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1
00:00:02,518 --> 00:00:03,985
Tell me about it.
2
00:00:03,987 --> 00:00:05,720
Oh, for sure. For sure.
3
00:00:05,722 --> 00:00:07,321
Perf. It's a date.
4
00:00:07,323 --> 00:00:08,923
[CELLPHONE BEEPS, THUDS]
5
00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:10,258
Bad news, guys.
6
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,325
Here we go.
7
00:00:11,327 --> 00:00:12,527
I'm serious, Hayley!
8
00:00:12,529 --> 00:00:14,196
I'm all torn up over here!
9
00:00:14,198 --> 00:00:16,064
I have bad news...
10
00:00:16,066 --> 00:00:17,599
for my haters!
11
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:21,469
Because Danuta is giving
your boy Klaus another shot!
12
00:00:21,471 --> 00:00:23,671
Isn't Danuta dating
someone better than you?
13
00:00:23,673 --> 00:00:27,275
She was! But he was hit by a train.
14
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:28,277
Hayley?
15
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:29,944
Fine.
16
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:32,480
Danuta has entered the small,
glorious window
17
00:00:32,482 --> 00:00:35,417
I like to call "the rebound zone."
18
00:00:35,419 --> 00:00:37,018
But your personality, Klaus.
19
00:00:37,020 --> 00:00:38,086
It's so bad.
20
00:00:38,088 --> 00:00:39,754
[CHUCKLES] Way ahead of you, Hayley.
21
00:00:39,756 --> 00:00:42,490
In the rebound zone, cash is king.
22
00:00:42,492 --> 00:00:43,825
The first suitor to impress Danuta
23
00:00:43,827 --> 00:00:46,961
with a grand display of
wealth will win her heart.
24
00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:48,430
Attention, everyone.
25
00:00:48,432 --> 00:00:49,697
It's crunk night at the club,
26
00:00:49,699 --> 00:00:50,765
and I don't want to look stupid.
27
00:00:50,767 --> 00:00:52,166
Now, which one of these chains
28
00:00:52,168 --> 00:00:53,367
screams "Atlanta?"
29
00:00:53,369 --> 00:00:56,238
"A" for Atlanta, or 7 for Michael Vick?
30
00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:57,571
The club?
31
00:00:57,573 --> 00:01:00,108
Stan, this is the third time this week.
32
00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:01,576
[GROANS]
33
00:01:01,578 --> 00:01:03,978
This is how men blow off steam,
Francine.
34
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:06,448
They go to the club,
order bottle service, and dance.
35
00:01:06,450 --> 00:01:08,116
I shouldn't have to explain this.
36
00:01:08,118 --> 00:01:09,251
It's caveman shit.
37
00:01:09,253 --> 00:01:11,653
Women like to dance, too!
38
00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:12,720
Do they, though?
39
00:01:12,722 --> 00:01:13,722
Yes!
40
00:01:13,723 --> 00:01:16,057
I've asked you to take
me dancing for years!
41
00:01:16,059 --> 00:01:17,992
I want to spend time with you!
42
00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:20,929
Oh, my God.
We literally just went to Target.
43
00:01:20,931 --> 00:01:22,330
We bought me these socks.
44
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:24,666
I rode in the car with
you the whole way back.
45
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:25,934
[GROANS]
46
00:01:25,936 --> 00:01:28,470
There's a difference
between buying socks
47
00:01:28,472 --> 00:01:30,805
and being connected.
48
00:01:30,807 --> 00:01:31,873
Is there, though?
49
00:01:31,875 --> 00:01:34,608
♪♪
50
00:01:34,610 --> 00:01:37,214
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
51
00:01:37,249 --> 00:01:40,214
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
52
00:01:40,216 --> 00:01:43,151
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
53
00:01:43,153 --> 00:01:47,355
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
54
00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:52,426
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
55
00:01:52,428 --> 00:01:55,096
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
56
00:01:55,098 --> 00:01:56,131
Aah!
57
00:01:57,433 --> 00:02:00,368
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
58
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,837
♪♪
59
00:02:02,839 --> 00:02:04,473
[DOORBELL RINGS]
60
00:02:06,843 --> 00:02:08,109
What the hell do you want?
61
00:02:08,111 --> 00:02:10,044
My name is Henderson.
62
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:11,646
Okay.
63
00:02:11,648 --> 00:02:12,847
Uh, y-you don't know me,
64
00:02:12,849 --> 00:02:15,049
but I was an acquaintance of Jack Smith.
65
00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:16,518
Your husband's father.
66
00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,586
Jack's dead. Bye.
67
00:02:18,588 --> 00:02:20,989
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
68
00:02:20,991 --> 00:02:23,591
I know about Jack's death.
69
00:02:23,593 --> 00:02:27,729
I would have come sooner,
but I live in Arizona now.
70
00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:28,997
Cool?
71
00:02:28,999 --> 00:02:31,799
I also knew Jack's little boy, Stan.
72
00:02:31,801 --> 00:02:34,268
I'm sorry. Shithead, is it?
73
00:02:34,270 --> 00:02:35,670
Henderson.
