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1
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:09,009
Mail call!
2
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,147
Whoo.
3
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,448
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
4
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,783
Lookie here.
5
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,052
"Family urkel
Is the proud winner
6
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:20,788
Of $10 million!"
7
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,056
Ha ha!
8
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,625
Okay. Let's--
9
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:25,826
Uh-oh.
10
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:28,429
It's judgment day.
Our report cards are here.
11
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,930
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Gimme, gimme, gimme!
12
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,066
I'm dying to see what I
Got in advanced calculus.
13
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,401
Yeah! And I'm dying
To see what I got
14
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:36,304
In subatomic nuclear
Macrobiotics.
15
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:40,007
I'm dying to see
What I got in volleyball.
16
00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,041
I got straight as!
17
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:44,178
Aah!
Aah!
18
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:46,747
Ooh! I got
Straight a-pluses!
19
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:48,616
Aah!
Aah!
20
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,584
I got straight cs!
21
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:51,719
Heh heh!
22
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,121
Ohh!
23
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,389
Except for these 3 ds.
24
00:00:56,990 --> 00:01:00,060
Oh, yes, well,
That's bad, yes.
25
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,629
Steve: that's bad.
26
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,131
Well, buck up, eddo.
27
00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:06,200
Volleyball is a lot tougher
Than it looks.
28
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:07,735
But we got straight as!
29
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,470
[jabbering excitedly]
30
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,183
[sighs]
31
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:23,584
[door opens]
32
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,060
Hey, dad.
33
00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:34,094
Hey, son.
34
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,529
Uh, you got a minute?
35
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,365
Ohh, edward,
36
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,467
My feet hurt,
My back aches,
37
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:43,771
And I got a stabbing pain
Right between my eyes.
38
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,339
Does this have to be now?
39
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:46,540
Yeah.
40
00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:49,510
What is it?
41
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:50,778
Uh...
42
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:51,979
Got my report card.
43
00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:53,847
Oh! How'd you do?
44
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,649
Not so hot.
45
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:03,123
Edward, you got
A "D" in volleyball.
46
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:05,993
Dad, it's a coed class.
47
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:07,261
I get distracted!
48
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,762
You know.
49
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:12,733
Edward, these grades
Are terrible.
50
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,369
Well...Let's look at
The bright side, dad.
51
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,205
At least I passed.
Heh heh.
52
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,908
You think
This is funny, son?
53
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,477
No, sir, dad.
Not at all.
54
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:26,314
Edward, there's
Gotta be an explanation,
55
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:29,183
And I would really
Love to hear it.
56
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,453
Edward, say something!
57
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,924
What have you been
Doing all this time,
Goofing off?
58
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,426
I mean--
Out partying all night--
59
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:41,829
Wine, women, and song
At my expense?
60
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,931
Dad, I got one girl,
61
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,165
I don't like wine,
62
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:47,568
And I haven't
Felt like singing in months.
63
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:49,737
Well, then, edward,
What is the problem?
64
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,805
Son, I know
You're not stupid.
65
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:55,276
Anybody that can
Con an extra 50 bucks
Out of me a week
66
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:58,178
Has got to be a genius.
67
00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:00,281
I--I mean,
I don't have any direction.
68
00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:04,184
I don't know
What I want to do
With my life.
69
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,319
[sighs]
70
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,120
I mean, look at
These courses, dad.
71
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,890
Can you tell me how
"History of western
Civilization"
72
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,091
Is gonna help me
In life?
73
00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:14,228
Yeah.
It's called knowledge.
74
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,996
And knowledge is power.
75
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:19,066
Power that you need
To get you where
You're going, son.
76
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,068
Dad, that's just it.
77
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:23,304
I don't know
Where I'm going.
78
00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:25,773
I mean, I thought that
After 2 1/2 years of college
79
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:29,443
That I'd have a better
Idea, but I don't.
80
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,413
Well, let me
Tell you something, son.
81
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,181
I can have sympathy
82
00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,083
For somebody who has
Not yet figured out
83
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,418
What they want to do
In life,
84
00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:39,653
Because, you know,
It's a tough decision.
85
00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:44,625
But I have no sympathy
Whatsoever
86
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:48,095
For somebody who
Does not try their best.
87
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,297
These grades
88
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,998
Are unacceptable!
