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1
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:10,301
Uh-huh.
2
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:11,136
Nice.
3
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:16,224
(Pam chuckles)
4
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,726
What's wrong, Michael?
5
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:19,310
I got gum in my hair.
6
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:20,228
You do.
7
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,647
This just stinks.
8
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:23,565
Don't touch it.
9
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:24,774
Please, don't touch it.
10
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:25,608
You've got a ton of dandruff.
11
00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:26,818
Okay, let me be.
12
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:27,652
How'd you get gum in your
hair?
13
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,029
I was walking in
14
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:30,488
and I noticed something
shiny under Stanley's car,
15
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,490
and I got under to see what it was,
16
00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:34,701
and I messed up my hair,
17
00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:37,245
all for a stupid piece of tin foil.
18
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,205
But, best-case scenario,
you thought it was a quarter.
19
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,832
Kill me, right now.
20
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:41,916
Let me get in there, boss.
21
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,376
Keep that man away from me.
22
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,296
We have peanut butter in the kitchen.
23
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:47,339
(Dwight claps)
24
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:48,506
I don't feel like peanut butter.
25
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:49,591
Get me an ice-cream sandwich.
26
00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:50,675
Nope, not for you.
27
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,844
It's for your hair, and it is
9:00 AM.
28
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,597
No, Dwight, not the good
peanut butter,
29
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,015
people are gonna get mad.
30
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,225
Hey, hey, hey, this is my
hair we're talking about.
31
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:02,896
It smells good.
32
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:05,690
Tastes good too.
33
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,192
Oh, don't, that's disgusting.
34
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:09,694
Wow, lotta calories.
35
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,905
Well, just don't leave it on
too long.
36
00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:13,990
Keep massaging please.
37
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,826
Oh, yeah, that's nice.
38
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,414
(Michael moans)
39
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,461
(upbeat theme music)
40
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:01,162
Hey, Michael, how was
your date last night?
41
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,580
(Michael groans)
42
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:05,834
{\an8}I will be honest, the dating
has not been going well.
43
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:09,713
{\an8}Look, men are visual creatures.
44
00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:12,674
{\an8}We crave beauty,
45
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:16,136
{\an8}like a piece of fine art by
46
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:20,265
{\an8}any number of renowned artists,
47
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:26,271
{\an8}or an arty photograph
of Cindy Crawford nude,
48
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:29,482
{\an8}that, but the women I'm getting
fixed up with are...
49
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,318
{\an8}Not that they aren't nice
50
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,655
{\an8}or that have great personalities,
51
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:36,906
{\an8}they just,
52
00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:39,951
{\an8}they just lack a certain Crawfordness.
53
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,621
I am livid, absolutely livid.
54
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,165
It's ridiculous.
55
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:48,126
Man, are you still talking
about how I drank your kefir?
56
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,003
I said that I was sorry.
57
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:53,298
No. Ryan just sent an email.
58
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,134
{\an8}Yes, I'm having the Scranton
branch come in on one Saturday
59
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,470
{\an8}so they can reenter sales
that they made on the phone
60
00:02:58,511 --> 00:02:59,804
{\an8}as sales made by the website,
61
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,681
{\an8}which they shoulda done
in the first place,
62
00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,892
{\an8}if the website had been working.
63
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,352
[Pam] So it's definite?
64
00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:06,311
Looks like it.
65
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,187
Shoot.
66
00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:08,772
{\an8}Jim and I were gonna go to the
67
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,231
{\an8}Cherry Blossom Festival this weekend.
68
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:11,316
I'm sorry,
69
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,860
{\an8}your voice over my head like that...
70
00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:16,988
Sorry.
71
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,990
{\an8}How successful is
Dunder Mifflin Infinity?
72
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,326
{\an8}Well, tomorrow, Saturday morning,
73
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,871
we all have to come in and
reenter sales we already made
74
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,873
in order to pretend
that the website did it.
75
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,876
So, how successful does that
sound?
76
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,505
Oh, I have to work on one Saturday,
77
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:34,798
I'm so distressed.
78
00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:36,341
You know what?
79
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,510
My Wall Street buddies, they
work a hundred hours a week.
80
00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:39,969
God, those guys are rich.
81
00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:45,016
My favorite branch.
82
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,017
How's everybody doing?
83
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,352
Hey, Ryan.
84
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,479
Wow, so refreshing to
hear my name like that.
85
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,148
In New York, all the receptionists
86
00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:54,526
call me Mr. Howard. It's so weird.
87
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,152
Do you want me to start
calling you Mr. Howard?
88
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:57,987
No, no, we go way back,
you keep calling me Ryan.
89
00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,030
Okay, I will.
90
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,490
All right.
91
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,701
I presume you're here because
of the website problems?
92
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,202
Stanley, give it up.
93
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:08,331
Yeah, we still do it old school, right?
94
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,542
Even though I'm your boss's
boss's boss.
95
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:11,668
[Michael] Hey, Ryan.
96
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:12,585
Michael.
97
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,295
If you're wondering at all
98
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:17,424
why I'm not giving you
a more excited welcome,
99
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:19,801
I have been depressed.
100
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:20,969
It's okay.
101
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:21,970
You wanna know why?
102
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:23,888
If it's private, it's private.
103
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,223
I can't not hug you.
104
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,808
Can't do it, come here.
105
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:27,809
Come here.
106
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,811
(Michael moans)
107
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:30,979
What is that? Linen?
108
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:34,024
It feels nice on my face.
109
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:36,026
Do-do-do-do-do-
do-do-do-do-do.
110
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,738
The bossman cometh.
111
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:40,822
Andy.
112
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,198
By the way, I am not mad at you,
113
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,160
unlike some other people in this office.
