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Submitted here is the story of a little
boy, and a magical christmas wish,
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00:00:55,811 --> 00:00:58,651
that changed his life...
forever.
3
00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:06,744
It began in 1985, in a
town just outside Boston.
4
00:01:07,778 --> 00:01:12,453
It was christmas eve, and all the
children were in high spirits.
5
00:01:12,488 --> 00:01:17,469
That special time of year, when
Boston children gather together
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00:01:17,503 --> 00:01:22,277
- and beat up the jewish kids.
- Hey greenbob! Get him!
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00:01:26,283 --> 00:01:30,641
But there was one child who
wasn't in such good spirits,
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00:01:30,676 --> 00:01:32,657
little John Bennett.
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00:01:32,692 --> 00:01:37,794
That one boy in every neighbourhood, who
just has a tough time making friends.
10
00:01:37,829 --> 00:01:39,551
Hey guys, can I play?
11
00:01:39,586 --> 00:01:42,094
- Get out of here bennet!
- Get lost bennet!
12
00:01:42,129 --> 00:01:44,473
- Get out of here bennet.
- Yeah bennet, get lost.
13
00:01:47,092 --> 00:01:53,425
John longed with all his heart, for that
one true friend that he could call his own
14
00:01:53,460 --> 00:02:00,066
and he knew that if he ever found
that friend, he would ever let him go
15
00:02:01,617 --> 00:02:06,126
well, as it does every year,
christams morning finally came
16
00:02:06,161 --> 00:02:10,418
all of the children were opening
their gifts with holiday glee
17
00:02:17,477 --> 00:02:24,021
and for little John bennet, christams
day brought a very special new arrival.
18
00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:34,400
Wow.i guess santa payed attention to
how good you were this year huh...
19
00:02:34,435 --> 00:02:36,594
aww, merry christams John.
20
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:38,993
"I love you."
21
00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:40,810
He talks.
22
00:02:42,417 --> 00:02:44,740
I'm gonna name you Teddy.
23
00:02:46,707 --> 00:02:53,521
John became instantly attached to teddy,
there was something about that bear
24
00:02:53,556 --> 00:02:56,736
that made him feel as if
he finally had a friend.
25
00:02:56,749 --> 00:02:59,940
With whom he could share
his deepest secrets.
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00:02:59,975 --> 00:03:01,446
"I love you"
27
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,976
I love you too teddy
28
00:03:05,048 --> 00:03:09,054
you know, I wish you
could really talk to me
29
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:12,740
because then we could be best
friends forever and ever
30
00:03:14,049 --> 00:03:17,459
now if theres one thing
you can be sure of,
31
00:03:17,494 --> 00:03:22,031
its that nothing is more
powerful than a young boys wish
32
00:03:22,067 --> 00:03:24,899
except an apache helicopter...
an apache helicopter
33
00:03:24,934 --> 00:03:28,469
has machine guns and missiles
34
00:03:28,504 --> 00:03:32,292
it is an unbelievably impressive
complement of weaponry.
35
00:03:32,293 --> 00:03:34,904
An absolute death machine.
36
00:03:35,350 --> 00:03:41,029
Well, as it turned out, John had
picked a perfect night to make a wish.
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00:04:18,909 --> 00:04:19,850
Teddy...
38
00:04:23,615 --> 00:04:25,280
Teddy?
39
00:04:29,604 --> 00:04:30,972
Teddy?
40
00:04:39,334 --> 00:04:40,464
Hug me.
41
00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:43,557
You're my best friend John.
42
00:04:43,592 --> 00:04:46,677
Did you... did you just talk...
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00:04:46,712 --> 00:04:50,017
don't look so surprised, your the
one who wished for it arent you?
44
00:04:50,052 --> 00:04:54,828
Yeah... I did wish for it.
45
00:04:54,863 --> 00:04:56,505
Well, here I am...
46
00:04:56,541 --> 00:04:59,843
you mean... we get to be
best friends for real?
47
00:04:59,878 --> 00:05:01,301
For... real.
48
00:05:01,336 --> 00:05:02,769
Forever and ever?
49
00:05:02,804 --> 00:05:04,367
Sounds good to me
50
00:05:05,691 --> 00:05:09,109
John was just about the
happiest boy in the world.
51
00:05:09,122 --> 00:05:12,551
And he couldn't wait to
tell everyone the good news
52
00:05:12,586 --> 00:05:15,590
mom... dad... guess what,
my teddy bears alive
53
00:05:15,625 --> 00:05:18,513
really... oh isnt
that exciting...
54
00:05:18,548 --> 00:05:21,462
No mom, he's really alive.
Look.
55
00:05:21,497 --> 00:05:23,706
Merry christmas everybody
56
00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:28,594
Jesus H Fuck... Lets
all be best friends.
57
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:29,374
Oh my god.
58
00:05:29,375 --> 00:05:31,667
Get away from that thing,
get over here right now.
59
00:05:31,703 --> 00:05:33,319
But dad... Get over here!
60
00:05:33,354 --> 00:05:35,874
- Listen to your father, come here.
- Helen, get my gun.
61
00:05:35,909 --> 00:05:36,834
Dad, no!
62
00:05:36,868 --> 00:05:38,179
Is it a hugging gun?
63
00:05:38,214 --> 00:05:39,658
Helen, get my gun
and call the police
64
00:05:39,693 --> 00:05:43,314
im sorry mr bennet, I didn't
mean to scare anybody
65
00:05:43,349 --> 00:05:45,461
I just wanted john
and I to be friends
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00:05:45,497 --> 00:05:50,136
yeah dad, I made a wish last night that
teddy was alive, and my wish came true.
67
00:05:51,298 --> 00:05:53,444
Oh god.
68
00:05:54,613 --> 00:05:56,557
It's a miracle.
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00:05:56,592 --> 00:05:59,899
It's a christmas miracle.
70
00:05:59,934 --> 00:06:02,844
You're just like the baby Jesus.
71
00:06:04,090 --> 00:06:10,131
Well it wasnt long before the news of Johns
little miracle was sweeping the nation
72
00:06:10,166 --> 00:06:14,260
out of a Boston suburb comes, what is
without doubt the most incredible story
73
00:06:14,295 --> 00:06:18,883
a young boys stuffed animal, has magically
come to life for unknown reasons.
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00:06:18,918 --> 00:06:23,460
LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!
LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!
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00:06:23,495 --> 00:06:28,587
Before long, teddy had become a
huge celebrity in his own right.
76
00:06:34,159 --> 00:06:36,446
Hello, Teddy.
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00:06:40,810 --> 00:06:45,154
You surprise me, for some reason I
thought you were going to be taller
78
00:06:45,189 --> 00:06:47,426
I thought you were
going to be funnier.
79
00:06:51,288 --> 00:06:57,472
But for all the fame, teddy never
forgot his very best friend, John
80
00:06:58,308 --> 00:07:01,024
the thunder cant get us, right?
81
00:07:01,025 --> 00:07:04,204
Nope. Were thunder buddys.
And the thunder knows it
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00:07:04,239 --> 00:07:06,153
were totally safe.
83
00:07:06,189 --> 00:07:09,319
- Teddy.
- Yeah, John?
84
00:07:09,354 --> 00:07:12,106
Do you promise that we'll
always be together?
85
00:07:12,141 --> 00:07:14,152
I promise.
86
00:07:16,487 --> 00:07:19,034
Thunder buddys for life
87
00:07:19,746 --> 00:07:22,180
thunder buddys for life.
88
00:07:23,394 --> 00:07:28,500
And that was a promise that
niether one of them forgot
89
00:07:29,799 --> 00:07:32,800
So... where are John
and teddy today?
90
00:07:32,835 --> 00:07:35,068
Well, let me put it this way
91
00:07:35,103 --> 00:07:38,368
no matter how big a splash you
make in this world, weather your a
92
00:07:38,403 --> 00:07:42,388
Corey Feldman, Frankie
Muniz, Justin Bieber...
93
00:07:42,423 --> 00:07:46,621
or a talking teddy bear...
eventually nobody gives a shit.
94
00:08:12,124 --> 00:08:15,499
TED
95
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:26,360
Look, all im saying is that
Boston women are, on the whole,
96
00:10:26,361 --> 00:10:29,601
a paler uglier sort than women
from the elsewheres of life.
97
00:10:29,637 --> 00:10:31,787
That's bullshit... what about Lori?
She's hot.
98
00:10:31,821 --> 00:10:33,876
No Lori's from Pennsylvania
thats not a Boston girl
99
00:10:33,911 --> 00:10:34,964
there not that bad...
100
00:10:34,999 --> 00:10:39,040
see, the fact that you have to say there
not that bad, means that they are that bad
101
00:10:39,075 --> 00:10:44,884
you ever hear a Boston girl have an orgasm?
Oh yah, oh yah, hardar hardar
102
00:10:45,295 --> 00:10:50,194
oh god... that was so good. Now im gonna
stuff my fucking face with pepper flan
103
00:10:52,548 --> 00:10:56,468
jesus this is weak, not
even getting me high
104
00:10:56,503 --> 00:10:59,210
im gonna have a talk
with my weed guy
105
00:10:59,245 --> 00:11:00,359
working for me...
106
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,833
I think it sucks, im gonna
have a talk with him
107
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:04,360
I don't know you want to go to
a drug dealer with complaints
108
00:11:04,395 --> 00:11:06,120
ive known this guy a long time,
109
00:11:06,155 --> 00:11:07,966
ive known him since 9-11
110
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,111
you remember?, I was like, aww
shit 9-11, I gotta get high
111
00:11:10,146 --> 00:11:11,794
is it 9.30? - yeah...
112
00:11:11,829 --> 00:11:13,912
shit, I gotta get to work
113
00:11:13,947 --> 00:11:15,452
I don't know if I can drive.
114
00:11:15,487 --> 00:11:17,801
It's ok. I'll drive you.
I feel fine.
115
00:11:40,119 --> 00:11:41,510
- Fuck.
- Aww, shit.
116
00:11:43,864 --> 00:11:47,170
Aww, Johnny I'm sorry man, that
car just came out of nowhere.
117
00:11:47,205 --> 00:11:49,064
Aww, god is it bad?
118
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:54,719
- John, may I speak with you please?
- Shit.
119
00:11:55,787 --> 00:11:57,799
Its alright, go go go.
I'll pull out of here
120
00:11:57,834 --> 00:11:59,152
hi Thomas, how are yah.
121
00:12:12,225 --> 00:12:13,541
Asshole!
122
00:12:13,576 --> 00:12:15,497
Thats my bad, I was
sending a tweet.
123
00:12:18,281 --> 00:12:20,134
John, its almost 10 o'clock
124
00:12:20,169 --> 00:12:22,826
I know sir, im sorry
it wasnt my fault
125
00:12:22,861 --> 00:12:24,900
what do you mean?
126
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:31,414
Well I..i guess I wasnt prepared
for a follow up question
127
00:12:32,606 --> 00:12:35,395
John, all you got to
do is not fuck up
128
00:12:35,430 --> 00:12:38,019
and you get my job when I
go to corporate next month
129
00:12:38,054 --> 00:12:39,511
your the new branch manager
130
00:12:39,546 --> 00:12:41,783
all you gotta do,
is not fuck up...
131
00:12:41,818 --> 00:12:44,626
I realise now. Good,
glad to hear it.
132
00:12:44,661 --> 00:12:48,490
Cos in a month... my life,
could be your life.
133
00:12:48,525 --> 00:12:51,878
A cushy 38 thousand dollar
a year branch manager,
134
00:12:51,879 --> 00:12:54,136
whos personal friends
with Tom Scarritt.
135
00:12:54,401 --> 00:12:56,470
Not a bad life is it?
136
00:12:56,505 --> 00:12:58,363
No.
137
00:12:59,438 --> 00:13:01,435
Let me show you something I
don't like showing people,
138
00:13:01,436 --> 00:13:03,106
'cos I don't want them
treating me differently.
139
00:13:07,111 --> 00:13:10,781
Boom! Thats me and
scarritt wow...
140
00:13:10,816 --> 00:13:12,269
god damn right wow
141
00:13:12,270 --> 00:13:15,765
im gonna dock you for dinging the car
and for showing up late today alright
142
00:13:15,799 --> 00:13:18,164
try and be a little more
responsable tomorrow
143
00:13:18,199 --> 00:13:19,514
I will sir, I promise.
144
00:13:20,917 --> 00:13:22,464
"Not gonna let you down goose"
145
00:13:22,499 --> 00:13:23,744
what?
146
00:13:24,485 --> 00:13:29,301
Top Gun... so... Tom Scarritt...
147
00:13:30,384 --> 00:13:32,727
I know that get out of here ok
148
00:13:32,762 --> 00:13:33,963
thank you sir
149
00:13:33,998 --> 00:13:38,930
and heres your keys, rental agreement,
complimentary map of Boston
150
00:13:38,966 --> 00:13:41,562
than you for choosing
liberty, drive safely
151
00:13:41,597 --> 00:13:42,979
thanks - thanks so much.
152
00:13:44,093 --> 00:13:46,331
Heard you got busted...
153
00:13:46,366 --> 00:13:49,009
jesus Guy, you look like
shit man what happened?
154
00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:51,948
I don't know, I got
fucking wasted last night
155
00:13:51,983 --> 00:13:56,533
and my phone says I texted someone
at 3.15, asking them to beat me up
156
00:13:56,568 --> 00:14:00,326
and then at 4.30 I texted the
same person saying thanks.
157
00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:02,971
- And you don't remember it?
- No, same as last time.
158
00:14:03,006 --> 00:14:05,213
It just seems kind
of gay doesn't it?
159
00:14:05,248 --> 00:14:07,279
I don't know, maybe yeah.
160
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,719
Do you think your part of
some gay beat up underworld?
161
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,777
Like one of those gay beat
up clubs or something?
162
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:14,956
I don't now, I dig chicks man,
I don't remember any of it
163
00:14:14,991 --> 00:14:16,921
I was so fucked up. I might
be gay I don't know.
164
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,481
Do you mind covering
for me for a bit?
165
00:14:18,666 --> 00:14:20,431
I might go lay down in the John
166
00:14:20,467 --> 00:14:21,970
hey buddys, wheres it hanging?
Hey Alex
167
00:14:22,005 --> 00:14:23,620
what's up? You get in
the club last night?
168
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:26,849
Ahh, I didn't get in because
the bouncer was douche face
169
00:14:26,884 --> 00:14:29,037
but I make friends in the line
170
00:14:29,072 --> 00:14:30,177
well thats good I guess.
