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1
00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:15,891
{\an8}[vocalist] ♪ Snowflakes
fall on Marylebone ♪
2
00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:19,145
{\an8}♪ Two lovers on the
cobblestones ♪
3
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:22,398
♪ With scarves wrapped over
collar bones ♪
4
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,151
♪ And you wrapped around me ♪
5
00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:29,071
{\an8}♪ Angels in the window panes ♪
6
00:00:29,155 --> 00:00:32,283
♪ And two pints on a single
tray ♪
7
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:35,786
♪ The Ten Bells full of fun
awaits ♪
8
00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:38,789
♪ Just for Christmas Eve ♪
9
00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:40,499
- ♪ Till it's time ♪
- ♪ It's time ♪
10
00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:42,084
- ♪ For goodbye ♪
- ♪ Goodbye ♪
11
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:45,421
♪ And we both run off into
the night ♪ - ♪ The night ♪
12
00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:47,465
♪ And I hope ♪
13
00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:51,427
♪ That you know ♪
14
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:55,389
♪ I wanna the deck the halls ♪
15
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:58,350
♪ Hang mistletoe around ya ♪
16
00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:01,562
{\an8}♪ So when I sing 'Last
Christmas' ♪
17
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:04,899
{\an8}♪ I hope it's my last without
ya ♪
18
00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:08,235
♪ So you should listen up ♪
19
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:11,739
♪ 'Cause this wish is about ya ♪
20
00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:14,533
♪ Can we have forever ♪
21
00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:20,331
{\an8}♪ Or at least can we be
together, Babe, for Christmas? ♪
22
00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:25,544
{\an8}♪ Can we be together,
Babe, for Christmas? ♪
23
00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:27,254
[indistinct shout]
24
00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:29,590
It's fine.
We've got plenty of time.
25
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:36,555
We'd better go.
We're gonna miss our trains!
26
00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:40,768
I can't go any faster!
27
00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:44,980
We made it!
28
00:01:45,064 --> 00:01:47,066
No thanks to you.
29
00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:49,401
I didn't know it took that long
to cook a turkey.
30
00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:51,821
We're going with
'it was cooked', are we?
31
00:01:51,904 --> 00:01:53,614
That was my first ever
Christmas dinner!
32
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:56,408
It was great.
I didn't know you could cook.
33
00:01:56,492 --> 00:02:00,037
There's lots of things you don't
know about me, James Hughes.
34
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,122
Stay there. Stay there!
35
00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:04,124
[James grunts]
36
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:05,334
Okay, just one.
37
00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:11,924
That camera!
You're such an old man!
38
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,426
Well, this old man...
39
00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:16,887
- ...got you something.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
40
00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:19,098
- We said no presents.
- I know, I know!
41
00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:20,766
- No presents, remember?
- But...
42
00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:26,480
Well, just open it when...
you're really missing me.
43
00:02:27,106 --> 00:02:29,108
I'll be really missing you,
will I?
44
00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:33,988
I really wish I could come with
you.
45
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:36,282
Why don't you?
46
00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:39,201
- What?
- Come with me.
47
00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:41,579
We could have Christmas
in the countryside together.
48
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,456
I mean... my mum would kill me.
49
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,376
[announcer over PA]
Macclesfield calling at Luton...
50
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,503
That's me.
51
00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:51,338
Bloody Macclesfield.
52
00:02:51,422 --> 00:02:52,840
- Bloody 'Kimble'.
- Kemble!
53
00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:54,383
Whatever!
54
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:04,768
I have been wanting to say that these
past couple of months have been...
55
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:09,982
Well, you're like... the
coolest person I've ever met,
56
00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:12,026
and I don't even just mean
on the course. Like, ever and...
57
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,695
- You are out of time, James Hughes.
- Well, no...
58
00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,572
I just... I wanna say...
59
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:18,073
I... I love...
60
00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:19,283
Bye!
61
00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:21,160
Bye!
62
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,247
[announcer over PA]
...the 17:32 service to Kemble.
63
00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:27,333
Calling at Reading...
64
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:29,835
Okay!
65
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:38,677
[whistle blowing]
66
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,471
- Come on, darling.
- Wait!
67
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:42,723
Have you got your ticket?
68
00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:44,683
[mumbling]
69
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,187
You're going to spend
Christmas together!
70
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:50,606
That's lovely!
71
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:56,946
Your ticket?
72
00:03:57,655 --> 00:03:58,989
Sorry, I...
73
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,704
Is this free?
74
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:07,915
- Yes, love.
- Cheers.
75
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:34,608
Someone who knows you well, eh?
76
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:50,082
I told you!
77
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:53,085
Stop talking to random people.
78
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:58,966
Wait!
79
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,936
This stops at Kimble, right?
80
00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:12,104
Kemble.
81
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:13,647
Even better!
82
00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:20,404
Does this stop at Macclesfield?
83
00:05:23,282 --> 00:05:24,533
It does, love.
84
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,417
Excellent!
85
00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:53,395
[vocalists] ♪ Christmas! ♪ -
[vocalist] ♪ The snow's coming down ♪
86
00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:57,191
- ♪ Christmas! ♪
- ♪ I'm watching it fall ♪
87
00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:01,153
- ♪ Christmas! ♪
- ♪ Lots of people around ♪
88
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:04,948
- ♪ Christmas! ♪
- ♪ Baby, please come home ♪
89
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:08,577
- ♪ Christmas! ♪
- ♪ The church bells in town ♪
90
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:12,372
- ♪ Christmas! ♪
- ♪ All ringing in song ♪
91
00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:16,293
- ♪ Christmas! ♪
- ♪ Full of happy sounds ♪
92
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,880
- ♪ Christmas! ♪
- ♪ Baby, please come home ♪
93
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:24,093
♪ They're singing 'Deck The
Halls' ♪
94
00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:26,720
♪ But it's not like Christmas
at all... ♪
95
00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:28,013
Wait! Wait!
96
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,974
Stop, stop!
97
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,101
Stop!
98
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:35,312
♪ And all the fun we had last
year ♪
99
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,857
- ♪ Christmas! ♪
- ♪ Pretty lights on the tree ♪
100
00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:42,778
- ♪ Christmas! ♪
- ♪ I'm watching them shine ♪
101
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:46,657
- ♪ Christmas! ♪
- ♪ You should be here with me ♪
102
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:47,741
No!
103
00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:50,244
No, no, no, no! No! No!
104
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:52,454
- No, no, no!
- One metre!
105
00:06:52,538 --> 00:06:55,749
You need to keep at least one metre from
the platform edge, miss. Station rules.
106
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,668
You need to stop this train.
It's an emergency!
107
00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:04,133
If you wish to report an emergency,
you need to call 01632323323.
108
00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:06,510
I can't. My phone's on the
train. That's the emergency.
109
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:09,388
A lost phone does not constitute
an emergency, miss.
110
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:12,599
You can report it to
Lost Property on 016323...
111
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:15,561
How can I report it
if my phone is on the train?
112
00:07:15,644 --> 00:07:16,687
Can I borrow yours?
113
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,773
I don't have one.
There's no signal round here.
114
00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:21,650
What? You don't have a mobile
phone?
115
00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,527
Where are we, 1985?
116
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:26,613
They tried installing a mast last
year, but we were having none of it!
117
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:29,324
Sorry, Bill Gates,
you can take your radiation
118
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:31,076
and stick it where it belongs.
119
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,161
Bristol!
120
00:07:32,244 --> 00:07:34,413
Oh, my God! This is a nightmare!
121
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,165
I was supposed to surprise this
guy,
122
00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:39,001
but then I fell asleep and I missed
him, and now he's gone home and...
123
00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:41,920
Man, that's where I'm supposed to
be. My mum's gonna be freaking out!
124
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,257
And we're gonna lose our 99 day
streak.
125
00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:49,553
I'm gonna need that slower
and in English.
126
00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,890
Can I get a train to
Macclesfield from here?
127
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,517
There speaks someone
with little comprehension
128
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,060
of the South West Rail Network.
129
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,645
Right. Right then. Right.
130
00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:01,815
I just need to find James'
house.
131
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,485
You know
where everyone lives, right?
132
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,863
Because this is the countryside
133
00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:10,449
you're going to assume
everyone knows everyone else?
134
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:13,285
His name's Hughes. James Hughes?
135
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,954
Yeah, of course I know that one.
136
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:20,876
It's up the hill, past Chapman's
house, turn right at June's cottage,
137
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:25,172
past the church, down the drive
and, well, can't miss it.
138
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:26,256
Right, ta!
139
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:29,968
Right then, race you home,
James Hughes.
140
00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:33,388
- ♪ Christmas! ♪
- ♪ If there was a way ♪
141
00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:37,351
- ♪ Christmas! ♪
- ♪ I'd hold back these tears ♪
142
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,938
- ♪ Christmas! ♪
- ♪ But it's Christmas Day ♪
143
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,648
- ♪ Please! ♪
- ♪ Please! ♪
144
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:43,857
- ♪ Please! ♪
- ♪ Please! ♪
145
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:47,027
Guess who's waking up next
to you on Christmas morning?
146
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,030
Thank you, Santa!
147
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:53,867
I am so sorry. I... I thought
you were someone else. Sorry.
148
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:55,285
Aww!
149
00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:57,371
Come back!
150
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,123
I've been very good!
151
00:09:15,264 --> 00:09:17,015
Yes, little man,
what can I do you for?
152
00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:18,225
A '99, please.
153
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:21,270
Well, you'll have to come back
in April for ice cream,
154
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:26,108
but if you're after a five kilo
Norfolk Black with its giblets intact...
155
00:09:27,818 --> 00:09:29,528
you've come to the right place.
156
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:31,113
- [chuckles]
- Weirdo!
157
00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:34,241
Eh? Cheeky git.
158
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,368
[Hayley on voicemail]
Hiya! Are you alright? Joking!
159
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:38,412
I'm not here, leave a message.
Bye.
160
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:39,329
[man] Turkeys! Simply the
breast!
161
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:41,915
Get 'em while you can!
They're getting gobbled up!
162
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:44,835
Gobble!
163
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:52,759
[Sat-nav on phone] Starting
route to Woodfield Road.
164
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,030
- [gun cocks]
- [gasps]
165
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:15,032
What do you want?
166
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,159
Me? Nothing. Nothing. I'm
just...
167
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,702
Trespassing, are you?
168
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:21,496
No, no, no, I'm just looking
for the Hughes household.
169
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:25,292
W... hey! Please don't shoot me!
It's Christmas!
170
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,004
The Hughes household?
171
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,172
Yes, sir.
172
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,137
Rather you than me.
173
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,515
Thank you, sir.
174
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:48,023
[Hayley]
Bloody hell!
175
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:52,110
I... I'm sorry. Are you sure
this is...
176
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:11,046
[Sat-nav on phone] Proceed
to the route and make a U-turn.
177
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:14,132
Make a U-turn and proceed to...
178
00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:15,967
- [boy] Oi!
- ...Woodfield Road.
179
00:11:16,635 --> 00:11:20,055
Nice coat, mate.
Shame there's no sleeves.
180
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:22,057
Well, it's actually a gilet.
181
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:25,102
[boys] Ooh! A gilet!
182
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:27,813
Look, guys, I'm not...
I don't want any trouble.
183
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:30,732
Too late for that, 'Gilet'.
184
00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:33,527
Please. Please. I'm really
just...
185
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,862
[laughing]
186
00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:36,822
Thank God! You're kids.
187
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:39,950
What? I'm nine and
three-quarters, and he's nearly eight.
188
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,244
- Yeah.
- Okay, well...
189
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,789
I'm looking for Woodfield Road.
190
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:49,751
- What's it worth, 'Gilet'?
- Yeah, what's it worth?
191
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:51,336
Alright...
192
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,714
I'll give you... a pound.
193
00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,050
Fiver!
194
00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:01,054
Okay, fine.
195
00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:02,681
- Each!
- Each?
196
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:03,932
Each!
197
00:12:06,852 --> 00:12:08,270
Alright.
198
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:09,980
Fine. Deal.
199
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,357
Thank you.
200
00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:13,942
Now where is it?
201
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:17,988
Unbelievable!
202
00:12:22,284 --> 00:12:24,202
Happy to help!
203
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:32,252
[vocalist]
♪ I'll be home for Christmas ♪
204
00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:38,884
♪ You can plan on me ♪
205
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:47,976
♪ Please have snow and
mistletoe ♪
206
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:54,524
♪ And presents under the tree ♪
207
00:12:56,568 --> 00:13:01,198
♪ Christmas Eve will find me...
♪
208
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,116
- Hello, I'm...
- Late!
209
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,452
I know. I've been expecting you.
210
00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:07,162
Really?
211
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:08,747
For the last 20 minutes.
212
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,833
Listen, there's a guy
out there with a gun.
213
00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:13,710
Well, of course there is,
you're in the country.
214
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:16,671
Come in, girl, you'll
let all the good heat out.
215
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:22,385
Follow me.
216
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,846
Heat? What heat?
217
00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:27,516
You can wait in here.
Don't touch anything.
218
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,643
I'll let Mr Hughes know you're
here.
219
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,938
An interesting choice of outfit.
220
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,194
27...
221
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,238
25...
222
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,949
- Ho ho ho!
- Jesus!
223
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:46,284
Merry Christmas!
224
00:13:58,672 --> 00:13:59,673
Hello?
225
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,301
- [knocking]
- Anyone home?
226
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,428
- Surprise!
- Merry Chris...
227
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:06,513
No, Dad!
228
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:08,056
Who the hell is that?
229
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:10,517
- Is... Is Hayley here?
- Who are you?
230
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,936
Yeah, who are you?
231
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,688
- I'm...
- [boy] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
232
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:16,022
Mum! Mum!
233
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,400
Mum, don't listen to him!
234
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:21,361
Gilet gave us that tenner.
We didn't mug him, honest.
235
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:22,904
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who is Gilet?
236
00:14:22,988 --> 00:14:24,573
He is. He's our mate.
237
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:27,325
- What?
- Hello, Gilet.
238
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:29,661
Is that French?
239
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,706
Well, I suppose the word
'gilet' is, but I'm...
240
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:34,874
Are you not a little bit too old
to be hanging out with my boys?
241
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,293
I'm nine and three quarters!
242
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,877
- He's a pervert.
- I just...
243
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,296
- He's not!
- ...bumped into them in an alleyway.
244
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,548
- And you gave them a tenner?
- He's a drug dealer!
245
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:42,924
No, he's our mate.
246
00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:44,801
- Stop saying that.
- [Geoff] I'm back!
247
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,220
- Right, positions! Positions!
- Where are we going?
248
00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:49,014
What are we doing? What's going
on?
249
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,432
We're surprising Hayley!
250
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,142
Great! Okay.
251
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,602
That's...
252
00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:55,562
You're squeezing me a bit tight.
253
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,188
Careful, that's my...
254
00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,523
Surprise!
255
00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:00,817
- Merry Christmas!
- No. No. No, no.
256
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,944
- No.
- Where's Hayley?
257
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:04,988
- Geoff?
- She didn't show.
258
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:08,783
It's bloody freezing out there!
I've got nipples like a '99 flake.
259
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,744
There's a heavy snow
on the way, Geoff.
260
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:12,579
- I forgot my coat, didn't I?
- Well, did you call her?
261
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:15,498
- No, my phone's in my coat.
- What are you doing back here then?
262
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,292
Getting my bloody coat,
aren't I?
263
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,501
[Granddad] Heading up from
the South.
264
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:21,046
- You must be shattered. Get that bag off.
- It's fine.
265
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:24,049
- Have you been flogging turkeys?
- No. But if I was...
266
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:27,677
I would just have made
a hundred quid! Hey! Whoa-ho!
267
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:29,888
- Get some music on.
- You had one job.
268
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:32,641
What are you on about? I've had
loads of jobs, all pigging day.
269
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:35,143
- I was delivering turkeys till five!
- Unbelievable!
270
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,437
Right, boys, upstairs,
go get yourselves cleaned up.
271
00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:40,982
Remember, snitches get stitches.
272
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:42,901
And tell-tales get...
273
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,319
e-mails!
274
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:48,031
How many times do
we lose this bloody remote?
275
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,620
- Hi.
- Who the bloody hell are you?
276
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:56,706
He's either a drug dealer or a
pervert.
277
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:57,999
I'm not.