114
00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:48,621
My favorite branch!
115
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:51,958
I don't like my job very much,
116
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,918
but I really don't like
doing my job twice,
117
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,962
and Ryan's Dunder Mifflin Infinity
118
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,881
is giving me the opportunity to
do that.
119
00:04:57,922 --> 00:05:00,050
So, thanks, Ryan.
120
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,677
Hey man, do you mind if
I run something by you?
121
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,679
Love it. Go.
122
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,515
Well, I kind of feel like
what we have going for us
123
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,100
is our customer service.
124
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,394
And no matter how much we change
this up,
125
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:14,064
I don't know that a website's
gonna be able to replace that.
126
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,482
I can tell you've
thought about this a lot,
127
00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:16,358
I appreciate that.
128
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,108
Thanks.
129
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,651
David Wallace does too.
130
00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:20,987
You told him all about this
at the Christmas party, right?
131
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:24,616
Did I? Um--
132
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:25,867
You did. Yeah.
133
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:26,701
Hmm.
134
00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:29,329
Watch your back, Jim.
135
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:31,998
I'm just kidding.
136
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,212
Hey, uh, no big introduction.
137
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:39,172
No, no, not big, elegant.
138
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,259
Ladies and gentlemen, may I
have your attention, please?
139
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:45,595
I know that a lot of you
are very angry with Ryan
140
00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:47,681
because he is the reason we
all have to come in tomorrow,
141
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,808
however, I swear to God,
142
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,936
if any of you hurts him in any way,
143
00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:55,146
emotionally, or taunts him,
144
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:58,733
or makes fun of his
height or his half beard--
145
00:05:58,775 --> 00:05:59,651
Okay.
146
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,485
- He...
- Thanks, Michael.
147
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:01,861
Yeah.
148
00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,822
I'm here today to do some
creative problem-solving
149
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,491
about Dunder Mifflin Infinity
and field your questions.
150
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:07,450
Question.
151
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:08,702
Dwight?
152
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,078
Why am I being forced
to come in tomorrow
153
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,830
and pretend that a website
made sales that I made?
154
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,164
This is a temporary measure
155
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,000
to increase the legitimacy of
the site.
156
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,376
I don't like when my clients
call me
157
00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:17,877
to help them use a website,
158
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,254
I'm not seeing commissions on that.
159
00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:20,296
I hear you, Stanley,
160
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,007
that is a great observation.
161
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,009
Problems like that will not happen
162
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,845
when we launch Dunder
Mifflin Infinity 2.0.
163
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:27,929
When will that be?
164
00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,180
TBD. Phyllis?
165
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,016
Did the police solve
the problem with the--
166
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,226
Yes, yes, they did. Yes, they did.
167
00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,520
Yes, the social-networking
feature
168
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,439
of the Dunder Mifflin Infinity website
169
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,191
was infiltrated by sexual predators.
170
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,484
I don't understand why our website
171
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:42,777
needs to have social networking
at all.
172
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,863
Yeah, I'd have to agree
with Dwight on that one.
173
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:48,616
It's all about creating a
one-stop consumer experience.
174
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,660
All right, you're chatting
with your friends,
175
00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:53,580
you're talking about the latest
music, about the election.
176
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:57,876
All of it is happening in
our virtual paper store.
177
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,545
And then an older gentleman
asks you, "Boxers or briefs?"
178
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:03,131
I don't get the big fuss
here, I like the site.
179
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,133
If I had created a website
with this many problems,
180
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,384
I'd kill myself.
181
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,427
Do you have a question, Kelly?
182
00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:08,845
Yeah, I have a lot of questions.
183
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,221
Number one, how dare you?
184
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,598
Mm-hmm. Oscar?
185
00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:13,641
What about the
credit-card-encryption problem?
186
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,934
As a matter of fact,
187
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,269
we were alerted to that
problem quite quickly,
188
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,396
by one of the quote,
unquote sexual predators
189
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,024
that you guys were just
complaining about, so...
190
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,192
That problem, as well,
191
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:23,985
will be fixed when the new
version drops.
192
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:24,903
TBD?
193
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:25,904
Yes.
194
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:29,074
(Michael claps)
195
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,992
Ryan has done a very good job.
196
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:34,829
And I am not applauding sarcastically.
197
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:36,414
Think about it, a month ago,
198
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,916
nobody would go on this site
199
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:40,085
because we were worried
about getting molested,
200
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:43,213
or losing our identity, having
it stolen.
201
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:47,467
But now, at a time TDB,
202
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:50,011
all of these problems will be in
the past.
203
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:52,681
You done good, kid. You done good.
204
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:56,184
(Michael and Dwight clap)
205
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,437
Well, it has been nice
seeing you again, my friend.
206
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,313
You too.
207
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,943
Oh, Ryan, I need a girlfriend
so bad.
208
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,361
Michael, let me go.
209
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:07,862
Let me go, Michael.
(Michael grunts)
210
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:08,697
All right.
211
00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:10,532
Do you know any girls in New York
212
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,325
you might wanna hook me up with,
213
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:16,037
that might be interested in a
guy like me?
214
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,205
- No.
- Nah.
215
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:18,123
Sorry, man.
216
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,040
Ah, well, you tried.
217
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:20,500
But seriously,
218
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,502
you should see the girls I
meet at clubs in the city.
219
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:23,461
Yeah.
220
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,170
Unreal.
221
00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:25,255
They sound great.
222
00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:27,632
Bye, everyone.
223
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,300
Stay real, Scranton, all right?
224
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,135
(Stanley groans)
225
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,177
Peace.
226
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,973
Would you have sex with
Meredith?
227
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,016
What?
