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1
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Since when did Woody's become
a cunt-ry club?
2
00:01:01,065 --> 00:01:01,999
Since you're here.
3
00:01:01,999 --> 00:01:02,999
How about another round?
4
00:01:02,999 --> 00:01:05,002
Ahh... no.
5
00:01:05,002 --> 00:01:06,994
Last call for you, you have school tomorrow.
6
00:01:07,004 --> 00:01:09,490
Your first day, I'm so proud of you!
7
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One minute he's in a coma
8
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and the next he's going to college.
9
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Well, in the words of the king,
10
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"You gotta follow that dream."
11
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Now there's a dream.
12
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I've had the same dream ever since I've been little:
13
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to fall in love, get married and have a baby.
14
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Well, two out of three ain't bad.
15
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Three out of three is even better.
16
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You're getting married?
17
00:01:34,047 --> 00:01:34,981
When did you decide?
18
00:01:34,981 --> 00:01:35,932
Why didn't you tell us?
19
00:01:35,932 --> 00:01:38,900
Yes. A few weeks ago. We just did.
20
00:01:40,836 --> 00:01:43,755
Here's a toast to the happy couple.
21
00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:46,258
May you come to your senses before it's...
22
00:01:46,258 --> 00:01:48,261
too late.
23
00:01:48,261 --> 00:01:49,711
Oh, this is so exciting!
24
00:01:49,711 --> 00:01:54,133
Everyone's dreams are coming true.
25
00:01:54,143 --> 00:01:56,135
Hey, what's your dream, sweetie?
26
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My dream is to one day know what my dream is.
27
00:02:00,082 --> 00:02:02,074
Dreaming's for people who like to sleep.
28
00:02:02,074 --> 00:02:04,506
I'd rather be awake and fucking.
29
00:02:04,575 --> 00:02:06,562
I'm going to call Teddy and
tell him to get his ass down here.
30
00:02:06,572 --> 00:02:09,463
And I was having such a good time.
31
00:02:09,515 --> 00:02:10,998
Would you just fucking lay off him?
32
00:02:11,008 --> 00:02:12,500
The guy's been really depressed.
33
00:02:12,510 --> 00:02:14,992
Yeah, he's been trying to find a job
ever since that incident.
34
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I wouldn't exactly call shooting a load off
34
00:02:17,422 --> 00:02:20,374
in front of my boss "an incident".
35
00:02:20,384 --> 00:02:23,244
He's not picking up.
36
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:26,746
You don't suppose he'd do something... drastic,
37
00:02:26,756 --> 00:02:28,098
do you? I mean,
38
00:02:28,199 --> 00:02:30,184
he could be lying in bed right now...
39
00:02:30,194 --> 00:02:32,169
dead.
40
00:02:32,587 --> 00:02:33,986
How could you tell?
41
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:44,381
Ted?
42
00:02:49,886 --> 00:02:52,898
Teddy?
43
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,855
Ted, what are you doing?
44
00:03:10,856 --> 00:03:12,324
What the hell's it look like?
45
00:03:12,334 --> 00:03:15,811
God... it smells like a bath house in here.
46
00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:16,762
When is the last time
47
00:03:16,772 --> 00:03:18,697
you left this place?
48
00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:20,699
Four days.
49
00:03:20,709 --> 00:03:22,200
I'm in the middle of a marathon.
50
00:03:22,210 --> 00:03:24,035
Just like AMC.
51
00:03:24,136 --> 00:03:26,638
American Masturbation Classics.
52
00:03:26,648 --> 00:03:29,057
Honey, I think you have a problem.
53
00:03:29,067 --> 00:03:32,550
Huh. You're right. Usually Ricky Rod's
hairless chew-hole drives me wild.
54
00:03:32,561 --> 00:03:35,563
For some reason it's lost its magic.
55
00:03:35,573 --> 00:03:39,500
I know that you've been a little depressed lately,
56
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:41,502
but you've got to pull yourself together.
57
00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:43,503
What do you think I'm trying to do?
58
00:03:43,513 --> 00:03:46,007
Only you're not making it any easier.
If you really want to help,
59
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:47,507
grab a nipple and squeeze.
60
00:03:47,517 --> 00:03:49,376
Do I look like a human tit clamp?
61
00:03:49,477 --> 00:03:51,462
Whoa! Look at that.
62
00:03:52,363 --> 00:03:53,331
Ooh.
63
00:03:53,341 --> 00:03:55,709
That is hot.
64
00:04:05,709 --> 00:04:07,210
Ugh, no!
65
00:04:07,220 --> 00:04:10,653
You are not sucking me into your black hole of depravity.
66
00:04:10,664 --> 00:04:14,134
Now you get up, you get up right now.
67
00:04:14,144 --> 00:04:16,136
You're right.
68
00:04:16,146 --> 00:04:18,639
I've been in this bed long enough.
69
00:04:26,146 --> 00:04:29,048
Let's see who's on demondick.com, shall we?
70
00:04:29,148 --> 00:04:32,151
That is not what I meant.
71
00:04:32,161 --> 00:04:34,654
Listen to me, Teddy.
72
00:04:34,664 --> 00:04:36,055
Look, I know...
73
00:04:36,155 --> 00:04:39,158
I know it's been tough getting fired.
74
00:04:39,168 --> 00:04:42,661
- It's... it's a tremendous blow.
- Blow?
75
00:04:42,671 --> 00:04:44,162
Scratch that.
76
00:04:44,172 --> 00:04:46,615
But... but there is a great, big...
77
00:04:46,625 --> 00:04:49,618
Fabulous world out there. Yeah.
78
00:04:49,628 --> 00:04:51,119
Let me tell you something
79
00:04:51,119 --> 00:04:53,121
about that great, big, fabulous world out there.
80
00:04:53,131 --> 00:04:55,625
You either jerk off or you get jerked off.
81
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,061
Yeah!
82
00:05:00,061 --> 00:05:04,566
That's it. Go for it.
83
00:05:21,398 --> 00:05:24,902
Ah... no. No.
84
00:05:25,402 --> 00:05:27,304
That was just for you.
85
00:05:27,404 --> 00:05:29,907
Since when do you turn down getting
your dick sucked?
86
00:05:29,917 --> 00:05:31,408
Since tomorrow's a big day.
87
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:33,409
I need to save my energy for my art.
88
00:05:33,419 --> 00:05:37,413
Huh, what do you call this?
89
00:05:37,423 --> 00:05:39,416
I promise I'll let you blow me tomorrow night.
90
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,884
Yeah? Well, who says I'll be in the mood?
91
00:05:41,894 --> 00:05:43,386
You're always in the mood,
92
00:05:43,396 --> 00:05:45,838
which is kind of amazing when you think of it.
93
00:05:45,848 --> 00:05:49,143
I mean, at your age.
94
00:06:16,635 --> 00:06:18,636
Drawing my cock again?
95
00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:21,510
Just doodling.
96
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,512
Huh... what are you doing?
97
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,513
I'm just doodling.
98
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:32,991
I told you, I have school.
99
00:06:40,991 --> 00:06:43,360
Think I'd look good with a new haircut?
100
00:06:43,461 --> 00:06:44,962
I think I would. Do you?
101
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,897
What'd you have in mind?
102
00:06:46,897 --> 00:06:48,866
I don't know, maybe buzz it all off,
103
00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:50,317
or bleach it.
104
00:06:50,317 --> 00:06:54,754
That'd be cool. For two years ago.
