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1
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:08,907
Captions paid for by abc, inc.
And 20th century fox television
2
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:13,812
No.
3
00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:14,880
No.
4
00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:17,983
W-w-wait. Go back. Go back.
5
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,117
No.
6
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:22,520
There's nothin' on.
Wanna rent a movie?
7
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:23,621
Sure.
8
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:25,858
Anything but "Mad max."
9
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:27,893
No.
10
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:29,261
We could go for ice cream.
11
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:31,541
Mm, I don't wanna go
Out lookin' like this.
12
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:32,698
Yeah. You're right.
13
00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:38,148
Hey, we could
Always fool around.
14
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:39,705
You feel like it?
15
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:40,740
No.
16
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,941
Me neither.
17
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:45,288
You know what?
I'm gonna go to bed.
18
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,011
Okay. See ya in a bit.
19
00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:53,685
Ha. "Teletubbies."
20
00:00:57,258 --> 00:01:00,259
Ooh, "Teletubbies."
21
00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:03,595
Winky's good in this one.
22
00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:09,301
Where's ashley?
23
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:10,336
She went to bed.
24
00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:12,731
Oh. I thought I
Heard a coffin close.
25
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:20,946
You know, this... This is weird.
26
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,347
Help me out here, pete.
27
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:24,682
Ever since ashley
Officially moved in,
28
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,084
We don't argue as much.
29
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,519
We've gotten sort of...
30
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:30,422
Comfortable, settled,
Totally at peace.
31
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:33,491
Do you remember how
She and I used to be?
32
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:37,262
Yeah... Loud, volatile,
Uncomfortable to be around.
33
00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:40,632
Yeah. That was good.
34
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:44,436
Now she... Now she just...
She's gotten so... Tranquil.
35
00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:48,373
I gotta put the fire back in
This relationship somehow.
36
00:01:49,642 --> 00:01:52,911
We could drug her and
Dump her body in mexico.
37
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,983
No.
38
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,871
Berg, I thought
You were taking me
39
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,973
To a romantic bed-and-breakfast.
40
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:12,042
Doesn't this seem
A little residential?
41
00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:14,800
Believe me, this is a great
Place to spice things up.
42
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,734
There's my baby boy!
43
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,705
I took you to my
Parents' house! Surprise!
44
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,543
Okay, look, whatever happens
Between you and my mom,
45
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,712
Just remember, I'm
The one to blame.
46
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,314
Sweetie!
47
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:31,049
Mom, hey!
48
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,584
Dad, how you doin'?
49
00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:35,587
I want to introduce you
To my girlfriend, ashley.
50
00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,234
Hi, it's really a
Pleasure to meet...
51
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,790
Just a minute, angie.
52
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,926
Let me look at you.
53
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:41,994
Hi, I'm phil.
54
00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,773
Hi, it's really
Nice to meet you.
55
00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:46,798
Mom, uh, say hi to ashley.
56
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:47,799
Hi, mrs. Bergen.
57
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,502
So, you're keeping
My son from me.
58
00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:53,104
Why is that?
59
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:57,809
We tried to come sooner,
But she wouldn't let me.
60
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:02,313
You know, you look like
That woman on television.
61
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,515
What's her name?
62
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:04,950
Oh. Mary tyler moore?
63
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,986
My, don't we have a high
Opinion of ourselves.
64
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,289
Well, no, it's just that
65
00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:14,259
A lot of people have
Commented on the resemblance.
66
00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:17,161
Well, they were just
Blowin' hot air up your ass.
67
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:22,567
I know. I know... The one
That yells at everybody...
68
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:23,602
Judge judy.
69
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,584
Come on now. Don't start, mom.
70
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,819
You're just gonna get
Ashley all mad at me,
71
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,243
And the next thing you
Know, we'll be fightin',
72
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:33,489
And nobody wants that.
73
00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:36,481
We are going to
Get along just fine.