171
00:14:30,212 --> 00:14:32,539
Hey guys, anybody know
a nice restaurant?
172
00:14:32,540 --> 00:14:34,748
Like something where they give out
free bubblegum in the bathrooms.
173
00:14:34,757 --> 00:14:36,158
For what?
174
00:14:36,193 --> 00:14:37,820
Lori and I have been
dating 4 years tomorrow.
175
00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:39,471
I wanna take her some
place really nice.
176
00:14:39,506 --> 00:14:41,517
Aw, congratulations John.
177
00:14:41,553 --> 00:14:45,671
You guys have been going out for 4 years?
My last relationship lasted 6 months.
178
00:14:45,706 --> 00:14:48,047
Then she farted in her sleep.
I'm like, I'm out of here man.
179
00:14:48,048 --> 00:14:49,419
And I was gone
before she woke up.
180
00:14:49,454 --> 00:14:51,802
Wow your not very
tolerant huh...
181
00:14:51,837 --> 00:14:53,623
Lori ever fart in front of you?
182
00:14:53,658 --> 00:14:54,819
Yeah.
183
00:14:54,854 --> 00:14:57,542
- Really?
- A million times.
184
00:14:57,577 --> 00:14:59,377
You italian?
185
00:14:59,412 --> 00:15:00,473
No.
186
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:01,971
Why?
187
00:15:03,096 --> 00:15:04,531
Nevermind, take her to biniarta
188
00:15:04,566 --> 00:15:06,725
John look, don't you think
after 4 years maybe
189
00:15:06,738 --> 00:15:08,908
shes hoping for something
more than dinner?
190
00:15:08,943 --> 00:15:10,048
Like what?
191
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:14,133
I don't know. But if it were
me, id be expecting a proposal
192
00:15:14,168 --> 00:15:17,169
oh come on, no ones expecting
anybody to propose...
193
00:15:17,204 --> 00:15:21,744
I mean marriage isnt... i mean... isnt love enough?
I submit love is enough
194
00:15:21,779 --> 00:15:25,122
you can put the ring in her ass...
and let her fart it out?
195
00:15:32,270 --> 00:15:35,008
So bad, but so good...
196
00:15:35,043 --> 00:15:37,507
Hey by the way, don't let
me forget you and I got to
197
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,995
nail down a plan for the
ruins game tomorrow night.
198
00:15:40,030 --> 00:15:42,915
Oh no I cant, I'm
taking Lori to dinner.
199
00:15:42,949 --> 00:15:43,928
For what?
200
00:15:43,963 --> 00:15:46,041
Well, weve been dating
4 years tomorrow.
201
00:15:46,076 --> 00:15:47,482
Ohh... fuck me, nice.
202
00:15:47,517 --> 00:15:48,882
Let me ask you something,
203
00:15:48,883 --> 00:15:52,086
you don't think shes going to be
expecting something big, do you?
204
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,552
- What... like anal?
- No...
205
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:56,905
like a circular gold
thing on the finger.
206
00:15:56,940 --> 00:16:00,930
Oh fuck that. Its been 4 years Johnny you
and me have been together for 27 years.
207
00:16:00,965 --> 00:16:02,411
Wheres my ring?
208
00:16:02,446 --> 00:16:04,006
Huh... wheres my
ring asshole...
209
00:16:04,041 --> 00:16:06,342
wheres my ring motherfucker?
Put it on my
210
00:16:06,475 --> 00:16:10,171
- fuzzy finger you fuck.
- Alright knock it off
211
00:16:10,206 --> 00:16:11,579
I'm just sayin...
212
00:16:11,614 --> 00:16:14,002
do you think she might be expecting
me to make that kind of a move?
213
00:16:14,037 --> 00:16:15,787
No no no, I don't think
214
00:16:15,822 --> 00:16:17,815
and not only that,
its the wrong time
215
00:16:17,850 --> 00:16:20,163
its a terrible idea, you
got the economy, you
216
00:16:20,176 --> 00:16:22,499
got the credit bubble,
the supreme court
217
00:16:22,535 --> 00:16:23,815
look at Haiti
218
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,197
I guess I didn't
think about that.
219
00:16:25,231 --> 00:16:27,151
Well, you know, it's a factor.
220
00:16:27,829 --> 00:16:32,209
Who are you? -Flash Gordon,
quarterback, New York Jets.
221
00:16:32,244 --> 00:16:35,068
This is the american
fantasy right here.
222
00:16:35,103 --> 00:16:39,033
A professional NFL player is called
upon to save the world. -Yeah.
223
00:16:39,068 --> 00:16:40,033
Tom Brady could do that...
224
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,671
Tom Brady could do that.
225
00:16:42,432 --> 00:16:43,968
- Hey.
- Hey sweetie.
226
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:44,958
Hey, Lori.
227
00:16:44,993 --> 00:16:46,221
Hi.
228
00:16:46,257 --> 00:16:49,096
- What you got there?
- Turkey burgers
229
00:16:49,131 --> 00:16:52,456
oh turkey burgers, are we having
homosexuals over for dinner?
230
00:16:52,491 --> 00:16:55,408
- Tonight is it?
- Ha, no just you homos.
231
00:16:56,909 --> 00:16:59,708
You kinda just re-worded
my joke, but haaaa.
232
00:16:59,743 --> 00:17:02,121
- How was work?
- Oh it was fine
233
00:17:02,156 --> 00:17:04,053
hows your dickhead boss?
234
00:17:04,088 --> 00:17:07,237
Rex, is fine. He only hit
on me once today so,
235
00:17:07,272 --> 00:17:08,733
its a good thing
236
00:17:08,768 --> 00:17:10,338
hey Johnny how bout a beer huh?
237
00:17:10,373 --> 00:17:12,117
Oh couple of chowbukowskis...
238
00:17:12,152 --> 00:17:13,896
couple of brewstoievskis...
239
00:17:13,931 --> 00:17:15,698
maybe a mibrewstowsky?
240
00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:18,548
Perhaps a teddybrewski...
thats a good one
241
00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:21,304
I think I too want a
martina navratilovaski
242
00:17:21,339 --> 00:17:23,585
oh... no no no
that doesn't work.
243
00:17:23,619 --> 00:17:26,241
Bullshit... that totally worked...
no, no
244
00:17:26,276 --> 00:17:28,243
yeah it does, - it doesn't work
245
00:17:28,278 --> 00:17:30,121
the name has to have a ski
at the end of it, and you
246
00:17:30,134 --> 00:17:31,987
just put brewski at the end
of martina navratilova
247
00:17:32,022 --> 00:17:34,013
I just thought we were
saying funny names.
248
00:17:34,048 --> 00:17:37,456
No, no. It has to have ski at the end
of it, otherwise where's the challange?
249
00:17:37,491 --> 00:17:39,893
If theres no ski at the
end of the root word,
250
00:17:39,906 --> 00:17:42,318
then we'd just be
idiots saying nonsense.
251
00:17:52,328 --> 00:17:54,324
- Hey.
- They found the missing hikers.
252
00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:55,936
- They did?
- Yeah. -What happened?
253
00:17:55,971 --> 00:17:56,956
They said
254
00:17:56,991 --> 00:17:58,819
they got seperated, and
one of them had there
255
00:17:58,832 --> 00:18:00,671
foot stuck under a
rock for like 5 days
256
00:18:02,339 --> 00:18:07,998
you know, if your leg got trapped under
a rock, id chew it off to get you free
257
00:18:08,033 --> 00:18:10,325
- you would?
- I sure would
258
00:18:11,402 --> 00:18:12,720
is that cannibalism?
259
00:18:12,755 --> 00:18:15,310
No, I think its only
cannibalism if you swallow.
260
00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:18,470
Oh yeah, don't worry about
that, 'cos I don't swallow.
261
00:18:18,505 --> 00:18:20,441
Really? 'Cos that's
not what I heard.
262
00:18:20,477 --> 00:18:23,104
Well its not true ok,
im a classy broad
263
00:18:23,139 --> 00:18:26,118
yeah I can see that
264
00:18:26,153 --> 00:18:31,204
umm, listen, speaking of classy chow
bellas a really expensive restaurant
265
00:18:31,239 --> 00:18:36,197
so we can go anywhere else tomorrow. I
really don't care as long as were together
266
00:18:36,232 --> 00:18:37,944
are you kidding me?
267
00:18:37,979 --> 00:18:42,475
No, 4 years we've been going out... im
taking you to the best place in town
268
00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:47,537
I love you I love you too.
And your nasty
269
00:18:47,572 --> 00:18:50,018
you wanna get nasty?
270
00:18:50,053 --> 00:18:51,357
Nasty girl
271
00:18:57,507 --> 00:19:00,955
I don't understand...35 years old and
your still scared of a little thunder
272
00:19:00,990 --> 00:19:02,369
I am not
273
00:19:04,885 --> 00:19:06,758
thunder buddys for life right Johnny.
Fucking right.
274
00:19:06,793 --> 00:19:08,934
Alright come on lets
sing the thunder song
275
00:19:08,969 --> 00:19:12,417
when you hear the sound of thunder
don't you get too scared.
276
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:16,220
Just grab your thunder buddy,
and say these magic words
277
00:19:16,255 --> 00:19:19,705
fuck you thunder...
you can suck my dick,
278
00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:22,935
you cant get me thunder,
cos your just gods fart
279
00:19:26,487 --> 00:19:28,473
hey Lori... can you set
the alarm for 11 A.M?
280
00:19:28,486 --> 00:19:30,483
I got a lot of stuff
to do tomorrow
281
00:19:43,970 --> 00:19:44,733
hi Lori
282
00:19:45,026 --> 00:19:45,941
morning
283
00:19:51,851 --> 00:19:54,501
ok you ok there sweetheart?
284
00:19:54,536 --> 00:19:56,040
You look a little flustered
285
00:19:56,075 --> 00:19:58,673
im fine, I just didn't
have time for breakfast
286
00:19:58,708 --> 00:20:00,474
and the garage was full ohh
and thats right, my boyfriend
287
00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:02,575
cant sleep through a thunder
storm without his teddybear
288
00:20:02,610 --> 00:20:05,149
I don't understand why you
keep putting up with him...
289
00:20:05,184 --> 00:20:08,866
yeah, the guys 35 and hes working
for a rental car service...
290
00:20:08,901 --> 00:20:11,905
you guys, its not about that.
I don't care about that
291
00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:13,373
id love him if he was a janitor
292
00:20:13,408 --> 00:20:17,552
he has a huge heart
and we laugh a lot
293
00:20:17,587 --> 00:20:20,781
its just a bonus that hes like
the hottest guy in Boston
294
00:20:20,816 --> 00:20:23,367
I don't know, I just wish
hed get his life together
295
00:20:23,402 --> 00:20:28,123
our life... and he cant. And I swear
to god it is because of that bear
296
00:20:28,158 --> 00:20:31,180
you should give him an
ultimatum, its you or the bear
297
00:20:31,215 --> 00:20:33,849
no, I cant do that. That
would devistate him
298
00:20:33,884 --> 00:20:37,528
besides, what... what
if he chose ted?
299
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:41,057
Well hello there, sorry
if im interupting any
300
00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:43,359
girl talk about Channing
Tatum's index finger
301
00:20:43,394 --> 00:20:45,967
but Lori, I need to
see you in my office
302
00:20:46,002 --> 00:20:48,035
the thing is Rex, I have a lot
of work I need to get through
303
00:20:48,071 --> 00:20:49,733
oh this is work I swear
304
00:20:50,657 --> 00:20:52,460
ugh great.
305
00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:55,889
Good luck, - thank you
306
00:20:57,289 --> 00:20:59,129
hes such an asshole.
Out of control...
307
00:20:59,164 --> 00:21:03,120
hes such a sleaze. 100 bucks says
hes showing her the diving photo
308
00:21:04,140 --> 00:21:05,326
check this out
309
00:21:05,361 --> 00:21:08,685
its me on the high
school diving team
310
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,124
we dove the shit out
of the pool that year
311
00:21:11,159 --> 00:21:12,982
you promised me
this was about work
312
00:21:13,017 --> 00:21:15,024
Lori... why don't you like me?
313
00:21:15,059 --> 00:21:17,076
Im rich, im good looking,
my dad owns the company...
314
00:21:17,111 --> 00:21:19,158
I have a boyfriend. I
have told you this.
315
00:21:19,193 --> 00:21:21,000
Yeah, the guy with the bear
316
00:21:21,035 --> 00:21:23,709
but im talking about a
mature relationship Lori
317
00:21:23,744 --> 00:21:27,377
if we were together, our
babies would be spectacular
318
00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:30,116
I mean, my top of the
pyramid caucasian genes
319
00:21:30,151 --> 00:21:37,655
and your splash of... dark... beautiful...
smokey... baltic...
320
00:21:37,690 --> 00:21:39,897
- Czech?
- Goodbye Rex
321
00:21:55,028 --> 00:21:57,412
ok, that was perfect
322
00:21:57,447 --> 00:21:59,409
would you like me to
wrap your leftovers?
323
00:21:59,445 --> 00:22:01,043
No, I'm good, thank you.
324
00:22:01,078 --> 00:22:02,585
Actually, could you wrap
just this up for me please?
325
00:22:02,598 --> 00:22:04,116
I wanna scare the
shit out of somebody.
326
00:22:04,151 --> 00:22:05,132
Sure.
327
00:22:05,167 --> 00:22:07,004
What are you, like 5 years old?
Yeah
328
00:22:07,039 --> 00:22:09,067
but I read at a 6
year old level, so...
329
00:22:11,374 --> 00:22:13,335
sir... and madam
330
00:22:13,370 --> 00:22:17,188
here is your desert,
and champagne.
331
00:22:18,007 --> 00:22:20,816
Ohh, cristal.
332
00:22:20,851 --> 00:22:23,395
It's a special night, we've
been dating for 4 years.
333
00:22:23,430 --> 00:22:26,254
And hey, all those rich black
people cant be wrong, right?
334
00:22:29,156 --> 00:22:31,440
Doesnt feel like
4 years does it?
335
00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:33,085
No it doesn't
336
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:36,049
you know, you had no
business being out on that
337
00:22:36,062 --> 00:22:39,002
dance floor.But im really
happy that you were.
338
00:22:44,785 --> 00:22:46,482
This song is so great
339
00:22:46,825 --> 00:22:48,777
oh yeah, Chris Brown
can do no wrong
340
00:22:49,844 --> 00:22:52,082
wow you can really move
341
00:22:52,117 --> 00:22:54,539
you like that huh?