89
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,547
Maxine: thanks again,
Laura, for the dress!
90
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:08,382
Laura: uh-huh.
Don't spill anything on it.
91
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,851
I gotta return it
To vicki tomorrow.
92
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:17,925
Steve, what is
That nasty smell?
93
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:21,329
Eh, I'm just having
Some porcupine taquitos.
94
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:24,798
Why?
95
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:28,101
I like to suck down
Some porcupine
When I'm depressed.
96
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:29,603
I buy shoes.
97
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:34,342
You see, max,
I'm in love with laura.
98
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:35,876
I always have been.
99
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:38,346
But she wouldn't give me
The time of day
In a clock shop.
100
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,981
So I hooked up with
My sexy snuggle buns myra.
101
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:42,316
But lo and behold,
102
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,518
Laura is actually
Starting to like me.
103
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,153
So in the interest
Of fairness,
104
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,188
I have to break it off
With myra
105
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:50,658
So she may snuggle
Another's buns.
106
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,362
Oh.
107
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:55,363
I'm sorry.
108
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,498
Did you say something?
109
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:02,235
Oh, not really.
I was just
Pouring my heart out,
110
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,905
Sharing my innermost
Thoughts and feelings.
111
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,574
Oh. Bye.
112
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:13,414
Mmm!
113
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:15,449
Mighty fine porcupine.
114
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:17,184
Wha--oh! Oh!
115
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,419
Quill.
116
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:19,787
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
117
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:20,921
[sucking]
118
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,823
Mmm!
119
00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:24,392
Mmm!
120
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,026
Tasty morsel.
121
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,337
Hi, my little
Love basket.
122
00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,407
Isn't it a happy,
Zippy, skippy day?
123
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,274
Oh, yes, indeedy, sweetie.
124
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,276
On the way over
I said to myself,
125
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,578
Self, I said,
126
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:47,715
You are the luckiest posy
In the flower garden
127
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:50,951
Because your handsome
Bachelor button
Is the best of the bunch.
128
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:53,621
Oh, stop it.
129
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,856
Oh, you're so bashful.
130
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,024
That makes me hot.
131
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,225
Okay, myra--
132
00:05:58,291 --> 00:05:59,460
Myra--
Myra, myra, please!
133
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:00,628
Sit down!
Sit down!
134
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,630
There's something
We need to discuss!
135
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,465
Oh, we can talk later
Over dinner.
136
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,366
I made us reservations
137
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,502
At that romantic
New restaurant, amore's.
138
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:11,038
And, uh,
Wear something sexy.
139
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:12,473
Rrrr!
140
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:13,974
But, myra, really,
We have to--
141
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,309
Gotta go, stevie.
Mommy and I
Are taking our shar-pei
142
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,111
For a tummy tuck.
143
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:19,447
But it's a dog.
144
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,314
I know, but after
The septuplets,
145
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,651
She never really
Got her figure back.
146
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,556
Oh, boy.
147
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:43,170
Dad.
148
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,572
Mm-hmm.
149
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:49,276
Uh, I know you're busy,
But, um,
150
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:52,379
I've been giving our
Conversation about college
A lot of thought,
151
00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:56,249
And, uh, well,
I've made some decisions.
152
00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:58,752
Well, good,
Let's hear them.
153
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,387
These bills
Can wait.
154
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,422
The longer I get
To talk to you,
155
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:05,325
The longer I get
To keep my money.
156
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,928
Well, dad, first off,
You're right.
157
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,597
There's no point
In me going to college
158
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,999
If I'm not going
To buckle down and study.
159
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:12,800
Exactly.
160
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,068
So I've decided
To drop out.
161
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,808
Edward, please,
Tell me that
This is a joke.
162
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:23,376
No, dad, I'm serious.
I've really thought
About this.
163
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,747
Edward, you could
Not have thought
About this whatsoever!
164
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:29,483
Dad, calm down!
No, I will not
Calm down now!
165
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,585
We're talking
About your future.
166
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,386
What you seem to want
To throw away!
167
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,387
Dad, I'm not
Throwing it away.
168
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,889
Yes, you are.
169
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,425
You got a problem
And you're running
Away from it.
170
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:39,960
You got bad grades,
171
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:42,162
But instead of
Working hard to bring
Your grades back up,
172
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:45,599
You want to quit.
You want to just walk away.
