All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S07E05 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Previously
On "Gilmore girls"...

I'm not going anywhere.

This is it for me.
You're it for me.

I don't want to see you
Get hurt again.

I am being careful.

You are leaving for london.

Who knows when we'll see each
Other again.

What is the fun date?

No hints.

Ma'am,
Have you been drinking?

What? No!

We have to pick up my mother
From jail.

Your mother's in jail?

Oh, this night keeps getting
Better and better.

I can't wait to come see you,
Logan.

Tell your mom you're not gonna
Be home for christmas.

Christmas?

You got menace to society
Emily gilmore off the street.

You'll be hearing from my
Lawyer.

Come on.
Put that thing away.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Want to come in?

Yeah?

Okay.

Toothbrush, hairbrush,
Hypoallergenic pillow,

Chenille blanket --
Ooh, comfort shoes.

Got them.

Those are your
Comfort shoes?
Not mine -- paul anka's.

We're staying in tonight.

You can probably
Get away with flats.

He loves, loves,
Loves chewing on these.

They remind him
Of a squirrel carcass.

Yummy.
Don't judge.

You eat jerky
Like it's going out of style.

So, all this stuff
Is for paul anka?

No, not all.
The toothbrush is mine.

Lorelei.

What? It's his first night
Staying at your house.

I want him to have all the stuff
That makes him comfortable.

Ooh -- tennis balls!

I actually
Have tennis balls.

Penn or wilson?
You're joking.

Paul anka's must be penn.

They must be new,
They must be green --

Not orange and green,
Just green.

And fyi, you might want to watch
That sarcastic tone of yours

Because dogs are very attuned
To tone.

It's kind of like chinese,
In that respect, dog language.

It's very tone based.

And you are stressing him out
Right now with your tone.

The dog is stressed?

Look at him.

And when he gets like this,

You need to talk to him
In sweet and dulcet tones.

[ high-pitched voice ]
Hi, paul anka.

Ooh, hi, boy! Hi!

[ normal voice]
Get it?
Got it.

Good. Sunglasses.

This is not normal.
I want you to know that.

The dog wears ferragamos?

Oh, please.
Don't give him any ideas.

These are mine.

All right, let's go.
You take this, this, and this.

Come on.
What are you waiting for?

Oops.

Here, paul anka.
[ claps ]

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

Hey.

Logan:
Hey, you watching it?
What?

The meteor shower.
What meteor shower?

The bbc said there's some
Huge meteor shower tonight.

I thought we could
Watch it together.

Uh, logan, I have been in the
Library for the past nine hours.

I don't know anything
About any meteor showers.

I could use
A regular shower, though.

Go up on the roof
And check it out.

Now?
Yes, now! It's supposed to start
In like two minutes.

But --

Ace! This is once-in-a-lifetime
Celestial event. Get going.

Okay, okay.
I'm getting. I'm going.

Are you running?

I'm running! I'm running!

Who knew you were such
An astronomy buff?

Hurry!
What has gotten into you?

Oh, my god!

You're here!
What are you doing here?

[ chuckles ]

Happy to see me?

Beyond happy!
Ecstatic!

I can't believe
You're here!

And look at me -- I'm covered
In highlighter ink

And I smell like fritos
And ginger ale.

It's an aphrodisiac.

You're here
And you did all this?

You like?

I love, but you didn't
Have to do this.

I mean, you're here. It's
Enough. It's more than enough.

Could you shut up now
So I can kiss you?

So there is no
Meteor shower?
No meteor shower.

So you used the entire cosmos
To trick me?

I like to think big.

So, what is going on?
Why are you here?

I'm kissing my girlfriend
On the roof.

Mmm.
But why?

The fritos and ginger ale thing.
I told you, huge turn-on.

[ sighs ]
Explain yourself.

I'm just here
For a quick business trip.

How quick?
Too quick.

How quick is "Too quick"?

I have 10:00 flight
Back to london tomorrow night.

Oh, that is too quick.

That website my team
Has been trying to buy --

The owners finally agreed
To sit down,

Talk to us tomorrow
Over breakfast.

Logan!
That's great, right?

I mean, three weeks ago, they
Weren't even taking your calls.

It is great.

However, not as exciting

As kissing my girlfriend
On the roof.

Um, so,
What's that amazing smell?

Food from ibiza.
The island?

The tapas place downtown.

Ooh,
Did you get the duck?
I did.

And the short ribs?
Yes. And...

[ gasps ]
Ooh! A 2003 red something.

I bet it's very oaky and corky
And full of fruity legs.

Know a lot about wine,
Do you?

Not so much,
But the label's pretty.

There's also gazpacho,

That cheese-pie thing
You love, plus flan.

Ooh, flan!
You got me flan?

Doesn't take much
To make you happy, does it?

Not when you're
On this continent.

Okay, why don't you open
This wine?

I want to taste
Those fruity legs,

And I'll make you a plate
With extra flan.

Okay.

Ooh,
I'm so glad you're here!

[ sighs ]

Stop!
You're killing my tivo.

I'm not killing it.
I'm composing a symphony.

Finally,
An instrument I can play.

Give me that.

No, no, no!
Give me!

Not until you explain
Your choices.
What?

"The view"? "Girlfriends"?
"Sábado gigante"?

Who controls this thing,
You or pedro almodóvar?

It's the nanny.

Sure,
It's a likely story.

Give me, give me, give me.

Did g.G. Get to sleep okay?
She did.

