All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S07E04 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Previously
On "Gilmore girls"...

Hey.

I had a really great time
Last night.

Let's not make more out of it
Than it was.

You slept with dad?

Yeah, I did.

Is that why you and luke broke
Up, because you slept with dad?

You don't belong with me.

You belong with someone
Like christopher.

You can go back
To being lorelai gilmore,

And I'll go back to being
The guy in the diner.

I know the other night didn't
Mean for you what it did for me.

I don't regret it and haven't
Stopped thinking about it.

And if I have to wait until
We're both 80 years old

For you to see it,
Then I'll wait.

I can't wait
To come see you, logan.

I already got you a ticket.
I got it right here.

I was gonna fedex it to you.
You'll have it by tomorrow.

Tell your mom you're not gonna
Be home for christmas.

Christmas?

Hi, chris.

[ car door closes ]

Let me bottom-line it
For you.

Snakes are gross.
Snakes are scary and slithery,

And do you know where snakes
Do not belong?

On a plane?
They do not belong
On a plane.

It's not
An ideal situation.

They do not belong anywhere
Except in cages

Stuck in safes
Buried deep, deep underground.

I hate snakes!
So I'm gathering.

With their gross,
No-legged bodies,

And their scaly,
Scaly skin,

And their wiggling,
And their hissing.

I respect your very valid
Feelings about snakes.
Thank you.

But I have to say
We were fairly warned.

No! No!

A movie should not
Just be its title.

"Driving miss daisy" didn't
All take place in the car,

"Dances with wolves"
Wasn't one long wolf dance.

But this was nothing
But snakes, snakes,

Relentless snakes,
Snakes on a plane.

Snakes, snakes,
Snakes on a plane!

This was our fifth bad movie
In a row.

It's got to be
Some kind of a record.

We got to face facts --
Movies have gotten bad.

Unless it's our fault.

What? No, we didn't make
The bad movies.

No, we made the movies bad.

We are the common factor.

Ohh.

All the movies --
Very different.

Different genres --
Different languages, even.

We saw them in different
Theaters at different times.

What do they all have
In common?

They were all seen by us.

Wow!
Huh?

We can never see
"Casablanca" together.

I'm very sorry.
I don't care how much I love it,

But I will not be responsible
For ruining "Casablanca."

[ both chuckling ]

So...

So...

We should divvy up
The candy.

Divvy...
The candy.

Yeah.

[ inhales, exhales
Sharply ]

Got half the milk duds.

Sour patch kids --
Hmm, a third.

Twizzlers --
You got about 5 --

4 3/4 -- you pick.

Yeah,
I'll take the twizzlers.

No, I meant
Besides the twizzlers.

I tell you what --
You can have it all.

Such a gentleman.

We should...

Yeah, I should, uh...

I should...

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Good night, lor.

Good night, chris.

[ engine turns over ]

Hi.

Well, well, someone is cutting
It pretty close to curfew.

Did you guys
Have a good time?

Yeah, really good.

Ooh, is it weird
That he didn't come in?

Weird for me?
Yeah.

Oh, I saw the guy two days ago.
I'm sick of him.

Is it weird for you?
No. No.

He could come in
If you wanted him to.

I could make myself scarce.

Oh, you wouldn't have
To make yourself scarce.

Then I could be un-scarce.

I could be here
In all my plentiful glory.

That's more normal.

I forget
What the protocol is

When your mom
Is dating your dad.

Yeah, me too. We'll have
To consult emily post again.
Yeah.

But I really don't think
It would be weird.

It wouldn't?
No.

I mean, if it was, it wouldn't
Be weird in a bad way.

If that's what you want.

Okay.
Is that what you want?

I don't know.
No. Not now.

Maybe...I want it.
I don't know.

Twizzler?

Okay.

[ sighs ]

It's good, though.

You know?
He and I, between us --

It's -- it's going good.

Well, good.

When I had lunch with him
The other day,

He said things
Were really good.

He did?
Mm-hmm.

What'd he say?
Um, nice things.

Oh, yeah?

Yep.
Like what?

Nice things.

Did he talk about
My sparkling eyes

And my glossy, raven hair?

I'm not gonna pass notes
Between you guys.

What if emily post says

That's part of
The appropriate protocol?

If you can get it
In writing

From the ghost
Of emily post,

Then I will pass as many notes
As you want.

But, mom...
Yeah?

I'm really glad things
Are good between you.

Me too.

I'm just...

Yeah?

I just want you
To be careful.

Is this the safe-sex talk?

Because even if the ghost
Of emily post says it's okay,

It is just plain weird.
No.

Mom, I want you to be careful
With you, with him.

I just don't want to see you
Get hurt again.

I am.
I am being careful.

Okay. Good.

Oh, my gosh.
Am I coming with you to college?

Excuse me?

You totally want me to come
To yale with you, don't you?

What? No.

Then why are you packing
All of my clothes --

My pink t-shirt?!
Where'd that come from?