Check this shit out
342
00:23:01,050 --> 00:23:02,303
oh my god
343
00:23:03,496 --> 00:23:04,688
are you ok?
344
00:23:04,723 --> 00:23:07,597
Oh god, I am so sorry
im fine, im fine
345
00:23:07,632 --> 00:23:10,080
Jesus im so sorry, I didn't
see you it was an accident.
346
00:23:10,115 --> 00:23:11,289
- did you hurt your head?
- Yeah
347
00:23:11,324 --> 00:23:13,114
my head hurts a lot
348
00:23:13,149 --> 00:23:14,920
oh man, here, let
me get you some ice
349
00:23:19,992 --> 00:23:22,208
sorry... sorry, does it hurt?
350
00:23:24,676 --> 00:23:28,727
No it... its fine
351
00:23:30,065 --> 00:23:32,550
ok, heres a test to see how
much you actually care about me
352
00:23:33,455 --> 00:23:37,694
you remember the night after the club, we
went and had late night eggs and waffles
353
00:23:37,729 --> 00:23:41,810
till about 5 A.M, we watched a movie
on the little tv in the diner
354
00:23:41,845 --> 00:23:44,975
name that movie... "octopussy"
355
00:23:46,086 --> 00:23:48,374
baby... gold star
356
00:23:48,409 --> 00:23:50,982
and by the way, my
dancing was not that bad
357
00:23:51,017 --> 00:23:52,056
it was pretty bad...
I have cool moves
358
00:23:52,057 --> 00:23:54,206
yeah, and so do people
with parkinson's
359
00:23:54,241 --> 00:23:55,640
thats not how I remember it
360
00:23:55,675 --> 00:23:57,337
ok how do you remember it?
361
00:24:27,246 --> 00:24:29,301
Alright... whatever you say
362
00:24:29,336 --> 00:24:31,995
hey, heres to 4 more years huh
363
00:24:32,030 --> 00:24:33,846
cheers, - you make me happy
364
00:24:35,038 --> 00:24:37,303
I know we said no gifts, but...
We said no such thing...
365
00:24:37,338 --> 00:24:40,254
but I got you something anyway, in
clear violation of the no gift rule
366
00:24:40,289 --> 00:24:41,612
we had no such rule...
367
00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:44,855
Lori, I wanted to give this
to you for a long time
368
00:24:47,493 --> 00:24:48,974
John...
369
00:24:54,157 --> 00:24:57,012
those are the ones you like right?
From the kiosk at the mall
370
00:24:58,212 --> 00:24:59,997
yeah...
371
00:25:01,259 --> 00:25:05,850
you know Lori, some day theres
gonna be a ring in there
372
00:25:05,885 --> 00:25:08,719
but I want to wait till I get
you something really special
373
00:25:08,754 --> 00:25:10,614
I just do have the
money right now
374
00:25:11,563 --> 00:25:15,173
look, im only saying
this because I love you
375
00:25:15,208 --> 00:25:18,781
your not going to have any sort of
career if you wasting time with ted.
376
00:25:18,816 --> 00:25:19,749
Oh, geez. Here we go.
377
00:25:19,784 --> 00:25:22,493
Baby, please ask ted to move out
so we can move on with our lives
378
00:25:22,529 --> 00:25:25,403
Lori, look hes been my
best friend since I was 8
379
00:25:25,438 --> 00:25:28,002
I was not a popular child,
you have to understand
380
00:25:28,037 --> 00:25:30,529
I had no friends
before he came along
381
00:25:30,564 --> 00:25:32,746
hes the only reason I ever
gained any fucking confidence
382
00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:35,703
but your no longer
8, your 35 years old
383
00:25:35,739 --> 00:25:40,044
and unless your too blind to notice,
hes not your only friend anymore.
384
00:25:40,079 --> 00:25:43,472
Can we talk about this another time and
just enjoy our anniversary dinner?
385
00:25:53,886 --> 00:25:55,359
Oh shit, hang on a second
386
00:25:55,394 --> 00:25:57,818
my phone fell under
the seat somewhere
387
00:25:57,853 --> 00:25:59,188
can you call it?
388
00:25:59,223 --> 00:26:00,501
Yeah
389
00:26:14,215 --> 00:26:15,959
is that a new ringtone?
390
00:26:15,995 --> 00:26:20,837
Oh, yeah what is it,
cos it sounds negative
391
00:26:20,872 --> 00:26:22,780
no, no, its from the notebook
392
00:26:24,429 --> 00:26:28,241
this is gonna take some doing I think.
I'll just meet you upsatirs then...
393
00:26:28,276 --> 00:26:29,803
yeah, ill be right there
394
00:26:37,645 --> 00:26:40,339
ugh, Lori... your home early
395
00:26:40,374 --> 00:26:42,119
what the hell is this?
396
00:26:42,154 --> 00:26:44,774
The ladys and I were just
watching Jack and Jill
397
00:26:44,809 --> 00:26:48,984
Adam Sandier plays a guy and his sister its...
its just aweful
398
00:26:49,018 --> 00:26:52,020
its unwatchable, but they're
hookers so its fine
399
00:26:52,055 --> 00:26:54,489
this place is a wreck,
who are these girls?
400
00:26:54,524 --> 00:26:58,456
Oh where are my manners,
Lori this is Angelic,
401
00:26:58,491 --> 00:27:01,144
heavenly, sharinne
and sovereign blanc
402
00:27:01,179 --> 00:27:04,057
I love you girls. You know
somewhere out there, are four
403
00:27:04,070 --> 00:27:06,958
terrible fathers I wish I could
thank for this great night
404
00:27:06,993 --> 00:27:08,234
what is that?
405
00:27:08,269 --> 00:27:09,696
What is what?
406
00:27:09,730 --> 00:27:14,567
Theres a... a shit on my floor
407
00:27:14,602 --> 00:27:16,999
in the corner, there is a shit
408
00:27:18,097 --> 00:27:21,994
oh, yeah, we were playing truth or dare...
ad sharinne's pretty ballsy
409
00:27:22,030 --> 00:27:23,942
theres a shit on my floor!
410
00:27:23,977 --> 00:27:28,644
Well, or... or is the
floor on the shit...
411
00:27:29,664 --> 00:27:33,435
who lives here? Im coming
to get whoever lives here
412
00:27:33,470 --> 00:27:34,929
you owe me lobster money
413
00:27:34,964 --> 00:27:38,529
haha, thats my buddy Johnny, not
the lobster, the guy running it
414
00:27:38,564 --> 00:27:41,778
I found my phone,
whats going on?
415
00:27:42,954 --> 00:27:44,697
Is that a shit?
416
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,871
God there are some
fucked up fish out there
417
00:28:03,907 --> 00:28:06,677
oh look at that one.
Waspy white guy fish
418
00:28:06,712 --> 00:28:11,133
I married the wrong woman, and
now I lead a life of regret
419
00:28:11,168 --> 00:28:14,976
oh look at this guy, I went
to new york once, in 1981
420
00:28:15,011 --> 00:28:17,253
and I just did not feel safe
421
00:28:18,282 --> 00:28:23,580
ted, you gotta move out you...
what
422
00:28:23,615 --> 00:28:29,124
its gotta happen what did I do?
423
00:28:30,305 --> 00:28:33,847
My relationship is at a very
delicate stage, you know
424
00:28:35,381 --> 00:28:37,868
Lori and I just need a
little space right now
425
00:28:37,903 --> 00:28:41,286
plus, a hooker took a
shit in out apartment
426
00:28:41,321 --> 00:28:42,804
oh god - what?
427
00:28:42,839 --> 00:28:44,232
Oh this is so gross
428
00:28:44,268 --> 00:28:45,834
don't tell me, I don't want
to hear about it. You get it?
429
00:28:45,869 --> 00:28:47,682
Oh my god no I didn't get it!
430
00:28:47,717 --> 00:28:50,854
Oh my god I got
some on my thumb
431
00:28:50,889 --> 00:28:52,361
- no!
- Yes I did
432
00:28:52,396 --> 00:28:54,154
you can never cook
with that hand again
433
00:28:54,189 --> 00:28:57,447
oh my god this is the most disgusting
thing ever. -Get away from me
434
00:28:58,630 --> 00:29:00,899
look, that was tough
night for all of us
435
00:29:00,934 --> 00:29:04,744
ted, you mean everything
to me, and so does Lori
436
00:29:04,779 --> 00:29:07,459
I mean im just trying to find a way
to keep both of you in my life
437
00:29:08,788 --> 00:29:11,032
shes making you do it isnt she?
438
00:29:11,067 --> 00:29:13,090
Yes, but that doesn't
mean we cant hang out.
439
00:29:13,103 --> 00:29:16,477
Well hang out all
the time yeah but
440
00:29:16,512 --> 00:29:19,222
what bout thunder
buddys for life Johnny
441
00:29:19,257 --> 00:29:23,093
I know. I just don't know what
to do here I know it sucks
442
00:29:23,128 --> 00:29:25,042
but otherwise im gonna lose her
443
00:29:25,077 --> 00:29:29,889
and I do lover her ted
I know you do Johnny
444
00:29:29,924 --> 00:29:32,119
ill help you get on your
feet out there, I promise
445
00:29:32,154 --> 00:29:34,601
I know, and we'll hang
out all the time right?
446
00:29:34,636 --> 00:29:35,923
All the time
447
00:29:35,958 --> 00:29:39,449
all right fuck it, bring it in come
here, bring it in you bastard.
448
00:29:40,546 --> 00:29:41,707
"I love you"
449
00:29:41,742 --> 00:29:43,901
fuck..shit..sorry thats the...
the thing
450
00:29:45,328 --> 00:29:47,768
im not gay - I know
451
00:29:47,803 --> 00:29:49,854
and your not gay so were fine
452
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,089
we got to get you a job
453
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,290
I look stupid... no you
don't you look dapper
454
00:29:57,325 --> 00:30:00,485
I don't. I look like
snuggles accountant
455
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:01,785
come on, its not that bad
456
00:30:01,820 --> 00:30:04,637
John, I look like something you give a
kid when you tell them grandma died
457
00:30:04,672 --> 00:30:08,893
look, I know it sucks ok but you gotta make
some money so you can pay for an apartment
458
00:30:08,928 --> 00:30:10,774
I don't want to work
at a grocery store
459
00:30:10,810 --> 00:30:12,666
yeah but you have no skills
460
00:30:12,701 --> 00:30:14,588
I told you, I can
totally be a lawyer
461
00:30:14,623 --> 00:30:17,701
You get the job, were
celebrating after ok?
462
00:30:17,736 --> 00:30:21,232
ahaa, and if I don't get the job...
are we still going to smoke that pot?
463
00:30:21,267 --> 00:30:22,843
Probably yes
464
00:30:22,878 --> 00:30:25,168
ahaa yeah, good talk
coach alright buddy
465
00:30:25,203 --> 00:30:26,365
go get em
466
00:30:27,506 --> 00:30:30,817
and don't worry, ill do my very best
to get this job that I so crave
467
00:30:31,684 --> 00:30:33,829
so you think you
got what it takes?
468
00:30:33,864 --> 00:30:36,829
I tell you what I got... you
wifes pussy on my breath
469
00:30:37,878 --> 00:30:41,381
nobodys ever talked to
me like that before
470
00:30:41,416 --> 00:30:44,579
thats because eveyones mouth is
usually full of your wife's box
471
00:30:45,692 --> 00:30:47,650
your hired.
472
00:30:47,685 --> 00:30:49,145
Shit.
473
00:31:36,134 --> 00:31:39,041
Well, I am a former celebrity
in a minimum wage job.
474
00:31:39,042 --> 00:31:42,510
This is how the cast of different
strokes feels all day, every day.
475
00:31:42,523 --> 00:31:46,001
Aweful, they must feel aweful...
the live ones must feel aweful.
476
00:31:46,037 --> 00:31:48,128
Come on, it's not
that bad, okay?
477
00:31:48,163 --> 00:31:50,206
I got a shitty job and I
assure you I am quite content.
478
00:31:50,241 --> 00:31:51,522
Excuse me.
479
00:31:51,557 --> 00:31:53,248
Im sorry to bother you but,
480
00:31:53,283 --> 00:31:57,063
my son and I couldnt help
but admire your teddy bear
481
00:31:57,098 --> 00:31:59,128
oh thank you - thanks
482
00:31:59,163 --> 00:32:01,359
im Donny this is Robert
483
00:32:01,395 --> 00:32:04,901
I have to say, ive been following
you ever since I was a young boy
484
00:32:04,936 --> 00:32:08,175
and eh, I remember seeing
you on the carson show
485
00:32:08,210 --> 00:32:10,096
you were just wondeful
486
00:32:10,131 --> 00:32:12,955
oh yeah, that was a
weird interview.
487
00:32:12,990 --> 00:32:16,677
Ed thought I was Alf. And he kept
muttering anti semitic comments.
488
00:32:16,712 --> 00:32:18,614
Thought Alf was Jewish
for some reason
489
00:32:18,649 --> 00:32:21,455
have you ever considered selling the bear?
What? Excuse me
490
00:32:21,490 --> 00:32:22,714
I want it
491
00:32:22,749 --> 00:32:24,969
hey... im not an IT
pal im a HE, alright
492
00:32:25,005 --> 00:32:27,618
im sorry little guy, but
my bear isnt for sale,
493
00:32:27,631 --> 00:32:30,255
see ive had him since
I was about your age
494
00:32:30,290 --> 00:32:31,582
hes very very special to me
495
00:32:31,617 --> 00:32:34,100
stand up straight when
your talking to me
496
00:32:34,135 --> 00:32:35,981
why the fuck would he say that?
497
00:32:36,016 --> 00:32:38,826
Sorry, you know you really shouldn't
swear in front of children
498
00:32:38,861 --> 00:32:41,627
uh look, were very interested in the bear.
If you want to make
499
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:44,416
some sort of arrangement, heres
my address and phone number
500
00:32:44,451 --> 00:32:46,964
you can call me anytime ok?
501
00:32:46,999 --> 00:32:48,239
Will do
502
00:32:48,274 --> 00:32:51,482
look, here it goes, in the really important
pocket for really important stuff
503
00:32:51,517 --> 00:32:54,147
- ok? - Ok see you later
504
00:32:54,182 --> 00:32:56,156
ok come on Robert. Take it easy
505
00:32:56,191 --> 00:32:58,160
what the fuck...
506
00:32:58,194 --> 00:33:00,129
can you imagine what that
little shit would do to me?