173
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:46,867
Dad, I'm not walkin'--
174
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:48,936
Yes, you are.
Now you listen to me.
175
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,672
No, dad, why don't
You listen to me?
176
00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:54,307
Now, I was
Up all night
Thinking about this,
177
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:55,743
And I kept
Asking myself,
178
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,278
"What do I want
To do with my life?"
179
00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,880
So I made a list.
180
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,718
Dad, I want to do
Something that makes
A difference.
181
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:07,354
I want to work
With people that I
Respect and admire.
182
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:10,724
I want a job
That's different and
Exciting every day.
183
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:17,665
And what kind of
Fairy tale job is that?
184
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,033
Hmm?
185
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,401
It's your job, dad.
186
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:23,103
I want to be a cop.
187
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:42,790
Creme brule
And a hot cheese sundae.
188
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,859
Yummers!
189
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,529
Mmm.
190
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,800
Sweet nectar.
191
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:56,203
French vanilla ice cream
And melted kraft singles.
192
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:01,274
Don't tell me
There's no god.
193
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:09,116
Stevie, there's
Some shmutz on your
Chinny chin chin.
194
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,118
Oh, oh, I'll get it.
195
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,033
Oh!
196
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,368
There.
197
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:31,672
Oh, ahh, thank you.
You headed off
A tongue cramp.
198
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:38,145
Myra, there's something
Tres importante
We need to discuss.
199
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:41,915
Oh, really? Well,
There's something on
My mind, too, stevie.
200
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:44,551
That's why I wanted us
To have dinner
Here tonight.
201
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,920
Oh, well, ladies first.
202
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:50,858
Steven, there's
No easy way
To say this,
203
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,727
But I--
I'm afraid the time
Has come for us
204
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:56,396
To take a long
And hard look
At our relationship.
205
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:59,800
I could not agree
With you more.
206
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:02,402
We've drifted apart
These past few months.
207
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:04,471
Exactly.
208
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:05,773
I mean,
You've changed.
209
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,074
Take tonight,
For example.
210
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,877
I ask you to wear
Something sexy.
211
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:13,781
Yet I see no tight
Bun-hugging pants,
212
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:17,250
Waistline neatly
Snugged just below
The nipples.
213
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:23,223
No sexy suspenders,
No dashing bow tie.
214
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:27,360
Just that long icky
Thing dangling
From your neck.
215
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,929
You don't like my tie?
216
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,230
Well...
Whoa, whoa,
Wait, wait!
217
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,065
Ow, ow, ow,
Whoa, whoa!
218
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:42,743
What I'm trying
To say is
219
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:45,813
That I
Desperately miss
The old steve urkel.
220
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:49,182
But, myra, I'm not
The man I used to be.
221
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,383
Steven.
222
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,021
I'm breaking up
With you.
223
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,723
Excuse me?
224
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:59,126
Bye, dear steven.
225
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,128
I'll always treasure
Our times together.
226
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:05,065
The midnight polkas,
The all-night
Cheese binges,
227
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:10,070
The first annual
Caterpillar rodeo.
228
00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:14,374
Oh, we lived fast
And played hard, baby.
229
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,182
Au revoir,
Mon cher.
230
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:25,152
Au revoir.
231
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,686
Yo, taxi!
232
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:28,088
[whistles]
233
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,309
Hey, welcome to
The lock-up, son.
234
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:52,679
Favorite watering hole
For off-duty police officers.
235
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,514
Hey, carl,
Long time no see.
236
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:56,649
Hey, phil,
How you doing?
237
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,618
Hey, so I hear
You're a captain
Now, huh?
238
00:11:58,685 --> 00:11:59,619
Yeah.
239
00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:00,687
What, are you
Too stuck up
240
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,689
To drink with us
Regular guys?
241
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,925
That's pretty
Much it, phil.
242
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,197
Hey, uh, phil,
I'd like you
To meet my son.
243
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,732
Edward winslow,
Phil d'angelo.
244
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:13,801
Hey, nice to
Meet you, eddie.
245
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,168
Same to you, phil.
246
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,837
Your old man's
One of the best.
247
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,671
Yeah, he is.
Oh, well.
248
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:19,907
What'll it be, fellas?
249
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:22,309
Uh, give me 2 beers
And a coke for my son.
250
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,411
Dad!
