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1
00:00:06,021 --> 00:00:09,173
Oh. Come on,
get in there.
2
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:10,174
Uhh!
3
00:00:10,241 --> 00:00:12,343
A little short.
4
00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:14,428
Aw! Nothing but pocket.
5
00:00:14,496 --> 00:00:16,697
On top of the key.
Fade away.
6
00:00:20,602 --> 00:00:22,103
What are you doing?
7
00:00:22,171 --> 00:00:25,306
Just playing
a little spoonerball.
8
00:00:25,374 --> 00:00:26,774
In the pocket is one point,
9
00:00:26,841 --> 00:00:28,709
between the glasses
and face-2 points,
10
00:00:28,777 --> 00:00:32,579
and in the mouth,
that's your 3-pointer.
11
00:00:32,647 --> 00:00:35,916
And choking him to death,
how does that factor in?
12
00:00:35,984 --> 00:00:38,553
10-point bonus.
13
00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:40,488
Come on. Give it a shot.
Give it a shot.
14
00:00:40,556 --> 00:00:42,606
No. I'm not gonna
throw food at my father.
15
00:00:42,674 --> 00:00:44,475
What about that chicken leg
last week?
16
00:00:44,543 --> 00:00:45,393
Ah, excuse me,
17
00:00:45,461 --> 00:00:48,112
he threw peas at me first.
18
00:00:48,179 --> 00:00:49,896
Come on.
Let's see what you got.
19
00:00:49,964 --> 00:00:51,349
OK, maybe just one.
20
00:00:51,417 --> 00:00:52,400
OK.
21
00:00:54,536 --> 00:00:55,903
OK, one more.
22
00:00:55,971 --> 00:00:58,021
One more.
All right.
23
00:00:58,089 --> 00:01:00,474
Ahh. No. You gotta-
you gotta arc it.
24
00:01:00,542 --> 00:01:02,643
Keep your elbows in,
like that, just arc it.
25
00:01:02,710 --> 00:01:03,744
There ya go.
26
00:01:03,811 --> 00:01:04,995
Come on. Open up,
like that.
27
00:01:06,031 --> 00:01:07,732
Almost.
OK, OK.
28
00:01:07,799 --> 00:01:08,799
OK.
Oh!
29
00:01:08,867 --> 00:01:09,883
Come on.
30
00:01:17,993 --> 00:01:20,695
So I wasn't dreaming.
31
00:01:20,762 --> 00:01:21,812
Marvelous.
32
00:01:23,415 --> 00:01:25,099
Wait a second.
33
00:01:25,167 --> 00:01:27,268
Where are the Dutch hookers?
34
00:02:08,893 --> 00:02:10,244
Voilà.
35
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,915
You didn't tell me
we were having cake.
36
00:02:14,982 --> 00:02:17,302
Yeah. I don't tell you about
cake early in the day anymore.
37
00:02:17,327 --> 00:02:18,786
It paralyzes you.
38
00:02:18,854 --> 00:02:20,237
Does not.
Oh, come on.
39
00:02:20,305 --> 00:02:21,954
Remember last time you were so
40
00:02:21,980 --> 00:02:24,208
distracted you
rear-ended a school bus?
41
00:02:24,243 --> 00:02:27,978
OK, that was pie,
so don't rewrite history.
42
00:02:30,265 --> 00:02:31,933
Ahh! This milk
couldn't be warmer.
43
00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:37,855
Hey! Come on, man!
44
00:02:37,922 --> 00:02:40,057
I want to see if it's cold.
45
00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:42,293
She just poured it out
of the same carton.
46
00:02:42,361 --> 00:02:44,028
The milk on the bottom
is colder.
47
00:02:44,096 --> 00:02:45,162
No, it's not.
48
00:02:45,230 --> 00:02:47,331
Obviously, you've never
been locked overnight
49
00:02:47,399 --> 00:02:49,533
in a dairy storage facility!
50
00:02:49,601 --> 00:02:52,303
Dad, will you stop? I
haven't worked for 2 months,
51
00:02:52,370 --> 00:02:54,570
so unless you have an extra
thousand bucks laying around
52
00:02:54,595 --> 00:02:56,995
to buy us a new refrigerator,
please, just drink it.
53
00:03:02,230 --> 00:03:04,931
All right, it's down.