507
00:33:00,165 --> 00:33:02,857
I can totally see him taking you
down to the basement and slowly
508
00:33:02,870 --> 00:33:05,573
delimbing while singing some
creepy victorian nursery rhyme
509
00:33:06,676 --> 00:33:09,953
"oh my little sixpence my pretty
little sixpence" Stop it.
510
00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:11,797
" I love my sixpence"
Knock it off
511
00:33:11,832 --> 00:33:14,010
stop it, fuck. Why you
got to take it to that
512
00:33:14,023 --> 00:33:16,212
place..you took it to a...
that was real
513
00:33:16,247 --> 00:33:18,526
now its a real thing. Aww
come on, take it easy
514
00:33:18,562 --> 00:33:20,575
lets just find a better
place to get stoned
515
00:33:43,113 --> 00:33:44,461
well I guess this is it huh?
516
00:33:44,462 --> 00:33:48,725
Yeah, I guess so first
night on your own
517
00:33:48,761 --> 00:33:51,877
yeah, first night in my
beatiful new apartment
518
00:33:51,912 --> 00:33:54,237
well itll be great
when its furnished
519
00:33:54,272 --> 00:33:57,819
yeah. And the guy said it aint hardly
had no murders in it, so thats good.
520
00:33:57,854 --> 00:34:00,446
Okay, so...
521
00:34:00,481 --> 00:34:02,570
- if you need anything.
- Yeah.
522
00:34:02,605 --> 00:34:06,067
I know. Dont worry
Johnny, ill be fine
523
00:34:06,102 --> 00:34:08,053
I know you will.
524
00:34:09,459 --> 00:34:10,837
Alright.
525
00:34:36,264 --> 00:34:38,024
Hey, there.
526
00:34:38,060 --> 00:34:39,548
Hey.
527
00:34:42,238 --> 00:34:44,430
Listen, umm.
528
00:34:45,601 --> 00:34:47,243
I just want to say thank you.
529
00:34:47,277 --> 00:34:50,502
I know what you did wasn't easy.
530
00:34:50,537 --> 00:34:54,046
And I just want you to know
that I love you for it.
531
00:34:54,081 --> 00:34:57,972
And... I think its a new
beginning for our relationship.
532
00:34:59,152 --> 00:35:01,955
Anything for you.
533
00:35:01,991 --> 00:35:05,087
This is all part of the new
grown up John Bennett, so
534
00:35:05,122 --> 00:35:08,529
you better get used
to him really...
535
00:35:09,618 --> 00:35:15,015
well... now I don't have to be
at work for another 20 minutes
536
00:35:15,050 --> 00:35:19,269
well thats perfect, cos
im only going to need 1
537
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,910
you know what my favourite
thing about you is?
538
00:35:24,945 --> 00:35:29,628
Even after 4 years, you
can still surprise me
539
00:35:30,852 --> 00:35:34,018
and to step up and change
such a huge part of
540
00:35:34,031 --> 00:35:37,208
your life just to make
your girlfriend happier
541
00:35:37,243 --> 00:35:40,629
I don't know, I guess
most guys wouldnt do that
542
00:35:40,663 --> 00:35:43,575
well most guys don't have
you to motivate them
543
00:35:46,568 --> 00:35:49,891
I know im not a talking
teddybear, but...
544
00:35:50,831 --> 00:35:53,904
at least you don't have to
make a magical wish to get me
545
00:35:53,938 --> 00:35:55,658
how do you know?
546
00:36:08,139 --> 00:36:12,098
Ohh... is that a Flash Gordon ray
gun, or are you just ahppy to see me?
547
00:36:20,090 --> 00:36:24,724
There you go. Thank you very much, please
come again we have a lot more grocerys
548
00:36:31,381 --> 00:36:33,642
hey uhh, hey Ellen - yeah?
549
00:36:33,677 --> 00:36:35,363
Whos that over there?
550
00:36:36,496 --> 00:36:40,014
Oh thats the new check out girl I
don't know her name. Seems cute
551
00:36:40,049 --> 00:36:41,747
yeah. Very cute
552
00:36:41,782 --> 00:36:45,426
you know what id like to do to her?
Something I call a dirty fozzy
553
00:37:19,596 --> 00:37:21,452
ok... alright... so thats
where well draw the line
554
00:37:25,774 --> 00:37:27,872
hey... how you holding up?
555
00:37:27,907 --> 00:37:32,102
Oh im alright, im just getting
used to things thats all.
556
00:37:32,137 --> 00:37:33,703
It's going to be alright.
557
00:37:33,738 --> 00:37:36,752
I actually went through something
like this with my last boyfriend
558
00:37:36,787 --> 00:37:38,497
- really?
- Yeah
559
00:37:38,532 --> 00:37:42,837
we were together for 8 months
and I really loved him
560
00:37:42,872 --> 00:37:47,485
and then he got deported back to Iran,
so I know what your going through
561
00:37:47,519 --> 00:37:52,608
oh yeah. So I guess we both
lost our furry little guy
562
00:37:52,643 --> 00:37:54,329
we sure did
563
00:37:59,095 --> 00:38:02,731
hey ted. Hey Johnny what are you doing?
Wanna come over and catch a buzz?
564
00:38:02,766 --> 00:38:04,916
Well I could probably
stop by after work
565
00:38:04,951 --> 00:38:07,588
fuck that, I traded off yesterday
so I got the other shift
566
00:38:07,623 --> 00:38:10,249
come on, im bored as crap over here.
Just swing by for a bit...
567
00:38:10,284 --> 00:38:12,147
I cant just ditch work man
568
00:38:12,184 --> 00:38:14,759
im trying to get my shit together and be
an adult here you know, for Lori's sake
569
00:38:14,794 --> 00:38:16,886
Johnny, 5 minuites and ill
kick you out, I promise
570
00:38:16,921 --> 00:38:21,450
just come over. I got
the cheers dvd boxset
571
00:38:21,485 --> 00:38:22,928
and the guy down at the
store told me everybody
572
00:38:22,941 --> 00:38:24,394
talks shit about each
other in the inteviews
573
00:38:24,429 --> 00:38:26,792
youll kick me out in 5?
574
00:38:26,827 --> 00:38:28,136
I will kick you out in 5
575
00:38:28,171 --> 00:38:30,406
John, ill have to kick you out.
I have so much
576
00:38:30,419 --> 00:38:32,665
teddybear paperwork to
get through it is sick
577
00:38:32,700 --> 00:38:34,311
what do I tell Thomas?
578
00:38:34,346 --> 00:38:35,790
Just tell him you
don't feel well
579
00:38:35,791 --> 00:38:38,400
I got to cut out for a
bit, Lori tried to break
580
00:38:38,413 --> 00:38:41,033
up a dog fight and guess
she got hurt pretty bad
581
00:38:41,069 --> 00:38:42,190
oh my god
582
00:38:42,225 --> 00:38:45,721
yeah thats the way she is. She sees
trouble and she tries to help out
583
00:38:45,722 --> 00:38:47,826
and I guess one of these
dogs clamped its jaws on her
584
00:38:47,839 --> 00:38:49,953
forearm, and wouldnt let go
untill a fireman showed up
585
00:38:49,988 --> 00:38:51,631
and had to stick a
finger in its ass
586
00:38:52,857 --> 00:38:55,420
oh jesus. Yeah shes
pretty shook up
587
00:38:55,455 --> 00:38:57,568
up the dogs ass right...
588
00:38:57,603 --> 00:38:59,538
yeah the dogs not
the firemans ass
589
00:38:59,573 --> 00:39:01,404
I thought the fireman stuck
his finger up his own ass
590
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:03,646
I don't think a firefighter
would do that, I mean...
591
00:39:03,681 --> 00:39:05,836
well go go, take care of it, let
me know how she is. Thank you. -Go
592
00:39:10,086 --> 00:39:13,387
woody harrelson... smallest
dick ive ever seen on a man
593
00:39:15,732 --> 00:39:17,536
see, thats why I watch these things.
Its like a
594
00:39:17,549 --> 00:39:19,363
cool behind the scenes thing
that you wouldnt know
595
00:39:20,028 --> 00:39:22,268
oh hey, listen, try this.
596
00:39:22,303 --> 00:39:25,108
I told my weed guy to step
it up, and he gave me that
597
00:39:25,143 --> 00:39:26,217
what is it?
598
00:39:26,218 --> 00:39:29,108
Its called mind rape, its
actually pretty mellow
599
00:39:29,109 --> 00:39:30,318
it doesn't sound very mellow
600
00:39:30,353 --> 00:39:32,316
well he only had 3 other batches
601
00:39:32,351 --> 00:39:35,445
uh, gorilla panic... uh,
there coming there coming
602
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,646
and something called
this is permanent
603
00:39:37,681 --> 00:39:39,013
come on, spark it up
604
00:39:45,310 --> 00:39:47,032
there you go, you got it
605
00:39:48,139 --> 00:39:53,556
ahahaha, nice good huh?
Good job - yeah
606
00:39:54,022 --> 00:39:56,865
take pride in that. You know,
this place looks great
607
00:39:56,900 --> 00:40:00,858
aww thanks man, its all Ikea,
did the whole place for $47
608
00:40:00,893 --> 00:40:03,626
nice... - yeah how
are the neighbours?
609
00:40:04,470 --> 00:40:06,410
Ah, you know, theres an asian
family living next door,
610
00:40:06,423 --> 00:40:08,373
but they don't have a gong or
nothing so its not too bad
611
00:40:08,408 --> 00:40:09,971
thats lucky - yeah it is
612
00:40:10,006 --> 00:40:12,024
- hows work?
- Sucks
613
00:40:12,059 --> 00:40:15,587
you? You know, not bad actually
614
00:40:15,622 --> 00:40:17,277
I met a girl, shes a cashier
615
00:40:17,312 --> 00:40:18,740
no way, thats awesome - yeah
616
00:40:18,775 --> 00:40:21,953
we should fucking double date, you
me and Lori and... whats her name?
617
00:40:21,988 --> 00:40:23,909
White trash name, guess...
618
00:40:23,944 --> 00:40:25,314
- mandy?
- No...
619
00:40:26,227 --> 00:40:29,297
- marilyn?
- No... - brittany? - No...
620
00:40:29,332 --> 00:40:31,407
- tiff any?
- No... - candice? - No...
621
00:40:31,442 --> 00:40:33,262
don't fuck me on this,
I know this shit
622
00:40:33,297 --> 00:40:34,731
do you see me fucking with you?
623
00:40:34,766 --> 00:40:36,407
Alright speed round.im gonna
rattle off some names, and
624
00:40:36,420 --> 00:40:38,072
when I hit it, fucking buzz
it ok?- I will tell you
625
00:40:38,107 --> 00:40:39,241
you got me? Alright
626
00:40:39,246 --> 00:40:41,565
brandy, heather, shanine, briana,
amber, sabrina, melody, dekota
627
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,730
ciara, bamby, crystal, samantha, autumn
ruby, taylor, tara, tammy, lauren,
628
00:40:44,765 --> 00:40:48,216
shelly, shantelle, courtney, misty, jenny,
krista, mindy, nowel, shelby, trina,
629
00:40:48,251 --> 00:40:50,575
casandra, nicky, kelsey, shauna,
joleen ilene, claudine,
630
00:40:50,588 --> 00:40:52,922
savanha, casey, dolly kendra,
kyley, chloe, demelu
631
00:40:52,957 --> 00:40:54,281
- fucking becky?
- No.
632
00:40:54,316 --> 00:40:57,639
Was it any one of those
names with a lynn after it?
633
00:40:57,674 --> 00:40:58,684
Yes.
634
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:01,175
Ohh, I got you motherfuker.
I got you.
635
00:41:01,210 --> 00:41:03,673
- Okay, brandy-lynn, heather-lynn.
- Tammy-lynn.
636
00:41:03,708 --> 00:41:04,776
Fuck!
637
00:41:06,770 --> 00:41:08,724
What the hell.
638
00:41:08,759 --> 00:41:10,790
Hey man, you think you can
open more than 1 register?
639
00:41:10,803 --> 00:41:12,845
Theres like a 1,000 people here
640
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:16,622
theres supposed to be
3 open for gods sakes
641
00:41:30,283 --> 00:41:32,160
stick your finger in
the loop of my tag
642
00:41:33,536 --> 00:41:39,119
you had sexual intercourse ontop of the
produce that we sell to the public
643
00:41:39,154 --> 00:41:41,515
I fucked her with a
parsnip last week...
644
00:41:41,550 --> 00:41:44,902
and I sold the parsnip to a
family with 4 small children
645
00:41:44,937 --> 00:41:47,534
that took guts
646
00:41:47,569 --> 00:41:50,932
we need guts. Im promoting you
647
00:41:50,967 --> 00:41:53,452
you got a lot of
problems don't you?
648
00:42:07,611 --> 00:42:08,939
Alright karim
649
00:42:10,059 --> 00:42:11,078
you suck karim
650
00:42:18,646 --> 00:42:19,662
hello...
651
00:42:27,862 --> 00:42:29,374
hey ted
652
00:42:30,597 --> 00:42:33,242
oh, hey there fella
how are you?
653
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:36,106
Are you out here all alone?
654
00:42:36,141 --> 00:42:38,764
Uhh, no, no im not
655
00:42:38,799 --> 00:42:41,841
you know, your never alone
when your with christ, so...
656
00:42:41,876 --> 00:42:45,004
no im not alone yeah
657
00:42:46,091 --> 00:42:47,256
yeah me too
658
00:42:50,517 --> 00:42:53,284
you know Robert and I could
give you a very good home
659
00:42:53,319 --> 00:42:57,895
you know, im pretty happy where I am
I just got a shitty new apartment
660
00:42:57,931 --> 00:42:59,829
I could offer you $6,000
in rail road bonds
661
00:42:59,864 --> 00:43:04,575
well you know, since I just returned
from active duty in the civil war
662
00:43:04,611 --> 00:43:06,527
that actually sounds
very appealing
663
00:43:06,563 --> 00:43:10,364
oh wait, sorry that was 150 years
ago and I don't give a shit...
664
00:43:10,399 --> 00:43:12,347
ok
665
00:43:14,523 --> 00:43:17,222
teddy come on, were going to be
late for dinner with your friends
666
00:43:17,257 --> 00:43:19,071
ok, ill be there in a
second baby as you can see,
667
00:43:19,106 --> 00:43:22,634
my dance card is quite full
im going to have to decline
668
00:43:22,669 --> 00:43:24,330
can I just get a hug?
669
00:43:25,378 --> 00:43:27,723
Oh, no... - yeah
670
00:43:27,758 --> 00:43:32,113
and it kills me to have to tell you no.
