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1
00:00:05,331 --> 00:00:06,730
Oh, my God, it's happened!
2
00:00:06,832 --> 00:00:07,965
They found Tupac!
3
00:00:08,033 --> 00:00:10,400
No, Eddie, you're... shaving.
4
00:00:10,469 --> 00:00:11,535
Oh. Yeah.
5
00:00:11,570 --> 00:00:13,136
Some girls at school started calling me
"Cheech,"
6
00:00:13,205 --> 00:00:14,338
so I figured it was time to...
7
00:00:14,373 --> 00:00:17,074
"Yours is the Earth and
everything that's in it.
8
00:00:17,534 --> 00:00:20,986
And, which is more,
you'll be a man, my son."
9
00:00:21,383 --> 00:00:22,846
Rudyard Kipling.
10
00:00:23,447 --> 00:00:26,149
- Dad, what are you...
- Shh. I'm hugging you.
11
00:00:27,102 --> 00:00:28,394
Why?
12
00:00:28,575 --> 00:00:29,052
Because today is the day
13
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:32,354
you stop being a boy
and start being a man.
14
00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:35,459
Take a lip.
15
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:38,839
When your mom and I found out
we were having a baby boy,
16
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,262
you know the first thing I did?
17
00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:42,164
Cried in the car
listening to James Taylor.
18
00:00:42,266 --> 00:00:43,366
Mom already told me.
19
00:00:43,434 --> 00:00:46,235
No, I drove to the drugstore
and bought two things...
20
00:00:46,304 --> 00:00:49,005
A roll of celebratory Mentos for myself
21
00:00:49,073 --> 00:00:51,912
and a Gillette Atra Plus for you.
22
00:00:52,041 --> 00:00:55,115
Eddie, I've kept that razor
in my closet for 14 years
23
00:00:55,279 --> 00:00:57,179
waiting for the day you
would need to use it.
24
00:00:57,281 --> 00:00:58,847
Today is that day!
25
00:00:58,949 --> 00:01:01,850
Wow, Dad,
I guess this is a big moment for me.
26
00:01:02,668 --> 00:01:03,785
I'm glad you're here for it.
27
00:01:03,854 --> 00:01:05,320
Me, too.
28
00:01:05,422 --> 00:01:06,755
I'll go get your Atra.
29
00:01:06,824 --> 00:01:09,024
And, uh,
let's put this where it belongs.
30
00:01:13,158 --> 00:01:16,181
_
31
00:01:16,491 --> 00:01:18,893
Nah. He's so happy.
32
00:01:19,281 --> 00:01:20,469
I'm gonna let him have this.
33
00:01:20,573 --> 00:01:23,133
_
34
00:01:24,296 --> 00:01:25,941
S04E14
A Man to Share the Night With
35
00:01:38,196 --> 00:01:39,694
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
36
00:01:43,259 --> 00:01:45,359
Spectacular.
37
00:01:45,462 --> 00:01:46,727
And at the end of the first night
38
00:01:46,830 --> 00:01:48,262
of the Women's Figure Skating event,
39
00:01:48,364 --> 00:01:51,933
it's Michelle Kwan first,
Tara Lipinski second.
40
00:01:52,035 --> 00:01:53,868
- Ohh, yes!
- Yes! Yes!
41
00:01:53,970 --> 00:01:56,537
See, boys,
it's just like I'm always telling you...
42
00:01:56,639 --> 00:01:59,006
If you work hard, sacrifice everything,
43
00:01:59,075 --> 00:02:01,275
and look good in a tight bun,
you can't lose.
44
00:02:01,377 --> 00:02:02,677
Michelle Kwan is the proof.
45
00:02:02,787 --> 00:02:03,613
_
46
00:02:03,779 --> 00:02:05,019
_
47
00:02:05,181 --> 00:02:06,647
Really, Mom? Lipinski?
48
00:02:06,764 --> 00:02:11,042
_
49
00:02:11,146 --> 00:02:14,143
_
50
00:02:14,357 --> 00:02:16,991
Tara Lipinski is too
busy flirting with boys
51
00:02:17,093 --> 00:02:19,127
and wiping tater-tot
grease on her leotard.
52
00:02:19,195 --> 00:02:20,561
I mean, look at her face.
53
00:02:20,663 --> 00:02:22,997
Does that look like the
face of a winner to you?
54
00:02:25,138 --> 00:02:25,933
No.
55
00:02:26,035 --> 00:02:26,968
Mommy's right.
56
00:02:27,070 --> 00:02:28,536
Lipinski lacks the self-discipline
57
00:02:28,638 --> 00:02:30,505
that's made Michelle Kwan a champion.
58
00:02:30,607 --> 00:02:32,240
The gold is as good as hers.
59
00:02:32,342 --> 00:02:34,609
Can we skip school tomorrow
and watch her win in real time?
60
00:02:34,711 --> 00:02:36,644
No skipping school!
61
00:02:36,746 --> 00:02:39,113
But I'll tape it,
and you can watch it when you get home.
62
00:02:39,182 --> 00:02:40,515
Now it's bedtime.
63
00:02:40,583 --> 00:02:42,350
You need to get your
rest so you can grow up
64
00:02:42,452 --> 00:02:45,253
to be small and poised
like Michelle Kwan.
65
00:02:45,355 --> 00:02:47,321
I heard she gets nine hours a night.
66
00:02:47,390 --> 00:02:48,856
If we hurry, we can make it!
67
00:02:49,643 --> 00:02:51,325
And after the 11:00 news,
68
00:02:51,427 --> 00:02:53,761
it's
"The Late Show With David Letterman"!
