All language subtitles for High.School.High.1996.1080p.BluRay.x264-[YTS.LT].ENG

Mr. Andrews, Mr. Kudo, Mr. Fairchild.

Morning.

Mr. Jenson,
didn't see you at the History Club meeting.

That was the idea.

Mr. Edwards, how did the castration go
on that polo pony?

You're next, pal.

Nice tie, teach. Clip-on?

Daddy's boy.
Bite me!

Wellington Academy. Are you white?

Hold, please. I'll put you right through.

Wellington Academy. Are you white?

Hold, please. I'll put you through.

Mr. Clark, your father's waiting for you.

How are you doing, Mr. Clark?
Looking good.

Thank you, Mr. Kuntzler, I'm fine.
Good.

There he is, the man of the hour.

Son, don't just stand there. Come join us.

For a moment,
I didn't think you were gonna make it.

Father, I really need to talk to you.

Plenty of time for that, son.
Sit down. I have something to tell you.

Sit down, Richard, and smoke.

But, Father
Now, everyone smokes a pipe here.

I do it. Your grandfather did it.

Even the Indians smoked on this land

before they traded it away
for some chickens and a pound of jewellery.

But, Father, I hate
Suck.

Son, it gives me great pleasure
to announce that we're promoting you

to Assistant Vice Chairman
of the History Department.

Father, that's why we have to talk.

Yes, there's lots to talk about.

You'll need a telephone,
and we'll move you from the basement

Father, for once in your life,
will you just listen to me?

Oh, my.

Look, I've taken a job

at Barry High School.

For the moment, I will assume that you've
found a sense of humour and are joking.

I'm not joking.

Richard, if you do this, you will fail.

You will fail.

And mark my words, you'll come crawling
back here with your tail between your legs.

You're wrong, Father.
I'm going to succeed at Barry High School.

And I have no intention of ever crawling
back here with anything between my legs.

Barry High.

Hey, could you point me
to the faculty parking lot?

Thanks a lot.

Where?

Beautiful morning.

Come on, give me a break.
All right.

Man.

Hold it. What is this?

No, wait a minute.
What the heck is this? Get on in there.

Come here.

You had them last week.
I know what you mean.

All right, give me $3.

My brother, 24 carats, $24.

No, thank you. I already have a

Falique Abdul, please come to the office.
One of your fathers is here.

You watch it, okay. Okay?

Who's that?
How the hell should I know?

Well, what have we got here?
Griff, welcome back, bro.

So you finally got what you wanted?

It's a nice little business.
Keeps us in pocket change.

I knew it was you that set me up, bro.

If it bothers you that much,
go ahead, make your move.

Or did that year in juvie soften your cheese?

This is my turf now.
You show me respect. Me.

Paco de la Vega-El Camino-Cordova-Jose
CuervoSanchez-Rodriguez

Junior.

Are we not forgetting a name?

What's that?
Skid mark.

All right, you toughs. Break it up.

Now, cut it out.

You boys ought to be ashamed
of yourselves.

School is no place for fighting.

What are you looking for?

I'm looking for the rest your posse

that's going to keep me
from ripping you a new asshole.

I will pretend for the moment
that you meant that in a nice way.

But I am warning you,
I'm about to lose my temper.

Now, I want you boys to shake hands.

Go on.

There. See?

Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?

It's always best to shake hands,
unless someone just sneezed into it

or if they have a stump.
That could be a little weird.

All right, now go on, everybody.
Get back to class.

Cross me again, Griffy-boy

and even Mr. Rogers here
won't be able to save your ass.

Go on. Bye.
Let's go, dogs.

Gentlemen, I believe classes are this way.

They're not at school here anymore.

Are you in school here?
Yeah.

First day?
No, not really. I was

Mine, too. I'm a new teacher, Mr. Clark.
What's your name?

Griff McReynolds.
Nice to meet you, Griff.

You know, son,
I remember my first day at school.

Hope you live through this one, chump.

Your attention, please.

Today begins sexual awareness week.
Please contact Nurse Johnson in the hall.

Here you go, you little slut.

Excuse me. I'm looking for Room 134.

Thank you.

Keep moving. I repeat, keep moving.

Pick up that can.

Where are you going?
The little girls' room is that way.

Hey, take off those colours.

Yeah, you. Lose the cigarette.

Take a hike, Gumby.
Get rid of the sunglasses.

Excuse me. But this kind of behaviour

I'd bet the principal would frown
on this sort of thing.

Evelyn Doyle, Principal.

Look, pinhead, I don't know
what nursery school you come from

but here you screw up, you die.

Every bad kid in the city
is dumped into our laps.

Excuse me, Ms. Doyle, with all due respect

I don't think there is such a thing
as a bad kid.

At least, they don't start off that way.
They just need someone they can relate to

and I can reach them.
I know what's def, what's wack

what's jam, what's straight-up booty.

Mr. Clark,
how long have you been teaching here?

