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RADIO STORIES

(INITIAL MUSIC)

(MUSIC)

(SNORING)

(ALARM CLOCK)

(YAWNING)

(RADIO MUSIC)

(RADIO) "Once Jesus, our Master, said:

'Look at the birds in the sky'.

Look at them? What for?

To learn from them.

Because birds can also give a lecture,

they're also teachers.

Isn't it wonderful
to learn from those

who teach with their singing?

You may be wondering, dear radio listener:
What can birds teach?"

A lot of things. For instance,
that one which God taught us:

they can teach us
to believe in God's providence

and they can also teach us..."

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

"Hello?"

Good morning.

It's about to start.

I'm ready.

Did you sleep well?

No, I haven't slept for three nights.

I think it must be the marinade.

I've slept like a dog.

The marinade never sits me well.

Well, as I said,
I've slept like a dog last night.

The marinade doesn't sit me well.

I've slept like a dog.

"At this time of the day,
when night is gone"

and it begins to dawn,
enlighten, oh, Jesus,

our salvation Sun,
our inner landscape.

The day begins, oh, Jesus,
and everything feels

like blooming.

Let us be also happy,
because you held our hands

into the right path.

You gave us, Lord,
this healthy weather,

so that You, with water..."

I weighed myself yesterday.

I've lost another 250 kilos.

Are you saying that to annoy me?

No, it's just the truth.

That mustn't be possible.

We eat the same food and do the same
exercises, but I don't lose any weight.

Maybe you don't do it well.

You must do exercises enthusiastically.

I've done them with you for a month.

- I never took anything so seriously.
- Oh, yes.

But it's also true you can bend
your belly in many different ways.

Do you think you can bend
your belly better than other people?

No, I don't think so.

- The scales do.
- The scales?

(RADIO) "If you leave home without having
thought of God,

birds are better than you.

So you're less of a brother
mine that sister lark ... "

It seems the priest
speaks more and more every day.

He's already finished.

Stand in your place.

"You've just listened to
our morning prayer

said by reverend Father
Venancio Marcos.

Now let's listen to
"Exercises Every Day".

(RADIO) Good morning, my friends".
- Stand up.

"This program will be focused
on abdominal muscles.

Are you ready?

Pay attention.
First exercise...

On your tiptoes
and hands on your hips,

raise your legs.

One, raise your right leg.

Two, lower it.

One, raise your left leg..."
- Come on, my friend!

Raise it!

(RADIO) "Again.

One, raise.

Two, lower.

Left leg.
One, raise.

Two, lower.

Right leg.
One, raise.

Two, lower.

One, raise.

Two, lower.

One, raise.

Two, lower".

One, raise.

Two, lower.

One, raise.
Two, lower.

One, raise.
Two, lower.

One, raise and two, lower.

One, raise and two...

You don't need
to raise anything.

But you do need
to lower your leg.

Lower it, please,
and let's do another exercise.

Bend your trunk forward
with your legs spread.

You must spread your legs
as much as you can and stretch

your arms up as if
you wanted to touch the ceiling.

Stretch your arms wide.

Then, bend your trunk forward
until you can touch the floor.

Not with your fingertips,
but with the palm of your hands.

Let's see it again,
arms up and legs spread.

One, bend forward.

Two, raise yourself
and breathe slowly.

One, bend forward.
Two...

"We think you've already realised
we've brought you

to a radio station.

We wanted to tell our stories
right from the beginning.

And this is the beginning.
Or it could be.

A calm, moderate beginning in the morning,
that will get complicated when

that noisy broadcast,

called 'Facing our listeners',
which is so successful

and gave us the idea of introducing
this film to you, begin.

Our stories begin in a past time.

The radio host,
who gave you the exercise

lesson, was then beginning
to stand out as a good host.

The girl had just begun working
in the radio and had hardly

time but to fall in love

with this handsome and smug lad.

So, those are better times".

Well, very
well the Madrilenian ...

(VOCAL QUARTET SINGING)

(VOCAL QUARTET SINGING)

(VOCAL QUARTET SINGING)

(VOCAL QUARTET SINGING)

(VOCAL QUARTET SINGING)

(APPLAUSE)

After this original performance
of the famous group

from San Sebastian "Los Xey",
who has been so successful

in America, let's continue
with our program and introduce

our next guest,
who is a very famous

bullfighter and who,
although retired,

will gather our attention.

But before that, let me give you,
ladies and gentlemen,

a personal satisfaction
which, in a way,

is also related with bulls,
because it's an alternativa.

We'll give the radio "alternativa"

to a partner host.

To the host Gabriel Matilla,
for whom I ask you to offer a round

of applause so that
he can get used

to his future broadcasts.

(APPLAUSE)

And here you are,
as a symbol of our alternativa,

- the script of our broadcast...
- I hope he can do it well.

Don't worry.
He is very talented.

The best way to thank you
for your applauses

is not giving you
an acceptance speech.

So, let's continue
our broadcast and introduce you

the most representative
bullfighter figure,

the best bullfighter ever

who, after being retired
for 20 years, is still stopped

when walking in the street
with that charm and elegance

God granted him.

I present you
Rafael Gómez, El Gallo.

(APPLAUSE)

Welcome, Mr. Rafael.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Rafael.
Welcome to Radio Madrid.

We've just told our radio listeners
that you retired 20 years ago.

Is that true?

- Yes, it is, sir.
- So, in 1935.

- Yes.
- Tell me, did you cut your ponytail?

Or was it just a hairpiece
at that time?

No, we didn't wear a hairpiece.

How long
had you been a bullfighter?

45 years.

45 years.

You must have known
a lot of bullfighter generations,

- isn't it true?
- A lot.

How many?
- Five generations.

Could you give us some names?

The most important one,
and the oldest one, was

Manuel Morcilla...
I fought along with him.

After that, I fought along with (...).

Then, the famous Marinero;
I also fought along with him.

Then, Mazantini.

And everyone in our profession.

- Did you also fight along with Manolete?
- Manolete is very recent.

But, did you fight along with him?

Yes, I did.

Did you admire Manolete?

- What?
- Did you admire Manolete?

A lot.
And I also loved him very much.

How many gorings did you get
during all that time?

14.
14.

Serious?
2.

That means you liked
being very close to the bull,

- didn't you?
- That's what they say.

- Really?
- That's my legend.

- Explain us your legend.
- That very legend.

- That legend....
- That I took up bullfighting,

and there was a bullfighter
who was very scared...

Don't you tell me
you were very scared.

- So they say.
- By the way,

what's the truth about "fleeing"?

Fleeing means not being able
to face a bull,

and so you must do
some bad things in front of the bull.

- But you were famous for that.
- Very.

And the spectators liked it a lot.

I think the spectators
really followed you.

They did, as much as
in my most successful afternoons.

Give me the envelope, Manuel,
I'll take them.

Why?

- I want to give him
my congratulations. - Here you are.

Let's continue.
He'll help us with today's envelope

with which "Biscuits Cruz y Raya"
gives you a present

to the first one who turns up
in our studio and meet the requirements

written on the envelope.

Pay much attention
because this week

you could win
a jackpot of 3,000 pesetas.

Here you are the envelopes.

Congratulations.

And now our guest of honour
will take out one envelope.

With great pleasure.

Well said.

Open it, Mr. Rafael.

And read it.

Coming in dressed as an Eskimo,
with a sledge and a husky.

Very well.

That's it, there will be
3,000 pesetas

for the first one who comes in
this Madrid Radio Station

dressed as an Eskimo.

Those who eat seals instead of prawns.

But don't forget, you must come
with a husky and a sledge.

Take your Eskimo dress out of
your wardrobe and come here

like lightning. We'll be waiting
for you with open arms.

Meanwhile, let's thank
these old bullfighting glory

for coming here.

I gave you my congratulations.

It'll be much better
when I do it alone.

...and we'll give him a loud
and emotional farewell applause.

