All language subtitles for Lets Get Physical s01e06 The Double-Double Cross.eng

Previously on Let's Get Physical...

She still hates me 'cause I
broke her little boy's heart.

I hate you because you're
a conniving little trollop.

You're choking me.

That's what your wife said
when she blew me in high school.

- Hibicus vodka.
- Hibiscus.

- How drunk are we?
- I'm sober as a bird.

- (PHONE BUZZING)
- _

Oh, crud.

Not ocean sunrise.

God, my cheeks are not
that yellow, are they?

(PHONE BUZZING CONTINUES)

It's been two days since your
little buddy bender with Joe,

and you still look like
a vacuum-sealed corpse.

Claudia, none of my filters work!

Stupid smart phones and stupid
aerobics and stupid Joe Force!

- Stupid whining. Stop that.
- (PHONE BUZZING)

The aftereffects of
alcohol are baffling.

- Ah, yes, it is called a hangover, sweet tits.
- Oh...

my joints are achy and a...

my thoughts are both impulsive
and indecisive at the same time.

Why would anyone do this to themselves?

How do I get back to me?

A hangover's like a credit card.

- It has to be paid off.
- Oh... I'm all maxed out.

Stop... that.

A camera crew will be at
Fitness by Force this afternoon

to film the rivalry
promos for the finals.

That's right, it's the
first thing the judges

are going to see at
the opening ceremony,

and it sets the tone for
the entire competition.

I know. You're right, you're right.

If I look worse than Joe Force,
while sitting next to Joe Force,

- Mm-hmm.
- that kills our first impression.

How does he do this every morning?

- He drinks like you work out.
- (PHONE BUZZING)

- Is that Joe?
- Uh, yes.

The alcohol poisoned
me. He's calling you.

He's trying to get into
my head before finals.

It's like I kind of...

- despise slash fear-spect him at the same time.
- (PHONE BUZZING)

Will you please answer that?

It's like kettle bells
slamming into my eardrums.

- (SIGHING) What do you want?
- She's dying right in front of me!

Okay, uh, calm down.
Who's dying? Call 9-1-1.

We don't have insurance!

She's not gonna make it!
Come to my mom's house!

Okay, Joe, this is very inappropriate.

It's very inappropriate, okay? I am...

You are the only person I know

that cares about both of us. Please.

Joe, I...

Joe! Oh, my God.

I'm gonna go. I'll be right back.

Just go for a run and keep hydrating.

I'll have them make you a shake.
You should have a cucumber shake.

"Uh, I'm Joe. My mom's dying.

I gotta call my
ex-girlfriend to save me."

Get out of my head, Joe Force!

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I can use this.

I can get into the head of my rival.

Yeah.

Method dancing.

Is she gonna make it?

C'mere. C'mere.

Hold the pliers. Now, no matter
what happens, don't let go.

- Okay.
- If she shuts down again, she's a goner.

Just save her! Anything you can do!

- Where's Janet? Is she okay?
- What? Janet? No, my baby's dying.

Engine's going. Give her some gas.

- Yeah, okay.
- No, not you, her! The pliers.

You heard him. Captain's chair now!

- Oh, my God, you're impossible!
- Just give it some gas.

- It's too much gas. It's too much gas!
- Don't let go!

(ENGINE SPUTTERS AND STOPS)

Call for help. I can't feel my face.

(HORN SOUNDS)

- ? Let's get physical, physical ?
- Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com -

- (SIREN WAILING)
- _

How does it feel to put another
good man in the hospital?

When you left me for
Barry after the finals,

I spent the night in the emergency room.

Oh, you sprained your ankle, you pansy.

You can't leave without
saying goodbye to her.

She was part of both of our lives.

This right here, this dent
is from you doing the Macarena

at Phony Terry's Full Moon Kegger.

Never done the Macarena.

And then in here, there's nail polish.

You were doing your toes on
the dash, and we hit a raccoon.

Remember? We had to drive over him
again to put him out of his misery,

and then we buried him and we
cried and held each other for hours?

- Ruined Ricky. Oh, the poor little guy.
- Yeah.

We had to bury him on the
side of... Oh, my God, dammit!

No. Every memory you cherish
is one I have tried to repress.

Just help me say goodbye to her
like we said goodbye to Ricky.

She's still warm.

It's like you have a low-grade
super power fueled by pity.

Okay, good enough for
me. Let's load her up.

You cannot steal that man's tow truck!

It's not stealing if he
doesn't know it's gone.

He hit his head. It's fine. I'm
taking my girls on a farewell tour.

Oh, my God.

_

So bad.

That's a... dope shrine.

It's like a Republican quincea�era.

