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1
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Captain's log, star date 2027.1.
2
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Dear Cindy, I am being held prisoner
3
00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:20,410
on a barren asteroid by
the evil klingon emperor.
4
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Oh, will you stop complaining?
5
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It's only for six weeks.
6
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:25,867
Well, I cannot tell you how I regret
7
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letting you bring that camera.
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It's gonna be a good
experience for you, Paul.
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You'll thank me for it some day.
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I'm gonna thank him?
11
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For this?
12
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What kind of life is this?
13
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Being dragged around the world
14
00:00:38,725 --> 00:00:42,034
looking for pot fragments and aliens?
15
00:00:42,058 --> 00:00:43,172
Well, what can you do?
16
00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:50,992
Cindy, I debuted my act
17
00:00:51,016 --> 00:00:52,159
last week in the workman's mess.
18
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It went over really good.
19
00:00:54,058 --> 00:00:56,951
Considering that they
don't speak English, but,
20
00:00:56,975 --> 00:00:58,576
you know, they're not very hip down here.
21
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,493
I don't know, they didn't even know
22
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who bullwinkle was.
23
00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:02,909
Well, what are you gonna do?
24
00:01:02,933 --> 00:01:04,284
Next time I'll pass out cliff notes.
25
00:01:04,308 --> 00:01:05,243
- Paul.
26
00:01:05,267 --> 00:01:06,826
Quit trying.
27
00:01:06,850 --> 00:01:07,951
You're not going to L.A.
28
00:01:07,975 --> 00:01:09,201
To become a comic, and...
29
00:01:09,225 --> 00:01:10,034
Dad, come on.
30
00:01:10,058 --> 00:01:11,201
No you're not, Paul.
31
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First of all,
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you're not funny.
33
00:01:14,684 --> 00:01:16,201
Second of all, you don't
know what L.A.'s like.
34
00:01:16,225 --> 00:01:18,951
It's, it's like new
Jersey with earthquakes.
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- Hmm.
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00:01:19,850 --> 00:01:20,701
Come on, let's go.
37
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The early bird catches the worm.
38
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Oh, is breakfast ready?
39
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Doctor, doctor!
40
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We found someone to translate the stone!
41
00:01:26,267 --> 00:01:27,076
Oh, great, Ramon!
42
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:28,701
Isn't that exciting, Paul?
43
00:01:28,725 --> 00:01:30,055
Yeah, I'm psyched, really.
44
00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:44,742
What did he say?
45
00:01:44,766 --> 00:01:47,576
He must be chewing many Coca leaf, gato.
46
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,159
He say it reads: "Beware of viracocha",
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"the fire of the gods will bring justice,"
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"from now until the end of time."
49
00:01:54,850 --> 00:01:55,784
Yeah, you should ask him how many
50
00:01:55,808 --> 00:01:57,718
times he's seen the curse of the mummy.
51
00:01:58,725 --> 00:02:00,118
He sure about that, Ramon?
52
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Oh, he seems very sure, doctor.
53
00:02:02,183 --> 00:02:03,867
Nothing about space travelers?
54
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,845
No, nothing like that.
55
00:02:07,766 --> 00:02:08,576
Okay, Paul.
56
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,826
It's time for a little
archaeological field work.
57
00:02:10,850 --> 00:02:11,867
Well, you know, dad, I was never
58
00:02:11,891 --> 00:02:13,493
really good at field trips in school, so,
59
00:02:13,517 --> 00:02:14,517
- Paul.
60
00:02:15,475 --> 00:02:16,284
Dad, I'll just wait...
61
00:02:16,308 --> 00:02:17,308
Come on, come on.
62
00:02:21,183 --> 00:02:24,535
Paul, look at this, it's incredible!
63
00:02:24,559 --> 00:02:26,701
I've got chills!
64
00:02:26,725 --> 00:02:27,535
That's because it's cold, dad.
65
00:02:27,559 --> 00:02:28,493
This is pneumonia weather.
66
00:02:28,517 --> 00:02:29,992
I wanna go home now.
67
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:31,016
- Shh!
68
00:02:32,725 --> 00:02:33,992
Oh, look!
69
00:02:34,016 --> 00:02:36,285
Look at the stone work.
70
00:02:36,309 --> 00:02:39,494
It's incredible how the
stones fit together.
71
00:02:39,518 --> 00:02:41,619
I have a theory, shared by many,
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00:02:41,643 --> 00:02:44,577
that aliens cut these stones with lasers.
73
00:02:45,435 --> 00:02:46,785
What, what is it?
74
00:02:46,809 --> 00:02:48,639
Some anorectic spaniard, dad.
75
00:02:51,017 --> 00:02:52,131
What's that?
76
00:02:55,726 --> 00:02:56,536
Oh!
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00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:57,843
Oh, look at this.
78
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:01,452
This is inti, the sun god
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00:03:01,476 --> 00:03:02,884
of the chimanacos.
80
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:06,260
Look, ma, no cavities!
81
00:03:07,809 --> 00:03:09,536
Oh, this is amazing.
82
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:11,469
You go, you go look over there.
83
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:13,536
Go on!
84
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:14,674
Oh, look at this.
85
00:03:15,767 --> 00:03:17,494
This is unbelievable.
86
00:03:17,518 --> 00:03:19,327
It's solid gold!
87
00:03:19,351 --> 00:03:20,244
It's incredible that the Spaniards
88
00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:21,785
didn't cut this off.
89
00:03:24,643 --> 00:03:25,452
What's the matter?
90
00:03:25,476 --> 00:03:26,285
- If that's some south American
91
00:03:26,309 --> 00:03:28,035
cockroach, dad, bigger
than a cocker spaniel,
92
00:03:28,059 --> 00:03:29,119
I'm outta here!
93
00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:29,952
- Shh.
94
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:31,181
Take it easy, Paul.
95
00:03:32,059 --> 00:03:33,059
I'll have a look.
96
00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:39,494
There's nothing here.
97
00:03:39,518 --> 00:03:40,494
Over here, dad.
98
00:03:40,518 --> 00:03:41,369
What?
99
00:03:41,393 --> 00:03:42,393
- Come here.
100
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:46,452
I was right!
101
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:47,910
It's an alien.
102
00:03:47,934 --> 00:03:48,743
Dad, you don't know
103
00:03:48,767 --> 00:03:49,801
that he's an alien.
104
00:03:52,017 --> 00:03:52,827
Maybe an illegal alien.
105
00:03:52,851 --> 00:03:54,952
He's just learned Spanish
106
00:03:54,976 --> 00:03:56,577
'cause he's been here so long.
107
00:03:56,601 --> 00:03:57,702
I mean, what else could he be?
108
00:03:57,726 --> 00:04:00,119
A Nazi genetic experiment.
109
00:04:00,143 --> 00:04:01,743
Py, pyramid?
110
00:04:01,767 --> 00:04:03,743
Definitely an alien.
111
00:04:03,767 --> 00:04:05,801
Uh, go get something for me to put him in.
112
00:04:08,809 --> 00:04:10,968
You're gonna be of big help to me, amigo.
113
00:04:12,184 --> 00:04:14,285
You're gonna prove my
theory that machu picchu
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00:04:14,309 --> 00:04:17,327
was a control tower for alien spaceships.
115
00:04:17,351 --> 00:04:18,494
Let the skeptics laugh,
116
00:04:18,518 --> 00:04:20,369
I have my living extra-terrestrial
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00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:21,785
proof to back me up.
118
00:04:21,809 --> 00:04:23,202
Right, amigo?
119
00:04:23,226 --> 00:04:24,760
Amigo!
120
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Amigo.
121
00:04:29,059 --> 00:04:30,059
Hiya, Pablo.
122
00:04:30,976 --> 00:04:32,077
Dad, the only thing I could
123
00:04:32,101 --> 00:04:33,202
find was my duffel bag.
124
00:04:33,226 --> 00:04:34,035
I hope he doesn't mind
125
00:04:34,059 --> 00:04:35,138
living with my underwear.
126
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- Calculated risk.
127
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:38,560
Here, hold this.
128
00:04:42,101 --> 00:04:43,930
Now, let's see.
129
00:04:45,892 --> 00:04:46,952
Chocolate, dad?
130
00:04:46,976 --> 00:04:48,260
You know he might get zits.
131
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:54,910
Oh, milk duds!
132
00:04:54,934 --> 00:04:56,494
Ramon?
133
00:04:56,518 --> 00:04:57,972
I better get a sample of this.
134
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:02,868
What do you think it is?
135
00:05:02,892 --> 00:05:04,577
I don't know, but it glows in the dark.
136
00:05:04,601 --> 00:05:06,385
Looks like toxic waste.
137
00:05:07,809 --> 00:05:10,743
Dad, he's digging into the bag.
138
00:05:10,767 --> 00:05:12,369
Aahh,
139
00:05:12,393 --> 00:05:13,393
good, good.
140
00:05:14,726 --> 00:05:15,726
Ramon!
141
00:05:20,393 --> 00:05:21,827
Ramon!
142
00:05:21,851 --> 00:05:22,661
Si, doctor?
143
00:05:22,685 --> 00:05:24,077
Two things, Ramon.
144
00:05:24,101 --> 00:05:25,619
We need transportation into Lima,
145
00:05:25,643 --> 00:05:27,619
and bribe the workers to keep quiet.
146
00:05:27,643 --> 00:05:28,952
It's not necessary, doctor.
147
00:05:28,976 --> 00:05:30,077
How come?
148
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They all ran away screaming.
149
00:05:31,685 --> 00:05:32,494
I'm with them, dad.
150
00:05:32,518 --> 00:05:33,327
- Paul.
151
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:36,327
Yeah, whatever.
152
00:05:36,351 --> 00:05:37,351
- Gracias.
153
00:05:38,976 --> 00:05:39,976
Taste good?
154
00:05:41,643 --> 00:05:43,619
Oh, looks like we have
a litterbug alien, dad.
155
00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:44,643
Not funny.
156
00:05:46,643 --> 00:05:48,427
Milky bar!
157
00:07:24,685 --> 00:07:27,411
United airlines,
flight 284 from Dallas,
158
00:07:27,435 --> 00:07:29,298
now arriving in gate 7.
159
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Milk duds.
160
00:07:33,143 --> 00:07:34,143
- Shh!
161
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,035
Take my wife, please.
162
00:07:36,059 --> 00:07:38,285
Will you shut up?
163
00:07:38,309 --> 00:07:39,411
He's been hanging around you too much.
164
00:07:39,435 --> 00:07:41,202
He thinks he's a comedian.
165
00:07:41,226 --> 00:07:43,805
Gentlemen, kindly
step aside and disrobe.
166
00:07:44,685 --> 00:07:45,868
Hey, Cindy!
167
00:07:47,060 --> 00:07:48,953
Will passenger
William Oliver please
168
00:07:48,977 --> 00:07:50,966
report to the information counter.
169
00:07:52,394 --> 00:07:53,744
Oh, I missed you.
170
00:07:53,768 --> 00:07:55,744
Oh, I have something for you.
171
00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:57,848
Your very own Peruvian baseball cap.
172
00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:00,994
I think she's very good for him.
173
00:08:01,018 --> 00:08:02,662
Good.
174
00:08:02,686 --> 00:08:03,495
A pointed hat.
175
00:08:03,519 --> 00:08:04,744
I've never had a pointed hat before.
176
00:08:04,768 --> 00:08:05,786
Oh, this tape's for you, too.
177
00:08:05,810 --> 00:08:07,370
Ti didn't have a chance to send it.
178
00:08:07,394 --> 00:08:08,412
How are the giants doing?
179
00:08:08,436 --> 00:08:09,537
Are they still in first place?
180
00:08:09,561 --> 00:08:10,703
How did the series with the Dodgers go?
181
00:08:10,727 --> 00:08:11,537
- Simon.
182
00:08:11,561 --> 00:08:13,036
Simon, you're not gonna believe it.
183
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,495
They won, they won!
184
00:08:14,519 --> 00:08:15,869
Won in a suicide squeeze!
185
00:08:15,893 --> 00:08:16,869
Wow, who, what?
186
00:08:16,893 --> 00:08:17,703
- Shh!
187
00:08:17,727 --> 00:08:18,537
No, that's okay.
188
00:08:18,561 --> 00:08:19,911
I'll get the luggage myself.
189
00:08:19,935 --> 00:08:20,911
- Chili Davis.
190
00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:21,744
Yeah?
191
00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:23,578
Chili Davis was on third,
192
00:08:23,602 --> 00:08:24,662
and broke for the plate
193
00:08:24,686 --> 00:08:26,662
and Brandon laid down a perfect bunt.
194
00:08:26,686 --> 00:08:28,869
And chili did a hook slide round the tab
195
00:08:28,893 --> 00:08:30,412
for the go ahead run.
196
00:08:30,436 --> 00:08:33,120
Cindy, what about my sports rundown?
197
00:08:33,144 --> 00:08:34,120
Battle network stars?
198
00:08:34,144 --> 00:08:35,161
Yup.
199
00:08:35,185 --> 00:08:37,537
Webster lost to St.
elswhere in the final round
200
00:08:37,561 --> 00:08:38,786
of greco-Roman wrestling.
201
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:39,744
Split decision.
202
00:08:39,768 --> 00:08:41,953
The tie always goes
to the dramatic series.
203
00:08:41,977 --> 00:08:44,120
There's no respect for sitcoms anymore.
204
00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:45,703
Hey, that's the sports world for you.
205
00:08:45,727 --> 00:08:46,869
Now I'm down a thousand big ones
206
00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:47,703
for uncle Cecil.
207
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:49,495
I told you I don't want you betting
208
00:08:49,519 --> 00:08:50,519
with that crook.
209
00:08:52,519 --> 00:08:53,519
Hey, what's in there?
210
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:55,786
Paul, did you bring me back
211
00:08:55,810 --> 00:08:57,094
a little baby llama?
212
00:08:59,185 --> 00:09:00,537
Aw, take him out.
213
00:09:00,561 --> 00:09:01,620
No, no, no, he's fine in here.
214
00:09:01,644 --> 00:09:02,620
I put a sock in there
215
00:09:02,644 --> 00:09:03,537
for him to play with.
216
00:09:03,561 --> 00:09:04,869
Dad, he's not a puppy.
217
00:09:04,893 --> 00:09:06,286
Oh, not a puppy, huh?
218
00:09:06,310 --> 00:09:07,620
What is it, an anteater?
219
00:09:07,644 --> 00:09:09,453
No, you're not even warm.
220
00:09:09,477 --> 00:09:10,953
A ground sloth.
221
00:09:10,977 --> 00:09:12,328
Is it marsupial?
222
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,161
No, I didn't check for a pouch.
223
00:09:14,185 --> 00:09:17,049
A Bolivian wombat.
224
00:09:19,269 --> 00:09:20,269
Shoot.
225
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,578
Damn.
226
00:09:28,018 --> 00:09:29,018
- Violation!
227
00:09:30,144 --> 00:09:31,495
And it's Cindy.
228
00:09:31,519 --> 00:09:33,257
This is gonna be a great day!
229
00:10:13,561 --> 00:10:15,120
Hi, everybody.
230
00:10:15,144 --> 00:10:16,349
How was the trip, doc?
231
00:10:17,561 --> 00:10:19,765
Find any alien beings?
232
00:10:20,935 --> 00:10:22,328
No, no, no, Eddie.
233
00:10:22,352 --> 00:10:23,352
Not this time.
234
00:10:26,018 --> 00:10:28,453
I downshifted to 35 by the time
235
00:10:28,477 --> 00:10:29,636
I hit the sign, sport.
236
00:10:30,810 --> 00:10:33,578
Did I say you were speeding, missy?
237
00:10:33,602 --> 00:10:35,306
And that's deputy sport to you.
238
00:10:36,602 --> 00:10:38,744
I had you at 12dbs over acceptable
239
00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:41,744
noise limits when your car backfired.
240
00:10:41,768 --> 00:10:44,203
Look, I downshifted
to keep from speeding!
241
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:47,245
I've warned you to
get that tune-up before.
242
00:10:47,269 --> 00:10:48,620
So maybe now you'll start
243
00:10:48,644 --> 00:10:50,036
obeying the environmental standards
244
00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:52,390
that make Sweetwater such
a nice place to live,
245
00:10:53,977 --> 00:10:55,341
and raise kids.
246
00:10:56,977 --> 00:10:58,203
Get a real job.
