Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:14,937
Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
2
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:18,941
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
3
00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:38,367
Son, look.
4
00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:39,873
There's Big Tex.
5
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,238
He's like
the Grand Canyon
6
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,334
and the Statue
of Liberty,
7
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:44,469
rolled into one.
8
00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:45,478
He seems tough.
9
00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:47,310
But kind.
10
00:00:47,347 --> 00:00:51,284
Yep. He always tells us
what to do and see and eat.
11
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:54,618
I've gotten better advice from
him than from my own father.
12
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,487
( Deep voice ).
Howdy, folks!
13
00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:57,718
( Both gasping )
14
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,658
Howdy, howdy.
15
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,218
( High-pitched voice ).
Check, check, uh, one.
16
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:03,229
( Deep voice ).
Howdy.
17
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:07,262
Wow. I'm finally entering
the Grill-Off.
18
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,463
It's just like
in my dreams,
19
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:13,133
except in the dream,
I'm wearing Tom Landry's hat.
20
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:14,663
Excuse me, sir.
21
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:17,177
You have two different boxes
for charcoal--
22
00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:18,200
Mesquite and hickory--
23
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,838
But I don't see
a box on the entry
24
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,871
for grilling with propane.
25
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,043
"Cause you can't use gas
at a grill-off!
26
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,451
Charcoal only;
your choice of sauce.
27
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:28,784
Starting this year,
bacon counts as a sauce.
28
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,984
Sir, I choose to enter
this contest
29
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,514
grilling with propane.
30
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:34,960
It's not a sales ploy,
it's what I prefer.
31
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:37,760
Well, this is a charcoal
competition, always has been.
32
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:40,699
Why don't you take your gas
and go fill up your balloons
33
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:41,724
or whatever
you do with it,
34
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,202
and leave the grilling
to the pros.
35
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,302
Two boxes for
charcoal, Bobby.
36
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:48,331
Two boxes!
37
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:49,536
It's madness.
38
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:50,566
I know!
39
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,705
That really boils my...
40
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,612
Makes me want to...
41
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:55,843
Eh...
42
00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:57,976
I gotta level with you, Dad.
43
00:01:58,018 --> 00:01:59,986
I've just been picturing myself
on the roller coaster
44
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:02,011
the whole time
you were talking.
45
00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:04,513
( Whoops )
46
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:09,262
LUANNE: If the
election were held today,
47
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,458
I would vote for...
48
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:12,863
nobody!
49
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:14,162
(giggling )
50
00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:16,636
I know that elections
don't happen today.
51
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,696
They happen on Tuesdays in
months ending in "vember."
52
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,075
Why do you want
to talk to my mother?
53
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:25,374
You know,
if I ever win the lotto,
54
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:27,938
I'm gonna buy this house,
knock it down
55
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,609
and build this house
on top of it.
56
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,244
LUANNE:
I am so sick of people
57
00:02:32,285 --> 00:02:34,219
calling and asking to speak with
the woman of the house
58
00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:36,621
and then treating me like
the baby of the house.
59
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:37,852
Now, now, Luanne.
60
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,256
Let's not be the
crybaby of the house.
61
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:41,556
NANCY: Oh, my God. Look at this.
62
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,563
The Baxter Death Mansion
is on the market.
63
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,929
The scene of Arlen's
most notorious
64
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,627
crime of passion!
65
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,295
Also most exciting
murder
66
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,566
ever to happen
in a laundry room.
67
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,835
Oh, yeah, I remember.
68
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:57,003
The handsome millionaire
and his girlfriend
69
00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:58,705
were eloping to Switzerland,
70
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,577
but they were tragically stopped
71
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,311
by that crazy old woman
with the bad hair.
72
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:05,779
And her gun.
73
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:08,652
Luanne, that "crazy old woman"
was his wife.
74
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,522
The one who put him through
medical school.
75
00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:13,151
Oh.
76
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,719
Why don't you go play
with someone your own age.
77
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:18,197
Hey, Connie baby-sitting
an eight-year-old.
78
00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:19,198
Give him a shot.