69
00:02:53,863 --> 00:02:55,129
Ha! All right!
70
00:02:55,231 --> 00:02:56,330
Ohh, pass.
71
00:02:56,399 --> 00:02:58,166
Louis,
you can stay up and watch that old man
72
00:02:58,268 --> 00:03:01,435
and his piano gremlin,
but I'm going to bed.
73
00:03:01,538 --> 00:03:03,070
You, too, Eddie. Bedtime.
74
00:03:03,173 --> 00:03:06,340
Tonight Dave welcomes
supermodel Cindy Crawford.
75
00:03:06,442 --> 00:03:07,675
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
76
00:03:10,332 --> 00:03:11,879
Good night, Dad.
77
00:03:11,948 --> 00:03:13,514
Uh, wait.
78
00:03:13,616 --> 00:03:16,551
Why don't you stay up and
watch with me tonight?
79
00:03:16,653 --> 00:03:18,719
But my bedtime's 10:45.
80
00:03:18,855 --> 00:03:21,088
Well, you're shaving. You're a man now.
81
00:03:21,157 --> 00:03:23,188
Maybe it's time you had a man's bedtime.
82
00:03:23,374 --> 00:03:24,592
From now on, you can stay up
83
00:03:24,661 --> 00:03:27,461
for the first guest on "Letterman,"
until 11:45.
84
00:03:27,597 --> 00:03:29,263
I think you've earned
a little independence.
85
00:03:29,365 --> 00:03:31,032
Whoa! Are you serious?
86
00:03:31,134 --> 00:03:33,334
Men are always serious.
87
00:03:33,436 --> 00:03:35,469
Being a man is awesome.
88
00:03:36,324 --> 00:03:39,140
Do you think Dave will ask
Cindy Crawford about her mole?
89
00:03:39,242 --> 00:03:40,908
He might, son. He just might.
90
00:03:40,977 --> 00:03:43,511
And then Letterman asked
Cindy Crawford about her mole.
91
00:03:43,580 --> 00:03:45,413
Whoa!
92
00:03:45,515 --> 00:03:47,715
I can't believe your dad
let you stay up till 11:45.
93
00:03:47,817 --> 00:03:50,017
I wonder when my dad goes to sleep...
94
00:03:50,119 --> 00:03:51,319
or where.
95
00:03:51,387 --> 00:03:52,753
My dad makes me go to
bed halfway through
96
00:03:52,822 --> 00:03:53,921
"Walker, Texas Ranger."
97
00:03:54,023 --> 00:03:55,256
And that's on a Saturday!
98
00:03:55,358 --> 00:03:58,259
So you never find out if
Walker catches the bad guy?
99
00:03:58,361 --> 00:04:01,862
It's Walker, Brian!
He catches the bad guy!
100
00:04:05,602 --> 00:04:06,734
Finally.
101
00:04:06,836 --> 00:04:08,202
I have been waiting for someone else
102
00:04:08,304 --> 00:04:10,171
to have a late bedtime forever.
103
00:04:10,273 --> 00:04:11,706
- What's your bedtime?
- Don't have one.
104
00:04:11,808 --> 00:04:14,108
My mom works the night shift
at the Cheesecake Factory,
105
00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:15,876
so I just go to bed
whenever I feel like it.
106
00:04:15,979 --> 00:04:18,246
Also,
if somebody sends their cheesecake back,
107
00:04:18,281 --> 00:04:20,848
my mom brings it home,
and we eat it for breakfast.
108
00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:22,883
Cool!
109
00:04:22,986 --> 00:04:24,518
So, what do you do all night?
110
00:04:24,621 --> 00:04:26,387
I ride my bike around the outdoor mall
111
00:04:26,489 --> 00:04:27,755
and eat the stale doughnuts
112
00:04:27,824 --> 00:04:29,423
Donut King throws away at closing.
113
00:04:29,492 --> 00:04:31,325
Hold up. You're telling me
I've been sleeping through
114
00:04:31,394 --> 00:04:32,727
free doughnuts this whole time?!
115
00:04:32,829 --> 00:04:34,362
Doughnuts, bagels.
116
00:04:34,464 --> 00:04:37,158
Sometimes you just get
a whole vat of glaze.
117
00:04:39,035 --> 00:04:40,768
In a stunning upset,
118
00:04:40,870 --> 00:04:44,991
Tara Lipinski leaps over
Michelle Kwan to win the gold!
119
00:04:46,190 --> 00:04:48,776
Michelle Kwan... lost.
120
00:04:49,249 --> 00:04:52,099
_
121
00:04:52,243 --> 00:04:54,207
_
122
00:04:54,372 --> 00:04:56,046
How could this happen?
123
00:04:56,253 --> 00:04:58,030
She was supposed to win!
124
00:04:58,113 --> 00:04:59,870
How could she not win?!
125
00:05:00,118 --> 00:05:02,598
She did everything right!
126
00:05:09,253 --> 00:05:10,287
_
127
00:05:10,365 --> 00:05:12,866
Evan and Emery believe in
Michelle Kwan the winner.
128
00:05:12,934 --> 00:05:14,968
If they find out that
they can work that hard
129
00:05:15,037 --> 00:05:17,969
and still come in second,
they'll never work hard again.
130
00:05:18,072 --> 00:05:20,325
_
131
00:05:20,511 --> 00:05:22,040
You know, that's a really good idea.
132
00:05:22,185 --> 00:05:24,107
I do control what they watch.
