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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:50,526 --> 00:01:52,778 VIAGO: So, it's 6:00 p.m. in the nighttime, 2 00:01:52,903 --> 00:01:54,405 which is when I wake up. 3 00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:57,700 This is always really scary part for me. 4 00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:05,249 Yes! Nighttime. 5 00:02:05,374 --> 00:02:10,630 So, now I'm going to wake up my flatmates. 6 00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:13,591 I really love living in a flatting situation. 7 00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:14,925 Wake up! 8 00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:17,470 Wake up, everyone! 9 00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:20,181 I like to hang out with other vampires. 10 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,767 I like the company. 11 00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:24,810 Awaken! 12 00:02:24,935 --> 00:02:27,021 Awakey-wakey! 13 00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:30,941 I just really like having a good time with my friends. 14 00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:32,610 Deacon? 15 00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:34,904 Hi. Hey. 16 00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:37,531 Deacon? 17 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,992 How was your night last night? 18 00:02:40,117 --> 00:02:42,995 I transformed into a dog and had sex. 19 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:44,330 VIAGO: Cool! 20 00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:46,624 We're gonna have a little flat meeting in the kitchen 21 00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:49,085 in about 15 minutes, okay? 22 00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:50,920 -Okay. -Okay. 23 00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:52,797 -Should I close this? -Yes. 24 00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:55,383 Vliadislav? 25 00:02:57,968 --> 00:03:00,388 Sorry. Sorry! 26 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,059 [ German accent I What? 27 00:03:05,184 --> 00:03:07,687 -Hey. -What time is it? 28 00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:10,731 Um, we're going to have a flat meeting in about 10 minutes. 29 00:03:10,856 --> 00:03:13,609 -20. -Okay. Is there -- 30 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:30,501 So, we're in Petyr's room. 31 00:03:30,626 --> 00:03:33,337 I'm just going to wake him up. 32 00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,857 Pet yr? 33 00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:55,443 Pet yr? 34 00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:01,365 Pet yr, wake up. 35 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,033 Hey, listen. 36 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:06,537 We're just having a flat meeting upstairs in about 10 minutes. 37 00:04:06,662 --> 00:04:07,955 You don't have to come, 38 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,792 but I thought I'd extend an invitation to you just in case. 39 00:04:11,917 --> 00:04:13,043 Um... 40 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:16,922 There's a lot of stuff on the floor down here, Pet yr, and... 41 00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:18,799 Like this -- It seems... 42 00:04:18,924 --> 00:04:22,136 I don't -- Aah! It's a spinal column. Yuck! 43 00:04:22,261 --> 00:04:25,931 And I was thinking maybe I just should bring a broom down here 44 00:04:26,056 --> 00:04:29,810 for you if you wanted to sweep up some of the skeletons. 45 00:04:29,935 --> 00:04:31,687 I don't know. You know, maybe -- 46 00:04:33,355 --> 00:04:35,357 Okay. 47 00:04:36,358 --> 00:04:38,402 I got you this chicken. 48 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:43,783 Is Pet yr coming? 49 00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:46,702 -Should we wait? -Petyr's...8,000 years old. 50 00:04:46,827 --> 00:04:48,996 We're not going to have Pet yr at the meeting. 51 00:04:49,121 --> 00:04:51,665 Okay. So...wanted to have a quick chat 52 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:55,669 about flat responsibilities because, uh, guys, 53 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:58,422 I think that we're not all pulling our weight here. 54 00:04:58,547 --> 00:05:01,509 We're not just pointing the finger at you, Deacon. 55 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,719 You're a cool guy, but you're not pulling your weight 56 00:05:03,844 --> 00:05:04,845 in the flat. 57 00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:08,224 Well, I'm glad to hear that I'm cool. 58 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:09,642 No, that's not the point, though. 59 00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:12,770 VIAGO: Yeah. It's not a flat meeting about how cool you are. 60 00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:15,314 -I do my flat chores. -VLADISLAV: No, you don't! 61 00:05:15,439 --> 00:05:16,941 VIAGO: This is why we're having the flat meeting. 62 00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:18,442 The point is, Deacon, 63 00:05:18,567 --> 00:05:20,986 that you have not done the dishes for five years. 64 00:05:21,111 --> 00:05:21,987 VIAGO: Viadislav is right. 65 00:05:22,112 --> 00:05:24,824 It's unacceptable to have so many bloody dishes 66 00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,408 all over this bench like that. 67 00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,327 I'm so embarrassed when people come over here. 68 00:05:28,452 --> 00:05:29,495 What does it matter?! 69 00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:31,705 You bring them over. You kill them! 70 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,916 Vampires don't do dishes. 71 00:05:34,041 --> 00:05:37,670 VIAGO: Deacon's like the rebellious young vampire. 72 00:05:37,795 --> 00:05:41,632 He's always doing crazy things, saying crazy things. 73 00:05:41,757 --> 00:05:44,927 He's just like the young bad boy of the group. 74 00:05:45,052 --> 00:05:48,097 Okay. So... 75 00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:52,810 one day I was selling my wares, 76 00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:55,855 and I walked past this old creepy castle. 77 00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,773 And I look at it and think... 78 00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:00,526 ..."Very old and creepy." 79 00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:04,071 And then this creature flies at me! 80 00:06:04,196 --> 00:06:07,199 It dragged me back to this dark dungeon 81 00:06:07,324 --> 00:06:10,202 and bit into my neck. 82 00:06:10,327 --> 00:06:12,413 And just at the point of death, 83 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:17,376 this creature forced me to suck its foul blood. 84 00:06:17,501 --> 00:06:20,921 And then, it opened its wings like this 85 00:06:21,046 --> 00:06:24,258 and hovered above me, screeching. 86 00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:30,306 "Now you are vampire.” 87 00:06:30,431 --> 00:06:32,141 And it was Pet yr. 88 00:06:34,351 --> 00:06:36,395 And we're still friends today. 89 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:37,438 VIAGO: Viad, you were great. 90 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:41,525 You put out the recycling, which was really cool. 91 00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:45,905 And the other day, I dragged a man's body down the hallway 92 00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:49,783 and noticed that there was no dust. 93 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,953 Like, I kind of -- I kind of swept the hallway. 94 00:06:53,078 --> 00:06:56,248 VIAGO: Vliadislav is just, like, this older vampire 95 00:06:56,373 --> 00:06:58,709 who grew up in the medieval times. 96 00:06:58,834 --> 00:07:01,879 And, you know, to be living this long 97 00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:04,924 and to have seen the things that he's seen 98 00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:07,468 and still, like, kind of have it together... 99 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:08,510 Aah! 100 00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:09,929 ...mean, hats off to him. 101 00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:12,056 Bloody hell! 102 00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:13,390 VLADISLAV: Sorry. 103 00:07:13,515 --> 00:07:15,267 He's a really great guy. 104 00:07:15,392 --> 00:07:17,102 A bit of a pervert. 105 00:07:17,227 --> 00:07:20,940 He has some pretty old ideas about things. 106 00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:23,734 -We should get some slaves. -Yes. 107 00:07:23,859 --> 00:07:28,948 When I first became a vampire, I was quite tyrannical. 108 00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:33,369 I was known for torturing a lot of people. 109 00:07:36,163 --> 00:07:39,333 This is my torture chamber. 110 00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:41,961 I don't come in here often anymore. 111 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:46,256 I tended to torture when I was in a bad place. 112 00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:51,428 My thing was, I would poke someone with implements. 113 00:07:51,553 --> 00:07:55,099 I was known as Vladislav the Poker. 114 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:59,353 VIAGO: It's been like this the whole time, okay? So... 115 00:07:59,478 --> 00:08:02,856 Viago is a little...pedantic. 116 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,025 VIAGO: The washing and the rubbish, I did that. 117 00:08:05,150 --> 00:08:06,652 Deacon, on dishes, 118 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:09,071 and it's still hasn't moved in five years. 119 00:08:09,196 --> 00:08:14,493 He was an 18th-century dandy, so he can be very fussy. 120 00:08:14,618 --> 00:08:15,869 He nags and nags. 121 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,162 ...the lounge the other day, 122 00:08:17,287 --> 00:08:21,709 and there was blood all over my nice antique couch. 123 00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:23,419 Which one? The red one? 124 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:25,504 Well, it's red now, yeah. 125 00:08:25,629 --> 00:08:28,048 If you're going to eat a victim on my nice clean couch, 126 00:08:28,173 --> 00:08:30,968 put down some newspaper on the floor and some towels. 127 00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:32,386 It's not hard to do. 128 00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:35,848 We're vampires! We don't put down towels. 129 00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:37,808 Some vampires do. 130 00:08:37,933 --> 00:08:40,019 Well, not serious ones. 131 00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:43,313 When you get four vampires in a flat, 132 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:45,816 obviously there's going to be a lot of tension. 133 00:08:45,941 --> 00:08:49,236 There's tension in any flatting situation. 134 00:08:49,361 --> 00:08:51,697 It's settled, then. We'll all do our jobs, 135 00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:54,116 starting with a certain Deacon -- 136 00:08:54,241 --> 00:08:57,119 - I will do my dishes! -Good! Then do them! 137 00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:18,599 This is bullshit. 138 00:09:44,291 --> 00:09:47,544 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 139 00:09:47,669 --> 00:09:50,089 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 140 00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:52,716 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 141 00:09:52,841 --> 00:09:56,637 4 You're dead and out of this world ♪ 142 00:09:56,762 --> 00:10:00,891 Well, I became a vampire when I was 16. 143 00:10:01,016 --> 00:10:04,353 That is why I always look 16. 144 00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:05,521 In those days, of course, 145 00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:07,981 life was tough for a 16-year-old. 146 00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:10,901 ♪ You'll never get a second chance ♪ 147 00:10:11,026 --> 00:10:13,737 ♪ Plan all your moves in advance ♪ 148 00:10:13,862 --> 00:10:16,365 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 149 00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,784 ♪ Stay dead and out of this world & 150 00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:21,995 VIAGO: Vampires have had a pretty bad rap. 151 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:26,291 We're not these mopey old creatures who live in castles. 152 00:10:26,416 --> 00:10:28,001 And, well, some -- Most of us are. 153 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,503 A lot are, but... 154 00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:32,131 there are also those of us who like to flat together 155 00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:34,591 in really small countries like New Zealand. 156 00:10:34,716 --> 00:10:37,219 ♪ Don't ever talk with your eyes ♪ 157 00:10:37,344 --> 00:10:40,013 ♪ Be sure that you compromise ♪ 158 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,891 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 159 00:10:43,016 --> 00:10:45,102 4 You're dead and out of this world ♪ 160 00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:47,729 I was a Nazi vampire. 161 00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:57,364 After the war, which the Nazis lost... 162 00:10:58,073 --> 00:11:01,910 I don't know if you know that the Nazis lost that war. 163 00:11:02,035 --> 00:11:04,997 If you were a Nazi, after the war... 164 00:11:05,664 --> 00:11:07,124 And if you were a vampire... 165 00:11:09,209 --> 00:11:13,088 And if you were a Nazi vampire... 166 00:11:13,213 --> 00:11:14,548 no way. 167 00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:15,799 I was out of there. 