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1
00:00:00,303 --> 00:00:03,805
Oh, George, I'm so mixed upabout everything.
2
00:00:03,940 --> 00:00:05,974
Folks trying to stop us.
3
00:00:06,109 --> 00:00:07,476
(text alert ringing)
4
00:00:07,643 --> 00:00:09,744
They've always tried
to run my life.
5
00:00:09,912 --> 00:00:13,782
Like when I wanted to go to a
dance with a roadie.
6
00:00:13,916 --> 00:00:14,950
(phone ringing)
7
00:00:15,084 --> 00:00:16,451
What's up?
8
00:00:16,619 --> 00:00:17,853
That guy Bobby just texted me.
9
00:00:17,987 --> 00:00:19,588
The one who wouldn't hook up
with you
10
00:00:19,722 --> 00:00:21,022
'cause you
said you look like his mom?
11
00:00:21,157 --> 00:00:22,190
No, no, no, no--
No, Bobby is the guy--
12
00:00:22,358 --> 00:00:23,792
I hooked
up with him--
13
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,160
Well, we didn't really hook up
14
00:00:25,194 --> 00:00:26,228
'cause I couldn't get him hard.
15
00:00:26,395 --> 00:00:27,696
I thought his name was Graham.
16
00:00:27,763 --> 00:00:29,043
No, that happened with him, too,
17
00:00:29,098 --> 00:00:30,198
but, no, no, no, Bobby's
the one I, like,
18
00:00:30,299 --> 00:00:31,699
really, really,
really, really like.
19
00:00:31,734 --> 00:00:32,801
What should I do?
20
00:00:32,935 --> 00:00:34,269
Just be yourself.
21
00:00:34,370 --> 00:00:36,071
All right, love you.
22
00:00:36,205 --> 00:00:38,006
Hello?
23
00:00:42,278 --> 00:00:49,985
♪
24
00:02:07,325 --> 00:02:12,396
Sync && corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com
25
00:02:12,902 --> 00:02:15,236
God, this is a good
looking crowd.
26
00:02:15,371 --> 00:02:17,305
Wow, good job, you guys.
27
00:02:17,406 --> 00:02:20,575
Oh my God, don't clap for how hot
you are, look at those chicks.
28
00:02:20,710 --> 00:02:23,244
They're like,
we (bleep) brought it.
29
00:02:23,379 --> 00:02:24,679
You did, though.
30
00:02:24,814 --> 00:02:26,094
You know what
I realized, though?
31
00:02:26,182 --> 00:02:27,248
Like, we don't need to be
trying so hard.
32
00:02:27,383 --> 00:02:28,850
Like, look at you.
33
00:02:28,984 --> 00:02:31,119
You obviously showered,
you look gorgeous.
34
00:02:31,220 --> 00:02:32,287
We don't need to do that.
35
00:02:32,455 --> 00:02:34,322
Guys are (bleep) gross.
36
00:02:34,457 --> 00:02:38,793
If you saw a line-up of, like,
the grossest chick
37
00:02:38,928 --> 00:02:43,765
that a guy would (bleep),
you would be blown away.
38
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,769
You probably stepped over her
to get in this place tonight.
39
00:02:47,903 --> 00:02:50,038
♪
40
00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:53,074
(Amy) A lot of people
have been telling me
41
00:02:53,242 --> 00:02:54,442
I look like Jennifer Lawrence.
42
00:02:54,443 --> 00:02:55,744
I don't see that.
43
00:02:55,878 --> 00:02:57,278
Well, I know I'm taller
than her.
44
00:02:57,446 --> 00:03:01,149
I'm not crazy.
45
00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:02,517
Jim, what's your problem?
46
00:03:02,651 --> 00:03:04,953
I just don't understand why
you guys would take me here.
47
00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:06,135
Because you love hot wings.
48
00:03:06,255 --> 00:03:07,695
What are you talking
about right now?
49
00:03:07,723 --> 00:03:08,990
I do, they're fine,
50
00:03:09,125 --> 00:03:11,593
it's just a guy doesn't want to come
to O'Nutters right after a breakup.
51
00:03:11,727 --> 00:03:13,094
Why?
52
00:03:13,195 --> 00:03:14,262
'Cause there are a couple
of good-looking waiters here?
53
00:03:14,363 --> 00:03:15,663
Hey ladies, how we doing?
54
00:03:15,798 --> 00:03:16,865
- Hey.
- Hey.
55
00:03:16,999 --> 00:03:19,901
All right, hey, excuse me.
56
00:03:20,002 --> 00:03:21,803
My nuts are down here.
57
00:03:21,937 --> 00:03:26,708
(laughing)
58
00:03:26,942 --> 00:03:28,543
Hey, I'm Amber, welcome
to O'Nutters.
59
00:03:28,644 --> 00:03:29,844
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
60
00:03:29,945 --> 00:03:32,714
So who's been here before?
61
00:03:32,915 --> 00:03:36,117
All right, so can I start anybody
off with a little pinot greej?
62
00:03:36,252 --> 00:03:37,318
- I'll have one.
- Yeah, me too.
63
00:03:37,453 --> 00:03:38,720
Can I have a beer?