I tried to skip to the end
Of "Cinderella,"

But she wouldn't let me.

It's my own fault. My wicked
Stepsister voice kills.

She's amazing, you know?

That reminds me.

Oh, no!

You're not gonna show me
Some of her art, are you?

I never know what to say
In those situations.

I mean, even when
It was rory's art, you know?

Three blue finger smudges
And some construction paper.

It's not precocious.
It's just messy.

Here. This came
A couple of days ago.

It's from sherry.

From sherry?

Yeah, it's the first
I've heard from her

Since the divorce was final.

Wow, how "Dangerous liaisons"
Of her.

She doesn't call.
She doesn't e-mail.

Then she sends you a letter
With a wax seal

That weighs roughly the same
As a porterhouse.

Well,
She had a lot to say.

Gosh.

It's a lot of sorry.

Yeah, 15 pages worth.

Believe me,
I was not expecting this.

Humility is not a side of sherry
I've ever seen before.

I don't know if it's the yoga
Or the yoga instructor or --

Yoga instructor?

Yeah, she's dating
Her yoga instructor,

Jean-claude
Or jean-pierre --

One of those names
That always sounds fake.

Anyway, it sounds like
She's really changed.

She feels awful
About what happened,

And she wants to find a way
To be part of g.G.'s life again.

Honey, that's great.
Right?

Yeah.

So, you got this two days ago
And you're showing it to me now.

I was gonna show it to you,
But you were coming over.

No, I'm not criticizing.

You're not?
No, I'm complimenting --
Badly, obviously.

But I'm complimenting.
You shared it with me.

I thought that was how the whole
Adult-relationship thing worked.

You know, openness,
Honesty.

Interesting.

And you're sure you don't want
To stash it away somewhere

And then I find it --
Accidentally, of course --

Months from now,
And I get all weird and insecure

About why you didn't
Show it to me sooner?
I'm good with the sharing.

All right.
It's another way to go.

[ sighs ]

[ evil voice ] That glass
Slipper will fit my foot.

[ normal voice ] That was my
Wicked stepsister voice.

Yeah, I figured.

I'm so happy.

Me too.

[ smooches ]

You know you can't do this
In london?

The city lights are so bright,
You almost never see the stars.

Yeah, but it's london.

Ah.

Wait,
Are you tired of london?

I'm tired
Of not being around you.

Yeah, but you can't be tired
Of london.

Samuel johnson said,
"When you're tired of london,

You're tired of life."

Obviously, the man was never
In a long-distance relationship.

That's true.
Boswell did keep quite close.

[ smooches ]
What are you doing?
Nothing.

You're trying to sneak a peek
At my watch.

Well,
I just can't believe it.

I can't believe you're here.

And I-I can't believe
That you're leaving

In only 26 hours
And 45 minutes.

Think positive -- that's an
Entire lifetime to a fruit fly.

You're thinking of a mayfly.

Fruit flies can live
For up to a month.

So, can you stay for a month?

What if your meeting tomorrow
Goes really, really well?

I hope it does.

It will. It's a great idea.
It's basically myspace.

But by invitation only.

And it'll be like an online
Version of the algonquin group,

Like throwing a party
In your head

Where everyone you've ever
Wanted to talk to is there --

Ira glass, sofia coppola,
Flaubert, danger mouse.

The deal's not done yet.
Far from it.

These guys aren't just gonna
Hand over their website

Because
We buy them breakfast.

They might. Tell them that they
Can order pancakes and eggs.

Don't make them choose.

Sausage, bacon,
Fruit, potatoes --

Let them get
The whole combo.

Then they will have to sell it
To you. It'd be rude not to.

You are
A business genius, ace.

Well, I'm taking econ
With my grandpa.

Whatever happens,
We'll be ready.

We've been working our asses off
On this one --

Nick, bobby, phillip.

Oh, yes -- phillip, nick, bobby.
The team. Starting lineup.

It is a classic win-win.

They give us a foothold
In new media.

We give them a huge influx
Of capital, which they need.

When it comes to debt versus
Equity, they're screwed.

They have no liquidity,
Huge expenses, zero revenue.

I mean, the target advertising
Potential alone --

What?
What are you staring at?

You,
"Mr. Debt versus equity."

Are you mocking me?
Yeah, but I like it.

Tell me more about this um,
Targeted advertising potential.

What do you want to know?

There's pay-per-click,
Pay-per-lead,

Banner ads, pixel tagging.

Oh, stop.
I'm getting weak at the knees.

Logan?

Shh. Go back to sleep.
It's only 6:00.

In the morning?

Yes, in the morning.
Go back to sleep.

I'm sorry I woke you.

Hey, where you going?
I promised nick,
Bobby, and phillip

I'd meet up with them for
Breakfast before the pitch.

I thought the pitch
Was at breakfast.

It is, but we can't
Walk in there unprepared.

We got to go over our notes,
Talk strategy.

It's a pre-breakfast
Breakfast.

Work dork.
Did you just call me
A work dork?

Just admit
That you're a work dork.

I'll admit that if you admit
That you love I'm a work dork.

Done.
Now I really have to go.

Hey, I have ways of making you
Stay, you know.

I know, I know, but take pity
On me, please.

After work, I promise
I'm all yours. Dinner?

Is it a pre-dinner dinner
Or a real dinner?

As many dinners as you want.

Aw, man, I can't believe we've
Wasted 4 1/2 hours on sleep.

What are we down to now,
Like 15 hours?