Because im a people pleaser
671
00:43:32,148 --> 00:43:36,521
but, thank you for creeping up my
night and jesus be with you...-ok
672
00:43:36,557 --> 00:43:37,822
in christ
673
00:43:39,159 --> 00:43:40,717
who was that guy?
674
00:43:40,752 --> 00:43:43,711
Oh, that was sinead o'connor,
she don't look so good no more
675
00:43:48,246 --> 00:43:51,453
how great is this huh? The
4 of us out to dinner
676
00:43:51,488 --> 00:43:53,329
how long have we been
saying we were gonna do...
677
00:43:53,365 --> 00:43:56,242
Lori, how you doing? I havent
talked to you in forever
678
00:43:56,277 --> 00:43:57,747
im good
679
00:43:57,782 --> 00:44:01,145
the companys having there 20th
anniversary party next week, so...
680
00:44:01,180 --> 00:44:02,301
thats something.
681
00:44:02,302 --> 00:44:03,333
Lori's a senior vp at a
pretty huge P.R firm
682
00:44:03,368 --> 00:44:06,596
its not that big of a deal
683
00:44:06,597 --> 00:44:09,316
companys turning 20...so you can
bang it, but you cant get it drunk
684
00:44:10,548 --> 00:44:11,824
right...
685
00:44:11,858 --> 00:44:14,657
yeah she gets it she
enjoys my humour
686
00:44:16,153 --> 00:44:18,858
yeah, I mean Rex is having a house
party, im surprised John didn't tell you
687
00:44:19,115 --> 00:44:23,090
considering you two have seen each other
every single day since you moved out
688
00:44:23,126 --> 00:44:26,823
well you know, its funny cos
whenever Johnny and I hang out
689
00:44:26,858 --> 00:44:30,900
the first item on our agenda is...
whats going on with Lori?
690
00:44:30,935 --> 00:44:34,312
So you know its funny that didn't come up.
It musta have slipped through the cracks
691
00:44:34,347 --> 00:44:35,835
we do, we talk about
you all the time
692
00:44:35,870 --> 00:44:39,651
you remember the other day? I was saying
how great Lori's hair always looks
693
00:44:39,686 --> 00:44:43,469
oh my god it always looks so fucking
great I just want to brush it, you know
694
00:44:43,504 --> 00:44:45,503
right Johnny... i say that
695
00:44:46,852 --> 00:44:52,492
So, tammy-lynn. Why don't you tell
us a little bit about yourself
696
00:44:52,526 --> 00:44:55,899
like where you from? Im always
fascinated to meet teds girlfriends
697
00:44:55,934 --> 00:44:59,273
what do you mean girlfriends? Was there
like a lot of them or something?
698
00:44:59,308 --> 00:45:02,919
No... thats not what she meant at all
right Lori?, Lori you didn't mean that
699
00:45:02,954 --> 00:45:06,366
no, no, what I meant to say was
that teds very handsome, so im
700
00:45:06,379 --> 00:45:09,801
always interested in meeting the
lady that can snatch him up
701
00:45:10,667 --> 00:45:12,983
did you just call me a whore?
What?
702
00:45:13,018 --> 00:45:15,821
You just worry about your own
snatch how bout that honey...
703
00:45:15,856 --> 00:45:17,832
wow, hey... what
the hell happened?
704
00:45:17,868 --> 00:45:19,895
We were having a friendly meal.
This was a nice evening
705
00:45:19,930 --> 00:45:21,567
don't talk shit to me
706
00:45:21,602 --> 00:45:22,946
I just asked you a question
707
00:45:22,981 --> 00:45:25,079
you know, your a frickin
snob you think your
708
00:45:25,092 --> 00:45:27,201
all cool cos you work at
some fancy shit place
709
00:45:27,236 --> 00:45:29,486
whatever.-ok take it easy.
Nice Lori, real nice
710
00:45:29,522 --> 00:45:31,883
me... its not my fault
she cant speak english
711
00:45:31,918 --> 00:45:34,335
oh fuck you. Just cos your in
the business world and shit,
712
00:45:34,348 --> 00:45:36,776
you think everyone should suck
your asshole or something?
713
00:45:36,811 --> 00:45:38,895
Ok, alright. Tammy, come on
honey, lets get out of here. Well
714
00:45:38,908 --> 00:45:41,002
go back to my place for a couple
of vodka and strawberry quicks
715
00:45:41,037 --> 00:45:44,810
you know what bitch, I gave birth
once, I can kick your fucking ass
716
00:45:44,846 --> 00:45:47,947
and you better not show your face
around quincy, you hear me? Ever
717
00:45:47,982 --> 00:45:50,428
I didn't know you had
a baby, is it alive?
718
00:45:52,415 --> 00:45:55,903
What a cunt... I hate
that word - what?
719
00:45:55,938 --> 00:45:59,397
That word, its like an electric saw
slashing everything in its path
720
00:45:59,432 --> 00:46:00,469
why would you say that?
721
00:46:00,505 --> 00:46:02,602
You dint exactly
stand up for me...
722
00:46:02,637 --> 00:46:05,729
im trying to walk a line here. I want
to be fair to you and to him, you know
723
00:46:05,765 --> 00:46:07,724
well I think your being a
little more fair to him
724
00:46:07,759 --> 00:46:09,081
oh, come on...
725
00:46:09,116 --> 00:46:12,970
you know your boss called this
morning asking how my arm was
726
00:46:14,059 --> 00:46:18,224
huh...-yeah because of the dog
fight that I tried to break up
727
00:46:19,437 --> 00:46:24,313
if I had to guess, id say you made up
some bullshit excuse to get out of work
728
00:46:24,348 --> 00:46:28,159
to go to teds. Now...
am I right?
729
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:30,987
I made you out to be a hero
730
00:46:31,022 --> 00:46:33,667
you know what John, we asked ted to move
out, to give ourselves a chance without it
731
00:46:33,701 --> 00:46:35,900
your not giving anything
a chance if your blowing
732
00:46:35,913 --> 00:46:38,123
off work to get high
with your teddybear
733
00:46:39,265 --> 00:46:43,599
your right. Ive been getting
stoned too much I know that
734
00:46:43,633 --> 00:46:46,471
ive been bumming around with
ted too much, I know that too
735
00:46:47,754 --> 00:46:50,303
you give me one more chance,
I promise I can fix it
736
00:46:50,338 --> 00:46:54,690
John, I need a man. Not a
little boy with a teddybear
737
00:46:54,725 --> 00:46:57,497
I know, done, man
738
00:46:57,531 --> 00:47:00,723
right here in front of you, look at these pecks...
these are man pecks
739
00:47:00,758 --> 00:47:03,034
look at the hair on my upper lip...
thats man hair
740
00:47:04,210 --> 00:47:06,452
I just farted, that
was a man fart
741
00:47:13,218 --> 00:47:14,758
fine...
742
00:47:14,793 --> 00:47:18,360
fine John, but this is, I
swear to god your last chance
743
00:47:18,395 --> 00:47:21,550
trust me, I love you
alright, I love you
744
00:47:21,585 --> 00:47:23,531
I love you so much. You
wont be sorry I swear
745
00:47:24,692 --> 00:47:26,474
did you really just fart?
746
00:47:26,509 --> 00:47:28,324
Yeah... but I pushed it
that way with my hand
747
00:47:29,341 --> 00:47:30,728
I wonder who its
going to hit first
748
00:47:30,763 --> 00:47:33,170
"so if I told them once, I told them a
million times, these numbers do not add up"
749
00:47:35,314 --> 00:47:37,354
who did this to us?
750
00:47:38,130 --> 00:47:40,931
God damn it, I'm
here on business.
751
00:47:45,684 --> 00:47:46,960
Alright, here we go.
752
00:47:50,715 --> 00:47:53,529
Im really glad that you came.
Me too yeah?
753
00:47:53,564 --> 00:47:55,446
Is it ok if I kick your boss's ass?
I mean that
754
00:47:55,458 --> 00:47:57,350
wont effect your workplace
chemistry will it?
755
00:47:57,384 --> 00:48:00,520
Please play nice for you I will
756
00:48:00,555 --> 00:48:02,206
thank you - anything
757
00:48:04,846 --> 00:48:07,213
there she is... i was
worried you weren't coming
758
00:48:07,247 --> 00:48:09,856
hey there squirt, how you doing?
Wheres your bunny rabbit?
759
00:48:09,892 --> 00:48:12,547
- He's a bear.
- Got it.
760
00:48:12,548 --> 00:48:15,213
Oh my god, this house
is fucking huge...
761
00:48:15,249 --> 00:48:17,609
I know, try not to get lost.
Come on in
762
00:48:29,804 --> 00:48:32,666
wow, here are the ladies.
Look at you guys
763
00:48:32,701 --> 00:48:34,477
you guys look amazing
764
00:48:34,478 --> 00:48:36,231
little heavy on the eye
make up, but pretty good
765
00:48:36,266 --> 00:48:39,722
you guys know Lori and Jim right?
...John
766
00:48:39,757 --> 00:48:41,192
hi
767
00:48:41,228 --> 00:48:45,443
listen, why don't John and I
go get a drink at the bar
768
00:48:46,242 --> 00:48:48,682
uh... sure. Great,
well be right back
769
00:48:48,718 --> 00:48:49,784
come on buddy
770
00:48:50,854 --> 00:48:52,659
thats an old sweater huh
771
00:48:54,500 --> 00:48:56,537
this is Wade Boggs
autographed bat
772
00:48:56,573 --> 00:48:58,998
I just barely outbid phil
donoghue for that at auction
773
00:48:59,034 --> 00:49:01,477
wow cool yeah... cool
774
00:49:01,512 --> 00:49:04,927
these boxing gloves worn by
Joe Lewis in his first fight
775
00:49:05,804 --> 00:49:08,360
this is art, get it?
776
00:49:11,059 --> 00:49:13,953
These were John Lennon's glasses
there worth like a million dollars
777
00:49:13,987 --> 00:49:16,899
thats me and Tom Scarritt
778
00:49:16,935 --> 00:49:18,693
ohh... check this out
779
00:49:20,456 --> 00:49:22,140
thats Lance Armstrong's nut
780
00:49:22,175 --> 00:49:24,401
I had it freeze
dried and bronzed
781
00:49:24,435 --> 00:49:27,966
every now and then, when my
lifes getting me down and
782
00:49:27,979 --> 00:49:31,520
things are tough. I just come
up here, and I look at it
783
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:37,240
and it reminds me that...
things arent so bad
784
00:49:38,684 --> 00:49:40,207
sometimes you feel like a nut
785
00:49:41,276 --> 00:49:42,837
sometimes you don't
786
00:49:44,553 --> 00:49:48,188
so, talk to me Johnny quest, how
are things with you and Lori
787
00:49:48,224 --> 00:49:50,074
you know, things
are great actually
788
00:49:50,108 --> 00:49:51,353
oh thats great that ...is...
great
789
00:49:53,964 --> 00:49:58,908
Lori would hate me for saying this, but
she told me how you are at the office
790
00:49:58,943 --> 00:50:01,571
and as one gentleman to
another, I justwant to say,
791
00:50:01,584 --> 00:50:04,223
I really fucking hope you
get lou gehrig's disease
792
00:50:04,258 --> 00:50:09,041
wow... i think we need to
clear the air here a little
793
00:50:09,077 --> 00:50:12,410
I mean yeah, im kind of a
fun time boss and what not
794
00:50:12,446 --> 00:50:15,087
but look man, I do that with
everybody at the office
795
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:16,238
im a cook
796
00:50:16,275 --> 00:50:20,962
I have no designs on your girlfriend
we work together and thats it
797
00:50:20,997 --> 00:50:24,469
I think you're a great guy.
And shes a very lucky girl
798
00:50:26,513 --> 00:50:29,111
well thats good to hear yeah
799
00:50:31,382 --> 00:50:34,015
excuse me hey ted
800
00:50:34,050 --> 00:50:35,273
Johnny, were are you you
gotta get over here man.
801
00:50:35,285 --> 00:50:36,518
Why whats going on?
802
00:50:36,555 --> 00:50:37,382
Ok, so
803
00:50:37,418 --> 00:50:40,046
im having a little impromptu thing
with some people at my apartment
804
00:50:40,082 --> 00:50:43,800
and John... Sam
Jones is here what!
805
00:50:43,835 --> 00:50:46,714
Sam jones... Flash fucking
Gordon ...is here
806
00:50:46,749 --> 00:50:48,187
holy shit, what
807
00:50:48,223 --> 00:50:50,921
you remember I said my buddys
cousin is friends with sam jones?
808
00:50:50,955 --> 00:50:54,306
Well my buddys cousin is in town,
and who do you think is with him...
809
00:50:54,341 --> 00:50:59,022
Sam Jones... sam jones is here and John,
his hair is parted down the middle.
810
00:50:59,057 --> 00:51:00,951
Just like in the movie.
811
00:51:00,987 --> 00:51:03,486
Yes! Get over here right now.
812
00:51:03,521 --> 00:51:07,418
Fuck I cant, im with Lori
and im already on probation
813
00:51:07,453 --> 00:51:10,120
I just... i cant
814
00:51:10,155 --> 00:51:13,395
John, Flash Gordon was the most
important influence of our
815
00:51:13,408 --> 00:51:16,658
informative years.he taught us
right from wrong, good from evil
816
00:51:16,693 --> 00:51:20,129
and the word acting apparently has
an extremly broad definition.
817
00:51:20,165 --> 00:51:24,749
Flash Gordon is the symbol of our friendship John.
Come share this with me
818
00:51:26,236 --> 00:51:27,733
I'm coming.
819
00:51:28,866 --> 00:51:32,796
Rex, I gotta go. I'll be back
in like 30 minutes tops ok
820
00:51:32,831 --> 00:51:36,628
Lori can not find out. She
absolutely can not know I was gone
821
00:51:36,662 --> 00:51:39,811
if you can cover for me, im
cool with all that other shit
822
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:42,257
I got your back on this she
wont know ive been there
823
00:51:42,292 --> 00:51:46,088
alright, this is one man to another I
don't really know you, but im trusting
824
00:51:46,092 --> 00:51:47,634
you as a man. This is serious.
825
00:51:47,670 --> 00:51:51,920
Dude, one man to another,
I got you on this.
826
00:51:51,956 --> 00:51:53,460
Thank you, I'll be back.
827
00:51:54,776 --> 00:51:57,237
I'm going to have sex
with your girlfriend.
828
00:52:38,771 --> 00:52:40,633
Oh Johnny thank
christ, you made it
829
00:52:40,669 --> 00:52:42,199
dude, I got 10 minutes.