Oh, my goodness.

That is so nice of you
To think of me in school --

My sweet skirt!

I hope you brought
A toothbrush

'cause, boy, oh, boy,
Are we gonna have fun!

My cozy sweater...

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

Okay, two eggs over-easy,
Hash browns cooked well,

Whole-wheat toast
Buttered,

And with a side
Of marmalade.

[ sighs loudly ]

Thank you.
You're welcome.

All right,
What can I get you?

[ sighs loudly ]

Kirk, you're scaring away
The customers.

[ sighs loudly ]

I am not gonna ask you
What's wrong.

Either eat or go.

Women troubles, luke.
Haven't slept in days.

See the bags under my eyes?
See the glazed look?

Women.

See this glazed look?
Don't care.

Mom's been incredibly
Possessive lately,

As has lulu,
And it's very tense.

I noticed they were beginning
To snipe at each other,

But I figured it was
A friendly competition

I could work
To my advantage, you know?

When you've got two women
Making you cherry cobbler,

You're likely to end up
With some pretty good cobbler.

Basic capitalism.

That's not how
They see it.

Oh, no. Apparently,
It's mom's cobbler

Or lulu's cobbler.

I've got to choose.

Are you gonna
Order something?

I'd love to order something.
I'm starving.

But what should I get?

Lulu would want me
To get something hip,

Like a bagel.
Hip?

But mom would say
A growing boy

Needs something more
Substantial, like pancakes.

Well, neither of them are here,
So wha do you want?

I don't know!

Bagel, pancakes,
Bagel, pancakes...

It's like their voices
Are blocking out my voice,

And I don't know
What I think anymore.

I'll have a bagel
And pancakes, I guess.

Yeah, what kind of bagel?

Lulu would kill me if I got
The onion, you know,

'cause of all
The kissing --

And mom would freak
Over the poppy seed

'cause she thinks poppies
Are a gateway drug.

What about...

Egg?

Egg, it is.

[ door chimes ]

Hey. I didn't expect you
Till later.

I know, but I wanted to go over
April's schedule

Before I brought her by.

Is this a good time?
Sure, let's sit.

Great.

[ sighs ]
So, this is her schedule.

I think I erred on the side
Of too many details.

I like details.

These are some of the phone
Numbers you might need --

Pediatrician, dentist,
Orthodontist --

If her retainer breaks --
Optometrist...

If her glasses break.

So, my mom has
Her back surgery on monday,

But, apparently, the recovery
Process is really slow,

So I'm gonna be in new mexico
At least two weeks.

It's fine.
April can stay with me

As long as you need her to.

Thanks.
I really appreciate this.

All right,
So what's this packet?

Registration forms,
Some waivers --

April will need
To have this

When she goes to school
Tomorrow.

And she will tell you she needs
To be there at 7:30,

But she really doesn't need
To be there until 8:00.

Anyway,
It's all in the notes.

Don't worry.

I'm not worried.

[ chuckling ]
Okay, maybe a little.

It'll be fine?

It will be fine.
I promise.

Wow! Today's secret ingredient
Is gourds!

Aren't they beautiful?

I guess that depends
On the beholder's eye.

Jackson's whole squash crop
Went crazy this year.

We had such a hot summer,
And these babies love the sun.

You've got to try
This soup.

Wait,
Is that gourd soup?

It's so good.
It's sweet and rich.

It's like pie,
Only it's soup.

It's like pie soup!

I don't eat orange food,
Except for candy corn.
You eat cheetos.

I don't eat food
That's naturally orange.

You eat oranges.

I eat food
That's naturally orange,

But I don't eat gourds.
Fine.

What else is going on
At home?

Ooh! [ gasps ]
Martha is so close to walking.

She's right on the verge.

Why don't you come over
Tomorrow night for dinner?

Maybe you'll see
The inaugural steps.

Um, I'd love to, but...

But you want to wait
To see

If christopher calls
And asks you out first,

And then if he doesn't,
You'll come over.

Something like that, yes.

You two have been seeing quite
A bit of each other lately.

Yeah, we're just dating.

Right,
'cause you can just date

The father of your child.

Turns out you can.

It's been a fun six weeks.

We're taking things slowly

And just getting to know
Each other again.

Except for the fact
That you've known each other

For more than 30 years.

[ imitating sookie ]
Okay, I get it.

Please get off my back,
And stop talking like this.

Okay, it's just
That you and luke

Haven't been broken up
All that long.

I know.
I remember. I was there.

Okay.

It's -- you know,
After breaking up

Out of a big relationship

It's normal to have
A rebound thing.

You know, a big, bouncy,
Rubber ball of a rebound thing.

It's...Good.

But?

But a rubber ball
Is a 28-year-old surfer

Or a jazz saxophonist
Who drives a v.W. Bus

Or a really cute guy that
Can't even spell his last name.

It's not the father
Of your only child.