247
00:10:58,227 --> 00:10:59,931
Get that tune-up, noise criminal.
248
00:11:07,977 --> 00:11:08,828
If she wasn't so cute,
249
00:11:08,852 --> 00:11:09,852
I'd mace her.
250
00:11:28,018 --> 00:11:28,994
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
251
00:11:29,018 --> 00:11:30,018
Shhh.
252
00:11:31,018 --> 00:11:32,370
That's all right, bud.
253
00:11:32,394 --> 00:11:33,203
That's all right.
254
00:11:33,227 --> 00:11:34,703
Now you're home.
255
00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:35,537
Okay, okay.
256
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:36,953
I think,
257
00:11:36,977 --> 00:11:38,370
he got a little car sick.
258
00:11:38,394 --> 00:11:39,703
Shhh.
259
00:11:39,727 --> 00:11:40,537
Okay.
260
00:11:40,561 --> 00:11:41,924
Okay, okay, okay.
261
00:11:50,436 --> 00:11:51,828
What do you mean,
you're a vegetarian now?
262
00:11:51,852 --> 00:11:53,953
Ah, just like I told you, Paul.
263
00:11:53,977 --> 00:11:56,703
Well, technically, i'm
a cold-blooded veggie.
264
00:11:56,727 --> 00:11:57,537
I just don't like to eat
265
00:11:57,561 --> 00:11:59,203
warm-blooded animals, that's all.
266
00:11:59,227 --> 00:12:00,227
Come on up.
267
00:12:01,436 --> 00:12:02,245
So what does that leave,
268
00:12:02,269 --> 00:12:03,453
snakes and salamanders?
269
00:12:03,477 --> 00:12:05,203
You know, I don't
see what the big deal is.
270
00:12:05,227 --> 00:12:06,537
I mean, I still eat seafood, you know.
271
00:12:06,561 --> 00:12:09,345
You know, I am not at
all happy about this.
272
00:12:10,977 --> 00:12:12,161
Hey, fella, you ever watched TV?
273
00:12:12,185 --> 00:12:13,185
TV!
274
00:12:15,727 --> 00:12:17,869
Hi, I'm Cecil watterman.
275
00:12:17,893 --> 00:12:19,578
You know, there must be over 60 brands
276
00:12:19,602 --> 00:12:21,245
of wine cooler on the market now.
277
00:12:21,269 --> 00:12:23,744
But there's only one original:
278
00:12:23,768 --> 00:12:25,994
'Cecil's all natural wine cooler',
279
00:12:26,018 --> 00:12:28,328
made out of wholesome California products.
280
00:12:28,352 --> 00:12:32,182
'Cecil's', it's the real, real thing!
281
00:12:34,269 --> 00:12:35,724
Uncle Cecil, what a goof.
282
00:12:36,686 --> 00:12:37,686
What a goof!
283
00:12:39,018 --> 00:12:40,473
I got him some treats.
284
00:12:46,185 --> 00:12:47,537
You want snacks?
285
00:12:47,561 --> 00:12:49,161
Snacks.
286
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,412
Oh, he's so cute.
287
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,120
Can't we take him out of the bag now?
288
00:12:52,144 --> 00:12:53,203
No, no, no, no!
289
00:12:53,227 --> 00:12:54,036
Leave him in there.
290
00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:56,120
I don't want anybody
finding out about him.
291
00:12:56,144 --> 00:12:57,144
Yeah.
292
00:12:58,270 --> 00:12:59,995
- Dad thinks he's an alien.
293
00:13:00,019 --> 00:13:01,995
Yeah, your dad thought
the osmonds were aliens.
294
00:13:02,019 --> 00:13:03,848
Well that hasn't been disproved yet.
295
00:13:06,936 --> 00:13:09,121
You know, I haven't seen
anybody eat so much junk
296
00:13:09,145 --> 00:13:10,829
since that time you got drunk.
297
00:13:10,853 --> 00:13:12,995
Remember, and you ate that bar of hash?
298
00:13:13,019 --> 00:13:16,304
Yeah, and you thought it
was a chunky.
299
00:13:19,270 --> 00:13:20,246
That's it!
300
00:13:20,270 --> 00:13:21,704
He's a munchie.
301
00:13:21,728 --> 00:13:23,121
We gotta get the guy a name.
302
00:13:23,145 --> 00:13:24,929
Like, um, Arnold ziffel.
303
00:13:26,103 --> 00:13:26,995
The pig on green acres?
304
00:13:27,019 --> 00:13:28,019
Yeah.
305
00:13:29,019 --> 00:13:29,995
See, he likes it.
306
00:13:30,019 --> 00:13:31,019
Oh, no.
307
00:13:33,061 --> 00:13:34,413
Okay, here's the number of the hotel
308
00:13:34,437 --> 00:13:36,371
I'll be staying at tonight.
309
00:13:36,395 --> 00:13:37,621
I'm heading over to the university
310
00:13:37,645 --> 00:13:39,371
to catch Dr. Crowder's lecture.
311
00:13:39,395 --> 00:13:43,121
"In can hieroglyphics: Art
form, or cosmic joke?"
312
00:13:43,145 --> 00:13:44,413
Are you gonna tell him about Arnold?
313
00:13:44,437 --> 00:13:45,246
Who?
314
00:13:45,270 --> 00:13:46,162
Arnold.
315
00:13:46,186 --> 00:13:47,204
Arnold!
316
00:13:47,228 --> 00:13:49,037
Oh, our little friend in the bag, huh?
317
00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:50,204
Of course I'm gonna tell him about Arnold.
318
00:13:50,228 --> 00:13:51,870
Let him to see for himself.
319
00:13:51,894 --> 00:13:53,162
Draw his own conclusions.
320
00:13:53,186 --> 00:13:54,162
You know, he has hinted
321
00:13:54,186 --> 00:13:56,079
that he believes in alien visitations.
322
00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,037
It's here in his book,
323
00:13:57,061 --> 00:13:58,079
conquistador's journal.
324
00:13:58,103 --> 00:14:00,496
If he backs up my theory,
325
00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:01,329
I'll be able to get
326
00:14:01,353 --> 00:14:03,121
a publisher for my book.
327
00:14:03,145 --> 00:14:04,680
Our money worries will be over.
328
00:14:06,228 --> 00:14:07,246
I hope.
329
00:14:07,270 --> 00:14:08,704
Cool, dad.
330
00:14:08,728 --> 00:14:09,995
Well, I'm glad you support me in this,
331
00:14:10,019 --> 00:14:11,745
Paul, because I need your help.
332
00:14:11,769 --> 00:14:13,037
You must not let Arnold out
333
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,329
of your sight until I get back.
334
00:14:15,353 --> 00:14:16,621
Aw, dad, it's our first day back,
335
00:14:16,645 --> 00:14:17,538
and you want me to stay at home
336
00:14:17,562 --> 00:14:19,579
and babysit some alien?
337
00:14:19,603 --> 00:14:21,079
Okay, I'll tell you what I'll do.
338
00:14:21,103 --> 00:14:22,371
You're a betting man, right?
339
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,037
I'll make you a wager:
340
00:14:24,061 --> 00:14:25,287
I'll bet you that you can't
341
00:14:25,311 --> 00:14:27,745
look after Arnold for one day.
342
00:14:27,769 --> 00:14:31,246
If you win, we'll discuss this budding
343
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,725
comedy career of yours in L.A.
344
00:14:33,645 --> 00:14:34,454
Oh, that's some bet.
345
00:14:34,478 --> 00:14:35,538
Now, what happens if I lose?
346
00:14:35,562 --> 00:14:37,579
You stay here, you
go to community college
347
00:14:37,603 --> 00:14:38,954
and you become something reputable.
348
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:40,787
You really go for the throat, dad.
349
00:14:40,811 --> 00:14:43,079
You must keep him safe, and hidden.
350
00:14:43,103 --> 00:14:45,371
Nobody must find out about him.
351
00:14:45,395 --> 00:14:46,395
Okay?
352
00:14:47,562 --> 00:14:49,925
I'm depending on you, Paul.
353
00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:56,037
Arnold!
354
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:58,596
There goes our bowling night.
355
00:15:11,061 --> 00:15:13,538
Oh lord, what did 1
ever do in my past life
356
00:15:13,562 --> 00:15:16,413
to make that goddamn egg split in two?
357
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:18,663
Welcome home, brother Simon.
358
00:15:18,687 --> 00:15:19,954
Uh, you said you were gonna sell me
359
00:15:19,978 --> 00:15:20,829
your half of the land
360
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:21,704
when you got back.
361
00:15:21,728 --> 00:15:24,287
Well, here I am.
362
00:15:24,311 --> 00:15:26,870
And, uh, here are the
papers for you to sign.
363
00:15:26,894 --> 00:15:29,803
I'm sorry, Cecil, but
uh, I've changed my mind.
364
00:15:31,145 --> 00:15:33,121
I got this deal pending.
365
00:15:33,145 --> 00:15:34,849
It looks like it could be real big.
366
00:15:36,395 --> 00:15:39,829
Uh, don't mean to
inconvenience you, but, uh,
367
00:15:39,853 --> 00:15:41,933
I could make a lot of money on this thing.
368
00:15:43,019 --> 00:15:44,579
I don't think I'd be hard
up for money anymore,
369
00:15:44,603 --> 00:15:46,371
so I couldn't consider, uh,
370
00:15:46,395 --> 00:15:47,329
signing those papers.
371
00:15:47,353 --> 00:15:48,353
Excuse me.
372
00:15:54,936 --> 00:15:58,454
So you wanna play hardball, huh?
373
00:15:58,478 --> 00:16:02,538
Okay, brother, let's party.
374
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,745
On channel 3 you get all
the really weird stuff.
375
00:16:04,769 --> 00:16:08,579
And on 24 you get all the
old, really good movies.
376
00:16:08,603 --> 00:16:09,870
Now, this is how you turn it on.
377
00:16:09,894 --> 00:16:10,894
Why don't you try?
378
00:16:11,769 --> 00:16:13,121
- Turn it on.
- Okay.
379
00:16:13,145 --> 00:16:15,246
You know there is
one brand of snack food
380
00:16:15,270 --> 00:16:17,371
that's not like all the rest.
381
00:16:17,395 --> 00:16:20,870
Calsnax, the all natural snack food.
382
00:16:20,894 --> 00:16:23,954
Maybe not the biggest,
but I think the best.
383
00:16:23,978 --> 00:16:27,079
A plain honest American product.
384
00:16:27,103 --> 00:16:28,683
And what do kids think about it?
385
00:16:31,478 --> 00:16:32,538
Can I have another mesquite flavored
386
00:16:32,562 --> 00:16:33,621
beef jerky, uncle Cecil?
387
00:16:33,645 --> 00:16:34,538
Yep.
388
00:16:34,562 --> 00:16:35,621
Here you go, son.
389
00:16:35,645 --> 00:16:37,621
I love space chewy sticks.
390
00:16:37,645 --> 00:16:40,621
And you get a cazumat trading cards free!
391
00:16:40,645 --> 00:16:42,037
Trade you major yevyir shenkov
392
00:16:42,061 --> 00:16:43,621
for commander Boris fat sky.
393
00:16:43,645 --> 00:16:44,454
- Deal.
394
00:16:44,478 --> 00:16:47,162
Yeah, kids love 'em and you will too.
395
00:16:47,186 --> 00:16:50,300
Calsnax, the all natural
snack for a new generation.
396
00:16:51,270 --> 00:16:54,579
It's my baby, you're my sweet fish.
397
00:16:54,603 --> 00:16:57,496
Come one sweetheart, come on, dinner time.
398
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:58,621
Hey, pop.
399
00:16:58,645 --> 00:16:59,538
What do you want, dude?
400
00:16:59,562 --> 00:17:01,287
And I ain't your pop.
401
00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:03,721
Okay, let's stand on formalities then.
402
00:17:05,145 --> 00:17:07,037
Hey stepdad, could you maybe front me
403
00:17:07,061 --> 00:17:09,162
500 bucks for the weekend?
404
00:17:09,186 --> 00:17:09,995
5007?
405
00:17:10,019 --> 00:17:11,679
What are you on something?
406
00:17:14,145 --> 00:17:15,870
Quit kicking that thing.
407
00:17:15,894 --> 00:17:18,287
I'm practicing for a
hackeysack tournament later.
408
00:17:18,311 --> 00:17:20,954
I don't see what the big deal is
409
00:17:20,978 --> 00:17:22,162
hackey sack?
410
00:17:22,186 --> 00:17:24,787
Oh yeah, that's the sport you hippies play
411
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,371
while you're doing drugs.
412
00:17:26,395 --> 00:17:28,829
Hey, like don't let
your lifestyle judgements
413
00:17:28,853 --> 00:17:30,217
on me, man.
414
00:17:33,603 --> 00:17:34,682
You are a bum.
415
00:17:35,687 --> 00:17:36,787
You ain't working.
416
00:17:36,811 --> 00:17:38,246
You ain't at school, you ain't married,
417
00:17:38,270 --> 00:17:39,204
you're a bum.
418
00:17:39,228 --> 00:17:40,954
Now you want 500 dollars.
419
00:17:40,978 --> 00:17:43,037
Now, are you on something?
420
00:17:43,061 --> 00:17:44,912
Grass, coke?
421
00:17:44,936 --> 00:17:46,663
Smack, crack?
422
00:17:47,894 --> 00:17:48,894
You're a bum.
423
00:17:50,061 --> 00:17:52,538
Some comeback, sweety.
424
00:17:52,562 --> 00:17:55,266
Incredibly bad energy, man.
425
00:18:03,061 --> 00:18:05,870
You know, I don't see
what the big deal is.
426
00:18:05,894 --> 00:18:07,746
I mean I still eat seafood, you know.
427
00:18:07,770 --> 00:18:08,955
Cindy.
428
00:18:08,979 --> 00:18:11,372
Everybody knows that
relationships are based
429
00:18:11,396 --> 00:18:13,746
on liking the same restaurant.
430
00:18:13,770 --> 00:18:15,414
Now where does that leave US?
431
00:18:15,438 --> 00:18:17,247
Eight salt fish and chips?
432
00:18:17,271 --> 00:18:19,996
Bob's big boy new england COD dinner?
433
00:18:20,020 --> 00:18:22,622
Or maybe the fillet-o-fish at McDonalds?
434
00:18:22,646 --> 00:18:24,746
No, fillet-o-fish is out.
435
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,259
They deep fry them in beef fat.
436
00:18:39,688 --> 00:18:40,688
Ugh!
437
00:18:41,770 --> 00:18:43,705
Oh, like not cool pop.
438
00:18:43,729 --> 00:18:46,996
That's an English import dead lp, man.
439
00:18:47,020 --> 00:18:50,350
Well I don't care if
it's burl ives, man.
440
00:18:51,479 --> 00:18:53,205
Got a little job for you, scum.
441
00:18:53,229 --> 00:18:54,205
Forget it, pop.
442
00:18:54,229 --> 00:18:55,871
I'm not endangering my Karma
443
00:18:55,895 --> 00:18:57,871
by associating with you.
444
00:18:57,895 --> 00:19:00,539
Oh, that's too bad, dude.
445
00:19:00,563 --> 00:19:02,913
'Cause, either you help me,
446
00:19:02,937 --> 00:19:04,330
or you're gonna go back
447
00:19:04,354 --> 00:19:07,580
to that, uh, teepee of yours in Utah.
448
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:09,497
Now, why, you want money,
449
00:19:09,521 --> 00:19:11,455
and I got the job.
450
00:19:11,479 --> 00:19:12,762
Now, are you in?
451
00:19:14,396 --> 00:19:15,996
Oh man, what choice do I got?
452
00:19:16,020 --> 00:19:18,372
Either be a cog in the wheel,
453
00:19:18,396 --> 00:19:20,350
or starve like a dog.
454
00:19:32,563 --> 00:19:34,288
Here, my babies.
455
00:19:34,312 --> 00:19:36,497
Come on, it's chow time.
456
00:19:36,521 --> 00:19:38,038
Come on, petey.
457
00:19:38,062 --> 00:19:39,455
Come on, Woody.
458
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:40,247
Come on, boys!
459
00:19:40,271 --> 00:19:41,247
Chow, chow.
460
00:19:41,271 --> 00:19:42,288
Chow now.
461
00:19:42,312 --> 00:19:44,580
I know something that he'd like.
