All language subtitles for 04.The Crackpot Of The Empire.en

CHURCH BELL CHIMES

FATHER BROWN:
Uncle Mirth, wait.

They're here to help you.

Uncle Mirth, please stop!

They've got me!

Don't hurt him!

UNCLE MIRTH MOANS

How could you?

I'm so sorry.

But you need help.

Judas! I'll see you
rot in hell for this!

Are you sure you can
manage that?

I'm not completely useless.

Well, if you say so!

Father Brown...

It's from Uncle Mirth.
He's been released.

So he's finally regained his sanity.

And hopefully forgiven me.

He's invited me to
his welcome home party.

After last time I'd stay well away,
he's absolutely barking!

Always insisting on people
calling him 'Uncle Mirth'.

Well, that's just his old stage name.

LADY FELICIA SIGHS

Sorry, Mrs McCarthy,
I'm not terribly hungry.

What's the matter with you?
- Guilt.

About the part he played
in having Uncle Mirth committed.

They were very close.

Father Brown, you old blood-hound!

Henry! How are you?

Oh, touch of gout, kidney stones,
pickled liver, dodgy ticker

but apart from that,
a picture of health!

HE LAUGHS

Hello, hello, hello.

Who's this?

Lady Felicia Montague.

Uncle Mirth's brother!

Oh! I hope your sense of humour
isn't as dark as his!

Well, I did write his signature song.

# I'm loony, hooky, loopy,
I'm a crackpot of the empire. #

LAUGHING

Marvellous. I always found
his ventriloquist dummy rather creepy.

Ohh, me too.

Looks like we're going
to the same party, Father.

HENRY:
Snap!

Yes.

ANNABELLE :
Surely you're not going to the party?

Why not?

Well, after all that's happened.

It just wouldn't be right.

History.

The best brother won.

You chose me.

But Uncle Mirth may still be very fragile.

How many more times?

His name's Julius.

Oh, sorry.

But since his breakdown
he hasn't seen us together.

You just want to rub his nose in it.

Well, I won't be a part of it.

Pack a bag.

Mortimer...

It's not a request.

I want you with me!

We leave in ten minutes, darling.

Despite my initial doubts, I think
putting him in that place was what he needed.

He was completely burnt out.

Did you visit him often?

Ah, most days.

Your other brother?
Mortimer?

Sir Mortimer now.
Never set foot in the place.

Uncle Mirth mentioned
an older sister.

Left when we were children.

Abroad somewhere.

No, I was the only family to visit.

Oh, almost forgot.

Proper drink, Father?

Bit early, even for me!

Never too early!

Never too late.

Port is bottled poetry.

After my first visit
he wouldn't see me.

Well, in the last few weeks
he did mention you.

Did he?

Said he was sorry for upsetting you.

And that you did the right thing.

CAR HORN HONKS

Sorry, honey.
Did I startle you?

You could have killed me!

It's Jacob, isn't it?

You interviewed me for
Uncle Mirth's biography.

You're the radio producer.

So you're going to his party too?

Yeah.
- Well, park your seat, I'll give you a ride.

So, how's the biography going?

I'm hoping to pick it up again
now that he's out.

Don't hold your breath. You do know his
mother and sister both had... problems?

How do you know that?

Men always tell me everything.
Can't think why!

Sorry about the bare feet.
Can't drive in heels.

CAR ENGINE REVS

See you at the party, Father.
- Bye, Henry.

# I'm a crackpot of the empire!

# Dah dah dah

# I'm loony, hooky, kooky, loopy... #

Hello again.

# I'm a crackpot of the empire it
- Thank you so much!

Help! Someone!

Are you alright?

SHE SCREAMS

With all those millions
he buys a dump like this.

Last time I interviewed him he said he wanted
to build a centre for musical memorabilia.

Sorry, I thought you needed a helping hand.

Maybe he'll finish it now he's back.

LAUGHING

What's that?

Uncle Mirth?