54
00:03:04,999 --> 00:03:07,267
For now.
55
00:03:08,787 --> 00:03:10,671
Knock knock.
Hey, Holly.
56
00:03:10,739 --> 00:03:12,840
Hey! Hey, Arthur,
you ready for bingo?
57
00:03:12,907 --> 00:03:16,444
Indeed I am.
What's with the kraut?
58
00:03:16,511 --> 00:03:18,346
This is my new dog shatzi.
59
00:03:18,413 --> 00:03:20,514
He retired from the police
force, and I adopted him.
60
00:03:20,582 --> 00:03:21,849
Police dog, huh?
61
00:03:21,916 --> 00:03:23,751
Before he starts barking,
I should tell you
62
00:03:23,818 --> 00:03:27,955
I have a fair amount of
contraband in my sock drawer.
63
00:03:28,022 --> 00:03:31,508
Oh, don't worry, Arthur.
He's a bomb-sniffing dog.
64
00:03:31,576 --> 00:03:35,246
He's a real hero, too. I met him
when they busted my boyfriend.
65
00:03:35,314 --> 00:03:38,850
So your boyfriend
was making a bomb?
66
00:03:38,917 --> 00:03:42,220
Soon-to-be ex-boyfriend,
believe you me.
67
00:03:42,287 --> 00:03:44,021
OK, Arthur, are you ready?
68
00:03:44,089 --> 00:03:46,190
All set.
See you kids later.
69
00:03:46,258 --> 00:03:47,191
Oh, cute hat.
70
00:03:47,259 --> 00:03:48,192
Thank you.
71
00:03:48,260 --> 00:03:50,361
I found it in a leaf pile.
72
00:03:52,530 --> 00:03:53,931
Enh!
73
00:03:53,999 --> 00:03:56,316
Oh, this milk is warm.
You think it's dangerous?
74
00:03:56,384 --> 00:03:58,504
Well, I don't know, but
your dad had his finger in it,
75
00:03:58,529 --> 00:04:01,231
and it's the one he
works his ear with, so...
76
00:04:16,054 --> 00:04:17,838
He's in my dreams.
77
00:04:20,091 --> 00:04:21,959
Hey, dad, what's up?
78
00:04:22,027 --> 00:04:23,344
Big news.
79
00:04:23,411 --> 00:04:26,330
I was sitting next to Eleanor
melville at bingo tonight.
80
00:04:26,398 --> 00:04:29,883
She's the lady who lost an eye
in a sledding accident, remember?
81
00:04:29,951 --> 00:04:32,086
All right, he's goin'
in the hamper.
82
00:04:32,154 --> 00:04:33,754
Dad, it's kinda late.
83
00:04:33,822 --> 00:04:35,823
Could you just
get to the point?
84
00:04:35,891 --> 00:04:37,958
God bless her lucky glass eye
85
00:04:38,026 --> 00:04:40,644
because tonight
I won the jackpot!
86
00:04:40,712 --> 00:04:43,497
Great. Take your 8 bucks
and get outta here.
87
00:04:43,565 --> 00:04:46,166
Does this look
like 8 bucks to you?
88
00:04:46,368 --> 00:04:47,834
Wow, how much is that?
89
00:04:47,902 --> 00:04:50,971
2,500 clams.
90
00:04:51,038 --> 00:04:54,158
$2,500? Oh, my God!
91
00:04:54,226 --> 00:04:56,543
At first I thought I'd put
it away for a rainy day,
92
00:04:56,611 --> 00:04:59,513
but then I realized, I got
no mortgage, no bills to pay,
93
00:04:59,581 --> 00:05:02,516
so I figured it's time for a.
Spooner to have a little fun.
94
00:05:02,584 --> 00:05:04,985
Starting tomorrow,
I'm queen for a day!
95
00:05:07,956 --> 00:05:10,224
Well... good for him.
96
00:05:16,264 --> 00:05:17,731
What?
97
00:05:17,798 --> 00:05:21,668
Did you notice anything wrong
with what just happened here?
98
00:05:21,736 --> 00:05:24,888
Other than his fly being open?
99
00:05:24,956 --> 00:05:28,975
No. I'm numb
to that now.
100
00:05:29,043 --> 00:05:30,978
I mean the fact
that he didn't mention
101
00:05:31,046 --> 00:05:33,380
giving us any of that money.