251
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:25,979
2 beers, phil.
252
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:34,654
Hey, phil and I graduated
From the academy together.
253
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:36,456
He shot up so fast
Through the ranks.
254
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:39,092
He's got more commendations
Than you can shake a stick at.
255
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:42,863
Oh, then, um, what's
He doing here, dad?
256
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:47,134
Well, one night,
Phil and his partner
Answer a call.
257
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,669
Robbery in progress
At a jewelry store.
258
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,471
Just as they pull up,
259
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:54,541
The door bursts open,
Robber comes running out,
Clerk right behind him.
260
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,577
Shoots 5 times,
Completely misses
The robber,
261
00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,246
Hits phil twice.
262
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:02,082
Luckily, they were
Both in the head.
263
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:09,556
Hey, phil was
In the hospital
For almost a year.
264
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,059
They gave him a desk job,
But he hated pushing papers,
265
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,693
So he bought this place.
266
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,462
Wow, that's intense.
267
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,265
You think that's intense?
268
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:20,567
See that guy over there?
269
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:21,568
Mm-hmm.
270
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,570
That's jimmy cooper.
271
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:27,908
Jimmy lost his partner
In a high-speed chase
About 3 months ago.
272
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,010
Jimmy was driving.
273
00:13:30,077 --> 00:13:33,046
We don't know
If he'll ever
Get off of that stool.
274
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:36,416
I bet if you take a poll,
275
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:40,553
Almost half of the cops
In here have been married
At least twice.
276
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:41,889
Why?
277
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:45,025
Well, police work
Is a highly stressful job.
278
00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:47,260
Some cops
Bring that stress home
279
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,429
And take it out
On their families.
280
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,299
Others hold it all inside
And keep it to themselves.
281
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,734
Dad, why are you
Telling me all
Of this stuff?
282
00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:57,404
Because I'm worried,
Son, that you have
A glamorized image
283
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,907
Of what it takes
To be a police officer.
284
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:04,711
I mean, no question
It's an exciting and
Sometimes rewarding job,
285
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:10,083
But you need to understand
That there are real risks
Involved here, son.
286
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,187
I realize that, dad.
287
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:18,791
Okay. And is this
Still something
That you want to do?
288
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,293
You bet it is.
289
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,267
Hey, listen up, everybody.
290
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:30,770
You all are looking at
One very proud man tonight.
291
00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:36,709
Because my son
Has decided that he wants
To be a police officer.
292
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,211
All: alright!
293
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:47,354
Here's to edward winslow.
294
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,356
All: yeah!
295
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:09,209
You look purr-fectly
Scrumptious, batman.
296
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,410
[growls]
297
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,647
[sighs]
298
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:15,983
Hey, steve.
299
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:18,085
Hello, laura lee.
300
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:22,889
Well, sir, ma'am,
An era has finally
Come to an end.
301
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:27,027
And I suppose
You're going to tell me
What era that might be.
302
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:29,696
Myra broke up with me.
303
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,064
You're kidding.
304
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,466
She's crazy
About you.
305
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,368
And I do mean crazy.
306
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:38,371
She thinks
I have changed.
307
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,240
The way I dress,
The way I act.
308
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,475
She says she doesn't even
Recognize me anymore.
309
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,511
Well, steve,
It's true.
You are changing.
310
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:47,547
But if you ask me,
I think it's
For the better.
311
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:52,986
[deep voice]
Oh, really?
312
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:58,625
Yes, really.
313
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:02,395
Laura, the irony is
I was going to break up
With myra tonight.
314
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,131
You were? Why?
315
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:08,068
Because I wanted
To have a clear path...
316
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:10,003
Through the jungle
Of love.
317
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:13,106
From your heart
To my hut.
318
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,011
Steve, did you have
Wine with dinner?
319
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,414
If you're asking
Whether or not
I'm intoxicated,
320
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,483
The answer is yes.
Yes, yes, yes!
321
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:25,185
A thousand times yes.
322
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,455
I'm drunk on you, baby.
323
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:33,693
And I always have been.
324
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,731
What am I going
To do with you,
Steve urkel?
325
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,701
Just love me, laura.
326
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,536
Love me like I love you.
327
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:49,008
Come here.
328
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,218
Aah!
329
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,559
Myra!
330
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:10,697
Don't you myra me.
How could you
Betray me like this?