Christopher is not
Your rubber ball.

Okay.

He's a big, heavy
Bowling ball.

I'm gonna tell him
You said that.

I just want you
To be careful.

I feel like I should set up
Traffic cones around me

For all the people worrying
About my safety.

I am being careful, okay?

[ cell phone rings ]
That's all I want.

All right.
Great.

Fine.
Good.

Good.
Better.

Hi, chris.

What's your life
Looking like tomorrow night?

You available?

Is there some
Particular reason

You're checking
My availability?

[ bangs pot lid ]

Well, I have an idea
For a really fun date,

And if, in fact,
You are available,

I will put thought
Into action.

I thought our last date
Was pretty fun.

Well, this will be
Even more fun.

"Snakes on a boat"?!

[ chuckles ]
I'll pick you up at 6:00.

Okay, I'll be there at 6:00
To be picked up.

[ bangs knife ]

Sorry.

These gourd rinds
Are really thick.

What is the, uh,
Fun date?

No hints.

I hate
Not knowing things.

I know.
I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay. Bye.

[ singsong voice ] Sounds like
Somebody's got a date.

[ imitating sookie ]
Sookie.
[ normal voice ] Sorry.

[ deep voice ] Sounds like
Somebody's got a date.
Nice.

[ ringing ]

Hey, this is
Logan huntzberger.

Leave a message.
[ beep ]

Hey, it's me.

I just got back to yale.

I thought I would try you
And see if you're there,

But you're not.

[ chuckles ]

I thought you would be,
But you're not.

Fascinating,
My thought process, isn't it?

Okay, I'll talk
To you later. Bye.

[ beep ]

[ cellcell phonephone
Rings ]

Hey!

Well, hello, rory.
You sound chipper.

Oh, hi, grandpa.

You're back at yale?

Yep. Back at yale.

Tell her the good news,
Richard!

I'm coming to that.

It's very exciting!

What's exciting?

Well, when I was
At my yale class reunion,

I had a chance to meet

One of my former classmates,
Harold laken.

You know him as the dean
Of undergraduate education.

Harold was also
A fellow whiffenpoof.

The news, richard!

Yes, right.

I-it seems there was
A sudden vacancy

In the economics department,

And they need someone to teach
A course this semester,

And harold immediately
Thought of me.

Can you believe it?
Your grandfather, a professor!

Just a visiting lecturer.

Too starchy.
Too starchy?

No, I like -- I like --
Too starchy.

What I want to know is whether
You'd be okay with this.

I'm gonna be on the campus
At the same time you are,

And there's a chance we might
Run into one another.

I promise,
You will not cramp my style.

Well, that's wonderful,
Because I have to admit,

I'm really quite excited
About it.

That's great, grandpa.
Congratulations.

Well, why don't we meet up
After your first class

And grab dinner
And celebrate?

Oh, I would love that,

But I've already scheduled
Dinner with harold.

But, richard,

We have dinner
With the sudburys on thursday.

Remember?
We're going to the hill house.

Well, I'm sorry, emily,

But I have dinner
With the dean,

And you can't expect me to
Include the sudburys in that.

They are insufferable
Bores.

No, of course not.

I'll just have to have dinner
With the sudburys alone.

Oh, the life of
A faculty widow!

Did you hear that, rory?
She's already turned on me.

I heard it, grandpa.

Razor blades?

They've expressly forbidden
Razor blades?

That's sound policy.

Are kids at this school
Showing up with razor blades?

Listen to this list of stuff
They've had to ban.

Drug use, bullying, graffiti,
Theft, spitting, fighting --

Including
But not limited to

Punching, kicking, gouging,
And biting.

Seems to me like they're just
Giving the kids ideas.

"Gee, I can't think of any other
Bad things to do today.

Let me look at the manual.
Hey, gouging sounds fun!"

No one at that school
Is gouging anyone.

Well, sure.
Why bother with that

When they've got access
To guns,

Tasers, knives,
And nunchakus?

Nunchakus are cool --
And deadly.

That's ridiculous.

Nobody's bringing nunchakus
To april's school.

Of course not.

They're way too bulky
To fit in your sock.

Now, mace,
On the other hand --

Kids are walking around
With mace?

Oh, honey, calm down.
Nothing's gonna happen to april.

They just spell out that stuff
For their legal protection.

Whenever you're taking care
Of kids,

That's a lot of liability.

It's the same
With my dance school.

And nothing bad
Ever happens?

Nothing ever happens.
Oh, except for that one time.

What one time?

Well, I took
My senior ballerinas

To try out for a performance
Of "The nutcracker,"

And one of the girls
Pulled a tonya harding

And knocked the front-runner
For clara

Out of the competition.

Broke her leg
In three places.

That is not nothing.
That is the opposite of nothing.

It's totally different.
That was a much rougher crowd.

Rougher crowd?
They're ballerinas.

Oh, yeah. I know.