74
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,116
Why don't we go in the house?
75
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:40,919
I am dying to find out
What my boy sees in you.
76
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,936
Why don't we save somethin'
To talk about during dinner?
77
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,037
Berg, is this your idea
78
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,672
Of spicing up
Our relationship...
79
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:51,741
Watching your mom
Tick me off all weekend?
80
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:52,931
No, no, no, no.
81
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,811
You just got off to a
Bumpy start, all right?
82
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:58,369
Hey, mom, did I tell you
Ashley's a republican?
83
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,712
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sharon,
Shouldn't you knock?
84
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,759
Ha ha ha ha. Since when?
85
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,551
Since I have the apartment
To myself this weekend,
86
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,253
And I might have a girl over.
87
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,321
Pete, you're folding laundry.
88
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,990
Yeah, well, maybe
She's into hiding
89
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,825
And watching me be tidy.
90
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,662
Oh, wait, sharon,
Tell me something...
91
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,463
What does this remind you of?
92
00:04:25,498 --> 00:04:27,266
Oh!
93
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:31,303
The time I got maced
At chippendales'?
94
00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:33,871
My company wants me
To come up with a name
95
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,574
For our new unisex cologne.
96
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,908
How about "Crowd control"?
97
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,112
So, where's berg?
98
00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:43,292
Oh, he took ashley
Away for the weekend.
99
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:45,183
You know, to spice things up.
100
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,418
Must be nice.
101
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,419
What?
102
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,855
What?
103
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,923
You sighed.
104
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,003
I did not sigh. I exhaled.
105
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,160
You exhaled with
Meaning. That's a sigh.
106
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,363
Is there problems
With you and johnny?
107
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:01,700
No.
108
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,735
There it is again.
109
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,948
I am breathing! I'm a mammal!
110
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,073
I can't believe
You won't tell me.
111
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:10,875
There are certain things you
And I should not talk about,
112
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:12,955
So please just mind
Your own business.
113
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,179
Okay, okay. But you know what?
114
00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:18,015
I'm not the person
Engaged to the guy...
115
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,550
Who drinks too much?
116
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:24,089
No!
117
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,925
Is he a klepto? 'cause
I'm missin' a pair of pants.
118
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,327
No!
119
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,429
Well, it can't be sex.
120
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,532
I knew it!
121
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:38,303
So, our little eagle scout
Is goin' for his freaky badge!
122
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:43,041
No. God, you couldn't be
Further from the truth.
123
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,510
If anything, johnny's
From the school
124
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,690
Of "You do one thing,
And you do it well."
125
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:50,148
What are you saying,
He's a one-trick pony?
126
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,703
It's a knee-wobbler.
Don't get me wrong.
127
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,854
I'm just sayin' that I feel like
128
00:05:56,890 --> 00:06:00,926
We're startin' to owe the
Missionary some commission.
129
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:04,229
Look, I mean, you know what?
It's nothin' to be ashamed of.
130
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,331
Maybe he doesn't
Know any better.
131
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,200
You know, we can't
All be students
132
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:10,869
Of the "Kama sutra."
133
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:14,306
Ew.
134
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,776
You still have that book?
135
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:21,612
You think it's embarrassing
Checking it out of the library?
136
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,982
Try returning it
Four years overdue.
137
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:25,683
Hand me that pillow.
138
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,124
For easy reference.
139
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,305
Maybe you should
Show this to johnny.
140
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:37,406
Are you crazy?!
141
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:38,997
I don't want johnny to think
142
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,967
I'm the kind of girl that
Would do that stuff!
143
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:42,768
But you are.
144
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:43,702
Well, yeah!
145
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,071
Well, sharon...
146
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:47,472
Just forget I said anything.
147
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:49,886
Don't mention anything
About this to johnny.
148
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,142
Like I'm gonna.
149
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:53,678
Don't you think that would
Put me in an awkward position?
