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DEAD TIRED
4
00:00:48,495 --> 00:00:50,245
He was very anxious.
5
00:00:54,162 --> 00:00:57,870
He felt completely lost,
so I decided to help him.
6
00:01:01,078 --> 00:01:04,078
It all began about a year ago.
7
00:01:05,662 --> 00:01:09,120
Morning, sir. Police.
Inspector Galfier.
8
00:01:09,787 --> 00:01:12,245
- You are Michel Blanc?
- Yes I am.
9
00:01:12,537 --> 00:01:14,495
- Why?
- May we have a word?
10
00:01:14,745 --> 00:01:16,620
What's all this about?
11
00:01:16,912 --> 00:01:18,828
May we come in for a minute?
12
00:01:19,453 --> 00:01:20,662
Of course.
13
00:01:25,287 --> 00:01:27,495
- Is that Josiane Balasko?
- Yes.
14
00:01:27,703 --> 00:01:30,328
She's well hot.
She's a dyke, isn't she?
15
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:32,537
No, not at all.
16
00:01:32,745 --> 00:01:36,287
That's what my brother-in-law said.
17
00:01:36,953 --> 00:01:38,162
Cool! Dutronc!
18
00:01:38,953 --> 00:01:42,328
A cabbie claims you didn't pay him.
19
00:01:42,578 --> 00:01:45,287
Before appearing on Newsweek,
20
00:01:45,537 --> 00:01:46,995
you wanted a hooker.
21
00:01:47,287 --> 00:01:48,578
He took you to Rue St-Denis,
22
00:01:48,828 --> 00:01:50,912
waited,
but you never came back.
23
00:01:51,203 --> 00:01:52,745
That's nonsense!
24
00:01:53,037 --> 00:01:54,203
It surprised us.
25
00:01:54,495 --> 00:01:57,037
I mean you made
that gender-bender film...
26
00:01:57,745 --> 00:01:59,328
Ménage!
27
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:02,745
Right, listen.
I haven't taken a cab for two weeks.
28
00:02:02,995 --> 00:02:05,828
I spent yesterday writing
a screenplay for Carole Bouquet.
29
00:02:06,078 --> 00:02:07,412
- With her?
- No.
30
00:02:07,703 --> 00:02:11,745
I haven't seen a hooker since '77.
It's got to be a mistake.
31
00:02:27,912 --> 00:02:28,912
Michel!
32
00:02:38,995 --> 00:02:41,203
I'll see to it, sir.
Thank you.
33
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,745
Hello, Mr Blanc.
34
00:02:44,287 --> 00:02:45,995
I have a suite reserved.
35
00:02:46,537 --> 00:02:47,662
Let me see.
36
00:02:47,912 --> 00:02:49,578
- One moment.
- Give me a pen.
37
00:02:50,162 --> 00:02:53,620
Can I have an autograph?
Put "To Teddy."
38
00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,453
I've nothing in your name, sir.
39
00:02:57,078 --> 00:02:59,412
- What?
- I'm sorry...
40
00:02:59,662 --> 00:03:01,578
Can I have another?
For Fifi.
41
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:04,620
Call the Festival.
Get them to sort it out.
42
00:03:04,870 --> 00:03:06,245
A photo of us?
43
00:03:06,495 --> 00:03:07,870
Fetch Mr Jacob.
44
00:03:08,162 --> 00:03:09,037
Photo with my mate.
45
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:12,203
Stop breaking my balls!
46
00:03:12,620 --> 00:03:15,120
Loser!
I won't watch you on TV again!
47
00:03:15,745 --> 00:03:17,745
Come on, Fifi.
He's an arsehole.
48
00:03:18,453 --> 00:03:21,537
- We've a problem, sir.
- This isn't the time.
49
00:03:22,037 --> 00:03:24,495
Michel!
I thought you couldn't make it.
50
00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:26,995
- Who told you that?
- Your agent.
51
00:03:27,245 --> 00:03:28,203
This is madness.
52
00:03:28,495 --> 00:03:30,495
He told us you were busy.
53
00:03:30,870 --> 00:03:33,495
What do I do now?
Sleep on the beach?
54
00:03:33,745 --> 00:03:35,495
Is the hotel full?
55
00:03:35,787 --> 00:03:38,203
Mr Depardieu has gone to Bulgaria,
56
00:03:38,495 --> 00:03:40,328
but he's left his effects.
57
00:03:40,578 --> 00:03:41,537
Give me his suite.
58
00:03:41,828 --> 00:03:42,703
It's delicate.
59
00:03:42,953 --> 00:03:44,620
Old Gérard wouldn't mind.
60
00:03:44,912 --> 00:03:46,245
If Mr Jacob...
61
00:03:46,537 --> 00:03:48,953
It's the only solution.
See you later.
62
00:03:49,245 --> 00:03:50,453
Right.
63
00:03:54,245 --> 00:03:57,078
Change the sheets.
With Depardieu, I'd rather.
64
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:08,453
What room is she in?
All right.
65
00:04:11,495 --> 00:04:13,037
Go on, open it.
66
00:04:19,995 --> 00:04:22,745
- Put it on Depardieu's tab.
- Right, sir.
67
00:04:27,162 --> 00:04:29,995
Is that Mathilda?
Michel Blanc here.
68
00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:31,745
How's things?
69
00:04:32,662 --> 00:04:34,037
I just got here.
70
00:04:34,745 --> 00:04:37,745
Are you alone?
Do you have a minute?
71
00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:42,995
I've an idea for a part for you.
I'd like to discuss it.
72
00:04:43,412 --> 00:04:45,578
It's a thing I'm working on.
73
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:47,870
See you shortly.
74
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,495
What's going on?
75
00:04:52,787 --> 00:04:54,370
Blanc's going to screw May.
76
00:04:54,870 --> 00:04:56,578
You're sick!
77
00:04:56,953 --> 00:04:58,453
You know I'm seeing someone.
78
00:04:58,703 --> 00:04:59,870
You can still relax.
79
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,703
I do that with him.
80
00:05:01,995 --> 00:05:04,245
He isn't here.
You frigid or something?
81
00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:05,578
Just stop!
82
00:05:05,870 --> 00:05:09,620
Stop!
I don't want to be mean,
83
00:05:10,453 --> 00:05:12,787
but I've never found you attractive.
84
00:05:13,453 --> 00:05:16,328
You're really weird.
It's your loss.
85
00:05:19,703 --> 00:05:20,662
Michel!
86
00:05:20,912 --> 00:05:23,953
Michel. How are you?
I didn't know you were in Cannes.
87
00:05:24,245 --> 00:05:26,412
I have a part for you.
88
00:05:26,662 --> 00:05:28,412
I'd like to discuss it.
89
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,287
- Now?
- It's urgent.
90
00:05:30,578 --> 00:05:32,203
Hi Michel! All right?
91
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,787
You're here, too?
92
00:05:35,037 --> 00:05:36,870
I'll come back later.
93
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:38,453
Don't be silly!
94
00:05:38,745 --> 00:05:41,412
Things don't look too good.
I'll come back.
95
00:05:43,703 --> 00:05:45,203
- Hands off!
- Sure?
96
00:05:45,453 --> 00:05:47,245
Yes. Stop it!
97
00:05:47,537 --> 00:05:49,203
What if I don't?
98
00:05:49,453 --> 00:05:50,787
Stop!
99
00:05:51,995 --> 00:05:55,120
You disappoint me, my girl.
It's all so petty.
100
00:05:56,453 --> 00:05:58,745
What's got into you?
101
00:06:00,078 --> 00:06:03,537
I'm a bit down at the moment.
I feel so alone.
102
00:06:04,495 --> 00:06:07,287
As soon as I wake up,
I feel like bawling.
103
00:06:08,037 --> 00:06:10,537
I was looking at my balcony earlier.
104
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:12,995
Thinking I might as well jump.
105
00:06:13,412 --> 00:06:16,120
With a bit of luck,
I'd land on a Rolls.
106
00:06:16,287 --> 00:06:18,370
I've always loved English cars.
107
00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,037
Don't you have a girlfriend?
108
00:06:21,328 --> 00:06:24,120
That's just it.
She left me for Patrick Bruel.
109
00:06:24,870 --> 00:06:26,203
I didn't know.
110
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,287
I'm sorry I slapped you.
111
00:06:29,703 --> 00:06:31,245
No hard feelings.
112
00:06:32,203 --> 00:06:35,995
I've got a lump in my throat.
Got any champagne?
113
00:06:36,370 --> 00:06:38,620
With 2 Temestas,
it might do the trick.
114
00:06:38,870 --> 00:06:40,537
I'll go see.
115
00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:48,745
Only half bottles.
116
00:06:48,995 --> 00:06:50,578
That's fine.
Give me two.
117
00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:03,078
The winners will receive
118
00:07:03,412 --> 00:07:07,620
the weight of Miss Festival's breasts
in video cassettes!
119
00:07:10,745 --> 00:07:12,828
And that's not all, folks!
120
00:07:13,245 --> 00:07:16,245
Cassettes signed by
the one and only Michel Blanc!
121
00:07:19,537 --> 00:07:22,537
Thank you.
I think it's high time
122
00:07:22,787 --> 00:07:26,120
we asked Michel Blanc
to step up on the stage
123
00:07:26,370 --> 00:07:27,745
and give his verdict.
124
00:07:27,995 --> 00:07:30,995
Put your hands together for...
Michel Blanc!
125
00:07:41,537 --> 00:07:43,703
That's enough.
I don't have all night.
126
00:07:44,245 --> 00:07:48,245
I'll start at the end.
In tenth position: Nadine.
127
00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:55,828
Here's twenty grand.
Count it.
128
00:07:56,287 --> 00:07:57,828
What about my meal?
129
00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,370
You turned up late.
130
00:07:59,662 --> 00:08:02,995
I had dinner at the Carlton.
If you could reimburse me...
131
00:08:04,078 --> 00:08:05,703
Is 500 francs all right?
132
00:08:06,245 --> 00:08:09,120
My dinner cost more.
The Carlton isn't cheap.
133
00:08:09,953 --> 00:08:12,078
If that's the best you can do...
134
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,162
It's fabulous!
How I can I thank you?
135
00:08:18,453 --> 00:08:20,870
I'll think of something, Karine!
136
00:08:21,745 --> 00:08:22,995
It is Karine?
137
00:08:24,078 --> 00:08:26,203
- Where are we going?
- Not far.
138
00:08:26,495 --> 00:08:28,745
Ever wanted to be in movies?
139
00:08:28,995 --> 00:08:31,412
We had plans.
He'd sent me the script.
140
00:08:31,703 --> 00:08:34,995
But Emmanuelle Béart told me
he'd promised her the role.
141
00:08:35,245 --> 00:08:38,578
I decided to discuss it
with Michel... calmly.
142
00:08:48,703 --> 00:08:51,703
You bastard!
I'll blow your brains out!
143
00:09:00,703 --> 00:09:01,703
Cut!
144
00:09:02,620 --> 00:09:03,870
Perfect, Carole!
145
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,287
Thanks!
146
00:09:05,662 --> 00:09:06,912
See you tomorrow!
147
00:09:07,995 --> 00:09:09,453
Ah, the gun!
148
00:09:10,370 --> 00:09:12,662
- How are you?
- That depends on you.
149
00:09:12,912 --> 00:09:15,828
Drive me home.
We can chat on the way.
150
00:09:19,745 --> 00:09:21,870
I've something to ask you.
151
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,037
Am I the only one
you offered the part to?
152
00:09:25,287 --> 00:09:27,245
Of course. Why?
153
00:09:27,495 --> 00:09:31,287
Emmanuelle Béart said
you'd told her about it in Cannes.
154
00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:33,995
This year?
Didn't go near the place.
155
00:09:50,412 --> 00:09:51,203
Hello.
156
00:09:59,578 --> 00:10:00,995
Do you recognize me?
157
00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:04,203
No, sorry.
158
00:10:04,787 --> 00:10:07,037
Last week at Denise's.
Remember?
159
00:10:08,703 --> 00:10:11,203
No, not at all.
