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1
00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:04,900
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
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00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:07,300
CLIFF:
Oh-- here's Sam.
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00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:08,700
CARLA: Oh, come on, Sammy.
Hey, Sammy.
4
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,600
Sammy, open up.
It's freezing!
5
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:11,600
SAM:
Hey, what are you guys standing
around for?
6
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:12,600
How come somebody
didn't let you in?
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00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:13,800
CARLA:
I left my keys home.
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00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:15,600
SAM:
Oh, no, I was
counting on yours.
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00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:16,900
REBECCA:
I left mine
in the office.
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00:00:16,900 --> 00:00:18,000
Hurry up! It's cold!
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00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:20,100
Well, how are
we gonna get in here?
12
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:21,700
NORM:
'Morning, everybody.
OTHERS: Norm!
13
00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:24,400
(keys jangling)
NORM:
Sorry I'm late.
14
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,900
(theme song begins)
15
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,800
� Making your way
in the world today �
16
00:00:35,900 --> 00:00:38,900
� Takes everything you've got �
17
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,700
� Takin' a break
from all your worries �
18
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,600
� Sure would help a lot
19
00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:48,300
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
20
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:53,300
� Sometimes you want to go
21
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,600
� Where everybody
knows your name �
22
00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:02,500
� And they're always
glad you came �
23
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,500
� You wanna be
where you can see �
24
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,300
� The troubles
are all the same �
25
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:12,300
� You wanna be where everybody
knows your name �
26
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,900
� You wanna go
where people know �
27
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,600
� People are all the same
28
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:22,600
� You wanna go where everybody
knows your name. �
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00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:43,100
(grunts)
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00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:44,500
Sorry I took so long
getting here this morning.
31
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:46,400
Sam, you know, this is
the fourth time this week
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00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:47,900
that you've been late.
33
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,700
As a responsible businessman
and the owner of this bar,
34
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,100
you owe it to yourself
to stick
35
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:53,800
to a more responsible schedule,
you know.
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00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:55,100
Absolutely.
37
00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:57,700
If the post office ran
its business the way
you run yours...
38
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,400
Never mind.
39
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:03,200
I have a good excuse this time.
40
00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:05,300
I'm being treated
by a dermatologist.
41
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,700
Is it anything serious?
42
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:07,800
No, no, no...
I just told her
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00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:09,800
that I had a patch of dry skin,
44
00:02:09,900 --> 00:02:11,600
and we stayed up all night
looking for it.
45
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,300
Found it, too--
four times, by golly.
46
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:19,900
Sammy, uh, can we stick
to the topic at hand, please?
47
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,200
Yeah, Sam. I don't mean to make
any threats here,
48
00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:22,700
but Gary's Old Towne Tavern
already opens
49
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,700
a half-hour before you do.
50
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,100
And how do we know that, Norm?
51
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:29,000
Hey, who's on
trial here, huh?
52
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:30,100
Hey, everybody.
53
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:31,200
Hey, Woody...
54
00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:32,700
You won't believe this.
55
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:35,400
I just found out
that on cable TV,
56
00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:37,400
they have this channel
where they show you stuff
57
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:42,200
and you can buy it any hour
of the day, any day of the week.
58
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,900
How did we live before?
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00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,000
Yeah, yeah.
Home Shopping Channel--
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00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,600
Ma loves it,
she's always watching it.
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00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:50,900
She's always saying, "If I had
a rich son, he'd buy me this,
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00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,600
If I had a rich son,
he'd buy me that."
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00:02:52,700 --> 00:02:55,100
Who do you think bought her
the TV in the first place?
64
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:55,800
You, Cliffie?
65
00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:57,400
No, but if I find the guy,
66
00:02:57,500 --> 00:02:59,300
I'm gonna shove that clicker
down his throat.
67
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:03,100
Look at this--
I already got my first package.
68
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,400
Yeah?
69
00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:06,300
Huh?
70
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,500
It's a toy car...
71
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:13,700
and also rewinds videotapes.
72
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,300
Now, uh, wouldn't a VCR
rewind tapes?
73
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,200
Uh, not the one I bought
last night.
74
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,600
REBECCA:
Excuse me,
75
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,300
Carla.
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00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:23,900
Did you read my last memo?