74
00:02:35,672 --> 00:02:37,071
Jack is dead,
75
00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:40,208
and Stan is all grown
up with an angry wife.
76
00:02:40,210 --> 00:02:43,211
You'll have to pay your
respects some other time.
77
00:02:43,213 --> 00:02:44,145
[GUN CLICKS]
78
00:02:44,147 --> 00:02:45,747
I think we have a misunderstanding.
79
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,015
I'm not here to pay respects.
80
00:02:47,017 --> 00:02:48,550
I'm here to collect a debt.
81
00:02:48,552 --> 00:02:50,885
Sit on that sofa and don't move!
82
00:02:50,887 --> 00:02:53,688
It's story time.
83
00:02:53,690 --> 00:02:55,957
Year was 1988.
84
00:02:55,959 --> 00:02:58,226
Now, without computers and smartphones,
85
00:02:58,228 --> 00:03:01,029
bad fathers watched
porn in the living room.
86
00:03:01,031 --> 00:03:02,697
[WOMAN MOANING, WHIP CRACKS,
HORSE WHINNIES]
87
00:03:02,699 --> 00:03:04,832
I learned so much in school today!
88
00:03:04,834 --> 00:03:07,369
Get this... the sun is a star!
89
00:03:07,371 --> 00:03:08,837
Enough with the questions.
90
00:03:08,839 --> 00:03:11,573
Can't you bore that pen
pal I set you up with?
91
00:03:11,575 --> 00:03:13,441
They hanged him on Christmas.
92
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,910
HENDERSON: [CHUCKLES]
Nobody hated being a dad
93
00:03:15,912 --> 00:03:18,046
more than Jack Smith.
94
00:03:18,048 --> 00:03:20,482
[INDISTINCT CHATTER, MUSIC PLAYING]
95
00:03:23,187 --> 00:03:24,853
Are you here to tuck me in?
96
00:03:24,855 --> 00:03:27,456
Get an imaginary friend to tuck you in.
97
00:03:28,925 --> 00:03:31,393
It's quaalude time, people!
98
00:03:31,395 --> 00:03:35,930
Stan felt like the loneliest
boy in the whole world.
99
00:03:35,932 --> 00:03:39,601
God, will you send me
an imaginary friend?
100
00:03:40,737 --> 00:03:43,872
And that's when I fell into Stan's life.
101
00:03:43,874 --> 00:03:47,075
Dad, I did it!
I made an imaginary friend!
102
00:03:47,077 --> 00:03:48,476
He fell from heaven!
103
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:51,546
And Jack realized his prayers
had been answered, too.
104
00:03:51,548 --> 00:03:54,816
He never had to spend
time with his son again.
105
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:59,821
From that day on, he paid me
to be Stan's imaginary friend.
106
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:02,424
Arrgh! Methinks Captain Blackbeard's
107
00:04:02,426 --> 00:04:04,492
treasure be 'round here somewhere!
108
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,429
Yarr! I'll watch some TV,
109
00:04:07,431 --> 00:04:11,165
in case they hide treasure
clues in the shows.
110
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:14,502
On which channel be "Donahue?"
111
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,438
41. 42.
112
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,906
What do you mean you skipped town?
113
00:04:18,908 --> 00:04:20,575
What about my money, Jack?
114
00:04:20,577 --> 00:04:22,977
- [LINE DISCONNECTS]
- Ready or not, here I come.
115
00:04:22,979 --> 00:04:24,112
I ain't hidden yet!
116
00:04:24,114 --> 00:04:25,847
Count to 3,000!
117
00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,849
Okay!
118
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:30,184
51. 52.
119
00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:31,319
- [THUD]
- 53...
120
00:04:31,321 --> 00:04:34,722
Jack took off and stiffed me 300 bucks,
121
00:04:34,724 --> 00:04:36,524
so I ditched Stan, too.
122
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:39,060
Took a methamphetamine gig in Arizona.
123
00:04:39,062 --> 00:04:41,062
Oh, my god!
124
00:04:41,064 --> 00:04:43,331
You and Jack are monsters!
125
00:04:43,333 --> 00:04:44,866
If Stan ever found out...
126
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,468
He'd be crushed.
127
00:04:46,470 --> 00:04:48,202
Which is why you're gonna cough up
128
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:50,672
the 300 clams Jack owed me.
129
00:04:50,674 --> 00:04:52,206
You're despicable.
130
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:56,611
I can't believe you
manipulated a kid like that.
131
00:04:56,613 --> 00:04:58,947
Whoa, $500! Thanks.
132
00:04:58,949 --> 00:05:00,748
Don't thank me, scumbag.
133
00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:02,016
I'm hiring you.
134
00:05:02,018 --> 00:05:04,886
You are gonna convince
Stan to take me dancing.
135
00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:07,155
Don't mind me.
Just passing through. Huge plans.
136
00:05:07,157 --> 00:05:10,424
Whoa, dude. You are haggard.
137
00:05:10,426 --> 00:05:12,360
So haggard.
138
00:05:12,362 --> 00:05:15,630
So-o-o-o haggard.
139
00:05:15,632 --> 00:05:17,566
I'm off.
140
00:05:18,542 --> 00:05:20,570
_
141
00:05:20,871 --> 00:05:23,071
These fishbowls are so cheap-looking.
