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1
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Life goes on
2
00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:04,519
and so do we
3
00:00:04,554 --> 00:00:08,857
just how we do it
is no mystery
4
00:00:08,892 --> 00:00:10,725
One by one
5
00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:12,694
we fill the days
6
00:00:12,729 --> 00:00:17,365
we find a thousand
different ways
7
00:00:17,401 --> 00:00:21,603
Sometimes the answer
can be hard to find
8
00:00:21,638 --> 00:00:24,339
That's something
I will never be
9
00:00:24,374 --> 00:00:26,408
I'm always here
10
00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:30,578
for anything that you need
11
00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:32,647
Rain or shine
12
00:00:32,683 --> 00:00:34,883
I'll be the one
13
00:00:34,918 --> 00:00:39,421
to share it all
as life goes on
14
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:43,358
We share it all
15
00:00:43,393 --> 00:00:48,496
as life goes on
16
00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,387
daddy,
do you think Tony the tiger
17
00:01:04,422 --> 00:01:06,237
is nice or really stuck-up?
18
00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:11,057
For the last time, dear,
I don't know.
19
00:01:11,588 --> 00:01:13,168
Oh, daddy...
20
00:01:13,518 --> 00:01:17,000
I found this picture of me
when I was happy and innocent.
21
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:20,236
Carol, that's
a picture of your mother
22
00:01:20,272 --> 00:01:22,166
when she was pregnant with you.
23
00:01:23,008 --> 00:01:24,307
I know.
24
00:01:24,342 --> 00:01:26,470
Such carefree days.
25
00:01:27,012 --> 00:01:29,445
Oh, Carol, you do not remember
being in the womb.
26
00:01:29,481 --> 00:01:31,314
Yes, I do.
27
00:01:34,983 --> 00:01:36,219
It's amazing.
28
00:01:36,254 --> 00:01:38,888
She was annoying
even before she was born.
29
00:01:40,492 --> 00:01:42,859
Hey, look, here's the last
family portrait we took.
30
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,594
Look at how old it is.
31
00:01:44,629 --> 00:01:46,029
It's not so long ago.
32
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,865
Daddy, we're standing
in front of the bomb shelter.
33
00:01:50,268 --> 00:01:52,635
You know, we really should
have another portrait made,
34
00:01:52,671 --> 00:01:55,204
something that shows
how close we are as a family,
35
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,906
how much we all love each other.
36
00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:58,641
Honey,
what about your sister Emily?
37
00:01:58,677 --> 00:02:00,009
She can't get away from school.
38
00:02:00,045 --> 00:02:02,521
To hell with Emily...
Not here, not in it.
39
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:06,115
This is gonna be so much fun.
40
00:02:06,151 --> 00:02:07,984
Daddy, I'll take care
of all the arrangements.
41
00:02:08,019 --> 00:02:09,152
Fine.
42
00:02:09,187 --> 00:02:11,152
Hello, loved ones.
43
00:02:11,489 --> 00:02:12,589
Carol.
44
00:02:15,193 --> 00:02:19,411
Harry, do you have
a trapeze I can borrow?
45
00:02:20,966 --> 00:02:23,032
What do you want
a trapeze for, Charley?
46
00:02:23,068 --> 00:02:25,004
It's date night.
47
00:02:27,484 --> 00:02:29,472
As a matter of fact,
I do have a trapeze,
48
00:02:29,507 --> 00:02:31,474
but unless it's
for legitimate circus work,
49
00:02:31,509 --> 00:02:32,915
can't have it.
50
00:02:33,178 --> 00:02:34,344
Fair enough.
51
00:02:34,379 --> 00:02:36,679
What are you guys up to?
Nothing.
52
00:02:36,715 --> 00:02:38,617
It's none of your business,
and we're not telling you.
53
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:41,465
Yeah, we're doing
another family portrait.
54
00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:43,302
Good, Barbara.
55
00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:45,922
Oh, boy. What should I wear?
56
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:48,491
Charley, you are not going
to be in our picture.
57
00:02:48,526 --> 00:02:50,393
Well, Harry,
aren't I a part of the family?
58
00:02:50,428 --> 00:02:52,562
Oh, uh, yeah.
59
00:02:52,597 --> 00:02:55,198
I'm just not sure we want
photographic evidence of that.
60
00:02:57,202 --> 00:02:58,768
Well, I'm out of here.
61
00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:00,470
Really?
Without mooching any food?
62
00:03:00,505 --> 00:03:02,271
I think I've taken too much
from you people
63
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,809
for too many years.
64
00:03:04,297 --> 00:03:05,847
Oh, just kidding.
