Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:16,516
Tequila, checkbook, sourpuss.
2
00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,728
Must be alimony time.
3
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,272
Go away, Charlie.
4
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:26,652
Boy, you'd think for all that money, she'd
at least come and give you a lap dance.
5
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:30,447
- Leave me alone, Charlie.
- In fact, you know what'd be funny?
6
00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:33,283
Where it says "memo,"
write "lap dance."
7
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:36,745
Give her something to explain
at tax time.
8
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:39,539
Charlie, you...
9
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,167
Okay.
10
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,878
- So where's Jake?
- Sleeping at a friend's.
11
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,130
- He'll get dropped off tomorrow.
- Oh, man.
12
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,800
- I rented a movie he'd like.
- Oh, what'd you get?
13
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:52,052
Don't worry. It's educational.
14
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:55,138
One Million Years B. C.?
How is this educational?
15
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:59,601
Raquel Welch running from dinosaurs
in a fur bikini?
16
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,312
What is that if not history?
17
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:06,024
I'm afraid you're gonna have to
watch it by yourself.
18
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,193
Won't be the first time.
19
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,697
What's the deal with that giraffe?
20
00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:14,992
How come you bring it out every time
you write an alimony check?
21
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,035
It's symbolic.
22
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,455
Do you wanna know
what it's symbolic of?
23
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:22,416
No, I'm good.
24
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:27,212
I made it in ceramics class for Judith
when we were dating.
25
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:33,301
All these years I've been shelling out
for tennis bracelets and satin underwear.
26
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,555
Some women aren't impressed
with jewelry and lingerie.
27
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,349
Well, sure, if you wanna
date a dead girl.
28
00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:43,895
Hey, I just realized.
29
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:48,191
Your name is Al, and you're sending
your ex-wife money...
30
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:52,904
...so it's "Al-i-money."
31
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:58,535
Hey, hey, I just realized,
your name is Charlie...
32
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:00,662
...and you're a moron.
33
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,502
Be that as it may.
34
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:10,005
If you gave her the giraffe,
why do you have it?
35
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:13,008
When Judith kicked me out,
I wanted to get back at her.
36
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,886
She took the house, she took the car,
she took the money.
37
00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:20,223
- I felt I had to take something.
- So you stole bric-a-brac.
38
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:24,853
- Symbolic bric-a-brac.
- Oh, right.
39
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:28,148
You see, now every month
when I write the check...
40
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:31,818
...I can look at it and remind myself...
41
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:35,405
...what a pathetic loser I am.
42
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:41,119
No, dude. You don't need
a giraffe for that.
43
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:44,122
Get rid of the damn thing.
44
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:46,416
You're killing yourself
with this bitterness.
45
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,836
What, you think I'm hurting myself
more than her?
46
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,506
No, I don't think
you're hurting her at all.
47
00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:55,050
You need to move on, buddy.
48
00:02:57,302 --> 00:03:00,055
You're right. You're right.
49
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:03,016
And you know what would
be truly symbolic of that?
50
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,937
Getting your knob shined
by a keno waitress in Laughlin?
51
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:10,607
No. No.
52
00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:16,238
Me bringing this back to Judith
and apologizing for taking it.
53
00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:20,825
I like my idea better.
54
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,161
Okay, here's the plan.
55
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:26,539
I'll bring this little fella back to Judith,
and clean the slate.
56
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,042
Did you even consider my idea?
57
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:31,962
- You drive.
- Why do I have to go?
58
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:35,173
Because I am obviously
too drunk to drive.
59
00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:38,218
What does that say about your plan?
60
00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,312
Alan, wait.
61
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:52,107
You can't stop me.
I am giving Judith back the giraffe.
62
00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:55,151
Oh, I don't wanna stop you.
I just want a good view.
63
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,488
Okay, you can stay.
64
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:03,743
Charlie, look at this. What is this?
"The Harpers."
65
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:06,871
- Yeah, so?
- She's not the Harpers anymore.
66
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:09,165
She's the Harper.
67
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,544
That mat is a complete lie.
68
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:15,588
Yeah, and it's in cahoots
with the mailbox.
69
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,844
Come on, ring the bell.
70
00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:25,223
You and me, we're the Harpers.
71
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,601
Us.
72
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:33,273
Oh, Alan.
73
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:36,276
Hi.
74
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:40,572
Dr. Melnick. Is Jake all right?
75
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:44,325
I assume so.
He's spending the night at a friend's.
76
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,369
Oh, that's right, that's right.
77
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:50,790
Dr. Melnick is Jake's pediatrician,
so naturally, I thought...
78
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,131
Oh, okay.
