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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:08,742 [Japanese Breakfast's "Be Sweet"] 2 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:15,915 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:26,259 ♪ Tell the men I'm coming ♪ 4 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:30,430 ♪ Tell them count the days ♪ 5 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:33,600 ♪ I can feel the night passing by ♪ 6 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,668 [phone rings] 7 00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:44,677 ♪ ♪ 8 00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:54,687 Is that your phone? 9 00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:56,456 - Um, no it's an Amber Alert. It's nothing. 10 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:57,891 Oh. 11 00:00:57,957 --> 00:00:59,793 [groans] 12 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,361 [yawns] 13 00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:05,265 - Morning. - Hello. 14 00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:07,700 - I did not expect last night to happen. 15 00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:09,636 Me neither. 16 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,872 But, like, you wanted it to happen, right? 17 00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:14,140 I had your consent? 18 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,410 - Yes, you had my consent. - Okay. 19 00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:21,147 - That wasn't your first time, was it? 20 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:24,784 - Me? God, no. No, I've sexed a lot. 21 00:01:24,884 --> 00:01:26,619 Was it yours? 22 00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:28,321 - I hoped you could tell it wasn't. 23 00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:29,823 Totally, totally. 24 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,724 - Hey, if it's cool, I think we shouldn't 25 00:01:31,791 --> 00:01:32,826 tell Leighton about this. 26 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,828 Oh, definitely not. 27 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,896 One time Bela made a comment on your hot bod 28 00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:39,766 and Leighton got so mad, she snapped a pen in half. 29 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:44,938 - Well, then, it's settled. We won't mention last night. 30 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:49,075 - Or this morning. - This morning? I don't... 31 00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:52,112 Oh, yes. Yes. I'm a yes for this morning. 32 00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:53,513 - Giddy up. - [moans] 33 00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,281 I don't know why I said that. 34 00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:57,117 - ♪ You know the vibes you know the vibes ♪ 35 00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:58,852 ♪ Switch up the ride switch up the ride ♪ 36 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,353 ♪ Don't take the price don't take ♪ 37 00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:01,988 - Okay, tell us every single detail. 38 00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:03,423 Leave out nothing. 39 00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:04,958 - I'm not gonna kiss and tell. That's tacky. 40 00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:06,426 - You're right. Act it out with your food. 41 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:07,994 He's the sausage, you're the tater tots. 42 00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:09,662 All I'll share is this, 43 00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:12,699 it is crazy how much better sex is with Nico, 44 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,102 a guy I just met, than with a guy I loved like Max. 45 00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:17,704 That's not crazy. 46 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,873 One's hot and one brought a light saber when he visited. 47 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,008 - So you're really not gonna tell us anything? 48 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:26,880 - His sex is amazing and I can't stop thinking about it. 49 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,214 - Boom. - [squeals] 50 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,682 That's my girl. 51 00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:31,017 Now, describe his penis so 52 00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:32,385 I can draw it out like a sketch artist. 53 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,887 - You really like him, don't you? 54 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,222 - Yeah, I mean, he's nice and funny and smart. 55 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:41,060 And, I don't know, he, like, surprises me. 56 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,395 Who surprises you? 57 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:44,731 - No, it's just this cute meteorologist 58 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,833 on my local news channel back home. 59 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,068 - Your meteorologist surprises you? 60 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,237 - Yeah, like, with his tie choices. 61 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:53,873 - Morning, besties. I need a favor. 62 00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:56,075 So you know how I didn't get into any of the acapella groups 63 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,911 because they're all super jealous of me. 64 00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:01,748 Well, hold on to your labes because I started my own group. 65 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,583 And we're having a concert... 66 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,419 ♪ Tomorrow ♪ 67 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,988 - Travis, I will never go to an acapella show. 68 00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:12,258 - Well, you'll be at this one because you wouldn't want 69 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,761 your intersectionality to be called into question. 70 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,397 Would you? Okay, I'll see you there. 