64
00:03:38,854 --> 00:03:40,321
Uh, sorry, broham, no beer,
65
00:03:40,456 --> 00:03:42,590
but we do have skinny girl
white zin spritzers
66
00:03:42,691 --> 00:03:44,859
and if you'd like, I
can 86 the parasol,
67
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,694
throw in a lemon chunk for you.
68
00:03:46,862 --> 00:03:48,163
I'll just have a pinot.
69
00:03:48,297 --> 00:03:52,767
All right, three pinots
for my three pinoteers.
70
00:03:52,868 --> 00:03:55,203
Hey, um.
71
00:03:55,337 --> 00:03:56,671
Normally, I wouldn't risk
getting in trouble,
72
00:03:56,806 --> 00:03:59,107
but you guys seem super cool.
73
00:03:59,208 --> 00:04:02,811
If I were you, I'd go for the
pitcher, save you a few bucks.
74
00:04:02,945 --> 00:04:04,185
- Right.
- Great tip, thank you.
75
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:05,547
Let's do it.
76
00:04:05,681 --> 00:04:07,882
You got it, no problem.
77
00:04:08,017 --> 00:04:09,517
I'm being serious right now.
78
00:04:09,652 --> 00:04:11,586
You guys are models, right?
79
00:04:11,687 --> 00:04:12,887
What?
Stop.
80
00:04:12,988 --> 00:04:14,222
Oh my God!
81
00:04:14,323 --> 00:04:16,958
We all work at Payless.
82
00:04:17,059 --> 00:04:18,660
Oh my God, that's my
favorite shoe store.
83
00:04:18,794 --> 00:04:20,094
Get out.
84
00:04:20,229 --> 00:04:22,997
But you guys should quit
and become models.
85
00:04:23,065 --> 00:04:24,265
I'll be right back
with those pinots, guys.
86
00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,234
- Thank you.
- You got it.
87
00:04:26,335 --> 00:04:27,902
Oh my God.
88
00:04:28,003 --> 00:04:29,637
That was so cool, he told us
about the pitcher deal.
89
00:04:29,705 --> 00:04:31,005
He did not have to do that.
90
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,273
I should get his number
and have him go out with us
91
00:04:32,408 --> 00:04:34,275
- when he gets off work.
- Oh my God.
92
00:04:34,410 --> 00:04:35,844
Wake up.
93
00:04:35,978 --> 00:04:37,078
He's just trying to get
a bigger tip.
94
00:04:37,213 --> 00:04:38,713
Jim, okay,
95
00:04:38,814 --> 00:04:40,181
I know that you're still bummed
about Karen,
96
00:04:40,349 --> 00:04:42,150
but please, don't
just dump your negativity on us.
97
00:04:42,251 --> 00:04:43,785
At work it's one thing,
98
00:04:43,919 --> 00:04:45,854
you know, all the shoes are
around, the people,
99
00:04:45,955 --> 00:04:49,891
but here, on our
time, please get it together.
100
00:04:50,025 --> 00:04:51,292
We have one hour for lunch,
101
00:04:51,393 --> 00:04:55,263
we're here
to have a great time, okay?
102
00:04:55,364 --> 00:04:57,131
Listen, I don't mean to
eavesdrop on you, brosef,
103
00:04:57,233 --> 00:05:01,603
but you don't want to end up
like Rupert over there.
104
00:05:02,137 --> 00:05:03,271
(glass smashing)
105
00:05:03,405 --> 00:05:06,274
Yeah, after his wife left him, he
went into a real deep depression.
106
00:05:06,408 --> 00:05:08,209
Got pretty bad.
107
00:05:08,310 --> 00:05:09,577
He forgot how to live.
108
00:05:09,712 --> 00:05:10,979
So sad.
109
00:05:11,113 --> 00:05:12,674
Don't let that happen
to you, man, okay?
110
00:05:12,748 --> 00:05:13,781
Thank you.
111
00:05:13,883 --> 00:05:14,983
Yeah.
112
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:17,819
Hey, give me some nuts.
113
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:19,020
What?
114
00:05:19,121 --> 00:05:21,789
Give him some nuts, Jim.
115
00:05:21,891 --> 00:05:24,025
Go on, Jim.
116
00:05:24,126 --> 00:05:25,226
There you go.
117
00:05:25,327 --> 00:05:28,563
A little of this and a little of
that and you return the favor.
118
00:05:28,697 --> 00:05:29,797
Touch 'em.
119
00:05:29,899 --> 00:05:30,965
Yeah, see?
120
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:32,166
There you go, huh--
Fun?
121
00:05:32,301 --> 00:05:33,768
So cute.
Yeah.
122
00:05:33,903 --> 00:05:35,343
It feels good, Jim--
It's fun, right?
123
00:05:35,437 --> 00:05:37,105
What did I just do?
124
00:05:37,239 --> 00:05:38,239
It's good.
Go with it, Jim, don't ruin this.
125
00:05:38,374 --> 00:05:39,607
You know what, guys?
126
00:05:39,742 --> 00:05:43,344
I think I have got just the cure
for senor sad sack over here.
127
00:05:43,445 --> 00:05:44,746
The check?
128
00:05:44,847 --> 00:05:46,214
(whistling)
129
00:05:46,382 --> 00:05:48,216
Wet nut contest!
130
00:05:48,350 --> 00:05:51,185
(cheering)
131
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:55,023
Go, go, go!