133
00:05:24,252 --> 00:05:26,613
So if I don't want them to know,
then they won't know.
134
00:05:30,919 --> 00:05:32,719
We're ready to watch the...
135
00:05:34,923 --> 00:05:35,955
What happened to the tape?
136
00:05:36,057 --> 00:05:37,156
Technical difficulties.
137
00:05:37,258 --> 00:05:38,758
A mouse was living inside the VCR
138
00:05:38,827 --> 00:05:40,948
and it ate the tape and then it died.
139
00:05:41,062 --> 00:05:42,761
Was it a boy mouse or a girl mouse?
140
00:05:42,830 --> 00:05:45,206
Who cares?! How did Michelle do?
141
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,898
She won!
142
00:05:50,187 --> 00:05:51,003
- Yes!
- Yes!
143
00:05:51,105 --> 00:05:52,371
Whoo! She did it!
144
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,372
- I knew she could!
- Whoo!
145
00:05:55,376 --> 00:05:56,375
Hey, Eddie.
146
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,143
Which popcorn do you want for
"Letterman"?
147
00:05:58,245 --> 00:06:01,280
Butter or movie theater butter?
148
00:06:03,250 --> 00:06:04,483
Eddie?
149
00:06:04,551 --> 00:06:07,352
Okay, top 10 reasons you
should answer your father.
150
00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:08,653
Number 10...
151
00:06:10,390 --> 00:06:12,209
_
152
00:06:12,432 --> 00:06:16,194
_
153
00:06:16,359 --> 00:06:20,410
_
154
00:06:26,573 --> 00:06:28,406
Where were you?
155
00:06:28,508 --> 00:06:29,941
Oh, out with Dave.
156
00:06:30,043 --> 00:06:31,976
On a school night? Are you crazy?
157
00:06:32,078 --> 00:06:33,311
What were the two of you doing?
158
00:06:33,413 --> 00:06:35,361
Nothing. Just hanging out.
159
00:06:37,150 --> 00:06:39,250
Oh, she's gorgeous.
160
00:06:39,285 --> 00:06:40,685
Where do you think she's
getting ready to go?
161
00:06:40,753 --> 00:06:42,386
Dancing, probably.
162
00:06:42,455 --> 00:06:44,755
Classic girls like that
are always going dancing.
163
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:47,124
I wish I had a girl like that.
164
00:06:47,226 --> 00:06:48,593
That's not a girl.
165
00:06:48,982 --> 00:06:51,255
That's a woman.
166
00:06:51,916 --> 00:06:52,663
"Just hanging out"?
167
00:06:52,732 --> 00:06:53,798
It's almost midnight.
168
00:06:53,866 --> 00:06:56,500
Well, you said my bedtime was 11:45.
169
00:06:56,603 --> 00:06:58,135
It's 11:40. I still have five minutes.
170
00:06:58,237 --> 00:06:59,337
No, I said you could stay up
171
00:06:59,405 --> 00:07:01,005
to watch the first guest on "Letterman,"
172
00:07:01,107 --> 00:07:02,106
not run around the streets
173
00:07:02,208 --> 00:07:04,609
doing God knows what with your friends.
174
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,790
But you said I'd earned
a little independence.
175
00:07:06,892 --> 00:07:08,258
This is not what I meant.
176
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,694
Well, I hope whatever you
were doing was worth it
177
00:07:10,796 --> 00:07:13,397
because you missed Dave
interviewing Andie MacDowell.
178
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:15,299
So? I'll just watch it tomorrow.
179
00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:17,701
Andie MacDowell is not
going to be on tomorrow.
180
00:07:17,803 --> 00:07:20,304
I don't care about Andie MacDowell!
181
00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:26,377
Clearly we're both tired and
saying things we don't mean.
182
00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:27,678
Let's just go to bed,
183
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,546
and we'll talk about
this in the morning.
184
00:07:29,648 --> 00:07:31,014
No!
185
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,349
We will not talk about
this in the morning
186
00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:33,851
because I didn't do anything wrong!
187
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,053
You can't talk to me like that.
188
00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:38,288
Why not? You said I'm a man, remember?
189
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:41,625
Maybe it's time you started
treating me like one.
190
00:07:44,976 --> 00:07:46,444
Oh, this is interesting.
191
00:07:46,609 --> 00:07:48,343
Michelle Kwan tried to start a band.
192
00:07:48,446 --> 00:07:49,478
Third Eye Kwan?
193
00:07:49,513 --> 00:07:50,746
That's in this book, too.
194
00:07:50,781 --> 00:07:52,247
She's so talented.
195
00:07:52,283 --> 00:07:54,216
I just wish the TV and
the VCR weren't broken
196
00:07:54,285 --> 00:07:56,251
so we could watch a
replay of her winning.
197
00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:58,287
I can't believe we
still haven't seen it.
198
00:07:58,322 --> 00:08:00,656
It's also unfortunate that all
the newspapers on the street
199
00:08:00,758 --> 00:08:02,354
have been stolen by a news thief.
200
00:08:03,894 --> 00:08:06,528
USA! USA!
201
00:08:07,698 --> 00:08:09,131
Can you guys believe she won gold?!
202
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:10,733
It's exciting, right?
203
00:08:10,835 --> 00:08:12,334
I know. Michelle Kwan's our hero.
204
00:08:12,436 --> 00:08:14,103
Michelle Kwan? No.
205
00:08:14,171 --> 00:08:15,771
Tara Lipinski won gold.
206
00:08:15,806 --> 00:08:17,506
Michelle Kwan came in second.
