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1
00:00:06,295 --> 00:00:08,855
'And the weather forecast today
is basically... rain.
2
00:00:09,015 --> 00:00:13,534
'Lovely stuff, Wendy! And here's a
man who has a lovely day every day.
3
00:00:13,535 --> 00:00:15,034
'It's David Bowie.'
4
00:00:15,095 --> 00:00:18,015
Yes, you all smell.
The washing machine is broken.
5
00:00:18,134 --> 00:00:20,094
So we're a big stinky family, OK?
6
00:00:20,214 --> 00:00:22,374
Thank God. Thought it was just me.
7
00:00:22,534 --> 00:00:24,374
I like that we all have
the same dank odour.
8
00:00:24,495 --> 00:00:26,535
Like a group of otters. Otters?
9
00:00:26,654 --> 00:00:28,334
Just looking for the positives.
10
00:00:28,454 --> 00:00:30,454
A dessert storm?! Yes, please!
11
00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:34,334
That's some tasty-sounding weather.
Why can't I live in Iraq, Mam?
12
00:00:34,454 --> 00:00:35,614
Nobody's stopping you.
13
00:00:36,734 --> 00:00:39,974
I bet this whole Iraq thing
blows over within the month.
14
00:00:40,134 --> 00:00:42,174
He's got such good instincts on war.
15
00:00:42,294 --> 00:00:44,454
Did you finish that new sign, love?
16
00:00:44,614 --> 00:00:47,654
Yeah, the lettering's drying
outside in the garden.
17
00:00:47,774 --> 00:00:49,614
Aliens in Boyle! Yes, please!
18
00:00:49,734 --> 00:00:52,214
This is the best newspaper ever.
19
00:00:52,334 --> 00:00:54,214
Crop circles, my hole.
20
00:00:54,374 --> 00:00:57,174
That's just this radio fella
infiltrating everybody's minds.
21
00:00:57,334 --> 00:00:59,974
I bet it was UFOs
that broke the washing machine.
22
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,894
Or it could be limescale.
23
00:01:02,054 --> 00:01:04,094
Liam, before I forget,
the nursing home called.
24
00:01:04,254 --> 00:01:06,014
We're behind on payments
for Grandad.
25
00:01:06,174 --> 00:01:09,454
Ah, yeah. I'll wire over some
funds from my Swiss bank account.
26
00:01:11,574 --> 00:01:14,934
It's grand. The money for the
new sign will be in by Friday.
27
00:01:15,094 --> 00:01:18,494
Is the new sign the one that
Martin's donkey is licking outside?
28
00:01:19,894 --> 00:01:21,374
Ah, for feck's sake!
29
00:01:21,494 --> 00:01:23,454
Right, I'm off to Iraq.
30
00:01:23,574 --> 00:01:25,234
I'll just stay here and chat.
31
00:01:25,315 --> 00:01:44,826
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
32
00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:47,974
And then we have Pluto over here.
A lovely big planet.
33
00:01:48,134 --> 00:01:50,014
Which obviously
will always be a planet.
34
00:01:50,174 --> 00:01:52,734
Hey, Padraic. Have you heard
about this crop circle stuff?
35
00:01:52,894 --> 00:01:55,574
Have I?
I don't know. That's why I asked.
36
00:01:55,694 --> 00:01:57,214
Yes, I have.
37
00:01:57,374 --> 00:01:59,494
And I haven't been this excited
since I enlisted
38
00:01:59,614 --> 00:02:00,934
to fight in Dessert Storm!
39
00:02:01,094 --> 00:02:03,974
..the vast cosmic jacks
that is the sun.
40
00:02:04,134 --> 00:02:06,014
Hey! Wanna go to the magic field
tonight
41
00:02:06,134 --> 00:02:07,654
and see if the aliens come back?
42
00:02:07,774 --> 00:02:10,454
Do I? I don't know. Do you?
43
00:02:10,574 --> 00:02:12,094
Yes, I do.
44
00:02:16,454 --> 00:02:19,254
Is your washing machine broken too?
Moone, wheesht.
45
00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:29,934
Hello?
46
00:02:30,094 --> 00:02:33,614
What? I can't... Your voice
is so fast and high-pitched.
47
00:02:33,734 --> 00:02:35,574
'Your donkey's in the bank.'
48
00:02:35,734 --> 00:02:38,534
I don't know what happened.
I'm really sorry about the mess.
49
00:02:38,694 --> 00:02:42,894
Speaking of messes, I was having
a look at your accounts there.