278
00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,167
Or both.
279
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:02,128
This is Gilet, Geoff.
He's friends with the boys.
280
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:03,380
Again, I'm not.
281
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,883
Them kids! How many times
have I got to tell you two, eh?
282
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,885
Hang around with lads
your own age!
283
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,638
- [boy] I'm nine and three quarters!
- Exactly!
284
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:14,474
Right. No offence, Gilet,
but come on.
285
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:17,394
He can stay for a quick
Christmas drink, surely?
286
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,146
- It's fine.
- What other jobs you have to do, Geoff?
287
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:22,524
- Don't worry Granddad. I got the stuffing.
- Come and have a seat with me.
288
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:25,694
It's gone to voicemail. It
never goes to voicemail. Love...
289
00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:28,905
Cup of tea, Gilet? Oh, God!
290
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,448
That sounds exotic.
291
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:33,993
I've come across plenty of
Lees and Darrens in my time.
292
00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:35,787
You can say that again!
293
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,206
But I can't say
I've ever met another 'Gilet'.
294
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:40,542
It's a body warmer, Kaye.
TK Maxx is full of 'em.
295
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,168
- You should go and look for her.
- I'll be back in a minute.
296
00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:44,671
Look, Kath, let's give it
half an hour, right?
297
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:46,798
We'll have a cuppa. If we've
not heard from her by then...
298
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:49,676
Okay, we'll give it exactly half an
hour and then you'll go and look for her.
299
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,094
What, no cuppa?
300
00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:53,805
No cuppa.
301
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,390
Kath...
302
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,809
[Kath] Honestly, one of these days
I'm gonna give you a simple task
303
00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,102
and you're gonna get it right!
304
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:00,854
Come on, it's Christmas Eve Eve.
305
00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:04,149
I'm James.
306
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:24,294
Hello! You must be Peanut.
307
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,005
Ohh! Okay, alright.
Chill, chill, Peanut.
308
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,300
Peanut!
309
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,844
- [clicking tongue]
- Like I said, very casual.
310
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:33,928
Thank you, Iris.
311
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,224
You may leave.
312
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,353
Will you please put that down?
313
00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:43,688
Sorry, it's just...
314
00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:45,940
That's Tony Blair, right?
And isn't that...
315
00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:48,276
The first thing to establish
when you are in my house:
316
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:50,403
that you respect my privacy.
317
00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:51,905
Oh, right.
318
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:54,407
- Sorry.
- And the second
319
00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:56,284
is the importance of
punctuality.
320
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,954
Erm, look, I don't want
to get off on the back foot.
321
00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:01,039
I'm Hayley.
322
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:04,334
Taylor.
323
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,919
Humphrey Hughes.
324
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:08,171
And you get off on the
wrong foot, not the back foot.
325
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:10,548
Yeah, course, but...
326
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,550
right now I feel like
I'm doing a bit of both.
327
00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,636
Yes, well, take a seat.
328
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:18,264
It has been something
of an inauspicious start.
329
00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:20,350
We had been told good things.
330
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,976
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
331
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,979
- Dependable, experienced, cheap.
- What?
332
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:27,524
And your background checks were
clear.
333
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,150
Back... background checks?
334
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:31,236
Standard procedure.
You should have been informed.
335
00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:34,656
Look, I don't know what James
has told you about me, but...
336
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,199
- James?
- Yes.
337
00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:38,618
James. Your son?
338
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:43,873
- Tony Blair's ball boy.
- My son's name is Hubert James Hughes,
339
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,000
and he is currently away
training.
340
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:49,212
And I am a little confused
as to how you know him.
341
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,172
Sorry, did you just say
his name's 'Hubert'?
342
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:53,633
How do you know my son?
343
00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:55,718
We're on the same course.
344
00:18:56,511 --> 00:18:58,638
You train with Hubert?
345
00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,474
No, I train with James.
346
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:02,809
Well, where is he?
347
00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:06,020
Well, I don't know. I was gonna ask
you the same thing. Is he not here...
348
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:08,982
Excuse me, sir. This is Doris.
349
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,693
I'm here about the cleaning job.
350
00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,572
Bit late, I know, but my... cat
died.
351
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:17,699
Er...
352
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:22,620
Iris, I will, er, conduct
the interview in my study.
353
00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:24,455
Very well. Come with me.
354
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:27,792
[Hayley]
Wow!
355
00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:29,085
You thought I was the cleaner.
356
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:32,171
Because I had an interview
with a cleaner at 7:00 pm,
357
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:36,301
and at twenty past seven
you knocked on my door.
358
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:38,219
Look, I'm going to have to
deal with that.
359
00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:40,138
Won't take long.
She's clearly not right.
360
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:44,100
You will stay here until
I return. Understood?
361
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,061
- Yes, sir!
- And don't touch anything.
362
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:48,813
[Humphrey]
Come on, Peanut!
363
00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:50,815
Come on, boy.
364
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,484
I'm sorry, you don't have a phone
I could borrow? I left mine on the...
365
00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:54,944
[door closes firmly]
366
00:19:57,655 --> 00:19:59,824
So I know she got on her train.
367
00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:01,993
But did she get off it?
368
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:05,038
I know I did, 'cause I'm here.
369
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,206
But Hayley's not.
370
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:10,043
And that begs the question...
371
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,586
where is she?
372
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,089
You say something, young man?
373
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:19,135
Never mind.
374
00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,432
[Geoff] She missed her train,
that's all.
375
00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:25,642
[Kath] Yes and now she's
walking the streets!
376
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,477
[Geoff] Well, she'll be alright.
377
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,480
I thought, you know what,
it's Christmas, screw the brew.
378
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,941
Have I introduced
myself properly? I'm Kaye.
379
00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:35,693
You can call me Special K!
380
00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:38,196
I'm Ant and Dec's aunty.
381
00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:39,447
Ant and Dec?
382
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,575
Oh, Gilet! You still here?
383
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:44,077
I offered him a drink.
384
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,161
Kaye, quick word.
385
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,581
What flavour stuffing you get?
386
00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,291
Cranberry and chestnut, Grandad.
387
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:52,085
Now didn't we have a box of
choccies knocking about?
388
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:54,295
Er, what are you doing, love?
389
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:56,047
I think he likes me.
390
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:59,634
Look, we don't know him,
and he is very young.
391
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,594
A minute ago, he was too old.
392
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,304
For Ant and Dec.
393
00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:05,431
[laughs]
Oh, Kath!
394
00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:07,308
I'm a cougar these days.
395
00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:08,977
It's very on trend.
396
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:13,189
Come on, sis, it's just
a bit of Christmas fun!
397
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:16,359
[Geoff] Could have sworn we had
some Maltesers on the go!
398
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:19,570
Ohh. I wonder how they got
there, eh?
399
00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:22,323
Kath was just saying, you
can always stop for your tea.
400
00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:24,033
Really?
401
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,285
Oh, God! Completely forgot.
Go and check the lasagne.
402
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:28,162
- No, it's fine.
- That's me.
403
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:33,334
I should probably take this.
404
00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:35,378
Do you have somewhere...
private?
405
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:37,296
Like a study or...
406
00:21:38,172 --> 00:21:39,549
Kitchen's through there.
407
00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:43,511
Okay, yeah. Thank you.
408
00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:50,560
- [chuckling]
- [whispering] Study?
409
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:51,978
[clears throat]
410
00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:55,398
- Dad, listen...
- [Hayley] Hello, 'Hubert'.
411
00:21:55,606 --> 00:21:57,775
- Hayley?
- [whispering] Surprise!
412
00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,360
Where the hell are you?
413
00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:00,903
What are you doing in my house?
414
00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:02,739
I got on your train. I don't
know what I was thinking.
415
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:06,200
Well, I do know what I was thinking. I
was thinking it would be epic romantic.
416
00:22:06,284 --> 00:22:08,161
But then you weren't here, and it
was actually horrifically awkward.
417
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,663
And now I'm stuck here,
I've lost my phone,
418
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:13,374
and outside it's starting
to look like the North Pole.
419
00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:15,501
Have you said anything about me?
420
00:22:15,585 --> 00:22:18,921
No! And your house! You said you
lived in a cottage, not a bloody castle!
421
00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:22,800
Okay, yes, well, I-I may have
done some downplaying.
422
00:22:22,884 --> 00:22:25,511
James, there's a picture
of your dad with Prince Charles.
423
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:29,015
Yeah, okay, erm...
424
00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,558
Okay, here we go.
425
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:36,773
My dad's official title is
Lord Humphrey Manningham-Hughes.
426
00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:38,858
- Lord?
- Well, he's an Earl.
427
00:22:38,941 --> 00:22:41,110
The Earl of Gloucester, to be
precise.
428
00:22:41,903 --> 00:22:43,362
Are you joking?
429
00:22:43,446 --> 00:22:45,281
I know, I should have told you,
I know.
430
00:22:45,364 --> 00:22:48,868
But, look, I need you
to not say anything...
431
00:22:48,951 --> 00:22:50,828
James, are you a frickin' Royal?
432
00:22:50,912 --> 00:22:52,246
No! No!
433
00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:53,790
Well, technically, yes.
434
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:57,627
But I'm like... I'm like, 300th in line
to the throne or something, okay?
435
00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,630
Like, put it this way, a lot of
people would have to croak
436
00:23:00,713 --> 00:23:03,174
- for my character to turn up in The Crown.
- I can't cope with this.
437
00:23:03,257 --> 00:23:06,594
But, Hayley, this is important:
my dad, he doesn't know about...
438
00:23:06,677 --> 00:23:08,554
- [smoke alarm beeping]
- I don't believe it!
439
00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:10,139
Oh gosh, oh gosh!
440
00:23:10,223 --> 00:23:11,849
How do you turn your oven off?
441
00:23:11,933 --> 00:23:13,935
My oven? Wait, what? What?
442
00:23:15,186 --> 00:23:16,729
I told you to check the lasagne!
443
00:23:16,813 --> 00:23:19,065
- Alright, don't panic!
- What is going on?
444
00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:20,900
- It's...
- Is the house on fire?
445
00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:23,152
- No, no, no!
- What are you doing, James?
446
00:23:23,236 --> 00:23:25,488
Is this some sort of a joke?
James...
447
00:23:25,571 --> 00:23:28,324
what the hell
are you doing in my house?
448
00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:30,701
What you said: Epic. Romantic.
449
00:23:30,785 --> 00:23:32,537
James, I need you to listen to
me.
450
00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:34,914
They do not know about you yet.
Have you said anything?
451
00:23:34,997 --> 00:23:38,584
No. I mean, I haven't really been
able to get a word in edgeways.
452
00:23:38,668 --> 00:23:40,711
James, I need you to do me
the world's biggest favour
453
00:23:40,795 --> 00:23:42,547
and not say anything.
454
00:23:43,381 --> 00:23:45,591
Okay.
I mean, may I ask why?
455
00:23:45,675 --> 00:23:48,511
I'll explain when I see you, and I
promise we will laugh about it afterwards.
456
00:23:49,971 --> 00:23:51,389
What am I supposed to say?
457
00:23:51,472 --> 00:23:53,516
Just say I'll be home tomorrow
or something.
458
00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:55,393
We're drama students.
Improvise.
459
00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:58,229
You know how bad I am at impro!
460
00:23:58,312 --> 00:24:01,232
Whenever I get stuck,
I do that weird Scottish accent.
461
00:24:01,315 --> 00:24:04,152
Well, now's your time to
get good, fast! I've got to go.
462
00:24:04,235 --> 00:24:06,112
Hayley, no! Hayley.
463
00:24:07,905 --> 00:24:09,740
[sighs]
Okay.
464
00:24:10,366 --> 00:24:11,993
[huffs]
465
00:24:13,703 --> 00:24:14,787
Impro.
[chuckles]
466
00:24:16,205 --> 00:24:18,833
[noisy commotion]
467
00:24:19,834 --> 00:24:20,835
Excuse me.
468
00:24:23,129 --> 00:24:25,089
[commotion settles]
469
00:24:25,173 --> 00:24:27,800
I have a wee thing to tell ya.
470
00:24:35,016 --> 00:24:36,350
Your Lordship.
471
00:24:37,059 --> 00:24:38,269
Er, that was James.
472
00:24:38,352 --> 00:24:40,521
- Hubert.
- Yeah, Hubert.
473
00:24:40,605 --> 00:24:44,358
Erm, he said that his train's been
delayed, but he will be back tomorrow.
474
00:24:45,067 --> 00:24:46,110
Right.
475
00:24:46,194 --> 00:24:50,198
And you are here...
for what reason exactly?
476
00:24:50,281 --> 00:24:53,242
Do you know what? It's
actually quite a funny story...
477
00:24:54,952 --> 00:24:57,121
Er, but probably for another
time.
478
00:24:57,205 --> 00:25:00,833
I'm just on my way up North, and I
thought I'd nip in, say hi to a mate.
479
00:25:00,917 --> 00:25:04,003
But he's clearly not here,
so I will just be heading off.
480
00:25:04,086 --> 00:25:06,214
- Safe travels.
- Out of the question.
481
00:25:07,632 --> 00:25:10,760
I'm sorry, sir, but it's too late
for her to travel in this tonight.
482
00:25:11,552 --> 00:25:13,846
Besides the last train
will have left by now.
483
00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:17,225
Hubert's room's made up already.
484
00:25:17,308 --> 00:25:19,227
- She could stay there.
- Er...
485
00:25:21,270 --> 00:25:22,730
Oh... very well.
486
00:25:22,813 --> 00:25:26,859
Erm, Iris will call a cab
for you in the morning. Early.
487
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:28,444
Thank you, My Lord.
488
00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:30,529
Come on, Peanut!
489
00:25:30,738 --> 00:25:32,615
- Come on!
- Come along.
490
00:25:33,366 --> 00:25:34,992
Getting the tour, am I?
491
00:25:39,455 --> 00:25:41,624
That's Mr Hughes' study.
492
00:25:42,959 --> 00:25:44,585
And through there is the main
hall,
493
00:25:44,669 --> 00:25:46,712
and beyond that
there's the conservatory,
494
00:25:46,796 --> 00:25:49,799
the kitchen,
and the library's upstairs.
495
00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:51,259
Wow!
496
00:25:51,342 --> 00:25:54,679
You're only a billiard room
away from a full Cluedo board.
497
00:25:54,762 --> 00:25:56,889
That's beyond the conservatory
on the right.
498
00:25:58,140 --> 00:26:01,227
I'm gonna get killed with a lead
pipe in the drawing room, aren't I?
499
00:26:01,310 --> 00:26:04,689
I sincerely hope not. The drawing
room is strictly out of bounds.
500
00:26:06,065 --> 00:26:08,651
Besides, there is no drawing
room on a Cluedo board.
501
00:26:10,278 --> 00:26:13,531
Oh, wow!
This one looks just like James.
502
00:26:13,614 --> 00:26:15,533
If he went full hipster.
503
00:26:15,616 --> 00:26:17,410
That's the First Earl of
Gloucester.
504
00:26:17,493 --> 00:26:19,412
Fought alongside King Charles.
505
00:26:20,329 --> 00:26:23,708
This family has a proud
military history.
506
00:26:23,791 --> 00:26:27,878
It's produced field marshals at
Waterloo, generals in the Boer.
507
00:26:28,671 --> 00:26:31,632
Hubert's great-great-grandfather
was in the Somme.
508
00:26:31,716 --> 00:26:34,176
His great-grandfather
fought with Montgomery.
509
00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:40,683
And of course, Mr Hughes' own record
in Afghanistan and Iraq speaks for itself.
510
00:26:41,767 --> 00:26:42,768
Wow!
511
00:26:43,352 --> 00:26:46,105
So how does everyone
feel about Hubert?
512
00:26:46,188 --> 00:26:48,024
- Very proud.
- Really?
513
00:26:49,191 --> 00:26:51,110
As I'm sure your parents are of
you.
514
00:26:52,153 --> 00:26:55,072
The officer training course
at Sandhurst is...
515
00:26:55,156 --> 00:26:57,700
Well, it produces
the best soldiers in the world.
516
00:26:57,783 --> 00:26:58,909
Sandhurst?
517
00:26:59,994 --> 00:27:02,163
You did say you were on
the same course, didn't you?
518
00:27:02,955 --> 00:27:05,207
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, we are.
Sorry.