168 00:11:15,924 --> 00:11:18,218 ♪ Long gone, long gone, lone gone ♪ 169 00:11:18,343 --> 00:11:21,722 ♪ Long gone and out of this world ♪ 170 00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:35,861 ♪ When you smile and it tears your face ♪ 171 00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:38,906 ♪ It's time for the inhuman race ♪ 172 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:41,700 ♪ You're down, you're down, you're down ♪ 173 00:11:41,825 --> 00:11:44,453 ♪ You're down and out of this world ♪ 174 00:12:00,719 --> 00:12:04,014 Ja, I came to this country for love. 175 00:12:04,139 --> 00:12:06,850 Uh, there was a girl. Human girl. 176 00:12:06,975 --> 00:12:08,352 And... 177 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:11,146 I thought she was fantastic. 178 00:12:11,271 --> 00:12:13,690 She was absolutely amazing. 179 00:12:13,815 --> 00:12:15,108 I was smitten. 180 00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:19,029 Her family emigrated to New Zealand. 181 00:12:19,154 --> 00:12:21,865 And I thought, "You know what? 182 00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:23,659 To hell with it. I'm going to go. 183 00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:26,411 I'm going to chase her and tell her how I feel." 184 00:12:26,536 --> 00:12:30,290 I told my servant Phillip, "Send me to New Zealand." 185 00:12:30,415 --> 00:12:34,002 He put the wrong postage on my coffin. 186 00:12:34,127 --> 00:12:37,172 So the whole journey took about 18 months. 187 00:12:39,549 --> 00:12:44,346 And when I got here, she had found someone else. 188 00:12:45,055 --> 00:12:47,391 She had fallen in love. 189 00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:48,850 And... 190 00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:52,020 she was married. 191 00:13:01,571 --> 00:13:04,032 She gave me this before she left. 192 00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:08,829 There she is. 193 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:12,040 That's me. I put myself in there, too. 194 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:15,627 She told me it was pure silver. 195 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:21,008 Unfortunately, we vampires cannot wear silver. 196 00:13:42,195 --> 00:13:44,781 Yeah. 197 00:13:44,906 --> 00:13:48,827 That's about as long as I can wear that. 198 00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:16,688 VLADISLAV: Tonight, we are going out into Wellington central. 199 00:14:16,813 --> 00:14:18,690 It is important that we look good. 200 00:14:18,815 --> 00:14:20,233 Yeah, it's really good. Yeah. Like it? 201 00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:23,528 One of the unfortunate things about not having a reflection 202 00:14:23,653 --> 00:14:26,907 is that you don't know exactly what you look like. 203 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:29,368 Whooooo! 204 00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:32,913 Look! A ghost cup! 205 00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:35,582 Floating all by itself! 206 00:14:35,707 --> 00:14:37,667 We can give each other feedback 207 00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,962 and help each other out until we're looking great. 208 00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:43,799 VIAGO: Yeah. Some of our clothes are from victims. 209 00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:46,301 You might bite someone, and then you think, 210 00:14:46,426 --> 00:14:48,595 "Ooh! Those are some nice pants!” 211 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,472 -Do I wear these? -VLADISLAV: No. Change it. 212 00:14:50,597 --> 00:14:54,393 When you're a vampire, you become very sexy. 213 00:14:56,686 --> 00:15:00,065 VLADISLAV: We are trying to attract victims to us. 214 00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,691 Not sure about the waistcoat. 215 00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:05,570 I go for a look which I call "dead but delicious." 216 00:15:05,695 --> 00:15:07,322 We are the bait. 217 00:15:07,447 --> 00:15:09,366 But we're also the trap. 218 00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:10,784 Hello, ladies. 219 00:15:33,056 --> 00:15:36,268 And voila. We are ready to go into town and party. 220 00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:39,020 -Vampire-style. -Vampire-style. 221 00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:50,866 DEACON: When we go into town, we must try to blend in. 222 00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:52,200 Just walking the streets. 223 00:15:52,325 --> 00:15:54,411 Coming into town is really cool 224 00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:57,038 because just for one brief moment, I feel... 225 00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:59,166 MAN: Homos! 226 00:16:01,084 --> 00:16:03,211 ♪ Hanging out in discotheques ♪ 227 00:16:03,336 --> 00:16:04,963 ♪ Hanging out in bars ♪ 228 00:16:05,088 --> 00:16:07,257 The trouble with being a vampire is, 229 00:16:07,382 --> 00:16:10,427 you have to be invited in to go in. 230 00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:12,554 DEACON: We'd like to come into the bar, please. 231 00:16:12,679 --> 00:16:14,556 Invite us into the bar. Please. 232 00:16:14,681 --> 00:16:16,933 $5, you can walk in. 233 00:16:17,058 --> 00:16:18,768 -Will you invite us in?! -Could you just... 234 00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:21,563 VLADISLAV: If the humans found out what we were, 235 00:16:21,688 --> 00:16:23,565 they would destroy us. 236 00:16:23,690 --> 00:16:25,942 VIAGO: There are between 60 and 70 vampires 237 00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:28,028 in the Greater Wellington region. 238 00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:29,654 -VLADISLAV: Obvious vampire. -VIAGO: Julie. 239 00:16:29,779 --> 00:16:31,865 Hello. How embarrassing. 240 00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:35,243 He's, um, a guy I used to work with when I was human. 241 00:16:35,368 --> 00:16:37,496 -Really? Gone? -Yeah, he's gone. 242 00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:38,788 I've been draining him all night. 243 00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,540 I've been a very thirsty girl. 244 00:16:40,665 --> 00:16:41,708 -VLADISLAV: Hey, guys. -VIAGO: Being bitten 245 00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:43,585 as a little boy or a little girl, 246 00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:45,587 you always going to look the same age. 247 00:16:45,712 --> 00:16:46,588 What are you doing tonight? 248 00:16:46,713 --> 00:16:47,839 Are you going to kill some perverts? 249 00:16:47,964 --> 00:16:49,090 Yeah. We're meeting a pedophile. 250 00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,175 -Cool. -GIRL: Yeah. 251 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:51,843 Okay. Let's just go to Big Kumara. 252 00:16:51,968 --> 00:16:53,470 -Have a good night, guys! -Yeah. You, too. 253 00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:56,223 The Big Kumara is vampire-owned-and-operated, 254 00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,058 and so, we can always get in. 255 00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:01,978 It's the hottest night spot for vampires in Wellington. 256 00:17:02,103 --> 00:17:04,648 -Come on in, guys. Come on in. -Thank you. Thanks. 257 00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:07,943 ♪..Sea ♪ 258 00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:13,073 ♪ We'll find our feet & 259 00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:15,700 Perhaps you could bring some people to the house. 260 00:17:15,825 --> 00:17:17,911 -Sure. -Perhaps some virgins. 261 00:17:18,036 --> 00:17:19,621 Virgins? Yep. Okay. 262 00:17:19,746 --> 00:17:22,499 Any kind of preference in terms of gender or... 263 00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:25,710 -Maybe some ladies. -Yep. Ladies. 264 00:17:25,835 --> 00:17:27,295 Perhaps a guy. 265 00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:28,797 JACKIE: One of each? 266 00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:30,382 One of each would be cool. 267 00:17:30,507 --> 00:17:32,968 JACKIE: My relationship with Deacon is... 268 00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:35,804 Well, I'm his familiar. He's my master. 269 00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:38,807 He tells me what to do. I do it. 270 00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:42,978 We have that kind of master-servant relationship, 271 00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:45,021 which works nicely actually. 272 00:17:45,146 --> 00:17:46,648 Hello Oh, it's a little bit of blood. 273 00:17:46,773 --> 00:17:49,734 Um, my husband, he -- He's a hemophiliac. 274 00:17:49,859 --> 00:17:50,777 -Oh, okay. -You know? 275 00:17:50,902 --> 00:17:52,737 -Someone that bleeds a lot. -Yep. 276 00:17:52,862 --> 00:17:54,447 Any kind of age range? 277 00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,866 -Young. -But not -- not kids? 278 00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:58,535 -Not kids. -Okay. 279 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,328 18 to 307 280 00:18:00,453 --> 00:18:02,414 Definitely younger than yourself. 281 00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:04,708 Okay. So 18 to 30. 282 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:05,750 -Great. -So, it's a dinner party? 283 00:18:05,875 --> 00:18:07,502 -I'll be there. -Yes. Dinner party. 284 00:18:07,627 --> 00:18:08,503 -The guys will be there. -Yes. 285 00:18:08,628 --> 00:18:09,879 -We'll all be there. -We will dress up... 286 00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:13,049 -Okay. Great. -...and then eat them. 287 00:18:13,174 --> 00:18:15,135 -Okay. Great. -DEACON: Should be fun. 288 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,928 I was just wondering if we could talk about the... 289 00:18:17,053 --> 00:18:19,723 You wouldn't know of a night dentist? 290 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:20,932 Because I have this thing here. 291 00:18:21,057 --> 00:18:23,977 I was just wondering if we could talk about the -- the deal. 292 00:18:24,102 --> 00:18:25,812 -Hmm? -The deal. 293 00:18:25,937 --> 00:18:27,522 -The dishes? -No, no. The -- 294 00:18:27,647 --> 00:18:29,357 You know, the deal. 295 00:18:29,482 --> 00:18:33,194 The deal is that he is going to give me eternal life... 296 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:36,364 um, which is... 297 00:18:36,489 --> 00:18:38,158 very exciting. 298 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:39,826 Well, I just feel like I've kind of reached my potential, 299 00:18:39,951 --> 00:18:41,202 and I wouldn't want to kind of get any older 300 00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:42,370 before kind of... 301 00:18:42,495 --> 00:18:44,706 I just feel like I'm the best version of myself that I can be. 302 00:18:44,831 --> 00:18:47,208 It's just that it's been 4 1/2 years, and I just -- 303 00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:48,710 But it's doing your -- I'm doing your pot plants. 304 00:18:48,835 --> 00:18:51,254 I'm doing your dry cleaning. Now I'm doing your dishes. 305 00:18:51,379 --> 00:18:53,673 -And the dentist? -JACKIE: And the dentist. 306 00:18:53,798 --> 00:18:55,050 And it's just taking an awful long time, 307 00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:56,635 -so I was just wondering -- -Be gone. 308 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,178 JACKIE: Okay. 309 00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:00,722 -See you later. -Okay. 310 00:19:10,899 --> 00:19:12,859 VIAGO: One of the most unfortunate things 311 00:19:12,984 --> 00:19:16,071 about being a vampire is that... 312 00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:18,406 you have to drink human blood. 313 00:19:18,531 --> 00:19:20,909 I like to make a real evening of it. 314 00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:21,951 It's lovely. 315 00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:25,830 VIAGO: Play some music. Maybe give them some nice wine. 316 00:19:25,955 --> 00:19:27,749 It's their last moment alive, 317 00:19:27,874 --> 00:19:30,126 so why not make it a nice experience? 318 00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:33,797 So... 319 00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,382 tell we what you do. What do you... 320 00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:37,509 I'm thinking about going to uni, actually. 321 00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:40,804 Oh, you are? Put that under there. 322 00:19:42,597 --> 00:19:44,432 University, ja? 323 00:19:44,557 --> 00:19:47,394 Yeah. But after that, I'm gonna travel. 324 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:51,189 Yeah. Really wanted to go overseas for ages, so... 325 00:19:51,314 --> 00:19:53,483 I'm saving up, and I'm gonna go to Spain 326 00:19:53,608 --> 00:19:56,361 and Italy and London and... 327 00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:58,405 Yeah. 328 00:19:59,572 --> 00:20:01,783 Okay. Excuse me. 329 00:20:01,908 --> 00:20:04,119 -Just put that there. -Oh. 330 00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:09,582 Here we go. 331 00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:18,925 VIAGO: Shit! 332 00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:20,051 Shit! 333 00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:30,145 Well, that didn't go so great. 334 00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:34,274 Um, I hit the main artery. 335 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:36,693 So, yeah, it's a real mess in there. 336 00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:38,570 Um... 337 00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:42,532 On the upside, I think she had a really good time. 338 00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:00,925 So, it's quite late, 339 00:21:01,050 --> 00:21:05,472 and I've managed to find a woman up watching television. 