105
00:06:54,754 --> 00:06:56,757
So what's wrong?
106
00:06:57,257 --> 00:06:59,260
Nothing's wrong. Why do you think
something's wrong?
107
00:06:59,270 --> 00:07:01,261
Because every time something's wrong,
108
00:07:01,271 --> 00:07:02,703
you want to change your hair.
109
00:07:02,712 --> 00:07:04,682
That is so not true!
110
00:07:04,682 --> 00:07:07,650
Michael's thinking about changing his hair.
111
00:07:07,650 --> 00:07:09,652
Oh, God.
112
00:07:10,153 --> 00:07:14,530
Baby, what's wrong? Tell me.
113
00:07:14,541 --> 00:07:15,474
All right, all right.
114
00:07:15,474 --> 00:07:18,456
It feels like everybody's life is speeding along.
115
00:07:18,478 --> 00:07:19,478
Lindsay and Melanie are getting married,
116
00:07:19,488 --> 00:07:21,981
and Justin's going to art school.
117
00:07:21,991 --> 00:07:24,417
He was practically dead a
couple of months ago, for fuck sake.
118
00:07:24,427 --> 00:07:26,808
And I'm still stuck at the starting gate.
119
00:07:26,853 --> 00:07:28,354
Well, since when is it a race?
120
00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:30,355
Since I feel like I'm coming in last.
121
00:07:30,365 --> 00:07:33,242
Well, then do something about it.
122
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:35,677
After all, you're cute. You're young.
123
00:07:35,687 --> 00:07:36,678
You're hung.
124
00:07:36,688 --> 00:07:37,996
Like what?
125
00:07:38,096 --> 00:07:39,515
Quit the fucking Q!
126
00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:41,406
You don't think I'd like to?
127
00:07:41,416 --> 00:07:43,868
But i have obligations to others.
128
00:07:43,878 --> 00:07:46,839
Well, as one of the "others" to whom
you are referring,
129
00:07:46,849 --> 00:07:50,842
I would say your first obligation is to yourself.
130
00:07:50,852 --> 00:07:54,301
So what would make you happy?
131
00:08:00,311 --> 00:08:02,303
Should we hum the theme from "Jeopardy"?
132
00:08:02,313 --> 00:08:05,206
Fuck you.
133
00:08:05,216 --> 00:08:06,707
What would make me happy is to get to work on time
134
00:08:06,717 --> 00:08:08,709
and not catch shit from my boss.
135
00:08:08,719 --> 00:08:10,711
Thank God you're here.
136
00:08:10,721 --> 00:08:12,613
Where have you been?
137
00:08:12,713 --> 00:08:14,114
You didn't come home last night.
138
00:08:14,215 --> 00:08:15,416
Somebody got lucky.
139
00:08:15,699 --> 00:08:18,586
Good for him. I spent the night at Ted's.
140
00:08:18,685 --> 00:08:21,088
You guys, he is in deepshit trouble.
141
00:08:21,188 --> 00:08:22,689
We need to have an intervention.
142
00:08:22,689 --> 00:08:26,043
- Booze?
- Crystal?
143
00:08:26,053 --> 00:08:29,012
Whipping the Willy.
144
00:08:29,022 --> 00:08:30,447
Schmuck.
145
00:08:30,457 --> 00:08:32,882
Couldn't even get a decent addiction.
146
00:08:46,295 --> 00:08:48,298
So, can I get you guys anything?
147
00:08:48,298 --> 00:08:50,299
Coffee? Juice?
148
00:08:50,799 --> 00:08:51,800
Poppers?
149
00:08:52,251 --> 00:08:53,752
Don't get too close.
150
00:08:53,752 --> 00:08:58,190
He may ask you to squeeze something.
151
00:08:58,691 --> 00:08:59,190
So, what's up?
152
00:08:59,692 --> 00:09:01,644
You, Teddy.
153
00:09:01,644 --> 00:09:03,646
You have a problem.
154
00:09:03,646 --> 00:09:06,147
That's why I brought Michael and Brian.
155
00:09:06,147 --> 00:09:07,148
We're your friends,
156
00:09:07,148 --> 00:09:08,100
we care about you.
157
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:10,101
We're here to help.
158
00:09:10,101 --> 00:09:13,104
Not to worry, uh, I've got the situation in hand.
159
00:09:13,104 --> 00:09:14,989
Yeah, we can see that.
160
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:18,993
Look, I've been under a lot of stress lately,
161
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:21,496
And I have been releasing some tension,
that's all.
162
00:09:21,496 --> 00:09:22,981
Hey, just remember...
163
00:09:22,981 --> 00:09:25,450
you have so much to give, so many gifts.
164
00:09:25,450 --> 00:09:26,951
There's a great, big, fabulous world...
165
00:09:26,951 --> 00:09:30,871
Yeah, I already tried that.
166
00:09:31,372 --> 00:09:32,874
Fuck this.
167
00:09:32,874 --> 00:09:35,877
Get off your ass, go take a shower. You reek.
168
00:09:35,877 --> 00:09:38,880
And go find a job.
169
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:40,300
What I think...
170
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:41,347
Brian's trying to say
171
00:09:41,349 --> 00:09:43,350
in his own, uh, own caring way
172
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:46,353
is you're having a self-esteem crisis.
173
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:49,356
Okay? But we know that you can become
174
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:53,360
a valuable and productive member
of society again.
175
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:57,864
So allow us to love you,
until you can love yourself.
176
00:09:57,864 --> 00:10:00,334
I think he's loved himself plenty.
177
00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:04,338
Hey, it's Kinney. Put Oliver on.
178
00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:06,839
Ollie? It's Brian.
179
00:10:07,341 --> 00:10:11,844
Are you still looking for a replacement
for Mendoza?
180
00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:13,346
Well, I just found him.
181
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:16,849
His name is Schmidt.
182
00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:19,352
Ted Schmidt.
183
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,353
Yeah, he's a total dork.
184
00:10:21,353 --> 00:10:24,858
Perfect. I'll see him at 4:00.
185
00:10:26,858 --> 00:10:29,351
Hey, wonder-whacker!
186
00:10:29,361 --> 00:10:31,362
I just raved about you to our head of accounting.
187
00:10:31,372 --> 00:10:33,365
You have a meeting at 4:00 o'clock.
188
00:10:33,365 --> 00:10:36,368
Don't fuck it up.
189
00:10:36,368 --> 00:10:41,856
Don't worry, I'm too sore to fuck anything.
190
00:10:42,357 --> 00:10:45,863
That's good.
191
00:10:49,863 --> 00:10:50,865
That's excellent.
192
00:10:50,865 --> 00:10:52,367
Thank you.
193
00:10:52,367 --> 00:10:54,368
All right, class.
194
00:10:54,368 --> 00:11:00,379
Let's focus on the musculature
of the back and the buttocks.
195
00:11:09,883 --> 00:11:12,885
Oh fuck!
196
00:11:14,387 --> 00:11:15,389
Something wrong, Mr. Taylor?
197
00:11:15,389 --> 00:11:20,908
No. Nothing.
198
00:11:35,908 --> 00:11:37,910
Hey, where have you been?
199
00:11:37,910 --> 00:11:41,414
A friend was in trouble.
200
00:11:41,414 --> 00:11:43,416
Andrew's been looking for you.
201
00:11:43,416 --> 00:11:46,902
Nice of you to join us, Novotny.