Rory, I'm actually gonna need
Both arms for this pitch.

Okay, I'll let go.
Just one more kiss.
I don't believe you.

Try me.

[ gasps ] Hey! No fair!
I'll call you later.

Work dork!
Work dork lover.

[ sniffs ] Gah.

[ sniffs ]

You need a tissue?
Oh, god, what is that?

I don't know,
But it's horrible.

Oh, it is. It's foul.
It's like rotten cabbage.

Or with dense but subtle
Undertones of olives.

There's nothing subtle
About it.

It's like a sledgehammer
To the nose.

Oh, my god!
What is that?

It's not coming
From the kitchen?
Bite your tongue.

Are we having
Heart attacks right now?

Isn't smelling
Something strange

The first sign
Of a heart attack?

I don't think we're having a
Communal massive heart attack.

Carcasses.
What?

Those strange amish-looking
Guests --

I'm sure they are traveling
With decaying animal flesh.

Yeah, 'cause that's the most
Logical explanation.

Gonna open a window, see if
We can air it out a little bit.

Gah! No, no, no!

Close it! Close it!
Close it!

Ugh!
So glad we tried that.

All right, I'm going out there
To see what's causing this.

Out there?!
Are you crazy?!

Maybe, but the sooner we can
Find out what's causing this,

The sooner we can run like hell
To less stinky ground.

I'm coming with you!

Me too!
Let's hang for a minute.

If she makes it to the end
Of the block, we'll join her.

Michel!
What?

Fine. Ugh!
[ coughs ]

Lorelai: kirk,
Where's everybody going?

Taylor called an emergency
Town meeting. Not sure why.

The smell, kirk.
The horrible, horrible smell.

Really? [ sniffs ]

I just don't think
It's that bad.

Ugh. Well, come on, let's go.
No. You know what?

On second thought,
I'd rather smell this smell

For the rest of my life than see
Luke at a town meeting.

Oh, honey.

It's okay. I'll go back
To the inn. I'll be fine.

Just call me when you want me
To pick you up.

Finally!

It's about time, taylor!
We're dying here.

I assure you,
No one is dying.

The substance
Causing this odor

Is not toxic in any way,
Shape, or form.

It's pickles.

That's no pickle!

Pickle?
Like one giant pickle?

Order!

As those of you who take an
Interest in civic events

May recall, three days ago
A train derailed

Just east of town --
Luckily, no one was injured.

However, 3 1/2 tons
Of pickles and pickle brine

Were scattered
Along the tracks.

And due to some inevitable
Delays in cleanup,

Those pickles have been baking
In the sun for three days.

[ groaning ]

And you knew about this?

It's a cover-up.
We got picklegate!

Ha ha ha!

I did know about it,

But it wasn't a problem
Until this morning

When the wind shifted.

And instead
Of wafting easterly

Toward our neighbors
In woodbridge,

The smell seems to have settled
On stars hollow.

Now, there's no telling
How long it will last.

[ groaning ]

What?! People
Are suffering here.

How long does it take to pick up
A few measly pickles?

Picking up the pickles is not
My main concern at the moment.

Now, this is a matter
Of pride, people.

A huge principle
Is at stake.

There's absolutely no reason
Why we here in stars hollow

Should take responsibility
For this mess.

The pickles themselves
Hail from ohio.

The railroad company

Is incorporated in the state
Of delaware.

And since all the pickles

Are on the woodbridge
Side of the tracks --

Just pick up
The damn pickles, taylor!

[ indistinct shouting ]

Easier said than done.

Even if we wanted
To do the wrong thing

And assume fiscal responsibility
For this fiasco,

The cost is astronomical.

$2,500 for --

Sold!
Done!

Pay, you big cheapskate!

Yeah!Yeah!
Yeah!Yeah!

Fine!

All those in favor
Of stars hollow

Taking a swift kick
To the tush

And shouldering
The entire cost --

Aye!Aye!

Very well.

Motion carried.

Pickle smell
Gone in 48 hours...

Along with everything good
About stars hollow.

Lorelai: breathe that in.
Isn't that fantastic?

Forgot what fresh, pickleless
Air smells like.

Oh, so, you coming over to
My neck of the woods for lunch

Is really no reflection

On how desperately
You needed to see me?

Hmm...10% desperate need
To see you, 90% pickles.

[ chuckles ]

You know, I'm actually looking
Forward to friday night dinner.

Because, as you well know,
The gilmore house,

Like very expensive vodka,
Is completely odorless.

And you still
Want me to come with?

Yes, you, me, rory,
Numbers, babe.

G.G., no.
Skirt down! G.G.!

You may want to look into
The whole skort concept.

Hey, so, I spoke with sherry
This morning.

Oh, yeah.
What's the deal with her?

Well, first she and g.G.
Spoke for almost half an hour.

That's as long as you can
Do anything when you're 4.

And then she and I talked.
I thanked her for the letter.

She said everything in it
Was true.

She's totally serious
About this new life thing.

No more workaholic ways.

She's gardening and meditating,
All kinds of stuff.

She's very self-actualized --
Her words, not mine.

Good for her.

And the big news is, she wants
Me to send g.G. To paris

To stay with her
For a couple of months.

Wow.

Yeah, I mean,
I know it seems kind of sudden,

But sherry's taken this huge
Leave of absence from work,

And g.G. Got so excited.

Why not, right?

She's not in school, yet,
Just preschool,

And she needs to get to know
Her mother sometime.

