All language subtitles for A Data da Jane

♪ Na-na-na, na, na-na, na ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na, na-na, na ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na, na-na, na, na ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na, na-na, na ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na, na-na, na ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na, na-na, na, na ♪

♪ You're beautiful ♪

♪ Beyond compare ♪

♪ Can't help but stare ♪

♪ So full of life ♪

♪ Inspired like a lonely child ♪

♪ You're magical ♪

♪ Your blessed to stay ♪

♪ I appreciate it ♪

♪ You stop the clouds ♪

Hey, baby, what's happening?

I'm open.

Ah!

♪ But you don't see ♪

♪ Who you are ♪

♪ What you mean ♪

♪ I wish you could see ♪

♪ Yourself through my eyes ♪

♪ Try, 'cause I don't lie ♪

♪ Beautiful you, oh, baby ♪

♪ Won't you come my way ♪

♪ Your beauty's true ♪

♪ Don't listen to what ♪

♪ Those might say ♪

♪ Beautiful you, oh, baby ♪

♪ I'm so blown away ♪

♪ With everything you do ♪

♪ You're beautiful ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na, na-na, na ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na, na-na, na ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na, na-na, na, na ♪

♪ Hey, beautiful you, oh, baby ♪

♪ Won't you come my way ♪

♪ Your beauty's true ♪

♪ Don't listen to what ♪

♪ Those might say... ♪♪

(message machine beeping)

Hey, Jane, it's Kurt from the gym.

Boy, I'm looking forward to our date tomorrow.

I'll see you in the park... oh,

and bring sunscreen.

(thunder cracking, rain falling)

I can't believe no one's

in the park today.

Well, perhaps they listened

to the weather report.

(both laughing)

You know what, who cares.

I've actually always wanted to do this.

(laughs)

How long have you lived in the

Lower East Side?

Six years.

Why do you say it like that?

Well, 'cause it's not the Upper East Side.

Ahh.

Well, if you'd have moved,

I wouldn't have gotten to spend

the last year at the gym

trying to work up the nerve

to ask you out.

You were not.

Well, obviously, I thought

you were cute.

So, did you ever notice me

before I asked you out?

Oh.

Well, the work at the gym has

really paid off.

Oh, yeah, you been checking out the pipes?

(both laughing)

Wow, are you always

that forward?

Actually, I'm never that forward.

You have, um, a strange effect on me.

Yeah, well, be careful.

I may have to use it to my advantage.

Hey, you've been doing all the work,

can I give you a break?

No, you just sit there

and look pretty.

I think it'd be easier to help.

No, this isn't hard.

The last person I took out here,

her end of the boat was

practically underwater,

you know what I'm saying?

Big girl.

(moos, laughs)

Oh.

Yeah, I mean, I know no one

likes to hear it, but you know,

girls got to take care of themselves.

Guys are visual.

Gotta give us something to look at.

Sure.

Don't worry, you look great.

(laughing) Except for that belly

shirt you wear at the gym.

But I assume you wear that to

turn guys off so they don't

bother you, right?

Right.

Yeah, yeah, I knew it.

See, I know how girls think.

It's a gift, really.

Whoa!

(echoing) No!

Whoo!

It's a good thing we're getting along so great.

If this had happened with that fat chick,

I'd have had to throw myself overboard.

This is good, this is good,

we can get to know each other.

'Cause I know how you girls

love to talk.

Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk,

talk, talk, talk, talk.

Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk,

talk, talk, talk, talk.

Doo-doo-doo-doo, talk.

(door opening)

(people moaning, laughing)

(opera music playing)

(banging on wall)

You have no new messages.

(beep)

(opera music continues)

Oh, it's just like my cousin

Dana to pull a stunt like this.

Like what, get married?

I think it's nice she's

letting you bring a guest.

Nice? It's not nice.

It's mocking, it's saying,

"I'm barely older than Britney Spears"

and getting married at the Carlton,

and you have no one with an actual name

to bring to "my wedding."

Okay, what is this crap?

We were promised modern nudes.

It's a man and a woman

making love.

I see roadkill.

And by the way, "eww" for the

phrase "making love."

(scoffs) Who are you bringing to the wedding?

I don't know.

If you have a tux and a fake mustache,

you're in the running.

Ooh, or you can let us set you up.

Yeah, I was just stranded at sea

with a guy whose favorite event this year

was the launch of Hooters Air.

My dating days are over.

What dating days?

You had one date.

Yeah, and the lesson we

learned is that it was too soon.

Hon, you and Max broke up a year ago.

Oh, and the formula says it does take

half the time a couple was together

to get over the breakup.

So, considering you went out for two years

and broke up a year ago,

you should be out there, Jane.

Yeah, having fun.

Fun is not how I would describe

being set up with all the other losers

who can't get dates.

Okay, it can't be that bad.

Oh, but it is.

You just don't remember

because you're married,

and you have Serge.

Do you want Serge?

El!

No, seriously, he's starting to bug me.

This is hot.

It's practically pornography.

All right, don't let her set you up.

Where?

I don't know.

Okay, uh, one creme brulee.

Thank you.

One white chocolate cheesecake,

one powdered chocolate truffle,

and nonfat milk for the coffee.

So, what do we think, huh?

Date material?

He's a waiter.

Hi, snob.

Well, Jane has standards.

No, Jane really doesn't.

But she's still not dating,

and she's definitely not

referring to herself in the

third person anymore.

Did you hear about Natasha Nutley?

She was the girl who beat you

for junior class president

'cause she wore a halter top

for her campaign.

And the one who squashed all

of my self esteem with her mere existence.

Our brilliant employers at Blush

have decided to publish

her tell-all biography.

Blush, ever on the edge of

yesterday's news.

Actually, I hate to admit it,

but her story may be the one thing

that brings Blush back

into this decade.

So, why does Natasha Nutley

get a biography?

Hey!

One bite.

The Gnat was in a couple of soaps,

but her big break was a small part

as a fembot in "Austin Powers."

You call her the Gnat?

Well, not to her face.

Anyway, nobody would have ever known

who she was outside of our hometown,

but she did have a secret affair

with an A-list actor.

One of "People's" Sexiest Men

Alive.

Antonio Banderas?

I don't know.

Hugh Grant?

I said I don't know.

Robert Redford.

(laughs)

He's like a million.

I'm telling you, she calls him "the actor."

He made her sign a document.

While they were in the middle

of having sex, by the way.

And it says if she ever discussed him by name,

he can sue her

for everything she's got.

Ashton Kutcher?

Stop it.

Fine.

I've had a knot in my stomach all week,

and it's hard to say

if it's because of the Gnat,

or because I'm asking Remke for

a promotion on Monday,

or possibly because I ate

something from my fridge.

(chuckles)

David Letterman!

This is the initial line edit

on the Hasselhoff book.

I need you to make a copy and

give it to Max.

After Max does his edits, I need you

to copy it and give it to Remke.

After Remke's done with it,

we will have accomplished what

is known as editing the hell

out of something.

You know, if you just did it

right on your own, you would

save the rest of us a lot of work.

(phone ringing)

Jane Grant.

Jane, hi.

It's your Aunt Ina calling.

You know, you've raised me

since I was a teenager.

I think I'd recognize your voice.

Honey, I'm just so sorry to

bother you at work.

But I have something very

important to tell you.

Is everything all right?

Yes, yes, yes, it's just that

the other day I went out to see

my dear friend Evelyn Burns

in Queens.

Anyway, I have her helping me

with Dana's wedding.

You know, her daughter is a lesbian.

Oh, not that there's anything

wrong with that, of course.

But anyway, while I was there,

I met the nicest young man.

He was taking his trash to the incinerator.

I don't wanna be set up.

Honey, he's in business school!

His name is Ethan Miles.

I don't wanna be set up.

He's a very good-looking young man.

Oh, really?

Ha-ha, I knew that would get you.

No, I don't wanna be set up.

Jane, now you listen to me, all right?

You don't have a significant other

in your life right now.

And I think it's going to be

just a little embarrassing for you

to show up at Dana's wedding alone.

Now, I have heard that Ethan is

also single, and he's not busy

the day of the wedding.

How did you happen to hear that?

I asked him.

William will be ready to see

you in exactly one minute.

I'm sorry, Aunt Ina,

I have to go.

Bye for now, honey.

Oh, hey, Max.

Big promotion talk's today, right?

I'm on my way right now.

You'll be fine.

I know.

Just be confident.

I am confident.

You're shaking.

I know, I'm excited.

Well, good luck.

Thanks.

Oh, and don't do that thing

where you make statements

as if they're questions.

Makes you look tentative.

Okay, well, you're not my

boyfriend anymore, so you don't

get to be that honest.

Right.

Thanks.

(sighs)

(knocking)

Oh, there you are, Grant.

Morgan, coffee, I have another

meeting in ten minutes.

Here you are.

Let's go, let's go.

Um, I wanted to talk to you

about my future here at Blush.

As you know, I've been here for

six years now.

Maybe you don't know that,

'cause you probably have better

things to do than keep track of

my employment.

Anyway, I was just thinking that

during this time, I've done good

work, and I thought that it

might be appropriate for me to

move into a position of more responsibility...

Morgan, where's that press release

on the Natasha Nutley deal?

Here you are.

Who wrote this?

Um, I did?

Are you asking me

or telling me?

I'm telling you I did.

It's good.

Really?

Uh, yes, thank you.

I... I know how much this

project means to you...

Grant, stop talking.

Sorry.

I want you to oversee the Nutley memoir.

What?

You have history with her.