65
00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:08,863
My date's buying dinner,
and I want to make sure
66
00:03:08,898 --> 00:03:10,331
the old stomach needle
is on empty.
67
00:03:10,366 --> 00:03:12,533
Oh, she's paying for dinner.
68
00:03:12,569 --> 00:03:14,969
The '90s... You got to love 'em.
69
00:03:15,004 --> 00:03:16,404
This gal's paying
for everything.
70
00:03:16,439 --> 00:03:17,772
And you know
what the best part is?
71
00:03:17,807 --> 00:03:18,807
What?
72
00:03:18,830 --> 00:03:20,808
This gal
is paying for everything.
73
00:03:27,083 --> 00:03:29,082
Oh.
74
00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:30,484
Oh, doctor's here.
75
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,587
Doctor, pick a number
between 1 and 50.
76
00:03:32,622 --> 00:03:34,540
Okay, 50.
77
00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:38,081
Doctor says take
50 teaspoons 50 times a day.
78
00:03:39,251 --> 00:03:40,450
No, Laverne!
79
00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:41,651
I'm just kidding.
80
00:03:41,687 --> 00:03:44,020
It's lurlene a-shoppin'
for lottery numbers.
81
00:03:44,056 --> 00:03:48,191
Oh, Laurie! How are you, kiddo?
82
00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:49,960
Other than the fact
that I hate my life,
83
00:03:49,995 --> 00:03:52,028
things are swell.
84
00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:54,123
So it's kind of
a mixed bag, huh?
85
00:03:54,149 --> 00:03:55,234
Come.
86
00:03:56,502 --> 00:03:58,234
All right, so...
87
00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:00,340
What's up?
88
00:04:00,587 --> 00:04:02,806
Oh, come on, doc,
don't tell me you can't tell.
89
00:04:02,841 --> 00:04:05,007
It's as plain
as the nose on my face.
90
00:04:06,352 --> 00:04:07,377
I'm stumped.
91
00:04:07,412 --> 00:04:09,246
Okay, let me rephrase that.
92
00:04:09,281 --> 00:04:12,618
It's as plain as the big,
huge schnoz-ola on my face.
93
00:04:12,784 --> 00:04:16,253
I'm guessing this has
something to do with your nose?
94
00:04:16,288 --> 00:04:18,371
I hate it. It's ruining my life.
95
00:04:18,824 --> 00:04:20,669
I want to get a nose job.
96
00:04:22,227 --> 00:04:23,627
Wait, wait, wait.
97
00:04:23,662 --> 00:04:25,529
I can't... i can't believe
what I'm hearing here.
98
00:04:25,564 --> 00:04:27,531
Have... have you discussed this
with your folks?
99
00:04:27,566 --> 00:04:29,065
Yeah, and they said
it's up to me,
100
00:04:29,101 --> 00:04:30,800
but that I should discuss it
with you first.
101
00:04:30,836 --> 00:04:32,936
Okay, then let's us
discuss it here.
102
00:04:32,971 --> 00:04:34,271
Now, how is it ruining
your life, dear?
103
00:04:34,306 --> 00:04:35,672
I mean,
you've got lots of friends.
104
00:04:35,707 --> 00:04:38,141
You do very well in school.
You want examples?
105
00:04:38,176 --> 00:04:40,043
How about my not making
the cheer-leading squad?
106
00:04:40,078 --> 00:04:41,378
Laurie, you told me yourself.
107
00:04:41,413 --> 00:04:44,395
You fell off the human pyramid
and knocked out a judge.
108
00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:47,851
Come on, your nose
had nothing to do with that.
109
00:04:47,886 --> 00:04:50,687
Fine.
So I'm a complete klutz too.
110
00:04:50,722 --> 00:04:53,223
Any way you slice it, doc,
my life stinks.
111
00:04:53,258 --> 00:04:54,858
So we've discussed it.
I'm doing it.
112
00:04:54,893 --> 00:04:56,693
Now, can you recommend
a good plastic surgeon?
113
00:04:56,728 --> 00:04:58,128
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
114
00:04:58,163 --> 00:04:59,696
Come on, wait, wait.
Back up here.
115
00:04:59,731 --> 00:05:01,298
I don't...
I don't get this at all.
116
00:05:01,333 --> 00:05:04,868
I mean, what I see in front
of me is a perfectly fine nose
117
00:05:04,903 --> 00:05:06,403
with an even finer person
118
00:05:06,438 --> 00:05:08,705
exactly the right distance
behind it.
119
00:05:08,740 --> 00:05:10,373
No offense, doc,
120
00:05:10,409 --> 00:05:12,909
but I don't really care
what anybody else thinks.
121
00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:14,110
It's what I think.