462
00:19:44,604 --> 00:19:45,622
Arnold?
463
00:19:45,646 --> 00:19:47,100
Arnold.
464
00:19:51,396 --> 00:19:52,555
Chicks, Arnold.
465
00:20:00,729 --> 00:20:02,122
You know, Paul.
466
00:20:02,146 --> 00:20:05,746
Uhm, Arnold's amusing himself
467
00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:06,770
with miss July.
468
00:20:07,770 --> 00:20:09,539
And you and I haven't seen
469
00:20:09,563 --> 00:20:12,847
each other in a very long time.
470
00:20:14,770 --> 00:20:17,122
Are you asking me to
471
00:20:17,146 --> 00:20:18,830
shirk my responsibilities
472
00:20:18,854 --> 00:20:21,163
for some sleazy
473
00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:22,996
teenage sex?
474
00:20:23,020 --> 00:20:24,054
Absolutely.
475
00:20:26,020 --> 00:20:27,163
Okay.
476
00:20:27,187 --> 00:20:28,187
Okay.
477
00:20:32,604 --> 00:20:34,372
Home of the valley's best steaks
478
00:20:34,396 --> 00:20:36,122
and crunchiest tater tots,
479
00:20:36,146 --> 00:20:37,372
featuring the mile-long,
480
00:20:37,396 --> 00:20:39,622
700-item salad bar.
481
00:20:39,646 --> 00:20:40,871
This steak is so tender,
482
00:20:40,895 --> 00:20:42,372
it doesn't even taste like meat.
483
00:20:42,396 --> 00:20:45,930
I just love those tater tots.
484
00:20:48,062 --> 00:20:49,871
Yup, for beef so tender
485
00:20:49,895 --> 00:20:51,372
it melts in your mouth,
486
00:20:51,396 --> 00:20:52,705
it's western beef land.
487
00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:54,719
Four convenient valley locations.
488
00:20:56,062 --> 00:20:57,062
Thank you.
489
00:20:59,104 --> 00:21:00,830
Will you watch what you're doing?
490
00:21:00,854 --> 00:21:02,263
Take off that stupid hat!
491
00:21:03,271 --> 00:21:04,455
Man, the guy on the wild kingdom
492
00:21:04,479 --> 00:21:06,092
always wears a hat like this, man.
493
00:21:07,979 --> 00:21:08,788
Man, you act like you've never
494
00:21:08,812 --> 00:21:10,722
seen the wild kingdom before.
495
00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:23,009
It's nice to have you home.
496
00:21:43,563 --> 00:21:45,205
Paul, not so rough.
497
00:21:45,229 --> 00:21:46,684
I haven't done anything yet.
498
00:21:48,770 --> 00:21:50,913
Oh, gross, felt up by a furball.
499
00:21:50,937 --> 00:21:53,372
Arnold, go downstairs and watch TV!
500
00:21:53,396 --> 00:21:54,396
Now!
501
00:22:28,354 --> 00:22:29,388
Sorry, man.
502
00:22:33,187 --> 00:22:34,642
Snacks!
503
00:22:48,812 --> 00:22:50,539
When I say "now", you break
504
00:22:50,563 --> 00:22:52,497
for the living room and cut him off.
505
00:22:52,521 --> 00:22:53,555
Break what?
506
00:22:56,062 --> 00:22:56,871
- Uh-oh.
507
00:22:56,895 --> 00:22:58,746
Now.
508
00:22:58,770 --> 00:22:59,580
- Now what?
509
00:22:59,604 --> 00:23:00,604
Now go!
510
00:23:06,479 --> 00:23:07,479
Gotcha!
511
00:23:13,479 --> 00:23:14,479
Damn!
512
00:23:15,604 --> 00:23:17,217
It's all your fault!
513
00:23:19,689 --> 00:23:22,540
But there's more than one way
514
00:23:22,564 --> 00:23:23,723
to skin a cat.
515
00:23:35,105 --> 00:23:36,872
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
516
00:23:36,896 --> 00:23:40,039
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
517
00:23:40,063 --> 00:23:43,039
Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
518
00:23:43,063 --> 00:23:44,706
Man, are you sure that thing's a cat?
519
00:23:44,730 --> 00:23:45,540
Shut up!
520
00:23:45,564 --> 00:23:47,678
And open that garbage bag.
521
00:23:54,896 --> 00:23:55,896
Oh, man.
522
00:23:56,605 --> 00:23:57,872
Oh wow, man.
523
00:23:57,896 --> 00:23:59,665
Just like capturing a snow leopard
524
00:23:59,689 --> 00:24:01,039
on the wild kingdom, man.
525
00:24:01,063 --> 00:24:02,847
Come on, let's get out of here.
526
00:24:04,689 --> 00:24:06,331
Hey, you wanna play doctor?
527
00:24:06,355 --> 00:24:07,355
What?
528
00:24:12,896 --> 00:24:14,101
Did you hear something?
529
00:24:15,188 --> 00:24:16,039
It's probably just Arnold
530
00:24:16,063 --> 00:24:17,222
raiding the refrigerator.
531
00:24:18,855 --> 00:24:19,855
Hit me again.
532
00:24:29,105 --> 00:24:30,105
Hi, goof.
533
00:24:31,855 --> 00:24:33,415
You guys know each other, huh?
534
00:24:33,439 --> 00:24:35,223
Don't get wise, punk.
535
00:24:36,439 --> 00:24:37,581
Well, it's been real, pop,
536
00:24:37,605 --> 00:24:38,665
but I gotta get goin'.
537
00:24:38,689 --> 00:24:39,498
Oh, no you don't.
538
00:24:39,522 --> 00:24:40,956
You ain't finished yet.
539
00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:41,789
You're gonna help me out
540
00:24:41,813 --> 00:24:42,747
with this creature.
541
00:24:42,771 --> 00:24:43,581
But I've got
542
00:24:43,605 --> 00:24:44,456
things to do, man.
543
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:45,331
I'm going to the Berkeley
544
00:24:45,355 --> 00:24:47,914
tie dye and hacky sack festival.
545
00:24:47,938 --> 00:24:49,268
Now, dude,
546
00:24:50,313 --> 00:24:51,540
haven't I always treated you
547
00:24:51,564 --> 00:24:54,206
like you was my own stepson?
548
00:24:54,230 --> 00:24:55,289
But I am your stepson.
549
00:24:55,313 --> 00:24:56,498
I know, and I always treated you
550
00:24:56,522 --> 00:24:58,039
like you was, didn't I?
551
00:24:58,063 --> 00:24:59,456
Yeah, you always treated me
552
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:00,747
like a stepchild.
553
00:25:00,771 --> 00:25:01,789
Yes.
554
00:25:01,813 --> 00:25:03,581
Well, you guard him with your life,
555
00:25:03,605 --> 00:25:05,498
or you won't have one!
556
00:25:05,522 --> 00:25:07,623
You threatenin' me, pop?
557
00:25:07,647 --> 00:25:08,726
Yes.
558
00:25:10,730 --> 00:25:11,730
Okay.
559
00:25:12,439 --> 00:25:13,540
I'm going to the bus station now
560
00:25:13,564 --> 00:25:14,706
to pick up your mother.
561
00:25:14,730 --> 00:25:16,014
Now you watch him.
562
00:25:22,647 --> 00:25:23,647
Scum.
563
00:25:32,355 --> 00:25:34,039
Where are you?
564
00:25:34,063 --> 00:25:35,289
= I'm over here
565
00:25:35,313 --> 00:25:36,498
behind the watermelon!
566
00:25:36,522 --> 00:25:37,665
- That's not a watermelon!
567
00:25:48,564 --> 00:25:49,456
Hey, cut it out,
568
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:50,888
you furry wimp!
569
00:25:52,021 --> 00:25:53,623
It took my mom 4000 books
570
00:25:53,647 --> 00:25:55,431
of green stamps to get that.
571
00:26:10,188 --> 00:26:15,143
Cut it out.
572
00:26:16,105 --> 00:26:17,914
I said, cut it out!
573
00:26:19,105 --> 00:26:20,105
Take that.
574
00:26:28,730 --> 00:26:29,730
Oh!
575
00:26:52,730 --> 00:26:54,289
Oh, man, my dead records!
576
00:26:54,313 --> 00:26:56,017
You are history, pal!
577
00:27:53,855 --> 00:27:54,872
You're not laughing
578
00:27:54,896 --> 00:27:56,635
anymore, are you, pal?
579
00:27:59,522 --> 00:28:00,522
Agh!
580
00:28:34,856 --> 00:28:35,970
Got you now!
581
00:29:46,565 --> 00:29:47,565
Sure missed ya.
582
00:29:48,565 --> 00:29:50,040
Did you?
583
00:29:50,064 --> 00:29:51,998
The bed got awful cold at night.
584
00:29:52,022 --> 00:29:53,022
- Cecil!
585
00:29:54,731 --> 00:29:56,436
You sweet thing, you.
586
00:29:57,814 --> 00:30:00,541
Oh! How's my baby dude doin'?
587
00:30:00,565 --> 00:30:01,790
Oh, fine. Fine.
588
00:30:01,814 --> 00:30:02,814
Just fine.
589
00:30:03,731 --> 00:30:04,915
One thing I'll never know, though, honey,
590
00:30:04,939 --> 00:30:06,290
is why you agreed to
591
00:30:06,314 --> 00:30:08,707
adopt that worthless kid
592
00:30:08,731 --> 00:30:09,541
when you left that little
593
00:30:09,565 --> 00:30:10,748
con cousin of yours.
594
00:30:10,772 --> 00:30:12,165
- I don't know.
595
00:30:12,189 --> 00:30:14,374
I guess I just felt sorry for him,
596
00:30:14,398 --> 00:30:17,102
'cause he was so ugly and stupid.
597
00:30:27,772 --> 00:30:30,136
Hey, what's happenin', man?
598
00:30:31,064 --> 00:30:33,519
Hostile little bastard.
599
00:30:34,398 --> 00:30:38,853
Incredibly bad energy, man.
600
00:30:40,148 --> 00:30:41,148
Oh, yeah.
601
00:30:42,981 --> 00:30:44,249
Rudy, how you feelin', man?
602
00:30:44,273 --> 00:30:46,873
Leo, what'd I have to drink last night?
603
00:30:46,897 --> 00:30:48,290
I feel sick.
604
00:30:48,314 --> 00:30:50,290
Hey. Hey, Rudy.
605
00:30:50,314 --> 00:30:51,707
Where are we?
606
00:30:51,731 --> 00:30:53,040
Look at this kitchen!
607
00:30:53,064 --> 00:30:55,748
You ever see such an ugly kitchen? Ugh!
608
00:30:55,772 --> 00:30:57,040
Eh, let's go.
609
00:30:57,064 --> 00:30:58,624
Come on!
610
00:30:58,648 --> 00:31:00,207
- Truckin' lp
611
00:31:10,606 --> 00:31:12,165
Crank it all the way up, man!
612
00:31:16,606 --> 00:31:17,666
What are you doing?
613
00:31:17,690 --> 00:31:18,915
What?
614
00:31:18,939 --> 00:31:20,207
What, this is where I always look
615
00:31:20,231 --> 00:31:21,416
for when I lose my keys.
616
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,416
Then why don't you just
rip the carpet up too?
617
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:25,249
Where could he have gone?
618
00:31:25,273 --> 00:31:26,207
To the store for a pack of cigarettes
619
00:31:26,231 --> 00:31:27,915
and a case of house snacks.
620
00:31:27,939 --> 00:31:29,624
- Jokes I don't need.
621
00:31:29,648 --> 00:31:31,207
This is horrible.
622
00:31:31,231 --> 00:31:32,873
This is worse than the
time you almost married
623
00:31:32,897 --> 00:31:34,416
the Joe Montana impersonator in Hawaii.
624
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,304
Oh, why do you have to
keep bringing that up?
625
00:31:38,565 --> 00:31:40,224
Arnold, come home!
626
00:31:41,148 --> 00:31:42,707
You know, it serves you right.
627
00:31:42,731 --> 00:31:43,790
It serves you right for
628
00:31:43,814 --> 00:31:44,957
letting him read that magazine.
629
00:31:44,981 --> 00:31:46,541
You act like I had him freebasing
630
00:31:46,565 --> 00:31:47,998
at the playboy mansion or something.
631
00:31:48,022 --> 00:31:49,582
You just didn't have
any time, that's all.
632
00:31:49,606 --> 00:31:50,832
You know, I can't believe
633
00:31:50,856 --> 00:31:52,124
your lack of faith in me.
634
00:31:52,148 --> 00:31:53,457
You never used to be this way.
635
00:31:53,481 --> 00:31:55,832
I never said lovin' was easy.
636
00:31:59,606 --> 00:32:01,165
Good shooting, man!
637
00:32:01,189 --> 00:32:02,189
You got it!
638
00:32:02,981 --> 00:32:05,082
Bullseye!
639
00:32:05,106 --> 00:32:06,416
Where'd those guys come from?
640
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:07,645
- I don't know.
641
00:32:18,273 --> 00:32:19,082
Wait right here.
642
00:32:19,106 --> 00:32:20,249
I'm gonna go around.
643
00:32:20,273 --> 00:32:21,707
You keep 'em occupied.
644
00:32:21,731 --> 00:32:22,748
Okay?
645
00:32:22,772 --> 00:32:23,772
Okay.
646
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:27,440
Hey, fellas!
647
00:32:34,148 --> 00:32:35,165
Look at that.
648
00:32:35,189 --> 00:32:36,957
Shake that thing, baby.
649
00:32:36,981 --> 00:32:37,790
Must be jelly, cause
650
00:32:37,814 --> 00:32:39,178
jam don't shake like that!
651
00:32:40,523 --> 00:32:41,541
Paul, hurry up.
652
00:32:41,565 --> 00:32:42,416
They're drooling.
653
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:43,894
- Take it all off!
654
00:32:48,273 --> 00:32:49,307
Good job.
655
00:32:51,064 --> 00:32:52,582
We got 'em.
656
00:32:52,606 --> 00:32:53,416
How come you've never
657
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:54,249
danced like that for me?
658
00:32:56,148 --> 00:32:57,290
Wow, my eardrums!
659
00:32:57,314 --> 00:32:58,666
Man, this stuff stinks!
660
00:33:00,523 --> 00:33:01,541
What's so funny?
661
00:33:01,565 --> 00:33:02,374
Come on waste 'em, man.
662
00:33:02,398 --> 00:33:03,207
Blow 'em away!
663
00:33:03,231 --> 00:33:04,165
Come on!
664
00:33:04,189 --> 00:33:05,553
Yeah, show 'em.
665
00:33:06,731 --> 00:33:08,790
No, Arnold, come on now.
666
00:33:08,814 --> 00:33:09,790
Give me the... give me the gun.
667
00:33:09,814 --> 00:33:10,915
- Don't listen to him.
668
00:33:10,939 --> 00:33:11,998
Get him in the kneecaps, come on!
669
00:33:12,022 --> 00:33:12,957
Give me the gun.
670
00:33:12,981 --> 00:33:13,790
No way, Jose.
671
00:33:13,814 --> 00:33:14,666
I'm getting pissed off.
672
00:33:14,690 --> 00:33:15,666
Back off, man!
673
00:33:18,481 --> 00:33:20,499
Jeez, what an attitude.
674
00:33:20,523 --> 00:33:21,557
Okay, pull!
675
00:33:24,731 --> 00:33:25,936
They're gone.
676
00:33:33,064 --> 00:33:35,269
Come on, we gotta get them.
677
00:33:45,982 --> 00:33:47,517
Great shots, man!
678
00:33:54,357 --> 00:33:56,208
Step on it!
679
00:33:56,232 --> 00:33:57,417
I can't push any harder.
680
00:33:57,441 --> 00:33:59,304
Hey, let me do it, huh?
681
00:34:01,898 --> 00:34:02,708
I didn't know you could
682
00:34:02,732 --> 00:34:04,016
drive like Starsky and Hutch.
683
00:34:06,898 --> 00:34:08,041
Hey, watch the smoke, man.
684
00:34:08,065 --> 00:34:09,041
You're gonna give me cancer.
685
00:34:09,065 --> 00:34:10,417
- Buzz off.
686
00:34:10,441 --> 00:34:11,708
Check out the scenery, dudes.
687
00:34:11,732 --> 00:34:14,346
Next month, we go to New Jersey!