132
00:05:55,124 --> 00:05:57,892
Woo!
133
00:05:58,127 --> 00:05:58,627
♪
134
00:06:30,326 --> 00:06:31,526
Jim, get up!
135
00:06:31,694 --> 00:06:33,261
Get up!
136
00:06:43,739 --> 00:06:45,206
(victorious yelling)
137
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,414
(victorious yelling)
138
00:06:56,919 --> 00:06:57,419
♪
139
00:07:03,259 --> 00:07:04,927
(Amy) Everybody wants their
soul mate now.
140
00:07:05,061 --> 00:07:06,428
You gotta have your soul mate.
141
00:07:06,563 --> 00:07:08,097
Even my mom's still looking
for her soul mate.
142
00:07:08,264 --> 00:07:09,698
She's 64.
143
00:07:09,799 --> 00:07:11,700
Her new boyfriend's 70.
144
00:07:11,868 --> 00:07:15,404
I had to meet her 70-year-old
boyfriend and make small talk.
145
00:07:15,572 --> 00:07:17,406
This is what it sounded like.
146
00:07:17,540 --> 00:07:23,012
So, Michael, what wars
were you in?
147
00:07:23,146 --> 00:07:24,246
She's like, talk to him.
148
00:07:24,381 --> 00:07:27,916
I'm like, can he hear me?
149
00:07:28,051 --> 00:07:30,252
He's not, like, young, spry,
like, 70,
150
00:07:30,387 --> 00:07:33,856
he's like
Schindler's List-y, like--
151
00:07:34,024 --> 00:07:37,693
I'm half-Jewish, I can
half-say that.
152
00:07:37,794 --> 00:07:39,028
He really is.
153
00:07:39,162 --> 00:07:40,996
They're like, new, they're
in love.
154
00:07:41,131 --> 00:07:44,099
They're like, we're at a restaurant
and she's, like, feeding him,
155
00:07:44,167 --> 00:07:47,736
but it just looks like he needs
that, it's just like--
156
00:07:47,904 --> 00:07:51,006
They're coming
over 'cause they're concerned.
157
00:07:51,107 --> 00:07:52,641
She thinks they're so cute.
158
00:07:52,809 --> 00:07:54,329
She thinks
it's so adorable to be like,
159
00:07:54,444 --> 00:07:56,211
"We're going steady,
we're going steady."
160
00:07:56,379 --> 00:07:58,313
I'm like, look at him walking
to the bathroom.
161
00:07:58,481 --> 00:08:01,817
Like, no one's
going steady, he's like--
162
00:08:01,985 --> 00:08:04,219
♪
163
00:08:05,889 --> 00:08:08,724
All of our friends had left us
and we were both stuck there.
164
00:08:08,825 --> 00:08:10,759
I mean, Napa Valley of
all places,
165
00:08:10,827 --> 00:08:13,929
but that's
basically how Carlos and I met.
166
00:08:13,997 --> 00:08:16,365
I am very happy to meet you.
167
00:08:16,433 --> 00:08:20,002
Also, I'm finished.
168
00:08:20,437 --> 00:08:24,073
Oh my God, Grandma,
no, Carlos is not a busboy.
169
00:08:24,207 --> 00:08:25,674
He's my boyfriend.
170
00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:27,176
I'm so sorry.
171
00:08:27,277 --> 00:08:28,944
Amy, it's okay, she grew up
during a different time.
172
00:08:29,012 --> 00:08:32,815
Tell him to start mowing
the lawn by the pool
173
00:08:32,949 --> 00:08:35,150
so it'll be quiet for my nap.
174
00:08:35,251 --> 00:08:36,652
(announcer) Look familiar?
175
00:08:36,786 --> 00:08:38,654
Are you tired of your
elderly relatives
176
00:08:38,788 --> 00:08:41,323
thinking their
blatant racism is okay?
177
00:08:41,458 --> 00:08:43,859
I don't know how to help my
(bleep) grandma!
178
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,127
There is an answer.
179
00:08:45,261 --> 00:08:46,962
Generations.
180
00:08:47,097 --> 00:08:48,630
A revolutionary new facility
181
00:08:48,765 --> 00:08:50,365
where we give
your elderly loved ones
182
00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:52,367
the politically correct
social skills
183
00:08:52,469 --> 00:08:55,637
to get along
in the modern world.
184
00:08:55,772 --> 00:08:57,873
This person is what?
185
00:08:57,974 --> 00:08:58,974
Drug mule.
186
00:08:59,075 --> 00:09:00,175
A gardener?
187
00:09:00,276 --> 00:09:01,310
No.
188
00:09:01,444 --> 00:09:04,646
Latino.
189
00:09:04,781 --> 00:09:06,682
In our
state-of-the-art facilities,
190
00:09:06,783 --> 00:09:11,754
we use an obstacle course to teach
them fear-hiding techniques.
191
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:13,222
No!
192
00:09:19,996 --> 00:09:23,665
We'll show them hard evidence
defying stereotypes.
193
00:09:23,733 --> 00:09:26,368
Okay, everybody,
now watch very closely.
194
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:34,042
Somebody help him!
195
00:09:34,177 --> 00:09:35,844
I'm perfectly fine!