207
00:08:17,575 --> 00:08:18,674
That's why they're doing a special
208
00:08:18,743 --> 00:08:20,709
on Lipinski cuts at the mall.
209
00:08:20,778 --> 00:08:24,213
No, Honey. Michelle Kwan won.
Right, Mom?
210
00:08:26,517 --> 00:08:28,150
Boys...
211
00:08:28,252 --> 00:08:30,085
The truth is...
212
00:08:30,154 --> 00:08:31,587
Michelle Kwan didn't win.
213
00:08:34,158 --> 00:08:35,924
Because that wasn't
the real Michelle Kwan!
214
00:08:36,026 --> 00:08:37,259
What?
215
00:08:37,294 --> 00:08:41,130
The real Michelle Kwan has
been replaced by an imposter!
216
00:08:41,198 --> 00:08:42,965
- What?
- Think about it.
217
00:08:43,033 --> 00:08:44,933
She trains hard her whole life.
218
00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:47,236
She wins the world championships.
219
00:08:47,271 --> 00:08:49,938
Then she goes to the Olympics
and comes in second place?
220
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,240
It doesn't add up.
221
00:08:51,342 --> 00:08:53,275
Has "Lipinski" written all over it.
222
00:08:53,344 --> 00:08:55,544
The point is the fake Kwan lost.
223
00:08:55,579 --> 00:08:57,846
The real Kwan will always be the best.
224
00:08:57,915 --> 00:08:59,748
Let's never speak of this again.
225
00:09:01,719 --> 00:09:03,118
I can't believe it.
226
00:09:03,220 --> 00:09:04,553
A fake Michelle Kwan.
227
00:09:04,588 --> 00:09:06,655
- What do we do?
- What would Michelle do?
228
00:09:06,724 --> 00:09:09,458
Use her focus and determination
to get to the bottom of it?
229
00:09:09,527 --> 00:09:10,826
Then we will, too.
230
00:09:10,895 --> 00:09:12,694
We'll be like Woodward and Bernstein.
231
00:09:12,763 --> 00:09:14,496
Or Chip 'n Dale!
232
00:09:14,565 --> 00:09:17,166
Do you think Jessica's coming back?
233
00:09:18,736 --> 00:09:20,969
He missed Andie MacDowell, huh?
234
00:09:21,005 --> 00:09:22,371
She's a ruddy-cheeked delight.
235
00:09:22,439 --> 00:09:24,006
And he wouldn't apologize!
236
00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:26,375
I don't know what's
gotten into him lately.
237
00:09:26,443 --> 00:09:28,010
Sure, he and Jessica clash a lot,
238
00:09:28,112 --> 00:09:30,512
but Eddie and I have always been pals.
239
00:09:30,548 --> 00:09:33,215
He's never been so openly
defiant to me before.
240
00:09:33,317 --> 00:09:35,384
How old's the boy? 9? 10?
241
00:09:35,452 --> 00:09:37,252
He's 14, Marvin.
242
00:09:37,354 --> 00:09:38,687
Ah, 14.
243
00:09:38,789 --> 00:09:40,155
Then that explains it.
244
00:09:40,257 --> 00:09:41,456
It does?
245
00:09:41,492 --> 00:09:44,326
Classic male adolescent
elephant power vacuum.
246
00:09:44,361 --> 00:09:45,928
- Huh?
- Follow me, Lou.
247
00:09:45,996 --> 00:09:48,363
There's something you need to see.
248
00:09:48,611 --> 00:09:51,567
Now we're cooking with Crisco!
249
00:09:52,903 --> 00:09:54,970
Ah! I was stationed in Africa,
250
00:09:55,039 --> 00:09:57,072
overseeing the
construction of the railway
251
00:09:57,174 --> 00:09:59,608
from Mombasa to Kisumu.
252
00:09:59,710 --> 00:10:01,176
The railway?
253
00:10:01,578 --> 00:10:02,644
How old are you?
254
00:10:02,713 --> 00:10:04,646
Old enough to know what
you're going through.
255
00:10:04,748 --> 00:10:06,081
Look.
256
00:10:06,150 --> 00:10:07,916
Adolescent male elephants.
257
00:10:07,952 --> 00:10:11,787
Now, see, when the herd lacks
a strong older male presence,
258
00:10:11,856 --> 00:10:15,457
the young males become unruly
and defiant, even violent.
259
00:10:15,492 --> 00:10:17,392
See... See them shaking
their heads and trumpeting?
260
00:10:17,461 --> 00:10:18,660
That means they're angry.
261
00:10:18,696 --> 00:10:20,562
Why didn't you run away?
They could have trampled you.
262
00:10:20,631 --> 00:10:22,664
Because running away is what they want,
263
00:10:22,733 --> 00:10:24,533
and it's the worst thing you can do.
264
00:10:24,635 --> 00:10:27,236
He's so used to getting his own way
265
00:10:27,304 --> 00:10:31,139
that when you show confidence
and stand your own ground,
266
00:10:31,208 --> 00:10:32,407
he's surprised.
267
00:10:32,509 --> 00:10:33,542
He'll back down.
268
00:10:33,644 --> 00:10:34,676
Watch.
269
00:10:37,314 --> 00:10:40,115
- Wow. It worked.
- Yeah!
270
00:10:41,485 --> 00:10:43,552
And it'll work for you and Eddie, too.
271
00:10:43,654 --> 00:10:45,354
You've been too soft on that boy, Lou.
272
00:10:45,456 --> 00:10:46,788
I don't know.