202
00:11:46,902 --> 00:11:48,803
Sorry, Andrew, it couldn't be helped.
203
00:11:48,854 --> 00:11:50,356
Maybe waltzing in any time you pleased
204
00:11:50,356 --> 00:11:51,858
was okay when you were running things,
205
00:11:51,858 --> 00:11:53,359
but I'm in charge now.
206
00:11:53,359 --> 00:11:55,811
Look, I said I'm sorry, okay?
207
00:11:55,811 --> 00:11:59,231
Hey, take it easy. I'm not trying
to bust your balls.
208
00:11:59,231 --> 00:12:01,733
It's just that with all your experience,
209
00:12:01,733 --> 00:12:06,704
there's a lot I depend on you for.
210
00:12:06,704 --> 00:12:08,205
- Thanks.
- Like,
211
00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:10,658
Some child just threw up in front of the dairy case.
212
00:12:10,658 --> 00:12:14,650
Who can clean it up better than you?
213
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:22,056
Sure, Andrew. Right away.
214
00:12:25,056 --> 00:12:27,058
Oh, what a jerk!
215
00:12:27,058 --> 00:12:30,561
Why do you put up with it?
216
00:12:31,062 --> 00:12:34,055
I'd better get a mop.
217
00:12:50,063 --> 00:12:54,517
- Mr. Taylor?
- Dean Ryerson.
218
00:12:54,517 --> 00:12:57,020
Professor Stanley tells me you were having some trouble
219
00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:59,456
today in Life Class.
220
00:12:59,456 --> 00:13:00,940
I wasn't having any trouble.
221
00:13:00,940 --> 00:13:02,892
She said you lost control of your hand.
222
00:13:02,892 --> 00:13:05,378
Just for a second.
223
00:13:05,878 --> 00:13:07,346
It wasn't a big deal.
224
00:13:07,346 --> 00:13:09,349
Mr. Taylor, if you're having a problem...
225
00:13:09,349 --> 00:13:11,785
It's not a problem, I told you.
226
00:13:11,785 --> 00:13:14,286
It just... it gets a little tired.
227
00:13:14,788 --> 00:13:18,274
My occupational therapist says the strength will be back.
228
00:13:20,274 --> 00:13:21,776
May I?
229
00:13:21,776 --> 00:13:24,790
It's not... it's not finished.
230
00:13:35,289 --> 00:13:38,292
You're a very talented young man, Justin.
231
00:13:38,292 --> 00:13:41,796
You wouldn't have been admitted to I.F.A.
if you weren't.
232
00:13:41,796 --> 00:13:43,297
But as you know,
233
00:13:43,297 --> 00:13:46,203
this is a... a very strenuous programme.
234
00:13:50,203 --> 00:13:53,674
I think you need to seriously consider
235
00:13:53,674 --> 00:13:57,521
whether you're able to meet the requirements.
236
00:14:36,365 --> 00:14:41,871
Hi.
237
00:14:42,288 --> 00:14:43,278
Hey, Michael.
238
00:14:43,288 --> 00:14:45,741
How's it going, bud?
239
00:14:45,741 --> 00:14:48,244
Better now that I'm here.
240
00:14:48,743 --> 00:14:50,746
Hey, did you order that old "Justice League"?
241
00:14:50,746 --> 00:14:51,746
Yeah.
242
00:14:52,198 --> 00:14:53,688
But it might not get here in time.
243
00:14:53,699 --> 00:14:54,699
In time for what?
244
00:14:54,699 --> 00:14:57,168
End of the month, I'm taking off for Florida.
245
00:14:57,168 --> 00:14:59,110
Yeah? When you coming back?
246
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,123
I'm not.
247
00:15:02,123 --> 00:15:05,126
I got some friends down in St. Pete,
telling me for years
248
00:15:05,126 --> 00:15:07,629
to get the hell out of the snow.
So, I finally decided.
249
00:15:07,629 --> 00:15:11,566
I'm packing up the van and I'm taking off.
250
00:15:11,566 --> 00:15:12,966
What about the store?
251
00:15:13,001 --> 00:15:15,992
Closing it. 22 years is long enough.
252
00:15:16,004 --> 00:15:17,472
I'm going to kick back,
253
00:15:17,472 --> 00:15:20,974
smoke some weed, do some fishing.
254
00:15:21,476 --> 00:15:22,977
Maybe I'll start up a band.
255
00:15:22,977 --> 00:15:30,450
It's always been a dream of mine.
256
00:15:30,450 --> 00:15:33,403
Well, good luck, Buzzy.
257
00:15:33,403 --> 00:15:36,378
Thanks, Michael.
258
00:16:32,761 --> 00:16:33,695
I just want you to know
259
00:16:33,695 --> 00:16:36,698
how very, very proud I am of you.
260
00:16:36,698 --> 00:16:38,199
For what?
261
00:16:38,699 --> 00:16:41,201
For kicking your addiction,
for getting out of bed.
262
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,703
For doing something productive.
263
00:16:42,703 --> 00:16:44,688
Like sharing a bump at Babylon.
264
00:16:45,190 --> 00:16:47,191
Like getting a new job.
265
00:16:47,191 --> 00:16:49,193
Thanks to my...
266
00:16:49,193 --> 00:16:50,194
Dare I say it?
267
00:16:50,693 --> 00:16:52,196
Good friend Brian.
268
00:16:52,196 --> 00:16:53,630
Don't say it.
269
00:16:53,630 --> 00:16:55,549
Well, you must have really impressed them.
270
00:16:55,549 --> 00:16:57,985
Oliver said you were excruciatingly boring.
271
00:16:57,985 --> 00:17:01,989
Which, apparently, is quite a big compliment for an accountant.
272
00:17:01,989 --> 00:17:03,940
Okay,
273
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,441
I know I'm not your favourite person.
274
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:07,877
In fact, out of the six billion
275
00:17:07,877 --> 00:17:09,879
people in the world, I'm sure I rank somewhere below
276
00:17:09,879 --> 00:17:13,383
the populations of Zambia and Zimbabwe, but, uh,
277
00:17:13,883 --> 00:17:14,884
if there's ever any way
278
00:17:14,884 --> 00:17:17,320
- I can return the favour... t
- There is.
279
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:18,771
If you see me at lunch,
280
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:21,240
pretend like you don't know me.
281
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:22,207
Gotcha.
282
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,676
One for Mikey.
283
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:25,178
Get that shit away from me.
284
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,180
What's with you?
285
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:30,009
Nothing.
286
00:17:30,999 --> 00:17:34,002
Buzzy's moving to Florida.
287
00:17:34,002 --> 00:17:35,504
Even fucking Buzzy has a dream.
288
00:17:35,504 --> 00:17:37,440
Who's fucking Buzzy?
289
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,374
No one. I've seen him.
290
00:17:39,374 --> 00:17:42,878
He owns a comic book store.
291
00:17:42,878 --> 00:17:44,880
Honey, aren't there other places?
292
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,365
That's my place.
293
00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:47,866
I've been going there since I was 10.
294
00:18:14,424 --> 00:18:16,394
Hey!
295
00:18:16,394 --> 00:18:18,265
Hey, yourself.
296
00:18:22,265 --> 00:18:24,268
Why aren't you home packing your lunch box
297
00:18:24,268 --> 00:18:25,770
for school tomorrow?
298
00:18:25,770 --> 00:18:27,271
I don't need to. I'm not going.
299
00:18:27,271 --> 00:18:29,773
Let me guess,
300
00:18:29,773 --> 00:18:32,777
you heard they're going to make you draw vaginas.