196
00:09:35,945 --> 00:09:39,348
(applauding)
197
00:09:39,449 --> 00:09:40,983
Thank you for your concern.
198
00:09:41,117 --> 00:09:42,684
He's so articulate.
199
00:09:42,819 --> 00:09:44,653
That's not a compliment.
200
00:09:44,788 --> 00:09:47,055
In our two-week Asian intensive,
201
00:09:47,157 --> 00:09:51,426
your loved one will first learn
what words are "never-says."
202
00:09:51,561 --> 00:09:52,861
Chinaman.
203
00:09:52,996 --> 00:09:55,264
That's a never-say.
204
00:09:55,365 --> 00:09:56,398
Orient--
205
00:09:56,466 --> 00:09:58,667
Never-say.
206
00:09:58,802 --> 00:10:02,671
Here at Generations, through
repetition, patience,
207
00:10:02,806 --> 00:10:04,740
so much patience,
208
00:10:04,841 --> 00:10:08,210
hand-holding, gentle cajoling
and coupon reinforcement,
209
00:10:08,344 --> 00:10:11,980
we prove that you
can teach an old dog new tricks.
210
00:10:12,081 --> 00:10:14,783
Here's my new class now.
211
00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:15,884
Bitch, I'm trying to help you.
212
00:10:16,019 --> 00:10:18,754
Generations.
213
00:10:18,855 --> 00:10:22,491
♪
214
00:10:23,862 --> 00:10:26,330
I live in Chelsea, you know
that neighborhood in New York?
215
00:10:26,464 --> 00:10:28,032
It's all gay guys.
216
00:10:28,133 --> 00:10:29,566
It's so painful.
217
00:10:29,701 --> 00:10:32,136
I'm just, like, living in a sea
of gorgeous gay men
218
00:10:32,237 --> 00:10:34,338
that want nothing to do with me.
219
00:10:34,439 --> 00:10:36,440
But they'll still chime
in on my outfit,
220
00:10:36,574 --> 00:10:39,009
like they'll
be like, "Gross."
221
00:10:39,144 --> 00:10:42,346
I'm like, what?
222
00:10:42,514 --> 00:10:44,755
The other day, I really heard
one of them be like, "HPV."
223
00:10:44,849 --> 00:10:49,253
I was like, um, are you
a psychic?
224
00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:51,388
Some kind of a gay psychic?
225
00:10:51,489 --> 00:10:54,291
♪
226
00:10:54,426 --> 00:10:56,693
♪ Somebody's really
pretty today ♪
227
00:10:56,795 --> 00:10:58,662
♪ Somebody's
really pretty today ♪
228
00:10:58,797 --> 00:10:59,863
(phone text beeping)
229
00:11:07,672 --> 00:11:08,705
(shutter clicking)
230
00:11:08,773 --> 00:11:10,140
Ugh.
231
00:11:13,878 --> 00:11:15,579
(shutter clicking)
232
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:17,247
God.
233
00:11:18,450 --> 00:11:19,683
(shutter clicking)
234
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,389
(shutter clicks)
235
00:11:25,523 --> 00:11:27,691
Ooh, ooh.
236
00:11:27,759 --> 00:11:29,059
(phone ringing)
237
00:11:29,194 --> 00:11:30,427
Jess?
238
00:11:30,528 --> 00:11:31,562
(Jess) What's wrong?
239
00:11:31,663 --> 00:11:32,729
Okay, Bobby just text me,
240
00:11:32,831 --> 00:11:34,198
he wants me to send him, like,
a sexy picture.
241
00:11:34,332 --> 00:11:35,365
Oh my God, did you?
242
00:11:35,467 --> 00:11:38,502
No, no, I've been trying and
they're just, like, really bad.
243
00:11:38,636 --> 00:11:40,156
Should I just
send him that one where--
244
00:11:40,171 --> 00:11:41,638
Remember I met Hillary Clinton
at LaGuardia?
245
00:11:41,773 --> 00:11:42,854
Should I send him that one?
246
00:11:42,907 --> 00:11:44,141
You can, like, basically see
my nipple.
247
00:11:44,242 --> 00:11:48,045
They made me take it off Facebook,
so it's definitely not not sexual.
248
00:11:48,179 --> 00:11:49,513
You're taking them yourself?
249
00:11:49,614 --> 00:11:51,448
Yeah... Wait, what?
250
00:11:51,549 --> 00:11:53,584
- Honey, let me call my guy.
- Your guy?
251
00:11:53,685 --> 00:11:54,818
(phone text beeping)
252
00:11:56,821 --> 00:11:58,288
Oh, that's Bobby again.
253
00:11:58,389 --> 00:12:00,624
Okay, I'm calling Danny P.
right now.
254
00:12:00,725 --> 00:12:01,758
Danny P.?
255
00:12:01,893 --> 00:12:03,327
(knocking)
256
00:12:05,830 --> 00:12:08,198
- Hi, come on in.
- Hi, thank you.
257
00:12:08,299 --> 00:12:09,333
Cute place.
258
00:12:09,467 --> 00:12:10,467
Do you teach art to cats?
259
00:12:10,602 --> 00:12:11,642
Can I offer you something?
260
00:12:11,736 --> 00:12:12,836
Offer me what?
261
00:12:12,871 --> 00:12:14,505
Half a coconut water
and the dirt from your Brita?