228
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,142
Do you think she'd keep it
quiet?
229
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,727
I can't believe you're asking
me that.
230
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:41,855
She'd talk.
231
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,398
Might not be that bad though.
232
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:45,900
She seems very eager.
233
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:47,152
I'm going to go to my desk.
234
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,112
Jim, it's not the horniness, okay?
235
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,489
It's the loneliness, that's...
236
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,741
I know.
237
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:53,950
Let's go to New York.
238
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,118
We'll go clubbing with Ryan.
239
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,661
- I can't.
- Yes, you can.
240
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,163
You're single, I'm
single, it'll be awesome.
241
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,289
I'm not single.
242
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,457
Who are you dating?
243
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:02,375
Pam.
244
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,377
That's still going on?
245
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:07,172
(Michael sighs)
246
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,341
Okay, Dwight, grab your stuff.
247
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,884
We're going to New York to party
with Ryan
248
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:11,843
and to meet girls.
249
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:12,719
Yeah!
250
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,637
Oh, yes. Count me in, dudes.
251
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,390
I am in serious need of some bro time.
252
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:21,394
Old ball and chain's been a lot
more chain than ball lately,
253
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:22,937
if you know what I'm saying.
254
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:23,855
I'm right here.
255
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:24,898
No, singles only.
256
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:26,775
Singles only, also, three is unlucky.
257
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,361
Curse of three.
258
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,029
Sorry, Andy, cannot take
any chances on curses,
259
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,655
not tonight. Let's go.
260
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,449
Everybody, I will see you
tomorrow, Saturday morning,
261
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,117
probably wearing the same clothes
262
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:38,161
that I am wearing right now,
263
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,246
if you catch my drift.
264
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:41,414
We get it.
265
00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:44,751
I am going to go get laid.
266
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:45,794
Goodbye.
267
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:46,878
(Dwight chuckles)
268
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,380
With sex.
269
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,548
[Michael] That's, I meant that.
270
00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:54,928
Bye, Angela.
271
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,764
You know what?
272
00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:58,682
If we all stayed a couple
of hours late tonight,
273
00:09:58,723 --> 00:09:59,891
without Michael distracting us,
274
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,060
we wouldn't have to
come in at all tomorrow.
275
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,771
Sausage sandwiches at the
Cherry Blossom Festival?
276
00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:08,149
How do you even know
they're gonna have those?
277
00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:09,234
Did you go online?
278
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,443
Hmm?
279
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,362
Is that where we're going?
280
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,364
I'll be right back.
281
00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:23,832
Angela, Angela--
282
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:24,958
Oh!
283
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,626
(scoffs) I thought you were a mugger.
284
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:28,962
A mugger that knows your name?
285
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:31,923
Most muggings happen
between acquaintances.
286
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,591
So I caught everyone before
they left,
287
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,884
and I told them my idea.
288
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,178
And they loved it,
289
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,723
because this is a group
that respects good ideas.
290
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,559
The one time a year they hear one.
291
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,856
Ryan's assistant told us
292
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:50,692
that he would be at
this club this evening.
293
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:52,777
It is called Prerogative.
294
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,113
(dance music)
295
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,867
The place is packed.
296
00:10:58,908 --> 00:10:59,659
Fire hazard.
297
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:03,413
Packed with beautiful babies.
298
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,082
Swingers, classic.
299
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,045
Jon Favreau, the tall guy from Dodgeball.
300
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:12,630
Women look like white slaves.
301
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,175
[Michael] No, they
are just hot, hotties.
302
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:16,051
I don't know, man.
303
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:16,926
I mean, when you think about it,
304
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:18,136
Cabo's really the third world.
305
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,346
I don't go to a place like that
306
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:20,638
to see more poverty, you know?
307
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,973
You go there to get some
glamor--
308
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:22,807
Hey.
309
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:24,559
Michael?
310
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:25,435
Hey. (chuckles)
311
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:27,020
What are you doing here?
312
00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:28,897
Well, you know, just taking
you up on your offer to party,
313
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,523
so, ta-da.
314
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,150
That is so awesome, man.
315
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,651
All right.
316
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,153
And you brought this guy.
317
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,279
Yeah.
318
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:37,113
Oh.
319
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:41,117
Ryan, it's Michael and Dwight.
320
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,077
I know it's you guys.
321
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:42,952
Okay.
322
00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:43,995
I'm so psyched you're here.
323
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:44,913
Well...
324
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:45,789
Woo!
325
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,332
All right.
326
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,208
Let's get a drink.
327
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,000
Let's do it!
328
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:59,177
[Jim] Thanks a lot, guys. Good job.
329
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,138
Later.
330
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,807
Nice job, everybody.
331
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:04,641
Great work.
332
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,776
Did you not tell the security
guard we were working late?
333
00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:15,652
Nope.
334
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:17,946
I didn't.
335
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,949
But let's go inside and
I can call him right now.
336
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,200
We can't.
337
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,993
I locked the office from
the inside when we left.
338
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,036
Perfect.
339
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,955
You guys worked together on this one.
340
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,624
If I'm not in my bath with a
glass of red wine in one hour,
341
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:30,834
you're both dead.
342
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:39,300
There is a master key and
a spare key for the office.
343
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,469
Dwight has them both.
344
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,221
When I asked, "What if you die, Dwight,
345
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,973
"how will we get into the
office?"
346
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:49,269
He said, "If I'm dead, you
guys have been dead for weeks."
347
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:51,896
Guys, I want you to meet a
really good friend of mine.
348
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:52,689
This is Troy.
349
00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,149
Hey, nice to meet you.
350
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,025
How you doing?
351
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:55,859
Hey. Dwight.