301
00:18:32,777 --> 00:18:34,678
I quit.
302
00:18:36,678 --> 00:18:37,647
You what?
303
00:18:37,647 --> 00:18:38,581
What for?
304
00:18:38,581 --> 00:18:41,017
Well I can't draw any more.
305
00:18:41,017 --> 00:18:42,017
So...
306
00:18:42,017 --> 00:18:43,987
what's the point wasting my time?
307
00:18:43,987 --> 00:18:45,455
When I could be here,
308
00:18:45,954 --> 00:18:47,957
popping pills and drinking beers
309
00:18:47,957 --> 00:18:50,460
and sticking my gimp hand
310
00:18:50,460 --> 00:18:52,461
down guys' pants.
311
00:18:52,461 --> 00:18:53,463
Do you want to dance?
312
00:18:53,463 --> 00:18:55,431
Fuck, yeah.
313
00:18:55,431 --> 00:18:57,399
That was going to be my next question.
314
00:19:00,752 --> 00:19:05,173
What's that all about?
315
00:19:05,173 --> 00:19:06,175
Pain management.
316
00:19:11,647 --> 00:19:15,133
I can't wait for this day to be over.
317
00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:19,137
Thank God it's only once a year.
318
00:19:19,137 --> 00:19:20,638
Fun for the whole family.
319
00:19:20,638 --> 00:19:21,622
More like "Here's your balloon, kid,
320
00:19:21,622 --> 00:19:23,124
now shut up and let me shop!"
321
00:19:24,609 --> 00:19:26,060
- So who's the victim this year?
- Sally.
322
00:19:26,060 --> 00:19:28,012
The new cashier.
323
00:19:28,513 --> 00:19:31,015
She's sweet. At least she was until today.
324
00:19:31,015 --> 00:19:34,519
Today we drain her of her soul, her dignity.
325
00:19:34,519 --> 00:19:36,521
Sally just called. She's not feeling well.
326
00:19:37,021 --> 00:19:38,022
Did somebody tell her?
327
00:19:38,022 --> 00:19:39,474
Not me.
328
00:19:39,474 --> 00:19:40,975
Didn't say a word.
329
00:19:40,975 --> 00:19:41,909
We need somebody else.
330
00:19:41,909 --> 00:19:43,411
It's all yours, Novotny.
331
00:19:43,411 --> 00:19:45,345
- Wait a minute...
- Store policy,
332
00:19:45,345 --> 00:19:47,281
the newest employee gets the honour.
333
00:19:47,281 --> 00:19:49,282
But Michael's been here forever.
334
00:19:49,282 --> 00:19:51,284
Correction: he left, then he came back.
335
00:19:51,785 --> 00:19:53,286
So according to my calculations, you're it.
336
00:19:53,787 --> 00:19:55,288
Now go get dressed.
337
00:19:55,288 --> 00:19:56,740
Forget it!
338
00:20:03,712 --> 00:20:09,168
Can I have a balloon, please?
339
00:20:09,168 --> 00:20:10,803
But I wanted a red one.
340
00:20:10,803 --> 00:20:11,738
Life sucks, kid.
341
00:20:11,738 --> 00:20:13,172
Let's go, Jimmy.
342
00:20:13,172 --> 00:20:16,609
Better you know it now than be disappointed later.
343
00:20:17,109 --> 00:20:19,111
- I could swear that's Michael.
- Where?
344
00:20:19,111 --> 00:20:21,614
There, the guy in the clown suit.
345
00:20:21,614 --> 00:20:23,532
What would he be doing in a clown suit?
346
00:20:24,033 --> 00:20:26,035
He's a manager. They don't make managers clowns.
347
00:20:26,035 --> 00:20:28,970
- Oh, shit.
- Excuse me,
348
00:20:28,970 --> 00:20:31,973
could we get a balloon for our son?
349
00:20:31,973 --> 00:20:33,909
Oh, thanks, but we only need one.
350
00:20:33,909 --> 00:20:35,860
We're looking for our friend Michael Novotny.
351
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:40,298
He works here.
352
00:20:40,298 --> 00:20:42,800
Michael, it is you!
353
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:43,801
Honk, honk.
354
00:20:43,801 --> 00:20:46,304
Oh, Michael, why are you doing this?
355
00:20:46,304 --> 00:20:49,774
Don't ask. And don't tell. Especially brian.
356
00:20:49,774 --> 00:20:50,775
There have been some great clowns.
357
00:20:51,276 --> 00:20:53,782
Bozo, Emmett Kelly.
358
00:20:57,782 --> 00:21:00,251
Well, hey, what about Gus' balloon?
359
00:21:03,254 --> 00:21:04,254
Hey, guys, how's it going?
360
00:21:04,254 --> 00:21:06,257
Who's that?
361
00:21:06,257 --> 00:21:08,759
Who, the geezer? Fuck if I know.
362
00:21:08,759 --> 00:21:10,761
Okay, Shep. We're ready to be wowed.
363
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,262
What's going to make us sell our blood
364
00:21:12,262 --> 00:21:14,765
and buy Easton Heights tea bags?
365
00:21:14,765 --> 00:21:16,266
No pressure, huh, Bri?
366
00:21:16,266 --> 00:21:18,201
If you're not feeling pressure,
367
00:21:18,201 --> 00:21:22,672
I'm not doing my job.
368
00:21:22,672 --> 00:21:24,140
That's interesting.
369
00:21:24,140 --> 00:21:26,642
Uh, of course it still needs some refining.
370
00:21:26,642 --> 00:21:29,612
I can give you a poppy in there like that,
371
00:21:29,612 --> 00:21:31,097
and, uh...
372
00:21:31,097 --> 00:21:32,531
Stems. We need some green stems.
373
00:21:32,531 --> 00:21:35,017
I'll give you some of that.
374
00:21:35,485 --> 00:21:36,969
There you go.
375
00:21:36,969 --> 00:21:39,405
And, uh, you don't like the header,
I'll give you a new header.
376
00:21:39,405 --> 00:21:41,841
Try that.
377
00:21:41,841 --> 00:21:43,308
- That's amazing.
- Thanks.
378
00:21:43,308 --> 00:21:45,710
I'm talking about this thing.
379
00:21:45,710 --> 00:21:49,074
Oh, state of the art. Go ahead, try it.
380
00:21:59,208 --> 00:22:00,508
Are you familiar
381
00:22:00,508 --> 00:22:02,477
wih the Peachtree software?
382
00:22:02,477 --> 00:22:03,912
It's just like my last job.
383
00:22:03,912 --> 00:22:05,903
We keep our receivables current
384
00:22:05,914 --> 00:22:08,917
and we have a revolving line of credit
at the Bank of Pittsburgh.
385
00:22:08,917 --> 00:22:10,869
Huh, just like my last job.
386
00:22:10,869 --> 00:22:12,871
We pad our client billing.
387
00:22:12,871 --> 00:22:14,306
Just like my last job.
388
00:22:14,306 --> 00:22:15,307
And we walk around
389
00:22:15,307 --> 00:22:17,676
like we're dead inside.
390
00:22:17,676 --> 00:22:20,177
Just like my last job.
391
00:22:20,177 --> 00:22:25,182
Mr. Schmidt? Mr. Schmidt?
392
00:22:25,683 --> 00:22:29,186
I will, uh, get started on this right away,
Mr. Wertschafter, uh...
