All language subtitles for Cheers.S06E05.The.Crane.Mutiny.DVDRip.XviD-SAiNTS

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Sam, I found an apartment.

Hey, good for you, Woody.

It's got everything
I ever wanted.

SAM:
What's that?

A living room and a bedroom.

Dare to dream there,
Woodman.

Isn't this in Chinatown?

I don't think so, Sam.

Well, yeah,
I think it is.

Did there seem to be a lot
of Chinese restaurants around?

Yeah, I guess.

And, uh, a lot

of, uh, signs hanging hither
and yon in Chinese there?

Yeah, come to think of it.

Yeah, lots of
Chinese people
walking around

on the street,
I suppose.

Yeah, but that could just

be a coincidence, you know?

I'll tell you
what I'll do.

I'll call
my landlady.

If anyone would know,
Mrs. Chung would.

( piano plays )

� Making your way
in the world today �

� Takes everything you've got

� Taking a break
from all your worries �

� Sure would help a lot

� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �

� Sometimes you want to go

� Where everybody
knows your name �

� And they're always glad
you came �

� You want to be
where you can see �

� Our troubles
are all the same �

� You want to be where everybody
knows your name �

� You want to go
where people know �

� People are all the same

� You want to go where
everybody knows your name. �

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So, uh, Woody,

how's the ol' apartment
working out?

Oh, great, Mr. Clavin.

You know my landlady,
Mrs. Chung?
Yeah.

She's teaching me a new word
in Chinese every day.

The trick is to work it
into the conversation smoothly.

Say, Carla,

seen any interesting
( speaks Chinese ) lately?

What are you babbling about,
Festus?

( speaks Chinese ) is
the Chinese word for "doorknob."

Well, here's a couple of
( speaks Chinese ) right here.

SAM:
Hey, Bobby.

Any new twists
in the pretzel business?

Hey, I haven't heard that one
before, right, Sammy?

( laughing )

So you want the usual
four cases?

Yeah.

Excuse me.

I'm the new manager here.

Congratulations.

So, uh, that's
four, right, Sam?

Mm-hmm.

I handle all the ordering
around here now.

Really, Sam?

So how many cases
do you want?

How many did he say?

Four.

I want five.

She's the boss.

I'll call you later.

I saw that little
wink, Mr. Malone,

and I don't
appreciate it.

I'm tired of you
undermining my authority.

Now I want delivery men to deal
with me and me only.

Is that clear?

You certainly put me
in my place.

Speaking of my place,

why don't you grab your negligee
and join me?

As disgusting as
that offer is

( chuckles )
I think I'll
have to decline.

And I'm taking
your picture down.

Whoa, whoa, wait a sec.

You don't understand.

I mean, it's a tradition
around here.

It's always hung there.

Mr. Malone, I'm afraid
things are different now.

This isn't your
bar anymore.

( nasally ):
Things are different now.

This isn't your bar....

Don't do that.

I hate that.

( nasally ):
What? I just, uh,
bit my tongue, that's all.

( nasally ):
Way to go, Sammy.

( groans )

( sighs )

Give me a scotch, Woody.

Sure thing, Dr. Crane.

Hey, by the way,

when you go to
the restroom,

I want you to
notice that the

( speaks Chinese )
have been shined.

I'm hardly concerned
about doorknobs at the moment.

You understood me?

Yes. It was only
a matter of time.

Well, doesn't anybody care
to know

what I am concerned about?

No.

Well, Fras,
you know normally,

I wouldn't give a rat's tokus

about anything
that happened to you,

but the last guy
I waited on threw up on my leg.

Now, this couldn't be
any worse, right?

Shoot.

It's my love life.

I'm gonna go find the guy
that threw up on my leg.

What's up, Frasier?

Well, Sam, this morning,

Lilith and I had
the worst fight we've ever had.

And I'm almost ashamed
to admit it, but I...

I even considered
striking her.

I mean, it wasn't completely
without provocation.

She did throw a chair at me.

Just...

it's the same argument we've had
all the time lately. It...

Only this time,
she-she issued an ultimatum.

She... she said
we ought to get married,

or we're through.

Well, Frasier Crane does not
cotton to emotional blackmail.

Frasier, propose to her.

Get it over with.

The truth is, she's
got her hook in you.

Well, Sam, I'm not a fish.

I'm a man.

There is a difference.

I know that.

A fish would
stand a chance.

Trust me,
propose.

I couldn't, uh,
help but overhear

what you were talking about
there, Fras.

Yeah.

( clears throat ):
We tried like hell,

but, uh, we heard it anyway.

Well, it's not
that I don't care for Lilith.