102
00:05:33,448 --> 00:05:35,582
Why should he?
It's his money.
103
00:05:35,650 --> 00:05:37,301
Are you kidding me, Carrie?
104
00:05:37,369 --> 00:05:39,270
I mean, we spend thousands
of dollars on him.
105
00:05:39,338 --> 00:05:40,471
He said it himself.
106
00:05:40,538 --> 00:05:42,606
He's got no bills,
no mortgage to pay
107
00:05:42,674 --> 00:05:43,590
because we pay it,
108
00:05:43,658 --> 00:05:46,010
not to mention all
the food, clothing,
109
00:05:46,044 --> 00:05:48,045
medicine, those 2 clarinets.
110
00:05:49,214 --> 00:05:52,333
Well, that's what you do
when a parent gets old.
111
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,770
I mean, he did take care of me
until I was almost... 15.
112
00:05:55,837 --> 00:05:57,938
And, meanwhile,
since you lost your job,
113
00:05:58,006 --> 00:06:00,540
we have not gotten one
thing for ourselves, not one!
114
00:06:00,608 --> 00:06:02,993
Do you know every night
before I go to bed,
115
00:06:03,061 --> 00:06:04,995
I look at this golf catalog,
116
00:06:05,063 --> 00:06:06,630
but I can't get
anything in here.
117
00:06:06,697 --> 00:06:09,599
So this means nothing to me!
118
00:06:11,403 --> 00:06:13,654
The point is, I want a
titanium fairway wood,
119
00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:15,055
and I want it now!
120
00:06:15,122 --> 00:06:17,403
And damn it, you deserve
something, too. What do you want?
121
00:06:17,459 --> 00:06:20,427
You know what we should buy
is a new refrigerator.
122
00:06:20,495 --> 00:06:21,929
OK, so I'll
get the golf clubs,
123
00:06:21,996 --> 00:06:24,081
and the fridge
will be your thing.
124
00:06:24,148 --> 00:06:26,767
No. Why do I
get the boring thing?
125
00:06:26,834 --> 00:06:28,194
Fine. Then pick something
you want.
126
00:06:28,252 --> 00:06:30,353
I mean, the old fridge
is fine.
127
00:06:30,421 --> 00:06:33,440
Right now, we don't need
something to keep food fresh,
128
00:06:33,508 --> 00:06:37,094
we need something
to keep us fresh.
129
00:06:37,161 --> 00:06:39,880
Actually,
you know what I'd love?
130
00:06:39,948 --> 00:06:42,516
I'd love to go to that spa
right next door to bloomingdale's
131
00:06:42,584 --> 00:06:44,618
and get, like,
a whole day of beauty.
132
00:06:44,686 --> 00:06:47,788
Yes! God, you need
a day of beauty!
133
00:06:47,856 --> 00:06:49,757
Hey.
134
00:06:49,825 --> 00:06:52,792
You know what I mean, OK?
135
00:06:52,827 --> 00:06:54,544
All right.
Well, you know what?
136
00:06:54,612 --> 00:06:58,815
Tomorrow morning, I will talk to
him. I will tell him how we feel,
137
00:06:58,883 --> 00:07:00,643
and I'm sure he'll
give us some of the money.
138
00:07:00,668 --> 00:07:03,403
Great. All right,
thank you.
139
00:07:03,472 --> 00:07:05,232
And if that doesn't
work, I'll just follow up
140
00:07:05,257 --> 00:07:07,724
with a lamp
to the back of the head.
141
00:07:07,792 --> 00:07:10,744
Not to kill him,
just to send a message.
142
00:07:10,812 --> 00:07:12,813
What do you think I am?
143
00:07:22,474 --> 00:07:24,040
Morning, daddy.
144
00:07:24,108 --> 00:07:26,744
Darling, I think I'm ready
to make my first purchase:
145
00:07:26,811 --> 00:07:31,148
The world's best
personal submarine.
146
00:07:31,216 --> 00:07:32,849
What do you think?
147
00:07:32,917 --> 00:07:37,270
World's best?
With no periscope?
148
00:07:37,338 --> 00:07:39,406
You're smarter than that.
149
00:07:39,474 --> 00:07:41,608
Speaking of that money,
150
00:07:41,676 --> 00:07:44,111
it's so great to see
someone in this house
151
00:07:44,179 --> 00:07:46,046
have some good luck
for a change.