You'll get her to gab like in high school.

Oh.

We weren't actually...

Take her to lunch tomorrow.

Where are you taking her?

The Bistro?

Asking or telling, Grant?

Telling, The Bistro.

As you well know, things have

been rocky around here lately.

Natasha Nutley is big for us,

don't screw it up.

Right.

I expect nothing less than

the "Times'" best-seller list.

Then, maybe we'll talk about a

promotion to assistant editor.

Associate editor, sir...

I'm already the assistant editor.

(snapping) Morgan!

Get Max in here to discuss where

we are on the John Tesh book.

And more coffee, let's go, let's go.

You're still here?

No.

Oh, excuse me, could I...

Could I please, um...

Waiter?

Jane?

I thought that was you!

Dana, hi, what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm having a lunch meeting

with my fabulous caterer.

He was on the team for Ivana's

third wedding.

Oh, widely considered to be her best.

You're not having lunch alone, are you?

That's so awkward.

No, I'm not, I'm actually...

All right, well, let me go.

I just have a million things to do.

If you ever get married,

you'll see.

(laughs)

Wow, uh...

Janey!

Natasha!

Hi!

Oh.

Good to see you again.

Wow, I just can't get over it.

Janey Grant.

I mean, who would've thought

we'd be working together?

Certainly not me.

And you just look adorable.

Well, you look great too,

as always.

Well, we have a lot to cover,

so I thought we'd jump right in.

Um, I was looking over your proposal,

and I noticed you went

with a chronological structure.

Oh, Janey, come on.

All business?

We haven't seen each other in,

like, ten years.

I mean, I was shocked when I

heard my editor was gonna be

little Janey Grant from Forest Hills.

You know, I live in Manhattan now.

Oh, really? Where?

My boyfriend and I have a place

on the Upper West Side.

Upper East Side.

Fancy!

Well, actually, it's my

boyfriend's place.

I'm there all the time.

You know, he's a doctor.

Ooh!

Oh, my God, Natasha!

Natasha Nutley!

Dana!

(laughing) Get over here!

Hi!

Jane, you didn't tell me

you were having lunch with

Natasha Nutley!

You didn't give me a ch...

The last time I saw you,

you were babysitting me, and I

was begging you to let me stay up

and watch "Miami Vice."

What are you doing here?

I'm a writer now,

can you believe it?

And Janey's helping me.

Did Jane tell you I'm getting

married at the Carlton?

The Carlton!

I managed to snag the only

Internet millionaire who got out

in time to hold onto his cash.

Good girl.

Not that it's just for the money.

Uh, can...

He's also gorgeous and sweet,

and funny and sensitive,

but still a guy's guy, you know.

I mean, he could go out and play football

and then come home and

write poetry for me.

Oh, my God, you have to come

to the wedding, August 30th!

Oh, that'll be so much fun.

I'll get to meet your new

husband-to-be and Janey's

boyfriend all in the same day.

Boyfriend? What boyfriend?

Oh, he's a doctor.

Really?

I didn't know you were seeing someone,

you must've just met.

Oh, hardly, they're

practically living together.

I can't believe you didn't tell me!

And I really can't believe you

didn't tell my mother.

I didn't wanna jinx it.

Well, it's just with your

spotty dating history, I would

think if you were practically

living with a doctor, you would

tell the entire world.

You know, I'm going to have

the tee shirts printed up

later today.

Well, I guess it doesn't

matter, since we'll all get to

meet the doctor who you're

practically living with

at the wedding.

I mean, there's no reason you

wouldn't bring him to the

wedding, right?

Right.

(computer beeping)

I was gonna ask you if you

needed any help, but clearly,

you've done this before.

And yet, it doesn't get

any more fun.

Aw, come on, who doesn't

enjoy being forced to buy gifts

for couples that they will never

end up using.

(chuckles)

Ah, case in point.

As a single person, I have lived

almost 30 years without actually

using a zester.

But apparently, when you get

married, zesting becomes a big

part of your life.

Yeah, and it's not just zesting.

It's torching creme brulee,

making ice cream,

grilling panini.

How is it that married people

don't weigh 1,000 pounds?

And then, of course, there's

the whole waffle iron mystery.

And the couples just keep registering.

Oh yeah, I've been here a year,

I still don't understand it.

Ooh, a year?

You deserve a medal,

or counseling.

Fortunately for me, it's only

a temporary gig.

Did you just say "gig?"

Yeah, I'm not proud of it.

Clearly job stress.

Speaking of which, there is trouble

brewing over by the fondue pots.

I better get over there before

they cancel the wedding.

I've seen it happen.

Did you find anything

for Dana and Larry?

Ugh, hardly.

I mean, what do you get a guy

that's funny but serious,

athletic but poetic,

masculine but feminine?

Boyfriend?

Of course, the one thing they

don't have here.

Larry can't be that perfect.

I'm sure if we try, we can find

something wrong with him.

Oh, it's so unfair.

Dana's like 12 years old.

How are women like you supposed

to compete?

Bright, talented, smart women

like you.

All right, I didn't think I

was gonna say this, but in light

of the whole "and guest" situation,

I might actually consider...

What is that?

Jeff told some of his

coworkers about you at work.

But I picked out three that seem

like really good candidates.

But you knew I didn't wanna be set up.

Honey, you're desperate.

You're right.

We have Kevin Adams,

senior accountant.

Great eyes, all the admins in

Jeff's office salivate over him.

Well, then I hope he showers.

Hank Chilton, good-looking,

assertive, super smart.

Way better than regular smart.

And Timothy Rommelly, 32,

Upper East Side doctor.

Ding, ding, ding, I think we

have a winner.

I know, so, I gave them all

your cell phone number, so

expect their calls.

But you know I don't use my cell phone,

it's for emergencies only.

Jane, Dana's wedding's

in a month.

I'm sure this qualifies.

(opera music playing)

(people laughing, moaning)

Hi, Jane, it's your Aunt Ina calling.

I just wanted to remind you

to pick up your bridesmaid shoes

before the wedding.

It'll be here before you know it,

and you'll want time to

break them in.

Speaking of the wedding,

I heard we'll be meeting your

boyfriend there?

I don't remember hearing

about a boyfriend.

(knocking)

I'd always assumed we were close.

Well, if it doesn't work out,

Ethan Miles will be happy to fill in.

Bye for now, honey.

Hey!

Amanda says we're allowed to

set you up.

Oh, I just left her

ten minutes ago.

Hey, we're like the National Guard,

we mobilize quickly.

(chuckles)

(people moaning)

Opera Man's at it again?

Yeah.

Every day except during Lent,

when it's twice a day.

I made a few calls to see if

anyone knew anyone single.

Of course, no one did.

Shock.

But then, I remembered this guy

in my yoga class.

Oh.

Yoga guys are good.

Okay, it's not him.

But he has this friend, Grant,

who's reported to be nice,

funny and cute, who has

no alarming affinities for Bette,

Liza or Cher.

The only thing is...

There's always a thing.

He has a breathalyzer

in his car.

Ew.

He had a couple of DUIs a few

years back, but it's not a

habit, he feels unbelievably

awful about it, and obviously,

it won't be happening again.

I don't know.

At least he has a car.

Yeah.

And you'd always be free to

drink 'cause you'd have a sober

ride home.

I guess.

And the wedding's in a month.

Okay, why does everyone keep

reminding me of this?

Tough love.

Fine.

We'll set up a dinner party.

You can check him out.

I won't say anything to him

about you, if you don't like him,

there's no harm done.

Famous last words.

'Kay, I have to go.

I slipped an Excedrin PM into

Serge's meatloaf, so he should

be out by now.

Okay, I have no idea if

you're kidding.

We got some good news

this morning, Blush is moving

forward on a new project,

a big one.

And God knows, we could use

something like that.

All about overcoming obstacles

and the triumph of the human

spirit, a memoir entitled

"The Saddest Sweathog."

Which sweathog would that be?

Juan Epstein, obviously.

Or the guy with the annoying laugh.

Horseshack?

He's not sad.

He's a household name.

I'm gonna go with...

Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington.

You're right, Max,

Boom Boom's got it.

Okay, the last piece of business

is the Nutley memoir.

Marie Claire has agreed to run

an excerpt of the first chapter.

That's fantastic.

When do they wanna run it?

September.

Whoa, that's not a lot of time!

What's your point?

Uh, you know, just that we

have to get a lot of things done

and we will.

Which you will.

This is your project, so you're

the one that's got to stay on Natasha.

Don't screw it up, Grant.

Oh, not a problem.

Nutley's never done this before,

you need to guide her.

Whatever she comes up with will

be a direct reflection on you.

Not a problem, again.

I guess I just said that.

(phone ringing)

Now, she absolutely has to

get the chapter to you a week

from Friday, that's a hard deadline.

It cannot be late.

Otherwise, we can forget Marie

Claire, and we're not going to

forget Marie Claire.

Actually, we have a meeting

after we finish here,

so I expect to get

a lot of work done.

(clearing throat)

Do you need to answer your bag?

What? Oh!

Right!

Oh, God, excuse me,

I am so sorry.

It's probably Natasha

ready to work.

Hello?

Hi, Jane?

This is Kevin Adams,

I work with Jeff.

Oh, hi, Kevin.

I was wondering if you wanted

to meet me for drinks tomorrow?

Say, O'Regan's around 7:00?

Yeah, um, O'Regan's sounds great.

Uh, how will I recognize you?

I'll have on a gray shirt and jeans.

Gray shirt and jeans.