122
00:05:14,146 --> 00:05:16,112
And I think
it makes me feel gross,
123
00:05:16,148 --> 00:05:17,747
you know, really self-conscious.
124
00:05:17,783 --> 00:05:19,883
And if I can change that,
why shouldn't I?
125
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:22,854
Well, I can see
there's nothing I can say
126
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,649
that's gonna change
your mind, but...
127
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:29,591
Perhaps Mr. Lincoln will be
a little more persuasive.
128
00:05:30,425 --> 00:05:32,542
This is getting weird, doc.
129
00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:34,331
What's the point?
130
00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:36,767
The point is what you have there
131
00:05:36,802 --> 00:05:38,002
is a beautiful nose.
132
00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:40,437
This guy, on the other hand,
has a real honk.
133
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,705
Look at that.
134
00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:43,607
Here, look at him.
Look... look at him on a penny.
135
00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:46,243
Here, in profile,
it's even worse.
136
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,746
I don't want to save the union.
137
00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:50,614
I just want to be pretty.
138
00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:52,483
Honey, you already are pretty.
139
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:55,454
All right, come on, listen,
do me a favor, dear, please.
140
00:05:55,493 --> 00:05:57,521
You, uh, give this
a few more days thought,
141
00:05:57,557 --> 00:06:00,904
and then you're gonna find out
that I am absolutely right
142
00:06:00,926 --> 00:06:02,192
about this nose job.
143
00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:04,294
Okay, I guess
a few more days won't hurt.
144
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,196
It'll give me time
to pick my new one.
145
00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:07,698
Get it?
146
00:06:08,626 --> 00:06:11,368
- Bye, Laverne.
- Bye, hon.
147
00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:14,738
Laverne, I don't know
what to tell her.
148
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,640
I mean, she's convinced
she needs a nose job.
149
00:06:16,675 --> 00:06:18,709
Can you believe that? Oh, sure.
150
00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:20,911
I know just how she feels.
151
00:06:20,946 --> 00:06:23,313
My big old ears have been
the burr in my saddle
152
00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:25,215
since I's a child.
153
00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:27,885
Laverne, your ears aren't big.
154
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,866
Oh, please,
if they could flap, I could fly.
155
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:35,726
Stop staring at 'em.
156
00:06:35,761 --> 00:06:37,622
I wasn't.
157
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,463
But, I mean,
I still don't understand
158
00:06:39,498 --> 00:06:42,065
why anybody wants to
arbitrarily change their body.
159
00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:43,400
Oh, come on.
160
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:45,436
Don't tell me you wouldn't like
some collagen
161
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:47,581
pumped into them bird legs
of yourn.
162
00:06:53,894 --> 00:06:55,727
Hi. Girls, I need a little help.
163
00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:58,597
I have a tough one on my hands.
Daddy, now's not a good time.
164
00:06:58,632 --> 00:07:00,265
I'm very preoccupied
with all the arrangements
165
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:01,533
for our family portrait.
166
00:07:01,568 --> 00:07:04,288
- It's about plastic surgery.
- Oh, really?
167
00:07:04,638 --> 00:07:06,204
Yes. One of my patients...
168
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,673
She's 15 years old,
bright, very attractive
169
00:07:08,709 --> 00:07:09,741
and, for some reason,
170
00:07:09,777 --> 00:07:11,309
has her mind set
on getting a nose job.
171
00:07:11,345 --> 00:07:13,178
She wants me to recommend
a plastic surgeon.
172
00:07:13,213 --> 00:07:15,046
Oh, daddy,
do you know a good one?
173
00:07:15,082 --> 00:07:17,450
Because I would love
to get my butt done.
174
00:07:19,853 --> 00:07:21,386
Carol,
what are you talking about?
175
00:07:21,422 --> 00:07:24,739
I'm talking about picking
the damn thing up off the floor.
176
00:07:26,406 --> 00:07:28,927
Carol, you have a lovely...
177
00:07:31,331 --> 00:07:33,509
Don't make me say this.
178
00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:36,101
Barbara, tell her, please.
179
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:37,764
Barbara!
180
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:38,904
Daddy, what do you think
181
00:07:38,939 --> 00:07:40,572
I'd look like
with Carly Simon's lips?
182
00:07:40,607 --> 00:07:42,307
You'd look fine, dear.
183
00:07:42,342 --> 00:07:44,276
She'd look a little weird.
184
00:07:44,311 --> 00:07:46,678
You know,
I've always hated my lips.
185
00:07:46,713 --> 00:07:48,447
Barbara, there's nothing
wrong with your lips!
186
00:07:48,482 --> 00:07:50,148
I can't believe what I'm hearing
from you two.