77
00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:25,400
No.
78
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:26,800
Well, if you had read it,
you would know
79
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,100
that we are no longer accepting
time cards made out in pencil.
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00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:30,600
From now on,
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00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:32,200
all paperwork must be done
in ink.
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00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:33,600
Okay.
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00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,300
Did you hear me?
84
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,600
Are you acknowledging my memo?
85
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,900
I heard you!
I acknowledge
the damn memo!
86
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,500
Now would you get out of my face
so I can finish this time card?
87
00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:43,900
I mean, this isn't easy,
you know.
88
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,300
My pencil's
almost down to the nub.
89
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,100
Well, as long as you're aware
of the problem.
90
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:55,200
Oy... that's something,
eh, Norm?
91
00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:56,800
Remember the good old days?
92
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,100
When you used to be able to take
an argument like that
93
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,500
between two gals and turn them
into the Jets and the Sharks?
94
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,100
Tell you what, Cliffie,
95
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:09,500
for you, I'm gonna
tee it up one more time.
96
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,800
All right.
Watch this.
97
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:15,700
Rebecca, uh,
98
00:04:15,700 --> 00:04:18,500
I noticed your
little exchange with
Carla over there,
99
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,300
and I have to say, I admire
your management technique.
100
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:22,900
Thank you very
much, Norm.
101
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,800
It takes a lot of courage,
you know, to humiliate yourself
102
00:04:25,900 --> 00:04:28,400
just for the well-being
of one employee.
103
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:29,900
If you were a Japanese
businessman,
104
00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:32,700
I mean, to lose face like that,
you'd probably have to
105
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:34,700
commit some sort
of ritual suicide, you know?
106
00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:36,000
But here in America...
107
00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:37,300
Carla!
108
00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:38,700
Come in my office,
109
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,800
bring that time card
and a pen.
110
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,000
I'd better be
getting a raise.
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00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,000
(door closing)
112
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,400
CLIFF:
Oh,
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00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:50,500
the master returns
from his triumphal march
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00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:53,200
to the valley of evil.
115
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:55,800
I got a raise.
116
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,700
Frasier, darling,
today is
117
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,600
our monthly luncheon
with the Psychoanalytic
118
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,600
and Social Therapeutic
Practitioners Society.
119
00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:05,000
Have you forgotten?
120
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,200
Well, let me finish this
double, and I might.
121
00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:09,500
Now, Doctor...
122
00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:11,500
Yeah, well, Lilith,
I really can't stand
123
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:13,700
another dry,
endless luncheon
124
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:15,600
in some stuffy
old restaurant.
125
00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:17,000
Pretty boring,
huh, Fras?
126
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,100
Well, let me put
it this way, Sam.
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00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,500
Lilith is the
Dorothy Parker
128
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,000
of this particular
roundtable.
129
00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:23,500
Come on, Frasier,
let's go.
130
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,000
All right, but I
won't enjoy it.
131
00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:27,500
Hey, Norm, go ahead,
make them fight.
132
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:28,900
Oh, you do
it, come on.
133
00:05:28,900 --> 00:05:30,300
Me?
Yeah.
134
00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,100
CLIFF:
Hey, Fras, you
think Carla should be
135
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,400
filling out the time card
with a pen or a pencil?
136
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,500
I can see
137
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,800
why you can't tear yourself
away from this place.
138
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,700
All right, all right,
all right.
139
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,300
So I'm not you.
140
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:44,500
Cliffie, come on now.
141
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:45,700
Buck up, buddy.
142
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:47,000
You're, you're just
warming up here.
143
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:50,000
You got to start out with
an easy one first, huh?
144
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,500
Yeah.
Look, there's...
there's Paul!
145
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:52,200
There's Paul.
Hey, Hey, Paul!
146
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,500
Shut up, fathead!
147
00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:02,300
Hey, guys.
148
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:03,800
Hey, Wood.
149
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,300
Look what I just got
on the shopping channel.
150
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,400
Now, there's
only about 2,000
151
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,000
of these little
babies left, so...
152
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,000
a word to the wise.
153
00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:22,600
Well?
154
00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:24,500
Well, that's, uh...
155
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,900
It's beautiful, Woody.
156
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,700
It's a beautiful cow.
