All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S06E18 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Previously
On "Gilmore girls"...

Luke, will you marry me?
Yes.

My father owns the place.
Your father?

My biological father.

When did you find out?
Two months ago.

That's a hell of a long time
To go without telling me.
I'm sorry.

It's all happening too fast.
We can postpone.

Postpone the wedding?

My parents are looking
For a place in stars hollow?

All I know is they're looking,
They're pricing.

But why?

Because luke and I
Are getting married

And I guess they figure
We'll be having kids

And they want to be near me
When that happens.

You in the market
For some luggage?
That's for luke.

He is going to chaperone april's
Field trip to philadelphia.

So, how long have you two known
Each other?

A while.

You date?
Yes, we used to date.

Were you two
High-school sweethearts,

Rock around the clock?

Maybe we'll catch up
At a better time.

You just let me walk
Into a room full of girls

You'd had sex with.

You didn't just cheat on me.
You real cheated on me.

I didn't cheat on you.

Oh, so you didn't
Sleep with?

No, I did,
But we were broken up.

I understand
That you're upset,

And I really wish you hadn't
Found out like that,

But, rory, I love you.

You know that I love you.

Do you think you can forget what
Those vipers said today,

Put it behind you,
And just come home with me?

I guess.

[ cellphone rings ]

Hey, you.

Okay, so weird dream.
Weird, weird dream.

Weirder than the one where you
Step into a boxing ring

And your hands are suddenly
Giant cream puffs?

Weirder, scarier.
Let's hear it.

I was home, and I was finishing
Up my usual morning routine --

You know, coffee, shower.

And then -- picture this,
Very weird --

I take paul anka
For a walk.

You walk paul anka every day.
What's weird about that?

Not the dog paul anka.
The real paul anka.

Whoa. Was he nice?

Very pleasant,
Natty dresser.

Then suddenly, he sees
Something, a cat or something,

And darts right into
The middle of the street.

The real paul anka?
The dog paul anka.

So I call him
And call him,

But he completely ignores me and
Runs right into doose's market.

You didn't train him
Well enough.

Too much affection,
Not enough discipline.

I go after him into doose's,
And he's got a job there.

The dog paul anka?

The real paul anka.

You picked yourself
Some beautiful cucumbers,

Mrs. Clancey.

You have the cucumber eye.

So I run out of doose's, and I'm
Approaching luke's apartment --

I guess to get help
Or something --

And I'm walking to the door,
And I open it,

And there's paul anka
Giving a little concert.

The real paul anka.
The dog paul anka.

Couldn't have been happy, you
Interrupting his show like that.

So I go down to the diner,
And there, lo and behold,

Is paul anka sitting
On babette's lap.

Please don't tell me
It was --
The real paul anka.

Good boy.
Who's a good boy?

This is crazy.
Coming to the end.

So the real paul anka
Looks outside, and there,

Sitting in the middle
Of the street staring at him

Is dog paul anka.

So real paul anka gets up
And runs out of luke's.

They're both
In the street now --

Real paul anka walking toward
Dog paul anka,

Dog paul anka
Toward real paul anka.

You can sense that something
Very bad is about to happen,

When suddenly they meet in the
Middle of the street, and bam!

An otherworldly white light
Engulfs the whole town,

And there's a loud explosion
And two barks,

And everything goes dark.

And?
And then I woke up.

Wow. Okay.

So I guess I was wondering
If you'd heard anything

About a small connecticut town

Being sucked up
Into an evil demon vortex

Or cast into the fourth
Dimension or anything.

Real paul anka
Still kicking?
Haven't heard otherwise.

Check your hands
No cream puffs.

I think you're good
To start your day.

Thanks, hon. Bye.

[ telephone beeps ]

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

You're gonna do fine.

Says you.
And everybody else.

You know the place backwards
And forwards, caesar.

You've never been gone
This long.

You're gonna do fine.
Stop saying that.
It's bad luck.

You're gonna stink.

You're gonna blow up the stove
And give everybody salmonella.

Why do you say that?

Because if it's bad luck
To say good things,

It's good luck
To say bad things.

You're rooting for me
To fail.

Lorelai, tell him
He's gonna do great.

And jinx it for him?
No way.

You're both nuts.

I could run the place
If you want, luke.

Hmm, let me search down
To the very depth of my being

To see if there's the slightest
Inclination I would want that.

Nope.

Just checking.

What's that?

I figured you'd need it
For hanging stuff.

I'm not bringing
Hanging stuff.

Well, you should bring some
Nice clothes just in case.

I threw in some slacks
And your black jacket.

It's a field trip
With a bunch of 12-year-olds.

Just in case.

It's 10 days of diners
And fast food,

Nothing requiring slacks
Or jackets.

See, that's what the phrase
"Just in case" covers --

The times you think you've
Anticipated every possible need.

I'll bring it.

You know, there was a flash
Flood in el salvador last night.

No, my salvadoran paper
Didn't come today.

They didn't see it coming.
That's the flash part
Of flash flood.

What do I do if I see a flash
Flood coming at the diner?

