All language subtitles for The Twilight Zone (1959) - S02E28 - Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up (1080p BluRay x265 ImE)

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

NARRATOR: You're traveling
through another dimension.

A dimension not only of
sight and sound, but of mind.

A journey into a wondrous land

whose boundaries are that of imagination.

That's the signpost up ahead.

Your next stop, the Twilight Zone.

[HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLE]

[LOUD HUM]

[CRASH IN DISTANCE]

See anything?

The tops of some trees
have been knocked down.

Looks like something hit that pond.

Whatever it is will be
under the ice till next spring.

A meteor or something,
probably. I better check in.

That woman who phoned said something
about calling out the National Guard.

This is 118-3A, 118-3A.
Reporting a check-out.

MAN [ON RADIO]: Go ahead.

Checking out a report on
an unidentified flying object.

Supposed to have landed
in the area of Hook's Landing.

Appears something cut
off the tops of some trees.

Came down in the ice at
Tracy's Pond and we can't see it now.

Bill?

Hold on a second. Yeah?

There are footprints up here.

They come up from the pond and… looks
like they got out of whatever landed.

Appears to be some evidence
that… We'll call you back.

MAN [ON RADIO]: What's it all about?

We don't know, yet.

How's that?

We'll, uh, we'll call
you back in a little bit.

All right, Padgett, but there's some
talk of the bridge going out up there.

When you can, you better take a look
and be sure she's posted and blocked off.

Enough ice jammed
against it to cool the Congo.

Roger and out.

No question about it.
Something left that pond

and went over to the diner.

Looks like a bus in front of that diner.

You don't suppose it came
out of that pond, do you?

Very funny.

Sorry. Let's leave the car
and follow these tracks.

I want to be sure they lead to the diner.

NARRATOR: Wintry
February night, the present.

Order of events: A phone
call from a frightened woman

notating the arrival of an
unidentified flying object.

Then the check-out you witnessed with
two state troopers verifying the event,

but with nothing more enlightening to
add beyond evidence of some tracks

leading across the highway to a diner.

You've heard of trying to
find a needle in a haystack?

Well, stay with us now and you'll
be part of an investigating team

whose mission is not
to find that proverbial

needle. No, their task is even harder.

They've got to find a Martian in a diner,

and in just a moment you'll search
with them because you've just landed

in the Twilight Zone.

[JUKEBOX PLAYING SLOW SWING TUNE]

Trouble?

Whose bus is this out here?

That's mine, Officer. What's the problem?

The bridge up ahead has been
declared temporarily impassable.

Ice floe stacked up against it. Another
pound of weight and it could be driftwood.

That's rough. Can't
turn around and go back.

There's a slide up at the
turnoff. Blocked the whole road.

Looks like you're kinda marooned.

Till morning, anyway.

Till morning? I've got to
be in Boston at 9 a.m.

DRIVER: You better start walking, mister,

'cause that bus stays out
there until they fix the bridge.

Either that or have them
drop some snowshoes.

You might as well all get comfortable
and get a little hot food in you.

Oh, that's just great.
That's fine, isn't it?

Get comfortable and
get a little hot food in you.

That's precious little consolation
for missing my meeting in Boston.

That's a fine little bus
line you work for, isn't it?

They care so much about
their schedules, don't they?

I wouldn't be too hard on them, mister.

They have no control
over the snow, bridges,

the sides of hills that
decide to come down.

That's pretty much out of their hands.

What do you think?

They were all on the bus, weren't they?

What's the trouble? You
looking for somebody?

Driver, uh, you got a passenger manifest?

Passenger manifest? What do you
think I got parked out there, a 707?

Mister, that's a 14-year-old
bus and business is lousy.

My boss would run rum across
the border if there was a profit in it.

I don't ask passengers their names.

We kiss them gently and help them in.

We're that glad to have
them, with or without names.

You know how many you had?

Six. Unless one of them fell out
the window when we hit a bump.

I picked up six and I'm
supposed to deliver six.

Nobody fell out. Somebody
must have jumped in.

There are seven here now.

That's funny.

I know I had six people.

Thanks. Tell me, was there anybody
in here before the bus stopped?

No, I haven't served anybody
since 11:00 this morning.

I figured this whole
bunch got off the bus.

We did. There was no one
in here when we came in.

Then how do you account for seven people?

That one beats me.

One of them didn't get off the bus.

Which one of you wasn't on the bus?

We were all on the bus.

What kind of interrogation is this?

If we're going to be grilled,
I wanna talk to a lawyer.

That's a good one! First he wants
snowshoes, then he wants a lawyer.

I don't remember seeing you on the bus.

That's quite funny 'cause I don't
remember seeing you, neither.

Makes one of us a liar, don't it?

This is preposterous.

What difference does it make
who was on the bus and who wasn't,

or whether there were six or
seven or a hundred and twenty?

Is this a diner or Gestapo headquarters?

Oh, now, take it easy, mister.

What's it all about?

Did you hear anything
flying over here tonight?

Flying over here? No, I
haven't heard anything.

We got a call about two hours ago.

A woman said she heard something
fly over and then come down.

Fly over here?