331
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,165
Betray you?
332
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:14,534
Well, 2 hours ago,
You broke up
With me.
333
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:17,937
Why, you tossed me
Aside like a smelly
Gym sock.
334
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:21,074
Oh, fish sticks.
I wasn't dumping you.
335
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:24,111
That was a carefully
Orchestrated charade
336
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:28,047
Designed to drive you
Back into my arms.
337
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:30,517
Girl, you really
Scare me.
338
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:35,288
Steven, if you think
I let you go
339
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:37,290
Just so you could
Get on with your life,
340
00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:39,726
You're one bearded lady
Short of a freak show.
341
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:43,596
Now you're
Scaring me, too.
342
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,233
I want you to stop
Being this silly new steve
343
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:50,503
And come crawling back to me
And beg my forgiveness.
344
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,072
Please!
345
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,075
I'm sorry, myra.
346
00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:58,511
* mama likes
To oom pah pah *
347
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:02,482
* oom pah pah, oom pah
All night long *
348
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,519
Stop! Stop!
349
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,156
Enough of
The devil's polka.
350
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:17,997
Now, myra,
This breakup
Was for the best.
351
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:20,633
Laura and I--
Oh, I see!
352
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,469
It's laura again.
353
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:25,772
It's always
Laura, laura, laura.
354
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:29,942
For the life of me,
I can't understand
What you see in this...
355
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,344
Strumpet.
356
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,285
Strumpet?
357
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:40,987
I got your strumpet.
358
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:43,122
Yeah, I called
You strumpet.
359
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,124
So come on, miss red.
360
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,860
The red what?
They're red, yeah,
So what?
361
00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:49,196
Girls, girls, girls!
362
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,764
Girls, girls, girls!
363
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,166
Don't fight over me.
364
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:57,537
Even though it's
My dream come true.
365
00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:05,212
Steven, I've changed my mind
And I want you back.
366
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,517
I'm sorry, myra,
But it's over.
367
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:20,893
This is all
Your fault, missy.
368
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,265
You may have
Won the battle...
369
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,934
But you will
Never win the war.
370
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,303
Steven q. Urkel
Is my man.
371
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,739
And I won't let him go
Without a fight.
372
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,359
Aah!
373
00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:55,728
Aah, look
At these gummies.
374
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,608
Ooh!
375
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,779
Argh.
376
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,681
[doorbell rings]
377
00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:32,432
No pain, no gain.
378
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:40,407
Myra!
379
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:42,241
Last chance, steven.
380
00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:45,278
Come back to me now
And all will be forgiven.
381
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:48,881
Reject me and
Suffer the consequences.
382
00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:53,252
Myra, I'm sorry,
But for the last time,
It's over.
383
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,355
Well, then, you
Leave me no recourse
384
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:56,889
But to take
Legal action.
385
00:20:56,956 --> 00:21:00,327
Steven, I am suing
You for alienation
Of affection.
386
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,262
Oh, puh-lease!
387
00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:05,698
You'd need the best
Attorney in america
388
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,867
To win a trumped-up case
Like that.
389
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:17,109
Is this
The defendant?
390
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:18,878
Johnnie cochran!
391
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:21,514
Mr. Urkel, you made
An oral contract
With my client
392
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,683
When you professed
Your love for her.
393
00:21:25,352 --> 00:21:27,354
You still have
His science pen,
Don't you?
394
00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:29,722
Right here, johnnie.
Exhibit a.
395
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:30,957
Good girl.
396
00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:32,992
We'll prove beyond
A shadow of a doubt
397
00:21:33,059 --> 00:21:36,363
That you knowingly,
Willfully,
And maliciously
398
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:38,665
Stole the best years
Of this woman's life,
399
00:21:38,731 --> 00:21:41,100
Leaving her emotionally
Bereft, devastated,
400
00:21:41,167 --> 00:21:43,703
Yes, and worse, single.
401
00:21:45,472 --> 00:21:47,206
But--but she looks
Okay to me.
402
00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:49,342
Wait till you
See her in court.
403
00:21:55,948 --> 00:21:57,417
Don't you start!
404
00:21:57,484 --> 00:21:58,985
Oh, don't you start!
405
00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:04,757
Ha ha.
406
00:22:11,297 --> 00:22:13,600
I'm goin' down.
28359
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