157
00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:30,500
Yeah.
158
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,100
I'll say, and that's not
the best part of it.
159
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:34,800
It's also a great clock.
160
00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:36,000
(click)
161
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,200
MALE VOICE:
It's...
162
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:38,900
(imitating cow bellow):
...noon.
163
00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:45,400
What, um...
164
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,400
What happens if
it's 7:00 o'clock?
165
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,400
Well,
166
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:52,300
a cow's power of speech are
kind of limited, you know.
167
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,500
Everything kind of
sounds like...
168
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,600
(imitates cow
bellowing):
...noon.
169
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,800
How do you ever know
what time it is?
170
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,700
Well, it helps if
you wear a watch.
171
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,800
I think it's, um...
172
00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:12,600
I think it's nice, Woody.
173
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:13,800
Really?
174
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,000
Yeah.
175
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,000
It's yours.
176
00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:20,600
Oh, no, Woody.
177
00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:21,900
I-I-I... I real...
I couldn't.
178
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,200
Miss Howe,
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00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:24,600
I've been to
your apartment.
180
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,000
Take the cow.
181
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,400
I know you fellows favor
a more formal atmosphere,
182
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,200
but allow me
to charm you
183
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,000
with the quaint
hospitality of
184
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:35,700
my friendly
neighborhood tavern.
185
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:36,700
Excuse me, Frasier.
186
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,000
I have to go check
my messages.
187
00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:40,400
You got one
from Madame Tussauds.
188
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,400
"Get back
to the museum."
189
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,300
Champagne for everyone, Sam.
190
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:47,700
Oh!
191
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,500
I'm trying to convince
my esteemed colleagues
192
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,900
to move their monthly meetings
to your fine establishment.
193
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,200
Oh, hey, thanks.
That's great.
194
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:57,200
Uh, my, uh, gold card
195
00:07:57,300 --> 00:07:59,500
should keep the, uh...
the bubbly flowing.
196
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,600
(laughs)
197
00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:04,000
NORM:
Cliffie, the master
has a thought.
198
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,400
CLIFF:
Yes?
199
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:08,100
One might wonder what
would happen if, uh,
200
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,200
we called a certain
credit card company
201
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:12,300
and reported that
number as stolen.
202
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,600
Then when a certain
bartender tried
203
00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:17,500
to put it through for
a certain customer,
204
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,500
and it wasn't honored,
205
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,200
what do you suppose
would happen?
206
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:22,300
I don't know.
207
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:23,600
Major fireworks.
208
00:08:23,700 --> 00:08:24,900
Oh!
209
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:26,300
You're a genius!
210
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:28,200
Why do you put up with me?
211
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,200
I don't know.
212
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,900
Frasier, I have to leave.
213
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,700
There's been an emergency.
214
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:36,900
Is it Frederick?
No, no.
215
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,600
Otto, my lab assistant,
216
00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:40,900
has gotten into the
synthetic hormones again.
217
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,700
I have to
bail him out.
218
00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:46,300
Or her. I won't know
until I get there.
219
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,600
Oh, no!
220
00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:52,300
Miss Howe,
look what I found in the trash!
221
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,100
It's your cow!
222
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,500
Oh, dear, how could that
have gotten in there?
223
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:58,000
Sam?
224
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,000
You told me to
throw it away....
225
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,400
So, the
paranoid says...
226
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:05,600
(laughing)
227
00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:06,900
"Help! Help!
228
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,100
They're all out to get me!"
229
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:12,400
(laughing)
230
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,700
I guess you had to be
in the session.
231
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:22,200
Dr. Crane, can I speak
to you for a minute?
232
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,000
Oh, of course, Sam.
SAM:
Got a little
233
00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:25,600
problem here-- I, uh,
called to get approval
234
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:28,300
on your credit card here, and
they told me it was stolen.
235
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:29,800
Well that's utterly
ludicrous, Sam.
236
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:31,200
Well, yeah, that's
what I told them,
237
00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:33,000
but they-they insisted
that it is stolen.
238
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,400
Yes, I-I knocked myself
over the head
239
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,900
and stole my own credit card.
240
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:37,800
That's brilliant, Sam.
Who would ever suspect me?
241
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,200
SAM:
I'm not kidding here.