From where?

From up there. An
unidentified flying object.

Unidentified flying object?

Nothing's come down
from up there except snow.

That's all I've seen for
the past 14 hours. Snow.

Where did she say it came down?

Close to here. Look, something
did land in Tracy's Pond.

Left a trail of broken
branches before it hit.

We found tracks leading away from it.

To where?

To here.

You mean something landed in
Tracy's Pond and then came in here?

That's crazy. Nothing's come in here
since 11:00 this morning. Nothing, except…

Except me and my
passengers. Me and six people.

That means that one person here…

George? I don't like this.

Easy, honey, easy.

Let me get this straight.

You're trying to tell us that
there's one person in here

who landed in some kind of a saucer
or something and then came in here?

Came in here with us?

Well, that's just not possible.
We'd have seen them.

Not necessarily. It's snowing and dark.

We climbed off of that bus with our
eyes closed to get out of the snow.

Anyone could have come in with
us and we wouldn't have noticed.

You were all on the
bus together. You would

have known who the other passengers were.

That don't cut any ice. They
loaded in the snow at Hook's Landing.

To tell you the truth, I
don't know who got on.

She's just like a science
fiction, that's what she is.

A regular Ray Bradbury.

Six humans and one
monster from outer space.

You wouldn't happen to have an eye
in the back of your head, would you?

I find you offensive, you know that?

What do you do now, Officer?

Look, lady, this isn't exactly
par for our courses, either.

We go off on a lot of nutty
assignments but this one, wow.

Well, I know how you begin.
You pair off the couples.

Since it's just one person
who doesn't belong here, you,

you eliminate the couples.

We're exonerated. Cross us off.

We're two of the humans.

Us, too. My wife and
I. We're in the clear.

What's the matter?

I… I could have sworn you
had a mole on your chin.

A mole on my chin? Connie,
I've never had a mole on my chin.

I can tell you what's going to happen.
We're all going to get so panicky

that everyone will start picking up
invisible clues from everybody else.

This is nonsense.

Of course it's nonsense if a husband
and wife suddenly start wondering

whether the husband is really
the husband and the wife is really…

Now, wait a minute.

I think 23 years is long enough for a
woman to know who she's married to.

So, I'll thank you to stop looking at me

as if I'd just put on this
face as part of a costume.

[GUFFAWING] I love this.

She don't know who he is.
He don't know who she is.

We don't know who she is.

And this lemon-sucker here, he's
the most suspicious of the bunch.

[LAUGHS]

You got a back door to this place?

Sure, why?

Go back there and lock it.

It's already locked. If that certain
somebody really is from outer space,

they'll just go through the wall anyway.

Check them for wings!
Check them for wings!

Look under their coats.

You got identification, grandpa?

Left it down in the pond in my spaceship.

Who won the World Series last year?

What is this, a sort of
prolonged practical joke?

I get it, I get it!

Pittsburgh Pirates won it. Took four
out of seven from the Yankees. Eh?

Sharp boys, real sharp boys.

Didn't figure us Martians
would know nothing

about the great American
pastime, did you? Huh? Huh?

You got identification, miss?

Well, no, as a matter of fact, I don't.

I left my wallet…

I left it in my suitcase.

It was shipped on ahead.

What's your name, miss?

Ethel McConnell, I'm
a professional dancer.

How many legs? How many legs?

I'm gonna belt you, grandpa.

She was on the bus.

How do you know?

She's the only one I noticed.

Well, thank you.

But who noticed him?

How do we know you're the
same one driving the bus, huh?

Ain't nobody been
exonerated, yet. That's for sure.

Look, let's cut this farce out right now.

We'll all show our
identifications and put a stop to it.

The whole thing's ridiculous.

Then how do you explain
the extra person in here?

Yes, how about that?

Very simple. The driver's mistaken.

Seven people got on the bus
and he thought there were only six.

Is that possible?

Not a chance in the world. I
counted heads before we took off.

There were six people.

-Miss…
-[JUKEBOX STARTS UP]

[SWING MUSIC PLAYS]

[MUSIC DIES OUT]

What caused that?

We, uh, we may get a laugh
out of all this in the morning.

In the meantime, everyone
stay right where they are.

Where are the troopers?

Hm? Oh, stepped outside.

Snow stopped. Say, Haley,

that wasn't your gag, was it?

I mean, the business about
the jukebox starting like that?

Not me. I'm strictly short
orders and pay your taxes.

I don't know anything
about science fiction.

A jukebox is a jukebox, and if that
thing wants to start up all on its own,

you'll check with an electrical engineer.

Take me to your leader.
Take me to your leader!

Find anything?

No. Took a look at the bridge.

Holding up well.

I know that bridge.
What's more, I don't trust it.

Well, thank goodness we needn't
concern ourselves with your judgment.

If the bridge gets a clean bill of health,
you'll drive that bus right across it.

Listen, mister, you may
be a big shot in Boston,

but when it comes to bridges
and buses, I got seniority.

And I tell you that
bridge is so old that…

Hey, what is this?

Why did the lights go out like that?

We may be losing power.

[JUKEBOX STARTS PLAYING]

[SWING MUSIC PLAYS]

This is weird.