Make sure all the customers
Have settled up.

It's all a big joke
To you.

So you're
Taking this, huh?

The old one's a mess.
You don't think I should?

No, it's just you think
It's sturdy enough?

Yeah, I think
It should be.

Well, it's always best
To take something

That a gorilla could jump up
And down on and not wreck.

I don't think a gorilla
Has tested it,

But if it busts, I'll just
Pick up something on the road.

All right,
I should get going.

Anna's stuck at the house
Until I pick up april.

Well, let's get you
On the road.

It's good timing, too.
Caesar's in the back.

Sure you don't want
To reconsider my offer?

I've got a hairnet on me,
So I can start immediately.

Offer declined.

You take that.
I'll take this.
Perfect.

Oh. Oops.

Wait! Wait!

He's unstoppable.
It's cute.

We need to confirm
The itinerary.

As we've done 1,000 times?
Sure, let's confirm it.

Today's the kids' math contest
In newark.

In my day, you learned two plus
Two and you stayed home.

Today they go on the road
Like they're metallica.

And then tomorrow night's
Philadelphia.

Did I tell you
We're dropping in on jess?

Jess? No.

Yeah, this place he works.

They put out this zine and books
And whatever else.

They're having an open house.
I'm taking april.

It'll give jess a chance
To meet his little cousin.

Oh, sounds great.
So anywhere in the back?

Anywhere's fine.

Hey, day six --
If your cell dies,

Is there a phone in gettysburg
I could reach you at?

The one grant used to call
Lincoln -- number's in the book.

Oh, good. He's a funnyman today.
He's jerry lewis.

Caesar, calm down.
You're gonna do great.

You're the best cook
Luke's ever had.

You so make better pancakes
Than he does.

True.

You just
Have to be confident.

When I'm working the grill,
Sometimes I get a locked elbow.

Luke's the only one who knows
How to rub it to get it working.

He rubs your elbow?

It's like a sports injury.
It's okay if it's sports.

You want to step back 3 feet so
I can say goodbye to my girl?

Fine.

You gonna miss me?
Especially
If my elbow hurts.

I'm gonna call you a lot.
Same here.

You know, I was happy
When she asked me,

But now it just struck me

I'm gonna spend 10 days
With a bus full of teenagers.

I think you're ready.

Thanks for seeing me off.

Your pancakes are better,
By the way.

Thanks.

Don't worry, luke.
Just a momentary panic.

I'm gonna be fine,
I promise.

Good. Now go back in there
And reclaim your turf.

Reclaim my turf?

Kirk!

I'm bad with names,
So help me with the names.

You ever use
Mnemonic devices?

Uh, maybe.

They help you
Remember things.

Uh, like curtis shuran.
He's from kurdistan.

Really?

No, he's from detroit.
That's a mnemonic device.

Curtis shuran from kurdistan.
Got it.

Jamie alvarado
Likes to try avocados.

Meg shatsworth,
Haywood's fatsworth.

Shatsworth, fatworth.
Alvarado, avocado.

And those are
Your fellow grups.
The what?

Grown-ups. You never saw
The original "Star trek"?

Oh, yes, grups.
Yes, I did.

The one in the cords is
Our math teacher, mr. Munster.

Good guy,
He's a little nerdy,

Likes to wow us with his
Chris rock impersonation.

It's borderline racist.

Well, let's leave the bags here,
Get the lay of the land first.

Well, this is pretty much
The land.

There must be
Some kind of check-in point

And protocol to follow,
So just stick with me.

Or you just run on the bus.
That's really good.

Hello, there.
You our pilot?

Are you the driver?

Me? No.
I'm luke danes.

Oh, you're luke danes. Sorry.
We thought you were our driver.

No, no, sorry.

I, uh, you know, I have
Nicer clothes than this.

I won't always
Be wearing these.

That's okay. I'm earl stepton.
This is kelly turlington.

You probably know roy munster,
Your daughter's teacher.

Actually, no.

I'm april's new father --
I mean, not new, but new to her.

So, hey.

She's a bright one.

Go figure.

Hey, luke! Some people in here
Are wondering who you are.

Oh, well, go ahead
And tell them.

That's luke.

So here's
The detailed itinerary.

Lunch stops,
Snack stops.

Wander time,
Exploring time.
Tv time.

Porn will be preblocked
At all our lodgings.

Study breaks,
Check-in with parents.

Bedtime hours.
So we go to bed
At 9:00?

The kids do.
You don't have to.

Right, but I can?
Sure.

Shall we get on board
So they don't leave without us?

Well, I still have
My bags.

Okay, see you
On the bus.

Kelly turlington
From burlington.

Roy munster's a punster.

Hey, you.

Hey.

You get in late
Last night?

I was studying.

Hmm. Missed my class
This morning.

Bummer.

Clock didn't go off.
I thought I set it right.

Oh, I reset it.
I had to catch up on some sleep.

I didn't know you set it
For early.

Maybe we should get
A second clock.

Might be wise.

You gonna be available
To grab a bite later?
Maybe.

You can't see that far
Into the future?

It's crazy right now.