340 00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:09,517 And she seems like she'd be a good victim. 341 00:21:10,143 --> 00:21:13,855 I'm just going to use hypnosis on her. 342 00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:18,276 See me. 343 00:21:18,985 --> 00:21:21,946 See me. 344 00:21:22,572 --> 00:21:26,242 She can't see me from that angle. 345 00:21:26,367 --> 00:21:28,953 VIAGO: Vladislav used to be extremely powerful. 346 00:21:29,078 --> 00:21:31,498 He could hypnotize crowds of people. 347 00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:34,292 DEACON: Great orgies. 20, 30 women. 348 00:21:34,417 --> 00:21:36,503 VIAGO: He could turn into all sorts of animals. 349 00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:38,922 But now he never get the faces right. 350 00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:42,842 DEACON: He would kill anybody -- men, women, children. 351 00:21:42,967 --> 00:21:44,844 Burning everything. 352 00:21:44,969 --> 00:21:46,304 It was totally great. 353 00:21:46,429 --> 00:21:49,557 But he suffered a humiliating defeat 354 00:21:49,682 --> 00:21:52,268 at the hands of his archnemesis... 355 00:21:53,311 --> 00:21:54,562 ...The Beast. 356 00:22:02,278 --> 00:22:04,781 And he's never been the same. 357 00:22:04,906 --> 00:22:07,450 See me. 358 00:22:08,159 --> 00:22:10,787 See me. 359 00:22:11,746 --> 00:22:14,624 See me. 360 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:18,628 See me. 361 00:22:19,337 --> 00:22:22,006 Would you like to come inside? 362 00:22:24,843 --> 00:22:26,845 Mm. Mm. 363 00:22:44,612 --> 00:22:45,947 Ah! 364 00:22:46,072 --> 00:22:49,242 -Jackie, welcome. Come in. -Hello. 365 00:22:49,367 --> 00:22:51,619 This is Nick. Ex-ex-boyfriend. 366 00:22:51,744 --> 00:22:53,162 -And Josephine. -Nice house. 367 00:22:53,288 --> 00:22:56,291 And this is Deacon, my overseas friend from Europe. 368 00:22:56,416 --> 00:23:00,044 Deacon and his friends need victims. 369 00:23:00,169 --> 00:23:02,964 Hi! Please come in. Welcome. 370 00:23:03,089 --> 00:23:05,758 They can't be people that... 371 00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:08,761 I actually invest in or like 372 00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:10,763 because, of course, they will become victims. 373 00:23:10,889 --> 00:23:12,891 Hi. Josephine? 374 00:23:13,016 --> 00:23:15,727 No, I sat next to you in English. Remember? 375 00:23:15,852 --> 00:23:18,688 Um, you used to call me The Ja-xocist? 376 00:23:18,813 --> 00:23:20,523 No, you did. No, you did. Yeah. 377 00:23:20,648 --> 00:23:22,609 No. You started that. 378 00:23:22,734 --> 00:23:24,277 You were the one that started calling me that, 379 00:23:24,402 --> 00:23:26,404 and then it kind of caught on. 380 00:23:26,529 --> 00:23:27,405 Yeah. 381 00:23:27,530 --> 00:23:30,033 Okay. Bye, then. Bye. 382 00:23:30,158 --> 00:23:31,576 She's in. 383 00:23:35,788 --> 00:23:37,290 Do you like that, Nick? 384 00:23:37,415 --> 00:23:40,084 Yep. It's choice. 385 00:23:41,044 --> 00:23:43,838 I will go and prepare dinner. 386 00:23:43,963 --> 00:23:45,882 Please. 387 00:23:46,883 --> 00:23:49,302 Nick, are you a virgin at all? 388 00:23:49,427 --> 00:23:50,720 Eh, what? 389 00:23:50,845 --> 00:23:53,681 VLADISLAV: Doesn't seem like -- Are you a virgin? 390 00:23:53,806 --> 00:23:56,476 -Yes. -Um, no. 391 00:23:56,601 --> 00:23:58,519 You were a virgin when we were seeing each other. 392 00:23:58,645 --> 00:23:59,562 Yeah. I was 12. 393 00:23:59,687 --> 00:24:01,272 You said he was a virgin. 394 00:24:01,397 --> 00:24:05,485 I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool. 395 00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:07,028 I think of it like this -- 396 00:24:07,153 --> 00:24:09,781 If you're going to eat a sandwich, 397 00:24:09,906 --> 00:24:13,660 you will just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it. 398 00:24:13,785 --> 00:24:16,287 Let's concentrate on Josephine, then. 399 00:24:16,412 --> 00:24:17,956 Are you a virgin? 400 00:24:18,081 --> 00:24:19,207 I'm not, no. 401 00:24:19,332 --> 00:24:20,667 Okay, I'm really sorry, 402 00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:23,711 because I totally pinned her as a virgin. 403 00:24:23,836 --> 00:24:26,172 She looks like a virgin. She talks like a virgin. 404 00:24:26,297 --> 00:24:30,134 I mean, who would have sex with her? I wouldn't. 405 00:24:30,259 --> 00:24:32,011 I would. 406 00:24:32,136 --> 00:24:33,137 Oh. 407 00:24:35,181 --> 00:24:38,017 Two dinners. Two dinners! Yum. 408 00:24:38,142 --> 00:24:39,018 DEACON: Nick... 409 00:24:39,143 --> 00:24:41,229 do you like bisghetti? 410 00:24:41,354 --> 00:24:43,272 Uh...yep. I usually like it. 411 00:24:43,398 --> 00:24:45,942 But be better if it was warm. 412 00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:47,860 So, this is my favorite trick. 413 00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:51,614 We present our guest with a plate of bisghetti. 414 00:24:51,739 --> 00:24:55,660 And then, I will say, "Why don't you eat some bisghetti? 415 00:24:55,785 --> 00:24:56,911 Please, Nick... 416 00:24:57,036 --> 00:24:58,913 eat some bisghetti. 417 00:25:00,248 --> 00:25:04,252 I didn't realize you enjoyed eating worms...Nick. 418 00:25:04,377 --> 00:25:07,630 -No. No. -They are worms. 419 00:25:07,755 --> 00:25:09,382 There's worms moving around on my plate. 420 00:25:09,507 --> 00:25:10,758 VLADISLAV: It is worm-like. 421 00:25:10,883 --> 00:25:12,010 This is merely bisghetti! 422 00:25:12,135 --> 00:25:14,637 DEACON: We stole that idea from "The Lost Boys." 423 00:25:14,762 --> 00:25:16,305 But I put a nice twist on it. 424 00:25:16,431 --> 00:25:20,226 Nick...how does it feel to have a snake for a penis? 425 00:25:22,770 --> 00:25:24,439 Jackie... my penis has disappeared. 426 00:25:24,564 --> 00:25:25,523 There's a cobra snake. 427 00:25:25,648 --> 00:25:28,151 No one's gonna mistake your penis for a cobra, Nick, okay? 428 00:25:28,276 --> 00:25:29,569 What did you put in my spaghetti? 429 00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,655 DEACON: No. It is just a normal penis. 430 00:25:32,780 --> 00:25:33,948 I'm out. I'm out. 431 00:25:35,158 --> 00:25:37,827 Josephine... do you like bisghetti? 432 00:25:40,747 --> 00:25:43,249 Look, these freaks spike my spaghetti, 433 00:25:43,374 --> 00:25:44,667 make my cock turn into a snake. 434 00:25:44,792 --> 00:25:47,670 This is not cool. Not cool. 435 00:25:53,468 --> 00:25:54,927 You don't think this is weird? 436 00:25:56,637 --> 00:25:57,847 For fuck's sakes. 437 00:26:04,103 --> 00:26:05,605 Jackie?! 438 00:26:05,730 --> 00:26:07,565 Jackie! 439 00:26:07,690 --> 00:26:10,985 -Sorry, Nick. -NICK: What are you doing?! 440 00:26:11,110 --> 00:26:12,403 Jackie! 441 00:26:12,528 --> 00:26:13,780 Oh! 442 00:26:17,075 --> 00:26:19,911 Shit! Shit! 443 00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:27,543 What the fuck? 444 00:26:29,003 --> 00:26:30,755 Nah. Nah. 445 00:26:46,604 --> 00:26:48,439 Fuck off, 446 00:26:52,318 --> 00:26:54,195 Where am I? 447 00:27:04,288 --> 00:27:05,873 Aah! 448 00:27:16,342 --> 00:27:17,635 Fuck. 449 00:27:20,054 --> 00:27:22,181 Fuck! Aah! 450 00:27:31,566 --> 00:27:33,317 Freaks! 451 00:27:42,285 --> 00:27:45,621 Aw, no. Pet yr got him. 452 00:27:45,746 --> 00:27:47,832 VLADISLAV: Poor guy. 453 00:27:47,957 --> 00:27:50,877 DEACON: Who let Pet yr out? 454 00:28:48,643 --> 00:28:49,644 NICK: Hey, guys. 455 00:28:51,229 --> 00:28:53,105 Hey, what are you guys doing? 456 00:28:53,231 --> 00:28:54,440 What are you doing, Nick? 457 00:28:54,565 --> 00:28:56,817 -[ Record scratches I -Come into the house. 458 00:28:57,818 --> 00:28:59,403 Hi. My name is Nick. Hey, guys. 459 00:28:59,528 --> 00:29:01,364 I've been a vampire for two months. 460 00:29:03,074 --> 00:29:05,159 Probably, I reckon, the best thing about being a vampire 461 00:29:05,284 --> 00:29:06,494 is flying. 462 00:29:06,619 --> 00:29:07,495 Like, I've always wanted to. 463 00:29:07,620 --> 00:29:09,163 I think everyone has always wanted to fly. 464 00:29:09,288 --> 00:29:10,289 And now I can do it. 465 00:29:16,170 --> 00:29:18,214 Ohh. 466 00:29:20,967 --> 00:29:24,679 Nick, why don't you use the front door? 467 00:29:24,804 --> 00:29:26,389 Why would [? I'm flying. 468 00:29:27,098 --> 00:29:28,140 Pet yr bit me. 469 00:29:28,266 --> 00:29:29,475 Sucked all my blood out. 470 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:33,062 I woke up in his basement, and he offered me some blood. 471 00:29:33,187 --> 00:29:34,272 I just thought it was something -- 472 00:29:34,397 --> 00:29:36,524 some German thing that these guys do. 473 00:29:36,649 --> 00:29:39,694 The transition into becoming a vampire was pretty hard. 474 00:29:39,819 --> 00:29:41,404 I looked like shit to start off with. 475 00:29:41,529 --> 00:29:44,156 Like, I had a massive gash on my neck. 476 00:29:44,282 --> 00:29:46,117 Like, you could see the inside of my neck. 477 00:29:46,242 --> 00:29:47,660 I had blood all over my top. 478 00:29:48,369 --> 00:29:50,788 And then I came home, and I was sweating. 479 00:29:50,913 --> 00:29:52,623 I was either really hot or really cold. 480 00:29:52,748 --> 00:29:54,083 It was like a hangover times 10, I reckon. 481 00:29:54,208 --> 00:29:56,419 It was really bad. 482 00:30:02,341 --> 00:30:04,218 It was quite similar to having the flu... 483 00:30:04,343 --> 00:30:06,971 except the only difference would probably be 484 00:30:07,096 --> 00:30:09,348 that my eyes bleed heaps. 485 00:30:10,641 --> 00:30:12,601 Are you guys not cold? 486 00:30:12,727 --> 00:30:13,686 I don't know. I can't explain it. 487 00:30:13,811 --> 00:30:15,604 Like it was just, yeah. Just real hot and cold 488 00:30:15,730 --> 00:30:18,816 and like bloody eyes and flying and stuff. 489 00:30:18,941 --> 00:30:21,068 DEACON: The neighbors can see you flying around the house. 490 00:30:21,193 --> 00:30:22,987 You want to draw attention to this house, hmm? 491 00:30:23,112 --> 00:30:25,489 You've got a whole documentary crew following you around. 492 00:30:25,614 --> 00:30:27,658 I'm doing an erotic dance for my friends, 493 00:30:27,783 --> 00:30:28,701 and you ruined it. 494 00:30:28,826 --> 00:30:31,120 I was in the zone. My friends are loving it. 495 00:30:31,245 --> 00:30:32,872 I love it. I saw the end of it. It looked great. 496 00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:36,208 I don't know if I'm accepted yet. 497 00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:38,502 But...I don't know. I think it's getting there. 498 00:30:38,627 --> 00:30:39,503 I know they're old and stuff, 499 00:30:39,628 --> 00:30:42,548 but they're quite naive when it comes to the real world. 500 00:30:42,673 --> 00:30:44,425 So...I don't know. 501 00:30:44,550 --> 00:30:46,135 It would be cool to just hang out with them. 502 00:30:46,260 --> 00:30:47,219 They can teach me some stuff. 503 00:30:47,345 --> 00:30:49,430 I can probably teach them a few things. 504 00:30:56,729 --> 00:31:00,441 At the start, it was like, "Oh no. Like, I'm -- I'm dead." 505 00:31:00,566 --> 00:31:03,194 It's kind of affected my friendship with normal people -- 506 00:31:03,319 --> 00:31:04,737 my family and stuff. 507 00:31:04,862 --> 00:31:07,406 But the way I see it, I've got a whole new family. 508 00:31:07,531 --> 00:31:08,657 They accept me for who I am. 509 00:31:08,783 --> 00:31:10,284 And I accept them for who they are... 510 00:31:10,409 --> 00:31:12,161 [ Imitating video-game beeping I 511 00:31:12,286 --> 00:31:14,705 ...even though one of them killed me. 512 00:31:14,830 --> 00:31:16,290 Where should we go tonight? 513 00:31:16,415 --> 00:31:17,458 Let's go to the Big Kumara. 514 00:31:17,583 --> 00:31:18,459 Why don't we go to Boogie Wonderland? 515 00:31:18,584 --> 00:31:20,169 We never get into Boogie Wonderland. 516 00:31:20,294 --> 00:31:21,796 No. My friend Richard's the bouncer. 517 00:31:21,921 --> 00:31:23,130 -He can get us in. -VIAGO: What? Really? 518 00:31:23,255 --> 00:31:25,174 NICK: He'll invite us in. 519 00:31:25,299 --> 00:31:27,468 -Stu's keen. Stu loves it. -Who? Is that Stu? 520 00:31:27,593 --> 00:31:29,387 Uh, this is my friend Stu. 521 00:31:29,512 --> 00:31:30,554 -Hey. -Hey. 522 00:31:30,679 --> 00:31:32,640 He works in computers and stuff. 523 00:31:32,765 --> 00:31:34,100 Originally he went out with my sister. 524 00:31:34,225 --> 00:31:35,643 And then they broke up. 525 00:31:35,768 --> 00:31:37,353 I didn't really get into it, but... 526 00:31:37,478 --> 00:31:38,562 It's got nothing to do with me. 527 00:31:38,687 --> 00:31:41,857 And he can't hear me. 528 00:31:42,983 --> 00:31:46,946 Yeah. So, basically, Stu doesn't know that I'm a vampire. 529 00:31:47,071 --> 00:31:49,156 And he doesn't know that my friends are vampires. 530 00:31:49,281 --> 00:31:51,700 He just thinks that I've just met some colorful friends. 531 00:31:51,826 --> 00:31:52,952 This is jasmine. 532 00:31:53,077 --> 00:31:54,078 I brought him 'round to the house, 533 00:31:54,203 --> 00:31:56,080 and they all thought I'd brought, like, a meal 534 00:31:56,205 --> 00:31:57,456 for everyone. 535 00:31:57,581 --> 00:32:00,251 It just like -- It really, really sucks 536 00:32:00,376 --> 00:32:02,461 that I can't eat him. 537 00:32:02,586 --> 00:32:05,714 I just want to like ahhh. 538 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,843 Look at it. He's the reddest guy I know. 539 00:32:08,968 --> 00:32:10,678 But -- You can hear me. 540 00:32:10,803 --> 00:32:13,097 Yeah. You like computer-based stuff, eh, mainly? 541 00:32:13,222 --> 00:32:14,098 -Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah. -Yeah. 542 00:32:14,223 --> 00:32:17,476 -Geo-databases. Yeah. -Yeah. Like computers mainly. 543 00:32:18,436 --> 00:32:22,022 Let's have a vote for Boogie Wonderland or The Big Kumara. 544 00:32:22,148 --> 00:32:24,191 Big Kumara! 545 00:32:25,609 --> 00:32:27,653 - NICK: Right. - Great. 546 00:32:27,778 --> 00:32:30,281 NICK: Careful, Stu. Hurry up. 547 00:32:30,406 --> 00:32:31,323 DEACON: I don't think Nick 548 00:32:31,449 --> 00:32:33,951 should have been turned into a vampire. 549 00:32:34,076 --> 00:32:36,871 He's such a dick. 550 00:32:36,996 --> 00:32:38,247 How are you, brother? Looking great, man. 551 00:32:38,372 --> 00:32:40,958 Gentlemen, you are most welcome. 