Everyone thinks, "Ballerinas --
So sweet, so fragile."

Trust me, they're dancing
On stress fractures

And ingrown toenails,
And they haven't eaten in weeks.

Hey.
Sorry we're late.

April remembered the avocado pit
Was still in the kitchen,

So we had to go back.

We had to make to make
A pit stop.

[ laughs ]

Hey, honey.

Hi!

You remember
Miss patty.

Sure!
And kirk.

And caesar.
Yo.

I hate to rush,
But I actually have to rush.

That's fine. You go.

Bye, mom.

Ooh, I love you,
Sweetie.

Say hi to grandma.
I will.

I'll call you
When I get there.

Take care of her.

I will.

Okay, then.

Bye.

So, is there somewhere
I can put the pit down?

Oh, you know what?

Go on upstairs,
And I'll bring the bags.

Look at that turnout.
And the hips of anna pavlova.

[ in russian accent ]
You must bring her
To my ballet class.

Where ballerinas
Are maiming each other

To be in "The nutcracker"?

Fat chance of that.

Okay, here we are.

You remember the place.

All right.

Here's your bed,
And here's the desk.

I thought you could do
Your homework on it.

A little chair for reading.
I know how you like reading.

And this is your dresser.

Now, if you have a hanging bag
For, like, dresses,

You can just hang it
In my closet,

But I don't seem to remember
You wearing a lot of dresses.

Not big on dresses.

All right, what else?

Here's your kitchen,
My bed,

Bathroom's back there,
And the tv.

I had a remote
But I lost it,

So you're gonna have
To change the channel

By turning this knob here.

And here's the telephone.

If you're on it
And you hear a beeping sound,

That's call-waiting,

So you've got to hit
The flash button

To switch over
To the other call.

Maybe I should write
All this down.

Oh, sure! Sure!

I was just kidding.
I know how call-waiting works.

[ chuckling ]
Of course you do.

You probably also know how
To open up a refrigerator

And turn on a sink.

Okay, well,
I'll get out of your way,

And you let me know
If you need anything.

Actually,
My avocado pit needs light,

And it's kind of dark
In here.

Well, there will be a little
More light in the morning.

Will there be less brown
In the morning?

You know, this place is kind
Of depressing, isn't it?

[ laughs ] I'd say.

Sorry if that hurt
Your feelings.

Mom says bluntness isn't
My most attractive quality.

Well, maybe we can pick up
A few things.

I don't know,
Some pillows, a rug.

You know, lamps --
Lamps brighten.

Hey, we could go
To "Targét."

Oh, sounds kind of fancy.

No. No, that's just
How we say "Target."

Oh, never been.

[ laughs ]

Wow. Um...

I don't think I've ever
Met a person

Who hasn't been
To target.

Well, now you have,

So if you say
That's the place to go,

So that's where we'll go.

It's the place to go.

Okay, so how about tomorrow,
After I close up?

Cool.
Cool!

I'll let you
Get settled in.

Okay.
All right.

Everyone, congratulations.

The first issue of the year
Is officially locked down.

[ light cheering ]

And special kudos to bill
For landing the front page

With his campus housing exposé,
"Dormitory or death trap?"

Nice alliteration.

Slugline's
Half the battle.

Dormitory renovations --
That's quaint.

I recently had the opportunity
To be a fly on the wall

At the hartford courant

As the editor selected
Their lead story.

It was down to the wire,

And I was on the edge
Of my seat

When at the last second,
A local-corruption story broke.

It was thrilling.

It made this place
Look like a joke.

Your point, paris?

Oh, I thought I was clear.

Compared to the courant,
This place is a joke.

Okay. Assignments.

Bill, you'll go with part two
Of the campus-housing series.

We need someone to cover
The board of trustees meeting.

I'm on that.
Thanks, joni.

And I want to do
The traditional

Freshman class composition
Article,

But I think we need to go deeper

Than just ethnicities
And hometowns.

I mean, what is the class
Of 2010 really about?

Maybe take a different look.

At the courant,
They use indesign

To integrate the words
Into the photos.

Gee, do you happen to have
An "In" at the courant?

Like, maybe
Your boyfriend, doyle?

What is he,
A fact-checker?

The most requested fact-checker
At the paper.

He works seven days a week

Just to keep up with the demand
For his fact-checking.

Maybe he's looking to get away
From a certain lunatic.

Jealous much, sheila?

Yeah. You got me.

So, the art-show piece.
I've got a problem.

Animal, vegetable,
Or mineral?

I kind of had a thing

With one of the
Artists in the show.

Okay. Animal.

I just can't do it.

That's fine.
I can do it.

That's it.
Class dismissed.

So, you want to go to this
Art-show thing with me tonight?

Sorry, doyle's celebrating
His one-month anniversary

With the paper.

Having drinks with the staff
Bigwigs over at duffy's.

Cool.
Yeah.

He's pretty loved.
Actually, we both are.