519
00:27:05,291 --> 00:27:07,293
Sorry, it's been a long day.
520
00:27:08,210 --> 00:27:10,129
Let me show you your bedroom.
521
00:27:17,303 --> 00:27:18,763
Here you are.
522
00:27:20,765 --> 00:27:22,850
Supper will be in the main hall
at nine.
523
00:27:23,559 --> 00:27:25,561
And try and wear something
a little more...
524
00:27:27,313 --> 00:27:28,939
Not... not that.
525
00:27:58,386 --> 00:28:00,638
- [Nan] Looks like...
- [Grandad] I love lasagne!
526
00:28:00,721 --> 00:28:02,223
I've got to say,
527
00:28:02,306 --> 00:28:04,850
losing her phone and missing her
train is such a Hayley thing to do.
528
00:28:04,934 --> 00:28:06,560
Still don't know why
she didn't call me, though.
529
00:28:06,644 --> 00:28:07,728
[Geoff] Here you go!
530
00:28:07,812 --> 00:28:10,481
Geoff,
what have you got those out for?
531
00:28:10,564 --> 00:28:12,566
Gives Gilet a chance
to get to know us quicker.
532
00:28:12,650 --> 00:28:13,818
'James' is fine.
533
00:28:13,901 --> 00:28:15,361
{\an8}Oh! Who put that there?
534
00:28:15,444 --> 00:28:18,531
{\an8}- You did.
- We had 'em made for Hayley's 21st.
535
00:28:18,614 --> 00:28:19,865
Who is he again?
536
00:28:19,949 --> 00:28:22,368
Hayley's friend from drama
school, Mum!
537
00:28:22,952 --> 00:28:24,995
His train got cancelled at
Macclesfield,
538
00:28:25,079 --> 00:28:28,165
so H texted him saying he
could crash here for the night.
539
00:28:28,249 --> 00:28:29,291
- Shagging, are they?
- Whoa!
540
00:28:29,959 --> 00:28:32,420
- Of course not, Mum! Bloody hell!
- Oh, God, no.
541
00:28:32,503 --> 00:28:34,588
I'm... I'm very much single.
542
00:28:35,172 --> 00:28:36,173
Really?
543
00:28:38,884 --> 00:28:40,094
And gay.
544
00:28:40,845 --> 00:28:42,054
- Really?
- Aye.
545
00:28:42,138 --> 00:28:45,683
I am just a wee bit
into my men, it's true.
546
00:28:45,766 --> 00:28:48,144
Oh, cool! Who would you
rather snog, Ronaldo or Messi?
547
00:28:48,227 --> 00:28:50,271
That's Ronaldo, any day
of the week. Right, Gilet?
548
00:28:50,354 --> 00:28:52,565
I'm a Lionel Messi man myself.
549
00:28:52,648 --> 00:28:54,817
Such a low centre of gravity.
550
00:28:54,900 --> 00:28:57,319
So, er, Ant and Dec,
are those your real names?
551
00:28:57,403 --> 00:28:58,988
[Geoff]
Oh, God, here we go!
552
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:01,782
Right, so, Dad is Antony,
553
00:29:01,866 --> 00:29:04,743
and then Geoff's dad was Declan.
Do you know what?
554
00:29:04,827 --> 00:29:07,413
It wasn't until we'd done it
that we even realised.
555
00:29:07,496 --> 00:29:10,499
Not that we're not big fans of
the presenters. Cracking chemistry.
556
00:29:10,583 --> 00:29:14,378
Do you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna put this here,
557
00:29:14,462 --> 00:29:16,297
so that Hayley...
558
00:29:17,298 --> 00:29:18,966
is here in spirit.
559
00:29:19,049 --> 00:29:20,926
She's in London, Kath.
She's not dead.
560
00:29:21,010 --> 00:29:24,013
She's such a worrier these days.
[soft chuckle]
561
00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:26,557
Can't imagine what you were like
when she got her tattoo.
562
00:29:28,934 --> 00:29:29,977
Tattoo?
563
00:29:31,312 --> 00:29:32,730
I mean...
564
00:29:32,813 --> 00:29:35,149
if... if she got a tattoo,
565
00:29:35,232 --> 00:29:37,234
just to imagine what you'd be
like.
566
00:29:40,029 --> 00:29:41,780
H would tell me if she got
a tattoo, wouldn't she?
567
00:29:41,864 --> 00:29:42,948
Yeah.
568
00:29:43,032 --> 00:29:45,993
Well, I never told anybody
when I got mine.
569
00:30:12,603 --> 00:30:14,396
Do you get to eat in here every
night?
570
00:30:15,064 --> 00:30:17,900
Most evenings
I enjoy supper in my study.
571
00:30:17,983 --> 00:30:19,109
Alone.
572
00:30:20,819 --> 00:30:21,904
Right.
573
00:30:29,870 --> 00:30:31,789
Must be fun being a lord.
574
00:30:34,583 --> 00:30:38,337
I try not to use the title,
where possible.
575
00:30:38,420 --> 00:30:41,549
Really? If it was me,
I'd be using it all the time!
576
00:30:41,632 --> 00:30:43,759
'Her Lordship's coming through!'
577
00:30:43,842 --> 00:30:46,053
Straight to the front
of the queue at H&M.
578
00:30:46,136 --> 00:30:50,015
'Out the way, people, Her
Lordship needs a new boob tube.'
579
00:30:50,099 --> 00:30:52,017
[chuckles]
580
00:31:02,987 --> 00:31:05,281
So what are your plans for
Christmas?
581
00:31:05,906 --> 00:31:08,826
We tend not to make a fuss
of Christmas in this house.
582
00:31:08,909 --> 00:31:11,662
Oh, but come on,
the fuss is the best bit!
583
00:31:11,745 --> 00:31:15,082
And you could get a massive
Christmas tree in here!
584
00:31:15,165 --> 00:31:17,793
Like, my house is tiny, but
you should see it at Christmas.
585
00:31:17,876 --> 00:31:20,629
Man alive, like,
we have Advent candles,
586
00:31:20,713 --> 00:31:22,298
Advent calendars,
587
00:31:22,381 --> 00:31:24,216
we even have this,
like, Advent toilet roll
588
00:31:24,300 --> 00:31:26,635
that's got, like, the Christmas
cracker jokes on it.
589
00:31:26,719 --> 00:31:30,306
And my mum!
She has this musical reindeer.
590
00:31:30,389 --> 00:31:32,725
It's like...
♪ Jingle bells! Jingle... ♪ Ugh!
591
00:31:32,808 --> 00:31:35,311
It drives everybody nuts.
And... [scoffs]
592
00:31:35,394 --> 00:31:39,607
Tonight, my nan, she makes these,
like, Christmas pudding muffins,
593
00:31:39,690 --> 00:31:41,859
and if you find the one
with the coin baked in it,
594
00:31:41,942 --> 00:31:44,695
you don't have to do any chores
for the whole of Crimbo.
595
00:31:52,202 --> 00:31:55,247
I just think every home should
have a Christmas tree, that's all.
596
00:32:00,294 --> 00:32:03,088
Well, you won't see many
Christmases at home...
597
00:32:03,797 --> 00:32:05,382
once you get your commission.
598
00:32:05,466 --> 00:32:06,508
Sorry?
599
00:32:07,676 --> 00:32:09,386
Once you're an officer.
600
00:32:09,845 --> 00:32:12,097
You won't get home very often.
601
00:32:12,473 --> 00:32:14,183
Well, all depends, sir.
602
00:32:14,266 --> 00:32:16,894
If I get in the LANCS Regiment,
like I hope, then I'll be just up the road.
603
00:32:17,519 --> 00:32:18,646
The LANCS?
604
00:32:19,938 --> 00:32:23,233
Well, don't they refer
to themselves as the...
605
00:32:23,317 --> 00:32:25,402
Mmm.
The Lions Of England, yeah.
606
00:32:25,486 --> 00:32:27,404
Or the Kingsmen, if you prefer.
607
00:32:33,243 --> 00:32:37,456
As someone who never
really had a choice,
608
00:32:37,539 --> 00:32:42,211
I'm curious, why did you
choose the army as a career?
609
00:32:42,294 --> 00:32:44,672
Mmm. Much like James, actually.
610
00:32:44,755 --> 00:32:46,382
My dad was a massive influence.
611
00:32:46,465 --> 00:32:48,008
He served?
612
00:32:48,092 --> 00:32:49,802
He served a lot, yeah.
613
00:32:49,885 --> 00:32:53,222
Ice... Icy conditions
were his speciality.
614
00:32:53,305 --> 00:32:56,767
But... very secretive. We're not
really allowed to talk about it.
615
00:32:57,893 --> 00:33:00,437
That sounds like the Mountain
Troop.
616
00:33:01,438 --> 00:33:04,942
Yes, that's the one,
but you didn't hear it from me.
617
00:33:05,025 --> 00:33:06,568
Ninety-Nine Regiment.
618
00:33:06,652 --> 00:33:09,738
SAS arctic survival experts.
619
00:33:11,365 --> 00:33:15,577
Yes, I've seen what those boys can
do in the mountains of Afghanistan.
620
00:33:16,745 --> 00:33:19,873
Your father must be an
impressive physical specimen.
621
00:33:19,957 --> 00:33:24,420
Oh, yes, sir. He really
keeps himself in shape.
622
00:33:26,714 --> 00:33:27,715
[laughter]
623
00:33:27,798 --> 00:33:29,466
That hit the spot, eh?
624
00:33:29,550 --> 00:33:31,468
- What was I saying?
- Turkey Trot.
625
00:33:31,552 --> 00:33:34,346
Oh, yeah. So, it was
this half marathon, right?
626
00:33:34,430 --> 00:33:37,683
And they do it every Saturday
before Crimbo,
627
00:33:37,766 --> 00:33:39,977
and they call it the Turkey
Trot.
628
00:33:40,060 --> 00:33:41,645
Because every finisher gets a
turkey.
629
00:33:41,729 --> 00:33:44,273
- The race starts at 9:00 am, right?
- Yeah.
630
00:33:44,356 --> 00:33:48,277
He comes home at 2:30,
and he's carrying...
631
00:33:48,402 --> 00:33:50,195
A frozen bloody chicken!
632
00:33:51,196 --> 00:33:54,742
It had taken him that long to get
round, they'd run out of turkeys!
633
00:33:54,825 --> 00:33:56,577
Chicken for Christmas dinner?
634
00:33:56,660 --> 00:33:58,120
- I'll never live it down!
- That's for you.
635
00:33:58,203 --> 00:33:59,496
- Thank you.
- Right!
636
00:33:59,580 --> 00:34:02,082
- Let's see who's got the golden ticket.
- Oh, yeah, Gilet.
637
00:34:02,166 --> 00:34:05,210
You find the ten-pence piece,
and you're chore-free, eh?
638
00:34:05,294 --> 00:34:06,920
In my day, it was a sixpence.
639
00:34:15,512 --> 00:34:18,182
- I think it's stuck.
- I think someone's found the 10p.
640
00:34:18,265 --> 00:34:20,976
Man! I hate doing the dishes!
641
00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:23,729
- He doesn't even live here. Rematch!
- Is he alright?
642
00:34:23,812 --> 00:34:25,981
- He's choking.
- Bloody no! That's real!
643
00:34:26,064 --> 00:34:27,900
You alright, mate?
644
00:34:27,983 --> 00:34:30,319
You know,
a sixpence was much smaller.
645
00:34:30,402 --> 00:34:33,113
- Is he going to die?
- It would've slipped right through.
646
00:34:33,197 --> 00:34:35,783
- Stay there. Turn round.
- No, boys! No, don't film!
647
00:34:35,866 --> 00:34:37,868
- Put your cameras away.
- Stay with me!
648
00:34:37,951 --> 00:34:40,078
Geoff! What are you doing?
649
00:34:40,162 --> 00:34:41,580
I'm doing the Heimlich
manoeuvre!
650
00:34:41,663 --> 00:34:43,415
And how many first-aid courses
have you done at work?
651
00:34:43,499 --> 00:34:45,042
Out of the way, out of the way,
out of the way. Turn!
652
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:53,801
[Dec]
Dramatic!
653
00:34:53,884 --> 00:34:56,178
No washing up for me this year.
654
00:34:56,261 --> 00:34:57,679
You alright?
655
00:34:57,763 --> 00:35:00,474
- Are you alright?
- How about that for drama, eh?
656
00:35:03,727 --> 00:35:07,439
[vocalists]
♪ Merry Christmas ♪
657
00:35:07,523 --> 00:35:10,901
♪ Merry Christmas ♪
658
00:35:10,984 --> 00:35:16,156
♪ It's the time of the year
When all good dreams come true ♪
659
00:35:16,907 --> 00:35:20,452
♪ I look at all the toys
Under the Christmas tree ♪
660
00:35:20,536 --> 00:35:24,414
♪ It makes me think about
The way that things could be ♪
661
00:35:24,498 --> 00:35:29,878
♪ If people all over the world
Could just see them too ♪
662
00:35:32,089 --> 00:35:35,384
♪ Merry Christmas ♪
663
00:35:36,093 --> 00:35:39,221
♪ Merry Christmas ♪
664
00:35:39,304 --> 00:35:45,143
♪ It's the time of the year
When all good dreams come true ♪
665
00:35:45,227 --> 00:35:48,939
♪ I look at all the toys
Under the Christmas tree ♪
666
00:35:49,022 --> 00:35:52,693
♪ Makes me think about
The way that things could be ♪
667
00:35:52,776 --> 00:35:57,281
♪ If people all over the world
Could just see them too ♪
668
00:35:57,364 --> 00:35:58,490
Ohh!
669
00:35:58,574 --> 00:35:59,992
Hey, Peanut!
670
00:36:00,075 --> 00:36:02,160
Have you come to keep me
company?
671
00:36:04,496 --> 00:36:06,331
Ohh.
672
00:36:06,415 --> 00:36:10,168
What is this? Is this for you?
673
00:36:12,296 --> 00:36:14,131
What is this?
674
00:36:15,382 --> 00:36:18,677
[laughs]
675
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,721
James Hughes!
676
00:36:22,180 --> 00:36:26,602
For someone who blushes a lot,
your master is a saucy devil.
677
00:36:26,685 --> 00:36:28,896
[Peanut barks, Hayley screams]
678
00:36:28,979 --> 00:36:31,315
Peanut! Bad dog. Peanut!
679
00:36:31,398 --> 00:36:32,566
Peanut!
680
00:36:32,649 --> 00:36:33,942
Peanut, Peanut!
681
00:36:34,026 --> 00:36:36,737
Peanut! You little dog pervert!
682
00:36:38,780 --> 00:36:41,658
Peanut! Peanut!
Give it to me here!
683
00:36:41,742 --> 00:36:43,410
Drop, Peanut!
684
00:36:43,493 --> 00:36:45,621
Give it to me! Give me that!
685
00:36:45,704 --> 00:36:48,457
Please, please, please, just...
Peanut!
686
00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:50,042
What are you doing down here?
687
00:36:50,125 --> 00:36:52,419
- Sorry, your dog has something of mine.
- Peanut!
688
00:36:52,502 --> 00:36:54,171
- Give!
- I mean...
689
00:36:54,254 --> 00:36:55,881
it's not really mine.
690
00:36:55,964 --> 00:36:59,259
Technically, I suppose, it sort
of is mine, but only because...
691
00:37:01,011 --> 00:37:02,012
It's mine.
692
00:37:03,889 --> 00:37:06,683
This area of the house
is strictly off limits.
693
00:37:06,767 --> 00:37:08,268
Yeah, sorry. I know.
694
00:37:08,352 --> 00:37:10,687
Iris said,
but I just lost my bearings.
695
00:37:13,732 --> 00:37:15,067
Miss Taylor...
696
00:37:15,651 --> 00:37:18,362
you may heart cuddles,
697
00:37:18,445 --> 00:37:20,072
but what I heart
698
00:37:20,155 --> 00:37:22,407
is people who can do
as they are told!
699
00:37:22,491 --> 00:37:23,867
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
700
00:37:23,951 --> 00:37:27,245
Um, don't worry, I'll be out of
your hair in the morning.
701
00:37:27,329 --> 00:37:28,622
I'm glad to hear it.
702
00:37:30,916 --> 00:37:32,292
Aren't you forgetting something?