142
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:25,673
How am I supposed to impress Danuta?
143
00:05:25,675 --> 00:05:27,541
- I already told you...
- That one.
144
00:05:27,543 --> 00:05:29,211
Look at the glasswork.
145
00:05:29,213 --> 00:05:31,879
Please tell me it
costs less than the $30
146
00:05:31,881 --> 00:05:34,015
I have in my flex spending account.
147
00:05:34,017 --> 00:05:35,683
Not even close.
148
00:05:35,685 --> 00:05:38,220
[SIGHS] I'm gonna call
Danuta and cancel our date.
149
00:05:38,222 --> 00:05:39,887
Forget about her.
150
00:05:39,889 --> 00:05:43,225
In fact, let's forget about everything.
151
00:05:43,227 --> 00:05:45,293
Sick bong, Jeff.
152
00:05:45,295 --> 00:05:47,561
Thanks. I made it myself.
153
00:05:47,563 --> 00:05:49,297
I've been dabbling in glassblowing.
154
00:05:49,299 --> 00:05:52,234
Jeff, do you realize what this means?
155
00:05:52,236 --> 00:05:53,701
- You could blow me...
- Ha!
156
00:05:53,703 --> 00:05:56,170
...a fishbowl for my date.
157
00:05:56,172 --> 00:05:57,172
Grow up.
158
00:05:57,173 --> 00:05:58,506
[MUFFLED CLUB MUSIC PLAYING]
159
00:05:58,508 --> 00:06:00,041
♪ I'd kill for you ♪
160
00:06:00,043 --> 00:06:01,709
♪ Without no drill ♪
161
00:06:01,711 --> 00:06:03,445
♪ Yeah, I'd kill for you ♪
162
00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:05,513
What you drinking, stud?
163
00:06:05,515 --> 00:06:07,381
I'm just here to dance with my friends.
164
00:06:07,383 --> 00:06:10,485
Then why are you dressed like a slut?
165
00:06:11,587 --> 00:06:14,722
Whatever. You're fat, anyways.
166
00:06:14,724 --> 00:06:17,659
Don't listen to her.
You've had two kids!
167
00:06:17,661 --> 00:06:19,060
You look amazing!
168
00:06:19,062 --> 00:06:20,328
I should get out of here.
169
00:06:20,330 --> 00:06:22,664
Francine's taken the fun out of dancing.
170
00:06:22,666 --> 00:06:26,268
- ["GET LOW" BY LIL' JON PLAYS]
- Wait, this is my song!
171
00:06:26,270 --> 00:06:29,337
This! Is! My! Song!
172
00:06:29,339 --> 00:06:31,873
♪ Get low, get low, get low ♪
173
00:06:31,875 --> 00:06:33,475
♪ Get low, get low ♪
174
00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:34,676
♪ To the window! ♪
175
00:06:34,678 --> 00:06:36,744
- [URINATING]
- Ahh, tonight was great.
176
00:06:36,746 --> 00:06:39,213
I'm peeing so much, Smith!
177
00:06:39,215 --> 00:06:40,815
Francine and I, ugh.
178
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:43,417
- [ZIPPER ZIPS]
- Smith, I have some advice.
179
00:06:43,419 --> 00:06:47,021
My true religions are
absolutely drenched in piss.
180
00:06:47,023 --> 00:06:49,157
See you at work!
181
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,759
[LAUGHS]
182
00:06:51,761 --> 00:06:52,827
HENDERSON: Hey, Blackbeard.
183
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,362
[ZIPPER ZIPS]
184
00:06:54,364 --> 00:06:55,964
Henderson?
185
00:06:55,966 --> 00:06:57,565
It can't be.
186
00:06:57,567 --> 00:07:00,101
My long-lost imaginary friend!
187
00:07:00,103 --> 00:07:01,836
You came back to me!
188
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,838
Are you ladies done with the wall?
189
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,540
I need to take a dump.
190
00:07:09,212 --> 00:07:10,946
I never forgot about you, Henderson.
191
00:07:10,948 --> 00:07:13,080
I missed you so much!
192
00:07:13,082 --> 00:07:16,351
But why would an imaginary
friend get so old
193
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,619
and sad-looking?
194
00:07:17,621 --> 00:07:21,088
'Cause of all the
imaginary drugs I've done.
195
00:07:21,090 --> 00:07:22,090
Ah.
196
00:07:22,091 --> 00:07:24,960
Stan, you're finally
using the tree house,
197
00:07:24,962 --> 00:07:28,563
all alone, but I brought you two beers,
198
00:07:28,565 --> 00:07:30,898
because beers are good.
199
00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:33,034
Oh, God. She's so annoying.
200
00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:34,302
I'll get rid of her.
201
00:07:34,304 --> 00:07:36,437
[YAWNS] Wow, look at the time.
202
00:07:36,439 --> 00:07:38,840
Better stop jerking off
alone in my tree house
203
00:07:38,842 --> 00:07:40,441
while there's still daylight.
204
00:07:40,443 --> 00:07:42,777
- Nice.
- Okay.