50
00:02:43,014 --> 00:02:44,614
It's been a slow year, Kevin.
51
00:02:44,774 --> 00:02:47,174
Not to worry, Liam -
at least one member of the Moones
52
00:02:47,294 --> 00:02:49,054
is still making deposits!
53
00:02:49,214 --> 00:02:51,974
Ha, yes.
Even if it's from his arse.
54
00:02:52,094 --> 00:02:53,934
Yes, got that, Kevin.
55
00:02:56,254 --> 00:02:57,854
C'mon, Donkey Kong. C'mon.
56
00:03:02,774 --> 00:03:04,214
'Password?'
57
00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:07,534
One, one, one... one, one.
58
00:03:08,894 --> 00:03:10,974
'It's six digits, Gerry.'
59
00:03:12,094 --> 00:03:13,334
One?
60
00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:17,614
If it's a secret meeting, we should
take the sign down, shouldn't we?
61
00:03:19,494 --> 00:03:21,374
Bonner. Glad you could make it.
62
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:26,374
Sorry I'm late. I made the mistake
of asking my boys to wash my car.
63
00:03:26,494 --> 00:03:28,334
Why did that make you late?
64
00:03:28,494 --> 00:03:31,374
They filled up my petrol tank
with Fairy Liquid, to spite me.
65
00:03:31,534 --> 00:03:34,254
I take it you've seen the paper?
I have.
66
00:03:34,374 --> 00:03:35,854
It's a PR disaster, Gerry.
67
00:03:36,014 --> 00:03:39,614
This whole UFO nonsense is drowning
out Boyle's clear tourism message.
68
00:03:39,774 --> 00:03:43,214
I still think
that's still too pushy.
69
00:03:43,374 --> 00:03:46,454
Tourists are not going to come here
if the place is littered with UFOs.
70
00:03:46,614 --> 00:03:49,934
They want to go fishin', or walkin',
or even prayin'.
71
00:03:50,094 --> 00:03:52,854
They don't wanna be feckin' abducted.
MURMURS
72
00:03:53,014 --> 00:03:56,414
Well, the murmurs of approval
seem to be with you, Mayor.
73
00:03:56,574 --> 00:04:01,574
And it's sacrilegious. There's no
mention of Martians in the bible.
74
00:04:01,694 --> 00:04:04,974
It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and ET.
75
00:04:05,094 --> 00:04:06,614
You're right there.
76
00:04:08,494 --> 00:04:11,014
This Doctor Gnot has the whole town
driven crazy
77
00:04:11,174 --> 00:04:15,134
with his silly little radio show.
But what can we do to stop him?
78
00:04:15,294 --> 00:04:18,374
Gerry, we are the most powerful men
in Boyle.
79
00:04:18,494 --> 00:04:19,854
And just outside of Boyle.
80
00:04:20,014 --> 00:04:22,494
We can do whatever
the feckin' hell we like.
81
00:04:24,534 --> 00:04:26,174
I mean... what specifically?
82
00:04:28,374 --> 00:04:29,734
Let's shoot him dead.
83
00:04:29,854 --> 00:04:31,894
Sorry, Frank, I didn't see ya there.
84
00:04:32,054 --> 00:04:34,374
I was in the bog.
Who are we talking about?
85
00:04:34,534 --> 00:04:36,974
'Welcome back,
fellow earthlings,
86
00:04:37,134 --> 00:04:40,694
'to Believe It Or Not
with Dr Steven Gnot.
87
00:04:40,854 --> 00:04:43,414
'Tonight we've asked...
are we alone?'
88
00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:47,774
Is this tiny planet of ours dancing
solo in the giant disco of space?
89
00:04:48,854 --> 00:04:51,894
I doubt it. And so does De Burgh!
90
00:04:52,054 --> 00:04:55,054
Oh, I can't wait to see an alien
in the flesh.
91
00:04:55,174 --> 00:04:56,614
Or whatever it is they have.
92
00:04:58,934 --> 00:05:00,454
Wheee!
93
00:05:04,614 --> 00:05:07,534
Argh! My eye! My precious
sideways-opening eye!
94
00:05:07,654 --> 00:05:09,854
Here, take one of mine. I poo eyes!
95
00:05:12,494 --> 00:05:15,814
Where are these bloody aliens?
We've been here nearly ten minutes!
96
00:05:15,934 --> 00:05:18,134
It's time to break out the big guns.
97
00:05:24,214 --> 00:05:25,894
This should do the trick.