552 00:32:48,966 --> 00:32:50,843 We're in Boogie Wonderland! 553 00:32:50,968 --> 00:32:53,762 So, here we are at Boogie Wonderland, 554 00:32:53,888 --> 00:32:57,183 and it is so much fun. 555 00:32:57,308 --> 00:32:58,517 They have an electric floor. 556 00:32:58,642 --> 00:32:59,518 This is amazing! 557 00:32:59,643 --> 00:33:02,563 I'm just so happy to be here. 558 00:33:02,688 --> 00:33:04,648 This is pretty cheesy. 559 00:33:04,773 --> 00:33:07,526 Also, did you see the jacket he wore? 560 00:33:07,651 --> 00:33:09,361 He's wearing the same jacket as me. 561 00:33:09,487 --> 00:33:12,865 -It's not exactly the same. -It's pretty close. 562 00:33:14,325 --> 00:33:15,701 ♪ Cool vibe ♪ 563 00:33:15,784 --> 00:33:17,369 ♪ Cool vibe ♪ 564 00:33:17,495 --> 00:33:19,163 NICK: What? Of course not. 565 00:33:19,288 --> 00:33:21,457 I'm just loving being a vampire at the moment. 566 00:33:21,582 --> 00:33:23,876 ♪ Cool vibe ♪ 567 00:33:24,001 --> 00:33:26,420 4 Cool vibe ♪ 568 00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:29,089 NICK: Over there is the Fat Ladies Arms. 569 00:33:29,215 --> 00:33:32,301 Uh, On Wednesdays, they do like a "Fear Factor" competition. 570 00:33:32,426 --> 00:33:35,471 You can win like T-shirts and hats and spot prizes. 571 00:33:35,596 --> 00:33:37,389 I can smell werewolves. 572 00:33:37,515 --> 00:33:39,016 VLADISLAV: Okay, we're just about to walk past 573 00:33:39,141 --> 00:33:41,644 some werewolves, so some shit might go down. 574 00:33:41,769 --> 00:33:43,896 DEACON: Look out, guys. Don't catch fleas. 575 00:33:44,021 --> 00:33:45,564 -ANTON: What's that, mate? -VIAGO: Deacon. 576 00:33:45,689 --> 00:33:47,191 -Sorry. What? -Keep going. Keep walking. 577 00:33:47,316 --> 00:33:48,192 ANTON: What? We heard that, mate. 578 00:33:48,317 --> 00:33:49,193 We've got sensitive hearing. 579 00:33:49,318 --> 00:33:50,194 -DEACON: Have you? -ANTON: Yeah. 580 00:33:50,319 --> 00:33:52,112 What are you filming? It's a music video, is it? 581 00:33:52,238 --> 00:33:54,698 -We don't want any trouble. -I do. 582 00:33:54,823 --> 00:33:56,784 -CLIFTON: Why did you start it? -Have I got your hackles up? 583 00:33:56,909 --> 00:33:59,703 Huh? Why don't you girls smell your own crotches, huh? 584 00:33:59,828 --> 00:34:01,247 -Come on, Deacon. Stop it. -What are you talking about? 585 00:34:01,372 --> 00:34:03,916 We don't smell our own crotches. We smell each other's crotches. 586 00:34:04,041 --> 00:34:06,210 And it's a form of greeting. 587 00:34:06,335 --> 00:34:07,211 You're on camera, mate. 588 00:34:07,336 --> 00:34:08,254 -Don't do it. -What? 589 00:34:08,379 --> 00:34:09,838 It's okay, 'cause I know this guy. 590 00:34:09,964 --> 00:34:11,799 It's Count Fag-ula. 591 00:34:12,925 --> 00:34:14,301 ANTON: Hey, hey, hey. Don't swear. 592 00:34:14,426 --> 00:34:16,136 -Sorry. They -- They... -We're werewolves. 593 00:34:16,262 --> 00:34:17,304 -Not swear-wolves. -What are we? 594 00:34:17,429 --> 00:34:18,931 TOGETHER: We're werewolves, not swear-wolves. 595 00:34:19,056 --> 00:34:19,974 "Faggot's" not a swear word. 596 00:34:20,099 --> 00:34:22,142 -That's a very offensive word to call people. 597 00:34:22,268 --> 00:34:25,145 Well, unless you're talking about a bundle of sticks. 598 00:34:25,271 --> 00:34:27,481 Chase this bundle of sticks... werewolves. 599 00:34:27,606 --> 00:34:30,317 Don't get it! Nathan, it's not real. 600 00:34:30,442 --> 00:34:32,194 He's just gonna take off his gloves. 601 00:34:32,319 --> 00:34:34,530 Aah! Shit, man! The fuck you do that for? 602 00:34:34,655 --> 00:34:35,990 Hey! Don't swear. 603 00:34:36,115 --> 00:34:37,491 We're gonna lose it. We're gonna lose it. 604 00:34:37,616 --> 00:34:38,742 ANTON: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey. 605 00:34:38,867 --> 00:34:40,744 Oh, shit. I've still got my glasses. 606 00:34:40,869 --> 00:34:42,538 Oh, oh, oh, oh! 607 00:34:42,663 --> 00:34:44,790 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 608 00:34:44,915 --> 00:34:46,500 Oh! Hey, hey, hey, hey! 609 00:34:46,625 --> 00:34:48,669 Do the breathing! Do the breathing! 610 00:34:48,794 --> 00:34:50,796 -WEREWOLF: Do the breathing. -Count to 10, mate. All right. 611 00:34:50,921 --> 00:34:52,047 -Come on. -WEREWOLF: Hold it. 612 00:34:52,172 --> 00:34:54,383 Count to 10, human again. 613 00:34:54,508 --> 00:34:55,676 It's all right. It's not full moon. 614 00:34:55,801 --> 00:34:57,428 Thanks a lot, guys. Enjoy your night. 615 00:34:57,553 --> 00:34:59,179 You should be ashamed of yourselves, man. 616 00:34:59,305 --> 00:35:00,931 Great. We didn't want this to happen. 617 00:35:07,688 --> 00:35:08,814 -ANTON: Come on, guys. -CLIFTON: Hey! 618 00:35:08,939 --> 00:35:10,649 Say it! Don't spray it, bitch! 619 00:35:10,774 --> 00:35:12,109 ANTON: Clifton! 620 00:35:12,234 --> 00:35:14,987 -Why you swearing all the time?! -CLIFTON: Well, he riled me up. 621 00:35:15,112 --> 00:35:16,572 -Were they actually werewolves? -VIAGO: Ja. 622 00:35:16,697 --> 00:35:17,906 Are you okay, Stu? 623 00:35:20,576 --> 00:35:23,537 NICK: I just don't really know how to approach this, 624 00:35:23,662 --> 00:35:24,913 "cause I never done it before. 625 00:35:25,039 --> 00:35:27,750 Um, and he is a good friend. 626 00:35:27,875 --> 00:35:29,501 And I don't want to... 627 00:35:29,627 --> 00:35:31,587 I don't want to break that friendship, but... 628 00:35:31,712 --> 00:35:33,088 then again, what do you do 629 00:35:33,213 --> 00:35:34,923 when someone tells you that they're a vampire? 630 00:35:36,008 --> 00:35:39,011 I'm expecting him to be angry. He might be scared. 631 00:35:39,136 --> 00:35:42,264 I'm expecting a lot of things to bubble to the surface. 632 00:35:42,389 --> 00:35:44,683 You probably noticed there's been... 633 00:35:44,808 --> 00:35:48,228 I've been going through a few changes lately. 634 00:35:48,937 --> 00:35:49,897 -Yeah. -Yeah? 635 00:35:50,022 --> 00:35:51,065 Yeah. 636 00:35:51,190 --> 00:35:54,777 Like, I don't show up for lunch anymore. 637 00:35:54,902 --> 00:35:57,029 -Yeah. -And how I've changed 638 00:35:57,154 --> 00:36:00,699 all our tennis games to nighttime tennis games. 639 00:36:00,824 --> 00:36:01,700 Right. 640 00:36:01,825 --> 00:36:04,078 And how you went from beating me every time 641 00:36:04,203 --> 00:36:08,123 and how I've won the last three. 642 00:36:08,832 --> 00:36:09,917 STU: Yeah. 643 00:36:10,042 --> 00:36:13,170 So...the reason I brought you here... 644 00:36:13,295 --> 00:36:16,173 is to tell you that... 645 00:36:16,298 --> 00:36:18,175 I'm a vampire. 646 00:36:21,470 --> 00:36:23,180 Stu took it pretty well. 647 00:36:23,305 --> 00:36:24,807 He's definitely my best mate. 648 00:36:24,932 --> 00:36:25,974 And I'm not gonna eat him. 649 00:36:26,100 --> 00:36:29,061 If they ever offer you spaghetti, um... 650 00:36:29,186 --> 00:36:31,021 you shouldn't eat it. 651 00:36:31,772 --> 00:36:34,108 I think they offered me biscotti. 652 00:36:34,233 --> 00:36:36,360 Vampire mates don't eat human mates. 653 00:36:36,485 --> 00:36:38,237 And no matter how much I wanted to eat him, 654 00:36:38,362 --> 00:36:40,364 I'll never eat him "cause he's my mate. 655 00:36:40,489 --> 00:36:42,908 -Eh, Stu? -Yeah. 656 00:36:43,033 --> 00:36:44,284 Yeah. 657 00:36:45,953 --> 00:36:49,081 VIAGO: Stu is great. 658 00:36:49,206 --> 00:36:51,083 We really like him. 659 00:36:51,208 --> 00:36:53,585 At first, I wanted to kill him. 660 00:36:53,711 --> 00:36:57,339 But now I'm glad I spent the time to get to know him. 661 00:36:57,464 --> 00:36:59,091 VIAGO: Ja, of course he looks delicious 662 00:36:59,216 --> 00:37:00,968 with his big red cheeks. 663 00:37:01,093 --> 00:37:05,389 But we've all got an agreement that we're not going to eat Stu. 664 00:37:05,514 --> 00:37:06,765 -Right? -Right. 665 00:37:06,890 --> 00:37:09,893 The guys upstairs, they're loving him. 666 00:37:10,018 --> 00:37:11,395 At the start, they were a bit, 667 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:13,480 "Who's this human you're bringing into the house?" 668 00:37:13,605 --> 00:37:15,065 But it took them literally two minutes, 669 00:37:15,190 --> 00:37:17,443 and they like him more than they like me, I reckon. 670 00:37:17,568 --> 00:37:20,154 I'm knitting a scarf for Stu. 671 00:37:20,863 --> 00:37:23,490 Try and attack. Use your legs. 672 00:37:24,366 --> 00:37:25,993 Wow. 673 00:37:26,118 --> 00:37:27,703 -Step back and block. Ha. -Okay. 674 00:37:27,828 --> 00:37:30,164 -And punching high. -Yep. 675 00:37:30,289 --> 00:37:31,874 -Yep. 676 00:37:31,999 --> 00:37:33,792 What I'm trying to say is -- 677 00:37:33,917 --> 00:37:36,920 'cause I know that you -- you turned me into a vampire. 678 00:37:37,045 --> 00:37:38,964 Maybe don't do that to him. 679 00:37:39,089 --> 00:37:40,841 He's a...vegetarian. 680 00:37:40,966 --> 00:37:43,969 Last thing he'd want to is eat a live being 681 00:37:44,094 --> 00:37:46,513 or eat blood or eat meat. 682 00:37:46,638 --> 00:37:48,223 -I am controlling this. -Get it! Get it! 683 00:37:48,348 --> 00:37:51,560 VIAGO: It's quite amazing to see how far technology 684 00:37:51,685 --> 00:37:54,688 can go forward if you're not paying attention. 685 00:37:56,690 --> 00:37:59,818 "One message received." Oh! 686 00:38:02,196 --> 00:38:04,698 "There is a crucifix behind you." 687 00:38:04,823 --> 00:38:06,408 So, down on that one. 688 00:38:06,533 --> 00:38:07,993 Like, halfway down will focus it. 689 00:38:08,118 --> 00:38:09,161 Maybe smile. 690 00:38:09,286 --> 00:38:10,954 ♪ Gloria ♪ 691 00:38:11,038 --> 00:38:12,623 ♪ Gloria ♪ 692 00:38:13,791 --> 00:38:18,545 Anything you want to find, you write it into this. 693 00:38:18,670 --> 00:38:23,467 I lost a really nice silk scarf in about 1912. 694 00:38:23,592 --> 00:38:24,718 Yes. Now Google it. 695 00:38:24,843 --> 00:38:27,137 Stu is the first human friend 696 00:38:27,262 --> 00:38:29,223 that I've had for long time. 697 00:38:29,348 --> 00:38:32,476 With humans, there's a tendency to die. 698 00:38:33,644 --> 00:38:34,770 Yeah. 699 00:38:34,895 --> 00:38:36,063 We can look at her photos. 700 00:38:36,188 --> 00:38:39,149 -Oh, yes. -Or we could poke her. 701 00:38:41,151 --> 00:38:42,444 Yes. 702 00:38:42,569 --> 00:38:44,780 Can we see a movie of a sunrise? 703 00:38:46,532 --> 00:38:49,701 -Oh, Shit! -VLADISLAV: Oh! Nice. 704 00:38:49,827 --> 00:38:53,121 If we push "images," than we can see pictures of virgins. 705 00:38:53,247 --> 00:38:55,040 -Oh, yes -Ja, ja. 706 00:38:56,291 --> 00:38:57,793 STU: Whoops. 707 00:38:57,918 --> 00:39:01,713 VLADISLAV: I don't think she's a virgin if she's doing that. 708 00:39:01,839 --> 00:39:04,174 [ Choir singing operatically I 709 00:39:15,102 --> 00:39:16,061 VIAGO: There he is, yeah. 710 00:39:16,186 --> 00:39:18,897 This is my old servant, Phillip. 711 00:39:19,022 --> 00:39:20,899 -So, we're gonna call him. -Ja. 712 00:39:21,024 --> 00:39:24,987 And maximize the screen. 713 00:39:27,614 --> 00:39:29,950 My God, that's him. that's him. 714 00:39:30,075 --> 00:39:31,243 That's him. That's Phillip. That's Phillip. 715 00:39:31,368 --> 00:39:33,203 He looks so old. 716 00:40:10,616 --> 00:40:11,658 Ohh. 717 00:40:19,541 --> 00:40:22,753 STU: Oh. Just click that. Yeah. That one. 718 00:41:05,253 --> 00:41:06,463 ...data about where things are. 719 00:41:06,588 --> 00:41:08,298 Oh. Like Google Map stuff? 720 00:41:08,423 --> 00:41:09,591 Yeah. Kind of like Google Maps, 721 00:41:09,716 --> 00:41:11,885 but, like, more layers of information. 722 00:41:12,010 --> 00:41:14,137 The movie "Twilight" -- Have you seen it? 723 00:41:14,262 --> 00:41:15,138 -WOMAN: Yeah. -Okay. 724 00:41:15,263 --> 00:41:16,765 I'm the main guy in "Twilight."” 725 00:41:16,890 --> 00:41:19,184 You know the main guy? "Twilight"? 726 00:41:19,309 --> 00:41:21,603 That's me. There's cameras following me around. 727 00:41:21,728 --> 00:41:22,854 They could have chosen anyone. 728 00:41:22,980 --> 00:41:25,190 VLADISLAV: How many people have you told you're a vampire? 729 00:41:25,315 --> 00:41:27,234 -Not many. - I heard that girl 730 00:41:27,359 --> 00:41:28,443 talking about it. 731 00:41:28,568 --> 00:41:30,237 She said you're a vampire. 732 00:41:30,362 --> 00:41:31,321 Yeah. I told her. 733 00:41:31,446 --> 00:41:32,781 -VIAGO: Who else? -Who did you tell? 734 00:41:32,906 --> 00:41:34,574 Uh, I told her hot friend. 735 00:41:34,700 --> 00:41:37,327 You can't tell everyone that you're a vampire. 736 00:41:37,452 --> 00:41:39,371 -VIAGO: Who's that guy? -I don't know, but I trust him. 737 00:41:39,496 --> 00:41:40,372 Oh! 738 00:41:40,497 --> 00:41:43,000 -You can't tell everyone. -All right. I won't. 739 00:41:43,125 --> 00:41:46,211 I'm a vampire! 740 00:41:46,336 --> 00:41:47,754 Vampire! 741 00:41:47,879 --> 00:41:49,840 Yeah, I've got a bit of an eye condition. 742 00:41:49,965 --> 00:41:51,008 What's wrong with them? 743 00:41:51,133 --> 00:41:53,885 Uh, vampire eyes. Can't go into the sun. 744 00:41:54,011 --> 00:41:56,430 WOMAN: Oh, my God. Are they your fangs? 745 00:41:56,555 --> 00:41:57,431 For real? 746 00:41:57,556 --> 00:41:58,807 For real real. 747 00:41:58,932 --> 00:42:00,308 Too real, real. 748 00:42:00,434 --> 00:42:01,309 I'm a vampire, though. 749 00:42:01,435 --> 00:42:03,228 -You're a vampire? -Yeah. 750 00:42:03,353 --> 00:42:06,106 - I'm a vampire hunter, man. - No, you're not. 751 00:42:06,231 --> 00:42:08,025 -I am. -Fucking piece of shit. 752 00:42:08,150 --> 00:42:09,568 I'll Skype you. 753 00:42:09,693 --> 00:42:11,528 I can float. I can transform into stuff. 754 00:42:11,653 --> 00:42:13,488 -Same. -No, you can't. 755 00:42:13,613 --> 00:42:16,450 Yeah. I'll show you. Whoo! 756 00:42:16,575 --> 00:42:18,326 You show me. Show me some of your vampire stuff. 757 00:42:18,452 --> 00:42:19,536 What have I got? Um... 758 00:42:25,417 --> 00:42:28,295 Don't lie about transforming into shit. 759 00:42:34,634 --> 00:42:37,429 -"Twilight"! -Shut up, Nick! 760 00:42:37,554 --> 00:42:38,764 You're not "Twilight." 761 00:42:38,889 --> 00:42:41,099 -What's your problem? -You are my problem. 762 00:42:41,224 --> 00:42:43,185 Telling the world that we are vampires. 