352
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,862
You resemble a Tolkien character.
353
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,781
Uh, he basically is, man,
he's a regular banking wizard.
354
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,783
No, no, no, not a wizard, a hobbit.
355
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:06,453
Bottle service, y'all?
356
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:07,746
Oh, okay.
357
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,832
All I know is I would
like some chicken fingers
358
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:12,250
and a Midori Sour.
359
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,501
We don't serve food here.
360
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,253
Oh, okay.
361
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,130
Then just bring me two cups,
362
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,798
one with olives
363
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,259
and another one filled
with maraschino cherries.
364
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,971
Do you live in a regular-sized
house?
365
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:28,475
Yeah, he is a normal guy, he's
cool.
366
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:29,809
You really don't have his
phone number?
367
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:32,312
I told you, I have the
number that rings here.
368
00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:33,521
Do you want that number?
369
00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,357
I might have it in here.
370
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:37,359
Oh, that's great, Toby.
371
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,069
It's so random that I had it.
372
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:40,612
Toby, you're the best.
373
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,697
When I put it in, I thought
it might be a waste of time,
374
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:43,907
but I guess it was worth it.
375
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,075
Great.
376
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,368
It's under here as security
guard home,
377
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,036
did you not get his name or...
378
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:48,703
No.
379
00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:49,746
It's ringing.
380
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:50,663
Does anybody have his name?
Quick.
381
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,040
Yes, it's Eddie.
382
00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:54,125
It's not, it's not Eddie,
it's, uh, it's Evan or--
383
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,627
Hank, his name is Hank.
384
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,462
No, guys, his name's
not Hank, it's, uh...
385
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,338
Is it Edgar?
386
00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,297
- Elliot.
- Elliot.
387
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,382
Is it...
388
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:03,259
Hey, chief, this is, uh, Jim Halpert,
389
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:05,970
from, um, where you work.
390
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,973
You are the guy who sits behind
the desk,
391
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:12,644
you're, you're the, the
African-American guy?
392
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:14,896
I mean, you're, uh...
393
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:16,523
Who, who have I got here?
394
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:19,109
(dance music)
395
00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:26,324
Dwight Schrute, man,
how's Schrute Farms?
396
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,409
Good.
397
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,577
This guy owns his own beet farm.
398
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:30,954
Insane.
399
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,914
Well, it's weevil season,
but we were prepared.
400
00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:34,165
Weevils.
401
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,917
What a crazy word, man.
402
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:38,169
I don't even know what that
means, what does that mean?
403
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,755
They lay their eggs
inside the unripe beet root,
404
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:43,258
then come springtime, the
babies eat their way out.
405
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:45,010
- Crazy.
- Crazy.
406
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,720
That's too much for me, man.
407
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:47,846
I'm gonna hit the bathroom.
408
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,181
You've already been several times.
409
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,516
Yeah.
410
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,517
Maybe you have some
kind of bladder infection.
411
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,727
I don't know, maybe.
412
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,353
I'll order you some cranberry juice.
413
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,313
With vodka, you're the best.
414
00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:01,151
Do you have powers?
415
00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:02,318
Oh, thank you, Hank.
416
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,279
You are a lifesaver, Hank.
417
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,447
Appreciate it.
418
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:07,532
All right, so Hank is going to--
419
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:08,366
Hank,
420
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:11,494
that's not his name.
421
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:12,537
Just got off the phone with him.
422
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,747
Yeah, well, that's not his name.
423
00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:14,956
He just said his name's Hank,
424
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,207
so I'm gonna go with what he said.
425
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,293
Okay, your funeral.
426
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:20,795
Hank is going to come down
here, he's gonna let us all out.
427
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:24,174
So, he said it should be
just under an hour, so,
428
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:25,258
(murmuring)
429
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,134
we did it.
430
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:28,053
But I have to walk my cats.
431
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,596
I'm sure they'll be okay for
one night.
432
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,473
Stop taking his side.
433
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,058
We're not all sleeping with Jim.
434
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,602
That's not a nice thing to say.
435
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,479
You know what's not nice?
436
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,481
Unexercised cats.
437
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:40,982
You know what else is not
nice?
438
00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:43,234
Coming home and looking
into your cats' eyes
439
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,403
and seeing nothing but disappointment.
440
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,905
That's a bit much, isn't it?
441
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:49,532
We should all make sure
442
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,284
to give him a big tip this Christmas.
443
00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:52,619
Sorry, guys,
444
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,621
but I don't think I
chipped in for last year's.
445
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,164
No, neither did I.
446
00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:57,957
Jim was supposed to collect it.
447
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:03,254
Yep, I was supposed to
collect Hank's tip this year.
448
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,506
Way to go, man.
449
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,049
Now he's never gonna come.
450
00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:07,425
I would've given him a lot too.
451
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,718
Wow.
452
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,845
You're, like, 0 for a
million tonight, Tuna.
453
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:11,971
Well, bad news is, yeah,
454
00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:13,848
I didn't, didn't collect the tip
for Hank,
455
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:17,602
but, um, good news is, you
guys didn't have to pay,
456
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,979
so, you saved money at Christmas,
457
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:23,316
which makes the holidays more fun.
458
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,236
Money does.
459
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:27,529
By a show of hands,
460
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,322
who thinks we're a better
couple than Jim and Pam?
461
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:33,910
Phyllis.
462
00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:38,206
- (dance music)
- I, um, thought about getting
463
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:40,750
a tattoo on my back as well, at
one point.
464
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:43,378
I was thinking about
getting Back to the Future.
465
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,755
Back because it's on my back,
466
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:47,882
and Future because I'm the kind
of guy
467
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:50,510
who likes to look ahead into the future.