I'll check in with you
Later.

We'll see how it goes.

Have a good day.
You too.

[ door opens, closes ]

* there's holmium and helium
And hafnium and erbium *

* and phosphorous and francium
And fluorine and terbium *

* and manganese and mercury,
Molybdenum, magnesium *

* dysprosium and scandium
And cerium and cesium *

* and lead, praseodymium,
Platinum, plutonium *

* palladium, promethium,
Potassium, polonium *

* and tantalum, technetium,
Titanium, tellurium *

[ inhale deeply ]

* and cadmium and calcium
And chromium and curium *

* there's sulfur, californium
And fermium, berkelium *

* and also mendelevium,
Einsteinium, nobelium *

* and argon, krypton, neon

* radon, xenon, zinc,
And rhodium *

* and chlorine, carbon, cobalt

* copper, tungsten,
Tin, and sodium *

* these are the only ones

* of which the news
Has come to harvard *

* and there may be many others

* but they
Haven't been discovered *

[ applause ]

What was all that?

It's all
The chemical elements.

At least the ones
That have come to harvard.

Boy: 1468...

Any idea
What's going on here?

...14201995611...

That's frank.

Huge show-off.

Always rubbing our faces

In the fact that he knows
The first 300 digits of pi.

Hey, did you bring
My sweater?

I think so.

It's important.
I need that sweater.

What is it,
Your lucky sweater?

No, freddie.

Is munster gonna wear
That creepy lucky tie of his

At competition?

Oh, god, I hope not.

Supposedly, there's
Lucky underwear to match.

Mental image, begone.

I heard he lives
With his mother.

I heard he plays the trombone
For fun.

He's a liar, too --
He says he was a red sox fan,

But he didn't even know
They traded damon.

Really? He didn't know damon
Was with the yankees now?

You see steinbrenner
Made him cut his hair?

Yeah, he looks way less scary.

Yeah, less intimidating
To pitchers.

It's gonna shave 20 points
Off his batting average.

Hey, what's that kid's name?

Freddie.
His name is freddie.

Freddie, freddie,
Apple-brown betty -- nice kid.

Yeah, well,
I should study.

You got it.

Mr. And mrs. Moore, your horses
Are saddled and ready.

Now, cletus is very gentle,
But they're both sweethearts.

Rob is outside
To help you get started.

Thank you.

Okay, have fun.

Mrs. Kim, hi.

You let women
Ride horses?

Yes.
[ sighs ]

I have a request.

This is a wedding dress.

It's the dress I wore when I
Married mr. Kim 28 years ago.

Hmm, khaki with a big zipper
Down the middle.

Fashion is
A fluctuating thing, huh?

Oh, oh,
The dress is inside.

Right. I would like lane
To wear it at her wedding.

But it's a tad big.
Lane is smaller than me.

It might need a hem, and the
Sleeves should be shortened.

Makes sense.
I would like you
To alter it for lane.

Well, of course.
I would love to.

Lane would like that, too.
Anything for her.

Alterations
Should be minor.

Take it in a little here and
There, and that should do it.

Okay, I'll give lane a call
And bring her in for a fitting.

Here's her height and arm
Length -- that's all you need.

I'll get right on it.

Thank you.

Do they at least ride
Sidesaddle, the women?

Yes, every single one
Of them.

Good.

[ gasps ]

Uh, paris,
What's going on here?

I just need
10 more minutes.

I took
A delete-boring-answers pass

On my interview
With professor whittington

And ended up with a tidy
16-word piece.

His wife must want to suck
A tail pipe every night.

I'm putting stuff
Back in now.

I meant with the big jar
Of disgusting insects.

Oh.
They're fruit flies.

I'm finishing an important paper
On population genetics,

And I have to monitor how often
Drosophila melanogaster

Do the nasty.

Gross.
Complain to god, not me.

Did you have to bring them
Into the newsroom?

I can't just
Leave them home.

They could escape
And infest my apartment.

Meaning they could escape
And infest the newsroom.

At least no one sleeps
In the newsroom,

And if they bring food
And flies get in the food,

They'll learn to follow the
"No food in the newsroom" rule.

We don't have that rule.
We should.

Get them out of here.
I need 9 minutes.

Paris.
8 1/2.

You want the interview,
I got to keep typing.

Okay, 9 minutes.

Hey, chief,
Got a minute?

Um, a minute.

I'm a little confused
About something.

I was working on the piece
About textbook prices.

It wasn't gonna earn me
My pulitzer,

But I already
Put a lot of work into it,

And I just
Checked the server

And noticed that a piece on
The same topic's been written.

Yes, it has been.

Our wires get crossed?
Nope.

Who wrote it?
I did.

Why?

It's topical.
It affects every student.

I wanted to be sure
That it would get done.

I didn't think
You'd meet the deadline.

Based on what?
Based on past performance.

Past performance
Is no indication of
Future performance.

Wise men call that
A sucker's maxim.

I interviewed
Textbook publishers, authors.

I was gonna get more quotes
From students.

I know. I used your research.
A lot of it came in handy.