152
00:07:46,114 --> 00:07:47,447
It certainly is.
153
00:07:47,515 --> 00:07:49,649
Lord knows Doug and I
haven't had any lately.
154
00:07:49,717 --> 00:07:50,817
That's putting it mildly.
155
00:07:50,885 --> 00:07:53,537
The thing is, um...
156
00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:57,474
We have certainly helped you
out quite a bit over the years.
157
00:07:57,542 --> 00:07:59,459
How so?
158
00:08:00,878 --> 00:08:04,915
Well, we've given you food,
clothing, shelter.
159
00:08:04,982 --> 00:08:08,302
Mm. I suppose you could
put that spin on it.
160
00:08:08,370 --> 00:08:12,006
And we were kind of hoping
161
00:08:12,073 --> 00:08:16,092
that you could help us out a
little bit, you know, money-wise.
162
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,129
Oh, I'd love to
be able to help.
163
00:08:18,196 --> 00:08:20,680
You kids have been
like family to me.
164
00:08:20,748 --> 00:08:23,167
What do you want?
165
00:08:23,234 --> 00:08:24,151
Half.
166
00:08:24,218 --> 00:08:27,154
I meant, what specific items
do you want to purchase?
167
00:08:27,221 --> 00:08:29,556
I want golf clubs. She
wants a day of beauty.
168
00:08:29,624 --> 00:08:32,926
Fair enough. I'll give
your requests some thought
169
00:08:32,993 --> 00:08:35,145
and get back to you
in a day or so.
170
00:08:36,464 --> 00:08:39,316
But just to show my heart's
in the right place,
171
00:08:39,384 --> 00:08:43,487
how 'bout we paint the town
red tonight, my treat?
172
00:08:43,555 --> 00:08:46,056
Oh, we have plans
tonight, dad.
173
00:08:46,124 --> 00:08:47,307
Do you?
174
00:08:47,374 --> 00:08:51,745
That's very disappointing.
175
00:08:51,813 --> 00:08:55,465
Oh, you know what?
We can cancel. No problem.
176
00:08:55,533 --> 00:08:57,467
Wonderful. I'll
pick you up at 5:30.
177
00:08:57,536 --> 00:08:59,603
Dress is smart casual.
178
00:09:47,268 --> 00:09:48,702
Don't overthink it, dad.
179
00:09:48,769 --> 00:09:51,872
That's what got you into trouble
back at the clown's mouth.
180
00:09:56,694 --> 00:09:59,246
That one was close.
181
00:10:04,585 --> 00:10:07,187
That one was close, too.
182
00:10:07,255 --> 00:10:10,507
Be a pal.
Shove this in my eye.
183
00:10:10,575 --> 00:10:12,108
OK... now!
184
00:10:15,146 --> 00:10:16,313
Now!
185
00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:21,718
Those blades are diabolical.
186
00:10:21,786 --> 00:10:24,821
Now. Now. Now. Now!
187
00:10:25,690 --> 00:10:28,191
Oh... what are the odds?
188
00:10:30,161 --> 00:10:31,161
Now.
189
00:10:34,332 --> 00:10:36,516
Thank God.
190
00:10:39,470 --> 00:10:42,456
Last night was so brutal.
191
00:10:42,524 --> 00:10:44,758
So when do we get this money?
192
00:10:44,825 --> 00:10:46,225
I don't know,
but I should warn you:
193
00:10:46,293 --> 00:10:47,726
He told me to
keep Saturday open
194
00:10:47,794 --> 00:10:50,214
for a trip to
the American doll museum.
195
00:10:51,366 --> 00:10:53,167
Family meeting!
196
00:10:53,234 --> 00:10:53,834
What?
197
00:10:53,902 --> 00:10:55,285
Calling a family meeting.
198
00:10:55,353 --> 00:10:57,754
Grab your drinks and kindly
follow me to the dining room.
199
00:10:57,822 --> 00:10:58,888
Chop chop.
200
00:11:00,791 --> 00:11:02,259
Come on.
201
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,819
Please rise for
the pledge of allegiance.
202
00:11:12,887 --> 00:11:16,673
If you choose, you may
omit the words, "under God."
203
00:11:16,740 --> 00:11:18,926
Get on with it.