(APPLAUSE)

Come on!

- Leave that.
- What's wrong?

We must be very smart.

I've been listening to the radio
and I think I've got the solution.

They'll give 3,000 pesetas to the first one
who goes there dressed as an Eskimo.

What nonsense!
Are you going to go?

I wish I could.

- You will go.
- Me?

- You.
- Dressed as an Eskimo?

That doesn't matter.

It's 3,000 pesetas.

That's what we need for our patent
and piston model.

- What if I'm arrested?
- Why?

Because the carnival
finished ten days ago.

But you could say you're a Málaga mask
coming from La Coruña.

A Málaga mask
coming from La Coruña...

- Too difficult.
- Do you want...

those aeronautical people
to go there before us and patent

their model when we really finished
ours six months ago?

No, of course I don't.

But I'll feel very embarrassed.

Why embarrassed?

Did I say naked?

You'll be wrapped up warm.

You usually dress much worse
when you go out in the street.

- Listen...
- Of course, you don't look at yourself.

- Moreover, we'll take a taxi.
- Where can I find an Eskimo dress?

Easy.
Everybody has one.

You could do it with one or two blankets.
Or no blankets at all.

Do you think Eskimos have a tailor?

What about the sledge?

Very easy, too.

I'll do it for you

with an old chair and four sticks
while you're looking for the dog.

When can I find a dog?

The porter's son-in-law has got one.

Why don't we dress him?

He's not very smart,
but he would understand it

and keep the money
we need for the piston.

Will you make up your mind?
Let's go!

Are you sure
those 3,000 pesetas will be mine?

Of course I am,
they repeated it a million times.

But I...

No more words!
Look for the dog.

Excuse me,
is that dog peaceful?

You mean quiet?

Yes, sir, he's very kind.

He won't bite anyone
unless they laugh.

I beg your pardon?

I've already told you.

If no one laughs,
he won't get angry.

You mean he will
if he hears someone laughing?

Oh, yes, sir.

He will.

- Is that true?
- Of course it is.

Laugh a bit.

Is he tied tightly?

Don't worry.

(LAUGHING)

Come on, that's just gargles.

How should I laugh?

Like everybody, with your belly.

(LAUGHING)

(DOG BARKING)

- Was it difficult?
- Yes.

First finding the dog and then
finding a taxi, it was very difficult.

- Is he still here?
- He's downstairs.

- Where's the Eskimo dress?
- It's there.

Put it on while I finish the sledge.

I'm beginning to think
this will cost me dear.

The taxi driver charged me 10 pesetas
if I wanted the dog to get on.

I'm going to the north station.
I only have eight minutes

to take my train.
Can't you take me there?

Of course I can't, the taxi is taken.

- I will miss my train.
- I'm sorry.

Why didn't you look
for a taxi before?

I found it but someone stole it from me
when I went upstairs for my bag.

I'll pay you double.

It's not about paying.

I'll give you 50 more pesetas.

Who do you think you're talking to?

100.

No, sir, neither 100 nor 150!

Do you get it?

Of course I do. 200!

Come on, hurry up.

Don't forget it:
Radio Madrid

in 26, Santa Bárbara Square.

Santa Bárbara,
patron saint of the artillery.

And number 26,
which is a stupid number.

(BABBLING)

What are you saying? Speak clearly!

If I'm not back at night,
ask for me in the surgery room.

That's not funny.

You bring the money,
that's what we need.

Where's the taxi?

(BABBLING)

- What are you saying?
- They've taken it.

- Who?
- I don't know. I left him waiting here.

- We must find another one.
- Another one?

Do you know what you're saying?

- Look around you.
- We must look for one. Come on.

They must have escaped from a madhouse.

They look a mess!

Look at his feet.

We must give up.

We're playing the fool
and the Eskimo.

I don't care about people.

But they could laugh
and you know this dog......

Let them laugh!

We'll laugh at them
when we get the patent.

Sucker!

- Are you a tourist?
- Don't answer.

Ask your father!

Who's your father?
The bear in El parque del Retiro?

(LAUGHING)

(DOG BARKING)

Either you hold tight that dog
or I'll...

- I'm talking to you.
- Why are you picking on him?

Who picked on him?

- You, bastard!
- No, sir.

You were the first one to insult.
You called him "sucker".

That's what you are.

And you're crazy.

- You lame!
- Lame?!

You should be ashamed of insulting him.

No one will dare to hit me
with a crutch!

That's because you didn't shave!

Listen...!

(SHOUTING)

Come here!

(SHOUTING)

Come here, come here!

Look what you've done...

- Listen, my friend.
- What?

- Are you going to the radio?
- Yes, sir.

Of course.

I've just heard
you only have 8 minutes.

And what can I do now?

Come on, I'll take you there.

You?
Are you going to take me there?

(SHOUTING) Come on, go, go!

You're to blame for everything.

I knew you were going to the radio
when I saw you dressed that way.

I always thought those shows
were just a lie.

I'm worried about my friend.

Don't worry.

Nobody will lame him anymore.

However, he could lame 3 or 4.

- Go to hell!
- You are driving very fast.

No, sir, we must be on time.
Tell me, why did you argue with them?

I guess they got near...

and your nose turned red
like an Eskimo.

No, no. We just need
those 3,000 pesetas.

So do I.

But I'd only dress that way
if I got drunk.

Those radio people are a scream.

They asked people to go there
in a bathing suit, with two skates

and a pot on their head
two weeks ago.

Look at him, a policeman.

(WHISTLING)

Good afternoon.

Do you think you can drive so fast?

You're all right, officer.

But this man here is a foreigner.
His aunt from Norway is dying.

Norway?

Drive more carefully.

- Thank you very much.
- Good afternoon.

I'll give him a bottle of soda
when I'm back.

- Look!
- What's wrong?

That taxi!

It's a new one.

- What can we do?
- On board! Hold tight!

No, my God, no!

Get off as soon as you can.
It's there.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Open!

Haven't you got eyes or what?

I was driving on my side, you idiot!

Get back!
I came before.

You haven't come yet,
there's still a floor.

Let me through or I'll run over you.

Just try if you're man enough.

Oh!

My ankle!

Let go of my foot!

Or look what I can do!

Listen.
I think you lamed me.

I've already told you!

Let go of me!

Listen, none of us
will be able to get there.

Will you share those 3,000 pesetas
with me?

I think you're fair
but I can't.

I could do
with just half the money...

I need all the money.

Let me go!

Ouch!

Ouch!

Why do you want so much money?

For an important invention.
And you?

- For a lady.
- Is she ill?

No way, she's very cute.

I understand you.
Do you have an affair with her?

No, sir.

But I'd like to.

You must understand
my reason is more important.

You don't know this lady.

Even though she's a Venus,
an invention will always be

of national interest.

I'm the nation and my interest
is in this lady.

What's your invention?

Another bomb?

A double-deflector piston.

We all can live without pistons.

But without a lady...

I live without a lady...

Sure, that's why
you invent pistons.

- Listen...
- Go, go upstairs.

You make me feel very sad.

- How's that?
- You can go upstairs.

Go, you could be late.

(DOG BARKING)

- Which way?
- What's wrong with your nose?

- Nothing.
- How can I get to the studio?

- This hall.
- Thanks.

(APPLAUSES)

Thanks, thanks everybody.

They're mine! 3,000!
Do you want me to invite you?

No, sir.

- Go to the North Pole...
- You must be kidding!

I'm going to the street!

This popular show, as you may know,
is sponsored

by the famous firm
"Biscuits Cruz y Raya".

They make the most delicious biscuits

and toasts...

for breakfast.

This funny show...

(LAUGHING)

(DOG BARKING)

Dear listeners,
this interruption

and this turmoil
that you may be hearing...

is due to the arrival
of another Eskimo.

Listen, my friend,
let go of the dog.

Come near.

What's wrong with your dog?

He doesn't like laughter.

Doesn't he like laughter’s?