273
00:10:46,857 --> 00:10:49,191
My dad was extremely tough
on me when I was Eddie's age,
274
00:10:49,260 --> 00:10:51,493
and our relationship never recovered.
275
00:10:51,528 --> 00:10:53,428
Eddie and I aren't like that.
We're friends.
276
00:10:53,497 --> 00:10:55,130
Okay, so maybe your dad
wasn't your best friend,
277
00:10:55,199 --> 00:10:56,531
but look how you turned out.
278
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,234
You're a very successful
small-business owner
279
00:10:59,270 --> 00:11:01,036
with your own home, great family.
280
00:11:01,105 --> 00:11:03,305
Fathers can't be
friends with their sons.
281
00:11:03,340 --> 00:11:06,108
Not if they want them to grow
up to be responsible adults.
282
00:11:06,210 --> 00:11:08,076
So, what do I do?
283
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:10,112
Well,
you have to be the angry bull elephant.
284
00:11:10,180 --> 00:11:13,548
Only discipline can bring
the herd back together.
285
00:11:20,357 --> 00:11:22,456
What's going on?
286
00:11:23,055 --> 00:11:24,960
We did some research at the library
287
00:11:25,029 --> 00:11:26,261
on your Kwan-impostor theory.
288
00:11:26,363 --> 00:11:27,963
Okay, look, I was just...
289
00:11:28,065 --> 00:11:29,698
And you were absolutely right!
290
00:11:29,767 --> 00:11:31,767
Emery, let's bring her up to speed.
291
00:11:31,835 --> 00:11:34,736
Michelle Kwan wins the
1998 world championships
292
00:11:34,772 --> 00:11:37,973
with 15 perfect 6.0s,
293
00:11:38,075 --> 00:11:40,242
leaving one judge in tears.
294
00:11:40,277 --> 00:11:42,778
She's the favorite for the gold
medal in the Winter Olympics.
295
00:11:42,846 --> 00:11:44,780
Then things start getting fishy.
296
00:11:44,815 --> 00:11:48,016
She arrives in Japan but
processes through Tokyo
297
00:11:48,085 --> 00:11:50,696
instead of Osaka with
all the other athletes.
298
00:11:51,192 --> 00:11:53,121
Right, yeah. That's... That's weird.
299
00:11:53,157 --> 00:11:56,158
Nobody sees Michelle Kwan
at the Olympic Village
300
00:11:56,193 --> 00:12:00,729
because... get this...
She's staying "off site."
301
00:12:00,831 --> 00:12:03,465
Next, she misses the Opening Ceremony.
302
00:12:03,534 --> 00:12:05,600
She works her whole life
to get to the Olympics
303
00:12:05,669 --> 00:12:08,003
and then doesn't go to
the Opening Ceremony?
304
00:12:08,038 --> 00:12:09,204
It doesn't add up.
305
00:12:09,273 --> 00:12:11,440
No, it doesn't, actually.
306
00:12:11,475 --> 00:12:14,676
The night before the event,
nobody sees Michelle Kwan.
307
00:12:14,745 --> 00:12:16,778
Where's Tara Lipinski,
on the other hand?
308
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,214
In bed getting a full eight hours?
309
00:12:19,249 --> 00:12:22,517
With Wayne Gretzky and the
Canadian Ice Hokey team
310
00:12:22,619 --> 00:12:23,585
eating ice cream!
311
00:12:23,654 --> 00:12:25,754
Like she knew she couldn't lose.
312
00:12:27,858 --> 00:12:29,958
And Michelle Kwan was photographed
313
00:12:30,060 --> 00:12:32,527
at her hotel at 9:30 a.m.,
314
00:12:32,563 --> 00:12:35,564
15 minutes before she was
seen at the Olympic arena...
315
00:12:35,632 --> 00:12:37,866
A distance of 34 miles.
316
00:12:37,968 --> 00:12:38,867
So?
317
00:12:38,936 --> 00:12:41,003
So, I just drove from here
318
00:12:41,071 --> 00:12:43,138
to the Sea World parking
lot as fast as I could.
319
00:12:43,207 --> 00:12:44,740
It's exactly 34 miles.
320
00:12:44,808 --> 00:12:47,175
It took me way longer than 15 minutes,
321
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:49,778
and I didn't even stop for red lights.
322
00:12:49,847 --> 00:12:51,546
Rearrange the letters in
"Tara Lipinski,"
323
00:12:51,648 --> 00:12:52,647
and what do you get?
324
00:12:52,716 --> 00:12:53,949
Tarantula Kiss!
325
00:12:54,051 --> 00:12:56,485
Rink Alias?!
326
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,920
It's like she's daring us to catch her.
327
00:12:58,989 --> 00:13:02,057
Michelle Kwan really was
replaced by an imposter.
328
00:13:02,126 --> 00:13:04,459
Unfortunately, it's just a theory.
329
00:13:04,528 --> 00:13:05,894
Nobody knows for sure.
330
00:13:05,996 --> 00:13:08,430
Actually, I know someone who might.
331
00:13:08,532 --> 00:13:09,765
I used to do makeup for
332
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,200
the Broadway on Ice production of
"Cats" years ago,
333
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:13,802
and there is one figure skater who knows
334
00:13:13,871 --> 00:13:16,304
everything that goes on
with everyone in that world.
335
00:13:16,373 --> 00:13:18,006
If something fishy happened in Nagano,
336
00:13:18,108 --> 00:13:19,307
she'll know about it.
337
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:25,047
Okay, so it's 10:30 now.