98
00:05:26,014 --> 00:05:27,534
It won't come to that, Liam.
99
00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:30,334
If they don't get his rent,
the nursing home will send Dad back
100
00:05:30,494 --> 00:05:32,254
to his own house,
where he'll discover
101
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:34,014
baby Rose has taken his room.
102
00:05:34,174 --> 00:05:37,174
And you know how he feels about
babies. He calls them flesh devils.
103
00:05:37,334 --> 00:05:40,254
So they'll move back to the house,
and I'll have to hide out here
104
00:05:40,414 --> 00:05:42,254
staring at my bloody idle hands.
105
00:05:42,414 --> 00:05:45,454
Yeah, if only there was something
useful you could do with your hands.
106
00:05:45,574 --> 00:05:47,334
It's just hard to look professional
107
00:05:47,494 --> 00:05:49,734
when you're pulling an animal
out of a bank.
108
00:05:52,574 --> 00:05:55,054
Na, na, na, na, na.
109
00:05:55,214 --> 00:05:59,334
Na, na, na, na, na.
110
00:05:59,494 --> 00:06:02,254
That tune is pretty effective.
We come in peace.
111
00:06:02,414 --> 00:06:05,334
Unless you're violent,
in which case we leave in haste.
112
00:06:05,494 --> 00:06:08,574
No fear needed, oh, fellow holders
of inquisitive minds.
113
00:06:08,694 --> 00:06:10,654
You sound like that radio fella.
114
00:06:10,814 --> 00:06:13,854
Your ears are as sharp as your hat,
my tin-foiled friend.
115
00:06:14,014 --> 00:06:17,974
We're looking for aliens.
I fear we are a night too late.
116
00:06:18,134 --> 00:06:22,934
Grand, think I'll head home, so.
Yeah, my toes are catching a chill.
117
00:06:23,094 --> 00:06:26,054
Be not discouraged,
my intrepid young imagineers.
118
00:06:27,494 --> 00:06:29,974
Though tonight we have not been
graced by the presence
119
00:06:30,134 --> 00:06:33,694
of our galactic neighbours,
we are on the cusp
120
00:06:33,814 --> 00:06:36,214
of a celestial street party,
121
00:06:36,374 --> 00:06:39,014
the likes of which
can only be imagined...
122
00:06:42,774 --> 00:06:44,414
Oh, they've gone!
123
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,854
Oh, they've been taken up!
124
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:51,614
Steven, you always bloody miss it!
125
00:06:51,734 --> 00:06:53,654
Na, na, na, na, na.
126
00:06:54,934 --> 00:06:57,494
Oh, there they are. Stop being
so hard on yourself, Steven.
127
00:06:59,494 --> 00:07:02,014
Oh, I left the bloody car lights on!
128
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:09,894
Good morning, Earth woman.
Good morning, Moone... boy.
129
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:13,254
That's a pretty cool...
Hey, where's Donkey Kong?
130
00:07:13,374 --> 00:07:14,774
Has he escaped again?
131
00:07:14,894 --> 00:07:17,014
But I tied him up really well.
132
00:07:17,134 --> 00:07:18,934
Argh!
133
00:07:19,094 --> 00:07:22,414
Bloody hell, Martin.
He's always escaping!
134
00:07:22,534 --> 00:07:24,134
Argh!
135
00:07:25,734 --> 00:07:28,374
Frustrating... is what it is.
136
00:07:30,854 --> 00:07:32,734
Have you seen my donkey, Mister?
137
00:07:32,894 --> 00:07:36,214
He answers to the name
of Donkey Kong.
138
00:07:36,374 --> 00:07:39,214
Or any name, if you shout it
at him loud enough.
139
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,254
Nah, I haven't seen him.
140
00:07:41,414 --> 00:07:43,614
I could do ya a deal
on a blind and deaf goat?
141
00:07:43,734 --> 00:07:45,454
No, thanks. Your loss.
142
00:07:45,574 --> 00:07:47,134
Whoa! How good a deal?
143
00:07:50,854 --> 00:07:54,294
I just can't believe he'd run away.
He was so happy here.
144
00:07:54,454 --> 00:07:57,054
He seemed so excited
about our future together.
145
00:07:57,214 --> 00:08:00,494
Unless... You didn't get rid of him,
did you, Dad?
146
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,694
What? No! Of course not.
147
00:08:04,014 --> 00:08:06,134
I know how much you love
Donkey Kong.
148
00:08:06,294 --> 00:08:08,854
He's my best friend
in the whole world.
