All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S02E17 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Leave a message.

Emily: I am so tired of this
Ridiculous machine.

Oh, that was close.

You're always out.
What is it that you do?

Is your house awful you can't
Be in it? It's too much --

What isn't in emily's
Rules of conduct?

I don't wanna talkto a
Machine. I'll call later.

If you had your way, mother,
You'd lock us up like veal.

Lorelai: we're not in,
So --ah! Bashed my thumb.

Leave a message.

Emily: it's me again.
You're talking to a machine

Don't forget my d.A.R.
Meeting's on tuesday.

It's burned into my brain.
It's there forever.

3:00, and the women are all
Extremely punctual.

When I'm senile and gaga
And drooling into a cup...

And I can't remember my name

I'll still remember that your
D.A.R. Meeting is that tuesday.

Tuesday --
I'll talk to you later.

I'd have to be deprogrammed
By cult deprogrammers

To get that tuesday
Out of my brain.

Lorelai: we're not in,
So --ah! Bashed my thumb.

Leave a message.

Emily: your phone message
Is annoying.

Unbelievable.

Do you know how annoying it is?

I think I have a standard
Against which to measure it.

Have you heard it lately?

Can't because
I'm amputating my ears.

And that thumb-bashing thing --
Is that a joke?

Why is that your jokes --

Ugh! An earless world!
What a dream!

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to *

* if you need
If you need*

* you need me to be with you *

* I will follow *

* oh, oh, oh *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need
If you need *

* you need me to be with you *

* I will follow where you lead *

Haven't you already
Tasted that one, mom?

Twice. You've tasted
That soup twice.

You're keeping count?
I'm morbidly fascinated.

When you're tasting anything,

The first taste acclimates
The palate,

The second establishes
A foundation,

The third is to make
Your decision.

There's gonna be
A third taste.

Isn't that what this is for?
Taste yes.

Not to orally deduce their
Chemical structures.

Everything has to be
At your pace.

Or at a pace
That can't be measured.

Actually, I've heard that.
What?

One is to acclimate,
Two is for foundation,

And three is to judge.
Traitor.

The women in my d.A.R. Group
Are very picky.

When the pate at the meeting
Heddy covington organized

Was slightly less chilled
Than appropriate,

She was ostracized for a month.

That hussy heddy
Had it coming.

Lorelai.

They're on time for once.
Good.

Do me a favor and tell michel
That on wednesday --

Lorelai, please!
Thanks.

Mom, I got a lot of other
Things happening here

That can't come to a grinding
Halt for this.

So your full attention
Is too much to ask for?

Mom, I'm already giving you
More attention

Than I would someone
In these circumstances.

No one else would get 8 soups to
Taste for a lousy d.A.R. --

Sorry. Not lousy d.A.R. Meeting.
We only do this for weddings.

You'd like me to pay
For the tasting?

No, mom, just decide
In this calendar year.

Can I -- I'm sorry.
The mushroom is a great choice.

It's super popular,
And it's my jackson's favorite.

Whose?
Jackson, my fiance.

Oh, you're getting married?

To the best man
In the world.

While we're on the subject --
Bridesmaids' outfits.

I've already got a couple
Of ideas.

Is one of them having
Me design and make them

So I don't secretly hate what
You pick and harbor a grudge?

It is now.
I'll do it.

That fellow's on the phone from
The restaurant.

The flannel man with the
Protruding ankles.
Oh, luke?

I forgot his name.
That's how memorable he is.

Okay. Thank you.
Where are you going?

To talk to luke.
Can't you call him back?

Have your third
Taste, mom.
Lorelai!

Is she always
This scattered?

She's the stablest person
I know.

That's very sad.

Well, I think you're right.

Mushroom.
Great.

So tell me more about
Your wedding.

I've just started planning,
There's not that much to tell.

Have you decided on
Anything yet --

The location or the music
For the ceremony maybe?

We'll probably just wind up
Playing something off a cd.

Oh.
What?

Well, cds can be
Very unreliable.

They break sometimes
Or they skip

Or the person assigned to turn
Them on and off gets distracted,

And the whole ceremony
Is ruined.

I hadn't thought of that.

Have you thought about
Live music?

Well.
A nice string ensemble.

That sounds nice.

There are a couple of wonderful
Groups I could recommend.

Sure. I guess it doesn't
Hurt to check 'em out.

No, it doesn't.

Mushroom soup.
String quartet.

Luke?
Yeah. Hi.

Hello.
How's it going?

Pretty good.
How's things with you?

Not bad.
Dropped some eggs.

Bummer.
Hazard of the business.

Am I catching you at a bad time?
No, it's kind of slow here.

So slow that michel and I were
About to get the tetherball out.

That's the thing with the ball
Tethered to a rope?

I never knew that's where
The tether comes from.

Yeah. It's tied like an anchor
Is tethered to a rope on a boat.

Most people probably
Don't put that together.

Probably not.

So anything else?

Yeah, actually.

If I needed a room or two
For a couple of days.

Would that be possible?
You need rooms?

Like, 9.

You need 9 rooms?