The stuff that I could
Make sense out of.
Good.

Look, you'll get your by-line,
If that's what this is about.

You know that's not
What this is about.

Everyone knew
I was assigned that piece,

And now they know
It's been taken away from me.

Logan, I'm sorry.
It's as you said.

Our wires got crossed.
It happens. Let's move on.

Okay, we'll move on.

And what's with this?

Keep walking, whitey.

You let fruit flies
In the newsroom?

It's not hurting anybody.
It's disgusting.

I just need
Five more minutes.
Don't rush, paris.

The fruit flies
Are not hurting anybody,

And paris is working on
Something that I'm waiting on.

I would prefer it
If she weren't interrupted.

Sorry, paris.

Guys, just remind me --
Who's allergic to dairy?

There you go. No mayo.

Who's allergic to wheat?

There you go, tori,
Bound for glory.

And who's low sodium?

There you go, apple-brown betty
Freddie, no salt.

[ sighs ]

Uh, hey.

Hey. You know, I'm still mad
About that math competition.

Those buzzers in
The countdown round were rigged.

I know they were.
The judges were on the take.

He's called a moderator,
Actually.

Yeah, well, whatever they are.
I'm lodging a protest.

Luke, could we talk
For a sec?

Sure.

What's up?

You know freddie, right?

Yeah, good kid.

Well, I-I like him.

Oh, well,
I like him, too.

He seems less insane
Than the others.

I don't mean like him
The way you like him, I hope.

You've known him longer.

And I'm a girl.
I know that.

And he's a boy.
I know that, too.

Oh! You like him.

Shh! I'm not quite ready to
Proclaim it to the world yet.

Are you old enough
To like a boy?
I'm not sure.

I'll have to see whether you're
Supposed to like boys yet.

It's a fact
Either which way.

Okay, so what do you
Want me to do?

For starters, it would help if
You stopped calling him betty.

And you sitting next to me
All the time

Is kind of
Getting in the way.

Oh, jeez,
I didn't realize.

You're pretty oblivious.

It seems like freddie is --
Don't look at him!

Sorry. You pay less attention
To freddie than the other boys.

Because I like him.

You like him,
So you ignore him?

But you're always
Palling around with kevin.

Kevin makes me sick.
You're over thinking this.

Don't look at him!

I'm sorry.

[ sighs ]

Well, shouldn't be sitting
Next to you, then, huh?

Maybe not.

Guess I'll go sit
With the parents.

I think
That's a good idea.

Okay. Well, you want to
Go back together,

Or should we stagger it
A little?

Five me a four-second
Head start.

You got it.

[ sighs ]

Colin: you cannot
Be out of wild turkey.

Logan: I've got everything else
Under the sun.

Pick one
And stop your nagging.

You cannot
Be out of wild turkey.

No matter how many times
You tell me I'm not out

Doesn't change the fact
That I'm out.

Hands.

Jerk.

Hi, everyone.

Hey, rory. Get yourself a drink.
Anything but wild turkey.

Forget it. She doesn't drink
On school nights.

I sometimes do.

The woman of the house had no
Idea we were going to be here.

Okay that we're here,
Love?

Of course it's okay.

I haven't called you love
Since that night in bimini.

It's fine that you're here.
What's with the maps?

Graduation
Is imminent, rory.

So we are planning the ultimate
Life and death brigade event.

Not only the ultimate,
But the penultimate.

Penultimate
Means next to last, finn.

This is the last one.

I thought it meant
Super-ultimate.

How did you get into yale?
Slept with the recruiter.

What's the stunt?

We're flown
On a twin-engine plane

To a remote spot
In costa rica.

We don parachutes, base-jump
Off a cliff whose height is...

Exactly 3,624 feet,
Unless that's a 2.

We land on the banks
Of the san juan river.

Hopefully not
In the river.

Or on the nicaraguan side
Of the river.

We inflate a raft,
White-water three miles down

To a meeting point, where a
Blowout party will take place.

It's a 2, gents. I'm pretty sure
It's a 2...Or an 8.

Where do you get
The inflatable raft?

One of us will parachute
With it in our packs.

I've got the dvd player.

I've got the champagne
And the bong.

If I take it,
It'll crush the cigars.

Stand down, boys.
I'll jump with the raft.

You're planning this all
Very carefully, right?

We have a topographical-map
Expert in our midst.

It's a 3.
I'm 90% sure.

Why don't you make extra sure
You have the right number there?

Hey, let the man
Do his thing.

Well, I would if the man
Doing his thing weren't drunk

And hadn't forgotten to put on
His reading glasses.

Oh, my god.
I'm not wearing my glasses.

They flew off
When you did that impression

Of the old guy
Getting shot by dick cheney.

Who's flying
This twin-engine airplane,

And who's supplying
The parachutes?

I mean, there must be a weight
Limit to make that jump, right?

Do you guys know
What the weight limit is?

So you came home
Just to piss on the fun?

No, I came home
Because I live here.

You know, guys,

Maybe we should resume
Our planning another time.

Yeah, I guess
Maybe we should.

I'll never be able
To refold these.