Thank you, Clarence. The purpose
of this promotional interview

is to get our story out there

so we can win over the audience
and the judges at finals.

It is beautiful, but shouldn't we show

a more honest version
of Fitness by Force?

You have got a point there, Tina.

We need to give the crowd
something to root for, don't we?

Which is why...

we are now Janet's Home
for Wayward Dancers.

Orphaned boy, trained to be a...

genre-defying dancer.

Rowdy hooligan,

groomed to be a gentleman.

A diamond in the rough,
cleaned and cut to be...

uh, semi-polished.

Yeah, uh, a has-been singer
turned fly fitness instructor.

Where's my man Joe at?

Uh, alright, I got this. Yo, J-Rock,

- let me popcorn shrimp this for you right...
- No more thuggy gibberish.

My idiot son is not
answering his cellular phone,

so I will be starring in this interview.

So does anyone know where I am standing?

Ooh! The exact spot
where the Colonel died.

Exactly, Tina. So I want you
to put the lights out here,

because this is where I'm going to
pull at the judges' heartstrings,

win over the aerobics community again,

and seal our victory.

Tina, you have to come with me.

We've got to do something
about your featureless face.

Ten-hut!

If you know your enemy
and know yourself,

you need not fear the
result of a hundred battles.

Who said that? Sun Tzu.

Old Chinese guy who
wrote the Art of War.

I'm not pointing at you for any
reason, Chad P. It's arbitrary.

I know you're vaguely Asian.

Maybe it's a sign. Maybe
you're like Harry Potter.

You know, the finger chose you. Drop it.

Now, today we become our enemy
so we can learn their tactics.

Now, they won't beat us,

but it doesn't hurt to cover our bases.

So drink up, my nimble-footed warriors.

Oh... that's vodka in there.

I'm 17.

What? Oh, shit. (SPLASHING) Um, yeah,

you can take the rest of the
day off, Chad P. Go home. Scram!

Await my text.

Good form.

Doesn't make any sense.

You underestimating Joe Force?

Are you gonna be the weak link that
falls for one of his dirty tricks?

I thought I could trust you, Denise.

Mr. Cross, you can. I just don't drink.

Alcohol makes me puffy.

Yeah, you've only had, like,
a swig, and you're looking...

you look a little like
a jellyfish right now.

That's a good word for it.

But with winning comes sacrifice.

Now, we need to go to the underworld

to understand what the
underdog, our foe, is thinking.

We need to feel what it feels like to

feel like them so we can crush them!

Now, who's with me on
going on this quest?

Okay.

Now... we dance like Joe Force.

The stance, belly out,
ass is kind of like... ugh.

You want to look like
a six-foot toddler.

Ah... I've got my center.
He doesn't have a center.

Literally, he's built like a
narwhal, like the Hamburgler.

Joe Force is like a hippo
in Spandex. He doesn't know.

His... his body, it's like literally...

filling a giant sack of bowling
balls, and spinning it around.

Okay, but then land it, and exude this.

Make a note of that, okay? Call
that the... the dumb, fat smile.

Why did you bring me here?

This is your old house.

One of them. We were
evicted from several.

It's why I spent so much
time with your family.

Don't you remember?

I used to park around the corner
so your drunk dad wouldn't see me,

and then I'd wait for you
to crawl out your window.

Joe, please, do me a favour.

- Look at your car.
- Mm-hmm.

- It hasn't been washed in years.
- Hmm.

It is full of trash and
fast food and cheap alcohol,

and it died because
no one took care of it.

Oh, my God, the car is you. You need
to let it go. It's time to let go.

That car has character,
like me. That is character.

That's what I thought. Okay.

Just help me say goodbye to her, okay?

Well, let's get to it.

From what I remember, at the next
stop, you didn't last too long.

Oh, no, don't move your hips
like that! Don't move your hips.

No, don't! Don't... don't
look at me! Don't dirty talk!

Ah, shit, I'm done!
No... was it good for you?

- That was the best minute of your life!
- 45 seconds!

A little longer than that.

(TINA ON VOICE-MAIL) Joe, where are you?

The CAC promo shoot is in a few hours.

Janet is giving all of us a makeover!

And it's horrible! Please come back.

(GRUNTING)

Fact: first time we kissed...

(GROANING)

you had swamp hands.

Fact: you got sloppy on wine coolers,

drooled all over my shirt,
and I had to go change.

Maybe that was a move
to get your shirt off,

a move that still works today.

Oh, shut up. (CHUCKLING)

Think little high-school kids

still come down here for
short and sweet quickies?

- I don't know. I hope so.
- (LAUGHS)

Remember what we used
to do when we were...?

Oh, look, stop that.
Don't... Please... stop.