No, hey! G.G., that's too high!
Careful!

So, what -- would you
Go to paris with her?

No, I was thinking
The nanny could take her.

She's dying to go.

I mean, it's paris, right?
She's 25 years old.

It's a chance of a lifetime.

Yeah, sure.

No, hey!
G.G., no, don't pick that up!

I'll be right back.

[ sighs ]

You can't
Put paris in charge.

She can and she should.

I just need someone
To get the paper out tonight.

Doesn't matter who. I want the
Chain of command to be clear.

When the editor in chief
Isn't here,

The managing editor's
In charge.

That's standard
Operating procedure

At every newspaper
In the country.

Yes, but I've done this
1,000 times,

And you've never
Done it, bill.

Experience.
Experience
That led to a mutiny.

It's not like anyone ever gave
Captain bligh another ship

After the bounty.

Of course they did, multiple
Ships, and by the time he died,

They promoted the guy
To rear admiral.

Do you think
The british royal navy

Ruled the world
In the 19th century

By letting that much natural
Talent and leadership capability

Go to waste just because
A few whiny complainers

Wanted more breadfruit
And less scurvy?

Tell me you're not seriously
Considering this.

The bunker. Do you not
Remember the bunker?

I hardly see how my choice
Of workplace is relevant.

There was an insurrection,
A revolt, an uprising.

She was deposed.

See how wordy he is?
He overwrites.

Plus, he's always been weak
With gerunds.

[ sighs ] Sorry.

Look, could you guys
Take this somewhere else?

Fine.
Let's go to my desk.

Your desk? Right, like I'm going
To cede home-court advantage.

Oh, for god's sake.

Hey!

Logan: we did it, ace!
We bought the company!
What?

We were just supposed to
Have breakfast.

Next thing I know, we're
Sitting there with lawyers
Going over contracts.

Logan, that's amazing.
I know!

Was it all because
Of my breakfast-combo idea?

I'm pretty sure
That's what sealed it.

Will you come celebrate
With me tonight?

I already
Cleared my schedule.
Great! I'll send a car.

Tonight, you'll be dining
With a captain of industry.

Wow, do you get to wear
A uniform?

I'll have to check
The fine print.

Go home, get dressed.
I'll see you soon.

Aye-aye, captain.

Cancel?
Well, I would say that depends.

What exactly is your feeling
About pickles?

Uh-huh, yes, pickles --
Gherkins, dills.

For instance, if all the air
Around you smelled like pickles

And there was no place to run,
No place to hide,

Would you find that
Bothersome?

Michel, help.
Let me in.

No, that is not a metaphor.

Perhaps it would be better

If you checked in
Tomorrow night.

Uh-huh. Goodbye.

Michel, it's getting in my
Pores! My pores are pickling!

[ coughs ]

Sorry, I didn't mean
To get you out of surgery.

Oh, mock the mask
If you wish.

Oh, I will.
[ coughs ]

One is never too careful with
Toxic pollutants in the air.

Michel, it's just pickles.
Oh, so they say!

Has anyone
Ever seen these pickles?

Who's to say this is not some
Sort of chemical weapon

The government is testing on us
Behind our backs?

That's a cheery thought.

I have much scarier scenarios
If you want to hear them.

Yeah, maybe later.

Hey.

Wow, the smell is amazingly
Not terrible in here.

What'd you do?

Well,
After the town meeting,

I decided to make some baked
Apples with cinnamon and nutmeg.

This is
Apples and cinnamon?

Mnh-mnh.
The apples failed me.

I mean, a terrifically famous
Smell, right?

A powerful tool in the hands
Of a real-estate agent.

Against the pickles --
Powerless.

What is it?
It makes me happy.

The apples failed.

I tried cheeses and breads
And chocolates.

But nothing could mask
The power of the pickles.

I think my sense of smell
Is ruined.

Then, I decided if you can't
Beat them, join them.

Embrace the pickle!

Milton berle
It smells like?

Are you saying my kitchen
Smells like milton berle?

Milton berle, "Broadway danny
Rose," carnegie deli.

Pastrami.

Pastrami!

You want a sandwich?
I'll make you a sandwich.
No, thanks.

You sure? I've got pumpernickel.
I've got rye.

I've got this really nice
Mustard.

I've even got dr. Brown's
Cel-ray soda in the fridge.

Nah, I filled up on lunchables
In the park with chris and g.G.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

Lunchables, huh?
Don't judge
What you do not understand.

So, friday afternoon in the park
With christopher, huh?
I will have one.

Soda that tastes
Like vegetables --

Who would have thunk it?

Hey, uh, this kind of weird
Thing happened today.

So, apparently sherry is trying
To get back in touch

With christopher.

Sherry "Ex-wife" sherry?
Mm-hmm.

Sherry "Abandoned her baby

To go live the life
Of a bon vivant" sherry?

The very one. She wrote him
A letter -- "Mea culpa."

She's learned the error
Of her ways.

She wants to get
Back in touch with g.G.

Translation -- she wants to
Get back with christopher.

No, I don't think so.
She's dating someone.

She's doing downward dog with
Some french yoga instructor.

Sherry "Mani/pedi twice a week"
Sherry is doing yoga?

Allegedly. Who knows?

But then chris went on
About sending g.G. To paris

With this 20-year-old nanny

So that g.G. Can reconnect
With her mom.

And you told him
That's insane.
No.

What? Why not?
I don't know.