Just grab them and let's go,
Robert.

Okay if I return this
Another time?

Sure.

Go with them
If you want.

Is it your life mission

To embarrass me at every
Opportunity you get?

It's robert, colin, and finn,
Logan.

I've seen them all dance naked
With underwear on their heads.

There's no embarrassing you
In front of them.

Well, you embarrassed me
Tonight.

How, by pointing out that
The stunt you're planning

Doesn't exactly
Sound safe?

It's called the life and death
Brigade, rory

Yeah, and you're supposed to
Try to avoid the death part.

This is not your business, and
Why aren't you at the paper?

You're always at the paper
At this time of night.

Finished early.

How? You let people
Write their own articles?

That's old news.
You knew that would embarrass
Me, and you didn't care.

Even when we're together,
You're someplace else.

You leave,
And you don't kiss me goodbye.

At dinner, you're on your
Cellphone the whole time.

You never leave notes anymore
About where you're gonna be.

You haven't forgiven me

For the girls I was with
When we were separated.

I said I forgive you.

Yeah, you said it,
But you haven't, though.

You haven't.

I'll be at the pub.

[ door opens, closes ]

Lorelai!

Hi, lane.

You're in possession.

Of what?
Of the wedding dress.

Oh, um, yeah.
It's safe and sound.

I was just starting
To dig into it.

Don't dig.
Slice, kill, maim, destroy.

Sic a mad pack of wolves on it.
Douse it with lighter fluid.

I cannot wear that dress.

Yeah, I know.
It's a little old-world.

Have you looked at it?
Parts of it.

You can't take it in at once.
The eyeball is not capable.

It's not that bad.

It's got pants.
No!

You didn't look at it
Very carefully.

Well, I will remove
The pants.

Oh, it's every girl's dream

To hear the woman altering
Her wedding dress say,

"I'll remove the pants."

I'm sure once I alter it
A little --

No, don't alter it.
Have an accident.

Leave a warm iron on it.
Spill a vat of acid on it.

Run your car over it.

Lane, lane, I haven't even
Put it on the mannequin yet.

Now, let me start work on it,

And I will keep you fully posted
Every step of the way and --

What? My mom?

No, my mom and dad.
I thought I saw something.

Well, focus, focus.

Important topic
We're discussing here.

All right, I got to run.
I'll call you later.

Lorelai!

I'm not above bribing.

Don't sneak up on me
Like that.

It's all about
The hamiltons, baby.

You can't pay me
To ruin your dress.

Forget about your parents
And concentrate on this.

Wait, so you saw them, too?
I'm not insane?

They've been walking around town
All morning.

Any guess as to why?

Shred the dress,
And I'll tell you.

Do you really know why?
No.

Well, then I'm not gonna ruin
The dress.

Well, I did see them
Talking to kirk earlier.

Kirk?

Yeah, and he was wearing
His maroon jacket.

His real-estate jacket.
This is not good!

My life is in your hands.

I don't think you're fully
Comprehending that fact.

I guess I'm going.

Okay.

I'll be out of cellphone range
For a couple days.

I know.

I'll see you.

[ door opens, closes ]

Kirk!

Kirk!

Mask!

What?
Mask.

What is this?

I've done it, lorelai.

I finally landed
My first listing.

Where are my parents?

This is the beginning
Of my rise

To the top
Of the real-estate industry.

Do you happen to be in
The market for a house?

'cause this baby's
A honey.

Something in the corner
Just moved.
Just a rat.

I'd have told you about them
Before you bought the place.

The law also requires me
To inform you

That the house has toxic mold,
Asbestos, methane gas,

Buckling floors, a crumbling
Foundation, visible fungus,

A collapsed fireplace,
Ceiling damage, water damage,

And it was the recent site
Of a wicca convention

And a particularly grisly
Murder/suicide --

Nothing we can't
Work with.

I'm not in the market.

Now, listen, I know my parents
Are shopping for houses.

And I need to know
Where they are right now.

I'm sorry.
That's confidential information.

In fact, the fact that I was
With them was confidential.

So I'm gonna have to
Ask you to pretend

That I haven't already confirmed
That I was with them,

Which I wasn't.

[ fluttering ]
Oh, god, what was that?

Bat. Don't worry.

When you spray for cockroaches,
The bats die, too, usually.

At the very least,
It knocks the wind out of them

So they wind up
Wobbling on the floor,

So you can just whack them
With a hammer --

Nothing we can't
Work with.

Kirk, I am your friend,
But they are my parents,

And I need to find them
Right now.

It's important.

Well, I shouldn't
Tell you this,

But I know they were looking at
Two properties on maple drive.

They're probably around there
Right now.

Too bad I couldn't get them
Interested in this property.

It has great bones.

Literally. There's an indian
Burial ground underneath it.

Thanks. See ya.

Don't run.
It scares the bat.

[ gasps ]
Mom, dad!

Wow, what are you
Doing here?

Hey, did we have something
Set up?

Uh, no.
No.

No? Then what's up?

Well, we're here to, um...

Do a little antiquing.

Right, antiquing.

