All language subtitles for Kims.convenience.S01E03.KILLERS.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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Hit me with one of
them scratch-and-wins.

- Is that one you car?
- Huh?

- Which one?
- Red Toyota, no-parking zone.

Is that one you car?

No, man. I don't even own a car.

- I'll take these two.
- Hmm.

If you don't have car,
why you ask "Which one?"

when I ask, "Is that one you car?"

I don't know.

I don't even know what
you're talking about.

- Huh.
- Here's your lunch, Appa.

Okay, see you.

Janet. Call police.

- What happened?
- Car is no-parking zone.

- Talk to police.
- Let me guess...

- It's a Honda?
- No.

- Mitsubishi?
- No.

Okay, it's a Toyota, but
still, no-parking zone!

How many times do I
have to tell you, Appa?

Japanese people aren't the only ones

driving Japanese cars.

Janet, 1910, Japan attack Korea.

You buy Japanese, you is
guilty by associationship.

What about your Canon SLR camera?

Appa get half price.

Your money still went to Japan.

Half price, I rip off
Japan. Talk to police.

Uh... Why don't you
just call them yourself?

Police hear accent,
they don't take serious.

- Appa...
- Janet! 1910,

- Japan attack Korea...
- Okay, okay. I'll call.

Yeah. Never mind. Cancel
order, we don't need.

- But there's an illegally
parked car right there. - Ah.

But it's Hyundai. No problem.

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- Hello, Mr. Kim.
- Gerald.

Janet not here. Five dollar.

Well, actually, I was hoping
I could ask you a favor.

Um...

Well...

You have a very interesting face.

Hmm.

And I would really love to
take some pictures of it,

of you as a whole, for school.

I've seen you picture.

They just naked.

Oh. That was just one assignment...

No! I never do naked picture!

I... I... Just the neck up.

I know what you thinking.

"Oh, it's so hot, Mr.
Kim, take off jacket.

"Oh, looking good, Mr.
Kim, take off shirt.

"Everybody doing, Mr.
Kim, take off panty."

I would not ask you to take off...

Then you sell to naked picture magazine

- for businessmen, huh?
- Who?

- They like naked everything.
- Okay.

Some magazine,

only for the foot.

I don't...

Foot in sock, foot with hair,

foot in shoe, naked
foot... No shame. Out!

Gladly. Okay.

Hello.

Nice day, eh?

Of course I can cut out early.

My best friend's
practically the boss here.

- Kimchee.
- Yeah.

I kinda run the shop
when he's not around

so it's no problem.

Yeah. Let me run home and get my jersey.

Hey, can I call you back?

What the hell, man?

I was just frontin'.

So, tell me about Phil.

Phil, yeah.

I've been meaning to talk
to you about that guy.

He said that you tried to
get him to chamois the cars.

Yeah. And he said no.
Can you believe it?

Yo, we might have to fire his ass.

He said no, because it's
not his job. It's yours.

He disrespects me, he disrespects you.

I'm the assistant to the assistant.

It's like nobody here gets that.

You're not my assistant.
I don't have an assistant.

- I'm the assistant.
- Don't run yourself down.

Kimch, we're friends

but you gotta stop taking advantage.

"Taking advantage"? By having your back?

These guys are lazy.

Lazy when it comes to doing your job.

Yo, you wouldn't even be working here

if it wasn't for me.

I appreciate that.

But I worked hard to get the bump up

and I'm not about to
let you screw it up.

So I'm the screw-up?

That's funny coming from a guy

who stole cell phones for a living.

- You stole cell phones too.
- But I didn't get caught.

Yeah. I only got caught
because you ran...

You know what?

Rest of the week, you're
on urinal cake duty.

Old ones out, new ones in. Every day.

Oh. So, is this the way it's gonna be?

That's the way it is.

So, that's the way it is.

Get out of my office.

You got an office?

Go!

...and 12 egg.

Yeah, I say like that.

Look, if I only want
12 egg, I say "dozen."

If I want 12-dozen egg, I say "12 egg."