688
00:34:23,107 --> 00:34:23,958
- Go ahead.
689
00:34:23,982 --> 00:34:25,266
Make for the county line.
690
00:34:26,232 --> 00:34:28,266
And I'll blow your tires out!
691
00:34:51,940 --> 00:34:52,940
Déja vu.
692
00:34:56,190 --> 00:34:57,958
You think just 'cause my dad's away
693
00:34:57,982 --> 00:34:59,625
at the riot control convention,
694
00:34:59,649 --> 00:35:00,542
that's your cue to
695
00:35:00,566 --> 00:35:02,417
run wild in the streets?
696
00:35:02,441 --> 00:35:06,874
Uh, Eddie, you're not
gonna believe this, but uh,
697
00:35:06,898 --> 00:35:08,512
Cindy's dad is in the CIA.
698
00:35:09,482 --> 00:35:11,641
And we're on a mission
of national security.
699
00:35:12,649 --> 00:35:15,250
That ugly, yellow car
is full of ruskie spies
700
00:35:15,274 --> 00:35:18,250
with stolen secrets
from the silicon valley.
701
00:35:18,274 --> 00:35:19,083
Really?
702
00:35:19,107 --> 00:35:20,166
Yeah.
703
00:35:20,190 --> 00:35:21,375
Need some help?
704
00:35:21,399 --> 00:35:23,208
Come on, let me help!
705
00:35:23,232 --> 00:35:24,721
I was an eagle scout, you know.
706
00:35:26,607 --> 00:35:29,220
Okay, but this is
classified information.
707
00:35:32,357 --> 00:35:34,708
We have reason to believe
708
00:35:34,732 --> 00:35:35,542
that they are planning
709
00:35:35,566 --> 00:35:38,041
to blow up golf land,
710
00:35:38,065 --> 00:35:39,041
and discredit the American
711
00:35:39,065 --> 00:35:40,065
way of life.
712
00:35:40,898 --> 00:35:41,898
Okay.
713
00:35:44,107 --> 00:35:45,107
Thanks, Paul.
714
00:35:54,274 --> 00:35:55,274
How did you know my dad
715
00:35:56,232 --> 00:35:58,141
his decoder ring gave him away.
716
00:35:59,190 --> 00:36:00,269
What are you readin'?
717
00:36:01,691 --> 00:36:03,125
Oh, this is the latest issue
718
00:36:03,149 --> 00:36:04,388
of insult celebrities.
719
00:36:05,274 --> 00:36:06,166
There is a interview
720
00:36:06,190 --> 00:36:08,291
with ozzy Osbourne.
721
00:36:08,315 --> 00:36:10,166
"How today's dating is rough
722
00:36:10,190 --> 00:36:11,679
on sensitive guys."
723
00:36:12,566 --> 00:36:13,375
I don't know why
724
00:36:13,399 --> 00:36:14,625
you read trash like that.
725
00:36:14,649 --> 00:36:17,291
It's educational, honey.
726
00:36:17,315 --> 00:36:19,542
Look, here's your astroscope.
727
00:36:19,566 --> 00:36:20,542
Oh, my ass.
728
00:36:20,566 --> 00:36:22,375
Let's see, cancer,
729
00:36:22,399 --> 00:36:23,708
"you have little Patience
730
00:36:23,732 --> 00:36:26,125
"with the eccentricity of neighbors."
731
00:36:26,149 --> 00:36:28,229
"Home is where your heart is."
732
00:36:42,815 --> 00:36:44,208
All right!
733
00:37:03,399 --> 00:37:04,853
- Come on!
- Yeah!
734
00:37:28,815 --> 00:37:29,815
Lady.
735
00:37:42,399 --> 00:37:44,458
Ain't gonna take that from
736
00:37:44,482 --> 00:37:46,641
no American motors car.
737
00:37:51,732 --> 00:37:53,062
Head for the hills, mama.
738
00:37:54,190 --> 00:37:55,583
Crazy punks!
739
00:37:55,607 --> 00:37:57,208
Let them have guns!
740
00:38:02,898 --> 00:38:03,898
You idiots!
741
00:38:04,982 --> 00:38:05,982
Like it?
742
00:38:07,607 --> 00:38:09,083
Let's go, man.
743
00:38:09,107 --> 00:38:10,791
You're gonna pay for this, you
744
00:38:10,815 --> 00:38:13,166
furry little wimps!
745
00:38:13,190 --> 00:38:14,708
Guess we showed her.
746
00:38:14,732 --> 00:38:15,971
He-hey, we the munchies!
747
00:38:18,232 --> 00:38:19,417
Which way did they go?
748
00:38:19,441 --> 00:38:22,054
They went that a-way, get 'em!
749
00:38:41,773 --> 00:38:43,625
Did you get a big haul
from purity chemical
750
00:38:43,649 --> 00:38:45,166
this week, hon?
751
00:38:45,190 --> 00:38:47,083
Over 2,000 barrels.
752
00:38:47,107 --> 00:38:48,500
I'm running out of space.
753
00:38:48,524 --> 00:38:50,459
The caves under the factory
are getting filled up.
754
00:38:50,483 --> 00:38:53,334
I'm gonna have to get
my hands on more land.
755
00:38:53,358 --> 00:38:55,459
Oh you're such a go-getter, Cecil.
756
00:38:55,483 --> 00:38:57,501
Now honey I just happened to know
757
00:38:57,525 --> 00:39:00,959
that toxic waste is america's
greatest natural resource.
758
00:39:00,983 --> 00:39:03,000
And it's completely untapped.
759
00:39:03,024 --> 00:39:04,292
You see, the difference between america
760
00:39:04,316 --> 00:39:06,917
and the rest of the world
is we know about recycling.
761
00:39:06,941 --> 00:39:09,209
You mean like squishing
up aluminum cans?
762
00:39:09,233 --> 00:39:11,376
No honey, more than that.
763
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:12,626
I'm taking about way more than that.
764
00:39:12,650 --> 00:39:14,209
Let me give you an example.
765
00:39:14,233 --> 00:39:15,126
Okay.
766
00:39:15,150 --> 00:39:18,167
There is no difference
between toxic waste
767
00:39:18,191 --> 00:39:19,209
and beef jerky.
768
00:39:19,233 --> 00:39:20,042
Oh, get out.
769
00:39:20,066 --> 00:39:20,917
- No I mean it.
770
00:39:20,941 --> 00:39:21,750
- No.
771
00:39:21,774 --> 00:39:23,834
Purity meats pays me to haul away
772
00:39:23,858 --> 00:39:24,834
their floor scraps.
773
00:39:24,858 --> 00:39:27,251
I take it, I press it
into jerky and sell it.
774
00:39:27,275 --> 00:39:28,626
Same thing with toxic waste.
775
00:39:28,650 --> 00:39:30,334
Company just pays me to haul it away,
776
00:39:30,358 --> 00:39:33,167
I treat it with my
secret neutralizing sauce
777
00:39:33,191 --> 00:39:36,000
and then I make it into
my calsnax products.
778
00:39:36,024 --> 00:39:37,626
Twin killing, making money on it twice.
779
00:39:37,650 --> 00:39:40,251
You're the American success story.
780
00:39:40,275 --> 00:39:42,730
Couldn't do it without you, sweet meat.
781
00:39:44,650 --> 00:39:47,209
Can't wait to get you home.
782
00:39:52,108 --> 00:39:53,108
- Ooh!
783
00:39:55,108 --> 00:39:56,626
Watch those short stops.
784
00:39:56,650 --> 00:39:59,000
You'll squish my 'do.
785
00:39:59,024 --> 00:40:00,388
Well, what the?
786
00:40:07,233 --> 00:40:08,347
What a mess!
787
00:40:09,233 --> 00:40:11,267
Conchita will be furious!
788
00:40:21,024 --> 00:40:24,730
Oh no, my genuine plastic Eros!
789
00:40:26,233 --> 00:40:27,233
Elvis!
790
00:40:30,275 --> 00:40:32,584
Dude!
791
00:40:32,608 --> 00:40:33,792
Oh!
792
00:40:33,816 --> 00:40:35,021
Is, is he dead?
793
00:40:36,442 --> 00:40:37,442
- Sure looks it.
794
00:40:43,150 --> 00:40:44,150
Oh my god!
795
00:40:45,525 --> 00:40:47,042
Oh my god!
796
00:40:47,066 --> 00:40:48,126
Look!
797
00:40:48,150 --> 00:40:51,209
No one kills my tropical fish and lives!
798
00:40:51,233 --> 00:40:52,875
What's happened here?!
799
00:40:52,899 --> 00:40:54,167
Your son blew it again,
800
00:40:54,191 --> 00:40:55,626
that's what's happened!
801
00:40:55,650 --> 00:40:56,584
I figured out a way to
802
00:40:56,608 --> 00:40:58,126
force Simon to sell me his land,
803
00:40:58,150 --> 00:40:59,251
but he blew it!
804
00:40:59,275 --> 00:41:00,543
He let the creature get away!
805
00:41:00,567 --> 00:41:02,126
What creature?
806
00:41:02,150 --> 00:41:02,959
I dunno, some bad thing
807
00:41:02,983 --> 00:41:04,668
Simon found in Peru.
808
00:41:04,692 --> 00:41:07,209
We gotta get big ed back up here, pronto!
809
00:41:07,233 --> 00:41:08,459
Let's get Eddie, Eddie!
810
00:41:08,483 --> 00:41:10,543
We saw his car at golf land.
811
00:41:10,567 --> 00:41:12,834
Oh, hell, he's dumber than his old man.
812
00:41:12,858 --> 00:41:14,000
But, I guess we're stuck with him
813
00:41:14,024 --> 00:41:15,513
until big ed gets back.
814
00:41:17,567 --> 00:41:19,126
Clear view, please.
815
00:41:19,150 --> 00:41:21,209
Number of the easy 8 motel.
816
00:41:30,108 --> 00:41:31,108
Hey, hey!
817
00:41:35,191 --> 00:41:36,895
What are you doing?
818
00:41:51,483 --> 00:41:53,418
You deadhead fucking surfer!
819
00:41:53,442 --> 00:41:54,959
Okay.
820
00:42:18,650 --> 00:42:20,184
What is going on?
821
00:42:25,066 --> 00:42:26,334
Which way'd they go?
822
00:42:26,358 --> 00:42:27,358
That way!
823
00:42:31,983 --> 00:42:33,209
When will they see it?
824
00:42:33,233 --> 00:42:34,501
When will they know that it's
825
00:42:34,525 --> 00:42:36,334
the evil, red tide of communism
826
00:42:36,358 --> 00:42:38,709
that's destroying the American fiber,
827
00:42:38,733 --> 00:42:41,875
eroding the American way
of life as we know it?
828
00:42:41,899 --> 00:42:44,354
Those Soviet scums make me wanna barf!
829
00:42:46,191 --> 00:42:48,917
You guys must think you're pretty funny!
830
00:42:48,941 --> 00:42:51,917
Sending me off to guard
golf land, huh, wise guy?
831
00:42:51,941 --> 00:42:53,334
Those ruskie spies must have
832
00:42:53,358 --> 00:42:55,376
a high-level informant in the CIA.
833
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:56,584
But we really need your help
834
00:42:56,608 --> 00:42:58,376
to get a line on dude's car.
835
00:42:58,400 --> 00:42:59,209
I mean, can't you put out,
836
00:42:59,233 --> 00:43:00,084
like, a dragnet or something?
837
00:43:00,108 --> 00:43:01,643
That's an apb, Kojak.
838
00:43:02,650 --> 00:43:04,459
- An all points bulletin is reserved
839
00:43:04,483 --> 00:43:07,167
for bonafide high priority
police emergencies
840
00:43:07,191 --> 00:43:08,584
and then only by a directive
841
00:43:08,608 --> 00:43:09,917
of a commanding officer.
842
00:43:09,941 --> 00:43:11,668
You guys must not realize
that you're dealing
843
00:43:11,692 --> 00:43:13,209
with a very sharp lawman.
844
00:43:13,233 --> 00:43:15,875
I know there are no slimy Soviet spies
845
00:43:15,899 --> 00:43:17,513
in that ugly yellow car.
846
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:19,626
You're covering up for dude
847
00:43:19,650 --> 00:43:21,309
and his worthless deadhead pals.
848
00:43:22,275 --> 00:43:24,559
Hah, I told you we
couldn't fool Eddie, Paul.
849
00:43:34,191 --> 00:43:35,191
Eddie!
850
00:43:36,233 --> 00:43:37,126
Eddie, what are you doing
851
00:43:37,150 --> 00:43:38,917
to stop the impending disaster?
852
00:43:38,941 --> 00:43:42,459
With all due respect, Mr. Watterman,
853
00:43:42,483 --> 00:43:43,834
might I remind you
854
00:43:43,858 --> 00:43:45,959
that I am the police officer,
855
00:43:45,983 --> 00:43:48,347
and you are the civilian.
856
00:43:49,483 --> 00:43:50,334
I don't intend to let
857
00:43:50,358 --> 00:43:52,084
red man anarchy rule the day
858
00:43:52,108 --> 00:43:53,688
just 'cause my dad's away.
859
00:43:54,774 --> 00:43:55,933
What impending disaster?
860
00:43:56,858 --> 00:43:59,709
The disaster that wrecked my condo,
861
00:43:59,733 --> 00:44:01,710
ate my tropical fish,
862
00:44:01,734 --> 00:44:03,710
and killed dude macintosh.
863
00:44:03,734 --> 00:44:05,210
My beloved stepson!
864
00:44:05,234 --> 00:44:06,393
- There's been a murder?
865
00:44:07,359 --> 00:44:08,168
My first murder!
866
00:44:08,192 --> 00:44:09,043
What a great day!
867
00:44:09,067 --> 00:44:10,306
I'm on the case!
868
00:44:11,942 --> 00:44:13,001
Where am I going?
869
00:44:13,025 --> 00:44:14,730
My place, you lunkhead!
870
00:44:17,568 --> 00:44:19,544
This is all your fault.
871
00:44:19,568 --> 00:44:20,960
If you wouldn't have kidnapped Arnold,
872
00:44:20,984 --> 00:44:22,335
none of this would have happened.
873
00:44:22,359 --> 00:44:23,210
Yeah, now there's four of them,
874
00:44:23,234 --> 00:44:24,544
and they're all mad as hell.
875
00:44:24,568 --> 00:44:26,168
I don't know what you're talking about.
876
00:44:26,192 --> 00:44:27,127
The point is, we gotta
877
00:44:27,151 --> 00:44:29,627
track this thing down, pronto!
878
00:44:29,651 --> 00:44:30,710
Now are you and your bimbo
879
00:44:30,734 --> 00:44:32,168
in this with me, or what?
880
00:44:32,192 --> 00:44:33,252
Who are you calling bimbo,
881
00:44:33,276 --> 00:44:35,335
you polyester cowboy?
882
00:44:35,359 --> 00:44:38,598
Who are you calling
polyester cowboy, you,
883
00:44:39,526 --> 00:44:41,685
cheap dime store floozy?
884
00:44:42,900 --> 00:44:43,710
If I wasn't such a lady,
885
00:44:43,734 --> 00:44:45,127
I would pop you one.
886
00:44:45,151 --> 00:44:47,043
We'll find Arnold for ourselves, Cecil.
887
00:44:47,067 --> 00:44:50,001
Oh, just what I expected
from today's youth.
888
00:44:50,025 --> 00:44:51,979
There ain't a real American among ya!
889
00:44:52,900 --> 00:44:54,544
And it's the fourth of July, too.
890
00:44:54,568 --> 00:44:56,252
Cecil, if you're such a patriot,
891
00:44:56,276 --> 00:44:57,751
how come your space chewy sticks
892
00:44:57,775 --> 00:44:58,960
are the official snack food
893
00:44:58,984 --> 00:45:00,627
of the Russian commienauts, huh?
894
00:45:00,651 --> 00:45:02,127
Because you gotta bribe those bums
895
00:45:02,151 --> 00:45:04,335
at NASA to get an endorsement.
896
00:45:04,359 --> 00:45:07,252
With the commies, you just
cut them in for a percentage.
897
00:45:07,276 --> 00:45:08,627
But I ain't got time standing 'round here
898
00:45:08,651 --> 00:45:10,960
talkin' snack food economics to you two.
899
00:45:10,984 --> 00:45:11,793
Come on, melvis, let's roll!