We're hitting litchfield,
Woodbridge, washington depot.

Well, we have
Some great antique stores

Right here
In little old stars hollow.

That's what brings us.

So you've been
To madison house?
Where?

Oh, amazing stuff,
Lots of colonial.

It's not in my price range,
But I love to browse around.

I'll take you there
Right now.

Oh, uh, I don't know if now
Is a good time.

We have an appointment
To keep.

Huh, I thought you were just
Walking around shopping.

We are.

We made an appointment at an
Appointments-only antique shop.

We have those here?
We have an appointment
At 1:00.

Well, I'll go with you.
They're only expecting
Two of us.

They can squeeze in one more.
Promise I won't break anything.

Come on, take me there.

It's actually not for a while,
So we can't take you there now.

Perfect. Then we'll hit
Madison house first.

It's just a 10-minute walk.
Come on.

All right.
Lead the way.

I'd say let's drive, but our
Streets -- forget about it.

What about the streets?

Oh, they're clogged night
And day.

Yep, total gridlock.

It's not gonna help when they
Build that big box store.

They're building
A box store?

Oh, yeah,
Right in the center of town.

Those things
Are hideous.

Yeah, it's gonna wipe out
All our local businesses.

This place will be a ghost town.
Ooh, hold your breath.

Oh, god, sorry.
Sewer problems.

Your public-works department
Needs to be notified.

No, they're on strike.
Well, they're always on strike.

[ coughs ]
Excuse me.

Allergies?

Meth lab.

We need our own bar.

You say it like I'm fighting.
I'm not fighting you.

We need a public place

Where the next de kooning can
Run into the next franz kline

And dis
The next jackson pollock

While the next charlie parker
Shoots up in the corner.

So a nice family place.

I'm not kidding.
We'll call it "Cedar bar redux."

I would kick my own ass
If we called it that.

Why don't we call it "Devoid
Of original ideas poseur bar"?

Go to hell,
Both of you.

Hey, come back
For a hug, man.

Hey, there's alicia matheson
From the weekly.

Whoa. Grab matthew.
Get him off the bar thing.

Have him show her around.
That's what he does best.

Cedar bar redux.

So my eyes
Don't deceive me.

First thing's first.
What the hell is that?

It's an abstract painting.

But what is it
Supposed to be?

Check the title.
I did.
It's called "Untitled."

There you go.
I give up.

So you got the invite.
I got the invite.

I guess I didn't think
You'd come.

You guessed wrong,
Nephew.

Cool.
So you want the tour?

Give me a tour.

All right, well, this is where
We work, truncheon books.

There's usually desks
And crap piled up everywhere,

But we cleaned up
For today.

Those are the books
That we put out.

We publish our zine once
A month, except last august,

When my partner forgot
To pay the printer.

We let local artists
Hang their stuff up

Without ripping them off
On commissions.

We do performances over there,
And a few of us live upstairs.

That you don't want to see.
It's a disaster zone.

This is yours, right?

I wanted to get it,
But I couldn't find it.

Yeah, it's not exactly
"The da vinci code."

Well, I will definitely
Get it today.

By the way,
That is your cousin.

Right, liz filled me in
On all that, daddy.

She just calls me luke.
Total brain.

You confirm paternity?

Don't be a wiseass.

Luke: hey, april.
I want you to meet somebody.

Meet your cousin jess.
He's my sister's kid.

Hi.
Hey.

Men in this family
Aren't chatty.

Sorry.

I'm gonna go explore
A little more.

Cool.

How are you adjusting
To all that?

Okay, I guess. I like her, and
She just sort of tolerates me.

Seems like it.
Thanks for
The perspective.

That's why I'm here.
Hey, come on.

I got some sculpture over here
You're really gonna hate.

Ooh, that garbage smell.

What garbage smell?
I don't smell garbage.

Yeah, the wind shifted
Right after I said it.

Allowing a landfill within
A mile of city limits -- crazy.

It's within a mile?

Yeah, destroying
Everyone's land values.

Oh, well.
Where did you park?

Over on peach street.

Oh, you mean
Carjack lane?

Better than chop shop alley.
Here, follow me.

Oh, god,
Watch out for the pothole.

Ooh, I tell you.

The roads are just the things
In between potholes, huh?

Oh, dear.

You should talk to your mayor
About all these issues, lorelai.

You mean gropey mcgee?

I cannot, will not ever put
Myself in that position again.

Mind if we
Stop by the store?

Well, I'm running low
On a lot of basics,

And I just want to see
If they got them in.

This is a cute
Little store.

Well, if you can be cute
And unclean at the same time.

All right, let's see.
No.

No.

No.

Nope, and this is the only store
In town.

What are you looking for?

What am I looking for?
Everything. They have nothing.

The little they have
Is off-brands,

Which wouldn't
Be so galling,

Except everything's so far past
Its expiration date.

Hey, help yourself
To some little george's chips.

Yum, yum.
Little george -- pass.

Oh, and look. Here we have
Some aunt molly's ice cream.

You'll notice there's no picture
Of aunt molly on the carton.

