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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,782 --> 00:00:11,389
♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪
4
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Good morning, family.
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Now, as you all know,
since four minutes ago,
12
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when I heard it on the radio,
13
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it has been my lifelong dream
14
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to compete in the St.
Philip's Greasy Pole Contest,
15
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where shirtless men try to
climb across a greasy pole.
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Come on, Chris, let's go.
17
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Now, hold on, Peter, you promised
18
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you'd run errands with me today.
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You can't just bail 'cause you
heard of some fun new thing.
20
00:00:55,581 --> 00:00:58,889
Lois, we both know I'm going to
the whatever-I-just-said thing.
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Meg will fill in for me.
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Ugh, fine.
23
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All right, now, if you're
gonna be filling in for me,
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you need to complete the online course.
25
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Congratulations on being
picked to fill in for me
26
00:01:09,176 --> 00:01:10,712
while I have a horse-around day.
27
00:01:10,992 --> 00:01:14,265
Now, let's talk dos and
don'ts around the workplace.
28
00:01:15,436 --> 00:01:17,035
Okay, let's see what you've learned.
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Describe the difference
between a tunic and a shawl
30
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in as much detail as possible.
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Ugh.
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Congratulations on being picked...
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Every year there's
some hotshot who thinks
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they don't gotta watch the video.
35
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Oh, no, I left my phone in the car.
36
00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:39,068
Oh, weird. I forgot mine, too.
37
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Should I run back and grab them?
38
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- Oh, we don't need 'em.
- No, we do not.
39
00:01:42,784 --> 00:01:45,514
I for one welcome the
lost art of conversation,
40
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of which we are both ninjas, my friend.
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Absolutely.
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♪ Bah dah buh buh ba ♪
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♪ Bah dah buh buh da dah! ♪
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So, how you doing, man?
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All good. All good in the hood.
46
00:02:02,985 --> 00:02:04,219
Anything new? What's new?
47
00:02:04,219 --> 00:02:06,857
Same old, same old.
Life good? Family good?
48
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Yep, living the dream.
49
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D-R-E-A-M. No complaints.
50
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Zero complaints.
51
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Dylan, right? Your son. He good?
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Most def.
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Most def.
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[CELL PHONE ALERTS CHIMING]
55
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- Breaking news.
- I can't believe this.
56
00:02:24,392 --> 00:02:26,865
I have a Samsung, so my
alert hasn't come in yet.
57
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It's nice not being glued to our phones
58
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like these sheeple, huh?
59
00:02:30,571 --> 00:02:31,573
[SAMSUNG PHONE CHIMES]
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[MAN] There it is. Oh, my God.
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Slaves to the screen.
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Are we almost done?
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I need to find Stewie's rash cream,
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00:02:48,007 --> 00:02:50,211
but if you're not having
fun, go get a squeeze
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00:02:50,311 --> 00:02:51,848
from the blood pressure machine.
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00:02:51,848 --> 00:02:53,918
That always perks me up.
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[PHONE CHIMING]
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00:02:57,669 --> 00:03:00,453
Meg, oh, my God, it's crazy here.
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00:03:00,464 --> 00:03:02,758
Dad fell off the pole
and landed on his head,
70
00:03:02,769 --> 00:03:04,964
and one of his eyes popped out.
71
00:03:04,975 --> 00:03:06,900
We picked it up and jammed it back in,
72
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but the pupil was on the other side.
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I'm okay. Just got a little headache.
74
00:03:11,913 --> 00:03:14,259
Also, Dad gave me a hard lemonade.
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00:03:14,525 --> 00:03:16,562
He's pretty out of it.
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Total shocker, Chris and Dad are having
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a very fun day.
78
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They're not the only ones, huh?
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00:03:22,612 --> 00:03:24,781
Oh, I also need to return this loofah.
80
00:03:24,781 --> 00:03:26,817
I mean, who was I
kidding? I'm a Dial bar
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- smeared right on the skin gal.
- Of course.
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Let me show you to the returns section.
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[EXPLOSION]
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[MORT] The Prestige.
85
00:03:40,848 --> 00:03:43,692
Well, I guess Janet
forgave Robert for Jamaica.
86
00:03:43,703 --> 00:03:46,017
- What are you talking about?
- The wedding's back on.
87
00:03:46,028 --> 00:03:48,995
And Janet officially has no backbone.
