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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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All the other parents
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are throwing a party
for my soccer team.
3
00:01:17,868 --> 00:01:19,900
All my friends are
having a graduation party.
4
00:01:19,934 --> 00:01:22,433
I deserve it. I graduated.
My soccer team says you suck.
5
00:01:22,467 --> 00:01:24,433
I want a party, now!
I want a party too!
6
00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:28,234
Money, money,
money, money, money!
7
00:01:28,767 --> 00:01:31,934
Mom, Daddy's
gone away again.
8
00:01:31,968 --> 00:01:36,400
Ah, he's just visiting
his retirement property.
9
00:01:36,434 --> 00:01:38,867
Well, how are we supposed
to know? He's always a veg.
10
00:01:38,901 --> 00:01:40,033
It's just as well.
11
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:42,468
I'm sick of lookin'
at him anyway.
12
00:01:50,167 --> 00:01:52,633
Oh!
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00:01:52,667 --> 00:01:55,368
Oh, Peg, not you.
14
00:01:56,334 --> 00:01:57,867
I was in a hammock,
15
00:01:57,901 --> 00:02:01,533
mourning the anniversary
of your passing.
16
00:02:01,567 --> 00:02:03,200
Where were we,
Daddy?
17
00:02:03,234 --> 00:02:04,966
See, kids,
it was a dream.
18
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,800
You were replaced
by two six-packs
19
00:02:06,834 --> 00:02:08,934
in the refrigerator.
20
00:02:10,701 --> 00:02:13,166
Well,
weren't we cold?
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00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:16,368
I was.
You were empty.
22
00:02:17,234 --> 00:02:18,600
Oh, Al,
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00:02:18,634 --> 00:02:21,166
it's gonna take you 20 years
to pay off that property.
24
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:24,066
And once it's paid off, I'm
never gonna let you go there.
25
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:25,300
Come on, honey,
26
00:02:25,334 --> 00:02:27,400
take this "How well do
you know your mate?" quiz.
27
00:02:27,434 --> 00:02:28,700
No,
I hate those tests.
28
00:02:28,734 --> 00:02:31,266
They're designed
to bury men.
29
00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:32,533
I'm not playing.
30
00:02:32,567 --> 00:02:33,767
Question one.
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00:02:33,801 --> 00:02:36,266
Okay, you have to close
your eyes for this one.
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00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:39,301
What color is my hair?
33
00:02:41,501 --> 00:02:43,001
Red.
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00:02:43,901 --> 00:02:45,500
Well, good!
35
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:47,934
Question two:
36
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,966
"Who would you rather
spend the night with?
37
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,800
A, your wife,
or B-- "
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00:02:51,834 --> 00:02:53,500
B.
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00:03:00,067 --> 00:03:03,133
Peggy,
I need some advice.
40
00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:05,468
Can we have
some privacy?
41
00:03:09,367 --> 00:03:11,533
Open up, babe.
42
00:03:12,133 --> 00:03:14,099
Tell us
what you got.
43
00:03:14,133 --> 00:03:15,800
We're here for you.
44
00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:20,400
Well...I went to
a banking seminar this weekend.
45
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:21,999
And I guess
the whole world knows
46
00:03:22,033 --> 00:03:25,033
no one parties
like a banker.
47
00:03:25,067 --> 00:03:27,733
Anyway, all I know is,
48
00:03:27,767 --> 00:03:30,567
I woke up this morning
with a man in my bed.
49
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:32,200
I don't even know
who he is!
50
00:03:32,234 --> 00:03:33,800
Well, that's easy.
He slept with you.
51
00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:36,167
He's the stupidest man
on Earth.
52
00:03:39,534 --> 00:03:41,700
Al, we're talking
about sex.
53
00:03:41,734 --> 00:03:45,401
Leave it to those
who do it.
54
00:03:46,234 --> 00:03:47,867
Now, Marcie,
this is serious.
55
00:03:47,901 --> 00:03:50,966
I want you to steady yourself
and concentrate.
56
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,300
Was he any good?
57
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:54,867
I don't know.
58
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,433
I don't even know
what he looks like.
59
00:03:56,467 --> 00:03:59,167
All right!
60
00:03:59,801 --> 00:04:01,033
Well,
when I woke up,
61
00:04:01,067 --> 00:04:02,667
his head was buried
in the pillow.
62
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:05,467
But I do know one thing:
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00:04:05,501 --> 00:04:07,966
Apparently,
I married him.
