Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,927 --> 00:00:05,294
Come on, man. I've shown you
this like, a million times.
2
00:00:06,219 --> 00:00:09,399
Look, pretty much, the
entire backbone of ska music
3
00:00:09,424 --> 00:00:11,524
is upstrokes on the offbeat, right?
4
00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:13,446
That's ska music.
5
00:00:15,370 --> 00:00:16,997
I don't even know what ska is.
6
00:00:17,064 --> 00:00:18,698
Can we learn the Lumineers
or Kurt Vile,
7
00:00:18,734 --> 00:00:20,600
'cause that's what's cool right now.
8
00:00:20,675 --> 00:00:22,868
Parker, you're in seventh grade.
You don't know what's cool.
9
00:00:22,893 --> 00:00:23,986
Everyone around you
is getting blown up
10
00:00:24,011 --> 00:00:25,041
on exploding hover boards.
11
00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:26,660
Yeah, but the lucky ones
get settlements.
12
00:00:26,685 --> 00:00:28,312
Look, Aunt Renee
says you wanna be
13
00:00:28,337 --> 00:00:29,586
a professional musician, right?
14
00:00:29,611 --> 00:00:31,546
- Yeah.
- This song can be your ticket in.
15
00:00:31,571 --> 00:00:34,061
My new dad Rodney is a lawyer
for a big music label,
16
00:00:34,086 --> 00:00:35,842
and that's gonna be my ticket in.
17
00:00:35,867 --> 00:00:37,169
Parker, come on.
18
00:00:37,194 --> 00:00:40,162
No one in life is just gonna hand
you stuff. You gotta earn it.
19
00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:41,488
Unless you're a beautiful woman;
20
00:00:41,513 --> 00:00:42,722
that advice doesn't
apply to you.
21
00:00:42,747 --> 00:00:45,042
Parker, you have to work
hard and earn it,
22
00:00:45,073 --> 00:00:46,895
like Benji, who lives with his brother,
23
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,887
and sells his dad's
old golf clubs on eBay.
24
00:00:48,912 --> 00:00:50,862
I'm giving a guitar lesson right now.
25
00:00:50,887 --> 00:00:52,087
I'm making money; I'm an earner.
26
00:00:52,112 --> 00:00:53,533
I'm an earner.
27
00:00:53,735 --> 00:00:55,883
- Look at this.
- Ugh.
28
00:00:55,908 --> 00:00:58,595
So viscous. Is that upstairs
slime or downstairs slime?
29
00:00:58,620 --> 00:01:00,264
I don't know what you mean by that,
30
00:01:00,289 --> 00:01:02,508
but clearly, you're out of
touch with important trends.
31
00:01:02,533 --> 00:01:04,301
People are paying big bucks
for small batches
32
00:01:04,326 --> 00:01:06,005
of homemade slime on Etsy,
33
00:01:06,095 --> 00:01:08,295
and you're damn straight your
girl's gettin' in the game.
34
00:01:08,323 --> 00:01:09,910
I think this is the right viscosity,
35
00:01:09,935 --> 00:01:12,594
but Parker, does this look
like kids will like it?
36
00:01:12,621 --> 00:01:15,031
Uhh... Yeah. Yeah,
you're getting there.
37
00:01:15,531 --> 00:01:17,925
I didn't know you were profiting
off your retainer scrapings.
38
00:01:17,950 --> 00:01:20,012
It's very "using every
part of the buffalo" of you.
39
00:01:20,037 --> 00:01:21,404
- Thank you.
- What's your plan?
40
00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:23,389
- What are you saving money for?
- Rhianna tickets.
41
00:01:23,414 --> 00:01:25,375
She's a dancer-entrepreneur
icon like myself,
42
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:26,599
so we have to support each other.
43
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:28,561
Yeah-yeah, Rhianna needs
your support, totally.
44
00:01:28,770 --> 00:01:30,980
All right, so, with this ska stuff...
45
00:01:31,005 --> 00:01:33,005
Don't teach him your ska music.
46
00:01:33,281 --> 00:01:34,480
Parker, listen to me.
47
00:01:34,576 --> 00:01:36,014
You need to learn about cool stuff
48
00:01:36,039 --> 00:01:38,762
like podcasts about unsolved murders.
49
00:01:38,815 --> 00:01:40,952
Look, this song is cool.
50
00:01:40,977 --> 00:01:43,678
I wrote it for my high school ska
band, the Ska-nold Trumpets.
51
00:01:43,752 --> 00:01:46,126
That was before ska and Donald
Trump got super embarrassing,
52
00:01:46,151 --> 00:01:47,765
and were only, like,
kind of embarrassing.
53
00:01:47,789 --> 00:01:49,556
Wait. You wrote that?
54
00:01:49,591 --> 00:01:51,086
I didn't know you had any talent.
55
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,530
The truth is that ska
used to be really popular,
56
00:01:53,555 --> 00:01:55,421
and it's probably gonna
be popular again.
57
00:01:55,564 --> 00:01:57,480
The music industry
works in cycles, right?
58
00:01:57,593 --> 00:01:59,579
Like how Selena Gomez
is really just J.Lo
59
00:01:59,604 --> 00:02:00,686
without the ability to sing or dance.
60
00:02:00,711 --> 00:02:02,953
- Don't. Don't do this.
- What?
61
00:02:02,978 --> 00:02:04,033
Take it back.
62
00:02:04,058 --> 00:02:05,138
- Take what back?