88
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What are you doing?
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00:03:50,307 --> 00:03:51,993
Um, eating a sandwich.
90
00:03:52,004 --> 00:03:54,350
Brian Griffin, I ordered ramen for us.
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We planned this last night.
92
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We did? I don't... I don't remember.
93
00:03:58,329 --> 00:03:59,883
You were too drunk to remember?
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00:03:59,983 --> 00:04:01,453
I've been dying to try this place.
95
00:04:01,553 --> 00:04:02,722
You said we could do it together.
96
00:04:02,722 --> 00:04:04,458
- Stewie, it's not...
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
97
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,300
Uh, ramen for Stewie and Brian?
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00:04:08,300 --> 00:04:10,237
Apparently it's just for Stewie.
99
00:04:10,237 --> 00:04:12,375
- Everything okay?
- No, it's not!
100
00:04:12,475 --> 00:04:14,579
[SOBBING]
101
00:04:14,579 --> 00:04:16,049
Stewie, what the hell was that?
102
00:04:16,138 --> 00:04:17,340
What happened to us?
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00:04:17,351 --> 00:04:18,788
I thought we were best friends.
104
00:04:18,788 --> 00:04:20,224
We have nothing to say at brunch,
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we don't listen to each
other, we forget plans we made.
106
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By the way, the "we" in all this is you.
107
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Don't be dramatic, Stewie, we're fine.
108
00:04:27,061 --> 00:04:29,832
No, we're not. Best
friends talk about stuff.
109
00:04:29,843 --> 00:04:32,083
I-I don't... What do you want me to do?
110
00:04:32,094 --> 00:04:34,452
If you're really
asking, I saw a therapist
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00:04:34,452 --> 00:04:35,889
on The Today Show talking about
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00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,238
the emergence of friendship therapy.
113
00:04:38,313 --> 00:04:39,710
I think it could help us.
114
00:04:39,721 --> 00:04:42,001
- No.
- [CRYING]
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- [SIGHS] Fine.
- Oh, Brian, this is great.
116
00:04:44,761 --> 00:04:46,598
It'll give us the fresh start we need.
117
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Like when Tom Brady moved to Tampa Bay.
118
00:04:49,317 --> 00:04:52,522
All right! Now I get to cheat in shorts.
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00:04:52,622 --> 00:04:55,862
I'm Peyton Manning, and
I approve this message.
120
00:05:00,557 --> 00:05:04,358
So, yeah, this is how I
reload my purse with mom stuff.
121
00:05:04,498 --> 00:05:08,005
- It's very important to always be prepared.
- Didn't ask.
122
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,120
Travel-size lotion, hand sanitizer,
123
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Tic Tacs, so I can
skip brushing my teeth.
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00:05:12,892 --> 00:05:14,528
Dawg, you still gotta brush.
125
00:05:14,528 --> 00:05:16,464
Oh, and mom hack 68:
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00:05:16,464 --> 00:05:18,769
Buy the $2.00 plastic rain bonnet.
127
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:22,986
They're made at the same factory
that makes the $9.00 ones.
128
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Don't ask me how I know.
129
00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:29,590
Oh, Meg, don't look for a sec.
130
00:05:31,245 --> 00:05:33,650
Okay, it's safe.
131
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:37,274
Our treat for an epic errands day.
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Amazing.
133
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Big surprise, I didn't win.
134
00:05:42,116 --> 00:05:43,853
Didn't win what?
135
00:05:47,553 --> 00:05:50,558
Oh, my God, Meg, I won!
136
00:05:52,170 --> 00:05:54,808
You're kidding. Mom, this is amazing.
137
00:05:54,808 --> 00:05:56,854
Ah! I know, I can't believe it.
138
00:05:56,865 --> 00:06:00,031
It's even more exciting than
the creation of Broccolini.
139
00:06:00,478 --> 00:06:01,777
What is this new plant?
140
00:06:01,788 --> 00:06:03,259
Let me ask you a question.
141
00:06:03,259 --> 00:06:05,482
- Do you like broccoli?
- Not really.
142
00:06:05,493 --> 00:06:10,139
Well, I think I just figured out
a way to make it harder to eat.
143
00:06:13,676 --> 00:06:15,717
I can't believe you won ten grand.
144
00:06:15,728 --> 00:06:17,966
I know. I wonder how soon I can get that
145
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house water filtration system installed.