Well, you shouldn't have taken it here

because everybody comes here to laugh.

Very well.

I've come for another reason.

Oh, you're here for the 3,000 pesetas.

But I think you got held up, maybe
getting ready with that nice disguise

and that aerodynamic sledge.

So, another man came before you.

If it had been a beauty contest,
you would have won for sure.

(LAUGHING)

Don't you like laughter,
like your dog?

Don't worry, you can go on.

Fantastic! Because laughing
is very healthy and whets your appetite,

so you can eat two or three packets
of "Biscuits Cruz y Raya",

which sponsors this program,
and I thank you, my friend,

for your collaboration.

And if you want to say something to our
dear listeners, here is the microphone.

I'd like to talk to a friend.

Here you are the microphone.

Tomás!

(LAUGHING)

I don't know if you're home,
or in the police station,

or in hospital.

But if you're listening to me,
I want you to know

that I'm in the radio station.

While you were hitting
all those people,

a good and nice man
took me here in his car.

When we were in Santa Bárbara,
we crashed into another taxi,

in which, unluckily for us,
there was another Eskimo.

We run between the cars

and I managed
to enter the door before.

But in the staircase, my friend,

I was very very tired
and he caught up with me.

We fought like crazy,
step by step.

My nose hurts.

But in the end, God forgives me,
I managed to come in

first in the station.

You may have heard
that another Eskimo came before me.

I've done more than
I've ever thought I could do.

Those here
who are laughing at me...

Bastards!

may not know
what, for a man like me,

devoted to the study and investigation
and without hardly going out

of the laboratory,
this all means to me.

If it hadn't been for......

(CRYING)

In short,
these Biscuits men

must go.

Everything has been useless.

But I'm happy
to have fought for your dream

and for mine.

Let those other people
patent their piston,

and you throw
our piston away.

Maybe God wishes it
to be this way.

A moment, sir, don't go.

I want our listeners
to hear the silence

of those who have laughed at him.

We welcomed you with laughter,
but now

I can see that wasn't fair.

Tell me, sir,
if you had won the money

that you need for your piston,

isn't it true
you would have also laughed with us?

Maybe.

So laugh, because this humble host
has the pleasure

to take out another 3,000 pesetas
of my pocket

as long as you accept me as associate
of that piston I don't know.

But you really spoke in such

a faithful way
that it must be really good.

(APPLAUSE)

Take these 3,000 pesetas, please.

Take them, take them...

because you won them.

What must I do, Mr. Tomás,
take them or give them back?

Take them!

They're fair and square!

(APPLAUSE)

"You must move your legs
alternately,

as if you were riding a bicycle,
rhythmically and stretching them.

One, two.
One, two.

One, two.

One, two.
One, two.

One, two".

What are you doing?

Can't you see how I'm doing it?

You'd better imitate me.

I was the one
who lost 10 grams this week.

You must have weighed yourself
without your waistcoat on.

- Look at me!
- You won't beat me.

(RADIO) "Just a little bit more
and it's all right.

You can stand up".

Did you?

All right.

Now, our last exercise today,

On your tiptoes and arms held
against the sides of the body,

jump 100 times.

Shall we go!

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven.

Have a good jump!

- See you tomorrow, my friends.
- Have a good day.

I've got a bad conscience
whenever I leave them jumping.

Who will stop them?

- Their downstairs neighbour will.
- Maybe.

- Are you going upstairs?
- Yes.

- Did you have breakfast?
- Of course.

- Didn't you?
- Yes, two fried eggs.

But I was looking for an excuse
to invite you.

- I like being with you.
- Oh, I understand.

But maybe Gabriel doesn't.

Who is Gabriel?

Gabriel? Oh, yes!

A young lad who speaks on the radio
and thinks he invented it.

He's very talented.
Now I must go.

See you for the commercial guide.

Whenever you open your eyes,
I'll be ready to welcome you back.

Why don't you also welcome me,
now that I've just come in?

Good morning, Gabriel.

That's a good idea.
It didn't cross my mind.

Why don't you tell that idiot
to leave you in peace?

I'm sorry but I can't.

I broadcast the gym and
commercial guide lessons with him.

Just the same I did with you.

Maybe I'll leave everything.

What's wrong with you, Gabriel?

They don't take any notice of me.
Am I good or not for this job?

If I'm good, they should
give me what's mine.

Who's sitting there?
Nobody, of course.

They can only force a fool
to come here

on Sunday.

You have to explain
that thing about a fool to me.

Sorry.

Gonzalo, I'm ready
for that recording.

Who hasn't come?

Oh, I see, the rich kid.

Of course, he's the owner...

My show is at 1 p.m.
and I still need someone.

I was with him yesterday night.

All right, all right.

When he's back, tell him
I'm gone. I came right on time.

- Are you really leaving?
- Of course I am.

Don't you see his game?

He wants to make me lose
my time for him to show off his program.

You can't do it.
He's the boss.

Whose boss?

He's just a host like me
who doesn't want to lose his job.

If I don't show my claws,
nobody will notice them.

Do you really need
to show your claws?

Since I'm a man, I do.

Since you're a woman,
you just need those beautiful eyes.

Foolish eyes.

Don't go, Gabriel.

I have to.
A woman is waiting for me.

- What?
- I've got a date

with Gracia Montes at 11.
Do you want to come?

I'm sorry, but I also have a date
with a gentleman at 10.30.

With a fool.

On the roads of Andalusia
the pilgrimage cries are already sounding.

Look we are the butlers
and do not get involved because they go

our wagons like thrones.

Virgin of Regla
which is in Chipiona.

And in the Marismas Blanca Paloma.

And the first Consolation
it's called and it's in Utrera.

Satin mantle, silver moon.

Long live the black eyes
that they kill me.

Andalusia, where there is no
good thing there is no pilgrimage.

Go out to the dance, lady
Matea, to see a good body

that is jelly.

Long live the godfather
who loses his mind.

Long live the range to sound
the chopsticks in the fandangos.

Take face, take fuss,
take my hand,

my cousin brother.

It happens brunette than the clock
that you gave me has a chain.

The weavers, go well,
pass them with two drinks

of Cazalla.

Andalusia, where there is none.

(LONG) There is ...

good thing there is no pilgrimage.

(APPLAUSE)

Thank you very much, Gracita.

And I hope you'll still be
very successful.

Goodbye.

Let's continue
our broadcast.

And, while we get ready
a great surprise for all of you,

let's give you some money

from our popular
rat poison brand "Alirón",

which sponsors this program,
and whose slogan

is so famous all over Spain.

So, let's take the phone
and the book, and ask one of you

to come here
and choose one number randomly.

- Me!
- Yes, of course, madam.

The person we'll call

will win 2,000 pesetas

if he's here before 30 minutes
after the phone call.

Here we are our madam,
very beautiful, by the way,

who will choose a number.
Would you be kind enough?

- Here?
- Wherever you wish.

All right, she chose "S".

S-a-n.

Now, with your eyes closed,
if you can really close

those big eyes you've got,
mark one of these numbers

with the pencil.

He marked 22 45 36.

Do you agree, madam?

I send my greetings to my parents
and my aunts. I'm Patrito.

Will you check before
if the number

is correct?

It's 22 45 36. Is that one?

Yes, madam.
You can go now.

- Thank you very much.
- Not at all.

All right,
let's make the phone call.

This man can't imagine

he could win 2,000 pesetas.

All right, the phone's ringing.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

(PHONE RINGING) "Hello, sir.
Is that 22 45 36?

Hello?
Is that 22 45 36?"

Wrong number.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

(ON THE PHONE) "Is that 22 45 36?"

Hello?

(ON THE PHONE) "Is it or not?"
Yes, it is.

"Why did you tell me
I had got the wrong number?"

You said another number.

I said that number, my friend.

The whole Spain heard it.

All right, it doesn't matter.