149
00:08:08,974 --> 00:08:10,654
Ouch. Ouch.
150
00:08:10,774 --> 00:08:12,494
You swear? You swear on your grave?
151
00:08:12,654 --> 00:08:15,414
I don't have a grave, Martin.
Swear on Sinead's life then.
152
00:08:15,574 --> 00:08:17,814
Why do you always get him
to swear on MY life?
153
00:08:17,934 --> 00:08:19,254
Last in, first out.
154
00:08:19,414 --> 00:08:23,774
Look, I know it's hard, Martin, but
sometimes things just... vanish.
155
00:08:23,894 --> 00:08:25,094
What?!
156
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:28,214
Grown donkeys don't just vanish.
I smell a rat.
157
00:08:28,374 --> 00:08:31,254
We all smell rats.
It's just the otter odour!
158
00:08:32,494 --> 00:08:35,094
This is me watching you.
With my fingers.
159
00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:36,894
Stop looking at me like that.
160
00:08:38,174 --> 00:08:40,574
Now they're pointing over there.
Oh, kettle!
161
00:08:40,734 --> 00:08:44,574
'So you've been hit
by lightning 17 times?
162
00:08:44,734 --> 00:08:46,854
'Remarkable. You're like
a human lightning rod.
163
00:08:47,014 --> 00:08:49,894
'And it's especially odd,
because my name IS Rod.
164
00:08:50,014 --> 00:08:51,774
'Rod, this is too mysterious.
165
00:08:51,934 --> 00:08:53,814
'Tell me, what do you do
for a living?
166
00:08:53,974 --> 00:08:57,854
'I fix TV aerials. On mountain tops.
No clues there.
167
00:08:57,974 --> 00:08:59,494
'More mysteries when we return...'
168
00:08:59,654 --> 00:09:03,654
It's such a shame these unusual
events are in no way related.
169
00:09:12,454 --> 00:09:13,934
It's all connected.
170
00:09:15,534 --> 00:09:18,774
Yes! By those red lines
you've just drawn.
171
00:09:20,374 --> 00:09:22,534
Open my flippin' guts!
172
00:09:26,614 --> 00:09:28,374
I know where he is! Really?
173
00:09:28,494 --> 00:09:30,774
My donkey was abducted by aliens.
174
00:09:33,134 --> 00:09:35,774
How are ye, Liam?
175
00:09:35,894 --> 00:09:37,814
Gerry-atric! How's it hangin'?
176
00:09:37,934 --> 00:09:39,734
Long and limp, Liam.
177
00:09:39,894 --> 00:09:42,134
But listen, I'm actually here
on a bit of business.
178
00:09:42,294 --> 00:09:45,854
The town council are in talks to get
new street signs done this year.
179
00:09:45,974 --> 00:09:47,654
Aw, that's great news, Ger.
180
00:09:47,814 --> 00:09:49,574
Ah, yeah,
it'll be a real sign blitz.
181
00:09:49,694 --> 00:09:51,214
I could use the money, to be honest.
182
00:09:51,334 --> 00:09:53,894
Well, here's the thing, Liam.
183
00:09:54,054 --> 00:09:58,574
It's looking like we may have to
go with... Chinese imports. No!
184
00:09:58,734 --> 00:10:02,414
Don't, Liam, don't. My heart
is already broke with the guilt.
185
00:10:02,534 --> 00:10:04,494
But the quality is so poor, Ger.
186
00:10:04,614 --> 00:10:06,334
You know Drum Shambo tried them
187
00:10:06,494 --> 00:10:08,894
and the signs turned up
written in Chinese.
188
00:10:09,014 --> 00:10:10,374
Oh, I love that song.
189
00:10:10,534 --> 00:10:13,014
Well, we've crunched the numbers,
you see, Liam,
190
00:10:13,174 --> 00:10:15,574
and your prices are a little
on the steep side.
191
00:10:15,734 --> 00:10:17,974
It would actually be cheaper
to get the whole town
192
00:10:18,094 --> 00:10:20,214
to learn a little Mandarin. What?
193
00:10:20,374 --> 00:10:24,014
But fret not, Liam, there may be
a solution. Anything, Ger.
194
00:10:24,174 --> 00:10:28,214
I hear your donkey has
been abducted by aliens. Jesus!
195
00:10:28,374 --> 00:10:32,334
The town council are a little
worried tourists might be put off
196
00:10:32,494 --> 00:10:35,374
if they think that Boyle
has been infested with UFOs.