Easy. "Egg" means "dozen."

"Dozen" means "12 egg."

What's you problem?

Hello? Hello?

I'm not even talking to anyone.

I'm still not interested,
Gerald-paparazzi-boy.

Um, I'm actually just
here to see Mrs. Kim.

Ah, she is for sure not
interested in your naked picture.

No, I just need to show her something.

What?

Her photos.

After you declined, I asked Mrs. Kim

and she said yes.

You walk into my store,

like a crazy porno picture-taker,

and tell me you take photo of my wife?

- Yes but, I... Okay.
- Give!

- They're not naked photos!
- Give!

- I cannot stress that enough.
- And negative too.

It's all digital. And tasteful.

- Password.
- It's, uh... I'll just...

- Password.
- I'll show you.

I just show you. Password.

You're not supposed to
give people your passwords.

It's not "1-2-3-4." Look, I...

Please, Mr. Kim.

You know what happen when
too many bad password?

iPad lockdown.

You know how to fix iPad lockdown, huh?

I don't know how to fix... Okay! Okay!

It's "4-3-2-1."

And then the photo folder is just there.

You take this photo?

Yeah.

It's good.

Thanks, Mr. Kim.

That's like the first
time you've ever...

It's very good, Gerald.

Okay. I accept. Hmm?

What?

If you do this with Mrs. Kim,

think what you can do
with an interesting face.

- Let's shoot.
- You know what?

I'm already done the assignment.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Look how beautiful, huh?

Wow, that's amazing.

- Yeah, he do me next.
- Who do what next?

I do him next, but I
don't. I don't do him.

I... He wants me to
take a picture of him,

but I can't, I got such a busy week.

Oh. Gerald play hardball, huh?

Okay. I commission you,
take a picture of me.

Like Renaissance time.

I pay to you one pop,
every day for rest of life.

I actually don't even like pop.

But do you like free pop?

It tastes identical. Why
don't you just ask Janet?

That's okay, I'm pretty busy too.

Okay, two free pop. Final offer.

Hey, it's your call.

Um...

Okay, but can we change
it to a bag of chips?

Small bag only. Ketchup
chips not include.

Okay.

Okay, Janet, have a good shift, huh?

- Mmm-hmm.
- I practice face exercise.

I'm just telling you what I heard.

And according to one of your colleagues,

they say you used your
hands to anally penetrate...

What?

Hey, don't sexually
harass the messenger.

- Not that you would.
- No. No, I wouldn't.

Like, where's this coming from?

He's requested that his
name, or she, her name,

or his, remain anonymous.

But this is a very serious complaint.

I think I know what this is about.

And it's just a huge misunderstanding.

I'm sure it is. I made it very clear

that you have never once been
sexually inappropriate with me

or anybody else,

and I am very aware
of that kind of thing.

It's called a ddongjeem.

- Is that prison slang?
- No, it's Korean.

So ddon means "poop", and
jeem means, uh, "needle".

So, like a "poop needle."

It's the same as a wedgie.

Okay, uh, I'm picturing a wedgie

but I feel like you would
have to work very hard

to get to the point of penetration.

There's no penetration.

It's just a prank that
Korean kids like to do.

Okay? You put your hands
in the prayer position...

So this is a religious thing?

No, it's just how you put your hands.

And then you just give
a quick jab. For fun.

So you jab the anus for fun.

It's got nothing to
do with the anus. Okay?

Just forget about the anus.

I'd like to, but you keep saying "anus."

It's just a quick little poke in the bum

that Korean guys do to
each other, like at church.

I'm not explaining this right.

Okay, you know what?

I think I get it and it
even sounds kind of fun.

But if this got back to head office

it could be considered harassment.

Head office knows about this?

No, but if Kimchee, or her...

Decides to file a formal complaint

I have no choice but to send this on up.

Kimchee ddongjeems me all the time.

Okay. So this is more
widespread than I thought.

I need you to go find
Kimchee and resolve this now.

Without using ddongjeem,

or anything else that
might be sexually confusing

or ambiguous or intriguing at all.