We're calling from Radio Madrid,
from the famous rat poison show,

"If you find a mouse,
use Alirón", to tell you

you could win 2,000 pesetas
if you can do

something very easy:
turn up in our studio

before 30 minutes
and prove

that your name is
Cerón Santiago Pumarolas.

What do you think?

(ON THE PHONE) "Hello?
What do you think?"

I think it's all right.

"That's a good thing.
Is anything wrong?

- Can't you speak now?"
No.

"Are you Cerón Santiago?"

Are you really
from the radio?

Turn on the radio
and you'll be able to listen to us.

Why did you call this number?

"You're lucky, my friend.
It was chosen randomly".

Will you give me 2,000 pesetas?

"Yes, sir.
If you come here before 30 minutes".

Must I go in person?

"You must prove it".

Could I send a friend?

I sprained my ankle.

"I'm sorry, that's not possible.
You must come here personally.

If you can't come, tell us
and we'll phone another person".

No, don't phone anyone,
I'll go personally.

"In that case, pay attention
to the time.

See you right now, Mr. Cerón".

We only had to...

At the end of this life,
he who gave more will be richer,

and he who was buried
with his money will be poorer.

Money is only a symbol
for material property,

and these don't belong to anyone.
They just belong to God,

and He's the only one who can call us
to account for what He gave us

and what we gave.

Nobody could take 20,000
olive trees to his grave,

not a skyscraper, not a car,
not even the box

where we keep our money.

Graves are as strict
as God's justice

and in them there's only room
for what we were:

a piece of land
that to land returns.

Because even our body
had been lent to us.

Please, tell him it's urgent,
I can't wait.

Yes, of course, one moment.

He says your aunt is very ill.

- My aunt?
- Yes.

- What aunt?
- I don't know.

Shhhh!

- What's wrong?
- Come with me.

What aunt?
I haven't got any aunt.

Who said aunt?
I just said it's urgent. Come on.

What's wrong?

I have no time
to explain it to you.

If I make you win 2,000,
will you give me half?

Did you make me go out for this?

Pay me those 640 that you owe me
and then we can talk about business.

I want to pay you,
but this is not the right time.

You can win
2,000 pesetas right now.

Why's that?
Because they like my face?

They don't,
you'd never win money with that face.

- But they're safe.
- Where?

Will you give me half? They're mine,
why would I give them to you?

Because if I didn't tell you,
Alirón would keep them.

- Who?
- I didn't say anything.

Who is "Lirón"? Your accomplice?

I haven't got any accomplice.

I said "alirón", I mean,
the air, the ether, it will evaporate.

And if we don't hurry,
the money will also evaporate.

That's incredible!

- Are they being boiled?
- You must decide, it's our money.

It's my money!

- Why should I give you half?
- Are we going to start again?

If some people found a treasure
in your house,

half is for them.
That's what the law says.

The law says that you must pay
your landlord and you owe me three months.

- Suppose I give you half.
- Suppose? No, please.

- Will you give me half or not?
- All right, I will.

- What do we have to do?
- Come with me and take a taxi.

But, who'll pay for the taxi?

Each of us will pay half,
that's what the law says.

Now let's go.

Are you happy
to play in Real Madrid?

Very much. It's been
the only team I've played with

in first division and I'd like
to finish my sports career here.

Thanks a lot in the name
of all Real Madrid supporters.

Tell me, do you shoot
well with both feet?

More or less the same,
although better with my right foot.

If you had to kick
an annoying friend,

what foot would you use?

My right foot
because it's stronger.

Nobody would like
to be your enemy.

Are you in favour of strategies
or freedom of players in the field?

I'm in favour of strategies
because,

unless otherwise stated,
they are giving results.

But I'm also in favour of giving
the player his own freedom.

That's right.

How many times have you played
for the Spanish national team?

Six times.

Always playing
on the right wing?

No, I've played
on both right and left wing.

What was your best match
with the Spanish national team?

My best international match
was in 1950,

in the World Cup in Rio de Janeiro.

We tied at two with Uruguay.

It was a very good match
because Uruguay

was the winner of that World Cup.

Wait a moment.

This place is full of people.

- That's not important.
- I won't come in.

- Then go back to church.
- I don't understand you.

You must come in personally.

- Have you got your ID?
- I think I haven't.

No, I haven't.

- What will we do now?
- Have you got yours?

- Yes, but it's my ID.
- Never mind, give it to me.

Are you crazy?
Neither of us have got a moustache.

Look.

Only train inspectors
pay attention

to this.
You just have to show it very quickly.

It's useless,
they've already told me.

Who told you that?

It's useless.

Will you come in?

Go ahead.

So that you can beat
Barcelona F.C..

Molowny is always
a worthy spectacle in the field

and wherever he goes.

Let's give him a round
of applause, which will be small

compared to the one
he'll get this afternoon in the field.

Goodbye, Luis,
and thank you very much.

(APPLAUSE)

At this very moment,
three minutes ahead of time,

our friend Cerón Santiago
has just come in.

Let's also give him
a round of applause.

(APPLAUSE)

You've won 2,000 pesetas

that our popular brand
Alirón gives.

"If you find a mouse,
use use Alirón"

And also a 2-litre bottle
of this rat poison

that will turn your house
into a paradise.

Have you got an ID
with which to prove your identity?

Mr. Cerón is looking
for his ID.

- You've put on some weight, sir.
- Yes.

Here you are, sir.
Everything's all right.

Here you are your 2,000 pesetas

and we'll also give you
a bottle of rat poison Alirón

if you're kind enough
to repeat our slogan.

"If you find a mouse"

"If you find a mouse"

"Use use Alirón".

"Use use Alirón"

Perfect, sir!

Here you are your prize
and the applause from our spectators.

(APPLAUSE)

Thanks everybody.

To you, sir.

Does your ankle hurt?

My ankle?

When we talked on the phone,
you said you sprained it.

- Who told you that?
- You.

But I didn't talk to you.

Of course you did.
To whom else?

I didn't talk to anyone.

Either you like kidding
or your memory

is very bad
or your house is full of ghosts.

You told me
you sprained your ankle.

You also said I had got
the wrong number and you hanged up.

I phoned you again.
Do you remember now?

I'll tell you the truth.

When you phoned,
I was at the barber's.

You talked to my father.

So he pretended to be me
and went to the barber's.

- To the barber's?
- Yes, of course.

Well, you're not shaved.

It wasn't my turn yet.

Everything is clear now

and you can take those 2,000
pesetas that Alirón is giving you

and buy a good shaver.

I hope you're home
in case we phone you again.

A round of applause
for our friend Cerón Santiago Pumarolas.

(APPLAUSE)

Are you looking for someone?

I'm looking for my friend,
a gentleman who came with me.

He went out some time ago.
He must have felt excited.

Of course, now I understand.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Yes, speaking.

I'm glad you're home.

I'm the priest of San Damián.

Maybe you know me
if you go to church.

That's it.
How do you do?

I'm glad.

I'd like to see you and talk

about a parish matter.

No, it's not cautious by phone.

We must meet.

I'm sorry, priest,
but I can't now,

I was about to phone the police.

While I was attending mass
this morning, a thief

entered my house and...

Are you sure it was a thief?

I'm just asking you
because sometimes

things aren't what they seem.

What?

A forced drawer and a picklock?

Well, there's no doubt, then.

I could also be useful for that.

Come and meet me.

You can always find time for that.

Police stations are always open.

They are just like the undertaker's.

Keeping calm is always a good thing,
all the more when we are a bit nervous.

Saint Augustine said:
"If he who kills your son

asks you for water, give it to him
before turning him in to judges".

Of course, then you turn him in,
right?

And well tied, that's it.

Maybe I could help you do that.

Yes, I could.

Come and meet me,

everything could be different.
The church is very near.

May God pay you.

See you then.

You didn't tell me anything
about that picklock.

I didn't because I was very ashamed,
but it doesn't change things.

I had to use something
to open the door, Father.