468
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:53,638
I just think a tattoo should
mean something, you know?
469
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,265
And it's my second favorite movie.
470
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:56,933
I've never heard of that movie.
471
00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:58,727
Back to the Future?
472
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,353
Oh, wow.
473
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:03,398
Well, you should take a
film-education course.
474
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:04,482
How old are you?
475
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:05,400
Forty...
476
00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:06,693
I'm, I'm in my 40s.
477
00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:08,403
Wow. (chuckles)
478
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:09,654
That's so cool.
479
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,281
Yeah.
480
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:13,283
Well, I'm gonna go back to my
group now.
481
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:14,576
Oh, okay.
482
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:15,410
Thanks for the drink.
483
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:16,244
You are welcome.
484
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:24,836
This place is like a,
like a sexy preschool.
485
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,463
Did you want a place where
we can meet older women?
486
00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:29,174
I would love a place where
we could meet older girls.
487
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,008
Hell yeah.
488
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:31,926
I'll hook it up.
489
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:32,844
(glass shatters)
490
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,846
Aye, wow, that's dangerous.
491
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,936
I don't understand, which one
is that?
492
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,230
That's The Other Boleyn Girl.
493
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:46,691
Honestly, the book is
so much better than this.
494
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:47,525
Shh.
495
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:50,945
We don't know.
496
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:54,032
They didn't give him his
Christmas bonus this year, so...
497
00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:04,501
Excuse me.
498
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:05,543
Yeah?
499
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,545
How did you all find each
other?
500
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:10,131
Uh, we're the Jersey State
varsity basketball team,
501
00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:11,675
Northeast regional champs.
502
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:12,509
[All] Woo!
503
00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:15,345
Amazons.
504
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,765
It's off, it's not the dude I know,
505
00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:21,142
it's some other loser who
won't let us in without chicks.
506
00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,686
- You're kidding?
- No, let's bail.
507
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:23,603
Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
508
00:18:23,645 --> 00:18:24,646
Wait, wait, you two,
509
00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:26,106
uh, Jersey State girls, let's
go.
510
00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:28,066
We're not going unless we can
all go.
511
00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:29,859
Okay, you know what, fine,
let's go.
512
00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:31,236
Two girls to a guy, come on.
513
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,821
Let's do it, come on, Ryan.
514
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,155
Move out.
515
00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:36,449
Okay, three or four with
him, let's go, come on.
516
00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:37,534
Here we go.
517
00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:38,368
Don't step on him.
518
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:43,331
Hey, look what I found in the back.
519
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:44,874
Wanna play? I can teach you to throw.
520
00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:45,875
I know how to throw a football.
521
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,002
Of course you do.
522
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,670
Yeah, Pam, hit me up.
523
00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:50,463
I'm going long!
524
00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:51,464
Woo!
525
00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:52,507
(Meredith screams)
526
00:18:52,549 --> 00:18:54,217
[Kevin] Oh, my god.
527
00:18:57,429 --> 00:18:58,680
(dance music)
528
00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:00,473
How many of you are living
among us?
529
00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:02,684
And how many are in the Shires,
530
00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:04,227
can you tell me the population?
531
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,688
You can trust me.
532
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:07,856
Here you go.
533
00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:08,773
Wait a minute, what is this?
534
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:09,899
I didn't order this.
535
00:19:09,941 --> 00:19:11,484
For you,
536
00:19:11,526 --> 00:19:13,028
from them.
537
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,404
[Dwight] Wow.
538
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,616
[Troy] What are you doing, man?
539
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:19,784
It's not safe.
540
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,494
Anything could have been in there.
541
00:19:21,536 --> 00:19:23,246
Nice try.
542
00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:26,249
I've never met anybody who
does that, you wash dogs?
543
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:27,375
Very cool.
544
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:29,002
That's one aspect of small-pet
grooming.
545
00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:30,086
What do you do?
546
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:31,629
I am a bank teller.
547
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:35,258
Ryan told me to always tell
women you work in finance.
548
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:35,967
Cool.
549
00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:36,885
I think so.
550
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,011
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I have fun.
551
00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:40,055
I'm just gonna use the powder room.
552
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:40,930
All right.
553
00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:41,765
So I'll see you soon.
554
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:42,599
Very perfect.
555
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:49,481
Oh my.
556
00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:53,068
This needs to be shared.
557
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:08,667
(phones vibrate and ring)
558
00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:12,587
- Oh.
- Oh.
559
00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:13,838
(groaning)
560
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,590
She washes dogs.
561
00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:16,424
You're doing it, man.
562
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:17,467
I know.
563
00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:18,593
I don't wanna get ahead of myself,
564
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:21,596
but I think I want her to meet
my mom.
565
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,765
Hey, man, you ever
think there's gonna be
566
00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:25,600
this massive nuclear Holocaust,
567
00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:27,519
and after all the major
nations are destroyed,
568
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,937
it'll just be the tribes in the jungles
569
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,438
that rise up and survive,
570
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,649
that jungle warfare is
gonna rule the world?
571
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:34,984
Yeah, maybe.
572
00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:45,370
[Ryan] It's inevitable, right?
573
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:46,204
Mm-hmm.
574
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:52,043
Please don't pick up,
575
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,128
please don't pick up,
please don't pick up,
576
00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:54,129
please don't pick up, please
don't--
577
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:55,005
[Hank] Hello?
578
00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:56,631
Hank, is that you?
579
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:58,258
[Hank] Yeah.
580
00:20:58,299 --> 00:21:00,093
Still haven't left the house
yet, huh?
581
00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:01,177
[Hank] I'm getting ready to leave.
582
00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:03,722
Good. Please hurry.