We're like the ephron
And bernstein of the group.

I think it's going to be
Quite a fete.

Doyle says the editor
Of the metro section
Might even show.

That's cool.
Well, I can just go by myself.

If you're desperate,

You could force one of
These staffers to go.

I used to do that.
I dragged bill everywhere.

That is, until the time
I picked him up

To go to
The groundbreaking

For the new chemistry
Research building,

And he was wearing
A cable-knit sweater

That had "Date"
Written all over it.

As if.

I'm not desperate.

Don't give me those rory gilmore
Puppy-dog eyes.

Even if I am
Your best friend,

I have to look out
For my career first,

Then doyle's, then you.

Go to your party, paris.

Be the couple whose divorce
Was so painful

That it was memorialized
In both literature and film.

I'll be fine.
Oh, yeah.

Now it's just sad.

[ doorbell ringing ]

Huh!

Um...

Kind of, uh, casual,

Seemingly routine
Dating clothes.

Was that intended
As a compliment?

'cause it didn't come out
Like one.

No, you look good.

But how hard is it
To look good

When you know
Where you're going?

I could get some points.

I, on the other hand,
Had to come up with an outfit

That could easily convert
From totally formal

To totally casual
With just a few moves.

Look, here I am,

All ready for an elegant,
New york night on the town,

Carriage ride
Through the park,

Dinner at pastis,
Drinks at the algonquin,

But if I change my shoes
And throw on a cardigan

And add necklace
Number two,

Then I am ready for a concert
At the new haven green,

Or I could use my cardigan
To cover up the security camera

In case the date turns
Into some sort of heist.

I'd prefer the sexy shoes
To the sandals,

But you should be
Comfortable.

Comfortable?

"Comfortable" like
We're gonna eat moroccan

And sit on the floor,

Or "Comfortable" like
We're gonna go up steps?

Steps? Steps? Steps?
Are we going to the met?

No hints.

So, tell me now.

Now! Tell me!

[ gasps ]
Oh, hello, "Bullitt."

Are you taking me
On a car chase

Through the streets
Of san francisco?

It's cool, right?
It's really cool.

You like it?
I love it.

So is this the thing?
It's a thing.

But is this the special thing
You planned?

'cause if it is,
I want to give it its due.

If it's not, I want to have
The proper level of enjoyment

While still reserving myself
For the actual special thing.

The car is part of the thing.
It's not the whole thing.

I don't want to peek
Too soon.
That's never good.

You're being a gentleman.
Is that the special thing?

I always
Open your door.

Bucket seats --
Is that the special thing?

No?

Take a good, long look
At my hair now

'cause it's not gonna
Look like this

For the rest of the night.

[ engine turns over ]

Rumbly engine --
Is that the special thing?

Buckle your seatbelt.

Buckling my seatbelt --
Is that the special thing?

Yeah, that's it.
You're all buckled up.

Date's over.
Oh.

Look at this --
12-pack of socks for $6.

24 socks for 6 bucks.
That's only 25 cents a sock.

I knew you'd like it.

Oh, this looks good.
You picked it out.

Well,
You said tablecloth.

That's true.

What's the name
Of that blue again?

Uh, cerulean.
I'm really into cerulean.

Yeah, I can see why.

I used to be really
Into olive.

Everything was olive,
You know?

It was my backpack, my pants,
My sneakers.

It was all olive.

And then one day,
I just -- I woke up,

And I was like,
"Olive? I don't like olive.

Not to wear, not to eat.
Olive -- bleh."

[ laughs ]

Well, you know what?
I'm really glad we did it.

We had fun,
And the place looks great.

And, you know,
Now, anytime you want,

You can have a nice dinner
On this table.

That's true.

You could put flowers
In this vase

And use it
Like a centerpiece.

Uh-huh.

You could dim the lights,
Light these candles.

We can do it tonight
If you want.

Yeah.

Or, you know, you could do it
When you have a lady over.

Oh?

It'd be really nice.

And she would be totally
Comfortable in here now.

Right.
Uh, you know what?

Why don't we, uh,
Set up the desk lamp

So you can get
At your homework?

Actually,
They don't give homework

On the first day
Of school.

One teacher said he was gonna
Give us homework.

He even wrote it
On the board,

But the homework was just,
"Cover your books."

How lame is that?
Very lame.

So I'll set it up
So you can get to it tomorrow.

Cool. Um, I'm gonna start
Covering my books.

Can I grab
Some grocery bags?

Yeah, go for it.
It's under the sink.

Lorelai: you know,
You can admit it if you're lost.

I will not lose any respect
For you.

Chris: I'm not lost.

Well, then, are you planning
To murder me?

Because people will notice
I'm gone.

They'll look for me.

Paul anka saw me leave with you.
He'll bark.

He will bark, and he'll sell you
Down the river.

[ barking ] Chris! Chris!

[ car horn honks ]

We're good.