146
00:06:20,393 --> 00:06:22,029
A couple weeks? A month?
147
00:06:22,029 --> 00:06:24,501
- What is wrong with you?
- Wh-What do you mean?
148
00:06:24,590 --> 00:06:27,095
You win a boatload of money,
and your first thought is
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00:06:27,106 --> 00:06:28,742
a water filtration system?!
150
00:06:28,831 --> 00:06:31,241
How do you not blow your brains out?
151
00:06:31,252 --> 00:06:33,256
Oh, these systems are very cool.
152
00:06:33,452 --> 00:06:35,723
No, they're not! They're boring.
153
00:06:35,823 --> 00:06:38,079
Everything you do is boring.
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00:06:38,090 --> 00:06:40,021
That's why we all want
to hang out with Dad.
155
00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:41,903
Imagine what he'd do with ten grand.
156
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Something super stupid
and selfish and awesome,
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that's what.
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00:06:50,725 --> 00:06:54,027
- Dad's not the only fun one, you know.
- Uh-huh?
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00:06:54,027 --> 00:06:56,331
Oh, you don't believe me? Okay, okay.
160
00:06:56,331 --> 00:06:58,702
Well, what if... What
if we use the money
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for something fun? For just us.
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00:07:01,076 --> 00:07:03,634
- Like what?
- Like going on a top-secret
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00:07:03,645 --> 00:07:05,884
- mother/daughter trip.
- Really?
164
00:07:05,984 --> 00:07:08,155
Mom, that would be amazing.
165
00:07:08,255 --> 00:07:10,860
Great. Now let's keep this same energy
166
00:07:10,860 --> 00:07:13,565
while we take a quick
detour for my mammogram.
167
00:07:13,665 --> 00:07:15,871
Whoo-hoo! Girls' trip!
168
00:07:15,971 --> 00:07:17,391
How's it looking in there?
169
00:07:17,402 --> 00:07:19,611
Well, it's probably nothing.
170
00:07:19,622 --> 00:07:22,439
[WEAKLY] Ooh, girls' trip.
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00:07:27,672 --> 00:07:29,977
[MAN OVER P.A.] Final call
for Vacation Airlines flight
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00:07:29,988 --> 00:07:31,390
to Vacation Destination.
173
00:07:31,401 --> 00:07:33,538
I can't believe we're
going on a secret trip.
174
00:07:33,639 --> 00:07:36,178
This is so cool. What did you tell Dad?
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00:07:36,278 --> 00:07:38,181
Oh, pfft, he won't even know we're gone.
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00:07:38,281 --> 00:07:39,985
I got him his favorite babysitter.
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00:07:40,362 --> 00:07:42,958
Lois says we're allowed
to stay up past 9:00.
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00:07:42,958 --> 00:07:44,561
The note says 9:00.
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00:07:44,572 --> 00:07:45,809
Not if it's special.
180
00:07:45,820 --> 00:07:47,422
And we're allowed to watch Beetlejuice.
181
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:51,041
The note specifically says
"no Beetlejuice."
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00:07:52,583 --> 00:07:53,819
I'm allowed to watch Coco,
183
00:07:53,913 --> 00:07:56,484
and it's basically the same thing.
184
00:08:00,846 --> 00:08:03,718
I'm Dr. Wagner. Please take a seat.
185
00:08:03,729 --> 00:08:05,032
This is a test, right?
186
00:08:05,043 --> 00:08:07,949
You're free to sit anywhere you like.
187
00:08:09,444 --> 00:08:10,947
Yeah? This right?
188
00:08:10,947 --> 00:08:13,318
There's no right or wrong.
189
00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:18,361
Aha, you lost. You sat too quick.
190
00:08:18,461 --> 00:08:20,432
Are you uncomfortable that
Brian had the confidence
191
00:08:20,532 --> 00:08:21,970
- to choose a seat?
- Yes!
192
00:08:21,970 --> 00:08:23,339
Brian one, Stewie zero.
193
00:08:23,439 --> 00:08:25,844
Actually, Brian, this isn't a contest.
194
00:08:25,844 --> 00:08:27,346
Yes. One to one.
195
00:08:27,346 --> 00:08:28,549
Stewie, please sit.
196
00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:29,785
I may just stand.
197
00:08:29,785 --> 00:08:31,923
Oh, indecisive. Two to one.