204
00:11:18,993 --> 00:11:20,326
Fine.
205
00:11:20,394 --> 00:11:22,328
First order of business,
206
00:11:22,396 --> 00:11:25,148
vis-à-vis, the items
you requested yesterday,
207
00:11:25,216 --> 00:11:27,317
unfortunately, no can do.
208
00:11:29,354 --> 00:11:30,154
What?
209
00:11:30,304 --> 00:11:32,272
Dad, you said you
wanted to help us out.
210
00:11:32,340 --> 00:11:35,725
I do. I'm going to
give you $1,000
211
00:11:35,793 --> 00:11:38,728
to purchase a new refrigerator.
212
00:11:38,796 --> 00:11:41,415
You know, I got a better idea:
213
00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:43,066
Why don't you give us $1,000,
214
00:11:43,134 --> 00:11:45,585
and we'll decide what we
want to do with it, OK?
215
00:11:45,653 --> 00:11:48,188
Oh, to be young and witless.
216
00:11:48,256 --> 00:11:51,125
Douglas, trust me,
you don't get to my position
217
00:11:51,192 --> 00:11:53,760
by throwing away money
on frivolous things.
218
00:11:53,828 --> 00:11:55,829
You wanted to buy a submarine.
219
00:11:55,896 --> 00:11:58,949
Hey! When the only way out of
the city is through the sewers,
220
00:11:59,016 --> 00:12:01,485
you'll be begging to get in.
221
00:12:12,429 --> 00:12:15,899
I hate this.
222
00:12:15,967 --> 00:12:17,701
What? It's not like
we're getting nothing.
223
00:12:17,769 --> 00:12:21,070
I mean, the man is buying us
a new refrigerator.
224
00:12:21,138 --> 00:12:22,538
That's not the point.
Just 'cause he
225
00:12:22,563 --> 00:12:24,875
stumbled onto some money
like jed clampett,
226
00:12:24,943 --> 00:12:27,183
doesn't give him the right
to tell us what to do with it.
227
00:12:27,208 --> 00:12:28,278
This one looks nice.
228
00:12:28,345 --> 00:12:30,981
Oh, and look how big
the crispers are.
229
00:12:31,049 --> 00:12:32,382
Oh...
230
00:12:32,450 --> 00:12:34,384
Hey, don't knock crispers.
231
00:12:34,452 --> 00:12:37,921
That's where I hide the
vegetables so they won't upset you.
232
00:12:37,989 --> 00:12:38,789
Fine. You know what?
233
00:12:38,806 --> 00:12:40,246
Let's just get it
and get outta here.
234
00:12:40,257 --> 00:12:42,409
Oh, look! Look
it's only 995.
235
00:12:42,477 --> 00:12:44,611
We can tell my dad it
cost the full thousand,
236
00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:49,149
and then we got 5
bucks left to par-tay.
237
00:12:49,217 --> 00:12:50,150
Hmm.
238
00:12:50,218 --> 00:12:51,285
What?
239
00:12:52,419 --> 00:12:54,087
Look, I really
don't feel right
240
00:12:54,155 --> 00:12:56,189
about lying to my dad.
241
00:12:56,257 --> 00:12:57,690
Look, we are not lying, OK?
242
00:12:57,758 --> 00:13:00,777
We told him we were going to
buy a refrigerator, and we did.
243
00:13:00,812 --> 00:13:02,018
The fact that we bought
it from a Queens college
244
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,551
student who was moving
out of his dorm,
245
00:13:03,576 --> 00:13:06,032
that's our business.
246
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:09,570
Do you think he's gonna
believe that this cost $1,000?
247
00:13:09,637 --> 00:13:13,940
Carrie, the man thinks I
control the TV with my voice.
248
00:13:14,008 --> 00:13:15,742
Everybody wins this way,
all right?
249
00:13:15,809 --> 00:13:17,009
Your dad feels
like a big shot,
250
00:13:17,011 --> 00:13:19,329
we get a temporary fridge
for 68 bucks,
251
00:13:19,396 --> 00:13:23,983
and with the leftover change, new golf
clubs and a day at the spa for you.
252
00:13:24,051 --> 00:13:28,622
Oh, look at this.
Kenny's mom made meat loaf.
253
00:13:28,689 --> 00:13:29,773
Mine now.
254
00:13:33,378 --> 00:13:34,828
Hey, dad.