71 00:03:17,497 --> 00:03:22,168 ♪ ♪ 72 00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:23,603 [knock on door] 73 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,272 - Hi, you have some old workout jackets, right? 74 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:27,840 The women's center is volunteering at 75 00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:29,676 a horse rehab farm and I'm not about to have one 76 00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:31,711 of them nibble on my Gucci quarter zips. 77 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,279 - Oh, so you want to give them one of mine? 78 00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:35,615 Sure. Take the red one. It's in the closet. 79 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,350 Thank you. 80 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,127 What is this? 81 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,596 - Hey, babe-- - Oh! 82 00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:50,964 That's like a team nickname. 83 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,632 They just call me babe sometimes. 84 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:54,701 - "You looked hot out there today. Love, Dalton." 85 00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:57,303 Isn't Dalton one of your coaches? 86 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:02,542 - Leighton, I swear to God, you cannot tell anyone. 87 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:06,446 Okay, but I may have had an affair 88 00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:08,114 with my married assistant coach. 89 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,617 - Okay. - Look, it was a mistake 90 00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,286 and it's in the past. Okay, but I need you to give me 91 00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:14,821 your solemn word that you're not 92 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,156 - gonna say anything to anyone. - My solemn word? 93 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,659 Dude, while I'm sure this is considered some juicy stuff 94 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,295 where you're from, I went to a New York prep school. 95 00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:23,596 I've been making out with bartenders 96 00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:24,731 since I was, like, 14. 97 00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:26,966 That's disturbing, 98 00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:29,936 but it does make me feel a little bit better. 99 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,805 I don't know, I've honestly been low key 100 00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:35,108 depressed about this for the past couple weeks. 101 00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:38,011 - Do you want to hang out and talk about it? 102 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,013 I can bail on this women's center thing right now. 103 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,615 - Oh, no, that's nice of you but you don't have to do that. 104 00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:43,850 Ah, it's too late. 105 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,485 I already used you as an excuse. 106 00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:48,454 I told them my BIPOC roommate was in crisis. 107 00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:50,123 - Okay. [laughter] 108 00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:52,692 - ♪ Time stops, do you feel the rhythm ♪ 109 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:56,129 ♪ ♪ 110 00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:57,664 - Hey, can you think of something 111 00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:59,532 that rhymes with Ansel Elgort's thick thighs? 112 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,434 I don't think I can. 113 00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:04,203 - I'm so in my head about this final Catullan submission. 114 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,806 Not to be dramatic, but the six pieces I submit tomorrow 115 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:09,942 will determine the rest of my entire comedy career. 116 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:12,845 - Bela, your packet is so funny. 117 00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:14,280 I liked every single piece. 118 00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,282 Even the ones I didn't understand. 119 00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:17,450 [phone chimes] 120 00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:21,054 - Damn, you and Nico are texting non-stop. 121 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,723 - Yeah, but I have to put my phone away and focus. 122 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,992 I have a six hour shift at Sips 123 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:27,994 and so much homework to catch up on. 124 00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,495 For the rest of the day, 125 00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:30,897 I'm tuning him out and I'm getting things done. 126 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,532 I'm sure you will. 127 00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:35,902 ♪ ♪ 128 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,838 [moaning] 129 00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:41,908 ♪ ♪ 130 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,344 - I'm sorry I'm late. I got locked out of my room. 131 00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:45,912 [phone chimes] 132 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,547 - And I forgot to lock it again. 133 00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:49,382 I'll be back in 20 minutes. 134 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:50,516 ♪ ♪ 135 00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:52,585 The fuck? 136 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:53,986 [moaning] 137 00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:56,689 ♪ So baby ♪ 138 00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:58,591 - I have to help a friend with something. 139 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:01,260 I'll be back in 14 minutes. 