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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:16,801 --> 00:01:18,066
Marry me, Cherise.
2
00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:19,999
You're the only one
for me.
3
00:01:20,033 --> 00:01:22,333
But, Blair, you said that
to the twins,
4
00:01:22,367 --> 00:01:23,834
who are secretly
your daughters,
5
00:01:23,868 --> 00:01:27,733
who you fathered
when you were in that coma.
6
00:01:27,767 --> 00:01:29,834
You can't really have children
with a man in a coma,
7
00:01:29,868 --> 00:01:31,667
can you, Mom?
8
00:01:35,133 --> 00:01:38,733
I think there have been
two recorded cases.
9
00:01:38,767 --> 00:01:41,900
I'm home, and I'm feeling foul.
10
00:01:42,567 --> 00:01:44,266
So let's have
a parting of the butts
11
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:46,401
so I can sit down.
12
00:01:48,701 --> 00:01:51,467
Is the fun always over
when Daddy comes home, Mom?
13
00:01:51,501 --> 00:01:52,900
Well, it's just
suspended now.
14
00:01:52,934 --> 00:01:56,066
It's not officially over
till he takes off his shoes.
15
00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:59,266
Kelly, honey, I know
you're a high school graduate,
16
00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:00,934
but you may be unaware
of a new law.
17
00:02:00,968 --> 00:02:03,066
Since 1989,
18
00:02:03,100 --> 00:02:07,200
the government only permits
one human lump per family.
19
00:02:07,234 --> 00:02:09,200
So I'm afraid
the time has come
20
00:02:09,234 --> 00:02:11,700
for you to get a job.
21
00:02:11,734 --> 00:02:13,400
Oh, no, Daddy,
you're wrong.
22
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,300
Mommy says that I don't
have to do anything.
23
00:02:15,334 --> 00:02:18,467
I'm a girl.
24
00:02:18,501 --> 00:02:22,066
Sweetheart, your mother is
the last of a vanishing breed:
25
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,233
the tyrannosaurus-
do-nothingnus.
26
00:02:25,267 --> 00:02:27,233
But there's still
hope for you, honey.
27
00:02:27,267 --> 00:02:29,133
You can still
get up off a couch
28
00:02:29,167 --> 00:02:31,167
without it making
a suction noise.
29
00:02:33,534 --> 00:02:36,366
So join with Daddy,
won't you, please,
30
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,167
in actually earning
a living.
31
00:02:39,567 --> 00:02:40,533
But, honey,
32
00:02:40,567 --> 00:02:42,033
for Daddy's ego,
33
00:02:42,067 --> 00:02:44,966
try not to bring home
more money than he does.
34
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:48,500
So I'd say,
try returning pop bottles.
35
00:02:48,534 --> 00:02:49,999
But stop at 10.
36
00:02:50,033 --> 00:02:53,200
They're two cents apiece,
you know.
37
00:02:53,234 --> 00:02:54,467
"Oh, gee, Your Honor,
38
00:02:54,501 --> 00:02:58,234
I don't know where that shotgun
came from."
39
00:02:59,968 --> 00:03:01,266
Now, Kelly, honey,
40
00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:02,867
you're getting
old enough to know now
41
00:03:02,901 --> 00:03:05,700
that you can't go on
mooching off society forever.
42
00:03:05,734 --> 00:03:07,934
So go over
to Marcie's house,
43
00:03:07,968 --> 00:03:09,567
steal her newspaper
44
00:03:09,601 --> 00:03:12,001
and bring back the section
with the want ads.
45
00:03:14,067 --> 00:03:15,366
Al,
46
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,333
did you really mean
what you said about me?
47
00:03:17,367 --> 00:03:19,066
You really think
I do nothing?
48
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:20,733
Peg, if you did any less
around here,
49
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,834
it would be called
"haunting."
50
00:03:23,601 --> 00:03:26,133
Well, then you have
a pretty short memory.
51
00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:29,967
It's me who brass-knuckles
your underwear into that hamper.