- Take back
63
00:02:05,163 --> 00:02:06,532
what you said about Selena, okay?
64
00:02:06,557 --> 00:02:08,664
- It's unacceptable.
- She seems like a nice girl,
65
00:02:08,689 --> 00:02:10,689
and she's pretty,
but she's not talented.
66
00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:11,814
Okay, I will walk out that door
67
00:02:11,839 --> 00:02:13,030
and you will never see me again.
68
00:02:13,061 --> 00:02:14,255
This is why Bieber left her.
69
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,359
He didn't leave her.
She upgraded to The Weekend.
70
00:02:17,451 --> 00:02:18,899
Know your stuff, man.
71
00:02:18,924 --> 00:02:20,291
There's no upgrade after Bieber.
72
00:02:20,316 --> 00:02:21,565
No one likes Bieber, okay?
73
00:02:21,590 --> 00:02:23,551
- You can have Bieber.
- Everyone likes Bieber.
74
00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:24,729
You can go get Bieber.
You and Bieber
75
00:02:24,754 --> 00:02:26,401
will be by yourself
on an island.
76
00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:28,891
Fine. I wanna be on
an island with Bieber.
77
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:31,269
- Yeah, me, too.
- We'll collab and stuff.
78
00:02:34,848 --> 00:02:35,888
Okay, so...
79
00:02:35,931 --> 00:02:37,797
Take your index finger
and put it on the third fret.
80
00:02:37,822 --> 00:02:39,042
Parker, time to go.
81
00:02:39,067 --> 00:02:41,422
We have the chef coming tonight,
he's making paella.
82
00:02:41,447 --> 00:02:43,807
His paella tastes like dog dingus.
83
00:02:43,832 --> 00:02:45,589
Okay, in the car now,
84
00:02:45,614 --> 00:02:47,891
or you can just forget about
your video game camp.
85
00:02:47,916 --> 00:02:49,759
It's a Call of Duty tournament.
86
00:02:50,297 --> 00:02:52,367
For the millionth time.
87
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:55,346
You can tell we're related
by how angry yet coddled he is.
88
00:02:55,371 --> 00:02:57,018
Are you coming to the bar
mitzvah this weekend?
89
00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:58,306
It's a music theme.
90
00:02:58,331 --> 00:03:00,711
Yes, I'm gonna be there. My mom
will kill me if I don't go.
91
00:03:00,901 --> 00:03:02,986
Bar mitzvahs have gotten so elaborate.
92
00:03:03,011 --> 00:03:07,583
All of his friends have music
videos and home movies.
93
00:03:07,608 --> 00:03:09,604
Do you know anyone
with music video experience?
94
00:03:09,629 --> 00:03:12,174
Ohw, well, I make memes
and GIF's all day.
95
00:03:12,199 --> 00:03:13,580
I could make a music video.
96
00:03:13,605 --> 00:03:14,625
And I already
taught him a really
97
00:03:14,650 --> 00:03:16,139
great song today.
We're good to go.
98
00:03:16,164 --> 00:03:18,548
That's terrific. I will, of
course, cover all the costs.
99
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,440
Wow. Thanks.
100
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,525
Renee, I'm so glad I caught you.
101
00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:24,017
I just wanted to let you know
102
00:03:24,042 --> 00:03:26,108
that I am available for babysitting,
103
00:03:26,133 --> 00:03:29,422
and have very competitive rates,
and I'm open to negotiation.
104
00:03:29,447 --> 00:03:31,582
Okay, I have a spin class.
105
00:03:32,251 --> 00:03:33,839
"I have spin class."
106
00:03:33,864 --> 00:03:35,827
That's how bored housewives
get away from you.
107
00:03:35,852 --> 00:03:39,028
Ugh! God, I'm busting my ass
making slime.
108
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,239
I gotta get back into
nannying for rich families.
109
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,530
I mean, that's where the money is.
110
00:03:42,577 --> 00:03:45,034
I know. Rich people fridges
are the best.
111
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:47,090
They always have
small-batch nut butters.
112
00:03:47,115 --> 00:03:48,759
I once went to
this billionaire's house.
113
00:03:48,784 --> 00:03:51,360
He had pistachio butter. Like,
what is that? My mind was blown.
114
00:03:51,385 --> 00:03:53,963
Oh, my God. That sounds so gross.
115
00:03:53,988 --> 00:03:55,737
I wanna try pistachio butter.
116
00:03:55,762 --> 00:03:57,695
And don't ever look at my eyes
when you say nut butter.
117
00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:58,886
That was gross.
118
00:03:58,911 --> 00:04:00,220
You should help me
with the music video.
119
00:04:00,245 --> 00:04:02,379
What? You're really
considering doing that?
120
00:04:02,404 --> 00:04:05,339
Yeah. His new dad knows
so many record industry people.
121
00:04:05,433 --> 00:04:07,099
Industry people?
122
00:04:07,124 --> 00:04:09,090
Me likey the sound of that.
123
00:04:10,691 --> 00:04:12,591
I'm working on my Italian accent.
124
00:04:13,027 --> 00:04:16,177
Buenos noches. Buenos Aires.
125
00:04:16,221 --> 00:04:19,696
Dude, if my music video crushes
in front of those people,
126
00:04:19,721 --> 00:04:21,176
who knows what could happen.
127
00:04:21,201 --> 00:04:24,511
I might reawaken ska for a whole
new generation of music fans.
128
00:04:24,619 --> 00:04:27,353
Oh, Benji. Maybe.