338
00:13:25,082 --> 00:13:27,682
I figure we head to the
outdoor mall for an hour or so
339
00:13:27,785 --> 00:13:30,419
and then ride our bikes from the
Big Dog outlet to the Wet Seal.
340
00:13:30,521 --> 00:13:32,020
I have a better idea.
341
00:13:32,122 --> 00:13:33,055
We steal her.
342
00:13:33,123 --> 00:13:35,724
- Who?
- Her. The girl from the window.
343
00:13:35,826 --> 00:13:37,025
The mannequin?
344
00:13:37,127 --> 00:13:38,593
It hit me the other night.
345
00:13:38,695 --> 00:13:40,295
What if the place she's
been getting ready to go
346
00:13:40,397 --> 00:13:42,330
all this time is my house?
347
00:13:42,399 --> 00:13:44,032
I don't know, Dave.
348
00:13:44,101 --> 00:13:45,200
That's, like, breaking and entering.
349
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:46,768
So? It'll be fun!
350
00:13:46,837 --> 00:13:49,004
You said you'd love to
have a girl like her.
351
00:13:49,073 --> 00:13:50,472
Remember? You said it.
352
00:13:50,574 --> 00:13:52,240
Come on, Eddie. Say you'll help me.
353
00:13:52,342 --> 00:13:53,408
Come on. Say it.
354
00:13:53,510 --> 00:13:55,343
- I don't know.
- Say it!
355
00:13:55,379 --> 00:13:57,145
Uh, sure. Sounds like fun.
356
00:13:57,685 --> 00:13:58,914
Great.
357
00:13:59,016 --> 00:14:01,850
Now let's listen to a little
GWAR to pump ourselves up.
358
00:14:05,289 --> 00:14:09,458
Discipline will bring
the herd back together.
359
00:14:11,929 --> 00:14:14,496
Not cool, Dave. My parents are asleep.
360
00:14:14,565 --> 00:14:17,499
Eddie, you may be taller than me now,
slightly,
361
00:14:17,601 --> 00:14:18,733
but I am still your father.
362
00:14:18,836 --> 00:14:19,868
And when you go out,
363
00:14:19,970 --> 00:14:21,169
I want to know where you're going,
364
00:14:21,271 --> 00:14:22,771
who you're with,
and when you'll be back.
365
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,239
No more doing whatever you want,
366
00:14:24,341 --> 00:14:25,540
and no more talking back, either.
367
00:14:25,642 --> 00:14:27,676
Otherwise, you won't be going anywhere.
368
00:14:27,778 --> 00:14:29,211
Do we understand each other?
369
00:14:31,715 --> 00:14:33,682
Screw... you!
370
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,381
That's it, Eddie. You're grounded!
371
00:14:39,463 --> 00:14:41,282
- I think I'm gonna go.
- Good idea.
372
00:14:41,436 --> 00:14:42,702
I don't know what's
gotten into you lately,
373
00:14:42,804 --> 00:14:44,470
but this behavior stops now.
374
00:14:44,606 --> 00:14:45,838
I thought we could get
through this as friends,
375
00:14:45,907 --> 00:14:47,240
but clearly I was wrong.
376
00:14:47,275 --> 00:14:49,208
So from now on,
we do things the hard way.
377
00:14:49,277 --> 00:14:51,544
No more TV. No more video games!
378
00:14:51,646 --> 00:14:53,279
Thanks, Dad.
379
00:14:53,315 --> 00:14:54,347
What are you doing?!
380
00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:55,481
I'm hugging you.
381
00:14:55,583 --> 00:14:56,883
Why?
382
00:14:56,918 --> 00:14:58,418
I knew that if I talked
back to you like that,
383
00:14:58,486 --> 00:14:59,752
you'd be so shocked you'd ground me,
384
00:14:59,821 --> 00:15:02,455
and I wouldn't have to help
Dave steal that sexy mannequin.
385
00:15:03,149 --> 00:15:04,123
Help Dave do what?
386
00:15:04,192 --> 00:15:06,159
It was his idea to steal it,
and it's crazy.
387
00:15:06,227 --> 00:15:07,964
I didn't want to do it.
388
00:15:08,162 --> 00:15:10,229
But I-I didn't know how to tell him.
389
00:15:10,331 --> 00:15:14,333
He's been... intense lately.
390
00:15:16,037 --> 00:15:17,303
Hey, you want to see something cool?
391
00:15:17,371 --> 00:15:19,738
Sure.
392
00:15:20,923 --> 00:15:22,841
I'm gonna bust open
this Stretch Armstrong
393
00:15:22,910 --> 00:15:23,876
with a baseball bat.
394
00:15:23,945 --> 00:15:24,843
Um...
395
00:15:27,315 --> 00:15:29,048
No, you don't have a dad!
396
00:15:30,618 --> 00:15:33,419
So, you're not the adolescent elephant.
397
00:15:33,521 --> 00:15:34,520
Dave is.
398
00:15:34,555 --> 00:15:35,821
Dad, you're all over the place.
399
00:15:35,923 --> 00:15:36,989
What do you mean?
400
00:15:37,024 --> 00:15:39,058
First,
you made a big deal out of me shaving.
401
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:40,592
Then you let me stay up later.
402
00:15:40,661 --> 00:15:42,928
Then you got mad at me
for staying up later.
403
00:15:42,997 --> 00:15:44,396
And now you're talking about elephants.
404
00:15:44,876 --> 00:15:46,332
I'm sorry.
405
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,901
I was just excited for
you to become a man
406
00:15:49,003 --> 00:15:49,868
because I thought that would mean
407
00:15:49,971 --> 00:15:51,203
us spending more time together.