703
00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:44,596
[low]
Oh, my God.
704
00:37:47,307 --> 00:37:49,226
Once again, love, we're really
sorry.
705
00:37:49,309 --> 00:37:50,686
Well, it's my own fault.
706
00:37:50,769 --> 00:37:52,187
[Geoff]
It was, yeah.
707
00:37:52,270 --> 00:37:54,690
You should always
check your food for currency.
708
00:37:55,774 --> 00:37:57,109
This is you.
709
00:37:58,151 --> 00:37:59,236
Thanks.
710
00:38:02,656 --> 00:38:06,243
Right, then.
It's jacuzzi o'clock for us.
711
00:38:06,326 --> 00:38:08,245
We've just had one fitted, en
suite.
712
00:38:09,037 --> 00:38:11,081
Kath here's mad for 'em. Hey!
713
00:38:11,164 --> 00:38:13,417
Gilet does not need to know
about that.
714
00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:17,546
Erm, night-night, love, and Geoff
will drop you at the station first thing.
715
00:38:17,629 --> 00:38:20,257
Well, it's Christmas Eve
tomorrow. I was hoping for a...
716
00:38:22,050 --> 00:38:23,218
First thing.
717
00:38:23,301 --> 00:38:24,302
Thanks.
718
00:38:26,096 --> 00:38:27,139
Night.
719
00:38:29,433 --> 00:38:30,851
[doors close]
720
00:38:34,062 --> 00:38:35,480
[soft sigh]
721
00:38:39,234 --> 00:38:42,070
[distant dog barks, siren wails]
722
00:38:46,533 --> 00:38:49,661
Look at you, Hayley Taylor.
723
00:38:50,704 --> 00:38:52,289
Ah, you are...
724
00:39:01,715 --> 00:39:02,883
Magic?
725
00:39:05,135 --> 00:39:08,263
[Geoff] There's my little floozy
in the jacuzzi!
726
00:39:08,889 --> 00:39:11,558
[Kath] Does Mr Whippy want
some sprinkles and sauce?
727
00:39:11,641 --> 00:39:13,060
[James groans,
Geoff and Kath laugh]
728
00:39:13,143 --> 00:39:15,187
- [James] No!
- [Geoff] There we go!
729
00:39:21,276 --> 00:39:24,571
[vocalist] ♪ Softly they
fall, where do they go? ♪
730
00:39:24,654 --> 00:39:25,906
[vocalists]
♪ Purple snowflakes ♪
731
00:39:25,989 --> 00:39:30,368
♪ Cover the ground, without a
sound ♪ - ♪ Gentle snowflakes ♪
732
00:39:30,452 --> 00:39:34,790
♪ Fall from the sky, before
your eyes ♪ - ♪ It's so thrilling ♪
733
00:39:34,873 --> 00:39:38,877
{\an8}♪ Blankets of white, brighten
the night ♪ - ♪ Such a feeling ♪
734
00:39:39,586 --> 00:39:42,422
{\an8}♪ They seem to say ♪
735
00:39:42,506 --> 00:39:46,468
♪ That our love is here to stay
♪
736
00:39:47,135 --> 00:39:49,429
♪ We'll be cosy and warm ♪
737
00:39:49,513 --> 00:39:53,725
♪ Until summer flowers bloom ♪
738
00:39:57,104 --> 00:39:58,522
Cab here?
739
00:39:58,605 --> 00:40:02,109
Uh, they're refusing to send any
in the snow, so I'm just gonna walk.
740
00:40:02,859 --> 00:40:04,694
When you get back to Sandhurst,
741
00:40:04,778 --> 00:40:07,114
pass on my regards to Colonel
Dowd.
742
00:40:07,197 --> 00:40:09,157
I trust he's still in charge
of new intake?
743
00:40:09,241 --> 00:40:13,328
Oh, aye. Old Dowder's still
there. The old ball-breaker.
744
00:40:14,037 --> 00:40:15,080
Except he isn't.
745
00:40:16,081 --> 00:40:17,499
And he never was.
746
00:40:18,041 --> 00:40:21,253
There is, however, a Colonel
Crosby who informed me that my son
747
00:40:21,336 --> 00:40:24,089
discharged himself after only
three days.
748
00:40:24,172 --> 00:40:26,716
He'd been led to believe
it was with my blessing.
749
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,219
And of course, he'd never heard
of you,
750
00:40:29,302 --> 00:40:31,179
which I can't say is a surprise.
751
00:40:31,263 --> 00:40:33,723
Why? 'Cause people like me
don't get to be army officers?
752
00:40:33,807 --> 00:40:36,101
Precisely. You're asthmatic.
753
00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:39,354
And quite clearly a performer.
754
00:40:40,564 --> 00:40:42,524
Much more suited to the drama
course
755
00:40:42,607 --> 00:40:45,986
at the Guildhall School
of Performing Arts.
756
00:40:46,653 --> 00:40:48,363
Unlike my son.
757
00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:52,450
I see, so you've been running
more background checks?
758
00:40:52,534 --> 00:40:56,580
We've always ensured that
this family has served its country,
759
00:40:56,663 --> 00:41:01,001
and I have a right to know if
my son has abandoned his duty.
760
00:41:02,002 --> 00:41:06,173
So, perhaps you'd like to explain
to me exactly what is going on.
761
00:41:09,301 --> 00:41:13,180
Maybe you should talk to James
about that, not me.
762
00:41:13,263 --> 00:41:15,640
I just wanna go away
and be with my family.
763
00:41:15,724 --> 00:41:16,766
This has been...
764
00:41:17,893 --> 00:41:19,936
really weird!
765
00:41:23,023 --> 00:41:24,774
Merry Christmas.
766
00:41:36,494 --> 00:41:37,621
Ohh.
767
00:41:58,058 --> 00:42:00,393
Kicked you out already, has he?
768
00:42:01,186 --> 00:42:03,104
No surprise there.
769
00:42:12,155 --> 00:42:15,367
[distant horn honks repeatedly]
770
00:42:17,077 --> 00:42:20,247
I've never really been one for
emotional goodbyes, so, erm...
771
00:42:24,876 --> 00:42:26,628
- Thanks, Geoff.
- Yeah.
772
00:42:26,711 --> 00:42:28,755
Sorry it couldn't have been
a longer stay.
773
00:42:30,632 --> 00:42:32,175
Let's be honest, mate,
774
00:42:32,259 --> 00:42:35,345
if you stuck round any longer on
Christmas Eve, it would've been weird.
775
00:42:35,428 --> 00:42:37,138
No one really wanted that.
776
00:42:37,222 --> 00:42:39,891
The 8:33 to Hull on platform
three
777
00:42:39,975 --> 00:42:41,851
- has been cancelled.
- Glad I'm not going to Hull.
778
00:42:41,935 --> 00:42:43,687
Aren't we all, lad?
779
00:42:44,562 --> 00:42:47,941
We apologise for the
inconvenience this may cause you.
780
00:42:49,484 --> 00:42:52,070
- Bloody hell!
- The train to London Euston
781
00:42:52,153 --> 00:42:53,780
has now been cancelled.
782
00:42:53,863 --> 00:42:56,491
We are sorry for the disruption
to your service.
783
00:42:57,617 --> 00:43:02,831
The 8:59 from platform one
calling at Reading, Swindon...
784
00:43:02,914 --> 00:43:04,457
Oh, you're kidding me!
785
00:43:05,875 --> 00:43:07,669
Your attention, please.
786
00:43:07,752 --> 00:43:10,297
Due to the adverse weather
conditions
787
00:43:10,380 --> 00:43:13,383
all services from this station
are now suspended.
788
00:43:13,466 --> 00:43:18,096
Please remain calm.
I repeat, please remain calm.
789
00:43:20,015 --> 00:43:21,766
Looks like we're spending
another night at my mother's.
790
00:43:21,850 --> 00:43:25,020
Ohh, shit! Shit!
791
00:43:25,603 --> 00:43:27,647
My sentiments exactly, dear.
792
00:43:29,316 --> 00:43:30,734
Come on!
793
00:43:35,488 --> 00:43:36,614
Hello?
794
00:43:36,698 --> 00:43:38,908
I've just had the worst night
of my life.
795
00:43:38,992 --> 00:43:41,661
- Where are you?
- I'm at the station.
796
00:43:41,745 --> 00:43:43,913
And I guess my dad knows
about drama school then?
797
00:43:43,997 --> 00:43:47,751
Only after I spent all night
pretending I was G.I. bloody Jane.
798
00:43:47,834 --> 00:43:51,087
- I tried to tell you.
- Yeah. When exactly?
799
00:43:51,171 --> 00:43:54,883
I mean, you've had two months and
you actually haven't told me anything.
800
00:43:54,966 --> 00:43:57,552
I'll be honest, right now, I
feel like I don't even know you.
801
00:43:57,635 --> 00:44:00,430
- Okay, hang on.
- I can't hang on!
802
00:44:00,513 --> 00:44:02,182
I'm on a real-life payphone.
803
00:44:02,265 --> 00:44:05,685
I had to ask the weird old station
master to show me how it worked.
804
00:44:06,770 --> 00:44:07,854
Look, I really wanted to tell
you,
805
00:44:07,937 --> 00:44:10,231
but I didn't know
how you were gonna react,
806
00:44:10,315 --> 00:44:13,109
- and then it just felt like...
- I thought we could trust each other.
807
00:44:14,069 --> 00:44:17,822
Well, yeah, you certainly trusted
me to lie to your parents about us.
808
00:44:17,906 --> 00:44:20,075
Do not try and deflect this on
to me.
809
00:44:20,158 --> 00:44:22,410
Come on, there's loads of things
you haven't told me too.
810
00:44:22,494 --> 00:44:23,870
Like what?
811
00:44:23,953 --> 00:44:25,497
Like, you're a magician!
812
00:44:25,580 --> 00:44:27,415
You are an Earl.
813
00:44:27,499 --> 00:44:30,502
You went to Eton. You are
going to inherit an estate!
814
00:44:30,585 --> 00:44:33,338
If you can't be honest with me,
at least be honest with yourself.
815
00:44:33,421 --> 00:44:34,547
You hunt!
816
00:44:35,507 --> 00:44:37,008
What did you just call me?
817
00:44:38,843 --> 00:44:39,928
Hello?
818
00:44:42,639 --> 00:44:44,057
Hop in, Gilet!
819
00:45:02,951 --> 00:45:04,911
Any chance of a coffee?
820
00:45:05,870 --> 00:45:07,747
I think we can do better than
that.
821
00:45:09,833 --> 00:45:11,918
There you are. That should warm
you up.
822
00:45:12,001 --> 00:45:13,044
Thanks.
823
00:45:14,170 --> 00:45:16,131
I always have a glass of sherry
with my nan
824
00:45:16,214 --> 00:45:18,466
on Christmas Eve
when we have a pamper.
825
00:45:19,342 --> 00:45:21,136
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
826
00:45:21,219 --> 00:45:22,971
Let's call it breakfast.
827
00:45:23,054 --> 00:45:24,264
[Hayley chuckles]
828
00:45:27,183 --> 00:45:29,310
Thanks for letting me back in.
829
00:45:29,394 --> 00:45:31,980
I didn't really know where else
to go.
830
00:45:32,063 --> 00:45:34,649
I'm so glad it was you
that answered the door.
831
00:45:34,732 --> 00:45:37,110
Oh... well, yes.
832
00:45:37,193 --> 00:45:39,988
I'd apologise for
his behaviour if I could,
833
00:45:40,071 --> 00:45:43,950
but, unfortunately, that's
not in my job description.
834
00:45:45,493 --> 00:45:48,997
It appears that over the last few years
he's forgotten how to treat our guests.
835
00:45:50,331 --> 00:45:53,376
Still, not to worry. Today's one
of the few days he goes out.
836
00:45:54,461 --> 00:45:56,588
And he won't be back till much
later,
837
00:45:56,671 --> 00:46:00,341
so, perhaps by then your trains
will be up and running again.
838
00:46:02,010 --> 00:46:03,386
Is that James' mum?
839
00:46:04,012 --> 00:46:05,263
Fiona, yes.
840
00:46:06,055 --> 00:46:08,057
She passed away, didn't she?
841
00:46:09,017 --> 00:46:10,435
Four years ago now.
842
00:46:11,019 --> 00:46:13,563
James never really wants
to talk about it.
843
00:46:13,646 --> 00:46:16,524
[sucks teeth]
Like father, like son.
844
00:46:18,276 --> 00:46:20,820
All you need to know is
it wasn't always like this.
845
00:46:21,988 --> 00:46:25,533
No, there was a time when this
house was full of fun and laughter.
846
00:46:26,242 --> 00:46:29,287
Especially at Christmas.
They used to love Christmas.
847
00:46:30,121 --> 00:46:32,957
Oh, Fiona and Mr Hughes
had great plans.
848
00:46:33,041 --> 00:46:36,419
They were going to host wedding
parties, even a music festival.
849
00:46:36,503 --> 00:46:37,962
- No way!
- Yeah.
850
00:46:38,046 --> 00:46:40,882
Gloucestonbury. It would
have been quite a weekend.
851
00:46:40,965 --> 00:46:42,800
- [Hayley chuckles softly]
- Oh, anyway.
852
00:46:43,676 --> 00:46:45,470
I better get going.
853
00:46:45,553 --> 00:46:47,597
My list won't 'to do' itself.
854
00:46:48,473 --> 00:46:51,226
So... stay as long as you like.
855
00:46:51,309 --> 00:46:52,936
- Make yourself at home.
- Thanks.
856
00:46:53,019 --> 00:46:54,354
Just don't read my diaries.
857
00:46:55,104 --> 00:46:58,358
And if you do go out,
make sure that dog stays inside.
858
00:46:58,858 --> 00:47:00,235
He's a runner.
859
00:47:00,318 --> 00:47:02,320
I can think of plenty
of other words for him.
860
00:47:02,403 --> 00:47:04,531
Oh, Peanut's alright.
861
00:47:05,823 --> 00:47:10,078
Like a lot of people round here,
his bark is far worse than his bite.
862
00:47:17,627 --> 00:47:23,633
[chorus] ♪ O, tidings
of comfort and joy ♪
863
00:47:24,050 --> 00:47:26,177
♪ Comfort and joy ♪
864
00:47:26,261 --> 00:47:32,267
♪ O, tidings of comfort and joy
♪
865
00:47:43,236 --> 00:47:44,862
[Geoff groans]
866
00:47:46,864 --> 00:47:47,949
[groans]
867
00:47:48,783 --> 00:47:51,869
Yeah, the boys will be delighted
you're back, Gilet.
868
00:47:51,953 --> 00:47:54,080
They've taken a real shine to
you.
869
00:47:54,163 --> 00:47:56,499
Get him! Get him, get him!
Quick, get him in the face!
870
00:47:56,583 --> 00:47:57,834
Aah! Stop!
871
00:47:57,917 --> 00:47:59,294
Dec!
872
00:47:59,377 --> 00:48:02,005
- Not in the face! Ow!
- Yes!
873
00:48:02,088 --> 00:48:04,591
The cold weather
sweeping in from Siberia...
874
00:48:04,674 --> 00:48:06,676
There weren't any rocks
in the ones they threw at me.
875
00:48:06,759 --> 00:48:08,553
- I'm sure it was an accident.
- Yeah.
876
00:48:08,636 --> 00:48:10,430
- Put some ice on it, love.
- Yeah.
877
00:48:10,513 --> 00:48:12,140
- Okay.
- You'll survive, lad.
878
00:48:12,223 --> 00:48:13,308
I know.
879
00:48:13,391 --> 00:48:15,977
- Them kids, eh?
- Right, what we gonna do?
880
00:48:16,060 --> 00:48:18,021
Sneak out the back door
and ambush them from the rear?
881
00:48:18,104 --> 00:48:20,273
About Hayley
being stuck in the hell hole.
882
00:48:20,356 --> 00:48:23,234
Oh, the trains'll be up
and running soon enough.
883
00:48:23,318 --> 00:48:24,319
Well...
884
00:48:24,402 --> 00:48:26,112
She wouldn't want us
to cancel our Christmas Eve
885
00:48:26,195 --> 00:48:27,655
just 'cause her train's delayed.
886
00:48:27,739 --> 00:48:30,074
We owe it to her
to crack on with tradition.
887
00:48:30,158 --> 00:48:32,327
- Boys to the pub!