It-It's just that I fear
I-I tied myself to her

because, well, you know,

I haven't been all
that successful with women.

Ah.
For some reason,

I don't think
they find me sexy.

Get out!
Guys, huh?
Come on!

Uh, you know, Fras,

I wouldn't kick
you out of bed

for eating crackers.

Maybe subconsciously,
I've-I've settled for Lilith

because she's the only woman
that ever liked me for...

well, not my brain.

NORM:
Oh, Frasier, please.

I know of plenty
of women,

they-they
find you attractive.

Yeah...
Oh, look, I know you're
just being nice...

No.
...but you see,
I'm not really

trying to
shop around.

I mean, Lilith Sternin is a...

a good woman.

Strong, durable, reliable.

She'd make a hell
of a radial tire, actually.

( cash register bell dings )

Oh, I'm just
too young for
a commitment.

You see, I haven't been
with all that many women.

Especially ones
with a caboose like that.

Well, Fras, uh,
talk about a small world.

You know it's common knowledge
around here

that Miss Howe
finds you tr�s attractive.

Oh, now stop it.
She does not.

Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Gentlemen, gentlemen,
am I blowing smoke here,

or am I giving the man
the straight skinny?

It's true.

He's right, Frasier.

Rebecca likes
the cut of your jib.

Well, the
Cranes always
have been known

for their jibs.

( laughter )

No, seriously.

It's outlandish.
I mean,

the woman hasn't
even given me
an indication.

Uh, I don't know,

Fras.

You know,
I think you'll find, uh,

where there's smoke,
there's, uh, fire.

Could I have a club
soda, please, Woody?

Oh, sure thing,
Miss Howe.

Thank you.

Huh? Huh?

Huh?
Huh?

Were we right,
or were we right, huh?

I mean, there must
be some mistake.

What?
A mistake?!

She was coming
on to me?

No, no, she was trying
to wipe something off her lip.

( chuckles ):
Oh, yeah.

Doc, Doc, she
talks about you

all the time.

Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah.

Look, look,
if you don't believe us, uh,

just go over there
and ask her out.

You'll have your answer.

All right,
I'll do it.

I mean, it's
not like

I haven't had
any encouragement.

I can come hither
as well as the next guy.

Is this the men's room?

It's around the corner.

Oh, uh, terribly sorry.

Well, I've laid the groundwork.

I can just follow up that up
tomorrow. Oh, right now,

I'm running late for dinner
so I better get back.

You know, Lilith goes
into a blinding rage

if I'm not home the minute
the meat hits the platter.

( soft chuckling )

Guys...

thanks for being here for me.

My compadres, huh?

Yeah.

( laughter )

No, no, no, no.

That was really...

That was
a terrible thing to do.

Yeah.

Yeah, uh, I-I wonder
why we did it.

( laughter )

'Cause we're
a bunch of nimrods.

( laughter )

"Your hostess,
Rebecca Howe."

What is this supposed to be?

Something to identify me
to people

who might have questions,
comments or suggestions.

I saw one in a supermarket
and thought it was a good idea.

I've seen headcheese
in the supermarket, too,

but I don't frame it.

I guess what I'm saying is,
I love it.

( laughs )

I don't want to hear
another word about
this, Mr. Malone.

I know you have trouble
dealing with a woman

in a position
of authority.

Whoa, wait a minute.

I resent that.

I've never had trouble
with a woman in any position.

That's exactly what
I'm talking about.

You give me no respect.

Now,

maybe you took this job lightly

when you were in charge,
but I take it very seriously.

And as for you, Mrs. LeBec,

I would think...

that as another working woman

that perhaps you would lend me
some support.

Instead of always sniping
behind my back.

What do you see we just wipe
the slate clean here

and start a new era
of mutual support?

Wonderful idea.

Absolutely.

You know, I don't think
we're ever going to able

to look at you
the same way again.

Great.

Good evening, gents.

Frasier.
Frasier.

Carla, how about
some suds there?

Yup.

Hey, Fras, what's up?

Well, my spirits
for one thing.

I've just told Lilith
that I want my freedom,

so that I can
pursue the fair Rebecca.

Wait a minute,
now, wait.

You dumped Lilith,

'cause of what Cliff said?

What I said?
You're the one...

Gentlemen, gentlemen.

There's plenty of credit
for both of you.

You two opened my eyes,

made me realize that there
are other fish in the sea.

So what did Lilith have to say
when you flushed her?

Well, I don't actually know yet.

Uh, I was going to

tell her face-to-face,

but then I thought

that an eloquently
written letter would be

a bittersweet reminder
of what we had together.