Twenty minutes!

I've been here over 20 years.
Don't you question my authority on this.

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Are you having a hard time
finding your way around?

Yes. I'm looking

for Room 134.

Hi. Victoria Chapell.
Richard Clark.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Clark.
It's down this way.

What do you teach, Ms. Chapell?

I'm Principal Doyle's
administrative assistant.

Drama coach. You did say Room 134?

Yes.

This is it. All of our classrooms
are in dire need of repair.

Ever since the legislature passed
that Three F's and You're Out law

a lot of schools have closed.

The school board decided
it just wasn't worth it.

I guess they just gave up on these kids.

So we've been squeezed for money
ever since.

We've been forced to

Guess I'll get that later.

Mr. Clark, are you by any chance related
to Thaddeus Clark

Headmaster at the Wellington School?

Yeah. He's my father.

Every school in the district
uses his book as a faculty primer.

You know,
I don't see the family resemblance.

Most people think I take after my mum.

Look at this place.
Boy, it has great character.

Sure, it needs a little paint and plaster

and floorboards

and pest control.

With a little elbow grease

Jesus!

And some new wiring,
she'll be back to shape in no time.

Smell those seats.

It says, Teach me. I want to learn.

You must think I'm a silly idealist.
No.

I really admire your dedication.

Your wife must be very proud of you.

Actually, I'm not married.

I find that surprising.

It's pretty hard to be married,
if you've never had a steady girlfriend.

I'm much too busy with work
to think about much else other than work.

That's very admirable.

The last time I heard someone talk like that
was old Mr. Riley.

He was head of the History Department
until last semester.

Retired?

If you can call
being beaten to death retiring.

Coffee?

The lounge.

I'm going in. Cover me.
Good luck in Home Ec, Lou.

It's a little early to start drinking,
don't you think?

Who stops?

Hi, I'm Richard Clark.
I'm a new history teacher here.

What department do you teach in?
I don't know. Something on the third floor.

Richard, I'd like you to meet somebody.

This is Bernie Raveling,
our athletic director, and

It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Raveling.

Letting the moustache grow in, I see.
Richard

From the looks of the stubble,
I'd say it's going to be a beaut.

I had one in college myself.

Richard, that's Ms. Wells,
the girls' gym teacher.

Did I mention how attractive you look,
Ms. Wells?

That blue sweat suit really brings out
the colour of your eyes.

You coming on to me, pickle dick?

No. I'd never dream of it.

Not good enough for you?
Well, it's been a real pleasure.

They should really fix the lighting in here.

All right, settle down, you people.

Knock it off. Quiet!

I want quiet.

It's a new semester.
That means new I.D. Cards

strip searches and fresh fingerprints.

Shut up!

As you know, Mr. Arnott

our assistant principal, is still missing.

If you know of his whereabouts,
or if you have him

contact me immediately.

And also don't forget,
in less than two months

the state will administer
the Academic Proficiency Test.

Anyone planning on going to college
is required to take these exams.

Don't forget Career Day on Fridays.

The United States Marines
and the Michigan Militia

will have recruiters here on campus.

All right, listen up!

We have a new teacher.

His name is Richard Clark.

It's his first day.

Give him at least a week
before you do something terrible to him.

Mr. Clark, do you have anything to say?

Now, you all should know

Actually, yes.

I was asked a while back,
what teaching meant to me.

My reward,
is being able to shape and mould

agile young minds like yours.

Someday you will be the world's leaders.

But the important thing is, I see in you

the future of America.

You suck!

That's enough, miss!

She's the school's librarian.

Jeez, talk about low morale.

All right, please settle down.

There. That's more like it.

I know.

I'm the enemy.

I'm the grown-up.

But, darn it, I was a kid once, too.

And I haven't led a choirboy's life.

I've got my share of parking tickets.

At a baseball game once

I moved down to the expensive seats.

Yeah. I'm not proud of it.

In order to get to know you

I've devised a little system.

When I call your name

I would like you to stand up

and then you tell me a little something
about yourself.

Natalie Thompson.

Is there a Natalie Thompson here?
I'm here.

What's up, girl?
Why are you late?

Because the bell rang before I got here.
Well

All right. Before you came in, we were just
talking about sharing personal information.

Perhaps you can tell us something
about yourself.

For the last week,
I've had a yeast infection that's extremely

Not that personal.

Something about what you enjoy doing.

I like writing poetry.

A poet. I love poetry.

Perhaps you have a nice one
you'd like to share with us.

Okay.

Here's one I wrote yesterday.

Oh, hopelessness

unrelenting, blood-drenched

intestine-twisting hopelessness

So thick and mucous-like
in a stinking, vomit-filled void

I am but a rancid carcass on the highway

Road kill for the maggots

Floating in shark-filled bile,
like wildebeest entrails

That's as far as I got.
I would have finished but

I couldn't find anything
to rhyme with festering drippage.

Well, thank you, Natalie.