129
00:04:27,888 --> 00:04:30,120
If you help me,
I'll work you into budget.
130
00:04:30,191 --> 00:04:32,002
Aunt Renee's paying for everything.
131
00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:35,027
I'll say you're a stand-in
for a top-heavy young boy.
132
00:04:35,102 --> 00:04:36,507
Help you out with
those Rhianna tickets.
133
00:04:36,532 --> 00:04:38,040
I'll do it.
134
00:04:38,225 --> 00:04:40,816
But I have to see your directing
reel first obviously.
135
00:04:40,841 --> 00:04:41,974
Yeah, totally.
136
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:44,349
[SKA MUSIC PLAYS]
137
00:04:50,451 --> 00:04:54,353
? Now there's no place, ?
? no place like L.A. ?
138
00:04:56,491 --> 00:05:00,326
? No place, ?
? no place like L.A. ?
139
00:05:05,527 --> 00:05:08,628
[LAUGHTER]
140
00:05:11,358 --> 00:05:13,403
You said you wanted
to see my director's reel.
141
00:05:13,428 --> 00:05:15,261
I'm dying, and I'm fine with it.
142
00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:17,178
This is how I wanna go.
143
00:05:17,699 --> 00:05:19,532
Why are you dancing like that?
144
00:05:19,557 --> 00:05:21,958
It's like you're trying
to escape your lack of rhythm,
145
00:05:21,983 --> 00:05:24,050
but you just can't do it.
146
00:05:24,252 --> 00:05:26,216
Guys, this was cool back then.
147
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,153
[LAUGHTER]
148
00:05:28,449 --> 00:05:29,907
- Stop.
- No, please, please.
149
00:05:29,932 --> 00:05:31,298
I need to own this at all times.
150
00:05:31,619 --> 00:05:33,586
It's not fair to judge it
by today's standards.
151
00:05:33,654 --> 00:05:34,886
The production values are weak.
152
00:05:34,911 --> 00:05:37,754
I'm judging it by middle
school talent show standards,
153
00:05:37,779 --> 00:05:39,746
and it's terrible.
154
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:42,415
Oh, no. Oh, what happened there?
155
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:43,982
We never finished the video.
156
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,428
We couldn't decide on
a name for the album.
157
00:05:45,453 --> 00:05:46,956
They wanted to name it
Ska-lute Your Shorts,
158
00:05:46,981 --> 00:05:49,373
I wanted to name it Harry Potter
and the Ska-blet of Fire.
159
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,712
Stop laughing at me.
160
00:05:51,845 --> 00:05:54,385
Oh, man, I could see
how that would really
161
00:05:54,410 --> 00:05:55,478
tear the band apart...
162
00:05:55,503 --> 00:05:57,636
Those two red-hot options there.
163
00:05:58,011 --> 00:06:00,248
Guys, this was a dark time for me.
164
00:06:00,334 --> 00:06:02,716
I had to quit the band
for creative reasons,
165
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,629
and my song never got out there.
166
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:05,998
They all went goth,
167
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,676
I developed an unhealthy
relationship with Minesweeper.
168
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:09,870
- It was bad.
- Listen,
169
00:06:09,895 --> 00:06:11,908
when they do the Behind The Music
170
00:06:11,933 --> 00:06:14,330
for this band of yours,
leave out the Minesweeper part.
171
00:06:14,355 --> 00:06:15,772
You don't want your fans
killing themselves.
172
00:06:15,797 --> 00:06:17,498
Are you gonna let me
borrow the equipment or not?
173
00:06:17,523 --> 00:06:18,943
Absolutely not.
174
00:06:18,968 --> 00:06:22,019
I take being AV manager very seriously,
175
00:06:22,044 --> 00:06:23,844
even though I only got this job
because no one else
176
00:06:23,869 --> 00:06:24,958
in the comedy club wanted it.
177
00:06:24,983 --> 00:06:26,072
I would've done it.
178
00:06:26,097 --> 00:06:29,304
Regardless, this equipment
is for recording people
179
00:06:29,329 --> 00:06:30,586
that perform at the club, okay,
180
00:06:30,611 --> 00:06:32,411
not some rich kid's vanity project.
181
00:06:33,253 --> 00:06:35,220
Okay, Jeff,
182
00:06:35,442 --> 00:06:38,223
here's the thing that
Benji boy isn't telling you.
183
00:06:38,286 --> 00:06:41,050
I am actually the star
of this music video,
184
00:06:41,075 --> 00:06:43,885
and technically, you won't
be breaking any rules
185
00:06:43,910 --> 00:06:45,023
by lending us the equipment
186
00:06:45,048 --> 00:06:46,968
because I am a performer
of this club.
187
00:06:47,521 --> 00:06:49,628
Have you guys ever worked together?
188
00:06:49,697 --> 00:06:51,728
Yeah. Lunch orders...
189
00:06:52,092 --> 00:06:54,059
We share a creative thread, you know.
190
00:06:54,084 --> 00:06:55,265
As long as she doesn't freak out
191
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,975
when the craft doesn't
have curly fries, we're cool.
192
00:06:57,006 --> 00:06:59,162
Okay, well, that spice on curly fries
193
00:06:59,187 --> 00:07:00,614
should be on all fries, it's so good.
194
00:07:00,661 --> 00:07:02,828
Wait. That is a song.
195
00:07:02,853 --> 00:07:05,458
That should be a song.
Someone write that down.