I don't know a Denise.
160
00:10:12,370 --> 00:10:14,745
The swingers' club in Les Halles!
161
00:10:15,870 --> 00:10:18,328
My wife was in a blue thong.
162
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,453
It doesn't ring any bells.
163
00:10:22,787 --> 00:10:24,078
You are Michel Blanc?
164
00:10:24,328 --> 00:10:25,703
I'm not your guy.
165
00:10:26,453 --> 00:10:28,287
I get it!
166
00:10:28,537 --> 00:10:31,412
Pally at orgies,
but not in front of your missus!
167
00:10:33,287 --> 00:10:35,828
Next time,
even if it's Mickey Rourke,
168
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,828
no one's screwing my wife!
169
00:10:41,037 --> 00:10:43,662
I don't know the guy!
Sorry, Carole.
170
00:10:44,453 --> 00:10:46,412
Don't worry. I'm discreet.
171
00:10:46,662 --> 00:10:48,328
I won't tell a soul.
172
00:10:49,787 --> 00:10:51,328
I don't go to such places.
173
00:10:52,037 --> 00:10:55,537
Your private life is your affair.
First right.
174
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:03,828
Thanks.
175
00:11:05,745 --> 00:11:07,078
Goodbye, Michel.
176
00:11:10,995 --> 00:11:13,245
I like your idea.
Get to work.
177
00:11:13,537 --> 00:11:14,912
Forget such dubious places.
178
00:11:15,245 --> 00:11:16,412
Carole, honestly...
179
00:11:16,745 --> 00:11:19,037
Relax, Michel.
I was joking!
180
00:11:20,828 --> 00:11:21,995
He called me at 2am.
181
00:11:22,245 --> 00:11:24,412
To talk about Carole, I thought.
182
00:11:24,662 --> 00:11:28,120
But he said: "I'm down.
How about a drink at Régine's?"
183
00:11:31,495 --> 00:11:33,453
I realized something wasn't right.
184
00:11:47,328 --> 00:11:48,162
Good evening!
185
00:11:50,495 --> 00:11:54,120
I told you if you came back
I'd smash you in the face!
186
00:11:54,537 --> 00:11:55,662
Take that!
187
00:11:56,453 --> 00:11:58,495
What are you're doing?
You're crazy!
188
00:11:58,745 --> 00:12:00,787
I told you not to come back.
189
00:12:01,162 --> 00:12:04,745
I'm willing to forget what happened,
but don't come back.
190
00:12:07,328 --> 00:12:09,912
What's this?
Candid Camera?
191
00:12:14,787 --> 00:12:15,912
I didn't know.
192
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,537
My son never talks.
193
00:12:17,787 --> 00:12:19,328
He does, you don't listen.
194
00:12:19,620 --> 00:12:21,745
I soon realized something was up.
195
00:12:22,078 --> 00:12:22,995
Right!
196
00:12:28,162 --> 00:12:31,620
Am I glad to see you!
I'm dying for a pee.
197
00:12:31,870 --> 00:12:32,870
Why are you here?
198
00:12:33,162 --> 00:12:34,787
I've got your rabbit pâté.
199
00:12:35,037 --> 00:12:36,828
- What pâté?
- The one you asked for.
200
00:12:37,078 --> 00:12:38,703
Come on!
I'm bursting!
201
00:12:38,953 --> 00:12:40,620
I never asked Mum for anything!
202
00:12:40,912 --> 00:12:43,287
Take the pâté.
Don't argue!
203
00:12:45,453 --> 00:12:47,453
What will I do with all this?
204
00:12:47,703 --> 00:12:50,745
What do you think?
Perfume your wardrobes?
205
00:12:50,995 --> 00:12:52,787
I hardly ever eat at home.
206
00:12:53,037 --> 00:12:55,953
It's easier to blow
your cash in a restaurant!
207
00:12:56,203 --> 00:12:58,787
You obviously don't sweat
for your money!
208
00:13:01,453 --> 00:13:05,495
Hey!
You still haven't fixed the loo.
209
00:13:05,995 --> 00:13:07,703
Forgot to call the plumber.
210
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:11,120
You don't need a plumber.
It'll only take a minute.
211
00:13:11,412 --> 00:13:13,037
I don't have the time!
212
00:13:13,287 --> 00:13:15,245
I'll fix it myself.
213
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:18,412
Forget it!
I'll see to it tomorrow.
214
00:13:18,662 --> 00:13:20,912
My eye!
Where are your tools?
215
00:13:21,162 --> 00:13:23,328
Why would I have tools?
216
00:13:23,537 --> 00:13:25,745
- To fix the flush.
- I don't have any.
217
00:13:26,037 --> 00:13:29,245
I'll fix it with a fork.
Unless you don't have any,
218
00:13:29,495 --> 00:13:31,453
because you always eat out!
219
00:13:31,703 --> 00:13:34,787
Bring me the pâté!
I'll put it in the fridge.
220
00:13:40,328 --> 00:13:42,078
When did I ask Mum?
221
00:13:42,328 --> 00:13:46,078
Last week, when you bumped into her
in the street.
222
00:13:47,037 --> 00:13:50,287
You're losing your mind, lad!
223
00:13:50,662 --> 00:13:52,662
Have you got a nut-cracker?
224
00:13:52,953 --> 00:13:54,870
I don't know.
Look in there.
225
00:13:55,578 --> 00:13:58,037
- Last week?
- That's right.
226
00:13:58,495 --> 00:14:00,370
You need a rest, son!
227
00:14:00,662 --> 00:14:03,912
Your mum did tell me
you weren't yourself.
228
00:14:04,162 --> 00:14:08,287
You didn't even recognize her.
She had to run after you!
229
00:14:08,537 --> 00:14:11,662
You ought to settle down
with a nice woman.
230
00:14:11,912 --> 00:14:14,912
Instead of having it away
with all those singers!
231
00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:19,745
Pour me a glass of white wine!
Make yourself useful!
232
00:14:21,703 --> 00:14:25,495
Something funny is going on.
Something isn't right!
233
00:14:26,828 --> 00:14:28,495
He seemed strange.
234
00:14:28,745 --> 00:14:30,412
He's unbearable when he writes.
235
00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:33,870
He doesn't associate
with the sort... one ought to!
236
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:38,037
He spends all his time in clubs.
But that's nothing unusual.
237
00:14:40,870 --> 00:14:42,745
How's the script going?
238
00:14:43,453 --> 00:14:45,370
Not a line since last time.
239
00:14:46,495 --> 00:14:48,620
I bet you'll give up again.
240
00:14:48,912 --> 00:14:52,203
Nothing since Marche à l'ombre.
That was 7 years ago.
241
00:14:52,620 --> 00:14:54,578
Why the writer's block?
242
00:14:55,703 --> 00:14:58,162
Weird things are happening.
243
00:14:58,412 --> 00:15:02,037
Everything's going to go tits
over arse, I can feel it.
244
00:15:02,328 --> 00:15:05,412
You do too much at once.
It can't go on.
245
00:15:05,995 --> 00:15:09,995
You're well paid.
Why do appearances in clubs?
246
00:15:11,537 --> 00:15:12,912
What appearances?
247
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,787
I don't care if you demand cash.
248
00:15:16,037 --> 00:15:19,412
But for your image... it's lousy!
249
00:15:19,787 --> 00:15:21,828
I never do appearances!
250
00:15:22,245 --> 00:15:23,453
Someone saw you.
251
00:15:23,745 --> 00:15:24,870
Want to kill me?
252
00:15:25,412 --> 00:15:27,912
Want to drive me insane?
What is this?
253
00:15:28,203 --> 00:15:29,412
Why get in a state?
254
00:15:29,703 --> 00:15:31,287
Everything's pissing me off!
255
00:15:31,537 --> 00:15:35,037
People are pissing me off.
My dad is, and so are you!
256
00:15:37,953 --> 00:15:41,703
May I be honest with you?
I don't think you're well.
257
00:15:41,953 --> 00:15:43,120
You look awful.
258
00:15:43,412 --> 00:15:45,328
You do 50 things at once!
259
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,078
Don't you start!
260
00:15:47,370 --> 00:15:49,578
Why not work at my place?
261
00:15:49,828 --> 00:15:52,120
It's a big house.
You'd be independent.
262
00:15:52,370 --> 00:15:54,037
It's so peaceful there.
263
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,328
It's in the Tenere?
264
00:15:56,745 --> 00:15:59,245
The Luberon.
It's a lovely spot.
265
00:15:59,495 --> 00:16:00,620
I can't write there!
266
00:16:00,912 --> 00:16:02,120
It'd do you good.
267
00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:04,453
She's right.
In 3 months' time,
268
00:16:04,703 --> 00:16:07,328
you'll have finished
the screenplay.
269
00:16:07,578 --> 00:16:11,245
In 3 months' time,
I'll have lost my tongue!
270
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:14,453
Give it some thought.
I'll rent a TV.
271
00:16:15,537 --> 00:16:17,328
There isn't even a TV?
272
00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:21,037
I've had a rough patch,
but things are on the up.
273
00:16:21,412 --> 00:16:22,787
I can feel it.
274
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:23,953
Let's go!
275
00:16:42,453 --> 00:16:44,995
What do you want?
276
00:16:45,245 --> 00:16:46,578
Are you Michel Blanc?
277
00:16:46,828 --> 00:16:49,620
I don't know, it's too early!
Who are you?
278
00:16:50,162 --> 00:16:53,162
Police. I arrest jokers!
Search the place!
279
00:16:58,828 --> 00:17:00,162
Check the bedroom.
280
00:17:08,787 --> 00:17:11,495
I'm warning you,
I know Bernard Kouchner!
281
00:17:14,495 --> 00:17:16,203
What are you accused of?
282
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,328
I don't bloody know!
283
00:17:33,037 --> 00:17:36,620
So you left Carole Bouquet's home
around 1am, did you?
284
00:17:36,870 --> 00:17:37,662
Yes!
285
00:17:37,953 --> 00:17:39,203
You came straight home?
286
00:17:39,495 --> 00:17:41,828
Yes!
I went straight to bed.
287
00:17:42,037 --> 00:17:44,370
Let me tell you a secret, Mr Blanc.
288
00:17:44,662 --> 00:17:47,495
I've always wanted to nab an actor.
289
00:17:47,745 --> 00:17:49,578
And I soon will!
290
00:17:49,828 --> 00:17:52,537
Have a little think.
It'll save time.
291
00:17:52,787 --> 00:17:53,787
Face to face!
292
00:18:06,662 --> 00:18:08,453
Why are you here?
293
00:18:10,287 --> 00:18:12,537
What do you think?
Bloody sod!
294
00:18:13,995 --> 00:18:17,245
- Josie, what's the matter?
- As if you don't know!
295
00:18:17,495 --> 00:18:20,287
- Relax!
- You bloody pig!
296
00:18:20,578 --> 00:18:21,578
Bastard!
297
00:18:21,953 --> 00:18:24,245
Leave a bit for me.
Sit him down.
298
00:18:25,287 --> 00:18:26,995
What is this?
299
00:18:27,287 --> 00:18:29,745
Be reasonable.
Or my hand might slip.
300
00:18:30,037 --> 00:18:31,078
It's your choice.
301
00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:34,078
Mrs Balasko,
please repeat what you told us.
302
00:18:34,370 --> 00:18:37,328
It was about three in the morning.
303
00:18:37,578 --> 00:18:40,328
The doorbell rang.
I was home alone.
304
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,912
I saw this prick, and let him in.
How was I to know!
305
00:18:44,328 --> 00:18:48,078
Before I knew it,
he'd tied me up and screwed me!
306
00:18:48,370 --> 00:18:50,328
If you can call it that!
307
00:18:51,328 --> 00:18:52,120
You're mad!
308
00:18:52,412 --> 00:18:56,245
Don't think I came!
I faked it to get rid of you!
309
00:18:56,495 --> 00:18:57,870
This is a nightmare.
310
00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,995
You still deny it?
Lock him up!
311
00:19:00,287 --> 00:19:01,495
Let's be having you!