Just for a couple of days --
Wednesday and thursday.

I can take care of that.
What's it for?

I just got some family
Coming in.

Reunion? 'cause we can get
The tetherball out.

Nah, funeral.
What?

My uncle louie died
Last night,

And I'm arranging
The funeral for him.

Oh, luke, I'm so sorry.

Here I was babbling
About tetherball.

You weren't babbling.

Well, you've got 9 rooms
Wednesday and thursday.

You sure? Thanks.
It's a done deal.

Luke, I'm so, so sorry.

It's okay.
Sounds like he went peaceful.

He was 85.

But it's always hard.
Um, you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Can I help you
With anything else?

No, the rooms are help enough.

Are you sure?
I'm dealing with my mom now,

I'd be happy to rush over
And help with whatever.

The rooms are all I need.
Thanks.

You're welcome.
Well, I gotta go.

Call if you need anything.

I will. By the way,
That french guy is a putz.

Oh, yeah. He knows.
Alright. See ya.

Bye.

[ guitar music ]

It's so sad.
I know.

Was luke shaken over
His uncle dying?

He's so unflappable.
It's hard to tell.

The man definitely
Can't be flapped.

* wake me up before you go-go *

* 'cause I'm not plannin' on
Going solo *

* wake me up before you go-go *

* and take me dancing tonight *

Can I get another cup of coffee?
In a minute.

Is that my food?
More coffee here, please.

More coffee for me.
Shut up, kirk.

Is that my food?!
Yes, sy, that's your food.

I'm doing all I can here.
I asked nicely.

Watch the cord.
Try ducking.

You should update
To a cordless.

Hey, what you doing?

I'm on the phone.
We noticed.

I can't serve and
Be on the phone.
We noticed.

Your re-enactment of
Jerry lewis in "The diner guy"

Is gonna wow the critics.
Where should the eggs go?

Crank in the hat.
I'm not a crank.

And the french toast?
Lady with the giant purse.

Ayyy.

This is not good!

Fall back, cowboy.
What are you doing?

Come here. Just stay on
The phone and give me these.

Where do they go?
Table by the window.

Don't you number your tables?
No.

You should number your tables.

If I said a number, you wouldn't
Know what table's what number.

All restaurants
Number their tables.

They go to table 5.

Which one is that?

One by the window.

By the window, wilma.
Got it, gertie.

How about that coffee?

I got it.
Thanks.

Bup-bup.
Mine's a quarter caff.

Huh?

3/4 decaf, 1/4 caffeinated.

I 4/4 don't care.
Fill it up.

I forget the world's
Full of people

Who micromanage their lives
To the point

Where they can't wait
An extra second.

We're running out
Of coffee.

I'll make some more.
No, I got it.

Do you know how?
Do I?

I am kathy coffee, mister,

The bastard offspring of
Mrs. Folger and juan valdez.

Hey, luke, where's jess?
I don't know.

School?
Please. Probably upstairs.

Really? Excuse me.

It's too strong.

No, it's not.
It's too strong.

Not everybody
Likes it that strong.

Well, then,
I shall convert them.

I am the jehovah's
Coffee girl.

Jess! Open up!
I know you're in there!

My, aren't we bright-eyed
And bushy-tailed.

Luke needs
You downstairs.
Why?

He's on the phone, the place is
Packed, and he needs help.

I'll be down in a minute.

No. Now.

I'm in the middle
Of something.

Just assume that jeanie's
Gonna get major healey

Out of whatever scrape
He's in.

Thanks for spoiling it
For me.

I need some more equal.
There's one right there.

I need 7.

You're not squirreling
These away in your pocket

For home use, are you, kirk?

No, I use 7 in my coffee.

Okay. Good.
Then allow me.

There you go.

Give that a taste.
See if it's to your liking.

Okay.

Perfection.
Good.

You're very graceful.
She pushed me.

Sue me.
I could've broken
My neck.

As long as it's not your arm.

Despot.

It took me 20 minutes to get
Past this place's busy signal,

Then they put me
On hold forever.
Who's keeping you on hold?

The mortuary in florida
Where my uncle's at.

Florida? I thought
He was in the area.

He spent most of his life here
But retired to orlando.

I got to ship
The body back here.

He wanted to be buried
In stars hollow?

My dad wanted my uncle
Buried in stars hollow

Right next to him.
That's nice.

They were really close,

And louie didn't have
Any wife or kids.

Before my dad died, he asked me
If I'd look out for him.

He just wanted me to make sure
He got a proper funeral.

No horseshoe
Carnation wreaths.

Good man --
That dad of yours.

Since louie's a war veteran,

The town revolutionary war
Re-enactors

Will attend the service,
Do their salute thing.

It makes me nauseous,
But my dad wanted it.

Yeah. Hi.
I'm still here.

Yes, the deceased
Is louie danes. Right.

No, hartford's not too far.
I can do that.

Thanks.
Great. That's done.

Okay. I should probably go,
Pick out a coffin.

Great. Go.

I have to close up.
No, you're covered.

You don't have to do this.
We don't mind. Go.

It'll give me a chance
To number the tables.