79
00:03:19,232 --> 00:03:21,132
( Women laughing )
80
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:22,294
Oh, my God.
81
00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:23,860
It's an open house!
82
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,669
Ladies, get ready to
see five sunny bedrooms,
83
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,438
eat-in kitchen,
and murder.
84
00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:31,137
Yep.
85
00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:32,145
Yup.
86
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,614
Propane is excluded
87
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,309
from the Texas
State Fair.
88
00:03:36,349 --> 00:03:37,874
( Grunts)
89
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,651
Boomhauer,
are you insane?!
90
00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:43,486
I just told you
they excluded propane!
91
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:48,725
You, too?!
92
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,662
First, Bobby, and how you guys?
93
00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:52,131
Where's the outrage?
94
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,655
Rules are rules, Hank.
95
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,862
Without rules,
there would be chaos.
96
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:59,065
That's why we no longer
visit the public pool.
97
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:01,404
But... this is blatantly unfair!
98
00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:03,569
Yeah, poor, poor Hank.
99
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:06,375
With his wife, and
his son, and his...
100
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,881
hair.
101
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:10,474
Nobody will let him
grill with propane.
102
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,418
HANK:
Who's gonna show me
103
00:04:14,454 --> 00:04:15,979
some rage?
104
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,483
Dang it, I should be
calming you people down,
105
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:22,086
telling you
there's no need for violence!
106
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,266
Aw...
107
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,769
Yeah, yeah, of course--
charcoal, propane, uh-huh.
108
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,601
Hank, it's just a rule.
109
00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,902
I would never teach Italian
in my Spanish class,
110
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,102
even though they are practically
the same language.
111
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:36,905
Gotta go!
112
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,681
( Bobby grunting )
113
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:45,579
To really get ready
for the Tilt-a-Whirl,
114
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,111
I should've eaten a
few corn dogs first.
115
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:50,055
If you want it to feel like
the Tilt-a-Whirl,
116
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:53,219
you've got to tilt,
and snap your head around.
117
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:55,627
Children, stop that!
118
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:57,630
Play nicely!
119
00:04:57,664 --> 00:05:00,031
What are you talking
about, Luanne?
120
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:01,556
Don't you sass me,
young man!
121
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:04,764
I am your elder, and I am
to be treated with respect.
122
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,172
( Both guffawing )
123
00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:12,037
PEGGY:
Wow.
124
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:13,910
If you're going to be butchered
by a spurned wife,
125
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:17,076
this would be
the place to do it.
126
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:18,141
Any questions, ladies?
127
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,346
No, that's okay.
128
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:20,717
We're just going to take
a quick look around.
129
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,051
Thank you.
130
00:05:22,088 --> 00:05:24,785
Oh, I'm afraid we're only
showing this house
131
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,623
to potential buyers.
132
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,128
No looky-loos.
133
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,424
If you want to rubberneck,
134
00:05:29,462 --> 00:05:32,488
there was a pileup
out on highway 183.
135
00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:33,465
Looky-loos?
136
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,695
Thanks for coming.
137
00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:36,600
Super. Just super.
138
00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:38,968
I could see my family
very happy here.
139
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,200
Oh, wait...
140
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,504
there is one
potential deal breaker.
141
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:44,271
Is there a laundry room?
142
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:46,211
Is there
a laundry room?!
143
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:49,413
We have got
to come back.
144
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:51,781
If we do not get to
see that laundry room,
145
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:54,185
then the victim will
have died in vain.
146
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:56,889
Smell that, girl.
147
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:59,949
Is that the smell of
a second-class heat source?
148
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,391
Who's all this food for?
149
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:07,730
( Sighing ). I don't
even know any more.
150
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:09,166
No one cares.
151
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,432
Why not?
It smells so good.
152
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:14,202
Exactly. That's because
you're smelling the food!
153
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:15,640
See, if this were charcoal,
154
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,973
all you'd smell
is that dang smoke!
155
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,479
I hate smoke.
156
00:06:19,512 --> 00:06:22,311
It makes my mouth taste like
I kissed a guy who smokes.
157
00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:24,977
Not that you know
what it's like to kiss a guy.