79
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,344
Looks like somebody else
has given your wife the giraffe.
80
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:08,808
Make sure they didn't forget
the garlic balls.
81
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,354
What are you doing here?
82
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:17,233
Why don't I just get back in the hot tub
and give you guys a minute.
83
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:21,613
- Well?
- I came to give you this.
84
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:25,867
- What is it?
- I made it for you.
85
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:30,830
- Just now?
- No, no, a long time ago.
86
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,793
It's symbolic.
87
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:41,049
Alan, you're a disturbed man.
You need help.
88
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,676
Enjoy those garlic balls.
89
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,806
Wow, that was more fun
than I expected.
90
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:51,601
- Come on, giraffe boy, I'll buy you a drink.
- Okay.
91
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,937
Wait, wait, wait.
92
00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:09,452
Our pediatrician.
93
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:16,501
My ex-wife is sleeping
with our pediatrician.
94
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,590
I wonder if she gets a lollipop
after every visit.
95
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,600
You know, you're actually
a very lucky man.
96
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:36,271
Oh, really? Really? How am I lucky,
Charlie? Show me the luck.
97
00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:38,940
Well, first of all,
if Jake ever gets sick or hurt...
98
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,317
...free medical care is only
a hot tub away.
99
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,321
Well, that's true.
He is good with kids.
100
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,615
I begged her to do it
with me in the hot tub.
101
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,368
She said it made her hair frizzy.
102
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:54,247
Well, apparently, she's found
the right conditioner.
103
00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:57,875
What if she's serious about this guy?
What if she marries him?
104
00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,878
- Even better.
- Better?
105
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:03,172
How is it better? Show me the better.
106
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,967
If she marries him,
you're off the hook for alimony.
107
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,054
That is better.
108
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:14,183
In fact, if you saw the big picture,
you'd encourage this relationship.
109
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:17,562
This guy is a real catch for you.
Don't let him get away.
110
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:20,773
You're right.
Maybe I should go back there...
111
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:25,069
...and, you know, bless their union.
- No, no, no.
112
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,405
You provided the woman
and the hot tub.
113
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:31,826
- That's enough for one night.
- Yeah, I guess.
114
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:40,668
- Probably even paid for the garlic balls.
- Yeah.
115
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,823
- Could I get some more coffee, Berta?
- Who's stopping you?
116
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,962
Get your own damn coffee.
117
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:32,178
- Well, Charlie, you're finally up.
- Hey, Mom.
118
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,556
- Where's my grandson?
- He's at a sleepover.
119
00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:37,809
- He'll be here later.
- And no one calls me?
120
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:40,520
I wouldn't come over if I'd been told
he wasn't here.
121
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,772
Good to know.
122
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,441
Where's your brother?
His car's not in the driveway.
123
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:49,737
Hey, Mom, I'm not even sure
where my pants are.
124
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:54,867
All right. Well, looks like you and I get to
spend a little quality time together.
125
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:59,872
Gee, I'd love to, but I got my regular
Sunday morning softball game.
126
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:01,415
- Charlie.
- Yeah.
127
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:03,459
It's Saturday.
128
00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:07,964
Damn.
129
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:27,149
- Oh, you're still here.
- Yeah.
130
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:31,320
- Listen, Alan, I'm really sorry about...
- No, no, no. I should apologize to you.
131
00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:34,740
Showing up last night unannounced.
That's completely inappropriate.
132
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:37,493
And I came by to tell you
it won't happen again.
133
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:44,417
So you came over unannounced to
apologize for coming over unannounced?
134
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,836
I was afraid you'd pick up on that.
135
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,423
- Is Judith up yet?
- Actually, she's not here.
136
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,675
She ran to the market.
137
00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:57,305
Up and out this early on a Saturday?
Good for her.
138
00:09:57,471 --> 00:09:59,682
She used to sleep a lot
when we were together.
139
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:02,727
It was probably just the depression
and the meds.
140
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,772
- Meds?
- Oh, no, it was nothing serious.
141
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:11,277
Just your everyday little pink pill
to turn that frown upside down.
142
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,822
Alan, I gotta tell you,
this is a little awkward...
143
00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:16,532
No, please, don't feel awkward.
144
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:19,994
Look, we're obviously going
to be seeing each other a lot.
145
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,705
There's no reason for anybody
to feel uncomfortable.
146
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:25,791
That's a very mature attitude.
Thank you.
147
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,335
Well, you're welcome.
148
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,922
So let me make you some coffee.
149
00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:39,597
Are we supposed to believe...
150
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:44,060
...that cavewomen waxed their legs
and wore fur bikinis?
151
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,395
It's not a documentary, Mom.