All right.

But that tool shows your trade.

Believe me, Father,
it was a just a twisted nail.

I'm not a thief,
I've never stolen anything from anybody.

And I decided to do it
because he really meant to evict me.

I stole him to pay him.

All in all,
it's a kind of self-vaccine.

What do you mean by self-vaccine?

You did wrong.

Have you eaten?

I don't feel like
eating, not even a bread crumb.

Anyway, I couldn't give it to you,
I don't eat bread.

Would you like some wine?

That...

No, no, thanks.

Do you think I'm offering it to you
because I'll turn you in to judges?

Come on, drink.

Don't give too much importance
to that Saint Augustine's saying.

It's mine.

- You wanted to steal me.
- I didn't steal anything from you.

Thanks to God.

The only thing I did
was to make you win 2,000 pesetas,

but you haven't given me
my part yet.

Are you still claiming that money?

Claiming? Why not?
You promised to give it to me.

Are you listening to this hypocrite?

Yes.

I've listened to both of you.

Now, if you let me, listen to me.

You went there to steal.

But I didn't.

Give thanks to God,
because He let

some wonderful coincidences
avoid it.

What did God want to avoid?

Did he avoid you being a thief
or this man being stolen?

- Who did he feel more sorry for?
- I don't think there's any doubt.

The honest man who was going
to be stolen.

I'm sure he felt more sorry
for me, the honest man

who is poor
but doesn't want to be any more.

It's risky
to try to understand God's acts.

I would have felt more sorry
for the thief.

The thief?

He had a lot more to lose,

no matter how much money
you kept in your trunk.

Maybe I feel
some kind of sympathy

for thieves,
the same one others feel for birds.

I know someone who steals me every day.

A thief?

Yes, sir, a thief.

Are you serious?

Of course.

It won't take me long
telling you about this.

He enters the church,
opens Saint Anthony's collection box,

steals and leaves.

Did you see him?

Oh, yes, of course.

Let's get now to the point.

Frankly speaking,
there's no doubt about the matter.

You must give him 1,000 pesetas.

He must pay you those 640 pesetas.

And once everything is settled,
you'll go to jail.

That's what I think.

Yes, sir, so do I.

I don't.

They phoned me, not him.

He just pretended to be me.

If I hadn't done it,
you wouldn't have got 2,000 pesetas.

Moreover,
he got the money showing my ID.

They didn't even look at it.

If I had known
this was going to happen....

Let's see.

Were you in church this morning?

Yes, sir, at 1 p.m.

Another remarkable coincidence.

Did you hear my sermon?

Yes, sir, nearly everything.

What do you think about
"At the end of this life,

he who gave more will be richer,

and he who was buried with his money
will be poorer"?

I think it's great.

But neither I'm a millionaire
nor I want to be buried

with my money.

There are a lot of ways
to be a millionaire

and lot of ways to be a thief.

We'll follow later;
the thief is about to come.

Will you come with me?

To see a theft?

You must admit
it could be more exciting

than football or bullfighting.

That's the collection box.

Why precisely that one?

I think I know.

Let's hide.

If he comes and sees us,
maybe he won't like.

We can watch him from that altar.

It's a bit uncomfortable
but it won't take us long.

Aren't you going to call the police?

No, they'd surely want to watch him,

but there's little room
for anyone else.

Come on.

Here.

One day this man came in
while I was holding a service

in my confessional.

He noticed the church was empty
and went to that collection box,

forced it and opened it.

However, nobody had paid attention
to Saint Anthony's bread that day.

So it was empty.

I thought, "Now he'll go
to Saint Rita's".

But he didn't touch a thing and left.

I was so surprised
that I let him go.

Didn't you tell him anything?

Nothing.

I said to myself:
"This man is very hungry".

He must have thought
there was real bread

in Saint Anthony's collection box,
so it's bread

what he really wants to steal.

To convince myself, the following day
I put some bread and he stole it.

I did it again and so did I.

And so on and so on.

But, what do you mean by this?

I'd like to do something better
than to take him to the police.

Of course,
and that's why you don't eat bread.

Listen, don't you think...

I don't eat it
because they say it makes you fat.

Praise the Lord,
he's crossed himself!

- Did you see him cross himself?
- Yes, sir.

- Did you?
- Yes, sir.

- He never did it?
- Never.

Today has been the first day.

Come down with me,
come down with me.

After you.

Why?

You were before, come on, go down.

Come here, he's already gone.

They say fathers become a fool

when they see
their children can walk.

That's what I'm feeling.

That man can finally walk.

Now we must...

Of course!
That's what we must do!

Excuse me for a moment.

Meanwhile, you can think
about what you've just seen.

Talk about it.

I think there's nothing
to talk about.

We can't do it.

I'll give you what's yours
and that's that.

No, the only thing
you must give me is my ID.

- And 1,000 pesetas.
- They don't belong to me.

- I promised you before.
- Because I caught you.

If I had told you
I was stealing in your house,

would you have done so?

I would, too.

Do you think it's the first time
I do business with a thief?

What do think business means today?

All right.

In that case, charge my debt
and the rest will be for the priest.

You hit the nail on the head.

That's how we must do this business.

Come with me.

Dear priest,
the problem is solved.

- So soon?
- Yes, sir.

- We came to an agreement.
- What a nice Sunday!

What's the agreement?

We settled our debt mutually
and decided to give this money to you.

But that's the whole money.

Very little is mine.

Mine, nothing.

I think this belongs to nobody.
Take it.

But this is too much.

I think I just deserved 100 pesetas.

So you had already...

Yes, of course...

When I came here, I said to myself:

"These two must have agreed
and they'll give me some money".

I was really sure.

But I never thought
it could be so much.

We didn't think
the money was ours either.

I'll accept it because I know
you really give it to me

from your heart and because
God wanted it to be this way.

Let Him make you remember
this day forever.

- And now I'll put that notice.
- What notice?

The one I was writing for the thief.

I'll make him
go to church every Sunday.

(CHURCH MUSIC)

(SPEKING IN LATIN) Dominus vobiscum.

(EVERYBODY) Et cum spiritu tuo.

(CHURCH MUSIC)

(RADIO) "One, lower.

Two, raise.

One, lower.

Two, raise.

One, lower.

Two, raise.

One, lower.

Two, raise.

One, lower.

Two, raise".

Why did you throw them?
Can't you hold them anymore?

I dropped them.

Yes, yes, "dropped".

- Why don't I drop them, then?
- Because you chose the books.

Mine weigh a lot more.

Don't say that.

If the writer heard you,
he'd be annoyed.

"One, lower.
Two, raise.

One, lower".

- Mr. Manuel?
- He's in his office.

- Ask him if I can meet him.
- Don't do that.

I know very well what I'm doing
and I don't need your advice.

Mr. Manuel?

Mr. Matilla wants to talk with you.

What did he say?

Yes, sir.

You can go up.

- Wait.
- Tell me.

Don't speak to him
like you usually do.

Not everybody is like me,
who really knows you.

Yes, you are very nice
and I am a bastard.

What else?

Nothing else, Gabriel.

What's up, Marconi?
How are those exercises doing?

- I put on some weight lately.
- I'll kick your ass some day.

Not on Sunday, please,
I usually go dancing.

(RADIO) "Greedy and greedy,
he pulled his chair over to the stove ... "

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- Come in.
- Good morning.

(RADIO) "That when lifting
the cap with the little snout ...

Ay ay ay...!
Help!

Help!

What a pain, my friends, that of the poor
cockroach when she came back

to his house and found
to her hubby inside the pot. "

Come here.

We must check all these recordings.

Not everything must be so cheesy
in those soaps for children.

Sit down.
What do you want to tell me?

Just a couple of words.

I'd like to know
if I was sacked from my show

and chosen again for those
commercial guide and exercise programs

as a temporary measure
or as some kind of punishment.

Both of them.

A temporary punishment if you change
your behaviour with your partners.