64
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,133
You got married?
65
00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:10,266
Oh, let's not panic.
66
00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:12,200
If you married
everybody you slept with,
67
00:04:12,234 --> 00:04:15,633
you'd be Mrs. Paperboy,
Mrs. Insurance Man, Mrs. Navy.
68
00:04:18,334 --> 00:04:20,934
No, idiot.
Ireallymarried him.
69
00:04:20,968 --> 00:04:22,233
Look at this ring.
70
00:04:22,267 --> 00:04:24,266
And then there's this:
71
00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:28,166
"I went to Clyde's No Blood Test
Needed Wedding Chapel
72
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:32,401
And all I got was
this lousy T-shirt."
73
00:04:32,901 --> 00:04:36,633
Oh, God,
it's my husband!
74
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:37,834
Don't tell him
I'm here.
75
00:04:37,868 --> 00:04:40,800
She's here!
Come on in!
76
00:04:51,133 --> 00:04:53,900
I- I saw a woman
come over here.
77
00:04:53,934 --> 00:04:56,234
Are-- ? Are one of you
my wife?
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00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:06,966
All right!
79
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,267
Come on, sweetheart.
Let's go back to bed.
80
00:05:10,067 --> 00:05:12,001
Bye, Daddy.
81
00:05:12,701 --> 00:05:13,700
No, no, no, no.
82
00:05:13,734 --> 00:05:15,700
You've made a mistake.
83
00:05:15,734 --> 00:05:17,999
I'm your wife!
84
00:05:18,033 --> 00:05:20,567
Now we can go
back to bed.
85
00:05:20,601 --> 00:05:22,500
Oh, shut up.
86
00:05:22,534 --> 00:05:24,867
It's me! It's me!
87
00:05:24,901 --> 00:05:25,934
You?
88
00:05:25,968 --> 00:05:28,767
Oh, yeah!
I remember you now.
89
00:05:28,801 --> 00:05:30,200
You were the one on top
90
00:05:30,234 --> 00:05:33,166
of the all-girl
banker pyramid.
91
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,366
By the way,
my name is Jefferson.
92
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,966
I'm Marcie.
93
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,300
Yeah, I'm Al.
94
00:05:38,334 --> 00:05:40,433
So now that the Beatles
have been reunited,
95
00:05:40,467 --> 00:05:42,834
you can get the hell
out of here.
96
00:05:42,868 --> 00:05:44,767
You know, despite
our rocky beginning,
97
00:05:44,801 --> 00:05:47,500
I've got a really good feeling
about our marriage.
98
00:05:47,534 --> 00:05:49,567
What'd you say
your name was again?
99
00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:56,800
Peggy,
can I talk to you?
100
00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:59,001
Bud,
come here.
101
00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:02,099
We have enough
information
102
00:06:02,133 --> 00:06:04,433
to tell the neighbors now,
don't we?
103
00:06:04,467 --> 00:06:06,800
Tosellthe neighbors.
104
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,600
Do you do nothing
for free?
105
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:13,867
Peggy, I'm worried.
106
00:06:13,901 --> 00:06:17,133
I don't know
my husband.
107
00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:20,467
Who does,
and who wants to?
108
00:06:20,501 --> 00:06:21,667
Face it, Marcie,
109
00:06:21,701 --> 00:06:23,633
the average
man-woman relationship
110
00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:26,233
has, tops, three weeks
of happiness.
111
00:06:26,267 --> 00:06:28,166
You know,
it's the happiness you feel
112
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,266
when he still turns
away from you to burp,
113
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:32,333
rather than turning
towards you and saying,
114
00:06:32,367 --> 00:06:34,401
"Pull my finger."
115
00:06:35,901 --> 00:06:40,166
It's when he at least tries
to hit the toilet.
116
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,533
And when during sex,
you're not lying there thinking,
117
00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:46,166
"What the hell
is he doing?"
118
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,667
You know, you're lucky.
119
00:06:47,701 --> 00:06:50,700
Your three weeks of happiness
are ahead of you.
120
00:06:50,734 --> 00:06:52,567
Who cares who he is?
121
00:06:52,601 --> 00:06:55,099
Look at him.
He's gorgeous.
122
00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:58,099
I say, saddle up, ride.
123
00:06:58,133 --> 00:07:01,667
And if he breaks a leg,
shoot him.