196
00:07:05,786 --> 00:07:09,805
? Ain't nothin' better ?
? than a curly spice ?
197
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:14,299
? On straight fries ?
? would be erreally nice ?
198
00:07:15,049 --> 00:07:16,698
- "Erreally"?
- Erreally, yeah.
199
00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:19,437
- [HUMMING]
- That's not a word.
200
00:07:19,579 --> 00:07:20,945
What do you mean, it's not a word?
201
00:07:20,970 --> 00:07:23,251
Words are living and breathing things.
That's how words work.
202
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,327
No, that's not how words work.
203
00:07:24,352 --> 00:07:25,933
If you're speaking,
and you're saying it,
204
00:07:25,958 --> 00:07:28,450
- that's a word, by law.
- You're not a lyricist.
205
00:07:28,475 --> 00:07:30,409
How can I be a lyricist if I don't try?
206
00:07:30,434 --> 00:07:33,101
- I study hip-hop.
- What course do you take?
207
00:07:33,747 --> 00:07:34,946
The streets.
208
00:07:34,971 --> 00:07:37,423
Oh, yeah, this is gonna be a disaster.
209
00:07:37,565 --> 00:07:39,464
- I'm in.
- You're welcome.
210
00:07:39,956 --> 00:07:42,856
[ESTHER HUMMING SCALES]
211
00:07:47,603 --> 00:07:49,095
That's you singing?
212
00:07:49,126 --> 00:07:51,037
I thought a feral cat
was getting its nipples pierced.
213
00:07:51,062 --> 00:07:52,929
Ha ha ha. Very funny.
214
00:07:52,954 --> 00:07:55,522
It's actually illegal
to pierce an animal.
215
00:07:55,653 --> 00:07:58,990
I took Dusty to the mall
when I was in fifth grade...
216
00:07:59,015 --> 00:08:01,445
What exactly is this place?
217
00:08:01,537 --> 00:08:03,318
It feels like it's haunted
218
00:08:03,343 --> 00:08:05,227
by the ghost of
middle-class Ikea shoppers.
219
00:08:05,348 --> 00:08:07,090
When my parents evict somebody,
220
00:08:07,142 --> 00:08:09,163
they take all their stuff
and dump it here.
221
00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:11,322
- Oh.
- Look, a baby. Just kidding.
222
00:08:11,348 --> 00:08:14,071
You know what? Maybe we should
shoot outside in the sunlight,
223
00:08:14,096 --> 00:08:16,223
'cause the lighting in here
is not working for me.
224
00:08:16,257 --> 00:08:17,318
Absolutely not.
225
00:08:17,343 --> 00:08:19,737
I've got a vision for this,
and it's gotta happen my way.
226
00:08:19,762 --> 00:08:21,366
All right, your vision, Scorsese,
227
00:08:21,391 --> 00:08:23,572
but this equipment is very expensive,
228
00:08:23,666 --> 00:08:25,605
so I don't want
any food or drink near it.
229
00:08:25,654 --> 00:08:27,461
- What about...
- Yes, that includes Bugles.
230
00:08:27,543 --> 00:08:30,676
It's a comedy club camera.
It's 100% been vomited on.
231
00:08:30,746 --> 00:08:32,390
Hey, don't disrespect our crew.
232
00:08:32,415 --> 00:08:33,695
Gotcha.
233
00:08:33,724 --> 00:08:35,590
All right, all right, all right.
234
00:08:35,664 --> 00:08:38,031
No horseplay, and that's
your warning, Esther.
235
00:08:38,174 --> 00:08:40,611
- She started it.
- You started it. That's your warning.
236
00:08:40,636 --> 00:08:44,048
Listen, 30% of all workplace
accidents are due to horseplay.
237
00:08:44,153 --> 00:08:46,363
What's the other 70%?
I've never been in a workplace.
238
00:08:46,388 --> 00:08:48,355
Quick math. I'm impressed.
239
00:08:48,624 --> 00:08:51,879
Roughhousing. Now, I think
we should set up down there.
240
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,672
There's no visible
exit signs around here.
241
00:08:53,697 --> 00:08:55,373
No, we're not changing the set, guys.
242
00:08:55,398 --> 00:08:58,099
Like I said, this is my vision.
No compromises.
243
00:08:58,361 --> 00:09:00,331
Fine. Maybe if someone gets hurt,
244
00:09:00,356 --> 00:09:02,076
a jury will see this thing.
245
00:09:02,572 --> 00:09:04,337
Okay, so, let's get started.
246
00:09:04,362 --> 00:09:06,044
Esther, I need you
to get into wardrobe,
247
00:09:06,069 --> 00:09:07,992
I'm gonna go to Parker's
green room and check in on him.
248
00:09:08,017 --> 00:09:09,696
Parker has a green room?
I need a green room.
249
00:09:09,726 --> 00:09:13,123
Dude, I put it in our contracts...
most favored nations.
250
00:09:13,148 --> 00:09:15,110
And I don't know exactly
what that means,
251
00:09:15,135 --> 00:09:17,232
but I heard it on Entertainment
Tonight, and I need it.
252
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:18,618
Look, dude, you promised
253
00:09:18,643 --> 00:09:20,171
to get soda for everyone,
and you didn't.
254
00:09:20,196 --> 00:09:21,311
- That's a breach of contract.
- How do you know there's not
255
00:09:21,336 --> 00:09:22,462
- soda in my bag?
- Breach of contract,
256
00:09:22,487 --> 00:09:23,498
- No.