242
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:41,200
You know, they're very
serious about their rules.
243
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,700
They told me that I
have to cut this up.
244
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,400
You wouldn't, Sam!
245
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:46,700
I don't want to, no!
246
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,500
Tell you what. Um,
247
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,200
why don't I, uh,
run a tab, huh?
248
00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:51,700
Well, I don't need a tab.
249
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,100
It's a perfectly good card!
250
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,200
Well, why don't
I just, uh...?
251
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,500
This is on the
house, all right?
252
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,500
Oh, fine! Now you're adding
insult to injury!
253
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:58,900
Well, I don't take charity!
254
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,200
Just give me back
my card!
255
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,000
I can't give you back
the card, Frasier.
256
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:04,700
I've got to cut it up
and send the pieces
back to the company.
257
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,400
(scoffs)
You do not have to do that.
258
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:07,400
Yes, I do!
259
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:09,000
They spent a
half an hour
260
00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:11,700
on just that fact at the
seminar at the Sheraton.
261
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:16,000
Sam, I am telling you,
you do not have to do that!
262
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:17,100
You weren't at
the seminar.
263
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,900
If I don't do this,
they're gonna take
264
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:20,200
my little card
thingy away.
265
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:21,700
Sam, I am not asking you.
266
00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:23,800
I'm telling you!
Give me back my card!
267
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,500
Don't take that tone
of voice with me!
268
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,400
Frasier, can I help?
I have a card that works.
269
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,900
Oh shut up, you
Skinnerian baboon!
270
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:32,700
Sam, do not touch
those scissors to that card!
271
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:33,900
I got to do it, Frasier.
272
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:34,600
You do not!
Yes, I...
273
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,400
(choking grunt)
274
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:42,200
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
275
00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:43,600
I t-tell you what.
276
00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:45,200
Here, take-take
my credit cards.
277
00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:46,500
Oh, fine!
278
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,500
With your $90 credit limit,
279
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,500
I can go hog-wild
at Monkey Ward's!
280
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:54,300
You have made me look the fool.
281
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:57,100
Yeah, I think you've
taken care of that all
by yourself, Frasier!
282
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,400
Oh. So it's come
to this, has it?
283
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:01,100
After years of friendship,
284
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,800
you proudly pour a tall cup
of humiliation.
285
00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:05,500
Well, I've had enough,
thank you.
286
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:06,600
This is good-bye.
287
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,200
You have seen and heard
the last of Frasier Crane.
288
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:10,500
From this moment forward,
289
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,000
I am never stepping foot
in this bar again!
290
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,900
I close the iron door upon you!
291
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:20,400
What do we do now,
oh master?
292
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:23,100
Shut up and stop
calling me master.
293
00:11:31,700 --> 00:11:34,300
Anyone hear from Frasier
since yesterday?
294
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:35,900
He'll be back,
don't worry about it.
295
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,100
I don't know,
he left here pretty angry.
296
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,500
I mean,
I keep calling the house,
297
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,700
and the machine
keeps picking up.
298
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:42,900
Oh, Lilith answers?
299
00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:45,200
He's blowing off steam.
300
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:46,500
He'll be back.
301
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:47,900
Oh, I hope so.
302
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,400
Well... (clears throat)
303
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:52,700
I guess we really
messed up, huh?
304
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,100
We learned our
lesson, Cliff.
305
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,400
We've got to stop messing
with people's minds.
306
00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:57,800
Yeah, I agree.
307
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,700
By the way, your
fly's open, buddy.
308
00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:01,200
Yeah, so's yours.
309
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,100
(both laughing)
310
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:06,800
You can't expect a guy to
go cold turkey, you know.
311
00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:08,900
(laughing)
312
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,700
You checked,
didn't you, Cliff?
313
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,200
Oh, yeah, like
you weren't looking
314
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,700
through the bottom
of that beer mug.
315
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:17,600
Miss Howe?
316
00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:20,300
Last night the shopping channel
317
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:23,800
was a consumer bonanza,
and I took advantage of it.
318
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:26,000
Their loss is your gain.
319
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,900
First, I got you a genuine
gold-look bracelet
320
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,500
with 200 real sapphires.
321
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:33,900
Oh, Woody.