LAUGHING

In the pocket.

Looks like Uncle Mirth's been
playing a joke on us.

It's addressed to someone
called Father Brown.

He was very jolly when he left.

Lady Felicia said he was holding his chest
and struggling to breathe when he collapsed.

Henry wasn't in the best of shape.

And a big drinker.

So, fat alcoholic dies
of natural causes.

Nice...

and simple. Just the way I like it.

Sergeant.

Father... Are you alright?

Yes.

Poor Henry.

You're upset. Now, maybe going
to that party isn't such a good idea.

I need to tell Uncle Mirth
about his brother.

Well if that's the case
I'm going with you. Moral support.

Thank you.

JACOB: All the doors are locked.
Can't get inside.

SIR MORTIMER:
You stupid woman!

My camera's in there.
- Sorry.

Father Brown, my dear chap.
- Sir Mortimer.

Good to see you.

Mrs McCarthy...

I'm afraid neither of my brothers
have made an appearance.

Unfortunately,
I have bad news for you.

Your brother, Henry,
died this morning.

Suspected heart attack.
- What?

I'm so sorry.

HE SIGHS
- Damn fool.

I told him to stop drinking.

He's at the Kembleford Cottage Hospital.

Are you alright?

Fine.

I'm just glad you're here.

JACOB:
Father Brown.

This is for you.

Found it over there.

Well, what is it?

It's a death certificate.

With my name on it.

GOODFELLOW:
Sir...

He must have picked these up
this morning.

They should promote you
to detective.

Bill... bill...

What's this?

GOODFELLOW:
A death certificate.

MALLORY:
With Henry's name on it!

Cause of death, poison.

It's not looking so much like
a heart attack anymore.

What? A death certificate?

Father, we should leave here immediately.

Oh, don't be such a silly old woman.

I beg your pardon!

I don't think you should speak
to a lady like that.

Steady tiger...
- All I'm saying is that it's typical Julius.

Playing jokes on his
family and friends.

I'm not so sure.

He's always had a warped sense
of humour! He'll pop up in a minute!

Laughing at us all.

Father, do you really think
it's from Uncle Mirth?

Why would he do this?

It's clear he's as mad as ever he was,
and he still bears you a grudge.

Remember?
- I had to tell them where you were hiding.

When you had a breakdown I thought
you might do something terrible to yourself.

Are you sure you want to stay?

Yes. I owe it to Uncle Mirth
to try and help him.

SIR MORTIMER:
Another one!

Another one.
What did I tell you?

My brother is as nutty
as a fruit cake.

Where did you find it?
- I found it on the bottom step.

Didn't you find the other one too?
- What are you saying?

That I'm somehow in on Uncle Mirth's joke?
- No, sorry.

That door's open.

I've had enough of
playing silly beggars.

Excuse me!

Well, maybe we shouldn't go up...

SIR MORTIMER:
Jufius?

Are you up there?

Well, he's bound to be up here somewhere.

He's not in there.

He must be here somewhere.

Jufius?

Come out, bloody fool!

Always loved hide and seek.

Something about dark corners...

Uncle Mirth?

His name's Julius.

If you ever need to chat about Henry...
- Oh, thank you, Father.

If I'm honest, we were never close.

Perhaps he got a death certificate too.

Look, there's nothing sinister
about all of this.

Julius once had an obituary printed
in the paper, telling everyone he'd died.

I remember that!
- It was all about craving attention.

Creating an audience.

JACOB:
Over here!

It's been locked.

Did you see anyone?

No.
- Why did you even try the door?

I just came round the corridor
and saw that it was closed.

So you're accusing him, now?
What is it with you?

I'm just trying to make sense of it all.

Here, let me try.

Won't budge.
- There must be another way out.

We need to search all the rooms.

This is looking less and less
like an Uncle Mirth joke.

I do not like this one little bit.
- No.

Father Brown, look.

FATHER BROWN:
And greetings to you, Mr Kafka.