52
00:03:31,434 --> 00:03:33,300
And who invented
the broomstick
53
00:03:33,334 --> 00:03:34,800
with the piece of gum
on the end of it
54
00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:37,066
to pick up your socks?
55
00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:39,934
I believe it was I.
56
00:03:39,968 --> 00:03:42,200
Now, I do plenty around here.
57
00:03:42,234 --> 00:03:43,867
I want an apology,
58
00:03:43,901 --> 00:03:45,867
and I want appreciation.
59
00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:47,767
Until I get some,
60
00:03:47,801 --> 00:03:49,533
I, Peggy Bundy,
61
00:03:49,567 --> 00:03:52,633
am officially on strike.
62
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,633
Look, Daddy,
63
00:03:56,667 --> 00:03:59,200
I found a job.
Listen.
64
00:03:59,234 --> 00:04:00,966
"Pretty girls needed.
65
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:01,966
"No skills.
66
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,467
"No talent.
67
00:04:04,501 --> 00:04:06,300
"No experience.
68
00:04:06,334 --> 00:04:07,934
No redding."
69
00:04:10,367 --> 00:04:12,867
That's "reading,"
honey.
70
00:04:13,634 --> 00:04:15,033
No reading?
71
00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:18,467
Where are they gonna
find anyone that stupid?
72
00:04:18,501 --> 00:04:19,633
No, but look.
73
00:04:19,667 --> 00:04:21,033
"Four hundred dollars
a month."
74
00:04:21,067 --> 00:04:23,200
Now, that should help out
the family, eh, Daddy?
75
00:04:23,234 --> 00:04:24,834
Well, uh, sweetheart...
76
00:04:24,868 --> 00:04:27,633
Dear, this is an ad
for a modeling school.
77
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:31,368
See, I'd have to pay
$400 a month.
78
00:04:32,567 --> 00:04:33,999
So, what's the problem?
79
00:04:34,033 --> 00:04:37,500
Can you describe the difference
between paying and earning?
80
00:04:37,534 --> 00:04:39,934
What am I asking you for?
Of course you can't.
81
00:04:40,634 --> 00:04:42,700
Oh, come on, Daddy,
I wanna be a model.
82
00:04:42,734 --> 00:04:44,500
Hey, maybe I can get
one of those neat jobs
83
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,767
standing in a store window.
84
00:04:50,033 --> 00:04:51,900
Peg, you wanna
take this one?
85
00:04:51,934 --> 00:04:54,567
You wanna get down
on your hands and knees
86
00:04:54,601 --> 00:04:57,167
and admit
I'm everything to you?
87
00:04:59,534 --> 00:05:02,999
Kelly, I'm not paying
$400 a month
88
00:05:03,033 --> 00:05:05,867
so you can walk around
with a book on your head.
89
00:05:07,234 --> 00:05:08,966
Hey, go ahead,
pout all you want.
90
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,967
It's not going to work.
91
00:05:18,033 --> 00:05:20,234
I am a model.
92
00:05:24,501 --> 00:05:26,600
I'm not cooking tonight,
you know.
93
00:05:26,634 --> 00:05:28,066
Uh-oh.
94
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:31,034
Then I guess I'll just
have to live on love.
95
00:05:32,467 --> 00:05:34,934
Not with me.
I'm on strike.
96
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,133
Oh, no.
97
00:05:36,167 --> 00:05:39,167
Then I guess
I'll just have to live.
98
00:05:39,968 --> 00:05:41,099
Look, Daddy.
99
00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:44,234
And you thought that
your $400 was wasted.
100
00:05:46,634 --> 00:05:48,066
I'm okay, Daddy.
101
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:50,266
Sure you are,
sweetheart.
102
00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:53,133
Honey, now, go sit
over there.
103
00:05:53,167 --> 00:05:54,867
Sit down, dear.
104
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,468
I am a model.
105
00:06:03,734 --> 00:06:06,200
Good, sweetheart.