322
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,700
First of all, you have
to stop buying me gifts.
323
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,000
And second of all,
324
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:39,700
you have to learn
that sapphires are blue.
325
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:43,600
Okay, but you can't say
"no" to a new and improved
326
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:49,400
snackmaster and a portable
solar-powered telephone.
327
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,600
Woody, I cannot accept these.
328
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,600
People are going to get
the wrong idea.
329
00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:55,700
What, that I have
a crush on you?
330
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,400
No, that I like crap.
331
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,900
You're calling
this stuff "crap"?
332
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,500
I'm sorry, Woody.
333
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,900
No, no, I was looking
for the right word.
334
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,000
Well, if you don't
like it either,
335
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:14,100
why do you keep
buying this stuff?
336
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:16,700
Not "stuff,"
Miss Howe-- "crap."
337
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,800
I buy it because
it looks good on TV.
338
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:24,800
The second they flash
that 800 number, I'm dialing.
339
00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:26,700
Woody, this-this
has got to stop.
340
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:28,700
Well, it-it has
stopped, Miss Howe.
341
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:32,000
I went over my credit
limit with this... crap.
342
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,900
Unless, of course,
you'd care to advance me
343
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,300
six months on my paycheck.
344
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,100
Could be another
necklace in it for you.
345
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,300
An-And if you decide
346
00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:43,800
not to give me the advance,
347
00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:46,900
just keep the necklace
as your free gift.
348
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,000
Woody, you are hooked.
349
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:52,600
Listen to me,
you need help.
350
00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:55,600
I don't need help, I
just need more credit.
351
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:02,200
You're right, Miss Howe,
I do need help.
352
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,900
I'm scared.
353
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,800
Help me.
354
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,500
Hurry.
355
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,700
Act now.
356
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,100
Well, I just got in
touch with Frasier.
357
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:21,700
NORM:
Oh, yeah, what'd he say?
358
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:24,500
Well, he said that he considers
these phone calls a harassment.
359
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:27,000
If I don't cease and desist,
he's gonna get a court order
360
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:31,500
restraining me from coming
within 50 feet of him.
361
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:32,900
Restraining order--
362
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:37,600
the last resort of shrinks
and housewives in nightgowns.
363
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,500
Come on, Cliffie.
364
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,800
We've gotta stop this
before it gets any further.
365
00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:48,600
We've got to go to Frasier,
tell him exactly what happened.
366
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,700
Accept all blame,
and the sooner the better.
367
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:52,200
Yeah, you're right.
368
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:53,900
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
What?
369
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,000
I just thought
of something.
What's that?
370
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,400
If we wait like a couple of
hours, it'll be dinnertime.
371
00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:00,600
Might be able to snag
a free meal.
372
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:04,200
You are the master,
oh salam.
373
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,500
Now, this is lovely.
374
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:14,000
The baby's with my mother,
375
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:16,900
and there's nothing to
disturb our peaceful Eden.
376
00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:19,000
You're right,
darling, nothing.
377
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,000
Except for the burned-in image
of Sam
378
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:26,300
cutting my gold card into pieces
before my very eyes.
379
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,400
You know, Frasier,
380
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:29,300
after listening to you complain
about that
381
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:30,700
for the umpteenth time,
382
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,900
it's becoming impossible for me
to sympathize.
383
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,800
(quietly):
Of course not.
384
00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:38,100
Sympathy is a human emotion.
385
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,200
What?
386
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:48,700
Oh, I'm sorry, darling,
I'm just lashing out.
387
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:52,100
(quietly):
Got off a good one, though.
388
00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:58,400
Frasier, you've got to stop
this cycle of negativity.
389
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:01,800
Come, let's try some
positive imagery.
390
00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:04,200
You're back in Maui.
391
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:08,700
Feel the trade winds
caressing your cheeks,
392
00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:12,000
ruffling your hair.
393
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:13,600
Smell the plumeria.
394
00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:17,200
Taste the mai tai.
395
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:20,900
Feel the gentle swaying...
396
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:26,700
swaying of the
ancient palms.
397
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:31,600
The rhythm...
the rhythm...
398
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,000
the rhythm...
399
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,200
Are you there?
400
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:40,900
Yes, I'm there.