198
00:08:32,509 --> 00:08:34,828
Doc's going pen to
pad, and you gotta think
199
00:08:34,828 --> 00:08:37,233
Stewie just evened up the score.
200
00:08:44,014 --> 00:08:46,852
It does look like we have
an ocean-view suite available
201
00:08:46,986 --> 00:08:49,751
for an extra $500 if you are interested.
202
00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:52,163
You know what, yes, we'll take it.
203
00:08:52,163 --> 00:08:54,434
The Snapple babes are living it up.
204
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:55,508
Very good.
205
00:08:55,519 --> 00:08:56,989
So the room isn't quite ready.
206
00:08:57,331 --> 00:08:58,866
Would you like to inconveniently
207
00:08:58,877 --> 00:09:00,112
grab your swimsuits from your luggage
208
00:09:00,112 --> 00:09:01,382
and use the pool while you wait?
209
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:04,610
Oh, that's okay, we'll
just buy new bathing suits
210
00:09:04,621 --> 00:09:06,150
at the lobby store.
211
00:09:06,161 --> 00:09:07,464
[ALL GASP]
212
00:09:07,532 --> 00:09:09,369
Snapple babes?
213
00:09:09,380 --> 00:09:10,582
And for our survey,
214
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,021
how'd you hear about the resort?
215
00:09:12,269 --> 00:09:14,942
That rich lady from the
news was murdered here.
216
00:09:14,942 --> 00:09:17,613
Yep, that is what most people say.
217
00:09:21,138 --> 00:09:22,413
Hey, Stewie, what are you watching?
218
00:09:22,424 --> 00:09:25,596
- Uh, uh, The Gilded Age.
- Seriously?!
219
00:09:25,596 --> 00:09:26,966
I couldn't wait, I'm sorry.
220
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,435
I'll watch it again with you tonight.
221
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:30,039
Oh, and have you stare
at me right before
222
00:09:30,139 --> 00:09:31,808
something big happens? No way.
223
00:09:31,909 --> 00:09:33,112
You know what, you know what, good.
224
00:09:33,112 --> 00:09:34,447
I'll watch shows on my own, too.
225
00:09:34,547 --> 00:09:37,052
I can finally watch
something after 7:00 p.m.
226
00:09:37,153 --> 00:09:40,292
Dr. Wagner would want us to
play Big Problem, Small Problem.
227
00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:43,298
A big problem is sometimes
a hospital problem.
228
00:09:43,298 --> 00:09:45,035
A small problem is something like
229
00:09:45,035 --> 00:09:46,338
your friend watches a show...
230
00:09:46,471 --> 00:09:48,509
I'm not listening to
this crap. This is stupid.
231
00:09:48,609 --> 00:09:50,513
You feel like this is stupid?
232
00:09:50,845 --> 00:09:53,684
Dr. Wagner says to use
"I feel" statements.
233
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:56,024
I feel like you are making up rules...
234
00:09:56,024 --> 00:09:57,794
Oh, Stewie's got the iPad.
235
00:09:57,794 --> 00:09:59,831
Stewie, Daddy's just gonna take the iPad
236
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,601
into the bathroom, okay?
237
00:10:02,388 --> 00:10:03,907
He took my Etch A Sketch.
238
00:10:04,108 --> 00:10:07,602
[PETER] Siri, show me "busty Latinas."
239
00:10:07,765 --> 00:10:10,278
Busty Latinas.
240
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:13,351
Can somebody reset the Wi-Fi?
241
00:10:19,704 --> 00:10:21,074
- Have you decided?
- Yes.
242
00:10:21,074 --> 00:10:24,448
We'd like two Lava Flows
in hollowed-out pineapples,
243
00:10:24,548 --> 00:10:27,855
and sweet potato fries
in a hollowed-out coconut.
244
00:10:27,887 --> 00:10:29,223
Any food or drink you bring us
245
00:10:29,234 --> 00:10:31,471
should be inside a hollow fruit.
246
00:10:31,628 --> 00:10:34,401
Excuse me, my son and I
couldn't help but notice
247
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:37,674
you ordered all your food
in hollowed-out fruit.
248
00:10:37,674 --> 00:10:39,110
You must be very rich.
249
00:10:39,243 --> 00:10:41,081
Oh, thanks for noticing.
250
00:10:41,214 --> 00:10:42,249
So what are your names?