Where's Flash Gordon?
830
00:52:42,234 --> 00:52:43,484
Ok get ready
831
00:52:43,519 --> 00:52:45,814
hey sam, this is the guy
I was telling you about
832
00:53:46,830 --> 00:53:48,463
how you doing? Good to meet you
833
00:53:49,665 --> 00:53:52,044
I thank you for
saving everyone of us
834
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:54,965
your welcome ahh,
he acknowledged it
835
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:56,682
lets do some shits - with you?
836
00:53:56,717 --> 00:53:59,287
Oh my god... oh my god yes.
Yes totally
837
00:53:59,322 --> 00:54:00,515
lets go
838
00:54:03,509 --> 00:54:04,906
thanks.
839
00:54:04,942 --> 00:54:07,322
- There you go my friend.
- Thank you.
840
00:54:07,356 --> 00:54:09,387
"Death to Ming"
841
00:54:13,481 --> 00:54:16,444
you know, you guys seem pretty
cool you like to party?
842
00:54:18,773 --> 00:54:20,936
Uhh... cocaine right?
843
00:54:20,972 --> 00:54:23,862
Come on dudes, don't tell
me you never done it before
844
00:54:23,896 --> 00:54:27,993
well uh, not recently no.-i thought
that was just for people in florida
845
00:54:28,027 --> 00:54:30,083
you better follow me, come on
846
00:54:30,119 --> 00:54:32,257
Johnny im frightened
847
00:54:40,328 --> 00:54:43,620
We are gonna party like the 80's.
848
00:54:43,655 --> 00:54:45,486
show us how Flash
849
00:54:45,523 --> 00:54:49,258
its easy, we just gotta nail a
lot of girls named stephanie.
850
00:54:49,294 --> 00:54:52,692
Oh, my god Johnny I got so much energy.
We better start doing stupid shit.
851
00:55:01,540 --> 00:55:03,204
Look Johnny, if were ever
going to get serious about
852
00:55:03,217 --> 00:55:04,889
opening a restaurant, we
gotta start planning it now.
853
00:55:04,925 --> 00:55:06,465
- Italian...
- Italian yes
854
00:55:06,501 --> 00:55:08,330
whats the specials on tuesdays?
Eggplant parm
855
00:55:08,366 --> 00:55:10,741
chopped salad, half price. And
its a non restrictive place
856
00:55:10,776 --> 00:55:12,837
wait, what do you mean?
Anybody can come.
857
00:55:12,873 --> 00:55:14,273
- Of course.
- Jews are welcome.
858
00:55:14,309 --> 00:55:16,465
Yeah, why wouldnt they be?
Exactly, thats what im saying
859
00:55:16,501 --> 00:55:18,988
why would you even bring that up? You
don't bring that up, you let them in
860
00:55:19,023 --> 00:55:20,501
so why mention it? No one will
861
00:55:20,536 --> 00:55:23,501
why are we talking about it? Your talking
about it, im just saying let them in
862
00:55:23,537 --> 00:55:25,303
yeah exactly, right, good, ok.
863
00:55:25,338 --> 00:55:26,423
No mexicans though.
864
00:55:29,798 --> 00:55:31,620
This is how everyone
sang in the 90's
865
00:55:43,070 --> 00:55:45,156
trust me, I can do this.
Shut up
866
00:55:45,191 --> 00:55:47,195
let him try man - alright, ok
867
00:56:02,267 --> 00:56:03,609
son of a bitch
868
00:56:03,644 --> 00:56:05,946
well you never should have
trusted me, im on drugs
869
00:56:15,037 --> 00:56:18,859
hey Johnny. I just had a great idea lets
go get drunk at cars on the overpass
870
00:56:18,893 --> 00:56:22,691
oh come on, I do not sound
that much like peter griffin.
871
00:56:23,985 --> 00:56:27,516
You can do any 90's
song with just vowels.
872
00:57:12,282 --> 00:57:16,377
You breaker my wall,
dis my home long time.
873
00:57:17,025 --> 00:57:18,490
We're sorry. It was
an accident, okay?
874
00:57:18,491 --> 00:57:21,033
I try to make duck dinner,
now plaster everywhere.
875
00:57:21,034 --> 00:57:22,563
Chill out, okay? Look, can
we just talk about this?
876
00:57:22,576 --> 00:57:24,115
What's your name? I'm John.
877
00:57:24,150 --> 00:57:25,788
My name a Wan Ming.
878
00:57:25,823 --> 00:57:26,701
Ming?
879
00:57:26,702 --> 00:57:31,771
You blame each other for war,
this bullshit, this all bullshit.
880
00:57:31,806 --> 00:57:33,862
"Death to Ming"
881
00:58:01,845 --> 00:58:02,739
let him go
882
00:58:07,456 --> 00:58:09,139
you crazy, you crazy man.
883
00:58:10,003 --> 00:58:11,868
Come on james franco.
884
00:58:14,630 --> 00:58:18,294
You pay for wall. Move sucker!
885
00:58:49,556 --> 00:58:50,663
Hey.
886
00:58:50,698 --> 00:58:52,071
Hey, guy.
887
00:58:52,107 --> 00:58:53,341
Whats going on?
888
00:58:54,387 --> 00:58:57,354
This is Gerrard, hes the
guy who beat me up.
889
00:58:57,390 --> 00:58:59,540
- And ahh... we're in love.
- Huh?
890
00:59:00,730 --> 00:59:03,535
Turns out im gay, or
whatever I don't know
891
00:59:03,570 --> 00:59:05,755
I had no idea
892
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:09,784
hey Gerrard, lets go grab
another one of these
893
00:59:13,970 --> 00:59:16,116
how we doing ace?
You coming down?
894
00:59:16,152 --> 00:59:18,617
Yeah, I don't feel so good
895
00:59:18,652 --> 00:59:21,381
oh give it a couple of hours,
youll be golden pony boy
896
00:59:21,417 --> 00:59:23,175
you want a xanax?
897
00:59:24,770 --> 00:59:26,700
Oh shit, oh my god - what?
898
00:59:26,735 --> 00:59:29,045
I gotta go
899
00:59:36,574 --> 00:59:38,867
Lori, I...
900
00:59:40,328 --> 00:59:41,331
Lori
901
00:59:43,624 --> 00:59:45,804
Lori, wait please
902
00:59:46,910 --> 00:59:50,751
im sorry, I messed up.
- I need you out of the apartment tonight
903
00:59:50,786 --> 00:59:52,611
can I just... Give
me the car keys
904
00:59:52,647 --> 00:59:54,352
can I please just explain... No
905
00:59:54,387 --> 00:59:58,471
I was...-i have givin up a
huge chunk of my life for you
906
00:59:58,506 --> 01:00:00,963
I was gonna stop in for like 5
minutes, then Flash Gordon...
907
01:00:00,997 --> 01:00:02,292
just give me the car keys
908
01:00:13,796 --> 01:00:17,447
Lori Lori please, I
love you, come on
909
01:00:30,642 --> 01:00:32,028
hey johnny, there you are
910
01:00:32,062 --> 01:00:33,537
I had to get some air
911
01:00:33,571 --> 01:00:37,804
that guy from your office is on the couch,
making out with that Van Wilder looking guy
912
01:00:37,838 --> 01:00:39,536
you know what, fuck you, I
don't even want to talk to you
913
01:00:39,570 --> 01:00:43,045
what... Do you know
what just happened?
914
01:00:43,081 --> 01:00:46,117
Do you have any clue? My
fucking life just ended
915
01:00:46,151 --> 01:00:49,391
oh come on, shell go home,
shell watch Bridget Jones
916
01:00:49,404 --> 01:00:52,655
some asshole, shell have a
good cry.she'll be fine.
917
01:00:52,657 --> 01:00:53,797
Youll talk to her
tomorrow come on upstairs
918
01:00:53,832 --> 01:00:56,795
are you even listening to me? Do you
even give any thread of a shit?
919
01:00:56,832 --> 01:01:01,353
Of course I do... Johnny, thunder
buddys for life, remember
920
01:01:01,387 --> 01:01:07,000
jesus, Lori was right.i shoulda stopped
hanging out with you along time ago
921
01:01:07,034 --> 01:01:09,256
im never going to have a
life with you around.
922
01:01:09,269 --> 01:01:11,502
Im 35 years old and
im going nowhere.
923
01:01:11,537 --> 01:01:14,422
All I do is smoke pot and watch
movies with a teddy fucking bear.
924
01:01:14,457 --> 01:01:17,843
Because of that, I just
lost the love of my life
925
01:01:17,879 --> 01:01:21,645
Johnny... i... im sorry
926
01:01:21,680 --> 01:01:24,081
I gotta be on my own ted.
I cant see you anymore
927
01:01:25,328 --> 01:01:28,314
John, wait, listen.
928
01:01:29,313 --> 01:01:30,253
"I love you"
929
01:02:30,386 --> 01:02:35,452
so, word through the grapevine
is that your newly solo
930
01:02:35,453 --> 01:02:37,383
Rex, I have a lot of
work I need to get to
931
01:02:37,418 --> 01:02:40,749
I have tickets to norah
jones at the hatshell
932
01:02:40,762 --> 01:02:44,102
tonight, and I would love
it if you'd go with me
933
01:02:44,137 --> 01:02:46,913
You're asking me out a week after
I broke up with somebody?
934
01:02:46,949 --> 01:02:51,160
look, im going to cut
the shit here please
935
01:02:51,196 --> 01:02:56,241
this is the first time you've been single
in all the years you've worked here
936
01:02:56,275 --> 01:02:58,957
just... go out with me one time?
937
01:02:58,993 --> 01:03:02,408
And if your miserable,
and you hate it. Then I
938
01:03:02,421 --> 01:03:05,848
promise, I will never
hint at the subject again
939
01:03:05,882 --> 01:03:09,940
please Rex, I don't
think its smart
940
01:03:09,975 --> 01:03:12,699
im an asshole, I know that. It
worked for me in highschool.
941
01:03:12,712 --> 01:03:15,447
And its been a reflex ever since
942
01:03:15,481 --> 01:03:21,381
Lori, the worst that can happen is you
go on a fun casual date, with a guy
943
01:03:21,416 --> 01:03:25,493
who just wants to prove that he can
be something more than a jerk.
944
01:03:25,528 --> 01:03:30,618
Plus you are a huge catch, and its about
time someone treated you that way
945
01:03:33,080 --> 01:03:35,380
fuck it, fine
946
01:03:35,415 --> 01:03:37,854
sure beats crying myself
to sleep every night
947
01:03:37,890 --> 01:03:40,682
and if that means getting you off
my back, well thats just a bonus
948
01:03:40,718 --> 01:03:42,269
I'll pick you up at 8.
949
01:03:49,501 --> 01:03:52,112
Hey Johnny, it's me.
950
01:03:52,146 --> 01:03:54,008
Go away
951
01:03:54,043 --> 01:03:57,281
Johnny open the door
please, I want to talk
952
01:04:06,539 --> 01:04:09,007
jesus christ, what the fuck man
953
01:04:09,042 --> 01:04:11,600
sorry, look Johnny, I
know your pissed alright
954
01:04:11,634 --> 01:04:13,377
but just listen to
me for 5 seconds
955
01:04:13,412 --> 01:04:15,907
I saw Lori leaving the
apartment with Rex
956
01:04:15,941 --> 01:04:16,863
what?
957
01:04:16,898 --> 01:04:19,908
Im serious John. I went over to talk to
her, maybe take some of the heat off you
958
01:04:19,943 --> 01:04:21,562
and there he was, picking her up
959
01:04:21,594 --> 01:04:22,986
they were going to the hatshell
960
01:04:23,021 --> 01:04:25,485
your fucking unbelievable
you know that
961
01:04:25,520 --> 01:04:26,860
I mean how stupid
do you think I am?
962
01:04:26,861 --> 01:04:29,042
If you think that by making
shit up like that your going
963
01:04:29,055 --> 01:04:31,245
to make me choose some kind
of loyalty to you over her
964
01:04:31,246 --> 01:04:33,337
your out your fucking mind. John
its the truth im telling you
965
01:04:33,373 --> 01:04:35,328
you know what, get out of here
966
01:04:36,803 --> 01:04:38,296
you know what, your acting
like a cock you know that?
967
01:04:38,331 --> 01:04:41,265
What? Im acting like a cock?
968
01:04:41,299 --> 01:04:43,777
Yes, you are. So shut your meat
hole for a second and listen to me
969
01:04:43,778 --> 01:04:47,079
huh?...meat hole, thats
not right is it... no
970
01:04:47,114 --> 01:04:50,296
pudding hole... is that what
they say, no cant be that either
971
01:04:50,309 --> 01:04:53,502
right.cos how can you have any
pudding, if you don't eat your meat
972
01:04:54,800 --> 01:04:57,340
pink floyd thing... the
point is, your blaming
973
01:04:57,353 --> 01:04:59,904
me, for something that
you did to yourself
974
01:04:59,939 --> 01:05:02,659
Lori was right about you.
You cannot take any
975
01:05:02,672 --> 01:05:05,401
responsibility for anything
that goes on in your life
976
01:05:05,435 --> 01:05:06,779
oh and you can?
977
01:05:06,814 --> 01:05:09,033
I don't have to, im
a fucking teddybear
978
01:05:09,069 --> 01:05:12,708
you know something... i didn't tie
you up and drag you to that party
979
01:05:12,742 --> 01:05:15,881
alright, I wanted you to come because
your supposedly my best friend
980
01:05:15,915 --> 01:05:17,407
you cant stand there
and tell me you havent
981
01:05:17,421 --> 01:05:18,922
always seen Lori as a
threat to our friendship
982
01:05:18,957 --> 01:05:20,987
I mean it works out so much
better for you when were
983
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:23,041
getting fucked up on the
couch at 9A.M doesn't it?
984
01:05:23,076 --> 01:05:26,966
Listen to yourself, what am I, emperor
ming here controlling your mind
985
01:05:27,002 --> 01:05:29,681
That's your choice John.
And you know by blaming
986
01:05:29,694 --> 01:05:32,383
me, you just make yourself
look like a pussy
987
01:05:33,356 --> 01:05:38,114
you know, sometimes I think back to that
christmas morning, when I was 8 years old
988
01:05:38,148 --> 01:05:40,012
I wish id just gotten
a teddy ruxpin
989
01:05:41,025 --> 01:05:42,903
Say that one more time.