312
00:19:01,912 --> 00:19:03,995
Bloody pervert!
313
00:19:04,370 --> 00:19:05,828
It's a misunderstanding!
314
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:09,328
It always is!
Life is one big misunderstanding!
315
00:19:14,328 --> 00:19:15,162
No!
316
00:19:15,912 --> 00:19:19,162
Look, we're getting
a better sort of crowd!
317
00:19:19,912 --> 00:19:23,620
Maybe we got the wrong club.
Maybe we're at Bains-Douches.
318
00:19:23,870 --> 00:19:26,578
Say hello, then.
You're more chatty on TV.
319
00:19:26,828 --> 00:19:30,037
Maybe it's us.
We're not good enough for him.
320
00:19:30,287 --> 00:19:31,620
Is that it?
321
00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:35,828
Why are you here, love?
To what do we owe the honour?
322
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:37,162
I did nothing!
323
00:19:37,412 --> 00:19:38,995
Don't take us for mugs!
324
00:19:39,287 --> 00:19:40,787
I'm innocent.
325
00:19:41,078 --> 00:19:43,287
We're innocent, too.
326
00:19:43,537 --> 00:19:46,287
The world's full of innocent men,
so are the prisons.
327
00:19:46,578 --> 00:19:48,953
I'm an innocent killer.
328
00:19:49,203 --> 00:19:52,412
Dédé here is an innocent arsonist.
329
00:19:53,787 --> 00:19:55,578
What about you, Mimi?
330
00:19:56,328 --> 00:19:57,953
Mind if I call you Mimi?
331
00:19:58,453 --> 00:20:00,120
- You're hurting me.
- I'm not!
332
00:20:00,412 --> 00:20:01,662
Stop or I'll shout!
333
00:20:01,912 --> 00:20:04,662
No one will come!
It's time for What a night!
334
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:05,912
The cops are busy.
335
00:20:06,287 --> 00:20:07,787
You're hurting me!
336
00:20:09,203 --> 00:20:10,620
Do you know why?
337
00:20:10,953 --> 00:20:12,245
Because you're tense.
338
00:20:12,495 --> 00:20:15,995
Just relax a little.
You won't feel a thing.
339
00:20:16,537 --> 00:20:17,953
Leave me alone!
340
00:20:18,245 --> 00:20:20,120
What a bundle of nerves!
341
00:20:20,370 --> 00:20:21,620
You're so tense!
342
00:20:21,870 --> 00:20:24,037
He could do with a good fuck!
343
00:20:24,328 --> 00:20:26,370
You're crazy! I'll scream!
344
00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:28,620
It'd boost your career!
345
00:20:28,870 --> 00:20:30,828
It's pretty limp right now.
346
00:20:31,078 --> 00:20:32,870
You don't deserve your salary.
347
00:20:33,162 --> 00:20:35,203
Just imagine the publicity!
348
00:20:35,495 --> 00:20:38,578
"Comedian sodomised
in police custody"!
349
00:20:38,828 --> 00:20:40,578
You'd get an honorary César!
350
00:20:40,870 --> 00:20:41,703
Help!
351
00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:43,662
Nominated!
352
00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,662
I want out!
353
00:20:47,953 --> 00:20:50,537
You're free.
The charges have been dropped.
354
00:20:50,828 --> 00:20:53,620
Get out of here!
You were lucky this time.
355
00:20:53,912 --> 00:20:56,662
But something tells me
we'll meet again.
356
00:20:59,745 --> 00:21:02,245
The visitors' book.
Sign it for us?
357
00:21:02,537 --> 00:21:04,495
Loads of your mates have.
358
00:21:10,328 --> 00:21:13,287
You're here?
Waiting to slap me?
359
00:21:13,870 --> 00:21:17,495
- Did I rape you, too?
- What are you talking about?
360
00:21:17,787 --> 00:21:20,037
They wanted to know
what time you left.
361
00:21:20,328 --> 00:21:21,953
What's going on?
362
00:21:22,287 --> 00:21:24,745
I don't know.
I'm dead tired.
363
00:21:25,037 --> 00:21:27,703
I need treatment.
I want to see a shrink.
364
00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:31,287
No! Out the back.
The place is swarming with hacks.
365
00:21:32,495 --> 00:21:35,953
It's too late to see a shrink.
You can go tomorrow.
366
00:21:36,245 --> 00:21:39,203
I'm going to casualty.
I want to be admitted.
367
00:21:39,495 --> 00:21:41,412
- I'll drive you.
- Certainly not!
368
00:21:41,662 --> 00:21:44,120
Go, Carole!
I could be a monster!
369
00:21:55,953 --> 00:21:56,953
See?
370
00:21:57,995 --> 00:21:59,412
See who it is?
371
00:22:01,037 --> 00:22:02,578
Emergency psychiatry?
372
00:22:02,870 --> 00:22:05,412
End lift, 3rd floor.
You can't miss it.
373
00:22:34,578 --> 00:22:36,453
- Aren't you Carole Bouquet?
- Yes!
374
00:22:38,412 --> 00:22:40,203
Can I have an autograph?
375
00:22:40,495 --> 00:22:42,703
Of course.
If I can find some paper.
376
00:22:45,703 --> 00:22:49,120
- Wait a second.
- This isn't the time, madam.
377
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:52,370
If it's a girl,
378
00:22:52,662 --> 00:22:55,370
I'll call her Carole!
379
00:23:07,745 --> 00:23:08,662
Is this it?
380
00:23:12,912 --> 00:23:14,787
I reckon it is.
381
00:23:22,287 --> 00:23:24,662
Mr Blanc, I don't think
you're Dr Jekyll
382
00:23:24,953 --> 00:23:28,037
or Mr Hyde.
383
00:23:28,328 --> 00:23:30,078
Simply an overworked actor,
384
00:23:30,370 --> 00:23:32,870
who sometimes plays
another Michel Blanc...
385
00:23:34,870 --> 00:23:36,370
but hides it from himself.
386
00:23:36,662 --> 00:23:38,537
- I'm completely mad?
- No!
387
00:23:38,787 --> 00:23:41,203
I think you need a rest.
388
00:23:41,495 --> 00:23:44,453
I'm going to give you
some little pills
389
00:23:44,745 --> 00:23:48,828
which will help you turn
all this into a bad memory.
390
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,370
Do you have a place
in the country
391
00:23:51,662 --> 00:23:54,453
where you could rest
for a few weeks?
392
00:23:54,703 --> 00:23:57,287
Yes! I've got a place
in the Luberon.
393
00:23:57,620 --> 00:24:00,787
That's perfect!
I've lots of patients there.
394
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:01,912
There we go!
395
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:10,495
Have a good rest.
And carry on making us laugh!
396
00:24:12,995 --> 00:24:15,578
Take a gun.
One never knows.
397
00:24:42,787 --> 00:24:45,620
It won't do any good.
I'm not tired.
398
00:24:45,870 --> 00:24:48,620
You can be so negative!
399
00:24:48,870 --> 00:24:51,287
I'm anxious.
With good reason, no?
400
00:24:51,578 --> 00:24:52,537
No!
401
00:24:53,287 --> 00:24:54,287
Is that so?
402
00:24:55,287 --> 00:24:58,912
I don't recall raping Balasko.
I'm wrong to be anxious?
403
00:24:59,203 --> 00:25:02,495
I'd understand you
if she didn't remember!
404
00:25:02,787 --> 00:25:05,870
That's right, make fun of me!
It's in poor taste.
405
00:25:06,162 --> 00:25:09,328
I'm only trying to help you relax.
406
00:25:09,703 --> 00:25:11,953
How can I?
I don't know what's happening.
407
00:25:12,203 --> 00:25:15,162
Why try to understand everything?
408
00:25:15,453 --> 00:25:16,578
Accept the mystery.
409
00:25:17,370 --> 00:25:19,412
Mysteries can be beautiful, too.
410
00:25:19,995 --> 00:25:22,537
Working with Buñuel
turned you into a mystic!
411
00:25:22,828 --> 00:25:24,328
It wouldn't have harmed you!
412
00:25:26,245 --> 00:25:27,287
Meaning?
413
00:25:27,578 --> 00:25:29,578
Forget it.
Take your pills.
414
00:25:32,662 --> 00:25:34,620
It's true you're a cold woman.
415
00:25:35,078 --> 00:25:38,162
And you're a royal pain
in the ass, Michel!
416
00:26:08,537 --> 00:26:11,953
Michel!
Wake up. We're here.
417
00:26:12,703 --> 00:26:15,495
Well?
What do you think?
418
00:26:29,245 --> 00:26:30,412
Right!
419
00:26:31,412 --> 00:26:33,578
Even worse than I expected.
420
00:26:51,703 --> 00:26:55,120
How could anyone
write a comedy in this place?
421
00:26:58,662 --> 00:27:01,328
- Well?
- Couldn't hear a thing.
422
00:27:01,953 --> 00:27:04,203
Hasn't touched his food.
Just the scotch
423
00:27:04,453 --> 00:27:05,953
and his pills!
424
00:27:06,203 --> 00:27:07,745
You should go see.
425
00:27:08,037 --> 00:27:11,162
He hasn't emerged for three days.
It isn't normal.
426
00:27:12,495 --> 00:27:14,620
I don't want to disturb him.
427
00:27:14,912 --> 00:27:16,578
He'll eat when he's hungry.
428
00:27:18,620 --> 00:27:20,245
Maybe he'll never eat again.
429
00:27:20,495 --> 00:27:21,745
What do you mean?
430
00:27:21,995 --> 00:27:25,162
Alcohol and drugs
don't make happy bedfellows!
431
00:27:25,412 --> 00:27:27,412
Only nasty suicides.
432
00:27:27,662 --> 00:27:29,495
Why would he kill himself?
433
00:27:30,078 --> 00:27:31,870
He wasn't very cheery.
434
00:27:32,162 --> 00:27:33,953
You like tragedy!
435
00:27:34,203 --> 00:27:36,162
Life made me that way.
436
00:27:37,078 --> 00:27:39,662
Reminds me of poor cousin Albert.
437
00:27:39,953 --> 00:27:41,995
He was small and ugly, too.
438
00:27:42,287 --> 00:27:44,662
One day we found him hanging!
439
00:27:44,912 --> 00:27:47,370
Stop talking nonsense!
440
00:27:53,662 --> 00:27:55,662
You've scared me.
441
00:27:59,120 --> 00:27:59,912
Michel!
442
00:28:09,037 --> 00:28:10,703
Are you okay?
443
00:28:13,537 --> 00:28:15,203
See, it isn't normal!
444
00:28:15,495 --> 00:28:17,537
Something terrible has happened!
445
00:28:17,787 --> 00:28:19,620
Keep an eye on lunch!
446
00:28:22,662 --> 00:28:24,620
Michel, I'm coming in.
447
00:28:44,453 --> 00:28:46,703
- Michel!
- It isn't me!
448
00:28:48,745 --> 00:28:49,578
All right?
449
00:28:49,912 --> 00:28:52,287
- Where am I?
- In the Luberon.
450
00:28:52,953 --> 00:28:54,745
You don't recognize me?
451
00:28:55,037 --> 00:28:56,120
What?
452
00:28:56,745 --> 00:28:58,662
- You're in the country.
- I can't hear.
453
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:00,995
You're at my place.
454
00:29:01,495 --> 00:29:02,787
What time is it?
455
00:29:03,078 --> 00:29:04,037
2pm.
456
00:29:04,328 --> 00:29:05,787
Why the earplugs?
457
00:29:06,037 --> 00:29:07,995
- There's no noise.
- Precisely!
458
00:29:08,620 --> 00:29:10,537
The silence wakes me up!
459
00:29:12,078 --> 00:29:14,745
Sorry to intrude,
but I was worried.
460
00:29:15,037 --> 00:29:16,703
You're not eating.
461
00:29:16,995 --> 00:29:18,162
I'm in knots.
462
00:29:18,453 --> 00:29:21,578
Because you're shut up in here.
It's so gloomy.
463
00:29:21,912 --> 00:29:23,120
Why not work outside?