158
00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,543
Well, no,
some guys do,
159
00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:27,678
just not you.
160
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,155
No, not me.
161
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:31,089
But I see exactly
what you're saying.
162
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,559
You prefer a cleaner-
burning fuel.
163
00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:35,391
That's what I was saying?
164
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:37,624
And... you agree with me?
165
00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:39,291
Gotdang right I do!
166
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:40,697
You know what, Luanne--
167
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,395
You just earned
yourself a burger!
168
00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:43,834
Go ahead and pick one out.
169
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:50,076
...and that's why I decided
to go with State Farm.
170
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,407
Wow!
171
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:55,176
This is such a serious
grown-up conversation!
172
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:58,185
I'm so tired of everybody
treating me like a child.
173
00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:01,381
Just because I live at home
and always have to bum rides,
174
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,980
I still should be
taken seriously.
175
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:04,457
Well, of course you should.
176
00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:06,516
It's just like those people
at the fair
177
00:07:06,559 --> 00:07:08,823
who won't take propane
seriously.
178
00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:11,288
You know what?
179
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,299
I say we go down to that fair
180
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,267
and set up a propane grill
181
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:18,397
right across from
those stinky charcoal grills.
182
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,270
Let the people see
what they're missing!
183
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:24,244
You mean, like some sort of
crazy protest grill?
184
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:27,611
That's not the kind of thing
I normally go in for...
185
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:29,672
But they're
pushing around propane,
186
00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:32,651
and propane doesn't have arms
to push back with.
187
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,686
Luanne... I'm in.
188
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,317
We're a team.
189
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:40,451
(giggles )
190
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:42,018
I want to celebrate!
191
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,724
Toss another bucket of
propane on the fire!
192
00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:46,528
Uh, Luanne?
193
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:48,864
Maybe I should get you
some brochures.
194
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,232
LUANNE: What you
doing, Uncle Hank?
195
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:58,210
What I've done is I've
married the cold precision
196
00:07:58,244 --> 00:07:59,712
of the Vogner Char King
197
00:07:59,746 --> 00:08:03,512
with the fiery passion
of the Hoffman Meat Meister.
198
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:05,109
I may have voided
all the warranties,
199
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:06,243
but I don't even care.
200
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:09,745
Look out, charcoal,
its Super grill!
201
00:08:09,789 --> 00:08:13,089
Yeah, I can make a poster
with Super grill wearing a cape
202
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:16,721
and saving people everywhere
with his magic rainbow of meats!
203
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:18,458
I get it.
It's a catchy image.
204
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,659
But--
205
00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:20,996
And here's my criticism--
206
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,093
Okay, okay.
I'm an adult.
207
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,036
I can handle criticism.
208
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:28,371
Remember how you wanted
to be taken seriously?
209
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:30,035
Well, so does propane.
210
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:32,511
Sure a rainbow of meats
would be fun--
211
00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:34,639
Great for a kid's bedroom--
212
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,809
But we're looking
to change lives here.
213
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,477
I understand.
214
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,543
Great. Now we've got
a lotto do
215
00:08:40,587 --> 00:08:42,385
with just three days
until the fair:
216
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,686
build the grill,
print up the pamphlets,
217
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:47,489
fact-check the pamphlets,
design a char pattern.
218
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,926
And that's just
for starters.
219
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:52,694
Hey, I bet I could get
some people down at the college
220
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:53,631
to help us.
221
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:55,065
I still know where it is!
222
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,432
That's a great idea!
223
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:59,097
Luanne, I am officially
designating you
224
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,732
recruitment coordinator.
225
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,071
( Squealing )
226
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:04,941
That could have been us
protesting for propane
227
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,673
with Hank right now.
228
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,580
Gentlemen, we dodged
Avery boring bullet.
229
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:12,449
I mean, I love ol' Hank, man,
but got dang man,
230
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:15,216
talkin' 'bout propane,
propane, propane, man,
231
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,383
How' 'bout talkin' "bout
what / do for a living, man.
232
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:20,826
Poor Bobby, being
replaced by Luanne.