262
00:12:14,639 --> 00:12:17,079
I think I'm actually good,
lonelybones, I'm kind of in a rush.
263
00:12:17,108 --> 00:12:19,276
What do you got already,
let's see.
264
00:12:19,377 --> 00:12:20,677
Ooh.
265
00:12:20,812 --> 00:12:22,646
Why the cactus?
266
00:12:22,747 --> 00:12:25,682
That's not a--
that's not a cactus.
267
00:12:25,817 --> 00:12:28,018
Okay, we need the bush
team on standby,
268
00:12:28,119 --> 00:12:29,186
it looks like
she's got a Hasidic rabbi
269
00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:30,454
living in her underpants.
270
00:12:30,588 --> 00:12:31,622
No offense.
271
00:12:31,723 --> 00:12:32,823
Okay.
272
00:12:32,857 --> 00:12:34,391
We're just gonna clean you up,
it'll take a second.
273
00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:36,093
20 minutes.
274
00:12:36,227 --> 00:12:38,228
Don't worry, you're in good
hands, okay?
275
00:12:38,363 --> 00:12:39,396
I've done everyone's.
276
00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:42,866
I'm talking Blake Lively,
Scarlett Jo, George Lopez.
277
00:12:42,901 --> 00:12:45,068
It was actually my idea to make
Brett Favre's dick,
278
00:12:45,203 --> 00:12:46,303
like, bright yellow.
279
00:12:46,437 --> 00:12:48,705
- No, that was you?
- That was me.
280
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,407
Let's get to it.
281
00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:52,543
Did you wear that yesterday?
282
00:12:53,745 --> 00:12:55,112
Yes!
283
00:12:55,213 --> 00:12:56,580
Very good, but don't forget
your duck mouth,
284
00:12:56,748 --> 00:12:58,148
don't forget that duck mouth.
285
00:12:58,283 --> 00:12:59,449
Now you're in a boat.
286
00:12:59,584 --> 00:13:02,986
You're in a boat because you're
Pocahontas and it's the new world!
287
00:13:03,087 --> 00:13:05,155
Maybe less feathers.
288
00:13:05,323 --> 00:13:07,591
Smile like you don't
have Spanx on.
289
00:13:07,725 --> 00:13:09,126
Yeah!
290
00:13:09,227 --> 00:13:11,094
Lay back
and look really alluring.
291
00:13:11,196 --> 00:13:13,197
Well, actually, don't look dead.
292
00:13:13,331 --> 00:13:14,364
You're pregnant!
293
00:13:14,465 --> 00:13:17,067
You're pregnant with gift cards!
294
00:13:17,168 --> 00:13:18,268
Yeah!
295
00:13:18,403 --> 00:13:20,070
Oh-- Are you
gonna (bleep) your pants?
296
00:13:20,205 --> 00:13:21,305
Oh my God, are you gonna
(bleep) your pants?
297
00:13:21,439 --> 00:13:23,373
You're so comfy.
298
00:13:23,474 --> 00:13:24,541
Too comfy.
299
00:13:24,676 --> 00:13:25,676
Too comfy.
300
00:13:25,810 --> 00:13:28,779
Look, if you don't watch your
(bleep) shadow, I will remove it.
301
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,515
Here we go.
302
00:13:31,649 --> 00:13:32,749
Yes!
303
00:13:32,850 --> 00:13:35,452
You've got a secret and only the
pillow can know.
304
00:13:35,587 --> 00:13:36,853
Wash yourself.
305
00:13:36,888 --> 00:13:39,389
Wash your whole body and your
armpits and under your boobs.
306
00:13:39,490 --> 00:13:40,490
Amy!
307
00:13:40,625 --> 00:13:42,192
Oh no, there's a spider
in your hair!
308
00:13:42,327 --> 00:13:43,360
There's a spider in your hair!
309
00:13:43,461 --> 00:13:44,461
No!
310
00:13:44,596 --> 00:13:46,363
There's a spider in your hair,
get it out!
311
00:13:46,497 --> 00:13:48,031
Yes!
312
00:13:48,166 --> 00:13:49,766
We have our shot, that's a wrap.
313
00:13:49,901 --> 00:13:51,101
You were amazing.
314
00:13:51,236 --> 00:13:52,436
Yoko!
315
00:13:52,470 --> 00:13:55,038
Unplug everything, we're gonna
burn this rat's nest down.
316
00:13:55,173 --> 00:13:56,506
You were so great.
317
00:13:56,608 --> 00:13:58,642
I'd love to stay and chat, but
I've got to run downtown.
318
00:13:58,776 --> 00:14:01,678
I have to shoot Diane Keaton
bottomless with a turtleneck
319
00:14:01,813 --> 00:14:04,114
like an hour ago, I'm sure you
understand.
320
00:14:04,249 --> 00:14:07,651
Oh my God, I just don't
know how to thank you.
321
00:14:07,752 --> 00:14:10,721
Just get (bleep).
322
00:14:10,822 --> 00:14:12,155
Bonsoir.
323
00:14:16,094 --> 00:14:19,529
(phone sending tone)
324
00:14:19,631 --> 00:14:23,433
(phone alert)
325
00:14:28,206 --> 00:14:30,474
Anybody ever ask you to send
them sexy pictures?