205
00:07:42,779 --> 00:07:46,714
Guess I should
boogie-oogie-oogie back inside,
206
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:50,451
'cause I love dancing.
207
00:07:50,453 --> 00:07:52,787
[AS FRANCINE]
"You're finally using the tree house."
208
00:07:52,789 --> 00:07:54,322
[NORMAL VOICE] Come on, dude.
209
00:07:54,324 --> 00:07:55,390
Don't come in here with that when
210
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,124
you're obviously checking up on me.
211
00:07:57,126 --> 00:07:59,394
Mm! Whadda-hella-dis?
212
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:02,597
There's only one candy corn
for every two pretzels!
213
00:08:02,599 --> 00:08:03,731
Forget this.
214
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:06,067
You don't deserve a woman like her.
215
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,735
So long, Stan.
216
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,271
Wait. If you're saying that,
217
00:08:10,273 --> 00:08:13,008
it means I think I don't deserve her.
218
00:08:13,010 --> 00:08:14,141
How do I keep her?
219
00:08:14,143 --> 00:08:16,211
Take your wife dancing!
220
00:08:16,213 --> 00:08:18,479
Dancing? With my wife?
221
00:08:18,481 --> 00:08:20,348
Oh, there's got to be a plan B. Aah!
222
00:08:20,350 --> 00:08:22,283
When you were 8 years old,
you had nothing.
223
00:08:22,285 --> 00:08:23,951
Look at your life now, dummy.
224
00:08:23,953 --> 00:08:25,887
You got a beautiful wife, okay kids,
225
00:08:25,889 --> 00:08:27,889
and you're gonna give
it all up for what?
226
00:08:27,891 --> 00:08:30,958
To jerk it in a tree house
all alone until you die?
227
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,428
I mean, doesn't sound that bad.
228
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:36,564
For an imaginary friend,
you sure pack a wallop.
229
00:08:36,566 --> 00:08:37,699
FRANCINE: It's true.
230
00:08:37,701 --> 00:08:40,835
Henderson did pack a wallop,
but it worked.
231
00:08:40,837 --> 00:08:42,437
Stan took me dancing.
232
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,772
ROGER: Francine, what are you
doing in the voiceover booth?
233
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,107
I've got this booked
to record a commercial
234
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,642
for Brockton jock straps...
235
00:08:47,644 --> 00:08:50,512
"the only jock strap with
extra fabric to cover
236
00:08:50,514 --> 00:08:52,914
your whole, horrible ass."
237
00:08:54,184 --> 00:08:56,852
Okay, I locked in a rezzie
at Ruby Tuesday's.
238
00:08:56,854 --> 00:08:59,320
You gotta make me the perfect fishbowl.
239
00:08:59,322 --> 00:09:01,856
We're talking three dragons minimum.
240
00:09:01,858 --> 00:09:03,258
I got this, Klaus.
241
00:09:03,260 --> 00:09:04,592
Stand back.
242
00:09:04,594 --> 00:09:07,062
It's about to get toasty.
243
00:09:07,064 --> 00:09:08,796
♪ It's getting hot in here ♪
244
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,197
♪ So hot ♪
245
00:09:10,199 --> 00:09:11,599
♪ So take off all your clothes ♪
246
00:09:11,601 --> 00:09:13,268
♪ I am getting so hot ♪
247
00:09:13,270 --> 00:09:15,403
♪ I want to take my clothes off ♪
248
00:09:15,405 --> 00:09:17,939
- ♪ It's getting hot in here ♪
- ♪ So hot ♪
249
00:09:17,941 --> 00:09:19,607
♪ So take off all your clothes ♪
250
00:09:19,609 --> 00:09:21,943
♪ I am getting so hot ♪
251
00:09:21,945 --> 00:09:24,412
♪ I want to take my clothes off ♪
252
00:09:24,414 --> 00:09:26,281
♪ Why you at the bar if you
ain't poppin' the bottles? ♪
253
00:09:26,283 --> 00:09:28,416
♪ What good is all the fame if...
the models? ♪
254
00:09:28,418 --> 00:09:30,351
♪ I see you drivin' sports cars,
ain't hittin' the throttle ♪
255
00:09:30,353 --> 00:09:32,554
♪ And I'll be down to do
100 with a little bit of ♪
256
00:09:32,556 --> 00:09:33,955
- ♪ And a sprinkle of that ♪
- ♪ Ah, ah ♪
257
00:09:33,957 --> 00:09:35,490
♪ Let it just fall out ♪
258
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:37,024
♪ I like it when you ah, ah ♪
259
00:09:37,026 --> 00:09:38,826
- ♪ Girl, baby, make it ♪
- ♪ Ah, ah ♪
260
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,161
♪ Oh! ♪
261
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:42,163
The hell is with these dragons?
262
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:45,366
I'm not trying to bang
George R.R. Martin over here!
263
00:09:45,368 --> 00:09:48,035
I need this to be a panty-melter,
bro-ham.
264
00:09:48,037 --> 00:09:49,637
Do it again!
265
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,240
Tonight was magical, my love.
266
00:09:53,242 --> 00:09:55,510
I feel like Cinderella.
267
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,845
You look like Cinderella, too.
268
00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,180
Like in your face.
