, Matty, you mean it?
1240
00:47:28,556 --> 00:47:29,766
Yeah, fuck it.
1241
00:47:29,808 --> 00:47:30,767
Oh!
1242
00:47:30,809 --> 00:47:33,019
Oh, honey, and no rent?
1243
00:47:33,061 --> 00:47:34,145
- Yeah, yeah.
- Right?
1244
00:47:34,187 --> 00:47:37,065
- Fine, fine.
- Thank you so much.
1245
00:47:39,067 --> 00:47:42,737
I'm gonna sleep in it.
1246
00:47:42,779 --> 00:47:44,698
Nice job, Teddy.
1247
00:47:44,739 --> 00:47:47,117
- We did it.
- Yeah, we did.
1248
00:47:47,158 --> 00:47:48,034
You know,
I think you and Stallone
1249
00:47:48,076 --> 00:47:49,411
could still make that movie.
1250
00:47:49,452 --> 00:47:52,080
Oh, God. No way.
It was total fucking garbage.
1251
00:47:52,122 --> 00:47:54,374
I don't wanna sound crazy,
but I honestly think
1252
00:47:54,416 --> 00:47:56,209
Paramount blew up
the space shuttle
1253
00:47:56,251 --> 00:47:57,687
so they wouldn't have
to make that movie.
1254
00:47:57,711 --> 00:47:59,087
Jesus, that bad, huh?
1255
00:47:59,129 --> 00:48:02,298
- It was that bad, yeah.
- Shit.
1256
00:48:07,262 --> 00:48:09,389
I don't know
how to thank you guys.
1257
00:48:09,431 --> 00:48:13,518
I mean, never in a million years
did I expect this.
1258
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:15,645
You know,
I was starting to think
1259
00:48:15,687 --> 00:48:18,106
it was impossible for any of us
to break the curse
1260
00:48:18,148 --> 00:48:21,317
of the Bennett blood,
but what you did,
1261
00:48:21,359 --> 00:48:24,446
it gives me a lot of hope.
1262
00:48:24,487 --> 00:48:25,739
Thank you.
1263
00:48:25,780 --> 00:48:27,383
Ah, we were just trying
to make things right.
1264
00:48:27,407 --> 00:48:30,618
No, no, no, no.
I--I mean it, though.
1265
00:48:30,660 --> 00:48:33,079
You're not like
the rest of the family.
1266
00:48:33,121 --> 00:48:35,123
You've got a shot.
1267
00:48:35,165 --> 00:48:38,001
I think of my dad,
drunk on his ratty couch,
1268
00:48:38,043 --> 00:48:40,086
watching "Flash Gordon"
or some shit,
1269
00:48:40,128 --> 00:48:43,381
but that's not gonna be you.
1270
00:48:43,423 --> 00:48:45,967
You--you're gonna do
something with your life.
1271
00:48:46,009 --> 00:48:48,595
You're gonna be somebody.
1272
00:48:48,636 --> 00:48:49,637
Thanks, Blaire.
1273
00:48:54,100 --> 00:48:57,103
Just promise me this.
1274
00:48:57,145 --> 00:48:59,397
No more drugs.
Yeah?
1275
00:48:59,439 --> 00:49:00,523
No more drugs.
1276
00:49:00,565 --> 00:49:01,733
No more drugs.
1277
00:49:05,653 --> 00:49:06,613
Besides pot.
1278
00:49:06,654 --> 00:49:07,864
Besides pot.
90758
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