251
00:10:42,249 --> 00:10:44,621
You can call us the Snapple babes.
252
00:10:44,621 --> 00:10:47,093
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, we're famous.
253
00:10:47,687 --> 00:10:50,099
Well, maybe you can tell
us all about it over dinner.
254
00:10:50,099 --> 00:10:52,103
Shall we say one of the three overpriced
255
00:10:52,103 --> 00:10:53,471
hotel restaurants at 8:00?
256
00:10:53,471 --> 00:10:57,012
- [CHUCKLES] We shall.
- See you then.
257
00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:06,431
I forgot these are prescription,
258
00:11:06,564 --> 00:11:09,704
but those are two smokin'-hot blobs.
259
00:11:14,047 --> 00:11:16,651
So, last session I asked you each
260
00:11:16,651 --> 00:11:19,190
to write a love song to your friendship.
261
00:11:19,290 --> 00:11:21,128
Let's start with Brian.
262
00:11:21,228 --> 00:11:23,065
Whatever. [CLEARS THROAT]
263
00:11:23,065 --> 00:11:24,567
♪ Stewie, Stewie ♪
264
00:11:24,754 --> 00:11:26,433
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
265
00:11:26,444 --> 00:11:27,995
♪ Awesome guy. ♪
266
00:11:28,006 --> 00:11:29,945
What the hell was that?
You couldn't be bothered
267
00:11:29,945 --> 00:11:32,050
to spend five minutes
preparing something?
268
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,235
Like it matters. This is so stupid.
269
00:11:34,246 --> 00:11:36,316
- You're stupid!
- [GRUNTING, STRAINING]
270
00:11:36,403 --> 00:11:37,639
Guys, please.
271
00:11:37,672 --> 00:11:39,475
Admit you exaggerate your accent.
272
00:11:39,563 --> 00:11:43,238
Admit you wear shirts from
museums you've never been to.
273
00:11:43,826 --> 00:11:45,897
Enough!
274
00:11:46,337 --> 00:11:48,082
This is ridiculous.
275
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,718
Your relationship is toxic.
276
00:11:49,908 --> 00:11:51,912
You're not married,
you're not blood relatives.
277
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,481
Why continue?
278
00:11:53,492 --> 00:11:55,162
[INHALES DEEPLY]
279
00:11:55,389 --> 00:11:57,789
In my entire career,
280
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,474
I have never given this
advice, but it is my opinion
281
00:12:01,474 --> 00:12:04,881
that you should end this friendship.
282
00:12:04,881 --> 00:12:07,220
- Fine by me.
- Makes my life easier.
283
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,090
Also, your insurance
card didn't go through,
284
00:12:09,224 --> 00:12:10,792
and when I looked again I realized
285
00:12:10,893 --> 00:12:12,230
it was a Robek's juice card.
286
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:14,067
You went to SUNY Albany.
287
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,802
You'll take it and like it.
288
00:12:19,199 --> 00:12:21,213
Okay, this is a bartering culture,
289
00:12:21,214 --> 00:12:23,319
so we have to haggle
over an amount of money
290
00:12:23,419 --> 00:12:26,224
we wouldn't even pick up if
we dropped it on the ground.
291
00:12:28,628 --> 00:12:30,833
[BOTH GASP, YELP]
292
00:12:30,934 --> 00:12:32,703
[BOTH GRUNTING]
293
00:12:32,804 --> 00:12:35,509
[TIRES SQUEALING]
294
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:37,889
[MEG] Mom, what are
they gonna do with us?
295
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:39,216
[LOIS] If you let my daughter go,
296
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:40,887
you can do whatever you want to me.
297
00:12:40,887 --> 00:12:44,527
In the following order:
You, you, blond-arm-hair guy,
298
00:12:44,527 --> 00:12:46,565
you two, maybe a quick lunch and shower,
299
00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:48,802
then blond-arm-hair guy
again if he's into it.
300
00:12:53,579 --> 00:12:55,582
♪ ♪
301
00:13:01,356 --> 00:13:03,093
[GASPS] You two?
302
00:13:03,104 --> 00:13:04,806
Where are we?
303
00:13:09,077 --> 00:13:10,612
It's a co-kidnapping space.
304
00:13:10,712 --> 00:13:12,049
It used to be a WeWork.
305
00:13:12,049 --> 00:13:14,456
Oh, I saw that documentary. Meh.