187
00:07:50,184 --> 00:07:51,683
Oh, right, daddy,
188
00:07:51,718 --> 00:07:53,885
like you wouldn't mind having
some meat on those legs.
189
00:07:56,419 --> 00:07:57,735
This is incredible!
190
00:07:57,763 --> 00:08:00,358
Everybody's got a part of their
body they're obsessed with.
191
00:08:10,237 --> 00:08:11,603
Sorry.
192
00:08:11,638 --> 00:08:14,206
I thought my co-anchorman
was making a cameo appearance.
193
00:08:16,243 --> 00:08:18,777
Charley, what do you think
of plastic surgery?
194
00:08:18,812 --> 00:08:20,312
Well, if you're talking
about women,
195
00:08:20,347 --> 00:08:24,032
I will always vote yes
on proposition big ones.
196
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,118
Charley, will you never grow up?
197
00:08:27,154 --> 00:08:28,887
Come on, Barbara.
I'll pull your lips out,
198
00:08:28,922 --> 00:08:31,437
you hold my butt up,
and we'll go see how we look.
199
00:08:32,159 --> 00:08:33,370
Okay.
200
00:08:34,194 --> 00:08:35,694
No, no, no, no, no, don't.
201
00:08:35,729 --> 00:08:37,009
Why don't you...?
202
00:08:37,303 --> 00:08:40,031
Tell me how things are going
with this new lady friend.
203
00:08:40,067 --> 00:08:41,299
Oh, great.
204
00:08:41,335 --> 00:08:43,502
Our dinner the other night
was really special.
205
00:08:43,537 --> 00:08:45,737
She took me out
to a four-star restaurant.
206
00:08:45,772 --> 00:08:47,606
Then she gave me an Armani suit.
207
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,075
She's very generous.
208
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:51,409
Oh, you don't know
the half of it.
209
00:08:51,445 --> 00:08:52,744
After our dinner date
last night,
210
00:08:52,779 --> 00:08:54,546
she gave me
this diamond pinkie ring.
211
00:08:54,581 --> 00:08:56,974
Look, Harry, shiny!
212
00:08:59,152 --> 00:09:01,386
Charley, uh, these gifts...
213
00:09:01,421 --> 00:09:03,221
She just gives them to you?
214
00:09:03,257 --> 00:09:04,303
No, no, no, no.
215
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,135
First, she takes me out.
216
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:09,574
Then we go home,
and I express my gratitude.
217
00:09:10,275 --> 00:09:11,974
Then she gives me stuff.
218
00:09:15,947 --> 00:09:17,346
But you would still go out
with her
219
00:09:17,382 --> 00:09:19,448
even if she
didn't buy you things?
220
00:09:19,484 --> 00:09:22,184
Well, let's just say... No.
221
00:09:24,055 --> 00:09:26,289
Charley, I am
very disappointed in you.
222
00:09:26,324 --> 00:09:27,564
I mean, you're a lot of things,
223
00:09:27,592 --> 00:09:29,225
but I never
thought of you as a...
224
00:09:29,260 --> 00:09:30,293
Gigolo.
225
00:09:30,916 --> 00:09:32,571
What's a gigolo?
226
00:09:33,131 --> 00:09:35,865
That's a man
with so little self-respect,
227
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:38,268
he lets women pay him for sex.
228
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:42,362
All right!
229
00:09:56,641 --> 00:09:58,441
Okay, Laverne, who's next?
230
00:09:58,766 --> 00:09:59,909
I'll tell you,
231
00:09:59,945 --> 00:10:02,581
as soon as you stop
staring at my ears.
232
00:10:03,582 --> 00:10:06,282
All right, Laverne, if it'll
make you feel any better,
233
00:10:06,318 --> 00:10:08,451
from now on, I will talk to you
from the other room.
234
00:10:08,487 --> 00:10:11,985
Oh, right, like they're
so big, I must hear well?
235
00:10:13,592 --> 00:10:15,289
You are vicious.
236
00:10:17,095 --> 00:10:18,728
- Hi, Dr. Weston.
- Hi. Come here.
237
00:10:18,764 --> 00:10:20,764
Laurie dear, please, come in.
238
00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:23,700
Well, doc, I've been thinking
239
00:10:23,735 --> 00:10:25,769
about the nose job
like you said.
240
00:10:25,804 --> 00:10:27,103
Oh, good girl!
241
00:10:27,139 --> 00:10:28,705
So now you realize
your nose is great,
242
00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:29,773
no need to change it.
243
00:10:29,808 --> 00:10:31,608
No, doc. My mind's made up.
244
00:10:31,643 --> 00:10:33,009
I got to be honest with you.