It's really beautiful, Umma.

Perfect for your "Don't Touch" wall.

"'Don't Touch' wall"?

Uh...

Don't touch!

- See?
- "Don't Touch" wall is too full.

No balance. Have to take one away.

Yeah.

- Uh... Take out.
- Yeah.

But that's the one I...

Took.

That's a best funeral photo.

- Hmm?
- Hmm.

Yeah. You remember Mr.
Chang's funeral photo?

Very bad.

Photo was from roller-coaster
ride at Canada Wonderland.

Mr. Chang look very scared.

Like he knew he was going to hell, huh?

That is so beautiful. Huh?

Like you going to heaven.

Hmm.

You want help getting that
ice pack up a little further?

I wouldn't joke about this, bro.

Kimch, you're not serious...

This is a really interesting pamphlet.

I could get fired for this.

Maybe you should have
thought of that before you...

"Repeatedly tried to force your
hands on me without consent..."

It was just a ddongjeem!

Please, don't ddongjeem me again!

I really don't need any more "anxiety,
loss of appetite, or social isolation."

He's not being serious.

And he does it to me all the time.

It's just a little nudge
with your fingers in...

It's like if I gave you
a wedgie or a pink belly.

Which I would never do, but if I
did, then it would just be for fun.

But I wouldn't.

So...

Are you mad at me?

No.

Are you mad generally?

No.

Well, kinda. Sorta. Yes.

Okay.

I'm just thinking I've been focusing
too much on photography, you know?

You're a way better
photographer than I am.

Apparently not.

Okay, let's do this one, huh?

Hi, Mr. Kim.

Are you wearing makeup?

It's a Korean-style lotion.

For Gerald take my picture. Hmm?

What you think, with golf trophy?

Church tournament, huh?

Or we go outside.

I show you my putt.

I hope that bag of chips is worth it.

Ah, not just bag of chip.

One bag of chip every
day for rest of my life.

I thought it was for
the rest of my life?

No, I say "rest of life."

You life, me life,
whichever end first, mmm?

- Well...
- If I die first, how I give chip to you?

Huh? And if you die first,
how you eat chip I give to you?

Just take picture.

Thank you all for coming
to this little meeting.

- You said it was mandatory.
- Okay.

I think we've all noticed a little bit
of tension around the office lately,

so I just wanted to get the gang
together and nip this in the bud.

A lot of people mispronounce that word.

Sorry, what is this about?

Well, I like to think of
us as a family and, Terence,

two of your siblings are having a
little bit of a misunderstanding.

Oh, I just thought this
was a lovers' quarrel.

We're not a couple.

- You're... You're not?
- No.

Okay, it's just a ddongjeem.
It's a Korean thing.

And this is an excellent opportunity
for us to increase our sensitivity

of different cultures and traditions.

For example, in my family we play
this game where we pass an orange

around the room using only our necks.

That may seem sexual to some
people in different cultures...

Why are you looking at me?

There are only five people
here. I have to look at someone.

The point is, we need to be sensitive
to each other racially, and sexually,

and culturally, and sexually...

And if you two can just make
amends, we can all move on.

Sure. I'm really sorry
about what happened.

Totally unprofessional,
totally won't happen again.

Thank you. I accept your apology.

Uh, I wasn't apologizing to you.

I was apologizing to everyone else.

Oh. Apology not accepted.

You can't accept an
apology that I never gave.

- Maybe you guys should just break up.
- We're not a couple.

But I'm sure as friends you'd
like to find some common ground.

Oh, we're not friends.

- We're not?
- No, we're not.

Okay, this might be a good
time for a little break.

- Fine.
- Cool. Good meeting.

- I'm just gonna go.
- Okay, thank you for coming.

- Yeah, Terence, you can go.
- I can go too?

Yeah, thank you.

What you think about what I'm doing?

Well, why don't you tell
me what you're going for,

and I'll tell you how you
can sort of achieve that look.

Hmm. In my funeral photo I
want to be looking successful.

But why are you making that face?