Not saying what I think
Is not what I'm known for.

It's not
What you're known for.

It's what
You're not known for.

I mean,
It's not what you're not --

You're usually quite frank.
I know.

You're not quite comfortable
Talking to christopher.

That's the thing. I am.
Well, then why didn't you?

Because in my head, I wasn't
Talking to christopher.

In my head,
I was talking to luke.

Oh, honey,
Of course you were.

No, I-I don't mean it like
I missed him.

I mean it like
Luke is the one

Who didn't want me getting
Involved in his kid's life,

Not chris.

Chris is open to what I think.
Chris is open to me.

[ scoffs ]
Christopher is not luke.

Nope,
Christopher is not luke.

Why aren't all nutritious things
In soda form?
That's a good question.

I would eat my vegetables
If only they were fizzy.

Yay, rory! Hello?

Hey, what's going on?

Lorelai: uh, well stars hollow
Smells like pickles.
Pickles?

Pickles.
Pickles pickles?

Pickles.
Why?

Because a pickle train
Crashed.

Is this a long, boring joke
That I'm not going to get?

The town smells like pickles

Because a pickle train
Was derailed.

A train full of pickles?
Who knew there was such a thing?

Well, pickle-train conductors,
For one. Sounds so fun.

I would've been the greatest
Pickle-train conductor.

Can you see me --
"All aboard, you pickles!"

Hmm. Clearly you missed
Your calling.
Well, luckily there's you.

You're our great pickle-train
Conducting hope.

I can't believe
I'm missing this.

You can celebrate
Next year on the anniversary.

What's going on with you?

Well, I can't make it to friday
Night dinner tonight,

But I have
A very good excuse.

Pickle-train conducting
Seminar?
Logan's in town.

[ gasps ] No way!

He showed up last night.
It was a total surprise.

I can't believe
You let me go on

About pickle-train conducting
When you had actual news.

You had news. Stars hollow
Smells like pickles.

I can completely see that
Scrolling along the cnn crawl.

Logan in town is totally
Pre-pickle news.

How long is he here for?
6 1/2 more hours.

He flew in yesterday,
Bought a company,

And he's flying back out
Tonight.

What are you guys gonna do with
Your precious remaining hours?

Or don't I want to know?
Mom!

Well, because you might be
Farming rutabagas or something,

And I wouldn't want to know
'cause -- boring.

Well, tonight I'm meeting him
In manhattan to celebrate.

Fancy restaurant?

Rutabaga farm, actually.
Oh, but I'm sorry about dinner.

I did not mean to abandon you
In your time of need.

I'm not gonna be defenseless.
I'm bringing your dad.

Really? Wow!

Yeah, thought it was time
He meet the parents.

Okay, that is pre-pickle news,
My friend.

Oh, this conversation's
Been a disaster, hasn't it?
Yes, it has.

All right. Bring-bring.
Hi, rory. How are you?

Hi, mom.
Logan's in town.

Oh, my goodness.
That's wonderful.

We're farming rutabagas.
Oh, you're a filthy child.

I will disown you.
Bringing your father to dinner.

Pickles, pickles, pickles,
Smell, pickle-train conducting.

Alas, alack.
Good talk.

The best.
Bye.

Thank you.

Um, I'm just
Meeting someone.

Ahoy,
My captain of industry!
Ace!

Hey, where is your uniform?

I was expecting the works --
A spiffy hat, shiny shoes,

Epaulets with scrambled eggs
On them.

Scrambled eggs on my clothes?
What you must think of me.

You look gorgeous.
Thanks.

Though I was hoping you'd wear
A nice little sailor's middy.

Oh, I'd love
To wear a middy.

And a little sailor hat, like
The stay puft marshmallow man.

Because who doesn't want to date
A giant humanoid marshmallow?

I'm so proud of you.

Mmm. Come on.
Our table's over here.

Okay.

Everybody, I'd like you to meet
My girlfriend, rory.

Such a pleasure, rory.
I'm nick.

And this is phillip.

Nice to meet you.
You too.

And I'm bobbi.
So, so glad you could join us.

Bobbi, um...Yeah, me too.

I'm so glad I could make it.
How are you?

I'm brilliant, actually.
We had quite a day.

Shall we order another bottle
Of champers, boys?

Absolutely.
Good. I'm parched.
Do you drink?

What? Um, yeah, sure.

Here. Sit, sit.

Let's please get food. I haven't
Eaten since the waffles.

Did you eat those?
It would have been rude
Not to.

You eat anything.
You astound me.

Logan: you're like a human
Garbage disposal.

It's appalling, phillip.
Really it is.

You should go on
One of those, um,

American reality tv series
And showcase your talents.

There are these huge waffles
At the breakfast this morning.

And phillip ate them.
I'm catching on.

Nick:
I know we're celebrating,

But I'm concerned about our
Budget for this project.

Do we really want
To blow everything

On feeding phillip tonight?

Somebody's got to
Crunch the numbers.

It's true. The numbers
Do not crunch themselves.

Ergo, the number cruncher
Must be fed.

So, rory, I've heard
So much about you!
Oh, yeah?

Logan has talked my ear off
About you.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Me too.

He's talked my ear off about you
And all of you.

I mean, I'm practically van gogh
From my earlessness.

Did we order champagne? Logan,
Your girlfriend must be parched.

Oh, excuse me, miss. We'd like
Another bottle, please.

Oh, and bring
Another bread plate.

[ gasps, scoffs ]
You're amazing.