763 00:42:43,310 --> 00:42:45,062 And I'll tell the whole world that you're an asshole now. 764 00:42:45,187 --> 00:42:47,105 Shut up! 765 00:42:47,230 --> 00:42:48,231 -You shut up! -VIAGO: Guys! 766 00:42:48,356 --> 00:42:49,274 -You shut up! -No. You shut up! 767 00:42:49,399 --> 00:42:51,026 -No. You shut up! -You shut up! 768 00:42:51,151 --> 00:42:52,986 -I'm Dracula, man! -You're not Dracula! 769 00:42:53,111 --> 00:42:54,863 You don't even know who Dracula is! 770 00:42:54,988 --> 00:42:55,989 You idiot! 771 00:42:58,200 --> 00:42:59,451 VLADISLAV: Whoa! 772 00:42:59,576 --> 00:43:02,245 -Ooh, bat fight! -Bat fight! Oh, ja, ja! 773 00:43:09,961 --> 00:43:12,297 Aw, Deacon! 774 00:43:13,006 --> 00:43:14,800 That wasn't fair, man. 775 00:43:14,925 --> 00:43:16,134 My fucking jacket, man! 776 00:43:16,259 --> 00:43:18,470 I don't care about your stupid jacket. 777 00:43:20,055 --> 00:43:22,974 -VIAGO: Deacon! -STU: You okay, man? 778 00:43:38,949 --> 00:43:40,575 -Hey, Stu. -Mm-hmm? 779 00:43:40,700 --> 00:43:42,077 How's your worms? 780 00:43:44,621 --> 00:43:47,749 -What? -You're eating worms. 781 00:43:51,878 --> 00:43:54,464 Can you do that shit where you turn it into worms? 782 00:43:54,589 --> 00:43:57,008 -No. -It doesn't work on chips. 783 00:43:57,134 --> 00:44:00,053 Only works on things that already look like worms. 784 00:44:00,178 --> 00:44:01,888 Maybe noodles. Do you want some noodles? 785 00:44:02,013 --> 00:44:03,640 But he knows now. 786 00:44:04,975 --> 00:44:07,394 Oh, no. I wouldn't eat that. 787 00:44:09,855 --> 00:44:11,648 Why? 788 00:44:21,324 --> 00:44:22,617 Are you okay, Nick? 789 00:44:24,161 --> 00:44:26,288 All right? 790 00:44:31,877 --> 00:44:33,587 He ate a chip. 791 00:44:33,712 --> 00:44:35,547 I can't eat solids now. Great. 792 00:44:35,672 --> 00:44:38,550 What, I can't sunbathe. I can't watch daytime TV. 793 00:44:38,675 --> 00:44:40,802 I can if -- Oh, yeah. I guess I could. 794 00:44:40,927 --> 00:44:42,721 More then anything, it's just the chips. 795 00:44:42,846 --> 00:44:45,390 It's my favorite food. I can't eat chips. 796 00:44:46,016 --> 00:44:48,310 I don't -- It's just I hate... 797 00:44:48,435 --> 00:44:49,853 I'll say it. I'm over being a vampire. 798 00:44:49,978 --> 00:44:51,104 It's shit. 799 00:44:51,229 --> 00:44:53,607 So don't believe the hype. 800 00:45:09,998 --> 00:45:12,417 DEACON: Jackie?! 801 00:45:13,835 --> 00:45:15,128 Jackie, can I come in, please? 802 00:45:15,253 --> 00:45:17,255 -JACKIE: Okay. Off to bed, guys. -Hello, children! 803 00:45:17,380 --> 00:45:19,090 -Don't look at the man. -Hey, little children. 804 00:45:19,216 --> 00:45:21,927 Natasha, don't look at the man. 805 00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:24,763 I was going to bite you tonight. 806 00:45:24,888 --> 00:45:26,139 -Really? -But now I can't 807 00:45:26,264 --> 00:45:28,642 because there's this Nick being a vampire. 808 00:45:28,767 --> 00:45:30,644 Sorry. I thought you killed him two months ago. 809 00:45:30,769 --> 00:45:32,562 No, I didn't No. He's a vampire. 810 00:45:32,687 --> 00:45:33,813 What do you mean? 811 00:45:33,939 --> 00:45:35,565 He jumped in front of your place. 812 00:45:36,942 --> 00:45:39,861 All I'm saying is that, um... 813 00:45:39,986 --> 00:45:41,488 you know, if I had a penis, I would have been... 814 00:45:41,613 --> 00:45:43,615 I would have been bitten years ago. 815 00:45:43,740 --> 00:45:46,618 I may have to penalize you. 816 00:45:46,743 --> 00:45:48,119 Perhaps another couple of years. 817 00:45:48,245 --> 00:45:50,163 Perhaps 10 years. Hmm? 818 00:45:50,288 --> 00:45:52,832 Like one big circle, just biting each other's dicks. 819 00:45:52,958 --> 00:45:54,876 You know, they don't even wear shirts, They wear blouses. 820 00:45:55,001 --> 00:45:58,046 It's just this big homoerotic dick-biting club, 821 00:45:58,171 --> 00:46:01,508 and I'm stuck here, ironing their fucking frills! 822 00:46:01,633 --> 00:46:02,968 Also, clean the bathroom, please. 823 00:46:03,093 --> 00:46:05,762 There's blood everywhere. It is gruesome. 824 00:46:05,887 --> 00:46:09,266 Okay. See you tomorrow. 825 00:46:13,144 --> 00:46:15,188 Off to bed, please. 826 00:46:27,951 --> 00:46:29,995 VIAGO: Katherine. 827 00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:31,997 She was so charming and nice. 828 00:46:32,122 --> 00:46:34,249 She was everything I wanted. 829 00:46:34,374 --> 00:46:37,335 Unfortunately, ja, she was married. 830 00:46:38,420 --> 00:46:40,547 Sure, I wanted to kill the guy. 831 00:46:40,672 --> 00:46:42,924 I thought about chopping his head off... 832 00:46:43,049 --> 00:46:46,553 draining him of every drop of blood that he had. 833 00:46:46,678 --> 00:46:48,888 Who wouldn't? 834 00:46:49,014 --> 00:46:52,475 But then, I also saw how happy she was. 835 00:46:53,643 --> 00:46:56,646 And that made me kind of happy. 836 00:46:56,771 --> 00:46:59,274 And I didn't want to ruin it for her, so... 837 00:46:59,399 --> 00:47:00,942 I did the honorable thing, 838 00:47:01,067 --> 00:47:06,323 and I just stepped back and let her live her life. 839 00:47:28,219 --> 00:47:30,430 VIAGO: Petyr's room! 840 00:47:30,555 --> 00:47:33,975 VIAGO: Pet yr! 841 00:47:34,100 --> 00:47:36,353 -DEACON: Pet yr! -VIAGO: Oh, where is it? 842 00:47:36,478 --> 00:47:37,354 Pet yr! 843 00:47:37,479 --> 00:47:39,647 -DEACON: Pet yr! -VIAGO: Pet yr! 844 00:47:39,773 --> 00:47:42,067 VIAGO: Pet yr! Get water! 845 00:47:42,192 --> 00:47:43,401 VIAGO: Aah! 846 00:47:43,526 --> 00:47:45,737 -Get out of the sunlight! -DEACON: Water! Get water! 847 00:47:45,862 --> 00:47:48,198 VIAGO: Pet yr, get away from the sunlight! 848 00:47:48,323 --> 00:47:50,200 Get in the shadows! Pet yr! 849 00:47:50,325 --> 00:47:52,535 - Get out of the sunlight! - VLADISLAV: 850 00:47:52,660 --> 00:47:54,454 Get out of my way! 851 00:47:54,579 --> 00:47:56,706 DEACON: I'm going in! 852 00:47:56,831 --> 00:47:58,750 -I'm coming, Pet yr! -Deacon, no! It's sunlight! 853 00:47:58,875 --> 00:47:59,876 I'm coming for you! 854 00:48:00,001 --> 00:48:01,586 It's sunlight out there! 855 00:48:01,711 --> 00:48:04,798 It's sunlight! It's sunlight! 856 00:48:10,720 --> 00:48:13,098 I was too late. 857 00:48:21,398 --> 00:48:23,566 Turn that thing off. 858 00:48:23,691 --> 00:48:27,278 Our friend had just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident. 859 00:48:42,001 --> 00:48:44,504 DEACON: So, this is what I think happened. 860 00:48:44,629 --> 00:48:49,217 The vampire hunter has broken through the window here. 861 00:48:49,342 --> 00:48:53,221 Has impacted the table, breaking the table leg. 862 00:48:53,346 --> 00:48:55,598 Then he has come this way... 863 00:48:55,723 --> 00:48:56,850 towards the tomb. 864 00:48:56,975 --> 00:48:59,769 Crucifix! 865 00:48:59,894 --> 00:49:01,312 Cover the crucifix! 866 00:49:04,232 --> 00:49:08,236 And then Pet yr has burst from the tomb, 867 00:49:08,361 --> 00:49:11,823 pushed the tomb lid onto the vampire hunter. 868 00:49:11,948 --> 00:49:14,325 And then the sunlight has come through here 869 00:49:14,451 --> 00:49:17,078 and burned Pet yr alive. 870 00:49:17,203 --> 00:49:20,373 I think this is just a table leg, which is sanded down. 871 00:49:20,498 --> 00:49:21,541 Do you think he hand-sanded that? 872 00:49:21,666 --> 00:49:23,918 Yes. Image that stuck in your... 873 00:49:24,043 --> 00:49:25,295 VLADISLAV: Ooh. 874 00:49:25,420 --> 00:49:27,380 VIAGO: It's quite shocking down here, Nick. 875 00:49:27,505 --> 00:49:30,467 Look. Here's our sweet Pet yr. 876 00:49:30,592 --> 00:49:32,927 -NICK: Fuck, yeah. -VIAGO: Burnt to a sizzle. 877 00:49:33,052 --> 00:49:34,095 I can't figure out this. 878 00:49:34,220 --> 00:49:37,056 -This is the vampire hunter. -Oh, who's this guy? 879 00:49:37,182 --> 00:49:39,809 Look at his bloody head on back to front. 880 00:49:39,934 --> 00:49:41,561 Twist it the other way. The other way. 881 00:49:41,686 --> 00:49:43,188 -This way. -VIAGO: See who this guy is. 882 00:49:45,857 --> 00:49:48,651 -Hmm. Typical macho type. -VIAGO: Yuck. 883 00:49:48,776 --> 00:49:50,987 -VLADISLAV: Hideous. -NICK: Oh, shit. 884 00:49:51,946 --> 00:49:53,740 I know that guy actually. 885 00:49:53,865 --> 00:49:54,991 VLADISLAV: You know him? 886 00:49:55,116 --> 00:49:56,451 -Yeah. -VIAGO: What? 887 00:49:56,576 --> 00:49:58,786 I saw him the other night in town. 888 00:49:58,912 --> 00:50:00,663 -Told him I was a vampire. -VIAGO: What?! 889 00:50:00,788 --> 00:50:02,790 I thought he was joking. He said he was a vampire hunter. 890 00:50:02,916 --> 00:50:04,792 You let a vampire hunter into our house? 891 00:50:04,918 --> 00:50:06,419 I didn't let him in. I just gave him my e-mail. 892 00:50:06,544 --> 00:50:08,213 VIAGO: Nick! 893 00:50:08,338 --> 00:50:11,341 I will tear out your tongue and shove it down your ass! 894 00:50:11,466 --> 00:50:12,550 VIAGO: Guys! 895 00:50:16,971 --> 00:50:18,765 I'm gonna kill you! 896 00:50:25,355 --> 00:50:27,732 Tear out your tongue! 897 00:50:29,108 --> 00:50:31,569 You killed Pet yr with your big mouth! 898 00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:33,279 NICK: It was a mistake! 899 00:50:33,404 --> 00:50:34,697 -Get up. -NICK: Take a breath. 900 00:50:34,822 --> 00:50:37,283 Get up and stand on this ceiling like a man. 901 00:50:42,872 --> 00:50:45,250 We can talk about this, okay? 902 00:50:45,375 --> 00:50:47,126 -We can talk about It -I'm gonna Kill you! 903 00:50:47,252 --> 00:50:48,336 I'm already dead! 904 00:50:49,295 --> 00:50:50,380 Stu, stay back! 905 00:50:53,424 --> 00:50:55,134 VLADISLAV: Shh, shh, shh! 906 00:50:55,260 --> 00:50:56,511 -There's someone at the door. -Shh. 907 00:50:56,636 --> 00:50:58,179 I'll go. I'll go. 908 00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:07,897 Oh, shit. 909 00:51:08,773 --> 00:51:10,692 -Yeah, good evening, sir. -Hello, police. 910 00:51:10,817 --> 00:51:13,278 Hi. I'm Constable O'Leary. This is Constable Minogue. 911 00:51:13,403 --> 00:51:14,654 We're just responding to a report 912 00:51:14,779 --> 00:51:16,281 of a possible forced entry 913 00:51:16,406 --> 00:51:18,783 and also a rather large amount of shrieking. 914 00:51:18,908 --> 00:51:20,285 Just, um, wondering if maybe we could come in, 915 00:51:20,410 --> 00:51:21,286 just have a wee look around? 916 00:51:21,411 --> 00:51:23,329 Okay. 917 00:51:23,454 --> 00:51:25,582 What's with the fellow? What's with the camera? 918 00:51:25,707 --> 00:51:27,750 Yeah, we're obviously just here "cause there was a phone call 919 00:51:27,875 --> 00:51:30,628 from a member of the public about a bit of disturbance. 920 00:51:30,753 --> 00:51:32,463 Um, some loud noises. 921 00:51:32,589 --> 00:51:34,257 Possibly a forced entry, wasn't there? 922 00:51:34,382 --> 00:51:36,301 And, also, maybe a bit of smoke coming out. 923 00:51:36,426 --> 00:51:37,760 So we're just checking over the scene, 924 00:51:37,885 --> 00:51:40,597 making sure everything's, you know, aboveboard, so to speak, 925 00:51:40,722 --> 00:51:43,266 and making sure no one's in danger, that kind of thing. 926 00:51:43,391 --> 00:51:44,642 We might go up and have a wee look up there, 927 00:51:44,767 --> 00:51:46,519 if that's all right with you. 928 00:51:46,644 --> 00:51:48,187 Come on, mate. You lead the way. 929 00:51:48,313 --> 00:51:49,856 Yeah. 930 00:51:49,981 --> 00:51:51,149 Okay. 931 00:51:51,274 --> 00:51:52,775 Smells a bit weird in here, too, mate. 932 00:51:52,900 --> 00:51:54,902 -Yeah. -What do you call that? 933 00:51:56,446 --> 00:51:58,656 Barbecue. 934 00:52:00,908 --> 00:52:04,412 You will not notice anything out of the ordinary. 935 00:52:04,537 --> 00:52:06,331 No. We certainly hope not. 936 00:52:06,456 --> 00:52:08,041 Let's just keep going up. 937 00:52:08,166 --> 00:52:09,917 Yeah. Hi, there, guys. How are you? 938 00:52:10,043 --> 00:52:11,919 -Hello. -MINOGUE: Hey, fellas. 939 00:52:12,045 --> 00:52:13,630 O'LEARY: Is this the room we've heard all the shouting 940 00:52:13,755 --> 00:52:16,132 -coming from? -DEACON: That was me. 941 00:52:16,257 --> 00:52:18,051 Yeah, okay. We've had a couple reports, okay? 942 00:52:18,176 --> 00:52:19,093 There's couple people not that happy 943 00:52:19,218 --> 00:52:22,513 -about the level of noise here. -Okay. The neighbors? 944 00:52:22,639 --> 00:52:24,474 You've got neighbors on either side. 945 00:52:24,599 --> 00:52:27,393 Really nervous. I've hypnotized those cops. 946 00:52:27,518 --> 00:52:31,064 I'm not a great hypnotizer, so it could wear off any second. 947 00:52:31,189 --> 00:52:33,733 I really hope that those guys don't kill those police 948 00:52:33,858 --> 00:52:35,735 because it will mean more police will come. 949 00:52:35,860 --> 00:52:37,320 Possibly even Christians, 950 00:52:37,445 --> 00:52:39,947 which is totally the last thing we need in this house. 951 00:52:40,073 --> 00:52:41,699 I can see you're having a good time. 952 00:52:41,824 --> 00:52:44,077 End of the day, we got to keep the peace, okay? 953 00:52:44,202 --> 00:52:46,579 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 954 00:52:46,704 --> 00:52:47,830 See what I'm seeing? 955 00:52:47,955 --> 00:52:50,375 What's that, Minogue? 956 00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,501 You're joking. 957 00:52:52,710 --> 00:52:54,337 Not a smoke alarm in sight. 958 00:52:54,462 --> 00:52:56,172 No smoke detectors, mate. 959 00:52:56,297 --> 00:52:59,342 Rule number one -- smoke detectors. 960 00:52:59,467 --> 00:53:00,385 -Okay. -O'LEARY: Rule number 2 -- 961 00:53:00,510 --> 00:53:02,637 maybe not SO many barbecues inside. 962 00:53:02,762 --> 00:53:04,555 -MINOGUE: Sort it out, fellas. -Okay. 963 00:53:04,681 --> 00:53:06,683 Barbecue smells really strong down here, doesn't it? 964 00:53:06,808 --> 00:53:07,767 -What kind of marinade? -Yeah. 965 00:53:07,892 --> 00:53:08,893 O'LEARY: Who's this guy? 966 00:53:10,019 --> 00:53:13,940 Um...it's a friend who came to our party. 967 00:53:14,065 --> 00:53:15,400 Mate, are you right? 968 00:53:15,525 --> 00:53:16,567 -He's drunk. -That's what I thought. 969 00:53:16,693 --> 00:53:17,694 -Drunk guy. -Yeah. 970 00:53:17,819 --> 00:53:20,279 Look, you can't just leave him down here like that, okay? 971 00:53:20,405 --> 00:53:21,989 This guy's not having a good time. 972 00:53:22,115 --> 00:53:23,908 He's gonna feel terrible tomorrow morning. 973 00:53:24,033 --> 00:53:25,618 Well, he's soul is in hell. 974 00:53:25,743 --> 00:53:26,911 Well, I don't know where's his soul is, 975 00:53:27,036 --> 00:53:28,663 but all I'm saying is, "Where's his blanket?" 