900
00:45:11,817 --> 00:45:13,056
We gotta meet big ed.
901
00:45:16,651 --> 00:45:18,043
I want your chromosomes checked
902
00:45:18,067 --> 00:45:19,067
before we have kids.
903
00:45:28,025 --> 00:45:29,979
I'm coming to get you!
904
00:45:37,109 --> 00:45:38,835
Whoa, would you look
at those beautiful babes?
905
00:45:38,859 --> 00:45:41,098
I'm going down for a closer look.
906
00:45:43,859 --> 00:45:46,314
Oh, catch those beach balls!
907
00:45:49,568 --> 00:45:51,710
I only dated him to get to Whitney.
908
00:45:51,734 --> 00:45:54,814
Who is merely the richest guy in town.
909
00:46:00,734 --> 00:46:01,939
Bitchin' dudes!
910
00:46:06,109 --> 00:46:08,460
Hey, isn't that dude's
old ugly, yellow car?
911
00:46:08,484 --> 00:46:09,377
Who?
912
00:46:09,401 --> 00:46:10,210
You know, that burnout,
913
00:46:10,234 --> 00:46:11,876
Santa Cruz deadhead?
914
00:46:11,900 --> 00:46:13,460
He hangs with, uh, Denise.
915
00:46:13,484 --> 00:46:15,085
The loadie chick?
916
00:46:15,109 --> 00:46:16,544
Oh, Denise, whose sister's
917
00:46:16,568 --> 00:46:19,127
the salad bar manager
at western beef land.
918
00:46:19,151 --> 00:46:24,106
Yeah, you know dude.
919
00:46:26,109 --> 00:46:28,377
What are those things?
920
00:46:28,401 --> 00:46:30,855
Dude's pals from Santa Cruz?
921
00:46:33,817 --> 00:46:35,460
A piranha!
922
00:46:35,484 --> 00:46:37,347
See you later, Terry.
923
00:46:40,067 --> 00:46:44,460
That's my favorite
bathing suit, you creep!
924
00:46:44,484 --> 00:46:45,460
Hiya, sweetheart!
925
00:46:46,984 --> 00:46:47,793
Oh, no!
926
00:46:47,817 --> 00:46:48,669
Oh!
927
00:46:48,693 --> 00:46:50,460
See you around, Amy!
928
00:46:50,484 --> 00:46:52,518
Wait, what's your sign?
929
00:46:53,775 --> 00:46:54,809
Come to papa!
930
00:47:01,401 --> 00:47:02,293
It's okay.
931
00:47:02,317 --> 00:47:03,317
It's okay.
932
00:47:13,359 --> 00:47:16,644
Hey, let's get out of here.
933
00:47:21,401 --> 00:47:23,460
Okay, come on, Arnold.
934
00:47:23,484 --> 00:47:25,793
Come on, I'd recognize
those beady eyes anywhere.
935
00:47:25,817 --> 00:47:27,460
Thanks for the help, Amy.
936
00:47:27,484 --> 00:47:29,710
- You're the one to talk.
937
00:47:29,734 --> 00:47:31,043
Besides, I'm not missing cheer leading
938
00:47:31,067 --> 00:47:32,419
camp because of you.
939
00:47:32,443 --> 00:47:33,443
- Come on.
940
00:47:39,443 --> 00:47:41,835
He must have gotten away down the pipes.
941
00:47:41,859 --> 00:47:44,335
Well, now he could be anywhere.
942
00:47:44,359 --> 00:47:45,710
What were those things?
943
00:47:45,734 --> 00:47:47,973
Uh, tourists from, from Nevada.
944
00:48:01,942 --> 00:48:02,751
Buddy Holly Johnson,
945
00:48:02,775 --> 00:48:05,210
quit lightin' them firecrackers!
946
00:48:05,234 --> 00:48:06,127
Don't want you to become
947
00:48:06,151 --> 00:48:08,140
another holiday statistic, now.
948
00:48:13,984 --> 00:48:15,001
Hey, bro, I smell ice cream.
949
00:48:15,025 --> 00:48:16,025
Where is it?
950
00:48:31,401 --> 00:48:33,544
Buddy Holly, you're too quiet.
951
00:48:33,568 --> 00:48:35,102
What are you up to?
952
00:48:37,817 --> 00:48:40,101
Buddy Holly, just answer me!
953
00:48:44,609 --> 00:48:45,669
What are you...
954
00:48:45,693 --> 00:48:46,693
Aahh!
955
00:48:47,401 --> 00:48:49,355
Wow, god, what are they?
956
00:48:50,484 --> 00:48:51,767
- Get back here.
957
00:48:53,025 --> 00:48:55,168
All right, everybody inside, inside.
958
00:48:57,443 --> 00:48:58,443
- Idiot!
959
00:49:04,025 --> 00:49:06,252
Quick, into the cooler.
960
00:49:06,276 --> 00:49:07,627
Hey, look out!
961
00:49:07,651 --> 00:49:09,105
Get outta the way!
962
00:49:11,443 --> 00:49:12,378
How long does it take
963
00:49:12,402 --> 00:49:13,607
to fix a tire?
964
00:49:32,569 --> 00:49:34,683
Would've helped if you'd had a Jack.
965
00:49:51,652 --> 00:49:53,169
I don't know, I can't decide.
966
00:49:53,193 --> 00:49:55,147
What should I get, vanilla or chocolate?
967
00:49:56,985 --> 00:49:58,086
I'm going for mocha chip.
968
00:49:58,110 --> 00:49:59,110
Stay there.
969
00:50:00,235 --> 00:50:01,044
Get back.
970
00:50:01,068 --> 00:50:02,102
Get back in the car.
971
00:50:16,818 --> 00:50:17,818
Looters, huh?
972
00:50:32,110 --> 00:50:34,144
Hey, guys, wait for me!
973
00:50:36,569 --> 00:50:39,273
Who's gonna clean this mess up?
974
00:50:41,068 --> 00:50:42,044
Oh, Bob!
975
00:50:42,068 --> 00:50:43,044
- I'm fine.
976
00:50:43,068 --> 00:50:44,420
- Huh?
977
00:50:44,444 --> 00:50:45,253
I'm fine, thanks.
978
00:50:45,277 --> 00:50:46,294
I'm fine.
979
00:50:46,318 --> 00:50:48,294
Oh, by the way, I'm Marge.
980
00:50:48,318 --> 00:50:49,545
And this is Bob.
981
00:50:49,569 --> 00:50:52,211
And this is little buddy Holly.
982
00:50:52,235 --> 00:50:53,939
Next time I wanna try rum raisin.
983
00:50:55,110 --> 00:50:56,690
We'll be at the hospital soon.
984
00:50:57,694 --> 00:50:59,877
What were those things?
985
00:50:59,901 --> 00:51:00,711
Aliens, mom!
986
00:51:00,735 --> 00:51:02,461
I already told ya.
987
00:51:02,485 --> 00:51:03,461
Adults are talking.
988
00:51:03,485 --> 00:51:04,919
Forget the hospital.
989
00:51:04,943 --> 00:51:05,943
It's not too bad.
990
00:51:07,610 --> 00:51:10,877
Bob was mauled by a
grizzly in yellow stone once.
991
00:51:10,901 --> 00:51:12,919
Well, I hope it wasn't yogi.
992
00:51:12,943 --> 00:51:14,461
- I've had worse.
993
00:51:14,485 --> 00:51:16,724
I was mauled by a grizzly
in yellow stone once.
994
00:51:19,610 --> 00:51:20,628
So you folks from around here?
995
00:51:20,652 --> 00:51:24,294
Elco, Nevada, originally.
996
00:51:24,318 --> 00:51:25,378
Well say is it really true
997
00:51:25,402 --> 00:51:27,461
that the sun sets green in
the nuclear testing zone
998
00:51:27,485 --> 00:51:30,794
and that your milk go sour
while you're drinking it?
999
00:51:30,818 --> 00:51:32,545
Anti nuke propaganda.
1000
00:51:32,569 --> 00:51:33,752
Okay.
1001
00:51:33,776 --> 00:51:35,586
Okay, the milk's true.
1002
00:51:35,610 --> 00:51:38,189
But the sunsets are only
really green on blast days.
1003
00:51:41,818 --> 00:51:42,818
Baby.
1004
00:51:56,485 --> 00:51:58,503
Here' I'll get the seat for you.
1005
00:51:58,527 --> 00:51:59,527
Watch your cone.
1006
00:52:03,152 --> 00:52:04,186
- Thanks for the lift.
1007
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:08,253
Are you gonna be okay, can I help you?
1008
00:52:08,277 --> 00:52:09,890
No, no, we've done this before.
1009
00:52:13,026 --> 00:52:15,128
Honey, what do you want this time,
1010
00:52:15,152 --> 00:52:17,061
stitches or clamps?
1011
00:52:19,569 --> 00:52:20,545
Let's go back to my house
1012
00:52:20,569 --> 00:52:21,836
and check Dr. Crowder's book.
1013
00:52:21,860 --> 00:52:24,253
'Cause I don't know where
to look for them anymore.
1014
00:52:24,277 --> 00:52:25,277
Okay.
1015
00:52:29,943 --> 00:52:32,273
Can't you guys
move it out any faster?
1016
00:52:40,735 --> 00:52:44,545
I'm sorry, little dead dude.
1017
00:52:44,569 --> 00:52:46,294
I'll never forget the
first time I saw him.
1018
00:52:46,318 --> 00:52:47,752
He was eleven, and I said to myself:
1019
00:52:47,776 --> 00:52:49,711
"That boy looks like a chicken."
1020
00:52:49,735 --> 00:52:51,128
And now he's gone.
1021
00:52:51,152 --> 00:52:52,545
That's all right,
darlin', please, come on.
1022
00:52:52,569 --> 00:52:53,420
Daddy'll give you a massage.
1023
00:52:53,444 --> 00:52:55,336
Poor thing, I mean, he always
1024
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:57,670
made a mess, but he meant well.
1025
00:52:57,694 --> 00:52:58,877
Didn't he, honey?
1026
00:52:58,901 --> 00:52:59,877
Yes, darlin'.
1027
00:52:59,901 --> 00:53:02,420
We'll all
be in heaven some day.
1028
00:53:02,444 --> 00:53:04,478
There's nowhere to go and nothing to do.
1029
00:53:06,444 --> 00:53:07,752
Let's go break some windows
1030
00:53:07,776 --> 00:53:09,044
at the junior high.
1031
00:53:09,068 --> 00:53:11,307
I'm up for some vandalism, dude.
1032
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:13,360
You see?
1033
00:53:14,360 --> 00:53:16,253
That's what happens when American youth
1034
00:53:16,277 --> 00:53:19,086
doesn't have the proper
recreational facilities.
1035
00:53:19,110 --> 00:53:20,919
When they don't have a video arcade
1036
00:53:20,943 --> 00:53:23,086
they can go into to develop the necessary
1037
00:53:23,110 --> 00:53:24,961
hand eye coordination that's so vital
1038
00:53:24,985 --> 00:53:26,420
in the computer age.
1039
00:53:26,444 --> 00:53:28,253
When they don't have the calsnax emporium
1040
00:53:28,277 --> 00:53:30,211
to go into where they can
get good, wholesome food
1041
00:53:30,235 --> 00:53:32,002
so they can grow up to be big and strong.
1042
00:53:32,026 --> 00:53:32,836
And why?
1043
00:53:32,860 --> 00:53:35,670
Those special interest
groups oppose the solar mall
1044
00:53:35,694 --> 00:53:37,961
for their own selfish reasons.
1045
00:53:37,985 --> 00:53:41,044
Hi, I'm Cecil watterman and I wanna build
1046
00:53:41,068 --> 00:53:43,461
that solar mall for the
people of Sweetwater.
1047
00:53:43,485 --> 00:53:45,919
So folk, yes on proposition 61.
1048
00:53:45,943 --> 00:53:47,728
Say yes, we want the mall.
1049
00:53:48,985 --> 00:53:49,985
For our kids.
1050
00:53:51,235 --> 00:53:52,461
Thanks for your support.
1051
00:53:52,485 --> 00:53:53,378
Paid for by the
1052
00:53:53,402 --> 00:53:55,311
better tomorrow through malls committee.
1053
00:53:56,735 --> 00:53:57,769
Oh boy, that Cecil.
1054
00:53:58,776 --> 00:54:00,670
What a sleaze.
1055
00:54:00,694 --> 00:54:02,670
It's surprising he's not in Washington.
1056
00:54:02,694 --> 00:54:04,586
He wouldn't go for the pay cut.
1057
00:54:04,610 --> 00:54:06,086
You know, I think I've got something here.
1058
00:54:06,110 --> 00:54:07,110
You do?
1059
00:54:08,652 --> 00:54:09,670
You know, it is really such a turn-on
1060
00:54:09,694 --> 00:54:11,711
when you take charge and everything.
1061
00:54:11,735 --> 00:54:12,545
Really?
1062
00:54:12,569 --> 00:54:13,378
- Uh-huh.
1063
00:54:13,402 --> 00:54:14,211
If I would've know that,
1064
00:54:14,235 --> 00:54:16,315
I would've taken a Dale
carnegie course years ago.
1065
00:54:17,360 --> 00:54:18,919
You know, it says here
that there are legends
1066
00:54:18,943 --> 00:54:19,961
that the high priests were able
1067
00:54:19,985 --> 00:54:22,294
to bring inanimate objects to life.
1068
00:54:22,318 --> 00:54:26,254
They used, and I quote:
"The fire of the gods."
1069
00:54:26,278 --> 00:54:27,712
"Once brought to life, the objects"
1070
00:54:27,736 --> 00:54:29,629
"then supposedly had regenerative powers,"
1071
00:54:29,653 --> 00:54:32,003
"which made them unable to be destroyed."
1072
00:54:32,027 --> 00:54:33,027
- Hm.
1073
00:54:34,403 --> 00:54:37,295
What do you think
"fire of the gods" means?
1074
00:54:37,319 --> 00:54:38,462
- I don't know.
1075
00:54:38,486 --> 00:54:40,962
But you can probably rule out microwaves.
1076
00:54:40,986 --> 00:54:42,145
Regenerative powers.
1077
00:54:43,319 --> 00:54:44,546
That's how come there's four of them.
1078
00:54:44,570 --> 00:54:45,421
It's like with the worm.
1079
00:54:45,445 --> 00:54:46,962
You have one worm.
1080
00:54:46,986 --> 00:54:48,546
You cut it in half, you have two worms.
1081
00:54:48,570 --> 00:54:49,920
We've gotta warn
everybody not to cut them.
1082
00:54:49,944 --> 00:54:51,212
Otherwise, we're gonna
have hundreds of munchies
1083
00:54:51,236 --> 00:54:53,837
running around Sweetwater
stealing junk food.
1084
00:56:08,902 --> 00:56:10,129
This little piggy had roast beef.
1085
00:56:10,153 --> 00:56:11,962
No, stop it.
1086
00:56:11,986 --> 00:56:13,587
This little piggy had none.
1087
00:56:13,611 --> 00:56:14,546
And this little piggy
1088
00:56:14,570 --> 00:56:15,712
was a bad little piggy,
1089
00:56:15,736 --> 00:56:17,629
then wee-wee-wee'd all the way home!
1090
00:56:17,653 --> 00:56:18,462
Stop it.
1091
00:56:18,486 --> 00:56:19,837
Oh, honey,
1092
00:56:19,861 --> 00:56:21,170
if only I'd been a better stepmother.
1093
00:56:21,194 --> 00:56:22,878
Oh darling, you were a wonderful mother.
1094
00:56:22,902 --> 00:56:24,671
You want a bite?
1095
00:56:24,695 --> 00:56:26,878
No, honey, I don't want.
1096
00:56:26,902 --> 00:56:27,712
I just want want another bite of you.
1097
00:56:27,736 --> 00:56:29,504
I love you so much.
1098
00:56:29,528 --> 00:56:31,129
Maybe I'll have a pink one.
1099
00:56:33,445 --> 00:56:34,445
All right!
1100
00:56:35,611 --> 00:56:36,795
Where's the insurrection?
1101
00:56:36,819 --> 00:56:37,878
It's big ed!
1102
00:56:37,902 --> 00:56:39,087
Thank the lord.
1103
00:56:39,111 --> 00:56:41,837
That door's made out
of redwood, you jackass!