464
00:29:23,412 --> 00:29:26,370
No one has ever written outside!
465
00:29:26,662 --> 00:29:27,703
The light is lovely!
466
00:29:27,995 --> 00:29:30,370
- I'm not a painter!
- Of course not.
467
00:29:30,703 --> 00:29:33,745
You should open the shutters,
enjoy the view.
468
00:29:34,370 --> 00:29:35,620
The view distresses me!
469
00:29:35,995 --> 00:29:37,912
It so bloody grim!
470
00:29:38,620 --> 00:29:41,078
The sun might cheer you up.
471
00:29:41,412 --> 00:29:43,203
That'd be a first!
472
00:29:43,995 --> 00:29:45,245
Mind out!
473
00:29:54,078 --> 00:29:57,120
I've made a Provencal stew.
474
00:29:57,370 --> 00:30:00,037
Would a Saint Joseph go with it?
475
00:30:00,245 --> 00:30:03,578
It'll go with the stew,
but as for me...
476
00:30:03,870 --> 00:30:06,287
How can I work after a stew?
477
00:30:06,578 --> 00:30:07,537
It won't change much.
478
00:30:07,787 --> 00:30:09,787
You wrote nothing yesterday.
479
00:30:10,328 --> 00:30:13,537
I get it! You want a return
on your investment!
480
00:30:14,328 --> 00:30:16,328
Tell me how much I owe you!
481
00:30:16,870 --> 00:30:20,495
Don't take it that way.
I'm just trying to be nice.
482
00:30:20,787 --> 00:30:21,703
I see!
483
00:30:21,995 --> 00:30:24,578
Why are you being so nice?
484
00:30:24,870 --> 00:30:26,453
Tell me, Carole Bouquet...
485
00:30:26,703 --> 00:30:28,995
do you intend
to screw a comedian?
486
00:30:29,953 --> 00:30:31,662
Got your answer?
487
00:30:32,078 --> 00:30:33,912
- Loud and clear!
- Perfect!
488
00:30:34,245 --> 00:30:36,245
Take a shower, get dressed
489
00:30:36,537 --> 00:30:39,162
and drop the Woody Allen act!
490
00:30:39,453 --> 00:30:41,995
Anxious clowns piss me off!
491
00:30:43,287 --> 00:30:46,120
You've got 20 minutes!
Is that clear?
492
00:30:46,412 --> 00:30:47,203
All right.
493
00:30:48,037 --> 00:30:49,745
And we're eating outside!
494
00:30:50,453 --> 00:30:52,495
It might do me some good.
495
00:30:56,203 --> 00:30:58,495
Delicious stew, Carole.
I mean it.
496
00:30:58,787 --> 00:31:01,120
Thank you, Michel.
Have some more.
497
00:31:01,412 --> 00:31:03,328
I really couldn't.
498
00:31:03,620 --> 00:31:05,412
May I clear the table?
499
00:31:08,620 --> 00:31:10,245
Sorry about earlier.
500
00:31:11,870 --> 00:31:13,953
- Forget it.
- What came over me?
501
00:31:14,412 --> 00:31:16,620
Must be the whisky and pills.
502
00:31:16,912 --> 00:31:18,537
Stop that for a start.
503
00:31:18,787 --> 00:31:20,620
I'll certainly try.
504
00:31:20,870 --> 00:31:23,870
Why wear a hat?
We're in the shade.
505
00:31:24,162 --> 00:31:27,453
There are gaps in the foliage.
I'll look like Gorbachev.
506
00:31:28,453 --> 00:31:29,537
I won't insist!
507
00:31:29,828 --> 00:31:31,787
I'll come see you at Continent.
508
00:31:32,412 --> 00:31:33,203
Sorry?
509
00:31:33,495 --> 00:31:37,620
My granddaughter wants
to get her cassette signed.
510
00:31:38,453 --> 00:31:40,495
What's all this about cassettes?
511
00:31:40,787 --> 00:31:42,370
She read it in the paper.
512
00:31:42,662 --> 00:31:44,412
- What paper?
- Hold on.
513
00:31:44,703 --> 00:31:46,412
Do you have the paper?
514
00:31:46,703 --> 00:31:48,870
I used it for the peelings.
515
00:31:59,953 --> 00:32:01,870
I've got it!
516
00:32:02,162 --> 00:32:03,662
"Mr Blanc will be signing cassettes
517
00:32:03,953 --> 00:32:05,912
in the sports section..."
518
00:32:06,620 --> 00:32:08,662
Here we go again!
519
00:32:08,953 --> 00:32:11,162
Let's grab the bull by the horns!
520
00:32:11,412 --> 00:32:12,995
Where are you going?
521
00:32:15,245 --> 00:32:16,412
This is a bad idea!
522
00:32:16,703 --> 00:32:18,703
The nightmare's soon over!
523
00:32:18,995 --> 00:32:22,203
- Where's the sports section?
- That way.
524
00:32:23,287 --> 00:32:26,245
Concentrate, Julien.
It's your second ball.
525
00:32:26,662 --> 00:32:27,912
Aim for the target!
526
00:32:29,828 --> 00:32:32,620
Missed!
You've one more go!
527
00:32:33,787 --> 00:32:34,578
Excuse me.
528
00:32:38,328 --> 00:32:41,703
There's our answer!
You have a look-alike.
529
00:32:41,995 --> 00:32:42,953
You reckon?
530
00:32:43,703 --> 00:32:45,662
It's frightening!
Spitting image.
531
00:32:45,912 --> 00:32:47,328
Reassured?
532
00:32:47,620 --> 00:32:49,703
To look like him?
533
00:32:50,078 --> 00:32:52,787
Ready for your third try?
534
00:32:53,078 --> 00:32:54,370
Whenever you're ready!
535
00:32:56,245 --> 00:32:58,787
You win!
Right on target!
536
00:32:59,162 --> 00:33:00,162
Appalling!
537
00:33:04,912 --> 00:33:07,953
And he still claims benefit!
538
00:33:08,245 --> 00:33:09,578
Let's wait outside.
539
00:33:09,870 --> 00:33:12,287
We ought to tell the police.
He raped Balasko!
540
00:33:12,578 --> 00:33:14,287
I'll protect you!
541
00:33:14,578 --> 00:33:15,662
Hang on!
542
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:23,995
Excuse me!
543
00:33:24,245 --> 00:33:25,495
No more autographs!
544
00:33:25,787 --> 00:33:27,787
- It isn't that.
- What then?
545
00:33:28,078 --> 00:33:29,037
Who are you?
546
00:33:29,328 --> 00:33:30,370
I'm Michel Blanc.
547
00:33:30,662 --> 00:33:32,828
- And you?
- We're Michel Blanc, too.
548
00:33:35,245 --> 00:33:36,037
Shit!
549
00:33:36,495 --> 00:33:37,287
Wait!
550
00:33:40,037 --> 00:33:41,078
Stop!
551
00:33:48,578 --> 00:33:49,912
Wait!
552
00:33:50,787 --> 00:33:54,037
We need to talk!
We'll catch him up!
553
00:33:57,787 --> 00:33:59,162
He's got a sports car!
554
00:33:59,453 --> 00:34:01,203
Great!
I'm a speed freak!
555
00:34:03,328 --> 00:34:04,412
Belt up!
556
00:34:12,078 --> 00:34:13,328
There he is!
557
00:34:32,578 --> 00:34:34,412
- OK?
- Not great!
558
00:34:41,953 --> 00:34:43,537
- Stop!
- We've got him!
559
00:34:48,162 --> 00:34:49,912
Stop!
I'm going to throw up.
560
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:12,953
Sorry.
561
00:35:13,245 --> 00:35:14,412
Feeling better?
562
00:35:14,703 --> 00:35:15,953
A bit.
563
00:35:16,828 --> 00:35:18,370
We've lost him.
564
00:35:18,620 --> 00:35:19,995
Perhaps not.
565
00:35:20,245 --> 00:35:22,037
- Got his address?
- No.
566
00:35:22,328 --> 00:35:24,078
But a village keeps cropping up.
567
00:35:24,370 --> 00:35:25,287
So?
568
00:35:25,578 --> 00:35:27,037
We're going there.
569
00:35:27,328 --> 00:35:28,787
We don't know where it is!
570
00:35:29,037 --> 00:35:30,870
- We'll look!
- We won't find it!
571
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:34,453
Stop being such a pessimist.
It's so tiring.
572
00:35:35,453 --> 00:35:36,662
Belt up!
573
00:36:08,162 --> 00:36:10,037
What do we do now?
574
00:36:10,328 --> 00:36:13,328
Ask in the cafe
if they know these people.
575
00:36:13,620 --> 00:36:14,828
Why me?
576
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:16,912
I've driven 400 kilometres!
577
00:36:17,203 --> 00:36:20,245
Stop asking questions!
Just get a move on!
578
00:36:21,995 --> 00:36:23,328
OK. I'm going.
579
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:32,745
But you'd best change your tone,
or I'll blow my top!
580
00:36:33,037 --> 00:36:35,662
- I hear you!
- Good!
581
00:36:43,828 --> 00:36:44,620
Hello!
582
00:36:45,078 --> 00:36:47,328
Our star!
How are you, Mr Patrick?
583
00:36:47,620 --> 00:36:50,328
- Patrick?
- The handsome one! Drink?
584
00:36:50,578 --> 00:36:52,245
We weren't expecting you.
585
00:36:52,537 --> 00:36:56,162
Come and give us a kiss!
Or do I have to get up?
586
00:36:57,537 --> 00:36:58,328
No...
587
00:36:58,870 --> 00:37:00,328
Hello, handsome!
588
00:37:01,578 --> 00:37:03,912
You've changed cologne.
589
00:37:04,203 --> 00:37:05,953
He's got company!
590
00:37:06,953 --> 00:37:09,662
- A lass at last!
- Bloody Nora!
591
00:37:09,912 --> 00:37:11,078
It's Carole Bouquet!
592
00:37:11,370 --> 00:37:13,453
- It isn't!
- You're doing OK!
593
00:37:14,037 --> 00:37:15,328
Jammy sod!
594
00:37:15,745 --> 00:37:18,120
To think we were schoolmates!
595
00:37:18,412 --> 00:37:19,953
I never have any luck!
596
00:37:20,203 --> 00:37:22,703
What about me?
Married to you!
597
00:37:22,995 --> 00:37:25,745
I'd rather get laid by Alain Delon!
598
00:37:25,995 --> 00:37:27,870
It's not what I meant!
599
00:37:28,162 --> 00:37:31,287
- OK!
- Stop your bickering!
600
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:33,245
I'd best be off.
601
00:37:33,537 --> 00:37:36,078
Since you're here...
I've a parcel for your mum.
602
00:37:36,370 --> 00:37:38,037
Save me the trip.
603
00:37:38,328 --> 00:37:39,453
- All right.
- Here!
604
00:37:42,370 --> 00:37:43,953
Kiss Carole for us!
605
00:37:45,037 --> 00:37:46,578
Will do.
606
00:38:00,662 --> 00:38:01,495
Well?
607
00:38:01,745 --> 00:38:05,037
They called me Patrick.
That's for my mum.
608
00:38:05,287 --> 00:38:06,995
One was a schoolmate.
609
00:38:07,245 --> 00:38:09,912
It's normal.
They think you're your look-alike.
610
00:38:10,203 --> 00:38:12,162
Your mate left his mark!
611
00:38:13,620 --> 00:38:14,745
Where to now?
612
00:38:15,037 --> 00:38:17,495
To your mother's.
We've got her address.
613
00:38:24,203 --> 00:38:25,370
Goodness!
614
00:38:25,662 --> 00:38:26,995
Hello, madam!
615
00:38:27,287 --> 00:38:30,328
You might've let me know, Patrick!
616
00:38:30,578 --> 00:38:33,995
It's bad of you!
What do I like in my dressing gown!
617
00:38:34,287 --> 00:38:36,703
It isn't fit for Carole Bouquet!
618
00:38:38,037 --> 00:38:40,745
Always surprising me, he is!