976 00:53:28,788 --> 00:53:31,791 There's a big slab of concrete on him. Could move that. 977 00:53:31,916 --> 00:53:33,251 O'LEARY: That's definitely not gonna be comfortable. 978 00:53:33,376 --> 00:53:35,795 -Anything else in here, Minogue? -No. I think I've seen enough. 979 00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:37,839 -Okay. -Hang on a minute. 980 00:53:37,964 --> 00:53:39,006 What have we got here? 981 00:53:40,633 --> 00:53:41,676 -O'LEARY: What is that? -VIAGO: This? 982 00:53:41,801 --> 00:53:42,969 -This. -Oh. This. 983 00:53:43,094 --> 00:53:44,762 You can see it as clearly as I can. 984 00:53:44,887 --> 00:53:47,056 Adhesive, mate. That's a flammable. 985 00:53:47,181 --> 00:53:49,016 Then you got a lamp on top of that. 986 00:53:49,142 --> 00:53:51,018 Directly underneath the power source. 987 00:53:51,144 --> 00:53:53,312 -That is quite bad, guys. -It's very bad. 988 00:53:53,438 --> 00:53:55,022 And no smoke detectors again, are there? 989 00:53:55,148 --> 00:53:57,024 -No. -Yes, there are. 990 00:53:57,150 --> 00:53:59,277 -Yes, there are. I see them, yeah. That's good. 991 00:53:59,402 --> 00:54:00,486 Lots to think about, guys. 992 00:54:00,611 --> 00:54:01,946 Yeah. Lots to think about. 993 00:54:02,071 --> 00:54:04,073 -Next flat meeting, ja? -Yeah. Good thinking. 994 00:54:04,198 --> 00:54:06,033 That's the thing. Just have a bit of dialogue about it. 995 00:54:06,159 --> 00:54:08,661 Okay. They've got a really good point. 996 00:54:08,786 --> 00:54:10,747 Wait. Let's kill them. 997 00:54:10,872 --> 00:54:13,458 Well, let's just see what other safety points they have, 998 00:54:13,583 --> 00:54:16,210 and then maybe we'll kill them. 999 00:54:23,968 --> 00:54:29,891 I call into session this trial of Nick of Wellington. 1000 00:54:33,895 --> 00:54:36,481 VLADISLAV: Read the charges. 1001 00:54:36,606 --> 00:54:39,358 "Problems we have with Nick." 1002 00:54:39,484 --> 00:54:42,904 Number one -- You brought a human into our house, 1003 00:54:43,029 --> 00:54:44,989 which is a big no-no in the vampire world. 1004 00:54:45,114 --> 00:54:47,283 -Stu is okay, though. -Yeah. Stu is fine. 1005 00:54:47,408 --> 00:54:50,203 So I guess we'll just cross that one out. 1006 00:54:50,328 --> 00:54:52,079 Uh... 1007 00:54:54,749 --> 00:54:56,584 -Thank you, Stu. -VLADISLAV: Thank you, Stu. 1008 00:54:56,709 --> 00:54:59,170 So...the new number one -- 1009 00:54:59,295 --> 00:55:01,964 Nick's been telling people he's a vampire. 1010 00:55:02,089 --> 00:55:06,302 That, in turn, resulted in an unwanted visit 1011 00:55:06,427 --> 00:55:07,887 from a vampire hunter. 1012 00:55:08,012 --> 00:55:11,933 Crime number two -- This is quite a biggie, Nick -- 1013 00:55:12,058 --> 00:55:14,769 the vampire hunter who killed Pet yr. 1014 00:55:14,894 --> 00:55:16,354 Oh. 1015 00:55:16,479 --> 00:55:18,981 That actually should have been crime number one, 1016 00:55:19,106 --> 00:55:21,192 but we wanted to build up to that. 1017 00:55:21,317 --> 00:55:23,277 Number three -- Deacon doesn't like 1018 00:55:23,402 --> 00:55:26,072 that you wear the same jacket as him. 1019 00:55:26,197 --> 00:55:30,034 And he would like you to find your own original style. 1020 00:55:30,159 --> 00:55:34,288 For these crimes of which we, the vampire council, 1021 00:55:34,413 --> 00:55:35,373 find you guilty, 1022 00:55:35,498 --> 00:55:39,627 you should be banished from our flat indefinitely. 1023 00:55:39,752 --> 00:55:41,629 -Indefinitely. -Indefinitely. 1024 00:55:41,754 --> 00:55:43,422 -So I can come back one day? -DEACON: No, no. 1025 00:55:43,548 --> 00:55:46,050 "Indefinitely" means there is no end. 1026 00:55:46,175 --> 00:55:47,051 I thought it was like... 1027 00:55:47,176 --> 00:55:50,012 "Indefinite" means that it's not a definite thing. 1028 00:55:50,137 --> 00:55:51,514 -It can be changed. -Yes, but it's long. 1029 00:55:51,639 --> 00:55:53,099 Could be tomorrow. Could be six months. 1030 00:55:53,224 --> 00:55:54,809 DEACON: No! It is not tomorrow! 1031 00:55:54,934 --> 00:55:56,686 Forget about it. You're banished. 1032 00:55:56,769 --> 00:55:57,687 You're banished. 1033 00:55:57,812 --> 00:55:59,772 But, Stu, you can visit if you like. 1034 00:55:59,897 --> 00:56:01,482 Thank you. 1035 00:56:01,607 --> 00:56:03,234 DEACON: For your crimes... 1036 00:56:03,359 --> 00:56:07,864 you will be made to suffer the Procession of Shame. 1037 00:56:07,989 --> 00:56:08,948 I asked them, Nick. 1038 00:56:09,073 --> 00:56:10,908 I asked them not to pass that sentence. 1039 00:56:11,033 --> 00:56:13,452 We should do this immediately, in my opinion. 1040 00:56:13,578 --> 00:56:17,623 You didn't ask. You didn't ask. You were saying yes. 1041 00:56:20,793 --> 00:56:24,672 I didn't, but I still think it's quite extreme. 1042 00:56:24,797 --> 00:56:29,010 Let us do the Procession of Shame now. 1043 00:56:31,095 --> 00:56:32,680 -Shame. -Shame, shame. 1044 00:56:32,763 --> 00:56:34,015 -Shame. -Shame! 1045 00:56:34,140 --> 00:56:36,434 -Shame! -Bad vampire! 1046 00:56:36,559 --> 00:56:38,102 Shame. 1047 00:56:39,061 --> 00:56:40,730 Shall we go, Stu? 1048 00:56:45,359 --> 00:56:47,320 Bye, Stu. 1049 00:57:03,377 --> 00:57:06,088 That was a shame. 1050 00:57:28,903 --> 00:57:32,531 So, today we have an invitation 1051 00:57:32,657 --> 00:57:34,825 to the big event of the year. 1052 00:57:34,951 --> 00:57:37,453 VIAGO: Breaking it open. 1053 00:57:37,578 --> 00:57:39,080 They have burnt the edges. 1054 00:57:39,205 --> 00:57:40,706 VIAGO: Like a treasure map or something. 1055 00:57:40,831 --> 00:57:42,833 VLADISLAV: It looks very authentic, doesn't it? 1056 00:57:42,959 --> 00:57:45,169 "Dearly departed..."” 1057 00:57:45,294 --> 00:57:46,921 That's us. 1058 00:57:47,046 --> 00:57:49,090 "The Wellington Vampire Association 1059 00:57:49,215 --> 00:57:52,301 in conjunction with the Lower Hutt Vampire Witch Club 1060 00:57:52,426 --> 00:57:55,096 and the Karori Zombie Society 1061 00:57:55,221 --> 00:57:58,641 invite you to attend The Unholy Masquerade 1062 00:57:58,766 --> 00:58:06,023 on the night of the 6th of June starting at 6:00 p.m." 1063 00:58:06,148 --> 00:58:08,609 -666. -Oh, yeah. 1064 00:58:08,734 --> 00:58:11,278 The Unholy Masquerade, of course, is a great time 1065 00:58:11,404 --> 00:58:13,322 for the undead community of Wellington. 1066 00:58:13,447 --> 00:58:17,368 There's zombies there, vampires, banshees -- 1067 00:58:17,493 --> 00:58:19,662 all having a dance together. 1068 00:58:19,787 --> 00:58:22,456 It's always a big deal for me. Love it. 1069 00:58:22,581 --> 00:58:25,084 One year I went to The Unholy Masquerade 1070 00:58:25,209 --> 00:58:30,214 dressed as Whoopi Goldberg from "Sister Act 1" 1071 00:58:30,339 --> 00:58:32,717 and "Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit." 1072 00:58:32,842 --> 00:58:35,594 Didn't go down so well because she was a nun. 1073 00:58:37,596 --> 00:58:40,099 Vampires don't like nuns. 1074 00:58:40,224 --> 00:58:42,601 VLADISLAV: Of course, the big deal of The Unholy Masquerade 1075 00:58:42,727 --> 00:58:45,187 is every year they announce the guest of honor. 1076 00:58:45,312 --> 00:58:47,148 And, um... 1077 00:58:47,273 --> 00:58:50,276 I don't know if I should be saying this, but... 1078 00:58:50,401 --> 00:58:56,240 I heard a little rumor that the guest of honor this year 1079 00:58:56,365 --> 00:58:58,701 might be me. 1080 00:58:58,826 --> 00:59:00,119 DEACON: The location... 1081 00:59:00,244 --> 00:59:01,454 Oh, yeah. Where is it? 1082 00:59:01,579 --> 00:59:03,956 -Oh, the location. -The Cathedral of Despair. 1083 00:59:04,081 --> 00:59:06,834 And the guest of honor will be... 1084 00:59:10,004 --> 00:59:12,590 Who is it? Show me. 1085 00:59:18,179 --> 00:59:19,972 Hmm. 1086 00:59:20,097 --> 00:59:22,725 Okay. 1087 00:59:22,850 --> 00:59:24,977 Okay. Okay. 1088 00:59:25,102 --> 00:59:28,105 -Okay, that's fine. That's fine. -Okay? 1089 00:59:28,230 --> 00:59:30,900 I can't believe it! 1090 00:59:32,651 --> 00:59:40,159 Uh, Vladislav has just had a reaction to the information 1091 00:59:40,284 --> 00:59:42,787 that the guest of honor will be, um... 1092 00:59:42,912 --> 00:59:44,538 ...The Beast. 1093 00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:52,129 The darkest part of my mind is reserved for The Beast. 1094 00:59:52,254 --> 00:59:53,964 We could tell you a thing or two about The Beast. 1095 00:59:54,090 --> 00:59:56,801 You should pray that you never have to see The Beast. 1096 00:59:56,926 --> 00:59:58,385 This one is called "The Beast." 1097 00:59:58,511 --> 01:00:01,847 And I said, "Get you hands off my balls, Beast!" 1098 01:00:01,972 --> 01:00:03,474 He may have told you some stories 1099 01:00:03,599 --> 01:00:05,935 about his great battle with The Beast. 1100 01:00:06,060 --> 01:00:08,437 Yeah. "Oh, I fought The Beast on a cliff." 1101 01:00:08,562 --> 01:00:10,773 "Oh, I fought The Beast in a swamp." 1102 01:00:10,898 --> 01:00:11,774 DEACON: Mm-hmm. 1103 01:00:11,899 --> 01:00:15,528 "One time I fought The Beast in the toilets of a nightclub." 1104 01:00:15,653 --> 01:00:17,238 Difficult battle. 1105 01:00:17,363 --> 01:00:20,533 I hope you never see The Beast. 1106 01:00:20,658 --> 01:00:23,577 The Beast. 1107 01:00:32,211 --> 01:00:33,879 You can't go to the ball as Blade. 1108 01:00:34,004 --> 01:00:35,422 He's a vampire hunter. 1109 01:00:35,548 --> 01:00:37,550 VIAGO: Yeah, but vampires love Wesley Snipes. 1110 01:00:37,675 --> 01:00:39,301 No. It's inappropriate. 1111 01:00:39,426 --> 01:00:41,303 Okay, Vlad. The green jodhpurs 1112 01:00:41,428 --> 01:00:43,848 or the black leather with the dragon belt? 1113 01:00:43,973 --> 01:00:45,558 VLADISLAV: Just wear the pants you're going to wear. 1114 01:00:45,683 --> 01:00:46,684 Which pants do you want to wear? 1115 01:00:46,809 --> 01:00:48,936 Just look at the pants, Vlad. Turn around and look at them. 1116 01:00:49,061 --> 01:00:50,146 They're just pants! 1117 01:00:50,271 --> 01:00:51,939 -Shit, man. -Holy shit! 1118 01:00:52,064 --> 01:00:53,691 Oh, you look terrible. 1119 01:00:53,816 --> 01:00:54,984 The black pants. 1120 01:00:55,109 --> 01:00:56,902 Thank you. Get dressed. 1121 01:00:57,027 --> 01:00:58,904 I don't know if I feel up to it, really. 1122 01:00:59,029 --> 01:01:01,740 You don't look that great, but if you eat someone on the way 1123 01:01:01,866 --> 01:01:02,783 and rejuvenate a little bit... 1124 01:01:02,908 --> 01:01:04,994 You could probably wear a mask or something. 1125 01:01:05,119 --> 01:01:08,455 Just leave me to do my dark bidding on the Internet! 1126 01:01:08,581 --> 01:01:09,999 What are you bidding on? 1127 01:01:10,124 --> 01:01:12,251 I'm bidding on a table. 1128 01:01:12,376 --> 01:01:14,170 -Are you coming or not? -Not. 1129 01:01:14,295 --> 01:01:16,172 VIAGO: I'm gonna go change. We're leaving in 10 minutes. 1130 01:01:16,297 --> 01:01:18,591 VLADISLAV: Have a good time. 1131 01:01:29,977 --> 01:01:31,478 -Hello 1132 01:01:35,274 --> 01:01:38,068 We tend to often -- without getting into that -- 1133 01:01:38,194 --> 01:01:40,821 kind of stuff, which I'm really sick of that, 1134 01:01:40,946 --> 01:01:42,448 but, you know, it's just, 1135 01:01:42,573 --> 01:01:45,451 it's harder for us to actually chase people down. 1136 01:01:45,576 --> 01:01:49,663 Can I introduce Gary and Alicia? 1137 01:01:49,788 --> 01:01:51,248 Hi. How are you? 1138 01:01:51,373 --> 01:01:53,334 Hi. 1139 01:01:53,459 --> 01:01:55,878 Less groaning. Less groaning, guys. 1140 01:01:57,588 --> 01:02:00,007 So, we're at The Unholy Masquerade. 1141 01:02:00,132 --> 01:02:01,508 It's great. 1142 01:02:01,634 --> 01:02:03,552 This is my mask... 1143 01:02:03,677 --> 01:02:05,554 which I made for the occasion. 1144 01:02:05,679 --> 01:02:06,889 -Ah! -Hey. 1145 01:02:07,014 --> 01:02:08,641 DEACON: Jackie. 1146 01:02:08,766 --> 01:02:10,309 Yeah! 1147 01:02:10,434 --> 01:02:12,436 -This is an undead party. -Yeah, I'm a vampire. 1148 01:02:12,561 --> 01:02:14,063 -You'll have your -- -I'm a vampire. 1149 01:02:14,188 --> 01:02:16,106 I'm a vampire. 1150 01:02:16,232 --> 01:02:17,233 -Great. -Yeah, yeah. 1151 01:02:17,358 --> 01:02:18,859 So, um, who bit you? 1152 01:02:18,984 --> 01:02:20,194 Oh, Nick. 1153 01:02:20,319 --> 01:02:21,737 -Oh, great. Right. -Yeah. 1154 01:02:21,862 --> 01:02:24,198 -DEACON: Okay. -Deacon! 1155 01:02:26,367 --> 01:02:30,037 Pretty rude, because she was my servant. 1156 01:02:30,162 --> 01:02:32,164 She was a pretty useless servant. 1157 01:02:32,289 --> 01:02:36,293 Yes, but, still, I would have appreciated if you'd asked. 1158 01:02:36,418 --> 01:02:37,670 How's Stu? 1159 01:02:37,795 --> 01:02:38,671 He's good. He's here. 1160 01:02:38,796 --> 01:02:40,256 -Oh, he's here? -DEACON: Stu! 1161 01:02:40,381 --> 01:02:41,924 -NICK: Stu! -VIAGO: Hi! 1162 01:02:42,049 --> 01:02:43,425 -DEACON: Hey, hey! -How are you? 1163 01:02:43,550 --> 01:02:45,386 Nice to see you. Group hug. 1164 01:02:45,511 --> 01:02:46,220 Yes. 1165 01:02:46,345 --> 01:02:49,306 Has anyone looked at you like they want to eat you at all? 1166 01:02:49,431 --> 01:02:50,557 Uh, no. 1167 01:02:50,683 --> 01:02:52,351 Can you hear me at the back? 1168 01:02:52,476 --> 01:02:56,689 On behalf of the Wellington Vampire Society, 1169 01:02:56,814 --> 01:03:00,359 the Lower Hutt Vampire and Witch Club, 1170 01:03:00,484 --> 01:03:04,947 and the Karori Zombie Society, we welcome you here tonight. 1171 01:03:05,072 --> 01:03:07,908 We're raffling a live meat pack this year. 1172 01:03:08,033 --> 01:03:11,078 You can inspect the prize over here to my left. 1173 01:03:11,203 --> 01:03:12,329 It's a wonderful prize. 1174 01:03:12,454 --> 01:03:17,209 Tickets are only $10 each or $45 for a book of five. 1175 01:03:17,334 --> 01:03:21,005 Now, without further adieu, it's my very great pleasure 1176 01:03:21,130 --> 01:03:24,383 to introduce to you this year's guest of honor... 1177 01:03:24,508 --> 01:03:27,052 Pauline Ivanovich! 1178 01:03:28,637 --> 01:03:30,472 Thank you. 1179 01:03:32,057 --> 01:03:34,351 -Thank you. Thank you. -That's The Beast. 1180 01:03:34,476 --> 01:03:35,352 PAULINE: Thank you. 1181 01:03:35,477 --> 01:03:39,773 The Beast is the name I give to my ex-girlfriend Pauline. 1182 01:03:39,898 --> 01:03:41,984 She prefers Pauline. 1183 01:03:42,109 --> 01:03:44,695 We had a very intense relationship. 