I googled her and got a mug
Shot, and all I could think was,

"I hope she hasn't been
Selling that stuff to kids."

Excuse me.
Lorelai, what are you doing?

Shopping, taylor. Why?

You're walking around
Disparaging my store,

And not only is that insulting,
It's against the law.

Against the law?

Code 14/b/14
Triple backslash x-8

State that
A citizen of stars hollow

Cannot denigrate stars hollow

While standing
On stars hollow soil.

It was established in 1792.

The original penalty
Was death by 40 muskets.

Really, taylor,
You misheard me.

You made a crude joke
About aunt molly.

Well, you got to admit,
Aunt molly had it coming.

I don't joke
About aunt molly.

Can you say btk?

As town mayor,
I could cite you on the spot.

This is gropey mcgee?

I beg your pardon.

Oh, look at the time.
Excuse me all, will you?

Mom, where you going?

I'm just going to get something
Out of the car.

No, mom. Mom, you don't know
The safe streets.

You walk down the wrong one,
You die.

Commence writing me up,
Taylor.

Benzedrine and a muscled fist,

Turn to hand,
Turn to handout,

Turned fish and loaves
And a lazy day in galilee.

Herman melville, poet,
Customs officer, rubber stamps,

And hawthorne daydreams
Craving tahiti and simple sun

And the light of the berkshires.

Is this any good?
Mmm.

Man: I don't know
What she's gonna write.

We're not supposed to know
What she's gonna write.

She's a member
Of the independent press.

She played it close to the vest.
I hate that.

Go get a beer.
Stop obsessing.

Well, isn't this
A day of surprises?

I didn't rsvp.
Sorry.

Ah, this isn't
An rsvp type thing.

Showing up's cool.

Good thing.
So this is truncheon books?

Yeah.
This is truncheon.

I like it.

It makes me feel like I
Want to create something.

Give me a pen.
Give me a brush.

That's luke.

Yeah, there's a definite

"Jess mariano, this is
Your life" vibe here today.

Hey, luke.

Bicycle?
No.

Rory, hi.
What are you doing here?

Your books are really easy
To skim.

That'll make a nice blurb.

I was gonna take off, actually.

Uh, I got to get something.
Don't leave till I get back.

Okay.

You have a great face.

Thanks. So do you.

Yeah, uh, rory,
This is april.

Oh, april.
Hello there, april.

Hi.

The famous april.

I'm famous?
Kind of.

Uh, april,
Rory's an old friend.

She doesn't look old.

I mean, I've known her well
Since she was your age.

She's from stars hollow.

She's actually the daughter
Of the woman I'm with,

My fiancée, lorelai.

You met her that one time.
It's kind of complicated.

You probably want to get back
To that boyfriend of yours.

He's not my boyfriend.
Jeez.

Here.

Oh, let me --
Let me buy this.

That way,
You would get the money.

Ah, it's okay.

What's this?

It's what's owed.

You owe me nothing.

I owe you.
Take it.

If you rip it up,
I'm just gonna send another.

[ sighs ]

I'm very proud of you, of this,
Of what you're going for here.

I don't get all of it,
But I'm me.

Thanks.

April: all I said
Was that I liked him.

I realized it was a mistake
As soon as I said it.

We should get going.

Nice meeting you.

Nice meeting you, too.
Good luck with everything.

Congratulations.

See ya.

Bye.

[ chuckles ]

So you here alone?

I guess.

Cool.

Come on.

Oh, well, we'll be lucky
To get a table.

There's absolutely nowhere else
To eat in town,

And even being
Luke's fiancée

Doesn't guarantee me a meal
When I want one.

Oh, great, more customers.

Well, there seem to be
A few tables available.

None of the good ones,
Unfortunately.

All right, you phoned mom,
You told her to meet us here.

What, is she late?
No, she's right there.

Oh, all right. What is wrong
With this picture?

They're playing cards.

Who is that
She's playing with?
I have no idea.

Do they have ham here?

Ham? Sure.

Get me a ham and swiss on rye,
Dry, nothing on it.

Where are you going?
I'll be back in a bit.

Dad, wa-- dad.

Do you have any 8s?

Go fish.

Oh, you.
I was sure you had 8s.

Hi, lorelai.
Hi, mom.
What you doing?

Oh, sissy and I
Are playing go fish.

She's good, too.
It's your turn.

Do you have any jacks?

Unbelievable.

She's won three games in a row.
She's a little champ.

I keep getting lucky.
It's not luck.

You said she was smart,
But this is something else.

You get to go again.

Do you have any 3s?
Nope. Go fish.

Mom, who do you think
This is?

Luke's daughter.

Isn't it?
No.

You're not luke's daughter?
Unh-unh.

I don't believe this.
This isn't luke's daughter?

It's definitely not
Luke's daughter.

And here I was
Bonding with it.

Who is this?
Who are you?

Never mind, honey.
Do you live close by?

Two blocks.

Why don't you go home
Where it's safe?

Okay.

You're telling me I played this
Insipid game for a half an hour

And it's not even
Luke's daughter?

What made you think
It was luke's daughter?