1104
00:56:41,861 --> 00:56:43,170
Well, the place is destroyed.
1105
00:56:43,194 --> 00:56:45,045
What do you need the door for?
1106
00:56:45,069 --> 00:56:47,712
Oh, big ed, we missed you!
1107
00:56:47,736 --> 00:56:50,712
Where'd you get the riot gear?
1108
00:56:50,736 --> 00:56:51,546
You like it?
1109
00:56:51,570 --> 00:56:52,629
I borrowed it from some buddies of mine
1110
00:56:52,653 --> 00:56:54,170
on the tactical assault squad.
1111
00:56:54,194 --> 00:56:56,295
Uh, darlin', why don't
you go get US a cool drink?
1112
00:56:56,319 --> 00:56:57,170
Would you mind, sweetheart?
1113
00:56:57,194 --> 00:56:58,045
Eddie, give her a hand.
1114
00:56:58,069 --> 00:56:59,671
She's deeply bereaved.
1115
00:56:59,695 --> 00:57:00,933
Go on, darlin', thank you.
1116
00:57:02,902 --> 00:57:03,712
Wha?
1117
00:57:03,736 --> 00:57:06,087
We've got a full-blown
crisis on our hands!
1118
00:57:06,111 --> 00:57:07,003
Hm, Eddie couldn't handle it, huh?
1119
00:57:07,027 --> 00:57:08,878
You know he graduated in the
1120
00:57:08,902 --> 00:57:10,546
top 70% of deputy school?
1121
00:57:10,570 --> 00:57:12,087
You know, boss, I was having
1122
00:57:12,111 --> 00:57:13,462
a great time at this convention.
1123
00:57:13,486 --> 00:57:15,504
I got this riot gun here, and I got...
1124
00:57:15,528 --> 00:57:16,671
Would you just forget that!
1125
00:57:16,695 --> 00:57:18,212
Now listen!
1126
00:57:18,236 --> 00:57:20,587
If those creatures get
into the underground caves,
1127
00:57:20,611 --> 00:57:22,504
people are gonna find out
that I have been storing
1128
00:57:22,528 --> 00:57:24,546
barrels of toxic waste under the town.
1129
00:57:24,570 --> 00:57:27,024
Now, if I go down, you come with me!
1130
00:57:31,819 --> 00:57:33,170
A real meeting of the minds, huh?
1131
00:57:33,194 --> 00:57:34,087
Cecil, I found some more
1132
00:57:34,111 --> 00:57:35,920
stuff out about those creatures.
1133
00:57:35,944 --> 00:57:36,753
- I don't wanna hear it.
1134
00:57:36,777 --> 00:57:37,712
I'll take care of those hostile
1135
00:57:37,736 --> 00:57:39,170
little bastards in my own way.
1136
00:57:39,194 --> 00:57:40,170
But Cecil, you gotta listen...
1137
00:57:40,194 --> 00:57:41,337
Oh, honey, it's almost 9 o'clock!
1138
00:57:41,361 --> 00:57:43,129
We've got to get over to golf land
1139
00:57:43,153 --> 00:57:45,087
for those ribbon cutting ceremonies.
1140
00:57:45,111 --> 00:57:45,962
Oh, heaven's sakes, I haven't even
1141
00:57:45,986 --> 00:57:46,962
memorized all of my speech yet!
1142
00:57:46,986 --> 00:57:48,504
Cecil, you gotta listen to me.
1143
00:57:48,528 --> 00:57:49,753
I need your help.
Ladies and gentlemen,
1144
00:57:49,777 --> 00:57:50,753
I'm not sure what to do!
1145
00:57:50,777 --> 00:57:52,212
From the beginning of recorded time,
1146
00:57:52,236 --> 00:57:55,020
man has always searched for green.
1147
00:58:29,361 --> 00:58:32,629
Throughout history,
civilization has advanced
1148
00:58:32,653 --> 00:58:35,254
for the good of all men,
1149
00:58:35,278 --> 00:58:38,045
when a few great men
1150
00:58:38,069 --> 00:58:40,712
have had bold, new visions,
1151
00:58:40,736 --> 00:58:43,421
and the courage to carry them out.
1152
00:58:43,445 --> 00:58:44,962
Yeah!
1153
00:58:44,986 --> 00:58:46,920
But behind every great man,
1154
00:58:46,944 --> 00:58:50,479
there is a loving and dedicated woman
1155
00:58:51,403 --> 00:58:55,642
who fills his days and nights,
1156
00:58:56,944 --> 00:58:59,183
with a love that is so profound,
1157
00:59:00,486 --> 00:59:03,671
so deep that it urges him on
1158
00:59:03,695 --> 00:59:06,183
to fulfill even his wildest dreams.
1159
00:59:07,528 --> 00:59:10,212
Caesar had his Cleopatra,
1160
00:59:10,236 --> 00:59:13,295
Napoleon had his joséphine,
1161
00:59:13,319 --> 00:59:15,558
and Sonny had his Cher.
1162
00:59:16,736 --> 00:59:18,066
But luckiest of all:
1163
00:59:19,027 --> 00:59:20,732
I've had my melvis.
1164
00:59:28,361 --> 00:59:31,837
You know, they laughed at me
1165
00:59:31,861 --> 00:59:33,796
when I said I would build the world's
1166
00:59:33,820 --> 00:59:37,213
first 36-hole miniature golf course.
1167
00:59:37,237 --> 00:59:39,713
But I didn't listen to other people.
1168
00:59:39,737 --> 00:59:42,046
I followed my dream.
1169
00:59:42,070 --> 00:59:44,255
And with this fine lady's help,
1170
00:59:44,279 --> 00:59:45,838
I have brought this valley
1171
00:59:45,862 --> 00:59:48,771
36 holes of miniature golf.
1172
00:59:49,737 --> 00:59:52,171
I officially now declare
1173
00:59:52,195 --> 00:59:56,672
melvis' miniature golf
land officially open!
1174
00:59:56,696 --> 00:59:57,696
Yes sir!
1175
01:00:08,237 --> 01:00:10,588
Go on, get out there and putt, putt.
1176
01:00:10,612 --> 01:00:12,521
Putt your little hearts away.
1177
01:00:13,487 --> 01:00:14,380
It's on the house today, folks.
1178
01:00:14,404 --> 01:00:16,296
On the house.
1179
01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:17,434
Okay, last 10!
1180
01:00:18,446 --> 01:00:19,255
Loser's buyin' pizza.
1181
01:00:19,279 --> 01:00:22,380
Hope you brought your money this time.
1182
01:00:22,404 --> 01:00:23,754
Wait till the guys see this!
1183
01:00:23,778 --> 01:00:25,296
Ohh!
1184
01:00:25,320 --> 01:00:26,879
Hey, look at
the dudes over there!
1185
01:00:26,903 --> 01:00:27,879
You're cheating!
1186
01:00:27,903 --> 01:00:29,004
I didn't cheat!
1187
01:00:29,028 --> 01:00:30,171
Come on, do it again.
1188
01:00:30,195 --> 01:00:31,754
Come on, come on.
1189
01:00:31,778 --> 01:00:33,171
Whoa!
1190
01:00:33,195 --> 01:00:34,380
Whoops.
1191
01:00:34,404 --> 01:00:35,518
Ready to lose?
1192
01:01:14,446 --> 01:01:15,463
Oh, gross!
1193
01:01:15,487 --> 01:01:16,770
What was that?
1194
01:01:19,154 --> 01:01:20,609
It's them, here.
1195
01:01:23,362 --> 01:01:25,838
It's them, they're here.
1196
01:01:25,862 --> 01:01:27,213
It's them, dad!
1197
01:01:27,237 --> 01:01:28,505
Shh, buddy, I'll make par
1198
01:01:28,529 --> 01:01:29,879
if I get this one.
1199
01:01:29,903 --> 01:01:31,630
But dad, you don't understand!
1200
01:01:31,654 --> 01:01:32,921
It's them!
1201
01:01:32,945 --> 01:01:33,879
Dad, they're here!
1202
01:01:33,903 --> 01:01:34,963
Shh!
1203
01:01:34,987 --> 01:01:36,004
- Dad!
1204
01:01:36,028 --> 01:01:37,028
- Shh!
1205
01:01:39,654 --> 01:01:40,463
Look!
1206
01:01:40,487 --> 01:01:41,296
Dad, look!
1207
01:01:41,320 --> 01:01:42,130
Look, daddy!
1208
01:01:42,987 --> 01:01:44,380
Oh, dad, look!
1209
01:02:02,404 --> 01:02:05,130
I guess it's just
not my day, huh, Marge?
1210
01:02:05,154 --> 01:02:06,338
Is it bad, Bob?
1211
01:02:06,362 --> 01:02:07,171
No, no, honey.
1212
01:02:07,195 --> 01:02:08,796
The mace took my mind
1213
01:02:08,820 --> 01:02:09,854
off the pain.
1214
01:02:20,154 --> 01:02:22,088
- Give me that.
1215
01:02:22,112 --> 01:02:25,171
Somebody's gonna hear US.
1216
01:02:25,195 --> 01:02:26,463
Shut up.
1217
01:02:26,487 --> 01:02:27,505
Agh!
1218
01:02:27,529 --> 01:02:30,713
Get it off me, get it off me!
1219
01:02:30,737 --> 01:02:31,737
Hurry up!
1220
01:02:34,778 --> 01:02:36,255
I didn't bring any money!
1221
01:02:36,279 --> 01:02:39,734
And you ask if me if I brought my money?
1222
01:02:46,362 --> 01:02:47,547
Well what's the problem?
1223
01:02:47,571 --> 01:02:50,088
We were getting some
calsnax out of the machine
1224
01:02:50,112 --> 01:02:51,338
when this thing attacked Dennis.
1225
01:02:51,362 --> 01:02:52,921
Huh, well.
1226
01:02:52,945 --> 01:02:54,672
Eddie, Eddie!
1227
01:02:54,696 --> 01:02:55,963
Yes sir!
1228
01:02:55,987 --> 01:02:57,422
Eddie, take care of him, huh.
1229
01:02:57,446 --> 01:02:59,130
Yes sir, that I will do sir
1230
01:02:59,154 --> 01:03:01,879
for under state code 32-22025,
1231
01:03:01,903 --> 01:03:03,754
a deputized law officer like myself
1232
01:03:03,778 --> 01:03:05,088
will make sure these youths receive
1233
01:03:05,112 --> 01:03:06,754
proper and adequate medical care.
1234
01:03:06,778 --> 01:03:08,130
Unless we're talking
about the new abridged law
1235
01:03:08,154 --> 01:03:09,255
which doesn't say anything about that.
1236
01:03:09,279 --> 01:03:10,796
Actually, matter of fact,
1237
01:03:10,820 --> 01:03:11,963
I can probably do anything
I want with them really.
1238
01:03:11,987 --> 01:03:13,547
Take light, take them down.
1239
01:03:13,571 --> 01:03:14,505
Eddie!
1240
01:03:14,529 --> 01:03:15,713
Just take care of them, huh.
1241
01:03:15,737 --> 01:03:16,754
Just get them out of here.
1242
01:03:16,778 --> 01:03:19,046
Move, move, move!
1243
01:03:22,112 --> 01:03:23,088
You know maybe I should drive, Bob.
1244
01:03:23,112 --> 01:03:24,338
I could use the practice.
1245
01:03:24,362 --> 01:03:25,362
Okay.
1246
01:03:33,070 --> 01:03:33,879
Hi.
1247
01:03:33,903 --> 01:03:34,796
Hi.
1248
01:03:34,820 --> 01:03:37,505
Oh, the 27th hole, the pagoda.
1249
01:03:37,529 --> 01:03:39,088
Watch it.
1250
01:03:39,112 --> 01:03:40,112
- Thanks.
1251
01:03:43,696 --> 01:03:44,630
Hey, we're making a run to the clinic
1252
01:03:44,654 --> 01:03:46,088
over at Harmony falls.
1253
01:03:46,112 --> 01:03:47,630
You need a lift?
1254
01:03:47,654 --> 01:03:48,654
Get in.
1255
01:03:56,654 --> 01:03:57,921
It wasn't my fault, dad, honest.
1256
01:03:57,945 --> 01:04:00,754
Well, son, I think you've
done a pretty fair job
1257
01:04:00,778 --> 01:04:01,963
of maintaining order here.
1258
01:04:01,987 --> 01:04:03,816
Gee, thanks, dad!
1259
01:04:05,737 --> 01:04:06,713
Ed!
1260
01:04:06,737 --> 01:04:07,851
Get over here!
1261
01:04:11,279 --> 01:04:13,046
Well, do something, you dumb motherf...
1262
01:04:13,070 --> 01:04:13,963
- Cecil!
1263
01:04:13,987 --> 01:04:15,630
Don't you say the f word!
1264
01:04:15,654 --> 01:04:17,713
There's a lady present!
1265
01:04:17,737 --> 01:04:19,088
- Just don't stand there!
1266
01:04:19,112 --> 01:04:20,296
Plug 'em!
1267
01:04:20,320 --> 01:04:21,879
Code blue, dad!
1268
01:04:21,903 --> 01:04:22,713
Right, son!
1269
01:04:22,737 --> 01:04:24,130
Cover my rear!
1270
01:04:24,154 --> 01:04:26,046
All right, let me do a
little beat on them now!
1271
01:04:26,070 --> 01:04:27,070
All right!
1272
01:04:32,070 --> 01:04:33,088
You can't kill 'em with guns.
1273
01:04:33,112 --> 01:04:34,921
Yeah, and how do you know that?
1274
01:04:34,945 --> 01:04:35,838
Because I read this book
1275
01:04:35,862 --> 01:04:37,647
called the conquistador's journal.
1276
01:04:38,487 --> 01:04:40,296
Look, these things regenerate.
1277
01:04:40,320 --> 01:04:42,130
You can't kill "em!"
1278
01:04:42,154 --> 01:04:44,256
If you cut 'em up, there's
just gonna be more of them.
1279
01:04:44,280 --> 01:04:46,172
I don't believe that crap!
1280
01:04:46,196 --> 01:04:48,131
Do you, melvis?
1281
01:04:48,155 --> 01:04:49,155
Well,
1282
01:04:50,155 --> 01:04:51,423
I don't know.
1283
01:04:53,071 --> 01:04:54,185
Hiya, toots.
1284
01:04:55,655 --> 01:04:56,655
Hold this, son.
1285
01:05:02,155 --> 01:05:03,548
Good shootin', ed.
1286
01:05:03,572 --> 01:05:05,797
I knew you had it in you, big ed.
1287
01:05:05,821 --> 01:05:06,880
Oh, thanks, melvis.
1288
01:05:06,904 --> 01:05:08,234
It's party time.
1289
01:05:10,113 --> 01:05:11,548
Those ugly little things are wearing
1290
01:05:11,572 --> 01:05:13,548
all of dude's stuff!
1291
01:05:13,572 --> 01:05:17,214
Denise tie dyed that scarf
for my baby's birthday!
1292
01:05:17,238 --> 01:05:18,839
Take it easy, honey.
1293
01:05:18,863 --> 01:05:20,318
I'll fix their wagon!
1294
01:05:22,863 --> 01:05:23,673
Give me your helmet, ed.
1295
01:05:23,697 --> 01:05:24,506
I can't, it's a loaner.
1296
01:05:24,530 --> 01:05:26,984
I said, give me your helmet!
1297
01:05:28,488 --> 01:05:29,297
Honey, give me them scissors.
1298
01:05:29,321 --> 01:05:30,673
Are you crazy?
1299
01:05:30,697 --> 01:05:31,673
You're gonna cut 'em up
and make more of them!
1300
01:05:31,697 --> 01:05:33,231
Get outta my way!
1301
01:05:35,363 --> 01:05:36,172
Hey, hon key.
1302
01:05:36,196 --> 01:05:38,548
Yeah, gotcha, sucker!
1303
01:05:38,572 --> 01:05:40,172
Bullseye, man, bullseye!
1304
01:05:40,196 --> 01:05:41,714
Yeah, got him.
1305
01:05:41,738 --> 01:05:42,738
Good shot!
1306
01:05:44,029 --> 01:05:46,643
He doesn't know what he's doing.
1307
01:05:48,113 --> 01:05:49,976
Thank you.
1308
01:05:52,821 --> 01:05:55,310
Well, I guess that shows
vou what you don't know.