How was your walk?
255
00:13:34,895 --> 00:13:35,749
Not so good.
256
00:13:35,775 --> 00:13:39,157
Turns out the double-Dutch kids
don't appreciate heckling.
257
00:13:39,199 --> 00:13:43,403
Is this the new refrigerator?
258
00:13:43,471 --> 00:13:45,305
Yeah.
259
00:13:47,975 --> 00:13:50,576
It's magnificent!
260
00:13:50,644 --> 00:13:54,014
Amazing how small they
can make things these days.
261
00:13:54,081 --> 00:13:56,783
God bless those Japanese.
262
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,574
That was great today.
263
00:14:04,642 --> 00:14:07,644
We were hittin' 'em
pretty hard, huh?
264
00:14:07,712 --> 00:14:11,648
Oh, but you like it rough,
don't ya?
265
00:14:11,716 --> 00:14:13,366
Oh, yes, you doo-be
doo-be doo!
266
00:14:13,518 --> 00:14:15,819
I am back from the spa.
267
00:14:15,887 --> 00:14:17,687
How do I look?
268
00:14:17,755 --> 00:14:19,156
Fantastic.
269
00:14:19,223 --> 00:14:23,393
Soon as I'm done fondling
my new club, you're next.
270
00:14:23,461 --> 00:14:26,997
My massage was amazing.
271
00:14:27,064 --> 00:14:29,332
I had this
Russian guy-uri.
272
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:33,469
He had these huge hands, and
he found every knot in my body.
273
00:14:33,538 --> 00:14:37,707
Not a whole lot
of yap yap, you know?
274
00:14:37,775 --> 00:14:40,360
Just every couple of "is good?
275
00:14:40,427 --> 00:14:42,529
Is good?"
276
00:14:42,596 --> 00:14:44,364
By the way, that's
all you need to say
277
00:14:44,431 --> 00:14:48,118
when we're,
you know, upstairs.
278
00:14:48,186 --> 00:14:51,538
So no more mighty mouse theme?
279
00:14:51,605 --> 00:14:53,624
So, those the new clubs?
280
00:14:53,691 --> 00:14:55,825
Yeah. They're awesome.
281
00:14:55,893 --> 00:14:57,133
Look at the size
of that driver.
282
00:14:57,158 --> 00:14:58,628
It's as big as a baby's head.
283
00:14:58,696 --> 00:15:01,631
Yeah. It's beautiful.
You deserve 'em.
284
00:15:01,699 --> 00:15:03,267
Yeah, um...
285
00:15:03,334 --> 00:15:04,968
The only problem is, uh...
286
00:15:05,036 --> 00:15:07,304
I got these great new woods,
287
00:15:07,372 --> 00:15:10,340
but I still have the
same old crappy irons.
288
00:15:10,408 --> 00:15:11,708
They're fine.
289
00:15:11,776 --> 00:15:13,510
No, they're not.
I mean, it's--
290
00:15:13,577 --> 00:15:16,146
it's like if you
got a day of beauty
291
00:15:16,214 --> 00:15:18,315
for only half your face,
292
00:15:18,449 --> 00:15:21,033
and they left the other
side lookin' all...
293
00:15:21,101 --> 00:15:23,035
Tired and yellow.
294
00:15:23,103 --> 00:15:24,704
What are you gettin' at
here, Doug?
295
00:15:24,772 --> 00:15:26,812
Just maybe we could ask
your dad for some more money
296
00:15:26,837 --> 00:15:28,541
so I could
complete my set here.
297
00:15:28,609 --> 00:15:30,994
What? We can't
scam him again.
298
00:15:31,061 --> 00:15:32,741
It's a few hundred.
That's not even a scam.
299
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,164
That's pullin' a fast one.
300
00:15:34,232 --> 00:15:38,101
Doug, believe me, don't think
I haven't thought about it, OK?
301
00:15:38,169 --> 00:15:39,436
They sell this thing
at the spa
302
00:15:39,504 --> 00:15:42,372
that turns your bathtub
into a whirlpool.
303
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:43,940
You don't think
I would kill for that?
304
00:15:44,008 --> 00:15:46,243
But lying to him again
is just wrong.
305
00:15:46,310 --> 00:15:47,344
Wrong...
306
00:15:47,411 --> 00:15:49,963
Or very right?