619
00:38:40,995 --> 00:38:42,870
You'll catch your death.
620
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:44,370
It's late...
621
00:38:44,662 --> 00:38:47,620
Don't you worry!
Go in.
622
00:38:48,453 --> 00:38:51,037
Fetch a bottle from the cellar!
623
00:38:51,287 --> 00:38:54,787
- The cellar?
- Under the house, silly!
624
00:38:55,078 --> 00:38:57,162
Unless you'd prefer a Suze, madam?
625
00:38:57,453 --> 00:38:59,620
I don't mind.
I don't want to bother you.
626
00:38:59,912 --> 00:39:01,412
You're no bother at all!
627
00:39:01,703 --> 00:39:04,412
I'm so ashamed!
Looks like a gyppo's home.
628
00:39:04,662 --> 00:39:06,120
That way.
629
00:39:09,412 --> 00:39:11,245
I'll show you your room.
630
00:39:11,537 --> 00:39:12,828
We can't stay.
631
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:16,828
You must stay for dinner.
I don't have much...
632
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:19,328
- No, really...
- Don't argue, Carole!
633
00:39:19,703 --> 00:39:22,245
May I call you Carole?
I'm Marthe.
634
00:39:24,328 --> 00:39:25,745
Have a seat.
635
00:39:30,245 --> 00:39:31,578
Admiring my photos?
636
00:39:31,870 --> 00:39:34,787
I cut them out the paper.
Mothers!
637
00:39:35,578 --> 00:39:37,162
You have children, too.
638
00:39:37,745 --> 00:39:41,995
Every time I see Patrick on telly,
I cry like a fool.
639
00:39:42,287 --> 00:39:44,203
- Patrick?
- His real name!
640
00:39:44,495 --> 00:39:45,953
Patrick Olivier.
641
00:39:46,203 --> 00:39:49,453
Michel Blanc's his stage name.
Didn't want to upset his dad.
642
00:39:50,162 --> 00:39:53,537
One night me and my hubby
were watching telly,
643
00:39:53,870 --> 00:39:56,245
and there he was on the box!
644
00:39:56,495 --> 00:39:57,995
We were chuffed.
645
00:39:58,245 --> 00:40:01,162
He used to be a celebrity
at the police station!
646
00:40:01,370 --> 00:40:04,120
Nothing serious, mind:
car radio theft,
647
00:40:04,370 --> 00:40:06,120
but we were afraid for him.
648
00:40:06,745 --> 00:40:08,620
He made a face
when he saw himself.
649
00:40:08,912 --> 00:40:11,995
Said he wanted to surprise us.
He's a good lad.
650
00:40:13,870 --> 00:40:15,620
Carole, we can't stay.
651
00:40:15,912 --> 00:40:17,578
I'll pop something in the oven!
652
00:40:17,870 --> 00:40:19,537
Take the tray!
653
00:40:19,828 --> 00:40:20,620
We'll eat...
654
00:40:20,870 --> 00:40:22,703
- We're not hungry!
- I am!
655
00:40:30,037 --> 00:40:31,412
- Where are they?
- Eating!
656
00:40:31,703 --> 00:40:34,703
- How long?
- Forty five minutes.
657
00:40:35,162 --> 00:40:37,537
They had a tomato salad to start.
658
00:40:37,828 --> 00:40:39,162
- With what?
- Muscadet!
659
00:40:39,453 --> 00:40:41,995
White wine with salad!
660
00:40:42,287 --> 00:40:43,328
It had tuna in it.
661
00:40:43,578 --> 00:40:46,787
A chilled côtes du rhône
would've been better.
662
00:40:47,037 --> 00:40:49,120
- The other with the next course.
- What is it?
663
00:40:49,412 --> 00:40:52,120
Pork confit roasted with garlic.
664
00:40:52,953 --> 00:40:54,328
As vegetables, courgettes.
665
00:40:54,620 --> 00:40:57,370
If they need any cheese,
I've got some!
666
00:40:57,620 --> 00:40:59,620
She has everything she needs!
667
00:41:01,037 --> 00:41:02,328
It's going well!
668
00:41:02,578 --> 00:41:05,453
- What's she like?
- Very kind, easygoing.
669
00:41:05,703 --> 00:41:07,787
She's had two helpings of brawn!
670
00:41:09,995 --> 00:41:13,245
You're crazy!
We shouldn't have stayed for dinner.
671
00:41:13,537 --> 00:41:14,870
She's delighted to have us.
672
00:41:15,162 --> 00:41:17,953
Maybe she's in cahoots
with her son!
673
00:41:18,203 --> 00:41:19,953
We'll end up 6 feet under!
674
00:41:20,245 --> 00:41:22,662
I've fried a few wild mushrooms.
675
00:41:22,912 --> 00:41:25,203
To help the pork go down!
676
00:41:25,995 --> 00:41:27,495
Aren't you eating?
677
00:41:27,828 --> 00:41:29,370
- It's the damp.
- Knock, knock!
678
00:41:29,787 --> 00:41:30,912
Why, Mrs Baudet!
679
00:41:31,203 --> 00:41:33,745
- Am I disturbing you?
- We're eating.
680
00:41:34,037 --> 00:41:35,912
But come in!
It's Mrs Baudet.
681
00:41:36,162 --> 00:41:37,412
A family occasion...
682
00:41:37,662 --> 00:41:41,412
Just an informal dinner.
Have a bit of tart with us.
683
00:41:41,662 --> 00:41:45,662
You know Carole Bouquet.
She taught Patrick everything.
684
00:41:45,953 --> 00:41:47,787
- Hello, Mrs Bouquet.
- Hello, madam.
685
00:41:48,078 --> 00:41:49,203
Hello, sonny!
686
00:41:49,453 --> 00:41:52,245
- Have a drink.
- Don't mind if I do!
687
00:41:52,870 --> 00:41:56,037
But you must come to mine
for coffee afterwards.
688
00:41:56,287 --> 00:41:58,828
My son would love to see you!
689
00:41:59,078 --> 00:42:00,953
We really can't stay.
690
00:42:01,203 --> 00:42:03,453
They're in the area for the night.
691
00:42:03,703 --> 00:42:06,328
Just for a minute!
Say hello before you go.
692
00:42:06,578 --> 00:42:10,245
It'll be the best day of his life.
He's been paralysed 5 years!
693
00:42:10,995 --> 00:42:11,953
Come on, Carole!
694
00:42:12,203 --> 00:42:14,162
OK. But just for a minute.
695
00:42:14,870 --> 00:42:16,370
You're a kind woman.
696
00:42:16,953 --> 00:42:18,162
It shows!
697
00:42:52,537 --> 00:42:54,870
Come on. It's this way.
698
00:43:08,578 --> 00:43:11,412
Go on. He's in there.
699
00:43:20,078 --> 00:43:21,120
In you go.
700
00:43:30,162 --> 00:43:31,162
Go on.
701
00:43:32,245 --> 00:43:34,703
Hello!
Delighted to meet you!
702
00:43:47,537 --> 00:43:48,370
Don't disturb him!
703
00:43:49,412 --> 00:43:51,495
- Give me your hand!
- Of course!
704
00:43:52,620 --> 00:43:53,578
All right?
705
00:43:55,328 --> 00:43:56,537
Sure he's OK?
706
00:43:56,828 --> 00:43:57,995
I don't know!
707
00:44:01,453 --> 00:44:02,995
What's wrong with him?
708
00:44:03,328 --> 00:44:04,620
I'll let you rest!
709
00:44:06,787 --> 00:44:08,787
No! Stay in bed!
710
00:44:14,495 --> 00:44:15,328
Bloody hell!
711
00:44:15,578 --> 00:44:17,453
He's walking!
712
00:44:18,203 --> 00:44:20,787
Right. Come on, Carole!
713
00:44:21,245 --> 00:44:22,703
I can walk...
714
00:44:23,203 --> 00:44:24,578
Careful!
715
00:44:26,620 --> 00:44:27,662
It's a miracle!
716
00:44:27,912 --> 00:44:29,078
He can walk!
717
00:44:33,995 --> 00:44:35,037
Please come on!
718
00:44:35,370 --> 00:44:37,495
Look! I can walk!
719
00:44:37,870 --> 00:44:39,537
Carole, that's enough!
720
00:44:40,745 --> 00:44:41,828
I can walk!
721
00:44:42,370 --> 00:44:44,162
Bloody hell, Carole!
722
00:44:46,203 --> 00:44:48,787
I can walk!
And I've got a hard-on!
723
00:44:51,287 --> 00:44:52,120
Sorry!
724
00:44:52,828 --> 00:44:56,703
Excuse me!
725
00:44:57,412 --> 00:44:58,245
Sorry!
726
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,620
Come on, Carole!
727
00:45:03,495 --> 00:45:05,078
Excuse me!
728
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:09,370
Let go of her hand, sir!
729
00:45:27,578 --> 00:45:28,995
Start the car!
730
00:45:30,745 --> 00:45:33,495
Have you ever wondered
what the point was?
731
00:45:33,703 --> 00:45:37,120
Of success, stardom...
The whole business!
732
00:45:37,412 --> 00:45:39,745
I haven't really had the time!
733
00:45:39,995 --> 00:45:43,662
Why don't we discuss it
some other time?
734
00:45:44,537 --> 00:45:46,578
What have you done
with your talent?
735
00:45:47,662 --> 00:45:48,703
Sorry?
736
00:45:49,078 --> 00:45:50,287
Might be the answer.
737
00:45:50,537 --> 00:45:52,328
I cured his legs!
738
00:45:53,495 --> 00:45:56,578
Pull the other one!
Come on!
739
00:45:56,912 --> 00:45:59,537
You think you cured a paralytic?
740
00:45:59,870 --> 00:46:02,662
The bloke had a block.
You gave him a shock.
741
00:46:02,912 --> 00:46:05,162
It unblocked him.
A miracle!
742
00:46:05,412 --> 00:46:08,620
You refuse to believe in anything.
Even what you see!
743
00:46:08,953 --> 00:46:11,578
I thought I was mad,
but it's you.
744
00:46:11,912 --> 00:46:14,620
If it suits you to think that.
745
00:46:14,912 --> 00:46:17,828
It'd suit me if we told the cops!
746
00:46:18,078 --> 00:46:19,620
We can't go to the police!
747
00:46:19,953 --> 00:46:22,078
We'll find Patrick and scare him!
748
00:46:23,412 --> 00:46:24,953
Jail would kill his mum.
749
00:46:25,203 --> 00:46:27,078
You're unbelievable!
750
00:46:27,578 --> 00:46:30,162
He's my look-alike not yours!
751
00:46:30,412 --> 00:46:32,453
The cops aren't after you!
752
00:46:32,745 --> 00:46:35,495
Let me sort my own problems!
753
00:46:35,745 --> 00:46:37,495
I'm not driving you to the station!
754
00:46:37,828 --> 00:46:39,120
I'll hitch a ride.
755
00:46:39,453 --> 00:46:40,870
You're in for a long wait.
756
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:42,828
Providence will provide, Sister.
757
00:46:45,703 --> 00:46:47,703
Don't say I didn't warn you.
758
00:47:06,995 --> 00:47:08,870
I can't let him to do that.
759
00:47:32,495 --> 00:47:35,662
Finished your temper tantrum?
Jump in!
760
00:47:36,620 --> 00:47:38,578
I wouldn't say no.
761
00:47:42,453 --> 00:47:45,453
I'd rather sit in the back,
if you don't mind.
762
00:47:49,328 --> 00:47:50,870
I can drive slowly.
763
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,370
No, it's fine.
I just feel like it.
764
00:47:53,745 --> 00:47:55,245
You're a strange guy.
765
00:48:08,495 --> 00:48:10,578
What's wrong?
Feel sick again?
766
00:48:10,828 --> 00:48:11,912
Why do you ask?
767
00:48:12,162 --> 00:48:13,703
You look peculiar.
768
00:48:13,953 --> 00:48:16,412
- How so?
- Like you've something in mind.
769
00:48:16,662 --> 00:48:18,370
- Spot on!