Be my guest.

Are they arranged like this
For any particular reason?

Don't change anything.
It's totally not feng shui.

Gertie.
Go.

Excuse me, taylor, where are
Your brussels sprouts?

My supplier was out of them.
Maybe next week.

I wanted to make them
Tonight.
Sorry.

I'll just try across the street.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Across the street?

What is that?

It's a farmer's market.
Isn't it wonderful?

It just opened this morning.
I see sprouts!

Who's the proprietor here?

That would be me.
What can I do for you?

Wait a minute.
I know you.

You're that long-haired freak
That wanted to be troubadour

Even though that weird brown-
Corduroyed-jacket-wearing freak

Was already it.
That's right.

Good memory. How are you?
Let go of me.

Don't like to be touched.
That's cool.

Got a little "David and lisa"
Thing happening.

Can I help you
Find something?

I want to know what inspired you
To open a produce stand

Right across the street
From my market?

Is that your market?
Yes, that's my market.

Well, it's real nice.
Homey.

Bought a box of tissues there.
Good stuff. Good stuff.

Excuse me.
Your parsley --

Is it priced per bunch
Or per pound?

Per pound, beautiful.
Ooh, good deal.

Patty.
Hi, taylor. How are you?

You mean not counting the knife
Sticking in my back?

Oh, sure, honey, whatever.

There must be some mistake.
This just isn't right.

It's all approved
By the proper authorities.

I follow the rules.
My father taught me.

Cop for 20 years, got shot in
The butt. Good man.

Tips over sometimes
When he sits, but good man.

Beautiful sprouts.
For a beautiful lady.

[ sighs ]
I feel sick.

That'll be $4.
See ya, mr. Doose.

I want to lie down.

Lorelai, good, tell me about
The 9 rooms set aside here.

There's no name anywhere
That I can see,

And no credit card
To hold them. Mistake?

It's for luke.
For whom?

Luke from luke's diner.

9 rooms for luke from
Luke's diner.

That's right.
French fry convention?

No, just personal.
Milkshake symposium?

No, michel, it's personal,
And I'm vouching for him.

Soda pop seminar?
Stop.

Pickle party?

He's got 9 rooms.
Now, stifle.

Oh. Mom, hi, there.

Lorelai, hello.

I'm sorry. Did we get our
Signals crossed?

I don't remember making
An appointment with you.

We have to make appointments?
No. But...Good one.

I'm not here to see you.
Oh.

This isn't about
The d.A.R. Meeting?
No.

I'm here to meet with sookie.
Sookie?

I'm a little late.
Traffic was awful.

Excuse me, would you?

Oh, my god.
Aren't they beautiful?

Gorgeous. What're they for?
My wedding.

Your wedding?
Emily, hi.

Is this everything
I said it was?

And more.

They're for
Your wedding?

It's this company's sample
Place setting.

Emily set me up with them.
They did celine dion's wedding

And steven spielberg's
Daughter's

Jack russell terrier's
"Bark" mitzvah.

You're putting me on.
I couldn't make that up.

Excuse me. This one's
Slightly asymmetrical.

Fix, please.

Hey, what is with the fancy
Place settings?

I thought you were just gonna
Keep it simple.

It is simple.

It lights up.
Just flip a switch.

How my mother got so
Involved in all this.

She's not that involved.

She just mentioned the other day

That she knew some people

That could make some samples
Of stuff for us,

Like table settings
And flower arrangements.

We were gonna do the flowers
Ourselves.

I know, but what a hassle
That would be.

It's to save money.
Flowers cost a fortune.

But it's free.
I'm not committed.

I hope not.
It's true.

I say no,
It all goes away.

Not a penny is spent,
And it's fun.

I don't wanna take the fun.
I just want you to be careful.

You've entered emily-land.
Emily-land?

It's an upside-down world

Where the horchow house
Is considered low-rent

And diamonds less than 24 carats
Are cracker-jack trinkets

Bentleys are for losers
Who can't afford a rolls.

But I'm okay. Really.
Alright.

I have to help luke.
I gotta go.

Go. We're fine.

Okay. Bye, mom.

Is that a fingerprint?

My god!
That's a fingerprint!

Who touched this?
Let me see your hands?

Turnips, butternut...
Turnips, turnips.

What?
What about turnips?

Why did you say "Turnips"?
Because you said "Turnips."

No, I didn't.
I think you did.

No, but I've got turnips.
Good ones, too.

They're not as big as that
Crinite freak's turnips,

But who needs bloated
Turnips?

Mine are unassuming.
I have nice, humble turnips.

Okey-dokey.

Taylor's wigging.
He's been sitting there

Like the final days of
Dick nixon for an hour.
Keep an eye on him.

Hello, there.
How's it going?

Very good, young lady.
You still serving breakfast?

We serve it all day.
What'll you have?

Two eggs up on toast.
Up, huh?

Wouldn't you rather have them
Scrambled?

Nope.

Scrambled's better.
Give it a shot.

Say you want two scrambled eggs
On toast, please.

Okay, young lady.
Two scrambled eggs on toast.