- Girls have a pamper!
888
00:48:32,410 --> 00:48:34,412
Exactly! It's what Hayley
would have wanted.
889
00:48:34,495 --> 00:48:35,997
Right, we're off to The Tuns.
890
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:38,291
We'll set up the home spa!
891
00:48:39,459 --> 00:48:41,127
Get slicing those cucumbers,
Gladys.
892
00:48:41,210 --> 00:48:43,254
Do it yourself. I'm watching
the news.
893
00:48:43,338 --> 00:48:46,382
It's not going to be the same without
Hayley. We need it to be the four of us.
894
00:48:46,466 --> 00:48:48,092
Oh, Gilet can take her place!
895
00:48:48,176 --> 00:48:50,470
Why don't you stay with us
and have a pamper with the girls?
896
00:48:50,553 --> 00:48:52,263
I'm sorry, what's happening now?
897
00:48:52,347 --> 00:48:54,307
Yeah, you could fill us in
on what she's been up to!
898
00:48:54,390 --> 00:48:56,434
No, he's coming to the pub
with me and Granddad!
899
00:48:56,517 --> 00:48:58,061
I do not think that The Tuns
900
00:48:58,144 --> 00:49:00,772
is the sort of place that Gilet
would like to go to, Geoff.
901
00:49:00,855 --> 00:49:04,150
The pub'll be no fun for you.
It's all Guinness and football,
902
00:49:04,233 --> 00:49:06,110
and 'Fairytale of New York'.
903
00:49:06,194 --> 00:49:08,112
I mean, that doesn't sound not
fun.
904
00:49:08,196 --> 00:49:10,406
I do enjoy a drop of Guinness
now and again.
905
00:49:10,490 --> 00:49:12,367
Looks like you haven't
got a choice, pal.
906
00:49:12,450 --> 00:49:14,577
Anthony, we're leaving
a good man behind,
907
00:49:14,661 --> 00:49:17,121
but desperate times call
for desperate measures.
908
00:49:17,205 --> 00:49:19,666
- Onwards, Christian soldier!
- ♪ Onwards, Christian soldier... ♪
909
00:49:19,749 --> 00:49:21,167
Hey, don't wait up!
910
00:49:21,250 --> 00:49:24,128
Now Christmas has started!
911
00:49:24,212 --> 00:49:25,588
Come on!
912
00:49:25,672 --> 00:49:28,299
[laughter]
913
00:51:30,421 --> 00:51:33,674
[peppy musical intro plays]
914
00:51:40,932 --> 00:51:42,350
[vocalist]
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
915
00:51:42,433 --> 00:51:44,352
♪ Candles burnin' low ♪
916
00:51:45,144 --> 00:51:47,438
♪ Lots of mistletoe ♪
917
00:51:48,231 --> 00:51:50,149
♪ Lots of snow and ice ♪
918
00:51:50,942 --> 00:51:53,653
♪ Everywhere we go ♪
919
00:51:53,736 --> 00:51:56,197
♪ Choirs singin' carols ♪
920
00:51:57,114 --> 00:51:59,408
♪ Right outside my door ♪
921
00:51:59,492 --> 00:52:01,536
♪ All these things and more ♪
922
00:52:02,662 --> 00:52:04,747
♪ All these things and more ♪
923
00:52:04,831 --> 00:52:07,875
♪ That's what Christmas
Means to me, my love ♪
924
00:52:07,959 --> 00:52:08,960
♪ What Christmas means
to me, my love ♪
925
00:52:09,043 --> 00:52:12,004
♪ Ah, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah!
♪
926
00:52:13,506 --> 00:52:15,174
♪ You know what I mean ♪
927
00:52:16,467 --> 00:52:19,011
♪ I see your smilin' face ♪
928
00:52:19,679 --> 00:52:22,223
♪ Like I've never seen before ♪
929
00:52:23,099 --> 00:52:25,893
♪ Even though I love ya madly ♪
930
00:52:25,977 --> 00:52:28,396
♪ It seems I love you more ♪
931
00:52:28,479 --> 00:52:30,857
♪ The little cards you'll give
me ♪
932
00:52:31,816 --> 00:52:34,610
♪ Touch my heart for sure ♪
933
00:52:34,694 --> 00:52:38,906
♪ All these things and more, darling
♪ - ♪ All these things and more ♪
934
00:52:38,990 --> 00:52:42,910
♪ Whoa, that's what Christmas
means to me, my love ♪
935
00:52:42,994 --> 00:52:45,538
♪ That's what Christmas
Means to me, my love ♪
936
00:52:45,621 --> 00:52:46,622
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
937
00:52:46,706 --> 00:52:49,625
- ♪ I feel like running wild ♪
- ♪ Running wild! ♪
938
00:52:49,709 --> 00:52:51,961
♪ As anxious as a little child ♪
939
00:52:52,044 --> 00:52:54,964
♪ Greet you 'neath the
mistletoe ♪
940
00:52:55,047 --> 00:52:57,633
♪ Kiss you once and then some
more ♪
941
00:52:57,717 --> 00:53:00,469
♪ And wish you a Merry
Christmas, baby ♪
942
00:53:00,553 --> 00:53:03,347
♪ Wish you a Merry
Christmas, baby ♪ - ♪ Whoa! ♪
943
00:53:03,431 --> 00:53:06,684
♪ And such happiness in the
coming year ♪
944
00:53:06,767 --> 00:53:09,186
♪ Happiness in the coming
year ♪ - ♪ Oh, baby ♪
945
00:53:09,270 --> 00:53:11,606
♪ Let's deck the halls with
holly... ♪
946
00:53:11,689 --> 00:53:16,068
Now that is what I call a fuss!
947
00:53:22,116 --> 00:53:24,869
[Peanut barking]
948
00:53:33,544 --> 00:53:34,754
[soft groan]
949
00:53:38,132 --> 00:53:39,592
Peanut!
950
00:53:40,593 --> 00:53:42,219
[shouting]
Peanut!
951
00:53:43,137 --> 00:53:45,681
[low]
Oh, my God!
952
00:53:48,309 --> 00:53:50,728
[sighs]
953
00:53:50,811 --> 00:53:52,021
Okay...
954
00:54:05,660 --> 00:54:08,704
Please don't be lost! Please
don't be lost! Please don't be lost!
955
00:54:08,788 --> 00:54:09,997
Please don't be lost!
956
00:54:10,081 --> 00:54:11,499
[Peanut barks]
957
00:54:11,582 --> 00:54:13,584
Wait, Peanut, wait! Wait.
958
00:54:13,668 --> 00:54:15,294
Wait!
959
00:54:16,253 --> 00:54:17,964
Wait! Good boy.
960
00:54:18,047 --> 00:54:20,049
Good boy. Good boy.
961
00:54:20,132 --> 00:54:22,009
Just wait there, yes. Yes.
962
00:54:22,093 --> 00:54:24,887
Wait there. Okay. Good boy.
963
00:54:24,971 --> 00:54:27,807
Good boy. Good boy.
964
00:54:28,391 --> 00:54:30,851
Wait there. Don't move.
965
00:54:30,935 --> 00:54:33,145
Good boy. Great!
966
00:54:33,229 --> 00:54:35,064
[low]
Oh, gosh.
967
00:54:35,147 --> 00:54:37,316
[audibly strains]
968
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:38,818
Ohh.
969
00:54:40,069 --> 00:54:42,738
Okay. Yes! That's it.
970
00:54:43,864 --> 00:54:45,157
Wait there, Peanut.
971
00:54:45,241 --> 00:54:46,659
Wait there.
972
00:54:51,205 --> 00:54:52,373
Yes!
973
00:54:52,456 --> 00:54:55,126
You forgot my dad was in the
Mountain Troop, didn't you, Peanut?
974
00:54:55,209 --> 00:54:57,003
[shotgun cocks]
975
00:54:57,086 --> 00:54:58,212
Got you.
976
00:54:59,714 --> 00:55:01,757
Please! I'm just getting the
dog.
977
00:55:01,841 --> 00:55:03,968
You expect me to believe that?
978
00:55:04,051 --> 00:55:07,847
You are scrumping.
Scrumping for my apples.
979
00:55:09,598 --> 00:55:12,977
Who sent you? Magners? Bulmers?
980
00:55:13,519 --> 00:55:15,396
You city folk will never
981
00:55:15,479 --> 00:55:18,315
be able to make cider like us,
and do you know why?
982
00:55:19,316 --> 00:55:20,651
- Pomace.
- Pomace?
983
00:55:20,735 --> 00:55:23,029
Well, don't worry.
I'm not here for your pomace.
984
00:55:23,112 --> 00:55:26,115
- It's good pomace.
- No, I bet it is, whatever it is,
985
00:55:26,198 --> 00:55:27,908
but I'm not here for your cider.
986
00:55:27,992 --> 00:55:31,579
I'm just here to make sure this stupid dog
doesn't get killed by your electric fence.
987
00:55:31,662 --> 00:55:33,164
Pull the other one!
988
00:55:33,247 --> 00:55:36,208
Everyone round here knows
this fence isn't turned on.
989
00:55:36,292 --> 00:55:37,418
See?
990
00:55:37,501 --> 00:55:38,502
[shotgun blast]
991
00:55:38,586 --> 00:55:39,962
[thud]
992
00:55:40,046 --> 00:55:41,047
[whispers] Oh, my...
993
00:55:41,130 --> 00:55:42,465
Oh, my God!
994
00:55:46,635 --> 00:55:49,847
[whispers]
Oh, my God!
995
00:55:49,930 --> 00:55:51,390
[soft groan]
996
00:55:51,474 --> 00:55:53,434
[laughter]
997
00:55:54,477 --> 00:55:56,687
That's enough from us though,
Gilet.
998
00:55:56,771 --> 00:55:58,647
It's time for you
to start dishing the dirt.
999
00:55:58,731 --> 00:56:00,733
Oh, yeah. Come on, tell us
how our girl's getting on.
1000
00:56:01,734 --> 00:56:03,694
Well, okay. Well...
1001
00:56:03,778 --> 00:56:06,489
She's... I mean...
I mean, she's great.
1002
00:56:06,572 --> 00:56:08,741
She works hard, she plays hard.
1003
00:56:08,824 --> 00:56:10,868
- Mm-hmm.
- She's...
1004
00:56:10,951 --> 00:56:14,288
She's actually been spending a lot
of time with this guy on her course.
1005
00:56:14,371 --> 00:56:16,332
- They seem to be getting on very well.
- Oh?
1006
00:56:16,415 --> 00:56:18,876
Mm. Yeah, can't seem
to get enough of each other.
1007
00:56:18,959 --> 00:56:22,588
They always make each
other laugh. It seems great.
1008
00:56:23,589 --> 00:56:25,299
From the outside.
1009
00:56:26,092 --> 00:56:28,385
Well, well, well!
Hayley Taylor, juggling her men!
1010
00:56:28,469 --> 00:56:30,763
I knew I'd be
a positive influence on my girl.
1011
00:56:30,846 --> 00:56:33,808
- Juggling?
- No. No, she would not do that to Steve.
1012
00:56:33,891 --> 00:56:35,017
Who's Steve?
1013
00:56:35,101 --> 00:56:39,480
♪ We three kings of Orient are!
One in a taxi, one in a bra! ♪
1014
00:56:39,563 --> 00:56:43,275
♪ One on a scooter, pipping his
hooter ♪
1015
00:56:43,359 --> 00:56:46,570
♪ Smoking a big cigar! ♪
1016
00:56:46,654 --> 00:56:49,240
- ♪ Whoa! ♪
- [Nan groans] Right.
1017
00:56:49,323 --> 00:56:52,868
[joyous shouts]
1018
00:56:52,952 --> 00:56:55,246
♪ United are effing shite! ♪
1019
00:56:56,539 --> 00:56:58,040
Long time no see!
1020
00:56:58,124 --> 00:56:59,875
Long time no Steve!
1021
00:56:59,959 --> 00:57:01,210
Boys, look who's here!
1022
00:57:01,293 --> 00:57:02,878
Steve!
1023
00:57:02,962 --> 00:57:04,505
[joyous shouting]
1024
00:57:04,588 --> 00:57:05,673
Hey, hey, hey!
1025
00:57:05,756 --> 00:57:07,633
That's Lance Corporal Steve to
you.
1026
00:57:08,968 --> 00:57:09,969
[Kath chuckles]
1027
00:57:10,052 --> 00:57:11,303
[playful shout]
1028
00:57:11,387 --> 00:57:14,640
When did you get back? I've sent
all your presents to the barracks!
1029
00:57:14,723 --> 00:57:16,058
Aw, you shouldn't have.
1030
00:57:16,142 --> 00:57:18,435
Listen, I managed to wrangle
a few days' leave last minute.
1031
00:57:18,519 --> 00:57:22,982
The Lions Of England are without
their chief Kingsman till New Year's!
1032
00:57:23,065 --> 00:57:24,817
[joyous shouts]
1033
00:57:24,900 --> 00:57:27,194
We bumped into him on the way
home,
1034
00:57:27,278 --> 00:57:29,905
just in time for Christmas Eve
games!
1035
00:57:29,989 --> 00:57:31,574
Christmas Steve games!
1036
00:57:31,657 --> 00:57:34,535
Now when H gets back,
Steve will be waiting for her!
1037
00:57:34,618 --> 00:57:36,829
- I mean, it's perfect.
- Perfect.
1038
00:57:36,912 --> 00:57:38,706
Wait, who is... who is Steve?
1039
00:57:39,874 --> 00:57:41,834
You? Who are you?
1040
00:57:41,917 --> 00:57:45,588
You must be the mysterious visitor
I've heard so much about. Puffer Jacket?
1041
00:57:45,754 --> 00:57:47,256
Yeah. It's Gilet.
1042
00:57:47,339 --> 00:57:49,383
Here you go, Steve-O. Stick
that one on.
1043
00:57:50,176 --> 00:57:53,721
I'm not too sure this'll fit anymore.
[clicks tongue] Been hitting the gym.
1044
00:57:53,804 --> 00:57:55,306
Fiancé?
1045
00:57:55,389 --> 00:57:57,016
Surely Hayley told you about
Steve?
1046
00:57:57,099 --> 00:57:58,267
No.
1047
00:57:59,101 --> 00:58:00,895
No, she-she didn't.
1048
00:58:00,978 --> 00:58:02,313
Funnily enough.
1049
00:58:02,396 --> 00:58:04,273
Yeah, that is funny.
1050
00:58:06,066 --> 00:58:07,985
Yeah, yeah, erm...
1051
00:58:08,694 --> 00:58:09,778
Very funny.
1052
00:58:11,322 --> 00:58:12,865
You alright, Gilet?
1053
00:58:12,948 --> 00:58:14,658
You look like you've
swallowed another coin.
1054
00:58:17,203 --> 00:58:18,787
Are you sure you're engaged?
1055
00:58:22,166 --> 00:58:24,335
Just a bit, mate.
[chuckles]
1056
00:58:26,086 --> 00:58:29,465
Well, um... congratulations.
1057
00:58:29,548 --> 00:58:31,383
Yeah, you're right, Geoff.
1058
00:58:31,467 --> 00:58:32,551
He is a bit weird.
1059
00:58:32,635 --> 00:58:34,053
You're telling me!
1060
00:58:35,012 --> 00:58:37,223
- I've got to... I've got to go.
- What, get ready for games night?
1061
00:58:37,306 --> 00:58:38,474
No...
1062
00:58:39,266 --> 00:58:41,018
- I've just really gotta go.
- What?
1063
00:58:41,101 --> 00:58:44,605
Well, you can't go now.
I've just sorted the teams!
1064
00:58:44,688 --> 00:58:47,274
You're with me and the olds.
Steve, you're with this lot.
1065
00:58:49,443 --> 00:58:52,321
- Let the battle commence!
- Hey-hey-hey!
1066
00:58:52,404 --> 00:58:54,990
I hate games night.
1067
00:58:58,661 --> 00:59:00,621
[door opens]
1068
00:59:02,706 --> 00:59:04,458
Mr Hughes! You're back.
1069
00:59:05,876 --> 00:59:06,877
Wait.
1070
00:59:06,961 --> 00:59:08,796
What are you doing in there?
1071
00:59:09,380 --> 00:59:11,924
That room is strictly out of
bounds!