233
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:24,922
My dad replaced me
with TV and the bottle.
234
00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:27,228
Hey, we should let Bobby hang
with us.
235
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,701
Seems the least we could do.
236
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,032
Now, when we ask him,
237
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,731
try not to seem
too needy.
238
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:32,863
And if he says no,
239
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,034
pretend like we didn't
want him, anyway.
240
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:39,740
Vote no on Prop 12!
241
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:41,406
Stop the Otter slaughter!
242
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:42,643
Ban the Canon!
243
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:49,081
Wow, it looks like
you hate everything.
244
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:51,887
Do you think you could
hate charcoal, too?
245
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,326
I think you could persuade me.
246
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:57,091
Okay, everyone, let 'em hear it!
247
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,757
No blood for...
248
00:09:58,798 --> 00:09:59,765
Hit
249
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:01,130
Hi.
Hey.
250
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,692
'Sup?
251
00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:05,136
Now, who's ready
To put on
252
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:09,039
a serious protest
with me and Uncle Hank?
253
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:10,099
Charcoal is murder!
254
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,907
Ooh, that's so good.
255
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:15,313
Dude, things that are murder
is my thing.
256
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,180
Smoke is murder!
257
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,844
No blood for charcoal!
258
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:22,185
Uncle Hank is going
to be so excited!
259
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,418
Luanne, this Uncle Hank,
he's a real uncle,
260
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:25,549
not an older dude
261
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,526
who's, like,
your boyfriend, right?
262
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,530
You know what?
I am the babe around here.
263
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,964
I'm not going
to become the Mom.
264
00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:34,330
LUANNE:
Hey, Uncle Hank.
265
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:37,166
Oh, hey, Luanne. How'd
it go at the college?
266
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,466
Great! I got a team!
267
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:40,200
They're focused
and committed.
268
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,230
I can't wait for you
269
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:42,435
to see all the signs
we made.
270
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:46,002
Uh, no rainbows
or smiley faces, right?
271
00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:49,504
Uncle Hank, we're looking
to change lives here.
272
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,210
Well, all right, Luanne.
Great job.
273
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,810
( Squeals )
274
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:57,520
Just follow my lead
and get ready to gloat.
275
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,755
Oh, you gals don't
have jobs, do you?
276
00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:06,231
Like I said:
potential buyers only.
277
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,360
How's this for potential?
278
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:11,701
We will give you $200,000
over asking price.
279
00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:14,931
Yeah, I bet you
didn't see that coming.
280
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:16,738
Now show us the
damn laundry room.
281
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:17,766
Peggy, what are you doing?
282
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:18,971
Relax, Nancy.
283
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,912
We're not really
going to buy the house.
284
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,938
We're just going
to put in a bogus bid,
285
00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:25,212
and the whole thing will
fall apart during escrow.
286
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:26,275
Hey, looky-loos!
287
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:27,684
Out of my kitchen!
288
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,849
Of course, we will need
some earnest money.
289
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:34,451
Which, on your generous
offer, comes out to...
290
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:36,326
$15,000.
291
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:40,491
Fine.
Drive me to the bank.
292
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,126
Yep.
293
00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:43,932
Yup.
294
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:45,460
Yep.
295
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:47,064
Okay.
296
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:48,471
So, Bobby,
are you upset
297
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:51,068
by Luanne usurping
your first-born male right
298
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:52,271
of prima-grillature?
299
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,212
Are you kidding?
300
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,545
I'm just hoping she can throw
a football, too,
301
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,449
because then I'm home free!
302
00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:01,419
That is a great attitude, Bobby.
303
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,320
You know, we should have done
this years ago.
304
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,984
So, I can see why
you guys like this,
305
00:12:06,025 --> 00:12:09,325
but I've got two weeks'
allowance in my pocket
306
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,330
that's screaming
state fair.
307
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,798
I say let's do it.
308
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:14,300
Dang ol good call.
309
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:17,895
You're as good at telling me
what to do as your dad is.
310
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,204
Howdy, folks!
311
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:24,905
Today: Clog dancing unlimited,
312
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:28,881
State grill-off,
the world's smallest hippo.