Adam and eve on a raft
And wreck 'em.

That's real live diner talk.

The "Wreck 'em" is
The scrambled part.

I deduced that.

I don't believe it.
What's the matter?

That's babette with an armload
Of rutabagas.

And there's miss patty again.

Since when does she eat
So much fruit?

Hi, kirk.
Hello. Where's luke?

He's busy with some stuff,
So rory and I are helping out.

What can I get you?
I want lunch.

But I'm not sure what to get.

I have a suggestion.
How about a hamburger

With strawberry ice-cream
With chocolate sauce.

For dessert?
Sounds good.

Burn one, then pass me a pink

Stick and throw some mud on it.
God, I love this business.

Boy, it's freezing out there.

Yes, it's quite a cold snap.

How about a hot blonde
With sand?

Coffee with cream and sugar
Would be great. Thanks.

Make sure its foot's
Out the door.

Put it in a cup to go.
Got it.

This icy weather hasn't kept
Customers away, though.

They just keep coming.
Lot of vegetable soup

Being eaten tonight, yessiree.

I hope I don't put the people
At campbell's out of business.

Hey, taylor.
Didn't notice you there.

Hello.
Taking a little break?

I don't see how if you're
Anywhere near as busy as I am.

I can't get a break.

I say, "Hey, I'll
Be back in a jiff."

Look, they're lining up
Out there already.

Well, f.Y.I., van halen hair,
I'm plenty busy.

But a good, well-groomed
Businessman

With properly prepared staff
Can take a break now and then.

Probably helped that your store
Was completely dead, too.

It was not dead.

I thought it was closed
When I walked by.

Then I saw gabby sitting at
The cash register

Tapping on the counter with one
Of those astrological scrolls.

Here you go.
Gracias.

Oh, boy, it's a mob scene.

Luke, it's me.

Brought you a wimpy
With a rose pinned on it.

A what?
A hamburger with onions.

Uh, thanks.

Come on.

How's the money pit coming?

Well, just -- that's it.
What's the matter?

Nothing.

[ sighs ]

None of them are coming,
Not a one.
Who?

My relatives -- the ones I
Booked all the rooms for.

Not one is coming
To louie's funeral.

Why?
Which lame-o excuse
Do you want to hear first?

They can't get out of work.
That's not so lame-o.

Randy and barbara
Don't wanna miss

Their kid's rugby semifinal.

Rugby has semifinals?

My sister never even
Called back.

My cousins my dad helped put
Through college

Said they were too exhausted
From a fishing trip.

And slightly disturbed
Cousin frannie

Said she can't leave
Because her petey's sick.

Son?
Parrot.

I saw the stupid thing once,
Flapping its wings like crazy,

Banging around, squawking.

The only two words it knows
Over and over --

"Petey" and "Gorgeous."

[ imitating parrot ]
Gorgeous petey, gorgeous petey.

That's disturbing.
My family's disturbing.

I'm so sorry.

This is wrong.
This is not how it's done.

A family member dies, you pay
Your respects, period.

If they don't want to be there,
You don't want them there.

My dad wanted them to be
There.

But louie lived in
Stars hollow most of his life.

A lot of people from here
Will be there, right?

Right.
I know it's upsetting.

But maybe it's better this way.

Yeah, I guess.

I really hate that bird.
Hey, mom.

You got a herd of bulls
Shopping for china?

What?
Customers.

How long have you
Owned a diner?

Sorry. Jackson's outside.
He wants to talk to you.

About what?
I don't know.
He seems upset.

You okay?
Yeah. Thanks.

You might wanna study up
On that diner talk.

I'll do that tonight.
Luke, where's jess?

He's probably out
Playing basketball.

That little punk.

Oh. Hey,
Can I take your order?

Yes. Bacon, lettuce,
And tomato sandwich, no mayo.

Yo, I need a piggy-piggy

With a green bed --
Green blanket.

Blt, no mayo.
Rats.

Jackson?

I'm a miserable man.
What's up?

Remember that sweet, simple,
Affordable, little wedding

Sookie and I agreed on with
Minimal disagreement --

No disagreement in fact?

Perhaps the first time
In the history

That a couple agreed 100%
On everything?

Yes.
Gone. Ancient history.

It's the library of alexandria.
It's the colossus of rhodes.

It's pop rocks. It's over.
And do you know why?

My mother?
Look.

What are they doing?
They're measuring the town.

They're measuring the entire
Town with tape measures.

Your mother got hers at
Neiman marcus.

It's platinum.
It costs more than my car.

I am so sorry.

Look, I love sookie,

And I want her to have
What she wants.

But you see what they're
Doing now?

According to their diagrams,

That's where the 16-piece
Orchestra goes.

How are they gonna fit

A 16-piece orchestra
In the gazebo?

They want to move the gazebo.

A gazebo that's been there for
100 years,

And they want to move it.
Who moves the gazebo?

What kind of twisted mind even
Thinks about moving a gazebo?

I'll take care
Of this.

She's so excited.
She's brainwashed.

She's patricia hearst,
And my mother is the s.L.A.