124
00:07:01,701 --> 00:07:03,733
Now, Jeff,
all kidding aside...
125
00:07:03,767 --> 00:07:05,934
run.
126
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:10,133
Run hard, run now,
run silent, run deep.
127
00:07:10,167 --> 00:07:13,166
Run like Mexican water
through a first-time tourist,
128
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:17,133
but the key word here
is"run."
129
00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:19,999
Don't you think
she's cute, Al?
130
00:07:20,033 --> 00:07:22,733
Run.
131
00:07:22,767 --> 00:07:26,200
It's just that I can hardly
believe I'm now Mrs...
132
00:07:26,234 --> 00:07:28,300
Darling?
133
00:07:28,334 --> 00:07:29,867
What's your last name?
134
00:07:29,901 --> 00:07:32,134
D'Arcy.
135
00:07:39,801 --> 00:07:42,834
Marcie D'Arcy?
136
00:07:42,868 --> 00:07:46,166
I'm now Marcie D'Arcy?
What have I done?
137
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,667
Maybe I should
start wearing
138
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:50,700
little dresses
with dots on them.
139
00:07:50,734 --> 00:07:53,099
Oh, what's the matter, Marcie?
140
00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:55,099
Well,
aside from the fact
141
00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:58,567
that I now have the name
of a cartoon character,
142
00:07:58,601 --> 00:08:01,600
I'm married and I don't
even remember the wedding.
143
00:08:01,634 --> 00:08:04,834
You remember this,
don't you?
144
00:08:12,167 --> 00:08:13,999
Oh, Al.
145
00:08:14,033 --> 00:08:15,767
Mmm.
146
00:08:19,901 --> 00:08:21,867
Oh, Al!
147
00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:24,934
Oh, Al!
148
00:08:24,968 --> 00:08:26,433
Oh, please.
They're two drunks
149
00:08:26,467 --> 00:08:28,966
who haven't brushed
their teeth yet.
150
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,066
Cut that out you two.
151
00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:33,233
We don't do that
in our house.
152
00:08:33,267 --> 00:08:34,600
I refuse to let strangers
153
00:08:34,634 --> 00:08:37,533
lay their vile customs
at our doorstep.
154
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:41,667
And the Yankees
take the field.
155
00:08:41,701 --> 00:08:43,767
You know what
I was just thinking?
156
00:08:43,801 --> 00:08:46,266
That hangovers
do come true?
157
00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:47,867
No, actually, I was thinking
158
00:08:47,901 --> 00:08:50,366
if you wanna have a wedding
to remember, let's have one.
159
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,667
Let's have the grandest wedding
we can afford.
160
00:08:52,701 --> 00:08:54,033
Yes, let's!
161
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,767
I have $2,000 saved.
162
00:08:55,801 --> 00:09:00,066
Okay. And, uh, let's see, that
brings us to a total of, uh...
163
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,900
$2,040.
164
00:09:22,834 --> 00:09:24,333
We can book a hall.
165
00:09:24,367 --> 00:09:25,934
Oh, no.
You can't book a hall.
166
00:09:25,968 --> 00:09:28,099
I won't hear of that.
How impersonal.
167
00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:30,867
You'll have your wedding
in God's cathedral:
168
00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:32,667
our backyard.
169
00:09:32,701 --> 00:09:36,333
Your backyard
is Buck's toilet.
170
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:40,966
No,yourbackyard
is Buck's toilet.
171
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,066
Now, what do you say?
172
00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:43,834
I don't know.
173
00:09:43,868 --> 00:09:45,300
Do you think
we can trust them?
174
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,567
Of course.
They look...
175
00:09:50,968 --> 00:09:54,033
Perfectly trustworthy to me,
and besides,
176
00:09:54,067 --> 00:09:56,600
it's a closer trip
to the honeymoon suite.
177
00:09:56,634 --> 00:09:58,468
Come on,
let's pace it off now.
178
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:07,600
Two thousand dollars
buys a lot of dreams, eh, babe?
179
00:10:11,968 --> 00:10:14,834
Oil you up again, ma'am?
180
00:10:14,868 --> 00:10:17,233
I'm sorry your husband
fell into that volcano
181
00:10:17,267 --> 00:10:20,500
so he couldn't enjoy Hawaii.
182
00:10:25,434 --> 00:10:28,600
They sure are a-bitin',
eh, Mr. Bundy?