Finally asking
For directions.

We're here.

Here, where?
Are we at woodstock?

I think we're late.

Shh!
Just give it a minute.

[ gasps ]
Oh, are we meditating?

I think you need a word
To repeat.

I don't have a word.

Stop talking.
That's two words.

Shh.

Oh.

"Shh." I like it.

Shh...

[ projector runs ]
Ooh! What the --

[ thematic music plays ]

[ music continues ]

I love this movie.

[ chuckling ]

Check the glove
Compartment.

Oh, my god.

Hold this.

* ...Your funny face *

And...

Popcorn.

Oh, my god.
You're unbelievable!

I thought it was time
We saw a movie

We wouldn't complain
About.

[ military march plays ]

I...

[ military march continues ]

Woman:
Good morning, mr. Ascot.

Mm-hmm.

But I have to tell you, emily,

It's a whole new world
From the one we remember.

But the jacket was still
Appropriate?

Oh, the jacket was fine.

Although I must say,
I felt wildly overdressed.

Boys in undershirts
And filthy baseball caps --

The girls wearing pajamas
And flip-flops.

Well, it's the style,
Richard.

Well, it's most peculiar.

And you were firm
With them?

That's one thing
That never changes.

Young people respond
To discipline.

After all, you don't
Want your course to
Be known as a "Gut."

That's an easy class.

I learned that term
At dinner with the sudburys,

Who learned it
From their grandson, paul.

And how are the sudburys?
I hope you gave them my regards.

Of course.
And they sent you theirs

And then proceeded to bore me
With the details

Of every stunning vista
They witnessed

On their recent cruise
To alaska.

If you ask me, they saw more
Of the baked alaska

Than anything else.

[ chuckles ]
You poor thing.

You have a disappointing
Evening,

And I have to give you
The bum's rush

To make my dinner with harold
At the faculty club.

That's all right.
You enjoy yourself.

I probably won't wait up,
So I'll say good night now.

Good night, dear.

[ siren chirps ]

Oh, for pete's sake!
What now?

License and registration,
Please?

Why do you need to see
My license?

I wasn't speeding.

You were on
A cell phone, ma'am.

I don't see how
That's your concern.

Do my bills
Go to your office?

It is illegal in connecticut
To talk on a cell phone

While operating a vehicle.

Well, that is absurd.

I can't talk on my own phone
In my own car?

License and registration,
Ma'am.

If I can manage to drink a cup
Of hot coffee and drive,

I can talk
On a cell phone.

Or is coffee illegal, too?

Can I listen to the radio?

Can I open
The glove compartment?

Perhaps you should outlaw
Scratching your nose.

That would certainly cut down
On accidents.

Ma'am,
Have you been drinking?

What? No!

This is outrageous.

You know, right now, someone
Is robbing a kwiki mart,

And you're standing there
Harassing me.

I'm going to need you
To blow

Into this breathalyzer
For me.

Young man, I don't know
Where that's been,

But I can say
With absolute certainty

It won't be going
Anywhere near my mouth.

Excuse me.

Do you know what the light bulbs
Are all about?

Shock in your system.

Effective.

What are you doing?

Um, me?

She's touching
Your art.

What are you doing?

Are you actually drinking
That water?

Oh, um, I didn't know
That it was art.

I thought it was just
A water cooler.

There's no sign
Or anything.

"Just a water cooler."

That's her self-portrait.

I'm kidding!
It's just a water cooler.

Oh. Okay.

We were messing with you.
She is an artist, though.

I made the horse.

Oh, I really like
That one.

Well, thanks.

It looks really big. It looks
Bigger than the doorway.

Well,
It turns out it is,

As I found out four hours
Before the show.

I had to detach the head,

Then reattach it
When I got here.

Does it look crooked?

Um, not to me.

No, it does.

If it does look crooked,
Which it doesn't,

I think it looks better --
More jaunty.

What's it made out of?

Cans mostly. Tinfoil.
A couple hubcaps.

I do stuff
With found objects.

You could call it trash,
But that'd be kind of negative.

She once made this sculpture
Of an old lady

Out of plastic sandwich bags
And milk cartons,

Which was so cool.
She's awesome.

Oh, shut up!

So you're olivia marquont?

Impressive.
What are you, a spy?

Actually, I'm here
For the paper. I'm rory.

Oh, the press.
So what do you think?

Honestly, I don't know.

I like your piece,

And I think I like the robot
In the underpants.

The robot is genius.

Olivia thinks everything
Is genius.

Only genius stuff.

So, you're on the paper?

Oh, my god, we used to be
Totally obsessed

With this girl who was
On the paper -- paris geller.

Sure.
You know paris?

I know paris.

Okay, freshman year,

We were in this moral-reasoning
Class with paris,

And she was the most intense
Person we'd ever met.

Um, she's pretty much like that
All the time.

I went to high school
With paris.

Paris geller is a genius,

And I will go to the mat
On that one.