1072
00:59:13,217 --> 00:59:15,886
Oh, Mr Hughes, erm, wait a
minute. Sorry, I just need to tell...
1073
00:59:25,187 --> 00:59:26,689
Did you do this?
1074
00:59:26,772 --> 00:59:27,773
Mmm.
1075
00:59:31,193 --> 00:59:32,736
Why did you do this?
1076
00:59:33,237 --> 00:59:34,738
I just thought I'd surprise you.
1077
00:59:34,822 --> 00:59:37,574
Like I said, every home
should have a tree at Christmas.
1078
00:59:39,910 --> 00:59:41,328
Where's Peanut?
1079
00:59:41,412 --> 00:59:44,832
Okay, so that was something
I wanted to talk to you about.
1080
00:59:47,459 --> 00:59:49,086
What are you doing down here?
1081
00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:51,755
Right, well...
1082
00:59:54,008 --> 00:59:56,135
Why have you put a hat on my
dog?
1083
00:59:56,218 --> 00:59:58,429
- Come here, boy.
- Mr Hughes, let me explain.
1084
00:59:58,512 --> 01:00:00,306
What the bloody hell?
1085
01:00:00,389 --> 01:00:01,932
It's just a scratch.
1086
01:00:02,016 --> 01:00:04,476
- Let's have a look at it.
- Shotgun went off.
1087
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:06,228
I was on his land, and it's my
fault.
1088
01:00:06,312 --> 01:00:08,397
I don't want to hear it! Now just
get out of my sight, both of you!
1089
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:10,316
Alright, boy.
1090
01:00:10,983 --> 01:00:13,610
Let's get this silly
bandage off, shall we?
1091
01:00:13,694 --> 01:00:16,405
- Mr Hughes...
- How dare you put my dog in danger!
1092
01:00:16,488 --> 01:00:18,532
He's in shock, but he's alright.
1093
01:00:18,615 --> 01:00:20,242
I think you just need
to chill out a bit.
1094
01:00:20,326 --> 01:00:21,994
Don't tell me to chill out!
1095
01:00:22,077 --> 01:00:25,748
You have no right to come into
my house and start interfering!
1096
01:00:26,582 --> 01:00:29,710
Rearranging and touching her
things!
1097
01:00:29,793 --> 01:00:31,795
Oh, Mr Hughes,
I'm so sorry. I didn't think.
1098
01:00:31,879 --> 01:00:34,423
Well, you should have.
Now just leave us alone!
1099
01:00:39,094 --> 01:00:40,429
[low]
Sorry, lad.
1100
01:00:57,196 --> 01:00:58,197
[sighs]
Okay.
1101
01:01:10,167 --> 01:01:11,835
Me and Hayley
first hit it off behind a...
1102
01:01:11,919 --> 01:01:13,712
- Burger King!
- Come on!
1103
01:01:13,796 --> 01:01:16,757
First holiday I came on
with you guys. The best ever.
1104
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:19,468
Devon. No, uh, Greece.
Wait! Spain!
1105
01:01:19,551 --> 01:01:21,053
¡Si, Senorita!
1106
01:01:21,136 --> 01:01:22,596
[celebratory shouts]
1107
01:01:22,679 --> 01:01:24,765
- How good was that holiday?
- Come on, come on!
1108
01:01:24,848 --> 01:01:26,350
Next one, next one, next one,
next one!
1109
01:01:26,433 --> 01:01:28,143
I smashed my PB
at this last year.
1110
01:01:28,227 --> 01:01:29,228
- Iron Man!
- Yes!
1111
01:01:29,311 --> 01:01:32,189
[celebratory shouts]
1112
01:01:32,272 --> 01:01:33,774
Go on!
1113
01:01:33,857 --> 01:01:35,484
Of course, he's done an Iron
Man.
1114
01:01:36,068 --> 01:01:38,529
What you ever done,
eh, Puffer Jacket?
1115
01:01:38,612 --> 01:01:39,947
A feather man?
1116
01:01:40,030 --> 01:01:41,240
[laughter]
1117
01:01:41,323 --> 01:01:42,699
A sponge boy?
1118
01:01:42,783 --> 01:01:44,451
[laughter]
1119
01:01:44,535 --> 01:01:46,912
I'm only messing with you, lad.
1120
01:01:46,995 --> 01:01:48,497
Listen, you're up.
1121
01:01:48,580 --> 01:01:50,666
You're gonna be with...
1122
01:01:53,127 --> 01:01:54,128
Nan.
1123
01:01:54,211 --> 01:01:55,212
Right!
1124
01:01:55,337 --> 01:01:57,589
- Okay.
- Come on, Mum, here we go!
1125
01:02:01,135 --> 01:02:02,344
Go!
1126
01:02:02,428 --> 01:02:04,555
Swedish band. Eurovision.
1127
01:02:09,184 --> 01:02:10,185
Nan?
1128
01:02:11,895 --> 01:02:12,980
Coldplay?
1129
01:02:14,940 --> 01:02:17,067
'Waterloo'? 'Dancing Queen'?
1130
01:02:18,068 --> 01:02:19,528
I've said Coldplay!
1131
01:02:20,737 --> 01:02:21,738
'Mamma Mia'.
1132
01:02:23,407 --> 01:02:24,616
Come on, think about it!
1133
01:02:25,200 --> 01:02:26,452
Time!
1134
01:02:26,535 --> 01:02:27,786
- Unbelievable.
- Yes!
1135
01:02:27,870 --> 01:02:30,122
I bloody hate Coldplay.
1136
01:02:31,874 --> 01:02:35,627
And that's another big fat zero
for Puffer Jacket.
1137
01:02:35,711 --> 01:02:37,754
Call me Puffer Jacket one more
time!
1138
01:02:37,838 --> 01:02:40,966
- Ohh!
- Gilet, it's only Christmas games.
1139
01:02:41,049 --> 01:02:43,886
- This has been going on all night.
- What are you gonna do about it?
1140
01:02:45,554 --> 01:02:46,805
Puffer Jacket!
1141
01:02:48,098 --> 01:02:50,517
I don't know, Steve.
1142
01:02:52,311 --> 01:02:53,896
Maybe we should take it outside?
1143
01:02:53,979 --> 01:02:55,772
- Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
- Boys, boys!
1144
01:02:55,856 --> 01:02:58,317
Boys, boys!
There's not going to be a fight.
1145
01:02:58,400 --> 01:03:00,486
- Batter him, Steve!
- Mum!
1146
01:03:00,569 --> 01:03:03,238
Gilet, that's the cider
talking, right?
1147
01:03:03,322 --> 01:03:06,492
- No offence but Steve here...
- In the army, yes, I gathered.
1148
01:03:07,826 --> 01:03:13,123
Well, I've got level two
stage combat, so bring it on.
1149
01:03:16,251 --> 01:03:17,711
That's the landline.
1150
01:03:18,462 --> 01:03:20,756
Nobody ever rings the landline.
1151
01:03:24,051 --> 01:03:25,802
- Hello?
- Hey, Mum.
1152
01:03:25,886 --> 01:03:27,387
Oh, it's Hayley!
1153
01:03:28,555 --> 01:03:30,390
Hayley, love, where are you?
1154
01:03:30,474 --> 01:03:33,727
- Don't worry, Mum. I'm on my way home.
- Oh, thank God for that!
1155
01:03:33,810 --> 01:03:35,270
Are you...
1156
01:03:35,354 --> 01:03:36,855
Are you playing games?
1157
01:03:36,939 --> 01:03:39,942
You know us, love.
Christmas Eve games.
1158
01:03:40,025 --> 01:03:42,528
I'm so sorry I'm not home yet,
Mum.
1159
01:03:42,611 --> 01:03:44,780
- It's not your fault, love.
- No, it is.
1160
01:03:44,863 --> 01:03:46,532
I thought I was...
1161
01:03:47,574 --> 01:03:49,326
I don't know what I thought.
1162
01:03:49,409 --> 01:03:51,370
But believe me, Mum, there
is nowhere else in the world
1163
01:03:51,453 --> 01:03:53,747
that I would rather be
than at home with you.
1164
01:03:53,830 --> 01:03:55,499
I know, love, I know.
1165
01:03:55,582 --> 01:03:59,294
And there is somebody else here
who can't wait to see you!
1166
01:03:59,378 --> 01:04:01,004
I'll pass you on to him!
1167
01:04:01,630 --> 01:04:02,714
James?
1168
01:04:02,798 --> 01:04:04,591
Guess again!
1169
01:04:04,675 --> 01:04:07,344
Steve?! What the hell
are you doing there?
1170
01:04:07,427 --> 01:04:08,971
I can't wait to see you too,
darling.
1171
01:04:09,054 --> 01:04:11,139
We're through. We're through.
I told you months ago.
1172
01:04:11,223 --> 01:04:13,058
Yeah, well, your family
don't know that, do they?
1173
01:04:13,141 --> 01:04:14,518
How much she's missing you.
1174
01:04:14,601 --> 01:04:16,937
- [all] Aww.
- I was waiting to tell them.
1175
01:04:17,020 --> 01:04:18,188
Anyway, that is none
of your business.
1176
01:04:18,272 --> 01:04:19,231
You're not supposed
to be there at all,
1177
01:04:19,314 --> 01:04:20,649
you massive weirdo!
1178
01:04:20,732 --> 01:04:21,900
Yeah. Yeah.
1179
01:04:21,984 --> 01:04:24,444
Oh, God! Is James still there?
1180
01:04:24,528 --> 01:04:27,030
- Let me talk to her.
- I've met James. Yeah.
1181
01:04:27,114 --> 01:04:28,782
- Lovely fella.
- Let me speak to her.
1182
01:04:28,865 --> 01:04:31,785
Steve, get out of there now,
you freak. You've got no right!
1183
01:04:31,868 --> 01:04:34,371
- This isn't fair. Steve...
- She had to go.
1184
01:04:35,122 --> 01:04:37,207
- I want to talk to her.
- You can't.
1185
01:04:37,291 --> 01:04:39,209
- Yes, I can.
- No, you can't.
1186
01:04:39,293 --> 01:04:40,544
Yes, I can!
1187
01:04:40,627 --> 01:04:42,921
I'm telling you, you can't!
1188
01:04:43,005 --> 01:04:44,631
- Geoff!
- Hey!
1189
01:04:44,715 --> 01:04:47,634
- She's my girlfriend!
- No, she's mine!
1190
01:04:47,718 --> 01:04:50,053
- Not... now!
- Gilet!
1191
01:04:54,850 --> 01:04:56,852
At least, I thought she was
mine.
1192
01:04:58,437 --> 01:05:00,606
- What?
- Why else do you think I'm here?
1193
01:05:00,689 --> 01:05:02,774
I didn't miss my train.
1194
01:05:03,775 --> 01:05:06,528
I came to spend Christmas
with the girl I love.
1195
01:05:06,612 --> 01:05:08,822
- Hang on, you said you were...
- I'm not gay!
1196
01:05:10,741 --> 01:05:12,534
I'm just a really good actor.
1197
01:05:12,618 --> 01:05:14,453
What about Ronaldo?
1198
01:05:14,536 --> 01:05:17,539
Next thing he'll be telling us
he's not called Gilet.
1199
01:05:17,623 --> 01:05:20,792
I'm not called Gilet! My name's
Hubert.
1200
01:05:20,876 --> 01:05:23,295
Then who the bloody hell is
James?
1201
01:05:23,378 --> 01:05:26,089
- Dad!
- I told you they were shagging.
1202
01:05:26,173 --> 01:05:28,216
- Mum!
- No, she would've told me.
1203
01:05:28,300 --> 01:05:30,969
- She tells me everything!
- Or maybe she doesn't.
1204
01:05:31,887 --> 01:05:34,056
Maybe she's not your little
girl anymore.
1205
01:05:35,349 --> 01:05:37,309
And maybe she has got a tattoo.
1206
01:05:39,019 --> 01:05:42,230
Well... if you're so bloody
in love with her,
1207
01:05:42,314 --> 01:05:43,899
why did you leave her in London?
1208
01:05:43,982 --> 01:05:45,651
She's not in London.
1209
01:05:45,734 --> 01:05:48,487
- She's in Kemble at my house.
- What?
1210
01:05:48,570 --> 01:05:50,155
She chose not to come here.
1211
01:05:51,281 --> 01:05:53,700
And I thought it was because she
wanted to spend Christmas with me,
1212
01:05:53,784 --> 01:05:57,245
but seeing as she's marrying
Private Plonker here,
1213
01:05:57,329 --> 01:06:00,248
maybe she just wanted to get away
from you lot and all this madness.
1214
01:06:03,377 --> 01:06:05,087
I'm actually a Lance Corporal.
1215
01:06:05,170 --> 01:06:07,798
I don't care if you're
the Grand Old Duke Of York!
1216
01:06:07,881 --> 01:06:10,884
All I know is I've been made
to do an awful lot of lying,
1217
01:06:10,967 --> 01:06:13,720
and I've been lied to an awful lot and
I've had enough, and I'm going home.
1218
01:06:32,447 --> 01:06:33,532
[outer door closes]
1219
01:06:33,615 --> 01:06:35,575
I'll put the kettle on.
1220
01:06:38,704 --> 01:06:41,540
[telephone rings]
1221
01:06:42,541 --> 01:06:43,583
[tearfully]
Steve!
1222
01:06:43,667 --> 01:06:45,502
And you said you
couldn't trust me?
1223
01:06:45,585 --> 01:06:46,461
James, I need you to
listen to me.
1224
01:06:46,545 --> 01:06:48,380
Do you have any idea how
humiliated I feel.
1225
01:06:48,463 --> 01:06:50,590
Are you not even gonna let me
talk?
1226
01:06:50,674 --> 01:06:52,843
Iris was right.
Like father like son, innit?
1227
01:06:52,926 --> 01:06:55,595
You know what, maybe you were
right. Maybe we don't know each other.
1228
01:06:56,471 --> 01:06:58,974
I'd say we should split up,
but it turns out...
1229
01:06:59,057 --> 01:07:00,142
Hello?
1230
01:07:00,225 --> 01:07:01,435
James!
1231
01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:02,769
Hayley?
1232
01:07:05,689 --> 01:07:06,815
Hello?
1233
01:07:09,317 --> 01:07:11,862
Can you hear me? Bloody
landlines!
1234
01:07:14,406 --> 01:07:16,533
[Father Christmas]
Ho ho ho!
1235
01:07:16,616 --> 01:07:19,453
Merry Christmas...!
[voice warps and wanes]
1236
01:07:23,874 --> 01:07:29,880
[vocalist] ♪ Just a
lonely, lonely Christmas ♪
1237
01:07:31,798 --> 01:07:37,804
♪ What a glad one it would be ♪
1238
01:07:39,681 --> 01:07:44,227
♪ If only my lover ♪
1239
01:07:44,311 --> 01:07:45,937
[distant siren wails]
1240
01:07:47,898 --> 01:07:53,904
♪ Would come back to me ♪
1241
01:07:55,781 --> 01:07:58,408
♪ Seems like she's been gone ♪
1242
01:07:58,492 --> 01:08:03,330
♪ A thousand years ♪
1243
01:08:03,830 --> 01:08:09,836
♪ As the days and nights roll
by ♪
1244
01:08:11,296 --> 01:08:17,302
♪ Oh, yes, she's gone away ♪
1245
01:08:19,721 --> 01:08:25,352
♪ Oh, tell me why... ♪
1246
01:08:26,645 --> 01:08:28,396
[door opens]
1247
01:08:28,480 --> 01:08:30,148
Ohh. I'm sorry, sir.
1248
01:08:30,232 --> 01:08:32,067
I'm not used to this room
being occupied. I just...
1249
01:08:32,150 --> 01:08:34,152
No, no, please, come in.
1250
01:08:39,658 --> 01:08:41,368
She saved them all.
1251
01:08:42,369 --> 01:08:45,163
The theatre programmes
from his school plays.
1252
01:08:45,247 --> 01:08:49,876
Yes, I... I remember her
talking about how good he was.
1253
01:08:52,504 --> 01:08:56,591
I didn't make one performance
with Fiona, and then afterwards...
1254
01:09:00,220 --> 01:09:02,430
I couldn't face it on my own.
1255
01:09:04,391 --> 01:09:07,060
There's so much I haven't been
able to do without her.