197
00:10:35,494 --> 00:10:36,814
Well, that makes sense.
198
00:10:36,974 --> 00:10:39,534
They're an odd bunch, Liam,
they're an odd bunch.
199
00:10:39,694 --> 00:10:43,254
But I'm sure that if you were
able to subdue that UFO story,
200
00:10:43,414 --> 00:10:47,134
I might be able to...
pull a few strings there.
201
00:10:49,254 --> 00:10:50,774
No problem, Ger.
202
00:10:52,934 --> 00:10:55,014
Martin, me old comrade.
203
00:10:56,814 --> 00:11:01,014
Listen, we need to talk about
the whole donkey thing.
204
00:11:01,174 --> 00:11:04,854
Amazing, isn't it, Dad? Front page!
What?
205
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:10,614
I prefer the picture they used
in the New York Times.
206
00:11:18,090 --> 00:11:19,740
I can't believe
they abducted my donkey
207
00:11:19,861 --> 00:11:21,621
while I was actually
out looking for them.
208
00:11:21,741 --> 00:11:23,421
I mean, the one time we go out.
209
00:11:23,581 --> 00:11:26,821
Feckin' donkey rustlers. Wonder what
they're doing to the poor fella.
210
00:11:26,981 --> 00:11:29,541
Who knows? Maybe everything
in space is reversed.
211
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:33,220
Hey, what if Donkey Kong
is THEIR ruler?
212
00:11:38,581 --> 00:11:43,381
What say ye,
donkey overlord? Yea or nay?
213
00:11:46,861 --> 00:11:48,741
I think we know how that one goes.
214
00:11:50,181 --> 00:11:51,941
Martin. Get in.
215
00:11:51,980 --> 00:11:53,100
C'mon, buddy.
216
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,800
What do I always say
about getting in strangers' cars?
217
00:11:56,054 --> 00:11:58,974
That I should do it?
That's right. Please don't kill him.
218
00:12:01,241 --> 00:12:04,801
'Aliens, Bigfoot,
the Lough Key Monster!
219
00:12:04,921 --> 00:12:07,281
'It's all silly silliness.
220
00:12:07,401 --> 00:12:10,601
'Brought to you by Dr Steven Gnot.
221
00:12:10,859 --> 00:12:13,779
'Actually, Father,
the big G is silent.
222
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:16,379
'The big G will never be silenced.'
223
00:12:16,539 --> 00:12:19,579
So they're really going to
import signs from China?
224
00:12:19,699 --> 00:12:21,099
I think Gerry can swing it my way.
225
00:12:21,259 --> 00:12:23,899
So long as Martin shuts up
about feckin' aliens.
226
00:12:24,059 --> 00:12:27,179
'And now for the counter-argument,
we have Martin Moone,
227
00:12:27,339 --> 00:12:30,139
'whose donkey was recently
abducted by aliens.
228
00:12:30,299 --> 00:12:33,579
'Thank you, Doctor, Father, Mother,
whoever's listening, really.
229
00:12:33,739 --> 00:12:36,059
'Great to be here.
So, tell us, Martin...'
230
00:12:36,219 --> 00:12:39,619
How do you know that your
donkey was abducted?
231
00:12:39,739 --> 00:12:42,779
I just know. Sometimes you just know.
232
00:12:42,939 --> 00:12:47,779
So now you're going on faith alone?
What kind of belief system is that?
233
00:12:49,219 --> 00:12:52,059
Didn't you also... see it happen?
234
00:12:55,419 --> 00:12:57,459
Sure. Why not?
235
00:12:57,579 --> 00:13:00,579
Oh... Yes. I did see it happen.
236
00:13:00,699 --> 00:13:02,979
That's how I just know.
237
00:13:03,139 --> 00:13:06,059
So now you saw it?
Then enlighten us, Martin.
238
00:13:06,179 --> 00:13:07,939
Tell us what happened.
239
00:13:08,099 --> 00:13:10,779
That's what we're about to do,
if you'll shut up.
240
00:13:10,899 --> 00:13:12,859
I woke up in the middle of the night
241
00:13:13,019 --> 00:13:17,739
and I decided to go
for a walk in the garden.
242
00:13:17,899 --> 00:13:21,139
'The ship soared down
over our garden, then stopped.'
243
00:13:21,299 --> 00:13:25,219
Slowly but suddenly.
Right over Donkey Kong.
244
00:13:25,419 --> 00:13:28,619
A big massive UFO. Lights everywhere.
But totally dark.