408
00:15:51,272 --> 00:15:53,072
Then you decided to
spend your extra hour
409
00:15:53,140 --> 00:15:54,173
with Dave instead of me.
410
00:15:54,241 --> 00:15:55,841
So you're upset because
I didn't stay home
411
00:15:55,876 --> 00:15:56,909
and watch "Letterman" with you.
412
00:15:57,011 --> 00:15:59,511
Look, I just don't want us to grow apart
413
00:15:59,547 --> 00:16:01,680
because that's what
happened with me and my dad.
414
00:16:01,749 --> 00:16:03,582
Just because I want to
do something on my own
415
00:16:03,684 --> 00:16:05,517
doesn't mean I don't still need you,
Dad.
416
00:16:05,553 --> 00:16:07,252
You and I are friends.
417
00:16:07,321 --> 00:16:08,654
I'm always gonna need that.
418
00:16:11,718 --> 00:16:15,045
Wait, you and Dave haven't
stolen anything else, have you?
419
00:16:15,149 --> 00:16:16,428
No way!
420
00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:17,691
I know a good idea from a bad one.
421
00:16:17,856 --> 00:16:20,399
I'm lucky to have you around
to teach me stuff like that.
422
00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:22,534
Not everyone's that lucky.
423
00:16:34,048 --> 00:16:37,383
So, whatcha waitin' for, Chief?
424
00:16:41,589 --> 00:16:42,988
Stop!
425
00:16:43,057 --> 00:16:44,656
Yeah. Stop.
426
00:16:44,692 --> 00:16:46,358
Now, why don't you put the brick down,
Dave,
427
00:16:46,427 --> 00:16:48,108
and we can talk about this?
428
00:16:50,264 --> 00:16:51,930
He's so used to getting his way
429
00:16:51,999 --> 00:16:53,932
that when he sees you showing confidence
430
00:16:54,001 --> 00:16:56,502
and standing your ground,
he'll back down.
431
00:16:56,570 --> 00:16:59,238
Dave, you cut this behavior
out right this minute.
432
00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:00,388
Do you hear me?
433
00:17:00,512 --> 00:17:02,307
I'm going to give you
to the count of three
434
00:17:02,376 --> 00:17:05,377
to put the brick down and to
step away from the mannequin.
435
00:17:06,847 --> 00:17:07,946
One...
436
00:17:09,850 --> 00:17:11,016
Two...
437
00:17:17,258 --> 00:17:18,724
Whoa. Good work, Dad.
438
00:17:18,793 --> 00:17:20,826
Grab that brick. We need a doorstop.
439
00:17:20,928 --> 00:17:22,061
Uh, okay.
440
00:17:22,163 --> 00:17:23,495
Go. Go.
441
00:17:24,599 --> 00:17:25,598
Excuse me.
442
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:26,966
Excuse me. Out of the way.
443
00:17:27,068 --> 00:17:29,101
Coming through.
444
00:17:29,170 --> 00:17:30,202
Oh!
445
00:17:30,304 --> 00:17:31,637
Hello, Nancy Kerrigan.
446
00:17:31,706 --> 00:17:33,038
Thanks for the enthusiasm.
447
00:17:33,140 --> 00:17:34,807
It's nice to meet you.
Who can I make this out to?
448
00:17:34,909 --> 00:17:37,309
Is it true Tara Lipinski
replaced Michelle Kwan
449
00:17:37,378 --> 00:17:39,278
with an impostor so she
could steal the gold?
450
00:17:39,347 --> 00:17:41,280
Uh, well, that's quite a lot.
451
00:17:41,382 --> 00:17:42,815
How about, "Believe in yourself"?
452
00:17:42,850 --> 00:17:45,384
What we really need, Nancy, is answers.
453
00:17:45,453 --> 00:17:46,385
Is it true?
454
00:17:46,454 --> 00:17:47,987
What makes you think I know?
455
00:17:48,089 --> 00:17:49,154
Because you're the hub of
456
00:17:49,190 --> 00:17:50,656
the professional ice-skating world,
Kerrigan.
457
00:17:50,725 --> 00:17:52,124
You know everything that goes on.
458
00:17:52,193 --> 00:17:54,126
- Hi. Honey Ellis.
- Hi.
459
00:17:54,228 --> 00:17:55,327
I did your makeup when you played
460
00:17:55,396 --> 00:17:57,496
Grizabella the Glamour
Cat in Broadway on Ice.
461
00:17:57,531 --> 00:17:59,098
- Big fan.
- Oh, right.
462
00:17:59,166 --> 00:18:00,933
Weren't you dating one of
the lighting technicians?
463
00:18:01,035 --> 00:18:02,534
Yes! It didn't work out.
464
00:18:02,637 --> 00:18:05,371
Of course it didn't. So, is it true?
465
00:18:05,881 --> 00:18:08,051
Tell me what you think you know.
466
00:18:08,279 --> 00:18:11,677
Tara Lipinski replaced
the real Michelle Kwan
467
00:18:11,712 --> 00:18:14,046
with a slightly less
talented body double.
468
00:18:14,081 --> 00:18:15,648
That's why the fake Michelle Kwan
469
00:18:15,716 --> 00:18:17,816
flew into Tokyo, instead of Osaka.
470
00:18:17,885 --> 00:18:19,852
That's why she missed
the Opening Ceremonies.
471
00:18:19,921 --> 00:18:22,821
And that's why she was kept "off site."