Great, I'll see you tomorrow

for drinks, bye.

Bye.

The date phone... who was it?

Guy number one, Kevin Adams,

senior accountant, great eyes,

covered in drool.

We're gonna meet for drinks tomorrow.

Ugh.

What?

The drinks date is so noncommittal.

It's like you only get the

dinner add-on if you perform well.

Well, it's a good thing I've

been practicing my tricks,

'cause I can actually get the

ball to balance on my nose now.

(camera clicking)

I am so excited to be

working on this.

I mean, who would've ever

thought, me, an author?

Well, you've got an

interesting story to tell.

And I will be so relieved

when I'm finally able to tell

my side of the story.

Well, along those lines,

we just found out that Marie

Claire would like to do an

excerpt on your first chapter.

Oh, my God, Marie Claire

is the best!

Well, the only thing though,

is you're gonna have to finish

your chapter pretty quickly.

They need it next Friday.

Ooh, a deadline,

that's so writer-y.

Well, yes, and it's also very

important... next Friday.

Got it.

Good. I love it.

Okay.

You know, um, this is what

writers call distraction.

Oh! I'm sorry.

Can we take a little break, please?

Sure.

Come on.

(chuckles)

So, what's this ad for?

Um, some hi-tech water drink?

Oh!

Well, maybe this'll be a

springboard to one of those

milk mustache campaigns.

You think?

(laughing) Yeah!

So, uh, um...

Oh, no, honey.

See, you have to scrape the

bagel guts out.

It should be a shell.

(chuckles) Okay.

Here's what I was thinking.

We'll start today, putting

together a really super detailed

outline of the first chapter,

so when you actually start the

writing, everything will

practically be done.

Oh, well, you can stop

worrying about the first

chapter, because after our

lunch, I was so inspired,

that I just went ahead

and I started writing.

I wrote and wrote

all night long.

You did?

So, can I read you

what I have so far?

Yes.

(sighs)

"I was in the middle of screwing"

one of the most famous actors in

show business, when he handed me

"a legal document to sign."

Keep going.

That's it!

Well, I figured the first

sentence was the most important,

so I wanted to spend a long time on it.

Okay, well,

the rest of the chapter's

gonna be a lot of work.

You know, Friday's only a couple

of days away.

Wait, this Friday?

Yes.

Oh, I thought you meant next Friday.

No, no, I said this Friday.

Wow, well, I guess we're just

gonna have to jump

right in then.

Ah, good, okay so...

Natasha, we're ready for you.

Oops, break's over.

Okay, I'm only good for another hour.

(Irish music playing)

Gray shirt and jeans...

Gray shirt and jeans...

Gray shirt and jeans.

Are you Jane?

(gasps) Yeah!

You walked right by me.

Oh, I'm sorry, I just thought

you were gonna wear gray shirt and jeans.

Oh, well...

Oh, I see what's going on here,

the old get away outfit.

What do you mean?

You know, just that if you

saw me and you didn't want the

date to happen, you could

kind of, whoosh, escape.

So, should we get drinks?

Sure... uh, I'll have a beer.

Two pints.

Coming right up.

Oh, and two waters, please.

She didn't tell me the water.

I just thought of it.

I just don't wanna be judged

by you 'cause I didn't think of

the water thing.

No judging, I swear.

I'm sorry,

probably a little sensitive.

My ex, Karen?

God, I could never do anything

right with her.

I was always second guessing.

So, you must have been

relieved when you decided

to move on.

Yeah, not really.

She dumped me.

Well, what are you gonna do?

Except go out and try to meet

new people... who are probably

going to do the same thing to you.

To better situations.

You know, if it's any consolation,

I just went through a breakup myself

not too long ago,

and I know how painful it can be.

You know, people are trying to

be helpful, and they're just

pushing you into dates,

when really, all you need to do

is just kinda work through

things yourself at your own pace.

Right.

I'm sorry.

Are you signaling to someone?

What?

It just feels like you're

having some kind of secret conversation.

(sighs)

Yeah, that's... that's my friend Rick.

Well, should you go say hi?

Oh, no, we came together.

Ever since Karen, I don't really

trust myself to make good choices.

So, I needed a second opinion.

Okay, well then, why don't we

just pretend he's not there then?

Yeah, he doesn't think this

is going anywhere.

Excuse me?

He senses you might be a

little needy and not really

over your ex.

You should probably go ahead

and go then.

No hard feelings.

Actually, I'd kinda like to

have a beer with Rick.

Maybe you could leave.

Right.

Yeah.

He's all yours.

Aw, poor Joanna Krum.

What?

She couldn't get her shlub

of a fiance to pose in the

announcement photo with her.

Yeah, that marriage

is gonna last.

She's 26.

And what, old maid?

Gotta take what she can get?

No!

It's just as people get older,

they're more willing to overlook things

in the interest of finding someone.

Code for lower your standards.

No, it's not lowering.

It's definitely reassessing

your priorities.

You know, for instance,

I always thought I'd end up with

someone athletic.

And at 20, I can hold out for that.

Coming up on 30, yeah, I'm okay

with the fact that all Jeff

plays is a clarinet.

Hey, shouldn't you be reading

the Gnat's first chapter?

I should, except she hasn't

given it to me yet.

She missed her fake deadline.

Look how smart I was to

assume she'd flake.

Well, I have till next week to

get it from her, so.

Ah, she probably got cocky

because what you said she did

was good.

Nice word choice.

(phone ringing)

Thank you.

Oh, blind date hotline!

Hello?

Hi, Jane?

This is Hank Chilton,

Jeff's friend.

Oh, hi, Hank.

Oh, good-looking, assertive,

super smart.

I was, uh, wondering if you

were free for dinner on Saturday?

I am free for dinner

on Saturday.

No, you never admit you're

free on Saturday.

Great, why don't we meet at

9:00 at Nate's?

I'll be the tall one with dark

hair, green eyes, and a really

nervous expression.

(laughing) Okay.

I'll see you then.

That gives a week to figure out

how we're gonna package you.

We still have to figure out

the dinner party too.

Ugh, right,

yoga guy's friend.

I'm thinking she should wear

something flowy, you know?

Maybe you can read up on

holistic medicine.

Here's a crazy thought, but

what if I just go as I am?

(together) The wedding's in three weeks.

If these don't go well,

you're screwed.

Excuse me?

I didn't mean to eavesdrop,

but when you talk on your

cell phone in a public place,

that's what you get.

Will you people find a new scapegoat?

Get the smokers back in here.

No, no, no, I was kidding.

I knew she was self-conscious about it,

so I went for the easy joke

that, which now that I think about it,

wasn't such a good idea.

Let me start again.

I'm Gary.

She's Jane, doesn't matter

who we are.

Oh.

Uh, well, I'm a coordinator for City Care,

we do all sorts of volunteer work...

Jane loves volunteer work.

Well, we're starting up this

new monthly activity for singles.

Kind of a self-serving

public service.

I don't know your situation.

She's single.

Yes, apparently I left my

scarlet "S" at home.

Well, this Saturday,

we're cleaning up the park,

except for the really disgusting things,

because we're only volunteers.

Anyway, it would be great

to see you.

She'll be there.

Uh, can she get your number?

Sure.

Call me any time you have

any questions.

Just don't call me on your

cell phone.

(laughs)

Now, see, why did I have to

go back to that?

I'm leaving before you change your mind.

Oh, happily married, happily married,

happily married.

We're late.

We have wine and flowers

to make up for it.

Yeah, but we wouldn't be late

if we hadn't have stopped for

the wine and flowers.

Ah, the classic dinner party dilemma.

Okay.

Here we go.

(doorbell rings)

(sighs)

Hey, El.

Thank you, wow!

Hi!

Hi.

Noah.

Jane.

Come on in.

Yeah, thanks for doing this.

I always feel badly when my

dating life starts to affect the

lives of innocent bystanders.

Yeah, well, unfortunately,

there's something I need to tell you, uh...

(clears throat) Grant got here early,

and I may have mentioned

that this is a set up.

Noah?

He was dressed all wrong,

I had no choice.

Anyway, he's been getting more

and more nervous.

So, he's not in the best shape.

Okay?

Jane, uh, would you like to

have some appetizers with Grant

in the living room?

It's right there.

And El, well look, I could use

some help in the kitchen.

Yeah.

This is for you.

Thank you.

Hey, I'm Jane Grant.

I'm... I'm Grant.

Hi, nice to meet you, Grant.

You can't be Grant.

I'm Jane.

So, why'd you say your name

was Grant?

Grant's my last name.

(laughing) Oh, that's pretty funny.

I guess.

We're both Grants.

Right.

If we got married, you know,

your name would be Grant Grant.

No, it would still be Jane.

Mmm, mmm.

Oh, oh, I get it, I get it.

You're one of those women.

My first name's Jane.

So, that wouldn't change

regardless of what happened to

my last name, which is Grant.

You're pretty funny for a feminist.

We're having kebabs for dinner.

Food that's as much fun to say

as it is to eat.

Whoa.

Excuse me?

I'm sorry, but you are beautiful.

Thank you.

I know I probably shouldn't

just come out and say it like that,

but it's too powerful.

You are stunning.

Well, you're a really lucky man,

you're in a room full of hot women.

Careful.

Feminists like Grant don't like it

when you notice their looks.

Can I get you a drink?

Please.

I'm sure Jane could use one too.

Who?

Never mind.

Hey, Natasha, it's Jane.

But you probably recognize my voice

from the other 20 messages.

So, I haven't heard from you all week.

It's probably because you're

slaving away on the chapter...