Don't suppose you know the way
out of here, do you?

One of Uncle Mirth's
hilarious pranks, no doubt.

Do you know, I have always wondered
how these things work.

Me too.

Ow!

Are you alright?

Oh it's, it's nothing.

FATHER BROWN: There are needles,
just inside the opening.

Meant for me, no doubt.

I've been to the end of the corridor,
there's no second stairway.

So, how do you know my brother?

He agreed to be in a radio show I produced.
We became quite close.

Close?

Is that how you
normally secure your bookings?

Actually, it is.

I've slept with so many men
I've lost count.

Dozens and dozens.

You see, I'm just not fussy.

But I wouldn't go near a pig like you.

Do you miss him?

What?

Uncle Mirth?
- Why would you say that?

I did a lot of interviews with him.

He always spoke about you.

Did he?
- The love of his life.

Who left him for his brother.

Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.

I'm always saying the wrong things.
- It's alright.

He was convinced you still loved him.

I just couldn't take anymore of his moods.
One minute up, the next...

He was always close to breaking.

Why Sir Mortimer?

It won't be for much longer.

Any luck?
- I'm afraid not!

Looks like Uncle Mirth wants us
to watch something.

Sir Mortimer! Eve!

What is it?

A film? This is becoming absurd.
- Shh.

# I'm a crackpot of the empire

# Mad as a hatter

# Loony, loopy, hooky, kooky

# I'm a crackpot of the empire. it

Thank you for attending
my welcome home party.

The only thought that kept me going in that
mad house was the thought of taking my revenge

on the people that put me in there.

My two brothers, and my friend,
Father Brown.

I assume my brother, Henry,
didn't make it this far.

Pathetic alcoholic. He was always
going to be the easiest to kill.

A bottle of poison-laced port
sent to him will doubtless do the trick.

My other brother, Sir Mortimer,
you will die from your own selfishness.

And Father Brown. You will be killed
by your own curiosity.

CLICKING

if all does not go to plan, then you'll all fall
to your death anyway.

This building has been condemned.

And the ground will soon give way,
believe me.

We're all going to die!
- Shut up!

But it's true. We're trapped.

May I remind you that
we all entered via a fire escape.

So there is another way out.

He's right.

We need to slowly and calmly
search again.

We've looked everywhere.
- Will you just button it?

Check behind furniture for anything hidden.

I didn't want to believe it was him.

It will be alright, won't it, Father?

Of course.

MRS MCCARTHY SIGHS

Update on the dead bloke?

Uh, Lady Felicia said Henry's brother's
throwing a party up at the old mill.

Goes by the name of, um...
Uncle Mirth.

Uncle Mirth?
You having a laugh?

No, sir.
- Sounds like some dodgy scout master.

Get the car.

Please!

I've found something!

Looks like a goods lift.

But there doesn't seem to be much room.

We'll have to go down
one at a time.

Excuse me!

Why should you go first?

I'm not staying here a moment longer!

Sir Mortimer! Wait!

SCREAMING

CRASH

No!

The cables must have been cut!

"You will die by
your own selfishness."

Father, if this floor collapses,
we'll all end up like that!

This place isn't condemned.

Too solid.
- Oh!

ANNABEL SOBS

I've said a prayer for him.

My tears aren't for Mortimer.
They're for Uncle Mirth.

It's all my fault he's doing this!

Leaving him caused his breakdown.

It unhinged him!

You are not to blame.

It was the asylum,
pushed him over the edge.

SMASH

Mrs McCarthy?

Are you alright?

I don't know,
I'm feeling most peculiar.

What is it?
- I can't breathe!

I think you've been poisoned.

Mrs McCarthy's collapsed!

EVE:
There's a door, help me!

We need to find a telephone!

We must be in the cellar by now!

It's locked. Come on.

We will find a way out, I promise.

MRS MCCARTHY GROANS
- Mrs McCarthy.

UP here!

We're trapped!

Try that door!