152
00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:53,819
You know, I'm not gonna
be around forever...
153
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:57,823
...and the time will come
when you'll regret ignoring me.
154
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:06,791
- Charlie, why do you hate me?
- What?
155
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:11,003
Whenever I come, you do everything
you can to avoid spending time with me.
156
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,005
Obviously not everything.
157
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:18,094
We're spending time together
right now.
158
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:22,014
You're just staring at the television,
and it's not even on anymore.
159
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:25,601
I can still see you.
160
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:29,647
Charlie, look at me.
161
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:43,202
- How long you wanna do this for?
- I want you to talk to me.
162
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:48,165
- Okay, I'm out of here.
- No, no, wait, Berta.
163
00:11:48,332 --> 00:11:52,169
- Come, sit, talk.
- Mommy-and-me time over already?
164
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:55,339
- He hates me.
- No, I don't.
165
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:58,592
- Please, Berta, I need you.
- I'm done. I wanna go home.
166
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:04,348
- Berta, I'm begging you.
- Oh, all right.
167
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:15,276
So why do you hate your mother?
168
00:12:20,329 --> 00:12:22,498
Here we go.
169
00:12:23,666 --> 00:12:26,377
Coffee, juice, and my secret stash
of Mint Milanos...
170
00:12:26,544 --> 00:12:28,462
...from the back of the freezer.
171
00:12:28,629 --> 00:12:32,258
Just a tip: If you want quality cookies
around here, you gotta hide them.
172
00:12:32,425 --> 00:12:35,344
Judith eats Pepperidge Farm
like she's going to the chair.
173
00:12:35,511 --> 00:12:39,765
So tell me a little bit about yourself.
Ever been married?
174
00:12:40,474 --> 00:12:45,104
- My wife passed away.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
175
00:12:48,149 --> 00:12:50,109
No alimony, though. Gotta love that.
176
00:12:58,159 --> 00:13:00,036
Hey, hey, here's a funny thing.
177
00:13:02,747 --> 00:13:07,418
My name's Al and...
And I give Judith money.
178
00:13:07,585 --> 00:13:10,713
So it's... So it's alimony.
179
00:13:12,089 --> 00:13:17,053
- Wouldn't it be "Al-i-money"?
- I was afraid you'd pick up on that.
180
00:13:19,055 --> 00:13:21,474
- You got kids?
- No.
181
00:13:21,641 --> 00:13:24,518
Well, that's a blessing.
What with the dead wife and all.
182
00:13:30,942 --> 00:13:33,861
- Mint Milanos?
- No, thank you.
183
00:13:34,820 --> 00:13:37,990
So anyway, kids. Hey, you know,
it's not too late for you.
184
00:13:38,157 --> 00:13:39,825
Judith is a wonderful mother.
185
00:13:40,368 --> 00:13:42,620
We're not at that stage
in our relationship.
186
00:13:42,787 --> 00:13:44,872
Oh, of course not.
187
00:13:45,247 --> 00:13:49,669
On the other hand, you don't wanna
wait too long. She's no spring chicken.
188
00:13:51,629 --> 00:13:53,506
You know, eggwise.
189
00:13:57,343 --> 00:14:00,680
So I'm having this nice Mother's Day
dinner with my slutty daughter...
190
00:14:00,846 --> 00:14:02,556
...and her idiot boyfriend.
191
00:14:02,723 --> 00:14:06,519
Suddenly, the front door comes down
and the room fills with tear gas.
192
00:14:06,686 --> 00:14:09,980
Next thing I know, I'm belly-up
on the floor, hacking out a lung...
193
00:14:10,147 --> 00:14:13,526
...while the cops are dragging out
Bonnie and Claude in handcuffs.
194
00:14:14,026 --> 00:14:18,280
Come to find out that the money that
I loaned them to open a tanning salon...
195
00:14:18,447 --> 00:14:22,493
...was used to turn my tool shed
into a hydroponic pot farm.
196
00:14:23,035 --> 00:14:24,787
- Unbelievable.
- Yeah.
197
00:14:24,954 --> 00:14:27,790
Your daughter came to visit
on Mother's Day.
198
00:14:27,998 --> 00:14:31,794
Sure, what ungrateful mutt doesn't visit
their mother on Mother's Day?
199
00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:40,344
- One year I forgot. Let it go.
- When's my birthday?
200
00:14:41,929 --> 00:14:44,723
- Excuse me?
- You heard me.
201
00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:50,855
- What's that got to do with anything?
- You don't know your mother's birthday?
202
00:14:51,647 --> 00:14:54,942
- Well, not by heart.
- Charlie.