140 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,062 ♪ ♪ 141 00:06:03,162 --> 00:06:06,499 [moaning] 142 00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:07,734 ♪ ♪ 143 00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:09,435 My dorm is having an emergency. 144 00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:12,038 I'll be back in eight in a half minutes. 145 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,874 ♪ ♪ 146 00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:20,713 [moaning] 147 00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:21,714 Oh, shit. 148 00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,182 ♪ ♪ 149 00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:25,017 - Are you kidding me? When it comes to Chrises, 150 00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:28,921 it goes Pine, Hemsworth, Evans, and hello? 151 00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:33,092 - Oh, sorry. Do you see that guy over there? 152 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,929 His name's Canaan. We kind of hooked up. 153 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,467 Whitney, that guy is so hot. 154 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:44,404 Okay, that is the kind of guy that you need to be going for. 155 00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:46,572 Not some townie doofus who peaked in high school. 156 00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:48,941 - He works at Sips with Kimberly. 157 00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:50,276 Kimberly works at Sips? 158 00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:51,811 I could've sworn she was a janitor. 159 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,247 Okay, look, he's sitting down to eat. 160 00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:57,116 Well, what are you waiting for? Go talk to him. 161 00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:58,751 I don't know. 162 00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,486 I feel like I might need to take a beat 163 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,088 before jumping into someone new. 164 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,723 - No, no, no, okay rookie mistake. 165 00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:05,324 The best way to get over somebody is 166 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,895 to whore out with someone hotter right away, like him. 167 00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:11,431 Okay. 168 00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:15,168 - Mm? - Yeah. 169 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,335 [clears throat] 170 00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:21,340 - Hey. - Whitney. 171 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,477 It's been a minute. Want to sit? 172 00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:26,279 Yeah. Yeah. 173 00:07:26,345 --> 00:07:27,680 - Okay, but you will have to leave 174 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,115 when my cooler friends get here. 175 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,817 [laughs] 176 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:32,919 I can only submit six pieces, 177 00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:34,520 so I need to pick the absolute best. 178 00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:35,855 - Uh-huh. 179 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,290 - That's why I need your honest opinion. 180 00:07:37,356 --> 00:07:39,692 - Don't go easy on me. - Uh-huh. Yup. 181 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,260 - Hey, do you think we should take a break 182 00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:42,662 so you can give my packet your full focus? 183 00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:44,197 Are you kidding me? 184 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,865 I want to do both at the same time. 185 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,800 You're so funny. It makes me so hard. 186 00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:49,535 - All right, get back down there. 187 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:50,703 Do your thing. 188 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,705 ♪ Touch in the moonlight ♪ 189 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,875 ♪ ♪ 190 00:07:55,975 --> 00:08:00,613 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 191 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,216 - Kimberly Edie Finkel, late again. 192 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,550 I'm very sorry. 193 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,219 Wait, how do you know my middle name? 194 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,820 - Payroll purposes, but don't change the subject. 195 00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:09,856 All right, you are on thin ice, young lady. 196 00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:11,724 Now grab that mop, some of the theater kids 197 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,226 have been practicing spit takes. 198 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,894 And you're gonna clean it up. 199 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,229 Okay. 200 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:19,232 - So, um, why do you keep on being late? Hmm? 201 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,134 - I've kind of been, like, with someone. 202 00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:23,569 [squeals] 203 00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:26,806 I knew it was because you was fucking somebody. 204 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:28,574 Uh, sorry. Can I order? 205 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,576 - Excuse me, we're gabbing here. 206 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,379 Is it who I think it is? 207 00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:36,082 Is his dick made out of gold? 208 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,484 - Yeah, it's Nico and it's amazing. 209 00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:40,152 But it's all I can think about. 210 00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:42,088 And yesterday, I skipped all my classes. 211 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,423 And I'm barely holding on to a C in Econ. 212 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,192 - Econ with Professor Bennett? - Yeah. 213 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,260 - Just ask him for extra credit. 