ANNABELLE:
Mrs McCarthy needs medical help! Urgently!

Hans on!

It's locked, sir.

We found a door to the cellar. Can you
get down there and open it from the other side?

No, this one too.
- Out the way!

Goodbye, Father.

Thank you, doctor.

Well?
- See for yourself.

MRS MCCARTHY:
That is the worst cup of tea I've ever had.

You need to let the pot stand
for at least two minutes before pouring.

The first death certificate
was found over there.

Was it really necessary to bring us back?

We need to get a clear picture.
Now, what I don't understand

is why you three were invited.
I mean you weren't the intended victims.

Uncle Mirth was a showman.

He always craved an audience.

And with me a producer and Jacob a writer

he knew he'd tell his story
to an even bigger audience.

It was Sir Mortimer
who insisted I come.

Show me where you found the second one.

You said yesterday

about not being with Sir Mortimer
for much longer.

Well, I... I just meant that I was
planning to leave him.

Well, surely you don't think
I had anything to do with...

Of course not.

I'm so pleased you're
feeling better, Mrs M.

I'm absolutely fine.
No need for all this fuss.

You were poisoned!

The needles in the dummy
were doused in it!

Thank goodness the inspector
got you here in time!

Repellent little man, to say the least.

But you can't fault what he did.

The poison was meant for me.

I'm so sorry.
- Don't be silly, Father!

The inspector wants me back
at the mill now.

Let me cook lunch for you.

Oh, lovely!

In the meantime,
please try and get some rest.

I'll look after her, Father.
- I'm not an invalid.

I don't need looking after.

Now, you're not going to be
a difficult patient are you, Mrs M?

UNCLE MIRTH: My other brother, Sir Mortimer,
you will die from your own selfishness.

Father Brown, you will be killed
by your own curiosity.

CLICKING

If all does not go to plan, well,
you'll all fall to your death anyway.

You're not allowed up here.

I thought you wanted to see me.

Too late now. I got what I needed
from the others.

Dusty cellar.

So, any sign of Uncle Mirth?

Not that it's any of your business,
but that maniac is still on the loose.

That maniac might be an ill man.

Tell that to the twisted corpse
of Sir Mortimer.

On the screen, I thought I noticed
Uncle Mirth flinch when we heard that click.

A click? Could have been anything.

Door, window, light switch.
- Or a gun?

Perhaps he made
his speech under duress...

Are you trying to tell me
how to do my job?

No.
- Good.

Now get out of here before I arrest you
for being a pain in the backside.

Well, I certainly would.

Oh, come on.

Don't tell me it hasn't crossed your mind.

At a time like this how can you
even think about such things?

Wouldn't be the first time
we've both liked the same man.

You mean Uncle Mirth?

So, Mr Writer, fancy another ride?

Er, no, thank you.
The sergeant's giving me a lift.

Jacob, during your research
for Uncle Mirth's biography

did you discover what happened
to his sister?

She was unhinged.

She died abroad last year.

Suspected suicide.

So, his siblings are dead
and he's missing.

You think it's some kind of
vendetta against the family?

Possibly. - But you were named
in the film footage, Father.

Um... yes.

I was.

Yes, sir. We've searched the surrounding areas
but there's no sign of Uncle Mirth.

He's not gonna stay around
waiting to be caught, is he?

Let's search Kembleford
and the surrounding area.

Yes, sir.

Ah!

Old, dusty.

New.

Uncle Mirth.

SNORING

Oh, yes.

LAUGHING

Outrageous!

Wow!
- GASPS

What was that?

Nothing, just the gentle rumblings
of a combine harvester.

You're looking a little flushed.

It's rather hot in here.
Can we open the window?

Heaven's above, look at the time.

And where's Father Brown got to?
- He hasn't come back yet.

You know what he's like,
he's probably sleuthing somewhere.

But he said he was going to prepare
the luncheon, and he never misses a meal!

And now I'm hungry,
and worried!