This is just plain weird.

[DIES OUT]

Well, I wish whoever it was
would play his cards right now.

Why don't they do something?

What's the point of us all staying
cooped up in here like this and… and not…

The point is this.
We're all kids in a closet

here. Nobody understands what's going on.

If there was some kind of a saucer that

landed in that pond
and he did come in here,

it would be a healthy idea if we
pinpointed that particular somebody

and kept him from leaving.

Makes sense. Maybe
whoever it is is invisible.

Maybe they're playing
around. Cat and mouse.

That is childish nonsense.

It's as good an explanation
as any I've heard.

But what if the… the
thing doesn't show itself?

Do we just sit here holding our breath?

Yes. How about that?

Well, if somebody was to ask me…

Well, no one did ask
you, and no one will.

Why don't you leave the old man alone.

Who invited you into this?

Well, I didn't realize we
were waiting for invitations,

but you've got this big thing
about bossing everybody around.

Look, it's tough enough
just sitting here without…

[WOMEN SCREAM]

Get over there and sit down, gramps.

[RINGS]

Yeah.

What's that? It's okay?

All right, thanks.

The bridge is okay.

Well, it's about time. Shall we go?

What do you think, Perry?

We can't hold them.

You're making a big
mistake, Officer. Big mistake.

You're letting a monster out.

That may well be, old man. May well be.

We can't hold somebody on
suspicion of being a monster.

You can roll them any time.

All right. Are they
sure about that bridge?

I don't like that sucker.

She swings in the wind
and she's not a suspension.

That was the county engineer.

The bridge has been checked
out and declared passable.

We'll go on ahead,
cross the bridge first.

All right, you can pay your checks
right over here, ladies and gentlemen.

Godspeed and a safe trip.

And you all come back
and see us again, you hear?

That is all but one of you.

Now, you had the chili, right?

That's 90 cents. Thank you.

And you had, what, 14 cups
of coffee. That was $1.40.

Goodbye, Officer.

Miss McConnell.

Well, I counted seven.

That's right, seven.

Betcha by the time we
get to Boston, there'll be 17.

[JUKEBOX PLAYING SLOW SWING TUNE]

Something for you?

Coffee. Black.

One coffee, black.

Hey, uh, didn't you, uh…

What I mean is, didn't
you go out on that bus?

I did indeed.

Oh, yes, I went out on that bus.

And do you know something?
That bridge wasn't safe.

It collapsed. The state
police car, the bus, everything.

Kerplunk, right into the river.

It was a terrible scene. No one got out.

Except you.

Except me.

Lucky, I guess, huh?

-Very lucky. But… But…
-But what?

You're not even wet.

Wet. What's wet?

What do you mean what's wet?

You landed in the river
but your clothes are all dry.

Illusion, that's all. Just an illusion.

Like that jukebox playing in the corner.

That's an illusion, too.

[DIES OUT]

Or, uh, that telephone ringing.

[PHONE RINGS]

That's an illusion. Just a parlor trick.

What are you, some kind of magician?

Who, me? Oh, hardly.

Now, uh, before you, uh, faint dead away,

I ought to explain that
the name isn't really Ross.

And, uh, I wasn't really going to Boston.

No, I was sent as a
kind of advance scout.

You know, these, uh,
cigarettes, do you call them?

They taste wonderful. We
haven't got a thing like this on Mars.

That's incidentally where I come from.

We're beginning to colonize.

My friends will be arriving very shortly.

I think they're going to
like it here. It's a lovely area.

So, so remote, so pleasant,

so off the beaten track.

Just the perfect spot for a
colony, don't you think, Mr. Haley?

While we're waiting, how
about a little what you call music?

I don't mind. I have to
do a little waiting myself.

You see, Mr. Ross, my name isn't Haley.

And I do agree with you. This is
an extraordinary place to colonize.

We folks on Venus had the same idea.

We got it several years ago.

And I think I really
ought to tell you now

that your friends are not coming.

They've been intercepted.

Oh, a colony is coming.

But it's from Venus.

And if you're still alive,

I think you'll see how we differ.

And I agree with you
about what they call music.

Why don't you play some?

[LAUGHS]

NARRATOR: Incident on a small
island, to be believed or disbelieved.

However, if a sour-faced dandy named Ross

or a big, good-natured
counterman who handles a spatula

as if he'd been born
with one in his mouth,

if either of these two entities
walk onto your premises,

you better hold their
hands, all three of them,

or check the color of their
eyes, all three of them.

The gentlemen in question might
try to pull you into the Twilight Zone.

PRESENTER: Rod Serling,
creator of The Twilight Zone

will tell you about next week's story

after this word from
our alternate sponsor.

And now, Mr. Serling.

Mr. Burgess Meredith is no
stranger to The Twilight Zone,

but his role in next week's story
is a unique one, even for him.

The time will be the future,
the place just about anywhere

where men have been
taken over by a machine state.

Our story is called "The Obsolete Man."

It may chill, it may provoke,

but we're rather certain
it will leave a mark.

Next week on The Twilight Zone,
"The Obsolete Man."

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

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