313
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,440
Propane?
That's a fine fuel.
314
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:33,009
But it ain't no match
for a mesquite mix took
315
00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:35,316
my Grandpa 19 years
to get perfect.
316
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:38,916
With all due respect, sir,
it's not a fair competition
317
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:41,859
unless all heat sources
are welcomed.
318
00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:44,295
All we ask for
is an equal chance.
319
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,128
Well, a man
can respect that.
320
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:49,191
Once my team gets here,
you will get all the steak
321
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:52,637
and information you need
to make an informed choice.
322
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:54,299
Hey-hey! Ho-ho!
323
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,866
Your deadly smoke
has got to go!
324
00:12:56,909 --> 00:12:58,536
Cough-cough! Choke-choke!
325
00:12:58,578 --> 00:12:59,374
What the...?
326
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:01,210
Oh, God, protest kids.
327
00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:02,908
Get a job!
Hey-hey! Ho-ho!
328
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,418
Propane is the way to go!
329
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:06,850
LUANNE:
Ready, everyone?
330
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:07,876
Finger of Shame!
331
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:11,584
Shame! Shame!
332
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,649
Hi, Uncle Hank!
333
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:14,660
Luanne?!
334
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:16,924
That gal is on
your team?!
335
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:19,022
Sir, I swear to you, ...
336
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,829
'Kay everybody, die-in!
337
00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:21,993
( Whooping )
338
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,400
( Gagging and coughing )
339
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:27,903
Luanne, what...
340
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:28,930
I can't...
341
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:29,942
What?!
342
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,171
Isn't this great?
343
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:33,144
No! It's horrible!
344
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:34,647
Didn't you hear a word I said?
345
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,376
Yes! I heard
all of them!
346
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,111
Look how serious we are.
347
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,846
Jason is dressed
as Death.
348
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:42,184
What is more serious
than Death?
349
00:13:42,221 --> 00:13:44,849
No! No! Luanne,
you're off the team!
350
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:47,189
What?! But I'm trying...
351
00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:48,955
I don't care
what you're trying!
352
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,485
Now get away
from my grill.
353
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:53,225
Luanne?
354
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:55,360
But we haven't
had our puke-in yet!
355
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:57,426
Luanne! Luanne!
356
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:04,240
I really do think
propane is great.
357
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:07,406
It's a better heat
source than charcoal.
358
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,575
It just is!
359
00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:12,710
1, uh, know what
you're going through.
360
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:15,813
I'm old enough
to help propane by myself.
361
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:19,291
I'll show him.
I just have to figure out how.
362
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:20,315
And when.
363
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,987
'You've got
to do something big.
364
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:23,655
'You gotta get
his attention,
365
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,323
like, move out
of his house.
366
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,027
I mean, you could totally crash
with me.
367
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:31,765
Thursday night,
livestock show!
368
00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,272
Free diabetes screenings!
369
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:36,674
I could crash with you...
370
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,609
or do something bigger.
371
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,373
Uh, sir?
372
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,579
That circus did not
represent propane.
373
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:49,316
If you would just
give propane another chance.
374
00:14:49,355 --> 00:14:53,223
Sunday night,
salute to the Pecan,
375
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:54,317
Thursd...
376
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,522
( loud feedback whining )
377
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,428
LUANNE ( over buff thorn ):
Attention, Texas.
378
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,262
Charcoal is murder!!
379
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:01,425
Luanne?
380
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,196
Grill with propane!
381
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:08,640
If you don't use propane,
I'm going to stomp on you!
382
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:11,302
Um, how do I move the legs?
383
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,642
( Chanting ):
Taste the meat, not the heat!
384
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:15,443
(gasping )
385
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,352
LUANNE:
Listen, Texas.
386
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:24,379
Our forests are dying
to make the charcoal
387
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:27,917
to burn the flesh of the cows
you've murdered!
388
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,487
But there is another way:
propane.
389
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,556
Just be careful who you trust.
390
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:34,566
Dang it!
391
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,068
Yeah, we tried that.