393
00:22:29,186 --> 00:22:30,621
Fleischafter...
394
00:22:30,621 --> 00:22:32,072
Mr. Uh... Flei...
395
00:22:32,573 --> 00:22:34,058
Fleischacker, uh...
396
00:22:34,058 --> 00:22:36,026
Sir... Shackter.
397
00:22:40,030 --> 00:22:41,532
Ted Schmidt.
398
00:22:41,532 --> 00:22:42,532
Hey, I just...
399
00:22:42,532 --> 00:22:44,535
called to see how it's going.
400
00:22:44,535 --> 00:22:46,036
Oh, it's great. Couldn't be better.
401
00:22:46,536 --> 00:22:47,521
So, what's it like?
402
00:22:48,522 --> 00:22:51,475
I have a desk and a chair and a computer.
403
00:22:51,974 --> 00:22:53,393
What's the colour scheme?
404
00:22:53,393 --> 00:22:55,878
Beigey-gray.
405
00:22:55,878 --> 00:22:57,380
Or grayish-beige.
406
00:22:57,380 --> 00:22:58,831
You know, take your pick.
407
00:22:58,831 --> 00:23:02,384
Well, that sounds perfect, honey.
408
00:23:02,384 --> 00:23:03,386
All right, well just, uh...
409
00:23:03,386 --> 00:23:05,388
just stay off you-know-what.com.
410
00:23:07,690 --> 00:23:12,000
Thank you, God, for making me bad at math.
411
00:23:12,161 --> 00:23:15,164
Hey, you know, you look good with a little makeup.
412
00:23:15,164 --> 00:23:17,667
Fuck! They told you, didn't they?
413
00:23:17,667 --> 00:23:21,670
- They couldn't wait.
- Told me what?
414
00:23:21,670 --> 00:23:24,673
- What are you talking about?
- Gay pride.
415
00:23:24,673 --> 00:23:26,675
What are you talking about?
416
00:23:27,175 --> 00:23:28,677
Gay pride. How'd they turn out?
417
00:23:28,677 --> 00:23:30,679
You're going to hate me for saying this,
418
00:23:30,679 --> 00:23:33,180
but you make one bitchin' broad.
419
00:23:33,180 --> 00:23:35,683
I can't believe I let you talk me into
wearing a dress.
420
00:23:38,186 --> 00:23:40,689
Here I am, kissing my boss.
421
00:23:40,689 --> 00:23:42,190
The biggest asshole in the world.
422
00:23:42,190 --> 00:23:44,692
Honey, that's what pride is all about.
423
00:23:44,692 --> 00:23:48,006
Love and forgiveness, I mean.
424
00:23:48,696 --> 00:23:53,711
Are you wearing blush?
425
00:25:11,424 --> 00:25:15,309
The lost boy returns.
426
00:25:37,801 --> 00:25:38,802
Feeling better?
427
00:25:38,802 --> 00:25:41,805
Lots.
428
00:25:41,805 --> 00:25:43,806
How's Daphne?
429
00:25:43,806 --> 00:25:46,309
Uh, she and her roommates had to study.
430
00:25:46,309 --> 00:25:48,762
Fortunately, that's not my problem.
431
00:25:48,762 --> 00:25:51,264
I went to Woody's. I let guys buy me drinks.
432
00:25:51,764 --> 00:25:53,265
They all wanted to fuck me.
433
00:25:53,265 --> 00:25:56,202
At least I still have my looks.
434
00:25:56,702 --> 00:26:03,209
I told them no. I'm saving that for you.
435
00:26:03,709 --> 00:26:05,711
Aren't you a sweetheart?
436
00:26:05,711 --> 00:26:08,213
Let's go. Come on.
437
00:26:08,213 --> 00:26:10,165
Later.
438
00:26:10,165 --> 00:26:12,166
- Come and see what I got you.
- What?
439
00:26:12,668 --> 00:26:14,169
A new butt plug? Manacles?
440
00:26:14,169 --> 00:26:16,170
- I know, a vacu-pump?
- Better.
441
00:26:16,170 --> 00:26:18,140
- I saw it today at work. It's...
- I'm not interested.
442
00:26:18,140 --> 00:26:19,642
You don't even know what it is.
443
00:26:19,642 --> 00:26:21,093
Sure I do. It's false hope.
444
00:26:21,593 --> 00:26:23,546
No, watch. You can draw with it, see?
445
00:26:23,546 --> 00:26:24,546
Same as a pen,
446
00:26:24,546 --> 00:26:25,980
or a pencil, or a paintbrush.
447
00:26:25,980 --> 00:26:27,932
Just much easier to control.
448
00:26:27,932 --> 00:26:32,320
Oh, like with my gimp hand?
449
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,822
And there's a million special effects
you can create with it.
450
00:26:34,822 --> 00:26:37,792
Stop being a fucking princess
and come give it a try.
451
00:26:37,792 --> 00:26:40,295
What for? To make you happy?
452
00:26:40,295 --> 00:26:41,746
So that you can tell yourself
453
00:26:41,746 --> 00:26:43,214
you fixed little Justin's problems
454
00:26:43,214 --> 00:26:46,650
and made everything all better?
455
00:26:46,650 --> 00:26:54,458
Well you can't fix this, all right? No one can.
456
00:26:54,458 --> 00:26:55,459
So you're just going to quit.
457
00:26:55,459 --> 00:26:58,462
Huh. It's over, all right?
458
00:26:58,462 --> 00:27:00,463
Accept it. I'm not going to draw again.
459
00:27:00,463 --> 00:27:02,389
And no fucking electronic
460
00:27:02,399 --> 00:27:09,772
Crayola box is going to fix that.
461
00:27:09,772 --> 00:27:19,616
So why don't you come fuck me
before I pass out?
462
00:27:19,616 --> 00:27:21,116
Excuse me, sir, can you tell me
463
00:27:21,117 --> 00:27:22,600
where I can find the rubber noses?
464
00:27:22,602 --> 00:27:24,576
I hear they're getting you a bunny suit
465
00:27:24,587 --> 00:27:26,088
for the Easter sale.
466
00:27:26,088 --> 00:27:27,590
Don't you guys have anything better to do,
467
00:27:28,074 --> 00:27:30,558
- like your jobs?
- We're just kidding around.
468
00:27:30,558 --> 00:27:32,545
Well, why don't you kid around somewhere else?
469
00:27:35,046 --> 00:27:38,516
They're the clowns.
470
00:27:38,516 --> 00:27:41,020
They were right. I was ridiculous.
471
00:27:41,519 --> 00:27:44,522
Okay, Novotny, better get into this.
472
00:27:44,522 --> 00:27:46,024
What?
473
00:27:46,024 --> 00:27:47,525
You did such a great job yesterday,
474
00:27:47,525 --> 00:27:49,527
I figured you should do it again today.
475
00:27:49,527 --> 00:27:51,496
- No fucking way!
- Hey, watch your language, pal.
476
00:27:51,496 --> 00:27:53,999
This is a family store. Now get dressed.
477
00:27:54,002 --> 00:27:56,935
Sorry, Andrew, you're just going to have
to find somebody else.
478
00:27:56,935 --> 00:27:59,437
- Excuse me?
- I said no!
479
00:27:59,938 --> 00:28:01,872
In case you've forgotten, I'm the manager now.
480
00:28:01,872 --> 00:28:03,325
I'm well aware of that,
481
00:28:03,325 --> 00:28:05,826
since you've managed to never let me forget it.