214 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,928 That's what I did last year. 215 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,663 And my B plus went to an A. And I'm not just saying it 216 00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:53,533 to brag about my grades, although I'm quite bright. 217 00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:55,434 - Really? That would be so huge. 218 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,069 I'll ask him about it today. 219 00:08:57,169 --> 00:09:00,506 - Does anyone have an iPhone 4 charger? 220 00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:03,376 - I'm sorry. - No. 221 00:09:03,442 --> 00:09:04,710 ♪ ♪ 222 00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,112 - Great job getting your submission in 223 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,780 two minutes before the deadline, Jeff. 224 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,115 I'll be reading it last. 225 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,383 Hopefully your take on Baby Yoda 226 00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:12,118 is still fresh when I get to it. 227 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:15,354 - Baby Yoda. That shit is so played out. 228 00:09:15,421 --> 00:09:16,622 Totally. 229 00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:18,190 I wrote a piece about Baby Shark, though. 230 00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:19,926 And it's pretty biting. 231 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,428 All right, everyone. 232 00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:23,963 Final submissions are now closed. 233 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,398 If anyone's late, they're out of luck. 234 00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:27,133 - Thank you all for your hard work. 235 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,968 Eric, the board, and I are really looking forward 236 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,436 to reading what you came up with. 237 00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:32,438 - And if we choose any new members, 238 00:09:32,538 --> 00:09:33,739 tonight is gonna be tap night. 239 00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:35,308 We'll come find you in your rooms 240 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,476 and whisk you away for hours of traditions 241 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,912 that you cannot share with anyone, ever. 242 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,480 Including future spouses. 243 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,950 But, again, we probably won't pick anyone. 244 00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:46,586 - We'll probably pick between two and four people. 245 00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:48,821 - Evangeline, could you not-- [sighs] 246 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:51,157 I will now take the submissions and hold onto them 247 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,392 until the board can reconvene to review them. 248 00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:56,128 But straight off the bat, I see some insane 249 00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:58,998 and embarrassing font choices. So way to go. 250 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:04,503 Hey, um, if we get picked, 251 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,772 can we finally see the upstairs rooms? 252 00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:09,508 - Want me to sneak you up right now? 253 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,077 Oh, shit yes. Yes. 254 00:10:11,143 --> 00:10:12,612 - Wait, you don't think we'll get in trouble? 255 00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:14,313 - No one's coming back till 8:00. 256 00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:15,748 Come on. Let's go. 257 00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:22,922 ♪ ♪ 258 00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:32,999 [phone chimes] 259 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,269 - I feel like it's a compliment to get catfished. 260 00:10:37,336 --> 00:10:39,171 It means he must really like you. 261 00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:41,040 I just don't understand 262 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,142 how you got catfished by your cousin, again. 263 00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,444 - He just writes such beautiful sonnets. 264 00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:47,313 - Ginger, we've talked about this. 265 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:50,850 You need to set boundaries with Randy, your cousin. 266 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:52,818 Sorry I'm late. 267 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,554 You okay, Tova? 268 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,523 - It's over between me and Beth. 269 00:10:57,623 --> 00:10:58,958 What? What happened? 270 00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:00,726 You two were such a cute couple. 271 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,795 - We were supposed to go over to her house for Thanksgiving, 272 00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:04,964 and while her parents were cool with her being a lesbian, 273 00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:07,133 she thought that I might be too much for them. 274 00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:08,968 What? What would be too much? 275 00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:11,570 - I guess they've never met someone who's non-binary, 276 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:15,341 - so Beth wanted me to fem it up. - Oh, fuck that. 277 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,077 Hey, you might quickly want 278 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,079 to let us know what side you're on. 279 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,248 Tova's obviously. 280 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,316 Look, when I first had to come here, 281 00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:25,551 I'll be real with you, 282 00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:27,386 I kind of thought you all sucked. 