- What's got into you?
770
00:48:18,620 --> 00:48:21,370
I'm ecstatic!
Carole Bouquet's breasts!
771
00:48:21,620 --> 00:48:24,203
- I'm fondling Bouquet's breasts!
- And?
772
00:48:24,537 --> 00:48:25,995
They're warm and soft!
773
00:48:26,328 --> 00:48:27,578
I meant what now?
774
00:48:27,828 --> 00:48:29,620
We could have sex!
775
00:48:31,745 --> 00:48:34,828
Now you listen to me, Patrick!
776
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:37,370
- How did you guess?
- Feminine intuition.
777
00:48:37,620 --> 00:48:39,203
You're hurting me!
778
00:48:43,287 --> 00:48:44,828
Stop! I'm armed!
779
00:49:02,703 --> 00:49:04,662
The guy from French Fried Vacation!
780
00:49:04,953 --> 00:49:07,037
- Michel Blanc? Where?
- Under the salad bar!
781
00:49:08,495 --> 00:49:10,453
- Carole Bouquet!
- Come out!
782
00:49:13,578 --> 00:49:14,453
Bloody hell!
783
00:49:15,912 --> 00:49:17,245
Hurry up!
784
00:49:18,412 --> 00:49:19,870
I'm coming out!
785
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:21,662
While I reload!
786
00:49:28,370 --> 00:49:30,287
I didn't know they were an item!
787
00:49:36,453 --> 00:49:39,287
- Put your gun away!
- Shut it! Move!
788
00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:41,453
What do you intend to do?
789
00:49:41,787 --> 00:49:44,787
Move it, or I'll give
your arsehole a look-alike!
790
00:49:45,037 --> 00:49:46,912
You lied to the whole village?
791
00:49:47,162 --> 00:49:50,037
They stopped calling me a lazy git.
792
00:49:50,287 --> 00:49:54,162
They liked me.
I couldn't tell them the truth.
793
00:49:54,995 --> 00:49:56,495
It's not a big deal.
794
00:49:56,745 --> 00:49:58,412
I've done no harm!
795
00:49:58,662 --> 00:49:59,703
And Balasko?
796
00:50:00,453 --> 00:50:03,328
A blunder.
I was after her money.
797
00:50:03,578 --> 00:50:06,287
When I saw her tied up,
I couldn't resist!
798
00:50:06,620 --> 00:50:08,203
I'm only human!
799
00:50:08,453 --> 00:50:11,037
Listen carefully,
I'll try to be brief.
800
00:50:11,703 --> 00:50:13,870
You'd better keep a low profile.
801
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:17,745
If I bump into you again,
you'll get my fist in your face!
802
00:50:18,037 --> 00:50:18,870
Understand?
803
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:20,120
Loud and clear!
804
00:50:20,370 --> 00:50:23,078
You've got 5 minutes to disappear!
805
00:50:23,370 --> 00:50:24,162
I'm going!
806
00:50:31,495 --> 00:50:34,245
I wanted to inform the police
but Carole refused.
807
00:50:34,537 --> 00:50:36,453
The miracle really shook her.
808
00:50:36,703 --> 00:50:38,703
She reckons it's a miracle.
809
00:50:38,953 --> 00:50:40,245
I think it's nerves.
810
00:50:40,537 --> 00:50:44,203
The bloke probably collapsed
as soon as we left.
811
00:50:44,495 --> 00:50:47,745
I prefer to tell all,
because the guy's dangerous.
812
00:50:51,578 --> 00:50:53,328
If you have any questions...
813
00:50:57,703 --> 00:50:59,287
Bravo! Here you go!
814
00:50:59,912 --> 00:51:02,870
I've always wondered...
815
00:51:03,162 --> 00:51:05,828
Do you improvise,
or learn your lines by heart?
816
00:51:06,453 --> 00:51:07,453
Goodbye!
817
00:51:09,328 --> 00:51:12,662
Try to come for Christmas.
We all dress up!
818
00:51:28,078 --> 00:51:29,162
Proud of yourself?
819
00:51:30,578 --> 00:51:33,578
You claim to be a leftie,
you sing for Ethiopia.
820
00:51:33,828 --> 00:51:36,037
As long as there are cameras around!
821
00:51:36,287 --> 00:51:37,995
Grassing to the cops!
822
00:51:38,287 --> 00:51:39,578
Don't take the piss!
823
00:51:40,370 --> 00:51:41,953
I'll break your face!
824
00:51:42,370 --> 00:51:44,078
- Calm down!
- I'll kill you!
825
00:51:44,412 --> 00:51:46,120
Let me explain!
826
00:51:46,662 --> 00:51:49,703
Explain what?
That you're a crook?
827
00:51:49,953 --> 00:51:50,745
You're strangling me!
828
00:51:51,037 --> 00:51:52,495
That's your explanation?
829
00:51:52,745 --> 00:51:53,578
Bastard!
830
00:51:55,953 --> 00:51:58,787
I never asked to look like you!
831
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:03,203
I'd have chosen someone else!
832
00:52:03,995 --> 00:52:05,370
You think it's easy?
833
00:52:06,078 --> 00:52:08,620
You're always playing jerks!
834
00:52:08,870 --> 00:52:11,162
How about some variety?
835
00:52:11,495 --> 00:52:14,287
I don't need your advice!
836
00:52:14,537 --> 00:52:17,787
Pity that.
You'd have avoided a few flops!
837
00:52:18,037 --> 00:52:20,620
Why pass yourself off as me, then?
838
00:52:20,870 --> 00:52:24,787
I have the disadvantages.
Why not the advantages?
839
00:52:25,078 --> 00:52:26,453
I've no private life.
840
00:52:26,870 --> 00:52:28,953
People smirk when I trip over.
841
00:52:29,203 --> 00:52:30,662
You chose this life.
842
00:52:30,995 --> 00:52:33,453
And you make a bloody packet!
843
00:52:33,995 --> 00:52:35,412
I've got sod all.
844
00:52:35,703 --> 00:52:37,203
What about the harm you do?
845
00:52:37,453 --> 00:52:38,828
Who's harming who?
846
00:52:39,078 --> 00:52:41,787
What job can I do
with a clown's face?
847
00:52:42,037 --> 00:52:44,620
Would Hitler have succeeded
with Fernandel's?
848
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:48,203
You've buggered up my life!
That's the truth!
849
00:52:48,453 --> 00:52:50,828
I don't have the time for this!
850
00:52:51,078 --> 00:52:53,870
I've no intention
of changing my job or my mug!
851
00:52:54,162 --> 00:52:56,662
You'd better find a solution.
852
00:52:56,912 --> 00:53:00,495
If you start again,
I'll find more understanding cops!
853
00:53:00,745 --> 00:53:01,745
OK? Goodnight!
854
00:53:13,412 --> 00:53:15,120
There is a solution!
855
00:53:15,412 --> 00:53:17,537
Yes! You clear off!
856
00:53:18,078 --> 00:53:20,495
We could work together.
857
00:53:20,995 --> 00:53:23,495
How about sharing the workload?
858
00:53:23,787 --> 00:53:27,037
I don't understand.
Or rather, I'm afraid I do!
859
00:53:27,287 --> 00:53:31,078
The programmes you hate...
I'll do them for you.
860
00:53:31,620 --> 00:53:34,828
- That's a swindle!
- Why?
861
00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:37,162
The public gets its money's worth!
862
00:53:37,412 --> 00:53:40,578
You make the films.
While I promote them, you write.
863
00:53:40,828 --> 00:53:43,537
And the spectators can only benefit.
864
00:53:44,203 --> 00:53:48,078
Some of your stuff is so tired!
But you're only human.
865
00:53:48,495 --> 00:53:51,412
I'll do all the commercial films.
866
00:53:51,662 --> 00:53:54,578
You do the quality stuff.
Ideal, isn't it?
867
00:53:54,828 --> 00:53:57,203
I've never done films for money!
868
00:53:57,453 --> 00:53:58,912
Not only anyway!
869
00:53:59,203 --> 00:54:01,912
What about all those ads, eh?
870
00:54:08,453 --> 00:54:12,453
Think about it.
Don't you fancy a year off?
871
00:54:12,745 --> 00:54:14,620
India, Burma.
872
00:54:14,870 --> 00:54:17,995
Night falling on Along Bay,
the streets of Manila...
873
00:54:18,287 --> 00:54:19,162
Madness!
874
00:54:19,453 --> 00:54:21,662
You wouldn't be the first.
875
00:54:22,328 --> 00:54:25,995
How does Depardieu manage
to make so many films?
876
00:54:26,245 --> 00:54:27,203
A dog couldn't do it!
877
00:54:27,495 --> 00:54:31,203
You're totally insane.
You frighten me.
878
00:54:31,453 --> 00:54:34,453
I don't need an answer now.
879
00:54:35,245 --> 00:54:38,162
You know where to find me now.
Night!
880
00:55:07,037 --> 00:55:10,370
I think I've made
a very costly mistake!
881
00:55:27,037 --> 00:55:29,203
What the hell's going on?
882
00:55:29,453 --> 00:55:31,953
I don't like the look of this.
883
00:55:39,828 --> 00:55:41,912
- Yes?
- Is Carole home?
884
00:55:53,870 --> 00:55:55,620
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
885
00:55:56,870 --> 00:55:57,787
I warned you!
886
00:55:58,037 --> 00:55:59,995
It's me! Michel!
887
00:56:00,245 --> 00:56:01,703
I've been patient, Patrick.
888
00:56:01,995 --> 00:56:04,328
But I'm about to lose my temper!
889
00:56:04,578 --> 00:56:06,412
I'm not my look-alike!
890
00:56:06,662 --> 00:56:09,453
You won't fool me this time.
Follow me!
891
00:56:19,203 --> 00:56:21,912
So you're Michel Blanc, are you?
892
00:56:22,162 --> 00:56:25,328
It so happens
I'm having lunch with him!
893
00:56:25,578 --> 00:56:26,870
Rotten luck!
894
00:56:41,870 --> 00:56:43,787
Say something, guys!
895
00:56:45,162 --> 00:56:46,662
Speak to me!
896
00:56:48,578 --> 00:56:50,203
Don't get taken in by him!
897
00:56:50,662 --> 00:56:52,245
There is a likeness.
898
00:56:52,495 --> 00:56:54,537
It's obvious it isn't him!
899
00:56:54,828 --> 00:56:57,162
I wouldn't be taken in.
900
00:56:57,412 --> 00:56:58,703
His eyes are different.
901
00:56:58,995 --> 00:57:00,453
It's beyond a joke!
902
00:57:00,703 --> 00:57:04,037
His voice bothers me.
Michel doesn't sound so gay!
903
00:57:04,370 --> 00:57:06,703
There's the bastard who raped me!
904
00:57:07,162 --> 00:57:07,953
Josie, don't!
905
00:57:08,828 --> 00:57:10,287
Where's your hard-on now?
906
00:57:10,578 --> 00:57:12,953
- Don't find me attractive?
- Josie, please!
907
00:57:13,245 --> 00:57:15,037
This'll calm you down!
908
00:57:15,328 --> 00:57:17,162
Right! Get out!
909
00:57:24,412 --> 00:57:25,203
Unbelievable!
910
00:57:27,370 --> 00:57:29,912
Patrick, this'll end in tears!
911
00:57:30,162 --> 00:57:32,162
Sorry to have been brutal.
912
00:57:32,412 --> 00:57:34,370
It was to make you see reason.
913
00:57:34,620 --> 00:57:37,662
I'll help you
if you stop all this madness.
914
00:57:38,203 --> 00:57:41,370
I want to wake up.
I've had enough!
915
00:58:04,453 --> 00:58:05,495
Hello!
916
00:58:07,078 --> 00:58:10,328
- A double brandy, please.
- Coming up!
917
00:58:24,912 --> 00:58:26,037
Another.
918
00:58:30,370 --> 00:58:31,370
Look at me.
919
00:58:32,828 --> 00:58:35,120
Just to see if you recognize me.
920
00:58:35,370 --> 00:58:37,495
We don't give credit!