I hope it's not too late.
I hope so too.

Watch the shirt.
Cork it.

Patty: it seems the right
Thing to do.

I concur.
When one gazes at stars hollow,

One can easily overlook a vital
Component of its beauty,

And that's the humble yet spunky
Twinkle light.

Holy cow.
It doesn't get fruitier.

Harry's house of twinkle lights

Has been an integral part of
This town for 20 years,

So it's only right that we honor
His retirement.

So I hereby designate
Next tuesday

"Harry the twinkle light man

From harry's house of twinkle
Lights" day.

Well, that just trips
Off the tongue.

Late again, are we?

Yes. I hope I'm not pregnant.
What?

Are these seats taken?
Don't drag me into this.

You really have to work on
Your punctuality.

I banged the meeting
A while ago.
Dirty.

I'm gonna take advantage

Of this unexpected pause
In our proceedings

To confer with miss patty about
The next item on our agenda.

What did we miss?
Harry's retiring.

What do we do for
Twinkle lights?

Go to any discount store.
Blasphemy.

What are you doing here?

This is a town meeting for
People who care about the town.

"Corky's country cavalcade" on
Public access was pre-empted,

Thought I'd check out
The next best thing.

You have time for this?

I don't. I haven't been able to
Get anyone on the phone.

And I have to confirm them
For louie's funeral.

The last order of business

Is a matter relating
Personally to me.

Therefore, I'm going to give
Miss patty my gavel.

Again. Dirty.
Stop that.

Now, don't go power mad.
Oh, alright.

Gee.

Now, the chair recognizes
Taylor doose.

Taylor, you have the floor.

Thank you, patty.

My issue, ladies and gentlemen,
Is in the form of a grievance

Against this hirsute hippie

Who opened a produce stand
In the park.

Oh, yeah. Killer veggies.
Tasty.

His squash is beautiful.

Sexy.
It's sexy squash.

Sexy or not, I demand

That this man produce his
Permit posthaste.

Got it right here.

Mm-hmm. Just what I thought.

This is not the proper permit
For this kind of business.

This is a type 24b.

Otherwise known as a cart,
Kiosk, cart/kiosk permit.

This is not valid
For your business.

Why'd you say it twice?
Hmm?

You said, "Cart, kiosk,
Cart, kiosk."

It's repetitive.
And redundant.

[ british accent ] We certainly
Are entertaining.

[ british accent ]
Indubitably, tosh.

It's not redundant.
It's three separate things.

It's a cart, a kiosk,

And a mechanical hybrid referred
To as a cart/kiosk,

Hence cart, kiosk, cart/kiosk.
He did it again.

He's been stressed lately.
His store is deserted.

I'll make it simple.
This is for businesses

That roll in in the morning and
Roll out at night.

Emphasis on the world "Roll."

Rolling businesses.
Businesses that roll.

But I carry my tables out
At night.

But you're supposed to roll
Them, rapunzel,

And carrying isn't rolling,
Is it?

Did anyone hear the word
"Rolling" come out of his mouth?

Check the transcript.

I think you'll find one word
Missing -- rolling.

Transcript?

Taylor, this isn't
Charlie rose.

He's losing his marbles.

It's just a personal vendetta.
His store is deserted.

I think that we should end the
Meeting right here, taylor.

Wait, you, there, when lady
Godiva here wanted to be town

Troubadour over you,
I stood by your side.

Why aren't you
Backing me now?

'cause you left me twisting
Before you did, taylor.

And it didn't feel good. I wrote
A song about the experience.

I heard it. It's called
"Taylor left me twisting."

It's really good.

Really? I'm having a
Trouble with the chorus.

* taylor left me twistin' *

* he set my eyes a-mistin' *

I'm not sure if it has
That thing, though.

I love that part,
I thought that maybe at the end,

You could do more about
The sweater.

We'll talk.
I'm gonna wrap this up.

Patty, how would you feel if
This guy decided to open

The long-haired freak school
Of dance?

Or the long-haired freak diner,
Luke?

Or a book store?
It's not good, right?

Everybody who agrees that we
Would not feel good about that,

Say aye.

Aye!
Aye!

Meeting adjourned.
Goodnight.

Another fun one.
Taylor, hold on a sec.

Don't you have some cleaning up
To do over at the diner?

[ sighs ]

Guys, come on.
You heard me calling you.

What is it, luke?
What do you mean?

My uncle louie's funeral's
Tomorrow afternoon.

I haven't heard from any of you.

The man was a world war ii
Veteran,

That's what you freaks,
Do you go to vets funerals.

So you're gonna be there, right?

You said you were gonna
Talk to him.

Burt said he was gonna do it.
It's taylor's job.

Talk to me about what, guys?
You might as well know.

We don't want to go
To louie's funeral.

We all hated louie.
That's not true.

He always had a scowl
On his face,

Not a kind word for anybody.

He would light those
Hideous cigars,

Blow smoke in people's faces,

And then spit after each puff.
He was disgusting.

He kicked my dog
When I was a kid.

He hit on my wife
Repeatedly.

Toto was always different
After that.