Is it Anthony Jefferson?

Anferny.

I beg your pardon?

Anferny.
Anferny?

Anferny, I thought I wrote it down wrong.

All right. Tell us a little something
about yourself, Anferny.

You know. I like chilling with my boys

blazing up a fat blunt

rizzeezing my mizzonkey

hitting skins with my old lady

hanging my ass over the line,
tagging freeway bridges.

I'm down with that poetry shit, too.
You want to hear?

Sure.
All right.

My benevolence is upset
and so is my pride

That's why I took my bitch

for a ride

I'm down with the bros
and I'm up on my shiznit

because I love it when I'm just laid back
chilling with my bitch

Whichever one of them hoes I'm with

I call it, Love Can Be A Wonderful Thing.

Thank you, Anferny.

That was quite romantic.

Julie Rubels. Miss Rubels?

That's Mrs. Rubels.

See, right after I got out of prison,
I met Tito

and that's when little Juan and Maria
came along.

I certainly hope
you learned a valuable lesson.

Yes.

Basically, as far as vasectomies go,
never use the home kit.

Thank you, Julie.

Griff McReynolds?

Where's Griff? Griff.

We had the pleasure
of meeting earlier today.

Hey, Griff, let me ask you something.

Where do you see yourself in, say, 20 years?

Living in your house, homes

with your cracker ass buried
under the front porch.

Hi.

Excuse me.

Hi.

How was your first day?
Not bad. Not bad at all.

I think I may be reaching them.

Victoria?

Do you think
you could give me a ride home?

I seem to have misplaced my car.

Don't worry about it.
All the teachers lose their cars the first day.

Of course I'll give you a ride.

That is,
if you promise to help me chaperone

the Welcome Back dance tonight.

Really?

I'd love to.

Great.

So I'll meet you out in the parking lot
in five minutes?

Okay.

Tripping, right?
Right.

All right, peep this out, y'all.
We going to pump it up a little bit like this.

Yeah.

Listen, I have a record I want you to play.

Don't you think the kids would enjoy
a nice song with a melody?

What you got, homes?

It is a rare, one-of-a-kind, original pressing.

Yeah? All right, man.
I'm going to put it on here for you.

Thanks.
No problem.

Yo, man, these jams be kicking, man.

You got any more of this funky fresh shit
lying around the crib?

Hey.
Hi.

You're in my history class, right?

I'm Griff McReynolds.
Natalie Thompson.

That was a pretty nice poem
you read in class today, Natalie.

Thanks.
How do you think of all that stuff?

I try not to, you know?

Is it true you used to run the gang
before Paco?

Yeah, but I'm through with gangs. Word up.

I mean, in juvie I had time to do
some thinking and some reading.

You're different from everybody else here.

Most of the boys I know,
they're all crude and immature.

Most of the time,
they just want to stare at girls' breasts.

You know what I mean?
Sorry. What?

This is my song.

You want to bust one?
I don't know. We just met.

Come on. It's just an innocent little dance.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right, boys, let's party.

Yo, Mr. DeMarco in the house. Beat it.

Paco.
What up?

What's the 411 on my shipment?

Same as always.
Mr. A's Restaurant, Friday nights.

You bring the cash. We bring the boot.
You know the drill.

You tell Mr. A to expect me.

I'll do that.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I got to go mingle with my customers.

See, real money talks.

Let's see if yours does.

I mean, there was a time

when I tried all the self-help groups
like Outward Bound

and that other one where a bunch of men
sit around a campfire naked

beating drums and abusing themselves.

Then I tried drugs.
Prozac, Zantac, Monoxodil.

But in the end,
you know what I found worked for me?

Dim sum.

Whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed by life

I just head to Chinatown.

Yo, Mr. Clark, Paco and his boys heading up
in here. You want us to serve them fools?

Look. Anferny, instead of using your fists

try using this.

Head-butting?

Never mind.
Just pick a window and guard it.

Richard,
you're not really going to try and stop

Paco and his gang from coming in, are you?

They come to all the dances.
Not anymore.

What if they got guns and knives
and everything?

Who'd bring guns and knives to a dance?

In that case,
maybe we'd better call the police.

No, wait. The last time they tried that,
four people ended up in the hospital.

I can see your point.
We can't have kids going to the hospital.

Who said anything about kids?
The cops were beaten senseless.

All right.

You take care of the music. Anferny,
you and your guys, you come with me.

Let's go.

Say, nice leather jacket.

Men's Warehouse?
Shut up, teach.

We're coming in, so stand aside.

Not this time, gentlemen.
This dance is for Barry students only.

We're not gonna have any gangs
inside our school.

Who's gonna stop us?
My gang.

We already up inside the school.

You call them bunch of pussies a gang?

Look, Paco, if you're interested
in coming back to school

and working towards a career
Shut up!

Are you gonna move aside

or am I gonna have to turn your eyebrows
into a moustache?

Paco

why don't you chill out, man?
Stay out of this, Griff.