306
00:13:14,467 --> 00:13:15,556
Sorry to interrupt.
307
00:13:15,556 --> 00:13:17,560
Is there, like, a trick
to the Keurig machine?
308
00:13:17,699 --> 00:13:20,037
Hey, man. Yeah, it's
probably just out of water.
309
00:13:22,875 --> 00:13:24,582
God, there's nothing in here.
310
00:13:24,593 --> 00:13:25,843
Where's the money?
311
00:13:25,843 --> 00:13:27,848
Uh, I'd look in the lobby store.
312
00:13:27,948 --> 00:13:30,285
Ah, guilty as charged. [LAUGHS]
313
00:13:30,285 --> 00:13:32,423
No, but they do have fun stuff in there.
314
00:13:32,423 --> 00:13:35,229
Shut up! The real money
will be the ransom, anyways.
315
00:13:35,442 --> 00:13:37,513
We've never captured a
beverage heiress before.
316
00:13:37,586 --> 00:13:39,637
What?! Who do you think we are?
317
00:13:39,826 --> 00:13:42,042
We know you're the Snapple Family.
318
00:13:42,053 --> 00:13:43,301
[LAUGHING] Oh, no.
319
00:13:43,312 --> 00:13:45,382
This is a big misunderstanding.
320
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:49,157
We just won a Snapple contest,
then spent all the money.
321
00:13:49,157 --> 00:13:50,928
[SCOFFS] You're worthless!
322
00:13:50,928 --> 00:13:52,396
[MECHANICAL WHIRRING]
323
00:13:52,396 --> 00:13:54,935
[KIDNAPPER] It was the water.
324
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:57,273
[STRING INSTRUMENTS PLAYING]
325
00:13:57,373 --> 00:14:00,345
And do you, Janet, take
Robert to be your husband?
326
00:14:00,694 --> 00:14:01,782
I do.
327
00:14:01,793 --> 00:14:03,452
... forgive you about Jamaica.
328
00:14:03,463 --> 00:14:05,367
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Am I right?
329
00:14:09,330 --> 00:14:11,234
Brian, what are you doing here?
330
00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:12,703
I should ask you that.
331
00:14:12,703 --> 00:14:14,507
Can't believe you came,
knowing I'd be here.
332
00:14:14,507 --> 00:14:17,346
Well, I'm not gonna punish Janet
for what happened between us.
333
00:14:17,446 --> 00:14:19,351
Okay, but just keep your distance.
334
00:14:19,351 --> 00:14:21,287
Fine, I get from the bar
335
00:14:21,287 --> 00:14:23,659
to the bridesmaid having
a terse, ugly argument
336
00:14:23,759 --> 00:14:24,862
with her boyfriend.
337
00:14:24,962 --> 00:14:26,899
Okay, and I get from her
338
00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:31,207
to the bald uncle looking around
before telling a racist joke.
339
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:33,700
So, how long we thinking
340
00:14:33,711 --> 00:14:36,073
until Stewie makes this
whole event about him?
341
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:38,854
Ten minutes? Shall we put
a little cashish on it?
342
00:14:38,865 --> 00:14:40,791
I just asked you to pass the butter.
343
00:14:40,802 --> 00:14:42,605
I don't know who Stewie is.
344
00:14:42,730 --> 00:14:44,734
Do yourself a favor, keep it that way.
345
00:14:44,835 --> 00:14:47,540
I think we're supposed to sit
at the tables we were assigned.
346
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,278
Yeah, no, they said I
could kind of be a roamer.
347
00:14:52,171 --> 00:14:53,741
[SNIFFS] Smells like butt.
348
00:14:53,752 --> 00:14:55,556
Let me guess. Brian was just here?
349
00:14:55,556 --> 00:14:57,961
- Who's Brian?
- I think that's the dog guy.
350
00:14:58,061 --> 00:15:00,967
I thought this table was just
supposed to be Cornell people.
351
00:15:06,011 --> 00:15:08,548
Oh, my God. Mom, we're gonna die.
352
00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:13,893
Oh, no, we're not.
353
00:15:13,993 --> 00:15:15,362
I have a plan.
354
00:15:15,462 --> 00:15:17,500
Uh, hey, guys, you
know, if you're hungry,
355
00:15:17,633 --> 00:15:19,804
I have a half a granola bar in my purse.
356
00:15:20,016 --> 00:15:22,821
This purse is useless, just like you!