472
00:18:22,924 --> 00:18:25,224
Look, Michelle flew into Tokyo
473
00:18:25,293 --> 00:18:27,026
because her pen pal Gabby lives there
474
00:18:27,128 --> 00:18:28,794
and offered to drive
her from the airport.
475
00:18:28,930 --> 00:18:31,463
Also, flights are way
cheaper if she left mid-week,
476
00:18:31,532 --> 00:18:33,866
and if you know Michelle,
she likes a bargain.
477
00:18:33,901 --> 00:18:36,201
So that's why she missed
the Opening Ceremonies.
478
00:18:36,304 --> 00:18:38,570
Also,
she didn't stay in the Olympic Village
479
00:18:38,639 --> 00:18:41,874
because the Men's Ice Hockey
team throws really loud parties,
480
00:18:41,943 --> 00:18:43,375
and that's why she got a hotel.
481
00:18:43,444 --> 00:18:46,345
But what about getting from
the hotel to the Olympic arena?
482
00:18:46,414 --> 00:18:48,080
- Mm-hmm.
- She was photographed at the hotel
483
00:18:48,149 --> 00:18:49,882
15 minutes before her event.
484
00:18:49,951 --> 00:18:51,884
There's no way she could
make it in 15 minutes.
485
00:18:51,953 --> 00:18:53,719
That wasn't Michelle at
the hotel that morning.
486
00:18:53,788 --> 00:18:55,087
That was her sister, Karen.
487
00:18:55,156 --> 00:18:56,155
They look alike.
488
00:18:56,257 --> 00:18:57,690
Michelle didn't even stay at the hotel
489
00:18:57,792 --> 00:18:58,991
the night before the event.
490
00:18:59,026 --> 00:19:01,093
She didn't? Where did she stay?
491
00:19:01,128 --> 00:19:03,262
Where she always stays the
night before a big event...
492
00:19:03,364 --> 00:19:04,630
On the ice.
493
00:19:04,732 --> 00:19:05,698
- Oh!
- Oh...
494
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:06,932
That's what I would do.
495
00:19:06,968 --> 00:19:09,301
But that couldn't have been
the real Michelle Kwan.
496
00:19:09,403 --> 00:19:10,536
But it was.
497
00:19:10,604 --> 00:19:12,504
Michelle Kwan trained her
whole life to win gold.
498
00:19:12,606 --> 00:19:14,106
She sacrificed everything.
499
00:19:14,141 --> 00:19:16,742
How could she possibly
come in second place?
500
00:19:16,844 --> 00:19:18,510
Sometimes life isn't fair.
501
00:19:18,612 --> 00:19:20,479
Believe me. I know all about that.
502
00:19:20,548 --> 00:19:22,081
And crazy conspiracies.
503
00:19:22,116 --> 00:19:24,984
You can work really hard,
do everything right,
504
00:19:25,052 --> 00:19:27,452
and sometimes life just
throws you a Lipinski.
505
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:30,789
You just have to pick yourself
back up and keep on skating.
506
00:19:30,891 --> 00:19:32,725
Thanks for coming out.
507
00:19:32,827 --> 00:19:34,793
Appreciate it.
508
00:19:35,796 --> 00:19:36,862
I like your Kerribun.
509
00:19:36,931 --> 00:19:40,332
Oh, it's not... It... Thank you.
510
00:19:41,869 --> 00:19:43,836
Jessica, are you okay?
511
00:19:43,904 --> 00:19:45,471
No, I'm not.
512
00:19:45,539 --> 00:19:46,905
Everything I know...
513
00:19:46,974 --> 00:19:48,340
Everything I've taught my children...
514
00:19:48,409 --> 00:19:50,509
My whole worldview is wrong.
515
00:19:50,611 --> 00:19:53,178
Wait. Mommy, look!
516
00:19:58,779 --> 00:20:02,588
So Tara Lipinski did replace
Michelle Kwan with an impostor!
517
00:20:02,690 --> 00:20:03,722
I knew it!
518
00:20:03,758 --> 00:20:05,657
There's no way somebody
who works that hard
519
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,059
comes in second place.
520
00:20:07,161 --> 00:20:08,494
It just isn't possible.
521
00:20:18,105 --> 00:20:22,107
You know, your Sharpie is
slightly thinner than hers.
522
00:20:22,209 --> 00:20:23,575
It worked, didn't it?
523
00:20:23,677 --> 00:20:25,644
The truth that Michelle
Kwan did everything right
524
00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:27,746
and still lost would crush mom.
525
00:20:27,848 --> 00:20:29,715
She needs to believe.
526
00:20:33,854 --> 00:20:35,354
You know what, you go ahead.
527
00:20:35,456 --> 00:20:37,222
I'm gonna stick around for this.
528
00:20:37,324 --> 00:20:38,690
Hmm.
529
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:44,009
Tonight,
Dave welcomes the cast of "Baywatch."
530
00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:45,575
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
531
00:20:45,677 --> 00:20:46,943
I'm gonna go grab a soda.
532
00:20:47,045 --> 00:20:49,513
Uh, no soda after 9:00 p.m.
533
00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:50,914
Okay, Mr. Huang.
534
00:20:52,217 --> 00:20:54,151
Hey, how about, just for tonight,
535
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,253
I let you boys stay up to
watch the musical guest?
536
00:20:56,355 --> 00:20:58,355
With musical guest Paula Cole!
537
00:20:58,457 --> 00:21:00,423
Nah, we're good.
538
00:21:00,866 --> 00:21:03,656
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
539
00:21:03,706 --> 00:21:08,256
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38581
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