Since when you been down with O.P. P?
What you tripping about?

You with my girl.
I am not your girl, Paco.

Since when?
We went on one date.

If I had known
you were gonna rob that liquor store

trust me, I never would have gone.

No one got hurt, did they?

Only 'cause the clerk was wearing
a bulletproof turban.

All right, that's enough.

Fine. I don't want you anyway,
you super freak.

You're a real jack-off, you know that?

That's enough. I mean it.

We're all civilised human beings here.

Certainly we can come up
with a compromise.

All right. I just got some fresh wheels.

How about a chickee run?

You're a real idiot, you know?
That's good. Chickee run.

Isn't that better than fighting?

Okay, everybody, let's go. Back to dancing.

And we'll see you in, what?
Ten minutes. Beck's Bluff.

See you at the Bluff.
Thanks, pal.

Chickee run.

See? There's always an intelligent way
to solve our differences.

My God, Richard, do you have any idea
what you've just done?

Get lost, punk.

All right.

First one to jump out of the car
before the edge of the cliff loses.

Now remember, no ramming, no swerving

and absolutely no use of brakes at any time.

All right, listen up, guys. Here's the deal.

When I drop this scarf

you boys are gonna go.

No jumping the gun.

Ready

set

go!

Richard, just promise me you'll be careful.

Remember some things are irreplaceable.

Irreplaceable?
Nothing's gonna happen to me.

I was talking about my car!

Hey.

Griff. Paco. Listen to me, boys.

Going fast never solved anything.

This is no way to resolve a dispute.

We can work this mess out.

I want you both to get out of your cars
right now

and we'll settle this in an adult manner

like a fistfight.

There. That's better.

Nobody panic.

I'm okay.

Here's the tip.
Nobody has to know about this.

Our little secret.

Firefighters from all over
Southern California

are still trying to contain the flames
that have blackened over 200 acres

and caused several blocks of homes
to be evacuated.

The charred remains of three cars
were found in the rubble.

One, a classic Corvette,
has been described by experts

as being irreplaceable.

I think we've heard enough bad news
for one day.

What we've been hearing are rumours

that some of our students
may have been involved in this fire.

And very possibly, a teacher.

You wouldn't know anything about that,
would you, Mr. Clark?

No.

You know, Clark

I've been thinking
that maybe we got off on the wrong foot.

I happen to be a woman
who has strong opinions

about how this place should be run.

It's just possible
that you and I don't see eye-to-eye

on our philosophies of education.

I've always been a woman of few words.

No miracles.

Dumping ground.

I'll need more words than that, ma'am.

All right. I'll spell it out for you.

Our primary job here

is to warehouse these delinquents,
until such time as they can be released

into the general population

or sent to a real jail.

Look, although I may admire
and even appreciate your ideals

I know what works, Mr. Clark.

I know what to expect from these kids

and they know what to expect from me.

My hope is that you can fit into the pattern
here at Barry.

I guess I should get to class.

I've certainly enjoyed our chat

and I'll take everything you've said to heart.

Clark!

Mr. Clark

Chickee run, man. Yeah.

Mr. Clark, you were smoking last night.
Thanks, Anferny.

My man!

For you, Mr. Clark.

Richard, you forgot your briefcase.

How sweet. Is that for me?

Sorry about your car.

All right. I want everyone to take their

seats.

Today, I'd like to talk about

All right. I guess I won't need this anymore.

Let's begin, shall we?

Yesterday,
I was about to start with the Bill of Rights

and what they mean to all of us.

Who can tell me about the Founding Fathers
and their doctrine?

Let me go, man.

That's not funny. Let go.

Your attention, please.

This is Principal Doyle
welcoming you once again

to Barry High's weekly Career Day.

All the companies represented here
have been handpicked

by me in order to give you
a full spectrum of safe and legal ways

What's up, man?
I see you got a bright future ahead of you.

You wouldn't understand, Paco.
I'm trying to help my family.

See now, this is the shit
that's going to feed your family, not some

rinky-dink job.

Go ahead, man. I'm sure you could use it.

I got a big deal going down, all right,
with DeMarco at Mr. A's Restaurant.

You remember the zip code, right?
Yeah.

I need a good mule.

Are you up for it?
I can't even think about that right now.

Who's asking you to think?
Ask Alonzo here. Thinking hurts.

Richard?

Hello?

You tell your boyfriend this is only
the beginning. He better back off.

Get your hands off of me!

Come on, I know you want this.
I read Mike Tyson's book.

Javier, come quick and bring your tools.

Don't worry, Victoria, I'm here.

Let me handle this.

Here, put this on.

Animal.

Get off of her.

Here, sit down.

Victoria.

No. Stay away from me.

It's okay. It's me.
I know.

What the hell's going on here?

I was attacked.

Dressed like that, what do you expect?

And alone with him.

It wasn't just me. There were three of us.

That makes it all better.