203
00:14:55,109 --> 00:15:00,573
- What? She changes it all the time.
- Just the year, not the day.
204
00:15:01,740 --> 00:15:04,326
Hey, I just realized something.
I can leave.
205
00:15:05,828 --> 00:15:09,165
Fine. But before you go,
just tell me one thing.
206
00:15:09,999 --> 00:15:12,251
- What?
- Why do you hate me?
207
00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:17,339
Oh, Mom, for God's sakes, l... Rose!
208
00:15:17,923 --> 00:15:22,720
No, no, no. Rose, wait.
Rose, come on in.
209
00:15:23,804 --> 00:15:27,725
Look, my mom's here.
You like my mom.
210
00:15:27,892 --> 00:15:31,270
- Oh, sure. Hi, Evelyn.
- Hello, dear.
211
00:15:33,105 --> 00:15:35,983
- Are those my pants?
- Oh, no.
212
00:15:36,150 --> 00:15:38,402
I bought these.
213
00:15:38,569 --> 00:15:42,281
But I think this might be
your wallet and keys.
214
00:15:46,035 --> 00:15:48,370
Evelyn, you get younger
every time I see you.
215
00:15:48,537 --> 00:15:52,249
Oh, aren't you a dear.
And thank you for the birthday card.
216
00:15:52,416 --> 00:15:55,419
- Oh, did you get it on time?
- Yes, I did, and it was lovely.
217
00:15:55,586 --> 00:15:57,129
So sweet of you to remember me.
218
00:15:57,546 --> 00:15:59,757
How could anybody
forget your birthday?
219
00:16:06,055 --> 00:16:10,351
Well, yeah. You know, she does become
a little emotional at times, huh?
220
00:16:10,517 --> 00:16:12,686
I thought she was getting over
your divorce.
221
00:16:12,853 --> 00:16:15,814
No, no. She was over the divorce
while I was still packing.
222
00:16:16,815 --> 00:16:21,403
No, what you're seeing
is low blood sugar.
223
00:16:21,570 --> 00:16:26,075
The trick to that is to always have
some Fun Size Snickers in your pocket.
224
00:16:26,241 --> 00:16:28,744
- It'll perk her right up.
- Really?
225
00:16:28,911 --> 00:16:31,372
Oh, yeah.
Oh, and here's another tip.
226
00:16:31,538 --> 00:16:36,335
When she starts crying for no reason,
and she will...
227
00:16:37,086 --> 00:16:41,173
...never say, "Don't cry."
And try not to touch her.
228
00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:43,759
- Okay.
- Or whistle.
229
00:16:44,677 --> 00:16:47,471
Never, ever whistle.
230
00:16:51,809 --> 00:16:55,854
Okay, maybe I forgot a birthday or two.
Maybe I don't return every single call.
231
00:16:56,021 --> 00:16:58,524
But that doesn't mean I hate her.
232
00:16:58,732 --> 00:17:00,901
Was he breast-fed?
233
00:17:03,362 --> 00:17:07,574
Of course he was.
Not by me personally.
234
00:17:09,702 --> 00:17:12,538
That's interesting.
I see the bras that come through here...
235
00:17:12,705 --> 00:17:14,707
...and he does tend to favor
the big yams.
236
00:17:14,873 --> 00:17:18,502
- I do not.
- Oh, really?
237
00:17:19,002 --> 00:17:23,298
- Raquel Welch.
- Hey, that's a damn fine film.
238
00:17:24,049 --> 00:17:26,427
Come to think of it,
the night we were together...
239
00:17:26,593 --> 00:17:30,764
...he did spend a freakish amount of time
on my boobies.
240
00:17:32,433 --> 00:17:37,271
I mean, foreplay is one thing, but,
golly, it was like making love to a cat.
241
00:17:38,814 --> 00:17:41,233
Rose, for God's sake,
you're talking to my mother.
242
00:17:41,567 --> 00:17:44,737
Sorry. A very giving cat.
243
00:17:46,405 --> 00:17:48,115
He's always had an oral fixation.
244
00:17:48,282 --> 00:17:52,119
When he was little, he used to
suck on other children's thumbs.
245
00:17:52,286 --> 00:17:54,913
And now he's always got a bottle
of booze in his mouth.
246
00:17:55,122 --> 00:17:57,958
My therapist says that's his way
of stuffing his feelings.
247
00:17:58,125 --> 00:18:02,379
- That's what my therapist says.
- Hell, I could've told you that for free.
248
00:18:04,548 --> 00:18:06,967
- Hey, I'm here.
- Hey, it's Jake.
249
00:18:07,301 --> 00:18:11,388
Back from his sleepover.