- breach of contract.
257
00:09:23,523 --> 00:09:25,498
I forgot intentionally
'cause I care about your health.
258
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,837
Parker, why aren't you in wardrobe?
259
00:09:29,950 --> 00:09:31,732
Signature ska look, man.
260
00:09:31,767 --> 00:09:34,044
Checkered shoes,
golf socks, skinny tie.
261
00:09:34,069 --> 00:09:37,690
We discussed this. Why are you
Marlon Brando-ing me right now?
262
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,616
Is Marlon Brando a ska band?
263
00:09:39,641 --> 00:09:41,541
No. He was just difficult on set,
264
00:09:41,566 --> 00:09:43,222
especially on The Island of Dr. Moreau.
265
00:09:43,247 --> 00:09:44,735
Well, this is what I'm wearing.
266
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:46,552
Let me just. Parker.
267
00:09:46,730 --> 00:09:48,820
- Don't lick me.
- I'm not licking you.
268
00:09:48,898 --> 00:09:51,032
You're basically licking me.
269
00:09:51,154 --> 00:09:53,151
Okay. You're lucky
the first rule of ska
270
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,976
is always have
an extra set of suspenders.
271
00:09:56,260 --> 00:09:58,683
Nobody knows what ska is anymore.
272
00:09:58,708 --> 00:10:01,986
Parker, my baby, they will, okay?
273
00:10:02,011 --> 00:10:04,015
Just help me out a little,
and your new dad's gonna be
274
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,477
super proud of you. Okay? All right?
275
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,436
Rodney loves everything that I do.
276
00:10:12,081 --> 00:10:13,595
Everything okay?
277
00:10:13,629 --> 00:10:15,437
Yeah, he just needed
some wardrobe help.
278
00:10:15,462 --> 00:10:18,363
You know, even Bowie had a makeup girl.
279
00:10:18,394 --> 00:10:20,020
Okay, where do you want me?
280
00:10:20,076 --> 00:10:21,213
Are the pearls too much?
281
00:10:21,238 --> 00:10:23,595
They're actually a cat toy
I found at a pet shop.
282
00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:26,700
Esther, the character
breakdown said rock groupie
283
00:10:26,725 --> 00:10:29,006
with questionable morals.
That is not this.
284
00:10:29,031 --> 00:10:30,998
Oh, I know, but, um,
285
00:10:31,187 --> 00:10:33,053
I can't sexy dance
around 12-year-old boys.
286
00:10:33,078 --> 00:10:35,145
I'm a babysitting entrepreneur, okay?
287
00:10:35,230 --> 00:10:38,031
Today, I'm playing the role
of the responsible caregiver.
288
00:10:38,140 --> 00:10:40,265
I hate that. I just hate that idea.
289
00:10:40,290 --> 00:10:41,650
It's gonna be great.
All the parents
290
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:42,951
will hire me to be
their babysitter,
291
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,435
and then, I'm front row at Rhianna.
292
00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:46,140
Come on, man, I'm trying to make
293
00:10:46,165 --> 00:10:48,371
my music video look cool, okay?
294
00:10:48,396 --> 00:10:51,370
The way to not do that is by also
making it a nanny commercial.
295
00:10:51,395 --> 00:10:53,361
I'm putting my foot down.
296
00:10:53,535 --> 00:10:54,669
You wear a size four.
297
00:10:54,694 --> 00:10:56,211
Putting your foot down,
what does that accomplish?
298
00:10:56,236 --> 00:10:58,070
Ruth Bader Ginsburg wears a size four,
299
00:10:58,095 --> 00:10:59,562
and she puts her foot
down all the time,
300
00:10:59,587 --> 00:11:02,747
- and it never budges.
- Gotta do this. Losing daylight.
301
00:11:02,772 --> 00:11:04,065
What are you talking about?
We're indoors.
302
00:11:04,090 --> 00:11:05,192
- Daylight's not an issue.
- Yeah, but
303
00:11:05,217 --> 00:11:06,404
I have to get this
equipment back
304
00:11:06,429 --> 00:11:08,010
before the stand-up sets start.
305
00:11:08,097 --> 00:11:10,054
If I don't, they'll bump me
back down to ticket taker
306
00:11:10,079 --> 00:11:11,312
and that's paper-cut city, man,
307
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,337
- now tick-tock.
- Fine.
308
00:11:13,408 --> 00:11:16,376
Yeah, let's get started. I have
a hard out in five minutes.
309
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:17,905
Parker, you're invited to set.
310
00:11:18,413 --> 00:11:20,346
Stop laughing at me, everybody.
311
00:11:20,402 --> 00:11:22,723
There you are. Let's make some magic.
312
00:11:23,610 --> 00:11:26,418
- Parker, your hair is looking so sharp.
- Thanks.
313
00:11:26,443 --> 00:11:28,766
Why aren't you wearing shoes?
Your mom's an anti-vaxxer.
314
00:11:28,791 --> 00:11:30,288
You really think you ever
got a tetanus shot?
315
00:11:30,313 --> 00:11:32,623
I wanna be alt-folk,
like the Lumineers.
316
00:11:32,648 --> 00:11:35,592
Parker, you freakin' poser.
Alt-folk is a sham.
317
00:11:35,617 --> 00:11:38,188
You think the Lumineers
tour in an Oregon trail wagon?
318
00:11:38,213 --> 00:11:40,141
Come on, man, use your head.
319
00:11:40,755 --> 00:11:42,028
Action.