482
00:28:05,826 --> 00:28:07,828
But the thing you can't forget
483
00:28:07,828 --> 00:28:09,820
is that the only reason you have this job
484
00:28:09,830 --> 00:28:11,231
is because I left.
485
00:28:11,332 --> 00:28:13,767
My only mistake is I never should have come back.
486
00:28:13,767 --> 00:28:17,755
I said put it on.
487
00:28:17,755 --> 00:28:20,677
And I said no.
488
00:28:23,677 --> 00:28:26,180
Put it on.
489
00:28:26,180 --> 00:28:29,057
Or you're fired.
490
00:28:38,057 --> 00:28:42,512
Fuck you.
491
00:28:43,012 --> 00:28:48,468
- Bye, Trace.
- Bye.
492
00:28:48,934 --> 00:28:51,438
So long, lover boy.
493
00:28:53,438 --> 00:28:56,441
Attention, Big Q shoppers,
494
00:28:56,441 --> 00:28:59,395
another day, another dollar sale.
495
00:28:59,395 --> 00:29:01,363
For all your cosmetic needs,
496
00:29:01,363 --> 00:29:03,331
from lipstick to eyeliner...
497
00:29:03,331 --> 00:29:06,334
Yeah!
498
00:29:06,818 --> 00:29:08,787
Watch your backs, hot stuff coming through.
499
00:29:08,787 --> 00:29:11,289
No kiddin'. Whoo!
500
00:29:11,289 --> 00:29:13,742
I've never seen anyone eat a doughnut
like that before.
501
00:29:13,742 --> 00:29:15,733
Is it a Southern sort of thing?
502
00:29:15,743 --> 00:29:18,729
More of a survival sort of thing.
503
00:29:18,729 --> 00:29:23,201
Try and grab it.
504
00:29:23,201 --> 00:29:26,704
Oh, God!
505
00:29:26,704 --> 00:29:28,205
Miss Manners may not have approved,
506
00:29:28,205 --> 00:29:29,707
but with six hungry brothers and sisters,
507
00:29:30,207 --> 00:29:31,710
it's how I kept my belly full.
508
00:29:31,710 --> 00:29:33,711
Hey! More coffee,
509
00:29:33,711 --> 00:29:46,090
Java boy.
510
00:29:46,090 --> 00:29:49,542
- Oh!
- Careful. Careful.
511
00:29:50,044 --> 00:29:52,045
Maybe you ought to give your hand a rest,
huh, Sunshine?
512
00:29:52,045 --> 00:29:56,384
Maybe you should mind your own fucking business.
513
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,306
What'd you just say to me?
514
00:30:00,353 --> 00:30:01,354
I said mind your own business.
515
00:30:01,354 --> 00:30:02,856
Yeah, I heard what you said.
516
00:30:02,856 --> 00:30:04,357
Then why'd you ask me to repeat it?
517
00:30:04,357 --> 00:30:06,265
I wanted to be sure I heard it correctly.
518
00:30:06,276 --> 00:30:10,780
Ah... leave me the fuck alone.
519
00:30:10,780 --> 00:30:17,659
Justin!
520
00:30:17,670 --> 00:30:19,671
I know what happened to you sucks,
521
00:30:19,671 --> 00:30:22,608
and I'm not gonna give you some
Pollyanna shit
522
00:30:22,608 --> 00:30:24,610
about everything happens for a reason, or...
523
00:30:24,610 --> 00:30:28,113
Or... or this was God's gift to make you strong.
524
00:30:28,113 --> 00:30:30,616
'Cause if anybody had said that to me, honey,
525
00:30:30,616 --> 00:30:37,071
when Vic was dying, I woulda punched
'em right in the fucking mouth.
526
00:30:37,071 --> 00:30:40,025
All you can do at a time like this
527
00:30:40,025 --> 00:30:46,965
is just hang on until the scenery changes.
528
00:30:46,965 --> 00:30:50,952
So... why don't you just let me lend a hand
529
00:30:51,452 --> 00:30:56,908
in pouring the hot stuff, okay?
530
00:31:00,877 --> 00:31:03,865
And one more thing.
531
00:31:04,365 --> 00:31:06,868
The next time you talk to me like that,
532
00:31:06,868 --> 00:31:08,869
I'm gonna rip you a new butthole so big,
533
00:31:08,869 --> 00:31:13,373
you're gonna be able to take a cannon
up your ass.
534
00:31:15,309 --> 00:31:18,745
- Bye.
- Bye.
535
00:31:18,745 --> 00:31:21,249
Something tells me you need a break.
536
00:31:22,249 --> 00:31:23,750
Hmm.
537
00:31:32,242 --> 00:31:33,743
So, what do you think?
538
00:31:33,743 --> 00:31:37,713
Who gives a shit what I think?
539
00:31:38,714 --> 00:31:40,717
The composition's good.
540
00:31:40,717 --> 00:31:45,154
The, uh, technique, use of colour,
it's interesting.
541
00:31:45,154 --> 00:31:47,156
I don't particularly care for the subject matter.
542
00:31:47,655 --> 00:31:49,158
A sad young man.
543
00:31:49,658 --> 00:31:50,959
Yeah, who needs to look at that?
544
00:31:50,969 --> 00:31:54,081
Especially when you've got a mirror.
545
00:31:56,081 --> 00:31:57,583
I like that one.
546
00:31:57,583 --> 00:31:59,084
It's, um...
547
00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:01,586
It's less representational.
It's more spontaneous.
548
00:32:01,586 --> 00:32:04,072
It's more... angry.
549
00:32:04,072 --> 00:32:07,561
Like what you're feeling?
550
00:32:09,561 --> 00:32:11,552
The artist has obviously been influenced
551
00:32:11,563 --> 00:32:14,065
by the work of the abstract expressionists...
552
00:32:14,065 --> 00:32:17,068
De Kooning. Gottlieb.
553
00:32:17,068 --> 00:32:18,552
- Klein.
- Lindsay!
554
00:32:18,552 --> 00:32:21,055
Long time, babe.
555
00:32:21,055 --> 00:32:23,059
- Too long.
- Hey.
556
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,793
- Congratulations on the show.
- Thanks.
557
00:32:26,795 --> 00:32:28,935
- How's it going?
- Sold three already.
558
00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:29,936
Not bad.
559
00:32:29,947 --> 00:32:32,449
A couple more, I'm on my way to Rio.
560
00:32:33,433 --> 00:32:34,935
I'd like you to meet a friend.
561
00:32:34,935 --> 00:32:36,436
This is Justin Taylor.
562
00:32:36,436 --> 00:32:37,927
This is Adrienne Bennett.
563
00:32:37,938 --> 00:32:38,939
She's the artist.
564
00:32:38,939 --> 00:32:41,364
Justin's an artist too.
565
00:32:41,375 --> 00:32:42,876
He was just commenting on this piece,
566
00:32:42,876 --> 00:32:45,378
how much he liked the spontaneity, the anger.
567
00:32:45,378 --> 00:32:48,815
I was in a mood that day.
568
00:32:48,815 --> 00:32:51,268
So what kind of stuff you do?
569
00:32:51,268 --> 00:32:53,769
I don't any more. I gave it up.
570
00:32:53,769 --> 00:32:55,721
Hmm.
571
00:32:55,721 --> 00:32:58,674
Christ, if I couldn't work, I'd wheel myself off a cliff.