245
00:10:33,896 --> 00:10:36,863
Funny you should bring up
honesty, because...
246
00:10:37,249 --> 00:10:38,348
No one was more honest
247
00:10:38,383 --> 00:10:41,184
than our 16th president,
Abraham Lincoln.
248
00:10:42,454 --> 00:10:44,265
Let it die, man.
249
00:10:45,090 --> 00:10:46,723
Laurie dear, you know, I mean,
250
00:10:46,758 --> 00:10:48,558
there are times
when plastic surgery
251
00:10:48,593 --> 00:10:51,127
can be a good thing...
This is not one of them.
252
00:10:52,423 --> 00:10:54,097
Sweetheart, you're beautiful,
253
00:10:54,132 --> 00:10:56,866
and to make such an unnecessary
change is just crazy.
254
00:10:56,902 --> 00:10:58,501
No, it's not.
255
00:10:58,537 --> 00:10:59,836
Don't you understand?
256
00:10:59,871 --> 00:11:01,070
I'll have more friends.
257
00:11:01,106 --> 00:11:02,906
I'll be able
to date a lot of guys,
258
00:11:02,941 --> 00:11:04,207
and I'll be really popular.
259
00:11:04,242 --> 00:11:05,661
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
260
00:11:06,086 --> 00:11:07,510
What you're looking
to get out of this
261
00:11:07,546 --> 00:11:10,094
is not just a new nose,
but a new life.
262
00:11:11,033 --> 00:11:12,290
Maybe I am.
263
00:11:12,584 --> 00:11:14,751
Honey, it just
doesn't work that way.
264
00:11:14,786 --> 00:11:15,852
Honey, it just doesn't.
265
00:11:15,887 --> 00:11:17,620
Believe me, if you do this,
266
00:11:17,656 --> 00:11:19,956
you're setting yourself up
for a very big disappointment.
267
00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:22,759
I know you mean well,
doc, but...
268
00:11:22,794 --> 00:11:24,661
It's hard to take advice
on looks from a guy
269
00:11:24,696 --> 00:11:27,063
who's willing to go
through life with those legs.
270
00:11:35,173 --> 00:11:36,773
They're fine!
271
00:11:40,979 --> 00:11:44,047
Dreyfuss,
fetch me the hope diamond.
272
00:11:46,887 --> 00:11:48,718
I figure once in your life,
you're gonna obey me.
273
00:11:48,753 --> 00:11:50,885
Why blow it on a tennis ball?
274
00:11:52,257 --> 00:11:53,489
No.
275
00:11:53,525 --> 00:11:55,825
Daddy, would you tell Carol
it is ridiculous for her
276
00:11:55,861 --> 00:11:58,328
to pose with a watering can
in our family portrait?
277
00:11:58,363 --> 00:12:00,263
Daddy, she just doesn't
understand portraiture.
278
00:12:00,298 --> 00:12:02,866
For centuries,
it's been de rigueur
279
00:12:02,901 --> 00:12:05,635
to pose with a prop that is
representative of who you are.
280
00:12:05,670 --> 00:12:07,717
Then why don't you
just hold a big nut?
281
00:12:11,543 --> 00:12:13,176
This can holds water,
282
00:12:13,211 --> 00:12:15,144
which provides sustenance
to the earth,
283
00:12:15,180 --> 00:12:18,448
just as I provide emotional
sustenance to our family.
284
00:12:18,483 --> 00:12:20,516
Daddy, will you tell her
she's out of her mind?
285
00:12:20,552 --> 00:12:22,018
Well, honey,
it's a little harsh to...
286
00:12:22,053 --> 00:12:23,631
here's your prop, daddy.
287
00:12:26,892 --> 00:12:28,877
Are you out of your mind?
288
00:12:30,528 --> 00:12:32,044
Hi, westons.
289
00:12:32,230 --> 00:12:33,551
Hey, Harry.
290
00:12:34,232 --> 00:12:35,614
Lose another one?
291
00:12:36,635 --> 00:12:37,883
Charley.
292
00:12:38,336 --> 00:12:41,804
Oh, I see...
Props for our portrait.
293
00:12:42,273 --> 00:12:44,015
So, uh, what's my prop?
294
00:12:44,042 --> 00:12:45,742
You don't have a prop, Charley.
295
00:12:45,777 --> 00:12:47,477
You are not going to be
in our picture.
296
00:12:47,512 --> 00:12:48,711
Big mistake...
297
00:12:48,747 --> 00:12:50,813
The camera loves the dietzter.
298
00:12:50,849 --> 00:12:54,134
Anyway, notice anything
different about me?