My wife was affected as well.

I'd toss her something
To fetch.

She'd run after it
And halfway there, she'd forget.

She never enjoyed her soap
Operas the same after that.

She'd just lie down.
This is an exaggeration.

We're not exaggerating. We threw
A party when he left town!

I made love to my wife
Like I never have.

Toto barked a happy bark,
Then quietly stopped breathing.

She was old.
I don't believe this.

You knew the guy.

This man was my uncle, okay?
And a war veteran.

He deserves a veteran's funeral.

But if you guys are too
Lazy to show up --

He's the lazy one.

Never once did he participate
In a town function.

When we re-enactors gathered,
He'd throw things at us.

And not soft things.
Hard things.

Rocks and small tools.
Okay. I've heard enough.

He got meaner as he got older.
Never married, never had kids.

To hell with you guys!
Who needs you?

I might just throw rocks and
Small tools at you myself

Next time I see you.

A defensive hothead
Just like louie.

Practically clones.

Oh, my god.
This is so high-tech.

Hey. What's going on?

I'm downloading wedding stuff
From prague.

Oh, you're kidding.

It's streaming in right now.

That's internet talk.
Streaming. Did you know that?

Did you know it's not called
Czechoslovakia anymore?

It's just czech republic.

Slovakia is its own
Separate thing.

Like if we started saying
There's no more connecticut.

It's just "Connec"
And "Ticut."

What are you downloading
From prague?

This will much amuse you.

Color samples for the big
Ceramic stands.

Ceramic stands
For what?

For the giant papier-mache
Mushrooms.

What are the mushrooms for?

For the midgets dressed like
Angels to dance under, silly.

Oh, my god.

Emily found the best mushroom
Maker in paris.

He's much better than the guy in
Belgium. What a hack.

I need you to stop staring at
The screen. We need to talk.

Don't talk her out
Of these things

I do not want to die without
Seeing midgets dancing.

Stay out of this.
You're no fun.

What is it, honey?

The danger of emily-world

Is that you don't always
Know you're in it

When actually you are.

Not this emily-world
Stuff again.

Have you run the numbers
On any of this?

What is this
Costing you?
I don't know.

But your mother is getting me
50% off of everything.

She is so connected.

But 50% off a load of money
Is still half a load of money.

If I scrimp,
I can afford a quarter load.

That's still too much.

Your mother said she'd chip
In a little.

That is way, way, way
Inappropriate.

I didn't take her up on it,
But it was nice.

Sookie, this isn't you --

The midgets and the mushrooms
And god knows what else.

And it isn't jackson either.
What do you mean?

We talked.
You and jackson talked?

I'm sorry, but he came to me
All upset.

I love you, sookie,
And I love him, too,

It seemed like it was
Time for me to meddle.

He was upset?
He's pretty upset.

Why didn't he just talk
To me?

Because he's jackson.

He wants you to be happy and to
Give you everything you want.

So what it comes down to is,
Is this what you want?

Well...

Maybe the midgets are
A little over the top,

And the mushrooms --

Oh...My god.

It's all sounding
So silly now.

You're coming out of it.

No, it's not what I want!

We're supposed to keep this
Nice and simple.

God, we had it all
Worked out!

So go back.
I will go back --

That is if jackson
Still wants to marry me.

Of course he does.

I'm gonna call him and tell him
It's all changing back.

I should call and cancel
Stuff first.

I've gotta call belgium...

[ cellphone ringing ]

...Copenhagen,
Bora bora.

What did you order
From there?

I'm gonna shield you
From that one.
Thanks.

Hello. Luke.

Slow down, slow down.

Okay,
I'll come right over.

I gotta go.

[ sighs deeply ]

Call, call, and...
Welcome back, friend.

[ chuckling ] Thanks.

I'm gonna start with
Hong kong.

I'm hoping those acrobats
Can get another gig.

[ gasps ]
There you are.

It won't close.

What?
The lid.

To what? [ gasps ]

Oh, hello. Louie?
That's louie.

Nice...Tan.
So, now, you say --

The lid won't close?
The lid won't close.

Did you buy the right size?
Of course I did.

It's the model we recommend

For those of medium
Height and weight.

He's of medium height
And weight.
Why won't it close?

Because of the stuff.
What stuff?

He left a list of stuff
He wanted buried with him.

It's not uncommon.

It's a very long list --
Fishing reel, bowling trophy,

A flask, his antique
Dueling pistols...

His copy of sherman's
Memoirs.

Is all the stuff
In there now?

Yes, I shoved it in
The best I could,

But it won't close,
Which defeats the purpose

Of having a damn casket
In the first place.

May I?
Give it a shot.

Whoa!
The football signed
By johnny unitas

Gives it that bounce.

What if we move the gas mask and
Pith helmet towards the feet?

That end already has every
Baseball card he ever bought --

Thousands of them.

Oh -- bungee cord! No.

What if we got some
People from the office here

To sit on the lid
And we could latch it?

Do you have anybody
You could spring?

I'm out of ideas.
So am I.

You know what?
To hell...With this.

I can't deal with this
Anymore!