What if I don't accept it?

Then you must say goodbye.

You were promoted
and now you get paid double.

We've only changed your service.

You still get paid the same.

You can't complain.

If you were moved
from director to assistant temporarily,

would you accept it?

Listen, I'll tell it to you
another way.

That's my decision,
whether you like it or not.

Don't be so arrogant.

Otherwise, start a radio station
and do as you wish.

All right,
I'll try to do both things.

Take care!

Don't slam it shut,
the glass is torn.

"Here you are
the setting of our last story.

A nice little village in the mountains
and forgotten by everyone,

except by its 20 dozens dwellers
and state

and radio inspectors,
who also

remember everyone.

It rarely happens anything unusual here.

The birth for a young bull

or the chemist's trip to Madrid
are enough

to start a conversation.

But today has happened something
that had never happened.

A letter from Stockholm has arrived.

Yes, yes, from Stockholm,
that thing in Sweden.

And the addressee is a poor widow
that washes her clothes in the river".

Good morning, mistress Eulalia!

Good morning, Teodoro.

- I'm bringing you some news.
- For me?

Didn't you write to Sweden
for that thing about the boy?

Yes, I wrote to a doctor.

Here you are his answer.

This is coming from Sweden.

I can't barely believe it.

This letter must have
gone around and around.

But you finally got it.

I don't understand anything.

It's natural, it's in Swedish.

Who can speak that language?

- Maybe I can.
- You?

Yes, a little bit.

Let's see.

Let's see...

All right, Stockholm.

Stockholm...

This is written
in a very strange Swedish.

Didn't you say
you can understand Swedish?

Of course.

I understood the whole envelope.

Eulalia Morales,
Horcajo de la Sierra, Madrid.

All right, give me.

This is French
and I don't understand it very well.

It's from Doctor Braford
and he says that he received

your letter and that he's decided
to operate on your son for free

if you send him to Stockholm.

He's studied the medical history
that I sent him

and he says the boy will surely
be all right after the operation.

My son!

How much will I need
to send him there?

I have no idea, but quite a lot.

More than 1,000 pesetas?

Yes, and more than 5,000 pesetas.

Jesus!

We must take him there
and take him back.

Let's see, I think the trip to Paris
costs some 2,500 pesetas.

To Stockholm,
it will probably be double, 5,000.

And the trip back, the same.

It will cost some 10,000 or 12,000.

How many people?

- Just him, no more people is needed.
- Just him? And so much money?

Maybe you could get a discount.

Then he can't go.

Where can I get that money?

I couldn't earn that money
not even in three years.

Otherwise, he'll die, won't he?

If he doesn't get operated on
before he grows up,

he surely will.

He's worse and worse every day.

Of course he is,
he is in bed now.

He doesn't run or play
or go to school.

My poor son!

Do you want me to talk with the Mayor?

What can he do?

He can gather all the neighbours,
maybe they...

It's a lot of money.

Go, go, sir,
May God pay you.

I'm going right now.

What river crosses Valladolid?

Good morning, Mr. Anselmo.

No, no good morning.

Do you think I came to see you?
Not at all.

I came to give you the lesson.

Do you think you can stay in bed,

pretending to be ill
and reading comics?

Let's go,
what river crosses Valladolid?

Pisuerga.

All right, not bad.

While I come in,
try to remember the villages

in the province of Madrid.

If you know it,
maybe I'll give you something good.

Of course I do.

Come on, tell me.

Navalcarnero, Buitrago, Madrid,
Chinchón, Colmenar, Alcalá,

El Pardo, Getafe,
San Martín and El Escorial.

And our village, of course.
Fantastic.

Here you are the grapes.

Thank you very much.

Well,
when are you going to get up?

I think this is going to last.

I can't breathe properly.

I think I'm going to die.

Only I can say that,
I'm very old.

No, I don't care about it.

Don't say that!

You've got a long life ahead.

Dying is more difficult
than you think.

During the African War, when I was
a soldier in the Battle of Annual,

a grenade exploded near a man
who had been hurt in his head

and it blew off his legs

- just like a prawn.
- What's that?

A crustacean that costs 25 pesetas.

Now, when the stretcher-bearer
was carrying him, he said:

"Find my hip flask,
I can't find it".

What a guy! There were a lot
of dead men, weren't there?

Of course there were!

The following day,
the vultures only ate

majors or superiors.

And they were real,
not like those in western movies

in which the only ones who die
are the ones the director chooses.

They sometimes really die.

I read that two extras died

during the shooting
of "Agustina of Aragon".

Extras? That's because
there were too many.

Good morning, Mr. Anselmo.

Nice to see you, Eulalia.
I'm talking to this one here.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Anselmo, that doctor
has written me.

- The Swedish one?
- Yes.

Good heavens!
What does he say?

- He'll operate on him for free
if I take him there. - To Sweden?

What a long journey!

It will cost 12,000 pesetas.

At least.

He says the boy will recover.

I'm recovered, mum!

Why are you going to spend
all that money?

The worse thing is not spending it,
but having it.

That's the worst thing.

Mr. Juan has gone to see the Mayor.

For him to get the money?

To see if all the neighbours...

- I see.
- I don't want!

Keep calm.

Are you ashamed to let your neighbours
give you the money?

Of course I am!
Because my mum will have

to work harder
to give it back.

Why your mum?

When you recover
and become an engineer,

you'll pay them back.

Provided they give it to you,
which is hard to believe.

I'm going to have a look.

Yes, sir, go.

- Maybe if you also ask for it...
- Yes...

I asked for some chalk for the school
three months ago

and we're still writing
with my shaving soap.

Goodbye, boy.

And try to study,
I'll be back tomorrow.

But if we ask for something like this,
which is very sad indeed

but can happen to anyone,
wouldn't we have to do the same

every day for anyone
who may ask for it?

Of course.

Can't anyone but that man do it?

He's the only one who can carry out
that kind of operation.

- Can't you...?
- No, sir.

I'm a doctor like him,
but not specialized.

If any other doctor did it,
the boy would surely die.

Can I come in
or are you in a secret meeting?

No, come in, come in.

It's not secret.

We are talking about
Eulalia's boy,

- and it turns out....
- I know, that's why I came.

- Good morning.
- (EVERYBODY) Good morning.

Sit down.

Did you decide anything?

That's what we were trying to do.

They say, and they are right,
that if we ask money for that,

everybody would have the right
to ask for themselves.

If everyone asks for and gives,
this would be a real mess.

Why don't we tell the priest
to ask for it?

Forget it.

Church will only give
very little money.

We still have the old taxes from 1936

with that thing about
the voluntary rates.

If you let me speak,
I can say this is a special case.

Stop that nonsense!

It's only money for a misfortune.
Anyone could suffer one.

When that lorry killed
my team of oxen...

- The insurance company paid for it.
- A third and after two months.

- Did I ask anyone?
- Me.

- And what did you give me?
- Nothing.

But you did ask.

I insist, gentlemen,
this case is unusual.

Without considering
we are talking about a helpless widow

and a poor and unhealthy boy
who could die,

there is a fact that could
make us feel ashamed.

A man, who is not his neighbour
and doesn't know her,

and who isn't Spanish,
is ready to give her much more

than us all together.

What would that man think
about us all

and about all the Spanish people
if that woman wrote him back

saying that she can't save his boy
because there is nobody here

as humane as him?

Who is going to answer?

I think the government
can do something.

The government can't do anything.

The government
can build roads and swamps,

but it can't build the self-love
we should have.

I agree with you, sir.

- So do I.
- So do I.

- So do I.
- So do I.

Well, I...

There is quorum.

We'll make an announcement
to see what people think.

Meeting adjourned.
Come on, let's go.

The Mayor calls for the neighbourhood

to raise money for Eulalia's boy

to be operated on
by a very good doctor.