357
00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:24,681
Huh. The good people
358
00:15:24,681 --> 00:15:27,119
at T.J. Maxx may
disagree with you there.
359
00:15:27,462 --> 00:15:28,923
[GRUNTS]
360
00:15:32,580 --> 00:15:34,523
[GRUNTING]
361
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:35,799
- [GRUNTS]
- Huh?
362
00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,245
[BOTH GRUNT]
363
00:15:39,344 --> 00:15:40,914
[PANTING]
364
00:15:40,914 --> 00:15:43,451
[SCREAMING]
365
00:15:44,287 --> 00:15:45,522
- [MAN GRUNTS]
- [LOIS SCREAMS]
366
00:15:46,658 --> 00:15:48,863
[GRUNTING]
367
00:15:56,310 --> 00:15:58,014
[GRUNTS]
368
00:16:02,256 --> 00:16:04,861
[BOTH GRUNTING]
369
00:16:08,087 --> 00:16:09,791
- Good day.
- Good day.
370
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,204
BOTH MEN: Good day.
371
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:15,093
It was them in the
nine-dollar rain bonnets!
372
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,653
Told you these look
like the expensive ones.
373
00:16:22,777 --> 00:16:24,345
[MEG GASPS]
374
00:16:32,716 --> 00:16:34,587
[GROANS]
375
00:16:35,923 --> 00:16:37,092
[GROANS]
376
00:16:37,192 --> 00:16:39,463
Never mess with a mom.
377
00:16:39,597 --> 00:16:41,334
Meg, help me tie up their hands
378
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,305
with these extremely long CVS receipts.
379
00:16:43,305 --> 00:16:44,842
Why did you save these?
380
00:16:44,842 --> 00:16:46,444
Oh, there's a carpet-cleaning coupon
381
00:16:46,444 --> 00:16:48,849
on the back that I'm curious about.
382
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:53,458
[UPBEAT, INSTRUMENTAL ROCK PLAYING]
383
00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:57,266
I'd like to invite all the single ladies
384
00:16:57,366 --> 00:16:58,936
to the dance floor!
385
00:16:59,036 --> 00:17:01,208
[SCREAMING]
386
00:17:01,208 --> 00:17:03,378
How about the single fellas?
387
00:17:03,478 --> 00:17:05,950
[CHEERING, WHOOPING]
388
00:17:08,655 --> 00:17:10,760
Now, some slowly-building
emotional music
389
00:17:10,894 --> 00:17:13,332
for estranged friends
to look at each other
390
00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:16,204
and regret their rift!
391
00:17:16,204 --> 00:17:18,541
[PLAYING SLOW, GENTLE MUSIC]
392
00:17:28,774 --> 00:17:31,846
Ah. What are we doing?
393
00:17:32,465 --> 00:17:33,471
[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK SQUEALS]
394
00:17:33,471 --> 00:17:36,110
Hey, I, uh, have a toast.
395
00:17:37,546 --> 00:17:38,916
[CLEARS THROAT]
396
00:17:38,916 --> 00:17:42,206
You know, sometimes, against all odds,
397
00:17:42,217 --> 00:17:43,747
two people find each other
398
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:45,997
in this crazy place we call "Earth."
399
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:48,970
Sure, they might have problems,
400
00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:51,188
and they might not always
agree with each other,
401
00:17:51,199 --> 00:17:54,906
and a therapist may even tell
them they shouldn't be friends.
402
00:17:55,649 --> 00:17:57,419
But what I realized is
403
00:17:57,519 --> 00:17:59,670
I don't want a friend
I can get along with.
404
00:17:59,681 --> 00:18:01,001
I can get along with anybody.
405
00:18:01,012 --> 00:18:02,816
[MAN] Table two hates you, dude!
406
00:18:02,964 --> 00:18:05,702
I want a friend who I can laugh
with because they also noticed
407
00:18:05,802 --> 00:18:07,706
that no one else is drinking cream soda,
408
00:18:07,806 --> 00:18:10,045
which means the guy in
jeans brought it from home.
409
00:18:10,145 --> 00:18:11,781
I knew they wouldn't have it!
410
00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:12,828
I want a friend
411
00:18:12,918 --> 00:18:15,054
who will publicly
shame a mom-and-pop cafe
412
00:18:15,054 --> 00:18:17,893
for having slightly too few
blueberries in their muffin.