It has to be dealt with.
It doesn't.

It's not as if he deserves
My help or my respect.

The man was your uncle.

He was a jerk!
Don't say that.

Taylor and the guys
Were right.

I was cutting louie slack
Because of my dad

But the man was rotten
And mean

And selfish all his life!

For god's sake,
He's even selfish in death!

Other people would have loved
To have those baseball cards.

I would have loved to had
Those cards!

He's got lou gehrig's
Rookie card,

Joe dimaggio, willie mays,
Tons of others!

But my uncle has to take all of
Them to the afterlife with him!

Sir, your voice.
I'm done. I've had it!

[ sighs ]

From now on,
It's just the bare minimum

And that's it!

Dig a big hole and just
Dump the casket in unlatched.

If stuff falls out,
Fine!

Just pile on enough dirt
And make sure nothing's showing.

I'm assuming that wouldn't be
Appropriate, either.

No.
I didn't think so.

Young man,
Where's the young lady

We heard so much about

Who's using those delightful
Old diner phrases

To place people's orders?

It sounds so fun.
Could you point her out for us?

No.

That's everyone.
I'll be upstairs.

Thanks for doing the very
Least you possibly could.

Jess: you're welcome.

Luke, there you are.
I was worried.

I should have called.
Thanks for covering again.

This will be the last time.
I promise.

It's okay.
Where were you?

At first, I walked around
Just trying to clear my head.

Saw a lot of hartford.
What a cesspool.

You're not a city man.

I calmed down and figured
Dumping louie's body

In an open grave
With all his stuff

Probably would be
A little cold.

A tad.
So, I got a yellow pages

And found a big 'n' tall casket
Shop in hartford.

You're kidding.
Nope.

I found a casket
That would fit

My 160-pound uncle
And his 140 pounds of stuff.

Got the lid to shut
The first time.

The funeral's on
As scheduled.

Good.

I don't know why
I'm doing this.

For your dad.

Although he's dead,

So he'd never know if I was
Doing it any different.

He knows. He's got the big
Luke picture screen on

24 hours a day,
And he watches and smiles.

And you're doing it
'cause you're you.

I'm gonna change,
Then you can retire

From your diner
Career forever.

No, it's fun. I came up
With some new diner phrases.

Do you know what
A "Lucky duck cluck" is?

It's foie gras with chicken
And green shamrock frosting.

Why would anyone
Order that?

If they're high.

Ehh, good grief.
What?

Bad vibe sandwich just came in.
You better retreat.

I won't be long.

Hi, mom.
Since when do you work here?

I'm just lending a hand.
What's going on?

I went by the inn to work
With sookie on her wedding.

And she fired me.
She didn't fire you.

She claims to have changed her
Mind on what we planned.

Maybe she did.
No, she didn't.

I know what's behind this.
That is, who's behind this.

It was getting to be too much
For her and her fiance.

I knew it.
Mom, these are not
Wealthy people.

They're saving for a home,
And your midgets were dancing

Between them
And their dreams.

You say "Midgets"
Like it's so absurd.

I don't see what was wrong
With my helping sookie.

Mom, come on.
What?

You weren't planning
Sookie's wedding.

Whose wedding was I planning?
Mine!

Don't be ridiculous.

Your vision
For this wedding

And all the
Over-the-top stuff --

Flowers, bunting,
Champagne fountain,

And the
Haute-couture dress --

Who's wearing that dress
In your mind's eye, mom?

Sookie? Or me?

I wasn't planning
Your wedding, lorelai.

Right.

The wedding I was planning
Was for sookie.

The mushrooms and colors --
They all seemed like fun,

A little crazy,
Just like she is.

It definitely was not
For you.
Okay.

I know that you'd never let me
Plan your wedding.

I gave up on that dream
A long time ago.

Yours was going to be
A russian winter theme --

The romanovs.

Before the firing squad,
I assume?

Snow-white roses...

Trees with white lights
And candles...

Snow everywhere...

You arriving in a silver sleigh
With white horses.

Wow.
You hate the idea.

No, I just --
You just hate it.

No, it just doesn't seem
Like me.

Yes, well, it would
Have been beautiful.

I'm sure
It would have been.

It's obvious that wouldn't be
Appropriate anymore,

Being as I'm probably standing
In your reception hall.

Excuse me?

Burgers and fries
For the dinner...

The bride
Walks down the aisle

With a ketchup dispenser
In her hand.

Tell me what
You're talking about.
I'm talking about luke.

Luke? Mom!
It's obvious, lorelai.

No, it's not, mom.

You're with him constantly.
He feeds me.

You bring up his name
Constantly.

Once again
He feeds me.

The moment he calls,
You run to his side.

He needed me.
I had to be there.

I know you did.

[ rustling ]

[ sighs ] Hi.

Hello.

I have to go.

I'll see you for dinner
Tonight, lorelai.

And I'm sure I'll see you
Again soon.

What do you think
Of the romanovs?

They probably
Had it coming.

A match made in heaven.

[ door closes ]

We're here, of course,
To honor louie,

To pay our respects,

And to bid him
A sorrowful goodbye.