106
00:06:06,234 --> 00:06:09,066
But, honey,
you have been a model
107
00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:10,800
for two weeks now.
108
00:06:10,834 --> 00:06:12,633
You know,
if the telephone rings,
109
00:06:12,667 --> 00:06:14,533
I'm not gettin' it.
110
00:06:14,567 --> 00:06:16,700
Well, darn, if I miss another
dinner with the Trumps
111
00:06:16,734 --> 00:06:19,368
because of you, I'm gonna
take it out on the help.
112
00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:23,733
Honey, this modeling thing
isn't working out.
113
00:06:23,767 --> 00:06:25,467
But-- But I have an idea.
114
00:06:25,501 --> 00:06:26,934
Why don't you take
the skills
115
00:06:26,968 --> 00:06:28,867
you've acquired
at modeling school
116
00:06:28,901 --> 00:06:31,099
and get an important job.
117
00:06:31,133 --> 00:06:34,600
One where you meet the public
and serve them French fries.
118
00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:38,433
But, Daddy,
I can't stop now.
119
00:06:38,467 --> 00:06:40,400
Modeling is in my blood.
120
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,166
I mean, even my teacher said
121
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,166
that I am a natural-born
leg crosser.
122
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,700
Watch.
123
00:06:50,267 --> 00:06:52,233
I can do it at will.
124
00:06:52,267 --> 00:06:53,800
What?
125
00:06:54,234 --> 00:06:55,333
Okay, Kel,
126
00:06:55,367 --> 00:06:56,733
I did what you asked.
127
00:06:56,767 --> 00:06:58,900
I put all your Garfield cartoons
on cassette tape
128
00:06:58,934 --> 00:07:01,099
so you can listen to them
in the car.
129
00:07:01,133 --> 00:07:03,134
Now can I meet
the modeling babes?
130
00:07:03,501 --> 00:07:04,733
Isn't he pathetic?
131
00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:06,733
Yeah, right. But don't
worry about him. Honey,
132
00:07:06,767 --> 00:07:09,700
have you seen anything
down there Daddy might like?
133
00:07:12,267 --> 00:07:13,633
Yeah.
134
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,999
You know, maybe there's a job
for a runway model
135
00:07:16,033 --> 00:07:17,867
with dirty underwear.
136
00:07:18,467 --> 00:07:21,133
"And now, here's Al,
137
00:07:21,167 --> 00:07:23,233
"looking frisky for fall
138
00:07:23,267 --> 00:07:26,633
"in his stained boxer shorts
139
00:07:26,667 --> 00:07:30,267
"and matching
yellowing T-shirt.
140
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,934
"Oh, note the holes,
141
00:07:32,968 --> 00:07:36,834
"new this season,
for easy-access scratchin'.
142
00:07:37,901 --> 00:07:41,200
"Oh, thank you, Al.
143
00:07:41,234 --> 00:07:44,133
"Oh, and walking behind him,
144
00:07:44,167 --> 00:07:47,201
"his socks.
145
00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:49,633
"Resplendent
146
00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:52,667
"in their
no-toe-or-heel look.
147
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,633
Thanks again, Al."
148
00:08:02,968 --> 00:08:05,133
"Gee, officer, if I thought
my wife was missing,
149
00:08:05,167 --> 00:08:07,533
would I be in this bar,
drinking a beer?"
150
00:08:11,267 --> 00:08:12,533
Come on, Kel.
151
00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:13,834
I'll do anything.
152
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,099
Well, actually,
you could help me study
153
00:08:16,133 --> 00:08:18,099
for this job audition
at the auto show.
154
00:08:18,133 --> 00:08:20,234
Can you be a car?
155
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,233
Then will I get to meet
the babes?
156
00:08:22,267 --> 00:08:25,334
Pretty ones
as dumb as you?
157
00:08:25,801 --> 00:08:26,867
Dumber.
158
00:08:26,901 --> 00:08:29,266
Oh, man.
159
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,767
What kind of car am I?