No. I was wrestling with the other guy.
He was trying to have sex with her.

I don't care what your arrangement was,
or how it went wrong.

Now you listen to me, Clark.

Either you shape up,
or I'll bounce you out of here

faster than a homo at Fort Dix.

Does it hurt here?
A little.

And here?

How about here?
I can't feel your hand.

That's because I'm touching myself.

I better get you something to wear.
You have a T-shirt around here anywhere?

Top drawer.

Here we are.

Poor thing. You must be exhausted.

Let me loosen that bra and get you some air.

Richard

Victoria, I'm sorry about all this.
It's all my fault.

If they think by attacking you
they can scare me off, they're nuts.

They can attack you all they want.
I'm gonna get through to these kids.

Sure, getting them to come to class,
it's a small victory

but it isn't enough.
Richard, they have to want to learn.

That's exactly my point.
And I think Griff is the key.

He seems to be a leader. Now

if I could just reach him,
I could get through to the others

You have to be careful.

If you raise their expectations

their hopes, and their dreams,
and then you fail?

It's worth the risk.

These are all basically good kids.

They deserve the same experiences
that we all had in high school.

Dating, going to proms,
and begging for sex.

Richard, you have to trust me on this one.

I'm your friend.

I'm more than a friend.

To me?

Yes. Why not?

Well, no one who's ever looked like you
has ever looked at me.

That's their loss.

You know, I have never been very good
at relationships.

In fact, most of mine always ended with,
you know:

Hey, what are you doing in bed
with that other woman?

And that was me talking.

Victoria, I do find you very attractive.

What's wrong?

I'm scared.

It's okay, you can be on top.

No, it isn't that.

Trouble just seems to follow me around.

Everywhere I go, there's always someone
looking to bust my balls.

Don't worry, Richard.

Your balls are safe with me.

My God, you're a virgin.

No, I still have my panties on.

I still can't
Richard, I'm over here.

Driver, I'm the next stop.

Forget it, pal.
We don't stop in this neighbourhood.

Griff?

Here you go, darling.
Thanks, Sam.

Watch your back.

Here's your cola, Griff.

Griff.
Mr. Clark.

What are you doing here?
I live here.

I realise a lot of these men do,
but you can get help for this, son.

No. I mean my mom and I
live in an apartment upstairs.

Listen, Griff.
The reason I came here is because l

I sense that you want to make something
of yourself

and if you help me,
we can turn the school around.

Why me, man?
You'll have to get somebody else.

Who do you think is watching my little

brothers and sisters
while my moms is working? I'm all they got.

You remind me a lot of myself
when I was your age

except I was white and had
both parents and lived in the suburbs

and I didn't have any brothers or sisters.

Maybe you remind me of somebody else.

Griff, don't you have a dream?

You wouldn't be interested, man.
Sure I would. Tell me.

Promise you won't tell anyone.
You have my word.

I want to go to college.
College? You got to be

I'm sorry. Listen, Griff, I'll make you a deal.

You help me get these kids to learn

and I promise you, I will do everything
in my power to get you into college.

Don't try to play me, Mr. Clark.

I've been promised stuff before
that hasn't come true.

I'm saying, where would I get the money
for college from?

You ever hear of scholarships?
Yeah!

Well

you probably won't get any of those.

But there are plenty of other ways.
I promise you.

Don't just take my word for it, all right?

You go home, you talk it over
with your mother.

I'm sure she'll agree with me.

Here.

Listen, Griff,
you don't have to live in a community

infested with crimes, and drugs, and gangs.

You don't have to end up in some sleazy bar
with a bunch of washed-up bums

watching some over-the-hill stripper
expose herself

for a few measly dollars in her G-string.

Okay. Now, in the next six weeks

I am gonna try and cram as much knowledge
into your brains as is humanly possible.

Or as space will allow.

Now, this is your textbook for the semester.

They open like this.

Now all of you try it.

Good.

All right. Let's get to work.

Maybe we should start
with some basic English.

Now, who can give me a complete sentence?

Yo, you wack punk,
you be going down the hard way.

All right, that's a good sentence.
Let's examine it.

Yo is a common colloquial greeting

comma

you wack punk

you be going

This is just bad syntax.
Who can give me another sentence?

Julie.
I think my water broke.

Good.

I think

What's the capital of Nebraska?
Lincoln.

Right. Who freed the slaves?
Lincoln.

Right. Charles Keating cooked the books
of what S and L?

Lincoln.
Yes.

Who makes the best town car?
Cadillac.

No.

Lincoln!
Amazing.

Now we're getting somewhere.

You and three of your G's
are on someone else's turf.

You're cruising along in your fly ride
about 20 miles per.

There's a posse of eight homies just sitting
in front of their crib, they're just

chilling on the porch
playing some fresh jams.

Who they got on the box?
I think they're riffing with Tag Team

maybe some Ice, Snoop, Biggie,
Junior MAFIA, whatever.

They decide that they want to throw down.