The chapter you're giving me today?

So, call me and we'll make

arrangements on getting it here.

I'm happy to send a messenger or

the Space Shuttle, or whatever.

Just let me know.

Thank you, bye.

Hey.

Hey, Max.

What's that smell?

I'm really not sure.

Amanda thinks she needs to cook for Jeff.

What's Jeff think?

Well, there's a lot of leftovers.

(chuckles)

Listen, Remke wanted me to check in,

make sure Natasha gave you

the first chapter.

I assured him you had it

under control?

Of course!

Good, because Marie Claire's

not budging at all on that deadline.

So, I'm gonna need the excerpt

of the first chapter on Monday.

That's what I was planning.

Life was so much easier

before I became a germaphobe.

Hey, Max, you're joining us?

Uh, no, sorry, got to run.

Smells great though.

Morgan, where have you been?

I need those new covers.

(gasps)

What happened?

You set it for, like,

9,000 minutes.

I lied to Max.

I never lie to Max.

I know.

That was always your problem.

What is that supposed to mean?

Oh, when you're in a relationship,

there's nothing wrong with

bending the truth a little

to show yourself in a favorable light.

You do realize that the woman

who wrote "The Rules" got a divorce?

Poor Ellen.

(phone ringing)

Oh, at least she gets to sleep

with new guys.

Oh, that better be the Gnat,

or the fireman who rescued her

from the bookcase she's been trapped under.

(ringing continues)

Jane Grant.

Hey, Jane, it's Dana.

Oh, hi, Dana.

Get out your palm pilot.

I don't have a palm pilot.

What do you mean, you don't

have a palm pilot?

Everyone has a palm pilot.

How could you not have a palm pilot?

I use Post-Its.

Okay, well, I need to go over

the schedule of bridesmaids activities.

Now, I'm sure you know about the

final dress fitting/preshower

meeting this weekend.

Preshower?

(mouthing) What?

To discuss the shower.

Right.

(phone ringing)

And then there's the shower

itself on the 16th.

The theme is gonna be French

kitchen in honor of our

honeymoon in France.

Jane Grant.

Hello, Timothy Rommelly!

32, Upper East Side doctor!

And of course, the

bachelorette party on the 28th.

Uh, listen, Dana, I'm gonna

try to make it to as many

things as possible,

but it's a very busy...

Jane Grant, if I plan events

every day of the week, I expect

you to be there.

It comes with the honor of being a bridesmaid.

Now, I know it must be hard for you

to see me getting married

when you don't have anybody serious.

I have a boyfriend!

Right, I forgot.

It must be because I've never

met him or seen a picture of him

or even heard his name.

By the way, what is his name, Jane?

Timothy Rommelly.

Great, well, I'll have the calligrapher

put that on his name card.

Uh, two "m"s, two "l"s?

Sure!

Great, see you at the preshower.

Can't wait.

Dinner, Monday, Park Terrace Cafe.

I'm not happy about the lack of

lead time, but I made an exception

due to the dire circumstances.

Oh, good, because my life

wasn't full enough having a writer

who's gone missing and an array of

bridesmaids activities so vast,

that even Liz Taylor would say,

"Oh, hey, it's only a wedding."

(chuckles) You are not thinking of

backing out of the dates, are you?

I have three weeks to find a guy,

date him, become boyfriend

and girlfriend, talk him into

going to the princess' wedding,

and then depending on the guy,

develop a level of comfort where

I could ask him, "Hey, do you"

mind posing as an Upper East

"Side doctor?"

I am so proud of you.

(sighs) Thanks.

Girls, Dana and I found these

lovely champagne colored earrings.

And you're gonna see, they're

gonna go so perfectly

with your champagne hair combs!

Now, I tried to tell Mom that

the champagne parasols were

enough, but she wouldn't listen.

Well, your daughter only gets

married once, God willing.

And I don't see the harm in

having just a little bit of

color coordination, do you?

All we need now is the dyed

poodle to match.

Oh, my God.

I wanted that at my wedding,

but those crazy animal people

wouldn't let me.

So, girls.

I mean, there's so many of you,

so I think the best thing to do

is to line up according to your size.

Mother!

Honey, we can't keep the

dresses in order if we...

Fine, we'll just do it alphabetically.

(girls laugh)

So, what's she like?

Who?

Natasha?

Oh, well, I, um...

George Clooney?

Hmm? Excuse me?

Is that who the actor is?

Oh... I don't know.

Oh, I won't say anything.

No, I really don't know.

(sighing) Okay.

Pierce Brosnan?

So, she's nice?

Yeah, well, I...

She seems really nice.

And she's so beautiful.

Is she as beautiful in person?

You can see for yourself.

Natasha is coming to the wedding.

Really?

Of course.

Why wouldn't I have a movie star

at my daughter's wedding?

It'll be so exciting to have

a true celebrity there.

Well, we should invite her to the shower!

Do you think she'd come?

Oh, Jane, you invite her,

you guys are friends.

No, actually, we're not

friends, we just work together,

and that's when she bothers to

call me back.

Green-eyed monster,

party of one.

I'll call her.

I'm sure she'd love to come.

(speaking foreign language)

What?

Nothing.

(speaking foreign language)

You can tell me, really.

Did you know that one of your

hips is higher than the other?

No.

No, I didn't know that.

Well...

It's no picnic to deal with.

(people chattering)

Could you help me pick up that wrapper?

I can't bend the way I used to.

Oh, sure.

Thank you.

I'm Herbert.

Oh, Jane.

Are you looking for a partner?

Oh, no, I... I'm looking for my friend Gary.

That's too bad.

You're a good bender.

Jane!

Hi!

Oh, I'm so glad you could make it.

Yeah, me too, thanks for the invitation.

Of course, this is gonna be

great, just great.

Good people, good charity,

and... look at the turnout.

This is our group?

Yeah, yeah.

I guess we targeted the AARP

a little strong.

Next time, we'll have to cast

a wider net.

Well, I guess we'll just have

to stick together.

I guess so.

Yeah!

So, you ready to get started?

Uh, yeah, sure... you know,

I brought some sunscreen in case you need it.

Look at you.

A pro already at this.

Sunscreen's a great idea.

Well, you know, you can never

be too careful.

Just 'cause you're not lying at

a beach, doesn't mean you don't

need protection.

Especially on those little areas

like the ears and the hands

and the, um... torso.

We really need that sunscreen.

Okay... oh.

Oh.

Can I help you?

I got it.

You sure?

It's okay, yeah.

Okay, all right.

You just stand there and look fabulous.

I meant to throw away this

half-eaten sandwich.

The whole world's on display here.

Yeah, okay, here we go.

Sunscreen.

Jane, this is my girlfriend Cassandra.

Hi.

Hi, it's so great that you

could make it.

Could, uh, I get your help at

the water table?

For some reason, we've got a

really thirsty group today.

"For some reason?"

Look at the hottie handing out

water... "for some reason?"

(laughs)

I'll catch up with you later.

So, Herbert, you still need that partner?

Oh, I've already found someone.

Oh, well, you snooze, you lose, sweetheart.

♪♪

♪ I've been high ♪

♪ And I've been low... ♪

So?

Really?

Hey, Cojo says the animal prints are in.

And if I were trying to

attract a gay man or a leopard,

I'd be right there with him.

Hey, Natasha, it's Jane.

Just checking in, again.

Listen, we're on a really tight deadline.

I need your first chapter

yesterday, literally.

Um, if I don't get the piece,

Marie Claire's gonna pull it.

So, why don't you give me a

call, I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks.

She's screening me.

Why don't you try blasting

Guns N' Roses into her machine

until she can't bear it anymore

and is forced to come out of hiding.

Hmm, the Noriega approach.

Or you could forget her and

just write the memoirs yourself.

Ah, first chapter,

"Who am I sleeping with today?"

Well, it's Tuesday, it must be a

"casting director."

"And then if I get the part,"

it's my leading man, my director

and the kid who brings me "coffee."

Oh, only if it's the studio head's kid.

(chuckles)

So, seriously, what happens if

she doesn't turn up?

I've scoped out a few places

in the park that look cozy.

She really sucks.

Yeah, that's chapter two.

All right, here it is.

The outfit that says "Hank" Chilton,

my penultimate shot,

you are gonna find me so

charming, witty, and sexy but classy,

that you will have no choice

but to fall madly in love with me,

or at least go to the "wedding and pretend."

That is one chatty outfit.

Can it go on the date without me?

Where is your enthusiasm?

I don't know.

We've come this far.

Do you really wanna let Dana and

the Gnat think they're better

than you just 'cause they have boyfriends?

No, but don't you think it's

just a little pathetic to be

doing all this at my age?

No, it's usually pathetic.

But it's not your fault, it's them.

They're the ones who only have

one measure for gauging whether

or not a woman is a success.

I guess you're right.

So, you're gonna beat them at

their own game.

Yeah?

You are gonna show up at that wedding

with a boyfriend so fabulous,

that Dana will experience

her very first twinge

of regret at being married.

Ha ha!

And you are gonna find that

boyfriend tonight at Nate's.

All right!

And you're gonna do it

wearing the leopard top!

No!

So, I don't understand why

that's the only table

you can give me.

I mean, it's two feet from the bathroom!

I think the health department

would have a thing or two to say

about this, don't you, huh?

I'm sorry, but we are full.

Oh, so I get the crappy table?

Oh, how 'bout that couple over there,

why don't you give it to them,

they're from Jersey,

they'll feel right at home!

How 'bout that guy over there?