Ridiculous.
I'm hungry.

Oh, no.

You know my rule
About hair bands.

My car, my tunes.

Really?
You're gonna say, "Tunes"?

You got a lot of rules,
Lady.

Not a lot. It's just no saying
"Killer," no saying "Wack,"

No saying "Rockin'" or "Pimping"
Or "Slamming," capisce?

Fo' shizzle.

There's got to be an eject
Button here somewhere.

How's this for an idea --
Weekend away, the two of us?

[ gasps ]
That's great for an idea.

Ooh! Ooh!
I know the perfect place.

Don't say "Dollywood."
Please, don't say "Dollywood."

The ice hotel.
The what?

The ice hotel.
It's amazing.

I read about it
In the travel section.

It's a hotel
Totally made of ice.

The roof is ice.
The floors are ice.

The chairs are ice.
Chandeliers are ice.

I think I'm beginning
To get the picture.

Wouldn't it be amazing
If you went down the hall

And the ice machine
Was empty?

It is amazing.

Amazingly cold.

No. You get to wear parkas
And fur hats.

"Get to"?

And you sleep
Under reindeer skins.

You eat reindeer meat.
Again, "Get to"?

You drink vodka.
That's a good "Get to."

Hey, how's this for an idea?
We can drink vodka in bermuda.

[ chuckles ] The ice hotel
In bermuda would totally melt.

We'll do two weekends away.
First the ice hotel.

Then once we've been treated
For frostbite

And had our stomachs pumped
Of reindeer meat,

We'll go defrost
On a beach somewhere.

I mean, we've got the time.

G.G.'s gonna be in paris
For a couple of months.

[ sighs ]

What? You're not down
With the whole beach thing?

No, it's...More the whole
Paris thing.

Yes?

I-I'm just...

I'm not sure it's such a good
Idea that g.G. Goes to paris.

Meaning?

Well, she's only 4 years old.

She barely even knows sherry.

Yeah,
But sherry's her mother.

A mother she hasn't seen
In two years.

Look, sherry's doing really
Well. You read her letter.

And I think I've been doing
A really good job with g.G.

Oh, honey. Amazing.

But it's hard, you know?

I-it's -- it's really hard,
And g.G. Needs her mom.

And if I can help bring them
Both back together,

I-I-I want to do that.

I have to do that.
I know, I get that.

I just --

I think maybe you should put
A little more thought into it,

You know, before you send
A toddler on an airplane

With an 18-year-old nanny who's
Totally psyched to go to france.

The nanny's 25.
Oh, oh, okay, then.

Like the nanny's really
Your problem here.

Well, I mean, it's not
An un-problem, you know?

I think you should just consider
It more carefully

Or maybe go yourself.

Look, I read her letter --

Oh, my god! Enough!
Enough with the letter already.

I get it.

What do you get?

This is about you being
Threatened by sherry.
Oh, no. Give me a break.

You never liked her.
No, I didn't.

I don't like
The new mailman either.

Doesn't mean
I'm threatened by him.

This is about me thinking I
Could speak openly and honestly

About my concerns
Without getting freaked out on.

Nice. Real nice.

Honey, what is going on
With you?

What's going on with you,
Lor?

Look, can we drop this, please,
And try and have a nice evening?

It's dropped.

Well, hello, hello!
Richard, they're here.

Don't you two look marvelous?

Well, don't just stand there.
Come in, come in.

It was the way he kept saying
"Intellectual property."

I could feel the whole deal
Slipping through our fingers.

He was like,
"Intellectual property."

"Which is like my property,
My property."

"I invented it."

"We won't sell."

"And it's slipping."

I'm looking at nick trying
To convey through subtle

Dilations of my pupils that we
Cannot offer any more money.

And I'm looking at phillip
Who's looking at me like,

Like he's hopped up
On some sort of methamphetamine.

Slipping, slipping,
And it looks like we lost him,

And then bobbi.

Bobbi makes
A bold choice.
What does she do?

She just stands up.
She just stands up!

She stands up like
She can't take it anymore,

And she says,
"Meeting's over, boys."

That must have been crazy.
It was amazing.

I'm sitting here, and she's
Here, and she stands up.

And I look over, and all I see
Is legs, legs, legs

And this look on her face
Like "Ohh, no."

Do it, bobbi.
Stand up.

Knock it off.
Come on, bobbi.
You got to see this.

But we insist.
Please?

Fine. But just
To shut you lot up.

I suppose it was
Something like, um...

...Meeting's over, boys.

Whoo!

Whoo! Well done!

We need another bottle!

And dessert. Don't we need
A little sweet or something?

So, rory, we've barely had the
Opportunity to speak all night.

How's school?
What's your major?
English.

Oh, god, how fantastic.

I swear when I was at oxford, I
Did nothing but read literature.

It was such a luxury.

That's one way
To look at it.
Oh, I long for those days.

Just reading books,
Thinking.

I do like thinking.
Enjoy it while it lasts.

Before you know it,
You'll be out in the real world.

Seems like you manage
To have some fun.

Logan is a big part of that.
He is such a laugh.

He's actually a lot more serious
Than you might think.

It probably takes a long time
To get to know that side of him,

The serious side.

Oh, you two are so adorable.

Thanks.
Hey, not so fast!

We're still working
On getting the next round.

Another sloe gin fizz,
Please.

Oh, and don't
Get too excited, fellas.

I'm just going to the loo.

Yes! That's it!
Amazing! Magnificent!