Just... say your goodbyes and we
will head back for the interview.

- Oh, come on. Don't be so uptight.
- I'm not uptight.

Here's one from childhood.

My dad is a prick

and I get boners when my
math teacher chews her pencil!

- Oh, my God, ew.
- She was so hot.

(SCOFFING THEN LAUGHING)

- Come on. Oh, come on.
- No.

You know this is where you
got the idea for Rage Cycle.

- Come on.
- Okay, no, no.

- That was an original idea in...
- Sure.

Whatever. Um...

My mom can't afford good cereal and...

boys are always 100 times worse

when they're around
their stupid-ass friends!

- (LAUGHING) Okay, that was fun.
- I live with my mom,

and my life is falling apart!!

I watch gay porn!

Oh.

There you go. And now you have features.

Ooh, spin around for the
nice, single men, Tina.

Oh, get... Damn, Tina.
What are you doing?

You gonna quit the squad
and be a rodeo clown?

Don't listen to him. He was probably
forced to wear makeup in prison.

Snap, J-Rock. You're on point.

But seriously, on the record,

the only thing I gave up in
prison was a breakfast croissant.

- Hmm.
- Well, I mean, come on, T, I mean...

we like you all-natural.

- (DOOR OPENING)
- Hey, yo, yo, yo,

those people that ask questions
and record things are here.

Joe is not here, guys. We can't start.

Jolly good! Lights,
camera, action! Come on.

(CLINKING)

- Does that sound good?
- Mmm.

- I'm like a 1970s talk-show announcer.
- (LAUGHTER)

Okay, we can't underestimate the enemy.

They're gonna be this
lazy and distracted

and uncoordinated. (LAUGHING)

Other Chad, you're a mess.

Will the enemy not be able
to feel their legs and lips?

Yes, and they're gonna
be thinking about food

when they're dancing
because they're fat.

By the way, is anyone really hungry?

Starving.

I mean who... who... who's gonna
tell us when and what to eat?

Am I right, guys?

I mean, sometimes
working out is not fun.

You know, "Ugh, I'm sweating.
I'm lifting weights."

Know what? From now on, we're
coming up with new rules,

and rule number one: I want to hug you.

Bring it in. Bring it in. Oh.

Look at him. He went to sleep.

Sleep, gentle child, sleep.

Okay. Okay, everyone, stop working out.

Stop it! Stop lifting.
Stop trying so hard!

It's annual cheat day.

- Stuffed-crust pizza for everyone!
- (ALL CHEERING)

Oh, um, but, guys, do
not purge in the bathroom.

Remember last time, we
had Mongolian barbecue.

It was... it was like
a crime scene in there.

And because I've been
so blessed in my life,

I felt that it was important
somehow to give back,

so I started an aerobic
team with at-risk youth,

and my son, who's not a youth,

but definitely at-risk for many things.

Cut!

This is a bit off-topic.

Oh, it's just a... a tasteful ode...

to the first lady of fitness.

Well, for starters, I see Janet Force,

not Jane Fonda, on this shrine.

That woman stole my personal
stylist, Fran�ois Peppercorn,

and I can prove it if you
turn that camera back on.

Still off-topic, but
whatever, lady. Roll tape.

(WHISPERING) Yo, T,

she killing us, man.

Stay here. I'm gonna go find Joe.

(CLAUDIA LAUGHING)

- Oh, no! What's wrong?
- What? What? Nothing's wrong.

You're smiling. You're
having a good time.

- It's like it's the old Claudia. Are you okay?
- You're stupid.

- Are you okay, having fun?
- Shut up.

(LAUGHING)

(CHUCKLING)

You know, that was always our
problem. You never understood me.

I didn't understand anything.
I was in high school.

All I understood was beer and
boobs, and even boobs were confusing.

- Yeah, we're aware.
- No, I just didn't know how much to work it.

Yeah, that's the problem.
You don't turn it like a knob.

- I'm good at it now.
- Congratulations, you learned something.

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING) Okay, stop. Stop. Don't
make me laugh. I'm a serious person.

- Uh, what?
- (NEEDLE-SCRATCHING SOUND)

What are you doing?

Okay, you were there too.

There is a lot of tension here.

I don't do tension. I don't do

feelings. I don't do emotions. I
don't do things that get in the way.

I know. That's why I hate
seeing you with Barry.

We used to be really good
together, in high school.

My God. Oh, my God.

That's what this is all about.

This... car is the last tie
you have to me and you. That...

that's why you're having
a hard time letting it go.

You think there's
still a chance with us.

Yeah, maybe. I don't
know. I'm not a therapist.