401
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:43,500
I'm in paradise.
402
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,600
And I'm paying
for the whole shebang
403
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:48,100
with my gold card.
404
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:52,400
Which was gladly accepted,
and returned in one piece,
405
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:55,700
by a man in a flowered sarong!
406
00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:57,500
Frasier, get a grip.
407
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,400
Oh, you're right,
you're right.
408
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:03,800
You know,
Sam's done me a favor actually.
409
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:06,400
Instead of spending the night
there in his sleazy saloon,
410
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:09,900
I'm... I'm at home
here with my love.
411
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,100
I'm going to serenade you.
412
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:16,500
Why, Frasier, you haven't
done that since...
413
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:20,300
Have you ever done that?
414
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:22,000
Well, I'm doing it now.
415
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,300
Remember this one, darling?
416
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:26,100
(plays gentle melody)
417
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,800
How could I forget?
418
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,200
� Autumn in New York...
� Moonlight in Vermont...
419
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,200
You sing it.
420
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:34,600
All right.
421
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,100
� Autumn in New York
422
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:43,500
� What makes it seem
so exciting? �
423
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:46,000
� Autumn in New York
424
00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:49,600
� It spells the thrill
of first nighting... �
425
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:51,700
(music stops)
426
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,700
It was a lovely
honeymoon, wasn't it?
427
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:01,600
(voice breaks):
I bought this piano
with my gold card.
428
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:03,700
I mean, yes, dear.
429
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,000
(doorbell rings)
430
00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:07,500
I'll get it.
431
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,300
Hi, Lilith.
432
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:15,600
Cliff, Norm.
433
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,200
Frasier, it's Cliff and Norm.
434
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:19,900
Well, good night,
gentlemen.
435
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,800
I've suddenly developed
a splitting migraine.
436
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,200
Norm. Cliff.
437
00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:29,400
What a pleasure to see
my boon companions
438
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,300
here in my home.
Come in. Come in.
439
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,400
Yeah, well, Fras, look,
we don't want to interrupt
440
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:34,800
your dinner or
anything like that.
441
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:37,000
Oh, no, we finished hours ago.
442
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,300
Yeah, nice shortcut, Cliff.
443
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,500
I see that you
left the butcher
444
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,200
of all things plastic
back in the bar
445
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,700
to come visit
old Frasier.
446
00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:47,000
Yeah, yeah.
447
00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:48,300
Fras, uh...
448
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:50,800
just out of curiosity, what
did you have for dinner?
449
00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:52,200
Uh, uh, let me guess.
450
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:55,100
Wait. (inhales sharply)
451
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:56,400
Ah, porterhouse steaks,
452
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,300
smothered with mushrooms,
green beans with sliced almonds,
453
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,300
some, uh, apple brown Betty,
and, uh....
454
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:04,300
decaf cappuccino.
455
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:06,100
(laughs)
Ain't he something?
456
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,200
Actually, we had
Chinese brought in.
457
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,100
Guess it must be in my coat.
458
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,100
Here, come... come and sit down.
459
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,700
You know, I can't tell you
how special this is.
460
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:20,100
We never seem to get together
outside of that infernal bar.
461
00:19:20,100 --> 00:19:21,700
Never get together
just as pals.
462
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,200
Yeah, whatever.
463
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,800
Fras, you don't have any Chinese
left, do you?
464
00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:26,900
No, sorry.
Norm, Norm...
465
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,600
we come here
to talk about a topic
466
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:30,200
a lot more important than food.
467
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:32,900
Found an almond cookie.
468
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:35,900
If you're here to try
to patch up my relationship
469
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,100
with Mr. Malone, just forget it.
470
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:39,000
Give me half, will you, Cliff?
471
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:39,900
I tell you,
I have seen
472
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,200
the last of that ex-jock
in a pompadour.
473
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:45,500
Frasier, you've got to let us
explain what happened here.
474
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:50,200
Fras, uh, you see,
sometimes guys...
475
00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:53,000
do things, you know,
which they...
476
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,600
they think seem like...
477
00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:57,800
a good idea at the time.
478
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,500
But they're really
not such a good idea.
479
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:03,100
I guess what
I'm trying to say is...