We fold, we fold.

Thank you,
Thank you very much.

And feel free to say all sorts
Of cheeky things about me

While I'm gone.

Isn't she a riot?

Hilarious.

Well, naturally I thought they
Were referring to the archduke.

So I jumped in,
As who wouldn't?

With some thoughts about
The various conspiracy theories

Surrounding his infamous
Assassination in sarajevo.

Imagine my surprise when I
Learned that franz ferdinand

Was the name of a very popular
Rock-'n'-roll band.

[ laughs ]

That's what he gets for trying
To fraternize after class

With his students.

One of them even offered
To burn a cd for me.

[ chuckles ]

So, tell me.
How are the salads?

Good, mom.

I like the pear.
Do you?

I'm so glad.

Richard:
Tastes very fresh.

Well, pears this time of year
Can dress up any salad.

Oh, richard, did you tell them
About midterms?

Lorelei, did your father
Mention midterms?

No, he didn't.
How were midterms, dad?

As you know, midterms separate
The wheat from the chaff.

Although I don't have to grade
Any of their papers or tests.

They have these marvelous
Teaching assistants

That handle all that
Sort of things for you.

Thank you, hildegard.

Christopher,
I hope you like lamb.

I decided we had to serve
Something special.

And to me,
Special means lamb.

Oh, it just
Makes me so happy

To see the two of you
Sitting here together.

It's very nice to be here.

Tennis!
Emily?

That's one of the things we can
Do together as a foursome,

Now that lorelei and christopher
Are an item.

Richard: that's right. We do
Need new people for doubles.

We've been playing with that
Awful bunny ferguson

And her husband,
Whatever his name is.

They are dreadful.

The way bunny ferguson
Grunts -- oh!

I mean, it's one thing
If you're maria sharapova

And you're 120 pounds
And a 7-foot blond teenager.

But if you're 5'3"...
And 53...

And wearing plaid --

Did you see that skirt she wore
The last time we played them?

I can only think
That it was designed

To cause some sort
Of optic misfunction.

Then you'll play with us?
Lorelei?

Hmm? Yes, fine, great.

It's a date.

How does the saturday after next
Work for everyone?

Sure.
Ah, here's the lamb.

You do like lamb? I'm afraid
I never let you answer.

The funny thing is,
I never did when I was a kid,

But I do now.

I guess I've changed.
People do that sometimes.

[ scoffs ]
That's so true.

Clever observation.
It's like you and radishes.

Exactly.

Your father
Used to hate radishes.

Well, they are roots.
It's a little unappealing.

And then one summer in aspen,
He fell off a horse,

And suddenly
He loved radishes.

That whole summer,
He was radish-crazy.

It's true.
I do like radishes to this day.

That's funny.
Isn't it?

Yes.
I don't like radishes.

I guess it's because
I find them threatening.

What a peculiar
Thing to say.

Radishes
Are a peculiar topic.

All right.

Since this is a special occasion
Of sorts,

I should like
To propose a toast.

To many more nights like this,
And to lorelei and christopher.

Who knew
20-some-odd years ago

That we would be making dates
To play doubles tennis?

And bridge. You absolutely
Have to join us for bridge.

You two have come a long way

Since your days of rebellious
Youth, shall we say?

Derelicts.
The word is derelicts.

Emily!

To lorelei and christopher.

They were derelicts.
It's true.

Remember when they stole
That bottle of wine

You'd been saving
For 15 years?

Well, 10 years.
It was a '75 margot.

And they had no idea
How to use a corkscrew,

So they just cracked
The top off with a brick

And slurped what they could off
The patio.

And look at them now.

All grown up and drinking
Very nicely out of glasses.

I need to see you
In the bathroom.

Fine. Excuse me.

Christopher: [ sighs ]

Uh, would you mind telling me
What the hell --

You're not sherry.
Excuse me?

You've changed, chris.
What are you talking about?

Maybe we were derelicts
Back then.

But we were 16. We were just
Kids. You were just a kid.

So?

So, you leaving rory
When you were 16

Is not at all the same
As sherry, a grown woman,

Packing up and living g.G.

So I get why you were upset
With me.

Because when
I'm criticizing sherry,

You feel like
I'm criticizing you.

But I'm -- I wasn't.
I'm not.

You've changed. You're not 16.
You're not a kid.

You're not sherry.
I get it.

Wow, you get it.
That's great, lor.

Thanks for telling me
How I feel.

You tired?
I'm good.

I could always have the car
Come pick us up at the corner.

I'm fine.

Hey, I know.
I could carry you.
Carry me?

Yeah, piggyback, fireman's
Carry, in both arms --

Your choice.

No. [ chuckles ]

I'm really fine.

Wow, okay.

So, I guess
Something's really wrong.

Just because I don't want
To be fireman carried

Doesn't mean
That something is wrong.

But something is wrong.
No, it's just --

Just?

This isn't exactly
What I expected tonight.

I was just a little confused,
I guess.

You called.
You were so excited.

You said, "Celebrate."

I thought it was gonna be
Just us.

Last night was just us.

I know, and it was also
Perfect and romantic.

And the more
I talk about it,

The more I feel stupid
For even bringing this up.

Look, I'm sorry I wasn't clear
On the phone.

I'm sorry that you didn't
Have a good time tonight.

Well, no, it's not that.

I mean, I get it.
The guys are great. Okay.

But, technically bobbi, well,
She's not exactly a guy.