245
00:13:28,739 --> 00:13:30,699
'But black as the night.'
246
00:13:30,859 --> 00:13:33,939
Emitting nothing
but a deafening hum.
247
00:13:34,099 --> 00:13:37,819
Which was completely silent.
Which made no sound at all.
248
00:13:37,939 --> 00:13:39,499
Which was confusing.
249
00:13:39,659 --> 00:13:42,219
Listen to his florid,
descriptive prose.
250
00:13:42,379 --> 00:13:44,659
This is all your fault
for encouraging him to read!
251
00:13:44,819 --> 00:13:48,739
And once the donkey-tractor-beam
had consumed my majestic mule,
252
00:13:48,899 --> 00:13:51,539
the heavenly craft
returned to the stars,
253
00:13:51,659 --> 00:13:54,419
as silently and loudly as it came.
254
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,259
What the feck?!
255
00:14:11,779 --> 00:14:13,299
Hey, lads!
256
00:14:15,659 --> 00:14:18,899
And so it was that Martin Moone
became a celestial celebrity.
257
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:21,579
Well done for having
your donkey abducted, Moone.
258
00:14:21,739 --> 00:14:24,779
I can't take all the credit, lads.
The aliens did their part too.
259
00:14:28,099 --> 00:14:29,539
He touched my hand!
260
00:14:29,659 --> 00:14:31,619
But fame came with a price.
261
00:14:31,739 --> 00:14:33,499
62247.
262
00:14:33,659 --> 00:14:35,939
'We've got your dog.
Stop talking about UFOs
263
00:14:36,059 --> 00:14:37,459
'or we'll kill him.'
264
00:14:37,579 --> 00:14:38,939
I don't have a dog. 'Yes, you do.
265
00:14:39,099 --> 00:14:41,459
'A little black and white fella.
Nametag says Benji.'
266
00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:43,459
He sounds nice.
He's not mine, though.
267
00:14:43,619 --> 00:14:46,019
'Do you have any pets?'
I have a donkey.
268
00:14:46,139 --> 00:14:47,979
'We're gonna get your donkey.'
269
00:14:48,139 --> 00:14:50,859
He's already been abducted by aliens.
'Ah, for feck...'
270
00:14:54,419 --> 00:14:57,579
I was chatting to Beijing
there this morning, Liam.
271
00:14:57,699 --> 00:14:59,339
They've a dozen 10-year-olds
272
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:02,019
with itchy fingers
over there ready to go.
273
00:15:02,179 --> 00:15:04,739
I told you, I'll handle the UFO
thing, don't worry.
274
00:15:04,899 --> 00:15:08,459
Be sure you do, Moone.
This is a fine workshop.
275
00:15:08,619 --> 00:15:13,299
It would be a shame
if anything were to happen to it.
276
00:15:13,419 --> 00:15:14,899
What does that mean?
277
00:15:15,059 --> 00:15:18,019
General disrepair, Liam,
due to a lack of business.
278
00:15:22,499 --> 00:15:24,179
What are you laughin' at?
279
00:15:26,699 --> 00:15:27,939
Oops.
280
00:15:30,819 --> 00:15:33,619
Sorry about that, Liam. Bloody work!
281
00:15:34,699 --> 00:15:36,419
See ya at poker night.
282
00:15:37,699 --> 00:15:39,739
Yeah, OK. Thanks. Bye-bye.
283
00:15:41,739 --> 00:15:45,179
So, the nursing home
has discharged Grandad.
284
00:15:45,299 --> 00:15:47,339
He's back at his house. Oh...
285
00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:51,139
Dad, does that mean he's better now?
286
00:15:54,259 --> 00:15:57,499
62247. 'We've got your brother.'
I don't have a brother.
287
00:16:03,659 --> 00:16:05,139
Oh. Hi.
288
00:16:05,259 --> 00:16:07,299
Sorry. Wrong house.
289
00:16:07,459 --> 00:16:10,419
No, wait. This IS your house,
Grandad.
290
00:16:10,579 --> 00:16:14,259
So are you the squatters, then?
Kinda. We're family.
291
00:16:31,299 --> 00:16:32,499
62247.
292
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:35,539
'Yeah, hi, is this the residence
of Martin Moone?'
293
00:16:35,659 --> 00:16:37,059
Is that you again? How's Benji?
294
00:16:37,219 --> 00:16:40,259
'No, this is Cormack McCormack
from RTE news.
295
00:16:40,379 --> 00:16:42,299
'I'm looking to speak to Martin.'