160
00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:33,134
A 280 Zit.
161
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,834
They better be mighty dumb,
Kel.
162
00:08:38,868 --> 00:08:40,999
Okay, now,
163
00:08:41,033 --> 00:08:43,099
you just stand here
and "car."
164
00:08:43,133 --> 00:08:44,333
Now, my job is to come up
165
00:08:44,367 --> 00:08:45,934
with an interesting
and exciting way
166
00:08:45,968 --> 00:08:47,966
to introduce
the new Allanté.
167
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,066
You ready?
168
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:50,400
Ready.
Okay.
169
00:08:50,434 --> 00:08:52,567
The new-- No.
170
00:08:52,868 --> 00:08:54,966
The new-- No.
171
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:58,034
The new...
172
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:06,500
Four hundred bucks.
173
00:09:06,534 --> 00:09:08,567
Wait, I'm getting an idea.
I'm getting an idea.
174
00:09:08,601 --> 00:09:10,434
How 'bout this?
175
00:09:10,934 --> 00:09:13,467
The new...
176
00:09:13,501 --> 00:09:15,366
Oh, what's the name
of the stupid car?
177
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,767
Kelly, why don't you just
write it on your hand
178
00:09:17,801 --> 00:09:20,166
like you do your name.
179
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,066
No, wait.
180
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:25,101
Topeka, I have found it!
181
00:09:29,767 --> 00:09:32,767
I-- I don't think
you mean Topeka, Kel.
182
00:09:32,801 --> 00:09:34,266
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I meant...
183
00:09:34,300 --> 00:09:36,001
urethra!
184
00:09:40,834 --> 00:09:42,667
How 'bout this?
185
00:09:44,434 --> 00:09:48,301
The new Allanté.
186
00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:50,834
What do you think?
What do you think?
187
00:09:50,868 --> 00:09:53,368
I think you got it.
188
00:09:53,667 --> 00:09:54,999
I know I've got it.
189
00:09:55,033 --> 00:09:56,800
I shall be the Allanté girl,
190
00:09:56,834 --> 00:10:00,167
for I have invented
"the Bundy bounce."
191
00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:06,733
Allanté.
192
00:10:06,767 --> 00:10:08,333
Allanté.
Allanté.
193
00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:10,700
Allanté.
Allanté.
194
00:10:11,067 --> 00:10:13,200
Allanté.
Allanté.
195
00:10:13,234 --> 00:10:15,900
Allanté.
Allanté.
196
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,533
Allanté.
197
00:10:18,567 --> 00:10:19,834
Wow!
198
00:10:19,868 --> 00:10:22,099
I feel like I died
and went to Dad's happy box
199
00:10:22,133 --> 00:10:24,401
in the basement.
200
00:10:25,868 --> 00:10:28,700
I beg of you,
Pepé Le Pew.
201
00:10:28,734 --> 00:10:31,400
Control your urges
and your scent, okay?
202
00:10:31,434 --> 00:10:33,366
I'm gonna go practice
my Allantés.
203
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,233
Okay. I'm just gonna
wander around and...
204
00:10:36,267 --> 00:10:38,134
see what's bitin'.
205
00:10:40,734 --> 00:10:43,800
I do believe
I sees my supper.
206
00:10:46,868 --> 00:10:48,600
Hello.
207
00:10:50,601 --> 00:10:53,767
I know you models are always
watching your weight.
208
00:10:53,801 --> 00:10:56,167
Care for a "Bud light"?
209
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:07,166
I'm sorry, but I think
you've mistaken me
210
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:11,034
for someone who would speak
to someone like you.
211
00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:15,900
Stee-rike one.
212
00:11:17,667 --> 00:11:19,201
Ooh.
213
00:11:22,734 --> 00:11:24,934
Need some help?
214
00:11:27,501 --> 00:11:29,967
One good turn
deserves another.
215
00:11:33,501 --> 00:11:36,167
Stee-rike two.
216
00:11:37,367 --> 00:11:39,201
Allantum. No.