1256
01:09:09,312 --> 01:09:12,148
All our plans for the estate,
for the...
1257
01:09:14,901 --> 01:09:16,903
She was irrepressible, Iris.
1258
01:09:16,987 --> 01:09:19,281
So full of life, full of hope.
1259
01:09:25,662 --> 01:09:29,374
Every Christmas Eve,
I go and stand by her grave.
1260
01:09:31,042 --> 01:09:32,794
She isn't there.
1261
01:09:34,588 --> 01:09:36,131
She's in here.
1262
01:09:37,424 --> 01:09:38,842
In this room.
1263
01:09:43,597 --> 01:09:45,599
Forgotten how beautiful it is.
1264
01:09:47,809 --> 01:09:49,060
Well...
1265
01:09:50,020 --> 01:09:55,066
all it needed was for somebody to
come along and let a bit of light in.
1266
01:09:56,776 --> 01:09:59,362
You know, you and Hubert
are not that different.
1267
01:10:00,822 --> 01:10:03,491
You're both drawn towards
the same sort of person.
1268
01:10:05,368 --> 01:10:08,872
I think the least you can do is go
upstairs and talk to her, don't you?
1269
01:10:29,059 --> 01:10:30,685
[soft knocking on door]
1270
01:10:48,912 --> 01:10:51,539
[panting]
1271
01:10:58,755 --> 01:10:59,798
[soft wheeze]
1272
01:11:07,305 --> 01:11:09,307
[doorbell rings]
1273
01:11:16,439 --> 01:11:17,524
Sorry.
1274
01:11:19,401 --> 01:11:21,403
I was wondering when you'd
notice.
1275
01:11:24,531 --> 01:11:26,324
Well, I should...
1276
01:11:28,576 --> 01:11:30,412
You any good at wrapping?
1277
01:11:35,625 --> 01:11:38,837
I always thought Steve was
a bit of a knob, truth be told.
1278
01:11:39,504 --> 01:11:43,258
But you put a brave face on things when
your daughter says she likes someone.
1279
01:11:43,341 --> 01:11:45,677
Find us the end of that,
will you, mate?
1280
01:11:45,760 --> 01:11:47,053
Ta.
1281
01:11:47,137 --> 01:11:49,597
After you left, he burst into
tears.
1282
01:11:49,681 --> 01:11:50,765
[chuckles]
1283
01:11:50,849 --> 01:11:54,060
Said Hayley had split up with
him just before she went to London,
1284
01:11:54,144 --> 01:11:55,895
but was afraid to tell her mum.
1285
01:11:55,979 --> 01:11:56,980
Unbelievable.
1286
01:11:57,105 --> 01:12:00,025
I've got to admit, I'm relieved.
1287
01:12:00,483 --> 01:12:02,277
Kath was upset, mind.
1288
01:12:02,986 --> 01:12:05,989
Took herself off to bed before the
end of Muppets Christmas Carol.
1289
01:12:06,698 --> 01:12:08,158
Was she fond of Steve?
1290
01:12:08,241 --> 01:12:11,327
He was stationed away most of the
time, so we never saw that much of him.
1291
01:12:11,411 --> 01:12:14,998
Can you just stick your finger
there?
1292
01:12:19,210 --> 01:12:22,756
I think it's more the fact that she
couldn't face losing her little girl.
1293
01:12:24,716 --> 01:12:26,885
If Hayley's with Steve...
[spits]
1294
01:12:26,968 --> 01:12:28,803
then there's a chance
that she might come back here
1295
01:12:28,887 --> 01:12:31,181
and build a life for herself,
you know?
1296
01:12:31,264 --> 01:12:33,767
Not down there in that hell
hole with the likes of you.
1297
01:12:34,726 --> 01:12:36,644
I guess that's why
she didn't say anything.
1298
01:12:46,071 --> 01:12:47,572
Oh... erm...
1299
01:12:50,617 --> 01:12:52,660
- Give it here, Geoff.
- Yeah, thanks, mate.
1300
01:12:57,040 --> 01:12:58,583
Pigs ear of that.
1301
01:12:59,292 --> 01:13:00,710
[heavy sigh]
1302
01:13:00,794 --> 01:13:02,879
I always used to love doing
the wrapping with my mum.
1303
01:13:05,840 --> 01:13:07,467
When did you lose her?
1304
01:13:07,550 --> 01:13:09,385
It's four years now.
1305
01:13:10,887 --> 01:13:13,848
- Four years to the day.
- Oh, I'm sorry, fella.
1306
01:13:17,268 --> 01:13:19,270
We'd just run out of cranberry
sauce...
1307
01:13:20,438 --> 01:13:24,984
and my mum insisted on doing
a last-minute drive to the shops.
1308
01:13:26,319 --> 01:13:29,447
She hit some black ice at a
junction, and that was that.
1309
01:13:35,328 --> 01:13:39,541
I can still see her heading out
the door saying, 'I'll be right back.'
1310
01:13:41,251 --> 01:13:42,919
And she never was.
1311
01:13:43,002 --> 01:13:44,629
Oh, mate.
1312
01:13:47,090 --> 01:13:49,717
Well, it's been 15 years now
for me with my dad.
1313
01:13:50,677 --> 01:13:52,929
I wish I could say it goes
away, but...
1314
01:13:53,721 --> 01:13:54,931
never really does.
1315
01:13:56,099 --> 01:13:57,725
Especially at Christmas.
1316
01:14:00,311 --> 01:14:04,065
After it happened,
I wanted to stick around, but...
1317
01:14:05,275 --> 01:14:08,153
my dad sent me straight back
to boarding school,
1318
01:14:08,236 --> 01:14:10,238
and the whole house
sort of shut down.
1319
01:14:12,407 --> 01:14:15,451
By the time I left, he... he
wouldn't even look me in the eye.
1320
01:14:17,453 --> 01:14:19,998
I started to feel like
I'd lost both my parents.
1321
01:14:24,752 --> 01:14:29,591
The truth is, as much as I
wanted to be here with Hayley...
1322
01:14:31,926 --> 01:14:37,140
an even bigger part of me just
wanted a proper family Christmas again.
1323
01:14:40,101 --> 01:14:42,312
If only it were that simple, eh?
1324
01:14:43,730 --> 01:14:46,024
I'd be straight round
the Dillons' up the road.
1325
01:14:46,107 --> 01:14:48,026
They have a 'tur-duck-en'.
1326
01:14:49,068 --> 01:14:53,239
A duck in a turkey in a goose!
1327
01:14:54,908 --> 01:14:56,951
But that's the ball ache, isn't
it, eh?
1328
01:14:57,035 --> 01:14:59,287
You don't get to choose your
family.
1329
01:15:01,164 --> 01:15:03,917
But for my money, those
Christmases
1330
01:15:04,000 --> 01:15:06,544
when there's only a chicken for
dinner...
1331
01:15:08,087 --> 01:15:11,049
they're normally the most
important Christmases of all.
1332
01:15:15,803 --> 01:15:17,430
Oh, bugger!
1333
01:15:17,513 --> 01:15:19,807
I forgot to drop off
the Dillons' tur-duck-en!
1334
01:15:20,892 --> 01:15:24,479
[laughter]
1335
01:15:24,562 --> 01:15:25,563
Cheers!
1336
01:15:26,314 --> 01:15:27,315
Cheers.
1337
01:15:32,779 --> 01:15:33,780
[Peanut barks]
1338
01:15:33,863 --> 01:15:35,698
Find her, boy!
1339
01:15:35,782 --> 01:15:37,033
Find her!
1340
01:15:42,330 --> 01:15:44,749
[panting]
1341
01:15:50,713 --> 01:15:52,423
[Peanut barking]
1342
01:15:53,424 --> 01:15:56,886
Good boy!
Peanut! Good boy!
1343
01:15:58,263 --> 01:15:59,597
Good boy!
1344
01:16:03,601 --> 01:16:04,727
Here!
1345
01:16:07,105 --> 01:16:09,482
It's a good job that dog
can't get enough of you, eh?
1346
01:16:09,565 --> 01:16:12,277
- [puffs inhaler]
- Now, come on.
1347
01:16:12,360 --> 01:16:14,320
Let's get you back in the warm.
1348
01:16:15,863 --> 01:16:16,948
Right.
1349
01:16:23,413 --> 01:16:25,623
Come on, Peanut. Home, boy!
1350
01:16:46,394 --> 01:16:49,981
[electronic 'Jingle Bells'
plays]
1351
01:16:50,064 --> 01:16:51,941
Morning, dear.
1352
01:16:52,025 --> 01:16:53,943
[whispering]
Meet me outside in five.
1353
01:16:54,027 --> 01:16:55,403
There's something I want to
show you.
1354
01:16:55,987 --> 01:16:58,197
Oh... and Merry Christmas!
1355
01:16:58,281 --> 01:16:59,532
[soft chuckle]
1356
01:17:05,621 --> 01:17:07,457
[music ends, James grunts]
1357
01:17:15,173 --> 01:17:16,257
[brakes screech]
1358
01:17:16,341 --> 01:17:17,342
[horn honks]
1359
01:17:20,595 --> 01:17:24,349
As Santa said to Rudolph,
'Let's ride!'
1360
01:17:24,432 --> 01:17:27,143
- Amazing.
- I can't see a bloody thing in these.
1361
01:17:27,852 --> 01:17:31,314
Right in you hop, Gilet.
Your chariot awaits.
1362
01:17:31,397 --> 01:17:32,648
Thank you!
1363
01:17:33,399 --> 01:17:34,650
Where do you think you're going?
1364
01:17:34,734 --> 01:17:35,777
Eh?
1365
01:17:36,861 --> 01:17:38,905
Oh, I'll be back in time
for turkey, love.
1366
01:17:38,988 --> 01:17:40,865
Geoff, it's Christmas morning!
1367
01:17:40,948 --> 01:17:42,784
We've spent enough time
apart as a family.
1368
01:17:42,867 --> 01:17:44,118
Now, Kath, listen...
1369
01:17:45,661 --> 01:17:47,538
You go, we all go!
1370
01:17:48,456 --> 01:17:49,457
[musical intro plays]
1371
01:17:49,540 --> 01:17:51,292
Boys, come on!
1372
01:17:54,837 --> 01:17:57,465
[Geoff] Now, don't worry about
the snow. I've modified the van.
1373
01:17:58,674 --> 01:18:00,093
Oh, shit!
1374
01:18:00,176 --> 01:18:02,303
[vocalist]
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
1375
01:18:03,513 --> 01:18:06,933
♪ O'er the fields we go ♪
1376
01:18:07,558 --> 01:18:11,437
♪ Laughing all the way ♪
1377
01:18:12,814 --> 01:18:17,443
♪ Bells on bob-tails ring,
yeah! ♪
1378
01:18:17,527 --> 01:18:21,072
♪ Making spirits bright ♪
1379
01:18:22,031 --> 01:18:26,369
♪ What fun it is to ride and
sing ♪
1380
01:18:26,452 --> 01:18:29,205
♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪
1381
01:18:29,288 --> 01:18:30,748
Oh, my God!
1382
01:18:30,832 --> 01:18:33,960
♪ I said, jingle bells! ♪
1383
01:18:34,043 --> 01:18:36,379
♪ Jingle bells ♪
1384
01:18:36,462 --> 01:18:39,924
♪ Jingle all the way! ♪
1385
01:18:40,007 --> 01:18:42,552
Flipping Nora, Gilet! You're
loaded.
1386
01:18:43,678 --> 01:18:45,513
Hello, dear boy!
1387
01:18:45,596 --> 01:18:47,390
- Iris!
- Oh, my goodness!
1388
01:18:47,473 --> 01:18:49,475
- Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas!
1389
01:18:49,559 --> 01:18:51,644
How are you?
1390
01:18:52,603 --> 01:18:56,441
Everyone, this is Iris.
She's our housekeeper.
1391
01:18:57,066 --> 01:18:58,484
Really loaded!
1392
01:19:00,069 --> 01:19:02,613
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Oh, yeah.
1393
01:19:02,697 --> 01:19:06,451
Hayley plays her cards right, she'll
pull off a proper Meghan Markle.
1394
01:19:06,534 --> 01:19:09,871
- I'm sorry I'm not dressed yet.
- Is Dad up?
1395
01:19:09,954 --> 01:19:11,789
And where's Hayley?
1396
01:19:12,373 --> 01:19:14,208
Erm...
1397
01:19:14,292 --> 01:19:15,835
how can I put this?
1398
01:19:18,004 --> 01:19:20,381
Bloody Macclesfield!
1399
01:19:21,883 --> 01:19:25,011
Bloody Christmas Day!
1400
01:19:25,094 --> 01:19:30,975
Bloody ten-hour round trip
in the bloody snow!
1401
01:19:31,058 --> 01:19:34,395
[Hayley] Still can't believe
you persuaded him to do this.
1402
01:19:34,479 --> 01:19:36,981
Well, the upside of someone
shooting your dog
1403
01:19:37,064 --> 01:19:39,650
is that they then owe you
a very big favour.
1404
01:19:43,029 --> 01:19:44,572
Mr Hughes...
1405
01:19:44,655 --> 01:19:47,116
Please... Humphrey.
1406
01:19:49,202 --> 01:19:50,620
Humphrey.
1407
01:19:50,912 --> 01:19:53,664
I'm sorry for overstepping
the mark. I just...
1408
01:19:54,248 --> 01:19:55,583
wasn't thinking.
1409
01:19:56,334 --> 01:19:58,377
And I'm really sorry
Peanut got injured.
1410
01:19:59,337 --> 01:20:02,340
Well, I'm sorry if I
overreacted.
1411
01:20:04,717 --> 01:20:09,555
Peanut was my wife's dog and...
well, I lost her, and...
1412
01:20:11,390 --> 01:20:15,728
Since then, he's become the
biggest part of her I have left.
1413
01:20:17,438 --> 01:20:20,107
James didn't really tell me
that much about his mum
1414
01:20:20,191 --> 01:20:23,110
but... sounds like she was
a really special person.
1415
01:20:25,029 --> 01:20:27,573
And he didn't tell me much
about you either, to be fair.
1416
01:20:28,741 --> 01:20:33,079
I think what we had helped him
escape a lot of things.
1417
01:20:33,162 --> 01:20:34,705
What you had?
1418
01:20:35,706 --> 01:20:37,750
Looks that way, yeah.
1419
01:20:40,336 --> 01:20:42,213
And I know it's not my place to
say,
1420
01:20:42,296 --> 01:20:45,925
but surely the biggest part of
her that you've got left isn't Peanut.
1421
01:20:48,094 --> 01:20:49,136
It's James.
1422
01:20:52,848 --> 01:20:54,058
Hubert.
1423
01:20:54,642 --> 01:20:55,893
Hubert.
1424
01:20:58,062 --> 01:20:59,480
[engine sputters and dies]
1425
01:21:00,022 --> 01:21:01,190
What?
1426
01:21:01,274 --> 01:21:04,360
What is wrong? Whoa, whoa!
Steady girl on, old girl!
1427
01:21:04,443 --> 01:21:05,486
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
1428
01:21:05,570 --> 01:21:07,196
[loud complaint]
1429
01:21:09,532 --> 01:21:14,912
[resounding scream]
1430
01:21:18,624 --> 01:21:21,919
Good night, my beautiful girl.
1431
01:21:23,337 --> 01:21:26,340
You were the only one
I had left to talk to.
1432
01:21:28,467 --> 01:21:32,763
Well, you could always come up
to the house and talk to me.
1433
01:21:32,847 --> 01:21:34,473
No, thank you.
1434
01:21:34,974 --> 01:21:37,143
I know where I'm not welcome.
1435
01:21:37,226 --> 01:21:39,937
It's not my house anymore.
1436
01:21:40,021 --> 01:21:41,647
Oh, here we go again.
1437
01:21:41,731 --> 01:21:46,152
What kind of a son throws
his own father out on the streets
1438
01:21:46,235 --> 01:21:49,447
to avoid a little inheritance
tax?
1439
01:21:49,530 --> 01:21:51,365
I didn't throw you out.
1440
01:21:51,449 --> 01:21:53,200
You chose to leave.
1441
01:21:53,284 --> 01:21:56,203
And as far as being 'out
on the street' is concerned...
1442
01:21:56,287 --> 01:21:59,332
Hang on a minute!
You're father and son?