269
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,648
[MOANING]
270
00:10:00,650 --> 00:10:02,717
I worked up a sweat,
and I need to run my balls
271
00:10:02,719 --> 00:10:05,120
under the sink,
then let's make sweet love.
272
00:10:05,122 --> 00:10:07,188
Clean balls!
273
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:10,425
Now I know I'm in a fairytale.
274
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,529
[HUMMING]
275
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,598
HENDERSON: How was dancing?
276
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:17,933
[GASPS] Henderson!
277
00:10:17,935 --> 00:10:19,867
What are you doing in my bathroom?
278
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:20,936
Eating an apple.
279
00:10:20,938 --> 00:10:23,671
I mean why are you doing in my bathroom?
280
00:10:23,673 --> 00:10:25,607
Waiting for my next assignment.
281
00:10:25,609 --> 00:10:28,343
- And payment.
- There is no next assignment!
282
00:10:28,345 --> 00:10:30,411
Our business arrangement is over.
283
00:10:30,413 --> 00:10:33,014
Marriage rekindled!
Mission accomplished!
284
00:10:33,016 --> 00:10:36,952
Then I guess I should tell
Stan everything and crush him.
285
00:10:36,954 --> 00:10:39,354
It'll probably end your marriage.
286
00:10:39,356 --> 00:10:40,822
[GASPS]
287
00:10:40,824 --> 00:10:41,923
[DOOR SLAMS]
288
00:10:42,519 --> 00:10:43,691
Francine?
289
00:10:43,693 --> 00:10:45,961
I think you're gonna like this!
290
00:10:45,963 --> 00:10:48,563
- Guess what I am?
- I need to come clean.
291
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:49,697
Guess, Francine.
292
00:10:49,699 --> 00:10:51,098
Sex gargoyle?
293
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:54,235
Nope. Horse statue outside PF Chang's,
294
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:57,305
A.K.A. your favorite
statue in the world.
295
00:10:57,307 --> 00:10:59,040
You remembered!
296
00:10:59,042 --> 00:11:01,909
Oh, you're making this so hard.
297
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,245
Stan, there is something
you need to know.
298
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,648
Hold that thought while I
come clean about something.
299
00:11:06,650 --> 00:11:09,517
It wasn't my idea to take you dancing.
300
00:11:09,519 --> 00:11:10,918
[INHALES DEEPLY]
301
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:14,522
I have an imaginary
friend named Henderson.
302
00:11:14,524 --> 00:11:17,925
He made me realize that
you are my everything,
303
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,127
and I never want to drift apart.
304
00:11:20,129 --> 00:11:21,863
You were about to confess something?
305
00:11:21,865 --> 00:11:23,464
Oh, wow.
306
00:11:23,466 --> 00:11:25,400
Stan, I...
307
00:11:25,402 --> 00:11:27,602
once bought a bunch of 9th graders beer
308
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,470
at a Blues Traveler concert.
309
00:11:29,472 --> 00:11:31,807
Sounds like you're only
confessing to one thing...
310
00:11:31,809 --> 00:11:33,741
being a super cool lady.
311
00:11:33,743 --> 00:11:36,812
Well, take some advice
from a super cool lady.
312
00:11:36,814 --> 00:11:40,815
Stan, get rid of your imaginary friend.
313
00:11:40,817 --> 00:11:42,750
He's not real!
314
00:11:42,752 --> 00:11:44,219
But I am.
315
00:11:44,221 --> 00:11:45,887
Who's Henderson?
316
00:11:45,889 --> 00:11:47,288
I know you didn't say "Henderson,"
317
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:49,691
so that didn't totally work,
but you get the idea.
318
00:11:49,693 --> 00:11:52,560
So just to clarify,
you're getting rid of Henderson?
319
00:11:52,562 --> 00:11:53,795
Who's Henderson?
320
00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,766
[GASPS] There's paper on me!
321
00:11:58,768 --> 00:12:00,167
Get it off! Get it off!
322
00:12:00,169 --> 00:12:03,038
Don't move, Mom!
It's stuck to your face!
323
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,372
It's paper!
324
00:12:04,374 --> 00:12:05,674
[LINE RINGING]
325
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,578
Well, here's the problem. It's paper.
326
00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:13,248
Oh. It's a love note from Stan.
327
00:12:13,250 --> 00:12:15,583
"I took Henderson skydiving.
328
00:12:15,585 --> 00:12:19,721
"He came from the heavens,
and thither he shall return.
329
00:12:19,723 --> 00:12:22,590
Text if you need tampons, my queen."
330
00:12:22,592 --> 00:12:24,059
- Aww.
- Aww.
331
00:12:24,061 --> 00:12:25,160
Oh, no!
332
00:12:27,264 --> 00:12:28,263
[BUTTON CLICKS]
333
00:12:28,265 --> 00:12:29,597
- [WIND WHISTLES]
- Uh.
334
00:12:29,599 --> 00:12:30,732
What's happening?
335
00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:33,134
When do I get my parachute?
336
00:12:33,136 --> 00:12:36,671
You were the greatest
friend a boy could ask for,
337
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:40,675
but when a boy marries a girl,
he doesn't need friends.