Yeah, you got me there.

And until about three hours ago,
I thought that she was a guy.

You know why?

Because you never use personal
Pronouns -- "She," "Her."

I mean, would that have been
So unbelievably difficult

To fit
Into a conversation?

I don't know about you, but most
Of the bobbys I know are guys --

Bobby kennedy, bobby brady,
Bobby knight, bobby brown.

You're smiling at me.
Why are smiling at me?

Because you are very cute
When you're jealous.

I'm not jealous.
Rory.

Oh, and it's not just that.
I mean, it was everything.

It was not feeling
Like I was included.

I mean, no one all night
Asked me anything about me.

Bobbi asked you about you.

Yeah, and how condescending
Was she?

[ imitating bobbi ] "It's such a
Luxury to read literature."

And did you hear
What she called us?

"Adorable." she called us
An adorable couple.

Wait,
She said that out loud?
Yes, adorable.

Wow, you want me to go back
There and kick her ass?

"Adorable" is what you say about
A "Full house" rerun.

It's not what you say
About something that lasts.

The great wall of china,
The pyramids --

No one ever called them
"Adorable."

And excuse me,
But how many times

Does a girl need to stand up
At dinner?

Yes, you have legs.
We get it.

"Oh, no, I'm not leaving.
I'm just going to the loo."

Here's a tip. You're in america
Now. Speak english.

So, in the future,
You would prefer

I work only with girls
Who have no legs.

You're not
Taking me seriously.

Because you're not being
Serious.

Bobbi is my colleague.
She's great at what she does.

She's smart. She's talented.
Nick has great legs, too.

Maybe before
You rush to judgment,

You should check his out.

So now I'm not just an idiot,
I'm an anti-feminist idiot,

An anti-feminist who's standing
Here in the street

Arguing about things I don't
Really want to be arguing about.

You don't?
No.

Do you think I like
Feeling this way?

I mean, I haven't seen you
For months and months,

And now you're in town
For what? 26 hours?

And in that time,
I can't just get happy

And act like a fruit fly?

Mayfly.

I can't just
Live in the moment

And enjoy the 26 great hours
Ahead of me?

I have to be sulky and miserable
While all the other fruit flies

Share private jokes
With my boyfriend?

You think I like this
About myself? Wrong.

I hate myself
For being this way.

I hate bobbi for her
Professionally tweezed eyebrows

And her oh-so-incredible
Ability

To stand up
At a moment's notice.

And most of all, I hate the fact
That in a few seconds

You'll be in that car
Leaving me again.

That is a hell of a long way to
Go just to say, "I miss you."

Any thoughts in response?

I miss you, too, ace.

Five words.
You only used five words.

Yeah, well,
I'm not done yet.

Emily: of course,
This time of year,

So many people start playing
That awful winter tennis

With the chicken-wire cages
And the heated courts.

Platform tennis can be very
Enjoyable, emily.

Yes, but it looks ridiculous,
Like glorified ping-pong.

If I wanted to play ping-pong,
I would --

Well, if I wanted to play
Ping-pong, I would kill myself.

Well, I hope you're still good
With a racket, christopher.

Lorelei was always hopeless.

As a child, we took her
To an ophthalmologist

To test
Her depth perception.

He could find
No rational reason for it.

I know I'm not sherry.

I'm sorry.
Did he serve you sherry?

Christopher's drink
Was supposed to be port.

Come to paris with me.
What?

You were right.

I should take g.G. Myself,
Check everything out.

Check what out?
Paris. I think they want
To check out paris.

Come on.
You can't say "No."

I mean,
You can, but don't.

Maybe there's even a parisian
Ice hotel we can stay in.

Yes. I mean, no,
There is no ice hotel.

But I'll stay in one
Made of stone or bricks

Or whatever paris hotels
Are made of.

We can blast
The air-conditioning

And drink all the vodka
You want.

What on earth --

What happened when
You went to the powder room?

One minute, we're sitting here
Having dessert.

And the next,
You're talking about paris.

Well, chris and I
Are going to paris.

In just a couple of weeks,
Actually.

We're gonna have to take a
Rain check on that tennis date.

Yeah, till the 12th of never
'cause we wouldn't play tennis

Or golf or bridge or any game
That could be played

In a foursome -- except hangman
And sometimes pictionary.

What has gotten into you?
You were being so pleasant.

Mmm, what is this?
This looks good.

"What is it"?

I told you 20 minutes ago.
It's rhubarb pie.

Hmm.
Is it still rhubarb pie?

I swear I was having
The most wonderful time.

Is rhubarb a root, dad?

No.

Hi, everyone.

Honey!

Hello.

Hey.
Am I late?

Of course not, rory.

You're just in time
For rooty rhubarb pie,

And for the viewing
Of mom's mug shot.

Rory, stop her.

I'm sure
You look very nice, grandma.

You are very photogenic,
Emily.

Ooh! What am I saying?
I have pictures on my phone.

Gather 'round the phone,
Everybody.

Richard,
What are you doing?

Oh, nothing. Nothing.
Oh! [ chuckles ]

These new phones are amazing.

Are those handcuffs? Grandma,
Are you wearing handcuffs?

I certainly was not.

They gave her
One of those ankle things

With like a chain
And cannonball on the end.

Christopher!

Tell rory how they made you wear
The stripy outfit, mom.

[ laughs ]

Oh!

No.

No!No!

[ chuckles ]

Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Stop there!

Ugh. [ coughs ]