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THE FINAL JUDGMENT OF BEAVIS
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You are under
arrest for violation
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of penal code 7538 dash 7.
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- He said "penal".
- "Iron Justice" is cool.
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I want to do that.
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I can't do this
all day, dillweed.
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Here I come.
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Come.
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Beavis, you wuss.
10
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You hardly made
a dent.
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Beavis?
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Whoa! Is this, like, David Bowie?
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No way.
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I mean, this guy's a puss!
But it's a different puss.
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This dude is andropynous.
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You said "penis".
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I met a man.
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He was a good man.
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I met a good man...
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Quit pointing that stick at me!
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He's just trying to show off.
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Who are these guys?
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Where's the fat guy?
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I don't know.
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- This is pretty cool.
- Yeah. They rock! They rock!
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If I had my driver's license,
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I'd like, run over some light bulbs.
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Hey Butt-Head, you know what we
should do, like, in the meantime?
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We should go get some light
bulbs and stuff, and stomp on 'em!
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That's a good idea, Beavis!
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Yeah. Thanks.
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Beavis, you wuss.
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Get up, dillweed!
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Don't make me
kick your ass, Beavis.
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I'm kicking your
ass, Beavis.
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This is cool.
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Look at me, Beavis,
I'm kicking your ass.
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Kicking your ass.
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This music sucks.
40
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This sucks.
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Well, we better bury you, Beavis.
You're already starting to stink.
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Whoa. What is this?
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Welcome to heaven,
Beavis.
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Are you, like, Santa Claus?
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I am St. Peter.
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So, like, in heaven, will all the
chicks do anything I want?
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- No.
- That sucks.
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Do I get X-ray vision?
Do I get some nachos?
49
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No.
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Are you sure
this is heaven?
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This is your
life, Beavis.
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This book contains everything you've
ever done throughout your entire life,
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no matter how insignificant.
54
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Really?
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You mean, like, every time I ever
took a dump, it's in that book?
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Yes.
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How about that time
I peed in the gym?
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- Yes.
- Cool.
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Hey, get away
from there.
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Beavis is
not dog food.
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He's worm food.
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And then when you were four,
you mutilated an action figure
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in a most disturbing manner.
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Oh, yeah. That was cool.
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No, that sucked. When you were five,
you and your friend Butt-Head
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passed out chocolate laxatives
in your kindergarten class.
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- That was really cool.
- No, Beavis...
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- That also sucked.
- What do you know, ass-wipe.
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I know everything, buttmunch.
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- Check it out Butt-Head, it's the Noid.
- Cool!
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The Noid is cool.
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Avoid the Noid! Avoid the Noid!
I like to say that.
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- Wait a minute.
- Avoid the Noid!
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That's not the Noid. That's Satan.
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Oh yeah, yeah.
76
00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:05,891
Check it out, Beavis.
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00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,786
It's like, this guy's a pretty good singer.
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00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:14,294
It's like, he can't write
songs but he sure can sing.
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This video is cool because it's like, doing
something that they haven't done before.
80
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What do you mean? Like, like,
um… playing one of those uvulas?
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Yeah.
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It's like, they never played
a uvula under a table before.
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Check it out, Butt-Head, turds!
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Did you see that? Turds! Turds! Turds!
85
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Where?
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You know, if I was Satan, I
would like, get a mountain bike.
87
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Like a really cool, like, skateboard.
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Then some chicks.
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Yeah, that would be cool.
90
00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:05,347
Oh, look at the turds again. It's turds!
91
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Where?
92
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:09,149
Right there! He was riding
around some turds, Butt-Head.
93
00:08:09,150 --> 00:08:10,990
- Really?
- They're right there on the ground!
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He was, like, riding around some turds.
95
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Satan always likes to
have some turds close by.
96
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:19,559
Yeah, I mean, you know, he's Satan.
97
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Ok, that's enough. Now get
your ass back in the wall.
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Yeah yeah, get in there!
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And then on the third day of the
fourth month of your twelfth year,
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you touched yourself in an impure manner.
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You saw that?
102
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We see
everything.
103
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No way! I had the covers over me.
104
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Worm food.
105
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Come and
get it, worms.
106
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And then, later
that afternoon,
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00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:07,306
you touched yourself in an impure manner
again using a bottle of hand lotion--
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Hey, this is starting to suck.
Do I get into heaven or not?
109
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,153
No.
110
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,591
I guess I should,
like, say something.
111
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I am here today not
to bury Beavis, but to...
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Later, dude.
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Wake up, buttwipe. We're
gonna miss "Iron Justice".
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I had this weird dream.
I met this St. Peter dude.
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St. Who?
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Peter.
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00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:05,829
Peter.
8307
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