320
00:11:42,059 --> 00:11:43,721
Oh, that's where you're
gonna put the camera?
321
00:11:43,808 --> 00:11:45,195
Action!
322
00:11:52,075 --> 00:11:53,741
Esther, you're playing it
a little bit big.
323
00:11:53,766 --> 00:11:55,732
- Let's pull it back a little.
- Okay.
324
00:12:00,770 --> 00:12:02,747
You're supposed to hand him the ska CD.
325
00:12:02,772 --> 00:12:04,857
That's what leads him
down the dark path of ruin.
326
00:12:04,903 --> 00:12:06,520
He looked hungry.
327
00:12:06,555 --> 00:12:08,489
Thank you. I am hungry.
328
00:12:08,616 --> 00:12:10,893
Guys, there's no chatting
when we're rolling, okay?
329
00:12:10,918 --> 00:12:12,078
Then don't provoke us.
330
00:12:12,103 --> 00:12:14,248
- Just hand him the CD.
- Got it.
331
00:12:15,632 --> 00:12:17,988
Oh, did you hurt yourself?
332
00:12:18,013 --> 00:12:19,511
What are you doing?
333
00:12:19,878 --> 00:12:21,266
He has a boo-boo.
334
00:12:21,291 --> 00:12:22,991
That's a cut. Cut!
335
00:12:23,016 --> 00:12:24,115
Come here. I need to talk to you.
336
00:12:24,507 --> 00:12:26,640
- Come here.
- What?
337
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:28,481
Just need you to hand him the CD,
338
00:12:28,506 --> 00:12:30,101
it's really simple. It's the
whole point of all of this.
339
00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:32,790
You know I don't touch
outdated media; it's cursed.
340
00:12:32,815 --> 00:12:34,140
Let's just do it my way now,
341
00:12:34,165 --> 00:12:35,932
and we'll do it your way later.
342
00:12:36,452 --> 00:12:37,998
[WHISPERS]
Just give him the CD.
343
00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:39,298
Don't do it, Esther.
344
00:12:39,441 --> 00:12:41,241
- Don't do it.
- Shut up.
345
00:12:41,570 --> 00:12:42,978
- Make me.
- Take it.
346
00:12:43,003 --> 00:12:44,717
- Make me.
- Just take direction.
347
00:12:44,742 --> 00:12:45,983
- JEFF: Please.
- I hate direction.
348
00:12:46,008 --> 00:12:47,208
- You guys.
- Shut up, Jeff!
349
00:12:47,269 --> 00:12:49,236
I am gonna come off
as a great babysitter.
350
00:12:49,572 --> 00:12:51,539
She's stronger than
she seems, you know that.
351
00:12:51,564 --> 00:12:53,674
- You're a bad influence on Parker.
- You're a bad influence.
352
00:12:53,699 --> 00:12:56,101
- Don't hit.
- Not around the equipment.
353
00:12:56,246 --> 00:12:57,980
Ohw...
354
00:12:58,005 --> 00:13:01,534
Unbelievable. What did we
just learn about horseplay?
355
00:13:01,621 --> 00:13:03,221
ESTHER: I'm sorry, Jeff.
356
00:13:03,318 --> 00:13:05,986
You just never think you're
gonna become a statistic.
357
00:13:06,011 --> 00:13:08,366
Your privileges are revoked.
358
00:13:08,511 --> 00:13:11,549
If I can't honor the title
of comedy club AV guy,
359
00:13:11,574 --> 00:13:14,411
- then what can I do?
- You're right I'm out of here.
360
00:13:14,557 --> 00:13:16,110
You're just gonna storm off set?
361
00:13:16,135 --> 00:13:18,012
Maybe. I don't remember
how to get out of here,
362
00:13:18,037 --> 00:13:19,616
and I can't see the exit signs.
363
00:13:19,641 --> 00:13:20,999
I'm the star of this video.
364
00:13:21,024 --> 00:13:23,216
If anyone's gonna storm
off the set, it's gonna be me.
365
00:13:25,561 --> 00:13:27,595
I actually went the wrong way.
366
00:13:32,623 --> 00:13:33,655
Come on, man.
367
00:13:33,690 --> 00:13:35,661
Let's finish this thing. Let's go.
368
00:13:35,795 --> 00:13:37,859
There's nothing to finish.
Jeff is taking the equipment.
369
00:13:37,895 --> 00:13:40,188
So? People make movies on phones
370
00:13:40,213 --> 00:13:42,339
that get nominated
for Academy Awards.
371
00:13:42,718 --> 00:13:44,084
Don't fact-check that.
372
00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:46,034
You want to hear some ska
poetry, real big fish.
373
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:48,161
I'm giving up because
I know everything sucks.
374
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:50,685
Dude...
375
00:13:51,335 --> 00:13:53,639
Benji, this is the first time
376
00:13:53,670 --> 00:13:55,278
I've ever seen you
actually care about something,
377
00:13:55,303 --> 00:13:56,929
and I'm not gonna let you give up
378
00:13:56,954 --> 00:14:00,072
over a few tiny yet important
creative improvements.
379
00:14:00,566 --> 00:14:02,420
You're just trying to
trick rich moms into thinking
380
00:14:02,445 --> 00:14:03,682
you know how to call poison control.
381
00:14:03,707 --> 00:14:05,334
No one really knows how
to call poison control.
382
00:14:05,359 --> 00:14:06,637
We're all just pretending.