He won't know the difference,

he's practically blind.

Hey, Stevie Wonder, got a table

over there for ya.

Keep your voice down, please.

Hi, Natasha, it's Jane again.

Uh, if you're there, will you pick up?

No.

Okay, well, um, call me,

it's important.

I know I mentioned that before

to no avail, but, uh...

I'm kind of at a loss here.

(knocking)

Um, you know, if you're just one

of those people that don't like

phones, I'm open to other modes

of communication... email,

instant message... hell, I'll

even hire a guy to tap it out

in Morse code.

Bye.

Natasha?

Hi.

Hi.

I'm sorry to barge in on you.

No, that's okay, come in.

I wasn't sure I'd find you.

I thought you'd probably be at

your boyfriend's.

Yeah, you know, I usually am.

(chuckles)

As you can see, it looks like a

22-year-old lives here, 'cause

that's the last time I was here.

Can I get you anything?

Uh, iced tea would be great.

Okay, well, it would be.

I think the only options are

low-sodium soy sauce or... water.

Water's fine.

So, I haven't heard from you in a while.

I'm assuming there's been some

kind of writer's block going on.

For future reference,

I can help you with that.

But I can't help you if you hide from me.

I'm pregnant.

What does your boyfriend say?

Sam's amazing.

You know, he... first, he was a

saint after the mess with the actor.

And now this comes along, and he

couldn't be more thrilled.

Well, that's good, right?

Yeah, it is.

I should be grateful.

It's just, this is not what I

had planned, you know.

Not now, not when my own life

is so screwed up.

Your life is not screwed up.

I am a washed up actor who is

only known at all because of an

affair I had over a year ago

with a real actor.

Yeah, I'm doing great.

I don't know the first thing

about being a mom.

What if I screw that up too?

You won't.

How do you know?

I don't.

(laughs)

But if you do screw your kid up,

there is a whole industry of therapists out there

that are just waiting to help.

Everyone screws up, which is

actually normal, right?

Not screwing up would be the

weird thing, so let's hope you

screw up, missy.

I'm sorry for the

disappearing act, I just

couldn't talk to anyone.

But I... I do have the first chapter.

Wow, that's amazing,

considering everything you've

been through.

This is it?

She's gonna get fat.

Stop it.

Do they make leather maternity pants?

I'm serious, I actually feel

kinda bad for her.

Oh, come on.

She totally screwed you over.

You were supposed to have a week

to do your excerpt,

you had one night.

So, I'll bill her for the

Red Bull I mainlined.

Morgan, I need to order some

office supplies, please.

Yeah, you've exceeded your

monthly limit.

We've cut you off.

What?!

And, uh, William would like

to see you right away.

Oh, okay.

Don't worry!

No one's ever been fired for

using too many Post-Its.

At least not yet.

Uh, hello.

We haven't got all day.

Sit down.

Just wanna make sure

everything's going okay with the

Nutley project.

Yeah, as far as I'm concerned.

It's not always smooth every

step of the way, but...

as long as everything turns out

okay, who needs to know about the problems?

Which probably makes you wonder

why I brought them up.

Jane is doing great.

I read the first chapter this

morning and the outline for two

and three, and it's right on

track with what we want.

And the excerpt for Marie Claire, perfect.

Is that true, Grant?

Yes.

I'm actually quite pleased with

how everything's turning out.

Well, so am I.

Really?

That's why I said it.

Of course.

I want you to write the back cover copy.

Do a good job, do it fast.

I will.

Thank you.

Max, you stay.

There's something I need to

discuss with you.

So...

you know I haven't thought about

me and Max for a while now.

Uh oh.

I just got called in to see

Remke, and as usual, I got

completely tongue-tied.

But Max stepped in and saved me.

He raved about my work, and

Remke ended up raving as well.

Jane, that's great.

I know!

But that's about you,

not Max.

Well, it's just that he knows

me so well.

And he makes me feel... safe.

It didn't work between

you guys.

But is it working that much

better now?

I mean, any problems we had in

the past seem pretty minor

compared to guys with

girlfriends and guys who aren't

over their exes, and guys who

are driven to drink by the mere

thought of dating me, and...

(laughing)

You're in the toad phase.

It's just part of moving forward.

I don't know.

Moving backwards to see if

things could work out between

Max and I is sounding

better and better.

You don't wanna do that.

Well, I don't wanna keep dating.

I mean, my only other option

is to buy a dozen cats and

call it a day.

Jane, you're wanted in the

conference room.

You can come too.

Thanks.

(both laughing)

What was that about?

I mean, it's probably insane, but...

Oh, my God.

You're being promoted!

Maybe.

That has to be it, you just

said Remke raved.

Remke never raves.

I know, and he asked Max

to stay after

to discuss some things.

It's about time, we've been

waiting for this forever.

Okay, you look great.

Let's go, Miss Associate Editor.

Oh, my God.

(girls chuckling)

Okay.

(laughs)

(clears throat)

Thank you all for gathering like this.

Um, I have an announcement, that

on a personal level, I feel very

lucky to be able to deliver.

I'm happy to announce that I'm

engaged to be married to

Carolyn Klausner.

Some of you know her, but for

those of you who don't, she's an

executive vice president at

Metropolitan Scene.

But more importantly, she's the

woman of my dreams.

She's not here, Max, you

don't have to say the sappy stuff.

(laughter)

To Max's engagement.

(all) To Max's engagement.

I guess I'll keep dating.

Mm-hmm.

(piano music playing)

Jane Grant?

Hi, uh, Timothy?

Yeah.

Oh, hi.

Hi.

You're early.

So are you.

I guess that's one thing that we

have in common, huh?

I thought I would squeeze in

a little work.

I didn't mean for you to catch me, sorry.

Oh, that's okay,

I understand.

In fact, I shouldn't admit to

this, but I brought some of my

work too, in case you ended up

being late.

Wow!

I mean, we've only known each

other 20 seconds, and already

we're the world's most boring couple.

Yeah, we moved right past

butterflies into comfortably

ignoring each other.

I'm sorry, did you say something?

(both laugh)

So, um, how long have you had

this fear of downtime?

Mmm, I trace it back to a

pivotal subway breakdown

in which I had no

reading materials.

Oh, that sounds traumatic.

Mm-hmm, it altered the course

of my life.

What about you?

Yeah, 36 hours in an airport

during a blizzard.

Ouch.

My story's nothing compared

to yours.

Well, this may sound a little

weird, but if you want to keep

tonight short to finish your

work, I totally understand.

No, I don't think so.

I've been looking forward to

meeting you.

You have?

Yeah.

Why is that so hard to believe?

I'm just a little surprised

to hear you say it.

Nobody's really that direct.

Well, then in the interest of

directness, I should probably

tell you that I lied to you earlier.

Oh.

I haven't moved past

butterflies yet.

Oh.

♪ Na-na-na, na, na-na, na, na ♪

♪ You're beautiful ♪

♪ Beyond compare ♪

♪ Can't help but stare ♪

♪ So full of life ♪

♪ Inspired like a lonely child ♪

♪ You're magical ♪

♪ You're blessed to stay ♪

♪ I appreciate it ♪

♪ You stop the clouds ♪

♪ From crying... ♪

I'm glad you talked me into

staying out tonight.

Well, you know, the fact that

you've never seen "Taxi Driver"

needed to be corrected

immediately, okay?

(laughs) Yeah, it was great.

I love Al Pacino.

What?

That was Robert De Niro.

Right, I always get those

two mixed up.

Please tell me you're

kidding, right?

Uh oh, I should be smart

and... and stop here,

shouldn't I?

I mean, they're two of the

greatest actors of our time.

How could you get them mixed up?

I don't know, I'm not

proud of it.

Okay, which one was it that was

in "Tootsie?"

That was Dustin Hoffman.

This is a deal breaker, isn't it?

You're a nut.

Mmm, could I sell you on

lovable neurotic?

Well...

let me think about that.

♪ You stop the flowers ♪

♪ From dying, I'm sighing ♪

♪ But you don't see ♪

♪ Who you are, what you mean ♪

♪ I wish you... ♪

Lovable neurotic works fine.

♪ Try, 'cause I don't lie ♪

♪ Beautiful you, oh, baby ♪

♪ Won't you come my way ♪

♪ Your beauty's true ♪

♪ Don't listen to what ♪

♪ Those might say ♪

♪ Beautiful you... ♪♪

♪♪

(sighs)

Oh, you're finally up.

After the fifth snooze.

(chuckles)

What are you doing way over there?

(laughs)

How are you so awake?

Well, I've been up for a while.

I wanted to make you breakfast in bed.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Well, sadly enough, the only

thing I could find in your

kitchen was popcorn, and that's

a little too "Charlie Brown"

"Thanksgiving," you know?

(laughing) Yeah.

You know, I don't usually do

this on a first date.

I... I don't want you to think

that I'm a slut, you know?

Well, of course I do.

I mean, I didn't even have to

get you drunk.

Oh, so basically, you're just

using me for sex.

No.

Actually, I have a few things

that need fixing around the apartment.

Oh.

I see.

(laughs)

Are you working?

What do you think?

Yeah, I know, but sometimes

you could be looking at the

page, and really you're thinking

about puppies, or toast,

or how weird it is that you hate rap,

but you think Eminem is so sexy.

Yeah, that's just me.

But come on, we need more on the

Timothy date.

I told you, it was good.

Good-good, or just good

enough, considering the ticking clock?

Good-good.

Wow!

You know, he's a really great

guy and a doctor, so he totally

fits the lie.

So, is he a good kisser?