217
00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:41,600
Allantos.
218
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:42,633
No.
219
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:44,401
Aluminum.
220
00:11:45,534 --> 00:11:46,900
Kelly.
221
00:11:46,934 --> 00:11:48,233
No.
222
00:11:48,267 --> 00:11:51,034
Allanté.
223
00:11:51,701 --> 00:11:52,767
Hi, Kelly.
224
00:11:52,801 --> 00:11:54,200
Been practicing?
225
00:11:54,234 --> 00:11:55,900
Nope, don't need to.
226
00:11:55,934 --> 00:11:58,166
I'm slam-dunking
this baby.
227
00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,834
You seem pretty confident
for someone
228
00:11:59,868 --> 00:12:03,301
who got tension headaches
during smiling class.
229
00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:08,500
So, what are you doing
for your audition?
230
00:12:09,334 --> 00:12:12,099
Well, I come after you,
231
00:12:12,133 --> 00:12:13,333
so I guess
I'll have to wait
232
00:12:13,367 --> 00:12:15,667
till the curly tail
disappears.
233
00:12:17,734 --> 00:12:18,767
Oh, then, of course,
234
00:12:18,801 --> 00:12:22,200
after the cries
of "sooey" die down,
235
00:12:22,234 --> 00:12:25,334
I'll do my best to follow
in your hoofprints.
236
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:32,667
Slut.
237
00:12:32,701 --> 00:12:34,633
Skank.
238
00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:36,767
Tramp.
239
00:12:36,801 --> 00:12:39,434
Can't accessorize.
240
00:12:41,033 --> 00:12:43,700
That hurt.
241
00:12:44,634 --> 00:12:47,101
With you?
242
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,234
Foul tip.
243
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,166
Excuse me.
244
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,567
I couldn't help
but noticing you
245
00:12:58,601 --> 00:13:01,267
undressing me
with your eyes.
246
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,600
How'd you like
to hear my recipe
247
00:13:03,634 --> 00:13:06,500
for a love cocktail?
248
00:13:06,534 --> 00:13:08,467
One cup of you,
two cups of me,
249
00:13:08,501 --> 00:13:11,067
put it to boil,
and serve while hot.
250
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,733
Look, I'll let you
touch my hair
251
00:13:15,767 --> 00:13:17,333
if you go away
and leave me alone.
252
00:13:17,367 --> 00:13:19,233
I have to audition.
253
00:13:19,267 --> 00:13:20,900
You're wasting
your time, babe.
254
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,966
My sister's got it locked.
255
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,433
Who's your sister?
256
00:13:24,467 --> 00:13:25,567
Kelly.
257
00:13:25,601 --> 00:13:28,333
Anyhow, what do you say to
"you and me
258
00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:31,500
and one of your friends
makes three"?
259
00:13:33,701 --> 00:13:35,800
What exactly
is Kelly doing?
260
00:13:35,834 --> 00:13:38,267
She told me not
to tell anybody.
261
00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,533
Not even me?
262
00:13:41,567 --> 00:13:43,334
No one.
263
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:46,033
Not even...
264
00:13:46,067 --> 00:13:47,800
me?
265
00:13:49,334 --> 00:13:52,101
It's called "the Bundy bounce,"
and it goes like this:
266
00:13:52,868 --> 00:13:55,066
The new...
267
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:57,134
Allanté.
268
00:13:57,801 --> 00:14:00,233
Thanks. That's all
I needed to know.
269
00:14:00,267 --> 00:14:02,967
Wait, y-you said I could
touch your hair.
270
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,433
Allanté.
Okay, everybody.
271
00:14:06,467 --> 00:14:08,934
Ladies, attention.
272
00:14:08,968 --> 00:14:10,834
Attention, ladies.
273
00:14:14,133 --> 00:14:16,834
The client is here.
274
00:14:16,868 --> 00:14:19,300
Let's show him
what we can do, all right?
275
00:14:19,334 --> 00:14:23,001
First up,
Rochelle Alpert.