383
00:14:06,676 --> 00:14:09,367
Yes, my financial future depends
on the success of this video,
384
00:14:09,392 --> 00:14:11,205
but that doesn't mean you
should turn your back
385
00:14:11,230 --> 00:14:12,282
on your song, man.
386
00:14:12,307 --> 00:14:13,644
- Come on.
- Whatever.
387
00:14:13,669 --> 00:14:14,828
Quitting gets a bad rap.
388
00:14:14,853 --> 00:14:16,615
It feels so good.
389
00:14:18,006 --> 00:14:20,140
I hate that you're making me do this.
390
00:14:20,596 --> 00:14:22,219
Benji, your song isn't that bad.
391
00:14:22,244 --> 00:14:24,201
Okay? I'm not saying it's good,
392
00:14:24,226 --> 00:14:25,987
and I'm not even saying
I think it's a real song,
393
00:14:26,012 --> 00:14:29,646
but I think somewhere,
someone could like it.
394
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,748
- Thanks.
- Let's do this.
395
00:14:31,773 --> 00:14:33,740
You're the first girl
to say something nice about it
396
00:14:33,765 --> 00:14:35,157
who isn't wearing a bowling shirt.
397
00:14:35,182 --> 00:14:37,581
I believe that. I surely do.
398
00:14:41,470 --> 00:14:43,236
This thing turned out great.
399
00:14:43,266 --> 00:14:44,857
I'm glad you talked me
into finishing it.
400
00:14:44,882 --> 00:14:47,188
I mean, this is my best work to date.
401
00:14:47,213 --> 00:14:50,509
I feel like I'm watching a Norma
Jean Baker in the making.
402
00:14:50,534 --> 00:14:52,570
All I have to do now
is have sex with Tomb Raider,
403
00:14:52,595 --> 00:14:54,620
and high school Benji's 100% validated.
404
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:55,861
High school Esther would wonder
405
00:14:55,886 --> 00:14:58,269
why I'm not having
more picnics in cemeteries.
406
00:14:58,294 --> 00:15:00,864
I really thought that was
gonna be a bigger thing for me.
407
00:15:01,071 --> 00:15:03,335
It's almost like
lonely and didn't have friends.
408
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,126
Did you mean it
when you said this was good,
409
00:15:05,151 --> 00:15:07,218
or did you just say that
so I'd go back in and finish?
410
00:15:07,290 --> 00:15:08,920
Let's not poke holes in success.
411
00:15:09,352 --> 00:15:11,519
? ?
412
00:15:33,689 --> 00:15:35,170
Kids suck at dancing.
413
00:15:35,298 --> 00:15:36,574
I feel bad for their parents.
414
00:15:36,599 --> 00:15:38,216
I feel bad for Parker, man.
415
00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:40,364
They kinda went low budget
on his bar mitzvah.
416
00:15:40,389 --> 00:15:41,733
His brother had a glass blower,
417
00:15:41,758 --> 00:15:43,825
a baby tiger. Aunt Renee!
418
00:15:44,346 --> 00:15:46,497
We were just saying
how you totally nailed
419
00:15:46,522 --> 00:15:47,550
the music theme here.
420
00:15:47,575 --> 00:15:49,581
I just wanted to say,
where is Uncle Rodney?
421
00:15:49,606 --> 00:15:50,629
I've been looking for him all night.
422
00:15:50,654 --> 00:15:52,297
You know I wanna meet
this guy, come on.
423
00:15:52,322 --> 00:15:53,992
- Where you hiding him?
- He's running late.
424
00:15:54,017 --> 00:15:55,347
He was just negotiating
425
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:58,997
a huge record contract
for a certain child celebrity.
426
00:15:59,022 --> 00:16:00,426
Oh, my God, is it Blue Ivy?
427
00:16:00,451 --> 00:16:01,931
- Totally Blue Ivy.
- Oh, my God.
428
00:16:01,956 --> 00:16:03,823
Correct me if I'm wrong;
isn't Blue Ivy, like, six?
429
00:16:03,848 --> 00:16:06,145
Are they remixing the alphabet
song to be a club single?
430
00:16:06,170 --> 00:16:09,027
What, are you crazy?
My singing career peaked at six.
431
00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:11,823
I wanna thank you,
Benji, for helping with Parker.
432
00:16:11,848 --> 00:16:13,322
He's been rehearsing day and night.
433
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,184
I've literally never
seen him this disciplined.
434
00:16:15,209 --> 00:16:17,522
He is just such a sweet boy.
435
00:16:17,547 --> 00:16:19,389
I feel like all he needed
was a gentle nudge.
436
00:16:19,414 --> 00:16:22,082
Aw, well, he's been going
on and on about you, Esther.
437
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,641
You will have to come
and babysit for us.
438
00:16:23,666 --> 00:16:25,076
Oh, my God, I would love that so much.
439
00:16:25,101 --> 00:16:26,733
I mean, please call my office.
440
00:16:26,758 --> 00:16:30,121
- We will get that scheduled.
- Okay. We will do that.
441
00:16:30,146 --> 00:16:31,676
And I love this dress.
Is that designer?
442
00:16:31,701 --> 00:16:34,468
You know, everything
is designed by someone.
443
00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:37,593
Okay. All right, you two have fun.
444
00:16:38,086 --> 00:16:40,586
Oh, my God, phase one of
my plan actually worked.
445
00:16:40,611 --> 00:16:42,411
Thank you. Next target,
446
00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,536
every single kid at this bar mitzvah.