183
00:10:28,634 --> 00:10:32,700
Too bad the wife
did a header into that quarry.
184
00:10:32,734 --> 00:10:36,567
She sure would have loved
your retirement property.
185
00:10:38,234 --> 00:10:40,033
Oh, Al.
186
00:10:40,067 --> 00:10:42,734
Oh, Peg.
187
00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:48,400
Yeah, I want to cater
a wedding.
188
00:10:48,434 --> 00:10:50,233
Um, I'm expecting
about 60 people,
189
00:10:50,267 --> 00:10:53,733
so I'll need about
two pounds of cold cuts.
190
00:10:53,767 --> 00:10:56,467
Yeah,
what's your cheapest price?
191
00:10:56,501 --> 00:10:58,934
Uh-huh.
192
00:10:58,968 --> 00:11:03,400
And what kind of animal
would that be?
193
00:11:03,434 --> 00:11:06,800
Well, at 12 cents a pound,
it's pretty steep.
194
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:10,368
Anyway, could you throw
in some beaks and claws?
195
00:11:10,701 --> 00:11:12,834
You got a deal.
196
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,066
Hi, Al.
197
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:21,033
Did you know there's
a little rain cloud
198
00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:23,133
that only hangs
over your house?
199
00:11:23,167 --> 00:11:27,166
Yeah, it showed up
after the kids were born.
200
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,400
What can I do for you?
201
00:11:28,434 --> 00:11:31,999
Listen, Al, if Marcie should
come by asking for me,
202
00:11:32,033 --> 00:11:34,166
would you tell her I went out
to buy her a gift, okay?
203
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,767
You're running, huh?
204
00:11:35,801 --> 00:11:38,834
It's never quite the same
when you're sober, is it?
205
00:11:38,868 --> 00:11:40,999
No, that's not it, Al.
You see,
206
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:44,600
I just haven't found a way yet
to tell Marcie that...
207
00:11:44,634 --> 00:11:47,401
Well, I have to see
my parole officer.
208
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:50,867
You mean, like,
209
00:11:50,901 --> 00:11:52,966
"If there's only a bucket
of beaks at the wedding,
210
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,567
you'll go crazy
and start slashing"
211
00:11:54,601 --> 00:11:55,966
kind of parole officer?
212
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,900
No, I don't want you
to get the wrong idea, Al.
213
00:11:57,934 --> 00:11:58,934
I'm not a bad guy,
okay?
214
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,767
I... I just, uh...
215
00:12:00,801 --> 00:12:02,633
You know...
216
00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:05,266
I stole a bunch of money
from people who trusted me.
217
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:06,900
That's all.
218
00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:10,066
You're not gonna tell
anybody, are you, Al?
219
00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:12,166
It's not something
I'm real proud of.
220
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,500
Especially since
I got caught.
221
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:16,233
Well...
222
00:12:16,267 --> 00:12:17,700
Jeff,
I'll tell you something.
223
00:12:17,734 --> 00:12:19,767
Telling Al Bundy
is just like telling the wind.
224
00:12:19,801 --> 00:12:21,467
Well, thanks, Al.
I appreciate it.
225
00:12:21,501 --> 00:12:22,667
That's all right.
See ya.
226
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,301
Go ahead.
Take care.
227
00:12:25,868 --> 00:12:26,900
Peg!
228
00:12:26,934 --> 00:12:28,533
Peg!
229
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,834
♪ I know a secret ♪
230
00:12:33,868 --> 00:12:35,533
What? What?
231
00:12:35,567 --> 00:12:37,567
Guess who's been
mighty careful
232
00:12:37,601 --> 00:12:39,467
not to drop anything
in the shower
233
00:12:39,501 --> 00:12:41,300
the last couple
of years?
234
00:12:41,334 --> 00:12:43,999
Who? Who?
235
00:12:44,033 --> 00:12:46,033
Don't tell me!
Don't tell me!
236
00:12:46,067 --> 00:12:49,334
Charades!
237
00:12:52,534 --> 00:12:54,200
All right.
238
00:12:54,234 --> 00:12:56,133
This is about...
239
00:12:56,167 --> 00:12:58,900
our new neighbor...
Jefferson.
240
00:12:58,934 --> 00:13:02,900
Jefferson!
Right!
241
00:13:02,934 --> 00:13:07,500
Now, the second part
is about...
242
00:13:07,534 --> 00:13:12,366
where he was
before he met Marcie.