413
00:18:17,904 --> 00:18:20,499
[STEWIE] Call it something else,
'cause it ain't a blueberry muffin.
414
00:18:20,510 --> 00:18:22,547
Stewie, this is for you.
415
00:18:27,547 --> 00:18:29,885
[PLAYING UPBEAT ROCK TUNE]
416
00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:31,688
♪ Stewie, Stewie ♪
417
00:18:31,922 --> 00:18:35,395
♪ Oh, yeah, you're my best friend! ♪
418
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,488
He did the work.
419
00:18:44,948 --> 00:18:48,321
Stewie, I'd rather be
toxic and unhealthy together
420
00:18:48,321 --> 00:18:50,326
than toxic and unhealthy apart.
421
00:18:50,459 --> 00:18:53,031
Me, too, Bri. Let's
be best friends again.
422
00:18:53,087 --> 00:18:54,689
What do you say we hit the photo booth
423
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,470
and take a couple of funny photos?
424
00:18:56,481 --> 00:18:58,085
I've heard they have hilarious props.
425
00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:00,366
- No props.
- Yeah, no props, yeah.
426
00:19:02,116 --> 00:19:03,986
[CLEVELAND] But Stewie did use props,
427
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:05,823
and they had a big fight about it,
428
00:19:05,823 --> 00:19:07,359
and it took a whole other wedding
429
00:19:07,459 --> 00:19:08,729
for them to make up again.
430
00:19:08,729 --> 00:19:10,499
I'm Cleveland Brown,
431
00:19:10,499 --> 00:19:13,538
and I know my show was better than this.
432
00:19:17,191 --> 00:19:19,060
I can't believe we made it home safe.
433
00:19:19,071 --> 00:19:22,076
It was so lucky you had all
that stuff in your purse.
434
00:19:22,087 --> 00:19:24,660
Oh, sweetie, luck had
nothing to do with it.
435
00:19:24,671 --> 00:19:27,779
I'm a mom, and moms have
to be prepared for anything.
436
00:19:27,957 --> 00:19:30,294
I really wanted to show
you I could be fun like Dad,
437
00:19:30,305 --> 00:19:31,955
but look where that got us.
438
00:19:31,966 --> 00:19:33,077
At the end of the day,
439
00:19:33,077 --> 00:19:35,515
someone's got to be the
responsible one here.
440
00:19:35,687 --> 00:19:37,180
I guess you're right, Mom.
441
00:19:37,191 --> 00:19:39,756
I mean, we all love your
father's water balloon fights,
442
00:19:39,756 --> 00:19:42,362
but someone's got to pick up
all the tiny balloon pieces
443
00:19:42,362 --> 00:19:43,732
from the grass.
444
00:19:43,732 --> 00:19:45,903
That's my role, and it's fine.
445
00:19:45,903 --> 00:19:47,640
Do you think someday I'll be a boring,
446
00:19:47,740 --> 00:19:49,577
taken-for-granted wife and mom?
447
00:19:49,577 --> 00:19:52,850
Oh, I think you're well
on your way, sweetheart.
448
00:19:57,550 --> 00:19:58,976
Oh. How was he?
449
00:19:58,987 --> 00:20:01,123
Fine, but let's just say
450
00:20:01,134 --> 00:20:03,840
there's the exact same number
of carrots as when you left.
451
00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:05,709
Well, that sounds about right.
452
00:20:05,809 --> 00:20:07,513
He also said you said
453
00:20:07,513 --> 00:20:10,018
yogurt-covered pretzels
are a healthy snack.
454
00:20:10,018 --> 00:20:12,022
- [LOIS SIGHS]
- [PETER] You did say that!
455
00:20:12,022 --> 00:20:14,861
- Compared to Cheetos, they are.
- You just said it again!
456
00:20:20,238 --> 00:20:22,076
[CLICKING, WHOOSHING]
457
00:20:22,176 --> 00:20:24,280
- Here are your waffles.
- Thanks so much.
458
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:25,527
Yay, that was quick.
459
00:20:25,948 --> 00:20:28,453
[PHONES WHOOSHING]
460
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,070
Can I grab anything else for you?
461
00:20:36,070 --> 00:20:38,341
- No, this is great!
- Cheat day!
462
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,237
♪ ♪
463
00:21:01,056 --> 00:21:06,056
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
34230
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