You chickened out?

Precisely.

Well...
( claps hands )

to the hunt.

Yes?

Hello, Rebecca.

Why do I suddenly feel
nervous as a schoolboy?

Uh...

Well, let me-let me come
directly to the point

by telling you
that you couldn't have chosen

a more opportune moment
to declare your feelings.

Let me assure you,
the feeling is mutual.

I've just recently...

rid myself of an entanglement.

I find myself free to ask you

if you'd like
to join me for dinner.

Who are you?

My God.

What have I done?

You leaving so soon, Dr. Crane?

Yes, Woody, I've got
to convince the woman I love

that I'm not a complete ass.

Good luck!

Oh, thank God.

LILITH:
What was that,
Tootsie Roll?

I said, uh, thank God I'm home.

I couldn't agree more.

How was your day
at the office?

It was fine.

How was yours?
Delightful.

Here,
I'll just make us

a couple of drinks,

and then
we can start relaxing.

Where is the envelope

you left for me
on the table?

Envelope? What envelope?

Frasier. It's wicked of you
to tease me.

I saw it,

but wanted to save it to open

while you were here.

It's probably either
tickets to the ballet

or the symphony.

Or perhaps one of those cards
with a handsome couple

walking hand in hand
on the beach at sunset

that I cherish so.

You know,
that is exactly what it was.

( chuckling )

Good Lord, I guess
I'm becoming quite predictable.

You know,
I'll just have to think

of another way
to enchant you.

I've got it.

Look, it's a flock
of seagulls.

( laughing )

Let's have our drink.

Here's to the most beautiful
woman in the world.

Let me guess--
you read the letter.

Yes, I read the letter,
you licentious quack!

And what facile
tripe it is!

"We both need
time to grow,

to develop as people."

Who is the slut?

She's no slut!

What slut?

Well, I mean,
look, it was all a mistake.

It's just a big mistake.

Oh, you bet it is, mister.

You want your freedom?!

Ha, I'll give you freedom--
from your teeth!

No, Lilith!

Not the Royal Doulton.

You're right.

I realize when I contemplate
the destruction of property

that I'm overstepping the bounds
of decorum.

If there's any hope
of our salvaging

any of our relationship,

we must remain calm
and discuss this

in a rational, truthful manner.

All right.

I'll be honest with you.

There was a woman.

But I am a
man of honor.

I did not betray you.

Nothing happened.

You broke off our relationship

for the possibility
of a relationship?

A mere fantasy?

How flattering.

All right,
I'll be honest with you.

You see, I only wanted
to spare you.

This woman is a...
a sex-starved Circe

who drew my ship
onto the rocks

and there
I foundered.

What's her name?

Well, let's just, you know,
leave her name out of this.

Frasier, are we going
to clear the air

or continue
to hold back?

Unless
you identify

this woman,
doubt and suspicion

will fester
in my consciousness.

Every woman I meet
will provoke the question,

"Is this the one,
is this the one,

is this the one,
is this the one
is this the one...?"

It's Rebecca Howe.

She runs Cheers now.

So, now we know the slut's name.

Please, Lilith...

don't you think you
could forgive me?

I don't know.

At this moment, my feelings
for you are ambivalent.

I need to sort them out.

I'm going to go out

and wander the streets
aimlessly.

I'll take my usual route.

You know, I have
an idea, Popsicle.

Uh, why don't I
run upstairs

and make us a nice warm,
soothing bath, hmm?

Well, Mr. Bubble does
always cheer me so.

Once begun, it's half done.

Are you sure
this is okay with Miss Howe?

Woody, she loves
this kind of stuff.

CARLA:
This is good,
wholesome humor.

In fact,
I bet she gives you a raise

for doing such a good job.

Oh, don't stop.

I already saw it.

And I must admit,
I haven't laughed so hard

since junior high.

I helped.

Mr. Malone.

Yeah?

I want this nonsense
with my picture to stop.

I did you a favor
by hiring you back,

and this is not
a very nice way to repay me.

You're right.

You did do me a favor,

and now I'm going
to do you one.

I'm going
to give you a tip

on how to deal with people
who work for you.

Lighten up a little bit.

I mean, you got to make
some compromises.

I see.

You want me to hang
your picture back up.

Right.
Done.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa,
that was easy.

Wait, uh...

let's try some more
compromises here.

Um... I want to

sleep with you
25 times, but...

you don't want to sleep
with me at all, am I right?

Right.

Okay, so what's half of 25?

Your I.Q.?

Wait, uh... please.

Um, I'm a little sensitive

about people making
fun of my intelligence.

I'm sorry.
That's all right.