307
00:15:50,031 --> 00:15:51,330
Wrong.
308
00:16:01,676 --> 00:16:03,677
Get out of here.
I'm naked.
309
00:16:04,979 --> 00:16:07,247
Why is that water bubbling?
310
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:08,515
Um...
311
00:16:08,582 --> 00:16:10,634
It's really hot?
312
00:16:12,653 --> 00:16:14,671
I cannot believe you!
313
00:16:14,739 --> 00:16:16,979
After you give me that whole
speech on how wrong this is,
314
00:16:17,004 --> 00:16:18,575
you go out and buy this?!
315
00:16:18,643 --> 00:16:20,777
But it bubbles.
316
00:16:22,479 --> 00:16:24,097
How could you?
317
00:16:25,949 --> 00:16:27,967
It's just that your
golf clubs are forever,
318
00:16:28,035 --> 00:16:30,169
and my spa day is gone,
319
00:16:30,237 --> 00:16:32,272
so I figured, it's
only fair, you know?
320
00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:34,190
How did you get your dad
to give you the money?
321
00:16:34,258 --> 00:16:36,460
Well, you know how our
clock radio's been broken?
322
00:16:36,527 --> 00:16:38,194
Gave me $200 to get a new one.
323
00:16:38,262 --> 00:16:41,097
200? I got that free when I
ordered sports illustrated.
324
00:16:41,165 --> 00:16:43,433
Hey, I was only
shooting for 100,
325
00:16:43,501 --> 00:16:45,702
but then he started
talking about transistors
326
00:16:45,770 --> 00:16:47,604
and how clever
those Japanese are.
327
00:16:47,672 --> 00:16:48,772
I just went with it.
328
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:50,957
And you made me feel bad
about wanting more?
329
00:16:51,024 --> 00:16:52,392
Oh, it's on, baby.
330
00:16:52,459 --> 00:16:53,626
Where are you going?
331
00:16:53,795 --> 00:16:55,545
Oh, we got a house full
of appliances,
332
00:16:55,613 --> 00:16:57,547
and one's about to go down.
333
00:17:02,637 --> 00:17:03,970
Oh, yeah.
334
00:17:04,038 --> 00:17:05,105
All right.
335
00:17:07,808 --> 00:17:11,044
Doug, no!
Not the DVD player!
336
00:17:11,112 --> 00:17:13,332
Carrie, this is a
machine that uses
337
00:17:13,358 --> 00:17:15,823
lasers to play movies
from shiny disks.
338
00:17:15,866 --> 00:17:17,767
I could tell him
it cost a million dollars.
339
00:17:17,835 --> 00:17:21,237
Doug, no!
This has to stop.
340
00:17:21,305 --> 00:17:22,385
Why should it stop, Carrie?
341
00:17:22,406 --> 00:17:24,291
What, am I beating you
to the punch?
342
00:17:24,358 --> 00:17:27,527
What, you got your eye on something
that'll make the toilet bubble, too?
343
00:17:27,594 --> 00:17:28,195
Yeah?
344
00:17:28,262 --> 00:17:29,880
Shh! Holly's here.
345
00:17:29,947 --> 00:17:31,147
Yeah, I'm still here.
346
00:17:31,215 --> 00:17:31,948
Hi.
347
00:17:32,016 --> 00:17:33,566
Hey, hey.
Yeah, go ahead.
348
00:17:33,634 --> 00:17:36,736
$800? I don't have
that kind of money.
349
00:17:36,837 --> 00:17:38,187
Oh, this isn't good.
350
00:17:38,256 --> 00:17:39,922
What? What?
351
00:17:39,990 --> 00:17:41,274
She needs money.
352
00:17:41,342 --> 00:17:44,261
And who do you think she's
gonna try to get it from? My dad.
353
00:17:44,328 --> 00:17:46,848
What do you care? You said you
were done getting money from him.
354
00:17:46,873 --> 00:17:49,348
Not if she's gonna
get it instead.
355
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:52,135
If someone
is gonna scam my dad,
356
00:17:52,203 --> 00:17:55,871
it should at least be
someone who loves him.
357
00:17:55,939 --> 00:17:57,974
What does she need
the money for anyway?
358
00:17:58,042 --> 00:17:59,425
She finally got that bill
359
00:17:59,493 --> 00:18:01,828
for that blonde they
pumped into her hair?