338
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:41,743
I realize that now.
339
00:12:41,745 --> 00:12:44,145
I-I'm scared, Stan.
340
00:12:44,147 --> 00:12:46,281
I want to go back down to the ground!
341
00:12:46,283 --> 00:12:48,416
You can go wherever you want.
342
00:12:48,418 --> 00:12:50,218
You're imaginary.
343
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:51,753
What the hell are you doing?
344
00:12:51,755 --> 00:12:53,288
It's time for you to help some
345
00:12:53,290 --> 00:12:55,557
other boy the way you helped me.
346
00:12:55,559 --> 00:12:57,558
I wasn't helping!
347
00:12:57,560 --> 00:13:00,295
Your dad hired me because
he didn't love you!
348
00:13:00,297 --> 00:13:02,497
My imagination is so powerful!
349
00:13:02,499 --> 00:13:03,765
This must be what Jim Henson
350
00:13:03,767 --> 00:13:05,901
felt like wrestling with his ideas.
351
00:13:05,903 --> 00:13:07,835
I'm a real man!
352
00:13:07,837 --> 00:13:09,236
My name is Hank Henderson,
353
00:13:09,238 --> 00:13:11,573
and I live in Flagstaff, Arizona.
354
00:13:11,575 --> 00:13:13,708
You showed me your cards, Henderson.
355
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,710
Even I know that's not a real place.
356
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:16,778
Goodbye, Henderson,
357
00:13:16,780 --> 00:13:20,081
- and thank you!
- [SCREAMS]
358
00:13:21,785 --> 00:13:23,785
Come on, Stan.
359
00:13:23,787 --> 00:13:25,720
Don't do anything stupid.
360
00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:28,356
- [SPLAT]
- [SCREAMS, TIRES SCREECH]
361
00:13:30,127 --> 00:13:31,258
Francine?
362
00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:32,527
No freaking way.
363
00:13:32,529 --> 00:13:33,929
You're never gonna believe this.
364
00:13:33,931 --> 00:13:35,530
Henderson landed on your car!
365
00:13:35,532 --> 00:13:39,867
Huh. I figured he would
disappear or something.
366
00:13:39,869 --> 00:13:41,536
Realistic as hell.
367
00:13:41,538 --> 00:13:43,271
My brain is a marvel.
368
00:13:43,273 --> 00:13:44,339
Good thing you can't see this.
369
00:13:44,341 --> 00:13:46,141
You'd be, like, freaking out.
370
00:13:46,143 --> 00:13:47,275
[WHIMPERS]
371
00:13:47,277 --> 00:13:50,545
There's that super cool
lady I know and love.
372
00:13:50,547 --> 00:13:52,247
Want to go dancing?
373
00:13:56,186 --> 00:13:57,986
I have the strangest feeling,
374
00:13:57,988 --> 00:14:00,155
but I can't put my finger on it.
375
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,326
Stan, I need you to listen to me
376
00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:06,461
without interrupting.
377
00:14:06,463 --> 00:14:07,928
I live to serve you.
378
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,064
Henderson was hired by your dad
379
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:12,867
to be your imaginary friend.
380
00:14:12,869 --> 00:14:17,405
That guy on the hood
is an actual dead man.
381
00:14:17,407 --> 00:14:18,673
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
382
00:14:18,675 --> 00:14:20,408
Oh, my God.
383
00:14:20,410 --> 00:14:21,876
Oh, my God!
384
00:14:21,878 --> 00:14:24,145
My own father? What a great guy!
385
00:14:24,147 --> 00:14:25,280
What?!
386
00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:28,283
He hired a man to be my imaginary friend
387
00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:30,285
because he couldn't be there.
388
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:31,686
No!
389
00:14:31,688 --> 00:14:34,889
He lied to you, and I lied to you.
390
00:14:34,891 --> 00:14:39,294
I paid Henderson to manipulate
you into taking me dancing.
391
00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:40,962
I murdered a man.
392
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:44,833
No. All you did was save our marriage.
393
00:14:44,835 --> 00:14:46,100
Mind pumping the brakes?
394
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:46,835
[TIRES SQUEAL]
395
00:14:46,837 --> 00:14:48,436
[SQUEAKS, THUDS]
396
00:14:48,438 --> 00:14:50,338
Just drive around that guy.
397
00:14:54,377 --> 00:14:56,711
The reservation is in 20 minutes!
398
00:14:56,713 --> 00:14:58,046
What the hell is taking so long?!
399
00:14:58,048 --> 00:14:59,714
All of your design notes!
400
00:14:59,716 --> 00:15:01,516
I wouldn't have notes
if you did it right
401
00:15:01,518 --> 00:15:02,651
the first time!
402
00:15:02,653 --> 00:15:05,320
How hard is it to make a
fishbowl with one mongoose,
403
00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:06,521
two pickle ricks,
404
00:15:06,523 --> 00:15:08,523
and Kawhi Leonard in a Knicks jersey?
405
00:15:08,525 --> 00:15:11,326
[FIRE CRACKLES]
406
00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,727
Let's go!
407
00:15:12,729 --> 00:15:15,196
That glass is over 1,000 degrees.