276
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:29,133
The new Alpert.
277
00:14:29,167 --> 00:14:31,900
Oops. That's my name.
278
00:14:31,934 --> 00:14:34,600
Allanté.
Allanté.
279
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:38,468
Very good.
Very good, Rochelle.
280
00:14:39,934 --> 00:14:42,633
Incense Berkowitz.
281
00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:48,567
That's Incense Berkowitz.
282
00:14:48,601 --> 00:14:50,700
Next.
283
00:14:53,734 --> 00:14:55,767
Piper Bauman.
284
00:14:56,501 --> 00:14:59,734
Gosh, I'm so nervous.
285
00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:03,434
Well, then perhaps you
should've worn underwear.
286
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:09,167
Just do the best you can,
sweetheart.
287
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,167
The new Allanté.
288
00:15:15,367 --> 00:15:18,567
Thank you.
I call it "the Bauman bounce."
289
00:15:18,601 --> 00:15:21,266
She stole my bounce.
290
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:24,166
Gee, how could that
have happened?
291
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:25,700
Excellent,
excellent.
292
00:15:25,734 --> 00:15:29,334
And now, as if there was
any need, Kelly Bundy.
293
00:15:36,534 --> 00:15:38,401
The new...
294
00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:41,867
Allanté.
295
00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:45,034
That was my bounce.
296
00:15:45,601 --> 00:15:46,834
Ah.
297
00:15:46,868 --> 00:15:49,066
Don't do anything, huh?
298
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,733
Well, we'll see.
299
00:15:50,767 --> 00:15:54,034
I'll break him.
I'll break him.
300
00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:56,467
How about you, boy?
301
00:15:56,501 --> 00:15:59,500
Mommy does things
for you, doesn't she?
302
00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:01,467
You're not my mommy.
303
00:16:01,501 --> 00:16:04,567
My mother has six nipples
and would lick my belly.
304
00:16:07,601 --> 00:16:10,934
You're the only one
who understands.
305
00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:15,700
Hey, Peg.
306
00:16:15,734 --> 00:16:17,166
You still on strike?
307
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,099
What does it look like?
308
00:16:19,133 --> 00:16:22,867
You could be on fire
and I wouldn't know.
309
00:16:22,901 --> 00:16:25,200
This has been the best
two weeks of my life.
310
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,900
You know, the uncertainty
is gone.
311
00:16:26,934 --> 00:16:29,467
Accepting your utter uselessness
has freed me.
312
00:16:29,501 --> 00:16:31,166
Since I've been
taking care of myself,
313
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,567
the food's better,
the conversation is better,
314
00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:36,800
and-- And without sex,
my hair's comin' back.
315
00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:42,867
It's not coming back, honey.
316
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:45,999
It's just growing up
out of your nose.
317
00:16:46,033 --> 00:16:47,433
Ah, Peg.
318
00:16:47,467 --> 00:16:48,999
Would it really
make you feel better
319
00:16:49,033 --> 00:16:50,366
if I told you I needed you?
320
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,034
Yes, it would.
321
00:16:59,467 --> 00:17:01,800
Well, I don't.
322
00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:03,600
I got my food.
Got my drink.
323
00:17:03,634 --> 00:17:06,233
In a few minutes,
I got my ball game.
324
00:17:06,267 --> 00:17:07,934
Uh-oh.
325
00:17:07,968 --> 00:17:09,333
Remote.
326
00:17:09,367 --> 00:17:10,333
Peg?
327
00:17:10,367 --> 00:17:12,800
Yes, sweetheart?
328
00:17:12,834 --> 00:17:15,166
Ball game's coming on
in a few minutes.
329
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,333
Where's the remote control?
330
00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:19,867
You mean
your shootin' iron?
331
00:17:19,901 --> 00:17:22,266
Your magic wand?
332
00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:25,001
The only way you
could turn anything on?
333
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:27,633
Yes.
334
00:17:27,667 --> 00:17:29,033
Have you seen it?