You're safe now.

I'll get you some help.

CLICKING

I was wondering when you'd turn up.

You framed Uncle Mirth
for his brothers' murders.

You set up the sick jokes in keeping
with his public pranks.

And you invited people
to witness them.

But Uncle Mirth, who was not
as comical as you may think

left a number of clues
to your identity.

I don't... I'll say what you want.

I'll need a drink first.

FATHER BROWN: While your back
was turned he put a pin in the globe.

Ireland.

And the beverage he chose:
Irish Stout.

I saw you hiding
in the grounds, Father.

How did you know where he was?

Dusty cellar.

Dust

From the cellar.

Immured. Walled in.

Nasty death, suffocation.

There's a ventilation shaft.

So...

Your pose as Uncle Mirth's biographer
was just a ploy to get information.

If you're not a writer

who are you?

Another crackpot of the empire.

The empire.

Ah.

The family. Is this all about
inheritance?

Yeah.

Did you put me in your will?

He said he was
indebted to you for helping him.

So with me and the brothers dead
you stood to inherit everything.

Alright, it's time you were
told the truth.

I'm your sister's son.

She married an Irish labourer

but their father disowned her.

She was dead to him.

I didn't know.

Oh, and that makes it right?

While you and your brothers lived like kings,
we were starving in some rat-infested slum.

But it's not their fault.

Is it?

As Henry said, they were children
when their sister left.

This isn't about revenge.

I'm taking back what my mother...
What I was denied.

All my life I have fantasised about
killing them and then inheriting it all.

Killing them?

Is the family fortune
worth that much to you?

Fortune?

Oh, you've no idea,
do you, Father?

They're worth millions.

I mean it truly is an empire.

What would your mother
think about all this?

I'm doing it for her.

She hung herself.

She's buried in a pauper's grave.

I couldn't even afford a headstone.

JACOB SOBS

I'm sorry.

Well, he's not in St Mary's.
- I've looked everywhere I can think of.

You should go back and rest.

I'm not going anywhere until I find...
- Inspector!

It's Father Brown.
He hasn't come back from the mill.

Snooping around, no doubt.

He might be in danger.

Well, if he's not, he will be
when I get my hands on him.

Goodfellow, come on.

She never got over what happened.

Years of depression.

Mental problems.

She was always begging me
to take back what was rightfully hers.

I promised her.

And I can't let some priest ruin it.

But what have you done, Jacob?

Look at him.

He's your uncle.

I had to keep him alive until all the other
beneficiaries of the will were dead.

You must know
you won”: get away with this.

Won't I?

Crazy Uncle Mirth kills Father Brown
as he said he would.

Then kills himself.

That'll be good enough for the police.

Please.

Don't do that.

This way.

FATHER BROWN:
Please, give me the gun.

No!

I have to do this!

It's for my mother.

But if you pull the trigger and kill me

then he'll kill you.

But if you give me the gun

I'll persuade him
to put his down.

I can't.

That's your only option to stay alive.

Do you want to die?

Uncle Mirth

please lower your gun.

Uncle Mirth

it is over.

Don't.

Please!

You know this is wrong.

No!

JACOB SCREAMS

MALLORY:
Padre?

Inspector, would you mind taking this, please?
I believe it's loaded.

Thank you.

It's alright.

It'll be alright.

1t I'm loony, loopy, hooky, kooky,
I'm the crackpot of the empire. #

One of these days
you're going to get killed for real.

You're as mad as that
lunatic in the hospital.

I just hope that Jacob...

hasn't pushed Uncle Mirth
back into insanity.

LAUGHTER

Now, what did Inspector Mallory
say to his belly button?

You're under a vest!
- LAUGHTER

Looks sane enough to me.
Back to normal.

The crackpot and the empire.

Now, what do you call a Bishop
when he sleepwalks?

A roaming Catholic!
- LAUGHTER

No, why is Father Brown laughing?

Mass hysteria.
- LAUGHTER