583
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,474
[Hank] Stop calling me so
I can put on my damn socks.
584
00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:07,809
Will do.
585
00:21:07,851 --> 00:21:09,102
I'll stop calling.
586
00:21:14,858 --> 00:21:16,568
Was he still there?
587
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,194
Uh, that was his wife,
588
00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:19,154
so, he's on his way.
589
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,822
Jim, how long?
590
00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:22,449
I have to go to the bathroom?
591
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,117
Well, he'll be here really
soon, Kev.
592
00:21:24,159 --> 00:21:26,411
If you hadn't made us stay,
we'd all be home by now.
593
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,997
Somebody's always got to be a hero.
594
00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:30,206
I'm so cold, I'm gonna faint.
595
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:32,000
If I faint, it's totally your
fault, Jim.
596
00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:34,085
Let's be honest, it's
not totally my fault.
597
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:35,837
Shared responsibility.
598
00:21:35,879 --> 00:21:37,297
Hmm?
599
00:21:37,339 --> 00:21:38,673
Oh, I just mean if you,
if you didn't lock the door,
600
00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:41,009
then we could be upstairs
where it's warmer.
601
00:21:41,051 --> 00:21:42,552
I'm supposed to turn
the lock when I leave,
602
00:21:42,594 --> 00:21:43,803
it's part of my job.
603
00:21:43,845 --> 00:21:45,263
Is that...
604
00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:46,848
I didn't know that was your...
605
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:49,100
Okay, so we're in agreement,
this is not an ideal situation.
606
00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:51,144
(dance music)
607
00:21:51,186 --> 00:21:53,438
I am, I am getting out there.
608
00:21:54,564 --> 00:21:57,067
Well, no, I've asked a lot
of girls to dance, Mom,
609
00:21:57,108 --> 00:21:58,526
they're just, it's not...
610
00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:02,364
What are you doing?
611
00:22:02,405 --> 00:22:04,866
Yes, I shaved the back of my neck.
612
00:22:04,908 --> 00:22:06,576
Oh, my God, Mom, I gotta go,
613
00:22:06,618 --> 00:22:11,706
one of my friends is getting
beaten up by some girls.
614
00:22:11,748 --> 00:22:14,417
We could burn the chains with vinegar.
615
00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:17,253
It's corrosive to metals,
I saw it on a TV show once.
616
00:22:18,129 --> 00:22:20,674
You can literally burn metal
with vinegar.
617
00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:22,217
Do you have vinegar on you?
618
00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:25,053
Mm,
619
00:22:25,095 --> 00:22:26,680
I don't.
620
00:22:26,721 --> 00:22:28,765
Actually, it's kind of too bad
621
00:22:28,807 --> 00:22:30,475
we're not coming into work tomorrow.
622
00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:31,893
Why?
623
00:22:31,935 --> 00:22:34,062
I bet Michael had some
elaborate theme party planned,
624
00:22:34,104 --> 00:22:36,106
like Scrambled Eggs Saturday.
625
00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:38,483
More like,
626
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:40,068
"Hey, everyone, let's get
your boss laid" Saturday.
627
00:22:40,110 --> 00:22:42,237
(laughter)
628
00:22:50,912 --> 00:22:54,457
I have an announcement, uh, to make.
629
00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:59,087
I am moving to Costa Rica.
630
00:22:59,129 --> 00:23:02,674
I've thought about it for a long
time now,
631
00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:04,175
and I'm finally gonna do it.
632
00:23:06,094 --> 00:23:10,306
So, I'm just gonna hop the
fence and jog home now.
633
00:23:26,948 --> 00:23:27,949
Those girls really wailed on
you bad.
634
00:23:27,991 --> 00:23:29,200
Why wouldn't they let me
dance?
635
00:23:29,242 --> 00:23:29,909
Well...
636
00:23:29,951 --> 00:23:31,077
Okay, I gotta go.
637
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:32,579
Do not take him to a hospital.
638
00:23:35,165 --> 00:23:36,791
Hey, don't blame me for what
Ryan does.
639
00:23:36,833 --> 00:23:39,377
I'm not his dad, I'm his friend, okay?
640
00:23:39,419 --> 00:23:41,546
And friends are there to
help you have a good time
641
00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:44,257
and sell you the stuff you
need to have a good time.
642
00:23:47,010 --> 00:23:48,136
Pretty weird.
643
00:23:48,178 --> 00:23:49,763
Don't go, do you have to go
with them?
644
00:23:49,804 --> 00:23:51,348
I do, I have to go.
645
00:23:51,389 --> 00:23:52,849
Stay.
646
00:23:52,891 --> 00:23:55,435
I have to go, good luck
against Con College, all right?
647
00:23:55,477 --> 00:23:56,269
Call me.
648
00:23:56,311 --> 00:23:57,145
Uh-huh.
649
00:23:57,187 --> 00:23:57,979
I'm not gonna call her.
650
00:23:58,021 --> 00:23:58,855
Let's go.
651
00:23:58,897 --> 00:23:59,773
I don't wanna go back in.
652
00:23:59,814 --> 00:24:00,940
I know, here we go.
653
00:24:00,982 --> 00:24:02,150
You're gonna be okay.
654
00:24:02,192 --> 00:24:04,819
Oh, man, here it goes.
655
00:24:04,861 --> 00:24:06,696
(Michael groans)
656
00:24:06,738 --> 00:24:07,614
I am so sorry.
657
00:24:07,655 --> 00:24:09,366
I am so sorry, sir.
658
00:24:09,407 --> 00:24:11,826
That'll, that'll come
out of the upholstery.
659
00:24:11,868 --> 00:24:12,994
Oh, man.