299
00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:56,853
Charley dietz swings into spring
300
00:12:56,888 --> 00:12:59,255
in this stunning ensemble
that's guaranteed to turn heads
301
00:12:59,291 --> 00:13:02,204
from rodeo drive
to the champs-elysees.
302
00:13:03,561 --> 00:13:05,228
Nice outfit, Charley.
303
00:13:05,263 --> 00:13:07,815
Where'd you get it,
the big and tall moron shop?
304
00:13:09,935 --> 00:13:11,167
No.
305
00:13:11,202 --> 00:13:14,597
Got it from my girlfriend,
the love of my life...
306
00:13:15,941 --> 00:13:18,207
Uh...
307
00:13:18,243 --> 00:13:19,865
Paula.
308
00:13:21,913 --> 00:13:23,079
This is incredible.
309
00:13:23,114 --> 00:13:25,181
People should pay you
to stay away.
310
00:13:25,216 --> 00:13:26,897
People do.
311
00:13:27,786 --> 00:13:29,285
I get them coming and going.
312
00:13:29,321 --> 00:13:30,934
It's kind of
a full-service thing.
313
00:13:31,456 --> 00:13:34,157
Charley, I just can't believe
you're doing this.
314
00:13:34,192 --> 00:13:35,525
I don't either.
315
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,160
It's... it's kind of
like being on a game show,
316
00:13:37,195 --> 00:13:40,496
and the prizes just keep
getting better and better.
317
00:13:40,532 --> 00:13:43,700
And, Harry,
I just won the jackpot.
318
00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:46,636
Tell Charley what he's won,
don pardo.
319
00:13:46,671 --> 00:13:47,937
Well, wink,
320
00:13:47,973 --> 00:13:49,339
Charley will be enjoying
321
00:13:49,374 --> 00:13:53,409
an all-expense-paid
one-way trip to Bermuda,
322
00:13:53,445 --> 00:13:55,278
where he will be kept
in the manner
323
00:13:55,313 --> 00:13:58,534
he's quickly
becoming accustomed to.
324
00:13:59,217 --> 00:14:01,317
Wait a second, Charley.
This woman wants to pay you
325
00:14:01,353 --> 00:14:03,619
to live with her in Bermuda?
Correct, Barbara.
326
00:14:03,655 --> 00:14:07,006
Would you like to try
famous gigolos for $500?
327
00:14:08,093 --> 00:14:09,225
Charley, if you do this,
328
00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:11,294
how can you look
at yourself in the mirror?
329
00:14:11,329 --> 00:14:13,887
You mean my new mirror?
330
00:14:14,666 --> 00:14:16,599
I don't know, Charley.
It doesn't seem like you
331
00:14:16,634 --> 00:14:18,034
to be at a woman's
Beck and call.
332
00:14:18,069 --> 00:14:19,569
I don't see it that way.
333
00:14:22,574 --> 00:14:25,008
Oh, that's her. I got to run.
334
00:14:27,326 --> 00:14:30,659
She gets furious
if I'm not there when she becks.
335
00:14:41,774 --> 00:14:43,841
Doc, what are you doing here?
336
00:14:43,876 --> 00:14:47,044
Don't tell me you've come to see
the wizard of schnoz.
337
00:14:48,981 --> 00:14:50,481
How do you like this nose?
338
00:14:50,516 --> 00:14:53,250
Honey, I just want to talk
to you one more time
339
00:14:53,286 --> 00:14:54,451
to try to convince you
340
00:14:54,487 --> 00:14:56,287
how meaningless
and superficial all this is.
341
00:14:56,322 --> 00:15:00,024
Plastic surgery
can never... Ever...
342
00:15:04,630 --> 00:15:06,664
I'm sorry. You were saying?
343
00:15:08,835 --> 00:15:10,201
You were talking.
344
00:15:10,236 --> 00:15:12,503
Oh, uh, yes, right, right.
345
00:15:12,538 --> 00:15:15,072
This obsession
with looks is wrong, dear.
346
00:15:15,107 --> 00:15:17,875
It's what's inside
a person that...
347
00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:20,344
Counts.
348
00:15:23,950 --> 00:15:25,923
Sorry. I interrupted you.
349
00:15:26,485 --> 00:15:28,385
No, you were talking.
350
00:15:28,421 --> 00:15:30,487
Still? Uh...
351
00:15:30,523 --> 00:15:33,591
Yeah, you were saying
something about what's inside?
352
00:15:33,626 --> 00:15:35,226
Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
353
00:15:35,261 --> 00:15:36,961
Um, look, sweetheart, uh...
354
00:15:36,996 --> 00:15:38,329
I don't know if you noticed,
355
00:15:38,364 --> 00:15:40,931
but a couple of attractive women
just walked by.