335
00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:32,867
Well, you know, sweetheart, yes,
as a matter of fact, I have.
336
00:17:32,901 --> 00:17:34,767
And I would love to tell you
where it is,
337
00:17:34,801 --> 00:17:37,533
but, gee, I can't.
338
00:17:37,567 --> 00:17:39,767
I'm on strike.
339
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,867
Fine. Don't need it.
340
00:17:42,901 --> 00:17:45,001
I'll watch TV without it.
341
00:17:45,701 --> 00:17:47,533
There, game's on.
342
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,533
We'll be back with the kickoff
after these messages.
343
00:17:50,567 --> 00:17:52,667
Mm.
344
00:17:56,467 --> 00:17:58,500
We'll be back
with the second half
345
00:17:58,534 --> 00:18:00,567
after these messages.
346
00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:02,200
I'm an active gal.
347
00:18:02,234 --> 00:18:05,034
And as such,
I need maximum protection.
348
00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:11,867
It's fine.
I don't need it.
349
00:18:11,901 --> 00:18:13,400
I'm happy.
350
00:18:13,434 --> 00:18:15,401
I have everything else.
351
00:18:22,667 --> 00:18:24,533
I don't need TV.
352
00:18:24,567 --> 00:18:26,867
How long has it been?
353
00:18:26,901 --> 00:18:28,567
It's been 10 seconds.
354
00:18:28,601 --> 00:18:30,567
All right, Peg. I give up.
355
00:18:30,601 --> 00:18:32,600
I'll do anything.
356
00:18:32,634 --> 00:18:35,101
Give me what I need,
baby!
357
00:18:37,567 --> 00:18:40,366
Give me
my remote control!
358
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,600
And what will Daddy
give Mommy?
359
00:18:43,634 --> 00:18:45,433
Well, I already told you
I needed you.
360
00:18:45,467 --> 00:18:47,167
What else do you want?
361
00:18:48,267 --> 00:18:50,267
Aagh! No!
362
00:18:51,467 --> 00:18:53,867
Oh, Peg, it's light out,
for God's sake.
363
00:18:53,901 --> 00:18:57,667
We'll be able to see each other!
You know I hate that!
364
00:18:57,701 --> 00:18:59,133
But, honey,
365
00:18:59,167 --> 00:19:00,999
we wouldn't want anything
to happen
366
00:19:01,033 --> 00:19:03,166
to your remote control,
would we?
367
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,900
Okay, honey.
Just a quickie, okay?
368
00:19:05,934 --> 00:19:08,633
No. I want the full
minute and a half.
369
00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:10,266
But, Peg--
Peg.
370
00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:12,233
And I want
the shoes off.
371
00:19:12,267 --> 00:19:14,533
Oh, God!
372
00:19:19,234 --> 00:19:21,133
How could she know
about "the Bundy bounce"?
373
00:19:21,167 --> 00:19:23,366
I mean, the only one who knew
besides me was you.
374
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,368
How could she find out?
375
00:19:30,133 --> 00:19:32,266
Well, we may as well face it.
376
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:35,301
We may never be able
to piece this thing together.
377
00:19:39,901 --> 00:19:41,200
Hi, kids.
378
00:19:41,234 --> 00:19:44,099
Did you know your father
is hanging from the window,
379
00:19:44,133 --> 00:19:47,033
butt bare to the world,
screaming for help?
380
00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:49,099
That's okay.
Mom's with him.
381
00:19:49,133 --> 00:19:50,600
Well, if you'll excuse me,
382
00:19:50,634 --> 00:19:53,166
someone stole an idea from me
and cost me a modeling job.
383
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:54,733
So I'm going to handle this
384
00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:57,201
the only way that us Bundys
know how.
385
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,001
With swift
and blinding violence.
386
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:04,266
No, no. Now, wait a minute,
young lady.
387
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:05,400
If you've got a problem
388
00:20:05,434 --> 00:20:07,066
you think you can solve
with violence,
389
00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:09,133
don't you think you should
talk to your parents?