660
00:24:13,036 --> 00:24:14,329
He threw up in the back of the taxi.
661
00:24:14,371 --> 00:24:15,497
It's dehydration.
662
00:24:15,538 --> 00:24:16,915
It's dehydration.
663
00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:18,500
He went to the bathroom at
the club, like, 15 times.
664
00:24:18,541 --> 00:24:21,044
All right, shh, Dwight, leave
him alone.
665
00:24:21,878 --> 00:24:23,004
- You all right?
- You okay?
666
00:24:23,046 --> 00:24:24,255
- You feel better?
- You okay?
667
00:24:24,297 --> 00:24:25,590
That's good for you to do.
668
00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:26,591
[Dwight] Yeah, you feel
better afterwards, right?
669
00:24:26,633 --> 00:24:27,592
Just let it out.
670
00:24:27,634 --> 00:24:28,885
[Dwight] You just, like, purge.
671
00:24:28,927 --> 00:24:29,636
Sometimes you have to
pull the trigger, I say.
672
00:24:29,678 --> 00:24:30,804
Binge and purge.
673
00:24:30,845 --> 00:24:34,015
Couple days a week, I, I make myself,
674
00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:37,185
because of a big meal, or I'm
feeling fat, I just do it.
675
00:24:37,227 --> 00:24:39,437
I have to do it to
sick livestock sometimes,
676
00:24:39,479 --> 00:24:40,647
trigger the gag reflex.
677
00:24:40,689 --> 00:24:41,940
- He does it to me.
- Guys, stop talking,
678
00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:42,982
- stop talking about this.
- He makes me throw up.
679
00:24:43,024 --> 00:24:43,900
Please stop talking about this,
680
00:24:43,942 --> 00:24:44,150
please stop talking about this.
681
00:24:48,071 --> 00:24:49,614
Do you ever worry that you're
gonna end up
682
00:24:49,656 --> 00:24:52,409
like one of those homeless guys
that teenagers set on fire?
683
00:24:52,450 --> 00:24:55,370
Nah, all my clothes are
flame-retardant.
684
00:24:55,412 --> 00:24:57,622
(Michael winces)
685
00:24:57,664 --> 00:25:00,083
Ryan, we would never
let that happen to you.
686
00:25:03,628 --> 00:25:06,881
You had a rough night tonight,
687
00:25:06,923 --> 00:25:09,467
but your life is very good, my friend.
688
00:25:09,509 --> 00:25:10,593
You've got a great job,
689
00:25:10,635 --> 00:25:13,972
you, you could have any woman
you want,
690
00:25:14,014 --> 00:25:15,932
you're good-looking, you know.
691
00:25:15,974 --> 00:25:16,933
Friends with a hobbit.
692
00:25:16,975 --> 00:25:18,226
Fr...
693
00:25:18,268 --> 00:25:19,310
Yes.
694
00:25:19,352 --> 00:25:20,979
You're friends with a hobbit,
695
00:25:22,647 --> 00:25:23,857
and look where you live.
696
00:25:23,898 --> 00:25:26,443
I mean, you got it all.
697
00:25:28,028 --> 00:25:29,571
New York is great.
698
00:25:29,612 --> 00:25:32,449
No, I mean this apartment
building, it's fantastic.
699
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,037
Oh, this, this is not my apartment.
700
00:25:37,078 --> 00:25:39,247
This is the Metropolitan Museum
of Art.
701
00:25:41,624 --> 00:25:44,627
Well, now I can say
that I went to a museum.
702
00:25:50,633 --> 00:25:51,676
Cleaning people.
703
00:25:51,718 --> 00:25:52,510
Oscar.
704
00:25:55,722 --> 00:25:56,681
Okay, so all you need to do
705
00:25:56,723 --> 00:25:57,766
is explain to them what happened,
706
00:25:57,807 --> 00:25:59,017
'cause I think they can help us.
707
00:25:59,059 --> 00:26:01,186
Why are you assuming
they only speak Spanish?
708
00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:04,105
I, just, if they speak Spanish.
709
00:26:04,147 --> 00:26:05,607
Good evening.
710
00:26:05,648 --> 00:26:06,983
We locked ourselves in.
711
00:26:10,153 --> 00:26:12,614
(Oscar speaks in foreign
language)
712
00:26:12,655 --> 00:26:13,615
Okay?
713
00:26:13,656 --> 00:26:15,450
They happen to speak Spanish.
714
00:26:15,492 --> 00:26:16,326
Lucky us.
715
00:26:20,747 --> 00:26:23,375
This is a one-time thing,
you know that, right?
716
00:26:23,416 --> 00:26:24,709
Wow.
717
00:26:24,751 --> 00:26:26,461
- This is it.
- All right.
718
00:26:26,503 --> 00:26:28,338
This is where the magic happens.
719
00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:29,130
Nice.
720
00:26:29,172 --> 00:26:30,131
Very nice.
721
00:26:30,173 --> 00:26:31,925
One of you can have the sofa,
722
00:26:31,966 --> 00:26:33,051
and one of you can have the floor.
723
00:26:33,093 --> 00:26:34,678
- I got the sofa.
- [Dwight] I got sofa.
724
00:26:34,719 --> 00:26:35,595
Dwight, I've got the sofa,
725
00:26:35,637 --> 00:26:37,263
- I'm the boss.
- I got floor.
726
00:26:37,305 --> 00:26:38,723
In case anybody needs
to go to the bathroom
727
00:26:38,765 --> 00:26:39,808
in the middle of the night,
728
00:26:39,849 --> 00:26:40,892
I don't wanna get my head
stepped on.
729
00:26:40,934 --> 00:26:42,143
Do you want me to sing you a song
730
00:26:42,185 --> 00:26:43,978
my mother used to sing
me when we were sick?