243
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:17,266
Okay, now,
sounds like...
244
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:18,934
"Hisson."
245
00:13:18,968 --> 00:13:20,966
Hisson...
246
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,400
Misson...
247
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:24,033
Kisson...
248
00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:25,433
Disson...
249
00:13:25,467 --> 00:13:27,733
You're not listening
to what I'm saying.
250
00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:29,567
All right,
now try this.
251
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:32,201
Two syllables.
First word.
252
00:13:33,834 --> 00:13:37,033
What do Jefferson,
Pete Rose,
253
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:39,700
and your cousin
all have in common?
254
00:13:39,734 --> 00:13:40,867
Prison!
255
00:13:40,901 --> 00:13:42,733
Jefferson
was in prison!
256
00:13:42,767 --> 00:13:44,468
Yes!
257
00:13:49,334 --> 00:13:51,233
Gee, that's great.
258
00:13:51,267 --> 00:13:52,433
Does Marcie know?
259
00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:54,099
No, and we're not gonna
tell her either
260
00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:55,867
because then she'll
cancel the wedding,
261
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:58,266
and I won't get to pay off
my retirement property.
262
00:13:58,300 --> 00:13:59,934
You mean our trip
to Hawaii.
263
00:13:59,968 --> 00:14:01,867
Yeah.
264
00:14:01,901 --> 00:14:03,733
Yeah.
That's what I meant.
265
00:14:03,767 --> 00:14:06,467
Oh, kiss me, you fool.
266
00:14:06,501 --> 00:14:08,001
Mmm-mwah.
267
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,633
Get your rice!
268
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:16,267
Get your wedding rice
here!
269
00:14:18,601 --> 00:14:19,800
Get your rice!
270
00:14:19,834 --> 00:14:20,900
Al.
271
00:14:20,934 --> 00:14:22,834
Honey, what is Bud's
soccer team
272
00:14:22,868 --> 00:14:25,099
and Kelly's model friends
doing here at the wedding?
273
00:14:25,133 --> 00:14:27,400
Oh, I had to cut a deal
with the damn kids.
274
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:28,800
They said they'd
spill the beans
275
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,333
if I didn't
give 'em a party.
276
00:14:30,367 --> 00:14:32,500
They blackmailed me, Peg.
277
00:14:32,534 --> 00:14:34,867
This lack of ethics,
278
00:14:34,901 --> 00:14:35,867
where does it come from?
279
00:14:35,901 --> 00:14:38,600
Well, I blame it
on TV myself.
280
00:14:38,634 --> 00:14:41,999
You don't think this is gonna
cut into our profit, do you?
281
00:14:42,033 --> 00:14:45,867
That's why I eliminated
some of Marcie's guests.
282
00:14:45,901 --> 00:14:47,500
Where's my mother?
283
00:14:49,133 --> 00:14:50,900
She won't be here,
284
00:14:50,934 --> 00:14:52,567
and you should hear this
from a friend:
285
00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:53,934
She doesn't love you
anymore.
286
00:14:53,968 --> 00:14:55,999
Get your red hots here!
287
00:14:56,033 --> 00:14:57,266
Well,
and where's Aunt Mary?
288
00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:58,867
Mary, Mary, Mary...
289
00:14:58,901 --> 00:14:59,999
Oh, she got got snowed in.
290
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,233
She lives in Phoenix.
291
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,166
Oh, yeah. that was Ida
who got snowed in.
292
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,834
No, Mary's the one
who, uh...
293
00:15:04,868 --> 00:15:05,834
Who died.
294
00:15:05,868 --> 00:15:08,700
Get your wedding pretzels!
295
00:15:13,234 --> 00:15:14,966
Welcome to my wedding.
296
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,267
Are you a friend
of the groom's?
297
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:22,700
Al, I think Marcie's
getting suspicious.
298
00:15:22,734 --> 00:15:24,099
We better get
the show on the road
299
00:15:24,133 --> 00:15:25,567
and get me to Hawaii.
300
00:15:25,601 --> 00:15:27,733
I wanna be there
for the running of the Samoans.
301
00:15:27,767 --> 00:15:29,368
Okey-dokey.
302
00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:32,667
Well, what's that?
303
00:15:32,701 --> 00:15:34,999
That's the reverend.
304
00:15:35,033 --> 00:15:36,633
That's Captain Hank.