150
00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:56,648
Well, I wouldn't know
About awkward positions.
151
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,319
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
152
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:02,431
Touchdown!
153
00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:03,488
Oh! I am tellin' you,
154
00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:06,224
Boston college is
Goin' to a bowl this year.
155
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,260
I wouldn't doubt it. Tim
Hasselbeck can move.
156
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,761
Man!
157
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:13,431
I bet he knows over 40 ways
To make love to a woman!
158
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:17,969
I never really thought about it.
159
00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:19,737
Hey, can I get you a beer?
160
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,205
Yeah, sure. Sure.
161
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,307
Hey, johnny...
162
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:26,278
Did you know the tiny
Island nation of tonga
163
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:31,917
Has five nfl players,
Yet all of india none?
164
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,518
I think it's because
165
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:36,454
They know over
300 sexual positions.
166
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,761
I guess you're right, pete.
167
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:50,368
Are you wearing perfume?
168
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:52,703
No!
169
00:07:54,474 --> 00:08:00,145
But if I were... What
Would you call it?
170
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:03,181
Creepy.
171
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:11,489
Oh. Hey. What is... What the...
172
00:08:11,524 --> 00:08:14,826
Hey! Look at that!
173
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,193
The "Kama sutra." huh.
174
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,708
Not only does this book
Make a handy coaster,
175
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:21,899
It's also an illustrated guide
To pleasuring your partner
176
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:24,135
In ways you could never imagine.
177
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,174
Are you hitting on me?
178
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:31,976
No!
179
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:34,379
No, no, no.
180
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:35,425
Johnny, no.
181
00:08:35,449 --> 00:08:37,014
I'm just sayin' that
182
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:41,252
If I was gonna spend the rest
Of my life with one person,
183
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:44,556
I'd wanna know different
Ways of, you know,
184
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,591
Runnin' the old offense.
185
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:48,560
Pete, I don't want
To talk to you
186
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:51,495
About sharon and me doin' it.
187
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:55,000
See, look what you made me say.
188
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,902
Johnny, there is no shame
In askin' sharon to try
189
00:08:57,937 --> 00:09:00,872
The old "Cobra in the
Hen's mouth" position.
190
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:06,878
You don't... No.
191
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:09,058
You don't bring up
Kinky stuff like that.
192
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:12,217
If she thinks it's weird, then
For the rest of our marriage,
193
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:16,187
I'm known as the...
Pervo cobra man.
194
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,426
Wait a minute.
195
00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:24,696
Did... Did sharon talk
To you about any of this?
196
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,664
What?! No! No! God!
197
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:30,134
Look, johnny, sharon
Would never talk to me
198
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,603
About your sexual problems.
199
00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:34,973
I didn't say "Problems."
200
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:40,277
I can't believe you
Called my mother a shrew.
201
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:42,013
She is!
202
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:45,016
After dinner, she told me she
Always counts the silverware,
203
00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:47,819
So if I wanted to return
Anything, now's the time.
204
00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,131
She didn't want you
To be embarrassed.
205
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:51,323
Berg, I didn't take anything!
206
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,858
You crossed the
Line. She's my mother!
207
00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:55,638
You're supposed to take my side.
208
00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:57,239
Or maybe you
Don't have the guts.
209
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,631
This is a really
Ugly side of you.
210
00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:02,233
Well, at least I'm
Not a mama's boy.
211
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,903
You know what? Stop that!
You say that word one more...
212
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,216
What are you gonna do,
Run and tell your mommy?
213
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,074
Hey, I don't need my mommy
214
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,909
To tell me that
I'm dating a nut job!
215
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:13,745
Quit that.
216
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,013
Make me.
217
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,528
I am sorry I ever even met you!
218
00:10:16,581 --> 00:10:17,349
Me too!
219
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:18,650
Where you goin'?
220
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:20,863
To put on my
See-through nightie,
221
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:23,488
And you better be
Ready when I get back!