1443
01:21:59,415 --> 01:22:02,877
Only when His Grace isn't
playing at being Worzel Gummidge.
1444
01:22:02,960 --> 01:22:07,256
And only when His Lordship's
not being a selfish arsehole.
1445
01:22:07,340 --> 01:22:08,591
Ah.
1446
01:22:08,674 --> 01:22:11,510
Yeah, yeah. I guess
I can see the similarities.
1447
01:22:14,555 --> 01:22:16,557
I don't think
that was called for, do you?
1448
01:22:16,641 --> 01:22:17,892
Well, no...
1449
01:22:20,645 --> 01:22:23,230
And I thought my family
were weird, Peanut.
1450
01:22:25,900 --> 01:22:28,569
Looks like I'm not going home
for Christmas after all.
1451
01:22:31,364 --> 01:22:33,783
[distant calliope music plays]
1452
01:22:35,826 --> 01:22:37,286
Is that...
1453
01:22:39,538 --> 01:22:41,248
[horn honks]
1454
01:22:41,332 --> 01:22:42,625
Oh, my God, no way.
1455
01:22:42,708 --> 01:22:44,794
No way, no way!
1456
01:22:45,628 --> 01:22:47,588
- [Geoff laughs]
- Dad!
1457
01:22:47,672 --> 01:22:51,008
Well, what the bloody hell
are you lot doing out here?
1458
01:22:51,092 --> 01:22:52,927
[joyous shouting]
1459
01:22:54,720 --> 01:22:57,348
- I can't believe it!
- Iris?
1460
01:22:57,431 --> 01:22:59,016
Mum!
1461
01:23:00,893 --> 01:23:02,853
I'm so sorry about Steve.
1462
01:23:02,937 --> 01:23:05,189
You seemed so happy. I just
didn't want to let you down.
1463
01:23:05,272 --> 01:23:06,691
No.
1464
01:23:06,774 --> 01:23:09,276
Never mind me. We've got
plenty of time for that later.
1465
01:23:09,985 --> 01:23:12,863
I don't think I'm the one that
you need to be saying sorry to.
1466
01:23:20,746 --> 01:23:21,747
So...
1467
01:23:22,623 --> 01:23:23,708
So.
1468
01:23:28,671 --> 01:23:30,548
- Shall we just, erm...
- Yeah.
1469
01:23:41,308 --> 01:23:42,518
Hi.
1470
01:23:42,601 --> 01:23:43,602
Hi.
1471
01:23:47,356 --> 01:23:48,607
Shall we...
1472
01:23:49,859 --> 01:23:51,193
Shall we just start again?
1473
01:23:53,946 --> 01:23:57,032
I'm Hubert James
Manningham-Hughes.
1474
01:23:57,783 --> 01:24:00,035
307th in line to the throne.
1475
01:24:00,995 --> 01:24:04,457
I'm Haylo the Street Witch.
1476
01:24:04,540 --> 01:24:07,251
First in line for this Mr
Whippy van.
1477
01:24:10,588 --> 01:24:13,048
Look, about Steve...
1478
01:24:13,132 --> 01:24:16,427
- You don't have to apologise.
- No, but I do want you to understand.
1479
01:24:16,510 --> 01:24:18,471
I understand.
1480
01:24:20,556 --> 01:24:23,476
I live with lots of family
expectations too.
1481
01:24:26,020 --> 01:24:29,273
And I'm sorry... that I lied.
1482
01:24:29,356 --> 01:24:30,441
I was...
1483
01:24:31,400 --> 01:24:33,819
just having so much fun with
you, I didn't want to scare you off.
1484
01:24:33,903 --> 01:24:35,946
Well, I don't scare that easily.
1485
01:24:36,906 --> 01:24:38,282
I nearly got shot by your
granddad!
1486
01:24:38,365 --> 01:24:39,533
[soft chuckle]
1487
01:24:39,617 --> 01:24:43,621
Well, I was mugged by your
brothers,
1488
01:24:43,704 --> 01:24:46,332
groped by your aunt,
and choked by your nan.
1489
01:24:46,415 --> 01:24:47,500
So...
1490
01:24:48,667 --> 01:24:51,045
let's just say it's been a real
pleasure getting to know you
1491
01:24:51,128 --> 01:24:53,047
since the last time we were
together.
1492
01:24:54,215 --> 01:24:55,925
You too.
1493
01:24:58,010 --> 01:25:00,721
And I would love to get
to know you even more.
1494
01:25:02,389 --> 01:25:05,851
Well... you... will.
1495
01:25:05,935 --> 01:25:09,146
[romantic music rises]
1496
01:25:17,863 --> 01:25:19,865
[knocking on window]
1497
01:25:24,870 --> 01:25:27,206
Here they come, eh? The love
birds.
1498
01:25:28,666 --> 01:25:31,460
Right. The troops need to be
fed.
1499
01:25:31,544 --> 01:25:35,047
Oh, yes, there's plenty of food
in the larder back at the house.
1500
01:25:35,130 --> 01:25:36,757
And I don't know about anyone
else,
1501
01:25:36,841 --> 01:25:39,510
but I could certainly do
with some mulled wine.
1502
01:25:39,593 --> 01:25:41,887
Well, I'm more of a spiced rum
man myself.
1503
01:25:41,971 --> 01:25:43,806
[laughter]
1504
01:25:45,266 --> 01:25:46,809
Oh, God, wait a minute!
1505
01:25:46,892 --> 01:25:47,977
What?
1506
01:25:48,060 --> 01:25:49,353
Nan!
1507
01:25:52,273 --> 01:25:54,525
Where the bloody hell is
everyone?
1508
01:25:57,820 --> 01:26:01,198
[vocalists] ♪ Christmas ♪ -
[vocalist] ♪ The snow's coming down ♪
1509
01:26:01,282 --> 01:26:02,491
♪ Christmas... ♪
1510
01:26:02,575 --> 01:26:05,661
- Get him, get him, get him!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, boys!
1511
01:26:05,744 --> 01:26:07,538
- Boys!
- Take it outside!
1512
01:26:08,581 --> 01:26:10,249
Give us a hand there will you,
Dad?
1513
01:26:10,332 --> 01:26:13,210
No! No chores for me
this year, remember?
1514
01:26:14,378 --> 01:26:17,423
- Where's your colander?
- Up there, that top cupboard up there.
1515
01:26:18,924 --> 01:26:20,217
Christ Almighty!
1516
01:26:20,301 --> 01:26:23,554
Yeah, don't ask. Every
single year, every single year!
1517
01:26:23,637 --> 01:26:25,097
You can't have enough colanders!
1518
01:26:25,180 --> 01:26:27,141
Well, they're lively, aren't
they?
1519
01:26:27,224 --> 01:26:28,726
Watch out!
1520
01:26:30,060 --> 01:26:31,520
Get out my way! Move!
1521
01:26:31,604 --> 01:26:32,605
So...
1522
01:26:33,314 --> 01:26:35,774
Are you going to avoid me all
day?
1523
01:26:37,568 --> 01:26:38,777
[James clears throat]
1524
01:26:43,782 --> 01:26:45,534
I'm... I'm sorry...
1525
01:26:46,410 --> 01:26:50,456
I... I can't be the hero that
you are.
1526
01:26:52,333 --> 01:26:54,460
And I know what you've
taught me about duty...
1527
01:26:54,543 --> 01:26:57,212
Well, if you know that, then
you should know how easy it is
1528
01:26:57,296 --> 01:26:59,965
for me to have you reinstated
at Sandhurst next term
1529
01:27:00,049 --> 01:27:02,676
and have your accounts and
assets frozen
1530
01:27:02,760 --> 01:27:04,678
until you receive
your officer's commission.
1531
01:27:04,762 --> 01:27:05,763
Dad!
1532
01:27:07,973 --> 01:27:10,476
But most of all you should know
that...
1533
01:27:11,310 --> 01:27:15,856
I don't intend to do any of
those things.
1534
01:27:17,816 --> 01:27:21,236
You see, you're not the only
member of this family that can act.
1535
01:27:21,320 --> 01:27:24,156
I was a very fetching Lady
Macbeth in my senior year.
1536
01:27:26,867 --> 01:27:31,914
There is only... one duty that
I have
1537
01:27:31,997 --> 01:27:34,041
that matters to me...
1538
01:27:36,210 --> 01:27:41,215
and I have been neglecting
that for some time.
1539
01:27:54,561 --> 01:27:56,146
Your mum would have
been very proud of you.
1540
01:27:57,231 --> 01:27:59,900
I am... proud of you.
1541
01:28:01,193 --> 01:28:07,199
And I'll tell you something else,
she would have absolutely loved her.
1542
01:28:08,283 --> 01:28:09,535
[tapping bottle]
1543
01:28:09,618 --> 01:28:11,829
Alright, everyone, grub's up!
1544
01:28:13,622 --> 01:28:15,499
Right, I've got the parsnips
here.
1545
01:28:15,582 --> 01:28:17,459
Erm, go sit down the end.
1546
01:28:19,086 --> 01:28:20,713
Who are you again?
1547
01:28:22,464 --> 01:28:23,882
That smells good.
1548
01:28:23,966 --> 01:28:25,426
Here we go!
1549
01:28:25,509 --> 01:28:27,511
- [cheers]
- Make some room.
1550
01:28:27,594 --> 01:28:29,430
Oh, sorry about that.
1551
01:28:29,513 --> 01:28:32,391
A toast to friends and family,
1552
01:28:32,474 --> 01:28:35,060
old and new.
1553
01:28:35,144 --> 01:28:38,105
And to those no longer with us
1554
01:28:38,188 --> 01:28:40,274
who remain in our hearts
forever.
1555
01:28:41,442 --> 01:28:43,235
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
1556
01:28:43,318 --> 01:28:45,612
And to the Dillons' tur-duck-en!
1557
01:28:47,948 --> 01:28:49,408
Merry Christmas!
1558
01:28:49,491 --> 01:28:51,660
Merry Christmas!
1559
01:28:51,744 --> 01:28:54,747
- Merry Christmas, James.
- I'm more of a goose man myself.
1560
01:28:54,830 --> 01:28:55,831
Oh, God.
1561
01:28:55,914 --> 01:28:58,042
- Get a drop of this down yer!
- What do you say, Humph?
1562
01:28:58,125 --> 01:29:00,502
- New Year's Eve round yours?
- Oh, yes! Why not?
1563
01:29:00,586 --> 01:29:02,379
Hey, hey! Good man!
1564
01:29:02,463 --> 01:29:04,214
I can show you my pomace.
1565
01:29:04,298 --> 01:29:06,759
And I'll show you my tattoo.
1566
01:29:10,596 --> 01:29:13,098
I do love you, James Hughes.
1567
01:29:14,558 --> 01:29:16,894
I love you, Hayley Taylor.
1568
01:29:16,977 --> 01:29:19,146
Wow! You're not blushing.
1569
01:29:19,229 --> 01:29:20,773
I know.
1570
01:29:20,856 --> 01:29:23,150
Hey, Merry Christmas.
1571
01:29:23,984 --> 01:29:25,402
Merry Christmas.
1572
01:29:26,195 --> 01:29:27,738
Right, everyone ready?
1573
01:29:27,821 --> 01:29:30,324
- It's on a timer.
- Okay, let's go!
1574
01:29:30,407 --> 01:29:32,826
- Three, two...
- Up we get!
1575
01:29:32,910 --> 01:29:33,911
One!
1576
01:29:33,994 --> 01:29:36,747
Merry Christmas!
1577
01:29:40,209 --> 01:29:43,253
♪ Can we be together, babe? ♪
1578
01:29:43,337 --> 01:29:46,632
♪ Gingerbread and quiet towns ♪
1579
01:29:46,715 --> 01:29:49,551
♪ It's midnight and we're
flying now ♪
1580
01:29:49,635 --> 01:29:53,388
♪ Slow dance in your parents'
house ♪
1581
01:29:53,472 --> 01:29:56,475
♪ Together at last ♪
1582
01:29:56,558 --> 01:29:59,144
♪ Now you're back, I swear it's
true ♪
1583
01:29:59,228 --> 01:30:02,731
♪ I'm never ever leaving you ♪
1584
01:30:02,815 --> 01:30:06,235
♪ Oh, this year till we're 82 ♪
1585
01:30:06,318 --> 01:30:09,279
♪ Christmas Day is ours ♪
1586
01:30:09,363 --> 01:30:11,031
- ♪ Till it's time ♪
- ♪ It's time ♪
1587
01:30:11,115 --> 01:30:12,699
- ♪ For goodbye ♪
- ♪ Goodbye ♪
1588
01:30:12,783 --> 01:30:15,828
♪ And we both run off into
the night ♪ - ♪ The night ♪
1589
01:30:15,911 --> 01:30:18,539
♪ And I hope ♪
1590
01:30:19,373 --> 01:30:21,750
♪ That you know ♪
1591
01:30:22,918 --> 01:30:25,921
♪ I wanna the deck the halls ♪
1592
01:30:26,004 --> 01:30:29,299
♪ Hang mistletoe around ya ♪
1593
01:30:29,383 --> 01:30:32,511
♪ So when I sing 'Last
Christmas' ♪
1594
01:30:32,594 --> 01:30:36,056
♪ I hope it's my last without
ya ♪
1595
01:30:36,140 --> 01:30:39,393
♪ So you should listen up ♪
1596
01:30:39,476 --> 01:30:42,104
♪ 'Cause this wish is about ya ♪
1597
01:30:42,938 --> 01:30:45,357
♪ Can we have forever ♪
1598
01:30:45,440 --> 01:30:50,821
♪ Or at least can we be
together, babe For Christmas? ♪
1599
01:30:52,406 --> 01:30:57,411
♪ Or at least can we be
together, babe For Christmas? ♪
1600
01:31:06,128 --> 01:31:09,631
♪ Can we be together, babe ♪
1601
01:31:10,299 --> 01:31:16,138
♪ Together, babe, for
Christmas? ♪
1602
01:31:30,360 --> 01:31:33,197
[vocalist] ♪ Rockin'
around the Christmas tree ♪
1603
01:31:33,280 --> 01:31:36,200
♪ At the Christmas party hop ♪
1604
01:31:37,242 --> 01:31:39,995
♪ Mistletoe hung where you can
see ♪
1605
01:31:40,078 --> 01:31:42,789
♪ Every couple tries to stop ♪
1606
01:31:44,082 --> 01:31:46,835
♪ Rockin' around the Christmas
tree ♪
1607
01:31:46,919 --> 01:31:49,796
♪ Let the Christmas spirit ring
♪
1608
01:31:50,839 --> 01:31:53,634
♪ Later we'll have some pumpkin
pie ♪
1609
01:31:53,717 --> 01:31:56,303
♪ And we'll do some carolling ♪
1610
01:31:57,596 --> 01:32:02,184
♪ You will get a sentimental
feeling ♪
1611
01:32:02,267 --> 01:32:04,311
♪ When you hear ♪
1612
01:32:04,394 --> 01:32:07,814
♪ Voices singing, let's be
jolly ♪
1613
01:32:07,898 --> 01:32:11,151
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of
holly ♪
1614
01:32:11,235 --> 01:32:14,112
♪ Rockin' around the Christmas
tree ♪
1615
01:32:14,446 --> 01:32:16,823
♪ Have a happy holiday ♪
1616
01:32:18,033 --> 01:32:20,827
♪ Everyone dancing merrily ♪
1617
01:32:20,911 --> 01:32:23,747
♪ In the new old-fashioned way ♪
1618
01:32:37,886 --> 01:32:42,975
♪ Oh, you will get a
sentimental feeling ♪
1619
01:32:43,058 --> 01:32:45,018
♪ When you hear ♪
1620
01:32:45,102 --> 01:32:48,522
♪ Voices singing, let's be
jolly ♪
1621
01:32:48,605 --> 01:32:51,984
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of
holly ♪
1622
01:32:52,067 --> 01:32:54,945
♪ Rockin' around the Christmas
tree ♪
1623
01:32:55,028 --> 01:32:57,572
♪ Have a happy holiday ♪
1624
01:32:58,949 --> 01:33:01,660
♪ Everyone dancing merrily ♪
1625
01:33:01,743 --> 01:33:07,708
♪ In the new old-fashioned way ♪
1626
01:33:07,791 --> 01:33:10,794
{\an8}[vocalists sing]
115476
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