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1-900-BEAVIS
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Don't waste your life away watching
TV. Call our free 800 number
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and get started in the
exciting field of hair removal!
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00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,359
Stuck in a dead-end job?
Why, when you could be
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earning top dollar as an
appellate court judge?
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00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:24,921
Just call this toll-free number
and our well-trained instructors--
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00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,549
Alone?
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00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,957
Got something on
your mind?
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00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,327
Call me at
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00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,926
1-900-LICK.
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Just 9.99 a minute.
What are you waiting for?
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00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,200
Hello?
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00:00:48,224 --> 00:00:50,224
Hello?
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I know you're there.
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She said something!
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- WATER, WATER!
- So what, Beavis?
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I don't know, water's cool!
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This seems pretty cool.
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- This chick is hot!
- Chicks are cool!
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This chick's pretty hot, but it's like,
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she has a tendency to
wear too many clothes.
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If she would just, like, take that
damn turtleneck off, then it's like:
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"Heeeeyyy, baby! yeeaahh!"
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- ...heading my direction...
- Whoa, did she say "erection"?!
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I hope so!
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I'll say it. Errrection!
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I don't care if you say it, Beavis!
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I think she said it. Really.
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Dammit, this video's been on for two
minutes, and she's still not naked.
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Well, her face is naked.
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So what, Beavis?
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- Every girl's face is naked!
- Really?
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That'd be cool if, like,
they put clothes
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on their face, but then,
like, not on their body.
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- I'd settle for that.
- Yeah! I bet chicks would go for that!
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Ass naked rules.
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Hello?
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Who's this?
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Don't tell her our
real names.
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Uh, I'm Beavis
and he's Butt-Head.
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Yeah, yeah,
me too.
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Would you like to know
what I have on?
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Absolutely...
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nothing.
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I'm naked.
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Are you there?
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Hello?
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00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:38,715
Hey Beavis...
I think I just inoculated.
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So...
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what do you want to talk about?
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00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:53,929
- Don't be shy.
- Well...
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could you, like... put the
phone on your butt?
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00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:12,318
Whoa! I can
hear her butt!
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00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:24,354
Oh, got something
on your mind?
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00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:27,599
Hey mommy, it's
your phone sex ad.
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Hey, I warned you about
that language.
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What's with this damn chair?
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What's this?
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Hey! put it back! Put it back!
Put the phone back!
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You still there?
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With--
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With the money you
spend on phone sex,
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you ought to start your
own 900 number.
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Cool!
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I'm Jay Whitelman, your phone company
representative. How can I help you?
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We want to, like, get
our own 900 number.
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Ah, starting your own business.
A piece of the American dream.
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What type of line?
Sports? Information?
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00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:18,316
- We want to meet chicks.
- Yeah. And score.
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Social interaction. What's your
current rate of income?
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Uh...
Six?
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Under 15,000.
Education?
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- Is that like, school?
- We'll put down "third grade".
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Now, boys, this
is very important.
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A 900 number is a bond of trust
between customer and proprietor.
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You're asking people to call
you and pay for the privilege,
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because you're providing
a valuable service.
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You do intend to provide a
valuable service, don't you?
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- No.
- That's what I like to hear.
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Congratulations, boys.
You're on the gravy train.
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All you have to do is sign at
the bottom and put today's date.
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Keep your eyes on your
own paper, butt burglar.
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- This is hard.
- Yeah.
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- Getting a 900 number sucks.
- Yeah, yeah.
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00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,139
Where are you going?
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We're gonna get our phone
sex the old-fashioned way.
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What way
is that?
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- We'll call from Stewart's place.
- Oh yeah, yeah.
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"Put it in?"
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- Cool!
- Yeah.
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Put it in. PUT IT IN!
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00:07:03,859 --> 00:07:09,054
Man! I bet this is, like, the
horniest dude that ever lived.
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He should, like, wear one of those
Viking hats with horns on it.
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What?
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You're a weirdo, Beavis.
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How come every time I'm
talking about chicks
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and stuff, you just
like, don't get it?
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I get it!
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It's just that, you know,
I thought it would be cool if,
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like, he had this hat
on with some horns on it.
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00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,215
Yeah, Eric the Rod.
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The Rod. See? See? I got that.
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The Rod!
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Baby please, please...
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Put me in...
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Whoa! This is one horny dude.
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00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:32,742
- Hey, Beavis.
- What?
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00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:36,276
If we got our own 900
number, it'd be like working.
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00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,013
That would suck.
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This is better.
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Maybe we'll hear some butt wind.
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That would be cool.
113
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,072
Shut up, Beavis.
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You're beginning to piss me off.
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They need to learn how to
hold the damn camera still.
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Yeah, really.
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00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,959
I'm sick of videos.
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00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:32,468
It's like, they have like,
all this fast camera crap.
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00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:37,104
And then it's like, they show some--
Whoa! Look what those chicks are doing!
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Where? Where?
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Where, Butt-Head?
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It's gone now, Beavis. You missed it.
123
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:49,880
Maybe they'll show it
again. That would be cool.
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00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,088
It looked cool.
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00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,486
But it's like...
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if they'd show that, like, the whole
time, then it would be pretty cool.
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00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:00,310
It's like, why don't they
just, like,
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00:10:00,311 --> 00:10:02,397
take the good part of the video and
then, like,
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00:10:02,397 --> 00:10:05,596
- make it longer.
- Whoa! Look at that!
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00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,140
It's two chicks making out! Look!
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00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,513
- They must be, like...
- Waitwaitwait, is she naked?
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00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,949
This video is turning out to be very cool!
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00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:25,553
They must be, like,
some of those "libyans".
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00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,018
Libyans are cool!
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00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:33,822
That was cool.
9780
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