283 00:11:27,486 --> 00:11:30,389 Not for any identity reasons, just personalities, you know? 284 00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:32,591 - Mm-hmm. - But then I got to know you. 285 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,094 And Tova, I think you're pretty great. 286 00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:38,097 You are almost too cool to be here but, yet, 287 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,332 you still come here. Which kind of makes you cooler. 288 00:11:40,399 --> 00:11:42,568 So this is Beth's loss. 289 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,437 Thank you, Leighton. 290 00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,906 Uh, Leighton, quick question. 291 00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:49,842 You pointed at me when you were talking about personalities. 292 00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:52,278 - No, no. No, I didn't. It just looked that way. 293 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,513 Oh, okay. Great. 294 00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:58,117 ♪ ♪ 295 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,219 - I would be happy to offer extra credit 296 00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:01,787 for helping me with my research. 297 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:03,622 It's actually pretty exciting stuff. 298 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,725 Here, take a look. 299 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:09,762 Oh, I love all this data. 300 00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:12,565 So many columns with information in them. 301 00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:15,568 Yeah, this looks so cool. 302 00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:17,970 - Okay, well basically, I just need help 303 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,940 with data calculations using the blue binder's raw data. 304 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,475 The formula's in the green one. 305 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,710 - The blue one, the green one. Totally get it. 306 00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:26,812 - Well, I have a meeting for the next few hours, 307 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:29,148 but when I get back I'll tell you how my data forecast 308 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,584 changes in the oat milk industry over the next decade. 309 00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:34,754 - If you'd like that. - Sir, I would love that. 310 00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,989 [chuckles] 311 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,557 Have fun with that data. 312 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,895 - What the fuck am I looking at? 313 00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:44,063 [phone chimes] 314 00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:51,237 ♪ ♪ 315 00:12:56,609 --> 00:13:00,179 - Whoa, cool portrait. Is that, uh, Rob Schneider? 316 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,648 - Are you kidding me? That's Sid Caesar. 317 00:13:02,748 --> 00:13:04,850 He basically created TV comedy. 318 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,819 - Nice. I'm surprised you know that. 319 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,656 - Holy shit, is that a real cue card from SNL? 320 00:13:10,756 --> 00:13:12,358 Jude Law hosted that one. 321 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,026 I can name the host and musical guest pairing 322 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:16,295 of every episode of SNL since the year 2000. 323 00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:18,464 Okay, prove it. 324 00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:19,999 Musical guest, Korn. 325 00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:21,534 Eva Longoria hosted. 326 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,435 - Ludacris. - You trying to trick me? 327 00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:26,038 Ludacris? He hosted and he was the musical guest. 328 00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,641 - Okay. Who was the musical guest 329 00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:31,710 - when the Rock hosted? - My boy Dwayne, 330 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,313 AKA Maui the demi-god, AKA the tooth fairy 331 00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,382 has hosted five times with musical guest, 332 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:39,218 George Ezra, Ray LaMontagne, Andrew WK, 333 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,987 - AC/ - DC, and Katy Perry. 334 00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:45,558 I can do a good Stewie voice. 335 00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:48,994 [as Stewie] If you want to hear it. 336 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,499 [normal voice] I think I'm gonna head out. 337 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,668 Uh, thanks for bringing us up here. 338 00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:57,369 Yup. 339 00:13:58,671 --> 00:13:59,839 [laughs] 340 00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:01,640 ♪ ♪ 341 00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:03,375 - ♪ You only live once better turn it, turn it up ♪ 342 00:14:03,475 --> 00:14:05,911 ♪ It's showtime that's all we know ♪ 343 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:09,248 - Yo, everyone. This is Whitney. 344 00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:12,318 Baby senator. Welcome back. 345 00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:15,421 The last time she was here, she stood in the corner so long 346 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,023 I thought she was her mother's secret service. 347 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:19,658 That's Jayla. 348 00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:22,061 Who apparently woke up this morning and chose violence. 349 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:24,263 - Can your mom introduce me to Travis Scott? 350 00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,932 - Honestly, yeah. She probably could. 351 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,200 Sick. 352 00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:29,735 - Can I get you a drink? - Yes, please. 