They slept together.

So, that doesn't mean he's a

good kisser.

No, but it means

you can come up with a more

intriguing question to ask.

Hey, you know what'd be

ironic, is if I actually went

through with this and got a date

for the wedding, but then

couldn't show my face because I

had been fired for not getting

my work done.

Shutting up now.

He's a really good kisser.

Oh!

(overlapping chatter)

Oh-ho-ho-ho!

All right, I'll answer to

Catherine Deneuve, Brigitte Bardot,

but I draw the line at Edith Piaf.

Actually, I'm laughing at the

fact that you're here again.

You log more hours than I do.

In fact, one more visit and I

think they'll make you manager.

Oh, well, I'm glad you find

my pain amusing.

Oh, I do, and if I knew you

a little better, I would totally

mock the beret.

Three words...

Themed bridal shower.

Oh!

Can I help you out with a sudden

debilitating blow to the head?

So sweet.

Maybe I should just check

the registry.

Oh, wait, no.

I'm over registries.

You know, it's just not fair

that just 'cause you're getting

married, that you get to hand

people a list and say, "Buy me"

"this stuff," and no one finds

this presumptuous?

(chuckles)

What, you don't agree?

You're not going soft

on me, are you?

It's just really hard to take

you seriously when you look like

a gondolier.

How is this my life?

Hey, maybe you should take

the "if you can't beat 'em",

"join 'em" approach.

And what, shack up with some

random guy in order to get presents?

No, just register yourself

for, like, your 30th birthday.

Oh, right, because I just

don't have enough humiliation

in my life.

Well, then buy yourself

something nice, you know,

to get through all this.

An island.

(chuckles) I... I was thinking

champagne glasses.

They make a nice statement.

Like, uh, you know, you have

lots of things to celebrate,

and they're on sale.

You're a really good salesperson.

Shh, keep it down.

I'm still hoping to escape this

place one day.

Well I, for one,

am so relieved.

Over a year of planning?

Thank God this wedding

is in two weeks.

Over a year of planning?

It's been more like 24 years.

Ohh.

You used to read me excerpts

from "Modern Bride."

I did not.

(girls laughing)

So, Natasha, we're so glad

you could fit us into your

glamorous life.

Oh, I don't know how

glamorous it is.

If I wasn't here, I'd be sitting

at home writing in my PJs.

A famous actress,

and she's modest.

Well, I'm just so excited to

be a part of this, 'cause it's

not everyday that Dana

gets married.

At least, we hope.

Yes, we do.

So, speaking of weddings,

I heard about Max.

Max from work?

He's Jane's ex.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah, Max just got engaged to

a gorgeous VP at Cosmopolitan Scene.

No, it's okay, really.

I wish him the best.

Well, it's good that you

at least have Timothy.

It's a very good thing.

You know, and I feel very lucky

to have him in my life.

Well, good, I look forward to

meeting him at the wedding.

Thank you.

And of course, you know,

if things don't work out, Jane,

Ethan Miles is still available.

(girls laughing)

Right.

Excuse me, I need to get more crepes.

Oh, remember, you still have

to fit into your bridesmaid dress.

(French music playing)

I'm so sorry about Max.

I didn't know you guys used to

be an item.

Why didn't you tell me?

Oh, I don't know, it's just

not a very big deal.

It sucks.

Yeah, a little bit.

Well, I'm around if you ever

wanna talk.

Wow, thanks, but I'm good.

So, how's everything going

with you?

Okay, you know, just slowly

getting used to the idea of

being pregnant and stuff.

I guess I'm gonna have to tell

my parents someday soon.

Oh, I'm sure they'll be excited.

Would you come with me?

Next weekend.

Oh, I... I don't think that...

Please, this is just too big.

I don't think I can face them alone.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

It'll be great, really.

Thanks so much, 'cause I don't

know what I'd do without you.

Natasha?

Come on.

Things have been so boring

without you.

Oh, stop.

I don't know,

what do you think?

Too low cut?

Hon, you saw "Grease" like

14 times as a kid.

How could you not have gotten

its message?

Slut yourself up,

and boys'll like ya.

Exactly.

(chuckles) So, did you see

what Timothy sent me?

I assumed they weren't this

pathetic when he sent them.

No, they were beautiful.

So, have you talked?

No, he left a message.

But have you talked?

He left a message.

Uh huh.

Don't "uh huh" me, you know

he's busy at the hospital.

Too busy for a conversation?

Yes, and don't act like

that's something weird.

Doctors have insane schedules,

you've seen "ER."

I guess... but I'm glad

we're going out tonight.

Never hurts to have backups.

I don't need a backup.

I'm not talking about you,

I'm talking about me.

Serge is driving me crazy.

Oh, God, what'd he do now?

Cooking, leaving me cute

notes, giving me back rubs.

Oh, for God sakes,

dump the man already.

(knocking)

Hey, will you get that?

(door opening)

Hi, hi, hi, I'm sorry I'm

late, I couldn't catch a cab.

It was like I was Chris Rock

on Fifth Avenue.

What?

That wasn't racist.

That was a commentary on racism.

You have sex hair!

Yeah?

Ah, the married girl's

getting some!

Wasn't even my birthday!

Nice.

Fix.

So, what's the occasion?

I walked into the living

room, Jeff was watching baseball.

Jeff was watching sports?

(giggles) I know.

Well, later I found out he was

just flipping channels between a

pledge drive, but it was still so hot.

(laughing) So, what are you

doing here?

I mean, why don't you go home

and hang out some more?

Trust me, hanging out won't

happen for at least

another two weeks.

Oh.

Better?

Gorgeous.

Let's go.

Oh, wait, I didn't even

offer, you want a drink?

Before we go for drinks?

Okay.

♪♪

You do realize mojitos are

so five minutes ago.

What?

It's true, it was in "EW"

and the Shaw Report never lies.

So, what's in?

Something I can't pronounce,

which makes it painfully clear

where my social standing lies.

(glasses clink)

Ooh, did you hear Driscoll

Meyer's single again?

Oh, my God, I was so in love

with Driscoll Meyer.

I know, should I have him

call you?

Uh, given that the love

might have diminished had we

ever actually spoken,

I don't think so.

The wedding's a week from tomorrow.

I think I actually might be

seeing someone.

Okay, don't take this the

wrong way, but part of the

definition of seeing someone

is actually seeing them.

He left me a message.

Have you talked?

He's busy at the hospital,

you know how doctors are.

Man, it'd suck if you went

through all this and ended up

going to the wedding alone.

You wanna know the truth?

It's not even about a date for

the wedding anymore, it's about the guy.

A partner, you know, for more

than just one afternoon.

I had that with Max, and I think

I'm ready to have that again,

and I'm hoping it's with

Timothy.

And you should have that,

Jane, I mean it.

No, 'cause for all the ways a

relationship ends up being not

quite what you expected,

sometimes it turns out better

than you ever imagined.

I've got to break up with Serge.

Excuse me, the mojito's not

working for her.

Yeah, could I get a cosmo instead?

You really don't get out,

do you?

What? I like cosmos,

they're pink.

Okay, I say we give her this

one, but the day she shows up in

a pashmina, we're writing her

off as married and beyond help.

Jane, what's wrong?

It's Timothy.

Let's go.

Jane?

Excuse me.

Jane.

Please, let me talk to you.

Please.

We'll be right up the street.

I swear I wasn't lying about

things being crazy at the

hospital, you know?

I'm there all the time.

And I just figure, it will be

easier for me to get involved

with someone who was going

through the same stuff.

I'm just so sorry about

the timing.

I... I never would have...

You... you are a great girl.

You'll find someone, I promise.

It's just not me.

I'm sorry.

♪♪

(opera music playing)

(couple laughing)

(wall begins banging)

(opera music ends)

(girl exclaiming)

(knocking)

Coming.

I went to Costco yesterday.

They had a fabulous sale

on shampoo.

This one smells like mango.

Oh.

Well, my giant and I will

enjoy that.

And you're not gonna believe

what I found when I was doing

my errands.

Bridesmaid shoes.

They weren't picked up.

I'm sorry, Aunt Ina,

I've been busy.

You know what I think's best

for being busy?

Getting up before 10:00 A.M.

on a Saturday.

Thank you for the shoes.

Make sure that you break them

in before the wedding.

What I suggest is you walk up

and down your hallway every day

at increasing amounts.

What is it, a wedding

or a marathon?

(phone ringing)

What's that?

Do you have a cell phone?

When did you get a cell phone?

I asked you if you had a cell

phone so I could reach you,

and you said you didn't have

a cell phone.

Please stop saying "cell phone."

Hello?

Hi, Jane, this is

Driscoll Meyer.

I don't know if you remember

me, but...

Of course, I remember you.

Is that Timothy?

Why is he asking if you

remember him?

Now, I know I don't have the

official clearance to call you,

but I do have an extra ticket to

"Hairspray" tonight, and I'd

love it if you could come.

Uh, yeah, I guess we could

do that.

Oh great, how 'bout we meet

at the theatre at 6:00?

We can grab a drink first?

Um, well, I have to be in

Queens all day, so is 7:00 okay?

7:00 it is, see you then.

Okay, thanks.

That sounded a little awkward.

It sounded normal.

If you're having problems,

Ethan Miles is still single.

Ethan Miles, Ethan Miles.

Have you mentioned him before?

He doesn't sound familiar.

Nobody likes a sarcastic girl.

(sighs)

Do I look okay?

You look great.

Okay.

(doorbell ringing)

Hi, Mom.