360
00:18:01,896 --> 00:18:04,376
Don't worry. Your dad probably
won't give her the money anyway.
361
00:18:04,401 --> 00:18:06,116
Oh, he will, the way
she kisses his butt.
362
00:18:06,184 --> 00:18:08,518
"Oh, Arthur, you look
so cute in that hat."
363
00:18:08,586 --> 00:18:10,987
You saw him. He looked
like a 90-year-old gilligan.
364
00:18:15,025 --> 00:18:20,213
By the way,
so does the real gilligan.
365
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:21,081
All right, you know what?
366
00:18:21,148 --> 00:18:22,499
Just break the frickin' thing.
367
00:18:22,566 --> 00:18:24,246
We've gotta get that money.
All right, now,
368
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:27,069
I'm gonna get the money,
and you keep Holly busy, OK?
369
00:18:27,137 --> 00:18:28,657
All right, come on.
Hurry up! Hurry up!
370
00:18:28,682 --> 00:18:30,106
All right.
371
00:18:30,174 --> 00:18:34,511
Uh-huh. OK, well, I'll just
try to figure something out
372
00:18:34,579 --> 00:18:36,079
and I'll get back to you.
373
00:18:36,147 --> 00:18:38,748
Thanks.
374
00:18:38,816 --> 00:18:40,783
Hey, what you got there...
375
00:18:40,851 --> 00:18:42,119
Sweater?
376
00:18:44,489 --> 00:18:46,223
Sweaters are great,
377
00:18:46,290 --> 00:18:49,626
but, ironically, they don't
handle sweat that well.
378
00:18:54,999 --> 00:18:56,883
They're very warm, though.
379
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:00,920
What's wrong?
380
00:19:00,988 --> 00:19:03,823
My new dog shatzi
needs an operation,
381
00:19:03,891 --> 00:19:06,225
and I can't afford it.
382
00:19:06,293 --> 00:19:09,328
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
383
00:19:09,396 --> 00:19:11,731
Turns out, all the stress
from working on the bomb squad
384
00:19:11,799 --> 00:19:13,066
weakened his heart,
385
00:19:13,133 --> 00:19:15,068
and now there's some
kind of valve ripping,
386
00:19:15,135 --> 00:19:16,803
and if he doesn't
get the operation,
387
00:19:16,870 --> 00:19:18,437
he's gonna be in so much pain,
388
00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:19,973
they're gonna put him down.
389
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:24,410
Well, he had a good run.
He...
390
00:19:24,612 --> 00:19:26,145
Had a full life.
391
00:19:26,213 --> 00:19:28,981
He's 4.
392
00:19:29,049 --> 00:19:32,118
Yeah, but that's 28
in human years.
393
00:19:32,185 --> 00:19:34,120
That's when I
started fallin' apart.
394
00:19:35,573 --> 00:19:38,257
And the sad thing is,
he doesn't even know it.
395
00:19:38,325 --> 00:19:41,661
You know, he's just
this sweet lovable guy
396
00:19:41,729 --> 00:19:44,531
who just wants to
kiss you and be with you.
397
00:19:44,598 --> 00:19:50,570
I mean, he spent his
entire life saving people.
398
00:19:50,638 --> 00:19:53,205
And now there's no one
there to save him.
399
00:19:55,543 --> 00:19:57,677
We gotta give
the money to Holly.
400
00:19:57,745 --> 00:19:59,729
What?! Why?!
401
00:19:59,796 --> 00:20:01,851
Because if we don't,
we're gonna spend
402
00:20:01,877 --> 00:20:03,825
eternity swimming
in a lake of fire.
403
00:20:07,554 --> 00:20:09,039
Both of us?
404
00:20:09,106 --> 00:20:10,973
Give me this.
405
00:20:27,708 --> 00:20:28,975
Hey... dad?
406
00:20:29,043 --> 00:20:30,509
What's up?
407
00:20:30,577 --> 00:20:31,811
Guess what.
408
00:20:31,879 --> 00:20:34,047
I won at bingo again.
409
00:20:34,114 --> 00:20:35,898
Really?
How much?
410
00:20:35,966 --> 00:20:37,483
11 bucks.
411
00:20:37,551 --> 00:20:39,819
Family meeting. Chop chop.
29421
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