You okay?
Yeah.

I'm not big on
Funerals in general.

Nobody is.

He passed away
In his sleep,

So the end came peacefully
For louie,

Which, I'm sure, is a great
Comfort to all who knew him.

The passing-away part
Was a great comfort.

I didn't know him...
Good thing.

...But I understand he was
A fine man,

Destined to be missed
By many.

Especially the ones
That were suing him.

Stop. Sorry, father.
Reverend.

Right.

Now let us witness
Louie danes...

As he is interred
And brought to the lord.

It was a nice service --
Nice and, um...

Intimate.

I guess everybody deserves
Something at the end.

Thanks for coming.
I wouldn't have missed it.

[ sighs ]
That ain't me, is it?

What are you talking
About?

What taylor said about me
Being like louie --

A loner, never being married.

I'm getting crankier
As I get older.

He's not so far off.
You are not your uncle.

I mean...

Would louie ever
Build someone a chuppah

Or help fix things
Around someone's house

Without being asked,

Or make a special
Coffeecake with balloons

For a girl's 16th birthday?

Rory told you about that?
Yes.

Would louie have
Taken in his sister's kid

Without asking for anything
In return?

No one would have trusted
Louie with their kid.

He probably would have
Forgotten to feed him.

You get my point.

[ sighing ]
Yeah, I get it.

[ drum beat ]

What's that?

Is that andrew?
I believe it is.

Left. Left.
Left, right, left.

That's all of them.

Left...Right...

Left, left, left.

Left.
Company...Halt.

Company...Salute!

Thanks.
Order --

It's what your dad
Wanted.

Yeah.

[ sighs deeply ]

And, oh, louie
Would have hated this.

[ chuckles ]
That's just a fringe benefit.

Present arms!

[ plays weakly and off-key ]

Do you think
He's in heaven?

I hope so, so my dad can
Kick his butt around the place.

Can you do that?
It's probably
Frowned upon.

Yeah, plus you're all
See-through and gauzy.

Dad's foot would go
Right through him.

This is a silly
Conversation.

What's all this?
I have no idea.

[ instrumental music ]

Hi.
What's going on?

It's kind of like
A wake for louie.

I thought you set
It up.

I didn't set
It up.

Well, it's going well,
Anyway.

People brought a ton of food,
If you guys are hungry.

This is unexpected.

Don't you have wakes
For people you like?

I think it might
Be for you.
Am I dead?

People like you.
Shut up.

With charm like that,
How could they resist?

Hey, taylor!
Cool threads!

Very "One if by land."
Mm-hmm.

I see you're digging into
The vegetables.

Thanks for the
Play-by-play.

Brought those myself.

Hey, how was the funeral?

Shouldn't you be tending

To your little stand
Out there, friend?

The stand's gone.
What?

I'm all packed up.
I'm out of here.

I don't get it.

I grow this stuff
In my backyard,

And as of yesterday,
Sold it all.

You sold it all? Made enough
Money to do some traveling.

Have you ever been
To israel?

Turbulent, but I thought
I'd go down

And try and plant
Some peace down there.

See if it grows,
See if it spreads.

Shut up, why did you put me
Through all that hoo-ha

At the town meeting

If your vegetable business
Was just temporary?

Actually, you put yourself
Through it, taylor.

You put yourself
Through it.

Nice spread.

People have too much free time.

You did a good thing.

I thought my mom set this up.
She didn't.

So? It wasn't me.

It wasn't?
No, no way.

It wasn't me.
If you say so.

The crazy ballet teacher
Called and asked

When luke was getting back,
If I could unlock the door.

I unlocked the door
And went back to sleep.

So you did do
A little something.

I unlocked the door.

So people could come in
And put this together. Nice.

For them, not for me.
You facilitated it.

That means you're
Officially part of our town now.

Wait a minute --
Welcome.

I am not part of this town.

See you for some tree planting
At the arbor day festival.

Maybe I can knock over a liquor
Store while everyone's planting.

Long as it's a liquor store
In town, neighbor.

It's halloween,

And we're lucky louie doesn't
Have razor wire around his yard.

One of the neighborhood kids
Gets all courageous

And goes sauntering up
To the door.

He yells, "Trick or treat!"

Louie throws the door open
And says,

"Did you get a reese's cup
Tonight?"

The kid looks in his bag
And says, "Yes, sir, I did."

So louie grabs it, says,
"Thank you,"

And slams the door
In his face!

[ laughter ]

I'm sorry I never met him.
He was colorful.

I never trick-or-treated
Again.

One day I'm at the post office
In line

When louie just about knocks
Me over. He cuts in line.

I said,
"Louie, there's a line!"

He says, "Kiss my butt."
I said, "You mind your manners!"

[ laughing ] He says,
"Please kiss my butt,"

And drops his pants.

[ laughter ]

Oh, I got one.
I got one.

Louie was parked outside
Al's pancake world,

And I was trying to pull in
The space behind him.

All of a sudden, he starts to
Back up. I honked my horn --

Just a little honk --
No big deal...

[ theme music ]