408
00:15:15,198 --> 00:15:16,665
- It needs to cool.
- There's no time.
409
00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,333
We'll crank the van's A/C.
410
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:20,168
To Ruby Tuesday's!
411
00:15:21,938 --> 00:15:23,938
Danuta. Sorry I'm late.
Better late than never.
412
00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:25,206
[LAUGHS]
413
00:15:25,208 --> 00:15:28,009
Klaus, wow. You look great.
414
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:29,678
Is that a new fish bowl?
415
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:30,879
- [LAUGHS]
- [SIZZLING]
416
00:15:30,881 --> 00:15:32,813
I hope we're in the smoking section.
417
00:15:32,815 --> 00:15:35,283
Waiter! Ice water immediately!
418
00:15:35,285 --> 00:15:36,751
- And for you?
- Hmm.
419
00:15:36,753 --> 00:15:39,220
I'll take... hmm.
420
00:15:39,222 --> 00:15:40,689
[LAUGHS]
421
00:15:40,691 --> 00:15:42,757
Let's make that order two ice waters.
[LAUGHS]
422
00:15:42,759 --> 00:15:43,958
I'll take a chardonnay.
423
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:47,028
You heard the lady. [LAUGHS] Hurry!
424
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:48,697
Ooh, wait. On second thought,
425
00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:50,098
I'm coming off a bad relationship,
426
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:53,634
and I feel like a dirty Martini.
427
00:15:53,636 --> 00:15:55,303
[LAUGHS]
428
00:15:55,305 --> 00:15:56,571
[SIZZLING]
429
00:15:56,573 --> 00:15:59,440
[LAUGHING]
430
00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:03,311
Danuta! Come with me
to the center of the earth!
431
00:16:03,313 --> 00:16:04,981
[LAUGHS]
432
00:16:08,394 --> 00:16:09,718
[GASPS]
433
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,319
Buddy, you're back! You overheated!
434
00:16:11,321 --> 00:16:13,187
W-What happened to Danuta?
435
00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:14,789
She got a Bacon Bleu cheese burger,
436
00:16:14,791 --> 00:16:17,058
but it was so big,
she dislocated her jaw
437
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,728
trying to take a bite,
and now she's at the hospital
438
00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:21,996
and might be dead.
439
00:16:21,998 --> 00:16:24,099
Where's that burger? Did she finish it?
440
00:16:26,669 --> 00:16:28,469
Can't believe it's already Monday.
441
00:16:28,471 --> 00:16:30,271
What did we even do this weekend?
442
00:16:30,273 --> 00:16:31,540
We killed Henderson.
443
00:16:31,542 --> 00:16:33,074
Oh, yeah. That was crazy.
444
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:34,543
How are you okay with this?
445
00:16:34,545 --> 00:16:36,945
A man is dead because of us.
446
00:16:36,947 --> 00:16:38,346
If you're worried about getting caught,
447
00:16:38,348 --> 00:16:40,615
Dick already wiped
Henderson off the grid.
448
00:16:40,617 --> 00:16:42,417
As far as the government is concerned,
449
00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:45,053
he really was imaginary.
450
00:16:46,823 --> 00:16:48,423
Whoa. Forgot how to wink.
451
00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:51,025
I'll never be the same.
452
00:16:51,027 --> 00:16:52,693
[SOBS]
453
00:16:52,695 --> 00:16:54,229
Come to work with me, honey.
454
00:16:54,231 --> 00:16:57,299
Our grief counselor works
with PTSD every day.
455
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,502
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
456
00:17:01,504 --> 00:17:03,704
Go away!
457
00:17:03,706 --> 00:17:04,973
Who are you?
458
00:17:04,975 --> 00:17:08,109
I'm Coach Cathy, the CIA grief counselor
459
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:10,378
and coach of our softball team.
460
00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:11,446
Stan sent me.
461
00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:13,248
You can't help me.
462
00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:16,451
Oh-ho, you sound like Tina Turbaco.
463
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:19,387
She was depressed she couldn't
hit an inside curve ball.
464
00:17:19,389 --> 00:17:20,922
Uh, who? What?
465
00:17:20,924 --> 00:17:23,925
Okay, let's see
what we're working with here.
466
00:17:23,927 --> 00:17:26,261
Ooh, still in your robe at 4:00 P.M.?
467
00:17:26,263 --> 00:17:29,931
Drinking...
[SNIFFS] Popov from a coffee cup.
468
00:17:29,933 --> 00:17:32,200
Ooh,
and an ass that could stop a Mack truck.
469
00:17:32,202 --> 00:17:33,401
Thank you?
470
00:17:33,403 --> 00:17:34,469
How you holding up?
471
00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,805
Bad! I killed a man.
472
00:17:36,807 --> 00:17:38,673
Well, at least it was a man.
473
00:17:38,675 --> 00:17:41,209
Let's be real, all guys are assholes.
474
00:17:41,211 --> 00:17:44,012
[CHUCKLES TEARFULLY] Most guys, I guess.
475
00:17:44,014 --> 00:17:47,215
There's a little
sunshine peeking through.
476
00:17:47,217 --> 00:17:49,684
Ha! Get on up out of that sofa!