1309
01:05:56,613 --> 01:05:57,613
Well, not exactly.
1310
01:06:01,155 --> 01:06:02,155
Say what?
1311
01:06:08,155 --> 01:06:09,839
Cecil, I told you not to cut them up!
1312
01:06:09,863 --> 01:06:10,673
Now there are seven of them!
1313
01:06:10,697 --> 01:06:11,839
No, get out of my sight!
1314
01:06:11,863 --> 01:06:13,214
Ed, arrest him, and take
his floozy with him!
1315
01:06:13,238 --> 01:06:14,047
- Geronimo.
1316
01:06:15,363 --> 01:06:16,297
Don't matter where you cuff them to,
1317
01:06:16,321 --> 01:06:17,339
just put them in the big house!
1318
01:06:17,363 --> 01:06:19,423
Wait a minute, wait a minute!
1319
01:06:19,447 --> 01:06:20,256
Hey, come here.
1320
01:06:20,280 --> 01:06:21,359
Yeah, come on!
1321
01:06:22,821 --> 01:06:24,423
Were does this drain pipe lead to?
1322
01:06:24,447 --> 01:06:25,776
Uh, the watterman wash.
1323
01:06:26,738 --> 01:06:27,964
We gotta get to the factory
1324
01:06:27,988 --> 01:06:28,797
before they get into
1325
01:06:28,821 --> 01:06:30,276
the underground storage areas.
1326
01:06:31,280 --> 01:06:32,610
Can I have my helmet back?
1327
01:06:33,738 --> 01:06:36,839
Is your head gettin' cold?
1328
01:06:36,863 --> 01:06:37,863
Hey, Eddie,
1329
01:06:40,697 --> 01:06:41,506
you're not really gonna
1330
01:06:41,530 --> 01:06:42,893
take US to the big house, are you?
1331
01:06:44,321 --> 01:06:45,423
Where?
1332
01:06:45,447 --> 01:06:46,631
Oh, oh, jail?
1333
01:06:46,655 --> 01:06:47,768
Yeah, I am.
1334
01:06:48,779 --> 01:06:49,589
A good lawman
1335
01:06:49,613 --> 01:06:51,381
always follows orders.
1336
01:06:51,405 --> 01:06:52,214
No, no, no,
1337
01:06:52,238 --> 01:06:53,089
a really good lawman
1338
01:06:53,113 --> 01:06:54,047
thinks on his feet
1339
01:06:54,071 --> 01:06:55,089
and make snap decisions
1340
01:06:55,113 --> 01:06:58,548
whenever unforeseen
circumstances should arise.
1341
01:06:58,572 --> 01:07:00,276
I'm not listening to you!
1342
01:07:01,363 --> 01:07:03,005
Y'all, already lied to me
1343
01:07:03,029 --> 01:07:05,439
about those ruskie spies.
1344
01:07:08,488 --> 01:07:09,488
Come on, Eddie.
1345
01:07:10,488 --> 01:07:12,089
Don't you wanna be a big hero,
1346
01:07:12,113 --> 01:07:14,443
get all the glory when
you capture those things?
1347
01:07:16,029 --> 01:07:18,063
Well, maybe.
1348
01:07:19,113 --> 01:07:20,047
Look for Cher, man.
1349
01:07:20,071 --> 01:07:21,381
Ti think she did a movie once.
1350
01:07:21,405 --> 01:07:22,880
I wanna see naked women!
1351
01:07:22,904 --> 01:07:24,109
Maybe she was naked?
1352
01:07:26,655 --> 01:07:28,005
I-I-I don't know why you wanna
1353
01:07:28,029 --> 01:07:30,131
go back to golf land.
1354
01:07:30,155 --> 01:07:33,256
Oh, scene of the crime, clues,
1355
01:07:33,280 --> 01:07:36,423
all that macho cop stuff.
1356
01:07:36,447 --> 01:07:38,089
You know.
1357
01:07:38,113 --> 01:07:39,797
Yeah, I know.
1358
01:07:39,821 --> 01:07:41,026
I'm the lawman, remember?
1359
01:07:42,613 --> 01:07:43,613
Yeah.
1360
01:07:52,863 --> 01:07:54,339
Couldn't we stop at pizza land?
1361
01:07:54,363 --> 01:07:56,005
Sure could go for a couple
of slices right now.
1362
01:07:56,029 --> 01:07:57,423
Yeah, I'm hungry.
1363
01:07:57,447 --> 01:07:59,423
They don't serve meals
on the bus, you know.
1364
01:07:59,447 --> 01:08:01,214
I've told you, we can't!
1365
01:08:01,238 --> 01:08:03,131
We've got to get to the factory!
1366
01:08:03,155 --> 01:08:05,714
Just get a couple of takeout slices!
1367
01:08:05,738 --> 01:08:06,772
Pizza gives me gas.
1368
01:08:17,071 --> 01:08:18,172
Whoa!
1369
01:08:18,196 --> 01:08:20,256
A 430 double stroke z in progress!
1370
01:08:20,280 --> 01:08:21,506
What's that?
1371
01:08:21,530 --> 01:08:22,339
Ah, these punk vandals
1372
01:08:22,363 --> 01:08:24,005
from the junior high!
1373
01:08:24,029 --> 01:08:27,922
Eddie? I just love
all the macho cop stuff!
1374
01:08:27,946 --> 01:08:31,214
Under state stature 35.C,
1375
01:08:31,238 --> 01:08:32,714
civilians may be duly deputized
1376
01:08:32,738 --> 01:08:34,839
in times of natural
emergency and/or stress.
1377
01:08:34,863 --> 01:08:35,863
You're the one!
1378
01:08:44,029 --> 01:08:48,922
Aw, nothing but
stupid educational films, man.
1379
01:08:50,196 --> 01:08:52,131
I want more naked women!
1380
01:09:04,321 --> 01:09:05,381
- That's it!
1381
01:09:05,405 --> 01:09:06,405
Electricity.
1382
01:09:09,280 --> 01:09:10,610
"The fire of the gods."
1383
01:09:12,029 --> 01:09:13,797
It's just like he said in the journal.
1384
01:09:13,821 --> 01:09:14,631
Let's split, man.
1385
01:09:14,655 --> 01:09:15,631
There goes Arnold!
1386
01:09:15,655 --> 01:09:17,381
Come on, later.
1387
01:09:19,655 --> 01:09:20,655
- Come on.
1388
01:09:21,738 --> 01:09:23,256
- I hate western beef land.
1389
01:09:23,280 --> 01:09:24,589
Besides, the enquirer says that
1390
01:09:24,613 --> 01:09:26,089
red meat clogs your plumbin'.
1391
01:09:26,113 --> 01:09:28,131
They got the best salad
bar in the state, big ed.
1392
01:09:28,155 --> 01:09:29,339
Well, now you're talkin'.
1393
01:09:29,363 --> 01:09:30,589
Salad will set you free!
1394
01:09:30,613 --> 01:09:32,548
All right, all right, all right!
1395
01:09:32,572 --> 01:09:33,673
We'll go through the drive-through
1396
01:09:33,697 --> 01:09:35,901
at burger land, and that's it, okay?
1397
01:09:38,321 --> 01:09:40,506
Burgers give me indigestion.
1398
01:09:40,530 --> 01:09:42,297
Well, that's 'cause
they clog your plumb in...
1399
01:09:42,321 --> 01:09:43,321
Oh, lord.
1400
01:09:50,613 --> 01:09:52,047
God, it's cold down here.
1401
01:09:52,071 --> 01:09:53,105
It reminds me of Peru.
1402
01:09:58,239 --> 01:10:00,193
I wonder why this place is all lit up.
1403
01:10:02,281 --> 01:10:03,257
I'm sure Mr. Watterman's got
1404
01:10:03,281 --> 01:10:05,590
a perfectly reasonable explanation.
1405
01:10:05,614 --> 01:10:08,340
Probably a perfectly sleazy one.
1406
01:10:08,364 --> 01:10:10,102
He is my role model, you know.
1407
01:10:10,989 --> 01:10:12,340
Yeah, he would be.
1408
01:10:12,364 --> 01:10:13,364
Look.
1409
01:10:18,573 --> 01:10:21,687
They must have gone this way, come on.
1410
01:10:53,156 --> 01:10:54,395
A little help.
1411
01:10:55,448 --> 01:10:56,448
Help!
1412
01:10:57,656 --> 01:10:58,656
Help!
1413
01:11:14,448 --> 01:11:15,448
It's okay.
1414
01:11:17,364 --> 01:11:18,569
Move 'em out.
1415
01:11:20,114 --> 01:11:21,114
You okay, bud?
1416
01:11:29,864 --> 01:11:30,864
Which one, Paul?
1417
01:11:32,864 --> 01:11:33,674
You guys go down here,
1418
01:11:33,698 --> 01:11:34,674
and I'll try down here.
1419
01:11:34,698 --> 01:11:36,632
We'll meet back here in five minutes.
1420
01:11:36,656 --> 01:11:37,798
All right.
1421
01:11:37,822 --> 01:11:39,277
Let's synchronize our watches.
1422
01:11:40,573 --> 01:11:41,965
I've got 10:57.
1423
01:11:41,989 --> 01:11:43,382
- Check.
1424
01:11:43,406 --> 01:11:44,406
- Check!
1425
01:11:55,739 --> 01:11:59,006
Okay, so maybe I panicked a
little bit out there, huh?
1426
01:11:59,030 --> 01:12:01,382
There was only one of them.
1427
01:12:01,406 --> 01:12:02,215
But what if there had been, let's say
1428
01:12:02,239 --> 01:12:03,507
a hundred of them?
1429
01:12:03,531 --> 01:12:04,965
And they're tearing the
flesh off your bones
1430
01:12:04,989 --> 01:12:05,798
and you're screaming...
1431
01:12:05,822 --> 01:12:07,061
Eddie, shut up!
1432
01:12:22,197 --> 01:12:25,465
You little twerps ain't finished yet?
1433
01:12:25,489 --> 01:12:27,006
Geez, how am I ever
gonna be regional manager
1434
01:12:27,030 --> 01:12:29,064
with employees like you, huh?
1435
01:12:30,614 --> 01:12:32,048
Come on!
1436
01:12:32,072 --> 01:12:34,106
Snap it up, short-stops, okay?
1437
01:12:40,698 --> 01:12:41,507
It's guys like butcher
1438
01:12:41,531 --> 01:12:44,798
that give burger land managers a bad name.
1439
01:12:44,822 --> 01:12:45,798
Forget him.
1440
01:12:45,822 --> 01:12:48,465
He's got socialization problems.
1441
01:12:48,489 --> 01:12:50,382
- And bad skin.
1442
01:12:50,406 --> 01:12:52,132
- This is Cecil watterman.
1443
01:12:52,156 --> 01:12:53,298
Ordering.
1444
01:12:53,322 --> 01:12:54,923
Oh, wait, I don't want the Patty,
1445
01:12:54,947 --> 01:12:57,173
I just want a bun with, uhm,
1446
01:12:57,197 --> 01:12:58,298
with lettuce and tomato.
1447
01:12:58,322 --> 01:12:59,549
And I'd just like a fruit bowl, please.
1448
01:12:59,573 --> 01:13:00,549
No, you don't want a fruit bowl,
1449
01:13:00,573 --> 01:13:02,257
'cause strawberries give you hives.
1450
01:13:02,281 --> 01:13:03,090
Well, I thought pineapples...
1451
01:13:03,114 --> 01:13:03,923
No, I...
1452
01:13:03,947 --> 01:13:04,947
- That's it!
1453
01:13:05,822 --> 01:13:07,006
Give me three double melvis burgers,
1454
01:13:07,030 --> 01:13:09,132
three large fries, and three solar shakes.
1455
01:13:09,156 --> 01:13:10,156
Do you copy?
1456
01:13:11,322 --> 01:13:12,132
I said, do you copy?
1457
01:13:13,281 --> 01:13:14,090
Three double melvis burgers,
1458
01:13:14,114 --> 01:13:15,632
three large fries, and three solar shakes.
1459
01:13:15,656 --> 01:13:16,656
Do you get it?
1460
01:13:17,489 --> 01:13:18,340
Sounds like he's got a broken
1461
01:13:18,364 --> 01:13:20,048
squawk box or somethin'.
1462
01:13:20,072 --> 01:13:21,881
- This is Cecil watterman.
1463
01:13:21,905 --> 01:13:23,674
And I'm ordering!
1464
01:13:23,698 --> 01:13:24,923
Three double melvis burgers,
1465
01:13:24,947 --> 01:13:26,798
three large fries, and three solar shakes,
1466
01:13:26,822 --> 01:13:28,424
do you copy?
1467
01:13:28,448 --> 01:13:29,527
And a pickled pickle.
1468
01:13:43,989 --> 01:13:44,989
Where is it?
1469
01:13:46,656 --> 01:13:47,840
Hello?
1470
01:13:47,864 --> 01:13:49,590
Hey, it's slow tonight.
1471
01:13:49,614 --> 01:13:51,173
Butcher?
1472
01:13:51,197 --> 01:13:54,465
I thought you said this
night manager was going places.
1473
01:13:54,489 --> 01:13:55,549
He's going, all right.
1474
01:13:55,573 --> 01:13:57,465
He's gonna find himself another job!
1475
01:13:57,489 --> 01:13:59,715
Butcher, where are you?
1476
01:13:59,739 --> 01:14:01,465
Butcher, you here?
1477
01:14:01,489 --> 01:14:03,173
We didn't get our melvis burgers.
1478
01:14:03,197 --> 01:14:04,507
I don't like these games now, butcher.
1479
01:14:04,531 --> 01:14:06,144
This is Cecil watterman!
1480
01:14:07,072 --> 01:14:08,048
What's happening?
1481
01:14:08,072 --> 01:14:09,590
Hit them lights, ed.
1482
01:14:09,614 --> 01:14:11,298
Ed,
you better have a coat,
1483
01:14:11,322 --> 01:14:12,356
just kidding.
1484
01:14:20,739 --> 01:14:23,194
Let's split, man.
1485
01:14:26,322 --> 01:14:28,507
They're in the caves now, for sure!
1486
01:14:28,531 --> 01:14:30,235
We gotta get to the factory!
1487
01:14:32,573 --> 01:14:33,902
We didn't get our order.
1488
01:14:49,114 --> 01:14:51,006
You know, Cindy, Paul is a really
1489
01:14:51,030 --> 01:14:53,189
cool dude and everything, but, uh,
1490
01:14:54,739 --> 01:14:55,715
he's not exactly what you would call
1491
01:14:55,739 --> 01:14:56,798
a go-getter kind of guy.
1492
01:14:56,822 --> 01:14:58,549
You know what I'm saying?
1493
01:14:58,573 --> 01:15:01,257
What are you talking about, Eddie?
1494
01:15:01,281 --> 01:15:02,549
Well, it just seems
to me that an incredibly
1495
01:15:02,573 --> 01:15:04,048
happening chick like yourself
1496
01:15:04,072 --> 01:15:07,466
would go out with a
guy with a real future.
1497
01:15:07,490 --> 01:15:08,773
Like who, Eddie?
1498
01:15:10,532 --> 01:15:12,007
I'm going back to deputy school
1499
01:15:12,031 --> 01:15:14,645
to be recertified as a
special weapons expert.
1500
01:15:15,906 --> 01:15:17,591
Then I figure I'll probably retire from my
1501
01:15:17,615 --> 01:15:20,774
wild and totally hot bachelor life, and,
1502
01:15:22,198 --> 01:15:23,007
settle down and buy myself
1503
01:15:23,031 --> 01:15:24,566
a little place near video land.
1504
01:15:26,407 --> 01:15:28,941
Eddie, I'd rather become
a nun and join a convent.
1505
01:15:30,781 --> 01:15:32,770
I got no problems with my wife working.
1506
01:15:46,865 --> 01:15:48,550
Let me help you out, melvis.
1507
01:15:48,574 --> 01:15:50,153
Oh, I think I feel dizzy.
1508
01:15:51,073 --> 01:15:51,882
- What's the matter?
1509
01:15:51,906 --> 01:15:53,966
I'm starving!
1510
01:15:53,990 --> 01:15:55,258
If we don't get some
food in this woman soon
1511
01:15:55,282 --> 01:15:56,591
I won't be held responsible!
1512
01:15:56,615 --> 01:15:58,216
Come on, you two.