1184 01:03:44,820 --> 01:03:48,282 We were very sexually explosive. 1185 01:03:48,407 --> 01:03:53,537 Last time I saw her, she impaled me and called me an asshole. 1186 01:03:53,662 --> 01:03:57,666 She said all kinds of things that really hurt me. 1187 01:03:57,791 --> 01:04:01,545 And all this while I was impaled on a lamppost! 1188 01:04:01,670 --> 01:04:05,049 Well, everyone, I will be mingling around, 1189 01:04:05,174 --> 01:04:07,468 and I really hope that... 1190 01:04:07,593 --> 01:04:09,887 I will meet... 1191 01:04:10,012 --> 01:04:13,515 all of you. 1192 01:04:27,196 --> 01:04:28,447 Hello. 1193 01:04:28,572 --> 01:04:29,865 That's the new guy. 1194 01:04:29,990 --> 01:04:32,701 Do you know what kind of vampire he is -- 1195 01:04:32,826 --> 01:04:34,411 -if he is a vampire? -DEACON: Did you see his face? 1196 01:04:34,536 --> 01:04:35,954 PAULINE: Hello. Oh. 1197 01:04:36,080 --> 01:04:38,332 Oh, oh. 1198 01:04:38,457 --> 01:04:40,834 -Hello! -VIAGO: Hi. How are you? 1199 01:04:40,959 --> 01:04:43,253 -This is Deacon. -Hello, Deacon. 1200 01:04:43,379 --> 01:04:44,296 -This is Stu, our friend. -Stu? 1201 01:04:44,421 --> 01:04:46,131 G'day, Stu. How are you, mate? 1202 01:04:46,256 --> 01:04:47,508 -Good. Hi. Stu. -Julian. 1203 01:04:47,633 --> 01:04:49,927 You've got really warm hands, Stu. 1204 01:04:50,052 --> 01:04:51,929 Are you a demon? 1205 01:04:52,054 --> 01:04:53,305 No, he's not a demon. 1206 01:04:53,430 --> 01:04:54,765 I'm a software analyst. I -- 1207 01:04:54,890 --> 01:04:56,141 -Stu, Stu... -A male witch? 1208 01:04:56,266 --> 01:04:57,434 -It's kind of technical. -You're a male witch. 1209 01:04:57,559 --> 01:04:59,686 You should go dance, uh, with anyone. 1210 01:04:59,812 --> 01:05:01,480 -Sure. -Okay. Take your time. 1211 01:05:01,605 --> 01:05:03,065 I like Stu. 1212 01:05:03,190 --> 01:05:06,318 He's not vampire. So, what, he's a zombie or... 1213 01:05:06,443 --> 01:05:08,695 -Male witch? -He's not -- He's not, uh... 1214 01:05:08,821 --> 01:05:12,366 He's neither. He's, uh -- He's more of a human. 1215 01:05:12,991 --> 01:05:14,701 Excuse me, excuse me. Hi. 1216 01:05:14,827 --> 01:05:15,994 Nick, hey. 1217 01:05:16,120 --> 01:05:17,371 Um, Nick... 1218 01:05:17,496 --> 01:05:21,125 Do you mind if Stu is killed? 1219 01:05:21,250 --> 01:05:23,127 Uh, I don't feel that good about it. 1220 01:05:23,252 --> 01:05:27,381 Can -- Can I just ask you a, you know, like, a... 1221 01:05:27,506 --> 01:05:28,674 -...a personal question? -Sure. 1222 01:05:28,799 --> 01:05:31,468 Are you -- Are you, um... 1223 01:05:33,637 --> 01:05:36,682 Are you -- Are you predeceased? 1224 01:05:36,807 --> 01:05:39,560 Uh... 1225 01:05:39,685 --> 01:05:41,270 If anyone's gonna eat him, it's gonna be us, 1226 01:05:41,395 --> 01:05:43,021 but we're not -- We're past that. 1227 01:05:43,147 --> 01:05:44,731 They can just go fuck themselves. 1228 01:05:44,857 --> 01:05:46,608 Nick! It is your fault, okay? 1229 01:05:46,733 --> 01:05:49,862 You brought a human into this den of vampiressness. 1230 01:05:49,987 --> 01:05:51,530 That's not helping. Yes, you did. 1231 01:05:51,655 --> 01:05:52,531 My plus-one. 1232 01:05:52,656 --> 01:05:54,533 Lovely talking to you. I've got to shoot off now. 1233 01:05:54,658 --> 01:05:56,618 See you later on. 1234 01:06:00,664 --> 01:06:04,251 As soon as one vampire takes a bite, it's a blood frenzy! 1235 01:06:04,376 --> 01:06:07,129 -We've got to get him out. -Follow me, follow me. 1236 01:06:07,254 --> 01:06:09,256 Excuse me. Sorry, guys. 1237 01:06:09,965 --> 01:06:13,177 Okay, Stu. Put that over your bloody red face. 1238 01:06:13,302 --> 01:06:16,138 Just going out. Oh, hey! 1239 01:06:16,263 --> 01:06:18,474 -Okay. Not that way. -This way. This way. 1240 01:06:18,599 --> 01:06:19,683 Is there another way? Oh. 1241 01:06:19,808 --> 01:06:21,727 Not this way. 1242 01:06:21,852 --> 01:06:24,146 -Back away from the vampires. -Guys... 1243 01:06:24,271 --> 01:06:25,564 Excuse me, everyone. 1244 01:06:25,689 --> 01:06:28,567 Can I have your attention, please? 1245 01:06:28,692 --> 01:06:33,614 Some of the vampires forget Unholy Masquerade rules. 1246 01:06:33,739 --> 01:06:36,116 They brought a human. 1247 01:06:36,241 --> 01:06:40,871 And they don't let us to feast on him. 1248 01:06:42,164 --> 01:06:44,249 This was a total misunderstanding. 1249 01:06:44,374 --> 01:06:45,709 There was on the invitation -- 1250 01:06:45,834 --> 01:06:47,711 And this actually pertains to you. 1251 01:06:47,836 --> 01:06:50,130 The invitation, it said "plus one," 1252 01:06:50,255 --> 01:06:53,258 but it did not specify if it could be a human 1253 01:06:53,383 --> 01:06:54,635 -or if it could be werewolf... -Your admin sucks. 1254 01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:57,346 Yeah, but he could be a vampire hunter for all we know. 1255 01:06:57,471 --> 01:06:59,014 He could texting his mates, saying, 1256 01:06:59,139 --> 01:07:00,432 "I've got them all in the one place. 1257 01:07:00,557 --> 01:07:02,768 Come on over. We'll have a vampire barbecue"! 1258 01:07:02,893 --> 01:07:04,645 Well, he's not. He's not doing that. 1259 01:07:04,770 --> 01:07:06,146 How do we know that? 1260 01:07:06,271 --> 01:07:07,856 He's wearing a bow tie. Look at him. 1261 01:07:07,981 --> 01:07:09,816 -Tell them what you do. -PAULINE: Come on, Stu. 1262 01:07:09,942 --> 01:07:11,318 Tell us what you do. Come on. 1263 01:07:11,443 --> 01:07:12,903 Tell them what you do, Stu. 1264 01:07:13,028 --> 01:07:14,696 -Hi. My name is Stu. -Don't fuck it up, man. 1265 01:07:14,821 --> 01:07:16,073 -PAULINE: I can't hear, Stu. -Louder, louder. 1266 01:07:16,198 --> 01:07:17,950 Hi. My name is Stu. Um, I work in... 1267 01:07:18,075 --> 01:07:20,035 -I can't hear. -Stu, they can't hear you. 1268 01:07:20,160 --> 01:07:22,037 -They cannot hear you. -Hi. My name's Stu. 1269 01:07:22,162 --> 01:07:23,372 I'm a software analyst. 1270 01:07:23,497 --> 01:07:26,291 I work for a geographic information systems company. 1271 01:07:26,416 --> 01:07:27,459 PAULINE: Sorry. What is it? 1272 01:07:27,584 --> 01:07:29,628 STU: I work for a company that does -- 1273 01:07:29,753 --> 01:07:31,588 Basically we take, like, business requirements 1274 01:07:31,713 --> 01:07:32,965 from organizations. 1275 01:07:33,090 --> 01:07:35,425 And we analyze, um, those requirements, 1276 01:07:35,551 --> 01:07:38,595 and then we build software to fit those requirements. 1277 01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:40,973 He is a virgin. He is a virgin. 1278 01:07:41,098 --> 01:07:43,267 I can smell a virgin at 1,000 paces. 1279 01:07:43,392 --> 01:07:46,228 Go on, then. Go 1,000 paces away and smell yourself. 1280 01:07:46,353 --> 01:07:48,814 I can't wait anymore. 1281 01:07:52,317 --> 01:07:54,236 VLADISLAV: No! 1282 01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:04,997 There shall be no eating of the human. 1283 01:08:05,122 --> 01:08:06,498 Who are you all of a sudden? 1284 01:08:06,623 --> 01:08:12,004 You have forgotten your former lover so quickly. 1285 01:08:14,339 --> 01:08:16,341 Georgie? 1286 01:08:16,466 --> 01:08:17,968 No. Not Georgie. 1287 01:08:18,093 --> 01:08:20,470 Like 5 years after. 1288 01:08:21,763 --> 01:08:23,140 Wait a minute. 1289 01:08:23,265 --> 01:08:24,808 Just one moment. 1290 01:08:24,933 --> 01:08:26,393 Viago. 1291 01:08:26,518 --> 01:08:29,730 No, I've got it. That's got it. Takes away from... 1292 01:08:31,773 --> 01:08:33,483 Hello, Beast. 1293 01:08:33,609 --> 01:08:34,610 Hello, asshole. 1294 01:08:34,735 --> 01:08:38,196 -Hey, don't call me asshole! -Don't call me Beast. 1295 01:08:38,322 --> 01:08:40,198 -This is Vladislav. -Just absolutely the same. 1296 01:08:40,324 --> 01:08:42,409 This is my ex-boyfriend. The one who fucked that witch. 1297 01:08:42,534 --> 01:08:45,370 All right. That's old business. That's personal business. 1298 01:08:45,495 --> 01:08:47,539 -Nice to meet you, asshole. -This is my lover. 1299 01:08:47,664 --> 01:08:50,917 You will not feast on the blood of the human known as Stu. 1300 01:08:51,043 --> 01:08:52,961 This is human, and this is the rules, 1301 01:08:53,086 --> 01:08:54,671 and what is cameras doing here? 1302 01:08:54,796 --> 01:08:56,757 One. Then another one. What is this? 1303 01:08:56,882 --> 01:08:58,300 We're making a documentary on -- 1304 01:08:58,425 --> 01:09:00,302 JULIAN: This is a private secret society, mate. 1305 01:09:00,427 --> 01:09:02,596 You don't go bringing your bloody cameras into everything. 1306 01:09:02,721 --> 01:09:05,265 You will not eat Stu, and you will not eat the camera guy. 1307 01:09:05,390 --> 01:09:07,267 -Maybe one camera guy... -I'm up to about bloody here 1308 01:09:07,392 --> 01:09:08,310 with you at the moment... 1309 01:09:08,435 --> 01:09:10,729 and all your mates behind there, whoever the hell they are. 1310 01:09:10,854 --> 01:09:12,314 We're gonna eat the human being. 1311 01:09:12,439 --> 01:09:14,441 And there's nothing you can do about it, all right? 1312 01:09:14,566 --> 01:09:16,818 Now back off and let my missus get her way. 1313 01:09:16,943 --> 01:09:18,570 Oh, there's nothing I can do about it? 1314 01:09:18,695 --> 01:09:21,239 -JULIUS: That's right, mate. -Well, what about this?! 1315 01:09:21,365 --> 01:09:24,326 PAULINE: Rip his head off. Rip his head off. 1316 01:09:26,119 --> 01:09:28,622 VIAGO: Vampire fight! 1317 01:09:28,747 --> 01:09:30,916 Get him, Vladislav! 1318 01:09:41,510 --> 01:09:43,720 PAULINE: Rip his head off! 1319 01:09:43,845 --> 01:09:46,348 VIAGO: He's killing him! He's killing him! 1320 01:09:46,473 --> 01:09:50,018 It is forbidden for vampires to kill vampires. 1321 01:09:50,143 --> 01:09:51,728 Aah! 1322 01:09:51,853 --> 01:09:53,689 Ohh! 1323 01:09:53,814 --> 01:09:56,858 -What the fuck?! -PAULINE: Bloody hell! 1324 01:09:56,983 --> 01:09:58,819 - What? What? - JULIAN: 1325 01:09:58,944 --> 01:10:02,030 Are you okay, love? Get out! 1326 01:10:02,155 --> 01:10:04,950 - We should probably go, Stu. - JULIAN: 1327 01:10:05,075 --> 01:10:07,285 It was great to see you, Pauline. 1328 01:10:07,411 --> 01:10:09,204 Asshole! Bastards! 1329 01:10:09,329 --> 01:10:10,997 VIAGO: Stu! 1330 01:10:11,123 --> 01:10:12,249 -He's a murderer! -That was great... 1331 01:10:12,374 --> 01:10:16,336 how we both, together, equally destroyed that guy. 1332 01:10:16,461 --> 01:10:19,131 Yeah, yeah. But it was more Stu with the giant stick. 1333 01:10:19,256 --> 01:10:22,426 I hope this doesn't make it awkward for you and The Beast. 1334 01:10:22,551 --> 01:10:25,512 No. I think it's opened up new possibilities. 1335 01:10:25,637 --> 01:10:27,431 Oh, no. 1336 01:10:27,556 --> 01:10:29,933 - Here we go again. - Here we go again. 1337 01:10:30,058 --> 01:10:31,810 ♪ Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu ♪ 1338 01:10:31,935 --> 01:10:33,895 ♪ Stu, Stu, Stu ♪ 1339 01:10:34,020 --> 01:10:36,231 ♪ Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu ♪ 1340 01:10:36,356 --> 01:10:38,233 ♪ Stu, Stu ♪ 1341 01:10:38,358 --> 01:10:40,026 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop. Listen, listen! 1342 01:10:40,152 --> 01:10:42,028 Do you smell that? 1343 01:10:44,030 --> 01:10:45,699 This way. 1344 01:10:46,533 --> 01:10:48,535 Werewolves. 1345 01:10:48,660 --> 01:10:49,536 ANTON: Oh, no. 1346 01:10:49,661 --> 01:10:50,996 DEACON: Look what the cat dragged in, huh? 1347 01:10:51,121 --> 01:10:51,997 CLIFTON: Piss off. 1348 01:10:52,122 --> 01:10:53,707 ANTON: Keep walking. Don't hassle us tonight. 1349 01:10:53,832 --> 01:10:55,834 There has been no hassle here. 1350 01:10:55,959 --> 01:10:57,419 Well, let it stay that way. 1351 01:10:57,544 --> 01:10:59,296 Keep chaining yourselves up! 1352 01:10:59,421 --> 01:11:00,964 Guys, where's your tracksuit pants? 1353 01:11:01,089 --> 01:11:02,841 It was washing night. 1354 01:11:02,966 --> 01:11:03,967 My missus couldn't wash them, 1355 01:11:04,092 --> 01:11:05,302 'cause there was too much blood on them. 1356 01:11:05,427 --> 01:11:07,137 When your legs expand, they grow into the tracksuit. 1357 01:11:07,262 --> 01:11:07,971 CLIFTON: Oh. 1358 01:11:08,096 --> 01:11:09,723 Those jeans are gonna rip completely. 1359 01:11:09,848 --> 01:11:11,683 You've lost all those trousers, guys. 1360 01:11:11,808 --> 01:11:13,727 Declan, that tree's far too thin! 1361 01:11:13,852 --> 01:11:15,187 Look at it! It's like a branch! 1362 01:11:15,312 --> 01:11:17,564 You know how big you get when you transform! 1363 01:11:17,689 --> 01:11:19,733 That's the wrong tree for you. 1364 01:11:19,858 --> 01:11:21,735 -Anton, I've... -Oh, no. 1365 01:11:21,860 --> 01:11:23,695 You've forgot the combination. 1366 01:11:23,820 --> 01:11:25,405 Why did you get a combination lock? 1367 01:11:25,530 --> 01:11:26,740 I lost my key last time. 1368 01:11:26,865 --> 01:11:28,283 Okay. Well, it's probably four zeros. 1369 01:11:28,408 --> 01:11:29,659 That's the factory setting, is it? 1370 01:11:29,785 --> 01:11:31,369 -Fuck off to a tree. -CLIFTON: Hey! 1371 01:11:31,495 --> 01:11:33,538 -Werewolves, not swear-wolves. -ANTON: Yeah, I know. 1372 01:11:33,663 --> 01:11:35,707 But on transformation nights, it's all right, all right? 1373 01:11:35,832 --> 01:11:38,543 -I'm getting stressed out. -I was just reminding you. 1374 01:11:38,668 --> 01:11:41,171 ANTON: Stop talking and chain yourself up, you dickhead! 1375 01:11:41,296 --> 01:11:42,380 Honestly, we're transforming. 1376 01:11:42,506 --> 01:11:43,715 VLADISLAV: All right. We'll keep walking. 1377 01:11:43,840 --> 01:11:46,551 Yeah, keep walking. By the way, I find that offensive! 1378 01:11:46,676 --> 01:11:47,677 Is that fur? 1379 01:11:47,803 --> 01:11:49,429 Ah, for crying out loud. 1380 01:11:49,554 --> 01:11:52,140 Don't look at the fur, everyone! Get back to your trees, okay? 1381 01:11:52,265 --> 01:11:54,518 -That's disgusting, man. -VLADISLAV: You're wearing fur. 1382 01:11:54,643 --> 01:11:56,770 -Yeah, but that's not real fur. -Oh, shit! 1383 01:11:56,895 --> 01:11:59,064 Right. 1384 01:11:59,189 --> 01:12:01,191 Honestly, get out of here. Take your humans! 1385 01:12:01,316 --> 01:12:03,485 That guy in the bow tie, he's gonna go first! 1386 01:12:03,610 --> 01:12:06,446 -I'd better take Stu home. -ANTON: Get out of here! Quick! 1387 01:12:06,571 --> 01:12:09,199 Take all your clothes off that you want to keep, everyone! 