326
00:14:30,642 --> 00:14:32,743
I might be a victim.
327
00:14:32,910 --> 00:14:34,111
Oh (bleep).
328
00:14:34,245 --> 00:14:35,245
I'm definitely--
329
00:14:35,346 --> 00:14:37,681
Whoever I send sexy pictures to,
they're the victim.
330
00:14:37,849 --> 00:14:39,049
What do they ask for?
331
00:14:39,183 --> 00:14:41,143
We're trying to, like, get a
general consensus of,
332
00:14:41,219 --> 00:14:43,520
like, what kind
of sexy pics guys ask for.
333
00:14:43,655 --> 00:14:48,058
Um, I guess ass, titties,
I don't know.
334
00:14:48,192 --> 00:14:50,093
Ass and titties,
ass, ass and titties.
335
00:14:50,194 --> 00:14:52,529
Has a guy ever asked you to
send him a sexy pic?
336
00:14:52,664 --> 00:14:53,764
Yes.
337
00:14:53,898 --> 00:14:55,399
- Yeah.
- Did you?
338
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:57,500
It takes like a hundred shots
to get the right one.
339
00:14:57,502 --> 00:14:58,702
You should just do what I do.
340
00:14:58,770 --> 00:15:00,704
Only do it without your
head in them.
341
00:15:00,838 --> 00:15:02,606
- Yes, yes.
- Right?
342
00:15:02,707 --> 00:15:04,574
- What are you?
- Pisces.
343
00:15:04,676 --> 00:15:07,010
- No, I mean, what race?
- Turkish.
344
00:15:07,145 --> 00:15:10,580
Did you ever send a picture of
your penis to anybody?
345
00:15:10,682 --> 00:15:11,682
No?
346
00:15:11,816 --> 00:15:13,283
That is such a yes!
347
00:15:13,418 --> 00:15:14,651
Oh my gosh.
348
00:15:14,786 --> 00:15:17,220
I caved in, it was too much
peer pressure, I had to do it.
349
00:15:17,355 --> 00:15:20,424
Why, she was like, send me a
picture of your Turkish delight?
350
00:15:20,591 --> 00:15:21,558
Pretty much.
351
00:15:21,726 --> 00:15:24,094
I've never sent a sexy
picture of myself.
352
00:15:24,195 --> 00:15:26,363
You've never sent somebody a
picture of your boobs or anything?
353
00:15:26,531 --> 00:15:27,964
No, God, no, never.
354
00:15:28,132 --> 00:15:29,466
What about your butthole?
355
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:33,303
You know, I don't think I've
ever even seen my butthole.
356
00:15:33,438 --> 00:15:34,504
You've never seen your butthole?
357
00:15:34,639 --> 00:15:35,639
No.
358
00:15:35,773 --> 00:15:37,641
Can I just tell you
something... don't look.
359
00:15:37,742 --> 00:15:38,775
Have you ever--
you and your boyfriend
360
00:15:38,876 --> 00:15:40,644
ever send sex messages
to each other?
361
00:15:40,778 --> 00:15:41,978
Yes.
362
00:15:42,113 --> 00:15:43,180
Has he ever sent
you a picture of his dick?
363
00:15:43,314 --> 00:15:44,314
Yes.
364
00:15:44,482 --> 00:15:45,482
Do you like it?
365
00:15:45,650 --> 00:15:46,650
Ehh.
366
00:15:46,784 --> 00:15:48,785
♪
367
00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:53,523
♪
368
00:15:57,548 --> 00:15:59,973
- What were you hoping to do tonight?
- Just hang out.
369
00:15:59,998 --> 00:16:01,798
- What's your favorite type of porn?
- None.
370
00:16:01,823 --> 00:16:04,223
- Do you have any gay friends?
- Not that I know of.
371
00:16:04,248 --> 00:16:07,048
Have you ever heard the phrase
"oozing with charisma"?
372
00:16:07,073 --> 00:16:08,473
- Yes.
- I bet.
373
00:16:08,498 --> 00:16:10,198
How long have you
got a moustache?
374
00:16:10,223 --> 00:16:12,223
I guess, a couple of months.
375
00:16:15,048 --> 00:16:17,948
- Are you a virgin?
- No.
376
00:16:17,973 --> 00:16:18,973
OK.
377
00:16:20,398 --> 00:16:23,198
- Is your boyfriend French?
- No. He's from Ja**.
378
00:16:23,223 --> 00:16:24,623
Is that definitely a place?
379
00:16:24,748 --> 00:16:27,662
I feel like our interview
isn't gonna go anywhere.
380
00:16:27,688 --> 00:16:28,773
What do you think?
381
00:16:29,498 --> 00:16:31,498
Have you ever hit
anybody in the face?
382
00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:32,623
- Slapped them.
- Yeah.
383
00:16:32,748 --> 00:16:35,148
- My twin sister.
- You have a twin sister?
384
00:16:35,173 --> 00:16:35,873
Yes.
385
00:16:35,898 --> 00:16:37,898
- Oh my Gosh, you slapped your face?
- Yeah.
386
00:16:37,923 --> 00:16:38,923
Did you feel the pain?
387
00:16:38,948 --> 00:16:40,948
***
388
00:16:41,673 --> 00:16:43,373
- Do you have a girlfriend?