1513
01:15:58,240 --> 01:15:59,240
So hungry!
1514
01:16:00,407 --> 01:16:01,407
Come on!
1515
01:16:10,865 --> 01:16:11,865
What was that?
1516
01:16:16,657 --> 01:16:17,882
Eddie?
1517
01:16:17,906 --> 01:16:19,299
Eddie?
1518
01:16:19,323 --> 01:16:21,216
Eddie, speak to me.
1519
01:16:21,240 --> 01:16:23,799
Eddie, Eddie, if you wake up right now,
1520
01:16:23,823 --> 01:16:25,403
I'll be your wife.
1521
01:16:27,449 --> 01:16:30,341
Well, we'll get engaged.
1522
01:16:30,365 --> 01:16:35,150
Um, what I mean is we'll go steady.
1523
01:16:36,407 --> 01:16:40,271
Uh, look Eddie, we'll go out.
1524
01:16:42,157 --> 01:16:43,157
Once.
1525
01:16:45,490 --> 01:16:46,490
Maybe coffee.
1526
01:17:04,365 --> 01:17:05,174
Hey, honey bun!
1527
01:17:05,198 --> 01:17:06,562
How about a kiss?
1528
01:17:11,781 --> 01:17:12,757
Hey, don't run away.
1529
01:17:12,781 --> 01:17:14,986
We're gonna treat you nice.
1530
01:17:23,990 --> 01:17:24,799
I don't wanna point any fingers,
1531
01:17:24,823 --> 01:17:26,675
but if we'd stopped at that salad bar,
1532
01:17:26,699 --> 01:17:27,591
we would have gotten those
1533
01:17:27,615 --> 01:17:29,216
to-go styrofoam containers.
1534
01:17:29,240 --> 01:17:30,924
It would have taken five,
1535
01:17:30,948 --> 01:17:33,633
many ten minutes at most.
1536
01:17:33,657 --> 01:17:34,633
Here.
1537
01:17:34,657 --> 01:17:36,550
Have some cheese squeeze.
1538
01:17:36,574 --> 01:17:37,550
- Ew!
1539
01:17:37,574 --> 01:17:41,216
Cheese squeeze makes my eyeballs itch!
1540
01:17:41,240 --> 01:17:45,508
Hmm.
1541
01:17:45,532 --> 01:17:48,133
You get a four-carbon
rush doing this straight.
1542
01:17:48,157 --> 01:17:49,737
Hey, boss, you got some crackers?
1543
01:17:51,449 --> 01:17:54,007
Well, we gotta look on the bright side.
1544
01:17:54,031 --> 01:17:55,736
I read fasting improves your Karma.
1545
01:18:00,323 --> 01:18:03,027
Do you think Sushi land delivers?
1546
01:18:05,031 --> 01:18:06,466
You okay, Eddie?
1547
01:18:06,490 --> 01:18:07,978
Put me in the game, coach.
1548
01:18:09,865 --> 01:18:11,525
Next play, Eddie, next play.
1549
01:18:19,740 --> 01:18:23,070
Cecil, let me in!
1550
01:18:27,073 --> 01:18:29,425
Hey, honey,
what's your hurry?
1551
01:18:29,449 --> 01:18:30,466
My heart is palpatatin'.
1552
01:18:30,490 --> 01:18:32,049
They almost got in here.
1553
01:18:32,073 --> 01:18:33,550
It's all right.
1554
01:18:33,574 --> 01:18:34,591
Hey, come back here!
1555
01:18:34,615 --> 01:18:35,615
Wait for me!
1556
01:18:37,699 --> 01:18:38,733
Later, man.
1557
01:18:42,115 --> 01:18:44,570
Shopping hours are now over.
1558
01:18:51,198 --> 01:18:52,882
I have closet-phobia!
1559
01:18:52,906 --> 01:18:54,508
Oh no, me too!
1560
01:18:54,532 --> 01:18:55,716
Now don't panic, sweetheart.
1561
01:18:55,740 --> 01:18:56,550
Daddy's here.
1562
01:18:56,574 --> 01:18:57,466
Now don't be scared.
1563
01:18:57,490 --> 01:18:58,819
Here, here, take my hand.
1564
01:19:00,031 --> 01:19:02,007
There, is that better?
1565
01:19:02,031 --> 01:19:03,091
Yeah, thanks, boss.
1566
01:19:03,115 --> 01:19:05,149
Get outta here!
1567
01:19:43,615 --> 01:19:44,591
Oh, great.
1568
01:19:44,615 --> 01:19:45,425
Oh, now what?
1569
01:19:45,449 --> 01:19:47,799
What do we do now?
1570
01:19:47,823 --> 01:19:49,341
Ah, let's find something to eat.
1571
01:19:49,365 --> 01:19:50,365
Come on!
1572
01:20:26,199 --> 01:20:27,676
I am coming.
1573
01:20:27,700 --> 01:20:30,484
Arnold's going to come to see you.
1574
01:20:31,366 --> 01:20:32,366
Ma chérie?
1575
01:20:34,116 --> 01:20:35,480
Here I am coming!
1576
01:20:37,366 --> 01:20:38,366
Ma chérie.
1577
01:20:48,324 --> 01:20:49,324
- Hit it!
1578
01:21:08,575 --> 01:21:13,530
Oh my god, they're multiplying.
1579
01:21:54,991 --> 01:21:55,991
- Gotcha!
1580
01:22:01,741 --> 01:22:03,105
Bonjour, Cindy.
1581
01:22:05,741 --> 01:22:07,676
Come to me, my little peach blossom.
1582
01:22:07,700 --> 01:22:08,967
My sweet little darling.
1583
01:22:08,991 --> 01:22:10,900
My little soufflé chocolat.
1584
01:23:22,616 --> 01:23:23,616
- Paull
1585
01:23:28,866 --> 01:23:30,509
Are you okay?
1586
01:23:30,533 --> 01:23:32,300
Yeah, I'm fine.
1587
01:23:32,324 --> 01:23:33,634
What about you?
1588
01:23:33,658 --> 01:23:34,717
I'm okay.
1589
01:23:34,741 --> 01:23:36,134
T was so scared.
1590
01:24:21,241 --> 01:24:22,717
Should we take it back to Simon?
1591
01:24:22,741 --> 01:24:25,008
I gotta bring him something.
1592
01:24:25,032 --> 01:24:26,032
He's counting on me.
1593
01:24:29,283 --> 01:24:30,092
- Wait a minute.
1594
01:24:30,116 --> 01:24:31,150
Think I found something.
1595
01:24:34,658 --> 01:24:36,259
It was on the panel all the time.
1596
01:24:36,283 --> 01:24:37,925
It was right here all the time!
1597
01:24:39,283 --> 01:24:40,967
Can you imagine, honey?
1598
01:24:40,991 --> 01:24:41,800
It was here.
1599
01:24:41,824 --> 01:24:42,634
We were looking all over the place,
1600
01:24:42,658 --> 01:24:43,842
and it was right here.
1601
01:24:43,866 --> 01:24:45,634
Boy, I'll be darned.
1602
01:24:45,658 --> 01:24:46,676
Hallelujah.
1603
01:24:46,700 --> 01:24:48,008
Yeah, praise the lord.
1604
01:24:48,032 --> 01:24:49,050
Are you all right, darling?
1605
01:24:49,074 --> 01:24:50,074
Mm-hmm!
1606
01:24:57,575 --> 01:24:58,676
Who's there?
1607
01:24:58,700 --> 01:24:59,509
Dad.
1608
01:24:59,533 --> 01:25:00,533
- Dad who?
1609
01:25:01,241 --> 01:25:02,605
Daddy?
1610
01:25:03,741 --> 01:25:04,717
Hey, Eddie.
1611
01:25:04,741 --> 01:25:05,551
Yes, sir!
1612
01:25:05,575 --> 01:25:06,758
It's Cecil watterman.
1613
01:25:06,782 --> 01:25:07,592
How are you doing, sir?
1614
01:25:07,616 --> 01:25:10,050
I want you to
hit that emergency switch.
1615
01:25:10,074 --> 01:25:10,883
You mean this red button
1616
01:25:10,907 --> 01:25:12,008
right here on the side, sir?
1617
01:25:12,032 --> 01:25:13,986
No, no, no, on the other side.
1618
01:25:16,408 --> 01:25:18,384
There's nothing over here,
1619
01:25:18,408 --> 01:25:20,175
Mr. Watterman.
1620
01:25:20,199 --> 01:25:22,438
On the side side, you idiot!
1621
01:25:29,617 --> 01:25:30,427
Good work.
1622
01:25:30,451 --> 01:25:31,385
Way to go, son.
1623
01:25:31,409 --> 01:25:32,677
Thanks, dad.
1624
01:25:32,701 --> 01:25:34,635
What happened to them monsters?
1625
01:25:34,659 --> 01:25:35,884
Smashed to smithereens,
1626
01:25:35,908 --> 01:25:37,009
no thanks to you.
1627
01:25:37,033 --> 01:25:38,067
Here, look at this.
1628
01:25:41,742 --> 01:25:44,197
- Asbestos for tater tot mix?
1629
01:25:47,200 --> 01:25:50,301
Agent orange for
mandarin/orange wine cooler?
1630
01:25:50,325 --> 01:25:52,385
Well, I guess it's been a long night
1631
01:25:52,409 --> 01:25:53,385
for all of US, you probably wanna...
1632
01:25:53,409 --> 01:25:55,218
Cecil, you scum!
1633
01:25:55,242 --> 01:25:57,218
Calsnax are made with toxic waste!
1634
01:25:57,242 --> 01:25:59,051
But it's harmless, Paul.
1635
01:25:59,075 --> 01:26:00,593
Can't hurt anybody.
1636
01:26:00,617 --> 01:26:01,759
I've treated it all with my
1637
01:26:01,783 --> 01:26:04,051
secret neutralizing mix.
1638
01:26:04,075 --> 01:26:04,968
Of course, I wouldn't want it
1639
01:26:04,992 --> 01:26:06,009
to get around, you know,
1640
01:26:06,033 --> 01:26:08,135
trade secrets and everything.
1641
01:26:08,159 --> 01:26:10,510
You know, Paul, I've been thinking.
1642
01:26:10,534 --> 01:26:11,343
You know, I could use a smart fella
1643
01:26:11,367 --> 01:26:13,260
like you around the factory.
1644
01:26:13,284 --> 01:26:15,260
Put you in charge of the endangered
1645
01:26:15,284 --> 01:26:17,427
species sponge cake division.
1646
01:26:17,451 --> 01:26:20,051
What's your answer, nephew?
1647
01:26:20,075 --> 01:26:20,884
- Just this.
1648
01:26:25,825 --> 01:26:27,155
Oh, sweetheart!
1649
01:26:28,451 --> 01:26:29,260
Oh, honey.
1650
01:26:29,284 --> 01:26:31,343
I want him arrested for assault, ed!
1651
01:26:31,367 --> 01:26:33,176
All right, darling.
1652
01:26:33,200 --> 01:26:34,468
What are you doing?
1653
01:26:34,492 --> 01:26:35,301
What?
1654
01:26:35,325 --> 01:26:36,135
- You work for me!
1655
01:26:36,159 --> 01:26:37,009
- Not no more.
1656
01:26:37,033 --> 01:26:40,301
You never did tell me
about poison in the food.
1657
01:26:40,325 --> 01:26:41,510
= you can't arrest me!
1658
01:26:41,534 --> 01:26:43,677
I've seen those movies
about what happens to
1659
01:26:43,701 --> 01:26:46,135
nice girls like me in prison.
1660
01:26:46,159 --> 01:26:48,260
Hey, you're already on
your way to the big house
1661
01:26:48,284 --> 01:26:51,444
so why don't you just
put a sock in it, toots!
1662
01:26:52,534 --> 01:26:55,489
Look what happened to Linda Blair!
1663
01:26:57,950 --> 01:27:00,884
Eddie, can you give
US a ride to my house?
1664
01:27:00,908 --> 01:27:02,192
No problem, good buddy!
1665
01:27:07,451 --> 01:27:08,677
I'll give you that recommendation
1666
01:27:08,701 --> 01:27:10,385
to deputy school if you want.
1667
01:27:10,409 --> 01:27:13,801
My name carries a lot
of weight around there.
1668
01:27:13,825 --> 01:27:16,064
I finished highest in parking enforcement.
1669
01:27:17,284 --> 01:27:18,843
Well, I might take you up on that.
1670
01:27:18,867 --> 01:27:21,343
Looks like I'm gonna be
around here for a while, so,
1671
01:27:21,367 --> 01:27:23,135
see you later, Eddie.
1672
01:27:23,159 --> 01:27:24,159
Bye, Eddie.
1673
01:27:27,075 --> 01:27:28,051
What happened to Arnold?
1674
01:27:28,075 --> 01:27:29,468
Aw, dad, you're never gonna believe...
1675
01:27:29,492 --> 01:27:31,093
- It was all Cecil's fault.
1676
01:27:31,117 --> 01:27:31,926
- Simon!
1677
01:27:31,950 --> 01:27:34,176
I've never seen one this well preserved.
1678
01:27:34,200 --> 01:27:36,593
You didn't have to hand
me that line about aliens.
1679
01:27:36,617 --> 01:27:38,343
I would've come anyway.
1680
01:27:38,367 --> 01:27:41,051
This Dr. Crowder from
the archaeology institute.
1681
01:27:41,075 --> 01:27:42,926
This is my son, Paul,
and his friend, Cindy.
1682
01:27:42,950 --> 01:27:43,759
Pleased to meet you.
1683
01:27:43,783 --> 01:27:45,009
May I?
1684
01:27:45,033 --> 01:27:46,033
- Sure.
1685
01:27:50,117 --> 01:27:51,718
Amazing.
1686
01:27:51,742 --> 01:27:54,402
I can offer you $25,000 for this statue.
1687
01:27:58,534 --> 01:28:00,051
It's yours.
1688
01:28:00,075 --> 01:28:01,552
What an addition this is going to make
1689
01:28:01,576 --> 01:28:03,926
to the university's
natural history museum.
1690
01:28:03,950 --> 01:28:06,176
Some will say I've paid
too much, of course.
1691
01:28:06,200 --> 01:28:07,635
But for something like this?
1692
01:28:07,659 --> 01:28:09,343
Unbelievable.
1693
01:28:09,367 --> 01:28:11,343
Well, I guess I've lost the bet.
1694
01:28:11,367 --> 01:28:13,968
I'll go tomorrow and enroll
in community college, and,
1695
01:28:13,992 --> 01:28:15,468
dad?
1696
01:28:15,492 --> 01:28:16,552
Oh, son!
1697
01:28:16,576 --> 01:28:17,759
I forgot to tell you.
1698
01:28:17,783 --> 01:28:20,718
Do you remember that sample
that I took at the temple?
1699
01:28:20,742 --> 01:28:21,843
Yeah.
1700
01:28:21,867 --> 01:28:22,677
Well, I had it analyzed.
1701
01:28:22,701 --> 01:28:23,759
And it's some sort of toxic waste.
1702
01:28:23,783 --> 01:28:25,009
But there are no elements in it
1703
01:28:25,033 --> 01:28:26,218
that are known on earth!
1704
01:28:26,242 --> 01:28:28,051
So you mean, machu picchu is really...
1705
01:28:28,075 --> 01:28:30,439
An alien toxic waste dump!
1706
01:28:31,451 --> 01:28:33,301
I've got my new bestseller.
1707
01:28:33,325 --> 01:28:37,926
Machu picchu: Toxic
waste dump of the gods.
1708
01:28:39,242 --> 01:28:42,176
Hey, you could probably
use that in your act, huh?
1709
01:28:42,200 --> 01:28:43,552
You mean I don't have to go to college?
1710
01:28:43,576 --> 01:28:44,576
Oh, no.
1711
01:28:46,242 --> 01:28:49,135
A good mind is a terrible thing to waste.
1712
01:28:49,159 --> 01:28:50,009
Not funny, dad.
1713
01:28:50,033 --> 01:28:50,884
Not funny.
1714
01:28:57,284 --> 01:29:00,176
So, how do you feel about L.A.?
1715
01:29:00,200 --> 01:29:05,030
Mm, it's like New Jersey,
with earthquakes.
1716
01:29:14,367 --> 01:29:15,731
Amigo!
1717
01:31:58,368 --> 01:32:00,719
Come on, Tina, that's enough.
111828
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