447
00:16:44,561 --> 00:16:45,760
Get it, girl.
448
00:16:45,848 --> 00:16:47,358
Yes!
449
00:16:47,625 --> 00:16:49,032
Oh, I'll take that.
450
00:16:49,205 --> 00:16:50,404
[TAPPING ON GLASS]
451
00:16:50,934 --> 00:16:53,486
So our little rock star Parker
452
00:16:53,511 --> 00:16:56,816
has something very special
that he would like to show you.
453
00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:59,691
I would like to single out
my nephew Benji,
454
00:16:59,716 --> 00:17:03,236
because he helped Parker,
and made all of this possible.
455
00:17:05,221 --> 00:17:07,669
All right. Okay.
456
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:10,461
Thanks, everybody,
but I could not have done it
457
00:17:10,486 --> 00:17:12,353
without my friend Esther,
458
00:17:12,428 --> 00:17:14,395
who is so responsible.
459
00:17:15,245 --> 00:17:17,846
Always insists on using a pool cover.
460
00:17:18,894 --> 00:17:21,125
That's right. You guys are too kind.
461
00:17:21,297 --> 00:17:23,297
Thank you so much.
I accept your praise.
462
00:17:23,340 --> 00:17:24,606
Thank you.
463
00:17:24,867 --> 00:17:26,301
[WEAK APPLAUSE]
464
00:17:26,376 --> 00:17:27,508
RENEE: Okay.
465
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,697
All right.
466
00:17:30,459 --> 00:17:33,889
[PARKER SINGING]
? Hey, ho ?
467
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,737
What is this? He changed the song.
468
00:17:36,762 --> 00:17:39,162
It's no Gaga, but it's still good.
469
00:17:39,415 --> 00:17:42,116
And the suspenders still play.
470
00:17:42,712 --> 00:17:45,202
Such an idiot for thinking
I could revive ska music.
471
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,068
Probably just gotta wait
until gas prices go down,
472
00:17:47,093 --> 00:17:48,723
and then seven-person
bands can tour again.
473
00:17:48,748 --> 00:17:52,000
I'm sorry, but hey, at least
you can be happy for me.
474
00:17:52,328 --> 00:17:54,462
I'm gonna be rich.
475
00:17:55,694 --> 00:17:58,181
? Babysitter ?
476
00:17:58,293 --> 00:18:01,895
? You took me by the hand ?
477
00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:04,941
? Esther, you changed me ?
478
00:18:05,135 --> 00:18:08,136
? From a boy into a man ?
479
00:18:08,161 --> 00:18:09,193
[SPECTATORS GASPING]
480
00:18:09,325 --> 00:18:11,275
? Stay and tuck me in ?
481
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,383
You were saying?
482
00:18:12,408 --> 00:18:15,695
Oh, my God, your cousin
is a sex-crazed little freak.
483
00:18:15,793 --> 00:18:18,760
I saw her dancing earlier. I
thought she was in Parker's class.
484
00:18:18,795 --> 00:18:21,920
Of course our cousin Benji would
end up on the road to porn.
485
00:18:22,043 --> 00:18:26,079
[SONG CONTINUES]
486
00:18:29,070 --> 00:18:30,331
He's a 13-year-old boy.
487
00:18:30,356 --> 00:18:31,915
If they don't vent
their sexual frustrations,
488
00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:33,833
they kill little animals.
This is kind of a winner.
489
00:18:33,924 --> 00:18:37,130
Are you crazy? Bubbe is going
to have a heart attack?
490
00:18:37,306 --> 00:18:38,748
It's fine. Chill, all right?
491
00:18:38,802 --> 00:18:40,069
You're gonna have to figure
out a new way to get
492
00:18:40,094 --> 00:18:42,101
those Rhianna tickets.
493
00:18:42,986 --> 00:18:44,755
Okay, yes, I am sexy,
494
00:18:44,847 --> 00:18:47,782
but sexy and responsible
can go together.
495
00:18:47,857 --> 00:18:49,711
No, they cannot, and you need to go.
496
00:18:49,736 --> 00:18:52,389
But think of UNICEF
ambassador Angelina Jolie.
497
00:18:52,414 --> 00:18:53,581
I'm like her.
498
00:18:53,683 --> 00:18:55,534
I'm pretty and responsible.
499
00:18:55,766 --> 00:18:57,899
Oh, grab that.
500
00:18:58,941 --> 00:19:00,211
I'm a babysitter.
501
00:19:00,236 --> 00:19:03,504
Hey, Esther, it's Parker... send nudes.
502
00:19:03,736 --> 00:19:06,356
I did it, I'm a dancing waitress.
503
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,931
Congrats! You really gotta
have game to work there.
504
00:19:09,956 --> 00:19:12,379
I know. And you know what,
I takes people years
505
00:19:12,404 --> 00:19:14,427
to get to where I am,
and all I had to do was
506
00:19:14,452 --> 00:19:16,406
show that manager that I was serious,
507
00:19:16,431 --> 00:19:20,311
laser-focused, and that she could
never, ever-ever escape me.
508
00:19:20,417 --> 00:19:22,013
Okay, so you're
like the lower back
509
00:19:22,038 --> 00:19:23,124
tattoo of the service industry.
510
00:19:23,149 --> 00:19:26,239
I'm whatever it takes dude,
all things to Ethel.
511
00:19:26,443 --> 00:19:28,277
Will you say 'hi' to Tupac for me?
512
00:19:28,327 --> 00:19:32,877
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