353 00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:30,936 Okay. 354 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:32,571 Let's see what they left for us. 355 00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:35,441 - Okay. - Oh, this is wild. 356 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,878 Is this Canaan with a girl in broad daylight? 357 00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:42,381 Yeah, you should know, this guy never introduces us to girls. 358 00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:43,949 He just sneaks them into his room at night 359 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,618 like some kind of sex Batman. 360 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,120 Really? You're a sex Batman? 361 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:51,223 - No, no. That's not true. - It is though. 362 00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:54,126 What the fuck? Who's playing a slow jam? 363 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,528 I thought this was a turn up, not a wind down. 364 00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:58,464 Yo, Nate, what's up with the music? 365 00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,633 Are you staying for dinner? 366 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:01,967 Because we're doing a nacho bar. 367 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,469 And I don't mean to brag, 368 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:04,970 but we go pretty hard with the toppings station. 369 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,305 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, no. 370 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:07,740 I actually have to leave in a bit 371 00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:10,242 - to go to an acapella show. - [laughs] 372 00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:11,944 Oh, wait. Are you serious? 373 00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:15,314 - Yeah, no one should ever have to go to an acapella show. 374 00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:17,449 - Unless you, like, love acapella. 375 00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:19,885 - Okay. I can tell I misrepresented 376 00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:22,421 myself this morning, and while I am 377 00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:23,989 somewhat okay with being known as the girl with 378 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,725 the senator mom, I am not okay as being known 379 00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:28,093 as the girl who likes acapella. 380 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,163 - I'm going against my will. - [laughs] 381 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:32,731 ♪ ♪ 382 00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:35,067 - Holy shit, this autograph wall is insane. 383 00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:37,436 Oh, my God. Julia Louis-Dreyfus. 384 00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,004 Are you kidding me? 385 00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,639 I love this place so much. 386 00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:42,007 Well, by midnight tonight 387 00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,175 you'll know if you're in or not. 388 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:44,777 - [sighs] Don't remind me. 389 00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:48,013 - Look, the deliberations can get crazy. 390 00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,683 But I'll just tell you, I'm gonna vote for you. 391 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,687 - I'm not sure Eric likes me enough. 392 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,156 Eric doesn't like anyone. 393 00:15:57,256 --> 00:15:58,691 I'm his roommate and best friend 394 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,859 and he regularly calls me a talentless hack. 395 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,129 - You are though, right? - [chuckles] 396 00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:05,631 Don't worry about Eric. 397 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,666 I'll convince him you're worth a shot. 398 00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:12,271 - Holy shit. Is that Elaine Stritch? 399 00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:13,772 She's the greatest of all time. 400 00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:15,374 When did she come here? Was it during her.. 401 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,649 Hey, um, I don't, um... 402 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,117 It's okay. Everybody's gone. 403 00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:27,386 - No, I don't want to do whatever this is. 404 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:29,488 Seriously? 405 00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:31,023 Yeah, I just... 406 00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:32,358 Are we cool? 407 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:36,028 - Yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah. - Okay. 408 00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:38,330 Great. Cool. Well, I'll see ya. 409 00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:40,833 Thanks, thanks for the wall and stuff. 410 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,205 [moaning] 411 00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:47,806 You sure about this? 412 00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,141 - Yeah, he said he'd be gone for hours. 413 00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:52,311 ♪ Show me love ♪ 414 00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:53,512 ♪ Show me love ♪ 415 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,814 This is hot. 416 00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:57,649 Oh, my God. 417 00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,685 Kimberly. 418 00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:05,190 - Sir, this is my fault and I take full responsibility. 419 00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:09,395 If you want to report anyone, report me, Chad Mickland. 420 00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:11,096 Wait, is Nico a nickname? 