390
00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:10,934
You can run,
391
00:20:10,968 --> 00:20:13,467
but you can't hide!
392
00:20:13,501 --> 00:20:15,700
Oh, Peg! Oh, no!
393
00:20:17,267 --> 00:20:18,867
Could I perhaps help
in any way?
394
00:20:18,901 --> 00:20:21,700
Well, you could wait outside
with the engine running.
395
00:20:21,734 --> 00:20:23,266
No, Kelly,
396
00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:24,800
haven't you ever
heard the phrase,
397
00:20:24,834 --> 00:20:26,400
"You can catch more
flies with honey
398
00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:27,733
than you can
with vinegar"?
399
00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:29,033
But if you pull their wings off,
400
00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:30,834
they'll eat whatever
you give them. Bye.
401
00:20:30,868 --> 00:20:32,033
No, Kelly, wait.
402
00:20:32,067 --> 00:20:33,533
Let me put this another way.
403
00:20:33,567 --> 00:20:36,133
You're a woman now,
not a child.
404
00:20:36,167 --> 00:20:39,300
You should solve your problems
in the mature, sophisticated way
405
00:20:39,334 --> 00:20:40,333
of the adult.
406
00:20:40,367 --> 00:20:43,434
Call 911!
Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
407
00:20:50,234 --> 00:20:53,900
And if your parents
were adults
408
00:20:53,934 --> 00:20:56,066
instead of stick figures,
409
00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:58,099
I'm sure they would agree
with me.
410
00:20:58,133 --> 00:21:00,400
So my advice to you
would be to go this person,
411
00:21:00,434 --> 00:21:02,700
and appeal to her
sense of fairness.
412
00:21:02,734 --> 00:21:04,467
Explain how much
she hurt you.
413
00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:08,133
And she'll respond
to your maturity with maturity.
414
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:10,033
For women, unlike men,
415
00:21:10,067 --> 00:21:12,099
have the capacity to feel.
416
00:21:12,133 --> 00:21:13,834
We talk things out.
417
00:21:13,868 --> 00:21:16,033
And when you tell her
a cheater never wins
418
00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:18,934
and a winner never cheats,
she'll give you that job back.
419
00:21:22,567 --> 00:21:25,366
And now, the car of tomorrow.
420
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:29,034
The new Allanté.
421
00:21:35,734 --> 00:21:38,967
Now, please follow me
to our next exhibit.
422
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,066
Thank you so much.
423
00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:43,366
Well, congratulations,
Miss Bundy.
424
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,600
But, uh, what happened
to Miss Bauman?
425
00:21:45,634 --> 00:21:46,800
Oh, stage fight.
426
00:21:46,834 --> 00:21:48,633
I mean, uh, fright.
427
00:21:49,667 --> 00:21:50,966
Well,
congratulations.
428
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,267
Thank you.
429
00:21:53,300 --> 00:21:54,966
Oh, Bud...
430
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,567
I came. I saw. I bounced.
431
00:21:58,534 --> 00:21:59,999
Today, the Allanté girl.
432
00:22:00,033 --> 00:22:03,600
Tomorrow,
slut in a Bon Jovi video.
433
00:22:06,067 --> 00:22:08,266
Reach for those stars,
eh, Kel?
434
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:09,733
You should feel
pretty proud too.
435
00:22:09,767 --> 00:22:11,433
You didn't even
have to read your hand.
436
00:22:11,467 --> 00:22:13,733
Yeah, but now is a time
I have to read my hand
437
00:22:13,767 --> 00:22:15,867
'cause I wrote myself
a little note.
438
00:22:15,901 --> 00:22:18,567
It says,
"The one who..."
439
00:22:18,601 --> 00:22:20,266
Oh, what's that word?
440
00:22:20,300 --> 00:22:23,633
"Told about 'the Bundy bounce'
was...
441
00:22:23,667 --> 00:22:25,301
See other hand."
29898
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