You've got to let us show you
The rest of the show.

That's cool.

We'll help you
With your article,

Give you the skinny
On everyone.

Did you see
The light bulb thing?

Um, my retinas
Are still ringing.

Our friend joel did that.
He just transferred from m.I.T.

Dude's wicked smart.

His work is always
About technology.

I think joel's a genius,

But I'll admit,
I could be biased

By the fact
That he's a total fox.

Is that the guy
In the '70s prom tuxedo?

No, that's elijah.

He's doing
A performance piece.

He's been doing it
Since we were juniors.

Who knows
If it'll ever end?

Okay, you've got to see
Our friend kasha's piece.

It's called
"Girl without clothes,"

And it's far out.

* you can't blame me *

* for feeling avarice *

* oh, s'wonderful *

* s'marvelous *

* that you should care *

* for me *

[ music swells ]

[ music ends ]

Ooh, it's so good!

It's so chock-full
Of...Words like "Chock-full."

And even if
Audrey hepburn was 20

And fred astaire
Was, like, 80 --

He's still fred astaire.

I mean,
He could really tap-dance.

That was so nice, chris.

That was so romantic
And fun and wonderful.

S'wonderful?

S'marvelous.

I'm glad you liked it.

I did.
I really liked it.

You know, the evening
Doesn't have to end here.

Gigi's staying with my mom.
We could go back to my place.

Oh. That's nice.

N-nice?

No, that's not what I meant.
Um...

We don't have to.
No, I want to.

You do?
I do,
But I don't know if...

...You want to.
...If I should.

Okay.

I mean, everything's good,
You know?

It's going really good.

It's really good.
Yeah, and I'm feeling good.

But?

I don't, uh...

Know if I trust you.

Really?

Not just you.

Me too.

I'm not sure
If I trust us yet

With this.

Oh.

It's scary.

I'm scared, too.

I just hoped maybe...

We could stay here in this place
For a little while longer.

Well, it's gonna snow
Eventually.

Right.

It's fine.
We should wait.

I can wait.

Are you sure?
Yeah.

Thank you.

All this is perfect.

[ chuckles ]

Okay.

[ sighs ]

[ cell phone rings ]

Hello?

This is she.

What?

Oh. Yes!

What is it?
Who are you talking to?

Is she okay?
What did she --

Okay.
Where are you?

Uh-huh.
I know where that is.

I'll be right there.
Thank you.

Okay, bye-bye.

What?

We have to go.
We have to pick up my mother --

From jail.

[ chuckles ]
Your mother's in jail?

Ooh, this night keeps
Getting better and better.

Let's go.

[ sighs ]

You brush your teeth?

They're brushed.

So, there's a clear path
To the bathroom.

Can I get you
A night-light?

[ chuckling ] I'm 13.

I'll take that as a "No."

I thought you didn't have
Any homework.

I don't.
This is more for pleasure.

Sure. Sure, a little
Light reading before bed.

I love my biology teacher.

She is so smart,
And she's really pretty.

She has this long,
Brown hair

That she kind of just
Whooshes up into a clip.

She has all these piercings,
But it's just on one ear,

And she likes to fish.

No kidding?
A pretty fisher/scientist woman.

And I know she's single

Because last year
Her name was mrs. Johnson,

And this year
It's ms. Kaplan,

So I was thinking,
One day,

I could conveniently forget
My biology book,

And you could bring it by
For me,

And then
Maybe you could...

Have dinner at the candlestick
Table with ms. Kaplan?

Exactly.

[ sighs ]

Look, april...

[ sighs ]

I guess you know
Lorelai and I broke up.

Yeah, my mom
Sort of told me.

Okay, well, sometimes
That happens, you know?

Sometimes it doesn't work out
Between people,

And it's nobody's fault.

It's all about pheromones.

Right.
[ chuckles ]

But I want you to know
I'm okay,

And you don't have
To take care of me.

I'm here
To take care of you.

Okay?

Okay.

Good night.

Good night.

Is it okay if I read
A little more

Before I turn out
The light?

Real page-turner, huh?

Oh, yeah.
Mitosis is insane.

Knock yourself out.

Oh...Got it!
Thank you!

Am I smiling too much?
You're smiling a lot.

All right, I'll try to
Bring it down a notch.

Well, it's about time.

Oh, good. I get to walk
This filthy floor again.

I don't need any help walking.
Thank you!

Oh, thank you
For giving me things

That already belong to me.

Well, you can all be very proud
Of yourselves.

You're doing a crack job.

You finally got
Menace-to-society emily gilmore

Off the streets.

You'll be hearing
From my lawyer.

Come on.
Put that thing away.

One, two, three!

Ah! [ laughs ]
Smile! Cheese!

Oh, I got you already.
I'll get -- okay, later.

Bye!

Do you mind if I turn on
The music, mom?

That's fine.

Whatcha in the mood for?
"Jailhouse rock"?