222
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:28,126
And the flame is lit.
223
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:35,233
Wow.
224
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:38,136
Ashley's really
Somethin' special.
225
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,337
She sure is.
226
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:41,372
Look, uh, don't tell mom,
227
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:45,576
But ashley didn't sleep in
The guest room last night.
228
00:10:45,611 --> 00:10:47,178
She slept with me.
229
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:50,148
After all that noise, I was
Hoping that was the case.
230
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:53,451
You know, ashley
Really teed off your mom.
231
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:56,187
She ended up
Takin' it out on me.
232
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:57,399
Oh, I'm sorry.
233
00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:58,389
Don't be.
234
00:10:58,424 --> 00:10:59,758
We haven't fought like that
235
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,726
Since the night
You were conceived.
236
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,762
♪ la la la la la ♪
237
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:07,431
Good morning... Tiger.
238
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:08,667
Grrrrr.
239
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,334
Hiya, baby.
240
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,169
Good morning, mikey.
241
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:18,309
Ho! That was too easy.
242
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,278
But then again,
243
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,914
I guess the girl in the
Mascot suit never gets to play.
244
00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:26,896
Okay, you wanna
Play a little horse?
245
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,163
Or wait a minute, sorry.
246
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:30,468
Have you had your
Morning can of ensure?
247
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,194
Oh, she's really
Mad. This is great.
248
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,562
I was hopin' to get
In one more fight
249
00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:40,031
Before you kids left.
250
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:42,800
Oh, man, you sound
Exactly like ashley and me.
251
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:46,470
See, we get very, uh,
Passionate when we're fighting.
252
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:49,907
We wouldn't have
Your older brother
253
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:51,442
If I hadn't told your mother
254
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:54,712
To get her ass in the kitchen
And rustle me up some dinner.
255
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,249
Sweet story, dad.
256
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:01,952
Ho! Ha ha ha!
257
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:04,956
Did you see that? I
Didn't even warm up.
258
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:06,891
You can quit now, if you'd like.
259
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:09,004
No, no, I really like
Your shooting style.
260
00:12:09,028 --> 00:12:12,096
It reminds me of newsreels
We used to watch in p.E. Class.
261
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:21,906
Oh, look, one of us has an "H."
262
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:23,141
Ha ha!
263
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:25,876
Nike does a couple
Commercials for women,
264
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,723
And every floozy
With a sports bra
265
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,146
Thinks she can play ball.
266
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:32,016
Take another turn.
267
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,252
Just shoot the damn ball.
268
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,088
Yeah, shoot the
Damn ball, you old bag.
269
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:42,827
So, uh, dad, how do you
Guys keep the fighting fresh
270
00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:44,729
After all these years?
271
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,731
We don't fight all that much.
272
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,099
You don't?
273
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:51,168
W-what do you do when
You're not fighting?
274
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,238
I mean, don't you get bored?
275
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,305
No, no.
276
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,473
As a matter of
Fact, last tuesday,
277
00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:58,176
We went down to the parkers'.
278
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,945
They have a sunflower
The size of a hubcap.
279
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,113
Had a great time.
280
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:08,319
Listen, son, I don't know
About you and ashley,
281
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:10,788
But my best times
With your mother
282
00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:12,524
Are the quiet moments.
283
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:13,958
Then why do you...
284
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:16,728
Why are you tryin'
To keep mom mad?
285
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:21,632
Well, I don't always
Wanna make sweet love.
286
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,139
I'm just remembering
287
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:32,276
Why we stopped having
Those father-son talks.
288
00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:36,314
Your turn.
289
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:39,317
Is that as hard as you
Can throw the ball?
290
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,119
No, no. I was just
Takin' it easy on you
291
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,455
Because I know how
Brittle your bones must be.
292
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,634
Ha ha ha ha.
293
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,924
You know what?
294
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,993
You remind me of
Me when I was 40.