990
01:05:42,904 --> 01:05:46,306
teddy... rux... fucking... pin
991
01:06:12,052 --> 01:06:16,382
shit, ou fuck man
992
01:07:03,766 --> 01:07:04,960
fucking stop
993
01:07:16,912 --> 01:07:18,645
why you crying?
994
01:07:18,679 --> 01:07:22,103
My dick is squished by the t.v
995
01:07:31,863 --> 01:07:35,465
im so sorry Johnny so am I man
996
01:07:36,442 --> 01:07:39,363
I love you I love you too
997
01:07:40,419 --> 01:07:41,749
Listen.
998
01:07:41,784 --> 01:07:45,138
you gotta let me help you make
things right with you and Lori
999
01:07:45,174 --> 01:07:47,583
theres no putting things
right, she fucking hates me
1000
01:07:47,618 --> 01:07:52,331
look, john, we can get her back
1001
01:07:52,364 --> 01:07:58,142
you remember when you were 10? And you
hit that squirrel with your bb gun
1002
01:07:58,176 --> 01:08:02,228
and then when we seen it fall from the
tree we both started crying, you remember?
1003
01:08:02,263 --> 01:08:05,845
And we ran up to it, and
we tried to give it CPR
1004
01:08:05,879 --> 01:08:07,849
and it came back to life.
1005
01:08:07,885 --> 01:08:10,801
John, we could do that again
1006
01:08:10,802 --> 01:08:14,674
ted, we blew out its rib cage and crushed
its lungs trying to give it CPR.
1007
01:08:14,707 --> 01:08:16,054
It died.
1008
01:08:17,127 --> 01:08:19,451
Come on, were going
to the hatshell.
1009
01:09:10,466 --> 01:09:13,292
Thanks. We're gonna take a short
break, but well be back in a few.
1010
01:09:21,727 --> 01:09:23,934
Hey, play chopsticks
you jazzy slut.
1011
01:09:23,968 --> 01:09:25,016
Teddy!
1012
01:09:25,280 --> 01:09:26,259
How are you?
1013
01:09:26,565 --> 01:09:28,243
How you doing you
fuzzy little asshole?
1014
01:09:28,279 --> 01:09:30,671
Oh you know, I'm not a hot
half muslim chick whos
1015
01:09:30,684 --> 01:09:33,088
sold 37 million records,
but im hanging in there.
1016
01:09:33,122 --> 01:09:35,232
Half indian, but thanks
1017
01:09:35,268 --> 01:09:36,567
yeah whatever, thanks for 9-11.
hey listen, I
1018
01:09:36,580 --> 01:09:37,893
want you to meet a good
pal of mine alright
1019
01:09:37,928 --> 01:09:40,266
John Bennett... norah jones
1020
01:09:41,404 --> 01:09:44,255
hi - hey there... sweaty
1021
01:09:44,290 --> 01:09:47,199
you ready to bring
down the house?
1022
01:09:47,233 --> 01:09:50,663
Yes ma'am. Thank you for the
opportunity miss... ma'am... jones.
1023
01:09:51,735 --> 01:09:52,723
Thank you.
1024
01:09:52,758 --> 01:09:54,031
Jesus, you look fantastic
1025
01:09:54,032 --> 01:09:56,630
well, your probably not used
to seeing me fully clothed
1026
01:09:57,392 --> 01:10:02,362
I know right. Me and norah met in 2002
at a party at belinda carlisle's house
1027
01:10:02,398 --> 01:10:04,853
and we had awkward fuzzy
sex in the cloak room
1028
01:10:04,887 --> 01:10:06,534
actually you wernt so bad
for a guy with no penis
1029
01:10:06,570 --> 01:10:10,198
yeah. You know, ive written so many
angry letters to hasbro about that
1030
01:10:12,477 --> 01:10:13,669
thank you
1031
01:10:13,704 --> 01:10:17,286
so im going to give my chops a rest,
and bring a friend up to the stage
1032
01:10:17,323 --> 01:10:21,512
hes going to sing a song to a special lady
in the audience who he loves very much
1033
01:10:21,547 --> 01:10:24,870
please give a big
hand, to John Bennett
1034
01:10:27,338 --> 01:10:29,617
oh... my god
1035
01:10:30,307 --> 01:10:32,470
holy shit
1036
01:10:35,055 --> 01:10:37,410
I gotta fuck her again
1037
01:10:38,980 --> 01:10:42,823
umm high, my names John bennett
1038
01:10:42,857 --> 01:10:46,614
and this is for Lori
Collins, cos I love you
1039
01:10:48,468 --> 01:10:51,460
and this song always
reminds me of the most
1040
01:10:51,473 --> 01:10:54,479
important night of my life.
The night we met
1041
01:10:55,239 --> 01:10:58,948
umm, this is the theme song
from the movie octopussy
1042
01:11:16,170 --> 01:11:17,834
still better than Katy Perry
1043
01:11:41,484 --> 01:11:43,392
you suck, get off the stage
1044
01:11:43,425 --> 01:11:44,854
aww come on, give him a chance
1045
01:11:51,056 --> 01:11:52,162
your an asshole
1046
01:11:58,436 --> 01:11:59,315
oh jesus
1047
01:12:00,589 --> 01:12:02,388
someone call an ambulance
1048
01:12:12,264 --> 01:12:13,568
that was insane
1049
01:12:13,603 --> 01:12:16,282
did you see the way the guys body hit the ground?
It was like a rag doll
1050
01:12:17,707 --> 01:12:19,682
id rather just not talk about it
1051
01:12:19,718 --> 01:12:21,416
you want to go get a
drink after this?
1052
01:12:21,417 --> 01:12:23,631
I feel like I could use one
after seeing a guy almost die
1053
01:12:23,664 --> 01:12:26,385
uh nope, I think id rather
just have you take me home
1054
01:12:26,419 --> 01:12:29,093
one drink come on
1055
01:12:29,128 --> 01:12:31,119
no, not really feeling up to it
1056
01:12:31,154 --> 01:12:33,037
alright, I get it
1057
01:12:33,071 --> 01:12:35,676
and you know, I don't blame you
1058
01:12:35,711 --> 01:12:40,949
I mean thing about it, it was actually
unfair of him to embarrass you like that
1059
01:12:42,127 --> 01:12:44,842
just to be clear,
im not embarrassed
1060
01:12:44,878 --> 01:12:48,837
so John and I have our problems,
but at least he tried
1061
01:12:50,025 --> 01:12:53,137
you know what, I don't feel
like talking to you about this
1062
01:12:53,172 --> 01:12:55,067
where you going?
1063
01:12:55,101 --> 01:12:57,591
Taking a cab, im going home
1064
01:13:02,683 --> 01:13:03,711
finally
1065
01:13:14,348 --> 01:13:18,086
down here, not looking up
your towell, swear to god
1066
01:13:18,121 --> 01:13:20,317
not looking up your towell, not
looking at your funny business
1067
01:13:20,353 --> 01:13:22,165
ted, what are you doing here?
1068
01:13:22,198 --> 01:13:24,355
I need to talk to you
1069
01:13:24,390 --> 01:13:27,013
listen if your here to fight
Johns battles for him its not...
1070
01:13:27,048 --> 01:13:30,367
just let me talk first alright, and
then you can say whatever you want
1071
01:13:34,617 --> 01:13:38,305
look, John loves you very much
1072
01:13:38,340 --> 01:13:40,829
more than anything in the world
1073
01:13:40,830 --> 01:13:43,442
and hes falling to fucking
pieces without you
1074
01:13:43,476 --> 01:13:47,421
he knows he screwed up huge.
But you gotta believe me,
1075
01:13:47,455 --> 01:13:52,497
it wasnt all his fault alright. I told
him to bail on you that night at Rex's
1076
01:13:52,532 --> 01:13:55,572
and he said no, he was going
to stay there with you
1077
01:13:55,608 --> 01:13:57,272
and I twisted his arm Lori
1078
01:13:57,307 --> 01:14:00,540
so if you just give
him one more chance
1079
01:14:00,577 --> 01:14:03,502
I promise I will leave,
and ill never come back
1080
01:14:03,538 --> 01:14:05,578
alright... hell be all yours
1081
01:14:06,650 --> 01:14:11,220
ted, thats a really nice offer.
But I don't want you to do that
1082
01:14:11,255 --> 01:14:15,812
this is between John and me, and
I don't think it can be fixed
1083
01:14:15,847 --> 01:14:17,235
yeah because of me
1084
01:14:17,270 --> 01:14:20,368
look look Lori, you
want him to be a man
1085
01:14:20,403 --> 01:14:23,954
but as long as hes got his teddybear,
hes always going to be a boy
1086
01:14:27,024 --> 01:14:32,661
hes waiting down at Charlies right now, so
if you go down there and just talk to him
1087
01:14:32,698 --> 01:14:35,336
ill be gone when you get back
1088
01:14:36,413 --> 01:14:37,821
forever
1089
01:14:38,982 --> 01:14:43,359
and youll see. Hell never
be scared of thunder again
1090
01:15:28,226 --> 01:15:30,845
michelob ultra tuscan
orange grapefruit
1091
01:15:30,879 --> 01:15:33,665
my god, americas imploding
1092
01:15:42,667 --> 01:15:45,515
high ted fuck!
1093
01:16:04,911 --> 01:16:07,492
Lori... what... hey
1094
01:16:07,528 --> 01:16:08,861
what are you doing here?
1095
01:16:08,862 --> 01:16:10,989
You can thank ted
1096
01:16:15,131 --> 01:16:17,476
should I... should I sit?
1097
01:16:17,509 --> 01:16:20,545
Yeah... if you want - ok
1098
01:16:23,259 --> 01:16:25,470
so works good?
Everythings good there?
1099
01:16:25,505 --> 01:16:27,646
Yeah, works good
1100
01:16:28,737 --> 01:16:32,649
well I guess we cant make
small talk all day huh?
1101
01:16:33,654 --> 01:16:36,945
If its ok with you, I just
want to say what I want to say
1102
01:16:38,575 --> 01:16:40,619
look I could sit here and
tell you im sorry, and
1103
01:16:40,631 --> 01:16:42,686
it was a huge misunderstanding,
im ready to change
1104
01:16:42,722 --> 01:16:46,462
but I don't think you want
to hear any of that crap
1105
01:16:46,499 --> 01:16:51,397
im not going to try and get you to take me back.
I mean, why would you
1106
01:16:51,434 --> 01:16:54,371
ive been a really shitty boyfriend for
the last 4 years, I don't deserve you
1107
01:16:54,407 --> 01:16:59,624
Look, I know I didn't take our
relationship seriously. But Lori,
1108
01:16:59,660 --> 01:17:01,940
I do love you more
than life itself
1109
01:17:01,975 --> 01:17:06,089
and I want is... i just
want to end on good terms
1110
01:17:06,123 --> 01:17:07,988
I owe that to you.
1111
01:17:08,022 --> 01:17:09,968
Alright, I want you to be
happy, you deserve that.
1112
01:17:10,002 --> 01:17:14,798
And I just hope, you know,
that we can still be friends
1113
01:17:16,975 --> 01:17:19,020
Thank you for being so honest.
1114
01:17:21,611 --> 01:17:23,132
That was pretty much it.
1115
01:17:26,292 --> 01:17:27,607
Thanks for coming by.
1116
01:18:03,142 --> 01:18:04,100
Yeah.
1117
01:18:04,133 --> 01:18:08,925
As you can see, youve been a part
of our family for quite some time.
1118
01:18:08,957 --> 01:18:11,965
Welcome home.
1119
01:18:12,002 --> 01:18:15,889
Yeah it's kinda funny, I got a lot
of pictures of you guys at my house
1120
01:18:15,924 --> 01:18:17,886
Is he all mine daddy?
1121
01:18:17,920 --> 01:18:20,545
Yes he is my little
winner, yes he is
1122
01:18:21,680 --> 01:18:26,193
ted you've arrived at a lucky time,
its almost Robert's play hour
1123
01:18:26,228 --> 01:18:29,397
im guessing you guys
don't have a ps3
1124
01:18:29,432 --> 01:18:31,624
im guessing your more of a wooden
horse with a wig kinda family
1125
01:18:31,658 --> 01:18:33,473
yeah
1126
01:18:34,153 --> 01:18:35,645
eh yeah, no
1127
01:18:36,582 --> 01:18:37,945
yeah
1128
01:18:44,970 --> 01:18:46,831
yeah see theres a cart
1129
01:18:48,264 --> 01:18:51,414
ted, you belong to Robert now.
You do as he says
1130
01:18:51,450 --> 01:18:53,091
you think your just gonna
get away with a kidnapping?
1131
01:18:53,104 --> 01:18:54,753
Its a nice fucking
example your setting.
1132
01:18:54,788 --> 01:18:57,252
LANGUAGE!...sorry sorry
1133
01:19:03,019 --> 01:19:06,016
you know ted, when
I was a little boy
1134
01:19:07,269 --> 01:19:10,479
I saw you on television,
and I thought you were the
1135
01:19:10,492 --> 01:19:13,709
most amazing most wonderful
thing id ever seen, ever.
1136
01:19:13,746 --> 01:19:20,694
And I asked my dad if I could
have a magical teddybear too
1137
01:19:20,729 --> 01:19:22,088
and he said no
1138
01:19:22,125 --> 01:19:24,632
can you just email me the
rest of this story...
1139
01:19:24,667 --> 01:19:26,708
and I was so heartbroken
1140
01:19:27,799 --> 01:19:31,793
and I promised myself
that if I ever had a
1141
01:19:31,806 --> 01:19:35,809
son, I would never, ever,
ever, say no to him
1142
01:19:37,162 --> 01:19:38,554
ever
1143
01:19:38,587 --> 01:19:42,078
maybe no to a snickers bar every
once and a while wouldn't hurt
1144
01:19:42,115 --> 01:19:44,397
me and ted are going to
be best friends daddy
1145
01:19:44,433 --> 01:19:47,661
yes you are my little chipmunk
1146
01:19:50,800 --> 01:19:53,112
happy playtime
1147
01:19:54,463 --> 01:19:56,816
jesus fucking christ
1148
01:19:56,851 --> 01:19:59,712
I said that word one time
1149
01:19:59,747 --> 01:20:02,186
daddy punished me for it
1150
01:20:02,221 --> 01:20:04,538
thats a great story, I
felt like I was there
1151
01:20:04,572 --> 01:20:06,386
daddy gave me an ouch
1152
01:20:06,421 --> 01:20:09,150
now... i have to
give you an ouch
1153
01:20:13,402 --> 01:20:17,973
alright kid you win, what you want to do?
You want to play a game?