Look who's here to see you, buddy.
250
00:18:11,555 --> 00:18:13,557
Hi, Grandma.
251
00:18:14,099 --> 00:18:19,521
Hello, sweetheart.
Thank you for the lovely birthday card.
252
00:18:19,688 --> 00:18:23,692
- My mom picked it out.
- Oh, and you love her, don't you?
253
00:18:23,859 --> 00:18:27,905
- Sure.
- Thank you. You can go now.
254
00:18:28,655 --> 00:18:31,617
- Can I go too?
- We're not done with you.
255
00:18:32,242 --> 00:18:34,536
- Where were we?
- We were trying to figure out...
256
00:18:34,703 --> 00:18:37,206
...why Charlie hates you.
- Yeah.
257
00:18:37,372 --> 00:18:39,625
Well, Charlie?
258
00:18:40,292 --> 00:18:42,502
Okay, fine, here it is.
259
00:18:42,669 --> 00:18:45,088
I'm not saying I hate you,
but if I did...
260
00:18:45,255 --> 00:18:49,009
...it might have to do with the fact that
you're a narcissistic bloodsucker...
261
00:18:49,176 --> 00:18:51,803
...who drove my father
into an early grave.
262
00:18:51,970 --> 00:18:55,641
Then married a succession of men who
couldn't care less about Alan and me...
263
00:18:55,807 --> 00:18:57,184
...which was fine with you...
264
00:18:57,351 --> 00:18:59,770
...because you looked at us
like dancing monkeys...
265
00:18:59,937 --> 00:19:02,564
...you could just haul out
whenever it suited you.
266
00:19:02,731 --> 00:19:05,901
And when it didn't, you sent us off
to boarding school or camp...
267
00:19:06,068 --> 00:19:08,570
...or that kibbutz in Israel,
where we got beat up...
268
00:19:08,737 --> 00:19:10,822
...because we weren't even Jewish!
269
00:19:13,325 --> 00:19:16,703
And now, now you show up here
every chance you get...
270
00:19:16,870 --> 00:19:18,372
...to lay a guilt trip on me...
271
00:19:18,538 --> 00:19:23,252
...for not appreciating my cold,
Ionely, loveless childhood.
272
00:19:26,672 --> 00:19:28,340
Well...
273
00:19:30,258 --> 00:19:32,552
...obviously you're not ready
to talk about it.
274
00:19:39,226 --> 00:19:43,146
- Alan, you really don't have to do this.
- Hey, hey, I am a licensed chiropractor.
275
00:19:43,313 --> 00:19:47,192
If Jake had a sore throat, I'm sure you'd
treat him, prescribe something.
276
00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:49,486
But it's nothing,
I think I just slept wrong.
277
00:19:49,653 --> 00:19:52,489
Oh, that's probably because
you're not used to our bed.
278
00:19:56,034 --> 00:19:58,662
So have you...? Have you met
Judith's parents?
279
00:19:58,829 --> 00:20:01,665
- No.
- Oh, they are just gonna love you.
280
00:20:01,832 --> 00:20:03,542
They were devastated by the divorce.
281
00:20:03,709 --> 00:20:06,878
Not to mention some of her
unfortunate choices thereafter.
282
00:20:08,005 --> 00:20:11,299
- Unfortunate choices?
- Oh, you know, that's not important.
283
00:20:11,466 --> 00:20:15,470
What's important is they're just gonna
be relieved to see she's dating a man.
284
00:20:18,306 --> 00:20:21,309
You carry a lot of tension up here.
285
00:20:23,103 --> 00:20:24,938
Alan.
286
00:20:32,988 --> 00:20:36,241
- Didn't you just pay your alimony?
- This is the pediatrician's bill.
287
00:20:36,616 --> 00:20:38,493
- Jake was sick?
- No, no.
288
00:20:38,660 --> 00:20:41,913
The pediatrician had to see
an orthopedist.
289
00:20:43,707 --> 00:20:46,001
You know Mom's birthday
was a couple weeks ago?
290
00:20:46,334 --> 00:20:48,378
Yeah, I sent her some flowers
and a card.
291
00:20:48,587 --> 00:20:51,590
Oh, man. Would it have killed you
to put my name on the card?
292
00:20:51,757 --> 00:20:56,094
I did put your name on it. I wrote,
"Love, your sons, Alan and Charlie."
293
00:20:56,470 --> 00:20:58,013
- Damn.
- What?
294
00:20:58,180 --> 00:21:01,266
She tricked me into thinking I forgot.
295
00:21:27,417 --> 00:21:29,503
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
296
00:21:29,669 --> 00:21:31,755
[ENGLISH]
24633
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.