305
00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:38,333
See, a lot of these
Church-affiliated,
306
00:15:38,367 --> 00:15:39,467
land-lovin' reverends
307
00:15:39,501 --> 00:15:41,633
want money to perform
a wedding ceremony.
308
00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:42,867
But not old Captain Hank.
309
00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:44,934
You give him a bottle
of redeye and a Playboy,
310
00:15:44,968 --> 00:15:47,101
and he'll marry
your mother to a cow.
311
00:15:50,734 --> 00:15:55,467
Retirement Property One
to Garbage Scow Toxica.
312
00:15:55,501 --> 00:15:57,368
Come in.
313
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,166
Toxica here, Al.
314
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,467
We're heading
into a squall.
315
00:16:01,501 --> 00:16:03,166
Let's kick this wedding
into gear, huh?
316
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,366
All right, everybody?
Take your places.
317
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:06,900
Places, everybody.
318
00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:10,900
Where's Reverend Applebee?
319
00:16:10,934 --> 00:16:13,934
Uh, he had an exorcism
in Akron. Let's go!
320
00:16:13,968 --> 00:16:15,600
Let's go!
321
00:16:15,634 --> 00:16:18,033
Daddy, this is
the bestest graduation party
322
00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:19,467
a girl ever had.
323
00:16:19,501 --> 00:16:21,034
Thank you.
324
00:16:22,267 --> 00:16:26,600
She's so dumb she doesn't
even know she's at a wedding.
325
00:16:26,634 --> 00:16:28,700
Are you sure you spent
326
00:16:28,734 --> 00:16:30,600
the whole $2,000
on the wedding?
327
00:16:30,634 --> 00:16:31,633
You can look at all this
328
00:16:31,667 --> 00:16:34,267
and ask me a question
like that?
329
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:37,301
Well, the bridesmaid's
in place.
330
00:16:46,534 --> 00:16:49,033
That's not my sister.
331
00:16:49,067 --> 00:16:50,567
Hey, unlike your sister,
332
00:16:50,601 --> 00:16:52,366
at least he cares enough
to be here.
333
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,001
Now, bring on
the orchestra!
334
00:17:00,701 --> 00:17:02,401
♪ Fun ♪
335
00:17:05,267 --> 00:17:07,567
Honey,
enough of the music now.
336
00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:10,633
Jefferson, Jeff--
Come this way.
337
00:17:10,667 --> 00:17:14,101
You two approach
the speaker.
338
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,834
Captain Hank,
you still there?
339
00:17:18,033 --> 00:17:20,633
Yeah, but we're
takin' on water here.
340
00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:22,033
Have the couple join hands.
341
00:17:22,067 --> 00:17:25,300
They're already
joined, Hank.
342
00:17:25,334 --> 00:17:27,533
Do you take this woman
to be your wife?
343
00:17:27,567 --> 00:17:28,900
I- I do.
344
00:17:28,934 --> 00:17:29,900
I can't hear ya.
345
00:17:29,934 --> 00:17:31,600
He did, Hank!
346
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,800
Now the broad.
Do you take-- ?
347
00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:37,368
I would now like to read
a poem I wrote to my love.
348
00:17:38,133 --> 00:17:40,966
Jefferson
My sudden love
349
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,867
My love so true
My shining--
350
00:17:42,901 --> 00:17:44,366
Can't hear ya, hon!
351
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:45,900
I do!
352
00:17:46,234 --> 00:17:47,400
I now pronounce you--
353
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,033
Damn it, we just hit
a speedboat.
354
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:51,233
You're now
husband and wife.
355
00:17:51,267 --> 00:17:54,034
Full astern.
Let's get outta here!
356
00:18:01,267 --> 00:18:03,033
You may now
kiss the bride.
357
00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:05,567
I may now
kill the host.
358
00:18:05,601 --> 00:18:07,333
This is the worst day
of my life!
359
00:18:07,367 --> 00:18:09,600
Where are my guests?
Where's the photographer?
360
00:18:09,634 --> 00:18:13,234
I-- I did better than that.
I got a wedding artist. Bud.
361
00:18:24,701 --> 00:18:27,700
Copies will take
a couple of weeks.
362
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,467
Al Bundy,
you will pay for this!
363
00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:32,966
You're a cheat,
a thief and a liar!
364
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,266
Well, now...
365
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:35,700
Would it make you
feel any better
366
00:18:35,734 --> 00:18:37,066
if I gave you
a wedding present?