921
00:58:37,745 --> 00:58:39,287
It isn't that.
922
00:58:41,787 --> 00:58:43,287
Have you seen me before?
923
00:58:43,537 --> 00:58:45,412
I dunno! Turn around.
924
00:58:46,162 --> 00:58:49,620
The wally who does the weather!
Is that it?
925
00:58:49,912 --> 00:58:51,828
I don't work in television.
926
00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:53,870
- Films.
- Tough luck!
927
00:58:54,162 --> 00:58:56,453
Films bore the pants off me!
928
00:58:56,745 --> 00:58:58,912
Just finish your drink and go!
929
00:58:59,995 --> 00:59:01,578
Twenty francs change!
930
00:59:32,537 --> 00:59:34,787
You're really pushing it!
931
00:59:36,370 --> 00:59:38,662
The joke's over!
932
00:59:38,912 --> 00:59:40,203
Put your toys away!
933
00:59:40,495 --> 00:59:43,203
Give my ID back
and get out of my life!
934
00:59:44,828 --> 00:59:48,787
Despite all appearances,
you're an optimistic boy!
935
00:59:49,162 --> 00:59:50,120
Bit of a schoolgirl.
936
00:59:50,662 --> 00:59:52,787
One of the weak points
of your films.
937
00:59:53,162 --> 00:59:55,620
I'm writing the script now!
938
00:59:55,912 --> 00:59:59,328
And it ain't Happy Days.
Not for you anyway.
939
00:59:59,953 --> 01:00:01,495
Best get used to it!
940
01:00:01,995 --> 01:00:04,745
The wheel of fortune turns.
Everybody gets a go.
941
01:00:05,078 --> 01:00:07,578
You don't own our mug
any more than I do.
942
01:00:07,870 --> 01:00:10,412
We're co-owners.
It's like a time-share.
943
01:00:10,703 --> 01:00:13,328
I've let you use it for 40 years.
944
01:00:13,620 --> 01:00:16,370
But now I'm here to evict you!
945
01:00:17,912 --> 01:00:19,287
I won't allow it!
946
01:00:19,578 --> 01:00:21,287
You don't have the choice!
947
01:00:21,578 --> 01:00:24,245
Unless you kill me,
which isn't your style.
948
01:00:24,537 --> 01:00:26,578
You're such a conformist, Patrick!
949
01:00:26,828 --> 01:00:29,537
- Don't call me Patrick!
- Get used to it, mate!
950
01:00:29,828 --> 01:00:31,328
You're Patrick now!
951
01:00:31,578 --> 01:00:33,412
Make yourself scarce,
952
01:00:33,703 --> 01:00:36,412
or I'll tell the cops
you're pretending to be me
953
01:00:36,662 --> 01:00:38,370
and raping my pals!
954
01:00:40,495 --> 01:00:41,495
Bloody bastard!
955
01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:44,412
You won't enjoy co-ownership long!
956
01:00:44,703 --> 01:00:47,203
I'm going to write Michel Blanc off!
957
01:00:47,495 --> 01:00:50,828
Within 24 hours,
he won't be worth peanuts!
958
01:01:04,412 --> 01:01:07,120
Hello, Mr Blanc.
How may I help you?
959
01:01:08,328 --> 01:01:10,787
Show me your diamond necklaces.
960
01:01:11,037 --> 01:01:13,620
Have a seat,
I'll call the manager.
961
01:01:17,995 --> 01:01:20,162
- What's going on?
- Some codswallop!
962
01:01:20,412 --> 01:01:22,537
They're making a gangster film.
963
01:01:22,828 --> 01:01:25,912
That's all they do nowadays!
Blood and guts!
964
01:01:26,328 --> 01:01:29,412
I preferred him with a moustache.
He's put on weight, too.
965
01:01:29,703 --> 01:01:32,287
It's the drink what does it.
966
01:01:32,578 --> 01:01:34,203
Get down!
967
01:01:35,620 --> 01:01:37,578
Just open the safe, OK?
968
01:01:37,953 --> 01:01:39,370
Bloody well open it!
969
01:01:42,495 --> 01:01:43,995
The special effects are great!
970
01:01:44,287 --> 01:01:47,453
The alarm's gone off,
the police'll be here any minute!
971
01:01:47,703 --> 01:01:49,203
Will you tell them?
972
01:01:49,495 --> 01:01:52,203
If you leave now,
it'll be our little secret.
973
01:01:52,495 --> 01:01:54,453
I'll make sure no one talks!
974
01:01:54,745 --> 01:01:57,662
But this could ruin your career!
975
01:01:57,912 --> 01:02:01,828
If I want to bugger up my career,
that's my business!
976
01:02:02,120 --> 01:02:05,078
It's our business, too!
We love your films!
977
01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:07,620
Especially Father Christmas Stinks.
978
01:02:07,912 --> 01:02:11,120
I wasn't in Father Christmas!
Open the safe!
979
01:02:12,995 --> 01:02:13,787
Open it!
980
01:02:16,745 --> 01:02:20,037
It's quite hard work really.
Who'd have thought!
981
01:02:24,745 --> 01:02:27,370
- Is there a way out downstairs?
- Just offices.
982
01:02:27,662 --> 01:02:29,703
Get downstairs anyway!
983
01:02:29,995 --> 01:02:31,495
Hurry!
984
01:03:09,662 --> 01:03:11,495
I'm waiting for the news crew.
985
01:03:11,745 --> 01:03:13,578
Great! What station?
986
01:03:13,870 --> 01:03:16,662
I can't say till I've had
France 2's offer.
987
01:03:16,953 --> 01:03:18,495
I'm going to make-up.
988
01:03:21,120 --> 01:03:24,245
Michel was filming a tough scene
when he got the news.
989
01:03:24,578 --> 01:03:26,495
Naturally he was very upset.
990
01:03:26,828 --> 01:03:28,453
Carole, where is he now?
991
01:03:28,745 --> 01:03:32,328
In his apartment.
He'll be making a statement soon.
992
01:03:32,787 --> 01:03:34,995
Sorry, I really must dash!
993
01:03:35,912 --> 01:03:37,703
It's turned out well.
994
01:03:37,995 --> 01:03:40,620
It's awful for those innocent folk,
995
01:03:40,870 --> 01:03:42,412
but I must say for us,
996
01:03:42,662 --> 01:03:46,578
his friends, his family,
those who love him, it's a relief.
997
01:03:46,870 --> 01:03:48,953
Didn't anyone notice?
998
01:03:49,203 --> 01:03:50,120
Of course!
999
01:03:50,370 --> 01:03:54,037
But we put it down to stress.
It's a crazy business!
1000
01:03:54,287 --> 01:03:56,995
I wish he'd chosen dance, like me.
1001
01:03:57,287 --> 01:03:59,662
I knew something was wrong.
1002
01:03:59,912 --> 01:04:00,745
Aren't you clever!
1003
01:04:01,037 --> 01:04:02,245
Tell me, Doctor,
1004
01:04:02,537 --> 01:04:06,120
would you say he was insane,
mentally ill?
1005
01:04:06,412 --> 01:04:09,203
He passed himself off
as Michel Blanc,
1006
01:04:09,453 --> 01:04:11,120
and I noticed right away
1007
01:04:11,370 --> 01:04:14,537
that he had all the symptoms
of Zinse's disease.
1008
01:04:14,787 --> 01:04:16,495
Self-denigration,
1009
01:04:16,745 --> 01:04:18,120
obsessional neurosis,
1010
01:04:18,370 --> 01:04:20,287
penis revulsion.
1011
01:04:21,537 --> 01:04:25,162
I should have realized,
but it's common in this business.
1012
01:04:25,453 --> 01:04:27,328
Is he responsible for his acts?
1013
01:04:35,703 --> 01:04:36,495
Bouquet!
1014
01:04:37,620 --> 01:04:38,662
Carole!
1015
01:04:39,412 --> 01:04:41,703
Give me 5 minutes,
I'll bring him out!
1016
01:04:42,037 --> 01:04:43,953
The courts are congested.
1017
01:04:44,245 --> 01:04:46,620
And it's none of your business!
1018
01:04:46,912 --> 01:04:50,620
If that's your attitude,
I'll do it without your approval!
1019
01:04:51,995 --> 01:04:52,995
Stop her!
1020
01:04:57,620 --> 01:04:58,620
For god's sake!
1021
01:05:08,495 --> 01:05:09,328
What's the matter?
1022
01:05:09,662 --> 01:05:11,703
It's weird seeing her in the flesh.
1023
01:05:18,203 --> 01:05:19,870
Guess who's here!
1024
01:05:21,412 --> 01:05:24,662
I was out shopping
and I heard you were here.
1025
01:05:26,495 --> 01:05:29,995
All of a sudden,
I desperately wanted to see you.
1026
01:05:34,578 --> 01:05:38,078
May I come down?
Are you downstairs?
1027
01:05:45,995 --> 01:05:48,370
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
1028
01:05:49,620 --> 01:05:52,412
We were a bit hard on you yesterday.
1029
01:05:52,703 --> 01:05:56,037
I'd like us to have a little chat.
1030
01:05:57,703 --> 01:05:59,995
Do you know what we should do?
1031
01:06:00,828 --> 01:06:04,078
Give everyone the slip
and take off to the coast.
1032
01:06:09,037 --> 01:06:11,370
We can chat
as we collect seashells.
1033
01:06:12,995 --> 01:06:14,120
How about it, Patrick?
1034
01:06:14,370 --> 01:06:17,245
I'm not Patrick!
Don't treat me like a lunatic.
1035
01:06:17,495 --> 01:06:20,953
I don't think you're mad.
You're just tired.
1036
01:06:21,203 --> 01:06:23,370
I sometimes wonder who I am, too.
1037
01:06:23,662 --> 01:06:25,870
I know who I am!
Michel Blanc!
1038
01:06:26,662 --> 01:06:28,412
Go away!
Don't do anything stupid!
1039
01:06:28,662 --> 01:06:31,537
What if I desperately wanted to?
1040
01:06:32,745 --> 01:06:34,203
For ages!
1041
01:06:34,828 --> 01:06:37,287
Ever since I felt
your hands on my breasts.
1042
01:06:38,537 --> 01:06:40,287
What if that's why I'm here?
1043
01:06:40,578 --> 01:06:44,203
The more I look at you,
the giddier I feel.
1044
01:06:45,703 --> 01:06:47,120
I'm going to swoon!
1045
01:06:48,328 --> 01:06:49,995
Stop your acting!
1046
01:06:50,287 --> 01:06:52,078
I'm not acting!
1047
01:06:52,370 --> 01:06:56,037
How does it make you feel
to see me lying here, vulnerable,
1048
01:06:56,328 --> 01:06:57,662
like defenceless prey?
1049
01:06:57,912 --> 01:07:00,537
I'm Michel.
Please believe me!
1050
01:07:01,120 --> 01:07:03,787
Who cares who I am,
who you are!
1051
01:07:04,078 --> 01:07:08,370
All I can see is two bodies
in close proximity.
1052
01:07:08,620 --> 01:07:10,328
How is this evening?
1053
01:07:11,328 --> 01:07:13,162
Mild as a spring evening.
1054
01:07:13,453 --> 01:07:15,537
I think it's wet and torrid.
1055
01:07:15,787 --> 01:07:18,787
Like a night in Malaysia
before the monsoon.
1056
01:07:19,037 --> 01:07:22,412
I'd like to rip off my clothes!
I'm suffocating!
1057
01:07:22,703 --> 01:07:23,495
Can you feel it?
1058
01:07:23,787 --> 01:07:24,787
Your belt's tight.
1059
01:07:25,078 --> 01:07:28,495
My life is suffocating!
This business is killing me!
1060
01:07:28,745 --> 01:07:31,953
I am sick of being cold
and inaccessible!
1061
01:07:32,453 --> 01:07:34,620
I'm tired of frightening men!
1062
01:07:34,828 --> 01:07:37,745
I dreamt of brutal lambadas,
of big sweaty lads
1063
01:07:38,037 --> 01:07:39,412
and working men's clubs!