But since the clinic
of such wise and kind man

is in Sweden, that is,
where Samson lost his fringe,

the trip will cost a lot of money
and we must,

out of compassion and patriotism,
collect enough money

to save the boy and for us

not to feel ashamed of it.

That's all.

"The announcement worked.

All the people opened their hearts
and on the following Sunday

everyone turned up
and gave what they could".

- 15 pesetas.
- All right, all right.

- 30.
- Not bad.

- It's that one over there.
- Oh, yes.

Francisco Torres Clemente,
how much will you give?

- Just what I can, 25 pesetas.
- Not bad at all, indeed.

May God pay you.

Braulio Crespo García.

- Here you are.
- All right.

- How much will you give?
- How much must I give?

As much as you wish.

Is three pesetas all right?

That's nothing!

If you lend it to me,
I can give you ten.

Sure, and if Rockefeller lends it to me,
I could pay for it all by myself...

Give me those three pesetas and
you'll give me the rest on Thursday.

I'll pay for him
and fifty more pesetas.

Bravo!

(LAUGHING)
Did you sell the cow?

You made a very good deal.

All right, all right.

I'll write it down.

The next one.

Choni, Choni.

How did it go?

- Has it already finished?
- Yes, we've already counted the money.

How much did you get?

9,758 pesetas, two chickens,
a rabbit and a novel.

A novel?

Everyone gave what they could.
Everything went well.

But we still need 2,000 pesetas.

Oh!

If this village had had 20 more people,
we would have got it.

But... I don't know
what they do on Sunday.

They go to the cinema.

Yes, yes.

I mean, the boy can't go.

How sad.

Poor Eulalia.

I think we must sell
everything we've got.

You must find someone
who can buy this stuff.

Your watch.

Why do you think
I went to Madrid yesterday?

They gave me 235 pesetas.

That's what I gave.

Can I come in?

Come in, sergeant.

Come in, come in.

Are you going to eat?

- Come in, come in.
- What brings you here?

Maybe it could be a nonsense,
but I thought about it

and I've come to tell it to you.

But you're about to eat...

Sit down.

We can eat later.

- Thank you very much, madam.
- What do you have to tell me?

It's about Eulalia's boy.

You know
we still need 2,000 pesetas.

Yes, more or less.

All right.

Well, it came into my mind
how we could get that money.

Really?

Yes, madam, yes.

I'm not a very smart man,
but sometimes my mind works.

And how did it work this time?

It all depends on you, Mr. Anselmo.

Would you dare to go
to the radio?

I? What for?

That show, "Double or Nothing".

- What's that?
- A radio contest.

For instance,
I don't know how to explain it...

They ask you:
"Where was Manolete born?".

You say the answer
and they give you 10 pesetas.

If you want double money,
they ask you another question.

If you know the answer,
you've got 20 pesetas.

And so on.
You double money until you get 2,000.

And that's what came into your mind?

- Do you think it's a bad idea?
- I think it's ridiculous.

I don't!

Why didn't it come into my mind
if I'm always listening to the radio?

Do you really think I'll go there
to make a fool of myself?

Why a fool?

You can answer
every question correctly.

Of course you can.

Who has more knowledge than you
in this village?

Anyone.
I'm just a poor teacher,

I just know a couple of things
and I read what I can.

He knows a lot more
than he really thinks.

There she is.

You know more than anyone out there.

We all know that.

- What can you lose?
- I can make a fool of myself!

Don't you think
It’s worth the trouble?

If I knew it did,
I would dance with no pants.

But that way...

I hope you haven't mentioned
your idea to anyone.

No, sir, no.
I just told it to the priest.

And he thought it was right.

Mr. Matías?

He's always talking nonsense.

If you want to bet...

Good morning.

- Can I come in?
- Come in, Mr. Matías.

What did he say?

He says no, dear priest.

How's that possible?

It's such a happy and pious idea.

- Do you think it's pious?
- And happy, of course.

The sergeant here,
when he came

to tell me about his idea,
he really showed a great intelligence.

And everybody thinks it's a good idea.

- I was afraid of that.
- Yes.

Did you tell it to many people?

Three or four, no more.

You mustn't think I made an announcement.
I told that guy...

Can we come in?

Here you are the council.

Come in.

Tell me.

What did you say?

You see, the police doesn't always
have bad ideas.

You, too...

And the whole village.

They liked it a lot.

Does everybody know it?

Except for fifteen or twenty.

Is it bad?

Not bad, but it's ridiculous.

Who do you think I am
to do something like that?

You are a tremendously wise man.

You're intelligent enough
to answer those questions.

Of course.

As I see,
it seems you're all decided.

You came here with
the best intentions

to make me responsible
for that boy's life.

I know I'll make a fool of myself
but I can't say no.

I'll make a fool of myself.

(EVERYBODY SPEAKING)

You see everybody's encouraging you.

I had to come incognito.

No way. I'll put a speaker
so that everyone can know.

Jesus!

Don't say you're a teacher.

- It could be more difficult.
- What must I say then?

Say you're a caretaker.
Things will go better for you.

Why did you take him?

He didn't want to stay at home.

I wanted to wish you good luck
and thank you.

All right, all right.

Now you'll realize
your teacher is not so intelligent.

Here you are the card
for my friend.

She's a radio host
and will help you a lot.

- Thanks.
- Mr. Anselmo, the bus is leaving.

- I'm coming.
- Goodbye to everybody.

Goodbye.

I hope you are very lucky.

Don Anselmo!

God be with you, Mr. Anselmo.

Tell Saint Nicholas
to give me a hand.

- I'm sure he'll help you.
- Goodbye everybody.

- Goodbye!
- Have a good trip!

Goodbye!

(NICE MUSIC)

Yes, I've already got the questions.

But I haven't got the guides.

Hurry up, we're about to begin.

What a surprising visit!
What are you doing here, darling?

Has Gabriel come?

At this time?

He came at the time
of the exercises program.

Only good hosts
can present important programs.

Hello, Mercedes.
Has Gabriel come?

Haven't you seen him yet?

No.

Where is that fool?

I'm very worried.

His family doesn't know
where he is.

Hasn't he been home either?

For two days.

He's asking for it.

He might lose his job.

If you were intelligent,
you would have sent him packing.

I can't do that.

Do you think he's the only man
who could look at you?

I am the one
who can't look at anyone else.

So he's also a human waste?

He isn't.

He loves me,
I'm sure he does.

You'd better believe it.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Yes, I'll take it to you now.

You're all the same.

An old man has come,
he had a card from a friend of yours.

It's there. I received him
and he's now in the room.

As you can see,
winning money here is very easy.

You can win as much as you wish.
Now we'll call number...

42.

Number 42.

There we are.

A very beautiful lady.
Blonde and young.

- Come here, miss.
- Good afternoon.

Are you nervous?

Yes, quite a lot.

You mustn't be scared of us.

I'm the one
who should be nervous,

you've got such big eyes...

- Not yet?
- Why are you so late, Mr. Matías?

I mistook Saint Nicholas
for Saint Cipriano and I had to go back.

- Where do I put it?
- Here on this chest of drawers.

Give me a cup of oil, please.

It's in the kitchen.

- I'm taking it.
- You can't imagine

how crowded the place is.

The whole village is there.

Not even a football match
can gather so many people.

(RADIO) "What is cork made from?

Cork?

Yes, cork, that thing that floats.

Don't you know
what cork is made from, miss?

Don't you know
what cork is extracted from?

From bottles, isn't it?"

She's a dumbass.

(RADIO)
"It's made from cork oak, miss.

Well, miss, here you are,
for just coming up here,

a pair of stockings

which the program gives you
as a present.

- Thank you very much.
- Thanks to you.

Let's follow,

now we'll call number...

68.

Number 68.

Number 68.

Nobody's got this number?

It's here.

It's your number.

Don't you want to go?

Thanks.

We've already found it.

It seemed he didn't want to come...

Take care.

He's approaching.

He stumbled from emotion.

Jesus!