296
00:16:42,459 --> 00:16:44,979
I can tell him, if you're going
to be a big girl about it.
297
00:16:45,099 --> 00:16:47,019
I'll tell him, I'll tell him!
298
00:16:47,179 --> 00:16:49,779
Martin, come in here.
We need to talk.
299
00:16:54,059 --> 00:16:56,499
Martin? I'm gonna be on television!
300
00:17:02,379 --> 00:17:04,779
UFO hats!
Get your UFO hats here.
301
00:17:17,139 --> 00:17:20,779
Looks like you've got things
totally under control here, Liam!
302
00:17:22,019 --> 00:17:23,899
This is my sarcastic tone!
303
00:17:26,499 --> 00:17:28,779
I feel a little over-dressed, Mam.
304
00:17:28,939 --> 00:17:31,739
All your clothes stink cos
of the broken washing machine.
305
00:17:31,859 --> 00:17:33,579
Where did I even get this?
306
00:17:33,739 --> 00:17:36,739
I think you forgot to return it
after you quit that chauffeur job.
307
00:17:36,859 --> 00:17:38,739
That's right. See you out there.
308
00:17:40,739 --> 00:17:43,979
Well, buddy, we had a fun fling
with radio.
309
00:17:44,139 --> 00:17:47,419
But now it's time to go hit on
its big dumb sexy daughter.
310
00:17:47,539 --> 00:17:49,899
Television, here I come, baby!
311
00:17:51,179 --> 00:17:53,259
Last of the xylophones, lads!
312
00:17:53,379 --> 00:17:54,779
Last of the xylophones.
313
00:17:54,939 --> 00:17:58,539
What do you think of all
this UFO stuff? What's a UFO?
314
00:18:04,019 --> 00:18:05,619
Martin, this is all wrong.
315
00:18:05,779 --> 00:18:07,739
I can't let you do the interview
like this.
316
00:18:07,859 --> 00:18:09,299
The hat's too much, isn't it?
317
00:18:09,459 --> 00:18:11,699
You need to know the truth
about the donkey.
318
00:18:11,819 --> 00:18:13,379
Do you know what a stud farm is?
319
00:18:13,499 --> 00:18:15,819
Do I? I was raised on a stud farm.
320
00:18:15,939 --> 00:18:17,259
Joke.
321
00:18:17,379 --> 00:18:19,259
Shut up about the bloody UFOs!
322
00:18:20,339 --> 00:18:22,099
Put down the gnome, Father!
323
00:18:22,219 --> 00:18:23,419
Psst!
324
00:18:23,579 --> 00:18:27,219
It's up to you now, Martin.
Don't be intimidated.
325
00:18:27,379 --> 00:18:29,739
Don't let them shut you up
like they shut me up.
326
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:32,019
Oh, my God, they got you fired?
327
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:34,499
No, they just told me to shut up.
So I shut up.
328
00:18:34,619 --> 00:18:36,059
Well, don't worry, Doctor.
329
00:18:36,219 --> 00:18:38,499
Mam always says I never know
when to shut up.
330
00:18:39,939 --> 00:18:44,299
Oh, I wish I had his courage.
The truth will only prevail when...
331
00:18:44,419 --> 00:18:45,779
Shut up, Dr Gnot!
332
00:18:45,899 --> 00:18:47,179
Sorry.
333
00:18:47,339 --> 00:18:51,699
And once the ship had enveloped
the equine extractor,
334
00:18:51,859 --> 00:18:55,419
it returned to the stars as quickly
and slowly and smoothly
335
00:18:55,539 --> 00:18:57,019
and awkwardly as it came.
336
00:18:57,139 --> 00:18:59,259
Wow. That's quite a story, Martin.
337
00:18:59,379 --> 00:19:01,219
I mean, you couldn't make it up.
338
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:03,659
The thing is,
we have another source,
339
00:19:03,819 --> 00:19:07,099
who tells us about the night you say
you saw the donkey being abducted.
340
00:19:07,219 --> 00:19:08,979
An informant, if you will.
341
00:19:09,139 --> 00:19:13,619
Who tells us that you were in fact
out in a field, looking for UFOs.
342
00:19:13,739 --> 00:19:15,379
An informant?
343
00:19:15,539 --> 00:19:19,819
You weren't actually here at all,
were you, Martin?
344
00:19:19,979 --> 00:19:22,899
I...eh... So how could you know
that the donkey was abducted?
345
00:19:23,019 --> 00:19:25,019
Or you just a lying little culchie?