367
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:39,834
Well, it's a start.
368
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,667
Okay.
369
00:18:41,701 --> 00:18:44,101
Your husband
was in prison.
370
00:18:49,801 --> 00:18:53,099
You were in prison,
and you didn't tell me?
371
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,533
Well, I think it's time
to go to the airport.
372
00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:59,234
Kids, turn on the sprinklers.
Wedding's over.
373
00:19:02,534 --> 00:19:04,067
Son!
374
00:19:05,334 --> 00:19:09,533
You're looking at
the official owner of lot 31,
375
00:19:09,567 --> 00:19:10,733
right across the highway
376
00:19:10,767 --> 00:19:14,034
from a view of
Lake Chicamocomico.
377
00:19:14,934 --> 00:19:15,966
Cool, Dad.
Where's Mom?
378
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,166
She's at the airport.
379
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,366
Oh, don't worry,
she can earn enough to get home.
380
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,500
She took her accordion
with her.
381
00:19:23,868 --> 00:19:25,266
Where's your sister?
382
00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:27,567
Oh. She went to Wisconsin
with the bikers.
383
00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:29,967
Okay.
384
00:19:30,033 --> 00:19:30,999
Al?
385
00:19:31,033 --> 00:19:32,467
Hey, Jefferson.
386
00:19:32,501 --> 00:19:33,900
Where's the blushing bride?
387
00:19:33,934 --> 00:19:35,266
She's jabbing a fork
388
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:36,900
into the eyes
of the little groom
389
00:19:36,934 --> 00:19:39,133
that was on top
of our wedding Twinkie.
390
00:19:39,167 --> 00:19:40,133
Ah.
391
00:19:40,167 --> 00:19:43,033
Good. Good, good, good.
392
00:19:43,067 --> 00:19:44,999
Son, now look here.
393
00:19:45,033 --> 00:19:47,099
These giant
redwood trees?
394
00:19:47,133 --> 00:19:48,633
They're over
a thousand years old.
395
00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:50,266
I'm gonna cut me
one of these down,
396
00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:52,667
use it for the base
of my satellite dish.
397
00:19:52,701 --> 00:19:55,166
Listen, Al, I just stopped by
to thank you
398
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,467
for utterly betraying
my trust.
399
00:19:57,501 --> 00:19:58,834
It was malicious
and foul,
400
00:19:58,868 --> 00:20:01,066
but I think it's gonna turn out
to be a blessing.
401
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,800
I mean, it helps
get our marriage off
402
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:05,400
to a honest, healthy,
harmonious start.
403
00:20:05,434 --> 00:20:07,033
Jefferson D'Arcy,
404
00:20:07,067 --> 00:20:11,633
get your lying,
inmate ass over here now!
405
00:20:16,901 --> 00:20:18,266
Oh, no.
406
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,333
You know, in prison
I could have had her silenced
407
00:20:20,367 --> 00:20:22,133
for three cigarettes.
408
00:20:22,167 --> 00:20:23,233
Oh, well.
409
00:20:23,267 --> 00:20:24,700
Wait. By the way,
Mr. D'Arcy,
410
00:20:24,734 --> 00:20:25,966
What were you in for,
anyway?
411
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,233
Nothing big.
412
00:20:28,267 --> 00:20:32,433
Just a scam to sell plots around
this toxic little waste pond
413
00:20:32,467 --> 00:20:34,500
called Lake Chicamocomico.
414
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:42,800
The place
is so contaminated
415
00:20:42,834 --> 00:20:44,366
it won't be safe
for habitation
416
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,301
till the year
5 million.
417
00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:49,934
Now, it hit the news
four years ago.
418
00:20:49,968 --> 00:20:51,233
Would you believe it?
419
00:20:51,267 --> 00:20:54,267
Some of the truly stupid are
still sending in payments.
420
00:20:55,934 --> 00:20:57,533
Ah, stupid.
421
00:21:20,734 --> 00:21:23,834
Well, it beats going to Hawaii
with your mother.
422
00:21:26,734 --> 00:21:29,533
And what's 5 million years
in the, uh...
423
00:21:29,567 --> 00:21:32,567
scheme of the life
of one man?
424
00:21:32,601 --> 00:21:34,333
Well, Dad,
425
00:21:34,367 --> 00:21:35,867
you always got
your dreams.
426
00:21:35,901 --> 00:21:37,867
Yeah, right.
29323
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