356
00:15:40,967 --> 00:15:42,800
Now, I mean...
Okay, I mean, they look good,
357
00:15:42,835 --> 00:15:45,436
but what does that tell us
about who they really are?
358
00:15:45,471 --> 00:15:46,770
I mean, are they happy?
359
00:15:46,806 --> 00:15:49,540
I have lot of friends who...
360
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,246
I got to get out more often.
361
00:16:00,019 --> 00:16:01,937
Wow. Great nose.
362
00:16:02,030 --> 00:16:04,333
Excuse me, doc.
I'll be right back.
363
00:16:05,091 --> 00:16:06,626
- Hi.
- Hi.
364
00:16:06,762 --> 00:16:08,425
I don't mean
to be rude or anything,
365
00:16:08,461 --> 00:16:10,192
but that's one great nose.
366
00:16:10,216 --> 00:16:12,263
Oh, please. You can have it.
367
00:16:12,298 --> 00:16:13,898
It was supposed
to save my marriage.
368
00:16:13,933 --> 00:16:15,799
I even had my eyes done.
369
00:16:15,835 --> 00:16:17,735
Can you believe it?
He left me anyway.
370
00:16:17,770 --> 00:16:20,070
Maybe it didn't have
anything to do with your eyes.
371
00:16:20,106 --> 00:16:22,439
Of course. That's obvious now.
372
00:16:22,475 --> 00:16:24,375
I don't know
what I was thinking.
373
00:16:24,410 --> 00:16:27,511
Clearly, the problem
all along was my cheekbones.
374
00:16:27,546 --> 00:16:29,546
Once I get those fixed,
375
00:16:29,582 --> 00:16:31,815
my life is definitely
gonna turn around.
376
00:16:31,851 --> 00:16:33,083
No offense,
377
00:16:33,119 --> 00:16:35,719
but have you ever thought
of seeing a therapist?
378
00:16:35,755 --> 00:16:37,563
I am a therapist.
379
00:16:37,957 --> 00:16:39,516
Excuse me.
380
00:16:39,926 --> 00:16:41,358
Okay.
381
00:16:43,195 --> 00:16:44,886
Doc, can you believe it?
382
00:16:45,631 --> 00:16:46,897
That woman actually thought
383
00:16:46,933 --> 00:16:49,500
that changing her body
would make her life better.
384
00:16:49,535 --> 00:16:51,635
Gee, somebody should have set
her straight.
385
00:16:51,671 --> 00:16:53,003
Yeah.
386
00:16:53,039 --> 00:16:56,379
Obviously, she's got
a really lousy pediatrician.
387
00:16:59,145 --> 00:17:02,246
You know, not only are you
a beautiful young lady,
388
00:17:02,281 --> 00:17:03,580
but you're pretty smart.
389
00:17:03,616 --> 00:17:05,449
Come on, I'll spring for a soda.
390
00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:07,518
Doc, please, let me pay.
391
00:17:07,553 --> 00:17:09,253
Oh, that's very sweet of you.
392
00:17:09,288 --> 00:17:10,587
Not so sweet.
393
00:17:10,623 --> 00:17:11,755
I don't want to run any risk
394
00:17:11,791 --> 00:17:13,757
of hearing that stupid
Lincoln story again.
395
00:17:22,568 --> 00:17:23,740
Dreyfuss...
396
00:17:23,805 --> 00:17:26,139
Rid the world
of nuclear weapons.
397
00:17:29,085 --> 00:17:30,580
Good boy!
398
00:17:33,123 --> 00:17:35,456
Well, buddy, I guess this is it.
399
00:17:35,492 --> 00:17:37,091
I came to say good-bye,
400
00:17:37,127 --> 00:17:39,352
or as the French say...
401
00:17:39,930 --> 00:17:41,691
No, they just leave.
402
00:17:42,299 --> 00:17:43,832
Charley, for years now,
403
00:17:43,867 --> 00:17:45,867
you've been coming over here
and taking things.
404
00:17:45,902 --> 00:17:48,670
Please, this time,
take my advice.
405
00:17:48,705 --> 00:17:51,439
Okay, but Paula's coming over,
so make it fast.
406
00:17:51,474 --> 00:17:54,042
All right,
now, just listen very closely.
407
00:17:54,077 --> 00:17:55,910
I see two Charley dietzes...
408
00:17:55,946 --> 00:17:57,779
The one who's here with me now
409
00:17:57,814 --> 00:17:59,675
and the one who could be.
410
00:18:00,183 --> 00:18:01,549
Could be what?
411
00:18:01,585 --> 00:18:03,585
That's the beauty...
412
00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:04,919
Anything he wants.
413
00:18:04,955 --> 00:18:06,621
President of the United States?