- "Did you get hurt?
- It's nothing".

It's his voice!

Holy Mary, mother of God,
pray for us...

"What do you do?

I'm a caretaker".

I advised him to say that because...

"We'll ask you
some very easy questions.

Let's see if you can guess
a very easy riddle.

What's the first thing a dog does
when going under the sun?

I know it.

- He gives shade.
- Yes, sir!

A dog and a tram..."

Everybody quiet!

"Your first 15 pesetas.

Do you want to double?

- I will.
- Come on, brave".

Pour me another cup, I'm dry.

So am I.

Pay attention.

How many fingers do I have?

Ten.

And how many fingers
are there on ten hands?

Five tens are fifty.

Yes, sir!

He's very smart!

You've got 30 pesetas now.
Do you want to double?

Yes, sir.

What port did Columbus set sail from
to discover America?

From Palos de Moguer.

- That will be 60 pesetas and...
- I'll double.

(LAUGHING)

You're going too fast!

All right, that way
we'll finish sooner.

Tell me now
what's the farthest city from Madrid?

In a straight line?

Yes, sir, on the map.

Las Palmas de Gran Canaria.

That's right, Las Palmas.

(RADIO) "That will be 120 pesetas.

- Will you double?
- Yes, sir".

120. Mary,
full of grace.

"Our box is full of banknotes

and you're full of courage.

Let's see which one
will be over sooner".

I'm sure they'll ask him
a lot of difficult questions.

"Tell us, if you know it,
the author's name

of the music you're about to listen.

Go ahead, control".

- Does he know anything about music?
- Not very much, I think.

Damn.

(MUSIC)

(RADIO) "Did you have enough
or do you want to go on listening?

It's not necessary.

Stop, control".

All right, tell me.

I'm not really sure
but I think it must be

the Military March by Schubert.

Yes, sir!

Teacher! Teacher!

Ra! Ra! Ra!

- Good! Good!
- Good, Toñito!

"Keep silence, ladies and gentlemen".

But how could he guess it?

- I thought it was by the king...
- So did I.

"Sir, you've already won,
very brilliantly, by the way,

the nice amount of 240 pesetas
that Marconi Spain,

the leading brand of radios,
will give you.

Always Marconi Spain,
and now more than ever..."

Oh, Most Holy Virgin!

The rosary.

The Third Mystery, the...

I've forgotten it!

You said you came here
because you need a lot of money.

Have you got enough?

Not yet, unfortunately.

(LAUGHING)

You mean you'll double?

Yes, sir.

All right.

Now pay attention to the question
and tell me,

what's the angle of declination
in Physics?

The one made
by the magnetic meridian of a point

with the geographical meridian.

The geographical meridian of?

Of that same point.

Yes, sir, that's it.

(APPLAUSE)

Sir, when you came here,
you said you are a caretaker.

Are you sure you aren't
from Espasa-Calpe?

(LAUGHING)

No, sir, I'm not a caretaker.

So you aren't a caretaker?

No, sir.

I'm a national teacher.

Why did he do that?

-"Now everything's clear.

He lied. This contest
is not only for caretakers".

Now he got annoyed.
This is going to get red-hot.

I think I've got
a high temperature.

"All right,
now you've got 480 pesetas".

Yes, I've got.

Do you want to double, teacher?"

Watch his tone!

- "I will.
- All right".

He's got two questions left.

"Prick up your ears
and answer this one.

You, as a teacher,
will surely know

that paleontologists divide
the prehistoric period

in tertiary and quaternary,
and that the Paleolithic

belongs to the quaternary period.

Could you tell me
the main Paleolithic periods?"

If he had asked me that,
I would have kicked his ass!

- So had I.
-"The Paleolithic.

Yes,
the most representative periods.

I'm not sure of knowing them all.

Tell us what you know.

They are the Acheulean,

the Mousterian,
the Aurignacian,

the Solutrean,

the Magdalenian..."

(APPLAUSE)

Blessed be
the mother who bore him!

Father, what's wrong with you?

Come on, dear priest.

He guessed the answer, Father.

I mustn't have come.
Leave me.

- Take care of Saint Nicholas.
- Bring some fresh water.

How fool!

After this answer,

you've got 960 pesetas.

I think it's the record
in our contest;

you must be satisfied.

In any case, do you want to double?

I must double once more.

All right.

This is getting red-hot.

Ask him this one.

Sir, although you lied
about your profession,

your courage
deserves our sympathy.

And to show it, we'll ask you

a very simple
and almost childish question.

If you guess this one,
you'll get 1,920 pesetas.

All right, sir.

Pay much attention.

Who was the centre-forward
who scored the first official goal

in the old Club Ciclista
de San Sebastián stadium

when it was inaugurated?

What's wrong, sir?
Do you feel ill?

My God! What happened to him?

It must be nothing.

Yes, he really feels ill!

I was sure
somebody would end up dying.

Why did he ask him
that kind of question?

He's really...

-San Nicolás, don't let it happen to you
nothing, even if I die.

Come on, come on.

What's wrong?
Do you feel better?

Can you answer
or do you prefer leaving

with the money
you've already won?

No, no, I want to answer.

- I'm all right now.
- Get the micro near.

I'm very sorry,
but I must repeat the question.

Yes, yes, do it.

Who was the centre-forward
who scored the first official goal

in the old Club Ciclista
de San Sebastián stadium

when it was inaugurated?

I was, Anselmo Oñate,
Pichirri, in 1915.

And it was a penalty goal!

Here you are my ID

and a picture of that goal.

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is extraordinary.

The teacher is Pichirri!

Yes.

Now I'll double...

(EVERYBODY CELEBRATES)

Not me, not me!

That one, the sergeant!

(EVERYBODY CELEBRATES)

Make way.

(EVERYBODY) Hooray, hooray,
Mr. Anselmo is a champion!

Hooray, hooray, Mr. Anselmo is a...!

Take me with them, mum,
I want to go with them!

He's not there, my son.

- I don't mind, I want to go.
- Wrap him up in a blanket and let's go.

Come on, my son.

Take it, don't you get a cold.
Put on the blanket.

- Come on, darling!
- Let's go, let's go.

Let's go there!

Come, Mr. Matías.

I can't. You go.

"ALIRÓN! ALIRÓN!
PON, PON, PON, PON!

Mistress Pepa,
they're already here!

Yes, I'm coming!

Let's go.

Don't slip in the ice...

Let's see what they're saying
about the teacher.

Come on, come on!

Hooray, hooray,
Mr. Anselmo is a champion!

Hooray, hooray,
Mr. Anselmo is a champion!

Come here! Come in my arms!

Come with me, I'll carry you.

Long live Aurelia's boy!
(EVERYBODY) Long live!

Long live Stockholm!

(EVERYBODY) Long live!

Hooray, hooray,
Mr. Anselmo is a champion!

Hooray, hooray,
Mr. Anselmo is a champion!

Saint Nicholas.

"And that's how,
thanks to that Pichirri's penalty,

a plane left for Stockholm
few days later."

Good morning, friends.

Like every morning,
we're here to help you

keep fit
without suppressing meat

or beer.

Pay attention to today's exercises
because we're going to tell you

something surprising that
you must follow very precisely

if you really want
to lose that fat belly.

Let's go, then,
with the first exercise.

But before that,
you must pay as much attention

as if the colonel
went past you.

Control, Martial Music.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC)

All right,
first exercise.

Raise your sight ahead
and keep a steady gaze

as if you saw
a shipwreck survivor coming.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC)

Put in your eyes all the love
your soul can put.

Open your arms wide
to apologize and hug the one

who is by your side
with all your heart.

Gabriel.

(RADIO) "And this way,
heart to heart, with just one beat,

clean, clear and happy,
like the pleasant awakening

of a perfect spring,
bury with a deep kiss

all the pain
you've caused each other".

(ROMANTIC MUSIC)

(FINAL MUSIC)

THE END