731
00:26:44,020 --> 00:26:45,146
No.
732
00:26:45,188 --> 00:26:46,147
(Dwight sings lullaby in foreign
language)
733
00:26:46,189 --> 00:26:47,023
Okay, Dwight.
734
00:26:47,065 --> 00:26:48,483
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
735
00:26:48,525 --> 00:26:49,401
Dwight, shh.
736
00:26:50,443 --> 00:26:51,069
Leave him alone.
737
00:26:51,111 --> 00:26:52,320
It's a lullaby.
738
00:26:52,362 --> 00:26:53,613
Shh.
739
00:26:53,655 --> 00:26:55,657
Ryan, Ryan, we're gonna
take your clothes off.
740
00:26:55,699 --> 00:26:56,491
No.
741
00:26:59,452 --> 00:27:04,165
Guys, I think my friend Troy
might have a drug problem.
742
00:27:05,583 --> 00:27:06,418
What do I do?
743
00:27:08,003 --> 00:27:10,088
I think his species might have
a higher tolerance than ours.
744
00:27:10,130 --> 00:27:12,841
Shh, just stop.
745
00:27:12,882 --> 00:27:13,717
Here's what you do.
746
00:27:15,301 --> 00:27:18,013
You tell him that you're his friend,
747
00:27:18,054 --> 00:27:19,472
and that you're going to help him,
748
00:27:19,514 --> 00:27:21,599
and that everything's gonna be
all right.
749
00:27:23,893 --> 00:27:26,187
And then you put a wire on him,
750
00:27:26,229 --> 00:27:29,482
and you find out who's selling
him drugs,
751
00:27:29,524 --> 00:27:32,027
and then you get that
guy and you flip him,
752
00:27:32,068 --> 00:27:33,528
you turn him into a snitch.
753
00:27:33,570 --> 00:27:34,779
You follow that guy
754
00:27:35,739 --> 00:27:37,782
to the people who are really,
really bad.
755
00:27:38,825 --> 00:27:40,118
Been watching The Wire recently,
756
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,288
I don't understand a word
of it, but it is amazing.
757
00:27:43,329 --> 00:27:45,123
- Incredible.
- Yes.
758
00:27:46,791 --> 00:27:50,170
(Michael sighs)
759
00:27:50,211 --> 00:27:52,297
Ryan, before you go to sleep,
760
00:27:53,256 --> 00:27:54,799
do you have any orange juice
with pulp?
761
00:27:54,841 --> 00:27:56,217
No.
762
00:27:56,259 --> 00:27:58,803
Do you have any contact-lens
solution for my eyes?
763
00:27:58,845 --> 00:27:59,596
[Ryan] No.
764
00:28:00,597 --> 00:28:01,639
You got a T-shirt?
765
00:28:01,681 --> 00:28:03,058
'Cause I usually sleep in the nude.
766
00:28:03,099 --> 00:28:04,726
Loads and loads of them,
bottom drawer.
767
00:28:04,768 --> 00:28:06,019
There's shorts too, and pants,
768
00:28:06,061 --> 00:28:07,228
and it's really cold in here,
769
00:28:07,270 --> 00:28:09,064
so promise me you'll bundle up,
all right?
770
00:28:09,105 --> 00:28:11,983
I'm so tired. (yawns)
771
00:28:12,025 --> 00:28:13,360
Guys, I'm going to sleep.
772
00:28:14,277 --> 00:28:15,320
You can leave the light on if
you want,
773
00:28:15,362 --> 00:28:16,571
but please stop talking, okay?
774
00:28:16,613 --> 00:28:17,989
- Okay.
- Okay.
775
00:28:18,031 --> 00:28:19,741
Good night, Ryan.
776
00:28:19,783 --> 00:28:21,284
Good night, Ryan.
777
00:28:24,037 --> 00:28:25,372
Best night ever.
778
00:28:26,289 --> 00:28:27,749
Like I said,
779
00:28:27,791 --> 00:28:30,627
it's not about the horniness,
it's about the loneliness,
780
00:28:30,669 --> 00:28:33,129
and how can I be lonely with my
boys?
781
00:28:34,464 --> 00:28:38,843
Like a famous person once
said, boys on the side,
782
00:28:38,885 --> 00:28:43,848
but I don't, I disagree, I say
let's hear it for the boys.
783
00:29:00,782 --> 00:29:02,367
Son of a bitch.
784
00:29:04,327 --> 00:29:05,995
- Ryan?
- Yeah?
785
00:29:08,164 --> 00:29:09,124
Do you ever miss us?
786
00:29:11,459 --> 00:29:12,627
(sighs) Not really.
787
00:29:12,669 --> 00:29:14,796
New York is so great.
788
00:29:20,301 --> 00:29:21,094
Ryan?
789
00:29:22,012 --> 00:29:23,138
Yes?
790
00:29:23,179 --> 00:29:25,265
Do you remember what color my
eyes are?
791
00:29:25,306 --> 00:29:26,141
Hazel, they're hazel.
792
00:29:26,182 --> 00:29:27,183
Dwight, I asked him.
793
00:29:27,225 --> 00:29:29,436
No, I was gonna say hazel, yeah.
794
00:29:29,477 --> 00:29:31,396
Really? Not just because he
said it?
795
00:29:31,438 --> 00:29:32,230
No.
796
00:29:38,528 --> 00:29:39,821
Ryan?
797
00:29:39,863 --> 00:29:42,198
You're my friend, Michael, okay?
798
00:29:47,412 --> 00:29:50,040
(Michael sighs)
799
00:29:50,081 --> 00:29:52,667
(upbeat music)
54331
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