Jane, it's so nice

to see you.

My goodness, you look just

like your mother, may she

rest in peace.

Please, come in, come in.

(sighs)

Can I get you something?

Anything... some iced tea,

perhaps?

Oh, no, thanks.

Where's Daddy?

He had to go out for a while,

he should be back soon.

So, Jane, I understand your

cousin Dana's getting married.

Yes, next week at the Carlton.

Oh, the Carlton.

Well, that's exactly what

she deserves.

She's always been such

a nice girl.

Yeah, well, I mean, you must

be so proud of Natasha.

She's a terrific actress, and as

it turns out, a wonderful writer too.

Well, I understand you're the

editor of the book.

I'm sure having a good editor

is crucial to success.

Daddy's not coming back, is he?

I assume he'll be back at

some point.

But not until I leave, right?

Natasha, don't act like this

is your father's fault.

You made your choices, you have

to live with the consequences.

Well, um, it's just that I

have some exciting news, and I

had hoped to tell you both.

Well, whatever it is,

I can tell him.

Okay, um...

you're going to be grandparents.

I'm pregnant.

Do you know who

the father is?

Yes, I do, it's Sam,

my boyfriend.

Oh, I didn't want to assume.

You never know with you.

What is that supposed to mean?

I don't see a ring on your finger.

I suppose just because you're

pregnant, why limit yourself to

one partner, right?

You know what, I shouldn't have come.

I know what a disappointment

I am to you.

And you can tell Daddy I'm sorry

for any inconvenience.

Okay, let's go.

Hey, they didn't have diet.

Sorry.

Whatever.

Natasha, I'm sorry, but your

parents are wrong.

It's crazy that they can't see

how much you've accomplished.

Like what?

(scoffs) Dropping out of college

to become an actress?

Going into rehab?

Having a ridiculous affair,

and then gossiping about it

in the tabloids.

Yeah, but you've gotten

through all those things.

You've turned every problem

into a positive.

That's impressive.

No.

You're the one with the

impressive life.

I've always been jealous of you.

What?!

I mean it.

You've always known how to get

what you want.

Like when we ran against each

other for junior class president.

You gave this great speech about

what you hoped to accomplish,

had those cute little buttons

made in the shape of Band-Aids

that said "Avoid pain..."

(both) "Vote for Jane."

(laughing)

And I wore a halter top.

And you won.

But I shouldn't have.

You've got great friends,

and a family who loves you.

And you're an executive editor.

I mean, you've worked really

hard for that, I admire that.

Thank you.

Um, it's not entirely true though.

It's not?

No.

I'm an assistant editor.

Executive editor isn't even a real title.

Well, why didn't you tell me

this before?

Well, because you're not the only one

that spent a long time thinking

that someone else's life

was more impressive than their own.

Huh.

Huh.

Hey, you're seeing

"Hairspray" tonight,

we should go.

You know what?

I'm good here.

(phone ringing)

Hey, I haven't seen you all day.

I'm giving the first two chapters

of Natasha's book to Remke,

and I want them to be perfect.

That's weird.

What?

I never heard you call her Natasha.

Huh.

All right, well, don't stay too late,

you've got the bachelorette party, right?

Yeah.

Try not to let Dana get too crazy.

I don't think that'll be a problem.

There you go.

This is so much nicer

than a strip club.

I've always said, if you

got to pay a guy to get naked,

you're doing something wrong.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Jane.

Well, hi, I'm glad you could

squeeze us into your busy schedule.

Yeah, I was trying to get

ahead so I don't have to work

this weekend.

All right.

Well, I'd certainly hope you

weren't thinking about work

at my wedding.

Yes, yes.

Uh, come on.

Go here, you can have your toes

and fingers done, all right?

All right.

Okay.

All right, I brought

my own polish.

Okay... oh, we're... we're all

getting Precious Peach to match

with the champagne dresses.

It's like a Bellini.

Okay, I'll wear Precious Peach

on my fingernails.

We're all getting it on our

toes too.

'Kay, but we're wearing

pumps, our toes are gonna be covered.

But we're all getting

Precious Peach on our toes too.

Jane, please don't be so difficult.

Am I crazy?

I mean, how could it possibly

matter what color's on our toes

if they're covered?

Honey, this is Dana's wedding.

Dana wants Precious Peach.

Now, when you get married,

you can decide what you want, all right?

Fine.

So, Jane, I can't believe

I'm finally gonna meet the

mysterious Timothy Rommelly.

Yeah.

The thing is, he's on call.

He's not coming?

No, I'm really sorry.

I can't believe you didn't

tell me sooner.

This certainly wouldn't have

happened if you had chosen Ethan.

Why would you RSVP for two

people if there was a chance

one of them wouldn't make it?

That's $225 we can't get back.

I told you as soon

as I found out.

Oh, really?

Well, I would say the chances

were pretty good that "Timothy"

wasn't ever going to make it.

I don't know why you just didn't go alone.

You know, Dana, that's funny.

Or should I say "funny,"

because it's really not.

Jane, I think you need

to calm down here.

No, I am so sick of this!

You know, I... you're right.

Timothy is not on call.

Or maybe he is, but I wouldn't

know, because although he is not

imaginary, he is also not my boyfriend.

I pretended he was.

You know, I somehow let myself

be convinced that a woman is not

normal unless she has a boyfriend.

But you know what, I am normal.

At least I am the same amount of

normal as I would be

with a boyfriend.

And you know what the point is?

It's not even about the boyfriend.

I have a really good life.

I... I have a life that is full

of more meaningful things than

depleting the world of the color

of Precious Peach!

And I'm not gonna let anyone

make less of my life because I

don't have a boyfriend.

Well, no wonder she doesn't

have a boyfriend.

Hey, what's going on?

I gave Remke the partials

for Natasha's book.

I need to think about

anything else.

Driscoll Meyer is

bad-mouthing you all over town.

What?

I called 20 different Meyers in Manhattan.

Is it my fault he's not listed?

Yeah, well, apparently he

went to "Hairspray" alone.

Harvey Fierstein hit on him

after the show.

Ooh, yikes.

Tell him I'll pay for his therapy.

William would like to see you

in the conference room... now.

Okay, I have to go.

Tell me not to throw up.

Eww.

♪♪

Hey.

Who's getting married now?

Thank you all for coming,

I know you have work to do.

And if you don't, then see me

afterwards, because there's

clearly something wrong.

I hate when he tries to be funny.

I have an announcement to make.

Effective immediately, Jane Grant

is being promoted to editor.

Um, don't you mean associate editor?

She's been promoted for five seconds,

already she's questioning the boss.

(laughter)

You have always been very loyal

to Blush Publishing.

Not only do you stay in an

assistant position a lot longer

than you probably should have,

you're doing a hell of a job on

the Nutley autobiography.

Congratulations, Jane.

Hear, hear.

Congratulations.

(overlapping chatter)

(chuckles) Ohh.

Oh, good job.

You're so buying dinner

the next time we go out.

It's a deal.

(chatter continues)

Good job, Jane.

Oh, thank you.

I want your office when you move.

Look what you did.

I am so incredibly proud of you.

Thanks, yeah, it was a long time coming.

You know, no one deserves

this more than you do.

Yeah, I know.

Thanks.

Cheers.

Yes!

(laughs)

♪♪

(cork pops, Jane chuckles)

Of course I tried on the shoes.

Why, do you think I'm gonna spend all day

in a brand new pair of shoes?

I mean, I'm not stupid.

Good, I'm glad you did

something right with this wedding.

(sighs) Listen, Aunt Ina,

I'm really sorry about the

thing at the spa.

I want you to know, I called

Dana, I apologized,

and we're good, I swear.

Nothing like that is gonna

happen today at the wedding.

It's gonna be beautiful.

Thank you, honey.

You're welcome.

I'll see you soon.

Okay.

(groaning, wincing)

(opera music playing)

Ow!

Ow, ow, ow!

Oh!

I was just breaking in my shoes.

Uh, we've lived next door to

each other forever and we've

never actually met.

I'm Jane.

Archibald.

Archi... wow!

(laughs)

What?

Nothing, it's just not

a name you hear a lot.

It's nice though.

(opera music continues)

Good for you.

(groaning)

Ohh, yes.

Ow.

(sighs deeply)

(knocking)

Who is it?

(both) It's us.

It's open!

(door opens)

Hey!

We figured you wouldn't have time

to meet us, so we came to you.

You guys rock.

Yeah, but we'd rock more if

Eloise hadn't eaten your scone.

It was really good.

We got this for you.

Oh, what's this?

Well, we figured Dana gets

old, new, borrowed and blue.

So, the least we could do is get you

something to get you through the day.

A flask?

Not just a flask.

A champagne colored flask!

'Cause if it wasn't color

coordinated, it'd just be tacky.

Yeah.

What wonderful enabling

friends I have.

Just don't get sloppy drunk

and hit on your groomsmen.

(laughs sarcastically)

What are you saying?

Sex with the wedding party is

the only reason to be a bridesmaid.

I'm walking Larry's

grandfather down the aisle,

I think I can resist.

She couldn't even give you a

hot groomsman?

She's so selfish!

Okay, here's what you're gonna do.

Every time Dana goes to take a

bite of her dinner tonight,

you're gonna start that annoying

glass-tapping thing so she and

Larry have to kiss, and she

ends up starving.

Ooh, evil disguised as

romantic, I like it.

So, seriously,

are you gonna be okay?

Yeah!

Well, as long as my dress is

long enough to cover the

sneakers I'll be wearing,

I'm good.