But I wasn't making fun
of your intelligence.

Good.

I was making fun
of your lack of intelligence.

Cliffie, girl
fight, 12:00 high.

Rebecca Howe?

Mm-hmm.

You and I
are both mature women,

and I think
we should handle this

openly and with civility.

Believe me, I could be doing you
a very big favor.

Frasier is not an easy man
to live with.

He's obsessively compulsive
about neatness.

The sex is good,
but he pouts

unless you compliment
his performance.

Fortunately,

his male ego
can be satisfied

with a simple
"Thank you, Conan."

I don't know who you are,

and I don't know
who Frasier is,

but I do... Conan?

You really don't know Frasier,
do you?

No, I don't.

God, I'm such a fool.

How could I let him
do this to me?

It's all right.

It happens to everybody.

He made up this whole story

just to avoid
committing to me.

And the worst part is
he's going to get away with it.

They always do.

Yeah, men are such a pain.

I have someone who's
very special to me,

but he wouldn't notice me
if I set fire to my hair.

Him?

( scoffing )

No, definitely not him.

I prefer the
Fortune 500 type--

one who owns blocks,

not one who
plays with them.

Look, they're flirting with me.

Well, I really do
have work to do.

Perhaps we can have lunch
together sometime.

I'd like that.

Lilith.
Lilith.

Well, good night.
Good night.

Mr. Malone,
are you developing a tic?

That was a wink.

Then you're developing
into a tick.

And stop looking
at my rear end.

Lucky guess.

Lilith.

Thank God
you're here.

You haven't confronted
Rebecca yet, have you?

Hardly.
Oh, good.

How did you know where I was?

Well, when I realized
you hadn't come upstairs,

I-I toweled off, and then...

...suddenly, it dawned on me--

that little firebrand's
gone down to Cheers

to fight for her man.

See, I think
it best

that I do this myself,
and, uh...

I think next week's
a really good time.

You did have an
affair with this
woman, didn't you?

That is what you told me.

Well, of course.

Well, then end it
right here and now.

I need to know
that it's over.

You've got to
cut this off

before she falls
more deeply in love with you.

And you've got
to let me watch.

You know, I-I've got an idea.

Let's go to Maine.

Lilith...

Lilith, Lilith...

the left-hand side of my body's
gone completely numb.

You know what that means,
don't you?

Yes, you're stalling.

( knock at door )

It's down the
hall to the left.

Thank you.

Ms. Howe,
let me introduce myself.

I'm Lilith Sternin.

You don't know me,

but of course

this man needs no introduction.

He only needs a conscience.

Frasier

has something
he wants to say to you.

Listen
very carefully

and do what you must do.

I'm... I'm sorry, Rebecca,

but it's-it's-it's time
it was over.

I hope you can forgive me.

Now let's go to Maine.

Frasier, don't be
so heartless.

She deserves better than that.

Uh, uh, no, no, please, please,

don't try
to articulate your feelings.

Uh... just...

let me say my little piece,

and then I'll be out
of your life forever.

Now, just remember the part
about not saying anything.

I know it sounds

like a clich� to...

to say that this
is going to hurt me

more than it does you...

but it doesn't make it
any less true...

for you see, it is I...
who will be condemned

never again to see your...
haunting eyes,

your silken skin,

your shimmering hair.

But it-it's time that we part.

Farewell, sweet Rebecca.

How will I live
without your passionate kisses?

You won't have to.

Oh, Frasier...

Frasier,
for God's sakes,

she was only joking.

Well, so was I.

Come on.

I was just playing along.

I'm a dead man.

Sweetheart? Buttercup?

You were just kidding,
weren't you?

My joy...!

( door shuts )

Lilith.

Please, uh,

all I can say is...

please have
mercy on me. I...

Look, it's the
God's honest truth.

Rebecca and I did
not have an affair.

I wanted to,

but she
wasn't sure...

A small point,

but she wasn't even sure
who I am, so...

I didn't really want to.

Uh, my body wanted to,

but my brain didn't.

Well, part of my
brain did, but...

Well, that part's dead, and...

I guess...
what I'm trying to say is...

Will you marry me,

make me the happiest man alive?

This is obviously a ploy
to get yourself out

of the ridiculous situation
you're in, and the answer...

is yes, my steed, yes.

Are you... you're serious?

( laughing )

Yippee.

Hey, everybody,

we're going
to be married.

( cheering )

Someday.

No, soon.

Eh, we finally got
those lovebirds together, huh?

Yeah, just needed that
little push, I guess.

( both singing ):
� Matchmaker, matchmaker

� Make me a match...

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