572
00:32:58,674 --> 00:33:02,651
- How do you? I mean...
- Work?
573
00:33:02,662 --> 00:33:04,597
Uh, the way two snails fuck:
574
00:33:04,597 --> 00:33:07,099
very slowly.
575
00:33:09,018 --> 00:33:11,503
I got this contraption I call the "one-arm bandit".
576
00:33:11,503 --> 00:33:13,004
They strap it to my good arm.
577
00:33:13,004 --> 00:33:14,974
That's the way I direct the brush.
578
00:33:14,974 --> 00:33:15,958
Sounds hard.
579
00:33:16,459 --> 00:33:17,876
So what's easy besides complaining?
580
00:33:17,876 --> 00:33:19,311
As if you never did that.
581
00:33:19,811 --> 00:33:23,198
Oh, back off, bitch. I'll roll over your foot.
582
00:33:23,198 --> 00:33:26,117
Now, I'll admit I wasn't too pleased
583
00:33:26,117 --> 00:33:28,620
after doing a spin-out on the
Penn-Lincoln parkway
584
00:33:28,620 --> 00:33:31,122
to wake up and discover
my tapdancing days were over.
585
00:33:31,122 --> 00:33:35,076
Let alone painting. In fact,
I was offering big bucks
586
00:33:35,076 --> 00:33:38,046
to anyone who'd shoot me.
587
00:33:38,046 --> 00:33:41,968
You must be feeling the same way.
588
00:33:43,968 --> 00:33:47,000
It ain't the end of the world, kid.
589
00:33:48,472 --> 00:33:51,925
Unless you want it to be.
590
00:33:51,925 --> 00:33:54,928
Now, pick a painting.
591
00:33:55,429 --> 00:33:56,397
Hmm?
592
00:33:56,397 --> 00:33:57,348
I want you to have one.
593
00:33:57,348 --> 00:33:58,349
Adrienne.
594
00:33:58,349 --> 00:33:59,350
Don't worry about it.
595
00:33:59,350 --> 00:34:03,739
There's plenty more where these came from.
596
00:34:06,739 --> 00:34:09,242
I just called the Big Q.
597
00:34:09,242 --> 00:34:11,245
They said that you no longer work there,
598
00:34:11,245 --> 00:34:12,746
that you quit?
599
00:34:12,746 --> 00:34:13,746
That's right, ma.
600
00:34:14,164 --> 00:34:16,165
Why would you do a stupid thing like that?
601
00:34:16,165 --> 00:34:17,667
Well, uh...
602
00:34:17,667 --> 00:34:19,168
I'm following my dream.
603
00:34:19,168 --> 00:34:21,087
To be unemployed?
604
00:34:21,554 --> 00:34:23,039
Leave him alone, Deb.
605
00:34:23,039 --> 00:34:24,957
I should've known that you'd be involved.
606
00:34:24,957 --> 00:34:26,459
I had nothing to do with it.
607
00:34:26,459 --> 00:34:28,394
Yeah, I've been hearing that since you were 14.
608
00:34:28,394 --> 00:34:29,761
It's his life.
609
00:34:29,761 --> 00:34:31,748
Yeah, that's easy for you to say.
You can pay your bills.
610
00:34:31,748 --> 00:34:33,199
Would you two knock it off?
611
00:34:33,699 --> 00:34:35,200
I'm trying to concentrate.
612
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:36,685
On what?
613
00:34:36,685 --> 00:34:38,186
I'm auctioning something on eBay.
614
00:34:38,186 --> 00:34:40,172
Your mother?
615
00:34:40,172 --> 00:34:42,174
Don't start the bidding too high.
616
00:34:42,174 --> 00:34:44,143
My Captain Astro. Volume one. Issue one.
617
00:34:44,143 --> 00:34:46,111
The one I bought you for your birthday?
618
00:34:46,111 --> 00:34:48,613
- That cost a fucking mint.
- I know.
619
00:34:48,613 --> 00:34:52,002
If I get enough for it, I'm going to buy Buzzy's store.
620
00:34:54,002 --> 00:34:57,005
You're buying a comic book store?
That's crazy.
621
00:34:57,005 --> 00:34:58,973
So is staying in a job
where I'm going to be miserable
622
00:34:58,973 --> 00:35:02,894
for the rest of my life.
623
00:35:03,894 --> 00:35:06,348
What's the bid at?
624
00:35:06,348 --> 00:35:09,316
- It's stuck at $1,000.
- $1,000?
625
00:35:09,316 --> 00:35:11,318
Fuck, it's worth more than that. Scoot over.
626
00:35:11,318 --> 00:35:12,820
If you said you were really sorry,
627
00:35:12,820 --> 00:35:14,822
maybe they'd give you your job back.
628
00:35:14,822 --> 00:35:15,790
There's only a few minutes left.
629
00:35:15,790 --> 00:35:17,742
How does $5,000 sound?
630
00:35:17,742 --> 00:35:19,243
You're bidding on it yourself?
631
00:35:19,243 --> 00:35:21,177
Why in the fuck would you do that?
632
00:35:21,177 --> 00:35:23,114
You already bought it once.
633
00:35:23,114 --> 00:35:24,565
The secret to getting someone to want something
634
00:35:24,565 --> 00:35:27,068
is convincing them someone else wants it more.
635
00:35:27,567 --> 00:35:32,138
That'll never work. People aren't that stupid.
636
00:35:32,138 --> 00:35:35,458
$6,000!
637
00:35:35,458 --> 00:35:37,962
Then again...
638
00:35:39,396 --> 00:35:42,399
"Handy".
639
00:35:42,399 --> 00:35:47,403
"Sex men".
640
00:35:47,403 --> 00:35:51,408
"...Apes".
641
00:35:51,408 --> 00:35:54,911
So... I will bring...
642
00:35:55,412 --> 00:35:59,365
- The rest back tomorrow.
- The rest?
643
00:35:59,365 --> 00:36:01,366
Just put them on my charge, Quentin.
644
00:36:01,366 --> 00:36:04,369
Which of these do you recommend?
645
00:36:04,369 --> 00:36:05,871
You think I watch this shit?
646
00:36:05,871 --> 00:36:07,873
Ask him. He's seen them all.
647
00:36:07,873 --> 00:36:10,375
Lemme see.
648
00:36:10,375 --> 00:36:12,377
"Your ass-licked park".
649
00:36:12,377 --> 00:36:14,279
Well, it's an excellent rimming scene
650
00:36:14,289 --> 00:36:16,381
between a paleontologist and a stegosaurus.
651
00:36:16,381 --> 00:36:19,373
"Forrest Dump". Some idiot gives Nixon
652
00:36:19,384 --> 00:36:20,886
a plate job in the Oval Office.
653
00:36:20,886 --> 00:36:22,887
Oh, definitely this one.
654
00:36:22,887 --> 00:36:25,379
"Arm 'n head in". It's got the best fisting scene
655
00:36:25,389 --> 00:36:27,391
on an asteroid headed to earth ever filmed.
656
00:36:27,401 --> 00:36:31,896
Wow. You're amazing.
657
00:36:31,896 --> 00:36:33,898
No, you are amazing.
658
00:36:33,898 --> 00:36:36,400
Although I wouldn't call knowing every
boybang flick ever made
659
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:38,402
a significant contribution to cultural literacy.
660
00:36:38,903 --> 00:36:40,403
Ah, hey, missy big-words.
661
00:36:40,403 --> 00:36:41,905
I'm not ashamed of loving porn.