346
00:19:25,179 --> 00:19:27,459
That's exactly what he is!
Lying little culchie.
347
00:19:27,619 --> 00:19:30,979
Well, we are culchies, but we're
not... A little bit, maybe.
348
00:19:31,099 --> 00:19:33,499
No, I know... but... em...
349
00:19:33,619 --> 00:19:35,499
Hit him, Martin! Just hit him!
350
00:19:35,659 --> 00:19:37,779
Push over the camera
and we'll run to the border.
351
00:19:37,899 --> 00:19:39,299
We'll make a new life in Leitrim!
352
00:19:39,459 --> 00:19:42,259
No... I know they took him,
because... Because...?
353
00:19:42,379 --> 00:19:43,939
Because I told him.
354
00:19:46,379 --> 00:19:48,179
I didn't see that coming.
Excuse me?
355
00:19:48,339 --> 00:19:51,179
I told him about the aliens
and everything.
356
00:19:53,299 --> 00:19:55,819
And how would you know the aliens
abducted the donkey?
357
00:19:55,939 --> 00:19:58,099
Because...
358
00:19:58,219 --> 00:19:59,939
they abducted me too.
359
00:20:01,619 --> 00:20:03,419
You lucky bastard!
360
00:20:03,579 --> 00:20:07,699
'Ah, they were sound, yeah.
Middle-aged, I'd say.
361
00:20:07,819 --> 00:20:09,779
'No teeth...
362
00:20:09,899 --> 00:20:11,539
'two heads.
363
00:20:11,659 --> 00:20:13,859
'when they were done with me,
364
00:20:14,019 --> 00:20:16,979
'the spaceship dropped me off at
the house and headed off into...
365
00:20:18,899 --> 00:20:20,339
'..space.
366
00:20:20,499 --> 00:20:25,699
'Liam Moone there, a Roscommon
signwriter, abducted by aliens.
367
00:20:27,179 --> 00:20:29,099
'The main news again.
368
00:20:29,259 --> 00:20:33,139
'In Operation Dessert Storm...
Sorry, Desert Storm...'
369
00:20:33,259 --> 00:20:36,219
I saw them too, you know. What?
370
00:20:36,339 --> 00:20:38,859
The aliens. Shut up, you!
371
00:20:41,379 --> 00:20:44,819
Well, I've lost the Sign Blitz
and disgraced myself publicly.
372
00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:47,179
I guess things can't get any worse.
373
00:20:48,339 --> 00:20:50,859
Hiya, Daddio!
Guess who's moving back?
374
00:20:51,979 --> 00:20:53,779
I wish I was back in space.
375
00:20:53,939 --> 00:20:56,139
Thanks to Liam's inadvertent
advertising,
376
00:20:56,259 --> 00:20:58,579
Boyle became a UFO tourist hot-spot.
377
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,059
And the town council
finally embraced
378
00:21:08,179 --> 00:21:09,699
its celestial selling point.
379
00:21:12,259 --> 00:21:14,179
Though their new signs
made it tricky
380
00:21:14,299 --> 00:21:15,819
to actually find the UFO sites.
381
00:21:15,979 --> 00:21:20,619
Dr Gnot wrote a sci-fi bestseller,
inspired by Liam's alien encounter.
382
00:21:22,539 --> 00:21:24,299
And as a thank-you, the good doctor
383
00:21:24,459 --> 00:21:26,379
bought the Moones
a new washing machine.
384
00:21:27,739 --> 00:21:29,579
Told you it was all connected.
385
00:21:31,859 --> 00:21:33,179
I know that neigh!
386
00:21:35,099 --> 00:21:37,019
Oh, and the donkey wandered home.
387
00:21:38,659 --> 00:21:41,899
I tell you something -
thank God for your field, Tony.
388
00:21:42,059 --> 00:21:45,459
If it wasn't for these crop circles,
none of this would have happened.
389
00:21:45,619 --> 00:21:48,819
You know, the funny thing is, Gerry,
the only reason there's circles here
390
00:21:48,979 --> 00:21:51,019
is I got a puncture
on the Massey Ferguson
391
00:21:51,179 --> 00:21:53,339
and I just couldn't keep her
straight.
392
00:21:53,459 --> 00:21:56,339
She just kept goin' round and round.
393
00:21:57,699 --> 00:21:59,259
Right, well, it's probably best
394
00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:01,539
if you keep that to yourself,
Tony, huh?
395
00:22:12,579 --> 00:22:16,459
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