295
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:54,299
I'm sure you need to be
Reminded about a lot at your age.
296
00:13:58,037 --> 00:13:59,582
Mrs. Bergen, are you all right?
297
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:00,571
Ow.
298
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:01,973
Mrs. Bergen?
299
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,641
You're okay.
300
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,511
Ashley, I'll start
Packing. You just run.
301
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:09,447
She doesn't have
To go. I had it coming.
302
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:11,716
Wait a minute. She threw
That ball pretty hard.
303
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:12,884
Dad!
304
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:14,352
She's a fighter.
305
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:17,255
And you need a woman like that.
306
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,557
Let me see if your
Nose is broken.
307
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:20,558
Thank you.
308
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:21,959
And you know what?
309
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:24,173
You do look a little
Like mary tyler moore...
310
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:27,164
"Ordinary people" mary
Tyler moore, but still...
311
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,577
Excitement! Excite! Exciting!
312
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:43,648
Exercise! Examen!
Ex... Existential!
313
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:44,649
Ooh.
314
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:47,351
What's that scent
You're wearing?
315
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:50,788
Who cares? Existential.
316
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,735
Tell him! Tell him
I did not ask you
317
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,637
To talk to him
About our sex life.
318
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,505
Didn't we talk about knocking?
319
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:57,539
Oh, god, I'm sorry.
320
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,408
Knock, knock, knock. Hello!
321
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,266
All right, come in.
322
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:03,368
Tell him!
323
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,602
That's true.
324
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,315
She didn't ask
Me to talk to you.
325
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:09,039
See? Well, I've
Moved on. Let's go.
326
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:10,341
W-wait a minute.
327
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:12,877
Then why did watching football
328
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:16,080
Suddenly become the talk I
Never had with my father?!
329
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:19,717
What is so strange about two
Grown men watching football
330
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,820
Talking about eastern
Lovemaking techniques?!
331
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,154
You're right.
332
00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:26,990
Why don't you go discuss
It with some longshoremen?
333
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:29,593
Oh, bring a little
Jar for your teeth.
334
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:30,595
Yeah, a jar.
335
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:35,300
I was just offering some advice.
336
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,179
Well, we don't need your advice.
337
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,804
What sharon and I do in
Our bedroom in the dark
338
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,373
After ted koppel is
Pretty darn special.
339
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:43,374
Yeah.
340
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:44,475
Okay.
341
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,210
Darn special.
342
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:47,211
Okay.
343
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,947
What's goin' on here?
344
00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:55,953
Sharon, did you
Discuss this with pete?
345
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:58,523
I cannot believe
No, no, no. Okay.
346
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,302
But I did not tell
Him to talk to you.
347
00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:01,570
You gotta believe me.
348
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,505
I betrayed your
Trust in confidence.
349
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:05,396
Can I interject?
350
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:06,508
No! No!
351
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:07,798
Will you do us a favor?
352
00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:10,267
For once, can you stay
Out of our business?
353
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,447
Stay out of our business.
354
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,870
Fine!
355
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:15,606
You don't have to hit pete
Dunville over the head!
356
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,075
Sharon?
357
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,142
Yeah?
358
00:16:18,177 --> 00:16:20,778
Do you really have a problem
359
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,313
With what we do?
360
00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:24,348
No, baby. I love what we do.
361
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:25,383
It's great.
362
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,686
We've gotten really good at it.
363
00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:31,723
If anything, I think we
Pretty much perfected it.
364
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:36,694
So, you're saying you
Wanna try other stuff?
365
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:39,764
I don't know. Do you?
366
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:45,970
If I said I did, would
You think I was a pervo?
367
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:51,108
Not if you won't think I'm one
For wanting you to say yes.
368
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:55,780
So, are we gonna?
369
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,715
Why not?
370
00:16:58,751 --> 00:16:59,716
Where do we start?