This is a successful face.
Why you making that face?

This is just my face.

Look. Why don't we forget
I'm here, okay? Both of us.

And you just try doing
some work or something.

- Oh, good idea. Action shot, huh?
- Yeah.

James Bond. In Casino Royale.

Oh.

Don't take that one. Mmm?

- Hello, Mr. Kim.
- Oh! Good afternoon, Ms. Mary.

Appa in action.

How's your hip?

Calcium good for bones. Let me help.

You don't have any chocolate.

Yeah, but we do have this one.

Here we go.

- This is whipping cream.
- Turn off camera.

Oh.

Okay, no chocolate milk. Sorry.

You don't look sorry.

- Do I look successful?
- You look uncomfortable.

You look uncomfortable.

Get some chocolate milk.

Don't use that one.

Maybe we should try this another day.

What?

I get nervous around you.

And you nervous make me nervous.

Can't take good funeral photo.

Maybe you have to take
sneak-attack photo of me, huh?

Okay.

Not now! Surprise.

Commando style. Like a ninja.

Like... Like, tomorrow morning?

Don't tell to me! Take
photo when I don't know.

You understand?

Yeah. Yeah, I think I understand.

Hey, you up?

What time is it?

A time I should be sleeping.

Like you seem to be doing, no problem.

- We're really gonna do this now?
- Do what?

'Cause I don't know what we're doing.

All right. What do you want me to say?

Anything!

I find out today we're not friends
anymore, and then I get home,

and this guy doesn't say anything to me.

You make dinner, watch
TV, and go to bed.

What is that?

You're the one who said
we weren't friends anymore.

- Is that all you got?
- It's what happened!

So you didn't brutally ddongjeem me?

And then kick me out of our office?

And then you had the balls to
apologize to everyone else but me!

Speaking of balls, you might
want to switch to boxer briefs.

You're seriously making jokes right now?

You know what? Forget it.

Hey. Hold it, Kimch.

I'm sorry.

You're just saying that
to make me feel better.

Yeah, I want you to feel
better. But I mean it.

Okay? This sucks.

I shouldn't have
ddongjeem-ed you at work.

And?

What about kicking me out of my office?

It's my office.

It's my apartment.

Are you kicking me out?

No.

It's just so weird.

Look, it's weird for me too.

But when we're at work you
gotta respect my position.

And you gotta respect me. All of me.

You're right.

Hug it out?

- You're not wearing any...
- Hug it out.

I'm really not comfortable... Oh!

Okay.

You hungry?

For what?

I'm making eggs.

I'm just gonna close my
eyes and go back to sleep.

All right.

You don't have any
bouillon cubes, do you?

Here you go, sir.

Thanks.

You know what?

We're good.

C'mon, Noah.

Go. You blocking my light.

Gerald!

Time out!

- Who are you yelling at, Appa?
- Gerald.

He is taking sneak-attack photo of me.

- But I need break.
- Gerald's at school.

That's what he wants
us to think. Gerald!

No, seriously, Appa.
I was just with him.

Ugh, waste.

Such good posing today.

Why don't you just sit,
and I'll get you some tea.

Okay.

Yeah.

What I tell you, Gerald? Sneak attack.

- Catch the inside Appa.
- You have great talent.

Thank you, Mrs. Kim.
I'm glad you like it.

Side by side.

- Like graveyard when we die.
- Mmm.

Thanks for the save.

I feel like you should just tell them.

Nah, this is working for me.

- Now I ready to die.
- Me too.

- Look like we going to heaven.
- Yeah.

I feel like I shouldn't be here.

I feel like that most of the time.

Are you a good photographer?

I don't know. I like some of my stuff.

- Come on, Janet.
- Yeah, I'm pretty good.

Well, then then it doesn't
matter what Appa and Umma think.

Oh. I'm going to remember you said that.

This must be killing you.

Ddongjeem's stupid. It's for kids.

Uh-huh. And you'll get
fired if you do it again.

Yeah.

But I don't work here.

If anyone asks, I'm in my office.

Hey.

Gun it.

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