1388 01:12:09,324 --> 01:12:10,700 Get that Army surplus jacket off. 1389 01:12:10,826 --> 01:12:12,118 You've only just bought that, Nathan. 1390 01:12:14,579 --> 01:12:15,997 Get that camera out of my face! 1391 01:12:16,122 --> 01:12:18,625 Guys, guys, guys! Let's go! Let's go! Come on! 1392 01:12:18,750 --> 01:12:22,212 VIAGO: Run, Stu, run! No! 1393 01:12:23,922 --> 01:12:26,341 Let's go! Let's go! 1394 01:12:31,680 --> 01:12:35,433 -Shit! - I got one! 1395 01:12:51,616 --> 01:12:54,369 My leg! My leg! 1396 01:12:59,833 --> 01:13:02,294 Oh, God! Stu! Stu! 1397 01:13:02,419 --> 01:13:04,921 NICK: Stu! 1398 01:13:07,132 --> 01:13:09,843 -[ Screams I -NICK: Stu! 1399 01:13:09,968 --> 01:13:11,887 STU: Aah! Aah! Get away! 1400 01:13:12,012 --> 01:13:14,723 Oi! Stu, you all right?! 1401 01:13:14,848 --> 01:13:16,433 NICK: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1402 01:13:16,558 --> 01:13:18,727 Stu! 1403 01:13:18,852 --> 01:13:20,520 - Stu! - STU: 1404 01:13:20,645 --> 01:13:23,398 Fuck off, asshole! 1405 01:13:23,523 --> 01:13:26,151 Fuck off! 1406 01:13:26,276 --> 01:13:29,529 Fuck off! Get off, dick! 1407 01:13:29,654 --> 01:13:32,741 Oi! Assholes! 1408 01:13:35,285 --> 01:13:37,913 NICK: No, no, no, no! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1409 01:13:38,038 --> 01:13:41,291 DEACON: Stupid werewolves! Look away, Nick! 1410 01:13:41,416 --> 01:13:42,334 Don't look at the blood! 1411 01:13:42,459 --> 01:13:45,337 Stu! Stu! 1412 01:13:45,462 --> 01:13:48,173 He's really good dude! Leave him alone! 1413 01:13:48,298 --> 01:13:50,550 DEACON: It's too late for him! Don't look at the blood, Nick! 1414 01:13:50,675 --> 01:13:51,843 NICK: Stu! 1415 01:14:03,271 --> 01:14:05,607 There he is. 1416 01:14:06,900 --> 01:14:08,860 He's probably still a little upset, 1417 01:14:08,985 --> 01:14:13,823 having seen his best friend disemboweled by werewolves. 1418 01:14:15,742 --> 01:14:17,077 Nick. 1419 01:14:17,202 --> 01:14:19,663 I found you. 1420 01:14:19,788 --> 01:14:23,583 Whoa. 1421 01:14:23,708 --> 01:14:26,419 That was pretty full-on, eh? 1422 01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:35,136 But this is what happens when you're a vampire. 1423 01:14:35,261 --> 01:14:38,306 You have to watch everyone die. 1424 01:14:39,599 --> 01:14:41,685 Your mother and father. 1425 01:14:41,810 --> 01:14:43,228 All your friends. 1426 01:14:43,353 --> 01:14:45,939 Sometimes brutal. 1427 01:14:47,649 --> 01:14:51,111 Like slipping and falling onto a giant spike. 1428 01:14:51,236 --> 01:14:56,157 Or falling asleep in an autumn pile of leaves 1429 01:14:56,282 --> 01:14:59,869 and having some of them block your windpipe. 1430 01:14:59,995 --> 01:15:03,164 Or making the simple mistake 1431 01:15:03,289 --> 01:15:05,959 of fashioning a mask out of crackers 1432 01:15:06,084 --> 01:15:08,169 and being attacked by ducks... 1433 01:15:08,294 --> 01:15:10,171 geese... 1434 01:15:10,296 --> 01:15:11,381 swans. 1435 01:15:12,257 --> 01:15:14,884 Or simply dying of old age. 1436 01:15:16,845 --> 01:15:19,222 But even old age is brutal. 1437 01:15:19,347 --> 01:15:22,809 Watching your friends grow old. 1438 01:15:22,934 --> 01:15:24,978 They can't piss. 1439 01:15:25,103 --> 01:15:27,981 And they say stupid things, and their brains go, 1440 01:15:28,106 --> 01:15:31,151 and they can't remember anything. 1441 01:15:32,694 --> 01:15:36,448 And then, one day, they can't even remember who you are. 1442 01:15:37,866 --> 01:15:39,826 And you wish they were dead. 1443 01:15:39,951 --> 01:15:42,746 And then they do die. 1444 01:15:45,874 --> 01:15:47,208 DEACON: No. 1445 01:15:47,333 --> 01:15:52,464 If I know Stu, this was probably the way he wanted to go -- 1446 01:15:52,589 --> 01:15:55,759 disemboweled by werewolves. 1447 01:15:55,884 --> 01:15:59,429 Blood and guts splayed onto the trees. 1448 01:15:59,554 --> 01:16:02,307 His face torn to shreds. 1449 01:16:11,691 --> 01:16:14,360 I hope I made you feel better. 1450 01:16:20,575 --> 01:16:22,786 O'LEARY: Uh, well, from what we can see and what we can gather, 1451 01:16:22,911 --> 01:16:25,121 it looks like there's been a bit of a dog attack. 1452 01:16:25,246 --> 01:16:26,915 That's really what happens, when you get, you know... 1453 01:16:27,040 --> 01:16:29,793 dangerous dogs out on the streets, not being looked after. 1454 01:16:29,918 --> 01:16:32,003 This is not good. 1455 01:16:32,128 --> 01:16:34,422 No. Not good at all. 1456 01:16:34,547 --> 01:16:36,674 There's nicer ways to go than being torn apart 1457 01:16:36,800 --> 01:16:38,384 by what looks like a pack of dogs, 1458 01:16:38,510 --> 01:16:40,345 -more than just one. -O'LEARY: I'd say so. 1459 01:16:40,470 --> 01:16:42,388 These attacks have been happening more, more frequent. 1460 01:16:42,514 --> 01:16:43,890 They're happening on a monthly basis, 1461 01:16:44,015 --> 01:16:45,809 and it's just no good for anybody, okay? 1462 01:16:45,934 --> 01:16:48,228 Especially not the dogs. Certainly not the community. 1463 01:16:48,353 --> 01:16:49,854 O'Leary. I've got the bastard. 1464 01:16:49,979 --> 01:16:51,189 -One of them here, eh? -Geez. 1465 01:16:51,314 --> 01:16:53,024 And that's what I'm talking about. Look at it. 1466 01:16:53,149 --> 01:16:55,235 End of the day, this dog is gonna have to be put down. 1467 01:16:55,360 --> 01:16:57,403 What a shame. 1468 01:16:58,571 --> 01:17:00,782 MINOGUE: Look what you did. Eh? 1469 01:17:00,907 --> 01:17:02,367 He's got the scent again, hasn't he? 1470 01:17:02,492 --> 01:17:04,577 He wants to go again. He's not finished. 1471 01:17:33,064 --> 01:17:37,986 VIAGO: They say that vampires' hearts are cold and dead. 1472 01:17:38,111 --> 01:17:40,029 Definitely dead. 1473 01:17:40,155 --> 01:17:41,364 NICK: Bye, Stu. 1474 01:17:41,489 --> 01:17:43,199 He would have loved this scarf. 1475 01:17:43,324 --> 01:17:46,035 It's lovely loose knit. 1476 01:17:46,161 --> 01:17:47,078 But I don't know. 1477 01:17:47,203 --> 01:17:50,665 I think I still feel things inside it. 1478 01:17:53,668 --> 01:17:55,628 Deacon. 1479 01:17:56,212 --> 01:17:57,297 Deacon. 1480 01:17:57,422 --> 01:17:59,174 Deacon, wakey, wakey. Hey. 1481 01:17:59,299 --> 01:18:00,884 -Viago. -You were asleep in here. 1482 01:18:01,009 --> 01:18:03,261 The curtain's open. It's nearly morning. 1483 01:18:03,386 --> 01:18:05,305 You want to get sizzled to a crisp? 1484 01:18:05,430 --> 01:18:06,347 -What? -You know, 1485 01:18:06,472 --> 01:18:08,474 you've got to think a little bit about these things. 1486 01:18:08,600 --> 01:18:10,059 Okay. Sorry, Viago. 1487 01:18:10,185 --> 01:18:13,980 It's okay. Night, night. Okay. 1488 01:18:39,797 --> 01:18:43,009 Received at 4:20 a.m. 1489 01:19:04,489 --> 01:19:06,074 Ah! 1490 01:19:06,199 --> 01:19:07,951 -DEACON: Stu?! -Hey, Deacon. 1491 01:19:08,076 --> 01:19:09,494 -DEACON: Stu! -How's it? 1492 01:19:09,619 --> 01:19:11,287 Good to see you. 1493 01:19:11,412 --> 01:19:13,748 -Look at his face. -I saw them tear you to shreds. 1494 01:19:13,873 --> 01:19:15,667 -Look. He looks like Seal. -Yeah. Yeah. 1495 01:19:15,792 --> 01:19:17,585 -They didn't kill me. -It looks cool. 1496 01:19:17,710 --> 01:19:19,087 Thank you. Thank you. 1497 01:19:19,212 --> 01:19:20,713 Meet some of our friends. 1498 01:19:20,838 --> 01:19:21,714 Anton. 1499 01:19:21,839 --> 01:19:24,384 -Deacon. Hi. Anton. -Anton. 1500 01:19:28,179 --> 01:19:30,098 I must have blacked out. 1501 01:19:30,223 --> 01:19:31,683 And then, I remember an ambulance. 1502 01:19:31,808 --> 01:19:34,894 MINOGUE: He's going into shock! O'Leary! O'Leary! 1503 01:19:35,019 --> 01:19:37,647 O'LEARY: Yeah, coming! 1504 01:19:37,772 --> 01:19:40,441 -Calm down, mate. -Calm down. Grab his legs! 1505 01:19:40,566 --> 01:19:43,528 -Hang on. -Looks like rabies, doesn't it? 1506 01:19:43,653 --> 01:19:46,781 And I don't know how long after that was, but I, like, woke up. 1507 01:19:46,906 --> 01:19:48,032 And it was daytime. 1508 01:19:53,454 --> 01:19:55,832 And I couldn't find my clothes. 1509 01:19:57,750 --> 01:20:00,962 Those werewolves guys eventually found me. 1510 01:20:01,087 --> 01:20:05,675 And they had some -- They, like, lent me some pants. 1511 01:20:05,800 --> 01:20:07,719 So, yeah, those guys have been supporting me, 1512 01:20:07,844 --> 01:20:10,930 "cause I was quite confused. 1513 01:20:11,723 --> 01:20:15,601 Yeah, these are the guys who turned me into a werewolf. 1514 01:20:15,727 --> 01:20:17,520 Did you knit your own jersey? 1515 01:20:17,645 --> 01:20:19,022 -Yes. -CLIFTON: Oh, yeah? 1516 01:20:19,147 --> 01:20:19,856 I knit. 1517 01:20:19,981 --> 01:20:22,025 -Is that the moon or... -Yes. 1518 01:20:22,150 --> 01:20:23,401 Hopefully, we won't, you know 1519 01:20:26,904 --> 01:20:28,114 Ah, this is a nice place. 1520 01:20:28,239 --> 01:20:29,157 DEACON: Please don't, uh... 1521 01:20:29,282 --> 01:20:31,868 Don't lick anything or pee on anything. 1522 01:20:33,202 --> 01:20:34,120 We were worried at first. 1523 01:20:34,245 --> 01:20:37,081 We thought, "Ooh, they're just going to urinate on everything." 1524 01:20:37,206 --> 01:20:41,127 But they actually are really polite and pretty clean. 1525 01:20:41,252 --> 01:20:43,463 There was obviously the werewolf smell, 1526 01:20:43,588 --> 01:20:46,549 which permeated the entire house for the first half an hour. 1527 01:20:46,674 --> 01:20:49,969 But we opened some windows and got rid of that. 1528 01:20:50,094 --> 01:20:53,014 When Stu first suggested the idea, I thought, "No way." 1529 01:20:53,139 --> 01:20:55,600 You know -- walking into the vampires' den, that's ludicrous. 1530 01:20:55,725 --> 01:20:57,018 WEREWOLF: That's my hand. 1531 01:20:57,143 --> 01:20:59,103 ANTON: But I thought, "Well, we'll give it a shot.” 1532 01:20:59,228 --> 01:21:01,356 I'm the alpha male, so I made the call. 1533 01:21:01,481 --> 01:21:03,149 -I'm the alpha male. -Yes. 1534 01:21:03,274 --> 01:21:06,319 So, generally, all the other guys follow me. 1535 01:21:06,444 --> 01:21:07,487 -To Stu! -To Stu! 1536 01:21:07,612 --> 01:21:08,529 Thanks, guys. 1537 01:21:08,654 --> 01:21:10,281 What have you done to your face? 1538 01:21:10,406 --> 01:21:12,492 I got attacked by some werewolves. 1539 01:21:12,617 --> 01:21:15,787 Oh. I met a werewolf. Seemed a very nice person. 1540 01:21:15,912 --> 01:21:18,581 So, Katherine's a vampire now. 1541 01:21:18,706 --> 01:21:20,875 -Yes. -We decide to get together. 1542 01:21:21,000 --> 01:21:22,377 We just thought, "To hell with it, you know. 1543 01:21:22,502 --> 01:21:24,212 What have we got to lose?" 1544 01:21:24,337 --> 01:21:26,923 KATHERINE: I was just sitting, doing nothing, 1545 01:21:27,048 --> 01:21:29,801 and he came floating in and over to me, 1546 01:21:29,926 --> 01:21:31,219 and I recognized him. 1547 01:21:31,344 --> 01:21:32,512 It was wonderful. 1548 01:21:32,637 --> 01:21:34,263 That's right. I bit you on the neck. 1549 01:21:34,389 --> 01:21:36,015 That's right. 1550 01:21:36,140 --> 01:21:37,350 VIAGO: Yeah. 1551 01:21:37,475 --> 01:21:40,186 And I don't mind being a vampire. 1552 01:21:40,311 --> 01:21:42,438 I'm enjoying it. 1553 01:21:43,147 --> 01:21:45,983 VIAGO: Some people freak out a bit about the age difference. 1554 01:21:46,109 --> 01:21:48,861 Uh, they think, "What's this 96-year-old lady 1555 01:21:48,986 --> 01:21:51,447 doing with a guy four times her age?" 1556 01:21:51,572 --> 01:21:54,575 -And, you know, I don't care. -It doesn't make any difference. 1557 01:21:54,700 --> 01:21:56,869 No. They can call me Cradle-snatcher. Who cares? 1558 01:21:56,994 --> 01:22:00,373 I decided to bite her, and we're gonna be together forever. 1559 01:22:00,498 --> 01:22:02,625 -Wonderful. -Yeah. 1560 01:22:05,586 --> 01:22:07,630 [ Man singing in native language I 1561 01:22:17,682 --> 01:22:21,602 VLADISLAV: Pauline and I are tentatively back together. 1562 01:22:21,727 --> 01:22:24,689 But it's not long before you remember why it was 1563 01:22:24,814 --> 01:22:26,691 you broke up in the first place. 1564 01:22:31,279 --> 01:22:32,738 Start in our bedroom. 1565 01:22:32,864 --> 01:22:36,033 I need that totally boarded up or blacked out somehow. 1566 01:22:36,159 --> 01:22:37,577 My husband is my familiar. 1567 01:22:37,702 --> 01:22:40,538 So there has been a dynamic shift there. 1568 01:22:40,663 --> 01:22:42,540 You could buy a Bedazzler. So write that down. 1569 01:22:42,665 --> 01:22:44,041 That's B-E-D... 1570 01:22:44,167 --> 01:22:47,086 I feel like I'm who I really need to be now. 1571 01:22:47,211 --> 01:22:48,963 -I love you. -Mm. I love you, too. 1572 01:22:49,088 --> 01:22:50,798 Great. 1573 01:22:50,923 --> 01:22:52,717 But I am your master. 1574 01:22:52,842 --> 01:22:54,802 -Okay? -Yeah. 1575 01:22:54,927 --> 01:22:57,305 Yeah, these guys have to laugh at my jokes, right, guys? 1576 01:22:57,430 --> 01:22:59,640 TOGETHER: Yeah! 1577 01:22:59,765 --> 01:23:00,641 That is a good one. 1578 01:23:00,766 --> 01:23:02,602 I always look 'round to make sure they're all laughing. 1579 01:23:02,727 --> 01:23:04,479 Like, if I see one of them is not quite laughing, 1580 01:23:04,604 --> 01:23:05,771 I'll be, "Hey! You laughing?" 1581 01:23:05,897 --> 01:23:07,190 And then, often, I'll test you, eh? 1582 01:23:07,315 --> 01:23:08,816 What are you laughing at, Clifton? 1583 01:23:08,941 --> 01:23:10,276 -Eh? -What are you laughing at now? 1584 01:23:10,401 --> 01:23:12,111 -Just then? -Yeah, yeah. But what? 1585 01:23:12,236 --> 01:23:13,321 Oh, I don't know. 1586 01:23:13,446 --> 01:23:15,823 Ah, test failed! Test failed! 1587 01:23:15,948 --> 01:23:17,658 Yeah. Eh? Eh? You're laughing now. 1588 01:23:17,783 --> 01:23:19,410 What are you laughing at now, though? 1589 01:23:19,535 --> 01:23:21,787 -I don't know 'cause... -Ah. Another failure! 1590 01:23:23,706 --> 01:23:25,374 What are you laughing at, Stu? 1591 01:23:25,500 --> 01:23:27,126 Oh, I was laughing with the group. 1592 01:23:27,251 --> 01:23:28,461 Yep, that's good. That's good. 1593 01:23:28,586 --> 01:23:30,213 Yeah. See? Yeah. 1594 01:23:30,338 --> 01:23:32,465 Just pay attention. Pay attention. 1595 01:23:32,590 --> 01:23:34,634 -Laugh with the group. -Laugh with the group. 1596 01:25:10,855 --> 01:25:13,441 You will not remember the last hour and a half 1597 01:25:13,566 --> 01:25:16,235 of what you have just seen. 1598 01:25:16,360 --> 01:25:21,032 You will forget the contents of this movie. 117416