414
00:18:06,656 --> 00:18:07,689
No.
415
00:18:07,724 --> 00:18:10,191
- Vice president?
- Yes.
416
00:18:12,262 --> 00:18:15,063
Charley, in everyone's life,
there are defining moments.
417
00:18:15,098 --> 00:18:17,966
This, for you,
is one of those moments.
418
00:18:18,001 --> 00:18:20,568
The question is which
Charley dietz is gonna prevail...
419
00:18:20,604 --> 00:18:23,571
The one who opts
for the easy life in Bermuda
420
00:18:23,607 --> 00:18:26,341
or the one who makes
those difficult choices,
421
00:18:26,376 --> 00:18:29,944
who has dignity and integrity
and self-respect?
422
00:18:33,316 --> 00:18:35,397
That's her.
I told her I'd be here.
423
00:18:38,188 --> 00:18:39,587
Hello, Charley.
424
00:18:39,623 --> 00:18:40,855
Hello, Paula.
425
00:18:40,891 --> 00:18:42,423
This is my friend Harry.
426
00:18:42,459 --> 00:18:44,225
- Hello, Harry.
- Paula.
427
00:18:45,729 --> 00:18:47,662
Cute dog.
428
00:18:47,697 --> 00:18:49,397
How much?
429
00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:52,166
He's, uh... he's not for sale.
430
00:18:52,202 --> 00:18:54,669
Oh, one of those.
431
00:18:54,704 --> 00:18:57,805
Well, Charley, shall we?
432
00:18:57,841 --> 00:18:59,173
Charley...
433
00:18:59,209 --> 00:19:01,376
Harry says I shouldn't go.
434
00:19:01,411 --> 00:19:03,729
He says I should have more...
435
00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:07,048
What was that again?
436
00:19:07,083 --> 00:19:08,883
Integrity.
437
00:19:08,919 --> 00:19:10,318
Right.
438
00:19:10,353 --> 00:19:11,986
Integrity.
439
00:19:12,022 --> 00:19:13,221
Lovely.
440
00:19:13,256 --> 00:19:14,624
Shall we?
441
00:19:14,925 --> 00:19:17,091
I-I don't know.
442
00:19:17,127 --> 00:19:18,693
Good boy, Charles.
443
00:19:18,728 --> 00:19:20,194
I see you're confused.
444
00:19:20,230 --> 00:19:23,317
Would it help
if you had your own BMW?
445
00:19:25,101 --> 00:19:26,334
Dignity.
446
00:19:26,369 --> 00:19:30,863
Can dignity do zero to 60
in 6.2 seconds?
447
00:19:32,221 --> 00:19:34,552
It can do much more.
448
00:19:34,844 --> 00:19:37,602
How about your own sailboat?
449
00:19:39,538 --> 00:19:40,637
Self-respect.
450
00:19:40,672 --> 00:19:42,205
Your own stock portfolio.
451
00:19:42,241 --> 00:19:44,243
- Virtue.
- A villa.
452
00:19:44,509 --> 00:19:46,441
Anything you want to be.
453
00:19:48,319 --> 00:19:50,287
Well, Charley?
454
00:19:54,386 --> 00:19:55,731
Go away.
455
00:19:57,207 --> 00:19:58,355
Very well.
456
00:19:58,390 --> 00:20:00,724
But if you think I'm leaving
without my things,
457
00:20:00,759 --> 00:20:02,859
you are grotesquely naive.
458
00:20:02,895 --> 00:20:05,295
Give me back
my cashmere sweater...
459
00:20:11,570 --> 00:20:14,079
And the Gucci loafers...
460
00:20:17,075 --> 00:20:19,181
The linen slacks...
461
00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:27,021
The rolex...
462
00:20:30,617 --> 00:20:32,122
And the pinkie ring.
463
00:20:32,157 --> 00:20:33,857
Oh, no, not the pinkie ring.
464
00:20:33,892 --> 00:20:35,425
I love the pinkie ring.
465
00:20:35,460 --> 00:20:37,484
Good-bye, Charley.
466
00:20:44,102 --> 00:20:46,540
This is a man with dignity!
467
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:52,862
Get in here.
468
00:20:59,084 --> 00:21:00,317
There you go.
469
00:21:00,352 --> 00:21:01,484
Okay.
470
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:02,552
Everybody ready?
471
00:21:02,587 --> 00:21:03,620
Ready!
472
00:21:03,655 --> 00:21:04,889
On three.
473
00:21:05,424 --> 00:21:08,024
One, two, three...
474
00:21:08,060 --> 00:21:09,621
Smile!
475
00:21:09,671 --> 00:21:14,221
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