1154
01:20:18,006 --> 01:20:20,054
Its playtime right,
well play a game
1155
01:20:20,090 --> 01:20:21,905
yeah, ill play a game - good
1156
01:20:21,938 --> 01:20:25,924
uh, alright lets see, how about we
play a little game of hide and seek?
1157
01:20:25,960 --> 01:20:28,450
I love hide and seek, ill hide
1158
01:20:28,485 --> 01:20:34,845
now hang on there, your daddy likes you to
show good manners, right Tubby McFatfuck
1159
01:20:34,879 --> 01:20:36,704
ok, you hide first
1160
01:20:36,739 --> 01:20:41,375
great, fantastic. Now, you count to
100 and then you try to find me, ok?
1161
01:20:43,307 --> 01:20:46,557
Do I need to wash my hands
before I play this game?
1162
01:20:47,263 --> 01:20:51,090
No... thats a weird fucking
question, no just start counting
1163
01:20:53,007 --> 01:21:02,291
1...2...3... 4...5...6... 7...
1164
01:21:02,326 --> 01:21:04,418
ok, no peeking now, or
youll get kid cancer
1165
01:21:04,419 --> 01:21:11,840
8...9... 10...11... 12...13...
1166
01:22:31,803 --> 01:22:36,852
- Hey.
- Walking home alone, huh?
1167
01:22:36,853 --> 01:22:38,570
Yeah.
1168
01:22:38,605 --> 01:22:40,662
Do you need a lift?
1169
01:22:40,696 --> 01:22:45,008
Oh im ok, I mean if I get raped, then it
would be my fault for what im wearing
1170
01:22:46,238 --> 01:22:48,442
listen, John
1171
01:22:48,478 --> 01:22:51,675
theres something that I
need to say to you too
1172
01:23:06,531 --> 01:23:10,449
hey, -hey. John, I hope that...
1173
01:23:11,537 --> 01:23:13,450
listen I don't want
you to think that...
1174
01:23:16,124 --> 01:23:17,593
sorry
1175
01:23:18,214 --> 01:23:21,787
I want us to keep talking...
because I think that maybe...
1176
01:23:23,877 --> 01:23:25,062
look, whoever this is,
its not a good time
1177
01:23:25,097 --> 01:23:26,750
John, its me, can you hear me?
1178
01:23:26,783 --> 01:23:29,398
Ted?...listen I
gotta call you back
1179
01:23:29,432 --> 01:23:31,470
nono no, John don't
hang up im in trouble
1180
01:23:31,506 --> 01:23:33,276
what do you mean?
What kind of trouble?
1181
01:23:33,310 --> 01:23:36,546
They got me, that freaky guy
from the park and that kid
1182
01:23:36,582 --> 01:23:38,696
who I think is his son, but may
also be his lover, I don't know
1183
01:23:38,732 --> 01:23:39,965
wow wow wow, slow down.
Where are you?
1184
01:23:40,000 --> 01:23:42,638
Uh..im not sure. Its uh...
1185
01:23:44,025 --> 01:23:46,417
hello... hello John...
1186
01:23:47,376 --> 01:23:48,602
hello...
1187
01:23:48,637 --> 01:23:51,312
your not a very
polite guest are you?
1188
01:23:51,346 --> 01:23:55,327
- Shit! - Ted, hello... ted
1189
01:23:55,361 --> 01:23:56,685
whats the matter? Is he ok?
1190
01:23:56,721 --> 01:23:58,779
I don't know - well where is he?
1191
01:23:58,814 --> 01:24:00,651
I don't know, he just
said he was in trouble.
1192
01:24:00,685 --> 01:24:02,677
Can you call him back?
1193
01:24:02,712 --> 01:24:04,210
No it's blocked.
1194
01:24:04,246 --> 01:24:06,540
Wait a second.
1195
01:24:10,128 --> 01:24:12,660
Go, take colombus to hylton,
get on the express way.
1196
01:24:16,299 --> 01:24:19,384
Hello, 911. I need the
police right away.
1197
01:24:19,419 --> 01:24:20,910
This guy took my teddybear.
1198
01:24:21,860 --> 01:24:23,596
Hello?
1199
01:24:26,158 --> 01:24:27,714
Let me out of here,
you crazy bastards.
1200
01:24:28,872 --> 01:24:30,854
Oh... oh... i hear the
fat kid running, I
1201
01:24:30,867 --> 01:24:32,859
hear the fat kid running...
that is hilarious
1202
01:24:32,895 --> 01:24:34,212
come on, let me out of here
1203
01:24:34,246 --> 01:24:37,407
I am a citizen of the United Stated
of America, and I have rights
1204
01:24:40,103 --> 01:24:42,018
Robert, seatbelt
1205
01:24:42,053 --> 01:24:44,416
should be right here somewhere
1206
01:24:48,907 --> 01:24:50,179
Johnny
1207
01:24:50,214 --> 01:24:52,878
wow, wow, wow, stop stop
stop thats them, turn around
1208
01:24:59,777 --> 01:25:00,698
stay with them
1209
01:25:08,793 --> 01:25:09,926
hang on
1210
01:25:27,331 --> 01:25:28,806
back off Susan Boyle
1211
01:25:34,638 --> 01:25:36,742
oh my god, hes gonna
jump get closer
1212
01:25:40,620 --> 01:25:42,750
alright, easy... - come on ted
1213
01:25:46,365 --> 01:25:47,883
shit - yes
1214
01:25:47,919 --> 01:25:50,395
hey Johnny, total
T.J Hooker right?
1215
01:25:50,431 --> 01:25:52,032
Yes!, fucking A right!
1216
01:26:01,298 --> 01:26:02,607
Go, go, go.
1217
01:26:14,917 --> 01:26:16,266
Daddy
1218
01:26:19,097 --> 01:26:20,677
lets see how well you
know these streets
1219
01:26:22,117 --> 01:26:23,723
where is he?
1220
01:26:44,543 --> 01:26:45,431
Jesus
1221
01:26:57,866 --> 01:26:58,925
there he is, pullover
1222
01:27:36,441 --> 01:27:40,716
no... you cant have
my teddybear...
1223
01:27:47,333 --> 01:27:49,196
holy shit.
1224
01:27:49,232 --> 01:27:52,359
Sorry, somebody had to go
joan crawford on that kid.
1225
01:27:52,394 --> 01:27:53,781
Come on.
1226
01:27:59,328 --> 01:28:00,294
Ted?
1227
01:28:07,039 --> 01:28:08,358
Oh my god.
1228
01:28:11,603 --> 01:28:13,098
Ahh, shit.
1229
01:28:38,346 --> 01:28:40,827
- Jesus, stay here.
- No, no, no, John.
1230
01:28:40,862 --> 01:28:42,159
- Wait, John.
- Stay here.
1231
01:28:53,366 --> 01:28:54,708
You're mine, Ted.
1232
01:28:54,743 --> 01:28:57,638
Screw you pal, I belong
to John Bennett.
1233
01:28:57,672 --> 01:28:59,993
But I can give you love
1234
01:29:00,027 --> 01:29:03,043
and rocking horses, and dancing
1235
01:29:03,079 --> 01:29:06,202
I think we're very
far apart on this.
1236
01:29:25,811 --> 01:29:28,003
- Ted?
- Johnny.
1237
01:30:16,705 --> 01:30:17,345
Oh, my god.
1238
01:30:17,346 --> 01:30:19,199
Ted.
1239
01:30:20,630 --> 01:30:22,048
John.
1240
01:30:22,084 --> 01:30:24,377
Lori, get the stuffing.
Get it all.
1241
01:30:29,246 --> 01:30:31,153
Johnny...
1242
01:30:31,188 --> 01:30:34,883
your gonna be ok buddy, can you understand?
Your gonna be fine
1243
01:30:34,919 --> 01:30:38,692
jesus, I look like the
robot from Aliens
1244
01:30:38,727 --> 01:30:42,295
look at me buddy. I promise,
your going to be ok
1245
01:30:42,330 --> 01:30:44,817
I don't think so.
1246
01:30:44,850 --> 01:30:49,508
I'm a... I'm... I'm in trouble
1247
01:30:49,543 --> 01:30:52,997
I need... I need to
tell you something.
1248
01:30:53,031 --> 01:30:54,839
What is it?
1249
01:30:56,812 --> 01:30:59,831
Dont... don't ever
lose her again
1250
01:31:00,891 --> 01:31:03,138
shes the most important...
1251
01:31:04,565 --> 01:31:07,884
most important
part of your life
1252
01:31:07,918 --> 01:31:12,396
even... even more than me
1253
01:31:13,659 --> 01:31:15,770
shes your thunder buddy now.
1254
01:31:16,573 --> 01:31:18,549
She's...
1255
01:32:01,470 --> 01:32:02,864
I got it
1256
01:32:19,565 --> 01:32:21,067
baby, I don't know if
this is going to work
1257
01:32:21,069 --> 01:32:22,422
please, just try
1258
01:32:32,598 --> 01:32:33,702
come on buddy
1259
01:33:20,925 --> 01:33:21,808
im so sorry
1260
01:33:23,419 --> 01:33:25,319
you did everything you could
1261
01:33:26,362 --> 01:33:28,360
im so sorry
1262
01:36:03,324 --> 01:36:04,034
Ted.
1263
01:36:04,035 --> 01:36:06,202
- I'm alive Johnny,
- Oh my god.
1264
01:36:06,236 --> 01:36:09,494
Im alive your magic
always worked
1265
01:36:09,529 --> 01:36:11,235
your back, I cant...
1266
01:36:11,270 --> 01:36:13,266
yeah, I mean when you
sawed me up, you put
1267
01:36:13,279 --> 01:36:15,286
some of the stuffing in
the wrong places John
1268
01:36:15,318 --> 01:36:19,483
I'm a little fucked up, but will you
take care of me forever and ever?
1269
01:36:21,917 --> 01:36:23,890
Nah... im just kidding with
you, I thought it would
1270
01:36:23,903 --> 01:36:25,887
be funny if you thought
I was fucking retarded.
1271
01:36:25,922 --> 01:36:28,761
- You asshole.
- Come here you bastard.
1272
01:36:32,417 --> 01:36:33,948
Welcome back ted.
1273
01:36:36,616 --> 01:36:37,966
It was you.
1274
01:36:38,002 --> 01:36:40,482
You did it.
1275
01:36:40,518 --> 01:36:44,231
Son of a bitch. You
wished for my life back.
1276
01:36:44,268 --> 01:36:47,010
No... no no.
1277
01:36:47,046 --> 01:36:48,861
I wished for my life back.
1278
01:37:01,484 --> 01:37:02,839
I love you.
1279
01:37:02,873 --> 01:37:04,208
I love you too.
1280
01:37:05,474 --> 01:37:07,658
And I want you to know that
1281
01:37:08,663 --> 01:37:11,972
after last night, I don't want to lose
anyone that matters to me ever again
1282
01:37:12,010 --> 01:37:14,707
I'm not gonna wait any
longer for my life to start.
1283
01:37:14,742 --> 01:37:17,005
Lori
1284
01:37:17,716 --> 01:37:19,950
will you marry me?
1285
01:37:21,005 --> 01:37:25,717
All I ever wanted was
you John Bennett.
1286
01:37:30,175 --> 01:37:34,669
And so, John and Lori and
ted, lived happily ever after
1287
01:37:34,703 --> 01:37:39,836
having discovered at last, that all
they really needed was each other
1288
01:37:42,363 --> 01:37:48,455
John and Lori were married in Cambridge,
by a very special justice of the peace
1289
01:37:48,490 --> 01:37:51,245
by the power vested in me
1290
01:37:51,278 --> 01:37:54,161
by the New York Jets
1291
01:37:54,196 --> 01:37:58,308
and by the united peoples
of the planet Mongo
1292
01:37:58,342 --> 01:38:02,968
I now pronounce
you, man and wife
1293
01:38:03,003 --> 01:38:05,105
you may kiss the bride Johnny
1294
01:38:28,817 --> 01:38:30,749
thanks so much for coming
1295
01:38:30,784 --> 01:38:34,448
my daughter better be alive
you sick son of a bitch
1296
01:38:35,913 --> 01:38:38,783
I am so fake happy for her.
1297
01:39:06,167 --> 01:39:09,454
Ahh, you know sam, theres only
one way to end a perfect day.
1298
01:39:09,490 --> 01:39:10,657
What's that?
1299
01:39:10,693 --> 01:39:12,073
Flash jump.
1300
01:39:12,108 --> 01:39:13,317
Right.
1301
01:39:13,352 --> 01:39:15,819
1...2... 3.
1302
01:39:15,820 --> 01:39:17,304
Yeah.
1303
01:39:22,735 --> 01:39:26,371
And that's the story of how
one magical wish, forever
1304
01:39:26,384 --> 01:39:30,031
changed the lives of three
very special friends.
1305
01:39:30,067 --> 01:39:35,124
Ted and Tammy-Lynn continued there
torrid love affair for quite some time.
1306
01:39:35,160 --> 01:39:38,884
One afternoon, ted was caught
behind the deli counter,
1307
01:39:38,897 --> 01:39:42,633
eating potato salad off of
Tammy-Lynn's bare bottom.
1308
01:39:42,668 --> 01:39:45,989
He was instantly promoted
to store manager.
1309
01:39:47,051 --> 01:39:51,806
Sam Jones moved back to Hollywood, with
the goal of restarting his film career.
1310
01:39:51,841 --> 01:39:54,836
He currently resides in
burbank where he shares a
1311
01:39:54,849 --> 01:39:57,857
studio apartment with his
room mate brandon routh.
1312
01:39:57,893 --> 01:40:02,185
Remember brandon routh, from
that god aweful superman movie?
1313
01:40:02,220 --> 01:40:06,560
Jesus christ. Thanks for getting our
hopes up and taking a giant shit on us.
1314
01:40:07,846 --> 01:40:12,560
Rex was forced to give
up his pursuit of Lori.
1315
01:40:12,594 --> 01:40:14,731
Not long after, he
fell into a deep
1316
01:40:14,744 --> 01:40:16,892
depression and died of
lou gehrig's disease.
1317
01:40:16,928 --> 01:40:22,173
Donny was arrested by Boston police and
charged with kidnapping a plush toy.
1318
01:40:22,207 --> 01:40:24,710
The charge was dropped
when everyone realised
1319
01:40:24,723 --> 01:40:27,235
how completely
stupid that sounded.
1320
01:40:27,915 --> 01:40:31,339
Robert got a trainer, lost a
substantial amount of weight,
1321
01:40:31,070 --> 01:40:34,035
and went on to become taylor lautner.
105744
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