421 00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:12,998 [gasps] Oh. 422 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:14,833 Professor Bennett, I realize 423 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,769 this was a horrible lapse in judgement. 424 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,071 But I'm having a really hard time in your class 425 00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:20,739 and I'm so far behind. 426 00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:22,107 So if you please could just give me one more chance. 427 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,842 You've had plenty of chances. 428 00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:26,378 You've arrived late to class, you've missed assignments. 429 00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:28,947 - Now you made love on my desk. - We were only kissing. 430 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,516 He never took it out. Tell him. 431 00:17:30,582 --> 00:17:31,950 - I don't think that's gonna help, 432 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,519 but it's true, it wasn't out yet. 433 00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:34,887 It does not help. 434 00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:37,389 Get out of here. 435 00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:38,791 Oh, okay. I'm going. 436 00:17:39,591 --> 00:17:41,760 I would still love to hear your thoughts 437 00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:43,262 on oat milk futures, though. 438 00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:45,230 - Then you can listen to my TED Talk. 439 00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:46,565 Got it. 440 00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:53,105 ♪ ♪ 441 00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:54,306 - Hey. - Hey. 442 00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,041 How's it going with you know who? 443 00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:58,143 - Actually, I kind of wanted to talk to you about that. 444 00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,978 I think I might be a sex addict. 445 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,315 - I promise you, you are not. - We had sex six times today. 446 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:06,051 - Okay, that's a lot. - And it was almost seven, 447 00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:07,653 but then a professor walked in on us. 448 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,588 I'm sorry, what? 449 00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:12,224 - Everything I see makes me think of having sex with him. 450 00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:14,326 Like, have you noticed how phallic 451 00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,061 the lampposts on this campus are? 452 00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:17,629 I have not. 453 00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:19,331 Okay, I'm here. 454 00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:20,833 Can we take a quick photo for proof and then we can leave? 455 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,734 - I was thinking we would cheer really loud 456 00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:24,670 in the first song and then just scurry out. 457 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,939 - I can do that. - Hey, guys. 458 00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:29,174 - Hey, did you turn in your submission? 459 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:30,642 Yeah, it's in. 460 00:18:30,742 --> 00:18:32,111 - Is everything okay? You don't seem excited. 461 00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:33,512 I don't know. 462 00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,013 I'm just--I'm pretty sure I'm not getting in. 463 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,682 - You're probably just being tough on yourself. 464 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:39,251 - No, but it's fine. Maybe it's even for the best. 465 00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:44,623 - Hello, everyone. We are the AcaFellas. 466 00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:47,526 And we are ready to rock you. 467 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:51,196 Oh, though, to be clear, we only do pop covers. 468 00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:53,165 Three, four. 469 00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:57,136 [all vocalizing] 470 00:18:57,202 --> 00:18:59,371 ♪ Havana, ooh, na na ♪ 471 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:03,041 ♪ Half of my heart is in Havana, ooh, na na ♪ 472 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,943 - Whoo! - Yes! 473 00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:06,011 [all cheering] 474 00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:07,880 ♪ Havana, na na na ♪ 475 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,781 - Okay, he saw us. Now we can leave. 476 00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:13,118 - None of you ever let me do anything this embarrassing. 477 00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:14,786 ♪ Havana ♪ 478 00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:17,156 ♪ He didn't walk up with the how you doin' ♪ 479 00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:20,626 - Okay, Whitney is meeting up with Canaan again tonight. 480 00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:21,960 God, I love this. 481 00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:23,462 I'm sorry. 482 00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:25,330 Are you invested in the happiness of someone else? 483 00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:27,399 I do not know how to process this information. 484 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:29,234 She's kind of cool. 485 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:30,569 And of the three of my roommates, 486 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,371 she's definitely the most normal. 487 00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:36,074 And it turns out, I am pretty good at giving dating advice. 488 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,911 - You are for someone who introduced me 489 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,413 as a business acquaintance to a cashier. 