392
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,570
She's got her own megaphone.
393
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,662
We can't do much
besides wait her out.
394
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:40,672
( Splat)
395
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:41,935
RENT-A-COP:
Shoot.
396
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:43,703
That's his first hit,
out of the dozen.
397
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:45,939
Lot of times, these kids
don't even nick me.
398
00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:47,207
Are you just
gonna take that?
399
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,146
Well, what with
the lawsuits and all...
400
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:51,913
But, as I say, we got it
under control.
401
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:55,819
Huh. Anyway, I have to
ask you to clear the area.
402
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:57,687
I'm not the one throwing eggs!
403
00:15:57,723 --> 00:16:00,124
Sir, please don't make my
job any more difficult.
404
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:02,491
JASON:
Ha, ha! Babylon is going down!
405
00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:04,121
Take that, Herr Fuhrer!
406
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,990
There he is!
407
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:08,398
Hank Hill, who thinks
408
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:11,199
he's the only one
who cares about propane.
409
00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:12,534
Shame on him!
410
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:14,597
KIDS:
Shame!
411
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:15,607
Shaaaaame!
412
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:16,608
LUANNE
That's right,
413
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:17,734
run away!
414
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:19,040
Shaaaame!
415
00:16:19,078 --> 00:16:21,706
Turn the wheel, Mr. Dauterive!
Turn the wheell!
416
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:23,875
( Panicked mumbling )
417
00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:25,884
Bobby, this is what
it would look like
418
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,750
if Boomhauer and me had a baby.
419
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,482
So what should we do now,
Bobby?
420
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,354
Can I have a fried twinkie?
421
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:34,683
Wait!
422
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:35,694
BILL:
Don't-don't leave me!
423
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:38,493
( Panicked muttering )
424
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:41,501
LUANNE:
So, if we grill the forest,
425
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,231
where are, like, squirrels
supposed to live?
426
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:45,829
Luanne! Courage!
427
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:48,068
Can I get you
anything, please?!
428
00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:51,372
A diet soda and...
maybe a sandwich.
429
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:54,107
Oh, and could you
bring me up a bucket?
430
00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:56,706
( Whispering ). I have
to go to the ladies room.
431
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,479
Mrs. Hill,
your mortgage payments
432
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,580
would be 300%
of your household income,
433
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:07,321
which is what we in the business
call a "tough nut."
434
00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:12,064
( Foud whisper ).
I'm gonna level with you.
435
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:14,897
I just wanted to see
the freakin' laundry room!
436
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:17,869
Hmm. This is the
Baxter Death Mansion?
437
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:20,168
Yep. And Miss
"Number One on the Westside"
438
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:23,176
thinks you have to be a
millionaire just to get a peek.
439
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:28,703
I think we can
work something out.
440
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,187
I'm sending something down.
441
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,719
And you're sure
this thing is loud?
442
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,023
( Very loud ):
How's this?!
443
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,722
O-Okay, fine. I'll take it.
444
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,390
( Foudly ):
$55.99.
445
00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:46,660
Stop that!
446
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,129
Boy, it's hot in here.
447
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:52,638
Where's my sandwich?
448
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,800
HANK:
Luanne, can you hear me?
449
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:55,739
Yes.
450
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,243
Then get the heck down here!
451
00:17:57,276 --> 00:17:59,267
You're acting like
a complete jackass!
452
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:00,643
Uh, sir,
453
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,206
you're not authorized
to negotiate with that subject.
454
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,876
LUANNE:
This is my protest!
455
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,442
Why are you against me?!
456
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:10,115
I was trying to help you
with your propane!
457
00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:11,453
DALE:
Hank,
458
00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:12,321
what's going on?
459
00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:13,723
It's Luanne.
460
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,228
She's ticked off at me,
and she's commandeered Big Tex.
461
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,492
I've got to find some way
to get her down.
462
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,260
Aah, it's Big Tex!
463
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,495
Maybe you should ask Big Bob.
464
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,003
Hmm...
465
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:27,233
This is a lot like the time
I locked myself in my room
466
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,763
and wouldn't come out.