1064
01:07:39,703 --> 01:07:42,662
And above all of strong arms
to imprison me,
1065
01:07:42,870 --> 01:07:45,328
to protect me, to shove me!
1066
01:07:45,953 --> 01:07:48,870
But no one shoves me.
Shove me, Patrick!
1067
01:07:49,162 --> 01:07:52,078
Be disrespectful!
What is it Balasko has?
1068
01:07:52,370 --> 01:07:53,328
I'm not Patrick!
1069
01:07:53,620 --> 01:07:55,578
Take me like a worker!
1070
01:08:04,370 --> 01:08:05,162
No!
1071
01:08:13,203 --> 01:08:15,745
I did that to save your life!
1072
01:08:16,037 --> 01:08:17,787
They were going to shoot you!
1073
01:08:18,078 --> 01:08:20,412
The best thing for blokes
with problems
1074
01:08:20,703 --> 01:08:22,120
is to never meet you!
1075
01:08:22,745 --> 01:08:24,328
I knew he wasn't the real McCoy.
1076
01:08:24,578 --> 01:08:26,662
That's why I set off the alarm.
1077
01:08:28,537 --> 01:08:30,078
Press conference!
1078
01:08:31,620 --> 01:08:33,287
You'll thank me one day!
1079
01:08:34,078 --> 01:08:36,620
They'll take care of you,
give you pills.
1080
01:08:36,912 --> 01:08:38,578
You'll come out in top form!
1081
01:08:38,870 --> 01:08:41,328
If you need me, call me!
1082
01:08:42,578 --> 01:08:44,537
It'll be like a holiday!
1083
01:09:04,787 --> 01:09:06,703
What a nice surprise!
1084
01:09:07,953 --> 01:09:10,370
Look, lads! Our stranger!
1085
01:09:13,620 --> 01:09:15,495
We've really missed you!
1086
01:09:15,745 --> 01:09:19,245
Dédé refused to eat for 3 days
after you left us.
1087
01:09:19,495 --> 01:09:21,912
There's a mistake.
I'm not Michel Blanc!
1088
01:09:23,120 --> 01:09:24,412
I'm much smaller!
1089
01:09:24,870 --> 01:09:26,953
- Much fatter, too!
- Who cares!
1090
01:09:27,245 --> 01:09:28,870
We love you anyway!
1091
01:09:29,162 --> 01:09:30,995
Help!
1092
01:09:46,162 --> 01:09:48,120
Patrick Olivier to the governor!
1093
01:10:13,412 --> 01:10:15,537
- Take a seat.
- No thank you.
1094
01:10:16,370 --> 01:10:19,037
Mr Olivier,
I hope you'll have fond memories
1095
01:10:19,328 --> 01:10:21,745
of your short stay with us.
1096
01:10:22,453 --> 01:10:24,787
I also hope these few months
1097
01:10:25,078 --> 01:10:27,662
have made you see sense.
1098
01:10:32,453 --> 01:10:34,662
Don't forget,
our door is always open.
1099
01:10:48,703 --> 01:10:49,703
First name?
1100
01:10:49,995 --> 01:10:51,078
Patrick.
1101
01:10:51,453 --> 01:10:53,620
What shows have you been in?
1102
01:10:53,912 --> 01:10:56,120
Loads.
I don't remember the names.
1103
01:10:56,412 --> 01:10:59,787
That's bothersome.
You need a good memory in this job.
1104
01:11:00,162 --> 01:11:02,495
I can work as an extra for now.
1105
01:11:02,745 --> 01:11:04,787
I'm afraid it'll be for later.
1106
01:11:05,037 --> 01:11:07,328
I've nothing for you right now.
1107
01:11:07,578 --> 01:11:11,370
Go take a look
at the jobs board anyway.
1108
01:11:16,412 --> 01:11:18,037
I can act in English!
1109
01:11:18,328 --> 01:11:22,287
I'll let Spielberg know
next time he calls me!
1110
01:12:12,162 --> 01:12:13,703
Bloody hell, my leg!
1111
01:13:14,037 --> 01:13:15,245
Next!
1112
01:13:19,495 --> 01:13:20,870
I've come about the job.
1113
01:13:21,162 --> 01:13:24,578
- Who's look-alike are you, then?
- Michel Blanc.
1114
01:13:24,870 --> 01:13:25,870
You reckon?
1115
01:13:26,120 --> 01:13:27,745
With a bit of make-up...
1116
01:13:31,328 --> 01:13:33,162
Don't get your hopes up.
1117
01:13:35,578 --> 01:13:36,662
Goodbye.
1118
01:13:38,037 --> 01:13:39,120
Next!
1119
01:13:43,203 --> 01:13:45,287
I imagine they didn't take you.
1120
01:13:46,495 --> 01:13:48,912
I've been waiting.
I spotted you earlier.
1121
01:13:50,703 --> 01:13:52,828
- You too, you've just...
- Yes!
1122
01:13:53,078 --> 01:13:54,162
Noiret's look-alike?
1123
01:13:54,412 --> 01:13:57,328
Usually I'm Deneuve,
but I've had a nasty cold.
1124
01:13:58,828 --> 01:14:00,703
I'm joking!
1125
01:14:00,953 --> 01:14:02,703
We can joke, can't we?
1126
01:14:02,953 --> 01:14:04,995
May I walk along with you?
1127
01:14:05,245 --> 01:14:06,787
I'm not going anywhere.
1128
01:14:07,037 --> 01:14:10,245
That's perfect.
It's on my way.
1129
01:14:22,245 --> 01:14:23,745
Why are we here?
1130
01:14:24,037 --> 01:14:26,578
Because you and I need to talk.
1131
01:14:28,870 --> 01:14:32,120
You haven't touched a thing.
Eat!
1132
01:14:32,870 --> 01:14:36,703
I feel sorry for you.
You look like death warmed up.
1133
01:14:37,412 --> 01:14:41,745
Nibble a bit of cheese
if you don't fancy the sausage.
1134
01:14:42,037 --> 01:14:44,912
We'll wash it all down with port,
1135
01:14:45,162 --> 01:14:48,412
smoke a cigar
and have a quiet chat.
1136
01:14:48,870 --> 01:14:50,870
I'm not very hungry.
1137
01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:54,578
You are! It's normal
when you get out of prison.
1138
01:14:56,620 --> 01:14:57,953
Why do you say that?
1139
01:14:59,662 --> 01:15:01,912
Because you've just been released.
1140
01:15:02,870 --> 01:15:05,412
The ending never changes.
1141
01:15:05,703 --> 01:15:08,287
It's always the same story.
1142
01:15:09,703 --> 01:15:11,828
Look at me, my dear Michel.
1143
01:15:12,162 --> 01:15:14,078
I'm Philippe Noiret.
1144
01:15:14,870 --> 01:15:17,703
I know your story.
It's identical to mine.
1145
01:15:17,995 --> 01:15:20,537
You get a stand-in
for the tiresome jobs.
1146
01:15:20,828 --> 01:15:22,787
Then one day you go too far.
1147
01:15:23,037 --> 01:15:25,828
And the key no longer fits the lock.
1148
01:15:26,078 --> 01:15:28,453
You've been kicked out.
1149
01:15:31,537 --> 01:15:32,828
I'm not the only one?
1150
01:15:33,078 --> 01:15:35,703
Of course you're not!
1151
01:15:35,995 --> 01:15:39,495
It suited me at first.
My wife was starting to bug me.
1152
01:15:42,078 --> 01:15:44,828
And then... you get used to it.
1153
01:15:45,078 --> 01:15:47,537
I don't want to accept it.
I want to fight.
1154
01:15:47,828 --> 01:15:48,787
Fight?
1155
01:15:49,078 --> 01:15:52,912
Whatever for?
Let me show you something!
1156
01:15:53,162 --> 01:15:54,495
Mind if I row?
1157
01:16:01,495 --> 01:16:04,162
Know what used to be there?
A cinema!
1158
01:16:04,453 --> 01:16:05,995
And there, another cinema.
1159
01:16:06,287 --> 01:16:10,453
The dream palaces of yesteryear
are processed crap outlets.
1160
01:16:10,745 --> 01:16:11,953
There are some left.
1161
01:16:12,203 --> 01:16:15,662
For what they're worth!
Have you seen what's on?
1162
01:16:15,953 --> 01:16:17,953
See many French films?
1163
01:16:18,162 --> 01:16:22,620
I'm gonna tell you something.
Listen to me, piece of shit.
1164
01:16:22,912 --> 01:16:24,495
You fuck off, shit!
1165
01:16:25,912 --> 01:16:28,078
That's all you hear nowadays.
1166
01:16:28,370 --> 01:16:30,578
French cinema's got one foot
in the grave!
1167
01:16:31,245 --> 01:16:34,578
We'll all end up as mice
in their bloody parks!
1168
01:16:34,828 --> 01:16:36,495
That's an exaggeration.
1169
01:16:36,745 --> 01:16:38,537
For fuck's sake!
1170
01:16:38,828 --> 01:16:41,578
Don't you ever look at the figures?
1171
01:16:41,828 --> 01:16:45,578
Well, you should,
because they're pretty scary!
1172
01:16:45,870 --> 01:16:49,703
Want me to show you
what French cinema resembles?
1173
01:16:55,662 --> 01:16:58,453
Here it is!
Under there!
1174
01:16:58,953 --> 01:17:01,328
French cinema
is the unknown soldier!
1175
01:17:01,620 --> 01:17:02,578
To our dead!
1176
01:17:10,578 --> 01:17:11,370
Come on, Philippe!
1177
01:17:11,620 --> 01:17:14,078
It's like an awards ceremony!
1178
01:17:14,370 --> 01:17:17,078
I've a few francs.
Let's go for coffee.
1179
01:17:20,245 --> 01:17:22,578
Seen any films
with your look-alike?
1180
01:17:22,870 --> 01:17:25,787
No. Always the same old Noiret!
1181
01:17:26,037 --> 01:17:27,703
- How about you?
- No...
1182
01:17:27,953 --> 01:17:30,912
You should see the latest.
It'd amuse you.
1183
01:17:31,203 --> 01:17:32,203
What's it about?
1184
01:17:32,453 --> 01:17:35,620
A story about look-alikes,
with Carole Bouquet.
1185
01:17:35,995 --> 01:17:36,828
Cut!
1186
01:17:37,745 --> 01:17:41,537
There are two guys in the shot!
Didn't you notice?
1187
01:17:41,787 --> 01:17:44,328
Gentlemen, we're making a film.
Please move.
1188
01:17:45,078 --> 01:17:46,620
Sorry! Excuse us!
1189
01:17:48,245 --> 01:17:50,662
Right... Action!
1190
01:17:51,787 --> 01:17:54,078
Another delightful day in store!
1191
01:17:54,328 --> 01:17:55,995
Let's push on to the park.
1192
01:17:56,245 --> 01:17:58,203
Gentlemen!
1193
01:17:58,912 --> 01:18:01,037
Fancy being in the movies?
1194
01:18:02,037 --> 01:18:05,453
Be in the movies!
We need two waiters.
1195
01:18:05,703 --> 01:18:08,495
- If you're interested...
- No thank you!
1196
01:18:08,745 --> 01:18:11,412
Come on, mate!
Don't let's hang about!
1197
01:18:14,662 --> 01:18:15,828
What are the conditions?
1198
01:18:17,370 --> 01:18:18,495
How much do you want?
1199
01:18:18,745 --> 01:18:21,370
Not less than 2500 a day.
1200
01:18:21,662 --> 01:18:25,037
Then there's our expenses.
We don't live in Paris.
1201
01:18:25,287 --> 01:18:26,620
We work in London.
1202
01:18:26,870 --> 01:18:29,537
And the caravan.
That's important...
1203
01:18:29,745 --> 01:18:31,495
Take them to make-up.
1204
01:18:31,703 --> 01:18:34,120
We'll start when they're ready.
1205
01:18:46,703 --> 01:18:50,078
Take these gentlemen to make-up.
Quick, we're waiting.
77816
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