662
00:36:41,905 --> 00:36:43,908
Pornography happens to serve an important
663
00:36:43,908 --> 00:36:45,409
and profoundly humane service.
664
00:36:45,409 --> 00:36:46,911
Oh, this ought to be good.
665
00:36:46,911 --> 00:36:49,914
All right. Take a guy like me renting a video, okay?
666
00:36:49,914 --> 00:36:52,916
What are my choices? A moronic comedy,
667
00:36:52,916 --> 00:36:56,419
a cop drama starring some brainless actor
668
00:36:56,419 --> 00:36:58,922
shooting off his widdle gun, or...
669
00:36:59,423 --> 00:37:02,926
an exotic fantasy land filled with beautiful men,
670
00:37:02,926 --> 00:37:05,428
all of whom are there for the sole purpose
of pleasing me.
671
00:37:05,428 --> 00:37:08,431
See, it's my chance to be Brian Kinney.
672
00:37:08,431 --> 00:37:09,933
- Fuck anyone I want.
- All right. All right.
673
00:37:09,933 --> 00:37:11,434
All right. All right, all right.
674
00:37:11,434 --> 00:37:12,936
So you get your rocks off to some dream boy,
675
00:37:12,936 --> 00:37:16,438
but you gotta admit, it's a dirty business.
676
00:37:16,438 --> 00:37:18,941
What, making people happy?
677
00:37:18,941 --> 00:37:21,443
It's a lot more than I can say for my job.
678
00:37:21,443 --> 00:37:25,447
All I do is crunch numbers so some asshole
can cheat Uncle Sam
679
00:37:25,457 --> 00:37:27,939
out of a few extra bucks.
See, now that's what I call porn.
680
00:37:27,950 --> 00:37:29,450
There's no redeeming social value whatsoever.
681
00:37:29,450 --> 00:37:32,454
I think you provide an extremely important service.
682
00:37:32,454 --> 00:37:33,945
Preparing your taxes?
683
00:37:33,956 --> 00:37:35,958
Yeah, great. When's the last time it made you come?
684
00:37:35,958 --> 00:37:39,460
1998. I got a big refund.
685
00:37:39,460 --> 00:37:42,468
I gotta get to court.
686
00:38:06,353 --> 00:38:10,360
Yeah. Go for it.
687
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,295
It's stuck at 6,000.
688
00:38:15,295 --> 00:38:17,264
Alrighty... 7,000.
689
00:38:17,264 --> 00:38:18,765
Christ, Brian, are you sure you want to do that?
690
00:38:18,765 --> 00:38:20,701
Uh, there's only 30 seconds left.
691
00:38:20,701 --> 00:38:23,086
Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
692
00:38:23,086 --> 00:38:24,071
8,000.
693
00:38:24,071 --> 00:38:25,005
Oh!
694
00:38:25,471 --> 00:38:26,473
Take it. Take it!
695
00:38:26,473 --> 00:38:27,974
It doesn't work that way, ma.
696
00:38:28,475 --> 00:38:28,959
9,000.
697
00:38:29,458 --> 00:38:30,394
Oh God, no!
698
00:38:30,394 --> 00:38:31,894
Oh, I can't look.
699
00:38:31,894 --> 00:38:33,396
- I can't look.
- Neither can I.
700
00:38:33,396 --> 00:38:34,897
You have your finger in my eye.
701
00:38:34,897 --> 00:38:35,898
- I'm sorry, honey.
- Ow.
702
00:38:35,898 --> 00:38:43,739
10 seconds.
703
00:38:44,240 --> 00:38:48,560
Nobody's bidding!
704
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:54,250
Look.
705
00:38:54,250 --> 00:38:55,251
10,000.
706
00:38:55,251 --> 00:38:57,252
10,000.
707
00:38:57,252 --> 00:38:58,753
10,000.
708
00:38:58,753 --> 00:39:00,221
10,000!
709
00:39:00,221 --> 00:39:01,222
10,000!
710
00:39:01,222 --> 00:39:04,659
$10,000!
711
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,162
Oh, and to think I used to yell at you
712
00:39:07,162 --> 00:39:08,663
for reading them!
713
00:39:08,663 --> 00:39:11,116
Oh, my God! $10,000!
714
00:39:11,616 --> 00:39:14,085
Oh, honey! 10,000!
715
00:39:14,085 --> 00:39:16,037
Your own store.
716
00:39:16,538 --> 00:39:17,539
I can't believe it.
717
00:39:17,539 --> 00:39:19,507
I know somebody who has his own store.
718
00:39:19,507 --> 00:39:22,493
Finally I can get a fabulous discount
719
00:39:22,493 --> 00:39:25,496
on something I have absolutely no desire to own.
720
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,400
Why couldn't your dream have been cashmere?
721
00:39:29,901 --> 00:39:32,820
My grandfather used to own his own dry goods store...
722
00:39:32,820 --> 00:39:34,822
in Brooklyn, and he used to say,
723
00:39:34,822 --> 00:39:38,275
"Better to work for yourself than some
meshuganah goniff."
724
00:39:38,275 --> 00:39:40,233
He knew what he was talking about,
725
00:39:40,244 --> 00:39:44,248
even if no one else did.
726
00:39:44,248 --> 00:39:45,749
What was that for?
727
00:39:45,749 --> 00:39:47,750
'Cause you're so pathetic.
728
00:39:47,750 --> 00:39:49,252
Thanks a lot.
729
00:39:49,252 --> 00:39:51,255
You put your fucking life up for auction.
730
00:39:51,255 --> 00:39:54,173
I mean, what if it hadn't worked out?
731
00:39:54,674 --> 00:39:56,175
Well, I guess I'd have no money
732
00:39:56,175 --> 00:39:58,177
and no job, no nothing.
733
00:39:58,177 --> 00:40:03,182
Nothing but the biggest balls
in the whole fucking world.
734
00:40:03,182 --> 00:40:04,684
Teddy!
735
00:40:04,684 --> 00:40:08,604
Why, Theodore Schmidt!
736
00:40:08,604 --> 00:40:09,555
Thought you might be, uh,
737
00:40:09,555 --> 00:40:11,958
- greasing the old pole.
- Uh, actually
738
00:40:11,968 --> 00:40:14,243
I've finally come to my senses.
739
00:40:14,243 --> 00:40:17,246
So to speak, and, uh, I want to thank you guys
740
00:40:17,746 --> 00:40:20,232
for helping me through one of the darkest
741
00:40:20,232 --> 00:40:22,234
and most difficult times in my life.
742
00:40:22,234 --> 00:40:24,726
- Oh, baby.
- But,
743
00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:27,205
I'm finally ready to become a productive
part of society again.
744
00:40:27,205 --> 00:40:29,207
I want to give back to the community.
745
00:40:29,207 --> 00:40:31,660
Feel a sense of pride,
746
00:40:31,660 --> 00:40:33,128
of purpose.
747
00:40:33,628 --> 00:40:35,113
That's wonderful, sweetheart.
748
00:40:35,113 --> 00:40:37,605
So...
749
00:40:37,615 --> 00:40:41,053
I have decided to quit my new job...
750
00:40:41,053 --> 00:40:42,037
and...
751
00:40:42,537 --> 00:40:46,040
start my own porno web site.
752
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,944
What?
753
00:40:52,446 --> 00:40:54,416
Well, at least he's following his dream.
754
00:40:54,416 --> 00:40:58,402
However wet it may be.
52528
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