- Yes, I do.
389
00:16:43,398 --> 00:16:45,898
Are you getting ready
to pop that question?
390
00:16:46,023 --> 00:16:48,623
Will you have a threesome?
391
00:16:48,823 --> 00:16:50,823
- Do you have a girlfriend?
- Yeah, I have a girlfriend.
392
00:16:50,848 --> 00:16:52,448
All right, this interview is over.
393
00:17:00,027 --> 00:17:02,162
- So Kristin, you are a stripper.
- Yes.
394
00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:03,263
And how long have you
been doing that?
395
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:04,998
About two and a half years.
396
00:17:05,132 --> 00:17:08,034
What was the first time
you stripped like?
397
00:17:08,135 --> 00:17:11,271
I went on stage and I was, like,
398
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:14,641
clinging to the pole, awkwardly
dancing, just awkward.
399
00:17:14,775 --> 00:17:16,009
Well, how did you know--
400
00:17:16,110 --> 00:17:18,178
Like, if I were
to try to pole dance,
401
00:17:18,312 --> 00:17:20,580
I would not know the first
thing to do.
402
00:17:20,714 --> 00:17:22,682
It would probably
look like I was vacuuming.
403
00:17:22,783 --> 00:17:25,885
I personally always clean the
pole down before I go onstage.
404
00:17:26,020 --> 00:17:27,020
Why don't they
have somebody do that?
405
00:17:27,154 --> 00:17:28,588
I don't know, they should.
406
00:17:28,689 --> 00:17:31,624
It takes a little bit of the mystique
out of it to see a girl, like--
407
00:17:31,725 --> 00:17:32,926
Right?
408
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:33,993
- Wiping the pole.
- Like, cleaning it.
409
00:17:34,128 --> 00:17:35,495
- Like it's an elliptical.
- Right.
410
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:39,065
So how much do you feel like
you have to manipulate guys?
411
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,600
Like, how much
is that a part of it?
412
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,502
It's a huge part
of it, actually.
413
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:45,939
Like, they want someone to give
them attention and like them.
414
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:47,273
The best stripper who makes
the most money,
415
00:17:47,408 --> 00:17:48,975
how many guys do you think
416
00:17:49,143 --> 00:17:50,877
are out there in the world
in love with her?
417
00:17:50,978 --> 00:17:52,645
Probably quite a few.
418
00:17:52,813 --> 00:17:55,115
I would saying pushing,
between 40 and 50.
419
00:17:55,216 --> 00:17:56,249
Wow.
420
00:17:56,317 --> 00:17:57,984
And how many did you have
at the most?
421
00:17:58,085 --> 00:17:59,085
I have almost 20.
422
00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:00,620
Like, 20 guys that--
423
00:18:00,721 --> 00:18:02,288
Probably almost thought you
were, like, their girlfriend.
424
00:18:02,389 --> 00:18:03,423
Yeah.
425
00:18:03,524 --> 00:18:06,926
Like, they would bring you gifts
and jewelry and flowers
426
00:18:07,061 --> 00:18:09,095
and one guy started crying
in the champagne room
427
00:18:09,163 --> 00:18:11,431
'cause he wanted
me to, like, meet his mom.
428
00:18:11,532 --> 00:18:14,167
I'm like, no, no,
that's where we draw the line.
429
00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:16,102
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
430
00:18:16,203 --> 00:18:19,973
Does your boyfriend have a
pencil beard?
431
00:18:20,074 --> 00:18:21,274
No.
432
00:18:21,375 --> 00:18:25,178
Does he wear a lot of, like, collared
shirts with a lot of stripes?
433
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:26,646
Yes.
434
00:18:26,747 --> 00:18:27,981
Yes, he does.
435
00:18:28,082 --> 00:18:30,082
What's the oldest guy you ever
gave a lap dance to?
436
00:18:30,117 --> 00:18:32,652
Um, I think he was like 97.
437
00:18:32,786 --> 00:18:34,621
His sons brought him in
for his birthday
438
00:18:34,722 --> 00:18:37,190
and they had
to, like, wheel him in.
439
00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:38,858
Yeah.
440
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,160
You gave a lapdance in a
wheelchair?
441
00:18:40,261 --> 00:18:41,928
It was so awkward, yes.
442
00:18:42,096 --> 00:18:43,296
Well, I didn't even
want to do it,
443
00:18:43,397 --> 00:18:46,499
but my manager was just like,
follow me, and I'm like--
444
00:18:46,634 --> 00:18:48,101
I know where is this going.
445
00:18:48,269 --> 00:18:50,136
- To the wheelchair.
- Yes, exactly.
446
00:18:50,271 --> 00:18:54,374
He had
a catheter attached to him.
447
00:18:54,475 --> 00:18:56,543
Walk me through that.
448
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:59,145
So there's like a squishy
little bag
449
00:18:59,246 --> 00:19:03,316
and I'm like,
oh my God, is that really--
450
00:19:03,417 --> 00:19:05,385
And I'm sort of examining,
I'm like, oh no.
451
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,387
Yes, it is.
452
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:10,023
It was disgusting.
453
00:19:10,157 --> 00:19:11,624
When people find out
that you strip,
454
00:19:11,725 --> 00:19:14,060
what's the first
thing that they assume?