You know, you'll probably

have more fun alone anyway.

Not just with the wedding,

in life in general.

That's true.

You know, it is kind of a burden

to have to think about someone

else's feelings all the time.

Especially when they're as

sensitive as Jeff is.

He calls it allergies,

but I know he cries.

Oh, Serge isn't any better.

Just to come over here this

morning, I had to sneak the dog

into the bed so he wouldn't

notice I was gone.

You don't have a dog.

Which will be yet

another thing to explain

if he wakes up early.

Oh!

(knocking)

Oh, who's that?

Probably the pizza.

We ordered Dominoes.

It's 8:00 in the morning.

Yeah, but the delivery guy

could be cute.

Consider it a Hail Mary.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it gives me great pleasure to

welcome for the very first time

in public, Mr. and Mrs. Larry Fishkill.

♪ It's not unusual ♪

♪ To be loved by anyone ♪

♪ It's not unusual ♪

♪ To have fun with anyone ♪

♪ But when I see you ♪

♪ Hanging about with anyone ♪

♪ It's not unusual ♪

♪ To see me cry ♪

♪ I wanna die ♪

Congratulations.

♪ It's not unusual ♪

♪ To go out at any time ♪

♪ But when I see you out ♪

♪ And about, it's such a crime ♪

♪ If you should ever wanna be ♪

♪ Loved by anyone ♪

♪ It's not unusual ♪

♪ It happens every day ♪

♪ No matter what you say ♪

♪ You'd find it happens ♪

♪ All the time... ♪♪

Hi.

Hi.

Hey!

Hey.

Is this your table too?

Yeah, lucky number 17.

Thank God, I hate making

hours of endless small talk

with people I don't know.

Yeah, I know, how many times

can you hear a person ask, "Hey",

so how do you know Dana?"

Exactly.

Yeah.

So, where's Sam?

He broke up with me.

What? When?

Remember the day I came to

your apartment?

Yeah?

It was the night before that.

You're kidding.

No.

Things had been not so great for

a while, and I guess having a

baby forced us to make

some decisions.

Well, I thought you said he

was happy about it.

Yeah, I lied.

Sorry.

Well, how you holding up?

Okay, you know, just trying

to stay calm and take everything

a day at a time.

Wow, that's really good.

Yeah, okay, I lied again.

I am scared to death.

Well, the fact that you can admit

that says you have the strength

to go through with this.

I mean it.

Thanks.

Where's Timothy?

Yeah... he's fooling around

with someone else.

What?!

Yeah, long stupid story,

but, uh, I'm flying solo.

Well, we make a fine pair.

Mm-hmm.

(both laugh)

Yeah, I hope you're prepared to

eat $450 worth of salmon, or

else Dana's gonna pitch a fit.

(glasses clinking)

Everyone, everyone,

the bride and groom would like

your attention.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Again?

Yeah, I'm pregnant.

Apparently, it's what we do.

Okay, if this is a ploy to

get out of the bouquet toss,

you're in big trouble.

Oh, no, baby, just stop, drop

and roll, you'll be fine.

I know it's somewhat

untraditional for the groom

to make the toast.

But, it's my wedding,

I'll do what I want.

(laughter)

Today is a day for celebration.

And after meeting Dana,

you can understand my elation.

The day she agreed to be my wife

is one that I'll treasure

all my life.

And though times can get tough,

I know that our love will be enough.

Here's to embarking on an

amazing ride with my friend,

my soulmate, my beautiful bride.

To Dana.

(all) To Dana.

To Dana.

(girls) To Dana.

Am I the luckiest girl

in the world or what?

Since today is a celebration of

love, my husband Larry and I

would like to invite all the

couples to come out and share

a special dance.

♪ There's a moon wind blowing ♪

♪ And it feels like our love ♪

♪ And it lights your eyes ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ And my greatest blessing ♪

♪ Is just to see you smiling ♪

♪ And why is it me ♪

♪ Who gets to feel so right ♪

♪ It couldn't get much better ♪

♪ Get much better ♪

♪ Than right this minute ♪

♪ These precious moments ♪

♪ In our lives ♪

♪ All this magic moonlight ♪

♪ On this starry evening ♪

♪ Never ever be a better night ♪

♪ There's a timeless magic ♪

♪ And an ageless treasure ♪

♪ There's a moon in your ♪

♪ Green eyes ♪

♪ And the winds sing low ♪

♪ And no words... ♪

Hi.

Hi.

I don't know if you remember

me, but we met when you started

your worldwide campaign against

wedding registries.

Oh, right!

Oh, my God, how could I forget?

I've only seen you, like,

a gazillion times.

I'm just a little

surprised to see you here.

Well, I'm not surprised to see you.

You're not?

Are you kidding?

With all the weddings you go to?

I actually find myself looking

for you every time I'm at one.

Aw, that's sweet,

and slightly stalker-ish.

Oh, okay, I better get to my

point then before I scare you off.

Would you like to dance?

Well, are we allowed?

Well, technically, we're not

a couple, but I can't take

the humiliation anymore.

Oh, well, I won't tell

if you don't.

Deal.

(chuckles)

♪ I could see the trust grow ♪

♪ In your eyes ♪

♪ Now we share a promise ♪

♪ And we know the meaning ♪

♪ We will have these memories ♪

♪ For the rest of our lives ♪

♪ Doesn't get much better ♪

♪ Get much better ♪

♪ Than right this minute... ♪♪

♪ The beat of my heart ♪

♪ Can you feel the heat ♪

♪ Can you feel the beat ♪

♪ Can you feel the heat ♪

♪ Can you feel the heat ♪

♪ Of the beat of my heart ♪

♪ Can you feel the heat ♪

♪ Can you feel the heat ♪

♪ Can you feel the beat ♪

♪ Can you feel the heat ♪

♪ Of the beat of my heart ♪

♪ Can you feel the heat... ♪♪

♪ The ocean of love ♪

♪ We'll let our hearts ♪

♪ Sail away ♪

♪ Ride the wind and waves ♪

♪ Make love in moonlight bay ♪

♪ In the ocean of love ♪

♪ In the ocean of love ♪

♪ In the ocean of love... ♪♪

♪ Can you feel it ♪

♪ Can you feel it... ♪

Okay, I think I need a timeout.

Oh, thank God.

I don't know how much longer I

could will myself not to sweat.

Can I get you a glass of water?

Yes, please!

But put it in a martini glass,

and instead of water, make it

vodka dry, up, with a twist.

Whoa, all right, you got it.

What?

See, now, this is the problem

with having pretty friends.

They always get the guy.

Oh, stop it.

He's cute.

Yeah, he is.

Okay, well, I'll leave

you two alone.

No, you don't have to do that.

Natasha.

Are you kidding?

This may be my last shot at

single guys before I start showing.

(laughs)

Hi!

Oh, I'm just so happy.

(laughing)

Well, you should, it's a

beautiful wedding, everything...

Oh, no, no, no, I'm not

talking about that.

I'm talking about Ethan.

What do you mean?

Ethan Miles, the young man

you've been dancing with.

What?

See, now, what does this

teach you, young lady?

You should always listen

to your aunt.

(laughs)

Oh, she's so great, isn't she?

Oh, I just...

Okay, one martini-flavored

glass of water.

Thank you.

(laughs)

And you're laughing.

Yeah.

It's a long story.

Right, which you'll tell me some day.

Definitely, but we cannot

keep ignoring the fact that

there is old school punk

playing in the Carlton.

Now, throw in some locusts

and that's a sign of the

Apocalypse, right?

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Come on!

Yeah!

♪ You cause a scene ♪

♪ To prove you're wild ♪

♪ But you don't know what it ♪

♪ Means till it comes off ♪

♪ As mild ♪

♪ And everything you said ♪

♪ Is spoon-fed ♪

♪ And everything you've read ♪

♪ Is edited ♪

♪ You're at the top, you're at ♪

♪ The top of my hit list ♪

♪ You're at the top, you're at ♪

♪ The top of my hit list... ♪♪

So, I guess you could say

that by writing this book,

I'm once again screwing one of

the most famous actors in

show business.

Only this time, I'm actually

enjoying it.

Oh.

(laughs) Fin.

Fin?

Mm-hmm.

Doesn't actually say fin,

does it?

Yes, Natasha thought it

sounded European.

So does not showering, that

doesn't make it a good idea.

(laughs)

Oh, so what do you think?

Oh no, you paused!

I didn't pause.

You did!

Now, whatever you say, I know

isn't gonna be your first

thought, it's gonna be something

you carefully crafted.

What, during that half second pause?

Yeah, you work fast.

You wanna know what I think?

Yes.

I think it's good.

Yeah?

Yeah, really good.

Thanks.

So good, in fact, my manhood

may be a little threatened here.

Aww.

That's bad.

I know.

When I met you, I thought I was

just getting a hot chick.

I don't know if I can deal with

you being talented and smart too.

Well, if you want, I could go

blond and start talking like a

local anchorwoman.

Now, that'd be a start.

Maybe you could get a job in a

food court to really sell it.

Hey, why don't you let me

row a while?

Yeah.

(chuckles)

Hey, we should probably head

back soon, the hour's almost up.

Oh, no!

Oh!

Well, now, what do we do?

I don't know.

I mean, you can't row with one oar.

No, you can't.

I guess you're stuck with me.

Bummer.

♪♪

Oh, my God, she used

the oar trick.

Looks like this one's a keeper!

Nah, there's still plenty of time to find out

he's an axe murderer who litters.

Well, she can always have Serge.

♪♪

♪♪