So, you and your boys, you pile out
of your hooptie for the face-off.

They have six baseball bats and two chains.

You have three brass knuckles

and two sawed-off pool cues,
you know, jimmy sticks.

Now, what I want to know is
what is the ratio

of metal weapons to wooden ones?

Over here, over here, Mr. Clark, Julie knows.

Okay, pop quiz. Who was the first president
to use the telephone?

Anferny.
Nixon.

No. Griff.

Garfield.
Yes.

First president to be on television?

Anferny.

Johnny Carson.
No, he was never president. Natalie.

Eisenhower.
Yes.

Who was the last president to blow chunks
on a Japanese head of state?

Anferny.

Bush?
Yes!

Good day, Ms. Doyle.

Good morning, Ms. Doyle.

You looking fine, Ms. Doyle.

Mr. Arnott? Where have you been?

They released me.

Everyone

state law prohibits Mr. Clark
from being here today, so he's at home

probably a little nervous,
but I'm sure rooting for all of you.

All right, here we go.

The Academic Proficiency Test.

You have eight hours in which to complete
this exam. Good luck to all of you.

Begin work now.

Every day people are discovering
just how fun and easy it is

to get a precision-layered haircut
with the incredible

Flowbee Precision Haircutting System.

Don't be fooled by imitators.

Flowbee cuts from
a half-inch to six inches long.

Can't do it wrong.
Get a close-up on this. Squeeze.

Go ahead. Show your abs.

Shit.

All right, time's up.

Come on. Time's up. Close your booklets.

I'm sure you all did very well.

Scores will be posted
at the end of this week.

How do you think you did on the test?

I don't know. For the first time in my life,
I feel like I did something right.

Me, too.

Check this out.
What is it?

It's my future. Remember that college
I was telling you about?

Yeah.
They wrote me back yesterday.

Yeah.
Now I feel like I got a real chance to get in.

Guess I owe a lot to Mr. Clark?

Yeah, you know, I think all the kids
pretty much feel the same way.

I mean, think about it.

We could both end up
at the same school together.

Griff, this is the happiest
I ever remember being.

It's the first time in my life I haven't prayed
for a gas line to rupture

under my building while I was smoking.

Natalie, I'm glad you're happy.

Come on.
There's something I want you to see.

Okay.

Mr. Clark has taken this place on
as a special project.

Fie, my lord, fie!

Out, damned spot. Out, I say.

Line!

Who would have thought the old man
to have so much blood?

Who would have thought the old man
to have so much blood in him?

Take it off!

Hustle up, man. Come on, hurry up.

Yeah, sweet.

This ought to take care of our little problem.

Let's get out of here, Paco.

Hey, give it a rest.

Everyone, I just want to say
before the test scores arrive

that I am so proud of all of you.

Well?

As I expected,
every student in this class failed.

The lowest scores in the country.

But there must be some mistake.
That's right.

And you're it. See for yourself.
Figures don't lie.

We're not dealing
with Rhodes scholars here.

It's time I just accepted what I am
and get on with my life.

No, Griff, wait.

See what you've done?

I told you to leave them at the bottom
of the barrel, where they belong.

Griff, wait.

Consider yourself terminated
as of right now.

Natalie, wait.

Chuckie, wait.

Wait, Ms. Doyle,
you're making a huge mistake.

Mr. Clark has helped this school.
He's a good teacher.

And I'm not just saying that
because we slept together.

Clean out your desk by the end of the day.

Richard, wait.
No.

You were right all along.

I didn't know what I was getting into
with these kids.

Richard.

I'm out of here.

What's wrong with all of you?

Have you forgotten
how much Mr. Clark has helped us?

You had a D average
before Mr. Clark started tutoring you.

Now you're on the honour roll.

And this boy. Everyone thought he had
Tourette's syndrome until Mr. Clark

discovered he was
a Hindu exchange student.

You suck!

You can come back.
Look at me. I'm living proof.

Call me.

Richard, wait!

Richard.

I'm telling you,
I'm really worried about Richard.

I've been calling his house
for the past three days

and I keep getting the same message:

Hi. I'm not here, and I may never be again.

Julie?

Buddy up with a mangy dog
or a small child.

Hey, Nat, are you okay?

I'm afraid Griff's gonna join Paco's gang.
Come on.

Check this out.

Word on the street is Paco and his little
punk dogs slipped those mentals we took.

What I'm saying is, they switched the tests.
That's why everybody flunked.

You know, you guys.
I probably didn't need no help.

Oh, my God, this is awful.
Then we just got to find Mr. Clark.

Yeah, but where?
Where do you find a man that depressed?

Wait a minute. Dim sum.

Chinatown. Come on.

Okay, this is it. Julie, Natalie

why don't you two head down that way?
Okay.

Anferny, go down to the south end
of the block, and I'll go down this way.

All right.

Please, let this be the one.

Richard,
what are you trying to do to yourself?