480
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:06,200
That... that Sam wants me
to come back to Cheers
481
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:08,800
so that he can get down on his
knees and apologize to me
482
00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:10,300
in public and in person.
483
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,500
Yeah, that's even better.
484
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:15,600
Great, come on,
let's go.
485
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,200
Sammy,
486
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,000
don't drop down on your knees
to beg for forgiveness
487
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,200
till he's all the way
through the door...
488
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,500
but look who's here.
489
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,200
Hey! You brought Frasier back.
490
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:32,300
See, now, if we can just
get them to erase
491
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,000
everything from their memories
from the last 36 hours,
492
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,400
we're home free.
493
00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:39,200
I'm waiting, Sam.
494
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:42,300
Waiting for what?
495
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,000
Sammy, don't torture
your friend.
496
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,700
Frasier just swallowed his
pride to come back in here,
497
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,300
so get down on your knees
and beg him to forgive you
498
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,700
and then we can
start celebrating.
499
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,200
I'm sorry.
500
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,400
Thanks, Sam.
501
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:54,600
NORM:
That's what we
like to see.
502
00:20:54,700 --> 00:20:57,200
Yeah, I bet you
nobody even remembers
503
00:20:57,300 --> 00:21:00,100
what started the silly argument
in the first place.
504
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:03,000
I do--
Sam cut up his gold card.
505
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,100
That was funny.
506
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,800
Woody, come on,
we're, uh...
507
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,200
you know, I
apologized for that.
508
00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:13,600
We're beyond
that right now.
509
00:21:13,700 --> 00:21:15,300
Is that it?
510
00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:17,800
That is the sum total
of your contrition?
511
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,700
I mean, I know you're not
Walt Whitman, Sam,
512
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,500
but I mean, really a couple more
"uhs" and "you knows"
513
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,400
would at least lend it
a little creditability.
514
00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:27,000
Well, you didn't let
me finish, Frasier.
515
00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:28,400
I was going to say
that I'm sorry
516
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,700
that you were such a
big jerk yesterday
517
00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:33,200
and that you're such
a big baby today.
518
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:34,500
Well, that tears it.
519
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,600
When I walk out this time,
believe me when I tell you
520
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,300
that I will never brighten
this door again.
521
00:21:38,300 --> 00:21:40,100
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
522
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:41,600
Frasier, Frasier,
wait a minute.
523
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:43,300
Before this thing
gets any further,
524
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,400
come on now, sit down, relax.
525
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:48,300
I think it's time
that both you guys
526
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,500
understand the truth.
527
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,200
Cliffie?
528
00:21:56,900 --> 00:22:00,100
Well, Fras,
see, yesterday, uh,
529
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,500
Normie and I, we were
feeling a little frisky
530
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,300
and as sort of a gag,
we, uh, made a phone call
531
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,600
and reported
your credit card stolen.
532
00:22:08,700 --> 00:22:11,800
My God, Cliff,
that is fraud!
533
00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:15,600
You think you
know a guy, Sam.
534
00:22:15,700 --> 00:22:17,400
Damn it, Norm.
Come on.
535
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,200
All right, all right,
all right.
536
00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:21,400
I may have, uh,
537
00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:25,300
been in the vicinity
during that phone call.
538
00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:28,300
I might have actually
dialed the number.
539
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:32,200
So it's your fault?
540
00:22:32,300 --> 00:22:33,500
Sam, I owe you an apology.
541
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,100
No, no.
I had no idea.
542
00:22:35,100 --> 00:22:37,000
Boy.
543
00:22:37,100 --> 00:22:39,700
You guys are really
stirring it up, aren't you?
544
00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:43,500
Okay, fellas,
545
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,200
give me your credit
cards right now.
546
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:47,300
What?
Aw...
547
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:48,400
Give me your credit cards.
548
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:50,700
You-you can't cut them up.
549
00:22:50,700 --> 00:22:52,500
I'm not gonna cut them up.
550
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,200
NORM:
Don't cut them up, Sam.
551
00:22:54,300 --> 00:22:55,800
Woody, you're back in business.
552
00:22:55,900 --> 00:22:57,200
Shop away.
553
00:22:57,300 --> 00:22:58,800
NORM:
Oh, no.
All right.
554
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:00,700
Get the scissors
and cut them right now.
39588
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