I'm married! I'm married to a man
who really understands me, who...

who is the kind of man who just
sees what he wants and he takes it.

Oh, so he just bops you over the
head and drags you back to his cave?

Wow. I should never have come.

(JOE SIGHS)

It is the third-worst day of
my life and you're leaving me?

- (SCOFFS)
- Again?!

Always about you!

[BLEEP]!

What happened to your face?

Your mother.

Oh! I'm sorry. I know...

I should be there to
help keep her in check.

Joe, we need you to lead the
interview. You're the face of the gym.

Did you spend the whole day trying
to sleep with your ex-girlfriend?

No.

Okay.

(GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

My baby deserves a better burial.

Does she? Seems kind of fitting.

? Baby ?

Bye, old girl.

We had a good run.

? I get chills when I'm with you ?

? Whoa-oh, whoa-oh ?

? Oh, baby... ?

(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHTER)

What is it? Oh, okay,
please don't do that.

What is going on here? Where is Barry?

- Who?
- My husband, your boss.

(SPRAYING)

C-Money's home! Clau-Clau, look.

B-lish-lish got his glow back.
(EVIL CHUCKLE) Bring it in.

- Gimme that ass.
- Oh, okay, okay.

Um, I see that you beat your hangover.

You got wasted again and
did a lot of other things.

Well, I've been method dancing.

See, I get into Joe's head so I
can figure out how to beat him.

Everything extremist.
And what did we learn?

- Um, well, I've been doing lots of experiments.
- Uh-huh.

I've been compiling all the data,

ah, but I don't remember
anything after lunch.

Yeah, that's what I figured.

I actually spent the day studying Joe.

Apparently, he thrives on pity power.

Okay, I figured out that I can only
be nice to him when I'm drinking,

but the bad news is,
it makes me weak-minded.

As do all those messy emotions.

See, this is why I love you. You
don't care what other people want.

And that's what I love about you.

We are going to get everything we want.

- What would I do without you?
- Oh, I hope you never find out.

- Mm...
- (BOTH) Mm-mm-mm!

Let's say we get that blood flowing

- to sober you up for that interview?
- Hmm.

Now? Good. Right.
Okay, right here. Yeah.

Oh, hang on a second. Ha-ha.
Cross Control: PA system.

You weak, weak,
weak-mind... That is amazing.

weak-minded simpletons.

You fell for the classic
double-double cross.

I want you to all drop your carbs

and give me 50 burpees on the doubl...

oh-ho-ho-le.

(ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

And action.

I'd like to set the record straight.

There's been a lot of harsh
language being thrown out there:

- rivalry, grudge match, arch enemy.
- Douchebag.

What I'd like to say is that
we've moved past that phase.

Joe and I have spent the last few
days actually bonding together.

Yeah. Yep.

- You see, Joe's been through a tough time.
- Yeah.

He lost his father.

- He gave up a music career that was killing him.
- Thriving.

The important thing for the aerobics
community to remember is that

dance is a form of healing.

I can't. I mean, you guys
aren't buying this, right?

This nice-guy thing. No, no, no, no.

Barry Cross is a two-faced,
turd-sucking prick.

He's blowing it. We should've
let you do this interview.

Huh. Welcome to my train of thought.

- ...You know what?
- How do you believe anything

that comes out of his
mouth?! It's garbage!

It's okay. It's okay, guys.

He's grieving. We grieve with you.

You know what? I'd like to take a moment

to do something we should've
done a long time ago.

- Let's have a moment of silence for the Colonel.
- Yeah.

No, that's my moment of
silence for my father.

We hate each other.

There is a rivalry
here. Rivalries are good.

It forces people to choose a side.

Are you a soulless douchebag,

or are you an underdog
with nothing to lose?

You decide.

You decide, aerobics world.

- I don't hate him. I'm trying to help him. No.
- Yes... No, we hate each other.

Yes. No, we do. He hates
me 'cause I banged his wife.

- I banged her too.
- No, I banged... but I banged her first.

Now, it's also something you tried
to do earlier today, but failed at.

- Again, we're all trying to help him. My wife included.
- I can't. I can't. I just can't.

- I can't, I can't. I can't. I hate you.
- Joe, please.

- I hate you!
- I love you.

Okay, friend. We'll see you.

- And we'll see you at the aerobics finals.
- (ROCK MUSIC)

Next time on Let's Get Physical:

- Oh, my God.
- What happened to your son?

Oh, so I'm dreaming. Even though
you're dressed like an angel,

I'm not dead.

(SCREAMING)

Oh, wow. I look pretty good
for an old guy. (GASPING)

Ah, your wife has been cheating
on you, Barry! With her money.

I'm rehearsing my finals performance.

So show me what you got.

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