371
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:00,885
I don't know.
372
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:04,155
Pete: page 11! And
You're welcome!
373
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:11,807
I had a great time.
374
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,909
We should send
Your mom something.
375
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:15,600
Yeah, how about one of those
376
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:19,069
Ftd "Sorry I smashed
Your face" bouquets?
377
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:23,241
For a weekend that started
Out as a total disaster,
378
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,976
It was really fun.
379
00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:29,546
I especially liked it when
We were all doin' the puzzle,
380
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,027
And my dad said,
"This is puzzling."
381
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,185
Ha!
382
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:37,921
And we all laughed.
383
00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:44,996
Ashley, let me
Ask you something.
384
00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:46,631
Are you happy?
385
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,066
Yeah. Why?
386
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:51,502
Well, it's just that I
Was, uh, talkin' to my dad,
387
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:55,239
And he was saying that the
Best times in a relationship
388
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:57,742
Should be in the quiet moments.
389
00:17:57,777 --> 00:18:00,155
He's right... Like
The other night.
390
00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:01,879
I had a really nice time.
391
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:05,616
We were sittin' around,
Flippin' through the channels.
392
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:06,617
Yes, yes!
393
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:08,152
And I was thinkin' next week,
394
00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:11,355
We could go in the kitchen
And watch the toaster.
395
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,861
Is something wrong?
396
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:19,063
Well, maybe it's just me,
397
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:22,266
But it seems like
our relationship
398
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:26,370
Is only really interesting
When there's drama.
399
00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:28,473
That's not true.
400
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,374
Well, maybe it's just me again,
401
00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:33,310
But, uh, it seemed
To be more exciting
402
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:36,146
When you hated
Me, and I chased you.
403
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:39,450
And then, I hated you,
And you chased me.
404
00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:41,886
And now, we're living together,
405
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:44,355
And even my mom likes you.
406
00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:46,724
Where's the fun in that?
407
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:50,094
Well, gosh, berg, you could
Put on a mountie costume,
408
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:53,097
And I could tie myself
To the railroad tracks.
409
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,766
Would that be dramatic
Enough for you?
410
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,679
You're not understanding
What I'm tryin' to say.
411
00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:59,637
No, berg, I think I
Understand you quite well.
412
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:02,240
What you're saying
Is you like fighting.
413
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:04,742
You like it when
We're at each other.
414
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,978
I do.
415
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,146
I do.
416
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:10,222
I did.
417
00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:12,750
Look, I don't want that anymore.
418
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:15,353
Then what do you want?
419
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:18,022
I want what my parents have.
420
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:19,690
Yeah, and what's that?
421
00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:22,827
I wanna be happy in
The quiet moments.
422
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,829
Yeah, well, so do I. So
What is the problem?
423
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,668
I'm not happy.
424
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,620
What are you
Doin'? I am leaving.
425
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:39,821
Don't do that.
426
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:41,679
Berg, what is the point?
427
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,780
So you can sit there
With me and be unhappy?
428
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,317
Enjoy the quiet moments.
429
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,153
You'll have a lot of
Them... All to yourself.
430
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,721
Ash, come on!
431
00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:54,625
You d... God!
432
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:06,136
I sublet my apartment.
I have nowhere to go.
433
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,290
What the hell is goin' on?
434
00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:29,193
Ashley and I just broke up.
435
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,895
I'm sorry, man.
436
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:36,434
Hey, can I ask you somethin'?
437
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,369
Yeah.
438
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:42,305
How long do you need
Before I start celebrating?
439
00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:56,287
Morning dew.
440
00:20:56,322 --> 00:21:00,291
Mountain mist.
441
00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:03,027
Ooh, ooh. Mountain
Dew! Mountain dew!
442
00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:15,272
In... Innocence.
443
00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:18,442
Tran... Tranquility.
444
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:23,014
Ser... Serenity.
445
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:29,220
Toxic!
30990
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