Richard, snap out of it.
Don't you recognise me?

Mum?

No, it's me.

Father O' Flannery?

Mister?

You okay? Mister, you okay?

This girl over there, she asked about you.
Come. Now.

Richard, thank God.
Victoria?

I've been looking everywhere for you.
I didn't know you drank.

I drank?

I thought it was just my pet gorilla here.

How many fingers?

Come on, Mr. Clark, snap out of it.
We got to get Griff out of that drug deal.

Maybe we should just
let the cops handle this.

That would be fine if I didn't mind waiting
20 years to see Griff again.

Don't worry. I'll just go in and get him.

Mr. Clark, you can't just go in there
and be like:

Okay, Griff, we're going home,
else you gonna be going home in a box.

The only way we're going to get Griff
out of there

is you got to show up in the back room
with the cash.

You got the cash, you the man.

Where am I gonna get the cash?
Man, DeMarco gonna be there.

What you think he carry in his briefcase?
Food stamps?

Your job is to make his cash your cash.

Did you get it?
It's all in there.

Good.

We just got time to eat.

All right, everybody, wait here.

I'll handle this.
You not out in 20 minutes

me and my G's is coming in after you,
straight up.

Go in there and represent, Mr. Clark.
You can do it.

I can do this.

What are you doing here?
I'm here to help you.

Richard, if anything happens,
I want to be here with you.

Thanks.

How are we gonna know
which one is DeMarco?

We'll just take a wild guess.
Where?

Come on.

Someday you will be the world's leaders.
You suck!

Where you going?

It's a mistake, man. I can't do this.

I thought we settled this, Griffy-boy.

You better decide right now. You in or out?

I ain't asking again.
Define in or out.

In, you're with us, and out, you're dead.

Works for me.

Where the hell's our waiter?

Good evening, gentlemen

and welcome to Mr. A's
fine dining establishment.

I'm Zack. I'll be your waiter this evening,
and this is my trainee, Paula.

I'm an Aries.
I enjoy water sports and dancing.

And my hobbies are origami
Enough small talk.

Just bring us two thick T-bones.

Yes, sir.

Would you like those
with or without the bones?

And a couple of glasses of water.

All right.
Let me tell you about our water then.

It comes from the Los Angeles aqueduct

where it flows down
a lovely cement channel on a bed of

I don't care where it came from.
Just bring it to us.

I'll take that. It's his birthday.

Would anyone care
for some desserts this evening?

Look, you little weasel.
Just bring us what we asked for.

Unless you want me to stick
this bread stick up your ass.

It sure would taste better if you didn't.

You might want to try buttering it first.

Hey, stand back.

Come on. We've got to change disguises.

You ready?

Yeah, but unfortunately
we've got this other thing we gotta do first.

Let's see what's in this thing.

Jesus!

Hurry.

Manny, zap that sauce for me, will you?

Got it.

Now, what do you want?

I'm here to see Mr. A.

Who the hell are you?

I'm Mr. B.

Mr. D couldn't make it. He's out with Mr. C.

You're early.

DeMarco's early.

Say what? You?

Mr. Clark, Miss Chapell,
what are you doing here?

No need to be so formal, boys.

We're not in school anymore.

Two seconds you gonna be
one dead teacher. How's that for formal?

Now, we work for DeMarco,
buying and selling drugs.

We're lowlife scumbags. Just like you.

What are you talking about?
What better cover than

a teacher and a secretary?

Administrative assistant.

Yes, all right.

All right, enough of this small talk.
I've got business with Mr. A. Where is he?

I'm right here.

Clark?
Ms. Doyle?

Around here they call me Mr. A.

Mister?

I inherited the business
from my late husband.

I'm shocked.
What?

That a woman can run a business?

No. That you were ever married.

All right. Let's do it.

What exactly is she doing here?

She's my bitch.

Well, my significant other.

We've been slapping skins
for quite some time now.

You say you work for DeMarco.
Why should I believe you?

Why would I have his briefcase
unless I was working for him?

That doesn't prove anything.

You could have seen him
down in the restaurant

dressed up like a waiter,
created some kind of diversion

while she snatched it from under the table.

That's a little far-fetched, don't you think?

Wait a minute. Think about it.
You think he's capable of all that?

Hey, all right.

What's the big idea?

You work out?
All right. Knock it off.

I say we off him now,
and then do what we want with their bodies.

Easy, Paco, easy.

So, you like getting high, Clark?

Who doesn't?

Then perhaps you'd like to sample
the finest crank in town.

Sure. Load me up a spike.
Let's get this party into gear.

Look man, he's clean. No tracks.
I take mine in the ass.

Got used to it as a kid. Shots.

You're starting to piss me off, man.

Maybe you don't have enough holes
in your head already.

Excuse me.
Something seems to be riding up here.

What's going on there?

Nothing I know rides up that high.

Here.

Tie off.

You really should have someone
look at that. It could be malignant.

Quit stalling.
We don't want to be here all night.