"Folsom prison blues"?

You're very funny,
Lorelai.

No, no, no.
I know, I know.

"Working on
The chain gang."

Yes, it's all quite amusing,
Isn't it?

My being arrested,
Held behind bars,

Manhandled,
And patted down?

Hardee-har.

Aw. I just have one question
For you, mom.

Why on earth
Did you call me?

I mean, thank you very much
From the bottom of my heart

For that incredible gift.

You don't need
To get me anything

For the next five
Christmases.

But why did you call me,
Not dad?

It was his first night
Teaching at yale.

He was having dinner
With the dean.

I'm not about to call him
So he can excuse himself

To come bail his wife
Out of jail.

I can't begin to tell you

How incompetent
Our police department is.

That officer peters
Who pulled me over --

He's going to be receiving
A big, fat subpoena,

And I'm not stopping there.

Wait.

What is this?
What's this car?

What's going on here?

Are you two on a date?

No way. You are not
Changing the subject.

We're not talking
About anything else

Except you in the clink.
Now, come on.

Spill. What was it like
On the inside, huh?

Did you try to tunnel
Your way out with a spoon?

Did they try to make you
Join a gang?

And, mom, now that
You're on the outside

And they're still
On the inside,

Are they gonna try to use you
As some kind of prison mule?

I just --
So much I need to know!

[ sighs ]

So, after my third callback,
He says to me,

"A girl can't play
Oscar wilde.

I want people to take
This production seriously,"

Like he's peter brook
Or something

And not some goateed sophomore
From arkansas.

So I give him my most foppish
Stare and say,

"Life is too important
To be taken seriously."
Nice.

But on the way out,
As I'm making my dramatic exit,

I walk right
Into the glass door.

No. Ouch!

So the next semester,
He keeps hounding me

About how I'd be perfect

For his production
Of "California suite"

Because I have such a gift
For physical comedy.

[ chuckles ]

Holy crap!

Your boyfriend is rich.

And he's got
Some wild stuff.

I mean, what's this about?

Well, I must eat.
I'm positively famished.

[ pop music plays ]

Do you have popcorn?

Um, yeah,
There should be some in there.

You have a hell of a lot of rice
In here, rory.

White rice, brown rice,
Long-stem rice.

You are simply crazy
For rice.

Who doesn't like rice?

Look who found
An air popper!

Genius.

Now we just need
Some popcorn.

Or something else that could be
Cooked in here.

Rice. Who's up
For a late-night snack

Of air-popped rice?
[ cell phone rings ]

Oh, wow, that must be
My logan call.

I didn't realize
It was so late already.

Time flies when you're partying
With freshmen.

Hey!

Hey.
Hi.

What's going on?
You having a party, ace?

Oh, no, I'm just hanging out
With a few friends.

Just friends, huh?
Yeah.

Anybody I know?

No.
Just some girls I met.

Hi, logan!

Hi, logan!

Just girls, huh?
Your new boyfriend's not over.

Nope. Just us girls hanging out
In our underwear,

Throwing pillows
At each other -- girl stuff.

Sounds very wholesome
And loud.

Yeah, we're --
Hey, rory!

Hold on just a sec.
Yeah?

This says it's popcorn,
But it looks so fancy.

Can I open it, or are you saving
It for a special occasion?

Go ahead.

Hey, uh, sorry.

Is it okay
If I call you back later?

Sure, no problem.
Have fun.
I will.

Love you. Bye.

[ music continues ]

Is that
Too much popcorn?

Uh, yeah.

I'm really hungry.

Olivia: okay.

Someone's got some explaining
To do.

They escorted her out
In her stocking feet.

Her shoes in a bag.

Somewhere in my youth
Or childhood...

...You must have done
Something good.

The universe owed me
This one.

I'm glad you had fun.

I did.
Didn't you have fun?

Yeah, I did.
It was great.

It was one of
The "Great" greats. What?

Nothing. I feel I may have
Gotten overshadowed a bit.

How's my little barn movie
Supposed to compare

With your mom in jail?

Chris, no!

It was just the cherry
On top,

The mint on the pillow

Of what was already
A perfect night.

No, I loved our date.
It was amazing.

I loved the movie.

I'll never forget
The movie I saw

The night I picked
My mother up from jail.

You're never gonna get tired
Of saying that, are you?

"Picked up my mom from jail"?
No, I don't think I ever will.

I'm just so glad you were
With me tonight.

I mean, anybody else who would
Have seen me laughing

As I bailed my mother
Out of jail

Would have just thought
I was completely deranged.

Well,
I know you're deranged

But for completely
Different reasons.

I mean, you just get it,

And you make
Everything fun,

And it's so nice to be
With someone

Who understands you
And makes you...

I'll call you tomorrow.

Gigi's with
Her grandmother?

She is.

You want to come in?

Yeah?

* s'wonderful *

* s'marvelous *
Yeah.

* that you should care for me *