455
00:19:14,161 --> 00:19:15,862
Um, they associate it with
456
00:19:15,996 --> 00:19:18,965
like prostitution
or, like, you're a whore
457
00:19:19,099 --> 00:19:20,900
or whatever, but that's
not the case.
458
00:19:21,001 --> 00:19:23,603
You know what,
I really would bet anything
459
00:19:23,737 --> 00:19:26,606
that I'm a bigger whore
than you.
460
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:29,509
I would-- I could give
you a real run for your money.
461
00:19:29,610 --> 00:19:31,244
Are you ever
just, like, dancing for fun
462
00:19:31,345 --> 00:19:34,047
and you feel like it's not fair
and people should be paying you?
463
00:19:34,114 --> 00:19:35,181
Yeah.
464
00:19:35,282 --> 00:19:36,416
I was with a girl that
I don't like
465
00:19:36,517 --> 00:19:38,484
and we actually
got stuck in an elevator.
466
00:19:38,619 --> 00:19:40,220
The fire department had to
come and get us out.
467
00:19:40,287 --> 00:19:42,367
We had to, like, crawl,
'cause it was, like, unlevel,
468
00:19:42,456 --> 00:19:44,057
and we had to, like, boost
each other up.
469
00:19:44,091 --> 00:19:45,225
Wow.
470
00:19:45,259 --> 00:19:46,659
And we're like fighting
the whole time back and forth,
471
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:51,497
I'm just like, get the (bleep)
away from me, like, yeah.
472
00:19:51,632 --> 00:19:52,665
Yeah.
473
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,033
I guess I don't see how
that relates
474
00:19:54,134 --> 00:19:56,035
- to what I just asked you.
- Yeah, no.
475
00:19:56,170 --> 00:19:58,331
I just felt the need to share
that story with everyone.
476
00:19:58,372 --> 00:19:59,405
Okay, okay, well, no, I mean,
477
00:19:59,506 --> 00:20:01,274
that sounds like a tough night.
478
00:20:01,375 --> 00:20:03,276
What's the most you've ever
made in a shift?
479
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:05,478
I think it was like, $2,800.
480
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:06,946
- Wow.
- Yeah.
481
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:08,581
What's the least you ever
made in a shift?
482
00:20:08,716 --> 00:20:10,216
The least was about three.
483
00:20:10,317 --> 00:20:12,118
- Three what?
- Hundred.
484
00:20:12,219 --> 00:20:13,253
You don't want to go and, like,
485
00:20:13,354 --> 00:20:15,622
take your clothes off for,
like, $300, so...
486
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:19,926
I have done it
for free so many times.
487
00:20:20,060 --> 00:20:21,628
I'm like, that sounds awesome.
488
00:20:21,729 --> 00:20:24,230
I have had people pay me to put
my clothes back on.
489
00:20:24,331 --> 00:20:26,966
♪
490
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:28,868
How do you
commit to one person, though?
491
00:20:29,002 --> 00:20:30,636
How do you say yes to
one person?
492
00:20:30,737 --> 00:20:34,173
Like, for me, as I get older,
the sex that I'm into changes.
493
00:20:34,308 --> 00:20:35,374
It does.
494
00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:37,410
Like, I used to sleep with
mostly Hispanic guys,
495
00:20:37,544 --> 00:20:39,812
but now I
just prefer consensual.
496
00:20:41,215 --> 00:20:44,817
(laughing and applauding)
497
00:20:44,918 --> 00:20:50,790
We've all been a little raped,
okay, just a skotch, just a hair.
498
00:20:50,924 --> 00:20:54,627
Every girl I know has one night,
usually in college
499
00:20:54,761 --> 00:20:58,699
and she's like, huh.
500
00:21:00,234 --> 00:21:04,006
I think that was rape.
501
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,841
Not totes consensh.
502
00:21:08,942 --> 00:21:14,347
I don't remember yelling "yes."
503
00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:16,616
And it's not all
black and white.
504
00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:18,818
There's a gray area of rape.
505
00:21:18,919 --> 00:21:20,152
Like, you've been graped.
506
00:21:20,254 --> 00:21:23,356
I can tell.
507
00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:24,657
Grape happens.
508
00:21:24,791 --> 00:21:25,872
What do you want me to say?
509
00:21:25,959 --> 00:21:29,161
♪
510
00:21:29,329 --> 00:21:30,763
All right, three pinots.
511
00:21:30,864 --> 00:21:31,864
I guess that makes
me the umpire.
512
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:34,233
One, two, three
pinots and I'm out.
513
00:21:34,401 --> 00:21:35,701
All right, I guess that
makes me Gepetto
514
00:21:35,869 --> 00:21:38,704
and my
three Pinot-chios!
515
00:21:38,872 --> 00:21:40,312
If I were you,
I'd go with a pitcher.
516
00:21:40,374 --> 00:21:42,175
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,
It's so embarrassing.
517
00:21:42,376 --> 00:21:43,809
(laughing)
518
00:21:43,977 --> 00:21:45,211
All right, I'm cool, I'm cool.
519
00:21:45,345 --> 00:21:46,579
(woman) So easy.
520
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,314
(man) Magic.
521
00:21:49,839 --> 00:21:51,839
Sync && corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com
522
00:21:51,889 --> 00:21:56,439
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36951
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