467
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:31,140
Do you remember
how you got me out?
468
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,771
Yeah. I put candy outside
your door and told you
469
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,804
you had five minutes
before I ate it.
470
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,145
Go for it, Dad.
471
00:18:37,183 --> 00:18:39,015
Look, Luanne's an adult.
472
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:42,021
Treating her like a kid
is hot gonna...
473
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:44,022
Oh, Lord.
474
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:48,015
Uh, sir, I think
I can get her down.
475
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:53,328
Uh, folks, I sort of have
to say something to my niece.
476
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:54,731
It's kind of private,
477
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:57,668
so if you could all put
your fingers in your ears...
478
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:00,372
( sighing )
479
00:19:00,406 --> 00:19:01,373
All right. Fine.
480
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:03,432
Uh, Luanne,
481
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,104
I, uh, understand
why you're mad at me.
482
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,170
'You did something
I don't agree with
483
00:19:08,214 --> 00:19:11,673
and I, uh, treated you
like a child.
484
00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:14,414
And that was wrong of me
because, uh...
485
00:19:14,453 --> 00:19:16,785
I... owe you a lot.
486
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:18,290
Uh... but
487
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,622
working with you is, uh,
you know,
488
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,186
the whole reason
I'm even here today,
489
00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:27,860
and even though I still think
what you're doing is asinine,
490
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:31,837
if you come down here, we can
talk about it... like adults.
491
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:41,004
Uncle Hank,
492
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,345
I'm coming down.
493
00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:46,647
( Crowd cheering )
494
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,848
Well, this blows chunks.
( grunts)
495
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,822
( Faughing )
Yeah!
496
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:55,352
(gasps )
497
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:58,386
Dude, you just
nailed a real cop!
498
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:01,256
Oh, crap!
499
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:02,267
Run!
500
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,573
( Sighs with awe )
501
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:12,134
A front-loader.
502
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:14,169
Wow!
503
00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:17,213
Thanks for coming
down, Luanne.
504
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:19,851
Well, Officer,
505
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:21,080
I'm an adult now,
506
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,283
and I'm ready to do
what grown-up people do:
507
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:26,257
Go to jail.
508
00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:28,761
Sir, I guess the two of us
are in this together.
509
00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:31,729
I think my report is going to
say that while we were busy
510
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:33,061
with a violent situation,
511
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:34,794
a non-violent offender
walked off,
512
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,700
and we were unable
to locate her.
513
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,565
Come on, get out of here.
514
00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:41,369
Thank you, officer.
515
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,307
I don't know what
you're talking about.
516
00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:46,642
Ms. Platter, I think
we'd better get out of here
517
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,113
while we still can.
518
00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:51,481
Mr. Hill, I think you
have a very good point.
519
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:57,013
So I have to ask:
520
00:20:57,056 --> 00:21:00,515
Is Big Tex as amazing inside
as he is from the outside?
521
00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:01,924
Yeah.
522
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:03,895
�You think you're gonna
be really nervous,
523
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,727
because, like,
he's Big Tex and all,
524
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,462
but, actually,
he's very down-to-earth.
525
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:11,766
Really, like being inside
of a regular giant guy.
526
00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,533
A man of the people.
527
00:21:13,572 --> 00:21:15,165
I knew it.
528
00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:18,973
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
529
00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:26,215
Howdy, folks.
530
00:21:26,252 --> 00:21:29,381
Today: Steak grill-off.
531
00:21:29,421 --> 00:21:32,880
Clog-dancing unlimited.
532
00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:36,384
The world's smallest hippo.
533
00:21:36,428 --> 00:21:38,624
Howdy.
534
00:21:38,664 --> 00:21:42,623
Thursday night: Livestock show.
535
00:21:42,668 --> 00:21:46,627
Free diabetes screenings.
536
00:21:46,672 --> 00:21:49,107
Howdy.
537
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:53,078
Sunday night:
Salute to the pecan.
538
00:21:53,112 --> 00:21:55,706
Talkin' 'bout an of' propane,
propane, propane.
539
00:21:55,756 --> 00:22:00,306
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37495
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