490 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,549 - Okay, look, I'm not a showy person. 491 00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:45,584 I don't need to put on a rainbow bathing suit 492 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,352 and run down the street screaming, 493 00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:49,488 "I have a girlfriend." 494 00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:52,424 Oh, you have a girlfriend. 495 00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:54,493 Yeah. 496 00:19:55,594 --> 00:19:58,697 No, I mean--I don't know. 497 00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:01,600 [soft acoustic music] 498 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:02,768 Do I? 499 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:06,772 Yeah, you do. 500 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,840 Come here. 501 00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:11,777 - ♪ Going so fast every thought we had ♪ 502 00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:14,680 ♪ Is coming undone ♪ 503 00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:18,016 ♪ Falling behind with everything we left ♪ 504 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:22,854 - Oh, shit. Baby senator's back, y'all. 505 00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:24,122 - Uh-uh, we're gonna have to 506 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,791 work on that nickname, loud girl. 507 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,961 Loud girl? Excuse me? 508 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,929 You know, actually, I love that. I am loud. 509 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:33,966 - You are loud. - Glad you came back. 510 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,567 Of course I did. 511 00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:37,736 I spent the last two hours thinking about one thing. 512 00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:41,106 - Ditching Canaan for me? - What? No. 513 00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:42,474 Nachos. 514 00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:45,077 - Darius, no one would pick you over Canaan. 515 00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:46,278 That's insane. 516 00:20:50,048 --> 00:20:51,083 [sighs] 517 00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:00,626 [knocking on door] 518 00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:02,728 [chanting] Bela! Bela! Bela! 519 00:21:02,794 --> 00:21:05,998 - Bela! Bela! Bela! - Bela Malhotra, 520 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,432 you've been tapped by the Catullan. 521 00:21:07,499 --> 00:21:10,068 - Do you accept? - Yes. Yes, I do. 522 00:21:10,135 --> 00:21:11,837 - Congratulations. - You so deserve this. 523 00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:15,140 Your packet was amazing. [cheering] 524 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,809 - I was dying reading your stuff. 525 00:21:17,909 --> 00:21:20,512 You are an absolute genius. 526 00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,347 We're so proud of you. 527 00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,449 Yes! 528 00:21:24,516 --> 00:21:27,319 ♪ ♪ 529 00:21:27,419 --> 00:21:30,022 ♪ Shine ♪ 530 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:32,024 - Hey, let's not have sex tonight. 531 00:21:32,758 --> 00:21:34,993 - Okay, I was gonna say the same thing. 532 00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:36,995 - Really? - No. 533 00:21:37,095 --> 00:21:38,997 - Oh. - It's all good. 534 00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:42,868 Okay, other options. We can watch TV. 535 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,037 - TV sounds good. - Okay. 536 00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:46,371 I can't stay late, though. 537 00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:48,473 I have to study since I public sexed 538 00:21:48,540 --> 00:21:50,776 - my way out of an Econ credit. - [sighs] 539 00:21:50,842 --> 00:21:53,378 If you need help with that Econ grade, I can help. 540 00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:57,783 Theta keeps copies of midterms and finals 541 00:21:57,849 --> 00:21:59,818 that lazy professors recycle year after year. 542 00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:01,853 So if you want to know what's on Bennett's test, 543 00:22:01,953 --> 00:22:03,221 it's right here. 544 00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,823 You could borrow it if you want. 545 00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:06,958 No, no, I can't do that. 546 00:22:07,025 --> 00:22:08,860 Cheating is, sort of, the antithesis 547 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,462 of everything I believe in. 548 00:22:11,463 --> 00:22:13,899 All right. Whatever you want. 549 00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:17,969 - What I want is to go back to your room, please. 550 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,739 There's this new documentary on 551 00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:22,307 factory farming I really want to watch. 552 00:22:22,374 --> 00:22:25,911 - Wow. First no sex and now a farming doc. 553 00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,046 This night just keeps getting hotter and hotter. 554 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:32,417 [groans] 555 00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:34,586 I'm one glass away from getting Asian flush. 556 00:22:34,686 --> 00:22:37,389 - You haven't had any yet. - Exactly. 557 00:22:37,489 --> 00:22:39,691 - [laughs] [phone rings] 558 00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:45,197 - Um, girlfriend, should I ask why 559 00:22:45,263 --> 00:22:47,432 a girl named Maya is calling you at 1:00 a.m.? 560 00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:49,868 - Oh, my God, chill. She's just a friend. 561 00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:52,170 She's actually coming to visit in town this weekend. 562 00:22:52,237 --> 00:22:53,939 To visit your vagina? 563 00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:57,209 - Maya is not a threat to you. Okay? 564 00:22:57,275 --> 00:22:59,344 She's my brother, Nico's, girlfriend. 565 00:22:59,411 --> 00:23:02,381 [funky upbeat music] 566 00:23:02,447 --> 00:23:09,554 ♪ ♪ 567 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:23,261 Go to bed. 47651

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