477
00:17:49,686 --> 00:17:52,788
The van is running! On the hop!
478
00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:59,760
This... this is where
all your power comes from.
479
00:17:59,762 --> 00:18:01,229
You play some ball in high school?
480
00:18:01,231 --> 00:18:03,564
I went to an all-girls school.
481
00:18:03,566 --> 00:18:07,168
[INHALES DEEPLY] The dream.
482
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:08,569
What are we doing here?
483
00:18:08,571 --> 00:18:10,371
Don't question my process.
484
00:18:10,373 --> 00:18:13,374
I need you to pick a
number between 1 and 10.
485
00:18:13,376 --> 00:18:15,043
I don't know, 7?
486
00:18:15,045 --> 00:18:16,445
- Mickey Mantle.
- [WHIRRING]
487
00:18:16,447 --> 00:18:18,913
Don't get upset if you
don't make contact.
488
00:18:18,915 --> 00:18:21,850
Got this pup dialed up to about a 90.
489
00:18:21,852 --> 00:18:25,119
["MARCH OF THE TOREADORS" PLAYS]
490
00:18:25,121 --> 00:18:27,188
[FENCE RATTLES]
491
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:31,792
♪♪
492
00:18:31,794 --> 00:18:33,061
[FENCE RATTLES]
493
00:18:33,063 --> 00:18:39,067
♪♪
494
00:18:39,069 --> 00:18:41,670
You did it! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
495
00:18:41,672 --> 00:18:44,005
Come to mama!
496
00:18:44,007 --> 00:18:45,740
[LAUGHS]
497
00:18:45,742 --> 00:18:46,875
[MOANING]
498
00:18:48,817 --> 00:18:51,012
How did it feel when you ripped the tits
499
00:18:51,014 --> 00:18:52,147
off that baseball?
500
00:18:52,149 --> 00:18:54,015
Is that a real baseball talk?
501
00:18:54,017 --> 00:18:56,617
Do you remember when I
asked you to pick a number?
502
00:18:56,619 --> 00:18:58,086
Yeah. I picked 7.
503
00:18:58,088 --> 00:18:59,888
Ha. The Mick.
504
00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:02,623
But it was also the
number of cruise missiles
505
00:19:02,625 --> 00:19:04,425
launched from the USS Wendigo
506
00:19:04,427 --> 00:19:07,562
into an Iraqi village at your command.
507
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,430
- What?
- How does that feel?
508
00:19:09,432 --> 00:19:12,300
Knowing that you killed
all those people?
509
00:19:12,302 --> 00:19:14,502
I actually don't feel anything.
510
00:19:14,504 --> 00:19:16,437
I didn't know you were gonna do that.
511
00:19:16,439 --> 00:19:19,974
And you didn't know Stan
would throw Henderson
512
00:19:19,976 --> 00:19:20,976
off the plane.
513
00:19:20,977 --> 00:19:23,712
Oh, my God. You're right!
514
00:19:23,714 --> 00:19:25,846
None of this is my fault!
515
00:19:25,848 --> 00:19:28,649
Cathy, you are a-mah-zing.
516
00:19:29,515 --> 00:19:30,785
Please.
517
00:19:30,787 --> 00:19:34,055
Cathy was both my moms' names.
518
00:19:34,057 --> 00:19:35,189
Call me coach.
519
00:19:35,191 --> 00:19:36,391
No.
520
00:19:36,393 --> 00:19:38,593
I'm gonna call you "friend."
521
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,661
Whose muddy cleats are on the porch?
522
00:19:40,663 --> 00:19:42,397
- They're Coach Cathy's!
- Uh-huh.
523
00:19:42,399 --> 00:19:45,466
Coach Cathy, Stan. She cured me!
524
00:19:45,468 --> 00:19:47,201
Okay. What?
525
00:19:47,203 --> 00:19:49,270
Coach Cathy, silly.
526
00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:52,207
The CIA grief counselor you sent.
527
00:19:52,209 --> 00:19:54,075
Coach Cathy?
528
00:19:54,077 --> 00:19:55,343
She totally cured me,
529
00:19:55,345 --> 00:20:00,148
and I hit a 90 mile-an-hour fastball!
530
00:20:01,017 --> 00:20:04,352
Oh, good. That sounds real.
531
00:20:04,354 --> 00:20:07,221
So do you feel like it's
in your best interest,
532
00:20:07,223 --> 00:20:11,492
mental-health-wise,
to keep up this relationship with Cathy?
533
00:20:11,494 --> 00:20:14,095
Coach Cathy? With coach?
534
00:20:14,097 --> 00:20:16,497
I don't know what I'd do without her.
535
00:20:16,499 --> 00:20:19,033
Well, we don't want
to find that out, so...
536
00:20:19,035 --> 00:20:21,269
Welcome to our lives, Cathy.
537
00:20:22,573 --> 00:20:24,239
Quit shaking her boob, Stan.
538
00:20:24,241 --> 00:20:25,440
She likes girls.
539
00:20:25,442 --> 00:20:27,041
Who doesn't?
540
00:20:27,043 --> 00:20:29,344
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
541
00:20:30,757 --> 00:20:32,589
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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