Here's looking at you, kid.

This shit be kicking.

Man, I'm wasted off my ass
and you're still ugly.

False alarm.

Some idiot put a gun in the microwave.

Good stuff?

So what have you got to say for yourself?

Nothing, really.

Except it's going to be an interesting
morning tomorrow, after my coffee.

I'll need at least two magazines.

So it's all here?
As far as you know.

Half a million?
Really?

Yes, down to the penny.

Now, I'll just take my stuff
and be on my way.

Wait here.

Griff, you got to get out of here.

You're throwing your life away,
messing around with these drug dealers.

Look who's talking.
No, he's not a real drug dealer.

He's just pretending. He's here to save you.

You risked your life to come here for me?
Yeah, of course I did.

Well, not the risking-my-life part.

Anyway, look, Paco switched the tests, and
the police are probably already on their way.

We got to get out before

It's the waiter and his trainee.
Yeah. Where the hell's our dinner?

You jughead.
They're the ones who stole our briefcase.

DeMarco, what's going on?

Is this your idea of a straight deal?

We thought Clark was your guy.
I never seen him before tonight.

Hey. Another one of these,
one of us is gonna have an orgasm.

Clark, you never should have messed
with me. I don't want him found.

No problem.

No.

Come on, G's. They're down this way.
You guys.

In the house.

Doyle is getting away. Stop her.

Seems to me
we've got some unfinished business.

You're forgetting a couple things,
aren't you?

Yeah, what's that?
Richard's not here to help you this time.

And?

I have a frozen pig's foot.

What's he doing?

What's going on?

Come on!

Look! There's a bigger man,
and he's got a gun!

Christ!
Sorry.

This was a new suit, pickle dick.

Get back.

What are you fossils staring at?
Eat your vegetables.

Get back! I'm gonna walk out of here.
You punks get out of the way.

I'm gonna count to three, and if you're
not moving, I'm gonna start shooting.

Do what she says, kids.

Chill, Mr. Clark.
She ain't shooting nothing but the breeze.

You kids are even bigger boneheads
than I thought.

And everybody knows it, too,
except for this fool.

You know, Ms. Doyle, that's just what you

and people like you,
want everyone to think, isn't it?

That somehow, no matter what goes down,
we just can't cut it.

You use that as an excuse to hold us back

but Mr. Clark showed us
that there is another way.

Another way to flunk.

Think we failed that test? Listen up.

If x is 17, plus the square root of 4,
minus 6

what's x?

Thirteen.

Famous Russian author of
The Brothers Karamazov?

Who is Dostoyevsky.

The Gadsden Purchase formed parts
of what two states?

Arizona and New Mexico.

All right, I'll shoot him.

What's the capital of Ecuador?
Quito!

Back off! I mean it.

NASA's Apollo Program ended what year?
1975!

Stay away from me.

Who was responsible
for the first moonwalk?

Michael Jackson!

What did he say?

No, I'm just playing, man.
It was Louis Armstrong's brother, Neil.

What group

is responsible for the consumption
of the most doughnuts in Los Angeles?

Police!
Right.

Nobody move. Get your hands up.

This isn't what it looks like.

Say hello to Mr. A.

So this is Mr. A.
We've been looking for him for years.

You're under arrest, fellow.

Hey, partner, there's about five more
gangster-pops in the freezer.

It was her, man.
She masterminded the whole thing.

I'll testify in court. She's Mr. A.
We know.

Could I borrow your coat?
I can't feel my legs.

Come on, let me go, man.
I'll give you $50,000.

Ms. Doyle,
I guess we just got off on the wrong foot.

No hard feelings.

Wonderbra?

I swear to God, Clark,
when I get out, I'm gonna hunt you down

and beat you like a circus monkey.

By the way, happy birthday.

This shit be kicking.

And now, to present the diplomas

principal pro tem, Richard C. Clark.

Will the graduates please rise and begin

Richard, I never thought I'd say this

but I was wrong about you, son.

I can't believe
what you've accomplished here.

Thanks, Dad.

When I call your name,
please step forward to receive your diploma.

Anferny Jefferson.

Julie Rubels.

There's Mommy.

Achmed Duvded.

Natalie Thompson.

And the valedictorian of our class,
with a 2.35 GPA

Griff McReynolds.

You did it, buddy.

Way to go, Griff! That's my boy!

That's my boy.

Good for you, Griff!

For all of you who did not
make the journey to this stage today

I say to you, work as hard as you can

do a couple hours
of homework each night

and nothing can stop you.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the graduating class of 1996.

Graduates, graduate!

Coming up on the 11:00 report

Sparky the rottweiler is still missing
on that Korean airliner

day 32.

A deadly strain of bacteria
found in movie popcorn

striking its victims exactly
one-and-a-half hours after being consumed.

And in sports

Steve's gonna tell us about Marge Schott's
purchase of the Harlem Globetrotters.

That's all coming up next.