Well, it told me it was
Someone's daughter here.

Well, she must have meant
Someone in town.

Then she's a moron.

Why would I play cards if there
Wasn't a family connection?

I guess she just thought
You were being nice.

The little idiot kept tipping
Her cards so I could see them.

I pretended I didn't and asked
For what I knew she didn't have.

The kid's a moron.

Okay, mom.
She's gone now.

Is it so stupid to think
That she's luke's daughter?

She looks like luke.

Mom, you can trust me
That there will be no contact

Between you and luke's daughter
Anytime soon.

What does that mean?
It means that
I don't even see her.

Luke and I
Have an arrangement.

What kind of arrangement?

Well, he --

I mean, you know,
We mutually decided

That I probably shouldn't
Have any contact with her.

What?
That's ridiculous.

No, it is what it is.
It's what we want.

Lorelai, you and luke
Are in a relationship.

You're going to be husband and
Wife, and sissy's his daughter.

No, no. That was sissy.
April is his daughter.

You know what I mean.

You have to have a relationship
With this girl.

Mom, you don't know
The whole story.

But I know your handiwork
When I see it --

Playing cautious
When you should be diving in.

That girl
Is his blood relation,

And you need
To get to know her.

You'll be in her life
For the rest of your life.

Mom, it isn't just me.

I can't believe luke is letting
You get away with this.

The sooner you embrace your role
In this girl's life,

The better off you'll be,
Mark my words.

Where's your father?

He ran off to something.

We had another appointment.
I'll find him.

Then we have to leave.
He needs to get back to work.

All right, goodbye, mom.
Goodbye.

You. You could have told me
That wasn't luke's daughter.

I hate customers.

[ door opens, closes ]

All I'm saying is,
Control your poet.

So suddenly
He's my poet.

He changed up on us.

He wasn't supposed to premiere
New material tonight.

It wasn't bad.

It was rambling.

And what was that whole part
About desiring golda meir?

Please tell me
That was symbolic.

I'll talk to my poet.

Hey, we're hitting
That bar

That we're not going to call
"Cedar bar redux."

You coming?

Yeah, maybe.

You know, go on ahead.
I'll catch up.

You know, you don't have to
Read it again.

I know I don't.

God, there are so many things
I would change in it.

Like what?

I'd keep the back cover.
Everything else goes.

You know why
I love your book?

It doesn't remind me
Of anything.

It's not a rip-off.
It's just you.

High praise,
Miss yale editor.

Yeah, well, I don't get to write
As much as I would like.

I am mostly assigning
And motivating,

Hand-holding,
And rewriting.

Yeah, and you love it,
Every minute of it.

Come on,
Tell me you don't.

I do. I do love it.
It's exciting.

Yeah, you look happier
Than when I saw you last.

I am.

So you fixed everything?

Yeah,
Everything's fixed.

I'm glad you're here.

Yeah, me too.

What?

I'm sorry.

About what?

Uh, about coming here
Like this.

I just got the flier,
And I don't know.

I just wanted to see your place,
But then this...

It's not fair to you.
I'm such a jerk.

I don't know
What you're talking about.

And I couldn't even cheat on him
The way he cheated on me.

Who? Who cheated on y--

That guy?

[ sighs ]

You're still with him.

Yeah.

I thought everything
Was fixed.

Everything but him.

I hate this.
You should. I'm sorry.

You came here alone
To philadelphia.

He was out of town.

I don't deserve this,
Rory.

No, you don't.
You don't deserve it.

I just...
I'm in love with him.

Despite all the bad he's done,
I can't help it.

I'm in love with him.

Love, huh?

Yeah.

I guess I'll call
Matthew's poet

And have him
Explain love to me.

Poets know all about it,
Right?

They're supposed to.

Well, I guess
I better go.

Okay.

I'm so sorry
That I came here.

I'm not.

It's what it is --
You, me.

Where did you park?

I'm right outside.

Hey, if, uh, if it
Makes you feel better,

You can always tell him
That we did something.

Thanks, jess.

[ door closes ]

I thought an apple stop
Would be fun today.

Oh, great idea.

The banana stop
Was a big hit yesterday.

I don't see how an apple stop
Could fail.

Yeah, they loved
The banana stop.

I have pamphlets for the kids
To read about amish country.

Should we
Hand them out now?

I think
That's a good idea.

I've got something
For april here,

So I was about
To sneak back there anyway.

Thank you, luke.

Hey, everybody.
Sorry to interrupt.

I got some pamphlets here,
A little info on amish country.

It's got some pictures,
But we're gonna see it,

So you don't have to
Look at the pictures.

It's got stuff to read, too.

So go ahead and pass the rest
Around there.

I thought you might need
Your sweater.

Okay, then.

See ya.

My dad's ridiculously
Overprotective.

Ridiculously.

[ sparks' "Angst in my pants"
Plays ]

* I hope it doesn't show

* it'll go away

* it's just a passing phase

* it'll go away

* I hope it doesn't show

* it'll go away

* give it a hundred years

* it won't go away

* and I've got angst
In my pants *